Beat performance anxiety with these quick tips

0:00This message comes from Rocket Mortgage. A home equity loan from Rocket Mortgage can help with high interest credit card debt without touching your current mortgage rate. Save at RocketMortgage.com. Rocket Mortgage LLC, licensed in 50 states. NMLSconsumeraccess.org number 3030. Call 800-4-ROCKET for full program details. I ran track in high school and I found that I would always do the best when the least was expected of me. So to run varsity, there were only maybe seven varsity spots, and you had to get a certain time in a previous race, and then you would be on varsity. And every time I did that, and I would run on the varsity race, I would choke.

0:42And then every time that I ran on JV, I would get a better time than I did when I was running varsity. It was just performance anxiety, I guess. Yeah.

0:54Cindra Kamphoff:I'm not surprised to hear that. One of the things that I teach is to have a wide variety of goals, like a gold, silver, bronze goal, because your gold goal is typically like the outcome goal that you really want. But an outcome is something you can't control. And so you decrease your anxiety, increase your confidence when you set a range of goals. What are some other types of goals that you might have? Well, let's say, for example, your daughter is running the mile. OK, so her gold goal might be to win the race. but her bronze goal would be something that she's still happy with and that might be to finish really strong in the last lap and then the middle goal is the silver goal that's somewhere in between maybe she wants to run a personal best you're listening to life kit i'm mariel cigarra and that was cindra campoff author of the confidence habit cindra has a phd in performance psychology and she does mental training with professional athletes and corporate executives who need to perform at a high level.

1:52Two of the things they focus on are confidence and performance anxiety. There's cognitive anxiety, anxiety in your head,

1:59Cindra Kamphoff:and this typically sounds like automatic negative thoughts, like what if I screw up, what if I don't have what it takes, where the second type of anxiety is called somatic anxiety, and this is anxiety in your body. And so it's important to know where your anxiety is coming from or how it appears. So you use tools and strategies to be able to combat that performance anxiety. I wonder when does performance anxiety show up for people? Because you don't just have to be an Olympian or giving a talk in front of a bajillion people. That's true. For the average person, it's any time where you're doing something you really care about.

2:36Cindra Kamphoff:And that might be like speaking your mind, sharing your opinion. That could be applying for a new job. So it's anytime you're really outside your comfort zone when you're really pushing yourself. But we know that's actually how you keep growing and learning is to push yourself past your comfort zone. And that's why confidence is so important. I think of confidence as a feeling that actually comes and goes. It's also a decision you get to make. You get to decide in the moment, are you going to be confident? And many times the action of confidence comes before the feeling. So we can overcome performance anxiety.

3:08Yes, absolutely. On this episode of Life Kit, Sindra shares tools you can use to manage your anxiety and build your confidence before, during, and after a performance or a high-stakes task, whether that's a presentation at work, a job interview, a race, or something else.

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4:47Download to see exactly how AI is reshaping work across every part of your organization, and how to make sure you come out ahead. Get your free guide at netsuite.com slash story. The WNBA has exploded in popularity in the last few years, which has brought with it a lot of unwanted attention, like threats and vitriol, all directed at its players. It's not just about protecting women's sports. It's actually about dismantling them from the inside. Listen to NPR's Code Switch podcast in the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. Cinder, let's start with the days, hours, and minutes before a performance.

5:29What can we do when we're just feeling way too anxious and it's clouding our minds?

5:33Cindra Kamphoff:One of my favorite tools is called the truth meter. And many times when we're getting ready to perform, our anxiety is a little bit higher than maybe we want. And so the truth meter is just three quick questions you can ask yourself to get back to the present moment and choose something that's more empowering. And so, Mariel, what's a thought that you have, an automatic negative thought that you have that sometimes leads to anxiety for you? Oh, if it's before some sort of big talk, it might be like, you better do this well. Okay. You better do this well or else, you know? You better do this well or else they'll never have you back or your career is going to be over.

6:10Cindra Kamphoff:Yeah. Something like that. Yeah. Okay. So the first question in the truth meter, because it helps you poke holes in the thought, is, is that thought true? I mean, to a certain extent. Okay. If I don't do it well at all, then yeah, they probably won't have me back. It's true. It probably won't end my career, you know. Okay. So question two, is that thought serving you? Like, is that thought helping you be the best version of yourself and show up when the pressure is on and be your most authentic self? No. No. Because it's leading to more pressure and then maybe you aren't able to think as creatively as you'd like.

6:42Cindra Kamphoff:So the third question is, what would be a more empowering thought you could choose right in the moment when that thought pops in? Maybe it's like, you know this stuff. Yeah. I love that. And your self-talk directly connects to your confidence and your ability to be flexible and adaptable. Takeaway one. In the days and hours before a task when negative thoughts are racing through your mind, try Syndra's Truth Meter. This method is similar to other frameworks from acceptance and commitment therapy and cognitive behavioral therapy, and also to a method by Byron Katie called The Work. Take a self-critical statement and ask, Is this true?

7:19Is this serving me? And what would be a more empowering statement than when you're at the equivalent of your starting line, waiting for the gun to go off, and you feel nauseous or you're sweating through your shirt?

7:31Cindra Kamphoff:I usually tell everyone to not be thinking about their outcome goal and instead use your breath. Your breath is the most powerful way to get back to the present moment that gets you back to the center and gets you back to the moment where that's where you play your best and perform your best. Okay, so we talked about the before. Now there's the during, like the talk or the race or the event, whatever it is, has started and you freeze. What are some tools you can use in this moment? One of the most important things you could do is to move on that fast. And I'm actually going to snap and say that fast.

8:09Cindra Kamphoff:And so I have a tool called the Learn Burn Return. And it's all about how to quickly move on from a mistake or disappointment or setback. And you can use it in the moment. Let's say you're in the middle of a race and that first mile didn't go great. You can ask yourself, what did you learn? And remember that you want to just use the prompt next time I will. And so take the lesson. But most people, they get stuck on that lesson and they learn, they learn, they learn, and they don't quickly move on and burn. So learn as quickly as you can. Then you got to burn. The burn is with an action or phrase or both.

8:45Cindra Kamphoff:And so you might literally pretend to flush a toilet or you might say that fast, but choose the same phrase or action every time because that strengthens a new neuropathway and you're less likely to overthink. And then the return means you build yourself back up. You remind yourself you've got this. You know, you're doing the best that you can. Now, is this something that you can do in the middle of, let's say, a presentation at work? How actively can you participate in this learn, burn, return when you're also in the middle of presenting? So if you just have a split second, do the burn, just let it go.

9:22Cindra Kamphoff:But then when you have a moment to take a step back and reflect, then you can learn, burn, return. Takeaway two, when you're in the midst of the task and you fumble or you freeze, consider learn, burn, return. If you have time to pause, that is. If you don't, then just burn and return. Move on from your fumble as quickly as possible. Then when you have time later, reflect on what you might do better next time. After the break, more tools to help us perform in high-pressure situations.

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10:30Cindra Kamphoff:What are power pauses? A power pause is a way to kind of get back to the present moment and includes two things. It includes a power breath and a power phrase. And what this allows you to do is just take a moment and you can breathe and then tell yourself something powerful about yourself. You know, you've put all this work in. You have the evidence that you can be successful. You have everything inside you that it takes. And is this something that we can do in the middle of a performance? It could be. So for example, one year I was running the Omaha Marathon and I had trained really hard for this race.

11:10Cindra Kamphoff:But to be honest, about a week before the race, I had performance anxiety and I'm like, I don't know if I really want to run this. Do I want to keep training? And so I decided to stay committed to my goal and I wrote myself a race plan. And one of the race plan components was to talk to myself powerfully every time that I wanted to give up or I was struggling. And I wrote four power phrases. And so I define a power phrase as a statement that starts with, I will, or I can, or I am. And I ended up writing them on my arm in marker. And it said, you know, I'm confident, I'm ready, I'm fit, I'm happy.

11:45Cindra Kamphoff:And about mile 22, you know, when it gets really hard and you've got to dive deep, the second place woman got right on my tail. And then I had all these anxiety provoking thoughts like, I should just quit. This is dumb. Why am I doing this? Who do you think you are, Sandra? You think you could win a marathon? The doubt spiral started getting really, really deep. And I had a plan. And we know that pre-planned self-talk can help you in your performance. So I just started repeating those things to myself in my head. I had trained for thousands of miles to run this race. Then I started thinking about how I was happy and I loved running.

12:20Cindra Kamphoff:And then I started reminding myself that I should be confident. And all of a sudden my pace picked up and I ended up winning the race, which was pretty cool. Yeah. But what I was most proud of is just like how I finished those last four miles. And my last four miles were the fastest of any part of the marathon. And the woman who was right near me at mile 22, I ended up beating her by three minutes. Oh, wow. Because I talked to myself so powerfully. She didn't have those power phrases. She didn't have those power phrases or a race plan like that. Yeah. How are power phrases different than just like, you know, thinking positively?

12:57Cindra Kamphoff:I would say power phrases are more intentional statements that you've pre-planned and that you've been really thoughtful about. How do you want to show up? You can say those to yourself every morning. It can be in the mirror if you'd like or just quietly in your mind, whatever fits you. Takeaway three, try a power phrase. These can start with I will or I can or I am. And it helps to have them in your pocket ahead of time. So when you're in the moment, you can remind yourself. For instance, I can handle discomfort. Or I am resilient. I am strong. I am ready for this. Another tool Sindra told me about is called PCR.

13:37Cindra Kamphoff:And this has helped a lot of my clients who can feel really angry during a performance or frustrated. And the three steps are just pause. Take a moment. Take a breath. consider how do you want to show up right now? Is this who you want to be and how you want to show up? And then R stands for respond. Most of the time, our brain goes to the reaction instead of response. That's our brain's default is to react, not respond. Whereas we respond, we choose how we want to show up. And this can be great during a performance, but let's say also if a colleague says something that's really frustrating, pause, consider, respond to show up in the way that we want to show up.

14:19Once we're done with the task, whatever it is, what are some practices to reflect on how we did and to build our confidence?

14:29Cindra Kamphoff:A couple of things I would encourage is to take a step back and look for the wins. We get so caught up in how far we have to go that we don't take a step back and say, okay, what have I accomplished? So one thing that you could do is you could write down three small things that went well. If you're really hooked on and stuck on something that didn't go great, write that out. What did you learn? How can you let it go? And how can you return? And what that tool allows you to do is to be compassionate with yourself, to soften that inner voice, and being kind to yourself leads to more motivation, higher performance, and more confidence.

15:05Takeaway four, don't jump right into criticizing your performance. Look for the wins. Three small things that went well. You can see the rest as a learning opportunity. But don't get stuck there beating yourself up. Because remember, we're often our own worst critics. You tell a story in the book about a talk you gave that you felt like you bombed. And then people told you after what a great job you did and how much they got out of it. It occurs to me that we're not always the best judge of our own performance.

15:37Cindra Kamphoff:Yes, I did a TED Talk and wanted to completely crush it. as you could imagine. And by my own standards, it didn't go exactly the way I wanted. And for a year and a half, I didn't share the TED Talk with anyone. And you might be thinking, what? Somebody who studies confidence beat herself up around this. But this was a really huge goal for me. I wanted the TED Talk to go viral, which was honestly the biggest mistake I made was I was so focused on the outcome and what I wanted that I wasn't connected with my heart like I typically am when I speak. But then some of my speaker friends, when I was telling them about this experience, they watched the TED Talk without even realizing that, you know, I had struggled with it and how it didn't meet my standards.

16:20Cindra Kamphoff:And my friend, John, was like, wow, Syndra, you've grown so much since I heard you last speak. Like, that was incredible. And I was like, yeah, why am I being so hard on myself? You know, and so our words really do matter. And so I just encourage people to just keep remembering what's most important is what you think about yourself. And that's why you got to keep leveling up that self-talk. Keep leveling up those power phrases and that identity. Cindra, thank you so much for this. Thank you. That was a blast. All right. Time for a recap. Takeaway one, when negative thoughts are racing through your mind, try the truth meter.

16:57Take a self-critical statement and ask, is this true? Is this serving me and what would be a more empowering statement. Then when you're at the equivalent of your starting line, don't think about your outcome goals. Use your breath to bring yourself back to the moment. Takeaway two, when you fumble or freeze, consider learn, burn, return. If you have time to pause, if not, then just burn and return. Move on from your fumble as quickly as possible and learn later. Takeaway three, try a power phrase. These can start with I will or I can or I am, and it helps to have them in your pocket ahead of time.

17:34There's also PCR, pause, consider, respond. And takeaway four, don't jump right into criticizing your performance. Look for the wins, three small things that went well. See, the rest is a chance to learn, but don't get stuck there. Because, you know, you probably did a lot better than you think. And even if not, it's not the end of the world. The sun will rise again tomorrow. Okay, that's our show. Before we go, do you ever find yourself saying to a friend, you know, I heard on LifeKit. First of all, thank you for talking us up. And second, what about telling another friend about us? Go ahead, send them an episode.

18:11And thank you. This episode of LifeKit was produced by Lennon Sherburn. It was edited by Sylvie Douglas. Our digital editor is Malika Garib, and our visuals editor is CJ Ricalon. Megan Cain is our senior supervising editor, and Lauren Gonzalez is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Andy Tegel, Claire Marie Schneider, and Margaret Serino. Fact-checking by Andrea Lopez Cruzado. Engineering support comes from Sina Lefredo. I'm Mariel Segarra. Thanks for listening.

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