Ep 576 - Crack Mobile (feat. Joe List & Nate Marshall)

7:58Nate Marshall:And I was like, I don't know. It's flip side. It's like the guy wrestled it from the lady. He's a hero. But then the black guy, it was like an old man. So do you give it up? Or you just be, you know, black as hell. Not my problem.

8:12Joe List:I do think it's like. I'd have hit with the not my problem. It's a known thing, though. You give the ball to a child. I feel like as an adult.

8:21Nate Marshall:I would say the elderly is like, you deserve this. I don't have to give this to you. He did. He like power snatched it. What if there's no kid in like a six seat radius? Like you're here, no one there, no one there, no one there. No kid. Just all adults. Give it to the hottest lady. hottest lady gets the ball put it between her tits

8:42Nate Marshall:it's hottest lady at that point alright put it back put it back in play especially if it's not your team's ball I don't need this shit who started that in Chicago

8:55Joe List:and then other cities try to do it and you're like that's not even our thing just let me keep the ball

9:00Nate Marshall:I would keep it for sure but then you probably get home and it's like how long would you look at that ball in terms of like oh you gave it away would you really have sentimental value would you just sit at home

9:09Joe List:like oh it's a fucking ball it's kind of fun i guess i mean i have a major league i had i got to watch the toronto blue jays uh batting practice on the field one time and uh they gave me a ball and i have it and i'm like oh that ball you get to tell people that ball is a real ball whatever and my uncle uh i was at a game with him years ago sean green i think he played with the blue jays at the time it was like a rain delay game so it was down to like a very small amount of people and he caught the last out and threw it directly to my uncle. And that was the coolest.

9:38Nate Marshall:That's nice.

9:39Joe List:The closest I've come to a thing. But I have no idea where that ball – I actually told the story to my uncle and he's like, I don't remember that at all. I was like, he threw it to you. And he's like, really? So I guess that's the answer. Yeah, it's in his basement somewhere. Yeah, no memory whatsoever of a professional baseball player tossing my ball. And then did you see the tennis one with the hat? That was like a big one the week before. No. Oh, that one was crazy. That guy did get doxxed. I think he was European. Did you see that one? Boy, tennis is really at a low point in the United States, I guess.

10:11Joe List:Yeah. Well, it was right after a match. The guy took off his sweaty hat and handed it to a kid. And this guy nabbed. I think he signed it, handed it to the kid. The guy nabs it and quickly puts it in his wife's purse. And it went viral. And the kid was like, what the fuck? Didn't he steal it? He didn't take it. Oh, no. He took it. He snatched it from the kid. literally like snatched it i don't know if the kid got his hands on it but the guy the player was and uh i think he was like a ceo or some crazy shit it was a big thing oh i think i heard it and then there was like an apology that i think might have been fake because he there was like a statement being like finders keeper you snooze you lose or something but i think that was fake did he say no i think i remember the statement now it was like he was like this is how you become a winner you take things like you you're not afraid to take things from people it was something like that but i was like this has to be yeah not real there's no way the company took that position yeah i don't know if it was a company it might have been that guy just be like this is how i got what i got true i'm not worried about what the little man thinks of me sean looks like he has something for the folks at home it's hard to uh sift through this people magazine article but they keep saying he's a ceo he runs like a concrete company in poland so he's not like a He's a fat Italian guy.

11:26He's a Polish. He's a Polish guy. Polish concrete guy. Bring back Polish jokes. Yeah, true.

11:31Nate Marshall:Those kind of faded, didn't they? Polish jokes, yeah, they fell out of favor. Nobody fires them up. Yeah, that's weird. They were big. When I was little, they were huge. That was the only thing. The Polish family got locked inside of their car.

11:43Joe List:What happened? How'd they get locked in there? They're just too dumb.

11:46Nate Marshall:They didn't realize they could just open the lock.

11:50Joe List:I was like, why did the Polish guy get fired from the M &M's factory? He kept throwing away all the W's. That was a big joke when I was a kid. Because then they kind of became blonde jokes. Blonde and Polish were interchangeable. Yeah, yeah. But I don't know, what are the origins of Polish people being dumb?

12:08Nate Marshall:I think they were fucking dumb. I think every ethnic group came here and the Irish were like, you know, they were like lazy, subhuman. Italians were, you know, just annoying. And then Polish people came here and everyone was like, these guys are dumb as fuck.

12:23Joe List:But could the origins be like the dumb people stayed behind when the Nazis were coming? Is that like, could that be the origin? They were probably valiant.

12:32Nate Marshall:They were the heroes.

12:34Joe List:Or they're all dumb.

12:36Nate Marshall:And the dumb ones got killed by the Nazis and the other dumb ones came here. Yeah, right.

12:41Joe List:By the way, this is not my theory. I'm just wondering if that's how it originated.

12:46Nate Marshall:That's true.

12:47Joe List:I'm not like those fucking idiots didn't get out of the way of the Nazis.

12:49Nate Marshall:Yeah, I don't have any position on it at all. I actually heard Polish people have not the biggest, but the fattest dicks out of all. Is that right? Yeah. I swear to God, that's the word on the curb that the Polacks have fat dong. So I always throw that in there as well.

13:02Joe List:Fat is funny because it makes it seem like they could lose it if they weren't like thick feels like natural. But fat is like, I got to I got to change my diet. Yeah, they've obese dongs.

13:14Nate Marshall:Well, no kidding. Yeah. What was the I remember looking into the exact term Polack. and if I'm not mistaken, it actually applied to Hungarians. I think they actually, I forget. There was some weird thing where they - I always thought it was a slur for them. Yeah, it is. It's a slur. But it kind of, I think it originated with Hungarians. When anyone from Eastern Europe came here, they just, everyone lumped them together as Polacks, basically.

13:36Joe List:No kidding. Yeah. I didn't even know it was a slur. I've been using that left and right.

13:40Nate Marshall:It's not a slur. If a Polish guy gets offended, he's a Polack. So it's saying you're kind of boneheaded. But yeah, Eastern Europeans are kind of a subject of fascination for me so i don't know anything about any of those countries right google ai overview is blaming archie bunker for the anti-polish sentiment they said he had a polish son-in-law in all in the

14:03Joe List:family and he would constantly make fun of them oh meathead yeah yeah so they said that sort of started it along with like xenophobia and stuff according to google yeah that makes sense yeah

14:16Nate Marshall:I know they have big fat heads. I've heard that too. Dicks. Big fat square. Fat dicks and dummies. Are the fat heads from drinking? I know the dicks aren't. I don't know. You know what? I was actually, I was at a bar with my wife. We're in Chicago this weekend. And we're at a hotel bar just hanging out. And there were two guys. Their wives had giant fake tits. And the guys had big fat heads. And I was kind of like, damn, it's kind of alpha. It was a giant fat head. They're just like arms around their fake titted wives. And I was like, these guys are on to something. They're swinging. I got to pee next to one of the guys.

14:51Nate Marshall:And I didn't like look at his dick, but I was I was kind of admiring him back. Damn, I wish I was with you guys. I'm with my fucking wife or natural tits. And I'm just you guys have giant fake titted wife. Like, dude, nipples flying out of the shirt. They just sat there in like pink polos with huge heads. And I was menacing me from across the bar. That's wonderful. It was awesome.

15:10Joe List:I grew up in Massachusetts. There was no Polish people, I feel like. There was one Wozniak in my school. I forget her name. But it was all Irish, Italian, English. Yeah. And like three black people.

15:20Nate Marshall:Yeah, we had zero black people. Well, yeah, zero. A couple Mexican guys. But we had pretty much just Irish, Italian, and then some Polish. I didn't start differentiating white people until I started comedy. And then y 'all kind of made it clear that y 'all were different. Yeah. Like, I didn't know Jews weren't white people for the longest time. They are. Don't let them lie to you. That's what I think. They're fucking white. Get the fuck out of here. I think if you can hide it a little bit, then you're not, you know. I similarly discovered Jewish people late in life as well. Yeah. I went to Catholic school for 12 years, so I, for real, didn't know any Jewish people.

15:55Joe List:Yeah, we had very few Jews. But this is how few Jews we had. I was in Great Neck, Long Island, where there's a lot of, I always confuse Orthodox. And what's the other one? Hasidic. Yeah, yeah. Dang. And I think these were with the thing and my family member. I don't want to out specifically in case she gets up. But a family member was like, I thought they couldn't be out like during the day. I swear to God. We were like in our 20s. I was like, during the day? What are they, fucking vampires? During the day. I was like, no, no, they go out during the day. They got jobs and everything.

16:31Nate Marshall:It's so you can't see their horns.

16:36Joe List:I was kind of like blown away I was like what? But maybe she thought use electricity on Saturday That is the thing Yeah

16:43Nate Marshall:One of my friends lived next door to some of those guys they weren't the curly guy I get them confused too I think they were orthodox Yeah So they would have him a Gentile come to their house and like flick the lights for him

16:54Joe List:Yeah there's a lot of that

16:55Nate Marshall:Yeah Do they pay you for those services? What do you think Nate?

17:00Joe List:Nate you sent me up there I think it was just a general goodwill

17:06Nate Marshall:I think the day before 9-11 They were like Yo by the way Just be careful

17:13Don't go to work today

17:13Nate Marshall:Jews are having a tough time Right now by the way They are Yeah I personally like them But a lot of people Are fucking I do I was raised in a very Pro-Jew house My dad He would always be like I love Jewish people I love Jewish people too Yeah he loved But it was funny Because he'd be like Dude I love the Jews I just love how they operate With their money And I'd be like Alright I was a little kid being like cool he would tell us he was like he would say he's an irish jew no kidding yeah they never came isn't that scottish folks scottish people are known for being very frugal yeah yeah my dad would for real like use their he would like admire the things people hate about them he's like i love the way they act with their money he's like more people got to do it i'm like nice dad not trying to bite your dad but that is my favorite thing about jewish people people knock them for that, but I think it's cool as hell to be like, these are my bros.

18:05I'm going to look out for my bros.

18:06Nate Marshall:Yep. Well, yeah, they're very... When you really look into the religion, it gets a little spooky. It really does. If you read about it, it's like, I love the squad, but you read about what they're up to, and you're kind of like... But isn't that if you look into any religion? Not really, dude. Looking at Christianity. Imagine Christianity. Who's getting fed to tigers or lions? That's Christians? That was the fucking Romans, dude. And they were feeding Christians to... Yeah, they're feeding everybody. Okay, okay. Romans are feeding everybody. That's not a special thing to happen when Catholics was getting fed the Lions.

18:36Am I remembering? They did?

18:37Nate Marshall:Not Catholics, but more Christians. Okay, okay. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. Man. You have to sound like Shane, too. Football is back. I can't. You have to sound like I'm legally dropping. You have to sound like I'm. Football is back, baby. What an absolute week. What an absolute crazy weekend of football. Week one was quarterbacks throwing touchdowns, running backs, running. linemen pushing each other that one wide receiver who did that one thing that was insane man i'm so pumped sorry dude i know you're you're not really a football guy you're talking about that one wide receiver who did that thing in the one game oh wait so you're about that football action yeah i cooked up like 20 different lineups this weekend on prize picks it was simple quick and fun oh so you about that real money feels good to be right football action that sentence doesn't make sense But it felt so good, man.

19:31Nate Marshall:More on rushing yards, less on kicker field goals, more on touchdowns, less on pass attempts. Shane, I did it all. Wow. Yeah, man. And this weekend, Travis Kelsey is at max discount, too. Travis Kelsey? Yeah, he just needs one yard for you to win on prize picks this Sunday. Travis Kelsey. Travis Kelsey. Prize picks. It's good to be right. Download the app today and use code Drench to get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup. That's code drenched to get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be right. Who do you think the funniest group is? Because Jews got to be up there.

20:10Yeah, they're up there.

20:11Joe List:I mean, it's between Jews and black people, I feel like. Don't you think? Yeah. Pound for pound through the last 100 years or so. I'd say, yeah. And then third, giving it to the Italians. What? Italian make me laugh. What?

20:24Nate Marshall:No, black people love Italians. You can't. Black people love Italian. Honestly, black people want to be Italian. They don't want to be Italian. Yes, you do. Black people want to be Italians. Italians want to be black people. Every time I see a black dude eating spaghetti on Instagram, they all think they're Al Capone. If you're a black dude, spaghetti. Very similar.

20:42Joe List:I mean, you have big dicks, funny, kind of loud, and very stylish. Clothing's a big deal. Yeah. That's true. I don't know. I've always liked the Italians.

20:52Nate Marshall:My wife does it. She's like, so we talk about Italians like they're cool, and I'm like, they're not fucking cool. get over this this is a bug in your programming they're definitely the coolest whites

21:01Joe List:well it depends on if we're talking about stand up comedy funny or just hanging out funny Italians accidentally are fucking oh hey what the fuck look at you and look at me

21:11Nate Marshall:that's funny similarly with black people it's just a funny way of

21:16Joe List:talking a funnier vernacular than you know certainly if you do stand up Irish really making a great push as a Boston guy I feel like I have to Yeah, I would say Ireland is the land of the poets for sure. Yeah, y 'all, I like y 'all a lot too, but just Italians are more, they're like a good Marvel movie. They're dumb funny. They are dumb funny. Yeah, Italians are good. But black people might be number one. I mean, you think for pound for pound? I mean, you're just hanging out with a black guy. He's going to be funnier than most of the white guys.

21:47Nate Marshall:Yeah, I feel like, you know what it is though? But then it's like, yeah, for sure, 100%. But then it's like, I feel like a lot of black dudes get all the juice. you know because there's a lot of black dudes that were just kind of just like boring kind of as i always feel bad you meet a boring white guy you're totally fine but being

22:02Joe List:like a boring black guy sucks yeah no yeah i know a few that you're like wow really skipped a generation well i always tell this story i was on the subway one time and there was two guys yelling across like one was at the other stop so it was like 50 feet away and they were just having a conversation and this guy he said the n-word but i'll clean it up but he's like

22:23Nate Marshall:he's like yo that motherfucker's so sweaty he looked like he put a water balloon in a headlock and i was like that's like poetry that's like i'm like did he just make that up a water balloon in

22:32Joe List:a headlock i was like that's like better than anything i've heard in three years the funniest

22:37Nate Marshall:thing i've ever heard it was a long long time ago i was in philly just you know doing stand-up in the early days and i used to do a lot of black rooms and this one guy there was a muslim dude in the crowd and he was just like yo how'd you get you how many turtles you have to sell to get your red beard man at what point they upgrade and it was just like i was like that's the funniest thing i've ever heard in my life after you sell your hunter turtle you get to dye your beard why do muslims dye their beard red by the way hannah like tats like fake die oh i thought some just had red beards like pirates it's like die it's like party die i honestly have no idea

23:14Joe List:No, I don't know I'm finding out I'm not very cultured here I didn't know the Polish thing The fat dick Polish stuff

23:22Nate Marshall:I've heard it I don't know where I heard that from I've read a book where they talked about a Polish guy He would call his dick the Polish hog But did he write the book? No, the guy who wrote it was not Polish He said it's a kid's book? Yeah Daddy, why is your Polish friend's dick so fat?

23:43Dying the beard red with henna Is a sunnah practice So it's a Muslim thing But what the f -

23:50Nate Marshall:Why? It's just something about Muhammad Oh Oh it's like the blood of your enemies or something? It could be I don't know The blood of the infidel I'm getting nervous now Yeah Muhammad apparently encouraged his That's kind of cool though I can get behind that Well you're talking about Muhammad was a fierce warrior I was paying respects. Yes, absolutely. Hell yeah. Absolutely. What else is going on? Oh, boy. Now Muslims are in there. They're cool. They're chilling, bro. They were at public enemy number one for like 10 years ago. Public enemy number one.

24:25Joe List:Certainly 24 years ago, almost to the day. True. You. That was quick math you did in your head.

24:34Nate Marshall:Actually, it was pretty good.

24:35Joe List:Yeah, coming up in the big ante. True. Where were you guys for 9-11? grade school yeah i was so happy i was in high school i was in high school my bad my bad yeah

24:46Nate Marshall:i was definitely in high school my bad i was like a junior i was like a sophomore sophomore in high school that's where i was okay and they like wheeled a tv into the class and like showed us the news and i still was completely lost on me wow i was like are we getting out early or not and then we did and i was like nice 9-11 didn't hit me for how fucked up it was until like this year i watched that uh like for real i watched it that uh so i've been lied doc where the first episode breaks down yeah and that was like i was the first time i really watched it as an adult and i'm sitting there like and i had lived in new york since then so i'm sitting there like oh that was like for real but when i was a kid i was just like oh yeah shit well i guess it

25:26Joe List:feels like normal-ish if you're young yeah how old are you what i was in sixth grade so i was

25:31Nate Marshall:probably like 12 12 yeah yeah i was i don't know what i was talking about i was definitely 15 or

25:37Joe List:it was like 15 years old i was 19 okay so you're so i was at home like i was i graduated high school i was just doing stand-up and nothing else and my sister woke me up and said that somebody's shooting at the world trade center because i think it was like new yeah nobody knew she's like they're shooting at the world trade center i was like oh wow that's crazy yeah i woke up and it

25:56Nate Marshall:was wild you saw the planes yeah we i don't know i remember being for real i i i'm ashamed to admit this but i was just excited to get out of school no i think that's fair i think that's most people that were in school yeah you just sent us home and i was like sweet my parents were like kind

26:09Joe List:of freaking out and i was like whatever maybe not the new yorkers they probably weren't yeah

26:13Nate Marshall:that was terrible yeah funny because i was like pretty close i was already in philadelphia so i was like not that far from it right it could have been it was like might as well been on the other side of the country i was just like well not my problem i was there in august i have a photo of

26:25Joe List:the world trade center from like august 2nd or something like that i was like underneath it

26:29Nate Marshall:whoa yeah the wreckage you're saying no no no like a month before the old one yeah the twin towers like i was there like six weeks before that the new one's the biggest uh building in

26:39Joe List:america yeah in the western hemisphere i live right across the street do you really yeah it's right out my window that's awesome you get charged up where i live after all that muslim talk i want

26:49Nate Marshall:to let people know my exact address i dude i mean i could be wrong i was taking a wild guess i don't know what can you look up the origins of the red dye it's probably not that

27:00Joe List:but yeah i don't know i don't know that i was like we're like let's get off this muslim stuff let's talk 9-11 it says uh it says it's just a act of devotion okay and uh you know for older men it's a nice way to maintain groomed and presentable while embracing your age oh it's to hide the gray yeah i guess so so probably go bald dyed a beard some people do

27:24Nate Marshall:black instead it's just so we'll do just jet black yeah yeah that's pretty tight that's cool

27:34so it's just kind of like you know i think it's just like a swag thing yeah it feels like a way

27:39Nate Marshall:to just yeah look like you're not aging yeah yeah that's kind of what i'm hearing yeah that's smart

27:43Joe List:yeah yeah we got toupees for uh for the religion yeah for mohammed i've talked to a muslim guy an

27:51Nate Marshall:uber driver and i was asking i'm like what's the deal with like for real the multiple lives is it like it can't be as cool as everyone says what's the deal with the multiple lives

28:03Nate Marshall:how do they get along i do a uh happy to chat in uber and most people will check it and be like some people check in they're like fuck this guy i'm not doing it but a lot of them will check and be like i now have to entertain this guy and they'll just chat me up oh wow it's so fun i know you can do that. Oh, yeah. You can select preferences. You can select shut the fuck up, basically. But they get pissed when you select shut the fuck up. That's what I'm saying.

28:25Joe List:Maybe here. But New York, I've never had a driver talk to me one time ever in New York City. They can't, probably.

28:31Nate Marshall:They probably can't.

28:32Joe List:What do you mean?

28:33Nate Marshall:Did you ever see their phones? Oh, they speak English, you mean? They have fucking like space invaders shit on their phones. You can't even see. I see the letters.

28:39Joe List:I'm like, I don't even know what that is. I was thinking like unable, like not allowed to. I realize that you're saying they can't speak the language.

28:46Nate Marshall:I don't know. I could be wrong. I feel like it's much more business in New York. Getting the Uber, it's smart. Because they have like half-taxi hybrid stuff. Right, right.

28:53Joe List:But that's what I hate about the middle of the country. It's like you go to Omaha and you get picked up and they're like, well, so what brings you here? And you're like, oh, fuck.

29:00Nate Marshall:No, I love that. I love because I'll start asking them. Dude, I've had some fantastic conversations in Ubers. Because you get like a 20-minute ride and I'll just start chatting them up. It's kind of fun.

29:09Joe List:I've had some decent ideas.

29:11Nate Marshall:A lot of divorced guys. I've had a lot of tales of love lost. That's definitely the job you do as soon as everything falls apart. You have your other job, and you're like, I've got to do something else with my time. I've got to get an apartment. Have you been recognized in a lift?

29:26Joe List:Have you been recognized in a lift?

29:28Nate Marshall:I don't know. Maybe once, but no. I've beat around that bush here and there, and then people – I've had people talk to me about chaining lifts, and they're like, dude, this guy Shane Gillis is so funny. Oh, that's great. I'm like, yeah, he's good. He's great. It's awesome. I should start trashing him. I've heard he's a fucking giant asshole.

29:46Joe List:Yeah, he's a piece of shit, that guy. No kidding. They'd probably kick you out, though, like Big Lebowski. Get the fuck out of my game. You don't say shit about him. He's definitely a one star.

29:57Nate Marshall:It's happened to me a lot. I've been in gyms, and this one guy, I swear to God, because at first I was almost like, does this guy know of the podcast? And I don't think he did at all, but I was in a gym on the road. It was getting guest passed. The one guy wore it. He was leaning into fall fashion, and the other guy at the gym was like, Shane would think you're gay and I was just like whoa his fucking his net has traveled into like lifetime fitness that's hilarious yeah it's pretty great I had a funny one of those was where a dude couldn't remember his name he was describing he just stopped me on the street and was like as long as I was trying to move down here some dude was trying to like talk to me about his comedy or whatever he didn't know I was a comic he just started talking to me drunk and he started I just asked him like who his favorite comic was just trying to small talk and I was just smoking a J trying to kill time and he goes ah this guy He goes on Rogan.

30:42He talks about politics. So I was like, all right, that's not a shame. So I go like Tim Dillon. And he goes, he's like a handsome Tim Dillon. And I don't know why. It just was so fucking funny to refer to as a handsome Tim Dillon. Tim is a very handsome guy.

30:59Joe List:He's just, you know, obese. If you see young Tim Dillon, he's very handsome. He has blue eyes. He's a very attractive man.

31:07Nate Marshall:He is an attractive male. I blew him. Yeah, no, it is fun. Getting in the Uber. I will say getting guys from Pakistan in an Uber, the one I get them fired up on, I go, what do you think about American women? And they just do. They go off. It's the best. It's so funny.

31:24Joe List:They're no good.

31:25Nate Marshall:And also, no one believed me. The divorce rate in Pakistan, he was like, what is the divorce rate in Pakistan? I was like, I don't know. What do you guys got, like 10 %? He was like, 1%. Wow. Nobody believes me. They look it up. It's literally 1%, the divorce rate in Pakistan.

31:38Joe List:Is it a sin? What's the? Yeah, I think it's like completely frowned upon. How often do wives die in Pakistan?

31:45Nate Marshall:Now you're on to something. I think I got it.

31:47Joe List:90 % of wives die before the age of 40 in Pakistan.

31:51Nate Marshall:Well, yeah. Or maybe in Pakistan. I don't know. I don't know. But I'm pretty sure it's like you can get a little. You can get like. You can use bouncer rules. Yeah. Kind of fold their hands across their chest. Move them out of the room. Put them in timeout. But also what I was asking the guy about multiple wives. He was like, it's not like everyone says. Yeah, you can totally get another wife. but you need to be able to prove that you have the resources to care for them oh interesting yeah and you gotta like it's a whole thing you gotta like put them together make sure they get

32:17Joe List:along but he's like yeah you're totally totally within your right and you could just hang out in the house with both of them it's not like separate homes i think it's separate homes i think you need

32:25Nate Marshall:to be able to have i think it could be wrong but the way he described it is you got to be able to like fully support another but i feel like in pakistan i don't think you'd i don't know i I think you'd be able to just kind of put them in like apartment A, apartment B. All right.

32:37Joe List:I'm just thinking out loud over here.

32:39Nate Marshall:No, it was kind of, he's like, it's not as cool as everyone says, which I'm like, I agree. I'm like, I've talked to people about the multiple wife thing. I think it is not as cool as people say. One wife, couple of girlfriends. Dude, my youngest daughter is like really wants me to get a girlfriend. She keeps saying, she's like, dad, you have a girlfriend. I'm like, no, I'm married. She's like, dad, you need a girlfriend. I'm like, all right. I thought you'd be furious if I had a girlfriend It's one reason I don't have a girlfriend You brought it up to your wife?

33:11Joe List:I tell her all the time

33:12Nate Marshall:I'm like Chloe wants me to get a girlfriend I don't know I feel like if she got older she would take I'd be like dude you said when you were three

33:20Joe List:Gotta get it right

33:22Nate Marshall:You know what weirds me out The hall pass talk among couples Who would your hall pass be Don't talk about that yeah we never had that conversation but it's a it's a totally fruitless conversation right because you already know it's like yeah just be like i don't know i think it's fucking lame i don't like it i don't i don't like it because i know you're not saying you're the real thought like if i asked her she would say somebody that would be unattainable but her real hall pass she'd want to say is just like a guy she worked with right right yeah you know it's kind of The guy she's always thinking about.

33:58Joe List:Well, that's what I think. I think everyone secretly wants to fuck their spouse's friends. Really? Don't you think? Or siblings.

34:05Nate Marshall:I can see where you're coming from, but I don't. It's extra forbidden, you know?

34:12Joe List:If I could have sex with any woman, it wouldn't be Anne Hathaway. It would be, you know, my wife's aunt, we'll say. Just to throw her off the scent. but yeah one of her buddies you know her childhood friends i'm trying to run through the list

34:31Nate Marshall:in my head i don't know i think it might just be like the first person i see outside right

34:37Joe List:to be our neighbor across the hall well i think that's the case i think most guys cheat with like a less attractive woman i've heard that something i've heard that yeah i wonder if that's true well i think you want to feel guilt-free yeah that way if you get caught you can be like she's a fucking pig. She's nothing compared to you. Yeah, she's gross. She's ugly. Or she can be super high and be like, what am I supposed to do? Say no to that? She's way better than you. Yeah, that's a good point.

35:04Nate Marshall:I always thought it was just younger. It's like you have sex with a younger lady. Yeah, that makes sense. Kind of like the, I think there's always going at a pizza shop. I think every female cashier is in the hot seat in terms of the 50-year-old Italian guy. Yeah. I've heard of that happening a lot. It's big in New Jersey. every high school girl gets uh lightly molested by their pizza shop manager boss really even burger king like a burger king there's like it's all like high school kids a lot of girls working there if every burger king there's like a 40 year old manager who's like chances are he's being you know in a feebophile let's say right he's yeah i've heard i've heard about i've heard tales like that i used to work with this i'm going i'm trying to be vague i used to work with this guy he was like smashing one of the she was like 18 uh like 18 she was 18 or 19 she was similar to 18 i think i think she was 18 i got it she's 18 or 19 that's how i remember it i think i would have been i was like 16 then so i think i would have still known if it was real fucked up but anyway i just remember back then you wouldn't know that's what i'm trying to remember that's why i'm saying like i'm trying to run it in my head like what whatever anyway i think 18 though i really do because I know she was like a senior in high school and shit.

36:20But anyway. You're sweating. It wasn't me. I don't give a fuck. But the guy, I remember he was just always like taking her into the, just when we would clean up the store, take her into the fit room. They'd fuck. I was like the only one who knew. And her boyfriend would just pick her up afterwards. And I'd see it. I didn't know him. Like we didn't go to school together or anything. It's just. And the one time I just saw her walk out and kiss him on the lips, like as soon as they got. And I just was like, oh, my God.

36:49Nate Marshall:So she gave him a nice greeting, though. Not hot. She snowballed, you know? She snowballed. Yeah.

36:55Joe List:Bring your chick home. She's got fresh load for a Burger King manager. I'm into it. Been around a long time. You know, it's kind of fun.

37:04Nate Marshall:It's tough being a high school-aged male. Yeah, because it's tough. You never know. Yeah, I got dominated like that. I heard a chick I used to date. She used to get picked up by some old guy. Just one of her friends told me. you had some dude he was like 25 she was like 16 just used to pick her up from her winnie's job we used to go to uh when i was growing up and like in high school uh we would go to this place called painter's crossing and it was just like a shopping center with like an amc movie place and just like you know random other bullshit restaurants like a friendlies and we would see those like cool honda civics with spoilers pull up and they were like sharks they were just 25 year old dudes who just come prey on your like cool high school girlfriends you'd be like come one let's get out of here they would just circle the park and stand outside their cars and you'd have to like get your girlfriend out of there because she would get molested by a older man

37:55Joe List:yeah i remember my girlfriend was a year younger than me and then i didn't go to college and then she graduate went to college and yeah we broke up i like initiated the breakup because i was like you want to break up right yeah clearly this isn't gonna be great and i started doing comedy so i was like hanging out with like 50 year old men immediately and then i'd be like come out i'm doing comedy it would just be a bunch of middle-aged guys and like me she's like this is awful and then i'd go visit her at college and it's just the hottest yeah football play guy and i'm like i was like you want to break up yeah i do she was too nice to do it yeah and i i feel like

38:31Nate Marshall:i could just i could be wrong about this but i feel like in that situation a girl would just be like i like the comfort of having a boyfriend then i'm gonna get here and slowly leave it'll definitely cheat a little too i think yeah i did the right thing in high school i broke up i was dating someone i was just like we can't when i go to high school when i felt bad but or when i go to college yeah she was pissed yeah she was in eighth grade she had an eighth grade volleyball i mean you can't i mean that destroys that destroys uh high school romances i had a guy like sit me down a long time ago and be like bro like trying to talk me out of my high school sweetheart he's like you guys are gonna last i was like fuck dude why are you doing this to me he was like just move on wow it's kind of rough but i mean yeah he was he was wise he said this will never last i was like all right well thanks man i only broke up with one woman my

39:24Joe List:whole life and she accused me of cheating it was kind of hot she was like you're cheating on me she was italian she was like you're cheating on me i know it you piece of shit i'm not i wish i was I was like, I just don't care for you.

39:36Nate Marshall:Yeah, I would say breaking up. I still think breaking up with is infinitely harder than getting broken up with.

39:41Joe List:Yeah, no, I remember having like a panic attack. It was horrible.

39:44Nate Marshall:Oh, it's horrible. It's like literally the most lethal or like, you know, brutal conversation you can have to be like, hey, I don't want to see you ever again. It's essentially what you're saying. Or like, I would, I'm open to it, but I just want to just, you know, maybe we could be like stranger, more like strangers to each other.

40:02Joe List:yeah no it was rough I had a thing it was funny I was dating this woman and I just didn't like I only dated her because I was single for like seven years and I thought people gonna think I was gay I was like I gotta get a girlfriend so people don't just think I'm gay and so I knew her from work so I started dating but I never liked her I wasn't into her it was just whatever she was like a beard basically yeah exactly uh so we were dating and then it was like I wanted to break up with her but I didn't and then Christmas was like coming upon us and I was like shit I gotta I get her a fucking gift because I just put off breaking up with her.

40:35Joe List:And literally I was driving to meet up with her like on December 23rd. It was like Christmas Eve, Eve. And I was like, oh, dude, I remember we were at this store one time and she said she liked this picture of Audrey Hepburn. I'm like, I'll stop and pick that up. And so I just grabbed it on the way there, handed it to her like Merry Christmas. And she opened it and just started bawling. She's like, nobody's ever loved me this much. You remembered. And I was like, fuck. Oh, you're right. Because I wanted to break up with her. And then I just bought like some random shit. I'm like, I kind of remember she bought that.

41:03Joe List:And she had dated like bad boys or whatever before. I was with the nice guy. And so I just nailed the gift. And I was like, I just fucking. She was like literally crying. Like no one's ever loved me like this in my life. And I was like, oh, God damn it. But then right after Christmas, my grandfather died. And then she didn't come to the funeral. And I used that. Perfect. As an excuse. She's like, I didn't even know you wanted me there. You didn't even tell me where it was. And I was like, well, you should have looked at it. a piece of shit you fucking careless bitch so i was like that was my out but i remember being horrified like truly like shaking yeah you think about it for like three months by the time you're

41:39Nate Marshall:getting broken up with the person's probably thought about it for anywhere from six months

41:43Joe List:yeah and now she's married and i'm married that's good yeah worked out my my dad and jess when i was

41:49Nate Marshall:in grade school told me to always break up with the girl before christmas so i didn't have to buy or anything and i like actually did that one time like right before christmas and it was i was like it was for real to me this thing you can do yeah i was just like that was like seventh really you know and you're like we're dating but you don't ever even see the person you just like hold hands and recess right three days yeah it's like i meant october you fucking

42:11Joe List:yeah i felt mad about that it was funny having like a girlfriend in like seventh grade and you

42:19Nate Marshall:You just, they'd be like, we're dating. And you just see them at recess and then you break up two days later. Yeah, I had that in fifth grade.

42:26Joe List:Jen McCarthy. Not to be confused with Jenny McCarthy. The anti-vex hot lady. But yeah. And she was dating two guys. She was dating Matt Will and me. Because you didn't hook up. But we were in fifth grade. We didn't even kiss. Yeah. So she's like, these are my two boyfriends.

42:41Nate Marshall:And then the three of us would like hang out. You were in power. Yeah, yeah. It was pretty cool.

42:46Joe List:And then, yeah, you just broke up. because like summer happened and you didn't have any way of seeing her. Yeah, you know. You're like, all right, that was that. Did she break over both of you? I don't even remember. I think she was more into him because he was more of like a fatherless man. So I think he was probably fingering her and I was like, we're both. Like it felt like they definitely had. We're doing stuff. Yeah, yeah.

43:09Nate Marshall:I was just like, I don't know. Yeah. I remember being in grade school. I think I might have been in sixth grade and I was just like sitting, you know, I was like on the maybe gymnasium floor at like an assembly and an eighth grade girl laid her boob on my hand. Whoa. And I just sat there. Eighth grade. Yeah, bro. Yeah, bro. It was awesome. And I just sat. I just remember just my hand just feeling the pressure of her boob for an entire assembly. Then she got up and I was so confused as I was like, is that my fucking girlfriend now?

43:37Joe List:Is that a base? I don't even know. It was over the shirt.

43:40Nate Marshall:Second base. But it was back in my hand. So still something. It was. It was definitely something. Yeah, it was so much so that I was like, can you just touch ladies boobs? Is that like a thing? I would. We had tables in my grade school and I was slowly elbow over and like hit the lady's boob next to me and they'd get off me. I don't know. There's one lady late on my arm. I thought it was like, I don't know. I thought you guys want to rest your tits on my elbows.

44:04Joe List:I wish I could redo life, you know, don't we all? Yeah. I feel like I could really do, but not that I would be like a crazy pussy crushing man. I'm still me, but I think if I had a little more confidence, I could have had more sex. Yeah, for sure. Even in high school, I feel like I could have done it right for myself.

44:22Nate Marshall:No, it happened. I was like nothing really doing. And then a little bit in late grade school. Not sex, obviously. That's weird. When people have sex when they're in eighth grade, I'm like, it kind of freaks me out. But I remember I lost a bunch of weight my junior year. I got shredded out of nowhere. I kept getting grounded for drinking. So I would just like act like I was in prison and just do like pull-ups in my face and I got like actually shredded Just reading spiritual books

44:53Nate Marshall:But yeah, no I remember I just like hit this weird spurt of like I've never gotten Never like I don't know. I just hit like a I went on like a tear in high school Then like the beginning of college is monstrous dry spell I was just I was just thinking about a lady and I realized I could have fucked in high school cuz she She just followed me a couple weeks ago, like last week on Instagram, and I saw that. And I thought of something she said to me that now I would have known it was like a green light. She was like, I wish I could mess with you, but I'm kind of friends with your girlfriend. And her saying that out loud is really going like, I'll fuck you, and I won't tell your girlfriend.

45:28Nate Marshall:You didn't realize this at the time? No, I was like in 10th grade. I just didn't take it. I don't know. I didn't. That's fair. 10th grade, I guess. I might have been 10th, 11th. I think I tried to sell myself short. It was 11th. I should have known.

45:39Joe List:I was so afraid of being a bad guy. You feel like you can make a move, and she's like, what the fuck, you piece of shit? There's such a fear. I grew up listening to hip-hop. I didn't give a fuck about that. Yeah, I listened to my rap. True. Yeah, if anything, it was true. It was like, no. When I was young, it wasn't cool to kiss ladies. That's crazy. I remember somebody being like, oh, you kissed her? Because they suck dicks. I know that's dumb now. Oh, I see. I was thinking this is the gayest thing I've ever heard. No. That's because they were homophobic.

46:10Nate Marshall:I always looked at it and that was a chain of events. I still follow base procedure, by the way. Yeah, now you got it. It's kiss, touch boobs, touch vagina, then have sex. I still hold it down that way. The girl I lost my virginity to, we didn't kiss for six months. We were dating and I remember I was having a conversation with one of my friends about it as an adult, that that happened and she cheated on me. She's the one who was like the picked up from Wendy's I was telling you about and shit like that. I also heard she got cheated on by like getting a train wreck or all that all that stuff oh she cheated on me doing that shit yeah but so we're talking about that I talked about how they kissed her for six months he was like you mean you dated a chick who was just letting you fuck her and not kiss her for six months and you didn't realize she was a hoe like she's not she's like yeah you're doing the right thing not kissing me it's kind of her energy I don't know I thought that's the name.

46:58Joe List:She's like pretty woman she's Julia Roberts she's pretty woman she's not allowed to kiss

47:03Nate Marshall:it is funny you guys were in like a serious relationship though you guys were like Yeah, she was the first person. I was like, I love you. I was hanging out with her dad. It was all that stuff. No, it really was bad for everyone's brain, man. Yeah. I like sold Coke for a while. I was like, this is so cool. And then you get older, like that's such a bad negative thing to do. I could have ruined my life. Back then I was like, this is the coolest thing I can possibly do. It wasn't at all. This episode is brought to you by Armra Colostrum. Guys, I like to say we can joke about pretty much anything, but what happens when your health becomes the punchline?

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48:55Joe List:Selling Coke's pretty cool. You get money, right?

48:57Nate Marshall:Honestly, I swear to God, dude, you don't make as much as you think. Oh, really? I sold weed for a while, too. I made way more money selling weed. Coke is like, unless you're getting big amounts of it, you don't make as much in terms of the risk of going to jail. If you just get a couple ounces of Coke and break them down into 20 bags, you make money off of it, but nowhere near getting a couple pounds of weed and you would not. The jail from selling an eight ball to a pound of weed is completely. Right. Dudes I knew who sold crack, they never seen. I heard that's pretty profitable. I never knew anybody who was top guy everybody I knew they were like fine but they lived together it was like three brothers that I was hanging out with one time they sent me to sell crack for them and I now we're off on a topic which fast food chain were you operating lately so their house was like right down the street from this park called I think it was Barbie's Park it was called so I had to I took the crack and I took their bike and I saw you have to go up this bridge that's like up a hill and then down the hill so i go up the hill then i start going down the hill the park's right at the end of the hill and i realized as i'm going down the hill that the brakes on the bike don't work so i'm going to self-crack and then i can't stop the bike and i spit out and fall

50:15Joe List:oh you gotta like you gotta animate this this is like fucking the funniest thing i've ever heard in my life and then a car just stops like slams on the brake it's just two puerto rican dudes and they just started pointing and laughing out of like a civic. And then I go selling for 30.

50:34Nate Marshall:No, it wasn't. I remember being in a vial though. That's how I always see them on TV but it was in like a little like same bag you put weed in. Right, right, right. Excuse me.

50:45Did you complete the mission? Yeah, I completed the mission. It was for 30 bucks and then I went back and I think I just told him like, yeah, I fell on the bike. He fell on the bike. That is fucking hilarious.

50:55Nate Marshall:You drop the crack mobile. Here's the crack.

50:59Joe List:Do you guys have any gauze?

51:02Nate Marshall:I want to start a nonprofit that repairs young kids who sell cracks bicycles to make sure the brakes are good. I didn't think about that. Yeah, there's probably a lot of like kind of janky bikes going around there. I'm just man. No, Tom. Huh? I was going to say there's a good chance that it was somebody else's bike. Oh, come on. Show him. I don't want to be a jerk. I didn't want to be a jerk. That's jacked up, man. I'm sorry. I tried to blame my tongue. I'm sorry. Yeah, this song's probably right. Ah, crap. Sorry. That's nice to know, though. If your bike gets stolen, it's like at least, you know.

51:37Nate Marshall:Yeah, absolutely. Someone, you know, someone's upperly mobile is trying to make the best of a bad situation. But also, you know, it's got fucked up brakes. So you're like, watch what happens. Yeah, that's crazy. They didn't warn you the bike had no brakes. Did you have to, like, use your, like, sneakers to slow yourself down or, like? I just remember falling. and I don't remember exactly how, like what I tried. I think I tried to like get off and hop and just. Who bought the crack? It was two people. It was like an older looking dude and a younger guy. But like, I don't know. Father and son. Nah.

52:10About to go to the baseball game. What are the two people in The Wire? Bugsy and he had this guy that died. I forget. Yeah, never mind. Bad riff.

52:22Nate Marshall:Dang, so that was it. That was it for you. That was it. That's what we after that book. The bicycle was like, I can't trust these bikes. I'm not cut out for this. I also was, I think I was always kind of phony, tough. Like, I would be around the dumb shit, but in my heart, I was like, no. I used to like to fight a lot. And then I remember we were supposed to fight after school. This was like ninth or tenth grade and one of my friends had a little 22 that he showed me. Oh, Jesus. And I just remember being like, this is, this is, this kind of stuff. Peacemaker time. Yeah, yeah. And then I kind of started to change who I was hanging with.

52:54I had like this one group I was with all the time. And then I kind of went to my friends that I was hanging with a lot more in middle school. You found La Mer? I found a version of La Mer. Yeah, different fat guy.

53:05Nate Marshall:Different funny fat guy. Yeah, that's what Coke was for me. It was the absolute. I was completely out of my element. I was already out of element with a lot of stuff. But Coke was like, these are like bad guy, bad guys. And I never did it, by the way. Never even tried it.

53:20Joe List:Me either.

53:20Nate Marshall:never had any i still i still to this day i detest them i hear people that do it i go why the fuck

53:24Joe List:are you doing that yeah the snorting something just felt very off-putting to me i didn't care for that and then also all my anxiety that i had growing up and still now is all uh like i associate with heart like i'm always afraid my heart's gonna stop my heart's racing so the idea of doing coke i was like my heart will explode i'll die here yeah that was always a very similar

53:44Nate Marshall:thing i actually just i like i had a couple years where i couldn't exercise because i'm like i'm gonna have a heart attack i was like 26 well this is an interesting thing i tried to do a bit about

53:54Joe List:this it never worked but i'm like why exercise is good for your heart but like having like stress is bad for your heart but they both cause your heart to race yeah so shouldn't like having a panic attack be uh this is why the bit never worked by the way but like shouldn't having a panic attack be good for you like stress is the worst thing for you but what does stress do it raises your heart rate that's what exercise does i know i know that there's probably a explanation i'm not genuinely like no yeah asking but i don't know i mean i started grinding the podcast to a halt with this

54:29Joe List:cocaine should be good for your heart yeah it gives you the same thing as exercise like running a marathon is good for your health so why isn't doing blow you know what it's funny because i i

54:43Nate Marshall:I saw just like two weeks ago, I saw a clip of Andrew Huberman being like, you need to spike your cortisol early in the morning as possible. And it's like somehow good for you. So I like just chugged a ton of coffee early in the morning. And it was like, yeah, it was definitely not the move. I literally had a panic attack in my office. So I was like, this is not I don't know. But apparently, I guess there's got to be something different with like, you know what it probably is? Like your lungs getting kicked into the picture. Right, right. Versus just your nervous system fucking frying you while you sit in a chair.

55:11Joe List:Well, some of this Huberman thing, Huberman, however you say his name, I enjoy the guy, but we were at the green room at Mothership, and there's all these grip strength reading thing. And someone was like, Huberman says, like, grip strength is the number one, you know, teller of how long you're going to live. Yeah. Kurt Metzger's was like triple mine. I'm like, there's no way this fucking guy's living longer than me. He's like smoking a pack of cigarettes and a joint at the same time. I'm like, I feel like.

55:37Nate Marshall:Yeah, I don't know. there's a lot of stuff hitting the internet that like does freak me out i've seen that one yeah that one i didn't like at all my grip shirt is terrible yeah mine was like i didn't want to say

55:47Joe List:yeah i'm not saying 12.

55:52Nate Marshall:mine is devastating yeah i i don't know i heard that too like if you can't hang from a bar for like three minutes you're gonna die well the other guy peter atia he's

56:02Joe List:the other guy all these guys that are like age experts all are like 38 years old i'm like i want 115 year old guy tell me but he said you should be able to carry your body weight for up to a minute so like i weigh 180 like by your side with a kettlebell so i weigh like 180 pounds i'm bad at math that's 90 pounds on each arm yeah yeah i should be able to walk for a minute but i can't even like attempt it because i'm scared my arm will fucking rip off or your knees really yeah

56:28Nate Marshall:yeah i don't know about that there's a lot of stuff hitting the internet like that i saw one where it was like if you want to be able to walk up 10 flights of stairs when you're 70 here's they had these like lines and shit and they're like you need to be here now and it was just like otherwise it's like basically saying if you were like sedentary like you're gonna die yeah yeah i think

56:48Joe List:we all look pretty good yeah i think we're moving around but i don't know i feel like the problem is

56:53Nate Marshall:you can go so heavy into all that stuff where it's like am i doing that am i doing all this stuff right that probably fucks you up 20 years like oh if you actually think about this shit

57:00Joe List:you're gonna die yeah absolutely well then hooverman's also like you got to look at the sun at 5 15 for eight minutes so your kid will be retarded i keep seeing a thing on my algorithm i have a child and it's like giving your kids sugar within the first three years increases their odds i'm like so i'm just fucked like i gave him ice cream already yeah he's gonna die

57:21Nate Marshall:and the tv like the tv fucks him yeah i don't know i feel like they'll be fine it'll be like There'll be definitely more autistic kids. I don't know. I feel like everybody I know has sugar as a kid and watched TV as a kid. Most people are fine. You know what I mean? Why is it a problem all of a sudden right now? It's probably bad. I didn't realize how bad it was. But yeah, they're not going to die. Yeah, I think they'll be okay. They'll be fine. He seems fine. I don't worry. I can get hyper-obsessed with that shit, though. I have an aura ring. I'll track my sleep. I'll do all this stuff. Apparently, I don't get any deep sleep.

57:52Nate Marshall:Really? I don't know what it is. I check, and everything else is great. and then my deep sleep is like 30 minutes a night. Maybe it's fucked up. That's what I say. I told my wife it's her. I'm like, you just move around probably and fuck my deep sleep up. You ever try all of them at the same time, Apple Watch, Whoop, or Ring, and just see if they all say the same thing? How you should do that? I feel like a great test. I like picturing you go to bed, you have like a thing for Back to the Future

58:16Joe List:on your head, you got like suction cups on your tits. Just sleep at me a mask for no reason.

58:23Nate Marshall:But yeah, I just, I don't know. You get to a certain point, you're like, no, I'm definitely dying. So I'm going to try to just maintain the ship as much as I can.

58:31Joe List:Yeah. Well, yeah, I feel like an older dad. I'm like, I got to live as long as I can for this guy. And stay healthy. I want to be able to have a pass with him. Yeah. So I'm going to the gym after this. Don't worry. Yeah.

58:42Nate Marshall:That's the big thing. Once you have kids, you really like, you guys fuck around a lot. You guys are out drinking, carrying on. Why do you guys have kids? Why do you guys have kids, man? You go, man, I got to keep this thing afloat.

58:53Joe List:Yeah. Well just the queso I've been in Austin for four days I've eaten queso Like 100 % of the meals Including breakfast Yeah I'm a fat fuck I'm like I can't shit my eyes What are you eating That has breakfast queso I went to Magnolia Cafe My favorite spot They got great pancakes But they serve queso all day So I'm like I'm here Yeah So I was eating chips and queso And pancakes

59:12Nate Marshall:So good Sick Yeah I got I eat a lot of I was just in Chicago And I went to the Taste of Chicago It's like a big food festival It was all fucking tacos I'm like dude that's all I eat I'm not It's kind of bullshit

59:25Joe List:Somebody said it last night In Austin Tacos are like pizza In New York It's like the quick cheap Just grab it

59:30Nate Marshall:There's not a lot of Great pizza here But pizza stays Enjoyable longer I'm tired of tacos There was never I never hit a point Where I was tired of pizza Yeah that's a good point Pizza's Here's the thing though Like If you go on the west coast I was telling people About Friday Did you have Friday pizza night Growing up? Every Friday pizza? My friend's out On the west coast now And he was like Telling people out there About that And they were like That's crazy They're like That's so bad for you You eat pizza every Friday.

59:54Joe List:Oh, I eat pizza. I mean, my diet is fucking wild. Really? I eat McDonald's like a couple times a week. Chicken parm three, four times a week.

1:00:01Nate Marshall:How's the Mickey D's sit with you? I miss chicken parm. Is it like diarrhea right away, or do you pass a healthy movement after Mickey D's?

1:00:07Joe List:No, I'm okay. I think I'm used to it. I used to do a joke in my act about this. People were like, if you don't, someone said this to me, like if you stop eating McDonald's for like six months and then you try having it again, your body will just reject it. Yeah. So I did it, and I'm like, no, my body was like, you're back. Thank God. I took a perfect fucking double tapered shit. It was beautiful. I love it. But again, like I hate to be like dad guy, but it's like sometimes the baby goes down. You're so exhausted that I'm like, just give me some fucking McDonald's. Give me something. And I live in a luxury building.

1:00:35Joe List:I mean, again, I don't want to be that guy. I'm doing okay. And I get like, I'm embarrassed. There's like a door guy with a suit, like handing me my McDonald's bag. I feel like lawyers are walking by being like, who is this fucking idiot? And I do it a lot. It's embarrassing.

1:00:51Nate Marshall:It's kind of alpha, dude. I know Warren Buffett drinks Coca-Cola. That's his big thing. Trump smashes McDonald's.

1:00:57Joe List:He loves McDonald's, yeah. I think Jay Leno, too, was a big fast food. Really? I think he might still be, yeah.

1:01:02Nate Marshall:I swear to God, I haven't eaten McDonald's in maybe two decades. Get yourself some McDonald's. It's fine. I would throw up. I would for real throw up. I can't eat a terrible McDonald's. Was it the last time we went to McDonald's? I got a double quarter pounder, a McChicken and a McDouble and fries. Like I just. How did it sit with you? I took a probiotic right after.

1:01:30Joe List:He's like, I looked at the sun for a half hour and it went down perfect. He took a probiotic. It's like this might balance the gut shit. And I just shit a lot in the morning. I drink a smoothie all the time. So I woke up crushing a smoothie. That's how I feel. Yeah, I call them health posters. I do either green juices or smoothies. You do yin and yang. Yeah, yeah. I'm exactly the same. And I feel like it kind of works. I think so. I went to Juiceland this morning. I was like, I had queso four times yesterday. I got to have Juiceland. And I took a massive shot. I call it my morning python. Just every morning, just a big fucking anaconda.

1:02:09Joe List:Just a long log. Yeah. So I think we're all right. Yeah.

1:02:12Nate Marshall:How heavy will you get? Can you go? Will you get fat?

1:02:16Joe List:This is the heaviest I've been, but I'm also working out more than I've ever worked out, and I'm also eating more than I've worked out. Nice. So I'm like 183 or something. I got dad stomach, but I look okay. You're bulking.

1:02:29Nate Marshall:Yeah. And you get the muscles from carrying the kid all the time.

1:02:31Joe List:He wants to be carried all the time, and he won't go to this side. Maybe he's autistic. He hates this side, so it's all right arm. But yeah, this is the biggest I've ever been.

1:02:42Nate Marshall:but i'm very long i'm a fucking yeah yeah you know i just i just read a stat they said 90 of autistic adults are undiagnosed that makes sense they weren't checking for it like they weren't checking for it so there's apparently there's like a you know it's like endemic in adults there's like a lot of people who should have been that that now would have been like

1:03:03Joe List:screened for like on the autism spectrum but i i have a big autism thing because i just think we say it too much because i have a close friend whose brother is like severely autistic like what we think like and he you know he has like an ipod or airpods in all the time because he needs music and if you say what day you were born he could tell you the day like your date of your birthday he knows what day and also he has to be like attended like he's yeah you know he's got severe autism and then people are like well say to me like i'm like oh that music is driving me crazy like i don't even hear music you might be autistic and i'm like i don't well i don't identify

1:03:41Nate Marshall:as autistic like yeah they spread the net pretty pretty far now yeah it just feels like you're like adhd is like autism they say if you have that you're also autistic now really yeah sweet my

1:03:53Joe List:wife's autistic yeah that's what i've been trying to say me too well ocd also is so similar like i have ocd but so like there's a lot of similarities if you read autism thing i'm like oh i have that that and that but Yeah. I'm not autistic.

1:04:09Nate Marshall:What's the OCD? How's that flare up?

1:04:12Joe List:Like I, I mean, I have like weird, first of all, I'm like, I blink all the time. Like I do like these blinks and my arm would be flexing all the time. My left arm and I'll see like something that I feel like I need to step on or I'll do a weird foot things. I need to step on stuff. And then I also drink the same cup of tea from Starbucks every day. I don't get it. I mean, I steep very quickly, turn it off. Okay, I hit him with straws. I feel like straws are going to stab me in the eye. There's a whole bunch of handful of stuff.

1:04:39Nate Marshall:It's kind of under the radar, though. I wouldn't know.

1:04:41Joe List:Yeah, yeah. My wife does a joke about it. She's like, he doesn't have the OCD where he cleans. I'm like, people think I'm like hand washing. I'm like, I'll take a piss and get off the subway and go eat a sandwich. But you're just stepping on the cracks. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

1:04:55Nate Marshall:I can get in and not stepping on the cracks. I'll still do that every now and again. It's just fun to be like, let me time my steps perfectly so I don't hit these cracks. Yeah, it's fun. But I gave up after a while.

1:05:06Joe List:But yeah, so you got a problem. But then people now, people are like, they use it. It's like a virtue to have. I'm like embarrassed. Yeah. I'm like trying my hardest not to blink weird because YouTube comments. I can't keep my eyes open. It's crazy.

1:05:22Nate Marshall:I'm like humiliated by it. Yeah, it did become cool to have like autism now. It's either like you got to have something. If you're like 24 and you're like, no, I'm good. They're like, that sucks.

1:05:33Joe List:Yeah, yeah, no.

1:05:34Nate Marshall:You gotta be like, yeah, you gotta be kind of like gay or something.

1:05:37Joe List:Cutting is big. Cutting. Gay cutting.

1:05:42Nate Marshall:Gay cutting? No, no, I'm saying or a minority. Yeah. A double minority. Gay black man. Maybe I'll become Jewish. You're not gay. You're the least gay person, I know. I know, but it's too late. I'll just be gay. I was laughing today about like, especially with the podcast and like ads and all that stuff. There's definitely, I would like to think that there are some sort of like boardroom and these like startups or like Spotify where they're like checking almost like a stock trading floor. They're reading comments. Like a lot of people saying the host of this podcast is gay. We got to call the magnesium powder people.

1:06:24Nate Marshall:Shit, they're calling them gay. They're calling them a gay schizophrenic loser. So how did you end up gay? they said I was being gay. We went to LA for a week when Shay was doing the ESPY. They said LA, I was just gay in LA. I wasn't, but... What was the accusation of being gay in LA for? I did, I mean, I said, I was... You wore cool clothes. That was what it was. Well, I wore one shirt that's not even that cool, but what it really was is I've been for real for a kind of homophobe my whole life. Seems like I was talking about the kid not kissing girls and stuff, and then I grew out of it. I still had that thing where I couldn't joke gay that much.

1:07:03And, you know, hanging out with y 'all, eventually y 'all broke it down. And then I started trying to have fun gay jokes with y 'all. And then the second I did it, it was like, yeah, what the hell? And then I couldn't say anything without being sus. And then LeMaire's nasty ass made sure he brought it up on the podcast. He knew what he was doing. He got mad at me when we were doing panties once because he was like, that's the name of our podcast but he not boxer briefs but true because when we were talking I brought up him having sex with those with the trans he was like for real mad at that he was like you tried to

1:07:44Nate Marshall:I was like what yeah and to be fair I'm still riding for LaMere on this dude it's hilarious he lost his virginity to a woman who then became a guy right after. Oh, okay. And she was like one week in the T. I saw a picture of her. She was hot. He, I guess now, was hot as hell. On paper, it sounds funny. He said I lost virginity to technically a guy. He lost now. He lost virginity to a guy. Right. That's kind of the wrinkle. He spazzed on me on panties. He was like, you were trying to be nasty to me because you brought that up. And I was like, I was being nasty after what you did to me. It was all good.

1:08:22Nate Marshall:Yeah, you'll now be ever. Your descendants are going to be like, oh shit, he was gay. He used to be gay. He used to be zesty. All they'll know is they'll do an AI summary and be like, your grandfather never kissed girls. Personal policy, he never kissed girls ever since he was a child. And then was noticed being gay. Yeah, the internet legacy will be crazy. Yeah, it's kind of fun to... Ancestry.com would be so cool. Seeing all your embarrassing fucking Facebook posts and shit. It's going to have digital. Yes, for sure. It's going to also have your digital history. Yeah. It'll be like, yeah, you'd sit down and get like a full download, probably like a curated thing of like, this is what your father was up to.

1:09:05Joe List:Oh, it's insane to think about. Yeah. All the podcasts. Podcast, web history.

1:09:09Nate Marshall:Don't forget about web history. Web history is the one. That'll be out there. Like, it's just everything you've ever jerked off to is going to your kids. Not your kids, your kids' kids. It'll be in your kids' like Neuralink thing, and they can get like a super fast flash, like the speed of their synapses where it can just be like wow yeah be fucked up okay but by then they'll be in the weirder shit probably yeah because they because we because we keep getting weirder and weirder i think porn's about to grind to a halt i'm not just saying that because i personally copy my demons i think it's good i don't know man i think it's going to be on like all kids are going to be it'll be like your kid well now it'll be like you'll see if your kid's looking at smut because you'll have your phones linked kind of i plan on well my daughter's I'm not worried about it.

1:09:52Nate Marshall:But like, I still might put the smut checker on there. That app you're talking about where it's like the dad. You ever hear Covenant Eyes? There's an app called Covenant Eyes where you and your son can like link your phone so that like if anything, you know, porn related comes up, it'll trigger. Like your dad would get a notification.

1:10:10Joe List:Oh, wow. Yeah. Does he get the same notification when you look at porn?

1:10:14Nate Marshall:I think so. I think that's the covenant. I think you entered. Oh, I see. I see. I think there's a politician who's used Covenant Eyes with his son. Wow. It does sound like the opposite of father-son duos who get hookers together. Wow.

1:10:29Joe List:I'm going to try to land in between the two. Somewhere right in the middle. I'm going to do neither of those tricks.

1:10:36Nate Marshall:I don't know, but I feel like you'll have it. Before, we were like, I don't think kids will have free-range open porn. I think parents are going to put a kibosh in that. I for real hope not. That shit was kind of real terrible for us. Yeah, it's not good. I looked at Red 2 when I had to be 12 or 13. Yeah, I never had any porn.

1:10:53Joe List:I was all Sears catalog and stuff. We had magazines later.

1:10:57Nate Marshall:I did Sears catalog, and then I came in. In college was when I could start downloading it, and then it was just open on the internet my whole adult life. But not as a child. That would fuck you up. Sean, what did you discover? You were right. Mike Johnson, the Speaker of the House of Representatives, publicly talks about his use of COVID and eyes with his 17-year-old son. Nice. Yes. Now, will they continue it once he's 18? Will he keep the tradition alive or will he legally as an adult be a father? I'm recommending we shut down our covenant. I'm not sure. I think it's a good idea. I think I've been anti-porn for a while.

1:11:33I would get a burger phone if I had covenant eyes with my dad. I would just have a second cell phone. I couldn't live like that.

1:11:41Joe List:I thought you said burger phone, like those old phones that were like a special cheeseburger. I was like, yeah, those things are awesome.

1:11:47Nate Marshall:It's called 1-900 numbers. I mean it is weird because I like it's hard to not look at porn it's like almost unthinkable because I've tried to stop it and it took me three years to finally be like I don't need to look at it yeah Instagram don't make it everything makes it hard yeah I try not to look my Instagram for real is just like steroid guys screaming at me I don't get a lot of babes it's just steroid guys fighting and arguing with each other

1:12:14Joe List:no mine's like movies, photography and baseball Like people go to their search thing and it's, I'm like actually embarrassed by mine. Yeah. It's just like Robin Yount hit 3000 hits on the, whatever. I'm like, uh, some, there's times where mine's is a hundred percent women and it's the most embarrassing thing.

1:12:31Nate Marshall:What's that's for the nature of your guys. You guys do research for your podcast. True. That has been making it worse. I still don't know how you pull. They do a babe of the week every week and they have to like explain why she's the babe of the week. Sometimes it's funny and then other times we take it too seriously. so you just pick hot ladies and go, she's the hottest. Yeah, but what does your babe say about the babe of the week? You tell her, like, obviously you're a babe of the week. You're the babe of my lifetime. Babe of the lifetime. Has she ever even, like, brought it up begrudgingly?

1:12:59Nate Marshall:Because I feel like I would get pressed in my house for that. No. If you have, you know, I don't want to sow discord. No, no, she doesn't. Like, she really doesn't. She never, anything that's kind of comedy related, she never. That's nice. Unless I was like, start talking about like her too personal, like her privacy. She don't. I mean, she knows. She knows me. We'll be watching some. She watches Real Housewives and I go like, whose titties are those? Like that's kind of how we exist. Nice. And I think.

1:13:29Joe List:My wife has a rule. Like you don't listen to your partner's podcast. I can't. She's like, it's like reading a diary. Yeah. That feels like the right thing.

1:13:37Nate Marshall:Yeah. Yeah. I've swayed my wife away from it. I was like, just please don't watch it. And my mom. my wife and my mom would say please don't watch my podcast ever i would bet my girl listens every time she knows i'm on something i think about that too you're talking about like your son getting

1:13:51Joe List:older and like or your daughters whatever listening seeing your history i think that must be hard to date because you meet someone they can immediately just go and listen to everything you've ever said that would be scary to me being single and meeting a girl and i'm like my charming self and then she can put on a podcast of like would you eat your own dad's cum for fucking 100 bucks and she's like oh this guy's a piece of shit yeah i what i what i think

1:14:13Nate Marshall:though is if your podcast is doing well we'll be like great right you know what i mean once once you get you know once you sell one boner pill they're like yep it's good i don't care what the fuck this guy talks about and there's really is something out there for everyone because there's like you know there's popular podcasts that go pretty wild and it's like like holocaust denial has become a big thing it's a big podcast anymore that was like it was a move man there was like the last year i've seen uh dan plzarian fucking hit the gas pedal on that he just out of nowhere was just like i'm i i think i'm correct i don't know if i'm wrong but i think he uh pushed the pedal on that that's like a light speed podcasting technique he's like you know what man i'm just gonna go into holocaust just make a million dollars i'm sure there's like girls out there that are like yeah i'll just date this guy and you know whatever wish him peace and you know whatever but live laugh love but the uh yeah no i feel like there's there's someone out there for everything so yeah i guess so also there's no way i don't know because i feel like i've talked about stuff before that's just like i don't know it's just not like you wouldn't bring it up at a dinner table but if it works i think people are like oh this is great people laugh

1:15:23Joe List:well i have this dude like my wife one time i was performing in austin like her brothers live here and her sister invited her mother to the show. And I had to step in and be like, you cannot have your mother come to my show. And her mother's like a British intellectual elderly woman. Oh, no. And I'm like talking about eating her asshole and stuff. I'm like, this is outrageous. I wouldn't say shit in front of her. Yeah. Like literally the word shit. Did she come? No, no. I was like, I'm sorry. And it was awkward because she's like, I guess I can't see your comment. And I want to be like, you can watch it on YouTube by yourself.

1:15:53Joe List:Yeah. Which is still horrifying. Dude, I've done it. I don't even know you're there. Like that's a bit.

1:15:58Nate Marshall:I've had to just completely be like yeah just I'm gonna do it my wife will invite like her he invited her grandfather one time and I just I was like constantly talking about my wife jerking me off among other things and he just he sat through the whole thing because I remember being like well fuck I'm just gonna do my thing and we'll see how he feels and he was pretty supportive he was like that was hilarious oh that's good that's what I found is people are surprised surprisingly kind of like my like parents came a couple times and I thought they'd be kind of like what the fuck but my mom just laughed she's just like you're gross yeah

1:16:30Joe List:my parents come but my mother-in-law also went and saw nate bargazzi and she was like that was terrible he was misogynistic you should not talk about your wife like that and i was like oh my god oh she's like nate was like this guy hates women i was like oh jesus christ that's interesting

1:16:46Nate Marshall:if i heard that it'd be like oh wow yeah yeah although it's i don't know man i think he's got to let her taste the power you should just that's a good name for a special i feel like yeah because i because i yeah because i remember when i recorded uh my first special my wife is like your parents are going to be there but i won't tell you which show so then i was like oh cool but then every show i was like are they here this one and i was right so then i had to be like just tell me when they're coming i'm just gonna let it rip see my parents are very like it's

1:17:13Joe List:a very like liberal language house like i don't feel self-conscious around them because we swear and all that shit. I was talking about specifically

1:17:21Nate Marshall:like my dad like getting pussy and stuff.

1:17:23Joe List:Oh.

1:17:24Nate Marshall:So, yeah. So that was kind of tough. Well, I was talking about his lack. I always like imagined he like a huge... Right. But then I was actually encouraging my mom to maybe pony up a little bit. Help the old man out. So, you know, they just were like, whatever. They kind of laughed through it.

1:17:40Joe List:Yeah, I had a joke about how my mother wanted to fuck Patrick Swayze. I watched... What's the movie? You know, Dirty Dancing when I was a kid and my mother was like, mmm, that Patrick Swayze. which is true. And so I had a whole bit about it. And then when I did it live and they were there, I just wouldn't do that bit. But then they eventually watched my special and it's in there. Did they say something about it? No, she never mentioned anything, but it's true. I mean, she's a, she's, she's a fucking, she wants Patrick Swayze. She can't hold it back. She'll still do it. She's like, Patrick Swayze, my God.

1:18:11And it's like so insane.

1:18:12Joe List:I'm like, why do you want to get like plowed by Patrick Swayze?

1:18:16Nate Marshall:So now it's even more. Yeah. Women are so much hornier for dead guys than they are lady guys. He's a good looking man. He was. He could dance his fucking ass off.

1:18:24Joe List:And I always felt bad because I'm like, my dad doesn't look anything like Patrick Sway. He must just be like, this sucks. Turn this fucking movie off.

1:18:30Nate Marshall:Yeah, that's one of the moves he'll do to you. He's handsome. You're like, that guy looks nothing like me. Why would you do that?

1:18:35Joe List:I had a girlfriend, my previous girlfriend, my ex-girlfriend, whatever you say. And we were at a hang with some buddies. And someone was like, what's your type? and she was like, I like a rugged outdoor guy, long hair like she just described just completely not me and I was like, this is crazy

1:18:54Nate Marshall:how did you bring it up or you just let it go I joked about it after

1:18:58Joe List:and she laughed and everything because I was like funny, self-deprecating guy and she would laugh but at the same time you're like, that sucks I guess I'm just not

1:19:10Nate Marshall:I kind of want you to hold frame on your mother-in-law are you familiar with like frame and all that stuff no dude there's a whole this is why my algorithms is steroid guys yelling but there's a bunch of guys on the internet who are obsessed with there's an idea called frame it always makes me laugh but it's like you dictate the pace of everything so you go to the house you like basically you know it's just like everything's up you always drive your wife drives she's definitely probably gonna cheat on you recording these guys oh my wife drives all the time and i found that out i was like fuck yeah but yeah frame you have to like you can't let someone influence if someone's influencing your actions at all

1:19:42Joe List:you've lost frame according to these guys well these guys don't sound great

1:19:47Nate Marshall:the world wouldn't sustain dude it even gets to the point where it's called the blue line or green line so there's like a test where they analyze your photos and if you're even leaning in towards your wife at all she's dominating you which is i think that's hilarious oh wow so it goes that deep but like yeah if anyone else is influencing your decisions you've lost frame oh i gotta check out

1:20:07Joe List:this frame business yeah you gotta get your frame your mother holds frame right now you've got to

1:20:11Nate Marshall:snatched the frame so next no but don't you think i hold the frame i'm like you can't come to the show that's that's frank okay that's get out of here you're not coming and she had tickets to my

1:20:20Joe List:show i didn't let her go and you got the money from her that actually is kind of frame exactly

1:20:25Nate Marshall:fair point i didn't think about that you should invite her to another one and then cancel the last minute if you did that i'd be definitely for it you got framed for sure i think my wife does

1:20:39Joe List:the leaning she always does like a thing she leans in yeah yeah i'm upright sucks for her i remember watching the thing about handshakes in politics like you always want to be the person on the outside and then like turning the hand over like this oh really yeah that's why people will do that they'll turn the upper hand is like big you're like a bitch oh shit i know that and then i've heard that politicians will like argue on who's on what side of the photo because when you're like that you're kind of like turning your arm like yeah or whatever oh yeah you want to be this guy you want to be this guy yeah well that's probably where that forearm grab brother shake

1:21:14Nate Marshall:comes from yeah yeah i would just do those because that would suck i didn't think about that you got

1:21:18Joe List:to take the lesser yeah it's very emasculating to be like yeah okay it is i i will say i'd imagine

1:21:25Nate Marshall:it is kind of a bleak existence though to be constantly mapping out these moves and you know or it becomes just how you like just how you move through the world like nope but then you'd have to like you'd be i can't imagine myself in a social setting where i'm like taking a first of all a handshake picture is crazy to be like all right hold on get this while we're shaking but then like being in that situation and somehow gracefully like whipping the other human to the side that i

1:21:49Joe List:want them like i just lack your hand i just lack that yeah i was just like doing this

1:21:55Nate Marshall:spinning around trying to figure it was just at a family party this weekend and my mother-in-law I took my coat off and I was just holding it and standing there by myself. And I genuinely didn't know where to put it. And I just stood there like that until my mother-in-law was like, Matt, come here. I walked over and said, here, give me the coat. I saw you over there struggling. I was like, fuck. I just completely just fritzed out and just stood there with the coats going.

1:22:21Nate Marshall:Until she was like, I saw that. And I was like, oh, it doesn't make me feel any better. But here you go. Thank you. That seems like acting like a good house guest, though. Like you just not throwing it on the couch. That'll feel like. I would have figured out a place, but I was taking a little long, and she noticed. I guess I was kind of awkward. Also, I was—and I'm getting better at—I was at the only white guy at the party. I'm getting better at this, man. I swear to God, it's a skill. It's like a weird thing to be like—I don't know. Wow. It's my worst nightmare. It is. Just kidding. Well, to be fair, I'm not great in any social setting, but yeah, once you throw—once you're like a complete radical minority around—

1:22:57Joe List:Another great special name, by the way. You're just throwing them out there.

1:23:01Nate Marshall:And again, if I was last Samurai action, I'd be fine. I'd be cool with that. But black people are notoriously kind of cool. So it's like I've learned. Here's my approach where I've learned. I'm pretty schlubby in terms of dress code. But you do, out of respect, got to get a tiny bit fly. Just a little bit fly. Just match something somewhat. Just out of respect for the house. That's hilarious. You do. I've been getting just a, you don't want to go full black life effect. That's almost like now you're a contender. If I get too fly, now it's like, but if you get a little fly, I feel like you're right away.

1:23:36Everybody's like, I like Matt.

1:23:37Nate Marshall:You have to get a tiny bit fly. You still wear the hokas or do you switch? Yes. I had the hokas, but I had, they were brightly colored hokas. And that, that morning my wife bought me a fleece, which is in the flyest, but at the blue did match a blue in my shoe. And I was like, I'm ready for the party.

1:23:50Joe List:But my experience being around black people, being the most genuine self you can be, I feel like. Exactly. True. Yeah. This is true. I feel like if you try, I posted a photo one time with New Balance sneakers and Nike socks and that's a no-no evidently. I didn't know that. But I think it's like charming that I'm like, whoops. I agree. Because if you try to be like, what's up, homie?

1:24:15Nate Marshall:A lot of people do that. Especially starting off stand-up, you go to like a black room and a white guy just talks different out of it. I've known you for two years. To my credit, I would go to black rooms and talk Pokemon. I had no idea a lot of black people watched anime. And I'm like, man, this Pokemon shit's fucking crushing. This is awesome. But yeah, that is funny watching people be like, oh, man, I don't even fucking know. And you're like, T, why are you doing that?

1:24:37Joe List:No, I felt when I first moved to New York, I got in with this guy, Imagine. I don't know if you ever met that comic. I think he's Puerto Rican. But he had all these like urban. Same as Imagine? Imagine, yeah.

1:24:46Nate Marshall:That's crazy. And he had all these urban rooms.

1:24:48Joe List:So I was doing all these urban shows. And I would like crush because I was like, I don't have sex. It's crazy. And then I would see white guys be like, what's up, motherfucker, or whatever. What are you doing?

1:25:01Nate Marshall:I just got out of jail. I do feel bad for the white guys, though, who grew up around black people and didn't want to do comedy. It's only one. You can only be one Gary Owens. True. I do. Gary Owens is brought up to me. He's like, is your comedy like Gary Owens? And I didn't know how to navigate it. I was like, not particularly, no. So what do you do? I was like, it's different. How is it different? I was trying to think of like, I don't just talk about black stuff, though. I don't know. I didn't know how to say that to the person. I was like, is it like that? I was like, sort of. I was like, I heard he's actually a really cool.

1:25:32Nate Marshall:I actually did hear he's a really nice guy. But I had to be like, yeah, not really. But how's it different? I can't really say. I was like, I'd have to think about it for a while. Tell your wife's whole family. It's not that black. It's not that black. That's what I was trying to say. It's not as black as you. He's way blacker than I am. I'm about as 10th as black as Gary that's what I should have said

1:25:56Nate Marshall:it's less black more white boy crazy but yeah I'm getting better I'm telling you man I think that was like my best one yet

1:26:06that's what my best black party I've been to

1:26:09Nate Marshall:killing it I did botch they asked me if I had a player face and I was just like I don't know I don't even remember what I said I was like

1:26:17Joe List:I don't know I actually was married previously you know i've been divorced before but maybe between the days dude imagine saying that to a guy in an all red sweatsuit well i got married when i was 25 let's see that yeah that

1:26:35Nate Marshall:didn't go well i could have been like i don't want to talk there could have been so many other things but of course i had a play of me yeah it's true i know i know i know dude that's why again You're going to think, you know, you think about the balls you drop obviously all night, but I should have been like, I fucking cheated my wife all the time.

1:26:57Nate Marshall:No, it's great. It was a great party for a blast. But yeah, it is. I mean, that's something, man. I always, you know, that's that's a wild thing. It's crazy. I always say to black people, it's crazy to be like physically outnumbered by people who don't look like you. Yeah. When they put the script on you, this does kind of change your thinking a little bit. You know, this isn't the best. Let's be let's reverse this back. It's Freaky Friday's over, dude. Let's get me back to the dominant position here.

1:27:19Joe List:One time years ago, I opened for, I don't want to say his name. I get nervous. But a black comic who was famous. And we were hanging out. I thought we were friends. I mean, this person has some sort of disorder. And we were hanging out. It was like all of his crew. And I was like, this is great. Look at me. And we were watching the basketball game. And it came down to the last play. And I was like, any predictions? What do you think is going to happen here? and this person snapped and was like, I don't predict. I let what be, be. And then he got up and started ranting about slavery and stuff. He was drunk.

1:27:52Joe List:And I was like, well, this is a bad situation. It was me and 14 guys, and I was the only white guy. And he was like, this is what the white people have been doing. And then there was a guy, I was like, should I get out of here? He's like, oh no, he does this.

1:28:05Nate Marshall:Yeah, yeah. And it was quite terrifying, I have to say. Did you tell him that England ended slavery? I already went into that. Yeah, pardon me. Actually, here's the thing.

1:28:16Joe List:But it was, yeah, I remember I was kind of looking around like, oh, this is if he gets these other folks on. On board. Oh, yeah. I didn't think about that. I don't have any, you know.

1:28:26Nate Marshall:Yeah. But it was fine. That is uncomfortable, though. I, yeah, I've been in that situation where like, you know, horrors of the past kind of rear the druggedly head in conversation.

1:28:36Joe List:Yeah, that becomes the dialogue. And you're like, ah. Yes.

1:28:39Nate Marshall:Crazy. Yes. Crazy. It wasn't a global institution, but it's fucking crazy. let's practice all throughout the beginning of the time yes what i think happens with white people that happens way more black people is y 'all will end up in a situation like that around like regular like black people that would feel that like act like that but black people are never around white people that if they all get fired up it's uncomfortable like i'm not around a bunch of rednecks like if they all started going like see that's the problem like but i'm never i'm just around like y 'all right right that's a great point but uh because because i was sitting like in my head i'm like nobody's gonna do nothing to you but i can see it being like oh shit i might

1:29:18Joe List:have fucked up yeah i mean and in that situation i wasn't like i'm gonna die but it felt like oh

1:29:25Nate Marshall:am i like you guys like should i yeah exactly that's like trust me and i can see myself getting it if i was hanging with rednecks just like straight up country just yeah just because i don't know i don't know that that's what it felt it felt more like why i'll let you guys go you

1:29:39Joe List:guys have your thing i felt like that at black church before i'm like am i hopefully i'm not

1:29:44Nate Marshall:like dampening this i want this guy to be able to do his thing and not worry about me i'm cool

1:29:48Joe List:can't do the backflips because he wants to do the worm but he's like we got a white guy here

1:29:55Nate Marshall:you do feel kind of like a wet blanket on the situation well damn it dude i think we uh i think we got it man i think we covered a lot i think we did We covered a lot of ground.

1:30:05Joe List:I appreciate it. Well, I had a breakfast with green tea and a smoothie, so I'm about to piss my pants.

1:30:11Nate Marshall:Please, you first. I'm about to explode. How about you, Nate? No, I'm actually kind of cool. I didn't have my coffee. Bump me out. I'm really having a tough time here. Oh, yeah, you forgot your coffee. Well, is there anything you want to plug my special?

1:30:25Joe List:Yeah, I got a special called Small. I have four specials on YouTube. The latest one's called Small Ball.

1:30:30Nate Marshall:I meant to ask you about that, by the way, dude. Maybe the most prolific dude ever.

1:30:33Joe List:Oh, thanks. I appreciate that. Every time I see him. Spread the word for God's sake. You what? I said spread the word for God's sake. I will. Tell somebody. I will.

1:30:40Nate Marshall:I will. Yeah.

1:30:41Joe List:So there are a bunch on there. I hate myself enough for everybody. This year's material and small ball. They're all up there. Amazing. And they each go down in order of views. That's good.

1:30:52Nate Marshall:10 million, 2 million.

1:30:53Joe List:No, that's bad. 1 million, 800 ,000.

1:30:57Nate Marshall:No, but dude, the prolificness. Every time I opened it up the other day, I went, what the fuck? Oh, thanks, man. Son of a bitch. I'm trying. Son of a bitch. I got to stop him.

1:31:09Joe List:No, that's amazing, dude. Thanks, man. I appreciate it. Thanks for having me. This is fun. Of course. A quick plug. Please. Optum Noctis. LaMare might be back for that one. Me, Sean, LaMare all back again. September 16th. So next Tuesday, please, please come. Oh, and October 23rd, Helium. Helium Atlanta, please. Thank you. Please come.

1:31:30Nate Marshall:Nice. Please, yeah. You can go, please. Pee, I'm gonna... Fuck, my head's about to explode. My head's about to explode.