Why Your Toddler Suddenly Became a Picky Eater (and What to Do) with the Mini Me Dietitian | Ep. 152

0:00Kathy:First of all, I want anyone, whether you didn't know to get a variety of foods in front of them before the first birthday or even during that second year of life, or if you did, like, let's say you did, like, all the things. You did baby-led weaning. You did 100 foods before one. You did everything, and you still end up in this place where it's like mom's killer only eats 10 foods. That happens, too. Okay. So the first thing I want you to know is, like, none of that is your fault. You didn't do anything wrong to end up in this place because you can do everything quote unquote right and still end up with a little one who is pickier or who still needs support.

0:41Kathy:Okay. It's not always about fault. And there is a lot that goes into picky eating that has nothing to do with you as the parent or what you do. Hello, mom friend, and welcome back to the only show that grows with you. Wait, what? The Learning to Mom podcast is the only podcast that literally grows and changes topic themes as you go through motherhood. Season one is all about pregnancy and birth. Season two is postpartum and your baby's first year of life. And right now we're in the toddler years. So wherever you are in this wild, beautiful ride, there's a whole season here waiting for you. And if you've got a pregnant friend or you're also pregnant, start with season one or at least listen to some of those episodes too.

1:30Now I'm Layla, your official mom friend, and it is an honor to come alongside of you in your motherhood journey, no matter where you are. So let's dive in. Each guest brings their own experience and perspective. So please note that the content in this podcast is designed for general educational purposes only and not a substitute for personalized professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Hi, Kathy. Welcome back to the Learning to Mom podcast. Thanks so much. I'm so excited to be back again. Well, let me tell you, after last season's episode with you, I got so many great reviews from that episode.

2:05Everyone just loved how tangible it was. So I know this episode is going to be so good. So thanks again for coming back.

2:13Kathy:Absolutely. I'm really excited to be here and to kind of have a discussion around what is really my bread and butter. Like this age range that we're going to talk about today is like what my whole coaching program is built around and what I spend the most time doing with clients. So I'm really excited. Awesome. Okay. Before we get into that, can you just tell us a little bit about yourself and what the Mini-Me Dietitian is all about for those that may have missed last season's episode with you? Absolutely. So my name is Kathy. I am a registered dietitian. I've been a dietitian for 10 years. I spent almost eight of those years working in a children's hospital.

2:54Kathy:But when I became a mom myself, started going to pediatrician appointments and jumping into the feeding journey as a mom, I realized how little guidance parents actually get on the feeding journey, like starting solids, navigating toddlerhood. And so much of what I saw in the hospital setting and on the treatment side was preventable nutrition challenges, either in relationship with food or picky eating or like facing early onset chronic disease that like little ones didn't have to face if parents had had the support that they needed from the very beginning. And the cool thing is like my long-term dream when I became a dietitian was to have a private practice, but I had no idea how that was going to actually come about.

3:42Kathy:And, and now we're doing it and I love what I do. And I'm getting to bridge that gap for so many parents who are just like, I don't know what I'm doing, or I need the guidance, or I'm getting advice that actually doesn't fit well with me or my family. And I want more support or different support. Absolutely. Oh my gosh. Well, I'm really excited to dive right in. Let's just start off hard. What do you think is something that most parents don't know about how kids build their relationship with food? I think it's so much about opportunity and a building relationship with food is so much of a learning process.

4:25Kathy:We kind of expect little ones to just know how to eat. Like we think it's instinctual and like, oh, I'm just going to give you this food. And if this is what I give you, then that's what you're going to learn to like or enjoy. And there's so much more to it than that. There's so many different layers to a building relationship with food. And especially like I work with littles under two or up to second birthday, basically. So in that first 1000 days when we are really building a little one's foundational relationship with food, it's so much of a learning process and so I think the biggest thing that we don't give enough credit to is patience like I hear so many parents say um you know we tried vegetables four or five times and or like they didn't eat broccoli the first four or five times that we gave it to them so we just decided oh they don't like that so we moved on to something else whereas like it takes so many more exposures than that to actually determine a like or a dislike.

5:28Kathy:So I think seeing this period of time so much more as opportunity than as needing to do anything perfect or get it all right. So when do you see picky eating starting to come into play? I 100 % fully believe that the word picky is brought onto the stage way too soon because little ones forming preferences, especially, so usually we start seeing more skepticism around food after the first birthday. So babies are known to be more willing to explore a variety of foods, tastes, textures, colors, shapes. They're more interested in exploring. After that first birthday, they become a little bit more skeptical.

6:18Kathy:And there's also a lot of physiological changes that happen in a little one's body at that point too. Like their growth rate slows down and their appetite usually follows suit. And so we're not as hungry as we were as a baby. And then also we're starting to learn how our behavior changes situations or outcomes. Like we're just so much more aware and preferences are starting to become more solidified. So after that first birthday, we see a lower sense of willingness to explore a variety of foods. I oftentimes see that interpreted by parents as they're getting picky. And that's where I don't like the use of the word picky is because they're actually not picky.

7:03Kathy:They are just still learning food and they are figuring out their body and this new transitional period, right? So much happens after the first birthday. Like we're moving away from milk being our primary nutrition source to food being our primary nutrition source, their growth rates slowing down, as I mentioned. And so, so many different things are happening for them. And then when we see those changes and respond with trying to change things ourselves or like, oh, now it's just my job to get you to eat. We sometimes pack on the pressure. And then we see a domino effect in little ones eating habits based on how we respond to that.

7:44Kathy:And something I want to note on picky eating in general, just for anyone listening to this is, yes, I do believe that we use the word picky too soon. But there are also little ones who do need more support on the feeding journey. especially if we're having like mechanical issues, like chewing issues, swallowing issues, like we may need speech therapy or other types of support. That is important to look at. If you truly do think, you know, there is a problem here, not just like, oh, our food preferences are kind of changing a little bit. Okay. Can someone please tell me why motherhood on the internet can be so mean.

8:31The comparison, the comment sections, everyone correcting everyone with snotty I know more than you stuff. You go looking for a little support and you leave feeling worse than where you started. I wanted the complete opposite of that, which is why I created the mom club on Patreon. The mom club is the soft place to land. There's no scoreboard in here, no one upping, none of that hostile Facebook group energy. We're just moms who are for each other, asking honest questions and getting honest, kind answers back. It's the difference between walking away feeling judged and walking away feeling like somebody actually has you.

9:13Gosh, you deserve that. So if you've been craving a corner of the internet that's actually safe, come join us at learningtomompodcast.com slash join. That's below in the show notes. I cannot wait to meet you inside. Yeah. Okay. No, that is very helpful. So let's say you've had a great eater up until this point. Now, all of a sudden, they are becoming, not using the word picky, but they're becoming more selective. what do we do as a parent? That is where we stay consistent.

9:52Kathy:Okay. So in the midst of all of their change, they need us to stay consistent. They need us as the parents to continue showing up, to continue putting these foods in front of them, and to do so, of course, in a way that feels supportive and loving. So I am never one to say, you know, this is what you get and that's it, or you're going hungry. Like that is a big piece of what I work on with my clients is how do we support your little one in the way that they need so that they actually independently want to take interest in a variety of foods. And we're not getting stuck on like just eating snacks or just eating pouches where sometimes, you know, and those things by themselves aren't bad, but sometimes they become a crutch because we, as the parent just be like, I just need to get food or nutrients in your body.

10:42Kathy:And that also works against us in terms of what our actual long-term goals are, which typically is like we want to see our little ones eat a variety of foods and not have to make separate meals, right? So our actions at that time are really important to pay attention to. Yes. Okay. I am tracking. What advice would you have for someone who has a little one that's really struggling with picky eating. I'm not talking to like, they just won't eat carrots or it's just mushrooms. I'm talking like there are 10 foods that they eat and they didn't really realize that that was something that they needed to have been focusing on in that first year of life window.

11:22And all of a sudden it's developmentally appropriate for their kid to start having preferences. And they've almost, I don't want to say shot themselves in the foot, but they just didn't know. So they didn't know to do that. And now they're like, great. My kid only eats 10 foods.

11:35Kathy:Yeah, totally. Well, first of all, I want anyone, whether you didn't know to get a variety of foods in front of them before the first birthday or even during that second year of life, or if you did, like, let's say you did, like, all the things. You did baby led weaning. You did a hundred foods before one. You gave the – you did everything and you still end up in this place where it's like mom's killer only eats 10 foods. That happens too. So the first thing I want you to know is like none of that is your fault. You didn't do anything wrong to end up in this place because you can do everything quote unquote right and still end up with a little one who is pickier or who still needs support.

12:18Kathy:Okay. It's not always about fault. And there is a lot that goes into picky eating that has nothing to do with you as the parent or what you do. Like there is even a genetic link to picky eating. So there are pieces of this that are outside of our control. What my focus is for parents is, hey, let's do everything that we possibly can to support your little one to have their personal best relationship with food and to be a flexible eater and to be open to trying different foods. At the point that your little one is only eating 10 foods, that is a time to seek help. It's not a time to just keep piecing together random tips and tricks online.

13:01Kathy:It's a time to get professional help for a couple of reasons. One, a little one who is at that point most likely is not just going to grow out of this. For a food list to like dwindle that low when we have seen a lot of like previous exploration, that means we need action now, not that, oh, they're just going to grow out of this or this is just a season. The other piece is that we are building our little one's nutritional foundation at this point. So from a nutrition standpoint, I'm thinking, you know, brain development, energy for growth and everything that is still developing in their body and making sure that they're getting what they need to build a healthy immune system and all these things like gut health, so many different things that what little ones eat impacts.

13:59Kathy:And it all has a trickle down effect too. Like it impacts mood, it impacts behavior, it impacts everything about who a child is. And a lot of the times I think we just talk about picky eating as like an annoyance or there's a there's a lifestyle effect, right? And absolutely there is. Like it makes your life more challenging in terms of like now I'm worrying about what my kid's eating or what my kid's not eating or what am I going to cook today or can we go out to eat because do they have this food that they will or won't eat, right? And those things are valid. But there is also a nutritional component that is really important to address so that, yes, you can feel proud and see your little one progress with food and see them eat a wider variety of foods to take that pressure off of yourself and feel relief, but also to make sure that they are getting what their bodies need nutritionally in this season of life that is so, so impactful.

15:02Interrupting this week's episode real quick for this week's segment of MomMail. If you're new here, this is the part of the show where I answer a listener-submitted situation or scenario. Basically, you write in your tricky situation, and I give you advice only a real mom friend would give. Here's the email that we're answering this week. Hi, mom friend. My toddler has started having really big emotions lately, and I feel like I'm failing at knowing how to handle them. Some days she melts down over the smallest things, the wrong cup, the wrong pajamas, me cutting her food the wrong way, and I find myself getting frustrated because I don't understand why she's so upset.

15:37Then I feel awful afterwards because I know she's little and learning how to communicate. How do I stay calm and help her through these big feelings without constantly feeling like I'm doing something wrong? Thank you for your help and insight. I love you. Well, I love you too. Thanks so much for writing in. I think this is why the terrible twos get a bad rep. They're not terrible. They're just learning how to communicate and they have big feelings and big desires and they get ignored and we don't know what they want and all of the things. So don't feel bad for it getting to you. It gets to everyone.

16:18I would encourage you, this is like so cliche, but I would encourage you to focus on regulating your nervous system when you're having these moments. Take some deep breaths, maybe get outside for a second, walk away from the scenario, from the tantrum, and then come back. I know that is not like super unique, but it does really make a difference. Other things that I have found that helps me show up better through the toddler difficulties of emotions and just constant tantrums is really reducing my overwhelm and overstimulation everywhere so that the tantrum isn't on top of a really full cup already.

17:08Like if I'm already overstimulated by the TV being on or like some toys playing music or the kitchen fan, like the stove fan going on or whatever, and then there's a tantrum, I'm so much more likely to outburst. So I really try my best to lower my stimulation 24-7 by like not having any toys with sound, by not just having music or the TV on. So that way when big emotions rise and there's a tantrum, I'm not already at capacity spilling over. I have more room to handle that. I also would encourage you to really, like this is just a tip. And basically this tip came from me having pre-recorded an episode that's coming out next season.

18:03And it was about toddler sleep. And I was actually really surprised. This wasn't like mind blowing, but I guess just hearing it from like a credible source and really, it just hit me in a different way of your toddler might just be exhausted and little things are setting them over the edge all the time. So really making sure that your toddler is sleeping 12 hours at night, she said, and getting a solid two to three hour nap in the middle of the day. If they're not being well rested, then they're not able to regulate their emotions very well. And then it's just like constant battle, constant tantrums.

18:45So that's just a tip that I've learned from a future guest or a future episode that you'll have access to. And I hope that helped. You're not doing anything wrong. I mean, you can go back and listen to, we have quite a few episodes that would really help you about toddler emotions, discipline, tantrums, nervous system regulation for you and even mom rage. So I encourage you to check out all of those. Thank you so much for listening and for writing in. Now, if you're looking for advice, email me at learningtomompodcast.mommail at gmail.com with the subject line mom mail, and then keep your ears open because you might just answer it in an upcoming episode.

19:30Now, you've mentioned a few times you just like really, you know, help their relationship with food. Can we dive deeper into what a healthy relationship with food looks like? And I don't know the things that we need to keep in mind as we're instilling a healthy relationship with food for our little ones. Totally.

19:50Kathy:For young ones, it's really going back to the thing that I was talking about at the beginning, just this opportunity to build kind of an inner voice for your little one that doesn't question themselves, meaning their inner cues. They trust their own hunger and fullness. Nobody else is determining for them how much you should eat or how much you shouldn't eat. And then also we have a neutral view of food. Like little ones are very literal. So especially when we're talking toddlers who are learning concepts, they're learning to like talk and have conversations, everything that you say to them, they take so literally.

20:39Kathy:Like they're not getting any sarcasm out of anything that we're saying. Or like, you know, I don't know if you've ever been in a situation. There have been a few situations with my son where my husband has said something jokingly and he is just so confused. And I'm like, he didn't get that because he just took that so literally, you know, from whatever he said, you meant it as a joke, but he took it like point blank. Right. And so things like our language around food, If we're calling certain foods good or bad, they're internalizing that as I'm good if I want to eat this food or I'm bad if I want to eat this food.

21:18Kathy:And so we're creating an attachment to morality, which food is not and should never be. And there are so many things later in a child's life that are going to influence their relationship with food. we can't have control over everything that's ever going to influence their relationship with food but in these early years we have the opportunity to build their inner voice around food so that they are set up for the best opportunity when they are later faced with somebody else who is speaking out of terms of like diet culture or body image challenges or like where they have that inner voice to say like, oh, I've never had a reason to not trust that I'm going to eat when I'm hungry.

22:07Kathy:Or my parents never told me I had to finish what was on my plate even if I wasn't still hungry for it, even if I was full, right? And so we're building that for them so that they have those tools to use later in life too oh that's good yeah that is so good um did we talk about some common myths about feeding kids that you wish would go away oh i don't think we did maybe we did we kind of like sprinkled some in but yeah maybe having like a um myths do any come to mind for you that i could just speak directly to mr misconceptions that might be easier i mean yeah both um i definitely think that a big one is that like little ones need kid food uh or like that they're gonna like it more if it's like quote-unquote kid friendly and so then we like easily turn to you know mac and cheese or chicken nuggets or pizza or, and for some parents actually dealing with picky eating, it can feel really frustrating because it's like all the things that you think a quote unquote typical kid would eat, like your picky eater actually isn't interested in like pizza or chicken nuggets.

23:27Kathy:Like that can be a cause for concern for some parents too. But yeah, I think really that little ones don't need those types of foods to enjoy eating. And I think that's the coolest thing about what I do and get to see and experience with my clients is like that they don't have to resort to frozen foods or takeout foods or like all these other quote unquote kid friendly foods that they, in order to get their little one to eat. Right. And so I think too, just the idea that all toddlers are picky and this is just a phase and they'll grow out of it. Or I've even – I've heard some really bad pieces of advice in terms of like people telling parents like, well, if all they want to eat is this, then just feed them that.

24:24Kathy:And it's like, okay, yeah, that I guess helps you get some food in their body today. But like what is that doing for us long term and that's just it's not really setting you up for success so I think being able to decipher like what's what is good advice what is not good advice yeah well another myth or I guess misconception is that toddlers can just fill up on milk and be fine um like if they're not very interested in food and they would rather drink milk, sometimes it gives us a sense of like false peace of mind when we're like, oh, well, they drank milk so their belly is full, right? Or they didn't eat dinner so I'm just going to give them more milk before bed to make sure that they sleep through the night.

25:13Kathy:And first of all, milk can be used as a very helpful tool. It's a good source of calories, fat, protein, calcium, vitamin D, but it should be essentially just a beverage choice after the first birthday, not like what we're using to fill a little one's belly because that can also contribute to mealtime refusal if we're like filling up on milk. And too much milk can also cause iron deficiency. So that is another big thing. There is a whole aisle at the store that I just do not walk down anymore. The cleaning aisle. I used to stand there forever picking up bottles, flipping them over, trying to figure out which natural or plant-based, what was safe.

25:53The whole aisle smells like fragrances, really not good. Now, every single cleaning product in my house comes from one place and it's not the cleaning aisle. We have the glass cleaner, the everyday cleaning spray, the dish soap, the toilet bowl cleaner, the laundry detergent, literally every cleaning product is from them. It is a brand called Truly Free. And the reason I went all in is that they are genuinely non-toxic. They are transparent about every single ingredient and they work, which clean brands almost never manage to pull off at the same time. If you know, you know. I used to get this low-key anxious feeling every time I cleaned, wiping down the table my kids eat off of or the toys that they're going to put straight into their mouths, knowing that I was basically just smearing chemicals around for them to find later.

26:40That feeling is gone. I clean and I do not have to think twice about it. So if If decoding labels in the cleaning aisle has worn you all the way out, let me just hand you the whole solution. The link is in the show notes. Use my code LEARNINGTOMOM, all caps, all one word, for 30 % off anything on their site. The Everyday Cleaning Spray and their laundry detergent are the ones that I would grab first. I have a lot of beef with milk, to be honest. But that's another thing along with snacks that oftentimes can be a contributing factor to toddler pickiness is like where is milk fitting in our diet?

27:24Yeah. Yeah. I think the Got Milk campaign was – I think it did a lot on our culture. Just as a whole – like, yeah. It's just – I just think it's silly. Oh, don't get me started on milk. But something that I talked about in the episode related to – it was oral health. No, no, no, no. Airway. It was airway health.

27:51Kathy:Uh-huh. And absolutely blew my mind. And this relates to you just because it's all connected. Connected, yeah. Um, that our little ones like need to be eating solids and not just pouches and not, you know, just milk and all that stuff. Like real whole food is so important because when we just swallow, it's very different than how we chew. And so the kids that have like more ear infections, it's because they're not activating whatever these muscles are. Well, that's fascinating. I know. Your mouth just opened. That was my exact response. My jaw was on the floor. I had to like physically pick it up.

28:36And that makes so much sense because here I was thinking, oh, my – oh, and this is – the reason that kids who are breastfed have lower rates of ear infections, here I was thinking it was nutrition. it's actually because you're when they take the breast tissue though it's the same movement that it takes to eat whole foods so that you don't get that when you're taking a bottle or a pouch