You Asked Your Most Pressing Questions and I Answered! | Ep. 154

0:00Hey, mom friend. So glad you found the podcast where you get the answers to all your Brazilian first-time mom questions. I, as I ask experts, all our motherhood questions and seek tangible information without making you feel overwhelmed. This is the learning to mom podcast, and I'm your official mom friend, Layla. Please note the content presented in this podcast is designed for general educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for personalized professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. You're going to get a lot out of this week's episode. So let's get right into it. I cannot believe that it is the launch of season four.

0:35When I started this podcast, if you would have told me that I would have reached the amount of women that it has reached and that I've been able to support this amount of women and have as many mom friends as I do because of this podcast, I'd be like, what the heck? Why didn't you start earlier? Because this has just been a wild ride, a wild, so fun, so fulfilling ride. So I just want to thank you. If this is your first episode tuning in, or if this is your, I don't even know what episode number this is a hundred and something episode. Thank you so much for being here and being a part of the learning to mom community and for being my mom friend.

1:20Seriously. Thank you. So today in honor of season four launch, I had sent a couple times, I sent out like a question box on my Instagram story, explaining this episode and saying, you know, if you have any questions that you want answered on the episode, let me know, ask me the question. So we are just going to rapid fire go through these. Um, so I hope you enjoy mom club members. If you are listening, there are 15 questions actually that's more than that one two three i don't have time to count them more than 15 questions maybe closer to 20 at the end of the episode that just you guys have access to so make sure you listen to the longer episode on patreon so getting right into things um the first question and i'm just going to go through them in literally the order that i received them so sometimes someone like you can kind of tell that sometimes someone had a question and then they asked like another one on the same theme so sometimes they're like you know back to back so I'm just literally going to go through them and answer answer the questions that I received um the first and foremost your top three favorite recipes to make right now well right now right now at the time of this recording I am a week postpartum it's fresh it is fresh so I am very so thankful for my village and my community who have rallied for me and I have a meal train so right now I am not making any dinners I'm not making any food if you know me in real life and you have signed up for that meal train.

3:17Thank you from the bottom of my freaking heart. Thank you. But typically the three favorite recipes that I have right now, they're on repeat in our house is this recipe called taco pasta. And it essentially, it is essentially, um, pasta. I make it gluten-free because we're gluten-free and dairy-free right now. Um, but it's a pasta dish, you put like salsa in it and tomatoes and black beans and corn and ground beef and some spices and like cilantro and you just mix it all up. Oh, it freaking hits. It is also one of my favorite meals to make a friend in postpartum because one, it is super easy. It's also super easy to double the recipe.

4:05So I just make two and I, you know, my family gets one for dinner and then my friend's family gets the other one for dinner so easy so good another recipe that is on repeat in my house is salmon rice and a veggie unfortunately it is like my husband's least favorite recipe I don't know why salmon is truly one of my favorite foods I love salmon so So I make this one on repeat. My bad that he doesn't love it. But also I'm the one in the kitchen. And it is so incredibly easy to make. So incredibly easy. Like, you know, it's a 15-minute dinner of actual prep work and stuff. So, of course, I'm going to be hitting that up.

4:50And then the third, another repeat. And you can tell my favorite cuisine. Taco salad, baby. Oh, so good. You know. You know. It's just a bed of lettuce. Although right now I am not touching lettuce because of the diarrhea parasite that's going on. But it is a bed of lettuce. You got beans. You got corn. You got ground beef or chicken. We add some corn chips on top. Some cheese for those of us that can have cheese in the family. Sour cream for those of us that can have sour cream in the family. It freaking slaps. Like it hits the spot every time. I love a taco salad. So that answers the first question of my top three favorite recipes to make right now.

5:37Another question that I got was disinfectant Rex question mark. This one is pretty tricky. Because people in the like, crunchy, non toxic world kind of have different opinions on this. um some even like the super extremes are like you know really there's no need to like disinfect stuff our immune system blah blah blah if we have like the stomach bug or something i will be disinfecting and hydrogen peroxide is just like a go-to super easy um the everyday spray that i use by truly free which i love is not a disinfectant um but also you don't want to be like disinfecting stuff all the time, you know, like that's not really the move, but I know you asked for disinfectant wrecks because, you know, we're not using Clorox wipes and stuff like that.

6:36So I just use hydrogen peroxide. It is basic and easy. Okay. Moving on. Next question. Can you talk about NFP? What method do you use in your story with it? Question mark. I would love to talk about NFP. For those of you that don't know, NFP stands for natural family planning. And it is the method of, you can't call it contraception because it is not, it is not contraception. Um, but to explain it, it is the, or I guess it's, it's the method that my husband and I use to either achieve pregnancy or avoid pregnancy. And it is essentially using the God-given biomarkers that he's given you to detect when you are in your fertile window or when you are not in your fertile window.

7:32So when we are trying to avoid pregnancy, we do not have intimacy in my fertile window. And when we are trying to achieve pregnancy, that is when we double down. So I use kind of two methods, the Creighton model. So that is, sorry, there's going to be some TMI and some words that I hate, like mucus. Oh, I just like hate that word. So I apologize in advance if you also hate the sound of that word. It's learning your like the signs of the body because your cervical mucus changes throughout the month. So knowing like that is, that is like so accurate, like your cervical mucus changes when you're ovulating versus when you're not.

8:26So I use that. And then I also use, um, basal body temperature tracking as like more data to have. And I use what's called temp drop. It's a armband that I sleep in. Um, you can't feel it. It like goes on your kind of like your bicep. Um, you really can't feel it. And it tracks your temperature. I really like it because it only uses Bluetooth when you sync it up in the morning, like literally one time every day. And it's not, so it's not hooked up to Bluetooth all throughout the night radiating EMF, but it does, it, it tracks your basal body temperature similar to like an aura ring does, but of course it doesn't have all of those other, um, capabilities.

9:15So I actually, just because we're talking about this, let me pull it up. I have, if you were interested in a temp drop, I've used it ever since we got married four years ago. Um, I will link a 15 % off discount for you in the show notes below. If you are interested, um, I can get 15 % off. So there is that my story with it to answer your other part of the question. Um, I don't really know what you mean here, but I guess, so if you know my story, you know, that we got pregnant outside of wedlock so i was not tracking my cycle then and also that was really difficult if you're new here i would suggest you go back and listen to like the very first episode of the podcast where i share my story um i don't have to get into it here or it's going to be 20 minutes but i'm a devout catholic so that was really really difficult but my goodness, praise be the Lord for his redemption and his grace.

10:24And we are here today and my husband and I are, yeah, we're now married and we just welcomed number three into the world. And it's just been the best blessing ever. So, um, number two, number two, I literally just got so lazy and I stopped tracking and we got pregnant. That was number two story. And then number three, I was actually tracking everything and I like really wanted to get pregnant and we weren't having much luck. So I actually stopped tracking because my anxiety was so high and I was like, you know, this isn't fun. It's a little tracking thing too. Cause I, prior to that, I really had only used NFP to avoid pregnancy.

11:09This is the first time that I was really using it to achieve a pregnancy and I wasn't having much luck. Um, and so I got really, really stressed and anxious. And so of course, you know, we all know that that puts your body in flight or, you know, it's harder to get pregnant when you are stressed because your body doesn't feel safe. So it just like made the whole process worse. Cause I was so ramped, amped up about it. So I actually stopped tracking altogether and we got pregnant. So that is not a full proof way. If you are struggling with infertility. That is, that was just my, and I wouldn't say I was struggling with infertility.

11:45We just like, weren't having luck for a few months. So, um, but I will say just on a topic of NFP, love it. Love, love, love, love, love, love. I love being able to fully give myself to my husband and receive him fully as well without anything in the way. It is a full act of surrender and act of faith, I will say. And that is obviously very scary. It is much easier to say, I trust God in every area of my life than to live it. And I feel like practicing NFP, because as a Catholic, um you can't use contraception can't use birth control you can't use condoms sorry this is like i apologize if we have little ears i need to maybe get put a disclaimer at the beginning of the episode um i didn't really expect to be talking about this kind of stuff anywho um so yeah it's just like a full act of serna to the lord like i am trusting you so much with the with our family size.

12:56So it's been good for my spiritual life. I just, I really do love NFP and I love not being on birth control. I thankfully have never been on birth control, but obviously, you know, most of my friends have been on birth control and I'm really glad that that's not my story. So highly, highly, highly recommend it. Anywho, moving on, cause that took a long time. I apologize. Best advice for boundaries with baby number two, balance between help with toddler shoot i don't have the rest of that part of the question um so just best advice for boundaries with baby number two um i need to think about this one for a second i really should have done more prep work my bad if you're talking about boundaries to have for your older child when the next baby comes around, um, then I would say like whatever you feel comfortable with, if you don't want that child, like kissing the baby, make sure they know that or holding the baby, like make sure they know that I actually really favor, like, you know, like wash your hands and you can hold the baby whenever you want.

14:13And like, you can kiss the baby, just not on the, not on their face, but like top of the head, their arms, wherever you want besides, you know, their face just for germs. Um, I, I think that that makes the older kids feel so much more included and they don't feel so isolated. And so I'm like kind of pro, you know, no, like boundaries per se, but of course you do have to do some things that like for the child's safety, you know, like we have a pack and play downstairs now for baby number three and the older kids are not allowed to put anything in the pack and play they can't touch baby when baby's in the pack and play um that is baby baby's like safe place and of course i have to put baby down there to go make dinner or do whatever and i'm still in the room but those boundaries still exist if you are asking about boundaries for like in-laws and stuff when baby number two comes around because you said balance between help with toddler and now i don't know what the rest of that is, I would say you're going to feel like the baby is the easiest child that you have.

15:23Any child that is not mobile, way easier. So if you have help coming, let them help you with the other children, not with the baby, because that is the easy part. You can hold the baby and physically recover from birth. You cannot, you don't want to like give the easy child to those that are not recovering from birth. You hear me? Okay. Next question. What parenting trend or product do you think is just baloney? Probably so many. I feel like, I feel like I got a lot of hot takes. Honestly, I'm kind of an opinionated person, but I did actually just make a reel. I haven't posted it yet, but it's a talking head reel and it's like the viral trend of, you know, five things.

16:12So I made a five things I don't think are worth the money. And I said, and here we go. I said, up a baby stroller, the snoo, the outlet shoes for a child who is not walking yet. And any stupid, expensive, trendy baby carrier. I will explain very quickly the up a baby stroller. We have it. sure I do like it but it is so expensive that I do not believe that the like the price difference between that and the next roller what is it like the mockingbird or whatever I do not think that that difference in quality justifies that difference in price also when you move up to needing a second child, you think everything should be included because I just spent more than a grand on this stroller.

17:06Everything should be, nope, nope. Jokes on all of us. You have to pay hundreds more dollars in attachments and a whole nother seat. And it is the most maddening thing ever. So I'll be baby stroller number one. The snoo, I do not like it. I understand that some children just like do not sleep in the bassinet and I know that that sucks but exposing your child to all of those emfs don't love really do not love um also it is my belief that like whatever I'm not gonna get into that nope too hot of a take and I don't have the time to get into it now but I would say this new the same with the outlet um it's like that ankle breathing thing that you put on babies.

17:53And I do know that this is a heated one because some women have had like great success with the outlet. And it's like, that gave me such peace of mind. The majority of the stories that I hear, like 95%, I'm not kidding you, is like, this is a waste. It just made my anxiety so much more worse because it like disconnects. It'll tell me baby isn't breathing and baby is. And yeah, so that's why in addition to it radiating EMFs, you are literally putting that on your baby. That is not going, that's not good. Not good. Another thing is shoes for a child who is not walking yet. I am not really for shoes.

18:36Like even when they are walking, let's keep them barefoot as long as possible. Unless it's like super, super hot out or, you know, there's snow on the ground or cold out. Um, but she's, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no. You have more nerve endings on the bottom of your feet than you do anywhere else in the body. And so by you covering those nerve endings, you're actually not allowing your baby's brain neurons to connect. Fun fact. Um, yeah. So shoes on a child who's not like literally the dumbest thing ever, not worth it. And last I said, a stupid, expensive, trendy baby carrier. I just think it's one of those things that's like a brand recognition thing the stupid expensive trendy baby carrier will work just as well as a actual certified safe like safe for baby's hip carrier that has been around forever that is not glamorous or expensive um i love ergo baby and what's another brand that i love Of course, nothing comes to me postpartum brain fog, but, um, you do want to make sure that the brand is actually certified in forget what the right, what the credentials are, but it's a occupational hip and something placement.

19:56And basically baby carriers can do a lot of damage to a child's hip. And not only do a lot of these just trendy baby carriers, like they're just something to have you know brand recognition and it's like a flex to have this super expensive baby item so that's dumb but a lot of them are not actually certified in that so you're messing up your baby's hips so not worth the money all right I need to tell you something the loneliest that I have ever felt was when I was in a room full of people with actually like close friends, even was holding my baby and realizing that not a single person in that room actually got what my days were like, or understood me.

20:48I mean, like the complete exhaustion and the mental load and all the thousands of sacrifices that I was making this whole new version of me that nobody could even see and no one could relate to because at that point I was the first of my friends to become a mom. So if you know that feeling, mom friend, I made something for you. It's called the mob club. And the thing that I hear over and over from the moms inside is this exact same like sigh of relief. Like, oh my gosh, it's not just me. Or I'm so glad that I found this group. It's just so nice having a group of like-minded women where you finally have people who get it without you having to explain a single dang thing.

21:31You don't have to keep doing motherhood feeling that unseen, my friend. So come find your people at learningtomompodcast.com slash join. That's in the show notes below for you in case you forget. I cannot wait to meet you inside. Next question. What do you think of placenta encapsulation or placenta ingestion? hot hot question okay um I did an episode on this in season one and at that point after the episode I was kind of like it's not for me but I'm not really like against it and maybe I would do it in the future who knows I was kind of like 50 50 but more leaning towards not for me As time has gone on, though, I think I've become more against it because my thought process there is just like that's what filters out the toxins so that baby doesn't get the toxins.

22:37so why would I then ingest the toxins that baby just didn't get like your body you didn't ingest it the first time try to try to ingest it again I don't I don't love that so I don't feel so so strongly about it that I would like actually say something I still need to learn a lot more on the topic but that is now where I lean next question your preferred age gap between children which gaps for the hardest slash easiest and why? Um, yeah, I'm going to be honest. I don't have a preferred age gap. I, um, basically, so we have three kids right now and between them is about two years. One, one of the age gaps are like a little bit more.

23:27One of the age gaps is a little bit less. so I don't know like I have a set of two under two right now and I don't know I mean I'm so freshly postpartum but like I don't know I think all age gaps are difficult I think all age gaps have pros and cons like I don't think there's ever going to be a perfect age gap or anything like that. I'm just really thankful that we've been able to have three babies. And, you know, I just know that the challenges and the joys that come with their age differences is unique and awesome and a gift to experience and is exactly the way that the Lord wants our family to look.

24:12So it's just kind of like, that's my, you know, kind of surrendering. I don't try to like shoot for a specific age gap or anything. Um, yeah, sorry. That was probably a lame question or lame answer. Um, okay. Next question. Which pregnancy has been physically the toughest for you? Number two for me. And I feel it more. So I agree. The second one, I felt it way more for sure. Like I feel, I felt better even with my third pregnancy physically than I did with my second in terms of like aches and pains and all that stuff. And also I was throwing up with my second until I was like 18 weeks. Um, and with the other two was number one and number three, I was pretty much done throwing up at like 13 to 14 weeks.

25:03But this pregnancy number for baby number three, I started having contractions at 28 weeks, like legit throwing up diarrhea, experiencing hot and cold sensations, breathing through contractions, sitting in the shower for an hour and a half from 28 weeks on. Um, you, it was usually about like once a week I'd have, I'd get up in the middle of the night and I'd be up from 2 AM to whatever with legit contractions. So that was tough. That was tough. Praise God that is over. Um, so I don't know. Number two is the nausea, but number three was also difficult because of those contractions. Next question.

25:49What are your favorite episodes so far from each season? Oh, this is going to be so hard because there are so many. Truly, this podcast has changed me so much. Like my perspective, my thoughts on things. It's just changed me. Like I've learned so much because of these guests. So yeah, dang. Okay. So season one, I have so many favorites in season one, but two that two episodes that are incredibly underrated and they're with the same guest. Her name is Laura Ricketts. so I want to bring attention to them because they like don't have very high listenership and I think that I think like people need to listen to these episodes the first one is how to support a friend in their miscarriage amidst your pregnancy it's also just a really great episode like just how to support a friend in their miscarriage or in their loss everyone needs to listen to that episode even before you're you have a friend that goes through it and then the other one again is by the same guest and it's on being pregnant after you've experienced a miscarriage, like how to overcome the anxiety and find joy.

27:03Stellar episodes, stellar, stellar, stellar. Other favorites of mine from season one, how to bond with your baby in the womb. So good. The birth plan episode, fire. Um, and then the pros and cons of common birth interventions. So good. Season two, my favorites are the dog episode. I believe every single dog owner and every single non-dog owner needs to listen to the episode that's with family paws on dogs and babies. It is imperative to listen to this episode if you have a dog, but even if they are the nicest dog alive, because dogs don't speak human language, they speak their own language. And they're trying to communicate to us, but a lot of us just don't know how to listen or how to, I don't know, decipher what they're saying.

27:59But I also think it's super important for non-dog owners to listen to it as well, because dogs are everywhere. They're at a cousin's house. They're at your aunt's house. Like when you're on a walk in your neighborhood at the park, they're everywhere. And that is why everyone needs to listen to this episode. I also believe that every single parent needs to listen to episode 78 with Tiffany from CoSleepy. Her episode is how to safely co-sleep and bed share with your baby. Every single parent needs to listen to that because the amount of times that parents are like before they actually have the child, oh, I would never co-sleep.

28:40That is so dangerous. Okay. Well, good luck with that plan because you inevitably will co-sleep. You will with like you will because there will be a time that your kid is sick there'll be a time where you're in a hotel room and your kid is freaking out because it's a new environment um there's a time that you're going to fall asleep nursing in the bed so you have to know how to co-sleep safely you can do it you can safely co-sleep some like you can safely co-sleep and you can dangerously co-sleep if you do not know how to safely co-sleep you will do it dangerously and it is those people that make co-sleeping have a bad rep because that is when those tragic accidents happen.

29:22Okay. So got off my little soapbox there, but episode 78 must. And of course, I love the elimination communication episode on potty training your baby because that's something that we do slash practice. And I loved that episode because it's what inspired me to actually do it. So that's episode number 94. In terms of season three, so last season, even like last week was part of season three. I love episode 107 about medical inserts. If you want to be more informed when it comes to deciding to get your child vaccinated or anything like a certain procedure, a certain over-the-counter medicine, anything, you need to listen to that episode.

30:07It is not pro, it is not against vaccines. It is extremely in the middle and it is a phenomenal episode that I re-listen to often when needing to make a decision for our own family. I also loved episode 135 on gut health with Dr. Song and the episode on ear infections, pacifiers, mouth breathing, etc. with Dr. Ben, episode number 127. I am obsessed, obsessed with it. My mind was blown a thousand times. Similar to episode 140 with Andy Bryant, all about why kids should be barefoot more. Just fire episodes. So those are some of my favorites. The next question is kind of a fun one. A talent nobody knows you have.

30:54Okay. My friends in quote unquote in real life know I have this talent, but I can click my tongue. Like I'm going to do it very quietly so you can hear it like that click my tongue I can do it so loud incredibly loud I cannot do it on this it won't even like register right um but imagine I don't know just imagine it like super loud and then multiply it by two and that is how loud I can do the tongue click and I can also do different tones like I can do different songs with it of like different pitches with my tongue click so that's a fun talent that does not serve me at all but I guess a fun little party trick um next question best advice you ever got from your own mom way way too many I can't even think of anything that like comes off like the best advice is everything my mom I think the thing that comes to mind is um all the dating advice that she gave my sister and I and I actually look at some of my friends, especially before, I mean, most of my friends now are like in relationships or in married, but especially like in the dating years.

32:11And I was like, did your mom not teach you like how to actually date? But I mean, she has such great advice all the time. That's just what comes to mind. Okay. The next question, what do you think of circumcision? Are you pro or against? okay as you may know i do not share um my children's health like i don't share any decisions that we've made regarding vaccines or circumcision and i have two boys um but i can share my thoughts on it and just keep in mind that this is my thoughts but that doesn't necessarily mean that that is what it is for my children because my husband and I had to come to an agreement together and make that decision you know together um but my thoughts and my beliefs for circumcision is I'm just gonna be very blatant it is male mutilation um yeah I am I am, I'm against hard against.

33:21I also think that it is a American thing. I don't know what the rates are in Canada. It might be an American Canada kind of thing. Um, but it's not a thing in the rest of the world. So I have a really hard time accepting that, like, in addition to kind of diving into some of the studies and the research. Um, I don't know, like, for example, It's like one of the things that they say is that it lowers chance of UTIs. But like I'm a female. I get UTIs. It's fine. I get UTIs. That means it sounds like I have a UTI every week. But like I've gotten a few and it's fine. You know, like I'm just, I don't believe.

34:05I don't like it. I don't believe. I do think it's something that we're all going to look back in the future on and be like, I cannot believe that we were all doing that. So not for it. If you want more information, I highly recommend this documentary. I always mess up. Documentary. Documentary. That's called American Circumcision. My husband and I watched this together. I would recommend watching it with your spouse if you need to make this decision. We watched it together. We talked to our pediatrician and our midwife. Like, we talked to a lot of people. but this was one of the things that helped us make our decision.

34:46You can watch it on Apple TV or Amazon prime. I don't know where else it is, but I know it's on those two places. Again, it's called American circumcision and it was really fascinating and I would highly recommend watching it. Next question, favorite Bible verse. It is Psalm 18, two, which is the Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer. My God is my rock in whom I take refuge. my shield and the horn of my salvation my stronghold uh this has been my favorite verse since sixth grade when so i had i was homeschooled my education story is a little crazy um i liked i typically say i was homeschooled until high school but there was two years in there sixth and seventh grade where i was not homeschooled but just for the sake of like it, you know, of it being, I don't know, saying like super fast without having to give everybody my whole education backstory.

35:45I typically just say I was homeschooled until high school, but in sixth grade, I went to public school and that is not the time to go to public school. Sixth grade is the peak of middle school girl meanness. Not good. So I had a really hard time socially in sixth grade going to public school. Um, I'm sure that if I met those girls later on in life or even in high school, I would have had a very different experience in that school system, but coming in sixth grade with no previous friends, like at that school, whoo man. Yeah. Middle school girls are mean. So that was actually the year sixth grade was really when like my faith became my own.