The Couch Hang: Birth stories, Heatless Curls, and Men Could NEVER

0:00Welcome to the couch, man. Brought to you by two mom friends, me, Layla and my friend Megan, where no one has to clean their house before hanging out and we just pop a squat on each other's couch talking about motherhood as we're living in it. So if you're in the thick of it and you just want a friend who gets it, this is for you. Stay tuned every other week on top of the normal Learning to Mom podcast episodes. Thanks for hanging on the couch with us. Let's get into this week's episode. Welcome to the couch hang. Pull up a chair, sit down. I wouldn't be pull up a chair it would just be like pop a squat on the couch yeah the chair is there the couch exists hop on on um for those of you that are not watching this on patreon i just have to say i look like i look like lord farquad and megan looks like this goddess so beautiful you are being way too you were like you mentioned heatless curls and i was like we will have to discuss this because i yeah i'll explain the whole thing well is it like the sock or when i see like the yeah what is it the robe thing yes those i've i use both methods i put a robe on top of my head the robe string and I literally, it takes me less than two minutes each evening.

1:25Like it is the fastest path to beautiful hair, but I just like take two sections of my hair and it's almost like I'm braiding it with the robe. Like I'm tying the backend around and then the front end backwards that the curl goes this way in the front. I don't know. It's kind of hard to explain, especially when I'm holding a microphone, but I do that to both sides and then I just sleep and then it comes out and And it looks amazing every day. And it's wonderful. So is that what you did last Wednesday for Meet the Teacher? Because your hair was really cute then too. Thank you. Yes. And it's so, I like, I feel like everyone who does heatless curls can't stop talking about it because the difference in time the heatless curl takes versus curling my hair for a worse result.

2:15the heatless curl at least in my hair stays so much better than yeah we're recording this at 8 0 9 p.m everyone yes it it just holds up and then i i've been washing my hair like twice a week which is unheard of for me like i used to wash my hair every day yes but okay another hack for hair, the K18 dry shampoo is life-changing. It probably falls horribly on the crunchy scale. I have no idea, but it is by far the only best dry shampoo I've ever used. And every day I take out my HeLa's curls, I put a little hair oil in the bottoms and I spray my hair with dry shampoo and I move on with my day and I fill it together.

3:04It's amazing. It's amazing. Give it a try, everyone. Give it a try. But also, Leila, I feel like at the beginning of this, I have to make the announcement because I made it on my podcast. But I am with child. Yes. We haven't talked about this. Oh, my gosh. We haven't. Because I shared that reel of you telling me back when I was pregnant. Which was so fun. And then I was like, I cannot wait to talk about this on Couching. But I totally forgot. Yes, we haven't done it. Yeah. I know. It's been a while. So congratulations, Megan. Well, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Are you sharing how far along you are or like?

3:39No, not specifically. Not specifically. No, I'm in my second trimester is what I will say. And yeah, it's been a crazy wacky roller coaster. I won't get into all the details, but one thing I was just looking back at pictures of when I was this far along with my other two to be like, how big did I look then versus now? because I know you've seen me in many stages recently in the pregnancy. There are times where I am so bloated. I look like I'm 30 weeks pregnant. And then like today there's no bump at all. Yeah. Like you did not look pregnant at me, the teacher, like forgot you were pregnant. No, it's kind of weird.

4:23And I was like, when did I pop with my other ones? Like for real, not like fake pop. And I definitely had a little belly in my other pregnancies at this time. and I don't know if it's because I've been doing Pilates and maybe my abs are just like because I'm just snatched together more no like genuinely my ab separation in my pregnancy goes nuts and this is the first pregnancy that I've like done intentional core work during my pregnancy and I kind of wonder if it's not letting my stomach like round out as early this time um you know it's my hypothesis for therapists if you're listening please wait yeah please because I'm I'm genuinely I was like I think I should look pretty pregnant right now and I kind of don't and then I would like looked back like yeah I looked pretty pregnant back in the day and um what's going on because I'm going on I'm going on a trip to New York in a month and I'm like I want my uh cute bump as my accessory and all my photos so I'm gonna need that to get here in a month from now.

5:27Are you going with Courtney or Jake? I don't remember. Courtney. Okay. Courtney is the co-host to Megan's podcast, The Daily Nothings. Yes. Yes. And we're hoping to do an event. We haven't even announced this on my podcast, but we're hoping to do some type of event when we're there with people and we have not gotten the details figured out. So we're going to hope that that all gets figured out. Well, you kind of got to get on that. That's in a month. Well, I know we are talking to people and I think we have a resource that's going to be like maybe has an event that we are going to as like a special guest type vibe.

6:04Oh, okay. Perfect. Therefore minimal work. That is the hope. We'll see what happens. But anyways, I've talked a lot. Sorry. I talked to the last like two episodes. It was literally the Layla show. So I'm really glad. No, I'm just like blah, blah, No, I feel like we need to talk more about the pregnancy though. Okay. I mean, I know I was thinking about that. I was like, it's been pretty complicated because it's, this is my first pregnancy after my loss, my miscarriage back in November. And it was way more complicated than I was expecting emotionally. Like I went kind of like straight back into the depression that I got postpartum from that miscarriage.

6:46And I was super unexpected. like I knew would bring up stuff but I feel like it felt like the hormonal depression again on top of being super nauseous like all the things and I was like wow I wasn't really expecting it to like hit me that hard so I was kind of unexpected and not something I had like I feel like I haven't heard that much information and I probably just need to look it up but what pregnancy is like for women after a loss. Cause it's, yeah, it's just like way different than I was expecting it to be, you know? Yeah. No, it's, it's so hard to like find a place. Oh, um, and I'm speaking from someone who has not experienced this.

7:27So I can imagine it being really hard to kind of hold space for the life that you lost while also holding space for the celebration of the life that's in you. Well, also like the mind game of like, what if it's going to happen again? And Oh, totally. Just it was insane. So unfair that you and others have had to experience this. No, one of our mutual friends was like, it feels like the innocence is taken out of pregnancy after you've had a loss. And I was like, that's the perfect way to put it. Because it's just like, you know and you felt what can happen. And so it's hard to just be excited. And I also had a ton of spotting and cramping throughout my entire first trimester, which did not happen.

8:18I had a tiny bit of spotting my first and second pregnancy. And then I had a lot of spotting, obviously, before I miscarriage. And then I had a lot of spotting this time. And I was like, this is unfair. But then I go get an ultrasound. Everything's fine. Numbers are fine. And I'm like, okay, I guess this is just part of the deal for me. This pregnancy is a bunch of spotting and a bunch of cramping. So triggering though. No crazy. I was crazy. I mean, that's crazy to have gone through, but that, that stopped. Yeah. Yes. So I'm feeling a lot better in all those regards, but a wild ride, a wild ride for sure.

8:59The worst nausea I've had in a pregnancy, my fourth pregnancy. So do we think it is a boy? Well, I, I already know the gender. I told you the gender. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I haven't told anyone else the gender in the whole world. no no no I was like what and then I remembered the video the video and the video says okay yeah yeah but I haven't shared the gender with anyone so I'm so sorry wow sorry no that happened it just no it just happened in my women's group I guess I will blame it on postpartum brain fog but that was like please no no no please a girl of my my website was like do you know what you're having and I was like yeah I remember the video I sent she's like oh my gosh yes I totally remember like she went through the exact same thing it's because I don't I didn't just say like it's a blank I was like look at this video and see if you can figure out what the gender is based on my hundred spend and eyes reaction to the news and it was very funny it was very funny but anyways yeah but that's the pregnancy so far and I'm looking forward to are you still not feeling better.

10:13And today was good. My nausea like chilled once I got into the second trimester. And then the last week where Layla and I live was so hot and humid. Every time I would step outside, I just got immediate nausea. Like it's like I breathe in the thick humid air and it's, it was over for the rest of the day. So I feel like it came back, but today was good so i'm hopeful that we're like we have to be almost there we gotta be almost there please god please god so anyways yeah it's so cruel so cruel when the first trimester symptoms last into second trimester and like what well into like no it's not growing up until almost 20 weeks like no that would not be okay and i mean some women have hyperemesis where they're no literally all day every day uh-uh for like all nine months or rather 10 months okay pregnancy is 10 months it is and also i'm like i like how would i convince myself to get pregnant a second time genuinely that's insane that's insane one thing i was discussing with my women's group yesterday though is i'm like isn't it funny how much more physical suffering women go through on average than men throughout their lifetime.

11:40But men have the reputation of like rough and tough and they'll get into an altercation and punch someone or like, you know what I mean? It's like men can go through hard things. They go through war. They do this and that. I'm like women physically suffer all the time. Like at least once a month, if you're having a period you suffer in some capacities like I suffer immensely my cramps are terrible and then you get pregnant you have to go through all the physical suffering your pregnancy which ranges and you go through birth and then you give birth and then you have postpartum and then you nurse like it just it's like the postpartum crates and it's like so funny I'm like we act like men are so rough and tough and everything and i'm like they don't a man could go through basically no physical suffering in his life versus a woman if they were just to like live a life with no altercations a woman goes through so much physical suffering and a man would go through men like i did actually of this woman who was postpartum and it was a real of her and she was talking about how she just got her period back and she was like why can't men just have one thing just one just thing

13:03yeah yeah yeah if i think about it too long no i don't mean to make everyone upset but i was just i know and that something like that just makes me i i think it's mostly i was just like why do they act like men are so tough and i'm like women are the tough ones they silently go through so much pain like pain all the time okay but and then yeah we need to say i mean just like it shouldn't be pain pain is a sign you know like megan yeah yeah because and because you have pcos correct or endo yes i have pcos i do not have endo so i mean that's right like yeah word willing hopefully and if nothing was fine like I have yes not painful periods yeah I just want to say it is true yes have to be painful yes just for those listening that is thinking that it is normal because it's common but it's no that's good good call out though childbirth I think it's always painful and when you first start nursing that never feels good and a man doesn't have to do that so we do have that we do that but yeah go get help but women who have had pain-free births would say otherwise.

14:13Yeah. Like what percentage of women have pain-free births? I know probably like two. I mean, and I'm like a, I'm a hypnobirthing mom and my births are still painful, but yeah, I will say because so my first being induced and then like getting the epidural and all that stuff, I remember pushing her out and the doctor catches the baby and literally being like how do unmedicated moms do it like in that moment i was just like there's no shot this is the most this is insane there's no way now having two unmedicated births since yeah it is so different like oh i can imagine yeah you can do it because you're not tied to a bed and pushing on your back yeah like yeah you are like because you work so hard and all of pregnancies like get that like it's so different yes where it's like yeah yeah yeah yes yeah ah birth what a complicated topic but anyway we have some other topics i know we actually wanted to get to today if you want to get to anything else i just love chit-chatting with you i know and we have not chit-chatted and it like feels like yours you guys it's gonna be really hard to shut up i was in postpartum because i've just been like i'm not doing it to her i know i'm like i'm just not gonna send her one because i'm like she's just sitting nursing at home and i'm just not gonna it's we voice memo in the car leila and i's voice memo relationship really gets it's really car centric so when we get back to it i'm not even driving to preschool anymore no and now we're it's over for us text me before you're driving somewhere yeah the mom club is for those of you who are doing this without a mom friend nearby or who may have one but never gets to actually sit down with her because your guys's kids are always napping at different times if this is your vibe you are gonna love the mom club because you get longer couch hang episodes and we get to be real mom friends inside so come join me at learning to mom podcast.com slash join the links in the episode show notes below um okay so then life update for me I have like a new baby it is yeah the best please explain the whole thing world well yeah I'm so proud of you like if you're listening couching you're probably up to speed that baby was really colic I didn't take I didn't believe it was normal so i was like something is wrong so blah blah blah blah blah it was latch issue blah blah blah blah blah i really like don't want to have to spend five minutes summarizing it but he had a for next he done so he had like we went to the dentist and he had tongue and lip tie done and we're now two weeks two and a half weeks post-op and in addition to working had that surgery done working with a peds chiropractor working with a lactation consultant also getting like myofasial tension release or whatever done yeah um it's a new baby yeah that's amazing and i okay also this is so this is so crazy like this is so crazy last night he slept from like 9 40 p.m to 4 a.m i know that's the longest today he was this angel baby i was able to put him down he slept in his bassinet for like two hours I actually put away laundry I did stuff it was amazing and here I am being like I want another one I want to get pregnant no literally all it takes is one solid night and me being like this isn't so bad no it's so funny delusional no like you guys after Layla had her second it was like a week because he was an angel baby like he was an angel he was a this is how to be a baby perfect like no notes on his I also think that's because it was like usually people have that for their first that was not my you know so we have a little switcheroo Layla and I were very switched because my second was not that situation and it was funny because like I mean it was like two weeks postpartum you're like I literally have baby fever I was like, Layla, stop.

18:34What are you talking about? Yeah. So a month later, I have baby fever. I was like, how do you have, you have a baby? How hard do you have a baby fever already? Because you also know how fast it goes. And I will say that the first eight weeks of life are my favorite eight. Like that is my favorite. So I just need that on repeat. And then also this time because of his colic and getting that addressed, those weeks were stolen from me. yeah not as enjoyable as usual i got like two good weeks before hg double hockey stick started and then now it's fine but he's already like out of that window they're really really really itty bitty he's also ginormous he's a big boy like people think he's three months for sure no he did it's so funny oh wow wow i i thought i thought he was older than that you just had him yeah yeah he's a big boy he's a big boy yeah that's the update i am alive and well i am thriving but it's also still too early to tell like tonight you could be up four times for sure for sure it's it's it is, it's not linear.

19:52Healing is not linear. And, but I feel like you are the up and up. Like you've seen the most alive that you've been the whole postpartum really like right now. Today was so fun. Oh, that's so good. And we celebrated our second birthday. Oh my gosh. I forgot. I cannot, I can never like whenever his birthday comes the day before I just start thinking about my labor and how you were there. oh my gosh I'll never will always be a proudest moment of my life that was so that was so funny I'll really never forget that it's funny that you've had a whole nother baby since then but that was just so funny it was so sweet I don't grab the library I'm like can I get you some water I'm at the library this is TMI everyone I and I also feel like I've shared this before but this is so sure but it's so um we were on this walk and praise and then I'm like starting to get cramps and I'm like my tummy really hurts we kept stopping to pause because I was getting cramps like bathroom cramps like not although Megan was kind of like are you having contractions and I was like no like I have to yeah so we go praise god the library is right there is public space so I go to the bathroom and I have really intense bowel movements and I'm throwing up in brown paper bag that is in the bathroom stall for feminine products and megan just really solidified our best friendship then she comes into the bathroom which i would not wish upon anyone i'm fighting for my life in this bathroom stall i know and megan's like can i get you some water i'm literally like get out i'm humiliated and then and then he was born he was not born in the bathroom but that was the start of it all you're like i think i need to go home like maybe i should call my husband we should maybe see what's going on it was crazy yeah that was crazy oh my god and then we we planned went like we planned a walk for baby number three thinking like we'll just get this going again what if we just maybe on the lucky charm here but no he took his time a little bit more you you went through the ringer for waiting for that But you just had so much prodromal labor this time around.

22:13Yeah. Which then mentally made me think I was going to go early. Not that I believe in due dates. But of course, when you know it. Okay. Here's my. This is actually. If I have a home birth on the next Lord willing, we have another. And if I'm able, Lord willing, to have my home birth. I want to tell the midwife, don't tell me the due date. Like I don't want to know the due date. Oh my gosh. Wow. Like you know because you can start being like. you know to the midwife like if you know if things start happening and i do need to be induced someone needs to know the due date i don't want to know the due date just give me a window give me the window okay got it that makes sense i'm like you're because i was so in my head about it and i don't believe in due dates so it made me just be like this is so dumb it was really early and you were like i think i can have the baby and i was like right because i have been having labor labor and I 20 some weeks no and I was in the same boat with mine with my second I had so much padromal labor it was it was so terrible for my brain at least this time around I feel like my first I got induced two days before her due date and then she was like born on her due date because my labor went on for so long.

23:31And then I went in, I started labor the night of my second due date. So I've never gone early. And so I feel like this time around, no part of me will be like, until we hit that 40 week mark, I'm not going to be anticipating anything, no matter how many pedromal labor contractions I have just to try to like remain sane. Like, and if it happens, fine whatever but like it's literal mental torture when you have padromal contractions like thinking well maybe it's today and I'm only 38 weeks but like some people but you're very in the window that's so realistic to think I know you know yeah but not a lot of people I'm kind of like most people don't go into labor at 38 weeks like I feel like it's usually on the later end than the earlier end.

24:25So I'm just like, for my mental sanity this time, I'm like, I know my due date. And I'm like, we're not even getting excited until that day hits. I don't care what, unless my water breaks, which has never happened to me before. It's very hard to hit that date and then like stay cool. No. Yeah. That's why we, that's why I was like, we need to plan things after your due date. Like we're like, we need to go do something fun. Like, can we go get a fun treat or get coffee and go on a walk and I feel like like we always say that like you have to have something planned every single day the last two weeks before your due date the week after your due date you have to have things to look forward to legitimate things to look forward to things that you would actually kind of be bummed if you ended up going into labor and you missed and you were like I want to celebrate my first birthday like I feel like you had a laundry list like leading up to the due date and i was like that's helpful match yes you had fun things yeah you the week i feel like it was like the week leading up to your due date you had a lot of like to do's was it the week or was it two weeks before your due date no i want to say it was like the week like i was i think it was the week of pretty close yes but i ended up working out that ended up being good i like that oh gosh what a that's gonna be such a mind twister when that time comes around I'm like maybe I'll get really bad preeclampsia again and then I'll have to get and do super early I hope not no I hope not I didn't happen last time existence I know I was looking at pictures of myself when I had preeclampsia with my first and I showed it to a friend who I'd never like I've had never seen.

26:06She was like, I was like, no one told me like how bad I looked. Cause I was a whale swollen. Like it's ungodly, like not normal. And I'm like, why did no one tell me that I looked so crazy? And I showed her the picture of what I looked like. She's like, Megan, I would have told you. And I was like, honestly, thank you. Because everyone's like, oh my gosh, look at you. It's because it's the pregnancy thing. Like everyone's like, you look so great and we're just you try to hype them up because oh I know yeah but in that really this is like no actually medical crisis yes this is a medical crisis clearly with like and I also like how did my midwives look at me walk into that office at 39 weeks and not isn't that when you ended up getting induced no it wasn't until it was two days before my due date and I, my swelling would typically go down a little bit.

27:04If I put my legs up, like my, my feet would, instead of be double in size, it'd be like down a little bit. And your numbers were fine. They were fine enough. My, my, uh, blood pressure must've been fine enough. It was definitely high, but it wasn't to their limit. And then I took my own blood pressure at home. And I was like, that is not, I sent it to my parents and my dad called me because my bottom number, it was 138 over a hundred. And I always heard that if it went over 140 on the top number, that's when you have an issue. I didn't even think about the bottom number. And my dad who has like medical problems.

27:42So he knows all these things. He's like that bottom number being 100. Like that's the serious issue. Like you need to call your doctor and let them know that this is what your number was. I was like, he's like, that would be like, you're going to the ER kind a number. I'm like, Oh, so I called them and I'm like, Hey, I called Annie. And I was like, Hey, this is my blood pressure. Just to make sure everything's okay. And she's like, well, just go to triage and let them check your just like, check your blood numbers and stuff. And I was like, okay. And I remember telling Jake, I'm like, we're going to go to triage and they're just going to check me out.

28:13He's like, okay, cool. Like we'll check you out and then we'll just head on home. It'll be no big deal. And I was like, yeah, I was like, should I like bring it back? He's like, no we are fine like first time no you just have no idea and I was like but I know the horror stories of not being able to eat once you're checked into the hospital like I've heard that on many many birth stories that they're like they won't let you eat because what if you need a c-section or whatever and so I was like Jake I'm at least gonna make dinner and like eat a bunch of food right now just in case something goes down so like I made rice and chicken and then we went and she took all my numbers and, uh, they're like, all right, it's time for half to have the baby.

28:57I was like, no, no, no, it's not. I was like, no, no, no, no, no. Um, there's no way I'm like, I'm cause I had listened to like a 400 birth stories on the birth hour of just like women who had, who got induced their first time. It was traumatic. So in the second time they like really did all their research and then they had a natural birth for their second birth, you know? And I'm like, okay, we're not, we're not going to screw this up the first time I know. And I know they're going to try to convince me to get induced once I get close to my due date. So whatever it takes, I'm not letting them induce me no matter what.

29:29So I was like, no, like we're going to go home. Like we're not getting induced. And then the midwife comes in and she's like, all of your numbers are going in very bad directions. This is a medical emergency. We have to induce you right now. Like I'm not kidding. This is serious. And I'm like, it was Christy. Okay. And I was like, can we just go home so I can like pack my bags? Like, she's like, we have to start this now. Like, this is, this is not a joke. And I was like, okay. Okay, fine. It was a midwife. So I was like, they're, they're not nearly as pushy as OBs for real. So I was like, okay, she just made this sound very serious.

30:10Like, Jake, you go home, get the bags and we'll start this induction process. And, and then I was truly in the hospital for five days after I gave birth because of my medical issues that I had with preeclampsia. All my numbers were that bad for five days before they would send me home. So it was serious. I had to get induced to fix the problem, but it was just, uh, well, and praise God you didn't get it in postpartum. oh my gosh i know because yeah my sister-in-law just had to spend the night like a few days after she went home for postpartum preeclampsia for a night and then they let her go home and i mean i mean that's women this is really important if you're listening because that is like one of the number one causes for maternal mortality is that what it's called yeah um and one of i mean the u.s has the worst rates of maternal deaths and it's like very serious i don't think we just like we don't know the signs and like a constant headache postpartum that's one yeah i know you had a headache i was like uh layla yeah do you need to go check quite frequently i know i was like I'm not letting you go down here the nurse who mans the call line the station good friends with us yes no but it is very serious and it's not worth messing around um another thing and I always wonder this because I heard more people were getting preeclampsia after COVID hit and one of the things was like if you got COVID during your pregnancy you were more likely to have preeclampsia and I got COVID 10 weeks into my pregnancy with my first and I had preeclampsia and I did not get COVID with my second and I did not get preeclampsia.

32:08Is that interesting? Okay. I'm going to have to check that with you. I'm probably giving false information, but I'm going to like see if the person that I'm thinking of, if that was her experience. yeah maybe isn't that so interesting yeah so wild yeah so that's that that's not sorry i didn't mean to share no that was so great things okay we'll for real go this time to talk to you guys later bye thanks for hanging with us today mom friend if you want to connect more and not feel so alone in motherhood come join us in the mom club on patreon at learningtomompodcast.com slash join. I cannot wait to become real couch hang mom friends inside.