Stressed about sleep? Don't make these mistakes

10:33Sleep Expert 3:And this is hard. You know, it's hard to kind of convince people of this. Like, they want to sleep in on the weekends, and I get that.

10:39Sleep Expert 2:Eric Prather is a professor and sleep scientist at the University of California, San Francisco. And the author of the book, The Sleep Prescription, Seven Days to Unlocking Your Best Rest. And he doesn't just study this stuff. You can tell he's a sleep enthusiast.

10:54Sleep Expert 3:Sleep has this, it's just this kind of deliciousness for our body, right? It does so much for our heart, for our immune system, for our emotions. When people get the sleep they need, they really are kind of the best version of themselves.

11:09Sleep Expert 2:One of the best and easiest ways to be that best you sets an alarm to fill up your internal sleep balloon in a timely manner. What's a sleep balloon? Is that not just a thing everybody says? Okay, so there are two primary processes that control sleep in our body. The first, I'm sure you're familiar with, is your circadian rhythm. Also called process C. That internal clock that gets a jumpstart from sunlight in the morning and ebbs and flows throughout the day. The other is process S, or our sleep drive.

11:44Sleep Expert 3:I do think of it as kind of like a balloon. Like you wake up in the morning and your balloon is flat. And then as you kind of go throughout your day and use energy, it fills up. It kind of gets bigger and bigger with sleepiness.

11:55Sleep Expert 2:When that balloon gets big enough, your eyelids get heavy. You begin to yawd.

12:01Sleep Expert 3:You go to sleep and then you kind of drain out that sleepiness. Kind of like you let the air out of a balloon. And when your process S and process C are well aligned, then it often predicts kind of a restorative sleep.

12:12Sleep Expert 2:It's common sense, right? If you wake up at 7 most days, but then you sleep until 10 on Saturday morning, not only is your circadian rhythm thrown off, essentially inducing some minor jet lag, But also...

12:24Sleep Expert 3:Your balloon's not going to start building up until that time. And then, you know, no surprise, you may not feel those same sleepy cues at night.

12:31Sleep Expert 2:Now, why focus primarily on wake-up time? It goes back to the idea of controlling the controllable from the top of the episode.

12:40Sleep Expert 3:We can't control when we get sleepy, right? But we can control when we wake up.

12:44Sleep Expert 2:So setting that morning alarm and doing your best to stick to it, painful though it may be on some days, can be a first step in unburdening a bit of that sleep stress by offering you some agency and giving your body some predictable cues to work with. In CBT I speak, this is a stimulus control practice, aka making deliberate choices about when you're getting in and out of bed, that can help to address conditioned arousal, which is just the fancy scientific phrase for when someone's relationship with their mattress gets turned upside down from too many nights of sleeplessness. So instead of the bed being a cozy, comforting cue for the brain and body to drift off to dreamland, Eric says often people will tell him,

13:27Sleep Expert 3:You know, I feel sleepy before I go to bed and then I get in bed and my brain wakes up. Or they wake up in the middle of the night and they look at the clock and their brain is like just like activated. The bedroom tells your body to be awake.

13:39Sleep Expert 2:Completely breaking that association between your bed and anxiety will likely require some retraining and rearranging, both inside and out of the bedroom. But I promise, it's not all a chore. For example, the next task on our conditioned arousal checklist. Takeaway three, go on, stay up late. Get out of bed when you feel like it. Just give yourself enough time to power down before bedtime. It sounds a bit counterintuitive, working on your sleep by spending less time in bed, right? But do you remember fighting against your bedtime as a kid? Or do you maybe have a kid who fights against theirs now?

14:21Sleep Expert 2:You know, like, Mom, I'm not sleepy yet.

14:25Sleep Expert 1:People may hope to get in bed and be asleep by 9.30. And instead, they're spending more time in bed getting frustrated that they're not getting sleep. And that really aggravates the issues.

14:37Sleep Expert 2:Dr. Ravi Aisola is a physician, a clinical professor of medicine, and the director of the Sleep Disorder Center at UCLA. He and Eric are going to walk us through a few other CBTI practices. Namely, only go to bed when you're sleepy and get out of bed when you're not. You don't have to cease all activity to better support your sleep. Just don't actually get into bed until you're sleepy. Like, can barely keep your eyes open type sleepy, ideally. That'll help reinforce that positive association between the bed and sleep. Now, to be able to get to that level, Robbie says instead of focusing on a bedtime...

15:16Sleep Expert 1:Focusing on kind of an off time. When I've decided, okay, at 9 p.m. does it mean I'm going to, you know, be on my computer and do work until 9 p.m., shut it off, and then jump into bed and expect that it's going to happen and I'm going to flip a switch.

15:31Sleep Expert 2:As Eric says, our brains are predicting machines. Constantly trying to take in context clues and figure out how to use our metabolic resources to keep us alive and thriving. And that's why you need to give yourself a long off-ramp from all the excitement of the day.

15:47Sleep Expert 3:So, you know, when people go to bed, they often have these rituals, whether they know it or not, that they do each night as they begin to go to bed. And the more consistent things you make that, the more your body understands it's like, oh, now we're going to transition to sleep.

16:00Sleep Expert 2:To start to downshift your brain and body into rest mode, dial down your environment as best you can too. For example, at home, Ravi dims all the lights when the sun goes down, in keeping with the natural rhythm of the body.

16:12Sleep Expert 1:And I find that that makes a difference. But I think a bigger part of it, or as important, is the attention we give to the things that we're looking at.

16:21Sleep Expert 2:And obviously, you don't want to put on the most thrilling movie in your catalog, or plan to hate scroll preposterous Reddit threads. But your nighttime ritual doesn't have to be completely screen-free.

16:30Sleep Expert 3:Some people watch TV before they go to bed with their loved ones, or maybe they have a conversation, or maybe they're reading or they listen to a podcast. Maybe they're like super NPR Life Kit fans, and that's awesome.

16:43Sleep Expert 2:Eric says, if you are going to consume content, shoot for things that are calming and slightly positive. So chef's choice here, put on that favorite lighthearted TV show, read your favorite comic book, or there are a ton of resources specific to sleep out there. Like the Calm or Headspace apps. You could go for a favorite chill playlist and a cup of soothing, non-caffeinated tea. Just aim to...

17:06Sleep Expert 3:Provide something for yourself that is supportive and puts you on the path to Sleepytown.

17:14Sleep Expert 2:And these are the same tools you can turn to if you find yourself up in the middle of the night, unable to go back down. Because trying to force sleep is only going to up your stress levels.

17:24Sleep Expert 3:When people are awake in bed, we don't want them to kind of stew there. We often have like a cutoff of like 20 minutes.

17:32Sleep Expert 1:You hit that threshold where you have that internal feeling, that kind of, ugh, that internal side that tells you it's not happening, or I'm getting to that frustration point. Get out of bed, and I say, a dull book and dim light. And the reason I mention a book is because books have endings.

17:48Sleep Expert 2:As opposed to, say, the endless black hole that is doom scrolling. A warm shower has been proven to encourage sleep, too. But don't be too rigid about it. whatever best soothes you, distracts you from your worry, is the right thing. One final pro tip here. Eric says if fully getting out of bed feels hard or scary for you, sometimes just switching up your positioning can be enough to jolt your brain circuitry. Like give you the change you need to miss your specific corner of sleep space.

18:20Sleep Expert 3:If you go and lay at the foot of the bed, you'll be shocked at how different an experience it is. And that really just reinforces how powerful the bed and your usual routines are for supporting your sleep.

18:34Sleep Expert 2:So now we have some solid nighttime strategies. After the break, we'll move into daytime hours.

18:42Sleep Expert 3:Support for NPR and the following message come from Edward Jones. What does it mean to live a rich life? It means brave first leaps, tearful goodbyes, and everything in between. With over 100 years of experience navigating the ups and downs of the market and of life, your Edward Jones Financial Advisor will be there to help you move ahead with confidence. Because with all you've done to find your rich, they'll do all they can to help you keep enjoying it. Edward Jones, member SIPC.

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20:04Sleep Expert 2:So, now we have some nighttime strategies. Let's move into the daytime hours. Takeaway 4. Don't save your worry for your pillow. De-stress in the daylight. Quick thought exercise for you. When you lay your head down at the end of the day and your mind starts to run back the highlight reel, is it the good stuff? Small wins, things you're proud of or looking forward to?

20:27Sleep Expert 3:I mean, it happens, but it's often around worries. And that time is kind of misplaced.

20:34Sleep Expert 2:It's true. I mean, have you ever even once been like, I am so glad I stayed up that extra half hour to relive that embarrassing moment from work? Or all those mommy mishaps? Or man, I wish I spent just a little more time last night having that fantasy argument with that rude salesperson from earlier. All your stressors will be there in the daylight too. And in fact, we'll probably be better served by a well-rested brain. Enter worry scheduling. Take that 10, 15, 20 minutes, whatever you think you can realistically spare, and...

21:08Sleep Expert 3:Put it in your schedule where you sit down and you just do your worrying.

21:12Sleep Expert 2:Eric says he thinks this practice works best if you write out what you're worried about. It just gives that nebulous worry monster more of a distinct, tackleable form. But speaking them aloud or, say, recording them on your phone could work too.

21:26Sleep Expert 3:And it's been shown that when people make this a consistent schedule, it does seem to lead to less of that same worrying at night. So it's like giving your brain a space to do it, doing it in a consistent way.

21:38Sleep Expert 2:Because as we all well know at this point, stress is the enemy of sleep. So building in breaks, doing just a little something for your mental health throughout the day can make you better equipped to face challenges as they come, which in turn can lighten your mental load come bedtime.

21:55Sleep Expert 3:And like I get it, like, you know, some people listening might be like, oh, that would be great, but how am I going to do that? Yeah, it must be not. Good tip. But I think we can't let perfection be the enemy of good enough. I think any steps that people can make, even just beginning to make those small changes, can certainly kind of chip away at what might be getting in the way of their sleep.

22:22Sleep Expert 2:One big stressor that might be unknowingly tripping up your rest? Your sleep tracker.

22:28Sleep Expert 1:We have a phrase now that is commonly mentioned at our sleep conferences called orthosomnia, where I think all sleep physicians have experienced this. A patient comes in and, well, what's the reason you're coming in today? Well, my tracker tells me I'm not getting enough XYZ sleep. You know, slow-wave sleep or deep sleep or REM sleep.

22:47Sleep Expert 2:Orthosomnia. This is a recently developed form of insomnia that we absolutely needed to shed a little daylight on. Robbie says sleep trackers can be helpful for logging sleep. In fact, it's another aspect of CBTI therapy that can help identify patterns and tailor treatment. But for the average unassisted consumer, he says it's important to approach this data with a healthy level of skepticism. So if you must track, he says do so with purpose and a specific goal in mind.

23:17Sleep Expert 1:You know, measurement without guidance is where we run into problems. How are you using that information? Is that information helping you make changes in your behavior or your lifestyle that are helpful? Or is it stressing you out and making the insomnia worse?

23:36Sleep Expert 2:So understand the abilities and limits of your specific device. Like if it's known to be internally consistent with sleep scores or duration, say. Then check in with your body before you check your scores, rather than letting your tracker tell you how you feel.

23:52Sleep Expert 1:Like this told me that I had a bad night last night and I remember waking up X number of times and tossing and turning and I feel terrible today. And then on a different night that for whatever reason you slept better and feel better in the morning and the tracker kind of confirms that. I think that is meaningful information to at least tell you that this is matching up with how I feel.

24:17Sleep Expert 2:Maybe that leads to some action, like a conversation with your doctor or a consultation with a specialist like Steve. Or maybe it can just help reinforce your beliefs about sleep. And that brings us to our final takeaway, takeaway five. Reframe your sleep story, a little at a time.

24:39Sleep Expert 2:All right, we've loaded up your pillowcase with lots of tools to help sweeten your dreams. But as any insomniac up all alone at 4 a.m. knows, reshaping your sleep habits is only half the battle. The rest of the work comes down to shifting your mindset.

24:54Sleep Expert 3:Like one night at a time, expectations are a huge part because it's not like a linear process. The sleep kind of just varies. So the people that handle it the best just have the right frame of mind. And it's this learning to change your relationship with the sleep. and when you do that your sleep starts to get better because you're not being reactive to it

25:18Sleep Expert 2:in cbti this is called cognitive restructuring recognizing and replacing your negative sleep thoughts with more accurate and positive thoughts for example instead of fixating on how bad your last night of sleep was you could look ahead and remember your body will take care of you right

25:37Sleep Expert 3:It's like when we deprive people of sleep in the laboratory and we let them sleep the next night, they immediately drop into deep sleep, that restorative sleep. It's like your body's trying to eat it up as quickly as possible because there's a lot of compensatory mechanisms to keep us healthy.

25:55Sleep Expert 2:That doesn't mean you have to find an answer to every question in your mind. Like maybe your insomnia fear has been further out. Maybe you're worried about how sleeplessness might affect your long-term health. You know, right now, I can't necessarily tell you exactly what the consequences are going to be, you know, 20 years from now.

26:12Sleep Expert 1:But I can tell you that it's not helping that you're worrying about that right now. And so reminding ourselves that insomnia occasionally is normal, that the world is not going to end. I don't have to get eight hours of sleep every single night.

26:28Sleep Expert 2:And when all else fails, Ravi says, return to your breath. There's safety there.

26:33Sleep Expert 1:People have to feel safe when they go to sleep. You're okay, you're breathing, you're able to regulate your reaction to the world. And that ability to start self-regulating brings some reassurance.

26:51Sleep Expert 2:Alright sleepyheads, let's recap. Takeaway 1. Your sleep isn't broken, but it might need a professional reset. Takeaway two, have a set wake-up time every day. Takeaway three, don't go to bed until you're sleepy and do your best to set up your sleep environment for success beforehand to get you there. Takeaway four, be deliberate about de-stressing in the daylight. Schedule your worry, build in breaks, and if you must track, track with purpose. Finally, takeaway five, reframe your sleep story. Everybody has bad sleep now and then, and I promise sleep will come. When it does, we wish you sweet dreams.

27:34Sleep Expert 1:That was LifeKit reporter Andy Tegel. Hey, quick question. Are you looking to get stronger this year? We have a special newsletter series that will help you start a strength training routine. You can sign up at npr.org slash stronger. This episode of LifeKit was produced by Lennon Sherburn. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan, and our digital editor is Malika Garib. Megan Cain is our senior supervising editor, and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Claire Marie Schneider, Margaret Serino, and Sylvie Douglas. Engineering support comes from Kwasi Lee. Fact-checking by Tyler Jones.

28:15Sleep Expert 1:I'm Mariel Segarra. Thanks for listening.

28:24Sleep Expert 3:This message comes from Northwestern Mutual. One of the biggest life hacks people miss is putting off working with a financial professional. Northwestern Mutual will match you with a financial professional to build a plan based on what's important to you, finding new opportunities to help grow your wealth and protect what you've worked so hard for. Find a better way to money at nm.com. The Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, and Northwestern Mutual Wealth Management Company.