How to Raise Kids to Have a Healthy Relationship with Food (Without Pressure or Power Struggles) with Kids Eat In Color | Ep. 142

24:48So I chose hypnobirthing.

24:52Kids Eat In Color:So I would also say whichever course you choose, if it's Lamaze, if it's Bradley, whatever, go all in. Like hypnobirthing is a little out there. It requires meditation. It requires some visualizations. that's not my personality typically. I'm not one to do that or like really want to practice that. Like it's very hard for me and I kind of feel corny or like, I guess I just feel corny kind of doing it. So you have to be bought in all the way. Just like relinquish any, relinquish all your negative feels about it and just go all in whatever method or course you choose. And in doing so, we are practicing contractions like 10 to 15 minutes every night.

25:48Kids Eat In Color:I hold an ice cube and I do deep breathing for like 60 seconds while my husband and I practice all these different like birthing positions and labor positions that we again learned in our hypnobirthing class. and that's what we do I credit our daily contraction practice that like that's what I think allowed me to have my natural birth and what I do is I download a HIIT workout app so it will have you like work out you can set it so I have it set for like you work out for 60 seconds and then you rest for two minutes. So then like every night for 10 to 15 minutes, whatever, however time we have, I play my hypnobirthing tracks.

26:35Kids Eat In Color:You know, it's like my body is capable of this. I am a strong woman. Like my body was made for this. That's what my course, that's what like my tracks basically say. And the app will be like, go. And so I pretend I'm having a contraction then for 60 seconds and I practice my deep breathing and I hold my ice cubes. Other women hold combs. You can do whatever. And then every like, you know, then it'll be like stop workout. And I have 90 seconds or two minutes, whatever I set it as, as my break. And I still try to like stay in the mode, but my husband might like check his phone or like empty some of the dishwasher or something and then come back when the contraction quote unquote starts again.

27:20Kids Eat In Color:That was long-winded. Please be on the lookout for that upcoming episode. I think it's going to come out in June, I think, because I'm going to deep dive into everything that I do. So hopefully that was helpful to you. Again, congratulations, and thank you so much for writing in. Now, if you're looking for advice, email me at learningtomompodcast.mommail at gmail.com with the subject line, mom mail, and then keep your ears open because we might just answer it in an upcoming episode. So what are, do you think are some other, I don't know, not necessarily mistakes, but I guess things from our relationship, right?

28:01Kids Eat In Color:Like I think if we soothe ourselves with food, then we're more likely to try to soothe our children with food what are some other things that we may do as adults that will impact our kids relationship with food i feel like the research is always like well if you've got a problem you're just going to pass it on to your kids and in some senses we could take that we can be like i feel guilty all the time or we could take it we could say this is just part of the human experience is doing things that aren't always in our best interest or someone else's. So when I think about mistakes, whether we're making them or not, like there's no way to not have mistakes.

28:44Right. And if you're on social media, you're constantly being fed the idea that because we know all the research, we can therefore become experts and also prevent all these bad things from happening to our child, which is the most unhelpful message that exists. Like, that's ridiculous. No, you shouldn't become an expert. I spent six years becoming a registered dietitian and studying public health after I got a four-year degree. Like, I know a lot of things. Why would anyone else want to do that, right? So the idea that we're going to suddenly watch a bunch of Instagram posts and now we're supposed to become speech language pathologists and, you know, physical therapists and exercise physiologists and dieticians and psychologists for our children is so ridiculous, puts so much pressure on us and just makes us neurotic rather than, and maybe it helps our kids.

29:45I don't know, but then we're miserable, which I mean, who wants that in life. So, you know, I think really the big one is hold on to your common sense, but also have an open mind. Because if you are on social media, you may come across something that strikes you as like really helpful. Like, oh, that may work. That may help us with our problem. Because if you've got a kid, you've got problems, right? There's something, there's something where you're like, okay, something you're working through. I can't do it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with this. And you may come across the right post at the right time.

30:23You're like, oh my gosh, I totally have to try that. So like one of the things that parents often struggle with is like this concept of like, we do dessert, but now my kid is obsessed with dessert and we're telling them. Oh yeah. Let's talk about dessert. Like doing three more bites and then you can have your cookie. I wanted to talk about that.

30:40Kids Eat In Color:Yep. Here's the thing you can and that by putting a little child-sized amount of dessert on their plate and then not saying anything about it because so you prefer serving it with the rest of the meal i think with if dessert is part of your thing don't feel like you ever have to add dessert if it's not part of what you do but let's say dessert is part of what you do or maybe your child gets dessert and you want to serve it to them, but you don't want to just give it to them, whatever. Um, you just make sure it's a child size amount, put it on the plate and then they can decide when to eat it. And if it's the first thing to eat, that's fine.

31:19But you gave them an amount that's not going to totally fill them up.

31:23Kids Eat In Color:Yeah. It just kind of, especially for toddlers, it just kind of levels out the playing field because it's not, you're not saying, Oh, Hey, three more bites. Cause when you say that they hear cookies are good and broccoli is bad. That's what they're hearing every time you say that. Instead, you can just say it's nothing and just put it on the plate and then they can eat it however they want. For some families that are like, that is a bridge too far. Like I would never, that is not part of my culture. That's not part of anything. Maybe my partner or their families or whatever, that's not going to work for us.

31:58That's fine. You don't have to use it. But I have found that that is one of those strategies that a lot of families are like, oh my gosh, that was so helpful. So keep an open mind when you see little hacks and strategies or ways of thinking about food. But also if you're like, oh, I'm trying that. It's not working for my family. My kids are eating worse than like all this stuff just means that it's, it's not working for some reason and maybe keep an eye out for a different strategy to try. Yeah. You know, it's the same with like a one bite rule where parents are like, well, I heard that I have to make my child try a bite of everything.

32:36Like my pediatrician said, I have to take a, give them a no thank you bite. Well, first of all, since when does your kid have to, I mean, if you don't like something, do you really have to try it to say no thank you to a host? No. In most cases, that's going to be fine. That's funny. Like if I go over to somebody's house and there's something that is not going to work for me or that I'm allergic to, I'm going to try it just to be like, no, thank you. I'm going to say, no, thank you. And then I'm going to eat the other things. Um, so I have a, I actually have a personal pet peeve with the idea that you have to like teach your kids to try a bite before they can say no, thank you.

33:14Um, but maybe family is like, we just have this tradition where everybody tries to bite and they have to, but also it's part of our culture and it's not a big deal and nobody's, you know, nobody's like falling apart. We're not having battles. That's great. That's actually awesome. That said, many people have a picky eater and maybe extremely picky or mildly picky, and they are having massive battles over this one bite. And there's tears and there's drama and there's yelling or there's like whatever punishment to all this stuff. That means the one bite rule is not working for you. That's what that means.

33:53And you need to find a different strategy. If you're having like all the fun time in the world with the one bite rule and your kid is learning to eat that way. And even if they're uncomfortable sometimes, but they do it, that's a great discomfort practice, right? That's great. But if you're having like all out meltdown time and you're like, oh, this is battle. So battlefield, that means it's not working. This is not, this is like the opposite of what you want for mealtime.

34:19Kids Eat In Color:Anytime you're having like battle feelings, you feel like I'm gearing up to have the fight at dinner. Like something needs to change. So, you know, sometimes when we come to meals or we get to focusing on these little things of like, Oh, I have, I have to get them to eat one bite. You don't, you don't, I have to get them to eat their vegetables. That would be great, but actually no, you don't have to. So when we get ramped up about these little things, often we stop focusing on the big picture, which is, am I, am I modeling what I want to or doing my best? Am I eating with my child when I can?

35:00Am I creating a positive meal time experience as much as possible. Because again, they're a child, right? So there's going to be child stuff happening in the meals. That's the big picture. And that's going to set up the experience for you and your child to kind of grow into their relationship with food. That's going to be much more important than, you know, whether you may have to take a bite or not. That is so well said.

35:28Kids Eat In Color:So well said. I'll be honest, for years I felt like makeup was this trade-off. On one hand, it gave me confidence, and as someone who has struggled with acne for years, I didn't ever really feel confident in my skin naturally. So I relied on heavy foundation and makeup just to allow myself to walk out the house without being embarrassed or wanting to hide when I saw someone I knew. But then on the other hand, I always knew deep down that what I was putting on my skin wasn't actually good for me. My acne wasn't ever actually getting better because my skin couldn't breathe and all of the toxins that I was putting on my face with those products.

36:07Kids Eat In Color:And then once I became a mom, it hit me even harder because what I was putting on my face was ending up on my kids' faces whenever I kissed them or snuggled them or they buried their little cheeks into me throughout the day. So I'd go back and forth. Do I wear the makeup that gives me the confidence to show my face in public or do I not? Do I just try the clean brands that never actually perform? It just felt like I was choosing between feeling confident and feeling safe. But then I found the brand that made me realize that I didn't have to choose. Their makeup is completely non-toxic, made with safe, clean ingredients, and it actually works.

36:51Kids Eat In Color:Speaking from freaking experience, I'm talking like looks amazing all day kind of works. I've worn it as like my bridesmaid wedding makeup. And we all know how hot we're trying to look when we're in a wedding. That is how good their makeup performs. I love it. I feel confident in it. My skin has improved so much. And I'm no longer having to withhold kisses and cuddles from my kids once I have my makeup on because there's absolutely nothing to worry about in their ingredients list being passed to my kids. So if you want to start swapping your makeup bag without all the trial and error, I've linked everything I personally use at learningtomompodcast.com slash makeup.

37:36Kids Eat In Color:Or you can head to the link in the show notes where I have crunchy links for you if you want to check out the whole website. But don't forget there's a discount code in the show notes and at learningtomompodcast.com slash makeup. We can check out everything I have in my makeup bag to help get you started on the right foot. Question that I have from my own personal experience is we are not a dessert sweet treat family, or at least we're not raising our kids to be. I think because I'm addicted to sugar. And so I'm really like, I do not want my children addicted to sugar. And so because of that, it's never really offered unless we're at like a party or something.

38:20And then there is sugar and that is all the toddler wants, right?

38:25Kids Eat In Color:So like, how do we navigate that when it's, and then even when we're like on playdates with other friends and she'll know the moms that have the yummy snacks and she'll steal their food and eat their food and all that stuff. So I guess, how do we navigate that? Cause I know I can't be alone in that. Oh yeah, for sure. Not. Okay. So first of all, um, I love that you brought up your, you know, you said you're addicted to sugar and, you know, sugar addiction is like a totally different topic and I'm not ultra processed sugar. They're like, you know, all these theories on whether it's like actually an addiction or not, or blah, blah, blah.

39:06And I try to stay out of that argument because it's like drama, I think for no reason.

39:12Kids Eat In Color:No, I was creating drama. Yeah. But anyway, um, one thing I want to point out is there are certain brains that are going to have a different experience of hyper palatable foods than others. And let's say your brain is one of those who really, really gets a big hit of enjoyment from sugar, which is my guess what's happening. The chances of your child also then having a brain similar to that is high. So even if you quote, do all the right things, it doesn't matter because I mean, it does matter. I'll come back to that. It doesn't matter. But also we have genetic and heritable factors, like all these different things.

39:56And often if a parent is like interacting with food in a certain way, their child is much more likely not always but much more likely to have that as well so some you'll hear in the intuitive eating world like oh your toddler is now feeling deprived and therefore they feel like they have to binge eat the thing the research underpinning that statement is awful like there You cannot. I have literally written this whole book chapter on this topic of this idea that if your child is deprived, therefore they will be obsessed with the food. Research doesn't support that statement. There may be cases where some sorts of restriction may increase your child's risk of kind of eating more or something, but it's not even close to what you might be hearing on social media.

40:50What is likely, what is more likely the case is that your child's brain really, really gets into the sugar thing, even more than other kids. Right. And so it really doesn't matter what you do at home. If you were to do this at home, they would also think it was amazing and awesome and want to eat it all day at home. And then also when you're out, they would also want to eat it all the time. So if you just have a really standard experience at home, which doesn't include added sugars, and you're not saying bad things about it, you're not saying bad things about your child. And so creating kind of like a shame free environment, and you're just offering what you offer without saying, oh, that that sugar stuff is poisonous, or it's bad, or it's, you know, oh, we don't, we don't want to eat that at home.

41:45because if you start saying those things, then it adds this layer of emotion. And so now if they go to a party and their brain really wants it and their brain pulls up to eat more, now they're like, oh my gosh, I'm ashamed. I'm going to hide it. I'm not going to talk to my parent about it. And now we start to get into more disordered eating and thinking around food instead of it's just not available at home. Okay. Then we go to party. It is available. And maybe I'll eat a little bit more because it happens to be there or maybe I'll just eat more because that's what my brain wants right which is the more likely explanation um they're gonna they're gonna love it there but they're also not going to come back from that party feeling guilty for two which is something that we do want to avoid because that does have lines to like more disordered eating behavior when you can't enjoy something for what it is so in terms of having hyperpalatable food at home, it's really up to you.

42:45Um, and what is best for your relationship with food. And if you're finding that, you know, it's making you have a poor relationship with food in some way, it may be better to address that with yourself. Um, and that may include having a little bit more around for some kids having hyper palatable food around more takes, um, kind of gets them used to it and therefore they find it less interesting and therefore they lose some interest in it.

43:19Kids Eat In Color:Yeah. My guess is more likely given the almost nothing that you've told me about my guess is it's possible that this is more of how their brain responds to the sweets and therefore Or even if you had it at home all the time, they would be super interested in it. Yeah. Okay. This is so fascinating. I still have so many questions. So we got to move right along. I want to know how you approach picky eating. So if we're talking about like a standard picky eater, and I always like to tell parents, I have a picky eating screener on my website that helps parents understand, is my child's eating right now typical or not typical?

44:08Because that can really help you. If you have a child who's eating is not typical, addressing it as early as possible is helpful. Most toddlers, at least half of them, go through some sort of like picky eating. Right, developmentally appropriate. Yeah, and I wouldn't say all, right? So about 50 % of parents report their child's a picky eater. So if that happens, just ignore it. Like don't change what you're offering. just serve the family food don't suddenly bring in kid food you don't need to do that um in fact the less you do that the better continue to serve food on a routine let them choose how much they're going to eat how much they're not going to eat and remember around the age of one their growth changes like i a baby is gonna you know triple triple their weight in the first year guess what from ages one to two they grow like what three or four inches or something not very much so all of a sudden their their um food intakes gonna change dramatically they're gonna start eating potentially on some days almost nothing you're gonna be like oh my gosh they're gonna die they're gonna shrivel up they're not gonna be able to grow all these things super typical and that's usually the point at which parents either kind of flip out and they're like oh my gosh i i'm gonna buy all the kid food and i'm gonna do all the things and do all the snacks and all that.

45:33No, just do whatever you're doing. Continue to serve it. Some days they're going to eat almost nothing. Other days when they love something and they're hungry, they may eat as much as you. You never know if they're constipated, if something doesn't agree with them or whatever. They're having an off day. Just don't get sucked into that. Continue to serve the food and don't cater in that sense.

45:57Kids Eat In Color:Okay. So helpful. Now, how do we not label food as like good or bad or any other labels, but also still be like, obviously we want to encourage them eating their vegetables on their plate. Yeah. Again, the most important thing you do is eat in front of them, eat your vegetables in front of them and have the vegetables on the table. Those are going to have the big every time. But if you say, hey, this is healthy broccoli and this is unhealthy hamburger bun, that's going to have zero effect on your toddler. And like that, that is not going to encourage them to eat it. Yeah. Just like there's zero research that's going to support that idea.

46:39We have this amazing system of labels and it's just called vocabulary. Every food has its own name. Let's use it as the most important thing that your baby can hear, that your toddler can hear, that your preschooler can hear. Call the foods what they are, describe them in detail, talk about their different textures and their flavors. And all that vocabulary is huge for their development and also good for their eating too. Like the more kids know, the more kids are familiar and the more kids are going to relax and be able to enjoy something new. And especially when we're categorizing things into good and bad, and they're going to be exposed to this way before you probably, you know, have any idea.

47:18Like, you know, my son was like five when he came home. I was like, Hey, is chocolate unhealthy? Cause my friend said it was, I was like, what, you know, and kids even earlier, they're being exposed to healthy, unhealthy lessons. We want to give them other categories as well. And what I really like to teach to like preschoolers is just like some really simplified basics. Like, Hey, red foods help your heart. Green foods help fight of sickness. I have this cute little printable that kind of just gives the basic of those lessons for preschool. If you've got a toddler, we're just talking about vocabulary at this point.

47:54The child development specialist on my health and development team, they're like, from ages zero to two, we're just talking vocabulary, colors, experiences, that's all they need. And then at three and four, we can, and five, you know, we can start to get into kind of these simplified messages of different foods do something different in your body. A cookie provides energy. A strawberry provides energy, but a strawberry is red. So it also is going to help her heart. So like they can start to understand, hey, different foods are going to do different things. And that's a message they can take with them.

48:26And there actually is a little bit of research showing that that helps kids feel more informed and they may actually like choose to eat differently. that said nutrition education is not going to be the biggest thing for your book ever 100 it's what you eat in front of them and whether the food is there

48:48Kids Eat In Color:so good this was an incredible episode thank you so very much where can people find more of you so kissing color on social media also my website so my website is where you're going to find the picky eating screener, which is such a useful tool. Yeah. Um, I do have a book that's going to be coming out if you want kind of the big picture framework and the actual statistics on snacks, as well as if you happen to have a baby on the way, the, um, we have a free, I really think that feeding baby education should be free. So we have a free got like email series for parents that tells you how to actually feed your baby without getting wrapped up into all the baby feeding drama and all of that stuff.

49:36And without having to pay for a course, which I think is.

49:40Kids Eat In Color:Well, thank you so, so, so very much. Yeah. Thank you for having me. If you love this podcast, you will love the mom club even more because you get so much more content. For example, in this episode, it's 18 minutes longer for mom club members and they got it two weeks ago and they get exclusive access to the following questions like what she thinks about those snack cabinet setups that you see on Instagram, what extreme picky eating is and what to do about it, a really important deep dive on how to feel confident that you're doing a good job when it comes to raising a healthy eater and more. So come join us at learningtomompodcast.com slash join.

50:22Kids Eat In Color:I cannot wait to welcome you in my mom friend. Thank you.