Why Play Is the Antidote to Serious Times With Piera Gelardi

0:03Thank you for joining us for episode 566 of Live Happy Now. When times get tough, it's time to play. And today, we're going to learn how to do that. I'm your host, Paula Felps, and this week I'm talking with Piera Gelardi, a creative entrepreneur who brings play into every room that she enters. She co-founded the media brand Refinery29 and was named one of AdAge's 50 Most Creative People. Fiera has a brand new book out called The Playful Way, and she sat down with me to explain why play is the antidote to serious times. Let's have a listen. Fiera, thank you for joining me today. Thank you so much for having me.

0:42This is a delightful book. This is a delightful conversation we're going to have. You're such a great cheerleader for creativity and playfulness. Can you tell us at what point in your life you connected those things with well-being? I'm someone that's always been playful, always had creativity as a thread through my life. And that's always been something I valued. But as I was building a company, I started to think that that playfulness wasn't appropriate for the workplace, right? My imposter syndrome crept in and I thought if I want to be taken seriously, I need to pack that play and creativity away and present as this more serious person.

1:22And what happened was that when I did that, I started to feel less resourced. I started to feel less resilient. I started to, because I was shutting down sort of my authentic self, and I was also shutting down my play powers, which are actually so powerful for problem solving, for self-regulation, for finding joy in the day-to-day and in the challenges. I got completely burnt out and I found myself laying on the floor of my house, arguably at a high point in my career where from the external world, it looked like everything was amazing. But here I was laying on the floor of my apartment, sobbing my eyes out about what a failure I was.

2:02I was burnt, brittle, had no perspective, absolutely no perspective. And I realized that I was play deprived, that I had packed away that play and that joy so much that I no longer had the resources and I no longer had the superpowers that really helped me to navigate life and help me to do so and connect with people with joy. And so it was when I started to affirm myself that play is my superpower, that playfulness is something that helps me to navigate these things. That was when I started to actually unlock these leaps and strides in my career to redefine what success meant for me and to have these beautiful moments of joy and connection in the workplace.

2:47So as a result, I started leaning more into my playfulness. I started bringing play into the way that I led other people and saw the power of that. And it just became a huge part of my whole philosophy of life is that playfulness and creativity in the small moments of our day and in the interactions we have with each other is the thing that makes seriousness bearable. It is the thing that helps us to be our most creative, innovative, excited, joyful selves in the day to day. And most of us have had that experience, maybe not to that extreme, but we are given that message as we enter the workforce, as we enter adulthood, like, okay, now it's time to get serious.

3:34Now it's time to like you had your fun, settle down, do your job. And what does that do to our potential for us to just pack away that part of ourselves and just become these serious adults? Well, play deprivation is a scientific term, actually. And it is what happens when we lock that play away, when we internalize that message that now it's time to be a serious adult, be a responsible adult, and we pack away play, it leads to burnout, rigidity, diminished well-being, and more anxiety and pessimism and difficulty adapting to change. But when we give ourselves permission to be more playful in the day-to-day, we are able to reawaken that part of ourselves to be more improvisational, more experimental, to lower the pressure for ourselves so that we can be resourced to find solutions and to just navigate day-to-day life with more joy and dexterity and fun.

4:39And right now we've entered this really serious era. I think that's not news for anybody. There are a lot of heavy things for us to handle. There is a lot going on. So I've got a lot of questions related to that. But let's start by unpacking what happens when we are living in a state of chronic seriousness. The thing about play is we tend to think there's play and there's seriousness, right? That they're opposites. But they can coexist. You can navigate serious things playfully. And when you do, it helps to give you much more resources and much more creativity to bob and weave through the seriousness.

5:19So play is the thing that helps us to move through seriousness. So they're not opposites, first of all. And when we get into this chronic seriousness mode, we shut ourselves off from what playfulness offers us. We shut ourselves off from the emotional regulation that playfulness helps us to get to. We shut ourselves off from the connection to other people. When you think about it, when you get serious, I think about it like clenched hands, right? Often when we're serious, we're tight in our bodies, our thinking narrows, we're rigid. But when we're playful, it's like an inflated balloon. And there's such different physical states.

5:57If you even like listeners, if you even clench your body, like clench your fist, clench your shoulders, clench up and feel how that feels. And then when you take a deep breath and open up, that feels completely different. And those are the physical analogies of being in a serious state versus a playful state. A playful state is open, it's exploratory, it's curious, and it allows us to see possibility where a closed state often gets us into a much more rigid headspace. And your research shows that depriving ourselves of play actually increases our anxiety. It does. How is that? Well, that's research from Stuart Brown from the National Institute of Play.

6:37And when people are in a play-derived state where we're not accessing play or we shut ourselves off from that playful state, it increases our anxiety. Because if you think about it, when you're thinking narrows, you tend to go into more of a spiral, right? You tend to dwell on what's wrong or what could go wrong. But when we start to be in this more playful state, we can see more possibilities where more exploratories are able to see different roads and different paths, maybe out of the situation or see a different perspective of the situation. A playful mindset is sort of akin to that growth mindset state where you're just able to have as much broader perspective.

7:18Right now, people might feel like, well, these are serious times. I shouldn't be just laughing. I shouldn't be this frivolous. there's things going on that are very upsetting. So tell me why that's still a benefit if we can find humor and find that playfulness in our day every day. Yeah. So play isn't about denying what's serious. It's not frivolous actually, because it helps us to have the resources that we need, the resilience that we need to move through the seriousness. And that can be in any aspect. And actually in my life, one of the places that play was the most helpful to me was when I was grieving a miscarriage and I felt like it was this end of the road for me.

8:00I had been trying to get pregnant for seven years and I lost the baby in the second trimester. And I was so devastated. I felt like all this work that I had done for seven years, I was just back at square one. I was really bereft and I felt stuck. So the way that I moved through that was through adopting this playful mindset. And we don't think that play is appropriate, right? For grief. But we probably most people have actually some memory of time that they were grieving and someone that was close to them, a loved one, brought them a moment of levity. And it's such a relief. It's something that is a lifeline in that sea of worry, in that sea of grief, in that sea of feelings that we're in, it offers a lifeline.

8:47So for me, in this moment where I was grieving this miscarriage, I found that these moments of play and creativity helped me to process. So it was little things like writing a letter to the baby to just be able to say some of the things that I didn't even realize I was thinking. So a small practice like that, or a friend of mine invited me to do karaoke, which doesn't seem like something that a grieving person would want to do, but it actually was really therapeutic to wail. And that is a grieving ritual in a lot of cultures, right? So it was like this way of expressing that was really powerful for me.

9:26So I found these ways within the grief to look at it from different angles through these play and creative practices. We'll be right back with more of Live Happy Now.

9:44April is National Humor Month, which means it's the perfect time to bring a little more laughter into your life. And honestly, who couldn't use that, especially on Sunday nights? Whether you're someone who feels the Sunday scaries creeping in, or you just want to end your weekend with a smile, we've got you covered. It's called Sunday Sillies, our weekly microdose of humor from Live Happy. Every Sunday night, we'll drop a tiny, joyful note into your inbox. Something short, sweet, and guaranteed to make Monday feel a little less like Monday. Think of it as a friend texting you a silly thought before bed.

10:20A wink that says, you've got this week. Or that little laugh that you didn't know you needed. And because it's National Humor Month, there's no better time to join us. Signing up is easy. Just visit livehappy.com or find us on social media at atmylivehappy. That's it. One click and your Sunday night instantly gets happier. So celebrate National Humor Month with us. Give yourself permission to smile before the week begins and let Sunday sillies be your new favorite Sunday night ritual. And now let's hear more from Piera Gilardi. I think when people think about play, they think of it as something that's we think work hard, play hard, right?

11:03Right. Or we think play is the thing that you is the reward that you get for working hard or play is the thing that you do when everything is light and happy and fun. Play is like the vacation. But the way that I think about it and the way it is in my book is that play is actually this daily practice of engaging with life, with creativity and curiosity. Being in a playful state allows us to be more courageous in our lives, to express ourself more authentically, to connect with people more humanly. And that is something that allows us to be in this serious world, you know, this world where a lot is broken, a lot of harm is done.

11:48And also the world needs playfulness. It needs creativity more than ever. You know, it needs more people to lean into this way of being that is creative, joyful, alive and connecting with other people so that we can tackle big problems so that we can meet each other and hold each other. So, yeah, it's not the opposite of seriousness. It's the thing that makes seriousness bearable. Oh, I love that. That is a perfect statement. And then how do people start? Because like yourself, being, you know, kind of putting all that playfulness on the shelf when you start your career, a lot of people, it's been a while since they've been playful.

12:28How do you start developing a play practice and how do you integrate it into your daily life? A lot of people think play is a personality, right? And we also think of play as being sort of this one type of personality that I call the joyful gesture. And the joyful gesture is a wonderful, it's one of the play powers and it's wonderful. with someone that's humorous, that brings a lot of levity to things, that's more silly, but that's just one way to be playful. And there are actually, in my book, I have eight different powers of play. So some people are playful in that humorous, silly way, but others, you know, might bring play in through movement, through their physical expression.

13:11You know, other people bring it in a quieter way through curiosity or imagination. So one thing is to understand that play doesn't have one, there's no right or wrong way to play and play doesn't have one shape, you know, just because you're not funny or you can't make everything into a joke doesn't mean you're not playful. You might be the person that asks the really thoughtful question that helps people to see things or unearth things in a different way. You know, you might be the one that invites other, that starts the dance party that gets people to get into out of their heads and into their bodies and lower their cortisol levels.

13:47You might be the adventurous one that takes people out of their comfort zone and shows people new perspective through an adventure exploration. So there's different ways to be playful. So I think that's the first thing that's really important for people to recognize because so many people say to me, I'm not playful. And then when I dig in through the conversation with them, I can see the ways that they are playful. They just have one narrow definition of what it means to be playful. So that's the first thing. And the other thing is that play is a muscle. So like you said before, a lot of people, a lot of reasons of our social conditioning, how we grew up, the adult voices that we heard, a lot of us pack away playfulness at an early age because we see it as something that is frivolous, that is the opposite of responsible, mature, or cool adult.

14:38So knowing that it, even if you haven't practiced it, it is a muscle, it's intrinsic to our species. And so with practice, you know, if you don't use it, it weakens, but if you use it, you can grow it. And some of my favorite play practices that I integrate a lot are, One is wonder wanders. So a wonder wander is basically just a walk or exploration through the world where you tune your senses to the frequency of wonder, you let curiosity lead, and you seek out awe and delight. So it's a practice I started during like a deep period of depression that I was going through. And it is a way to just, I tell myself I'm going on a wonder wonder all the time even if I'm just walking around my office oh wow so you don't have to go outside to do this you can do it anywhere you don't you can do it anywhere I mean yeah you could do it down a hallway you could do it right now we could do it right now we could say okay listener I want you to take 10 seconds and look around you and see if you can find five things that are blue I'll do it the sky that car down there a note card my shirt and your headphones and my headphones so even that is like a micro play break where we give our brains a little break right we disrupt rumination because we're all of a sudden seeking out something of interest something of wonder in the world around us and it's just a small way to stop and notice and relish in the power of noticing so that's a very small one that I love And so for some people, it might feel awkward or even silly at first to start practicing.

16:28How do you kind of get past that and keep going? Yeah, it's a great point. Yeah, for a lot of us, because we're taught that play is frivolous, it feels silly. It feels awkward. It feels uncomfortable. So I think one is knowing that that discomfort is something you can move through and that it's actually positive. You know, it's actually going to benefit you to move through it. The other thing is giving yourself permission to play. I like whenever I lead a play workshop, I always have people give themselves permission to play. I have them say it aloud or type it into the chat or write it down. I give myself permission to play.

17:02You know, tell yourself play is not frivolous. I play helps me to be connected, creative and alive. So giving yourself permission and then having self-compassion, it might feel awkward and you can just tell yourself like, OK, Piera, this feels awkward. This feels uncomfortable. And that's because you're stretching a new muscle. And I'm proud of you. Keep going. So I think those three things, like knowing it's not frivolous, give yourself permission and be kind to yourself along the way as you build this new muscle. Yeah. And one thing that I've found can help build that muscle is borrowing a kid because kids know how to play.

17:41And then you also feel like, well, I'm doing it for them. Like, so if you need to like ease into it, you can always borrow a child and let them kind of lead the way and get you back into your play zone. Absolutely. Yeah. Kids and for a lot of people, pets too, are really great playmate to help us get into that natural play state because they're naturally in it. And so they can pull us into it. They have a lot to teach us, don't they? So much to teach us. I know my daughter is my greatest play teacher. That's wonderful. Your book really does make such a strong case for creativity and playfulness as the tool that we really need right now to navigate our lives.

18:21So as we let you go, what is the one thing that you hope everyone will remember from this conversation regarding play? The number one thing I want people to remember is that play is a powerful tool for living life with more creativity, connection, and joy. I want everyone that listens to this to become an envoy of the playful way. I want everyone who listens to this to give themselves permission to explore their playfulness in one small way today, whether that's through taking a shake break and moving your body for 60 seconds without judgment, whether it's finding the funny, you know, looking at a stressful situation and seeing it, if you can reframe it through humor, or if it's through taking that micro wonder wander and just looking around you for a second and seeing if you can find one thing that sparks delight.

19:12Just give yourself that little tiny play break and see what happens. Try it and see. I love it. That is a great way to wrap this up. We've given them homework that they can go do and I think they will enjoy it. So I appreciate you sitting down with me today. We're gonna tell our listeners how they can find you, how they can find your book and how they can learn more about play and how to integrate it into their lives. Thank you again, Piera, for just coming in and teaching us what it means to play. Thank you so much for having me. It was so fun playing.

19:47That was Piera Gilardi talking about how to bring more play into your life. If you'd like to learn more about Piera, check out her creativity boosting app, Numaluma. Follow her on social media or find her book, The Playful Way, Creativity, Connection, and Joy Through Everyday Play. Just visit us at livehappy.com and click on this podcast episode. And while you're there, be sure to sign up for our all-new Sunday Sillies newsletter, the weapon you need to fight the Sunday scaries. Every Sunday night, we'll deliver a microdose of joy to your inbox designed to make you smile, chuckle, and remind Monday it's not the boss of you.

20:22That's all we have time for today. We'll meet you back here again next week for an all-new episode. And until then, this is Paula Phelps reminding you to make every day a happy one.

20:36Thank you.