Take a moment to reflect before the new year

0:00You're listening to Life Kit from NPR. Hey everybody, it's Marielle. I don't know if y 'all have ever felt this way, but a lot of the time between Christmas and New Year's, I get really gloomy. Life is so busy all the time. Too busy, really. And then during that week, it comes to a standstill. Right? The merriment of the holidays, with all the bright lights and the cooking and the crafts. That's basically over. Plus, you might be traveling, visiting relatives, sleeping in a bed that's not your own. It's like you're suspended in time, waiting for your normal life to start again in the new year, with all the pressure and emotion that can bring.

0:41But this week, it doesn't have to feel so eerie. It can actually be a golden opportunity to get quiet and turn inward, to reflect on where you're at and where you're headed. I want to shake loose the past and actually lean into the future, but I want to shape the future as well, not just let the future happen. That's the Buddhist teacher Lama Rod Owens. On this episode of Life Kit, how to slow down and reflect ahead of the new year. Reporter Kyle Norris talked to Lama Rod and to an artist who makes graphic novels. And they'll all share ideas and exercises that you can use this week to transition.

1:28Hey, quick question. How were your holidays? Did you have a good time? Maybe too good of a time? It's normal to have a couple extra drinks around the holidays, but maybe you're thinking it's time to take a break. Maybe you've woken up hungover or anxious or felt more irritable or sluggish lately. Whatever your reason for wanting to take a break from alcohol, it can be difficult to navigate life without it. It's everywhere, at work events and parties, funerals and weddings. We use it to celebrate and to mark all kinds of transitions. That's why Life Kit has created a special newsletter series to help you get through the month without alcohol.

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2:24it's the holidays and you're probably around some people family friends co-workers customers even the folks buzzing around you as you're traveling and it can be a lot artist Nicole J. Georges wants to make sure amongst all these people you get some alone time that's kind of sweet sweet alone time where you're actually just spending time with yourself and being like hello Hello, you. How's it going? Nicole is a graphic novelist. She wrote a graphic novel memoir about a palm reader who revealed an old family secret. These days, Nicole teaches people about comics and graphic novels at California College of the Arts.

3:03And she brings us her first takeaway. Create some sweet alone time for yourself. Let's call that SAT. Sweet alone time. Nicole says spend the week between Christmas and New Year's Eve engaged in your practice if you have one. So that could be something artistic or something physical, as long as it's by yourself. Because for me, I'm so codependent that if other people are around me, I will have a hard time figuring out what I feel and what I want because I will be trying to respond to the needs of the people around me. And so it's really important for me to take some time alone. So whether that's a little walk by yourself, even like a 20 minute walk by yourself, Whether that's journaling or just drawing by yourself for 20 minutes or an hour or meditating.

3:47Like the times when I'm away from people for a little bit helps me kind of fill up my cup and figure out what I actually want. Nicole says when you're deep in your SAT, think about what you did accomplish this year. And it doesn't have to be like, I started a Fortune 500 company. I birthed several children. I won a marathon. It can be like, I meditated three times a month and that was pretty good for me. Or, you know, I got into nature this or whatever you did that was like a small victory for you. Give yourself credit for what was really good about this year. What is the point of carving out some of this sweet alone time?

4:29I mean, the point of it is to actually have a little spaciousness so that you can get new ideas. getting other people's narratives out of your head so you have space for your own narrative and so you can check in with yourself and be present in your own life. Say, hey, I see what you did this year. Good job. Aw, why am I choking up? This is like, this is really darling, you know? What's that about? You might need some sweet alone time. I guess I do. Dang. That's why I'm making this episode to figure this out. You know, a classic way to spend some SAT is to journal. But let's take journaling to the next level and tap Nicole for her artistic expertise by doing an exercise to help you reflect on your past year.

5:14And this is takeaway number two, get your thoughts down on paper. Out of the gate, if you are having some feelings about drawing, or you think you're a bad drawer, or you don't even know how to draw, Nicole says drawing is part of the human experience and you get to do it without critique. Like I love walking. I go on a trail every day. I don't have somebody saying like, oh, you're not good enough at walking. Your form isn't correct. It doesn't matter if my form's correct. I enjoy walking. It's a physical activity I'm doing. You can draw. It's a place you get to make for yourself on the page. Here's the exercise to get you started.

5:50You're going to look back at the past year of your life. And Nicole wants you to know, for the record, she learned this exercise from... Famous graphic novelist Linda Barry teaches this exercise in her classes, and now I bring it to you. Fun fact, if you want to go down a rabbit hole of cool drawing exercises, go to Linda Berry's YouTube page. She's actually got a warmup exercise you can do where she teaches you to draw a spiral while placing your focus in different parts of your body. Okay, back to this exercise. Go grab something to write with and find a piece of paper. An actual piece of paper, a physical piece of paper.

6:25It's okay if it's like the back of a bill, go look for your garbage, whatever. Draw two lines to divide your paper into four big boxes, kind of like a window pane with four distinct squares, and make the top two panels a little bigger than the bottom two. We start at the top left box. You're going to write did slash happened. Then write the numbers one through ten. I'm going to write down ten things that I did or that happened. And time yourself for three to five minutes for each of these boxes. Nicole says be specific and write down stuff that's big and small. It could be things as small as I took a walk every day or I brushed my dog's teeth three times.

7:05Then move to the top right box where you'll list things you experienced with your senses. Write down these words. Saw, heard, smelled, tasted, touched. What are some things you saw this year or smelled or tasted or touched, heard, one through ten? Nicole says part of being a good writer is becoming a good observer and listener. Really listening for things as I'm out in the world and really noticing details out in the world. And the more I can notice details from my own life, the more present I am in my own life. Time yourself for three to five minutes on this box, then move to the bottom left.

7:40Write the word overheard in this baby box. You can write something that you overheard or something somebody said that really stuck out to you in 2024. And then in the bottom right-hand corner, I want you to just draw one moment from 2024. And I want you to be in it, and I want your full body to be in it. And don't stress your artistic talent and worry about what your drawings look like. It's not going to help them come out. If a baby deer was born and it was wobbly on its legs, it's not going to help it for people to yell at it and say, boo, boo, not good enough. That's not helpful. Let it be wobbly.

8:17Let your art be wobbly. I love the sentence, let your art be wobbly. Absolutely something I would maybe tattoo on my body. If you're struggling when it comes to drawing yourself, remember, your drawings can look like anything. You can draw a cloud with a face. You can draw a triangle with arms and legs. You could draw a little ball with cat ears on it and little stick arms and legs. Give it a face. Call it yourself. I asked Nicole why she wants us to do this exercise. My hope in this is that people get a moment of reflection and presence in their life. Give yourself credit for what happened this year, what you did well, and then just give yourself a couple small actionable things that might be a gift to yourself.

9:01She says a gift could be some scheduled SAT, that sweet alone time, or doing something you love. For her, a gift is going on a nature walk and not wearing headphones. Don't give yourself a chore. Don't give yourself harassment. What's that gift going to be?

9:22That drawing exercise helped us review the past year. And you can use your observations for takeaway number three, which is to do a laid back meditation and take stock of the year and let it go. This takeaway comes from Lama Rod Owens. Lama Rod's website calls him a black Buddhist southern queen. And the title Lama means teacher in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition in which he is ordained. For takeaway number three, Lama Rad shares his version of SAT. He says set aside a little bit of time this week. We're talking five or ten minutes for what he calls an informal ceremony. Lama Rad says you can do this at home in a quiet place in the evening and light a candle.

10:06He says he loves the energy of candlelight. Something natural, something elemental in the space that reminds me of, I would say, my natural self and the natural world. Getting that candle and just as you light the candle, just thinking about that this candle literally represents the light in the world. And no matter how much we're struggling to be well and content or happy or just how much we're struggling to survive in general, like there's still light. Lama Rod says the candlelight represents joy and belonging and gratitude, which he says you can focus on. Starting the time and the space with reflecting on what you're really grateful for.

10:55You know, what are you grateful for in terms of the year? Like, what excited you? What got you going? What were you grateful for? If you had a tough year that you don't necessarily want to rehash, Lamerad says this technique of feeling gratitude and joy can be especially helpful and that you can anchor yourself in the things you're grateful for. Lamerad also says make a space for acknowledging some of the disappointments from the past year and for grief. He does this once the candlelight's been burning for a bit. I'd like to just start reflecting on the things that have changed, the loss that I've experienced, the people that have transitioned in my life, offering prayers or aspirations that wherever they are now, that they're being cared for, you know, that they're happy, that they're free and so forth and so on.

11:51And just really allowing myself to notice that, to feel this, And just to imagine just really offering this experience of grief lots of space. During this quiet time, Lama Rod says you can mentally cruise through the past year of your life with a sense of curiosity. What am I still confused about? What do I still have questions around? I like to go back and say, OK, oh, what happened there? Like I didn't spend a lot of time with that interaction with someone or that whatever it was, you know. So I go back and I just kind of go back and just reflect, unpack and just let it go. You know, just like, yeah, I get this now.

12:36Let it go. Here's a pro tip for letting go of feelings or an experience. Lama Rod says visualize those feelings as if they were a cloud in motion. just seeing it as like this cloud floating through the sky of your mind right or a wave rising up from the ocean there's also a buddhist practice where you take a small piece of paper and write down everything from the past year you want to let go of light the paper on fire and drop it in a bowl of water lama rad says this quiet practice in which you feel gratitude and grief and curiosity can open space for what you want to change in the following year.

13:17And now's the time to do some magical dreaming to help shape your future. Lama Rod says he thinks of dreaming kind of like time traveling. You know, we time travel all the time. And I know that because most of us are stuck in the past. And so if we're stuck in the past, then I also think we have the capacity to choose the future as well. I want to shake loose the past and actually lean into the future, but I want to shape the future as well, not just let the future happen. Lama Rod says shaping the future is rooted in the present. And this is our takeaway number four. Spend some time dreaming about your future.

14:06Lama Rod likes to dream in the morning, which surprised me. To start your dreaming, Lama Rod says first suspend any doubts or limitations that you have. Instead, be imaginative and ask yourself, What is my ultimate, complete, golden scenario vision for the future? If you do feel limited or you find yourself saying something isn't possible, You have to pay attention to that and say, you know what, that's not what I'm doing. I'm not talking about what is possible. I'm talking about what I want to manifest, what I want to see happen. And Lama Rod knows this approach works because he used it to manifest his most recent book called The New Saints.

14:51It was like, OK, I'm going to go really big. He says he was very specific with his dreaming. For me, my dream was to offer something that could help people get free from suffering. From there, space opened up in his life for him to write this book. Lama Rod says you'll also want to get clear on your needs, because that can enhance your dreaming. Am I getting everything that I need, right? And then I transition into wants. Like, what do I want on top of my needs? I have found that when I get clear about my needs, my wants begin to change. As for figuring out what you want, Lama Rod loves a vision board.

15:33I think vision board can sound super cliche and new age. However, some people that I deeply respect in this world are very adamant about a visioning board for the upcoming year. And so I started doing that and found that to be really helpful. He collects images from magazines and downloads them from the Internet. And he chooses images that represent his goals and aspirations and hopes for the new year. Then he arranges them on a poster board and puts that someplace where he can see it every day. If you have aspirations for a collective world, like peace and stability, put those images on your vision board.

16:15And if you need more material resources, like money, put that cash up on your vision board and call in that energy. Because a vision board is really about calling energy. you know of prosperity into our lives right but it's hard to call that energy into your life when you're not clear about what you need or want to see so instead of just like hoping for something to happen and having a vague aspiration get concrete like this is a time to get concrete about what you want to see next year and that makes it much more likely for results to happen Lama Rod says a vision board is about creating the causes and conditions for these things to happen in your life.

17:01Okay, let's recap some ways you can be reflective. Takeaway number one, create some SAT in your life. That sweet alone time. Or talking a short walk or do some journaling or make some art with a goal of checking in with yourself and listening to your heart. For takeaway number two, do an easy and fun drawing exercise where you can reflect on your last year. The point is to express your creativity and feel a little presence and sweetness. Takeaway number three, find a cozy, quiet place and do an informal meditation. Light a candle and spend a little time thinking about your past year. Ponder what you're grateful for and also make a space for feeling some grief.

17:46Then for takeaway number four, do some bold dreaming about what Llama Rod calls your ultimate, complete, golden scenario vision for the future. You can even make a vision board to call in the energy you want in your life. And here's a little stocking stuffer of a takeaway. You've probably sensed that the vibe of this episode is chill and even solo. You can incorporate this approach for celebrating the new year, too. and weave in a little sweet alone time on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day. There's something about being really still and quiet as the old year transitions. I just kind of want to meet the new year in as much awareness as possible.

18:32And remember, you can use these tools for being quiet and still any time of the year, whenever you need it. Happy New Year.

18:43That was reporter Kyle Norris. For more LifeKit, check out our other episodes. Kyle hosted an episode about public speaking and another about how to make a great salad. You can find those at npr.org slash LifeKit. And if you love LifeKit and want even more, subscribe to our newsletter at npr.org slash LifeKit newsletter. Also, we love hearing from you. So if you have episode ideas or feedback you want to share, email us at lifekit at npr.org. This episode of LifeKit was produced by Sylvie Douglas. Our visuals editor is Beck Harlan, and our digital editor is Malika Garib. Megan Cain is our supervising editor, and Beth Donovan is our executive producer.

19:22Our production team also includes Andy Tegel, Claire Marie Schneider, and Margaret Serino. Engineering support comes from Stacey Abbott, Gilly Moon, and Phil Edfors. I'm Mariel Segara. Thanks for listening, and happy reflecting.

19:42Thank you.