The ABC’s of Happiness With Klaudia Mitura

0:03Thank you for joining us for episode 538 of Live Happy Now. Could practicing happiness be as simple as learning your ABCs? Well, thanks to this week's guest, now it is. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and this week I'm talking with Klaudia Mitura, a work psychologist, host of the Happiness Challenge podcast, and a certified chief happiness officer. In her quest for happiness, Klaudia set out to personally test drive the best happiness hacks that science has to offer, and that led to her new book, The Alphabet of Happiness. In this episode, she tells what launched this journey, how listeners can create their own happiness experiments, and what cold showers have to do with it.

0:42Let's have a listen. Well, Claudia, thank you so much for joining us on Live Happy Now. Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited. From the moment I got an email about you, I was really excited to talk to you, and I got more excited as I spent time on your website. So I love, like anybody who listens knows that I love a good origin story. So let's start by talking about how you decided to become a happiness expert. How did you start studying it? I think the beginning for me was really simple that life hit me very hard. And I actually found out really for myself that I actually don't know how to be happy and what happiness is.

1:19So I was in this situation during pandemic, which of course was so difficult for everyone as a global experience. But during the time, I lost my job. My wedding needed to be pushed back in time. I couldn't travel to my country. So I live in London, UK, but I am from Poland. And my father got diagnosed with a lung cancer. It all happened in a space of a week. And then, of course, when you're dealing with those circumstances, and then we have a global pandemic, when you're dealing with those different circumstances, you kind of start wondering what life is about. And I very quickly realized that, you know, I'm only happy when life is good.

1:58But when life gets more trickier, I'm quite unhappy. And I thought, wow, that's a bit of a yo-yo situation. And how can I find meaning and purpose and those bigger aspects in my life, despite maybe what is happening or maybe even because of what's happening in my life? So I went on this like happiness experiment. I would test out different type of scientific approaches to happiness because I'm a proper gig in the net when it comes to science. And then I would test it out for a week. And then I would like reflect with my friend. Hey, what does this mean? How did it go for you? How can we do it differently?

2:37So really, that's how I really got hooked onto the subject of science of happiness. And everything I've discovered from my journey, I was like, why we don't teach this at school? why this is not part of workplaces, why this is not part of national policy. Seriously, everyone should know about the science of happiness. And you are doing such a great job of bringing it to us. I find it so interesting. I see two types of people. One are who go through a difficult time and it causes them to just implode and kind of cocoon. And it seems there's the other type that's like, all right, I'm going to go on an investigation and find out how to get out of this and stay out of the cocoon.

3:17So was that just your nature always to kind of explore the science behind what was going on in your life? Yeah, I think it stems more from the fact that I find myself as a very curious individual. So often people say, Claudia, you're so confident. No, I'm not confident. I'm just very curious about people, what's going to happen. People often say, oh, but you're so courageous. You know, you've done this, you've done that. And I'm like, no, no, I'm just really curious. I just want to learn more. And I think that approach was my defensive mechanism and me coping with a very difficult situation of, I just wanted to learn more through this.

3:53And that's how I started on this particular journey. Of course, there were moments when I was cleaning and weeping in the same time and baking banana breads as everyone was baking banana breads during the time. It was sourdough over here. So. Oh, okay. I'm a banana bread girl. And of course, there were moments when I was just whipping. It was, this is so difficult and I don't know how to navigate that. But mostly, yes, the instinct was, okay, let's learn more. Let's kind of explore why am I reacting in a certain way? So at what point did you decide, I've learned this, I've gained this knowledge, I'm going to share it with others?

4:33So on the basis of this happiness experiment, me and my friend who were sitting in our wardrobes for better acoustics, and we were recording a podcast, it was very much our conversation of how did it go. And then the more people started writing to us saying, well, this is really interesting. I never heard of this. This really helped me. We realized that actually, yes, we want to talk more about the specific topic. And because, of course, for this time, I was also making lots of notes and lots of reflective journaling, I thought, hey, I think I actually have a book in me. You know, people often say everyone has a book in them.

5:12I were like, OK, actually, I have the book in my journal. So why I don't start putting it in that book format and talking to people through that format as well. But it mainly was because of that excitement and encouragement we got from people. You know, sometimes in life, I think we feel that everyone has it figured out. and also I think when we're growing up, you're like, yeah, all the adults and all the grown-ups, they all know what to figure out and I will one day wake up and have it figured out and then surprise, no, we don't, we're all faking it. So it's kind of like, okay, if that's the case, why not sharing that knowledge with other people?

5:51I love that and that's so true because I remember during COVID and just being like, I need an adult in the room. I cannot be the adult in the room here. Come on. So yes, I'm glad it is a revelation when you realize that, no, they didn't have it all figured out. They just were like, given the answer they knew and hoping for the best. So before we get into your book, I do want to talk about your podcast, The Happiness Challenge. It is such a delightful journey. And I love like each series or season is different. And so a lot of your book, The Alphabet of Happiness really comes from that first season that you did.

6:27So explain what that was about? Because it's delightful. So that was about taking a concept, of course, in alphabetical order. So from A to Z. So from acceptance, which is all about emotional intelligence to zest, which is very much about energy and test driving it with my friend and also really talking to an expert about this topic and almost creating like a toolbox of what matters when it comes to science of happiness. So you have 26 principles and my stories, stories of my friend who was on this journey with me, lots of good science to really back up of what we're saying, and then an expert advice as well, and over 150 different practical ideas.

7:13So I'm a highly practical person. And nowadays in our world, of course, it would be wonderful if we can sit under an old tree and meditate for hours and we can remove lots of different stressors, but that's not possible. So I'm very much, okay, what can I do in under five minutes? Because often in a very hectic, busy life, that's what I need to reset my brain, to reset my happiness. So that's what the alphabet of happiness is. And then of course, as you very kindly pointed out, the rest of the happiness challenge as a podcast is then me thinking, I want to explore now science of happiness in the workplace.

7:52What's that about? Doing serious about that. Or, okay, holidays, summer break. How can we maximize it with happiness? Let me explore that. So I'm now kind of applying the overall concepts of science of happiness to lots of different areas of our life. Yeah, you're on your sixth season now? Yes, yes, I am. Yes. Well, congratulations, because just that in itself is such an accomplishment to be able to reach six seasons. And I do love how each one has its own theme. So if people are looking for happiness in a specific area, they can go and they can just tune into that and find it there. I think it's a wonderful approach and it's so welcoming, especially to our lives right now.

8:31Like we can find specifically what we're looking for. So was it challenging to come up with something for every letter of the alphabet? Well, X was a bit. You did good though. Tell them what you did. Yeah. So X was a little bit tricky, but X is for X factor, which is very much about our strengths. So it's like how using our strengths in life brings us more happiness. There is a really interesting research there that if we are having a specific quest, purpose, maybe at work, maybe outside of work, when we are applying our strengths, automatically we feel so much more happier because again, we're living in line with what are we good at.

9:10So X was a bit tricky. Everything else really fell into a place kind of naturally. When you actually look at the research of science of happiness overall, you can really see the key themes. So obviously research is vast. What I try to do is really put specific letters and principles together since they correlate. That's fantastic. Obviously, we talk a lot about the science of happiness on this show. And in your opinion and in your findings, what are the main things that you see people getting wrong about happiness? So I think the biggest aspect that we get wrong is that we follow the conventional wisdom around the fact that if I feel it, be successful, earn more money, have a partner, buy a house, have a dot, whatever it is, then I will be happy.

10:00So happiness becomes this big destination in the future. And we feel we have to fulfill lots of expectations from people around us, from the society. And only once we do them, then we will be happy. And the research from positive psychology around the science of happiness, it says opposite. Actually, if we are happier, if we are happy in the moment, we are more productive. We have better relationships. We are more resilient. And we can, therefore, do and achieve more and impact society in a more positive way. We'll be right back with more of Live Happy Now. If you're looking for your new favorite summer t-shirt, we've got you covered.

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11:40And now let's hear more from Claudia Matura. So actually investing in our happiness is very important and we shouldn't be delaying it for something in the future. And when we then look at that, okay, so, okay, Claudia, this sounds great. I need to be happy in the moment. What on earth do I do? It is them really thinking about those happiness boosting habits. So again, this research and Paula, you will know it. Sonia Lubomirsky, what a figure. I mean, you are so, I'm so jealous you have her over that side of the ocean. And she is the person who really talks about the idea that actually what matters when it comes to our happiness is those daily actions.

12:26Things we often repeat on autopilot that we may not even realize that contribute or undermine our happiness. So I would say that is the biggest misconception that we have. Delaying happiness and thinking that it really depends on external aspects around us. Yeah, that's very well said. And I know that there's great research that does show that happiness doesn't follow success, but success follows happiness. And I think that's, especially here in the US, that's something we get very, very wrong. Because as you said, it's like, when I get to this position, I'll be happy. And then we're surprised that we're not.

13:04So yes, I love that you're giving us new practices or taking existing practices and reminding us of how to integrate them into our lives. I wondered if there was anything that was surprising to you or that you found counterintuitive as you were working on this book. Yes, definitely. So there were plenty of things where I thought, oh, I didn't really think about this when it comes to happiness. Like what on earth research shows this? Because I think often already in the media, you know, we hear about gratitude. We hear about briefing techniques. But this one's a bit, OK, that's interesting. And there are two things.

13:37I think, first of all, thinking about our gut health. So again, when I'm thinking about my happiness, I'm not thinking about my digestive system at all. But then the research shows actually we all should consider that. So research shows that if you have a gut inflammation, you will be more likely to be more anxious or even more depressive. So for example, and that comes from the research around that our gut microbiome is necessary for production of our feel-good chemicals in our brain. I mean, let's just pause and for a moment just to really think about this. Our gut, our gut microbiome is responsible for something so important like the production of our feel-good chemicals in our brain.

14:25So having diverse diet, looking after our gut health is absolutely essential for our happiness, which I, before doing this research, did not know about at all. And the second one, which I think is very interesting to understand, is why cold showers are so important to our happiness. Oh, this is a new one for me. Tell me about this. Yeah. So cold showers or maybe, you know, cold plunges, so important to our happiness because they are able to increase our dopamine level very quickly up to even 250 percent. So that's huge. OK, so when we are in a cold shower, our brain recognizes this is not pleasant.

15:08So what it's trying to do is compensate for that experience by basically producing as much dopamine, which is our joy hormone, as much as possible. So we kind of stay in that situation for as long as we need to. So up to 250%. So if you have a blood day and you just cannot be asked, have even 10 seconds, have even two minutes cold shower at the end of your warm shower to boost your dopamine. But also what's very exciting about cold showers is that that dopamine boost stays up to two hours, whereas anything else, especially things like social media, using phones, they give us a quick dopamine boost.

15:52But that dopamine boost goes down instantly. And it's actually making our dopamine and our reward center kind of putting it on overdrive. Because every single time you're looking on social media and every single time you get a hit, it's quite a lot of hits. And that's not how our brain has been evolved to deal with. So what happens is that we really overstimulate our dopamine levels and they crash very quickly. So later on, we cannot feel as much joy as we wanted to. Whereas the cold shower, 250 % up and up to two hours in our brain feeling amazing. That's so incredible because I remember the first time I did cryotherapy, which is you stand in the tube and they drop the temperature way down.

16:38And I was euphoric. I had not felt that high since college. And I mean, for all afternoon, you know, it was an amazing feeling and I truly never associated all of that. So now I know. And now I think I want to go back and do cryotherapy again. Absolutely. I mean, swimming in a cold sea, cold lunges. But the simplest thing that we have at home is the shower. So I think, you know, if you cannot go and kind of pay for those experiences, you have the tool at home, have a lot more warm shower and then slowly start decreasing the temperature and have a few minutes cold shower. I love that. So you give us all these hacks, all these exercises that we can do.

17:20Do you have a favorite one? Oh, that's like asking your favorite child, isn't it? I know, it's just like, oh no, that is so difficult. I don't have a favorite one. And the reason for that is that I don't really apply. I don't think it's even possible to apply all of the hack solid ones. So what my favorite approach towards this is that I apply different things depending what is it that I need. So for example, not having a great day, woke up quite anxious, cold shower. Having a bit of argument with my husband. I mean, God, okay. Engaging in a bit of gratitude. Okay, this is what I love my husband.

18:02This is why we are together. This is what matters to us. Having a stressful presentation at work. Okay, feeling a bit stressed. This is stressful, stressful and kind of difficult stakeholders. Five minutes, a sound break. So I'm listening just to some nature sounds, closing my eyes to just stimulate my parasympathetic nervous system. So I'm feeling much calmer. So I don't have one, the most favorite thing. I think it's just very much for me is I feel lots of satisfaction and also I feel very safe and in control of my happiness because I know I have a toolbox to reach out for when I need something.

18:43And that gives me lots of comfort in life. And that's really what the alphabet of happiness is. You have given us a toolkit that we can use for all these different situations. We can find what works for us because what one person likes, somebody else doesn't. And so I think that is the magic of this book. And of course, I have to ask, you started this journey because you realized you weren't happy. Where are you at now after studying happiness and truly becoming a happiness expert? What am I now? So I'm at the place when I really feel comfortable that my happiness is mine. And that is really a big freedom that I gained in life.

19:25So it's not that my life is now rosy and it's so simple and everything is incredible all the time. It's more about that I approach it from a perspective of I know what I need. I know how to be happy and everything will be okay. And I can manage those situations. So if you like, I really, for the first time in life, after this journey, feel happy in my own skin. And I think that's, I mean, for me, that's the biggest thing. And for me, I made it in that kind of personal development and accomplishments. Well, that's everything. Because if we're not happy in our own skin, what good do our outer trappings do, you know.

20:11So this is fantastic. You are hosting a free webinar about happiness at work on September 29th. Can you tell us what people can expect from that? Yeah, absolutely. So as I said, I love applying the science of happiness to different areas of our life. And one of them, of course, is work. We spend so much time at work. I mean, in USA, you spend so much time at work in comparison to us, the Europeans. And in that webinar, I talk about five drivers of happiness at work. So what are the five things that we need to be influencing in our workplace to feel happier and more engaged and have more satisfaction and therefore impact at work, whatever projects we are working on?

20:53So this webinar is for individuals and I will be giving lots of practical advice, but it's also for managers and leaders. If you want to have highly performing teams, you need to be thinking about their happiness. So there'll be a combination of different action points there. Fantastic. We're going to include on our website, on the landing page of your episode, we'll include a link so they can sign up for that and take part in that. And we'll also, we're going to tell them where to find you, of course, and where they can find your book. As I let you go, what is your one piece of advice for people who are listening today and who are interested in boosting their happiness?

21:29Start with recording your habits. Do a bit of experiments. Think about those tiny moments that matter to you, but also write down the tiny moments that undermine your happiness. just as a kind of a reflection for a couple of weeks. And once you have done that, then have a look at the trends. So what are you seeing? Are you happy at most around certain people? Are you most happy at certain times? What fuels your energy? What drains your energy? Start kind of understanding your habits. And then you can start thinking, okay, if those are my specific habits, if this is what helps or undermines my happiness, what other habits I could implement?

22:20And don't expect changes from one day to the next, because we are habitual creatures. We're doing something often on autopilot, but give yourself a quest after that reflection. Okay. One thing that I'm going to do differently. Don't say to your brain, that's it. That's for the rest of the life, because that's scary for our brain, say to your brain, brain, don't worry. For just next couple of weeks, I'm going to have a couple of cold showers and I'm just going to see. And if I like it, I will stick to it. If I don't like it, we'll ditch it. Don't you worry. So then you don't have that fear and resistance and expectation.

22:58And if you don't stick to it, you feel guilty. You're just going on the experiment. And I think that's the best way to approach our happiness. I love it. And that is the best way to end this episode. It is a delight talking with you, Claudia. I cannot wait to do this again sometime. And thank you so much for all the work you're doing, the way that you're bringing happiness to the masses and looking forward to seeing how your book does. Thank you so much. And thank you so much for everyone listening. I really appreciate your time and attention.

23:30That was Claudia Matura talking about the alphabet of happiness. If you'd like to learn more about Claudia, sign up for a free webinar on how to create lasting happiness at work, buy her book, or listen to the happiness challenge podcast. Just visit us at livehappy.com and click on this podcast episode. That is all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all new episode. And until then, this is Paula Phelps reminding you to make every day a happy one.

24:08Thank you.