A New Chapter: What This Season Looks Like for Our Family (and the Podcast) | Ep. 131

0:00Hey, mom friend, welcome to the Learning to Mom podcast. First off, hi, hello, welcome. I'm your official mom friend, Layla. Here you get the answers to your gazillion first-time mom questions as I ask experts all our motherhood questions and seek tangible information without making you feel overwhelmed. Now this episode is a unique one because it's a solo episode, but it's still going to be good and fun and I can't wait to get you caught up with everything that I've been up to lately. Please note that the content presented in this podcast is designed for general educational

0:37Okay, going to keep this short and sweet because you don't need me talking your head off for a solo episode. But today's episode, I'm sharing some big news and I'm sharing some logistics and answering some of the most common questions about it and diving into all of it. So I shared this news with my Patreon besties back in January. So two whole months ago, but I'm now sharing the news here. I am thrilled to announce that we are expecting number three this summer. We are so, so excited and just really, really grateful for this new life and still praying that everything goes well and that it's a safe delivery and a healthy baby and all of the things.

1:27but we are really, really excited and really so thankful. But so I kept this news close to my heart for two reasons because I know it's been a while and I'm definitely farther along than you think. I actually ran into one of the Patreon besties and she congratulated me. And I haven't quite decided if I'm going to announce like how many weeks along I am or anything like that. But I told her how many weeks along I came and she was like, oh my gosh, you are a lot farther than I thought. Yeah. So it's been a while and it's really nice to – I don't know if like come clean is the right word. But just being your mom friend, I always want to be authentic and show up completely true to who I am.

2:20but also as someone who has a very public online space, there are like privacy and safety. Yeah. But just, I don't know, privacy and just like kind of holding my family close to my heart and this new life close to my heart and just kind of giving it some importance of like the whole world doesn't deserve to know right off the bat. So I've kept it close to my heart for really two reasons. One, it's really nice to have a secret, if you will, that like just your super close friends and family know. And I am so, so grateful for this podcast and for this community. But as you know, I also work really hard to have boundaries in place to protect my time, my sanity, and my family's privacy.

3:10So kind of out of protection for my family and for child number three. I kept it close to my heart for a long, long time. This is very overdue, but I'm really excited to start actually talking about it and sharing what I've been doing this pregnancy and share my birth prep plan and just everything. And also be able to actually talk about it on social media because that's been really hard to hide a huge life update there just because of – I wasn't ready for the world to know yet. And that's totally fine, but I do know how helpful it is to have your mom friend sharing stuff. And I haven't been because I haven't wanted the world to know yet.

3:53Two, I haven't shared this news because I always want to be just really tender and careful with these kinds of announcements because I know that not everyone gets to welcome another child or a child even when they long for it. And I know that that's some of you that are listening today. So I just know that I love you. I love who's listening right now. And I didn't want to come off as flippant or really just make it harder for those who are dealing with a lot of hard when it comes to fertility as it is. so I always kind of struggle with like when to announce um to share my joy but also to not be flippant and come off as just I don't know rude or I don't know if rude would be the right word but like not very thoughtful.

4:56I just want to make sure that I am being generous and kind in the way that I share this. But to be honest, I've gotten to the point in this pregnancy where you're going to be finding out if you run into me in public, you can clearly see that we are expecting. So I can't hide it anymore. And I'm really excited. I always want to be 100 % myself and honest with you. So enough avoiding it. I am pregnant and we are so thrilled. Now, like I said at the beginning, I'm going to keep this episode short and sweet, but we will talk about a few things here. We're first going to talk about what I'd recommend when you're trying to conceive, not from the standpoint of how to increase your likelihood of conception.

5:45That is not my jam. That's not my expertise. And I'm talking more about like from the viewpoint of things that I did in hopes that I would be pregnant and I wanted to feel as good as possible in that pregnancy. We're also going to talk about just how this pregnancy has been so far. We're going to answer some of the common questions that I've gotten from friends and family, talk about our birth plan and my mentality and attitude and what this means for the podcast. So first, recommendations for while you're trying to conceive. Now what I just said, this is not recommendations for like how to conceive if you're struggling to conceive because I am not an expert in that.

6:33I don't know much besides what Google can tell me and you can Google the same things. but instead really like okay I was really hopeful that we were going to conceive we were trying I was ready so having this be my third pregnancy I know that pregnancy especially in the first trimester I am not someone that loves being pregnant because that pregnancy in that first trimester specifically are pretty difficult for me so I wanted to set myself up for success in like for pregnancy number three as much as possible so that it would suck as less as possible, if that makes sense. It is funny how I was ready and we were actually trying.

7:22I had been ready for this baby, for baby number three, for a long, long time, like way before my period even returned. Uh, it took me years after our first to feel ready for number two, actually scratch that because I didn't feel ready for number two, even when we found out that we were pregnant with number two. Uh, but at this time I felt ready, like I'm not kidding you, like three months postpartum. So as soon as my cycle returned, we pretty much started trying. It took several months. I have so much empathy for those who have been trying for much longer than me. And let me just say like, I am so sorry that things are challenging.

8:07I know it is incredibly unfair. We tried for months, basically tried for a few and we weren't having luck and I was getting very annoyed and frustrated and like only natural for my brain to start questioning everything. But I just, I am I'm I'm just so sorry that I know many of you have been trying for far longer than that and that I know is really frustrating to hear someone else saying that they're not struggling as much as you so I'm just I'm really freaking sorry and it's incredibly unfair um but I guess with my story so yeah like what I just said um we were trying we like we tried for a few months and we weren't really having any luck.

8:54And I was getting really annoyed and frustrated and just started to get kind of anxious and all of the things like, is anything wrong? Is this secondary infertility? And that really only came from a place because we were really, really fortunate with our first and our second to not even have been trying. So this was the first time that we were trying and we weren't like pregnant right off the bat, which again, I know is like a huge blessing and in the minority. So I don't want to just like shout that from the rooftops. I want to be careful with that. But so after months of doing that, I stopped tracking everything.

9:33Like I wasn't tracking when I was ovulating. I stopped wearing my temp drop. I stopped tracking even when I was on my period. And I didn't track a single thing for a few months because I didn't want to get into my head. because as you know, that two-week wait is absolutely brutal. And then it's like so sad when you get your period and it just sucks. So I was like, screw this. I'm not dealing with this anymore. I truly stopped tracking. And somehow we got lucky and I decreased my anxiety by following that method. and we found ourselves with a positive pregnancy test. So I'm not saying that, you know, the solution of infertility is stress and to stop tracking.

10:24I'm literally just sharing our story that I was anxious and I was so over this trying, trying, trying that I was like, I'm just going to stop tracking so that I just don't know where I am. So that way I don't have to endure the two-week wait. It was basically that like, I don't want to endure the two-week wait or be on pins and needles. Like my fear is just going to start when it starts. I'm not tracking anything. We'll have rendezvous when they happen. I'm not timing anything. Yeah. So very thankful that it worked, but that is just our story. But I will say that not tracking anything was very frustrating for the nurse when I called to schedule my first appointment and the nurse on the phone was like, you don't know when your last menstrual period was with so much freaking sass.

11:19And I was like, no, I literally purposefully was not tracking anything. So I wouldn't be so freaking anxious. And she eventually got over it, but she was like annoyed. And then of course that just made me annoyed because I was like, girl, you have no idea. But all I've said to say was that we were actually trying. Motherhood is hard. I'll be the first to admit that. Some days it just feels like no one gets it, which is exactly why my mom club on Patreon exists, to give you connection and clarity when you need it most. From extra episodes to monthly book club meetings and a private community of like-minded moms who actually understand, the mom club on Patreon makes sure you never have to feel alone or underprepared with all the extra content and bonus episodes you get inside.

12:11What you may not know is that the episode that you're listening to now and every episode that you're listening to gets edited, cut down and shortened. Questions are removed. Detailed answers aren't as detailed all for the sake of time and ranking in the algorithms, but Patreon members get the full episodes. So today's episode, you don't get a detailed walkthrough of my birth plan, like the medications that I may want or the intervention preferences that I have, but the mom club members do. Every week their episode is longer and they get the episodes two weeks earlier. So come join us over at learningtomompodcast.com slash join.

12:52Of course, that's in the episode show notes below for you, but I cannot wait to become real mom friends inside. Now, what I want to share here. Yeah. Again, it's like not tips for having a baby to increase your chances, but instead what I did, um, because I was just hopeful that we would conceive. And when we did conceive, I wanted my pregnancy to be off on the right foot and me not to be as sick as possible. So the first thing that I did was I started taking a prenatal while trying to conceive. This is something that you should be doing like if you're trying to conceive any like you should be taking your prenatal because your baby is formed like early.

13:36It starts it's so important that you have the vitamins and the minerals and the right supplements and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So that baby is just off to the right start. But yeah, I started taking my prenatal while trying to conceive. Um, and I am taking thorn prenatals. I'll have it linked in the show notes, um, with like the link to the prenatal. And I think if you use that link, you get 10 % off if you want to try it. I looked at a lot, a lot, a lot of prenatals. Um, usually I do say that I recommend like getting your blood work done and, um, you know, having your doctor like specifically write supplements and stuff.

14:19But this pregnancy, I just wasn't, I don't know. It's just like really hard to schedule doctor appointments with two other kids and working and being a mom and like everything. I just really didn't have the bandwidth. So I was like, I just need a supplement. So I did a lot of research and there are, there's a few that I like would feel comfortable taking. And then to be honest, a lot of it came down to, I mean, it first came down to ingredients and then the second factor was price. So I settled on thorn, no complaints. I can't say that I like love it. I mean, I love the ingredients. I love what I'm taking, but at the end of the day, it's like a pill.

14:58So it's not like this is the best thing ever. And I love it, but I do, I highly recommend it. I have it linked below. Um, if you're looking for a prenatal, great. And it'll get you a discount. Um, the other thing that I was doing was I was working out. I was in pretty good shape. I was lifting weights and I was on two co-ed intramural soccer teams that I actually continued to be on through a decent amount of my first trimester actually as long until I got winded like absolutely winded climbing up the stairs I continued to play that team those teams have just brought so much joy to me if you didn't know I was a collegiate athlete played soccer in college and so like that that filled my cup so that was really hard for me to let go but at some point it was like I can't keep playing I'm, it's exhausting.

16:03I'm exhausted. I'm not actually helping the team and I'm scared that a ball is going to come to my stomach. So, um, but I was working out and I was trying to get as healthy as possible to this pregnancy. Also, I was actually really focusing on eating well, um, and I eating a lot of protein first trimester. Nausea is linked. I mean, it's linked to a few things. But one of the things that it is linked to is a lack of protein. So I was like, I am upping my protein now. So that way I'm not behind when all of a sudden I can't stomach food, but I I've been, and I'm not starting from a deficit, if that makes sense.

16:47Another thing that I prioritized was sleeping just because I was like, I need to be as healthy as possible. And then the last thing that I did out of logistical planning was I worked ahead on this podcast on anything that I needed to do. I was so freaking productive before pregnancy because I knew what was coming. And I was like, I am about to be living on the couch, living in my bed for the next anywhere from the next 12 to in my pat like number my second, I was sick until what, like 18 weeks. I didn't know every pregnancy is different. So I was like, I might not be productive for the next 20 weeks or 40 weeks, 42 weeks.

17:32You never know. So I worked so hard. I was so productive because I also was still like, okay, I'm going to sleep and I'm going to work out. I'm going to eat well. So I just basically was, my screen time was at an all time low. It was great. But I would actually really recommend that because that helped reduce my stress so much in that first trimester and allowed me really to rest. As you know, that first trimester is so exhausting. And if you're not throwing up, you're wanting to take an app. So that reduced so much of my stress because stuff was already done. So yeah, that's what I did. Moving on.

18:18I know we are moving quick here, but I don't know. There's only so much that I can talk about in a solo episode. And just getting to the things that you care about. So answering the most common questions that I've gotten so far. What prenatal are you using? I've gotten that. As I mentioned, it's called Thorn. I'll link it in the show notes for you. And again, I think you get a 10 % discount. And so I used the discount and like the subscription model so that it's even less. And as I said, I compared a lot and I love Thorn for their ingredients. And then it won out over the others due to the price.

19:00Another question that I got is, will you be having a home birth? Okay. I really want a home birth. I really do. I want a home birth. Honestly, if triage did not exist in the hospital, if I could just walk in to my midwives who are so caring and loving my hospital midwives and their team, I would not care to have a home birth. I want a home birth because triage nurses are not nice and I don't want to deal with that. And I am a little bit peeved at my husband, God bless him, because I will say last pregnancy, he was like, if you have a natural birth, you can have a home birth for the next one. And what did I do?

19:59I had a natural birth in the hospital. And I was like, all in my head, like, we're going to have a home birth. We're going to have a home birth. And then we get pregnant. And he was like, I actually really don't feel comfortable with a home birth. I would much prefer a hospital birth. Um, so we're going to have a, we're going to have hospital birth unless I'm able to convince him of a home birth. So that's still in the works, but really not so. I'm not like deviously planning, but I could definitely and should. There is a home birth midwifery practice that I would choose. I was like, they would be willing.

20:41I know they do this because this is how a lot of husbands are. Home births make a lot of husbands really nervous. They would be willing to sit down with us and explain it. And I bet he would get on board. But again, it's kind of like a bandwidth thing. And how bad do I really want it? And we did have a really great experience in that hospital with the hospital midwives. But I also am a great candidate for home birth. Obviously anything can happen, but I am, I'm low risk. I'm healthy. I'm young. Like everything lines up for my favor and I want home birth. But anywho, as of now, we're not having a home birth.

21:21Um, the next question, do you know, if you're having a boy or a girl, we do not, which is so fun. I don't, you may not, you may know this. You may not know this how I feel about knowing the gender, but I preach like one of, I have two big advices for first-time moms. One is that the bassinet goes on your husband's side of the bed. And the other one is to not find out the gender. More so don't tell other people the gender, but I know that if you know the gender, it's going to be so hard to keep that a secret from anyone. And let's be honest, Even if you tell your parents, your mother or your mother-in-law is telling their best friend.

22:02And then all of a sudden, the whole church knows, the whole town knows, right? So I think it's best if you are a first-time mom, do not find out the gender. Why? Because you need stuff from your registry. You need the diaper pail. You need the rocking chair and the crib. You need the crib sheets. you need the sound machine you need the stuff if people know the gender you will only be getting clothes you will only be getting cute girl hair bows and tutus or cute boy toys like red fire truck or I don't know dinosaur short shirts like I'm telling you so that's always my thing so we didn't find out with our first then we didn't find out with our second and but we have both genders and what is funny for this third is that we don't care like in terms of him and my husband and I have been like do you want to find out and then the other one's like I could find out I don't really care but then it's kind of like a principle well we haven't found out with the other two and maybe we should just keep that trend going so we currently do not know we may change our mind and ask the doctor, hey, can you just, can you check it out?

23:24What does it say there? So we'll see, kind of TBD on that. Interrupting this week's episode real quick for this week's segment of MomMail. If you're new here, this is the part of the show where I answer a listener submitted situation or scenario. Basically, you write in your tricky situation and I give you advice only a real mom friend would give. Here's the email we're answering today. Hi, Layla. I'll make this quick in hopes it'll be chosen. I loved the episode you had with Dr. Ben on airways and breathing and pacifiers and everything. I have sent it to so many of my mom friends. It's one of my most favorite episodes of yours.

24:03That episode inspired me to get my toddler to ditch their passy, but we're also needing to switch her from a crib to a big girl bed. I'm contemplating doing both at the same time in a look at you being a big girl now and getting rid of your pacifier, but getting to have blankets slash pillows slash a special new stuffy now and have the freedom to move around your room type thing. She's a decent sleeper right now and sleeps through the night most nights. I'm pretty certain taking the pacifier away is going to mean she'll stop napping, but she's old enough. I think it'll be okay after we adjust to the newness.

24:37Would you recommend that approach or should I do one at a time? This is a good question and agreed. Dr. Ben's episode that was posted just a few weeks back. One of the best, one of the best episodes. Oh my gosh. Mind blowing. Loved that episode. So I understand feeling inspired to have your toddler ditch their PASI, but also having the need to switch them from a big girl or from a crib to a big girl bed. I do think that doing it all at once is going to be very overwhelming and it's going to make it more challenging than necessary. I think it's possible. It can be successful, especially because you know your child's temperament best and you know, like does change rile them up or they really go with the flow kind.

25:31But the thing is, is that the PASI is like such an emotional support for them that all of a sudden they're being stripped of this huge emotional support item and they're in a new sleeping environment, which is really challenging. Like think about how when you go and spend the night someone else's house or in a hotel or somewhere else, like unless you are exhausted, you know, unless it's like, oh, my gosh, we've been hiking all day and now I just want to – I'll zonk out of the hotel. It takes a few nights of getting used to sleeping in the bed and like you're an adult so you can rationalize through that.

26:10To a kid's perspective in a new sleep space, that is a big, big change, even if it's hyped up and it's like super awesome and super cool because you're a big girl now in this big new bed. So I would say I just think that that's going to be a little bit overwhelming. And those two things happening at the same time is most likely going to make that much more challenging than if you would just do like one transition and then the other transition. so I don't know why you're saying we're needing to switch her from a crib to a big girl bed so you can try that approach first um it probably would be easier to do the crib first while they still have the comfort item of the pacifier just thinking through this But again, you know your child best because they still have the comfort item of the pacifier.

27:06And then once they've really adjusted to that new sleep space and I mean, it's been two or three weeks probably. So they're like actually used to it. It's not just been two successful nights. I would then start working on removing the paci just because they're going – they already feel safe in that sleep space. If you do it too soon and they don't feel safe yet, then I think that's just going to, that's going to be hard. So that is the advice that I would give you. I hope that was helpful. Thanks so much for writing in and for your kind words. I freaking love that episode as well. So I'm glad to hear that you loved it equally as much as I did.

27:47Now, if you're looking for advice, email me at learningtomompodcast.mommail at gmail.com with the subject line, mom mail. and then keep your ears open because we might just answer it on next week's episode. When are you due is the next question that I get. All I am saying as of this moment, because I have yet to decide if I'm going to share when I like my last pregnancy, I never shared. All I said was early fall. This time, that's the same approach I'm taking. I haven't quite just maybe I will just maybe I will share how many weeks along I am but again it's kind of like a privacy thing I enjoy not everyone knowing I enjoy the comments from even close family and friends of like have you had the baby yet and all the texts I'm like you will know when I have the baby so as of now I am due this summer do you have names picked out is another question.

28:50We have a name list. Our name list is a full-time name gathering list. Even when we are not pregnant, we are adding names, we are removing names, we are reviewing the names. We have a few contenders for both genders. We do not have the name out of those contenders yet. Do you have a nursery theme is the next question. The nursery theme is going to stick the same way that it has been for the other two, which again is why I love not knowing the gender for your first, because everything you get is gender neutral. So it applies for every single baby going forward. So our nursery theme is gender neutral.

29:36It's a travel theme. Like it has a map, a globe. there's a painting of Venice. I love the theme. I really do. Um, so we're just gonna stick with it. And our last question, do your kids know? Our kids do know it is so sweet. They both give the baby, um, kisses. Our oldest has a, um, very, she's very very hopeful in one gender over the other for the baby and has a name picked out that we will not be using but it is my favorite thing that she is so adamant on this name it's charlie brown isn't that the cutest name ever and i think it's because we watch um like charlie brown christmas and it's a great what's the fall one it's a great pumpkin, Charlie Brown, something like that.

30:33And that's the only time we ever watched Charlie Brown, but she wants the baby's name to be Charlie Brown. And I think that is just, it's so endearing. I love talking about it, but the baby's name will not be Charlie Brown. Okay. Uh, talking about birth plan for this one, you know, already what we already talked about that we are not having a home birth as of right now. I am still hopeful, but I'm not really holding onto the hope of it. Because if it doesn't end up happening, I don't want to be upset. And more than likely, it's not going to happen. Because again, I'm not really taking the steps to make it happen or make it come to fruition.

31:11So I don't really think – it's just like a bandwidth thing. I don't – maybe if I was due later, maybe if I wasn't at this point in my pregnancy, I would feel different. But we have a lot of other stuff going on in our life that I don't – I'm not sharing out of privacy as well. but really this is not the only big news that's happening to our family right now