Discover The Power of Real Optimism With Dr. Deepika Chopra

0:03Dr. Deepika Chopra:Thank you for joining us for episode 561 of Live Happy Now. As we continue Happiness Month, it's a great time to explore what optimism means in today's world. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and today I'm talking with Dr. Deepika Chopra, a psychologist and author whose new book, The Power of Real Optimism, digs into the science of optimism and the role it plays in resilience. Today, she's here to explain what optimism really is and how we can use it to navigate difficult times. Let's have a listen. Dr. Deepika, thank you so much for joining me on Live Happy Now. I'm so excited and happy to be here.

0:43Dr. Deepika Chopra:This is a book for our times. This is exactly what we need right now. I got very excited when I got this email about it and really interesting to me because just last week, we ran an episode about a new Gallup poll that shows how pessimistic America is about the future. So of course, we want to follow that up with optimism. And I wanted to find out from you, obviously, you've been studying this, practicing this for a while. What made you realize this was the right time for this particular book? Well, to be honest, this is something I've been working on for a number of years.

1:19Paula Felps:And I had been focused on sort of this niche practice of optimism and hope theory for well over a decade. So for me, it's just what I do. And to be honest, I think that as humans, this topic of optimism and what I like to call real optimism is actually something that every human in every season of their lives, I think could really benefit from these tools because like I always share as humans, none of us are immune to struggle. And that is part of the human existence. And we often can't control our circumstances, but what we really do need are tools to help us navigate through, you know, the reality of life.

2:05Paula Felps:And I think when people think of the term optimism, a lot of times it can be really misunderstood. And so I'm really passionate about helping people redefine and what I like to call it real optimism, what that truly is from a science-based perspective.

2:20Dr. Deepika Chopra:I want to make sure that we're all on the same page because you have a definition of optimism that might differ from what people think. So can you tell us what that definition is and then tell us how optimism is different than positivity? Because I think sometimes we use those interchangeably and you break it down really well that that's not the case.

2:41Paula Felps:A lot of people think optimism is a personality trait or a mood. and I'm here to say it's actually a skill and I believe it's like a muscle. And so it is something that we can learn and that is like a very important distinction to be made. I also like to preface all of this with, yes, I am known as the optimism doctor and this is what I specialize in and I'm really good at helping people increase their science-based real optimism, but I am not naturally the most optimistic person And I am no way, shape or form the poster person of optimism. But what I am is someone that just like everybody else is in the trenches, using the tools in my own real life and sharing that journey as well and trying to increase my own optimism.

3:34Paula Felps:A lot of people assume that optimism is glass house full, rose colored glasses, always seeing the silver lining, experiencing 24-7 bliss and joy and real optimism. A person that is really leaning towards being optimistic is actually someone who is very keenly and mindfully aware of the roadblocks and the setbacks and the less than ideal situations that again, none of us are immune to. The caveat is they really see these setbacks as something that is temporary and that they have the ability to overcome and persevere through, even if they don't know how or when, but they know that they can and will.

4:20Paula Felps:And that is truly based on historical personal resiliency. So you have experienced every single one and gotten through every single one of your hardest days thus far. That's important stuff. That's where we build and cultivate the optimism from. And then the second thing is someone that is optimistic or how we talk about optimism is really being rooted in our authentic feeling. And so a lot of times that feeling might be grief or worry or sadness or fear or rage or whatever these feelings are that we might be feeling that don't feel good even sometimes, but they are part of the normal human range of emotion that we were built to feel.

5:06And we're authentic in that, but at the very same time, there's a crack open for hope or curiosity even.

5:15Paula Felps:That's where we start of, I wonder how this is going to change me, or I wonder how this will change, even if I'm not sure how or when, but just that curiosity and knowing that whatever it is that you are in is temporary. And that optimism and that approach to it won't always feel good.

5:36Dr. Deepika Chopra:I think we think if we're being optimistic and we see a positive outcome or we can envision something better, our mind thinks, well, it should feel good. And can you address that? Because during this time, we might be able to be optimistic about the future, but not feel good about what's going on. Exactly.

6:00Paula Felps:And so a really big part of optimism is what I like to call this like, and it's this, this notion of just, and you can not feel good. You can feel all of the emotions we just talked about, which don't feel good and sit in them and be authentic and feel validated for being in them. And at the very same time, know that something is going to change and hope and allow yourself to hope that that change will be for the better. And so it doesn't often feel good. And I like to really share that optimism, despite what people think, really is cultivated through those moments of perseverance. And the only way we persevere is actually going through something that feels like a struggle.

6:48Paula Felps:And so we're not necessarily building or cultivating our optimism when we are feeling the most joyful, although those joyful moments and feelings are so important and intrinsic to optimism. And we almost have to work really hard intentionally to allow ourselves to stay in those moments, because as humans, our brains actually tend to focus on the things that need fixing or that are broken or that don't feel great. And so we also have to train ourselves to sit in those positive moments longer. But yes, you are so right. That is a misconception. Optimism doesn't always feel great. In fact, again, it is born from somewhere that you are not feeling great about and that you are excited or curious about how that might change.

7:36Dr. Deepika Chopra:And that brings us to today, where we are living in a very precarious time. and there's a lot of division. There's so much uncertainty. Can you talk a little bit about how the brain processes uncertainty and then what we can do to kind of keep it from just shutting down? Yeah.

7:57Paula Felps:Our uncertainty and just general collective feeling of heaviness is, as many listening I'm sure can relate to, at an all-time high. There are so many reasons for this. You are not alone. In fact, you are part of the greater collective in your feeling of this, of course. And like I had mentioned before, I think a lot of people are surprised to hear someone like myself say, I don't really tell people to turn off the news or to just stop looking and paying attention and deeply caring. Of course, I believe in boundarying it. We can't take all of the stimulation in at once. And a lot of that is what's going on right now.

8:37our attention is absolutely being robbed every moment in a way that has never been the case

8:45Paula Felps:before in decades and decades past. But what I will say is in order for you to make a change or someone to make a change, you have to know what's going on. And so I think it's deeply important for people to be aware. And it's important for us to feel like we can still engage and show up and not just numb out. And there is this whole notion of feeling the weight of the world. And I think that's a really important thing to address. Of course, we are going to feel these things, but the number one most important thing to know about how our brains work, our brains prioritize safety and regulation over growth.

9:26Paula Felps:And so the very first place to start, if before you can have all the tools, you can read all the books, you can listen to all the podcasts with all the tips, but unless you feel safe and regulated, your brain will not be able to put forth the energy to make any changes. And so the first place to start is really coming up with a collection of unique tools that help you stay safe and regulated and signal to your brain that I am safe and I'm regulated. And the good news is these things can be really small, very practical, very doable.

10:05Dr. Deepika Chopra:What if someone isn't in a safe spot? What if they are part of America right now that is in danger and isn't feeling safe no matter where they go? How can they create that space for their brain and importantly for their children? What we're

10:23Paula Felps:talking about here is sort of creating small moments of mental and parasympathetic, you know, nervous system safety within your own mind and body. And that can look like short breathing exercises. For me, the one that works the best is the four, seven, eight breathing. There's a lot of science and research behind that. It really works to lower cortisol and to sort of create a reset in our nervous system. And that's taking in a breath for four and then holding it for seven and then exhaling for eight. There are many small sensory ways you can train your brain in those moments to step out of a negative loop and just feel a sense of safety.

11:08Paula Felps:And I'm talking about micro moments. And those micro moments are really important because it signals to the brain then, hey, I'm okay. I can tend to some other things right now, like solution focused or problem solving. And maybe I can come up with an idea that is more tangible to actually make myself and my family safe, but I can only get there. And the ideas only formulate in the executive functioning of the brain once I actually feel safe. So that's why these moments are so important. I oftentimes play a game of adult eye spy with my clients. And that is an excellent way for in the moment to stop a negative loop or worry cycle to feel a sense of safety.

11:52Paula Felps:And it works by just being a really healthy distraction for the brain because our brains have a limited capacity for attention. And so you go around a room, you sit in a comfortable place and you out loud set a timer for 30 seconds and out loud, just start naming everything you see. Yeah. Your brain is using enough attentional capacity where it is, it is not able to go in the worry spiral and it takes you out of it. But just by looking at something and labeling it and the trick there is to try really hard not to tell an emotional story about what you're seeing and you will, but then you just move right on.

12:31Dr. Deepika Chopra:We'll be right back with more of live happy now.

12:38Paula Felps:And now let's hear more from Dr. Deepika Chopra. You say that optimism is a trainable psychological skill.

12:47Dr. Deepika Chopra:And is it things like that that will help us start cultivating optimism? How do we do that? So that's the very start.

12:54Paula Felps:It's just by giving ourselves a sense of safety and creating more capacity. But the way optimism is trained is a few different things. One of the things we talked about was explanatory styles. So it's really rooting ourselves in understanding that things are temporary. And that's the hallmark of sort of when we talk about real optimism. Another thing is this idea of collecting evidence. And so our brains are like detectives and we love to collect evidence. And usually our brains love to collect evidence to make wherever we're thinking more true. And sometimes that can be not so great. You know, we're thinking something and it might be irrational and our brain is doing a really great job of picking out evidence throughout our lives and our days to make that thought more true.

13:45Paula Felps:And so another way for that is taking a look at our thoughts and starting to collect evidence in a thought that maybe you want to have more of or that is more aligning with a behavior or a feeling that you want to have. And one of the best ways to increase optimism is through sensory-based visual imagery. And that is the practice of visualization.

14:11Dr. Deepika Chopra:Ah, can you talk about that a little bit more? How does somebody start doing that at home? Because it's something that's, we usually have someone walk us through it, but how can they do that when they're in their own space?

14:21Paula Felps:So I love this. And there's an entire chapter on this, on my new book, The Power of Real Optimism. and there's a really practical sort of guided way to do this on your own. And of course, you know, if you can find someone that specializes in science-based sensory visual imagery, which is something that I do, it's really powerful, but the book sort of walks you through in a longer way in the chapter on how you can do that. But I will say that the reason that this is so powerful is because of our brain. We have these things called mirror neurons, and these are very exciting. It basically, like our brain doesn't really know the difference between fantasy and real when we're imagining something.

15:08Paula Felps:And so the reason that this works so well for increasing optimism is because if you hold a very negative self-limiting belief, it is very difficult cognitively to sort of just say, well, I don't want to think this anymore. And so I'm not going to think it anymore, which we sort of get into that like generic blanket statement affirmations, which can be helpful, but a lot of times research shows actually can be pretty detrimental, especially to people that really need it. Because again, our brains, you know, really like to make true what they already think is true. And so we have to use statements that we actually believe.

15:50Paula Felps:And so I have a sort of guide in the book as well called the seven tense rule where I am so for people using affirmations, but only if they believe that affirmation authentically to be true, seven out of 10, like they measure it and they actually believe that affirmation seven out of 10, then sure, use it. Otherwise we need to start creating some more specific, authentic affirmations that you truly believe in that same realm, but not like, we're not here to sort of do this 360 of, you know, I do not feel safe. And then looking in the mirror and just saying, I am safe. We might start in a different way.

16:30Paula Felps:Like where are the places in my life that I feel? Who do I feel most safe with? And we start to get really specific and we might start focusing on those types of thoughts that really make sense. And then our brain starts to collect and pick out and seek out more evidence that are like that to stick onto that thought. And that becomes more powerful. And now we're headed in the right direction, but we move small and we move slow. And then as we go on, we can move a little faster. That's really important for how the brain works. But with visual imagery, the exciting part is that, so your brain doesn't put forth energy or the executive functioning for coming up with solutions unless it feels safe, but also unless it feels this thing that you want or that you're thinking of is actually possible.

17:21Paula Felps:So we have to really believe it. We do.

17:24Dr. Deepika Chopra:We really do before we start trying to visualize it.

17:26Paula Felps:We do. But the reason we have to believe it before we start putting forth energy and taking action. But the way visualization is so powerful, it is a potent, beautiful way when you imagine something and you can use all of your senses to be in that imagination, it sends a signal to the brain that like, oh, I've already done this. And so it is true. And so I am someone that would be this way. Like there was a study on voters and they took a cohort of people and the vote was the next morning. And they said, you know, are you going to vote? Are you not going to vote? And then they put one group of, you know, people that were not going to vote through a visual imagery, imagining themselves voting.

18:18Paula Felps:Oh, interesting. And the people that imagined and saw themselves voting actually went out and voted because now their brain told them, I'm a voter and I have to make more true what I believe I am. And so it's a really powerful tool in optimism because I think it's a great way to start to chip away at negative self-limiting beliefs that we have that we can't, some of us are so stuck that we can't just cognitively say like, hey, I want to work on this. It's because it seems impossible. but when you visualize it and if you allow yourself to really go there and for some people this is very simple and for other people depending how concrete and cement this like self-limiting belief is it's difficult and we have to go slow in that too but once they can see it it's like your brain can't unsee it and it becomes something even if it's far off in your mind it becomes a possibility or something that you're more likely to expect that will happen for you or to you.

19:22Paula Felps:And you are more likely then to start putting forth the attention and the problem solving capabilities and taking action to actually make yourself be in a situation to make that thing come to fruition.

19:35Dr. Deepika Chopra:That's terrific. And on the flip side of that, there's a practice you have that I really, really liked, and that is scheduling intentional worry time. And I thought, you know, as I was reading this, it's like, this is so perfect because people are, we're worried right now. There's a lot going on. And to tell someone just don't worry about it isn't working. So I love the fact that, that you say schedule this time, talk to us about that and how you do that. And then why it's so effective in letting go of worry. Yeah.

20:05Paula Felps:It's something that I talk about a lot, but it's so funny when I'm sitting across from someone like a client or whoever, they are like, you can see their face kind of be like, wait, what? You want me to worry? It's really counterintuitive, but actually when you think about it, it makes a lot of sense and it's based on science. And again, just to reiterate, none of us are immune to worry. We, as part of our human existence, we will worry about things because we care about things. It's the opposite of saying and sending someone off with the promise that do this work and you are going to leave this with a worry-free life.

20:50Paula Felps:No one can promise you that because that is literally not how we were built, cognitively or emotionally. We are built to worry. Of course, we need to boundary that worry. And that is where this comes in. I was just speaking with someone yesterday and she was like, I started implementing that. And for the first time ever, I am sleeping through the night. And it's because when we just have floating worry all day long, which nowadays we are in fight, flight, freeze mode pretty much throughout our entire day. Way, way back when, when our ancestors were living long, long time ago, we might've been in this mode of threat, like one time a week when we were in our hunt or our partner was out hunting and we had to take care of the brood while they were gone, like whatever that was.