Vanessa Bayer: It's More Fun With Cookies (Re-Release)

27:57Oh, that was such a huge thing. That was huge. But listen, when you have a signature character like that and then you meet your, dear, the person, what was it like? that it was I mean I had met her before the craziest one was Miley Cyrus because I had never met her before and I was doing this Miley Cyrus impression and she and it wasn't not like that it wasn't flattering but it was like you know we both have really big mouths and it was kind of that's kind of like most of the impression and so um and so uh she came to the show and then she hosts, she hosted. And like, I remember doing the rehearsal and I was like imitating her and I don't even know if I could still do it, but it was like, it's critical.

28:42I'm my list. Like it's that's, so I'm doing that. And she's like standing behind me. And it was, I remember being so freaked out. And then we were rehearsing it later and her mom and her sister were on the floor. And, um, Her mom was like, her mom was so nice about it. Her mom was like, you know, we love the Miley Cyrus show. It keeps us laughing, you know, for hours. And I remember telling my parents about it. My dad was like, I think, really? Because I feel like if I were her parent, I'd be a little fat. But it was never, it was always out of love. You know, it was never, that's the thing I do think also is really great about Lauren is that in general, he never wants any of those impressions to be done in like a mean way.

29:26Yeah. Yeah. But that was really crazy. And because also she was so young, I think she was like 18. It's like a lot to have to like have someone like impersonating you and whatever. Anyways, she was always such a good sport about it. But I do think, but that was so nerve wracking because I'd never, it was my first season. I think it was my first season. And I, I just like, it was, you know, her whole family was there and it was just, so that was really nerve wracking. But Jennifer Aniston, I had met her doing this movie like the summer before she came on. And I had just done Rachel Green once on the show and she knew about it.

30:06And we sort of talked about it. And I couldn't totally tell how she was so nice, you know, but I couldn't totally. I don't know. But she was just really nice about it. And then and she's you must know her. She's I do. Yeah, I do. She's great. She's great. She's like so lovely. And so then she she was she she decided to come on to do to do to be herself next to me being Rachel Green. And it was like the most fun thing. It was it was one of my favorite shows ever, because first of all, I had this Rachel wig and she came with Chris McMillan, her hair. Well, that's really what I want to ask you about, because Chris McMillan is I mean, he should have his own show.

30:53That guy. So Chris McMahon, he created the Rachel. Yes. Yes. I mean, there's the haircut that launched a thousand ships. He's he's so amazing. And the two of them came together. And I had met him when we had done this movie. We did this. I did was had a small part in this movie Office Christmas Party that she was in. And so so that's kind of where I met him and her. That's where I met her. Okay. And then, and then they came to do SNL and they were, it was so fun seeing them. They like had such specific ideas. I have photos. I mean, I have video of them like blow drying the wig and like styling it.

31:34And even when it was on me, I have a photo of Jennifer Aniston, like, like moving it around because she like, didn't think it was like falling right. Like they, it was so fun. Like she's so, she was such a good sport about it. She's so it was but it's so funny to see her see the the wig and be like, this is how it should go. Like, this is, you know, it's like behind the scenes, behind the scenes recreation of the of the Rachel. Yeah. Historical moment. And also to go out as as Rachel in update and know that the audience is just going to flip out when she comes out. She's so beloved, you know? So she came out and they just like lost their minds.

32:18It was so fun. Those moments where, where, you know, on one of the episodes I did, we were going to have, I'm just blanking on his name, who did it. The Joe Pesci Show. Like it was the famous Joe Pesci Show sketch. And we had Pesci come out and the audience went nuts. And then De Niro came out. Wow. And the place, like that studio blows up. Yeah. It literally blows up. It's explosive. And, you know, you don't get those things anywhere else. You just don't get to experience that as a performer anywhere else, really. Yeah, it's so fun. I mean, that space is actually a lot smaller than I think most people think it would be, you know?

33:08It seems so much bigger on TV. And, yeah, when something like that happens, and it's amazing, like, everyone wants to be there. Like, people, everybody will come and do something. And, yeah, it just, when it explodes like that, it's so fun. I was, I had Mike Myers on the podcast, and we didn't even get around to talking about the time. I came to watch him do a coffee talk and Barbra Streisand came on. I remember that episode. Was he surprised by it? Did he not know about it? Or am I making that up? I actually, you know what? I actually think they might have kept it for Mike. I think you're right.

33:51And I'd forgotten that. Yeah. Yes. I think Mike was surprised. I think that, yeah, I think because they hid her. She was hiding in the green room beforehand. hand. I remember watching that and being, it was, that was so amazing. It's so fun when that stuff happens. And what do you, and when you're done doing a show like that, do you have a, you have a, like a letdown? Do you, what, what, what do you go through? Cause I would, I mean, even a regular series that works and people like you, I always feel like I have a moment of like, you got to mourn it or maybe I'm thrilled to be off. You just don't know.

34:31What's, what was it like for you to get into that next chapter? When I left the show, when I left the show, I think I, I really think I was sort of ready to leave. You know, it was the end of my contract. It had been seven seasons and, um, and I really feel lucky. Like, I feel like I sort of got to do the stuff that I wanted to do and was able to sort of like keep, keep sort of a thing going where I, where I was able to come up with new stuff every year. Like towards that, we finally got it on at the end of my last season, this, um, this weather woman who has like a hard time speaking and this, we did it my third to last and my last show, like we, I got to do it twice and I didn't do it till my third to last show.

35:16So it was like always coming up with these, these things. And then I I felt like I was sort of ready because it is like as much as it's like so exciting and fun, the hours are so crazy. You know, it's you know, it's like it's so hard to like sustain that lifestyle. I just don't understand. Like everybody stopped doing the coke years ago on that show. I know. Why do they keep the coke hours? Yeah. Why? The coke hours. I don't. I think Lauren really loves tradition. And so. Right. That's the way it started. So that's how he, but, but I know it's such crazy hours and, um, you know, yeah, it just is.

35:58It's fun to go. I mean, for, it wouldn't be fun to do it every week, but to go in and, and, and just pull all nighters like you're in college writing. Yeah. And you're like a grown adult making a television show makes zero sense. Yeah. It is kind of, and you get giddy. Maybe, you know, there's a madness to it because the giddiness of it's four in the morning. Yeah. And we're ordering a pizza. Yeah, totally. Totally. Like that's where, you know, the madness. That's where you come up. I know. What about a weather person who can't speak? Yeah. Yeah. That's not a 4.30 in the afternoon idea. Right.

36:37I don't think. Right. Right. But it might be a 4.30 in the morning idea. Right. Exactly. It is. It's so. You go through. And you also as like you go through so many different phases as a cast member there, because like, you know, it's really exciting when you're new, but you don't know if you're doing it, you know, and it's one of my favorite things. And he told it on your podcast was at the 40th anniversary. David Spade told me that story about seeing John Lovitz and saying, like, great show. And he and John Lovitz is like, I was only in two things. I don't know if you, and David Spade was like, I don't care.

37:13Whenever I see you, I'm like delighted. I'm not counting what you're in. And then David said like that a couple of weeks later, he was exactly like that. It's so funny because that happens to every, you know, from watching the show that you don't care, you're not counting. And so it's like, you go through that phase. I think by my six or seven season, I had figured that out. Like I had been like, I was like, oh, they don't really, like no one's counting the way you are. but you just go through, it's such a roller coaster of like, you're just so neurotic too, like while you're in it. And even when I watch the show now, I can, I'm so in the heads of people going like, they're probably mad about this.

37:51They're probably thinking that, you know what I mean? Like I just can still feel, you know, what everyone's, yeah. Did you ever have moments where at the end during the goodbyes, you're like, fuck this host. I don't want to be anywhere near them and like try to be off camera or conversely where you're like, I'm going to make sure my face is right up there at the end. I'm kind of fascinated with where people stand at the goodbyes because I think you can read all kinds of behind-the-scenes intrigue into where people choose to be at the end of the show. There was an episode where I can't remember the host's name, and that's probably good because I'm going to say something negative.

38:30Although, and no one, he had gotten in trouble for, I think, some kind of domestic abuse or something. Yeah. And none of us wanted to, none of us were really thrilled that he was hosting. And none of the women wanted to be near him for Good Nights because none of us wanted to hug him. So if you watch the Good Nights with him in it, it looks like it's an all-male show because the women are just all around the periphery of the stage. That's what I'm saying. I think if you just go back, look very carefully, you can see a lot of drama. You can see a lot of that kind of stuff. But always, like, I wanted to, like, go up there, especially my first season.

39:12I just, you know, the bigger the host, I just wanted to go up there and hug them. Like, I just was so – because it's also the part that your friends and family are the most excited about. Like, if you get to hug someone cool during good nights, that's all anyone cares about. That's so sweet. It makes perfect sense. I had, for whatever reason, I had two people crash my good night. We weren't on the show. We're an affiliate. Twice that's happened to me. The first, the last time it happened, it was Brendan Fraser. Wow. Who, yeah. And he was, and I'm going, good night. Thank you. I want to thank everybody.

39:53And in the background, he's yelling, bedazzled, bedazzled, bedazzled. Bedazzled! Do you know why? He had a movie called Bedazzled that was opening that weekend. Wow. All I can think of, I've spent many years trying to figure out what was going on with Brendan that night. And the nearest I can come to is that he was somehow promised a walk-on during the show. And the show ran long. and he just was like, fuck it. I'm going, I'm going to go up and yell bedazzled behind Rob Lowe's head. And then the, bedazzled. By the way, have you, he's really good in Encino Man. I don't know if you've watched it again.

40:46I am not aware of the brilliance of Encino Man. Tell me more. It's Pauly Shore. And you know, when Pauly Shore is kind of in his heyday and do you know the premise of it? They find a caveman, which is genius. I'm in for the premise. In Encino, and then he becomes Encino Man. Well, I mean, it's making me laugh just talking about that. It's funny. But he's so, Brendan, you're like, this is a Pauly Shore movie. It's not a, it's a Brendan Fraser movie. He's so good in it. Like, he's so funny in it. My friends and I watched it a few years ago, and we were like, kudos to Brendan Pritchard. Okay. Now, by the way, that sounds actually really genius.

41:37Truly, I'm not kidding. It's not an easy role to play, you know, a caveman. Oh, I can't imagine it is. I mean, you don't see Daniel Day-Lewis. Yeah. You know, what's his Neanderthal like? Right. Not as good. Yeah. Also, I don't want to hang out with that guy, you know, backstage or whatever. Doesn't he stay in character? I don't know. Yeah, he'd be in character. He'd be cobbling shoes in the background. Yeah. Then the first time somebody jumped in on my goodbyes was Chevy. Wow. Wow. It was Chevy, who has a very complicated, to put it mildly, relationship with the show and everybody. And I don't think he'd been there.

42:22And I never did know why. It was really sweet. It was great. It was, but he was, he, I think he'd been around that week and was checking stuff out and was like, I'm just going to go up. And, and, you know, people went crazy and was a habit to see him, but it was like my idol. Yeah. Wow. It's pretty, I don't, I'm trying to think if he came in and visited maybe for the 40th anniversary. He was there for the 40th, I think, but he didn't, I feel like Dan Averick. when I was there, came back the most, which was so cool. And then I think Bill Murray a couple times, which was also so cool. Like, you know, getting to meet those people, it's like insane.

43:04I mean, even like those people, it's so crazy. And then the people from when I was a kid watching it, you know, like when Dana Carvey hosted, it was like, this is the craziest thing in the world. And he was so like, it's so crazy to meet those people because you're just it's like the thing that Lauren says is that your favorite cast is the cast from when you were a kid. Like, yeah, it always is like no one. Yes. And so just to to meet those people is like it actually also makes you realize that you're there, like like is a reminder of like how crazy it is that you're there. Yeah, it's such a great parlor game.

43:47And it's kind of like, you know, boomers bemoaning today's music. You know, it's that same thing. It's the same with music. The best music is the music that was around when you were 17 years old. Yeah. Same with the cast of SNL, for sure. But that said, being with Dan and Tommy Boy was like a career highlight. Oh, my God. I mean, I did Bass-O-Matic in my sixth grade talent show, for God's sakes. Oh, my God. That's so great. Yeah. I mean, how many times have you had a bass? You wanted to do whatever the hell it was, and then you— I still can't. I still am so—it's still so fun that you were in those movies.

44:31I mean, you were so great in those movies. I know I already said that. I don't mean to bring us back to that. But you're just so— More, more. No. You're just so good in the—it's such a good— It's so great. Yeah. And that's, listen, and thank you. And that's all Lauren. That's all Lauren, really. I mean, I hosted the show because it was like a moment in time where like, you know, there are certain hosts where you know they're hosting because they're funny. And there are certain hosts you know they're hosting because they're having a moment in time. Right? Right? You know what I mean? I do, but yeah.

45:05And so I was sort of having a moment in time. And, but we, there was a sketch that went really, really, really particularly well. And, and Lauren loved it and we connected. And then it just, he was like, I could see him going, oh, this guy's like funny. And we built that relationship and, you know, it was all Lauren's doing, putting me in those movies. I'm sure, but it's also like you, you were so funny that you could do that. You know what I mean? Like those, you can't be in a funny movie that's like, you're so funny in it. Like he saw that in you, which is why he did that. And I just like, you're so good in those.

45:41It's like, yeah, it's just really great. So I don't need to feel bad about my good looking rich dick comedy villain era. No, it's, that's what I, that's. No, usually you say, yo Rob, because you are a good looking rich comedy dick. So why would you ever feel bad about who you are? Yeah. Right. And we'll be right back after this. That is the one thing I liked about Tommy Boy, perhaps more than all of them, because he was a poor, good-looking comedy dick. Right. You see my versatility? See how versatile it is? Yes. See? I mean, it was a real stretch. Right, right. A different socioeconomic class.

46:31That's right. That's right. So that takes a lot of attention. So, I mean, you put what I'm playing in Wayne's World against what I'm playing in Tommy Boy, and they're just diametrically opposed. Right, right. I mean, it is funny. It is thinking about it. It is funny that you're that guy in both of those movies. Yeah, it is. It is really funny. And you're so good at it. Nobody, you know, no one was like, didn't. Didn't he play that exact same part? In fact, it's so funny because I forgot about Wayne's World for a second. And then I was like, oh, my God, of course, Wayne's World, because I think you'd be so much from Tommy Boy.

47:09But they are similar and never, you know. I was so happy finally when Mike wanted me to do young Robert Wagner. Because I was like, oh, OK, that's weird and very off the beaten path. We got to get Robert Wagner on the podcast. Yeah, why not? Don't make a note. We need to do that. We need to do it sooner than later. I mean, because if I did the voice, people would know who was talking. Right. And that would be very fun. Is he interviewing himself? I know. What would you do? Spitball this out with me. Let's pitch this out. I get Robert Wagner on the, I guess I should talk like him through the whole thing.

47:59Do you think he would be put off at all by? No, he loves it. I was scared. Okay. It's like my mini, mini version of John Aniston was me doing it for him because I'd done it for everybody until him and I didn't know what he would think of it. And he was great. He was really great. But I was legit scared. Yeah. Yeah. I just mean if you did like a full podcast with him for like an hour where you were talking like him. Tell me about your golf swing. How's that going? I mean. He probably would love it. Yeah. I'm going to do it. It's more of a challenge to you to stay in it, in the voice for the whole thing.

48:42It is. And it's like you said, I like you said about Miley Cyrus. A lot of it is just having a big mouth. Yeah. No, it is. But it's true. My Robert Wagner thing is that his head does not move independently from his neck or his body, which is probably not true. He doesn't. I don't know. That's not an affectation he has. But when I do Robert Wagner, he is incapable of moving his head from his body. I don't know why that just works. It's great. I mean, that's the best stuff about impressions is like your take on it as opposed to, you know, if it's accurate. And yours is very accurate, by the way.

49:22I'm not saying it's not. But like also the things that you pick to really. That's what I love. I love when people's takes are not just like, you know, I love Daryl Hammond. Daryl Hammond's amazing. Yeah. He's, he, his, Daryl Hammond's Al Gore might be one of my favorite impersonations on the planet. Yeah. It's so good. It's so good. And then I, I mean, do you think you'd be bummed on it now where it feels like they, they're, they bring in the famous people. And I love Alec and he's been on the podcast. He's a great friend. Yeah. But like, what if you're on the show and you have a Trump in you and you're like, fuck, Jesus.

50:02It's the thing that I noticed the most is, it's not the thing I noticed the most. It's the thing that I think probably, that I noticed that probably bugs the cast the most is, you know, it's so exciting to have all of these huge celebrities come on and play these parts. But I, yeah, when you're in the cast, I think you're like, I want to do, you know, I want to do those parts. And I understand why they bring all those celebrities on. It's so exciting and so cool. But, you know, the cast really are like, they're so funny. And they're so ready to do those parts. And so I, you know, I always feel mixed when I see that stuff because I'm like, oh, this is really cool to see this.

50:49But as a former cast member, you're like, just let, can you just let one of them do it? You know, it's right. Yeah. It's become more, I think. I mean, I left I guess I left three seasons ago. I've been off for three seasons now and I think it's become more. I don't have people come in, but not to the level of it is now it that it is now. Well, and that's also the evolution of what, of the ethos of the show as a SNL nerd is like you realize, you know, it's like there was no memorabilia. Like that was verboten. Right. It was just not happening. Not doing it. We're not selling out. Now there's, and I'm not saying that the show's sold out, but Lauren, there's a reason why the show's still on.

51:40Yeah, I mean. 40 years. And that is that, you know, Lorne knows what he'll to die on and what he'll not to. Yeah. I mean, there are hosts now. In fact, if I have a knock on the show, it's the hosts. And there are people who've hosted for years now that would never been allowed within 30 yards of that studio. Yeah, yeah. you know it just it just was like yeah we like famous people for sure and we want always want famous people but if you're not legit funny you're not on the show and that's right not the case they'll prop anybody up now right right right right right yeah i mean i guess it's just it's been on for such a long time and it's like figuring out those ways to keep it like commercial In the zeitgeist.

52:34And that's what's so brilliant about Lorne is like, you know, he knows when to eat shit and when not to. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Really? Yeah. In terms of like, okay, at the end of the day, I want it to be as good as it can be. But having a brilliant genius show that's canceled doesn't do anybody any good either. Right. Right. Totally. And it's been great. Tell me about your new show you're working on. I'm working on the show for Showtime. So we were about to film the pilot and then, you know, this pandemic happened. So we're figuring out when we'll film it. But it's basically, it's loosely based on my life because when I was in high school, I had leukemia.

53:19I'm totally fine now. And so it's based on someone who I will play, who is a survivor of childhood cancer, who goes on to live her dream of being a host on like a QVC style home shopping network. Amazing. Which is something that I love. I love it. Of course. When I was a kid, I used to watch it a lot. Who's your favorite QVC host? I have two. One is Jane Treese. I don't know if you pronounce her last name, Tracy or Treachy, Jane. And the other is Mary Beth Rowe. And they're both still on. And I used to watch them when I was a kid. And then my writing partner and I, Jeremy Beiler, we both went and we did a tour of QVC like three years ago now.

54:10And we got to meet them. And we got to like sit down with them for like an hour. and um they were so nice they told us so many stories that were so I mean just the most because you know they're they have really nice um temperaments like they're so sweet but then they would tell us you know we'd be asking them about like getting crazy callers and yeah and one of them was like yeah someone would call in and they'd just be like fuck you you know And they just had to, I don't know. It's hard to, but they just, they're so comforting, so funny. I just, I think it's, I love it. I love everything about it.

54:57Who are your favorites? Do you have favorites? I don't, unfortunately, I don't know. I'm obsessed when the celebrities come on and hawk their wares. That's kind of my favorite. It's amazing. Amazing. And I also like where it's clear that they've dolled it up in a way that they're trying to make it feel like they're not slumming. So, like, it's all gauzy shot with, like, long lenses and every – you know what I'm saying? It's like – so they don't feel like they're on QVC, but meanwhile they're on QVC. But you can just feel the celebrity going, like, I don't want it to seem like I'm on QVC. That part really makes me laugh a lot.

55:42You know, Catherine Zeta-Jones has a line called Casa Zeta-Jones. It's like home. It's like homewares. By the way, it's the greatest name ever. Okay. It's pretty. I mean, it's pretty smart. Casa Zeta-Jones. Casa Zeta-Jones. I fold my hand. I was watching it with her and it was so funny because she's such a huge celebrity. And she was on and it was like, you could tell the host was like very excited, you know, rightfully so to be on with her. But then people were calling in and it was like it was like added this new element where like callers call in to talk about the product. But they were also kind of calling in because they wanted to talk to Catherine Zeta Jones.

56:21Yeah. So it was just like such a weird it just like such a huge celebrity to be on there and just seeing how everyone adjust their behavior and are sort of like trying to like keep it cool while it's like it was just um it's she's like yeah it was it was great working with antonio banderas in that movie but this ottoman that i'm here to talk about today is made of fibers from the you know whatever Right. Yeah. I it it reminds me of when I did a telethon and we were and and like the the big and George Clooney was running it was my favorite part of it. And George would sort of deign who he wanted to go on camera.

57:12And if you pass Clooney's thing, then you got to go on camera. But if you didn't, you were relegated to the bleachers where the phone banks were. And then you would be answering phones. So, of course, I was in the bleachers next to Johnny Depp. And people would call and they'd be like, all they would really want was to talk to Johnny Depp. Or they'd be like, Renee Zellweger. So it became this thing of everybody handing the phone to everybody else who just didn't really want to donate to anything, really. Yeah, right, right. But they saw that I was sitting next to Johnny Depp, which is madness.

57:52Madness. Total madness. I mean, yeah, it's a great, it's just blindly calling in to see if they can. I thought that the Jerry Lewis telethon was like the Academy Awards. Yeah. When I'm like an eight-year-old in Dayton, Ohio. I just, it was the height of glamour to me. I also remember going, like figuring if I, they were like, and you can donate here. And I thought that if I went and donated there that I'd get to see Jerry Lewis. and the television. No concept. Right. It wasn't being shot in Dayton, Ohio on my local television network. Yeah, yeah. So I remember asking my dad to take me down because I wanted to donate and he probably thought he had this wonderful son who was, you know, wanted to be charitable.

58:40I just wanted to see stars and see television. And I got there and there was a, I remember there was a fire truck when you put it in a fireman's hat and you drove by in the rain and that was the end of it. And I was so disillusioned. That's so sad. Isn't it? It's, I mean. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? It's such a bummer when you're a kid and you, you know, like commercials where stuff can fly, you know, where toys can fly and stuff. And then you get the toy and it doesn't fly. Oh, the toy and the cereal. Yeah. Don't even get me started. Don't even get me started about the toy and the cereal.

59:14When it's microscopic. Yeah. When you pull it out. You're like, this was supposed to be a ray gun. Yeah. it's so the size of my fingernail you know what's crazy is that it's in retrospect it's like how could it have fit in the cereal box if it was that much bigger you know well that's why they don't do it anymore because how many kids died do you think right right right right yeah right i'm obsessed with cereals i'm obsessed i i can't have cereal in my home because i can eat I would just eat all of it in one day. I mean, what is your favorite cereal? And you can say a healthy and a sugary. Or not, it doesn't have to be healthy.

1:00:03Can I tell you, I can make it easy. There is no healthy. Okay. I'm not interested in cereal. Why would I ever be interested in cereal that's not the test of me? Okay, okay. I, if I pick one, all timer. But you can also mix some. so you so you can pick more than one i guess you can pick more than one i am going oh okay here's a good one so my healthy one's my favorite yeah healthy is life cereal it's so healthy is so good i i discovered i'll say this i discovered life later in life. Me too, because I thought it was too healthy. I didn't have life as a kid. Same. And then I tried it, and I was like, this is, it sort of reminds me of Crispix.

1:00:54I had, I liked Crispix a lot when I was little. Life is so good. So good. And I like both the cinnamon and the original. I prefer the original, but I understand. I understand. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to go with, hang on, because there's a lot of, it's the, oh, 100%. it's Cocoa Puffs. Interesting. But then again, you start talking about, you know, I'm not going to sleep on, uh, peanut butter Captain Crunch or Lucky Charms. I see that's, that's very like my brother is to like the, like Cocoa Crunch, peanut butter, that stuff. I'm more of a Lucky Charms, uh, cinnamon toast crunch. Yeah. But if I'm going cinnamon, I'm going cinnamon life.

1:01:43I see. I can see that. I also really like Frosted Mini Wheats, which is definitely a sugar cereal. Wow. That's really interesting. That takes me back. Because I remember when they came out and they were like, they put that glaze on it. Yes. Here's my thing on that. You know what my thing on that is? I like to eat it without the milk because the milk makes the glaze come off of it and defeats the whole purpose. Thank you. Wow. Thank you. To me, it's, I like that when it's soaked up some of the milk. I think it's a little. Do you drink the milk when the cereal is done? Because I think that's gross.

1:02:27I think it's gross, gross, beyond gross, gross, gross. Date over if that happens. What I would normally do is I would fill the leftover milk with more cereal. Yes, that's fine. Yeah. But would I drink the milk? Do you know that places like Milk Bar, are you familiar, have a cereal milk milkshake and stuff? Oh, there's a milkshake. Well, there's an ice cream that I have that has Lucky Charms in it. That sounds great. You have to buy it in advance. Although I have such a complicated relationship with Lucky Charms because I never know if I really want to have just like a spoonful of it, just go in blind, take whatever you get.

1:03:11or sometimes I get like a little obsessive over like, I'm going to leave the marshmallows for the end because they're so good. Then you're starting eating sort of all marshmallows and milk and you're like, did I make the right choice? I don't think you did. I don't think that is the right choice at all. I think they're mixed for a reason. Yeah. And I also don't like, again, I want to be in the board meeting. I'm obsessed with stuff like this where they go, we need to update the marshmallows. and they like the rainbow like i'm i'm suspicious about the the rainbow the rainbow because that's so many because it has so many colors in it and i'm like yeah the colors each color is supposed to be a taste right blue is tastes like blue right right and green should taste like whatever green tastes like um and there's a lot of colors there and i just don't i i just i'm suspicious of of the taste of it.

1:04:07I don't think they make the different colors. I think they all taste. It's all marshmallows, you're telling me? I think they're all, yeah. I think they all taste the same. Yeah. Interesting. I think they all are the same. I don't know. I mean, look, they're doing something right. I mean, they're doing really well. Do you, now let me ask you this. Do you have cereal in your home? I would not have it in my home if it were up to me, But because we are – my sons are back from COVID, there we do. They won. Okay. We have lucky charms here. And cinnamon life. I mean, and like I have to really – I have a sugar tooth and I have to fight it badly.

1:04:51Yeah. And so my way to fight it is when I get that thing, I have an Atkins – this is going to sound weird – an Atkins chocolate banana shake. and it tastes like a milkshake and it's great for you. And then I don't have the cereal. Then you don't have the cereal. That's my comfort. That's where I go for my comfort thing. Yeah. That's good that you have that because I feel like cereal is like such a slippery slope. I mean, obviously there's worse things you could have, but you can't stop eating. The problem is you can't eat like a dog. Yeah, it's like you're a dog. Like a dog will eat itself to death.

1:05:29That's what it is with cereal. And somebody told – someone just recently told me and it was like a big aha moment for me. It's probably like, no kidding, you big idiot. But like the processed sugar, your body can't – it doesn't exist in nature. And so your body is trying to get the nutrients out of it and keeps going, okay, give me more because there's no – I didn't get any nutrients from that. Okay, I didn't get any nutrients from that. Okay, I didn't get any nutrients from that. And that's why you cannot stop. That's why if you have a couple of things of an ice cream, next thing you have a pint is gone.

1:06:02That's so interesting. Isn't it? It may not even be true, but that's the way I heard it. And it seems like it is true, though. Sometimes if I hear something and it's helpful to me, I don't really care if it's true. Yes. You know? 100%. What are we looking out for? You know, sorry, it's, you know, what are your... The truth police. Yeah, we're looking for, I think, at this point, what's helpful necessarily. Do you want the truth? Sure. Do you need it? Probably not. No. I think if we've established one thing this year, it's that. Yes. Truth is overrated. It's overrated. And look, we can survive without it.

1:06:49Barely. but look if a lack of truth a lack of scientific truth is going to screw up our environment at least it's going to make me stop eating life cereal yeah that's right and isn't at the end of the day it's all about me priorities and yes that's where i was getting yeah yeah i know i i You're too kind to say it, so I just said it for you. Didn't make me go there. This is so fun. Thank you for coming on here. Thank you for having me. I was very excited to do this. This was so much fun, and it's so nice to virtually meet you. I know. I know. I hope our paths cross. And is your brother the one who's been texting you my Tommy Boy dialogue?

1:07:39Yes. Yes. I will tell him you said hello. Tell him I actually did say that my shoes are worth more than his life. I will. I'm sure he'll love that. Thank you. Thank you. Hopefully I'll see you soon, as Lauren would say. This is great. Really, really appreciate it. Thank you. Thank you. Bye. Bye. See you later. See you later. All right. That was so fun. I don't know about you, but I am so down to clown with her idea of her TV series taking place in QVC. I'm there. I'm there. And for the rest of the day, I'm going to be eating cereal and thinking about what was it? Casa Zeta Jones. That's the greatest name ever for a celebrity line of whatever that is.

1:08:36I've learned a lot today. And I hope you have too. All right, it is time for the Lowdown Line. Hello, you've reached literally in our Lowdown Line, where you can get the lowdown on all things about me, Rob Lowe. 323-570-4551. So have at it. Here's the beep. Hey, Rob, this is Joe in Memphis. I have a sports question for you. Do you agree with me that Tom Brady is a lizard person? I think there's some compelling evidence. I mostly go back to, well, among other things, he doesn't age like a normal human being. He's won an inordinate amount of Super Bowl rings. But my bigger thing is the clues given to us by Bill Belichick.

1:09:31Bill Belichick, I believe, is actually a hero for our society. He, I think, in his own way is trying to signal us that Tom Brady is a lizard person. He's never, Bill Belichick never looks happy, even given all of the success he's had. He always looks like a grouch. I think if we were to watch any of his press conferences, he would probably be blinking in Morse code. Watch out for Tom Brady. He's a lizard person. So I want to know where you fall. And if so, if he is a lizard person, should the Patriots and Tampa Bay be stripped of all their Super Bowl trophies? Thanks again, and I'll take my answer off the air.

1:10:10Yeah, thanks, Joe. I've given a lot of thought to this. Look, as lizard people go, I think, you know, I think it's it. He ticks all the boxes, Brady. As you say, he's he's he does not age. He's a freak of nature. It's very clear that Bill Belichick has been giving press conferences like prisoner of war videos for years. In fact, I always wanted to do my interviews like Bill Belichick. And I do like that Brady is in the Pretty Boy Hall of Fame. That's more important than being, for me, a lizard person, is that he's a very pretty man. And I have a very soft spot in my heart for pretty men. And I love to see him do well.

1:11:03And if he is a lizard person, you know, it's made up for by the fact that he is, more importantly, extraordinarily pretty. Thanks, Joe. That was a good question. Until next time. You have been listening to Literally with Rob Lowe. Produced and engineered by me, Devin Torrey Bryant. Executive produced by Rob Lowe for Low Profile Adam Sachs and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Chris Bannon at Stitcher The supervising producer is Aaron Blair Talent producer, Jennifer Samples Please rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and remember to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you get your podcasts

1:11:55This has been a Team Coco production in association with Stitcher.