In short
How to get pregnant through heterosexual intercourse, what the odds really are, how timing and cycle tracking work, what lifestyle factors can help, and when to seek fertility care.
Guests/backgrounds
Dr. Lucky Sikhan, NYC reproductive endocrinologist and author of The Lucky Egg; Dr. Sarah Oreck, reproductive psychiatrist and mother of three.
Key claims
Human reproduction is inefficient; even at peak fertility, monthly conception odds are about 25–30%. There’s no single all-encompassing female fertility test—“the best test is to try.” Fertility is about 50-50 between partners. Tracking requires a true period (not hormonal-control bleeding). Age, timing, and genetics drive outcomes; by ~35 egg DNA errors rise, and odds decline.
Notable examples
A patient blaming alcohol in college; a professional biker with low sperm count whose results improved after stopping stress. Advice includes stopping hormonal birth control to track cycles, sex daily for the 5 days before ovulation through ovulation day, and prenatal vitamins (folic acid, iron, DHA).
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOIntroduction to Pregnancy Myths
0:15 to 1:09
Exploration of misconceptions about getting pregnant and the reality of fertility.
“It's so interesting to me how we think about pregnancy and sex.”
Understanding Fertility Statistics
1:09 to 2:00
Discussion on fertility rates and the differences between expectations and reality.
“By the way, you're listening to Life Kit.”
Expert Insights on Fertility
2:00 to 3:04
Insights from Dr. Lucky Sikhan on fertility and the emotions surrounding it.
“A lot of people feel like their bodies are broken or that they've done something wrong.”
Expert Insights on Fertility
3:41 to 4:12
Insights from Dr. Lucky Sikhan on fertility and the emotions surrounding it.
“Get 20 % off all plans at ahs.com slash NPR and see promo details.”
Focus on Traditional Conception
5:42 to 6:05
Acknowledgment of traditional conception methods and upcoming topics.
“We want to acknowledge, of course, there are lots of ways to make a baby and endless ways to make a family.”
Understanding Female Fertility Tests
6:07 to 10:11
Exploration of fertility testing and the importance of trying.
“Alright, I'm pretty sure I know why a lot of you are listening right now, so let's cut to the chase.”
Tracking Your Menstrual Cycle
10:11 to 14:01
Tips on tracking menstrual cycles for better understanding of fertility.
“So, your next question, of course, what do you need to get pregnant when you want to?”
Understanding Ovulation and Tracking
14:01 to 16:16
Learn how to track ovulation effectively and understand its signs.
“You want to take it every day as soon as you wake up and then monitor for changes.”
Understanding Ovulation and Tracking
16:27 to 16:45
Learn how to track ovulation effectively and understand its signs.
“It means getting the right support to keep moving forward.”
Male Fertility Factors and Lifestyle
16:58 to 24:44
Discover key factors affecting male fertility and lifestyle changes.
“Both sides can make lifestyle choices to boost their odds.”
Show all 14 chapters
Making the Decision to Start Trying
24:44 to 28:01
Get insights on when to start trying for a baby and what to consider.
“But hopefully, you now have a starting point or two for making this decision yourself.”
Final Takeaways on Trying to Conceive
28:01 to 28:11
Learn about the potential impacts of trying to conceive on your relationship.
“And finally, takeaway six, trying to make a baby is probably going to change your sex life.”
Final Takeaways on Trying to Conceive
28:56 to 29:19
Learn about the potential impacts of trying to conceive on your relationship.
“Whether you buy a few bottles or join the club, all purchases support NPR programming and help fund quality reporting.”
Introducing a New Podcast on Social Issues
29:26 to 29:48
Hear about a new podcast that investigates a tragic event in Seattle.
“part of my Seattle neighborhood was taken over by a protest occupation.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Reproductive Endocrinologist:This message comes from the NPR Wine Club, which has generated over$1.75 million to support NPR. Whether buying a few bottles or joining the club, learn more at nprwineclub.org slash podcast. Must be 21 or older to purchase. It's so interesting to me how we think about pregnancy and sex. Like, if you don't want to get pregnant, it feels like it could happen so easily. Basically, if you let your guard down at all.
0:29Reproductive Psychiatrist:Yeah. As a woman, especially, like my whole life, you know, I'm thinking about that very first sex ed class that I think was like in seventh grade. The messaging was like, it is so easy to get pregnant, no matter how careful you are, no matter how much protection you use. You know, if someone just looks at you a little too long or whatever.
0:49Reproductive Endocrinologist:Yeah. Or you're like in a hot tub with a boy. Yeah. But yeah, then for a lot of women, when the switch flips and they're actually ready to get pregnant, it doesn't happen right away. And they're like, what's going on? Which is why we're doing this whole episode about what it actually takes to get pregnant through sex. By the way, you're listening to Life Kit. I'm Mariel Segarra, and I'm talking to Life Kit reporter Andy Tegel.
1:14Reproductive Psychiatrist:That's right. And there's more to getting pregnant than you think. For some people, it can be that simple, but everyone's going to have a different experience based on a lot of different factors. To give you an idea from a statistical standpoint, at what's considered peak fertility, we're talking about people in their early 20s to early 30s having regular, unprotected sex to try and conceive. You only have around a 25 to 30 % chance of getting pregnant in any given month. Wow, I've been lied to. I know, isn't that? I was shocked by this. But as the experts I talked to told me, that huge gap between what you're taught in high school or middle school and what you actually experience when you're trying to conceive can be really jarring for a lot of people.
2:00Reproductive Psychiatrist:Here's reproductive endocrinologist Dr. Lucky Sikhan.
2:02Reproductive Endocrinologist:A lot of people feel like their bodies are broken or that they've done something wrong. I've had patients even say, is it because I drank too much in college? And I think it is a very natural human nature tendency, especially for women, I might add, to kind of internalize things and blame themselves and take on more responsibility for things when in reality, so much of our fertility is not in our control. That's actually really helpful to know because I can hard relate to that saying, is it because I drank too much in college? You know, did I cause this problem? Right.
2:38Reproductive Psychiatrist:Is it me? But you know, Mariel, one antidote to feeling disempowered is information. And this episode is absolutely fertile with know-how. Ha! That can help if you're thinking about getting pregnant. All right, what are some of the topics you're going to get into? We'll do a little conception science crash course. We're going to cover the basic factors that can and cannot affect your ability to get pregnant. We're going to help you think about your timing. Lots, lots more. That's coming up after the break. This message comes from American Home Shield.
3:10Reproductive Endocrinologist:An AHS home warranty helps protect your major systems and appliances, no matter how old. Do you have an unreliable AC or a leaky water heater? AHS understands the headache and financial burden of surprise breakdowns. With an AHS home warranty, they'll fix a covered item when it breaks, and if they can't repair it, they'll replace it. Plus, as a benefit to select plans, You can even video chat with a repair expert to help troubleshoot home hassles over the phone. American Home Shield.
3:39Reproductive Psychiatrist:Don't worry, be warranty. Get 20 % off all plans at ahs.com slash NPR and see promo details. See ahs.com slash contracts for coverage details, including service fees, limitations, and exclusions.
3:54Reproductive Endocrinologist:This message comes from Alloy Health. Menopause doesn't mean stepping back. It means getting the right support to keep moving forward. With the right care, you can stay focused, confident, and fully present. Alloy connects you with menopause-specialized doctors for personalized solutions so you can thrive in midlife. Right now, new customers get$20 off sitewide when you visit myalloy.com and use code NPR. Support for this podcast and the following message come from strawberry.me. Be honest. Are you happy with your job? Are you stuck in a job you've outgrown or never wanted in the first place? Are your reasons for staying really just excuses for not leaving?
4:36Reproductive Endocrinologist:Let a career coach from strawberry.me help you get unstuck. Discover the benefits of having a dedicated career coach in your corner and get 50 % off your first coaching session at strawberry.me slash NPR. This message comes from the NPR Wine Club, which has generated over$1.75 million to support NPR. Whether buying a few bottles or joining the club, Learn more at nprwineclub.org slash podcast. Must be 21 or older to purchase. A lot of us have basically a mini beauty product store in our bathrooms. And it's easy to feel like if you don't use the right serums, creams, acids, and toners, you're somehow doomed to having bad skin.
5:23Reproductive Endocrinologist:But do you really need all those products? Life Kit made a special newsletter series to help you figure out your skincare goals and what you actually need. Sign up at npr.org slash skincare or find the link in the description for this episode.
5:41Reproductive Psychiatrist:One thing I do want to quickly note up front for listeners, this episode is going to focus on the so-called traditional way to make a baby, meaning through heterosexual intercourse. We want to acknowledge, of course, there are lots of ways to make a baby and endless ways to make a family. And we plan to give that non-traditional baby making its own spotlight with a companion episode to this one in the near future. So keep an ear out. Alright, I'm pretty sure I know why a lot of you are listening right now, so let's cut to the chase. You want to know when you should start trying, right? You want to know if you need to worry?
6:19Reproductive Psychiatrist:Like, if you were to walk into your doctor's office, you might say, I'm not ready yet.
6:24Reproductive Endocrinologist:But I want you to do whatever testing you can, and I want you to tell me if I'm good, and how long I'll be good for, and I just want to make sure I'm not going to have any issues.
6:36Reproductive Psychiatrist:That was Dr. Lucky Seacon again. She's a New York City-based infertility expert and author of the aptly named new book, The Lucky Egg, which is a fertility guidebook of sorts. Lucky says she gets this request from patients all the time. And it's great to plan ahead, but the problem is, there's no such thing as an all-encompassing female fertility test. Sorry to break it to you. No nasal swab, no blood draw.
7:04Reproductive Endocrinologist:The best test for fertility is to try, which is the most annoying, unhelpful answer, right? But it's kind of this confluence of factors, and you have to actually try and see how those factors come together.
7:16Reproductive Psychiatrist:The first of those factors you need to understand is the process of reproduction itself. Because it can be tricky.
7:24Reproductive Endocrinologist:Each egg that you ovulate each month is kind of like a long shot. So I feel like I need to get that put on t-shirts because it's like one of my slogans at this point.
7:33Reproductive Psychiatrist:And that leads us to our bit of a downer, but crucial to know up front, takeaway one. Human reproduction is inefficient and not totally in your hands.
7:44Reproductive Endocrinologist:I talk about it in my book as being a sort of reproductive slot machine where pulling the lever is timing when to try, but whether everything after that lines up is so out of our control. This part, ovulation, I'm assuming you already know about.
7:59Reproductive Psychiatrist:Every cycle, a single egg cell, chosen at random, travels down the fallopian tube where it can live for 12 to 24 hours. Around that time or a little before, you want to shoot some millions of sperm cells up the vagina through the cervix to meet it. Those guys can live in the reproductive tract for about three to five days.
8:20Reproductive Endocrinologist:So there's this very narrow, fertile window, this narrow window of opportunity each cycle.
8:26Reproductive Psychiatrist:But get this, just getting the egg and sperm in the right place at the right time doesn't guarantee a connection will take place.
8:34Reproductive Endocrinologist:It's like saying going on a date guarantees you're going to find your life partner. That's not true. And the same is true of the chemistry between the egg and the sperm. And it's like maybe 70, 80 % of the time, the timing is right. An egg might fertilize successfully. This is extrapolation from what we see in an IVF lab where we really try to orchestrate that meeting happening.
8:54Reproductive Psychiatrist:If sperm and egg do hit it off, there's still a few more hurdles before you've made it to the finish line. Only about half of the time, a fertilized egg will continue to grow and make it to the next step, which is called the blastocyst stage. It takes about a week. That blastocyst then also has to find its way to the uterus. Sometimes it gets lost along the way. And once it arrives at the uterus, it has to implant and keep growing there. And so it takes a lot of energy and a lot of them just don't make it to that stage. So suffice it to say, there's a lot that has to go right in order to get pregnant.
9:29Reproductive Psychiatrist:It is no exaggeration to call it the miracle of life. And I know that all might feel a bit discouraging or intimidating, but it might help you set more realistic expectations. Minimize any shame and blame if you understand up front what the odds are. According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, approximately 80 % of healthy heterosexual couples will conceive in the first six months of attempting pregnancy. From there, stats vary a bit, but some recent cumulative conception research has shown some 85 to 90 % will conceive within a year, and 95 % will get pregnant within two years.
10:11Reproductive Psychiatrist:So, your next question, of course, what do you need to get pregnant when you want to? Like, should you be running straight to your OB-GYN's office right this very minute?
10:21Reproductive Endocrinologist:You know what I like? I like before even going to a doctor. It's like, learn about your cycle. I want you to know how long your menstrual cycle is. Dr.
10:33Reproductive Psychiatrist:Sarah Oreck is a mother of three and a reproductive psychiatrist.
10:37Reproductive Endocrinologist:Which means that I specialize in how female reproductive hormones impact mental health throughout the life cycle.
10:44Reproductive Psychiatrist:She brings us to a quick takeaway too. To track a true period, get off of hormonal birth control. Now, tracking your cycle isn't hard to do. You start by just marking the first day of your period on a calendar. But this might be a bigger ask for some than others. Because in order to track your period, you have to have one. And a true period at that. Not just the light or complete lack of a period you might enjoy if you have an IUD, the irregular spotting you might get with a depo shot, or what's called withdrawal bleeding, which is actually just a reaction to a drop in hormones, not a result of ovulation.
11:21Reproductive Psychiatrist:if you're using the pill, the patch, or a vaginal ring. So if you're using a hormonal birth control method like other millions of American women, this first so-called simple step might be less so.
11:35Reproductive Endocrinologist:You may find that the hormonal birth control was sometimes helping your mood. If you potentially had more premenstrual symptoms, some of those might come back. Oh, this was helping my skin a lot and I hadn't realized.
11:48Reproductive Psychiatrist:It might not be super fun to remove the barrier to a lot of pain, discomfort, or oily skin, but it can be extremely useful, even critical to your future reproductive health, to get an idea of your sensitivity to hormones. Maybe, for example, you find you have really significant mood symptoms in the two weeks before your period.
12:08Reproductive Endocrinologist:There's a chance you have PMS. There's a chance you have premenstrual dysphoric disorder, which is like really escalated mood symptoms during that time. And having all that information is actually important because sometimes that PMDD can kind of have you in a risk bucket for maybe increased risk of pregnancy or postpartum depression or anxiety.
12:27Reproductive Psychiatrist:Another thing about getting off of birth control, with the exception of the Depo-Provera shot, you're going to want to consult your doctor if this is your chosen method, you don't have to plan for any ramp-up time when getting off of it.
12:39Reproductive Endocrinologist:Most people getting off of the pill will get their period, you know, pretty much within a month or so.
12:45Reproductive Psychiatrist:Now, I should say, this isn't a hard and fast rule. Like, if you've been on birth control for decades, Lucky says there is a minority of people that might need somewhere between three to six months to get their pituitaries to fully wake up and get back to work, so to speak.
13:01Reproductive Endocrinologist:Having said that, there are many people whose bodies will just snap back into their normal routine. And so unless you're prepared to get pregnant or you're prepared to use a backup method, right, like condoms, don't get off the pill, you know, if you're using it for contraception.
Read the full transcript
13:15Reproductive Psychiatrist:Copy that. All right. Now that you've brought back Aunt Flo, let's learn what she has to share. Takeaway three, track your menstrual cycle for clues about your reproductive health. Sarah says there are a few good reasons why anyone with a uterus should track their menstruation. For one, if you do want to start trying for a baby soon, once you have a general sense of the length of your menstrual cycle, it should be easier to pinpoint when you're ovulating, which generally happens around two weeks before the start of your next period.
13:43Reproductive Endocrinologist:Start to learn. Do I have a 26-day cycle? Do I have a 29? Is mine pretty regular? I say like even buy ovulation test kits and see if you ovulate.
13:52Reproductive Psychiatrist:Check in with your body for signs and then track them. One way you might have heard of is through your basal body temperature, which is just the temperature of your body when it's fully at rest. You want to take it every day as soon as you wake up and then monitor for changes. Because when you ovulate, your basal body temp will increase slightly. And we're talking super slight here, like from 98 degrees to 98.5 degrees. and ovulation is likely over when that high temperature has stuck around for three days or more. Another way to tell.
14:21Reproductive Endocrinologist:Learning what your cervical mucus changes. I mean, I think many of us are like, oh, something's kind of different. But if you have that sort of egg white texture to your cervical mucosa, it's likely that you're ovulating.
14:32Reproductive Psychiatrist:Another important reason to track is to spot and get ahead of any potential problem areas. For example, if you always get terrible cramps or your period never arrives on time, that could be signaling something about your ability to get pregnant in the future.
14:47Reproductive Endocrinologist:If they start to note early on that these patterns are thrown off and there really isn't a pattern, this tells us that it could be more challenging and it makes sense to get to the bottom of what's going on now so that you have a plan to hit the ground running with once you are in a position to start trying.
15:03Reproductive Psychiatrist:Heavy, irregular, or painful periods could point to potential threats to fertility, like endometriosis or polyps or PMOS, formerly known as PCOS. Or these symptoms could be no problem at all. But you can't know until you start tracking. So do you have that first day of your period marked? Good. Now just do it again.
15:25Reproductive Endocrinologist:Give yourself at least three months, four months of tracking your cycle and collecting data to really be able to understand your reproductive rhythm reliably.
15:35Reproductive Psychiatrist:A dot and red pen on your calendar and some notes in your planner are a fine way to start. But there are lots of online tools that can help here too, of course. If you go this route, be sure to note up front how any interface will use and share your personal medical data. There are apps that can log symptoms, predict fertility, help you spot patterns, even share your cycle tracking with a partner. Which reminds me, thus far we've really only been talking about the person who carries the baby. But as we know, they're only half of this equation.
16:04Reproductive Endocrinologist:I think boys should be educated around all of these issues as well. And then when it comes to fertility, it's really important to note that about 50 % is male factor in fertility.
16:16Reproductive Psychiatrist:Male reproductive health. We'll jump into that after the break.
16:27Reproductive Endocrinologist:This message comes from Alloy Health. Menopause doesn't mean stepping back. It means getting the right support to keep moving forward. With the right care, you can stay focused, confident, and fully present. Alloy connects you with menopause-specialized doctors for personalized solutions so you can thrive in midlife. Right now, new customers get$20 off sitewide when you visit myalloy.com and use code NPR.
16:55Reproductive Psychiatrist:You're listening to Life Kit, and it's time for Takeaway 4. Fertility is 50-50. Both sides can make lifestyle choices to boost their odds. So let's talk sperm, shall we? Where female fertility remains at least somewhat of a question mark until go time, I'll expand on that in a bit, male fertility is extremely testable, largely non-invasive,
17:16Reproductive Endocrinologist:and the big one here is that a lot of the things that we see are reversible.
17:22Reproductive Psychiatrist:Maybe you go in to get tested and your doctor says you have low motility or tells you that your sperm count is lower than the minimum threshold of 15 million sperm per milliliter.
17:34Reproductive Endocrinologist:I've had couples where the husband was like a professional biker and that repetitive stress in that area we think led to lower sperm quality. And they'll say, okay, I'm going to stop doing this.
17:45Reproductive Psychiatrist:Then Lucky will retest two or three months later and see a big turnaround in the quality of the sample. Some other potentially reversible lifestyle factors for men. testicular trauma, overly tight underwear, or other similar chronic scrotal exposure to heat. And yes, the rumors are true. Cannabis. Research shows cannabis is strongly linked to reduce sperm count and concentration. But the effects aren't permanent. The same goes for excessive alcohol consumption and nicotine in all forms. Top of the list for women who want to get pregnant in the near future is taking a daily prenatal vitamin, starting at least one to three months before trying to conceive.
18:25Reproductive Psychiatrist:Ingredients to look for include folic acid, iron, and DHA. All right, so now let's jump into lifestyle factors for both men and women. To start, a general rule of thumb.
18:35Reproductive Endocrinologist:Whatever is better for heart health is typically going to be better and protective when it comes to your fertility, and also optimal in terms of setting you up for the healthiest pregnancy possible.
18:47Reproductive Psychiatrist:You want to try to get in that recommended 150 minutes of exercise a week, keep stress levels low, and follow a heart-healthy diet as best you can. You know, eat the rainbow, aim for Mediterranean style, high protein, low carb, lots of leafy green vegetables.
19:02Reproductive Endocrinologist:Treating food as medicine is a real thing. And I think, you know, making sure that you are getting enough protein, enough fiber, because that actually helps stabilize your blood sugar.
19:13Reproductive Psychiatrist:Lucky says this bit in particular can be impactful to fertility if you have a uterus. Because if you're churning out too much insulin, it can act like a growth factor on the ovaries.
19:23Reproductive Endocrinologist:It can cause your ovaries to overproduce testosterone. And when an egg is going through an ovulation cycle, and again when it gets fertilized, it's actually undergoing a massive amount of genetic reorganization. And that's where those errors happen.
19:35Reproductive Psychiatrist:This is important advice for men too. Maybe you've heard that Mountain Dew or other sodas can shrink your sperm count. That's a myth. No research shows direct links to caffeine intake and fertility. But consuming lots of sugary drinks? not a good idea for that blood sugar. Lastly, what about environmental factors? BPAs, pesticides, heavy metals, and air pollution have all been shown to disrupt hormonal balances, which can, in turn, affect fertility overall. So do what you can. But also know you can only do what you can. Because at the end of the day, as Lucky says, fertility isn't logical.
20:16Reproductive Endocrinologist:There's no single lifestyle factor or something that they did, which we can say, this is the cause of that. At the end of the day, it's never someone's fault. And it's very, very unfair.
20:26Reproductive Psychiatrist:And the thing is, you just don't know where you fall until you know. Takeaway five. Timing conception is an educated guess at best. The only true way to test female fertility is to try to have a baby.
20:41Reproductive Endocrinologist:A lot of it is age, timing, and our genetic makeup.
20:45Reproductive Psychiatrist:Let's take those in reverse. Fertility red flag number one, genetic makeup. So if you have irregular, heavy, or painful cycles, hopefully you have a good idea of that one now. Or a strong family history of any other major gynecological issues.
21:00Reproductive Endocrinologist:Whether that be endometriosis, fibroids, PCOS, there's a major heritability factor there. If you have a first degree relative with some of these issues, it increases your personal risk by several fold.
21:12Reproductive Psychiatrist:Next, timing. If you're healthy and under 35, it's recommended you try to get pregnant on your own for at least one full year before seeking out any infertility treatments.
21:23Reproductive Endocrinologist:If you're 35 and older, you shouldn't wait longer than six months. And if you're in your 40s, you shouldn't wait longer than the three-month mark.
21:30Reproductive Psychiatrist:Which brings us to our last factor and the tick-tock, tick-tock of that pesky biological clock.
21:36Reproductive Endocrinologist:A lot of people think of turning 35 like being Cinderella at the ball. and it's like poof now you know your carriage turns into a pumpkin and that's just not what it is
21:46Reproductive Psychiatrist:why age 35 matters according to lucky is that it's considered a turning point so if you were to map out on a chart the health of your egg cells through your lifespan age 35 is when you start to see a downward slope and what's happening is the proteins that keep the chromosomes in your egg cells lined up correctly slowly break down with age but i want to say that nobody has perfect eggs
22:11Reproductive Endocrinologist:And even in our 20s, 20 to 25 % of embryos will have missing or extra DNA. And that increases to about maybe a third of them at 35.
22:21Reproductive Psychiatrist:By 37 or 38, your odds are more like a coin flip, 50-50.
22:26Reproductive Endocrinologist:Now at 40, this is where the coin flip, it's like a weighted coin and it's flipping in the negative direction.
22:32Reproductive Psychiatrist:At this point, the split is 70-30, meaning up to 70 % of the time, an egg cell will have missing or extra DNA. So it's going to be harder to have a viable pregnancy naturally. The other age component you might have heard about is the number of eggs you have available. Egg count is always decreasing, and it tends to decrease more rapidly around 35. And by the way, sperm ages too. A little differently, but motility can start to decrease after 30, for example. And this is likely an important consideration if you're planning on assisted reproduction of some kind. Egg or embryo freezing or IVF, where egg harvesting is necessary.
23:11Reproductive Endocrinologist:Because the more eggs I have to work with, the better the chance of getting what I need out of a given treatment cycle.
23:17Reproductive Psychiatrist:We actually have a whole episode on egg freezing that can give you a lot more on that process, if you're interested. And if you just want to arm yourself with as much information as humanly possible, there is one thing you can test that can provide some insight on the state of your egg reserve. It's called AMH, or anti-malarian hormone. It's a hormone produced by the small developing egg follicles in your ovaries. But if you do get it tested,
23:39Reproductive Endocrinologist:Be careful with some of those numbers because it's a full clinical picture that's really important.
23:45Reproductive Psychiatrist:Sarah says it can be tempting to put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. To think of, say, egg or even embryo freezing as an insurance policy. Or maybe a low egg reserve as a sign that you have no chance of conceiving.
23:59Reproductive Endocrinologist:But you can't just use one outcome or one data point to kind of influence all of your decision making.
24:06Reproductive Psychiatrist:Sarah took the test and found she had low AMH, for example. Those test results helped her and her partner make the calculation to start trying sooner rather than later.
24:15Reproductive Endocrinologist:If I didn't have a partner, for example, maybe I would have frozen my eggs. And that would have made sense to me and felt like, OK, this is right.
24:22Reproductive Psychiatrist:Lucky had her first child the traditional way, then decided to freeze embryos at age 34. When she struggled to get pregnant again in her late 30s, she used those embryos to have her second child. Which is all just to say, there's no one-size-fits-all here. And unfortunately, no magic calculator to tell you the perfect time to start trying. But hopefully, you now have a starting point or two for making this decision yourself. So, you've tracked your cycle, you've cultivated your ideal baby-making environment, you figured out exactly when you want to start trying, What's left on the checklist? Well, nothing to it but to do it.
25:03Reproductive Psychiatrist:Takeaway six. Don't beat around the baby-making bush. Before we leave you to go forth and multiply, a few last tips for some successful sexy time. First up, don't do what I just did and lead with innuendo. Be direct about the change to your sex life. That doesn't mean it has to be a chore.
25:26Reproductive Endocrinologist:just setting expectations can be so important i think we should you know have sex during these days of my ovulation window maybe we can plan some dates now how often should you be trying
25:41Reproductive Psychiatrist:every day of the month first thing in the morning under the light of the full moon lucky says your most fertile window is the five days leading up to ovulation and the day of ovulation itself. So you could have sex every day of the month, but rather than burning yourself out,
25:58Reproductive Endocrinologist:unless, I mean, there are obviously some people out there that like, this is what they would be doing anyway. I don't know those people.
26:04Reproductive Psychiatrist:So your best bet, sex on a daily basis, the five days leading up to and including the day of ovulation. Another thing you might've heard is that you should save up all those swimmers until that window, you know, hold out so that your sperm is extra strong. Nope.
26:20Reproductive Endocrinologist:If you are abstinent for too long, over a week, you can actually build up dead old sperm cells. They need to get out, right? And so we actually recommend that they ejaculate at least within a week.
26:33Reproductive Psychiatrist:That simple schedule should put you in a good position to make a baby. And hey, now that we're on the topic, Doc, is there a best baby-making position? Like before, or during, after.
26:44Reproductive Endocrinologist:There are no sexual positions that are more effective at helping you get pregnant than others. You don't have to have an orgasm. You do not need bed rest. You don't need to be in a certain position. So that covers the mechanics.
26:58Reproductive Psychiatrist:A final tip, if you dare, try to enjoy the process together.
27:02Reproductive Endocrinologist:I think it's also a nice time to reevaluate and people, I don't think, do this enough of like, what turns you on? Is that intimacy, intimacy, meaning, you know, chores done at home? Does that mean a date? You know, really assessing that for yourselves and being able to come together and how can we make this still meet some of the criteria, even though there's some goal-directed aspect.
27:27Reproductive Psychiatrist:Okay, team, let's recap. Takeaway one, human reproduction is inefficient and some of it just comes down to luck. Takeaway two, to track your period, you'll need to get off of hormonal birth control. Brace yourself. Takeaway three, get to know your cycle. It's important information whether or not you're ready to start trying. Takeaway four, fertility is 50-50. Both sides can make lifestyle choices to boost your odds. Takeaway five, there's no way to fully test female fertility, but factors like age, timing, and genetics can guide you to an educated decision about when to start trying. And finally, takeaway six, trying to make a baby is probably going to change your sex life.
28:06Reproductive Psychiatrist:Why not have some fun along the way? That was LifeKit reporter Andy Tegel.
28:11Reproductive Endocrinologist:Before we go, would you take a moment to rate and review us? Tell us a favorite tip that you've learned or tell us what kind of episodes you like best. We love hearing from you. And when you leave a review, it helps the show grow. This episode of LifeKit was produced by Sylvie Douglas. Our digital editor is Malika Garib and our visuals editor is CJ Rikulan. Megan Cain is our senior supervising editor and Lauren Gonzalez is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Claire Marie Schneider and Margaret Serino. Engineering support comes from Sina Lafredo. Fact-checking by Tyler Jones.
28:45Reproductive Endocrinologist:Special thanks to Mireille Goodman. I'm Mireille Cigarra. Thanks for listening.
28:56Reproductive Endocrinologist:This message comes from NPR sponsor, the NPR Wine Club, a place to find boutique wines from around the world and bottles inspired by popular NPR shows, as well as to explore the producers, regions, and exciting stories that bring each selection to life. Whether you buy a few bottles or join the club, all purchases support NPR programming and help fund quality reporting. You can learn more at nprwineclub.org slash podcast. Must be 21 or older to purchase. For three weeks in 2020, part of my Seattle neighborhood was taken over by a protest occupation. We were here to protest police brutality. But it ended in tragedy.
29:36Reproductive Endocrinologist:The whole space felt darker and angrier. Join me as I investigate the unsolved killing of 16-year-old Antonio Mays Jr. Listen to We Keep Us Safe on the Embedded Podcast from NPR.
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