Joel McHale: Bean Bag Pulls Focus

0:00I mean, you literally were in St. Elmo's fire. So you could be like, we already have saints. We already have dogma.

0:22Hey, everybody. Welcome to Literally. Today, Joel McHale. I love him. He's done everything from the soup to community to the bear to animal control and just legitimately one of the funniest, nicest people around. Whenever I find myself at one of these show busy things and big boy Joel's there, I know I'm going to have some good fun. So hopefully you will too.

1:00I'd like to introduce you to my one-eyed bulldog. Oh, my God. Look. What is his name? Beanbag.

1:14Beanbag the French Bulldog. Why does Beanbag only have one eye? Well, French Bulldogs can get dry eye. And if you don't treat it. Wait, that's the shit Jennifer Aniston gets. Oh, well. I've seen those I've seen those commercials Did she pop a retina or anything? I don't know but Check out YouTube Jennifer Aniston's dry eye Oh man she must have been paid A billion dollars for that It's something I would pop an eye out for a billion Listen there's a price for everything Yeah I got kids I'm still paying off college tuition I told my kids they were like Would you ever get a tattoo? And I was like, yes, if a brand paid me enough.

2:03Wait a minute. You don't have any tattoos? None. Wait, I find that shocking. Really? Yeah, because you're a strapping dude. Yes. And the beach. The beach. I got a new one. Where's my new one? Is that? That looks like it's from Lord of the Rings. Hang on, the microphone is fucking us. There we go. It's in honor of my five-time great-grandfather who fought in the Revolutionary War. It's the Sons of the American Revolution. Wow. My patriot grandpa. How old is that tattoo? The tattoo is six months. Okay. And what made you go, what made you go like, fucking A, I'm doing it? I did this genealogy show a long time ago where they take you back.

3:06And I knew nothing about my family history, literally zero, nothing. There was no legend, no talk, no nothing. And I've always been obsessed with the government and, you know, I mean, I ended up on the West Wing. I designed my house after Mount Vernon. all this stuff and then I realized that my they with all I went to the Library of Congress back to Germany to see where he was born and when he got on the ship to come to New York landed in 1776 they have all the paperwork they spent two years on it they had two genealogists on it but anyway he was at the Battle of Trenton where Washington crossed the Delaware and I was just so moved by it and I thought this would be a cool cool tattoo for family history when you first started like when like going back 80s yeah 1880s you're young you still look very young it's pissing me off uh but you're young rob low if you had had that tattoo would have there been a stigma like no no people well people didn't do tattoos right i mean they because in those days and you know my wife was a long time makeup artist in in those days they hand painted the tattoos off of the actors yeah and it took forever you literally used a camo kit and a little bit of purple a little bit of yellow to take down this color a little bit it took forever and um it was very frowned on um just because it cost production had nothing to do with with like tattoo culture or whatever it was literally just like Jesus Christ if you're going to take your shirt off and go to the beach in a scene it's an extra hour of prepping which is for any of you listening out there that's a precious hour getting there at 6am as opposed to 5am might as well be an entire day it's not good I can tell you that you're at the beach is that where I'm seeing beach action behind you no that's just shrubbery I live in Studio City Oh, yeah.

5:14Nowhere near the beach. No, I'm just saying, like, take me to the beach is when the people are flexing. Oh, take me to the beach if you're flexing. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I thought it was your emergency exits. Well, yes. We want to do the rip sides there. You got the snack bar over there. No, because if I had gotten a tattoo as a child or as a teenager, or really, there was no one in my high school that had a tattoo. And if you got one, people were like, what are you, a sailor? Oh, yeah. What is happening? This is chaos. When do you think that turned? Because now, like, literally everybody. Well, remember when gals were getting the thing across their lower backs?

5:57That felt like a five to six, seven, eight year period where. Gramp stamps? Yes, I didn't want to say it. I knew you would, though. I knew that if I alley-ooped it up there, you would dunk it. And you did. I just alley-ooped that shit right up to you Is it, why do you say tramp stamp? Because I feel like men also have tramp stamps It's equal opportunity Where's the male version of it? Those started coming in around 2005, 4, 3 Around in the air, I think I'm obsessed with anthropological, cultural Like, I'd like to do, you know you do timelines of dinosaurs I'd like to do timelines of ridiculous stuff that we have done as humans.

6:41I would like the rise of Beanie Babies. Oh, bro. Dude, that guy lives up where I live. He's got a, he's got a, he owns the Four Seasons and he owns all these. He invented the Beanie Baby and made billions and billions and billions. Yeah. If you invent something. How about this? How about the Pet Rock? Were you alive for that? I was just coming into conscience as a child. So I was born in 71. I think my pet rock was 76, 78. 75, but who's counting? So I kind of was unaware of it, but then when it was always being referenced, I had to go back and find out. Did you have a pet rock? It was my first purchase.

7:27I was just old enough to be taken to the department store where they like escort the little kids through a shopping area so they can fake buy something for their parents. And I remember buying somebody a Pet Rock. What was the retail on a Pet Rock? Well, listen, adjusting for inflation, I would say it was, I don't know, but I remember it was very elaborately packaged. It was packaged like with breathing holes, like you're getting a baby chicken. Very funny. It was really funny. Somebody was, I just want to be in the pitch meeting where they're like, yeah, I'll put, I'll put 300 K behind that to scale it.

8:09And then they were like, great news. You're a billionaire. I don't know if that, if that made, I mean, I, he definitely made money, but it wasn't beanie baby. Fat. All my purchases were cat guns. Oh yes. With, you know, you would buy the rolls of red tape with just a little dot of gunpowder. Oh, and you could put them on the ground and hit them with rocks. Yeah. Hit them with a hammer. And then smell them. That smell is my childhood. And then the ones that were in the plastic circle that you put into the toy revolvers that were plastic with the little charges. And you stuck those in. You could also just smash them with a hammer.

8:50Oh, those were the days. Those were the days. Good candies. Did you, when you, because obviously, I don't know when this airs, but it was just 4th of July. Yes. And going to bed, hearing fireworks going off was, I was like, oh, this is the perfect white noise. This is so comforting. This is my childhood. For me, it was my first case of YOLO, I think they call it, where I was like, wait a minute, someone out there is enjoying fireworks and I'm in bed. This is not where it should be. It's not right. Your wife is like, honey, what are you doing? And you're just lighting fireworks and hucking them out the window.

9:31We used to have firework wars. When I moved to Malibu from Ohio in 76, first of all, it was the bicentennial. You know, 76 is a big, big, big 4th of July. Yeah. You know, by the way, coming back to my ancestor who landed in 1776. So it's funny. See the way that we I've woven this conversation together. It's pretty incredible. I mean, it is. I'm an incredible podcaster. I weave together things. I mean, I don't see Mark Maron did do anything like that. Yeah, and it's all very organic. I don't even feel the way it's moving. No. We're covering a lot of interesting topics, I like to think. I mean, but anyway, we moved to Malibu and Bottle Rockets, remember those?

10:15Yeah, Bottle Rockets. The drill was you'd put them in a tennis ball can, an empty tennis ball can, and you could use that like an RPG. Yeah. and you'd so we'd have wars and um the only person who could stop the wars was um of course my next door neighbor martin sheen who would dress up in his fatigues from apocalypse now and and just sort of like you know he was sort of the disciplinarian of the neighborhood for the kids he would be like okay kids you stop doing this I'm working on the the reduc he's like he's like who's in charge of this bridge son ain't you you know just doing scenes from Apocalypse.

10:54Trying to memorize my lines for the dead zone coming up. We had, the guy who tried to stop us was Mr. Well, his last name was Dyke and he was an airline pilot and also ran a religion out of his home. Wait a minute. He ran a religion out of his home? What was his religion? Well, it was his own religion. And he got, he was trying to get his home tax exempt. So then he married a Swedish woman. They had kids who were seemingly typical. But she would come over once in a while and be like in a Swedish accent. He would be like, he screens what I read. We were like, what? And he was like, he only allows me to read certain things.

11:46And that was odd. And then he, I remember going into his garage, his son Clifford, show me his garage. And it was like a movie set in that when the door opened, thousands upon thousands of two liter bottles of plastic two liter bottles of Coke would flow out of his garage because he drank Coke out of two liter bottles endlessly. obviously then he then one night the ambulance was called because they said it was caffeine poisoning which i don't think is a real thing but i can see how enough sugar intake would make you uh possibly go you'd get i don't know what what uh overdose you'd get but the ambulance showed up uh but he was uh he was a very strange man he was pronounced dead the next day oh i think he must be actually i don't think he is dead i think he sold his house and shockingly bought like a farm compound where he could have his religion what were the what do you think the tenants of the religion were well it's that's a good question um i i never found out any of that.

13:07And it was just like, Mr. Dyke is crazy. And I was, as we talked about, much more interested in buying as many fireworks as I could. Get your hands on. I'm asking because the notion of sort of basically paying for your house or at least subsidizing it because you're using it as a house of worship. I just built a house I've been working on for four years. And I'm getting the bills in now and I'm thinking, oh boy. So I think, yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to really think about if I were to start a religion, what could be the tenants of it? You could easily because it could just be about your life.

13:49And each, like each week would be like this week, we will cover the movie. Like, like each sermon would be about one of your movies. or television appearances. Today, we're going to explore the life of the apostle Andrew McCarthy. Yes. I mean, you literally were in St. Elmo's fire. So you could be like, we already have saints. We already have dogma. That's right. We have St. Elmo and his acolytes. Yeah. Judd Nelson traveled the world spreading the gospel.

14:43you could easily get i would say most of the cast up there if you gave them an appearance fee but you think about you could go through your entire catalog like your entire life you would I think people would show up. You could be like a more religious Comic-Con. Because if you think about when you go to those Comic-Cons, I don't know if you've been, but... Oh, I have so many thoughts. That's my favorite subject. Comic-Con and then... And Comic-Con, though, it has expanded, but it started as comic-oriented. But now it's literally movies and TV shows, and it's literally anything and everything entertainment there.

15:22Yeah, everything. Everything. And it's huge. But have you done any of the, I don't know what they call them. They used to call them autograph shows, but they're not. They have a new euphemism for that. And everybody does them, apparently. Like, literally, everybody. Oh, yeah. It's a, the celebrity firepower at some of them is pretty bananas. And the last couple that I've done, when I've done them, I was like, Oh, there's Charlie Hunnan. There's John Cleese. Yeah. Oh, there's Skeet Ulrich. There's a Hemsworth is there. You know, like they're not messing around and they are printing so much cash.

16:09When you start pulling a Hemsworth, you know, that's how you know. Yeah. Even if it's a lesser Hemsworth, it's still a big deal. Yeah. Oh my gosh. Yes. And they're... It's like the Baldwins were in the 80s. It's like if you had a Baldwin, you were down to clown. And some people, I've never done one yet. I don't know anything against it. I just haven't ever done one. I will pay for your house in, well, I'm not sure how big your house is. Well, how come when everybody comes, I've had like two offers in my manager. It's something, I don't know if it's worth your while. I'm like, by the way, I just made my manager sound, oh, there's that dog again.

16:50He's just sitting by my feet. Is he asleep? He's so relaxed and just wants to mellow that then he might hear a bird and then just leap out of the chair like he's being shot out of a tennis ball can. Have you been charged by him yet? Because I have a friend who has bulldogs and they will charge you like a bull, an actual bull. Well, he's only got one eye. So now the charge is he doesn't really stop. And he kind of clips your leg and then he realizes he missed. And then he has to circle back around. I got to tell you about the bear. Yes. But before that, you can pay for your remodel with Comic-Cons.

17:38But see, I don't, I've never been in a Marvel thing or a DC universe. Oh, you would be huge. Dude. You would have, you have no, you have no idea. Okay. So I'll charge. I'm going to talk offline because the numbers are crazy. I'm going to talk offline with you, but let's, like, how about this? How about these economics where a regular photo is cost whatever, but if it's a shirtless photo from, like, 1985, it's a different number. Yeah, yeah. And then if it's a West Wing, it's a different number. If it's a Parks and Rec, it's a different number. And then you can really see who wants what, right?

18:18Well, they also do like, all right, you're paying for the signing. Yeah. And then you pay for the official photograph. Yes. Those are all separate charges. And then you're like, I feel bad when you're like, this is for these people. This is their Italian vacation. This is what they want. They they're like, they're always like, don't feel bad for them. They want to be here. They want to meet you. They love this world. And then they'll go, hey, Rob Lowe, this is, here's the last time we met. Here's the last time you signed. You signed this photo. And now I'm getting this photo. And it's very exciting for me and my family.

18:58I love that. I do, when I do, sometimes I do a one-man show. And I have the meet and greets. And they're the most fun thing. Yeah. The stories that I hear from folks out there. And even on this show, when I do the lowdown line and people call in, which if you're listening, I thank you so much. I love you guys. You guys are the best. The lowdown lines are great. The stories, I knew your grandfather in Sydney, Ohio, whatever. It's so, we were married to the St. Elmo's Fire love theme or whatever. And now you should monetize it. Goddamn. Okay, I have two areas of business that I'm taking away from this conversation.

19:32Please. My own religion at my house. Yes. And going to Comic-Cons or some kind of autograph. I'll run one of the holidays in your church. For sure. Yeah. I think you should. Because what was that movie? Renegade you did? Was it Renegade? No. I mean, what would I have done in the Renegade genre? What was the one before St. Elmo's Fire? Youngblood? Youngblood. The Youngblood holiday. The entire, yeah, I could do that. With hockey. I could send a lot of hockey swag. Oh, my gosh. The hockey stick could be what the altar consists. Just a single hockey stick. No, that's how we knight people. Yeah, a gilded hockey stick.

20:19What language is that? It's Latin, man. Yeah, and you're like, you got to learn Latin if you want to be in this religion. That was Latin. Pay 50 bucks. I got an A in Latin at Santa Monica High School. Useful. Tell me about the bear bra. Do you love it? You know, it's that show. People love that show. Love it. It's a great show. And it's, I mean, of course, and it's a massive hit, and that cast is fantastic, and all those things. So, Chris Storer, who is the only reason I was in is because Chris Storer, the long-term boyfriend of Gillian Jacobs, who played Britta on Community, he asked if I would come shoot this, you know, his first season, second episode, and coming to Chicago, shoot this thing for half a day and then leave.

21:15And when we shot that first one, it was like one truck, one production truck parked outside. Really? And then the second season, I was in a flashback and didn't say anything. I was just sitting at a table in a restaurant. And then they kind of wrapped up third season. Then outside, there was 25 trucks. and uh every every prominent chef in america was in the room and uh and i was like this has changed this is oh this is what it's like to be on a hit this is a hit and um so my character kind of had his beginning middle and end and i got you know that final scene for work with between jeremy and where it was kind of like, hey, it worked.

22:05Why don't you stop complaining so much? And then I had to go take a piss. That was literally what my character did. And so I'm not in the fourth season because I think I got all wrapped up. I think I was done. You did your thing. I did my thing. But it was one of those things where I'm like, wow. And you do these things where you don't know what's going to work and what's working and what's not going to work. And then that was like... three days total of work and Chris Storer changed my career. And then, you know, then you do other things. You're like, wow, we worked on that for two years. Nothing happened.

22:44And so, yeah, you never know. So I'm thrilled. It's also that story, the great truism of there are no small parts. Yeah. Only small actors. Yep. Only. That's why they shoved me into a 38 short suit, which did not work at all. Right, B? No. No, for the record, you always, I think you get bigger every time I see you, just as a sidebar. I'm always like - Just making up for, you know, aging. No, but I'm like, he's a fucking beast I always come away with. It's, if I don't lift weights every day, then I will, everything unravels. Yes. The hair transplants fly out. Oh, okay. Thank you. Okay, listen. I didn't know where you were.

23:35I know you've talked about hair transpounds in the past. I was waiting. Again, this is the alley-oop that you dunked in the net conversationally for me. Walk me through all of it. Because when I turned 30, I got on the West Wing. I'd been sort of under the radar for a while, and I hadn't done any magazine covers. I got on the cover of People magazine. I saw that photo. I was like, oh, oh, I might be losing my hair. You're like, I gotta fix this. I knew to treat it with the seriousness of a potential nuclear proliferation. Yes. There's nothing more serious. And I, you know, been on that, the propish ever since.

24:27Yeah. And you've got something else? And I was feeling guilty about it. I was like, and then I, and I can't name the name, but I was at a major, major, major, major movie, but who has been in like critically acclaimed and action movies. And he had, you know, those pallets that you get that like have saran wrap over the top and then the bottom is made out of cardboard pallets. He had a pallet of Propecia in his bedroom. and I was like, okay, well, if it's good enough for him, it's good enough for me. Yeah, but Propecia doesn't grow hair. It merely, but it does save it for sure. It does save, yeah.

25:12100%, it saves it. Like I'll watch, and like I go crazy, I'll watch like Rafa Nadal play tennis and like over the years, I'm like, bro, hit the Propecia. Yeah. Propecia. It might've been a banned substance at one point. I know that it was in the Olympics, which was ridiculous. No way. Really? Which was ridiculous. What athletic leg up am I getting by taking it? Nothing. It's a testosterone inhibitor. So it's not like you're getting more, you know, that if anything, you'd be wanting to take more testosterone, but it stops it or it limits it. And as you probably know, it was a cancer treating drug.

25:55And studies have shown, thank you, wow, that long-term Propecia use actually can be a prostate cancer preventative. See, I'm hoping, let's talk about making money. If our phones don't ring from like Eli Lilly or somebody right now. I mean, I've been taking it for 25 years. Who runs Propecia? I think you can get, because it's already, you can get the. Generic? yeah you can break that up into fours yeah at one point they were like don't handle it with bare skin oh no that's a real thing apparently that apparently is still real like I guess like what I'm gonna swallow this thing but I can't touch it no no no no do you know what that was no it's it's um birth defect stuff with women oh like well like literally if you're a pregnant woman in all seriousness it's like um like a scene from Silkwood like you're you're You're like not supposed to go anywhere.

26:56Eat a cut, guys. That's Silkwood starring Sigourney Weaver, 1980. Not Sigourney Weaver, Cher. Shit. Come on. My bad. Where she gets the radioactive bath, they scrub her with the Brillo pads. And she gets stuck in that airlock pipe thing. Mm-mm. That's alien. Wait, is Sigourney Weaver or Cher? It's Cher with airlock. That's Sigourney Weaver and alien. No. That. I tell you, Cher has never been in an airlock. Okay. There's no way Cher has ever been. What is there, an airlock sequence in Moonstruck? Oh, that's my favorite airlock sequence. That's amazing. Nicolas Cage comes in and puts her in a pack of an Italian restaurant that has an airlock in it.

27:43I'm really, I'm sure you're at that. Yeah, Cher, terrible. Kurt Russell. I just showed my kid the thing. One of my kids. Best movie ever. Best movie ever. Incredible. Was he a thing at the end? Were either one of them at the end was Childs or McGrady a thing? Hard to say because they were just sitting there sipping their drinks going, maybe we should stay here for a while. Boom. Buddy, what a movie that is. What a movie. What a movie. Do you know the story about the hat? Yes. It's the best. Someone just told me that story. It's the best actor wardrobe story I've ever heard. I love Kurt Russell so much.

28:24He is one of my favorite actors on planet Earth. He's extraordinary. And the thing, if you haven't seen it, go see it immediately. The perfect movie, but he's wearing the most ridiculous hat you've ever seen. And apparently what happened was John Carpenter shot all this footage up on a glacier before shooting. And where it was trying to hide the fact that it was a double. So when they shot all the footage, and then when Kurt came into the wardrobe meeting to discuss his wardrobe, he goes, what is that awful hat over there? They go, oh, you're wearing it. He goes, what do you mean I'm wearing it?

29:01He goes, yeah, we already shot like two weeks with it. So he has a terrible hat that he's humiliated. And then the real question is, John Carpenter, why did you think this hat was going to be okay? I mean, I understand you're trying to hide someone, but there had to have been a hundred other hat options that costumes offered. It's really bad. It's so distinct, too, now that you can't think of them any other way. Which, by the way, makes it great. Yeah. Like, now you want that. Which is, again, proves... We downloaded it? Because we watched it on Apple TV or Hulu. The number of steps that were like, this is restricted, and we need to send you a code.

29:49and I was like you can just watch I was like what are they talking and my son was like why are we having to do all this and I was like I really don't know because I know that it's not nearly as I mean now that it 1981, 82 and I was like now it can't be but I think it's because in the opening scene I am spoiling nothing other than the helicopter is chasing a dog. And I was like, this must be about the dog chasing. I mean, they're also shooting at it. My favorite is we've gotten to a place where chasing a dog is potentially more offensive to people than the dog splitting wide open and alien erupting, which I did.

30:40That was a spoiler. Oof. That was... Bad spoiler. It's fucking great. Anyway. Let me ask you a question. Those kind of effects, which were all practical, right? It's all puppets and glycerin and shit. And I look at it today, I'm still as disturbed. It's still as gnarly as anything you've ever seen in any movie. But if we did the movie today, it would all be CGI. And it's like Jaws, which is 50th anniversary right now. Amazing. That's a fake-ass shark like no other. and I've seen CGI shark since obviously and it doesn't have the same thing there's something about is it what is that that those old frankly kind of cheesy special effects are almost more disturbing than anything the tech whizzes come up with today because I've it's the same every time American Werewolf in London another one the first Matrix wasn't that much CGI it was a lot of you know yep wires and hangers and glue and bubble gum and changed.