How to Choose the Right Family Car for Your Growing Family (Without Overpaying) with The Car Coach | Ep. 153

23:44She keeps asking to hang out and I feel guilty because I know she's trying to be a good friend. I don't want her to feel like I don't value our friendship, but I also don't want to force myself to keep making plans when I don't really have the capacity. And to be honest, I don't really value the friendship anymore. Not because she doesn't have kids, but more because she drains me. How can I distance myself without hurting her feelings? Oh, thank you for all you do and for creating the best podcast for moms. I tell everyone I know to listen to this. Oh, thank you. Okay. This is a tricky situation.

24:20And I feel like most of us have kind of had to go through this at one point in our life. Um, but thank you for writing, writing in, because this is a topic that I actually feel so extremely passionate about because yes, we are called to love everyone and be nice and to be kind, but your vocation is first and foremost as a wife and a mother. So if this friendship is draining you to the point where you then have less to give to those that we are specifically called to love in our vocation right now as a wife and mom, I think it's okay to take a step back from this friendship. That doesn't mean it's forever, but at least in the short term, it is totally okay.

25:13So I just don't want you to feel bad about feeling like you do need to distance. It is tricky in how to go about distancing because I don't know her and I don't know your dynamic. And you literally said that she's pretty demanding, which tells me that she's a little like it might be you just got to do it carefully if I were you I would start hanging out with her in groups or invite her to yeah like group things as opposed to one-on-one and then slowly back out that way over time to not like uninclude her from the group, but just to stop hanging out one-on-one and instead you can hang out all together with other people who do fill your cup.

26:10So that way you can go home after you hang out with her and you're not drained and you're not resentful and you're not exhausted. So that is one approach. You could definitely do the old like official break friend breakup if she's demanding that kind of tells me she's a little bit dramatic and that really might not go over well so you might need to do a little bit more of a sly approach of doing like groupings for sure um you could also kind of do a instead of a friendship breakup just send like a really honest text. Well, I guess I wouldn't say really honest because it wouldn't be that honest, but it would just be a text explaining like, I, you know, I value our friendship.

27:02I love our history right now. I am absolutely treading water and I'm not getting together with very many people at all. Like would love to hang out once I have my feet under me in a few months. And depending on her personality, she might accept that or reject that. So I don't know, but I just do know that you should not feel bad for wanting to take a step back. I do not believe that we were meant to be lifelong friends with every single person that we've ever met. I do think that friendships come in seasons and they also will come back. So again, this doesn't necessarily need to be a goodbye forever.

27:43Just right now when you are absolutely spent and motherhood is exhausting and honestly people without kids don't get it until they are there, take a step back, relook at your social life, and really prioritize the friendships that allow you to show up as a wife and a mom better. Thank you so much for writing in and for your kind words. Now, if you're looking for advice, email me at learningtomompodcast.mommail at gmail.com with the subject line, mom mail. And then keep your ears open because we might just answer it in an upcoming episode.

28:20Lauren Fix:Again, this all comes down to money. Do you want new or used? I prefer certified pre-owns for your safety because you don't need a bill down the road. I will tell you, I hear my daughter saying this and I'm going, it's history repeating itself. it's for every parent. I got to buy formula. I have to buy diapers. I need to get food. In my case, I had special food for each child, you know, and extra doctor appointments and all this and that and that and this. And you're like, the last thing I need is a large car payment, you know, because the average car payment now is a thousand dollars a month.

28:53Lauren Fix:You don't have to spend that much, but that's a lot. Your excitement and your passion for cars is rubbing off on me and I'm getting pumped. So you've said a few things that I want to ask a little follow-up. When you talk about maybe you could like lease this for a while just what's your take on leasing versus owning i don't know things that we should consider when deciding if that's the move that we need to make as a family okay one thing before we get to that do not do not do not do not waste your money on an extended service plan i don't care what brand it is that is car shield endurance all the other brands and say oh you want to buy use we can sell you an extended warranty oh you might as well take Take that money, put it in an envelope, and shove it in a drawer.

29:38Lauren Fix:Because you will have that money available. It's yours. You can put it in a separate savings account. Save the money. There are very few examples where you can actually be a benefit to you. And that's what I think people don't realize. Your spending could be$500,$600 a month. And you're like, that's a lot of money. But I'll make it up if I need a new engine. True. So I've had many people, probably the 300 that have sent me emails, I'm going to guess a quarter of them are people that are peeved about spending the money on extended service plans that they don't get their money out of it and there's nothing you can do it's like signing up for a gym so I mean these are things that you need to think about because everybody experiences that now you're leasing versus owning question very important question how many miles do you drive a year do you know I don't know no so do you drive under 10 ,000 between 10 and 15 ,000 or over 15 ,000 miles a year.

30:39Okay.

30:39Lauren Fix:That's a lot of miles. Yeah. So most people, the average person will drive between 10 and 15 ,000. So you can easily tell because when you do your insurance, it asks how many miles are in your car. So you can just go back and look at that application. Oh, I had 12 ,000 on it and now I've got 24. So I drove 12 ,000 miles in a one year period. Yeah. So that means you're in the sweet spot. The sweet spot for leasing is between 10 and 15 ,000 miles. That is the like the perfect space for leasing a car. So every three years, I don't recommend going four. I know they'll lower the price for that, but you always get screwed on that.

31:14Lauren Fix:And I'll explain that in a second. So three years, 36 ,000 miles is your standard window. Okay. Of a warranty on a car. So if you go drive between 10 ,000 miles and 15 ,000 miles a year, lease the car for either 10, 12 or 15 ,000 miles, whatever you drive and you can you can find that out easier than you think so now you know your mileage you know that I drive 12 ,000 miles a year okay I'm going to lease because that makes sense for me and then what you can do is lease your car for 12 ,000 miles now you drive less than 10 ,000 miles maybe you're just running around town you're busy taking the kids to the doctor to school whatever you're doing and you've got a second car maybe you use for road trips and you're just driving around town you're like I'm driving like like my mother-in-law drives 2500 miles a year but now on the other side you suddenly find yourself driving your kid to college and you're back and forth back and forth and you're like oh my gosh like I used to drive my kids five hours each way to college and I'm like okay this is a lot of driving and my mileage was off the chart but I would I'd rotate cars just so I didn't go over the 15 ,000 miles that I had purchased because the overage charges, which are listed on your lease paperwork, are crazy.

32:28Lauren Fix:They can be$0.20 a mile. They can be$0.60 a mile. And when you sign that paperwork and you're all excited to get your car, this is awesome, look at the small print. Because the rule is, with the big print giveth, the small print taketh away. And it's on everything. I don't care if you're, like I said, the gym membership, buying a refrigerator. Oh, do you want the extended warranty? You better read those details because sometimes it's very disheartening. Okay, that's crazy. I did not know about that. Yeah, well, that's why I'm here. People ask me all the time. Like I said, more emails are coming in just when we're sitting here.

33:01Lauren Fix:I'll get to them as quick as I can. And I think that, you know, if you've got a question, you deserve an answer. But pardon me. As far as leasing, if you're going to lease, 10 ,000 to 15 ,000 miles. If you're going to buy, less than 10 ,000 miles a year or over 15 ,000 miles a year. And then you can drive it as much or as little as you want. yeah and get your money's worth right if you're going to drive it less keep the car longer if you're going to drive it more then you can just keep driving it right and who cares we're going to florida from colorado we're going to do the drive in my vehicle because i have unlimited miles there's no limitation of course you have to maintain the car but and as the car gets older your insurance should drop a little bit as long as you have a good driving record and you have no teen drivers that will definitely cause your insurance to go higher of course credit rating and so forth but it can get it can lower um so all these things to keep in mind now we were talking about leasing longer than the term your average i would say warranty is the best way to put it your average warranty in a car when you buy it new is three years 36 36 000 miles there are exceptions uh volkswagen four years 50 000 miles that includes audi uh most of the german brands are four years 50 000 miles of driving outside of that you're out of the warranty which means anything that needs to be done you're paying for now obviously emissions and things like that they'll cover rust through protection now the only one that's longer is kia hyundai and genesis they have a 10 year 100 000 mile warranty which is why they're selling them quickly and their sales have been through the roof because they realize that people keep their cars longer after 10 years you're kind of on your own so that's true with anything so why would you lease a car for four years if that Toyota Sienna only has a three or 36 ,000 mile warranty.

34:48Lauren Fix:That wouldn't make sense. So while you're leasing this car, you're making your payments monthly, which are less than owning, and you get to that three years of ownership, whether you're at 36 ,000 miles or not, whichever comes first. And now that whole extra year afterwards is on you. Something goes wrong and you're paying for it. So never lease longer than the warranty period. That's always been my rule and even though you're looking at a volkswagen i still don't like going four years i think it's risky things happen and then going the other direction if you're looking at like a hyundai kia that does not mean you lease for 10 years that would be really foolish financially because at the end of the term you you know you're not going to have anything left this is going to be the used car so i would say three years is good if you can't afford it either look at another vehicle or consider a certified pre-owned, which will not be a lease.

35:39Lauren Fix:It would be a purchase. Picture this. It is nine o 'clock at night. You finally have a second to throw in a load of laundry. You reach for the detergent and the bottle bone dry, empty, which means tomorrow you are dragging the kids into the store for the one thing that you forgot. And we all know it is never going to be the one thing. It will be$40 and a meltdown in the checkout line. I don't do that anymore. And it is one of my favorite small wins. Our cleaning stuff is on a refillable system from a company called Truly Free. I keep one jug and the concentrated refills just show up at my door before I run out.

36:19No more last minute store runs, no more cabinet full of half empty bottles. Because it is concentrated, it actually costs less over time than the stuff that I used to grab off the cleaning shelf, which genuinely surprised me because clean products are usually the expensive ones. And the whole reason I trust them in the first place is simple. It's truly non-toxic and their stuff works. So I never have to second guess what I'm using around my kids. It is one of those systems you set up once and then you just stop thinking about it, which when you're a mom is the dream. So if you're tired of running out at the worst possible moment, let me point you to them.

36:56The link is in the show notes. If you use my code learning to mom, that's all caps, all one word, You get 30 % off of anything on their site. Get the laundry detergent. We use the unscented one and let it auto refill. You will not look back, my mom friend. Again, that link is in the episode show notes with the 30 % off discount code. Okay. I'm learning so dang much. Lauren, I do have to ask you, you hinted at this. Another point is like talking about negotiating. So you do want to buy the car. How do we negotiate?

37:32Lauren Fix:Okay, first thing you want to do is all of your homework. There's a lot of great websites. One of them I like to use is Edmunds.com. It's E-D-M-U-N-D-S.com. There's others. There's Kelly Blue Book. And what they're going to do is you're going to put in, I'm looking at a, I don't know, a 2023 Volkswagen Atlas, whatever, or a brand new Ford Explorer, whatever it is you're looking for. you type that in and it's going to give you a bell curve of the pricing the average person is they actually key in all these registrations they take this data from a company called rl polk and they put it all together and say across the country the average price is and now you know so you go wait a minute the window sticker was five thousand dollars more now you get a little negotiating that doesn't mean they're going to move because if that the deal it's a little complicated and i'll try to explain it if they like this is happening to my girlfriend friend.

38:26Lauren Fix:She bought a Genesis GB70. She went to the lot, saw the newest 2026, said, oh my gosh, I want this car. And the dealer's like, the price is on the window. And she's like, well, I'm going to negotiate. So she was able to negotiate. And I'll tell you those two tips in just a second. But if they only have one, they're not going to be negotiable. Right. Thank you. Supply and demand, economics 101. If they have 50 of them on the lot, they're going to be really negotiable. At the end of the month, every dealer is negotiable. Because what happens is they pay what's called floor planning and you don't need to know that term but that's what it's called and what happens is they go around the lot and they have x amount of cars i got to pay the financing on these x amount of cars and if that car is gone at the end of the month then they don't have to pay the finance fees they don't own the cars they just pay the financing on it so if on september 1st or whatever the next month is they're gonna and you walk in on the second they're gonna to go it's not negotiable we just paid the financing on it so we're not going to be as negotiable but if you come back in the middle of the month maybe a little bit you come at the end of the month and they're like we need to get this off the lot because i don't want to pay finance charges why this thing sits here for another month and we try to sell it and there are all kinds of incentives for the sales people to do a close you have two things that you can use as your weapon you're currently driving a toyota sienna just because we'll keep going back to that and now you're looking at a Kia Carnival and you walk onto the lot and you go, I want this car.

39:56Lauren Fix:And he goes, well, if the price is on the window sticker and go, I'm currently driving a Toyota and I would like a Conquest discount. So there's two discounts. They're exactly the same dollar amount, a loyalty discount for sticking with the same brand. You're going back to Toyota. I'm sticking with Toyota. I love the product. I'm not going to bet. That's fine. Or I'm switching to another brand. It's called a conquest discount they're exactly the same dollar amount you don't ask for it you don't get it the dealer gets the money and they put it in their pocket and they split it with the sales guy or girl so how do you ask for that so it's easy so go through the whole you have to go through the whole show i know you gotta drive the car decide if it's what you want you test drive and go and he'll say well you know i'm looking at pricing and i'm currently driving a and i'm sticking with the brand or switching the brand i would like a loyalty or conquest discount question i'm sorry yes is this this is like so ignorant of me are we saying no that's why i'm here are we saying this like while we're still in the lot or are we like already in his office like sitting down about to sign either it doesn't make a difference they need to know that you know what you're doing especially for women you come in with like i got all these papers with me you know they're gonna be like oh this person has done their homework you want them to know that you're not coming in like pie in the sky i don't know i'm just walking around i don't know no you want to walk in and go listen i got this whole book on all this stuff right and i am i know the brand i know the price point you write it down on a post-it note i mean they make big post-it notes right so get a post-it note write down year make model looking at this this this this and then write down loyalty write down conquest and then of course you're going to collect their cards we're not making any deals today sir or ma 'am all we're doing is test driving and talking okay so now you drive the car i really like this car but i'm currently driving a toyota sienna and i love this Kia Carnival.

41:59Lauren Fix:My kids obviously love it. What kind of conquest discount do I get? Now, they should say, depending on the price of the vehicle, it could range anywhere from$500 if you're buying a Chevy Spark, obviously, up to you're buying a luxury car. It could be$3 ,000. I've seen it as much as four. It depends how much you're, again, what are you buying? You're buying a Cadillac or you're buying, you know, a Mitsubishi. So obviously it's going to, you have to be a little flexible and you can it's hard to find that information because each car is different but you should be able to find if you put up conquest discounts or loyalty discounts and they should be there now if you're a new car buyer fresh out of college you're military first job there's a whole bunch every brand has it you go to the manufacturer website not the dealer website so if you're looking at a honda you go to the honda's website and you put in incentives and there'll be a whole list of incentives.

42:54Lauren Fix:You know, newly married, new job, new city. They're doing what they can to sell you. But you can stack those because a loyalty and a conquest discount doesn't get printed anywhere. Okay, this is incredible. I had no idea. We bought a new car when we bought newlyweds. We need to know this. Yeah, you need to know that, especially a new child. Oh, my God, I would use every tool I could. what kind of incentives do you have now the sales guy is not going to know them all because their job is to sell you a car yeah but the manufacturer website which of course in any in any i will tell you right now i have had this once any brand that says pardon me any brand that says i don't know what you're talking about you say let me talk to your sales manager and then you tell the sales manager i know about conquest and loyalty discounts and your salesperson doesn't maybe I should get a different salesperson and you will watch how quick they jump because they want the sale the deal is to close the sale the sales manager the guy in the corner the guy in the tower is always the closer and I'm a little different I walk in I'm like all right this is what I want this is what the price is going to be and here's the you know but I'm not I don't go years and years and years of experience and right and they all kind of know me now like usually I just do it through email I don't have time to play the game but um but it is a game and you do have to take the time so the only time you're in a catch-22 is if you've been in a car accident or you have to get rid of the vehicle you have and you cut it too close to when that vehicle's being turned in on a lease or you have to sell whatever it is because of a mechanical problem then you're caught because they know it so I would never disclose those cards you keep those you know close it's like i'm not gonna tell you my cards because as soon as they know that you're in need of getting something now they're gonna try and get you in something today and they don't want you leaving that lock because they know you're gonna buy something quickly and they want to close that deal so that's where you have to say okay i'm not telling you what's going on i'm just telling you i'm looking for a car and you control it that way so you have to control the deal I guess you can call this however you want The Art of the Deal I know it's President Trump's book but if you read it look at the CliffsNotes version it's always about making it to your advantage that's really the bottom line to you personally your advantage to your family's financial advantage because it's very easy to get excited about a car oh my gosh it's the car I love and it's the only one in town and they're not getting another one like this or this is the end of the 25 model year I gotta have don't go out of motion.

45:36Lauren Fix:Number one rule, never, ever, ever be afraid to walk away. That's true with houses too. If you're buying a house, you're looking at an apartment, you think, oh my gosh, it's the only one. It's not the only one. Anyone that's selling you on it's only one. You're never going to get another one is a lineup. Fill in the blank. There are exceptions and that's in collector cars. Like I've got this rare Ferrari and they only made one of one. Okay. You're spending$34 million. That's an exception. But normal cars that are produced every day. They never built just one of them. They build a lot of them. And if that dealer doesn't have it, they can find it at another dealer or you can find it at another dealer.

46:13Lauren Fix:And believe me, every dealer wants your business. Was that the two tips that you had for negotiating was asking you about the conquest or loyalty discount. And then the second one was about the incentives they can find on the website. Yep. And also never be afraid to walk away. Okay. So that's a big one. Like, is that kind of where it ends? It's like, okay, here I have So you're not able to, like, I guess after that, can you break it down further with them and be like, what else can you do for me? Absolutely. If it's a local dealer and they have a car wash attached, some do. Some will offer you free oil changes for life.

46:51Lauren Fix:Some already have that built in. I think Hyundai stopped in 26, the 26-mile year, but the 25s include two years of service. All Toyotas include ToyotaCare, which is two years of free service for like scheduled maintenance, like oil changes and stuff like that. So if they go, we'll include two years of oil change. Yeah, dude, it's right there on the window sticker. So, so again, that's why I cover that on my website on Car Smarts. I always cover the warranty and if there is service and if there isn't service, I'll say no service is included. I mean, you think it's on every car. It isn't. It used to be on a lot of cars.

47:27Lauren Fix:But of course, it's an expense. and because it's a longer story i've covered this on my website a lot of manufacturers have taken a bad hit from producing electric vehicles that they didn't make money on so they're cutting back okay they've tried a couple tricks but that was one of them that is working so the one thing that's also important now you picked your car you picked your car you're in love with this car the price is right the salesperson treated you right everything's great now you sit in what's called the f &i office which is finance and insurance now personally if i ever worked at a dealer and i've been offered many jobs, but I won't do it.

48:00Lauren Fix:I would work in F &I. Finance and insurance guys make huge bucks. Their job, they're the closers, is to upsell you. And they actually tried doing this to me. I purchased a car. It doesn't make me nervous what it was. And the sales guy tried the heavy sell on me. And I go, listen, I used to be a dealer trainer. I don't want any of that stuff. I shut him down. But it was funny because he was just like, okay. Because I knew he was going for the heavy hit, which is paint protection. You can add that later. You don't have to do that today. Ceramic coating. Love it. Both are fantastic options. You don't have to do that.

48:37Lauren Fix:There's a hundred places in every single city where you can do it later, especially if you don't have the cash. Now you don't want to pay for that in your car payment for the three years or five years you keep the car. That makes zero sense. It will help increase the value down the road, but why would you pay for that forever? So it can be as little as I just want ceramic coat and it's, you know, $500 up to, I want paint protection and ceramic coat, which I do for all my personal vehicles. I'm a big fan of that. It might be$2 ,500. So why don't you wait till you can put that on a credit card and pay that off or you've got the cash available to pay that off.

49:12Lauren Fix:I've seen tires for life. I've seen scotch guarding. It doesn't make sense. All these materials don't need that. You can clean it yourself you don't need that it it's even on a cloth seat with kids um what else i've seen oh there's a million things rust proofing still which doesn't make any sense because every car has 10 year 100 000 mile rust through protection so why why would you buy extra even if you're keeping it that's a silly waste of money i know there's a ton of companies like zbart that would be really mad at me but i'm going to always tell you the truth i don't get paid by any of these companies.

49:46Lauren Fix:There's tons of them. Extended warranty, we covered that. I wouldn't waste the money. Listen, if you're leasing the car, you're not going to need extended warranty. If you're buying the car, they're going to have me sell you. That's their job. Now, if you feel that you get that leasing paperwork, and it's going to be a sheet bigger than I can hold in front of this camera, and you're going to be like, and you have a friend who loves reading those details, say, let me take this home. I'm not going to take the car today. I want to read this because they do it all electronically now. And they slide through the screen.

50:19Lauren Fix:Oh, yes. And I'm like, yeah. So I want to know what I'm signing. I know where to look. But some of these lease agreements change all the time. So get a printed version. And if he goes, oh, it's a lot of pages. Who cares? Who cares? I want to read what you're basically locking me into that I cannot get out of. Yeah, what you're finding a contract for. Yeah. So now you have that. You can take it home. you can read through it. You can highlight it and go, I have a question. Why is the overage fee per mile 60 cents a mile? That seems high. That's negotiable. Why is the interest rate higher than what your sales guy said?

50:54Lauren Fix:I'm looking at the breakdown of the price. Where is my loyalty discount or my conquest discount? So if you don't take the time to read that, their job is to close you now. You're in the drive-thru. That's the drive-thru, right? They want to close it quick can get you out the door. Where the dealer makes the money is in financing, service, and collision. That's where the money's made. It's not made in the sale of the vehicle. They might make 500 bucks in the sale of a car, but they want that loyalty. They want that business relationship, and they want you coming back. And they want you to tell your friends, I had a great experience at X dealership.

51:28Lauren Fix:They treated me right. So if you call them out on it, they'll back off and go, yeah, you know what? We forgot that. It's happened to me. So if it's happen to me it's going to happen to anybody yeah it's not all the time it just it happens so that's why when you're you're signing an agreement for a car that's going to be on average the average cost of a new car is 48 000 that's a lot of money i don't have 48 grand sitting here on my desk and just go sure here so when you think of that you really want to take that paperwork home put on your, put on your readers and, and start looking at, and if you're like, this is so overwhelming to me, everybody has a friend, a father, somebody who's like, yeah, I love reading these things.

52:13Lauren Fix:I have a friend who's an attorney. I bring him these docs and he's like, oh, awesome. I'm like, good. Could you break it down to English for me? You can also use a chat GPT or any of these things to say, hey, what is the, what should I be looking for in lease agreements? And you can scan to that area. So, I mean, there's a lot of, if you don't have someone to talk to, there's a lot of places that'll help you. And it's, you know, the idea is it doesn't cost you anything, but if you sign it, you can unsign it. Right. Lauren, this has been so helpful. I could keep you forever, but obviously that can happen.

52:48So remind us again, where we can find you.

52:51Lauren Fix:So you can find me at carcoachreports.com, which is my website. You can find all the car reviews and the car news. And I do cover information on Car Coach Reports on YouTube. I'm also on Substack. I'm also on Rumble. I'm literally every form of social media at Lauren Fix. And if I can help any of your listeners, email me. I will get you. It may not be right away, but you might find the answer already on my website. Car Smarts for all the car reviews. Don't pay retail. Number one rule, never pay retail. Thank you so, so, so, so much, Lauren. You are welcome. I love that you made it to the end of this episode, mom friend.

53:28You are clearly the kind of mom who wants more than just surface level tips, which is why I think you'd love the mom club on Patreon because of the bonus episode you get every month. So come join me and other like-minded moms at learningtomompodcast.com slash join. I can't wait for you to finally get all the extra support and episodes.

53:55Thank you.