Walk into Healing With Angelica Glass

0:03Thank you for joining me for episode 578 of Live Happy Now. Could taking a walk really change your life? This week's guest discovered it could. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and this week as we continue our Live Happy Summer Reading Program, I'm joined by Angelica Glass, who's here to talk about her memoir, Scavenging Beauty, A Memoir in Walks. When Angelica decided to walk every street in her county, she had no idea that she was embarking on a transformational journey. As she explains in her book, those steps led her down a path of healing as she reconnected with the natural world, her family, and her past.

0:43Let's hear more. Angelica, thank you so much for joining me on Live Happy Now. What a pleasure. Thank you for having me. I'm really excited to have you as part of our summer reading program. As I had mentioned to you, we don't typically do memoirs. And I'm really grateful that we have this program going on that gives me the opportunity to share this book because it's a beautiful story, very multifaceted, and you have done such a wonderful job of weaving all these elements together. So I wanted to start by finding out at what point did you realize that this was a story that you wanted to share with the world?

1:19You know, I started writing about it kind of pestered by both my wife and my youngest sister. My sister in particular was like, you have to write this down because you're not going to remember it. You think you're going to remember it, but you're not. Just all the little things I was learning as I walked. And so I started writing it with the thought that it would be for my family and friends and my kids. There just came a point where I started realizing I wasn't really writing about myself in particular. I was writing about being human. it struck me eventually. And that was a point at which I started talking to a couple of friends about, you know, maybe considering writing it more fully and looking for an agent and writing an actual book.

2:03Was it daunting at all? Not from the writing standpoint, because it's one thing to sit down and write a book that's well-researched. You opened yourself up so much in this book and gave us, like there are, even right now I'm getting tears in my eyes, because there are things that were so moving and so personal. Were you at all concerned or frightened by sharing that much of yourself with the world? I love that question because I have lots of answer to it. Wasn't at all, actually. I was just completely absorbed in the thing of writing it out and the work of kind of reorganizing my internal landscape around, you know, just kind of saying it to myself, telling myself my story and then eventually communicating with my siblings about it.

2:52The minute it was about to be published, that's when it struck me. Honestly, I wasn't thinking about the larger world. I was thinking about an internal process that was very raw and present. The way I put it is that it feels room temperature to me. And then when it gets to the point where it's exposed to the air, it feels like something really different. And then other people's reactions, opinions, feelings about it, just kind of shape it into something different. So part of my work right now is just being, just staying true to how it feels inside of me, even though I'm now, now there's lots of eyes on it.

3:30And when you have that tumultuous upbringing, like I had a very tumultuous upbringing, And that's just your story. That's what you know. And you're kind of surprised by how shocked people are. Has that been your experience at all? It really has. I'm sometimes surprised by how scandalized people feel by my parents and my family. It's kind of tricky because I get why. I was feeling really confused about it at first. And then I reread a particularly challenging part of the book to my sister. And as I was reading, I was like, oh, yeah, this is pretty, this is a lot. This is pretty tough. Like if I try to think of a child going through it, I'd want to protect them.

4:14And so absolutely, but the way that you've written it is there's so much tenderness and forgiveness. We really walk through the understanding that you gain of your parents like, oh, this is why this happened. And that's really something that struck me that you really came around to see things from a different point of view instead of an injured child's point of view. Wow, what a lovely way to put that. Thank you. That's really makes me feel great that you saw that because I do feel very forgiving. And I do feel like I have a big picture, which might partly be about, you know, working in social work for many years as well.

4:53Sometimes when I read it, I kind of cringe like, oh, I should have been kinder. I should have been more understanding. So the fact that came across to you makes me feel really good. Okay, good. Our work here is done. No. So but let's talk about the title, So Scavenging Beauty, great title. Tell us where that comes from and what it means. A couple of different things. So I'd say that it's about finding the beauty in the wreckage of life, right? All of us have wreckage in one way or another. It's almost impossible to get this far in life and not have something. You're going to have a dent or two at least, right?

5:27You're going to have a couple of dents for sure. If not, well, yes. I was actually looking up the definition of scavenging beauty. beauty. And one definition I read was finding things that are used, still useful and meaningful within, you know, ruins kind of idea. And so I think that's what it is for me is, is just finding the beautiful in the ugly, recognizing that the opposite of beautiful is beautiful. You find a lot of beauty and you show it to us. And there were things that surprised me just in the fact that you could find the gift inside of everything else that was going on. And I think that's, as a reader, you then start thinking about your own life and saying like, well, maybe this wasn't what I thought it was.

6:19And maybe I can recalibrate this vision to change my perception of it. So I think that's almost impossible to read your book without without reflecting on some of your own situations and seeing how you might be able to view them differently. So I think that's a real gift that the book offers. I hope you're a reflection of the readers. That would just make me so happy.

6:45Well, yeah. So I want to go back to the beginning. Usually when you think of an amazing journey, it's like these far-flung travels and big adventures. and yours took place over seven years and 15 pairs of shoes in what you call slow travel. And your book opens with you telling about your decision to walk every street in Santa Cruz County. So can you take us back to that night, how you began creating this plan and what your original idea was for it? The two primary drivers of the project were the desire to get out and exercise some more and to reduce work-related stress. I was working full-time plus in a pretty stressful job, and I just needed some outlet for kind of blowing off steam, basically.

7:31I had already started walking with a group of co-workers as a way to start doing that, and that fizzled out over time. And so this was just me going, how do I get back to making this a daily part of my life? So there I was in the bathtub and suddenly it became this big project. It just started shaping into this project. And so I talk about my wife walking into the - I love her response. This is great. I loved that too. That was just so encapsulates her for me is, you know, I just said, and you know, here we are right in the middle of a busy life. We both work full time. She's an administrator at the same social services agency that I worked in.

8:10And so we both have pretty high stress jobs. We have a teenage son at home, a grown son out in the world. So when Ellen came in the bathroom and said, you know, I said to her, I think I'd like to walk every street in Santa Cruz. Her immediate response being city or county was just, you know, such a great reflection of her and of our relationship. that in the midst of this already very full and busy life, her response is, are you telling me you're about to walk 600 streets or are you telling me you're about to walk thousands and thousands of streets? It's like, you just tell me and then we work it out.

8:46I thought that was great. That was great. You decided to do this and you had no idea that it would be so transformative. And you do write that you realized you were in the middle of something life-changing, but it took you a while to realize that. So can you talk about how that awareness unfolded that this was doing more than getting your steps in? Absolutely. Yeah. One of the things that I did early on is I decided I would take a photograph of on each street. I would, I would take a photograph. And initially that was sort of a record keeping idea. It was like, that would be fun and it would also be kind of searching for something beautiful as I walk just to kind of I actually I didn't even understand what it was it was later in the middle of doing it that I started to get what a huge thing that does to a person to actively consciously go out and seek beauty and so it's both like just the soothing thing of of looking at something beautiful And it's also about learning about your own discernment.

9:56Like what matters to you? What draws you? What colors do you respond to? I was surprised to find a part of myself that is sort of a little bit of a, how about, what about them diners kind of person? I didn't know I had that in me. But then I kept stopping and talking to all these men, like working on their beautiful old cars. And they love to talk about their cars or like working in their garage and their tools. And I'd end up kind of collaborating with them about getting some fun pictures. And so photography became much more than just snapping a shot to help me remember where I was. It became really deepening my understanding and connection to natural beauty and making connections with people out in the community, which is just an extension of natural beauty.

10:46Right. We tend to separate our thoughts about nature and humanity, but we are nature. And that's part of what the walking became for me as well. And your book really embodies something we talk about at Live Happy, and that is how transcendence and awe are really transformative. And can you talk about how spending time in nature and slowing down to notice what was around you then started to unlock these new memories and emotions? because that's where you really start to see that opening up to your past. Yeah. I mean, I think one thing for me is that I've learned that the motion of walking and the silence, because I never wear earbuds, listen to books on tape, anything like that.

11:34I just walk in silence. And so one thing that I really began to understand is that just that motion of walking, it's almost like a little lullaby or something. It's just this this rhythm that you get into and that combined with the silence just is like a recipe for introspection. We'll be right back with more of Live Happy Now.

12:01If you're looking for your new favorite summer t-shirt, we've got you covered. Check out our brand new Live Happy t-shirts in the Live Happy Store so you can share your happiness wherever you go. Whether you're heading to the beach, walking the dog, or just grabbing your morning coffee, these teas are your new go-to for spreading joy everywhere you go. Show everyone your happy style with these bold new shirts or pick up one of our classics in the online shop at store.livehappy.com. That's store.livehappy.com. And because we love a little extra happiness, you'll get a free gift with every order.

12:39Yep, every single one. So as the summer heats up, slip into something joyful. Grab a new live happy summer tea today and let your shirt do the smiling because happiness looks good on you.

12:54And now let's hear more from Angelica Glass. So explain to the listeners how developing this habit of noticing linked to opening up the doors to your past and letting you deal with the emotion and the trauma of that. Right. And not to become too focused on ladybugs because there's a lot of creatures, but one time I had my camera and I'd seen a ladybug and I was going to take a picture with a macro lens and the ladybug was on a wheat stalk and it turned so that all I could see was its feet sticking out from behind the wheat stalk. I couldn't see the red shell. And I thought, oh my God, my sister Margaret used to hide.

13:40When we would play hide and seek in the neighborhood, she would find a little tiny sapling or a pole or whatever. And she would hide behind it. She couldn't see us. She thought we couldn't see her. And so I just laughed out loud. I was sitting on a trail looking at this piece of wheat with this ladybug on it. I took a macro shot of it. And that sort of thing was the beginning of it. Or I saw a geranium and I thought about my brother, Kevin, who used to say that geraniums smelled like caterpillars when he was little, which we all thought was hilarious. And so just it would be start with little things like that.

14:14And then and lots of them were just sweet and simple. And then what I call the Christmas wasteland, which is the there was a place called Santa's Village that was like a little children's amusement park. So it's just really the ruins of this playland, this amusement park. And I sat down on what used to be the concrete doorstep of Santa's house. And I just started thinking about all my brothers and sisters. And I started crying, which I, as you, since you read the book, you know, I was not previously a big crier. In fact, I laughed at myself the other day because I said to my wife, I said, I think I need to cry about this.

14:56And she was like, what? And it was just so, it was very amusing because it's not who I ever was before. I just had this moment of just really missing them and terribly, like I never had before. Like we all just, we just keep going, right? Life just keeps happening and we're doing what we're doing and everyone's doing their life. And maybe you get to see them and maybe you don't. But there was just this level of recognizing the loss that happened around our family kind of falling apart over time. that I let myself go back and experience and feel in a very present way. And so that sort of thing, you know, not that I was sitting around weeping everywhere, but that thing of just seeing something and thinking more and more deeply about my family and my relationships, my connections to my sisters and brothers.

15:48And that led to us actually having some really in-depth conversations and then meeting regularly over time. Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that because it really struck me how gently you handled your family story with your siblings. It's interesting. I know a writer who's wrestling with the same thing. She has a story she wants to tell, but she knows that parts of it are not hers to tell. They belong to her son. So I love the approach that you took. Can you talk about how you shared your story with your siblings as you wrote it and how that changed the relationships? It was incredible. So as I started thinking more about my own childhood and the things that I internalized, I thought, I wonder how they each see it.

16:35Because, you know, you hear about people writing memoirs and it ends up creating all these rifts, right, in families. So I was curious to know what would happen if I talked to each of my brothers and sisters, some of whom I'd stayed connected with over the years and some of whom I'd really lost contact with. And so I called each of them and I was a little nervous. I was like, what are they going to think about me trying to do this? Are they going to feel comfortable talking to me? I asked each of them if I could interview them individually and they all agreed, which was wonderful and surprising to me.

17:07And so I had really in-depth conversations with one sister. We ended up talking over the course of a few different phone calls. I did both kind of open-ended conversation with them. And I also did, I also had a number of questions I wanted to ask them specifically. I also did the adverse childhood experience questionnaire with each of them. Well, that's where your work as a social worker really came in handy too. I'm sure knowing how to, even though it's more emotional than say in an office setting, you also knew how to approach this, I would think. Yeah. I mean, the great thing with the ACE questionnaire is it's self-report.

17:43So really anybody can do it. It does. And that made me feel comfortable because I think I would feel awkward as a social worker doing something that felt kind of more clinical with my siblings. But this is something that anyone can get and answer the questions. And the scoring is not, it's objective. You know, it's not like an assessment. It's just like how many of these things. It's just helpful if you want to have conversations about what happened, what you were impacted by. It's just kind of a helpful tool to, you know, to centralize that conversation around. And so many people don't know how to have that conversation with their siblings or with a relative to even discuss it.

18:25And I think that's a great way to approach it. and you kind of open the door of like, hey, we can just do what Angelica did. We'll try it that way. And I mean, I will say this is me, the social worker talking now. I will say that I think if people do choose to do that, they should do it really carefully and thoughtfully, understanding how their family dynamics work and also get the help and support of people in case it doesn't go the way they think it's going to be. Right, right. They should make sure that they have the support they need and any kind of guidance they need around that. So that's your warning, people.

19:04Steady as you go with those families. Exactly. So you didn't know that this walking adventure would change your life in so many ways. What has been the most unexpected change that you've experienced because of it? Oh, the most tricky, but I'll tell you a couple. Like one was, which is kind of unrelated to what we've been talking about so far, but very meaningful to me. I had lived with chronic back pain for years and years. And when I started walking to this degree, I was curious to know if it was going to make things worse or if it might improve. And I no longer have back pain after all those years of walking.

19:43And, you know, I know, unfortunately, for some people, that's not the outcome of extensive walking. But for me, it was what I needed. And so I cured my back pain unwittingly, which was really an incredible outcome. Do you think that also relieving some of the burden of your childhood played into releasing some of the back pain as well? You know, I think we compartmentalize those things so easily. It's your personality. It's your environment. It's your physical body. And yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I'm sure that's part of it. That's fascinating. Yeah, I'm sure that's got to be part of it because there's, yeah, it's all connected.

20:27So that was a huge outcome, having such a shift in my physical health. So I have lived in Santa Cruz since 1979. When I started the project, I think I'd been here about 35 years. And I was certain I knew the county well. So I was ready to just go see the things I knew. And really quickly, I was like, where am I? I'm in the middle of a pear orchard or I'm in the middle of a neighborhood that has a small graveyard right among the houses that I'd never seen before or, you know, any number of things. I call it joyous incredulity. Like I just would constantly come upon these things and just go, what?

21:09This is here in San Jose? I'd be up in these mountainous neighborhoods with little tiny cabins and roads that had been washed out before and then replaced with giant split logs that cars drive over. Massive tree houses like 60, 100 feet up in the air with multiple rooms. That was one of my favorite things was tree houses. So I have a whole collection of the tree houses that I saw throughout the county. That is amazing. Next, you're going to have to do a photo book. So I would love to. I do have tons of photos because that that really photography really did unfold into a passion for me. Yeah. Yeah.

21:51So, you know, this book has a lot to teach us. And I think everybody is going to get a slightly different lesson from it because it is so personal. And then it does resonate with us each differently. You do make us feel like we are going on this journey with you. So it really is impossible to read without thinking about your own life. It's kind of like, I'm going to walk with Angelica today, and here's what I'm going to take from it. So what is it that you hope the readers will take away from this book experience? I think a big one is that by trying new things, by kind of expanding our worlds, looking at things differently, learning a new skill, getting out in the world, walking and looking, that we can boost our neuroplasticity, the brain's ability to form new neural connections.

22:43Yeah, trying things that are different, trying things that are out of the comfort zone. This is a great example of how it really can be life changing. And I do hope our listeners will dig into this book. It's out today. They can also go to our website and they can get an excerpt from the book. And I just I love this book so much. I'm so excited to share it. And I thank you for coming on the show today and telling us about it. It's just been such a pleasure. Thank you so much.

23:18That was Angelica Glass talking about her book, Scavenging Beauty, a memoir and walks. Angelica is part of our all new Live Happy Summer Reading Program. And if you'd like to join us, be sure to download the Summer Reading Tracker. It's an easy way to read along with us each week and jot down your insights as you go. You can also find out how to order Scavenging Beauty or download a free chapter when you visit us at livehappy.com and click on this episode. That's all we have for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all new episode with Dr. Sydney Ceruto sharing insights from her book, The Dopamine Code, as she teaches us how we can rewire our brains for greater happiness and productivity.

23:59Until then, this is Paula Phelps reminding you to make every day a happy one. Thank you.