How to Declutter Your Home & Create Simple Systems That Actually Stick (for Busy Moms of Littles) with The Habits & Home Show | Ep. 128

0:01Mom friend, welcome to the Learning to Mom podcast. My name is Layla, your official mom friend. And here we discuss all things pregnancy, postpartum, and early motherhood without making you feel overwhelmed. Here we don't partner bash or judge other moms for having different viewpoints than us. Here we acknowledge the hard that comes with motherhood, but we don't just stop there complaining about it. We discuss the tools to actually overcome the hard so you can be the best mom you can be while finding that motherhood is full of joy, fun, and peace. We do lean a little bit more towards screen-free play, barefoot outside adventures, intentional family time, and questioning the status quo.

0:44We are always asking ourselves if that's really the right parenting choice or just today's cultural norm. So if that sounds like your vibe, you're gonna love it here. Each individual featured in the podcast, including myself, comes with their own perspective and background. So please note that the content presented in this podcast is designed for general educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for personalized professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Hi, Lisa. Welcome to the Learning to Mom podcast. Hi, Layla. I am so excited to be here. I've loved your energy already and all the conversation we've had.

1:17So I'm excited to be here. Well, I feel like we've become mom friends and that's exactly kind of what the Learning to Mom podcast is all about is being the listener's official mom friend. So I'm very excited for them to meet you. Why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself and what Habits in Home is all about? Yeah. Well, my name is Alisa Lazad. I am a mom of three kids, almost three teenagers. And the idea behind Habits in Home is to help people downsize the stuff in their home that they have brought in that is overwhelming their capacity. So help them to downsize to their capacity, then to help them think through really smart systems in their home and systems, and then help them develop the habits to act out those systems or to fulfill those systems on a daily basis.

2:10So that's really the nuts and bolts of the Habits in Home show is to encourage people to declutter and to downsize, and then to set up systems in their home to create habits to follow through on those systems on a regular basis. Okay. I'm so excited. So, so excited. So first follow up regarding everything you said. In my brain, I think through and I'm like, I'm going to create home systems first and then I'm going to, because I have, I don't know, I'm going to create home systems for all my stuff and then I'll declutter. But you say we need to declutter first and that's what creates the home systems.

2:44And from there we'll create habits that work with those home systems. Yes. You can't, you will overwhelm yourself unless you get your stuff down to what you are personally able to manage. Because if you're the one overwhelmed in your house, especially if you're a mom and you're having to manage the kids and everything, and so you feel triggered by it. So it's, you're kind of putting the cart before the horse if you try to create systems with the capacity or with the amount of stuff that you currently own. Because more than likely you have a capacity issue. You have maxed your capacity, think of like a cup.

3:21Think of like a cup. It only holds so much. And once you pour it in and pour it in and then the water starts overflowing, that's where stress and overwhelm comes in. So if you are experiencing stress and overwhelm in your house, more than likely your cup is overflowing and the cup of your capacity is not able to hold all of what you're trying to put into it. Yes. I think collectively, everyone who just heard that was probably like, I resonate with that so much. And when you said trigger, I'm like, yes, I'm triggered by all of the stuff all of the time. So first things first, let's talk about decluttering.

4:00Okay. What are your best tips and tricks with decluttering? Where do we start? What do we do? How do we decide? Well, it really varies from person to person based on your personality. And when I do my personal one-to-one coaching with my clients, I have to get to know them and see what their decluttering personality type is like. Some people, they like the process of going room by room and having my guidance to guide them along. And then some people, they have so much stuff that even just the thought of tackling one room overwhelms them. I say, okay, let's make it easy. For this week, let's try to fill two bags for this week.

4:40So as far as like the process of decluttering, I personally, when I do a, when I start my, my coaching calls with my clients, the very first call we do is we do a home tour. And I always tell people, okay, go out the door that you mainly come in. Okay. And you can all do this on your own. Okay. You go out the door and you're going to take an evaluation of your space. Go out the door. You mainly come in. Sometimes it's the back door. Sometimes it's the side door. Most of the time it's like the garage door. I said, go out that door and turn around and look at that space. Is it overwhelming for you?

5:18Does it make sense? If there's too much stuff, then that is how your home is greeting you. You don't have clarity over the next steps to do when you walk in the door. Okay, so that's where the first place I recommend people to start is how they enter in their home. And it usually goes, okay, that's their, say it's in their garage. Don't do your whole garage. That's the last place we're going to do. But the entrance to your home from your garage, it's usually our shoe station where we store our shoes. Okay, let's declutter that area. Let's set up the system in that area, right? And so then we're going maybe into the laundry.

5:56Okay, that's an easy place to start in the laundry. Now, for some people, it's not easy because they have a lot of laundry that has backed up. But typically, I help them. Okay, let's take our laundry down to ground zero. Okay, now let's declutter this space. So I really, when I work with people, I like to progress as we move into the home because your home, as you're walking in, that sets the tone for how you're going to feel, right? It's just like if I leave my kitchen a mess when I walk out the door, that's what's going to greet me when I get home. And it already starts me out on a bad foot.

6:32I'm already going to be irritated with my family. Dinner's going to take a little bit longer to get started. So I encourage people to start from the way you enter your home moving inward. Now, for some people, that doesn't necessarily work and they have so much to get started with. So it might resonate more with them to just do a fill-a-back challenge. If you're like gung-ho and you're at your wits end and you're ready to set your house on fire and you're like, no, I don't want any of this stuff, then maybe you are ready to do like fill a bag a day and you take it immediately to your car. Don't leave it in the corner of your donation piles.

7:14Or if you're doing a big decluttering overhaul of your house, don't do a yard sale. I know y 'all are going to want to have make money off your stuff, but try to make money off of marketplace. You will make so much more off of marketplace, but this is not the time to do it. Do it along and along. Once you get your home down to capacity and say your child grows out of that bouncy seed or he grows out of that crib, then one item at a time, you have the capacity to think through and go through that selling process. But if you're doing a big overhaul, now is not the time to sell things or to just put it in your car and take it to donation.

7:56So that's kind of like a little bit of what I do with people when I'm decluttering or or what I encourage people to do when they declutter. This is incredible. Incredible. And I'd love to invite you to the Mom Club on Patreon, because honestly, it feels like you're coming over for coffee. Imagine sitting on my couch, a latte or a chai tea latte in hand, and really talking. The kind of conversations that don't have to be rushed or cut short. That's what the Mom Club is. It's the place where you get the full episodes, but also where we slow down, learn from each other, and remind ourselves that we're not meant to do this whole thing alone.

8:36And yes, there's a book club too, which is honestly my favorite part. So if that's the kind of connection that you are craving, come join us at learningtomompodcast.com slash join. The link's in the show notes, and I cannot wait to see you inside. I'm so glad that you are on specifically because I just feel like you are speaking to me directly, which I obviously I'm the host. So you are talking to me, but I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm ready. I'm ready to do everything. I've been doing a little trick for the last like year. And I find an item to donate an item to throw away every day. And it is so fun because it's turned it into like a game.

9:17And then throughout the day too, I'm like, Oh, is that? And a lot of times the throwaway item is like some random cap that's been sitting on my nightstand that I have no idea what bottle it goes to. But the gain part is so fun. But I think as you were saying, the entryway and going into your home, and I'm like, okay, that's what's definitely next. So when you were saying all of that, it made me think, what is the difference between decluttering and minimalism? Or what's their relationship, rather? okay so minimalism i feel like it's a hot word it's a very popular word it's it's kind of like when you think of minimal like minimalist or minimalist especially in the last i would say 10 to 15 years it's become very popular it can become very rigid it can be like a lot of people especially people who have been collectors i don't like to say hoarders i like to say collectors that can be very scary.

10:15And so when it comes to minimalism, here's my thought process now that I've taken, that I've like adopted or that I've taken on is mindful minimalism. I want to bring more freedom to that word than restriction. I want them to get to know themselves more than focus on what minimalism looks like out in the world. It's knowing yourself. It's knowing your capacity. It's knowing your convictions. And in my podcast, I speak a lot of, um, on Christianity and our Christian principles when it comes to managing our stuff and being good stewards of our stuff. So, um, a lot of what I speak from is very spiritual and, um, a spiritual reference.

10:58So it's, it's knowing your convictions. It's really getting to know what you personally need to not only survive, but to thrive as a person. Now, from person to person, your capacities might be different. I might have a friend who has a large capacity for a lot of things in her home, and she manages it well, and it doesn't stress her out. She's much more free-spirited and everything. That's her capacity, and other things might stress her out, right? But my capacity is very small when it comes to stuff that I have to manage. So I want to encourage people to get to know themselves. What is their capacity?

11:41What stresses them out? Oh, okay. If something stresses you out, let's downsize it a little bit more. Let's create a system around it. Let's focus on creating a routine to act out that system on a regular basis. Okay. Now we live in it. Okay. Then we focus on another thing that stresses us out, right? And then we do the same process again. We downsize it, we systemize it, and then when it becomes a habit, we act it out. We act on those routines on a regular basis. So when it comes to minimalism, there's a lot more freedom and grace in that than what the world and what our media is portraying. So what about when you're going through, I don't know, your drawer or an area of your home and you're decluttering, what rules do you have for figuring out what you keep and what you toss?

12:31Rules. I don't really have rules. I'm a very black and white person. I live by rules. That's okay. That's okay. So there's a lot of gurus out there. You know, the Marie Kondo is right. I was going to ask you about that. Yeah. Does it bring you joy? You know what? Here's how I approach decluttering. I do it in layers. I do it in layers. So the first round you do what feels comfortable to you. When it starts to feel uncomfortable and you start like, there's a lot of resistance there, then stop. That's your capacity. That's where you need to stop right now and then live in that space for three months.

13:06And then come back around to that space and do another layer, go a level deeper because you're three months of living in this space and feeling that, oh, okay, I'm safe. I'm good with what I let go of. I'm going to stretch myself to let go of even more. So if you want rules, I'm a real person too, but this is something that I know you like challenges too. So here's what I did. Oh, and I will tell you this came on the tail end of me coming back from a mission trip from Guatemala. So I saw people who lived with minimal amount of stuff. I saw that they were gracious with their stuff. They were very hospitable.

13:51They were very welcoming. We were delivering water filters to people in the community. And this lady lived in like this shed. I mean, there are people that have normal built houses in Guatemala, but she lived in the shed and she said, come in, come in. Like I stand at the door. I'm like, no, no, no, you can't come in. I'm sorry. My house is a mess. And she's like welcoming us in. There's the dirt floor. She was so proud of her space. So I came back a changed person. So I had this whole bedroom suit, the five piece bedroom suit. And so I looked at those drawers and I was just like, you know, how much does one person need to thrive or to survive in this life?

14:34So I said, okay, I'm going to challenge myself. I'm going to get it down to six drawers. So I weeded out my clothes, my folded clothes, and I weeded it down to just only put my clothes in six drawers and it had to fit comfortably, right? So that was my rule. Okay. I live with that for a little while. And then I challenged myself again. I said, I'm going to try to get my stuff down to just three drawers. And so I downsize again and I got all of my folded clothes and my undergarments down to just three drawers. And it felt so liberating. It felt like I can do this. I don't need this much stuff. So that just kind of trickled into other areas of my home.

15:14So I had already learned like to downsize and to let go and what I could live without. So that was that was that process. But the habits came into place. So as far as rules, like I said, I encourage people to do a first layer. Do a first layer. See what you're comfortable with. downsize to what you feel comfortable with. When you start to feel a little uncomfortable, take a break, then come back around three months later and do another layer. Challenge yourself. You do want it to be a little uncomfortable when you challenge yourself because that will push you just a little bit further than what you think is enough, right?

15:57And so that's what I do in my clients. When they show me their finished space after we have chosen what area we're working on for that week, I have them do another tour of that area. And I say, hey, what about this thing? And you're like, and I'll just call it out on them. And they'll be like, I really don't need that thing. And so they'll take it away right then. And so I do encourage people to go about it in layers. And because sometimes if you go too far, then that's where regret sets in. Okay. So So it's okay to go about it slowly. It's okay to do one layer and then come back around and do another layer.

16:36So decluttering is an ongoing lifestyle. It is not we can just do it and it's going to be perfect and I'm going to have a perfect home. No, it's ongoing. You are an ever-changing, ever-evolving person. Interrupting this episode for your favorite segment, this week's MomMail. If you're new here, this is the part of the show where I answer a listener-submitted situation or a scenario. Basically, you write in your tricky situation, and I give you advice only a real mom friend would give. Here's the email that we're answering this week. Hi, Layla. I need someone to tell me if I'm overreacting. Well, I am your girl.

17:13A close friend of mine who doesn't have kids keeps making little comments about my life now. Things like, must be nice to stay home all day, or I could never give up my freedom like that. She laughs it off, but every time she says something like that, it stings. I know she probably doesn't mean anything by it, and I don't want to be that friend who takes everything personally, but it's starting to make me pull back. Do I say something? Do I let it go? Or am I just being too sensitive? Thank you for everything you do for the podcast. I absolutely love listening in. Oh, man, friend. Okay. Wow. Honestly, I do think this is a really tricky situation.

17:55I like to give this segment like off the cusp. So I don't like to premeditate or really know like the question that we're answering until I like read the email just now. So I'm really – man, my heart just goes out to you. Like this is a tricky situation. And from that email, I don't think you're being too sensitive or overreacting. Like I kind of feel like those are targeted comments, but I also don't, obviously this is all that I know about your friendship. So I don't know if there's other things that play. Like is, is she typically this way? Does she kind of give jabs a lot? Because if she is maybe a more fight, like feistier, gives jabs more frequently, speaks her mind kind of person, then I do think that these comments are, I do think she knows what she's doing and she is giving you jabs to be honest.

18:58But if this is a friend who like literally is so sweet, like would never try to hurt your feelings on purpose, would never make a jab, then I do think that she doesn't mean anything by it and she just doesn't know how she's coming off but of course when I read those jabs and not knowing like your friendship or anything I'm I'm just thinking like oh shoot if I heard that from one of my friends I that would hurt my feelings that would really make me take a step back so to answer your question of do I say anything, do I let it go? Or am I just being too sensitive? I think from a neutral third party person who doesn't have any more information on this scenario, other than what you just gave me, I think first and foremost, kind of ask yourself, which way does she more align?

19:53Is she a jabber by nature? Or is she so, so sweet, like so polite? Okay, so then I think that's kind of the two roads to go in. I think if, and then you'll kind of know how to handle that next part, because if she is doing the jabs on purpose, you know how to approach that conversation more. But I do think you then would go into a conversation and being like, hey, you started to make comments. It's starting to rub me the wrong way. I'm not one that is just going to like roll over and play dead unless this is a friend that I'm okay saying goodbye. And I just kind of want to not necessarily, you don't have to have a friend breakup.

20:44You can just lose, like, you know, stop getting together as frequently and kind of like do that route. So if this is a friend that you're kind of like, I've been wanting to not be as close anyway, then just start taking a step back. But if this is a friend that you really do want to fight for the friendship with, then I think no matter what personality like she leans towards, then you can have a conversation that's just like, hey, you're starting to say some things. It's rubbed me the wrong way. I would, in that conversation, I would bring up the two specific things here that you mentioned, like must be nice to stay home all day and I and how she said I could never give up my freedom like that I would like bring those specifically up because if you just kind of say like you've been saying some things and it's been hurting my feelings and blah blah blah blah like having tangible things it's like you said this and that hurt me here I think any reasonable person would be like oh crap that was hurtful so I think it's worth having a discussion if this is a friendship that you really value, that you want to stick out.

21:54And if not, then truly just start kind of backing away because you need to protect your peace. You only have so, like, especially as a mom, we now don't have unlimited social time. Something that I always talk about. You have to be so much more selective with your social time because we don't have it anymore. So I am so selective over it. over who I allow in my circles, if you will, because I only have so much free time. So I'm not going to waste isn't the right word, but that's the word that's coming to mind. I don't want to waste. I don't like that word. Waste, whatever, time on someone that's not going to be filling my cup and making me feel good and a mutually happy relationship.

22:45Like if you're making me feel worse after our conversation, after our time together, I'm not going to prioritize seeing you when I only get three hours, if that, a week of social time, you know? So I just, I do, like, I don't think you're being too oversensitive. Those comments would hurt me too. You got it. I know having hard conversations with friends is really hard, but I would encourage you to do that if this is a friendship that is worth it. Thanks so much for writing in. Thank you so much for your kind words and for listening to the podcast. It means so very much. Now, if you're looking for advice, email me at learningtomompodcast.mommail at gmail.com with the subject line, mom mail, and then keep your ears open because we might just answer it in an upcoming episode.

23:34Okay. This is great. Moving in because you so seamlessly just started moving into this. So let's talk about the home systems. Okay. What is a home system? Why are they helpful? How do we do it? Open-ended. Let's go, Lisa. You're bringing the heat. I'm excited to hear what you have to say. So if you think about a system, a system is a process by which you take the steps to complete a task, right? When I'm talking to my members in my accountability club, I say, all right, y 'all, you are the home managers. Treat your home like a business. You are the unhired, the unpaid manager, unfortunately. You are paid, but you're paid in different things.

24:16You're not paid with money. You are the manager of your business. You are not the lazy person that just shows up late to work. You are not the person that you have to drag out of bed. You are the manager. You've been put in charge of your business, of your home. So if you think about a system in a business, your SOPs, your standard operating procedures. So a system is basically your standard of how you operate your procedures in your home. So what are the different, I guess, most common home systems that you think are difference makers for young moms? Absolutely. A laundry system. A laundry system is, if you just think of anything that moms get backed up in or overwhelmed with, okay, so a laundry system, dishwashing system, morning, like a morning, everybody wants to say a morning routine.

25:17Okay, yes, it's a morning routine, but a routine is something that you repeat. So you first have to break it down and what is it that I repeat? So what else? A reset system. So that's something that I teach like really, really heavily. That's like my third step. So helping them declutter, helping them to create that system, and then putting that into practice by resets. I have my daily resets, weekly, monthly, yearly resets, right? And so helping people think through, okay, what are the three, and I call it the bare minimum three. What are your bare minimum three things? If you don't think about it all day long, at the end of the night, when you're closing down your home, closing down your house for the day?

25:59What are the three bare minimum things that you need to do to set your home up for the morning when you wake up? Do you feel like your home is ready to open for the day, right? What are your three bare minimum items to do for your weekend reset? What three things do you need to reset on the weekend to set yourself up for the week to come. Monthly reset, yearly reset. My yearly reset consists of getting my tax folder set up because documents are going to come in and where are they going to be placed? Okay, well, I just grab a folder, a manila folder. I write everything we're expected to receive or I need to print out or I need to receive from email.

26:40I write everything we're expected to receive. Now, you might be listening to this and you're like, oh, I want to completely systemize my life. I want to overhaul everything right away. Girlfriend, I didn't start like that. You're going to fall flat on your face and you're going to be overwhelmed and you're going to be serving the system rather than letting the system serve you. Right. So the number, the system that I started with, like my aha moment, when I downsized my house and it was still a mess, I was like, okay, I'm going to start with one thing. And that one thing, that one system was clearing my sink at the end of the night, because I knew I had to feed my people in the morning and I was getting overwhelmed in the morning.

27:20So I started being my tomorrow's best friend. So I focused on that one thing. I didn't focus on everything else until it was solidified, it was good. And then it just evolved. And my capacity, my brain capacity evolved into being able, expanded to be able to take this process to other and create other systems in my home. Gonna keep this one real short. so just hang on a second. If you've been thinking about switching to non-toxic cleaning supplies, especially your laundry detergent or your dishwasher soak so you can stop feeling guilty whenever you use harmful ingredients in your home, let me introduce you to Truly Free Home, my ride or die cleaning product company.

28:04I only buy from them because they are actually clean, non-toxic, and don't put my family at risk for anything. And their stuff works just as well as what you're used to using. So head to the link in the show notes below. Use that link and my code, which is learning to mom, all caps, all one word, to receive 30 % off on the best husband approved cleaning products ever. Okay, go do that now before you forget. So good. Okay, so when we think about these home systems, I guess a follow-up, I still don't really understand. I don't know. Let's break it down for you. Let's do laundry. Can we do laundry as the example?

28:45Yes, yes. Okay. So I tell people there's three different, there's three options. First of all, you have to think about where does laundry, dirty laundry start? Okay. Well, it starts when you take off your dirty clothes. So the first step of your laundry system is you got to think about where is my dirty laundry going to collect? Okay. So I tell people there's three options of where your dirty laundry collect. The first option is you have the no basket system where everybody in your home takes their laundry off for the day and they put it directly into the washing machine. The washing machine acts as your dirty laundry basket.