How to reclaim the magic of summer, according to Gretchen Rubin

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0:19I tend to romanticize Summer, or at least I have in the past. Yeah. And I think that's in part because of movies and TV shows that were on when I was growing up and in high school. It was this idea that, like, you were supposed to go somewhere maybe far flung for a couple of months and completely transform. Probably have a whirlwind romance. Yes. And, yeah, just come back renewed like a totally different person. And honestly, I have never had a summer like that. It's hard to live up to that.

0:52Gretchen Rubin:Yes. For me, my fantasy is more modest, but it's just the idea that somehow the summer is going to stretch out empty and full of just time to fill as I like, the way it was when I was in fourth or fifth grade. Yeah, I guess it does go back to childhood. Because I was wondering, like, where does this really stem from, this idea of summer as if it stands apart, you know? It's the school calendar, yeah. Yeah.

1:19Hey, it's Mariel Cigarra. You're listening to Life Kit from NPR. Do you remember when summer meant something? When it felt special? The long days stretching into weeks? the feeling that there was more time and more possibility than at any other point in the year, our guest today, Gretchen Rubin, has a plan to help you reclaim that feeling. Gretchen is a writer. You might know a few of her books, like The Happiness Project or her podcast, Happier. She's also been on Oprah. And she's a pro at helping people create meaning from their life experiences. She says now is the time to think intentionally about how to make the most of your summer before it slips away.

2:02Gretchen Rubin:So often the summer just flies by and we haven't taken the picnics or gone for the day trip or whatever it was that we thought we were going to do because it passes so quickly. I think we do have this romantic idea of what summer can be, but if we don't design our summer to hold that, it's not going to happen on its own. That's something that if we really want it to happen, we have to plan for it. And like there's something about the fact that it's just this one season. I think that little bit of time pressure is actually useful for us because it gives you that feeling of like, Well, I'd better do it now, and I need to make a plan now, because otherwise this time is just going to slide by.

2:34Gretchen Rubin:Things that can be done at any time are often done at no time, and so by saying I want to get it done this summer can be useful. Gives it a container. Gives it a container, exactly. On this episode of Life Kit, Gretchen and I talk about how to plan the summer you want, whatever that looks like. We talk about picking a word as your guide, creating a bucket list, sticking to a challenge, and more. We're going to start, though, with the word. Gretchen says one way to design the summer you want is to give it a theme. This is takeaway one. Pick a single word or phrase that you want to embrace this season.

3:09Something that captures the feeling you want to have or whatever you're seeking over the next few months.

3:15Gretchen Rubin:So it could be adventure. It could be relaxation. When you look at people's one-word themes, they're often opposite. Like some people will pick more. And then some people will pick less. and some people will pick now and some people will pick weight and some people pick bigger and some people pick smaller. It's all what you want. And part of the fun of it is coming up with, well, what is the theme that is going to really please you? Like mine is ketchup because I think ketchup is like a superfood. It has all five of the basic tastes, sweet, sour, salty, bitter, and umami, which is extremely unusual.

3:48Gretchen Rubin:And it has a kind of a summer feeling because you think of putting ketchup on your burger. And there's something kind of whimsical about ketchup. It's really just like, look for the whimsy, look for like whatever I could add that's going to make something elevated and more fun. Oh, ketchup is a metaphor. Yes, it's a metaphor. For me, it's the symbolic idea of adding ketchup. Question, are you also trying to catch up on things this summer? Well, very well played. I didn't even think of that. And that is so good because that is one thing I try to do in the summer because one of the things that is true of the summer is it includes July 2nd, which is halfway day.

4:27Gretchen Rubin:And halfway day, we're halfway through the year. So if there have been resolutions that you've made or goals that you've wanted to achieve, it's good to stop July 2nd and think, okay, am I on track? How am I doing? Do I need to find a different approach? Do I need to re-engage with this? Do I want to give it up? Have I decided that actually this isn't something that I want to pursue? Do I want to mindfully abandon it? That's a good strategy. If something isn't working out. So catching up on July 2nd. Perfect. I do love wordplay. Yes, I love a wordplay. I was an English major. Were you also an English major?

5:01Yes, I was. As people are trying to come up with their theme, I mean, what advice do you have for them in brainstorming that?

5:08Gretchen Rubin:Think about what is the atmosphere you want to create or what is it that you want to point yourself to? And then think of like, what is a word, like a creative, interesting word that has a lot of energy? And you want to think of a word that really does have resonance. Like my sister basically one time wanted to have resilience. But oh my gosh, right? Like, we've all heard that word so many times. It's a heavy word. It's tired. So instead she picked bounce. And the idea of like bounce back, bounce into the future, have energy. And like, it's a quirky, whimsical, memorable word. But it really captured the idea of what she wanted, which was resilience.

5:43Gretchen Rubin:So sometimes it is fun playing with what are the words that attract you that stand for what you're trying to capture from the season. We'll have more Life Kit after the break.

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7:29I also have been trying to think about, in terms of this, what summer truly lends itself to. Because I think we do, we want it to do a lot. And maybe we're unrealistic about what we can get done. But also, what are the opportunities, the realistic opportunities? For me, I think it's like looking at the pleasures of the season, like a juicy, ripe peach. You know, like eating a peach, often over the sink so it doesn't drip all down my face and my clothes. Or wandering in nature or watching the sunrise or sunset, you know, the longer days, allowing yourself leisure rather than rushing around from one thing to the next.

8:13To me, summer is about slowing down.

8:16Gretchen Rubin:Well, and that's a really good thing. Maybe that would be your phrase would be slow down or take your time. It's something that would capture the idea of settling into an experience. There is something about the longer days that just feels like you do have more time. Yeah, maybe it also lends itself to exploration. And then also maybe it's abundance. Maybe juice is my word. Ooh, I like that word. That's a juicy word. Yeah, because like even just the fruit that are available in the summer are so much better. Yeah. Yeah, and just like squeezing the juice out of it. Yeah, you're squeezing the juice out of the summer, but then you're also enjoying the juicy tomato, the juicy peach.

9:01Gretchen Rubin:Yeah, see, that's a perfect example. It's a very summer word. But this is why I think it's so helpful to think about it in advance. Because if you don't think about it, the whole summer could go by and you haven't had a single peach. As much as you love them, there was never the opportunity when you're like, now's the time. And if you haven't thought about the fact that it's something that is meaningful to you, it just might slip by and then they're not in season and then you've missed your opportunity. Whereas if you design it into your summer, then you can really make sure that it happens and that you really have that enjoyment.

9:35That's another takeaway from Gretchen. Takeaway two. Come up with a bucket list of things you want to do this summer. Maybe you want to try kayaking or see the sunset at least once. Ride the Ferris wheel at a summer fair or make a tomato tart. You might even put something on there that you don't necessarily want to do, but you've been trying to cross off your list for a long time.

9:56Gretchen Rubin:Like cleaning out the garage. like I'm a very fearful driver and the more I drive the more comfortable I am but because I'm fearful I often don't want to drive so this summer I really saying and I live in New York City so I don't have a lot of opportunities to drive up but I'm I vowed anytime I have a chance to drive I'm going to drive this doesn't make my summer more fun because I'm a fearful driver but it makes it feel very satisfying because I'm working on something that I really want to tackle but it It can be something like 50 summer walks or 10 new chicken recipes. Having a bucket list of things that you want to try really can make sure that those things get tackled, even if it's as simple as like a backyard picnic.

10:40How many things do you think one can reasonably put on a summer bucket list?

10:46Gretchen Rubin:Some people love a long list with a lot of easy things to cross off. I'm kind of a big fan of that approach myself. Some people like fewer things that are more ambitious. It's really whatever works for you. But I think you want to be realistic with yourself because sometimes it's easy to get discouraged if you set the bar too high and then you feel like you've let yourself down. So pick the things that are really important to you and really try to follow through with those. Another idea, takeaway three, is to come up with some sort of challenge. Gamify your to-do list a little bit. You know, I'm going to try 10 new taco joints or eat at every diner in the neighborhood or read five romance novels this summer.

11:26Gretchen Rubin:People are so creative with this. I mean, like Friday Freaky Flavor, where it's like every Friday they went to the ice cream store and had a freaky flavor. And it's like if you had Friday Freaky Flavor all summer long, that would really stand out in your mind for that summer, right? Years later, you'd be like, oh, that's the summer when I discovered, you know, creamed corn ice cream. Sometimes they're really meant to help us explore. Like many people do challenges related to, I'm going to do 10 new hikes or I'm going to try six new exercise classes to get out of my rut and see if there's a new kind of exercise that I would enjoy.

12:04Gretchen Rubin:Sometimes they're a challenge where it's really something that's difficult, that you really are saying to yourself, okay, I'm really going to do this. And I know that it'll make me happier in the long run, even if it's a challenge that I don't enjoy. Many adults do not know how to swim. And this is something that, in my observation, kind of weighs on them. So maybe this is your summer when you're going to take swimming lessons and really learn how to swim, even if that's something that's scary to you. Maybe this is your summer of dentistry or doctor's appointments where you're like, okay, I've got a little bit more free time.

12:37Gretchen Rubin:Let me make some appointments that I've been putting off because I know in the end it's going to make me feel better to get these things done. But I need to kind of work myself up to it. One of my challenges is to watch girls. I've never seen the TV show Girls, and I want to just like do it. Prepare to be uncomfortable. Okay. I know that's sort of what I've heard, but people say it's so good. So I'm thinking, okay, well, summer's passing. Maybe I just sit down and just watch a lot of girls. I think it's a good idea to have some summer pursuits that are indoors because sometimes it is unbearably hot outside in the summer.

13:15And I think there's a lot of pressure to be outside all summer because it's like, I've waited all year for this. But when it's 100 degrees, I don't want to be outside. Right.

13:25Gretchen Rubin:So maybe you have hobby summer and you're like, I'm going to experiment with three new hobbies or I'm going to knit something or build something. Or maybe it's experimenting with like learning to make homemade ice cream or making homemade bread or something where you'd come out of the summer feeling like, oh, wow, I really like I really learned something or did something. Playing Scrabble with your family every, you know, every night after dinner or something like that to give it a special flavor. Yeah. After the break, we soak in the summer through our senses.

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15:21Go to netsuite.ai slash story. All right, takeaway four is to experience the summer through your five senses and then reflect. What does summer look like, smell like, taste like, sound like, and feel like?

15:38Gretchen Rubin:Our five senses are so important. And I think the summertime is a time where we really think about our five senses a lot. There's something like just very vivid about summer. And you can do a five senses portrait either of your summer or of a specific adventure you had in your summer. Like, let's say you took a family trip and you could do this by yourself or you can do this with a group of friends or with your family. And you just go seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, touching. So let's say you went on a July camping trip with your family. You'd say, OK, what were the five most notable sites that we saw?

16:08Gretchen Rubin:And then you would talk about, OK, well, what was like, oh, that was the time we saw the bear eating out of the trash can. And we almost like we almost got right up on him. That would be something that you saw hearing, smelling, tasting, touching. You know, it's one thing to look at photographs, but that's just very flat. But a five senses portrait really like puts you back into that experience. But maybe it's for your whole summer. Like what, you know, is it the smell of sunscreen? Is it the smell of chlorine? Is it the smell of hot dogs? Is it the smell of cotton candy? Is it the smell of freshly cut grass?

16:41Gretchen Rubin:For you, what is the smell of summer? So this can be a really creative, fun way to look back on summer and capture the memories that you've created. Yeah, I love that idea. And I'm sure people could get really creative with it in terms of, I'm going to make it into an actual portrait. Like, I'm going to, you know, illustrate it or. Yeah, absolutely. Whatever it is. I want to ask a question for the parents out there, because especially if you have kids in the house, you're not just planning your summer for yourself. You're also planning for them and for your family as a whole. And so I wonder how can you get their input about what they want their summer to be like, but also make it something where you're meeting your needs as well?

17:20Gretchen Rubin:Well, I think that is a great idea, which is to sit down and think like as a family, how do we want to design our summer? What does everybody want from it? And I think sometimes for ourselves and for our children, we tend to overschedule. And there's sort of a feeling of like we're rushing from one thing to another and we don't give ourselves a big margin. But that is another thing I think to think about as you design your summer is like, what is your pace? What is your energy level? How crowded do you like your days to be? Because some people really do love running from one thing to another and like, let's jump in the car and go here and go here.

17:52Gretchen Rubin:And they like that feeling and they like that pace. And then other people, there's a quotation from Thoreau where he said, I like a broad margin to my life. And I'm like, I need a broad margin. I don't like to rush. I like to have a lot of time in between things. I could spend a whole day puttering. And my family is kind of the same. So we take it pretty slow. We don't need a lot of activities to feel like we've had enough. But for other people, like that pace might be different. And also you can get into the complication of like, some people like to do a lot. Some people want to do less. But the more you can talk about that, the more you can figure out, well, how do we make this work for all of us?

18:32So this comes up a lot with New Year's resolutions where you get three weeks into January and you realize you're not doing the thing and maybe you don't even want to do the thing. So what if that happens in the summer? You know, you set your theme or your intentions, you make your bucket list, and then you get to, you know, end of July, early August, and you're not doing it.

18:55Gretchen Rubin:Well, that's very common. We've all done it. I'm a big fan of helping yourself remember what you've set. So like I have an index card that's on the bulletin board right by my desk. So I see my theme every time I look to my right to keep it uppermost in my mind. And then the same thing with a list so that I remember what's on my list. Because sometimes you make, even though something's really important to us and we vow that we're going to do it, we just sort of forget about it. This is often why it can be fun to have a visual representation that's maybe a T-shirt or a piece of jewelry or like a little thing on your desk that would help remind you of what you have set your theme to be just so that you remember to do it.

19:36Gretchen Rubin:Now, if you get to a point and you realize, okay, I haven't been living up to this, you know, it's never too late. You know, there's an adage that I love, which is the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago. The second best time is now. And the best time to have a terrific summer is when at the beginning of summer, but the second best time is whenever you think of it. So you're never behind. You can always just start where you are and jump in. I think that as much as you can remind yourself along the way is good. But if you, you know, you've lost some time, that's okay. Just re-engage. All right, Gretchen, thank you so much for this.