#783 - GARY OWEN + BRIAN SIMPSON

18:50Brian Redban:Suffering supper time. Very good. Very good. Nailed it. Nailed it. Okay. Cousin Matty. When you're not working at Spencer's or bouncing, pick everyone out of here. What do you do for fun? Tell us more about your actual life. Hitting on single moms. Really? That's what you're into? Yes. Wow. When you're hitting on single moms, what's your big pickup line? Do you have like a move that works? uh yo wanna go have these on a bastard wow all right what's another one you have another big line you have one that works i mean i i i usually i usually go contextual so i see what's around me yeah it's my surroundings my advantage yeah you're surrounding nothing you could get arrested for that would surprise anybody that knows my dad was a fucking state trooper and i have a clean record believe it or not.

19:43Wow, how did he die? He got mowed down by a Prius in Massachusetts.

19:49Brian Redban:By a Prius? Oh my god. Normally that's a fucking broken ankle. Who dies from getting hit by a Prius? That's incredible. That's like getting killed by a bird scooter. This is amazing. He got mowed down by a bird scooter. It was at 54.7 miles an hour. Oh my god. survived and died two years later. He adds S's into things, by the way. Accidentally. God has such a great sense. He was 54.7 miles an hour. It was a spectacular celebration. Oh my God. You are incredible. That's one word. So did the guy, did the person driving the Prius, what type of person was it? Did she look like that? It was a he. It was a he.

20:41It was a he, and he was actually gay.

20:44Brian Redban:Wow, he was gay. Now, were you talking like that before the gay guy killed your father? That's a question, because there could be some psychological transfer here. I've seen this movie. It's like Inception or something. I was a pretty heavy drinker, so I talked a lot slower. Oh, wow. I'm sober now. How did you get sober? Tell us your trick to getting sober. Just put the ball down, went to martial arts, and did this. Martial arts. I do Muay Thai and Krav Maga. Oh, my God. So, but just from alcohol? Yeah, yeah, just alcohol. I'm open to marijuana. I wasn't an author.

21:27Just so you know, just a little bit of meth. Hey. No hard stuff. Hey, Brian, I actually gave you a light when you were walking by Dizzy Rooster one night. You were walking by, you said, hey, you got a light? I said, yeah, actually I do. I whipped out my comedy mothership lighter. Gave me the light. Wow. Amazing.

21:44Brian Redban:That's amazing. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. So, you know Krav Maga and Muay Thai, you said? Yeah, I train Muay Thai. I'm a little rusty because... A little rusty. Hope you don't mind. Come see me at Spencer's. This is amazing. The Disney Rooster or Spencer's or Celebrations, that's another bar. I'm the first bucket boy. I didn't get to have a sip of water before. I didn't have a sip. I didn't have a bucket. You're not scissor. It sounds like one of those little Evian bottles that you can spray your face. I swear to God, Tony, if you make fun of the way I talk one more time, I'm going to Sit on your face.

22:36No, I just beat the fuck out of you.

22:38Brian Redban:I wouldn't sit on your face. I'm not like that. No, I've trained Muay Thai. I've trained Krav Maga. Wow. So you're just baiting everybody with these S's. You just want someone to make fun of you so you can just rip their fucking penis off and shove it up your ass.

22:55Brian Redban:We got D Madness getting uncomfortable back here. The famous homophobe D Madness on the bass guitar. does not, this guy does, he does, he's like, those asses sound suspicious as a motherfucker. I can't see him, but he sound gay as a bitch.

23:14Brian Redban:Oh, shit. I'll tell you what, buddy, you're leaving here with a medium-sized Bucky's Homage handmade Bonsai Kill Tony joke book. There you go, pal. And he drops it. Hey. Hey. Fun times, Cousin Matty. Way to get the bucket started for us. There you go. So you see, that's how it goes. Sometimes the minute, not great, but the interview can be amazing. Oh, my God. It's the lovely Heidi, everybody. Live in the flesh. All right. That's one bucket pull down. Hello there. It's a scorching sports summer, and you can make all your picks on prize picks. Women's basketball and baseball are heating up, and every football preseason game is kicking off.

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25:07What up, y 'all? I've been doing comedy since 1984. In a different venue. For the past 42 years, I've been a professional rodeo clown. Thank you. Traveling full-time. I raised my kid in the business. We were Hollywood and Boogerhead. I'm Hollywood Harris. And my little boy named Boogerhead. We traveled all over the country. And I tell you, we were in Johnson City. I was in Johnson City just a couple weeks ago. He was at the PBR this weekend. Anybody go? That entertainer out there, Brinson James, that's my little Boogerhead. So I tell you what, we've done a lot in rodeo. But this comedy thing, pretty new.

25:49Standing up here in front of everybody, I figured I'd tell a few jokes and not get run over. All of the other comics, they get ripped by Tony and heckled a little bit. And if I bomb, I get a horn in the ass, all right? I don't know. You know, I've never had one enter my ass, but I've had two friends of mine that have ripped their colon apart. But I tell you what, I got...

26:13Brian Redban:Just keep going, Clifton. I got punched in the ass also one time so hard, It gave me a nosebleed, and my eye wouldn't open for about 30 minutes. It hurts. Trust me. Thank you guys very much. All right. Clifton Harris, ladies and gentlemen. Let's check in with Brian Simpson first. I feel like somebody told him the interview was first. He was. Yeah. I got no questions for you, Clifton. All right. See y 'all. Thank you. No, amazing. I'm kidding. Stay up here. He said goodbye. You wish, motherfucker. He's so gay. This is my first time here, but this is more gay than I thought. Oh, it's crazy. You're here.

26:54Brian Redban:Oh, my God. We did. We went from an actual gay man to fucking Dallas Buyers Club over here.

27:03Brian Redban:This is absolutely incredible. So you were a rodeo clown for 42 years? I still am today. Wow. 42 years in the game. I'll be in Cherokee, North Carolina next week. Oh, my God. The following week, I'm in... All right, that doesn't matter. He's going to be there anyway. So you have a son that does it as well. I do. How old is he? 33 now. Superstar. Wow. He just worked Madison Square Garden last year. Wow. Amazing. We just got back to Madison Square Garden, too. That's the only major building I think that I have at work myself. I got in the PBR, and then they went into Madison Square Garden after I got out.

27:41Wow. You got out at the wrong time. I did. But my son, you leave it to your kids, man. You know, you hope they do better than you. Amazing. You passed the red blanket. We've been blessed. Very blessed. Wait, is your son also being a rodeo clown better than you? Yes, he is. He's been doing it since he was two years old. Yep, he started in the act with me at two. Grew up and started flying around the country with me. So some real carny shit, right?

28:07Brian Redban:Well, carnies and rodeos are way different. Really? Tell us about the differences. We don't know. Tell these people. Rodeos are cowboys. The real deal. I grew up in the cattle business. My dad was in Waco, Texas. I was born there. We moved to Florida in 1970 to ship cattle back west. So, you know, rodeo just kind of came in the field there, and guys did it that worked for my dad, and I always wanted to ride bulls. And I couldn't ride bulls, so I rode bucking horses all through high school and a scholarship. I started clowning, and they fucked up and paid me. Wow. And we've been blessed. I've been wrecked and I've been blessed.

28:46Brian Redban:What's the worst injury that you've had out there getting run over by bulls? Well, I was in Boston one time and this guy, the bull stepped in his nuts, all right? And I grabbed him. The bullfighters took the bull the other way. And I run in and grabbed him up and I took him to the fence and I got him up on top of the fence. And when I got on the fence trying to get out of the bull's way, it kind of leaned back. and I was like, oh shit, I'll just sit real tight where the bull hooked me in the ass. And I expect it to go over the fence. Okay, Redman, Woody, you have your finger hovering over the fart button.

29:20Brian Redban:You are such a child. This is about a man's integrity on the line here. Don't mess with his integrity. He's watched for years. He's never had that timing yet, but good job. Oh my God, that's hilarious. Burn. Fuck you. Yes. With what? Oh, I love it, Clint Daenerys. But anyway, the bull hooked me, and the next thing I know, I was ripped off the fence, and I looked down, and my pants were stretching, and I'm, oh, my God. But anyway, he hung his horn in my pants and ripped them down around my feet, and I was hung to his head for 50 seconds. With no pants on? Was it the last comedian? He actually, they were right around my feet, and they wouldn't come off.

30:08And so I was swinging and he kicked both shoulders out of joint and did a Joe Theismann on this leg. If you all guys know what that is. Snapped it off. Oh, wow. And, but luckily, you know, time slows down when you're about to die. I don't know, anybody ever about to die in here? Time slows down when you're about to die and you go, good Lord, help me. And everything. Are you about to say that the Lord came down and helped you right now? My shoes came off, and the pants came off, and I took off crawling to the fence. This shoulder's completely out of joint. This arm's broke. And when I roll over, my leg's going yonder.

30:47Right. Stories are really long.

30:51Brian Redban:Now I know our rodeo clowns don't talk. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. I was hoping the story was going to be less than eight seconds. There you go. In rodeo fashion. Clifton, let me ask you this. Here's the question on everybody's mind. I do believe, do rodeo clowns get a lot of pussy? Well, let me answer that to you. I got pussy in 1985. I actually met my wife in 86, and then, you know, it was about 85 degrees. It was about, I think it was July 21st, 22nd, I don't know. The sun set at 756, and then the sun rose at 823. I was actually wearing Fruit of the Loom. I bought them at Target. She thought I got it at Walmart.

31:31I swear to God, I can't believe Spider-Man's on its eighth fucking movie, man. I missed the first one. Remember Batman when it first started? That was so good. It was Adam West, and he was good. Christopher Reeve, he actually died falling off a horse. I actually bucked it. And now my son getting more pussy than me.

31:56Brian Redban:They about nail it? Pretty much.

32:06Brian Redban:amazing amazing but what's the real story you've been married the whole time are you out there fucking god i might have hoped she ain't watching no i was married for 27 years i fucked all of that up you know what i mean so yeah it um i got a good one now and uh it's it's been a real good life you know but i've learned a lot of stuff on the road i've found some stuff you would never ever find yeah like what a short story

32:40Brian Redban:oh that's good that's so fun i found my son another son you found another son that you made out there tell us about that i don't care how long it takes you i want to know i'll give you the rest of the episode. This is like the fucking guy from the Big Lebowski that's at the bar. Well, that was the story of Lebowski that day. We didn't know anything else about him, but that's just who he was. I found my son that day. All right, let's hear it. I was in Brighton, Texas.

33:16Guy hands me over a letter. I'm in a clown outfit. Guy hands me over a letter and I look at it and I say, hey, man, I don't have my glasses. Read it later. it's not important and i took it over to my girlfriend i stuck it through the fence i said read this give me a thumbs up or thumbs down i need to know that's kind of how we do things oh yeah and i took off and did the calf scramble at the rodeo and i came back and i'm looking through about three fences and she's going holy shit oh boy and i was like what and she goes oh shit i went what so i go over to the fence i said what are you fucking talking about he said his wife bought him Ancestry this year.

33:52She had bought me Ancestry last year. I figured I'd be up to my belt buckle in him by now. And I go over there. It took him that long to find me. I guess clown DNA ain't that common, you know? Right. Must be the nose. But I look up in the crowd, and here's this fucker who looks exactly like me. Oh, my God.

34:11Brian Redban:Exactly like me. He looks 65 years old as well? actually i'm 66 today wow look at that unbelievable but this guy looks exactly like my dad my dad's twin brother my son my brother he looks exactly like the rest of us wow and um uh he's amazing he's a retired navy his wife's a doctor he lives in waco he's from colman alabama wow just by happenstance he lives in Waco and found us on the internet amazing and we have been blessed ever since I tell you what it's a family come together and and Waco's my hometown how would you know amazing what are the odds of a good life that is incredible and you're you're proud of him he's not gay or anything he does have a Jeep and he got the little dunks on the way

35:12Brian Redban:Someone's been shopping at Spencer's. I told him that's how I know he's gay, but anyway. Oh, I love it, man. I have an old man question. I noticed your glasses are, like, separated. Is it like a... Oh, look how cool this fucking cowboy is. Look at this guy. I play a lot of poker, so I need to see. Wow, look at you. You are a real man. Very rarely do we have real men on this show. Especially out of the bucket. This is incredible. Tell us, what do you think is, you know your whole life, you know everything. What is the most manly thing about you before I let you go? This has been a long interview for such a terrible set, but you are an intriguing man.

35:53Brian Redban:And I love a good interview. And this is my only chance I'm going to have you. I don't know. I think just being a little bit vulnerable. Wow. Powerful answer. That'd be probably the biggest thing I could do over the back. Fuck you. There's a bunch of... Pussy, hey, come do my fucking job, pussy. Yeah! That's right. That is right. And I'll tell you what, I'm going to do one of the rare things where the minute was just okay, but man, the interview's so goddamn good and honest and cool. There's a big joke book, my friend. Pussy and Harris. So fun. Goddamn. We got all shapes and sizes so far out of this bucket.

36:39Brian Redban:We got a little homo and an old tough guy so far. What can happen next? Make some noise for your Ivan Volkov, everybody. Here comes Ivan Volkov. Oh, we've seen Ivan before. Here comes Ivan again.

37:00I watched a new Moana movie recently. It was pretty good. It was a little girl find precious object in water. and put back into a volcano mountain. It is like Lord of the Rings for people who want to watch something less gay. Ever since producer and ladies' man Harvey Weinstein go to jail, Hollywood movie not as sexy, you know. Moana was an island full of native peoples, and Dwayne D. Rock Johnson had the best teats. I don't care that they were fake. I still paid$20 to see them. But YouTube is new Hollywood now. YouTube, Hollywood going into the garbage. YouTubers making movie. I can already hear these sexual allegations.

37:57Mr. Beast told us, last one to take their hands off his balls, get$1 ,000. It was terrible. Thank you.

38:11Brian Redban:Ivan Volkov, ladies and gentlemen. Ivan, you were famously on the show just a few weeks ago or a month ago or so. When was that? Right around then? It was a while back, I think. A while back. Month and a half. Month and a half. Well, welcome back. This guy is Mexican. You're a Mexican with a Russian name and an extremely Russian accent. Yes. But you've never been to Russia? No, never. Unbelievable. Does anybody here believe him? This is absolutely incredible. But you spoke with your dad so much as a child that you sound like that now. Yes, this is what he sounds like whenever he speaks English.

38:48Brian Redban:And that's really how you talk all the time? Most of the time. When do you change your voice? Whenever I'm Mexican restaurant, I order food. Can we hear how you would order at a Mexican restaurant or how you talk to the waiters at a Mexican restaurant? Me puede dar unos chilaquiles, por favor. Wow!

39:11Brian Redban:Absolutely incredible. That is amazing. Michael, what did he say? What did he say, Michael? He wanted to order some chile chiles. Oh, wow. Some chile chiles, please. They're delicious. Absolutely incredible. They are delicious. Now, I see you have a grill. Did you have a grill in your mouth last time you were on? Yes. You did, and I just didn't notice it. Give me a little smile. Let me see that. Wow. Absolutely incredible. You have a Mexican heritage, a Russian accent, and black teeth. This is amazing. That is amazing. How long have you had a grill before? I've had it before, about maybe six years.

39:46But this is common. My grandmother, on my mother's side, she have gold teeth.

39:53Brian Redban:Mexican women have gold teeth. And a little bit of mustache, but that's okay. Yeah. You have your grandmother's mustache as well. Thank you. Incredible. Wow. And what did, uh, and your grandma's in Mexico? No, she's in the ground already. Oh. Oh, my goodness. That is not chile chiles at all. Uh, wow. But she's still in Mexico technically. Right, yeah. Exactly. Exactly. Amazing. Wow. Yes, she is. Amazing. So, uh, how about dad? Is dad still alive? Yes. He's in Mexico. Yes. And he's being Russian in Mexico. Am I correct? Yeah, he's... He keeps to himself, you know. What does he do for a living? What does a Russian guy do in Mexico for a living?

40:46Brian Redban:Because it seems like all the Mexicans would have all the jobs for sure. I mean, they have most of our jobs, so I can't even imagine how much they're dominating in Mexico. I don't know. He retired now. So I think he just, you know, hanging out, taking his time doing nothing, maybe. What did he used to do? Do you know what he used to do? He used to order... So cocaine, drugs. That's the vibe I'm getting. Drugs and whores. For sure. Was that basically it? Was he involved in maybe some crime, but no, it's all good now? We call it the waste management. That's right. Okay, very good. I had a feeling.

41:19Brian Redban:I'm not going to ask anymore because I've seen some docs on these Mexican cartels. I can't imagine what the Russian guy in that shit is like. I bet he's... He's literally wearing a sex trafficker costume. That is that. at the Spirit Halloween store under sex traffic costume. Clarence. Grill fits any size. Amazing, Ivan. And remind me, how do you make money nowadays? What kind of hustle are you on? I do electrical, but I recently got promotion. Oh, yeah? Tell us about this promotion. I do quality control now. So what exactly do you do? Do you just kill people if they do a bad job? No, no, no, no.

42:03What I do is people do like they put product out.

42:07Brian Redban:They put what? Product. Oh, product, yeah. And then I make sure product okay. Yeah. If it's not okay, they no longer get to put it. You did that first. If it's not okay. Yeah, they lose jobs. I slit throat. I slit throat. I chili chili. Yes. Wow. I mean, you know in this protection program? Are you sure? I would not be out here. I think they sent you away. We're going to give you some gold fronts. Ivan. Yes. We're going to teach you Spanish. Ivan is Russian for Juan, so. He's a Russian John. That would be very bad, very bad witness protection name they give me. Yeah. Gary's just white for white.

42:52Okay.

42:55Brian Redban:Man, you are amazing. What do you do for fun? I let them go.

43:07No, 10 second head start. You go ahead. Go ahead. Have you seen Apoconipto? Yes.

43:18A little cat and mouse has never hurt anybody. Oh, my God. This guy is unbelievable.

43:24Brian Redban:A little cat and mouse. I fucking love it. He watches Breaking Bad, like, not real. Not real. Not believable, you know? But seriously, for fun, what do you do? You must have some hobbies. You ever hacky sack or anything like that? There must be something that you're into, some wacky type of side hobby. You into something? I like to do... It's hard to explain. I like coloring book. You see this Tony Newton coloring book? Yeah, I like to play cards a lot. I like to play lots of poker, poker tournament. I like to go to pawn shops a lot. Oh, tell us about that. What do you do at the pawn shops? He sells his weapons.

44:05Brian Redban:You do. You look like the final boss of the video game pawn shop. You make it to me now. Good luck. He looks like he gives you a mission in Grand Theft Auto. Yes. Respect. Absolutely. He's not denied any of this. Right. Yeah. He just shook his head. He just laughs along with it. We're all going to die. My God. Funny story. Oh, yeah. Here we go. Here we go. Whenever I first signed up, I thought I was signing up for a job. I said, everybody want to kill Tony. What is this? Yeah. Absolutely. 100%. They do. What kind of car do you drive? I drive 1972 Chevrolet C10. Oh, you are a classy motherfucker.

45:04Brian Redban:This is some interesting. We've had a couple real grown men on this show today. Look at you. I just can't see him talking to a girl. Would you like to fuck? No? Okay, I move on. We don't ask. We don't ask questions. Yeah, he doesn't ask. This guy. I'm sorry. We don't want to fuck. No, no, no. Yes, it's going to happen. Confidence. You got to have confidence. Wow. Do you have any kids? No. What is your secret to not having kids at your wise age? Sometimes I like to paint the canvas. You know what I mean? Oh, absolutely. For sure. Hell yeah. He's talking about flattering the blood of any girl that says she's pregnant.

45:50Brian Redban:Wow. So that's your trick. That's your trick. You pull out and then all of a sudden they're the wet back. yes

46:04Brian Redban:Ivan Volkov I find you so entertaining you just got a big joke book a month ago right? yes sir well perfect what's up? one more thing I want to tell you I met Patrick Warburton last time after you did the impression you met him? I met him where did you meet him? I met him at the comic con no way yeah did you show him your impression? no he's seen it already oh wow He gave me nude photograph, and he tried to kiss me. I bet. I mean, for real, he tried to kiss me. His assistant filmed everything. I asked him if... Can you do an impression of what he said to you? He said, uh, we'll make out.

46:49That's what he told me.

46:54Brian Redban:That is the craziest talent. Can you say that in Spanish? Vamos a besar, nos. That is good. That is amazing. So, obviously, Patrick Warburton, huge Kill Tony fan, was watching that episode, found you, and then you went to Comic-Con to meet him. What kind of Comic-Con was this? It was the one in Belton. It was the one in where? Belton, Texas. Oh, okay. But it was just like a regular Comic-Con. Yeah, I met him. Pink Ranger. I meet her. Who? Amy Jo Johnson, the Pink Ranger. Oh, the Pink Ranger. It's so funny. A thick Russian accent. I meet the Pink Ranger. She give me pictures. I give her a picture of mine, too.

47:41Brian Redban:Wow. My God, the fall-off from Patrick Warburton to the Pink Ranger is unbelievable. Beautiful lady. She is? Very good. Oh, my God. How hard did you rape her, huh? No, no, no. No, I'm just kidding. Just kidding. You would never. Never. I would never. Many respect for Pink Ranger. Wow. Where did you...

48:05I can see you. There's no rape. No, you say yes. You say yes. You want to... No, no, no. You say yes. You just said yes. Yes, yes, yes.

48:14Brian Redban:It is so funny because we're trained. We're trained as Americans since we're little kids that you hear a Russian accent. It means I'm going to kill you. I will destroy you I will eat your whole family and then all of a sudden it's like no we respect Pink Ranger it's just the gap between what we're told to expect from that accent and the respect for the Pink Ranger that's your favorite one that's your main ranger Pink Ranger all the way Pink Ranger is that the original Pink Ranger she went by what Kimberly I remember that. See, I remember that. I had a nephew. I was never into the... I was a Ghostbusters kid.

49:00Brian Redban:But I had a nephew that was obsessed with the Pink Rangers and I happen to be an unbelievable uncle so I remember that because I would converse with my nephew. Yeah. I'm an unbelievable uncle. It is true. Wow. Fantastic. You are so goddamn interesting every fucking time you're on this show. I love your style. You already have a big joke book. Keep signing up. I want to talk with you more. Some long interviews tonight, I gotta be honest with you. But the people are so damn interesting. It's so good. Here goes Ivan Volkov. Hello there. If you've been sitting on a business idea, Shopify makes it easy to turn that idea into something real.

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50:36Brian Redban:Start your free trial at shopify.com slash killtony. Again, your free trial is at shopify.com slash killtony. On to the next bucket pool. We're moving along smoothly here. Make some noise for alan fox everybody here comes alan fox everyone holy shit what's up guys um did not expect to get pulled up uh alan fox is a stage name my actual last name is kim and uh i was really fighting like whether or not i want a stage name or whatever i'll go alan kim because anytime you tell someone that you want to do comedy as an asian guy in Austin people like oh like like fucking Hans Kim like it's like oh fuck can't I have a different fucking hero so like every time like people are like hey like you want you like comedy like like like Hans Kim are you guys cousins it's just like no bitch like I don't know fucking Hans Kim you know um I don't it's just like it's just I don't know like there aren't too many heroes as far as like Asian comics go there's like fucking Bobby Lee and there's Hans Kim and I fucking like them both like they're fucking dope but it's just like god damn it like can't i have like a different hero than just those two you know um like there's no i'm not shitting on them like they're fucking like they seem cool but like i don't know i met hans kim once he's he's like two inches taller than me and i was like fuck you man um yeah that's it thank you very much guys alan fox only talking about Hans Kim for his minute, trying to separate himself from being confused for and everything with Hans Kim, former regular of the show, Hall of Famer, legend of Kill Tony folklore.

52:26Brian Redban:And to distance yourself from this misunderstanding of being often confused for Hans Kim or asked about Hans Kim, you've chosen tonight to solely talk about Hans Kim. Yeah, I mean, like, you know, I have a very complicated relationship with him. I mean, if you just respond to my fucking letters, man, then, like, I feel like... Gary, you're right. This is the gayest show on planet Earth. I got to tell you, this is absolutely... What's fucking wrong with that, man? You know? What's wrong with that? The Spartans were gay and they were fucking badass. All right, okay. Okay, what's wrong with being a little gay?

53:01Brian Redban:Nothing. I agree. All right, you're cool, you're cool. Bobby Shee, relax. Bobby Shee. All right, Alan, how long have you been doing stand-up? Like a year, man. No way. Absolutely. No fucking way. Absolutely. How old are you, Alan? I'm 35. 35. What made you start stand-up at age 34-ish? Because my friend was like, listen, are you going to spend the rest of your life being a drunkard and hang out at the strip club all the time? Or do you want to amount? Do you want to be... Or do you want to do comedy and do both? Yes, pretty much. Pretty much, man. Pretty much. Pretty much. How's the drinking going?

53:47Brian Redban:Good? It's, you know, it could be doing better. I would guess by that set that you are just rock steady with it. You know, I legit, like, had no, I didn't think I would be called up. Very serendipitous. So, like, yeah. That happens. It's a random bucket. I mean, that's the only way to get called up to the show. Well, I feel like as long as, like, I'm, like, cool and chill, like, I'll have, like, an okay time, and, like, hopefully, like, I don't, like... Let me ask you this. Yes, let's do it. Because I'm starting to catch on to something here. Did you maybe have a few cold ones at the bar while waiting to get up here tonight?

54:23Brian Redban:Like a high noon or, like, a White Claw? Uh-huh. Uh-huh. A high noon or a White Claw? Or a high noon and a White Claw? uh maybe maybe one of each you know yeah what else what else because you seem like you maybe had a little something at lunchtime huh i mean that was like a good time like little socky socky before you sucky sucky what's wrong with that man i love it every time you call him gay he's like what's wrong with that dude what's wrong with that what's wrong with that you know we're not your dad you don't have to like defend it we're just making jokes are you from socal like Ventura or something?

55:01I am not, man. I wish I was. Like, West Coast Asians are so fucking cool. Where are you from? I'm from Chicago and we're not fucking cool.

55:11Brian Redban:Right. Like, I put on, like, this is like my second favorite T-shirt and, like, I put this on in case I get on Kill Tony. Like, if I was, like, from the West Coast, I'd have, like, a chain and, like, fucking, like, Jordans and shit and, like, my hair would be spiked. But I'm just, like, I just showed up. Wow. He looks nothing like his voice. Yeah, I know. No, no, it's just, it's from work. It's from work. What do you do for work? I'm a fucking car salesman, man. Oh, my God. Yeah, shit has not been going well. Wow. It's like, it's like saying, like, you're going to start stripping, like, something, something happened.

55:50And, uh,

55:53Brian Redban:on a different trajectory. How long have you been selling cars for? uh like three years man three long years wow and were they toyotas or hondas or toyotas wow absolutely incredible how could i have known this is the second time we've spoken about cars actually really this one time i went and saw you and i was in the audience and you're trying to be you know work some do some crowd work and you point at all the asian people like i bet you drive a civic bitch and then you like call out like what do you drive sir and he was like a civic and you're like, yeah, bitch. And the crowd goes wild. You forgot to mention that part.

56:29Brian Redban:Yeah, because it's a thing that I noticed. It's my own personal racist studies. I've learned that Asian people are loyal to Asian car brands and it works 100 % of the time except when I shot my special, that sucked. Oh. Well, then you pointed to me and you're... The first Asian lady ever to drive a fucking Tesla during my fucking special because her husband bought it for her because it's self-driving because he has an Asian wife. Anyway. No, no, no, no. Dude, dude, dude. Like, fuck, like, I'm sorry. My mother's like an Asian lady, but, like, get the Asian ladies off the road. Like, I'm sorry. Oh, I love it.

57:03You're with us. Like, I've seen my mother, like, drive a car. Like, we don't need more of that. Like, let's just, like... Wow. Less Asian ladies on the road. You said it, brother. Yeah. Hey, you've only been doing it a year. Keep talking about your mom driving. No more Hans Kim. Yeah. Yeah, Hans Kim. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm not shit on him. I'm not shit on him.

57:23Brian Redban:No, we know you're not shitting on him, but bringing him up, it's like just messing up your whole thing. You didn't do any jokes. I didn't do any jokes. You know, I had some jokes about like being 35 and my life not paying out. But then I just thought of Hans Kim. He's like two inches taller than me. And I was like, fuck that guy. We know that. We know that. I guarantee you, Ivan's backstage. I can take care of him for you. I can take care of Hans Kim. No, no. He seems like a nice guy. I don't want something bad happening to him. He thinks I'm serious. Yeah. I don't know. That seems kind of mean.

57:55I saved Hans Kim's life.

57:57Brian Redban:Yeah. I'm a fucking hero, man. You keep mentioning that Hans Kim is two inches taller than you instead of saying two penis lengths taller than you. Asian penis length. I'll take the help in either area, man. I bet his credit score is higher than mine, too. Yeah, it definitely is. It totally is. How many, if you had to guess how many Toyotas you've sold in the three years of being a Toyota salesman, Can you give us a ballpark? I don't know, because sometimes I'm really good, but sometimes I just fuck off. Give me a ballpark here. Oh, I don't know. Let's say 10 a month. Whoa. That's more than anybody would have guessed.

58:3810 to 12 is like, you got to be retarded to not sell 10 to 12.

58:43Brian Redban:Right. I'm not using that word offensively. It's just like... Guys, yeah, relax. He can say it. Look at his face. He has Down syndrome. I have Down syndrome. Like, if you can, like, put on your pants, you should be able to sell 10 to 12. Right. He's an Asian with Down syndrome, or as we call them, our valedictorians. Yeah. Oh, I was proud of that one. That's a good one. You guys are smart until you become drunkard car salesman. It was implied that I'm a drunkard. What's your dad? Is your dad Asian too? My dad is Asian, man. Mom and dad both Asian? They're both Asian. Sometimes I forget, but I bump into them, and they're like...

59:27And he's like, we are very disappointed in you. They fucking are, man. You are not a funny Sarah Toyota. I am not a good Asian, man.

59:38Brian Redban:You are not a funny. I'm moisturized. I don't dress well. Does your dad try to get you to go back to school? Nah, man. Not really. Nah, man. Does your dad know what you're into? yeah man like i think so like i've i've like the key the key to my like relation to my parents i've already done the most fucked up shit so like everything i do now is like totally acceptable and like well is he at least he's not doing dot dot dot dot dot like what what did you used to do that was more disappointing than being a gay car salesman a closet fucking closeted man there's a difference right um fucking uh you're you're not in the closet anymore i could be no no you're not that that shit has sailed my friend kicked me kick me out again that toyota has sailed my friend um no i used to i used i used to do hair on oh wow like needle in the arm seven like for seven years wow how did you kick that habit what karate kick

1:00:52Brian Redban:you're being a little racist but oh it's so fun it's so fun if being if that's that's racist then i don't want to be right no no no i karate kicked it uh you're the miracle of god i don't know what but like I put the needle down one day. So like everything I do now is just like my mom's like, you shouldn't vape so much. I'm like, oh, at least I'm not doing hair winch. Dude, Hans Kim would have laughed at that karate kick joke. Yeah, for sure. I bet he would have. He would have loved it. And he would have been much taller and thinner. I am like a, I've put on some weight recently. Like I'm not proud of it.

1:01:31Like I fluffed out. It is.

1:01:33Brian Redban:You look like if Hans Kim had a baby with a French bulldog. um i'll take that man you're like a frenchy i think i think your i think your issue is you you are wrong about what's interesting about you what is interesting about well i don't know yet

1:01:53i don't know what's interesting about me shoot i'm just well if you keep doing it you'll figure

1:01:58Brian Redban:it out alan fox in the meanwhile here's a medium-sized joke book let's see if old drunky pants can catch this. Go to PrizePix right now slash Tony and place your bet because it probably ain't happening. Whoa, look at that. Look at that. With the tongue out, drunk as fuck. There he goes, Alan Fox aka Alan Kim. Alright, let's get a regular up here, ladies and gentlemen. We have one of our great regulars that writes and performs a brand new minute every week. Make some noise for the dark storm of Austin, Texas. It's Dedrick Flynn, ladies and gentlemen. Here he is.

1:02:43Dark storm. Guys, can I open up to you? I've got a big fear of porta potties. And I don't think I'm being irrational about that. I think that's the scariest place to take a shit in your life. Like, I would much rather get caught, like, being seven years old in elementary school taking a shit because my shoes were down and then everybody just call you shitty beauty boy until you're in middle school right because like a port-a-potty is like terrifying like if you ever go to like a festival and you do all they have is port-a-potties that's the only time you start acting like women when you just you look at your homeboys like i gotta pee can you please come with me like you like all of y 'all can y 'all can't care all 17 Can y 'all come with me to pee?

1:03:29Because I don't trust these niggas. What if they decide to flip it over? You know what I'm saying? What if they decide to flip it? What if they start a riot and they flip over the port-a-potty? Can y 'all watch out for me? Like, what you know about being drunk and then walking home? And on the way when you walk home, you got to pee, but you see a port-a-potty, but you can't trust it, right? Because there ain't no ring cameras on the port-a-potties. You know what I'm saying? so they can do whatever they want to you. So you go pee in a bush, because bushes are safe, right? Bushes are safe. Porta-potties aren't, because we scared the same two things that can happen.

1:04:07Like, you open up the port-a-potty, and it's just like an undercover cop, and that nigga's like, aha, I got you, you got to pee. Or worse, it's like a homeless wizard, and that nigga convince you that the port-a-potty is a time machine, but you got to touch the blue, right? You know what I'm talking about? Y 'all know what I'm talking about? That time travel blue port-a-potty juice. You got to put your hand in there and it's going to crawl over your body like when Neo touched the mirror in the Matrix. Dark Storm, I'm done.

1:04:39Brian Redban:Port-a-potty. Two minutes of nothing but truth about the port-a-potty. That is one of every man's greatest fear is having to use a port-a-potty. And Tony, I lived in my car for three years. I'm used to shitting outside. You know what I'm saying? But that shit is terrifying, man. And I'm sick of holding this fear in. And I'm glad there are people who can openly admit we can all be tough about that. Are you scared of the port-a-potties, Brian Simpson? I don't fuck with me. We used to, when I was deployed, we would dip the whole roll of toilet paper to make a little pile so the blue water didn't splash up.

1:05:17Brian Redban:Oh, my God. Innovation. Yeah, you got to pile it up so you don't, because that blue splash, it'll stick to your butthole and it'll make you feel different all day. You can't just... You know what I'm talking about? You gotta go home. You feel unclean. You can't wash it off. You gotta go home. You gotta go to bed. You gotta take a shower. Go to bed. You gotta sleep in the bathtub. D's going to use one right now. He's going to use the porta pot. He doesn't know what they look like. Blue water. I gotta see this shit. Have you ever shit in a porta potty? I've never shit in one of them. Well, I mean, it looks like you've shit in every one that I've ever gone into.

1:05:51Brian Redban:I gotta tell you, Red Band. Those things are an absolute disaster. You do wonder when you see them, you're like, who's shit in this? Yeah. You really think that. That's the only reason to go in there. To shit? Yeah. They specifically for shitting. I mean, like you said, you don't piss in a port-a-potty. Oh, I piss in them. Yeah, I'll tell you this. I've peed. I've gone to Bonnaroo and music festivals and stuff when I was younger. I've peed in port-a-potties. I've pooped in port-a-potties. But what I have never done in a porta potty is inhaled. A little fun fact. I'm like fucking David Blaine on that shit.

1:06:28Brian Redban:I will tell you, they'll go in and I come out. I'm as blue as the water on the inside. I'm on my fucking deathbed. You can't pee in there. I'm scared like some of this shit gonna come up through the stream. Like it's gonna swim up from the beach. Oh, yeah. Like the blues gonna climb the piss and then get the balls. Yep. And then you become a smurf. Yeah, again. no doubt about it it is incredible oh i literally i'm like oh yeah exactly i've i never believed in the covid mask but i will not inhale whatever the fuck's in there

1:07:05Brian Redban:uh man yeah you really covered it where was the porta potty that inspired this material was there a specific one out there was this this is what happened um oh yeah this is me because i can't open up to you, Tony. Absolutely. Give me a little port-a-potty background music here. A little something for the port-a-potty people. Give me some port-a-potty music. We're pushing P right now. A little port-a - No, Red Band, come on. So, we had threw a crab boil at Carlos Sosa's house. It was me, him, and Matt Mueller. Oh, wow. And I had boiled a bunch of crabs and shrimps and stuff like that. And then I had left their house, and then I went and I was getting drunk.

1:07:44You know what I'm saying? Not like that last dude. That nigga like me at 130 at Macy's. You know what I'm saying? And it's only 8 o 'clock now. And so I was walking. I took a lime scooter, but it ran out of power. And then when I was walking to my neighborhood, I had to take a shit and I saw one. And then the black inside of me said, uh-uh.

1:08:07That's deep. Wow. That's deep. Wow. That was beautiful. You guys did a good job. I mean, imagine. You didn't do a saxophone solo from the crab boil? You didn't do nothing? That wasn't inspirational? You inspired? That, man, that's fucking, you know this nigga got like a castle that he live in. Like that shit was like a Mexican castle. That shit was so fun. Did you, where's the shit though? Did you end up shitting outside? No, but I did, I did remember that I can't run fast. And so I did that. You started running? Oh, absolutely. You can run so fast if you got to shit. like you could you could run as fast as a car if you got a shit you can you can you can hop a fence like all of it it was i was i was actually really proud of myself wow i was so oh man guys that's what i'm saying follow your dreams you know what i'm saying you can really you can hold like some of it got out and i threw that stuff away but i what time what time of the night was this uh when

1:09:05Brian Redban:the moon was up wow amazing he goes off of werewolf time ladies and gentlemen i love it so people just saw you there could have been there we go i'd love to know exactly where your lime scooter died how far of a distance was it was it was well i had to poop until i got off the lime scooter oh mid-walk oh you know what i'm saying oh yeah sometimes like cardio and caffeine will inspire you to have to pull. All right, let me, actually, I'll do a song about it, Tony. Oh, shit. Man, come on, guys, let's take these guys on a walk down Riverside Drive. We have no D Madness. You're on bass, too, Ds. But you know that.

1:09:49I was walking home from doing a crap world. Going to Copper Jane, going to Shakespeare's. My belly's feeling weird. It's starting to bubble up Oh shit, the bubblegut My scooter just died My stomach's hella bright I have to prove Emergency number two If it happened to me, it can happen to you You can run as fast as Usain Bolt If that ass is opening That was good. I appreciate that one. That was good. Y 'all did a good job. Y 'all did a good job.

1:10:39Brian Redban:What I want to know is how many people saw you running and called the cops? That's a tough life. They showed up, but I was like, I'm Joe Rogan's friend. Perfect. That's right. They're fine every time. Get up off the fucking ground right now and go shit, sir. I was like, I turned around. and I was like, oh, Dark Storm, and then he just put the gun back in the hole. That's it. That's how it works. Every single time. It's a perfect living. Ladies and gentlemen, Dedrick Flynn, everybody. I love you. Thank you. There he goes. The one and the only. And back to the bucket we go, everybody. We're having fun tonight.

1:11:15Brian Redban:We're flying through it. Hello there. You know, every week I watch people come up here and absolutely destroy their self-esteem. Unfortunately, Morgan and Morgan cannot help with that. But if you're actually injured because of someone else's negligence, now. That's a different story. Isn't that the truth, Heidi? My goodness. Morgan and Morgan have been fighting for the people for more than 35 years. They've got more than 1 ,000 lawyers, 100 offices nationwide, and they've recovered over$35 billion for their clients. Red Band. So if your car gets totaled, you get hurt at work, or somebody else's bad decision becomes your very expensive problem, you can check out Morgan & Morgan.

1:11:58Brian Redban:No doubt about it. And let me tell you right now, you can go to forthepeople.com slash Tony to start your claim. Their fee is free unless they win. And again, hurt feelings do not count. Let me remind you, they've won a lot of people, a lot of money, and it's not easy to make a lot of money these days. So go out there and just basically use them to make yourself some money. Find anything you can do. Make some money by using Morgan & Morgan. If you have to, you know, create your own situation, then do it and use them. Make some money. Go to Morgan & Morgan. Go to forthepeople.com slash Tony so that they know that we sent you.

1:12:40Brian Redban:And, you know, get yourself a little something extra.

1:12:47Brian Redban:Not one gay joke. Not one gay joke. That is incredible. It seems as though the show is straightening up, ladies and gentlemen. Perhaps we can keep it going. With the comedy stylings of Bucket Pool, Mark Donovan, everybody. Here comes Mark Donovan.

1:13:07What's up, guys? I just got back from taking a shit in a port-a-potty. I don't know. It felt great. I'm not in the best shape. I've been trying to lose weight recently. I've been doing okay. I lost about 15 pounds last week. Yeah. Thank you. I can't find that dog anywhere. Yeah. And it was my brother's dog, which is, I mean, he's pissed now. Now I don't get to watch his other dog while he's out of town. So, you know, I lost his dog and I lost his trust. But I got my weekends back. It's not all bad. I work at Lowe's. I sell flooring. Didn't know that was a joke.

1:13:52But I basically spend most of my day moving gigantic 50-pound bags of grout, which is just this fine white powder that ends up all over my upper body. So I get home basically looking like I've just been titty-fucked by a very dehydrated ghost. Yeah. And, you know, that's all I got.

1:14:12Brian Redban:Thanks. Mark Donovan, ladies and gentlemen. Mark, welcome. How old are you? 43. 43. How long have you been doing stand-up? I've got about 50 sets under my belt. 50 sets? Yeah, it's taken about a decade to get that many, because, yeah. Because you're so busy with the flooring? Yeah, no. My first set, I wasn't really trying to do stand-up. I had a friend doing it and wanted someone to do it with him. Nice. And, you know, that went great. Uh-huh. So well that I didn't do it again for like five or six years. And what made you want to restart it? What made you want to do it yourself? Is your friend still doing it?

1:14:53Brian Redban:No, not right now. Okay, so no. No. Right. Okay. Yeah, no. The reason I started again, honestly, was, I don't know, I enjoyed it, even though I sucked at it. Yeah. And I just sucked at everything else, so I was like, why not? Absolutely agree. I'm 43 at an entry-level job at Lowe's. Let's try something else. Why do you have that job? It was basically a job I got six months ago. Uh-huh. And, uh... What were you doing before that? I had a window washing business. What happened to your window washing business? I didn't like to sell, and it's hard to run your own business when you give yourself the day off every day.

1:15:31Brian Redban:Right. So... That'll do it? Yeah. Have you ever thought about selling Toyotas? I hear anybody can do it.

1:15:40Brian Redban:Hadn't considered it, but maybe it's an option. What do you do for fun? You're 43, you have kids, you have a wife, you have anything? No kids, no wife, no family. No pets? No pets. Any plants? Do you have a cactus or something, for Christ's sake? No, nothing. I am unencumbered. Wow. Do you have a fucking anything? Do you have a magazine or something? What do you got in this fucking place? How many roommates do you have? I don't know the exact answer. I just moved into the place a week ago. You don't know a ballpark of how many roommates do you have? I'm guessing four. I've seen... I mean, D Madness knows how many fucking roommates he has.

1:16:15Brian Redban:How do you not know? I've seen three. I've heard a fourth. That's all I know for sure. I've never seen the fourth guy. And there's like two other rooms in the house that are empty. So, man. Incredible. It's a great place. Okay. So let's talk about it. How did your life end up like this? How did you end up being 43 and having the life of a 22-year-old Mexican boy? You're selling flooring at Lowe's with a bunch of roommates and dabbling in some hobbies like stand-up comedy. How did this happen? Tell us, because we had an Asian that survived a seven-year heroin habit that is doing better than you somehow.

1:16:54Brian Redban:And he's gay as fuck, by the way. I didn't have to throw that in. That was just for my own entertainment. What's wrong with that? He's watching right now. What's wrong with being gay, man? What the fuck's wrong with that? Honestly, there's no real answer. You didn't even do heroin for a few years or anything? I have the life of someone who's done a lot of heroin. Tell us about it. What is a day in the life? If we put your whole life together and mashed it into one median or mode or whatever the fucking right term is, day of your life, what would it be? You wake up at around noon, you make yourself a bowl of cereal or something like that?

1:17:37Brian Redban:For a while it was cereal, then fried rice. Would you say full island of cereal? For a while. Oh, for a while, the cereal. What's your cereal of choice? You seem like a cookie crisp guy. You seem like a guy that's just like, fuck it. I'm going to put milk on this dessert. Well, if you're eating cookie crisps, you might as well just have ice cream. But I usually go cinnamon toast crunch. Let me go to my cereal ice cream correspondent, Brian Simpson, here. How are you so happy? Because I feel like you're not sad enough. level of loser. You know what I mean? Yeah. Because you got so much joy for somebody that got nothing going on at all.

1:18:20Yeah. No, I... He's like, Tony, I don't got no money, no bitches. I don't got no hobbies, no friends. But I'm doing great. You know? You're not the first person to remark about that to me. It is incredible. Honestly, it doesn't bother me. I, uh... Of course it wouldn't. That's exactly his point.

1:18:39Brian Redban:Look at you. you're happy as fuck yeah i don't know i i'm pretty content being by myself i don't need other people i sit around i watch tv play video games yeah i mean you say no big deal weep is good okay there's a little comedian in there somewhere um mark what else i mean there's got to be something we're missing what kind of hobbies do you have or something i used to play a lot of basketball i basically would enroll in school just to be able to play five or six hours of pickup ball a day wow uh sometimes 10 on the weekends like how long ago was this uh about two well i guess it was about two and a half years ago when i moved from utah up to dallas i had been playing about five days a week there what made you move to dallas of all places my family's in dallas ah so i was in utah thinking about going back to school and then didn't uh and then was like what the fuck doing here what kind of family do you have in dallas your parents parents what are your parents they're all there what do your parents think about you 43 cookie crisp they are too okay with it right they're just like you they don't give a yes they're just happy as that's where you get it from yeah probably i i sometimes i wish they would be like go anywhere else right like no no come back why are you leaving i'm an old man i need to be away absolutely incredible wow this is amazing this is amazing i'm prescribing you asian parents your life is unacceptable you have to get together i think it could work i need exterior motivation oh my goodness we've never had anything quite like this we've never had this level of content content you'll like it hey it's good it's a floor it's a floor yeah it's a good floor you're looking for a floor that's a floor it's a floor you want wood marble let's go from one to four i give it a floor it's not far off oh most of the time people come in looking to buy a floor you just go yeah it's right there let me ask you this since the thing that we've noticed and i gotta give simpson all the credit one of the highlights of this show for me so far is him highlighting your unbelievable uh contentness with your life let me ask you this what is a time in your life in which you have gotten passionately mad about something that really stood out to you what does it take to wake the beast inside of there i mean it doesn't take much.

1:21:19I have a lot of anger. That's about the only emotion I ever have. Oh, okay. Here we go. I can see him saying, but I'm mad. I am really mad. Where's the cinnamon toast crunch? That does help.

1:21:39Brian Redban:Wow. Amazing. What's the most mad you've been lately? What's something that you're passionate about? When someone... uh about i guess about four or five weeks ago i was still up in dallas i applied for the position in central austin and uh they didn't give me an interview because i lived too far away and they gave the job to someone else i feel like you're the type of dude that gets pissed off anytime there's like wnba news yeah yeah you have a throw a dildo at the court energies that's what You have. You're that guy, aren't you? Oh, I'm not wasting those. You're the bandit. Oh, see, that's funny.

1:22:21Brian Redban:There it is. We're back. There's a little something in there. There's a little something in there. I love it. All right, Mark Donovan. Well, here is a, here's a, here's a. He's going to be happy with whatever you get.

1:22:38Brian Redban:You thought about that way too long. A small joke book for Mark Donovan. We're going to keep it moving. The interviews tonight are fun. All right. Oh, a lady. Fun. Make some noise to your next bucket poll, ladies and gentlemen. It's Beth Ann, everybody. Here's Beth Ann.

1:23:04I had a friend tell me recently that when he first started having sex, he had to be high. When I first started having sex, I had to be unconscious.

1:23:16Yeah, it's okay, it's okay. To heal from my sexual trauma, I became a stripper. Hear me out. I'd find a guy and convince him that for$500, I could fulfill all of his wishes. I'd get him to that back room, no refunds, sit on his lap, look him dead in the eyes, and whisper, so, what's your first memory of shame?

1:23:44Maybe I'd add a daddy in there to keep the heat alive. I don't think this kind of manipulation is cruel, by the way. I know what men really want. I know what they're looking for. And in a place like that, they're asking for it. Thank you.

1:24:02Brian Redban:Beth Ann, everybody, making her Kill Tony debut. Welcome, Beth. Can I keep the microphone? Yeah. How long have you been doing stand-up, Beth? Since November of last year. What made you want to start then? I was asked to do stand-up for an album release party. Okay. Did they also ask you to stop? She came. She was hired as a stripper. They're like, can you tell jokes instead?

1:24:44Brian Redban:Who asked you to do stand-up? I don't get it. I don't get it. Who asked someone to do stand-up for an album release party? My friend Tyler. Okay. How did that go? It went really well. Half of the room was my friends and the other half was Christians. Christians? Yeah. It was a Christian rock release party? Yeah. I talked a lot about drug addiction and most of the room couldn't make eye contact with me anymore afterwards. Why? Why couldn't they make eye contact with you? Because I was talking about being retarded on Xanax. Oh, okay. It went well. Okay. All right. So let's talk about it, Beth. Are you still a stripper?

1:25:26Retired.

1:25:27Brian Redban:How long ago did you retire? Five years ago. Five years ago. And when you retire, what do they do? Do they put your underwear in the rafters or something?

1:25:39Brian Redban:So stupid. I don't know. Do they make you go halfway up the pole? Do you have to stay at half mast for a while?

1:25:52Brian Redban:You're looking at me so seriously. What made you retire from stripping? How does one exactly retire? I went to the club on mushrooms, and I realized what was really going on. When you say what's really going on, what was the understanding? What hit you that night that didn't hit you before? Well, I had a guy offer me$20 for sex. Welcome to my... Red band. Red band. Come on, red band. Grow up, red band. Hit it again. Hit it again, red band. Come on. Okay. So. Wow. And that guy was like, you can come back. I got cinnamon toast crunch.

1:26:42Brian Redban:I love it. I love it. 20 bucks. I want sex. I swear I'm from Mexico. I'm a Mexican man. Do you like chilequiles? What's the normal price? Like 40 or? Oh my God. Red band. You can't do that. You're objectifying a woman. She's out of the industry. What is the normal price? No, I'm kidding. $1 ,000. $1 ,000? Okay. All right. I would use three condoms at once, but that's an interesting number. I love it. I love it. Okay. So a guy offered you$20 for sex. You're on mushrooms. What goes through your head exactly? It's not going to be funny. Perfect. Nothing else you set up here was either. So we're just going to keep it right where it's at, right here, live.

1:27:35Brian Redban:This is Kill Tony.

1:27:40Brian Redban:If you don't want to talk about it, we don't have to. But it is... No, I just, I realized that given my history of sexual trauma, that I was just putting myself in environments where I would continue to receive evidence... No doubt. ...that that was my... No doubt. A strip club would do that without a doubt. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Okay. So what did you do five years ago after retiring from the strip club? What does one who has mastered the art of stripping do after that? I'm a life coach now. Oh. Perfect. I'm fully qualified for that. In-call, out-call. Red band. Red band.

1:28:20Brian Redban:Red band. Stop it. That is unprofessional red band. Do you do alcohol sometimes? Okay, so explain to us exactly how you started life coaching. Everyone wants to know who these life coaches are. Where do they come from? What's their background? What's their training? How do they have... I can't even... I can't even... I can't even... Yeah, well, it's a drug addict to stripper to life coach pipeline. I started to realize that I couldn't really get guys who wanted to, like, do the strip club thing with me. But they did want to talk to me about their entire life story and all of their trauma. Right.

1:29:03Brian Redban:so instead of being at a strip club dancing, having guys offer you$20 for sex now they come to you or you come to them I work with women now oh, perfect perfect and so what does the woman's life have to be like for them to go I need help I'm going to go I'm going to go with Beth Ann to help me get my shit together. Yeah, maybe they don't like themselves very much. Right. I like that. That's funny. I don't experience that problem anymore. Of course. So can you give us an example of a time that someone needed coached and you coached them and they succeeded? Can you give us a piece of advice or whatever that you gave them?

1:29:50I was working with a teenage girl who had experienced sexual trauma and she was navigating some pretty aggressive negative self-belief. Yes. Yeah. So I supported her in reclaiming that story. Nice. And finding a way to paint herself as the victor in this story.

1:30:12Brian Redban:Well, that's good. That's great, actually. Where's your wacky sound effect for that? Huh? What do you got there? Huh? What do you got? You just hit something. Hit anything. You're taking too long. All right, Red Band, come on. He's a wild boy on these sound effects, Beth. Hang on. Beth Ann, what else about you before I get you out of here? Give us one more fun fact about the life of Beth Ann. Sure. Help mentioning sexual trouble. You guys aren't interested in that? No, we aren't. We are. We were just trying to pretend like we're better than that, but we're really not. So what happened to you? Come on, tell us all about it.

1:30:56Brian Redban:Come on, tell us all about it. We're a bunch of terrible men. We need a life coach. Blah!

1:31:07So you want something interesting?

1:31:09Brian Redban:Yeah, anything. Yeah. The stripper pass wasn't enough. So, yeah. I mean, I have all sorts of hobbies. I just... You have any special skills or talents? Anything like you have a hacky sack or anything? Ping pong balls? Red band. Red band. You didn't have to say the balls part. Maybe she plays ping pong. Yeah. He was on stage earlier, I think. Okay.

1:31:42I have a lot of hobbies. I like to disc golf.

1:31:45Brian Redban:Oh, disc golf. That's a good one. Hell yeah. That's amazing. I love it. I love it. All right, Bethann. Well, I love it that you signed up tonight. We have all different shapes and sizes of people up here. Trouble butter. what the fuck was that what was that deez was that you hey bethann i'm gonna toss this little joke book at you there you go fell inside bethann ladies and gentlemen thank you bethann sign up again sometime we'll see what happens here all right ladies and gentlemen your next bucket pool goes by the name of shane camp here comes shane camp everybody Hey, before I begin, is there a Glenn here?

1:32:27A Glenn, he's 5 '8", brown hair, brown eyes, 180 pounds. No. I had to try. My name's Shane. I'm trying to quit smoking. They say one way of giving up a bad habit, you gotta take up a new hobby. I took up searching for missing persons.

1:32:49so if you guys see glenn you let them know i'm looking for him

1:33:00i know it's not a great description brown hair brown eyes but uh

1:33:08this is glenn

1:33:13he was last seen in 2009 do I ever think I'm gonna find him? probably not but if I'm not out there looking for him who is?

1:33:30Brian Redban:absolutely hilarious Shane I'll be selling Glenn t-shirts after the show Shane welcome Hilarious. Have you been on this show before? No. Welcome, welcome. You're a funny man. How long have you been doing stand-up comedy? I've been doing stand-up comedy regularly for four years. Four years? Where at? Pensacola, Florida. Wow. And what has you stuck in Pensacola, Florida exactly? Well, at age 18, I moved from Pensacola to be famous in television and movies in New York City. I don't know if you've seen them. I'm not in a single one.

1:34:16But Tony, every time I go broke, I go home.

1:34:28Brian Redban:How long were you in New York for? Well, I was in New York from 18 to 2003 to 2007. I drove a yellow cab. Really? a young white man driving a yellow cab one of the only ones i met one other one wow was it glenn

1:34:49Brian Redban:it was a cool way to see the city wow yeah i mean tell us you got any crazy cab stories being a young man in a cab in new york i can't even imagine i had i saw a guy get murdered once and then i uh i had a rich white woman make me cry oh how did the rich white woman make you cry Well, she told me to take Central Park, which I took Central Park in my cab. She meant through Central Park, so she waited a while, and I just hear from the back, what are you, an idiot? Wow. And just that, no. But she went on just to, are you a fucking idiot? And then eventually, I just pulled over. I said, get out of my cab.

1:35:32And I had, like, tears coming down my eyes. And she tried to give me money. I said, I don't want your money. I said, what I did was an accident. What you did was mean.

1:35:44Brian Redban:You're funny even when you're telling sad stories. This is incredible. He's an anomaly, folks. Wow. You are without a doubt the second funniest Shane in the world.

1:36:01Brian Redban:Amazing.

1:36:05Brian Redban:Amazing. so uh we have the story from 2000 what'd you say seven to 2000 2003 2007 uh i lived there i was working at the new york comedy club and when i say working open mics in front of other yeah crazy people yeah we know how that works and then what so you go back to pensacola because you go broke i went pensacola and then i went to uh chicago after that oh to try and make it and I didn't.

1:36:37Brian Redban:I went broke, went back home. How long were you in Chicago? Three, four years. Okay, three or four years. Awesome city and then New Orleans. And you were doing comedy in all these places. No, I gave up after New York. Okay, what made you give up after New York? I hated myself. That's when you become a true comedian. I did get funnier after I started hating myself. Yeah. Welcome. Welcome, my friend. So, no, it was when I gave up. You know, I left Brooklyn right before COVID because I got hit by a car and got epilepsy. So. Perfect. That. That also makes you funnier, by the way. Exactly. All of these things.

1:37:23Brian Redban:So the brain injury helped. Yeah. Yep. It does. It helps. What's up, man? So when's the last time? So then you went to Chicago, then Pensacola, then Pensacola. You stayed mostly? Yeah, I've been in Pensacola, which actually, after COVID, had a crazy comedy opportunity. Nice. So there's a lot of open mics, and I actually got more stage time there than ever. Yeah. In front of regular folks. And you still live in Pensacola? Yes. How do you make a living? Do you just do stand-up? Oh, I've had like 40-something jobs. Oh, I love it. So right now is like cabinets. Cabinets. Yeah. Wow. So if you guys need a base 36-inch cabinet, I'm your guy.

1:38:10Brian Redban:Wow. Technically, you could get your whole place done here at Kill Tony. We have flooring, cabinets. You're leaving here with a brand new Toyota Camry. Black dancers in the back. A deck of homemade cards. Life coach. Congratulations. You have a new life coach, everybody. Instead of strip. All right.

1:38:38Brian Redban:Wow, Shane. I did quit smoking to come here. My wife, the only way I would... I spent all my money to go to Madison Square Garden both nights and then to come here. So I have$100 left in my name, and it's totally worth it. Really? Wow. You were at both MSGs and didn't get pulled? You were up there the whole time? That's the way it goes. God damn it. We needed you, especially fucking night two. Jesus Christ. You would have fucking brought the house down, and it would have been a whole story about how you failed in New York and went back, and then you made it in New York. Wow. God damn it. I know.

1:39:19Brian Redban:We cry for us? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:39:30Brian Redban:Kino, give me the single spotlight here. Let's see if we can get this going all the way.

1:39:42Brian Redban:So good. So good. I'm getting word. I'm getting word that Zac Efron wants you to be his new stand-in. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Wow Shane so interesting how long are you in town for As long as you want me to be. Wow, look at that. That's amazing. Looks like I have a new boyfriend. Hello. If you're here Thursday, I'd love to have you on the Secret Show Thursday.

1:40:18Southwest, I'll be changing my flights.

1:40:23Brian Redban:Shane, if you had to guess how much stand-up, like a full set, the longest set you could do, how much accumulated material, if you had to just give me a ballpark. My 15 is fucking solid. And are you writing at a good pace? Yeah, I write, every Monday, I try to write for the open mic there, and I try something new, try to do something new all the time. But yeah, my solid 15 set is sharp Razor sharp Where are you going to stay for the next three days? We're going to figure that out I got it, I got it I'll get your hotel room Look at that

1:41:10I need real tears, real tears

1:41:22Brian Redban:Man, I'm glad I followed my dreams. It gets better than that, Shane, because Brian Simpson is going to give you$100 to your GoFundMe. You're going to double your net worth here. And on top of all that, you just won a golden ticket on Kill Time.

1:41:49Brian Redban:I can't help it. We need people like you Shane. Crowds on their feet. Places in a ruckus. Dreams are coming true. Couldn't make it in New York. Couldn't make it in Chicago. And he's made it here tonight in Austin, Texas.

1:42:12Brian Redban:fantastic set great performance great interview everything about you is hilarious shane come back again and uh let us know when you want to come cash that in sometime this was greatest day of my life amazing you did it buddy you gambled on yourself and you were correct you're absolutely hilarious one more time for shane camp everybody Red Band's actually crying. There's an actual tear in his eye. Yeah. All right. Someone's got to follow that. Someone's got to follow that. Make some noise for your next bucket pool. It is OG Rod Echols, everybody.

1:42:59What's up? What's up? What's up? Like you said, I'm OG Rod Echols, man. I just turned 60. Yep. Started wearing disposable underwear. Yes, sir. I gave the government 20 years of my life. I did six years in the Air Force. 14 years federal prison. I retired from prison, though. PTSD. Post-traumatic sex disorder. Yeah. From no conjugal visits. just got in here I went and got me some edibles I tried some edibles the lady I said hey I want to try some edibles she said you like cookies I said shit don't I look like I like cookies she gave me a bag of six cookies I fucked them up she said stop no what are you doing I said I'm eating these fucking cookies she said no son that's not what you're supposed to do I said what do you mean she said you're supposed to take a cookie you break it in half and you eat it like that I look at the lady I said, ma 'am, when you ever seen a fat motherfucker eat a half a cookie?

1:44:07That's my child. Appreciate y 'all.

1:44:09Brian Redban:My goodness. Brian Simpson, your dad is hilarious. This is a segment on the show that I call Black Man Meets His Dad. It's a new thing we're doing here. I wanted to surprise you. I know you were wondering why I had you on tonight's show. This is Mr. Simpson. This is Homer Simpson. I love it. First question, OG Rod Eccles. And I don't want to sound racist here. But how much watermelon do you have to eat to dress like that exactly? Like, I've heard you are what you eat. But you, my friend, literally look like a watermelon. Well, to be frankly, I own a men's clothing store in San Antonio, Texas. Beautiful.

1:44:59I like to wear my shit. I like to flex my shit.

1:45:01Brian Redban:I love it. I love it. To be frankly, you look awesome. This is amazing. How long have you had your... If you're red, green, bland, I'm going to be invisible to you because, you know, you can't see it. Well, D Madness has no idea what's going on up here right now. I'll tell you that. He's red, green, yellow. Roy G. Biv. Let's put it that way. Well, I'm a retired pimp for once, so I'm used to the swagger. You don't seem retired at all to me, my friend. You seem like business is motherfucking booming. Yeah.

1:45:32Brian Redban:Amazing. How long were you pimping for, OG Rod Eccles? Man, shit. I was pimping for quite a while until... Me too. I'm just kidding. Go ahead. I had to start charging surcharges for fuel. You know, gas went up on the motherfuckers. Oh, yeah. Motherfuckers don't want to pay that shit. Motherfuckers don't want to start buying pussy with afterpay and shit. Yep. I ain't with that shit. Yep. Cash in hand. Yep. Are all your tricks life coaches now? Actually, it ain't not. I mean, you know, so one of my bitches, you know, she went down to Florida and got a BBL. You know what I'm saying? She came back, and I'm like, damn, bitch, where you get that ass from?

1:46:13She said she got a BBL. She went to Florida. I'm like, that must have cost a lot. She said, it did. I said, well, how the fuck you gonna do that? She said, they gave me a loan. I said, what kind of loan? She said, they gave me a 30-year loan. I'm like, damn, bitch, you 60.

1:46:27Brian Redban:Oh, my God. How the fuck is that gonna happen? Oh, my God. Go ahead. Never told us why you got locked up. Hey, I was into, you know, I was into pharmaceutical sales, you know. Like I tell them, you know, I'm from Memphis, Tennessee. Actually, that's where I'm from. Hell yeah. I'm from Memphis, yeah. That's why you get a cocaine fix and bitches turn tricks. You know what I'm saying? My hoes used to suck a golf ball through a garden hole. And for$20 more, that got a little powder in the nose. I'm glad you said$20. But that shit got me caught up. She said she was charging$1 ,000. Oh, hey, that bitch shit, that ain't no good pussy right now.

1:47:06That ain't no good pussy. She's selling conversation. You know, they say conversation rules in the name.

1:47:16That's my boss.

1:47:24Brian Redban:Brian motherfucking Simpson. Holy shit. oh my god i've been hustling flow too this is amazing i love it believe that believe that trick get a whoop that trick whoop that trick all right all right we're gonna set up the youtube trademark uh thing we can only do you can only do like five seconds of a copyrighted song on youtube it's all good it's all good og rod eckles i only have 75 more questions for you. I get it. I mean, you are amazing. So these hoes out there, can you give us another example? Because we love a good story. All these people, look at these faces out here. There's not a fucking pimp in this room.

1:48:07Brian Redban:We want to know. Because we know it ain't easy. We know. We've been told pimping ain't easy. It really ain't. One of my hoes I had to get rid of. So the bitch called me. The same bitch that got the BBL. Of course. Old ass. Old ass bitch, 60 year old. You don't need no ass. You need a car. How the fuck you get a loan for ass and you can't, you got a 300 credit score. I'm trying to trip off this shit. So the bitch called me a couple days later. She said, Dad, I got this trick. I need a ride. I said, do you? She said, yeah. Can you give me a ride? I said, call Pat Turner. She said, who? I said, Pat Turner.

1:48:44She said, who is that? I said, bitch, pat your feet and turn a corner. He's walking back there.

1:48:56I swear. When he started, I was like, he ain't no pimp. No, I really believe you. Pimpin' is pimpin'. That's what Memphis stand for. Making easy money, pimpin' hoes in style. Everybody know that. Oh, my God. Holy shit. God damn it. Hey, it's better than I said it, god damn it. Oh, man. I know when you was like, good luck following that. I'm going to follow that shit. My bitches follow bigger shit than that.

1:49:27Brian Redban:He fucked up. That is amazing. Yeah. You are so interesting. Holy shit. That's literally prison guards going, oh, shit.

1:49:44Come here. Come here. Come here. Put him out on lockdown. That motherfucker's on kill Tony, bro. I feel like that cowboy come up to him and be like, he sold me some pussy at 70 and 4. Yeah.

1:49:58Brian Redban:Oh, my God. You have any kids, OG Rod Eccles? I got kids. How many kids you got? I got five kids, man. I got three bisexuals. Oh, shit. One stud and one emotional ass son that, man, I tell the motherfucker, come on, son, we're gonna go do something. He said, not today, dad, not today. I'm like, damn, we just going fishing. This motherfucker's crazy, man. But, you know, it is like it is, though. It is like it is, though. You are a bumper sticker machine, I got to tell you. Everything you say sounds cooler than fuck. It is what it is, though. You make everything so cool. That is absolutely incredible.

1:50:37Brian Redban:So six years in the Air Force, that's true, huh? What were you doing in the Air Force? Man, I was a health food inspector, man. What? Yeah. No way. Yeah. Well, that's like me being a pussy inspector. that sounds unbelievable that's right, that's right I could inspect some pussy too well I bet you have let me ask you this I could tell, 6 years in the Air Force 14 years in prison but I can tell when I see a man who's been a pimp his whole motherfucking life you better believe that I'm a pussy surveyor I'm a pussy surveyor check this out I have beef with my lesbians because if two punks together they can tell what good dick is and what good ass is but how the fucking two lesbian tell what good pussy is by scissoring

1:51:35Brian Redban:in the edit I want you to superimpose like all those like all those numbers and math problems that are over like Galapagos his head and that one meme just slowly zoom in on me and put that up there. Come on now, I need you to give me an answer. Can you answer that? I mean, personally, as a lesbian, I can tell you that... Smell. My goodness. Absolutely incredible. I just want to go to a store. Oh, you know... Bitches like that. You don't want that. That's a store where you're like, I don't know if I'm going to really like anything. I'll swing by here just like loading the car. I bought one. I'm the only person to ever go in that store and buy every small that he had.

1:52:26Brian Redban:And Michael Gonzalez. I'll get Michael some matching clothes. Oh, my God. Absolutely incredible, Rod. You have a store. Is it like a real store? It's a storefront? I have a real clothing store. Is this in a shed or something? I got to sell pimp clothes. I got a pimp clothes. Oh, my God. What's it called? Where's it at? What's it called? It's called Upside Fashion. It's in San Antonio, Texas. Upside Fashion in San Antonio, Texas. You know I need these Yelp reviews. Give them to me right now. Upside Fashion. It's in the Rolling Oaks Mall. It's in the mall? It's in the mall. Oh, shit. Shit. My friend, we made it.

1:53:06And on top of that... On top of that... On top of that, I have a comedy club in the back of it. Wait, what? I have a comedy club in the back of it, and I run a series called Fashion Will Be Funny.

1:53:23Brian Redban:Oh, my God. My goodness. How many people can you fit back there? I can fit 65 people. You got chairs for those people? I got chairs. You got 65 chairs? You're goddamn right. Oh, my God. How many of those chairs have been thrown at hoes when they miss the head? Not one. Never one? That's what the hand's for. You got to feel it for it to work. And then I recruit hoes in there. I recruit my hoes in there. You know, high heels and dollar bills. That's what the whole thing is. Oh, my God. He just did it again. He just did it again. He did it again. He snuck another one in on us. God damn it. I love this guy.

1:53:52Dollar bills, baby. I can't wait to get spent in San Antonio. Yeah, kill Tony. Ain't for the phony. I'm a real motherfucker. Bitch. Ain't for the macaroni, god damn it.

1:54:02Brian Redban:That's right. I do. I do. I also, but. Red Band doesn't know how to spell upside or fashion, so we're in real trouble here. up size fashion up size size like small big tall we got it all

1:54:20Brian Redban:i got the reviews right here tony they all positive are you serious hold on let me let me i gotta i gotta i gotta see this hold on wait no no red band still doesn't have amazing customers oh my god ladies and gentlemen oh my god we have found it ladies and gentlemen i'm here to tell you this motherfucker sitting at a 4.5.

1:54:49Brian Redban:Okay. Okay, here we go. So, let's read some reviews. I gotta tell you, they are all five-star reviews, except for what appears to be one. What I want to know, just like you, is what's up with this bitch-ass motherfucker? What is this motherfucker's problem? And I got, it's really hard to get. Probably one of my hoes man. Oh.

1:55:19Brian Redban:It was from an Anthony Collins. You owe a guy named Anthony Collins money or something? There's one guy who just left a one star. Everybody else has nice people, very helpful, friendly service. They helped my son pick out an outfit. They hemmed his pants on the spot and got him the shirt he wanted. I'm a tailor, too. I do alterations. Oh, my God. Is there anything you don't do? I got no jobs than Tommy do, goddammit. Than Tommy do? Tommy. Who's Tommy? Tommy from Martin. Come on now. Oh, I didn't even realize we were talking about Martin. I knew a lot of Tommy's. I'm a gag. That's a black program.

1:55:52No, no, no.

1:55:54Brian Redban:I'm all up in the black programs. Oh, you're in the black program? Absolutely. Absolutely. I love black programs. You ever watch Cops? I knew. You ain't much forgot. Memphis is the home of the first 48, didn't you? I know. Absolutely. I know it all, man. Motherfucking Young Dolph. Yeah. Preach. Yeah. Yeah. I'm from Orange Mound. Eight ball MJG. That's why I grew up there. Right? That's right. Orange Mound, baby. Hey, three, what? Two round and three down. That's Orange Mound. I absolutely know. These hoes will set you up. Boy, now these hoes won't because you got to have control of a bitch. You know what I'm saying?

1:56:30That's what a pimp is. A P-I-M-P. That's a player in a management position. You know how to work that bitch. More. Give me more. More. More. You know how to work that bitch.

1:56:46Brian Redban:Goddamn right. She liked to argue, so I sent that bitch to law school. Exactly. I absolutely fucking love you, sir. I'm obsessed with you. Come back anytime. Sign up again. Big joke. book. You're the man, sir.

1:57:04Brian Redban:Alright, one last bucket pull. One last bucket pull. Is this a fucking episode or what, huh? Make some noise for your final bucket pull of the night. We know this guy. He works here. This is kind of crazy that he got pulled like this. It's amazing. Make some noise for the great Grant Adcock, everybody.

1:57:31Fuck yeah, keep it going.

1:57:36Sorry if it seemed a little weird up here. I was almost late for my time up here. I was just outside smoking a cigarette when they called me. And homeless guy was talking to me. He asked me for some money, which is fine. But I said, sorry, man, I don't have any cash on me. And he said, you got to spend money to make money.

1:57:58so I'm still trying to figure out what the hell that means

1:58:06he was wearing a New York Jets jersey that guy's had a tough life

1:58:18I'm trying to get better at small talk fellas, you can relate to this You guys ever hear, uh, Hey, man, more than two shakes and you're playing with it? You guys ever hear that? More than two shakes and you're playing with it? Some guy said that to me earlier when I was taking a piss. He was like, Hey, man, more than two shakes and you're playing with it. I had to tell him, brother, I'm beating my dick over here.

1:58:45Brian Redban:Absolutely hilarious. What a smooth, smooth backhouse. Half of this episode. My goodness. I'm nervous for everybody as they come up here. This is absolutely incredible. Grant, what a fantastic set. Good to see you again, my friend. Good to see you guys. Yeah. One of the true, humble, amazing comedians here at the Mothership. You're absolutely crushing, Grant. What's going on in life? It's been a while since we've seen you. Just high heels and dollar bills, basically. That's right. God damn it. Same bitch that claims she loves you, she will set you up. Out here on these streets, there ain't no such thing as luck.

1:59:30This show started gay and then just went pimp. The trajectory is amazing.

1:59:37Brian Redban:We have range here. Tony has range. He can be gay, he can be a pimp. Absolutely incredible. So Grant, tell us more about your life. What do we not know about you? Give us something interesting out here. You are a true comedian. You're a hilarious guy. You have a podcast with the great Pat O 'Neill, Keltonia royalty. Ray Guitars. Ray Guitars. It's been good. I've been trying to smoke more weed. Hell yeah. I've been trying to smoke more weed to help with my anxiety and my paranoia. Can you guys stop talking about me?

2:00:16Brian Redban:That was a bit. No, we love that. We love bits. They work. When they work, they're great. And that worked. Grant, I love it. It's like a hybrid of Norm Macdonald and Shane Gillis. Yeah. Yeah, he's a funny guy. Are you Irish? Yeah, Irish. Yeah, you seem Irish as fuck. Fuck yeah. Hell yeah. I love it. You drink a lot? Love drinking, man.

2:00:42People actually tell me I drink too much, and I tell them all the same thing. I say, give me my fucking keys.

2:00:53Brian Redban:Amazing. Amazing. Absolutely incredible. Grant, how long have you been doing stand-up? I've gone on like probably seven years. Seven years. Where at? Where was all of it at? I started in North Carolina. Then I did it, probably did like two mics there. And then I went to Alabama for a little bit. Did it for like nine months. Then I've been here for the rest of the time. Nice. Nice. And tell us about your adventures here, because you work here now. Yeah. And how long has that been for? Going on like three years. Were you at Vulcan before? No, no. What were you doing before that here? I was managing a coffee shop out in Westlake.

2:01:36Wow. Slinging bean out in Westlake. Is it the...

2:01:46Brian Redban:I was bean-slinging. Hell yeah. Absolutely. But then I worked at a sunset strip for a long time. Nice. Hell yeah. I love it. What was the Wesley Coffee Shop? Sybil Goat? It was called Coffee Shark. Whoa. Never heard of it. All right. Is it good? It doesn't exist? I was the last manager, I think. There you go. That's how you know you're good at what you do is when they have to retire the place after you're done. They're like, it's never going to get better than this. Yeah. We're out of all the essentials all the time. And I was like, fuck, man. I'm sorry. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. And you're getting spots here all the time, right?

2:02:27It's been all around town and shit. It's been a lot of fun.

2:02:29Brian Redban:This is a hell of a place. You're blowing up. You're so funny that you're doing a podcast with Pat O 'Neill. He's fucking insane. He is. He's the absolute man right now. Grant, congratulations. I mean, unbelievable set. I would love to have you back at the sunset. Fuck yeah.

2:02:55Brian Redban:Grant, congratulations. So much fun. Here's a big joke book. Fuck yeah, thank you so much. There you go. Grant Adcock, ladies and gentlemen. Very funny man. Very funny man. Speaking of funny men, he does a podcast with literally what appears to be and what seems to be everybody's, I mean, my favorite comedian in the world to watch right now. An absolute fucking anomaly. He is a freak of nature that writes and performs a brand new minute every single week. And we're just excited to see him again. Ladies and gentlemen, one of the greatest regulars in the history of the show. I present to you the real deal.

2:03:35Brian Redban:Pat O 'Neill, everybody.

2:03:43Brian Redban:Thanks! I don't have a bidet. Just a dog.

2:03:55Brian Redban:Old school, you know? We don't need technology for everything.

2:04:10Brian Redban:A little bit more about me.

2:04:15Brian Redban:I love chicks that are into anime. Yeah. Because in my experience, it's always far easier talking your way into the pants of a girl with the mind of a child.

2:04:39Brian Redban:Last week, I heard this fat chick say she's having a hot girl summer. I was like, I fucking bet.

2:04:52Brian Redban:Make it drive Siberia next year. Okay, thank you. Wow!

2:05:05Brian Redban:Jesus fucking Christ, people. The anomaly. The real deal. Pat O 'Neill has without a doubt done it yet again. I mean, every single week, coming out with the absolute strongest, craziest, most diabolical punchlines and shaking the room. I mean, it is just absolutely amazing to watch. Welcome, welcome. How are you, buddy? Pretty good, thank you. You're so fun to see and look at. I've never heard that before. I know. It's just, I mean, every week. I literally think it every week. Every time I've ever turned from this way to that way, I'm like, ah, so fun. Where do you get your shirts, by the way?

2:05:55Brian Redban:Your shirts are out of control. Well, I get them from an upsized fashion in San Antonio. I tend to buy a pimp's repertoire, if you will, Tony. I tend to do a tight five in the back. We do a little stand-up there, and I buy a pimp shirt. Where do you get these wild shirts from? There's anything that looks cool. This place is called Hoodie Lab. Oh, wow. Amazing. Yeah. Amazing. It's crazy. They look cool on mushrooms. I buy whatever looks cool on mushrooms.

2:06:28He just puts zany in the search bar.

2:06:35Brian Redban:I'm just looking for Xanax when I do that.

2:06:44Brian Redban:Oh, you are a fucking machine, Pat O 'Neill. How's life? Anything different this week? Anything crazy? I was pumped to see Grant just get pulled. My trusty podcast partner. Fucking, that was great. Traveled some of this great country of ours with Martin Phillips and Hans Kim. Oh, God. And I wasn't the one driving. whoa uh-oh which one was somehow martin is the best one for the job he is actually he's phenomenal wow incredible so in a situation like that you three in the car are you do you ride shotgun or do you ride in the back oh i was in the back nice yeah that's the safe spot yeah i'm scared to make eye contact with him just keeps looking at me like nah you ain't put me in that world

2:07:37What the fuck?

2:07:47Brian Redban:I've never seen anybody do a Pat O 'Neill impression before. I mean, you don't have to. I don't enjoy mirrors either. I can't do much. Oh, my God.

2:08:04Brian Redban:Oh, my God. We must protect this man. If you ever see Pat O 'Neill out there on the streets, you make sure nobody messes with him. Make sure you walk him with him from point A to point B. We must protect this man. Hey, that's what I'm doing. I'm making every Kill Tony fan your security any time they see you. They might actually be the ones that kill you, but... in any matter. We need to keep you safe. We must protect you and your brain. Every single week. Unbelievable. You've done it again. One more time for the great Pat O 'Neill. Wow. What a fucking episode. Do me a favor, everyone. After this episode's all done, go straight to GaryOwen.live and go watch this man live, please, for the love of God.

2:08:56Brian Redban:He's coming to a city near you. Truly, I swear to you, As you can tell from this episode, truly one of the funniest fucking human beings in the world. It was such an honor to have you here tonight, Gary. Like I said before I brought you out, I've always wanted you on this show since I was a door guy at the Comedy Store. Before I even started this show, you've always been one of my favorites. One more time for Gary Owen, ladies and gentlemen.

2:09:21Brian Redban:Brian Simpson is the motherfucking man. And his special that was on Netflix ran for its two-year licensing deal, as so many of them do, and is now crushing it on YouTube. Remind me the name of it one more time, Brian, the name of your special. Live from the Mothership. I filmed it right here on this stage. That's right. We're already at 300 ,000 views. Help me run that motherfucker up. Thank you. So, you know what to do. You go to GaryOwen.Live, buy tickets if he's coming near you. And then you go to YouTube slash Brian Simpson comedy. BS comedy. BS for Brian Simpson on YouTube. Yep. Type in Brian Simpson live at the Mothership.

2:10:02Brian Redban:Watch his special. And now you have that homework. And more homework for you. 926 Dallas. October 17th Houston. You're getting your own Kill Tonys. Congratulations. November 13th and 14th in Las Vegas, Nevada. That's two episodes of Kill Tony live. every episode of course different back to back and then New Year's Eve here in the greatest comedy city in the world, Austin, Texas I mean look what's his fucking name? Shane Camp had to go to fucking New York Chicago and he made it here tonight he's a superstar now so follow him, he is supposedly on social media at Shane Camp Comedian 558 I'm pretty sure that's his wifi password or something like that Oh, Shane Camp Comedian.

2:10:50Brian Redban:Oh, okay. Red Band? Check out SunsetStripATX.com. Secret show every Thursday. Love you. We love you guys. God bless this audience. And God bless the United States of America. Thank you.

2:11:20Thank you.

2:11:57Let's go.

2:12:19Thank you.