How to get a great haircut

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1:05You're listening to Life Kit from NPR.

1:11Hey, it's Mariel. One summer in college, I decided to cut my long hair short. I went to a cheap, but not that cheap, salon. and partway through the haircut, the stylist got on her phone and started yapping. The rest of the time, she's holding the phone between her shoulder and her ear, having this loud conversation while she cuts, just snip, snip, snip, totally distracted. I was afraid to say anything. And at the end, oh, it looks so bad. It was shorter than I wanted, more boyish looking. I just didn't feel like myself. And it changed how I felt looking in the mirror for months after. A lot of us have these stories.

1:50M. Arita is a hairstylist and barber in Providence, Rhode Island, and works with people who have a masculine of center presentation. Hair can really be a huge factor for how one feels about their presentation. It's a big deal, in my opinion. And if you got botched, you might be afraid to get your hair cut ever again. The flip side, though, is if you've had an amazing haircut, one that made you feel like yourself, that made you feel sexy or confident or regal or rugged, Whatever it is you were seeking. When it goes right, it can go so right. Alicia Luciano is a hairstylist and founder of a salon in New York City called The Way.

2:30Finding a hairstylist that you really feel like you can trust is like the biggest gateway to like having the most amazing beauty experiences. And when you do find the right stylist, the one who's willing to take time to listen to you, to ask you smart questions and be honest with you, they can help you figure out what it is that you're actually seeking in this cut. Like maybe you have long hair and you walk into the salon thinking you want to make a dramatic change and cut it short. But maybe you actually don't. I have seen time and time again people be like, this is what I want. And we end up doing like, I don't know, take like two or three inches off their hair.

3:07And they're like, yes, this is exactly what I wanted. And it's like, they didn't come to me for a pixie cut. They came to me for my discretion. On this episode of Life Kit, how to get a haircut that you love. We'll talk about what to look for in a stylist, how to know what you want and communicate that, and what kinds of questions you and your stylist should be asking before they start cutting.

3:33So you're looking for a hairstylist. If you were in search of another professional, say a lawyer, an accountant, a contractor, a house cleaner, a tutor, you'd probably start by asking around. See if your friends had suggestions. That's a good starting point with hair, too, because you know what your friend's hair looks like. You know if you like what you see. You can also find people online. And then takeaway one is to do your research. Look at the stylist's website and Instagram or Facebook page. Browse through photos. Do you like the way their haircuts look? Do they cut hair that's similar to yours in texture?

4:08Do they do a lot of the styles you're interested in? If they work at a salon with other stylists, make sure you're seeing the work of the person you're actually considering going to. Liza Gottlieb is a hairstylist and salon owner in Toronto. She says we should pay attention to the timing of any reviews that we read. If the review is right after the haircut, like, sure. I mean, it's beautiful, it's amazing, and they probably had a great experience. I would also take that into account. But if somebody says in a review that this haircut grew out perfectly, it grew out seamlessly, I would take that seriously.

4:50Now, if you happen to know there's a haircutting technique that you like or don't like, you can call or email the salon and ask questions. For instance, If you've gotten a few haircuts that were dry cut and felt like they were inconsistent and didn't grow out well, I would just say, do you cut hair dry or do you cut hair wet? Or you might ask something like, do you use a scissor or a razor to cut hair? Do you use a thinning shear? If you don't know what these things mean, that is totally fine. This is just a nice to have. At your first appointment, Alicia says one green flag to look for is a feeling of comfort.

5:28Like, I could be honest with this person. Do you feel warm? Like, oh my gosh, we've been friends forever? Or, you know, does it feel like the things you're sharing with them, they're actually listening? Also, are they taking time to consult with you before they start cutting? Do they ask specific questions? How short do you want the bangs to be? Do you want them on the eyebrow or below the eyebrow or just above the eyebrow? Below. You want it like still on your neck but not on your shoulders? Definitely. Do you have any pictures? What do you like about your hair? It's going to be shorter in the front, longer in the back.

6:02You're okay with that? You wanted like a little taper? A little bit, yeah. How short do you want the detail to be like in the sideburn? Does this area bug you? Do you want bangs or do you want face framing? And how thick? How are you feeling? Are you nervous? Our next takeaway, takeaway two, is to go beyond the inspiration photo. Get a really clear sense of what you want. You're going to think about your intentions, why you're getting this haircut, what you're hoping to feel like after, and what looks you're most excited about. A lot of the getting the haircut starts with a why. And so sometimes haircuts originate from a major life change.

6:40Sometimes they originate from like, oh my gosh, I haven't looked at myself in the mirror in like weeks. Like what is going on with me? Sometimes it's purely just maintenance. So sometimes it's really important to slow down and ask ourselves, why are we looking for this particular moment? And then from there, we can have fun. Start looking for photos online of haircuts you love. Or if you have a friend whose hair you admire, ask if you can take a photo to show your stylist. And then Liza says, take the time to look at your reference photos closely and consider what do I like and what do I not like about each of these.

7:20Look at the bangs. Look at where the shortest piece of the layer is. Do you like that? Em says your stylist can also help you understand what you're seeing in each photo. People will show me pictures of celebrities pretty often, and I'll be like, all right, I need you to understand that this is someone who has a stylist. Their hair may look like they just rolled out of bed, but I promise you their hair is done very meticulously. It can also help to collect photos of haircuts you don't like at all and show those to your stylist as a guide for what not to do. I think it's wonderful to identify where you are not interested in going.

8:02Because again, you're kind of setting up a boundary and you're conveying your truths to this new person that you're trying to build trust with. And you can brainstorm some adjectives, words that describe the vibe you're going for. You might want to feel sexy or handsome, feminine or masculine, flirty, confident, playful. Maybe you want a haircut that's edgy or shaggy or bouncy. Really, like, any adjective is good. Or if it's like, you know, people will be like, it's like shaggy, like, 90s hunk haircut. I see a lot of people wanting. And, like, I know what that means. I'll be like, oh, I want, like, a surfer look or I want, like, movement.

8:42Words like that, I think, are helpful. Now, these words don't mean the same thing to everyone. What looks feminine to me, for instance, might not read as feminine to you, but they can be a starting point. And if you don't know what you want, or you're torn between different styles, that's okay too. Your stylist can guide you. A stylist should be able to show you more pictures than what you have brought, right? You can experiment in the consultation. They should also have a sense of what kinds of haircuts might help you look your best. M, for instance, is always thinking about the shape of a person's face and how to balance their features.

9:17So if I'm like, okay, this person's got kind of a narrow forehead and like wide cheekbones, I need to build more weight up near their forehead so that they don't look like a triangle. Or like if someone has like a really like square jaw, I would be like, okay, let me like, let me balance that with a softer haircut. This brings me to takeaway three. Stay flexible and allow your hairdresser to guide you. You chose them for a reason, and they likely have more experience with haircuts than you do. When they offer you their professional opinion, really consider what they're saying. Alicia says maybe you come in and you say, I want a bob.

9:53Okay, go for it. But do allow your stylist to suggest some tweaks. Because the bob in the photo might not be the bob for you, right? You want them to be like, actually, your face is really, you know, round. Or, you know, you aren't going to blow dry your hair every day. You want them to still customize whatever they're creating for you. Here are some questions that an experienced and thoughtful stylist might ask before they start cutting your hair. What's your lifestyle like? How often do they wash their hair? How often do they style their hair? How much time do they spend on their hair each day, like in the morning when they're getting dressed?

10:30How often do they get their hair cut? How much maintenance are they willing to do with this new cut? Maintenance is really, really important because it can dictate how far you take the style. So you could say, I'm really interested in getting this bob, but the maintenance of blow drying it every day might be too much for me. Your stylist should also ask questions like, where do you part your hair? How short do you want your bangs? Where do you want your hair to sit on your body? This is a more helpful question than how many inches do you want to cut off, because not everybody knows what an inch actually looks like.

11:07With that in mind, Liza says to make sure your stylist shows you visually where the cut is going to fall. Your jaw, your collarbone, your shoulder blades. Usually I go through a haircut and I show one of my clients, like, in your inspiration picture, this layer is extremely short. This is where it's going to lay in your haircut. Are you okay with that? And sometimes the answer is no. Your stylist can also tell you, listen, that photo is AI. Or that woman is wearing extensions. it is not going to look like that on you. You should find a hairdresser that's honest with you. Your hairstylist can also be an ally in your hardest moments.

11:44It's a cliche at this point. Go through a breakup, get a haircut. Go through a really bad breakup, get bangs. But there's truth to it. When our lives feel out of control or we feel stuck, that can send us to the hair salon to feel some sense of agency. And if we're experiencing hair loss, we're hoping our stylist has something up their sleeve to help us feel our best. More on that after the break.

12:11All right, we're back with Life Kit and takeaway four. If you're going through a difficult time with your hair, be open with your stylist. They've probably seen this before and they can help. Alicia has several clients who've lost patches of hair because of stress. So these might be people that their hair was their pride and joy. And so to suddenly have this major change, first and foremost, I'm sending you to a physician. Whether it's your primary care doctor or it's a dermatologist, I'm going to do my best to help encourage you to go seek that help on a professional level. And then I can help navigate on the beauty level.

12:52That might mean extensions or a different kind of haircut that covers your bald spot. I'm telling you, a curtain bang can do wonders. And if someone's about to go through medical treatment like chemotherapy and is expecting their hair to start falling out within a few weeks, Alicia will say, tell me all the haircuts you've ever wanted to try. And from there, they might be a little stunned, like, wait, what? You don't want to cut it all off? And I'm like, we can cut it 10 times over. Let's try to lighten the situation for you, and let's try to build confidence, even though everything else around you might be suggesting you should have the opposite.

13:27I lost my hair when I did chemo for breast cancer last year. One thing I ran into as it started growing out again is that I wanted to keep my length as much as possible. But parts of my hair were uneven, and I felt like I kept getting it cut shorter than I actually wanted. I've learned that if you tell your stylist the length is important to you, they can come up with a plan. The stylist can show you more of what you can do in order to really keep that length. Like, you don't necessarily have to take it off. If you really, truly feel emotionally connected to that length. Like, I'm sure there are other things that we can do in order to keep it.

14:04Liza says, remember, this is your body, not theirs. They might have a suggestion, but they should also be listening to you and not pushing you to do something that you don't want. Even like split ends, too. Like, who am I to tell you to cut them off if you really like them? Maybe in terms of like me as a person, not even as a stylist, I would like to take off split ends rather than keep length. But the person in my chair might really just value the length over taking away split ends. So I think like finding a stylist that sees what you value and puts what you value over what they value. That brings me to takeaway five.

14:46Speak up. If you notice that your stylist or barber is doing something that alarms you, like cutting off more hair than you expected, or taking out a razor when you only like a scissor cut, say something in the moment. You may not know what this cut is supposed to look like when it's only partly done. But you still get to ask questions and confirm what's going on. If it looks like they're cutting off a lot of hair, you can say, hey, looks like a lot of hair. Or you see them taking out a buzzer. Say, hey, what are you doing with that? You have to open your mouth. I know it's hard. I know it's really hard because somebody is touching you and is in control of your body at that moment.

15:25But you need to speak up. Alicia says it's also OK to change your mind once the haircut has started. If, again, we're keeping it transparent and we're working together to build the trust. It's not going to hurt my feelings if someone's like, you know what, I think I changed my mind. Heck yeah, tell me. Let's change our mind. Like, where are we going with this? So definitely say something. There's so oftentimes people don't say something and then they go home and they're not feeling great. You are also allowed to say something at the end of a haircut. I say that in that way because I don't actually feel allowed.

16:02When I get a haircut, I feel like I need to perform how great I think it is. I'm sitting there in the chair and the stylist says, okay, all done. And no matter what, even if I don't like it, I go, wow, it looks great. I love it. Followed by a big smile. I am aware that this is not helping anybody. Em says if you know in the moment that you're not happy with the cut and you're able to articulate what you don't like, the stylist should be able to make adjustments. I want my ears to be more exposed than this, or like it's feeling like a little bit heavy, like in this area, or like this is too long, you know.

16:36Or could you go shorter with the layers? Could you cut the bangs a little more? You might have this realization, or finally build up the courage to say something once you get home. Send that email, make that phone call, send that DM, let that hairdresser know immediately. Because if you don't, you're not even giving them the opportunity to make you happy. We just don't want to hurt y 'all's feelings. Hurt them. Hurt. That hurts our feelings way less than not seeing you again. Yeah. Oh my gosh. It literally is the original ghosting. Liza does want to put an asterisk here. If you go to a stylist and you feel like they totally botched your haircut.

17:15If you are really extremely, extremely unhappy, very, very unhappy, the likelihood of the stylist being able to fix what they have done is really slim to none. That particular stylist, you know, if I went and got a haircut and I really like I felt like it was so choppy, usually like the stylist who does a choppy haircut is not going to be able to do a seamless haircut. Now, that doesn't mean all hope is lost. Another stylist might be able to fix it. And as they say, hair grows back. Okay, time for a recap. Takeaway one, if you're looking for a new hairstylist or barber, ask friends for recommendations and look online.

18:02As you browse photos, ask yourself, do I like the way these haircuts look? Do they cut hair that's similar to mine in texture? Do they have experience with the style I'm interested in? If you're looking at a salon website, make sure you're actually seeing the work of the stylist you're considering. Takeaway two, get a clear sense of what you want and why. Think about your intentions, what you're hoping to feel like after the haircut. Gather photos to show your stylist of what you like and don't like. And also think about some adjectives that describe the look you're going for. Takeaway three, stay flexible and allow your stylist to guide you.

18:37You chose them for a reason, so when they offer you their professional opinion, consider what they're saying. takeaway four if you're going through a difficult time with your hair be open with your stylist they've probably seen this before and they can help come up with solutions and takeaway five speak up if you notice that your stylist or barber is doing something that alarms you like cutting off more hair than you expected say something in the moment and if you don't like the cut you're allowed to tell them and to ask for adjustments remember this is your body and your hair, not theirs. And that's our show.

19:12Hey, you're a fan of Life Kit, right? Well, don't keep us a secret. Maybe tell a friend who you think might like us. Send them an episode. And thank you for helping spread the word about Life Kit. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Sylvie Douglas. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan, and our digital editor is Malika Garib. Megan Cain is our senior Supervising Editor, and Beth Donovan is our Executive Producer. Our production team also includes Claire Marie Schneider, Lennon Sherburn, and Margaret Serino. Engineering support comes from Kwesi Lee. I'm Mariel Segarra. Thanks for listening.