How to Afford to be a Stay at Home Mom with Mammas On A Budget | Ep. 133

0:00Hey mom friend, just wanted to put a little disclaimer before we get into this episode that I am not covering this topic because I think it's the best way to do motherhood or that it's the right way or the only way that women should do motherhood is to be a stay-at-home mom. I don't believe that. I myself am not a sole stay-at-home mom. We're talking about this because of the insane amount of DM requests I get from listeners who want this episode topic covered. So here we are. I will say, even if you're already a stay-at-home mom, or if that's not your goal at all, this episode covers a lot of great budgeting and financial tips that you'll still want to hear, even if the title of this episode doesn't directly apply to you.

0:44Can I just speak hope to you for a second? Let me just speak hope to you, okay? Fear comes from the unknown. And if you don't know your finances, that can bring a lot of anxiety. And so my hope to give you today is to know your financial picture. The biggest and best practical thing that you can do to get yourself out of this place is to get on a written budget and to discuss this with your spouse and focus together as a team to come up with a plan to make this go away, to be able to find a way out. Hi, mom friend. It's Layla. Welcome to the Learning to Mom podcast. This is your go-to space for learning about motherhood in a way that's honest, helpful, and rooted in real life and joy.

1:32I started this podcast because I wanted to bridge the gap between what the experts know and what moms actually experience day to day. So if you ever thought, why did no one tell me this part? You're going to love this show. Each expert guest brings their own background and perspective. So please note that the content presented in this podcast is designed for general educational purposes only and is not a substitute for personalized professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Hi, Selah. Welcome to the Learning to Mom podcast. Hi, Layla. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here. I'm very, very excited.

2:07I just had a great time chatting with you before we hit record. Now, I know that people are going to fall in love with you. If they don't know who you are already, could you just introduce yourself and tell us what Mamas on a Budget is all about? Yes, of course. So my name is Sila, and I'm from the Instagram page Mamas on a Budget. And I share two things with people. I share Bible-based budgeting, and I share frugal homemaking. But I do it in a vlog lifestyle kind of way. I also share budgeting tutorials. And I just really like to share my real life with people, my real numbers, what our family's spending and yeah, just making it really practical and informational for people and a real life kind of presentation.

2:52So yeah, I love building the community on there. It's been a lot of fun. Well, I'm a big fan. So thank you for agreeing to come on. Something that we're going to talk about today. Well, I guess there's two things, but just to give the listeners some insight. I absolutely love that you, even though on a single income and like you're very frugal, you prioritize organic things right up my freaking alley because it's so easy to be like, oh, of course, this influencer is posting about this organic meat subscription thing that they have because they make a million dollars. So I love following you. And also what we were talking about before to kind of give some credibility to your background.

3:31Do you mind just sharing like if you want to share what your husband does or like how much you make as a family just to give some insight like you're a real person. Yeah, of course I can. Of course I can. I don't share my particular income online. I usually blur that out when I share my budgeting, but I do share what our family spends every month. So our spending is usually around$4 ,000 a month. We're a very modest family. We live in$150 ,000 townhome in a small town. I started doing this journey making no money. So I do want to be transparent that the Lord has really blessed it. and I do have now a business, which is awesome and something that I'd love to encourage your listeners in today.

4:08But my husband's a nurse and he makes a nurse salary and nurses in South Carolina don't get paid very well. It's usually like one of the lowest paying states. So he's blessed at his job, his wonderful job opportunity, but he does make a nurse's salary. So we're living off of his income. All of what the Lord's providing through my business has been helping us reach our goals faster, but we structure our life around his one income since mine can be so variable. So yeah. Well, and I wanted you to share that of what your husband does, because, again, that's what's so like relatable. And I think that's why it's so like, oh, we can trust her like she's in this with us.

4:42So what I hear all the time from my audience, Selah, is that I get many, many requests saying like, I want to become a stay at home mom. I just don't think it's financially possible for us right now. What would you say to a mom who wants to stay at home but just doesn't think that it's financially possible? Yeah, I would say, first of all, my heart goes out to those mamas. And I think they're my passion audience, really. Like if I could pick one person that I'd love to help, it would be them. Because it's so sad to me when I see videos of moms online who have their little infants and they're having to send them to daycare six weeks postpartum.

5:19And there's nothing wrong with working. I don't want to make that sound like a bad thing. My best friend works full time and she's a wonderful mom to her girls. But for the mothers who want to stay home with their kids, I want it to be possible for them and I want to show them how to do it. And the reality is, is that it is possible, Layla, but it's very difficult in our economy and it's never been more of a challenge. And so I want to kind of backtrack a little bit to explain what I mean by that. But first, I will say there are two solutions and two solutions only for a mom to be able to stay home with making it work.

5:53It's either make more money as a family or spend less money. I wish that both of those solutions were going to have easy and always there is an easy way to do it. But either one of those options involve a lot of sacrifice. It's incredibly difficult to do if anyone's ever done it. And so I don't want to sugarcoat it and make people think there's an easy hack you can do to make this work. Because again, it's never been harder to make this happen, but it is possible. And to backtrack a little bit, I just wanted to bring to everyone's attention. Of course, you can always focus on your working spouse to increase their income, career advancements, even possible career changes.

6:32The trades are a great place to start right now. Very short school, very little investment, and then a high income turnout, usually with a little bit of experience. And so those can be great opportunities for the spouses. But really, the landscape has changed and moms are having to learn how to make money from home. I'm a big believer that you can only cut your budget so much before the income is just not enough. and I want people to live a life where they're not penny pitching and they're not feeling like everything is tight all the time and they have no fun. They get to do no vacations, nothing for fun.

7:07I want them to live their life and enjoy their finances and meet their goals and so the way that they can do that is I think the easiest solution on the table, although it is not easy in practice, is for moms to be able to make money from home. What advice would you give to the moms who are already at home? How can they continue to make one income work without feeling constantly stressed or restricted. Yeah, absolutely. And I think that the biggest thing I would love to drive home today for every single person is if they're not already on a written budget, they need to get on a written budget like now, like after this podcast, you're going and you're going onto your bank account and you're looking at your last three statements over the last three months.

7:49You're writing out all of your fixed expenses, your bills that have dates, your mortgage, your utilities, your phone, your car insurance. You're writing those out. And then you're looking at your flexible expenses, your groceries, your gas, your miscellaneous, toiletry purchases. You're looking at all of those. What is the high average that you've been spending over the last three months in your flexible expenses category? You're going to make that list. You're going to total it up. And then you're going to take your income totals, your paycheck totals, and figure out what the difference is. And by the way, if you're afraid to find out the difference, the first step to making financial change is just knowing your reality.

8:25And sometimes I think people get stuck about even doing a budget because they already know that the numbers are not going to look good. Maybe the margin isn't there, or they're living in the negative, or they're just not going to be able to reach their goals, and they're afraid they'll be discouraged. But the reality is, is that the first step in really making a change for your family, especially on one income, is you've got to know what you're working with. You've got to know your reality so that you can create a plan. So yeah. You know that feeling when an episode ends, but you're still thinking, I need more.

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9:38The links in the show notes below. I cannot wait to welcome you in. When we talk about budgeting, what are some of your tips? How weekly are you looking into it? We talked about making sure every dollar counts, but I guess what else can you give to us regarding how to budget well? Yeah, I would say that at least weekly looking at your budget, but for me, it's two to three times a week. It depends on the spender. I'm a natural spender. I used to have a shopping addiction as a young adult, maxed out Nordstrom credit cards. I bought a zero down car on a car lot and I should have gotten totally a bad deal, but I think the Lord protected me thankfully.

10:24But I made really dumb decisions with money. And so if you're someone who has tendencies like I do to overspend, that budget needs to be looked at a lot more frequently. And if you're someone who is not struggling with that, you're more frugal minded, you don't really care to spend money too much, then once a week is probably sufficient for you. But it really does matter how often you're looking at your budget if you're an overspender, because you need to be reminded and look at it and be like, oh, yeah, that's what I have to spend. I can't do that this week, or I can't go grab that coffee. And another thing that I think is super important to create freedom for people to be able to budget, not feel restricted, is I think they need to give themselves some fun money and their family some fun money too.

11:07And so in every budget, regardless of the goals, unless you're in a huge financial crisis, living in the negative, everybody should budget for fun money. And so for my husband and I, we budget$50 a month for fun money. It's not a ton, but it's enough to scratch the itch, so to speak. Go out and get a coffee. My husband likes to buy clothes on Amazon or something. And so we will budget a little bit of money for ourselves to spend. And then for the family, we do$100 a month to go out on outings. And we have shifted from eating out because it's just so expensive. So yeah, we've shifted away from eating out and we've decided to just do little ice cream outings.

11:46So we do little ice cream or deli coffee outings once a weekend or something. So we don't usually do super expensive things unless they're planned. I guess the summer we have some more fun things that we like to do, but we usually spend$100 a month on that. And having those two budget categories can feel really just freeing for people so that when they go and get a Starbucks coffee, if they choose, they're not feeling guilty about it, that they know they have the money. It's for them to enjoy and they just don't have to feel that shame that comes with overspending. So yeah, I would say those two things for sure.

12:17And what is your take on having like, you know, you have your joint account with your husband, And then like having a his and hers like debit cards for you to like, oh, this is my money in quotes because it's all shared. But like if I want to buy this dress, it can come from like mine and that doesn't impact the things that he wants to buy, like his fun money. Yeah. Yeah. I think it definitely depends on the couple and it depends on the kind of purchases. My husband likes to get a bunch of random candy snacks all the time. So visually on my bank statement, I'm seeing like five dollars here, three dollars here at the vending machines.

12:53Like he's just he's hungry at 2 a.m. working the night or the nurse shifts ever. Yeah, he's he's thankfully not working the nights anymore, but he did that for a super long time. Yeah. But yeah, it can be kind of tricky. So I know that there are just ways. So I have a bunch of different checking accounts and I have debit cards attached to those checking accounts. So for someone who has a husband or a wife with your joint account and they're doing a ton of tiny purchases, or maybe they don't spend all that money in one month, you could easily open up a second and a third checking account on top of your regular joint account.

13:27And you both can see it, you don't have to be separated from it. There's nothing you're hiding, right? But you have those accounts, you have a debit card with them, and you can use that for your purchases for both of you guys. And so that would be a way to do it. If you are confused with your budget, when you're seeing the vending machine purchases or the random Amazon charge, that would be a way that you could organize your expenses for your fine money for both of you guys. I do want to talk about maybe some mindset shifts that we can take. This is another hill that I will down. I think I just love talking to you about it because I'm very passionate about this too.

14:00And it's just like, oh, someone who gets it. I'm very like, less is more. And I think our culture needs to know that less is more. But I want you to answer, what do you think are some mindset shifts that moms can make to realize like if we budget well if we really track down then hopefully and in addition like having a side hustle possibly like you can stay at home yes yes i do want to say that your budget shows your priorities and it's okay if someone prioritizes vacations for their life it's okay if someone prioritizes the way that their house looks the furniture they have or their clothing.

14:42I think that we have to know ourselves and know what we like to spend money on, first of all, to help us have a mindset shift. So maybe for us, honestly, our family, we don't really value vacations that much. It's not really something that we're itching to do every single year, but other families do. But what we like to invest in our fun is our house. We like to get things looking really nice and pretty. And that's just us. That's just us. and it's okay if people's priorities are different. But really what I think you're getting at here, Layla, is you can't just have it all. Most people can't just have it all.

15:17You can't have the vacations, the super well-fut-together decorations. You can't have all the curriculars. You've got to figure out what's really important to you, what you really like to spend your money on, what you really value, and then just budget accordingly. So if a family does like to vacation, they just got to save for that vacation. We're not putting it on a credit card. we're saving for that vacation but yes there is a lifestyle creep that happens that when you make more money where you can easily just start getting more name brand things start going to nicer grocery stores and these decisions these small decisions add up to a lot of money spent and a lot of people would be surprised how much they can save just simply making the more conservative choice and you really don't need as much as you think you do i think you're touching on materialism even with what you just said.

16:05We really don't need all that we think we do. And as a person of faith, I know that this is all temporary anyway. We don't need to value those things and they don't bring us true happiness. Is it fun to go on a vacation? Yeah, it is fun. Or is it fun to buy something nice for yourself? It is fun, but it's not truly where happiness comes from. So being content with where you're at in life and also setting financial goals and prioritizing your budget things for you to enjoy, I think is good too. So, but yeah, I think the biggest thing and I want to say a quote that I think about a lot when I'm tempted to overspend is discipline means choosing between what you want now and what you want most and so what do you want most for your life do you want to be living paycheck to paycheck and tight but enjoying the now and enjoying the moment that may feel good at the time but it doesn't end up really bringing a life of peace.

17:02It brings a life of stress. And it's just unwise to live that way. You know, I'm not trying to be harsh. I definitely don't want to speak down to people who are in hard financial circumstances. But what do you want most? I think most people would choose financial peace. They would choose a financial picture that isn't stressful all the time, that isn't living paycheck to paycheck. So let's set up our budget, our life and our priorities to make that possible. Let's be proactive with what our family enjoys, but also being conservative and not consumed with materialism. Let's be practical. Let's stop comparing ourselves to others and really figure out what do we make, what do we spend, and how can we make our life financially peaceful?

17:48Yeah. Okay. That was so great. I'm like, I feel like we could end it right there. That was so good. But no, we're not ending it right there because I have so many more questions for you. I'm sure you can relate to this, but I do not have time for makeup that doesn't work. If I'm putting it on, it needs to look good, last all day, and not mess with my skin. For a long time, I thought that that meant I had to stick with conventional makeup. Until I realized I didn't actually have to choose between performance and clean ingredients. That's why I use Crunchy. It's the only makeup I've found that gives real coverage, wears beautifully, and doesn't leave me second-guessing what's on my skin.

18:26especially when my kids are kissing my face and climbing all over me and whatever is on my face is transferring to them. So if you've been wanting to clean up your makeup bag without sacrificing how you look, this is your sign. Everything I personally use is linked at learningtomompodcast.com slash makeup if you want to check out my staples from them and that link is also in the show notes. switching to clean makeup is so worth it as a mom. It is a swap that I wish every single one of my mom friends made. Again, that's learningtomompodcast.com slash makeup to check out my staples that I use, but their website and that link are both linked in the episode show notes below for you.

19:11When you were talking about that, I think, what do you think are maybe just some easy tips for women to do? Like, of course, the first thing that came to mind was actually like following you, following other creators who are like teaching about budget. I just think it's, I think that's been really helpful for me of just seeing stuff to be more present and be like, yeah, I really don't need to spend money on that. Like, thank you, Sila, for just coming up on my algorithm and like reminding me to be a little tighter. Uh-huh. Yeah. What do you think? Or maybe some other tips? Yeah. So I think that the biggest thing that we can focus on in our lives when it comes to our finances is practicing contentment.

19:49And we've got to just be content with where we are in life. I think it's easy as moms. I know your podcast here is focused on moms and the growing that comes as a mom and then watching your children grow. And it can be so easy to always be excited for the next phase and not really enjoying the present moment. And I think that contentment comes from really just finding joy right where you're at. And even if your financial picture isn't exactly what you'd like it to be right now, there still can be joy found in that. And making hard financial sacrifices, it doesn't feel good. It's not fun to downsize to an apartment for a short period of time.

20:30it's not fun to say no to yourself when you want to go have some fun and you don't end up stopping at the drive-thru it's not fun in the moment but you've got to practice that contentment and say you know what I'm grateful that I have food at home that I can make at home and I can make my own coffee at home I am grateful that I have all the clothes that I need and I don't need anymore and just kind of making sure that we're having a mindset of contentment I think a lot of times it's easy to put blame on the people that we're seeing in our life, especially in social media, to be like, oh, it's just it's their fault because they're constantly showing me all the things that they have.

21:09And we really need to take personal responsibility, actually, and realize that it's their financial picture may just be different than ours. We can't have this mindset of, oh, it must be nice to be you. You know, I wish I was you. It's not their fault that you're having a comparison issue right now. And again, that can be very hard to hear because it stems definitely it's, it can be an insecurity point for people. And I don't want to talk down or unkind about it. It's a real struggle. It's not the person on social media. That's really bringing that up in you. They may just have a different financial picture and you have just got to practice that contentment.

21:46It's a discipline to be content. It's a discipline to find joy in the season that you're at right now. And that is really, I think, the biggest thing that someone can do when they're wishing that they were in some different place in life financially. They've got to practice that contentment, but they can't just practice contentment without having a plan moving forward. They need to go together. You've got to have a practical plan moving forward. If you're living paycheck to paycheck right now, we've got to figure out how to get that out of the picture because it's not a nice peaceful place to be.

22:18It's not nice to feel like you're constantly playing catch up on your family bills. I want you to thrive with your money. I don't want you to survive with your money. And so when we're in places of making hard financial sacrifices, maybe your husband's going to start a new school so he can further his career. It's going to be difficult. He's not going to be home as much, but you know, the sacrifice is going to be worth it. We're going to practice contentment there. Even about the sweet treats. In the grand scheme of life, would cutting out the sweet treats make a big difference? No, not on the number side, but it does with your discipline.

22:52It does. So every little decision you make or big decision you make for your finances matters because discipline begets discipline begets discipline begets discipline. And the more we flex that muscle of saying no to ourselves, especially if it's not in the budget, okay, if it's in the budget, There's nothing wrong with that. But the more we flex that muscle, the more successful we will become in our finances. It is the art of saying no. I love it. I love it. Okay. I want to kind of move into, back to the beginning, what are some ways that we as moms can create an extra, I don't know,$500,$1 ,000 in their monthly budget just to help reach goals without the whole extra job thing?

23:40Maybe you're a mom of five and you're like, I just, I have no time. Yeah, moms of five, I can't imagine have a whole lot of extra time. Although I think you can, it just is very hard. It's very hard. And I, I only have three kiddos. So it's definitely going to be easier for me than it would be for someone else. But okay, I know I have hammered in the budget. And I said at the beginning of the podcast, that's going to be the big thing I put a focal point on getting on a written budget can feel like a raise. So if you're not tracking your spending, if you can get on that written budget, you'd be surprised how much extra money you actually create for yourself because you're not making frivolous purchases anymore and you're being intentional and you're telling every dollar where to go and you're giving it a name you're giving it a category and it's doing what it's supposed to be doing so that is a very underlooked way for the mom of five to be able to save money and get a raise it would be to get on a written budget so and i also wanted to mention the average family eats out twice a week that's a conservative number, by the way, and I'm not including lunches that dad is getting at work as well.

24:46This can easily be a$400 price tag at a minimum. And really, it requires a mindset shift for families. We have, just for our health's sake, but also for our wallet's sake, we've got to get away from fast food takeout. Again, this is going back to our roots. If you want to be a mom who stays home with your kids, we're going back to our roots. We're making food from home. We're not necessarily going out for meals all the time. And I know, trust me, I know that you have nights where you don't want to cook. So plan for those nights where you don't want to cook. Go to the store when you're planning out your meals and get some easy meals for those nights you know you will have.

25:22And that's exactly what I do when I go to Costco. Costco has some really great organic whole food, quick meals that you can get. I love Amy Lou's meatballs, just different choices that they have that are really, really great and really fast. And so I would plan ahead and get yourself two meals that are quick, that you can throw together. I find for me, I feel like cooking a whole meal, meat, start, side, five days a week, but there are two days a week where I'm just like, no thanks. And that's why families are eating out twice a week because they just don't want to cook. And so plan ahead. Even if you're not someone who likes to eat organic whole food, go get a frozen meal ready, get a couple of them and try to just think ahead when it comes to your meal planning.

26:00It may be a little more expensive for you to get that quick meal, but if it's in your budget, it's worth it. And And especially if you're spending the money on eating out, it's definitely going to be cheaper than what you're doing already. And so that's definitely something you can do. Also, there are some really cool grocery apps out there. And this isn't going to be a crazy savings, but it's every little bit can help. There's an app called Fetch and there's an app. Are you going to say CoinOut? I haven't heard of that one. It's not as good. But if I'm already snapping for Fetch, then I snap for CoinOut.