Ep 581 - Teenis Fly Trap (feat. Lemaire Lee)

7:14Shane Gillis:Yeah, I'm like terrible. Do you ever go get your car back from one of those places?

7:18Lemaire Lee:Yeah.

7:18Shane Gillis:It's all just tinted out glass. Junkyard by the fucking river. Yeah, there's just guys on meth fucking fighting over junk cars. I'm like, you guys, whatever you say, yes, yes, sir. College kid, you would kick it around being like, I should have fucking punched him in his fucking...

7:31Lemaire Lee:Yeah, but he was at a party up on a balcony. It's like, dude, what do you want me? I'll come up there and get my ass kicked by 20 hot guys.

7:41Shane Gillis:You should have thrown something. Throwing something at him. It's too high.

7:45Lemaire Lee:Oh, you would have missed. Would have been short. You would have been like classic Biden voter. It would have been short.

7:53Shane Gillis:Forget it. That would have been brutal, dude. Way worse. Just having a beer bottle fall down back towards you like, fuck. 20 feet in the air, max. Slips out the back of your head.

8:05Lemaire Lee:Like Kirk Ring from the Phillies trying to get it home. It's just a girl throw for no reason. It's an MLB pitcher. Why did it look like a girl throw?

8:18Damn, dude, that was a tough Philly week. Yeah. Yeah.

8:22Lemaire Lee:That sucked. Yeah. But that Longhorn Sooner game was very fun. Hook him. Oh, yeah. Hook him. Yeah, you guys Longhorn fans now? Yeah. Shout out Arch. You got to pick a college team eventually. Yeah, I think I can't go two. I can't go Bama and Longhorn. You can't go Bama. Bama was fun. That's such a bitch. Are they both in the SEC, though? Yeah. You got to pick one. Same division. You guys hate me, dude. Bam is a crazy pick. My real friends pick Notre Dame. How'd they do this week, by the way? They're still rolling, bro. They won. This is a big one this week, though. USC. The Trojans. The Trojans are coming to town.

8:58I don't like the Irish guy. What? I don't like their logo. I don't like their logo.

9:04Lemaire Lee:It's an all-time classic logo. Everybody likes the logo. I'll be honest. That makes it a little tough for me, too. The fighting Irish. I got to say go Irish all the time. So you picked the two most racist schools? Notre Dame beat up the Klan and marched with Dr. King. Come on, man. Side by side, arms locked with Dr. King. Yeah, but do they have Bevo? You guys got a Bevo? No, we did have a little tiny dog named Clashmore Mike who used to rock. That would be awesome. Clashmore Mike? Yeah, that's pretty awesome. We got to bring back Clashmore Mike.

9:40Shane Gillis:Bring him back. I don't know how there's still so much to learn about Notre Dame. I thought I knew all the stuff. I didn't know they had a tiny dog named Clashmore Mike.

9:46Lemaire Lee:It's like as old as the country. Really? I mean, 100 years later. Yeah, yeah, true. It's fucking from the 1800s. Dang. Yeah, there's a lot of history.

9:53Shane Gillis:Damn, so football, they were preexistent football. They were there before football. Yeah.

9:57Lemaire Lee:That's crazy. Yeah. What the hell? What the hell-y. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. I love being right. Most of the time, I am, which is great for me, especially when it comes to my basketball picks. You know I love hoops. They're even better than my football picks. Because PrizePix, being right, can get you paid.

10:20Shane Gillis:And it's great to see you've lost none of that modesty we all love you for. But it's good you're so confident in your picks because PrizePix is the only app that offers stacks, meaning you can pick the same player up to three times in the same lineup. Want to pick more on Steph Curry's points, three-pointers, and assists? Oh, yeah. Now you can pick all of them in the same lineup and they own prize picks. That's fucking crazy. Yeah, man. And now you can follow other prize picks players directly on the app and copy their lineups in one click. Whether it's a friend, a celebrity partner, or just someone whose picks you like, hit the follow button and check out every lineup they create in the new feed tab.

10:58Lemaire Lee:Well, it's good to know people can follow me and my picks. Next week for the regular season tip-off, I'm thinking we have to take the Steph Curry max discount. Steph Curry only needs one point for this to win. Everyone needs to get on it. Steph Curry, max discount. Great shouts there, King. Oh, my God.

11:21Lemaire Lee:Oh, man, that's crazy. Download the PrizePix app today and use code Drench to get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup. That's code Drench to get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup. PrizePix. PrizePix. It's good to be right. It's good to be right.

11:40Shane Gillis:Alabama, that's a crazy pick, bro.

11:43Lemaire Lee:Yeah, and they were the best in the world at the time. Well, that's the real reason why I don't want to do it. The only reason I picked them, I don't follow college at all, but we went to two games and they were, I mean, it was hype as hell. It was a good time. That makes sense. But Saturday was just as good, though. Like, I can't. I can't. I was trying very hard not to pick a side, but that punt return, and then they were like, fire the cannon. I got to fire the cannon. Who let you fire the cannon? All of them. What? Every single, yeah. Fired it for the game? Fired it for the touchdown. And then Governor Abbott came over.

12:19Lemaire Lee:Did he? Governor. What was the gov up to? The gov was chilling, dude. That's what's up. I don't know any of his policies other than I said, give me back my porn.

12:28Shane Gillis:No, you know what he did that was kind of noble? They tried to nix the THC farm bill thing, and it came up to him, and he was like, no.

12:36Lemaire Lee:Dude, his security had to pull me off of him. I grabbed him by his scruff. I said, you better give me that. Give me that bar. Give me that bar. And they pulled me out.

12:42Shane Gillis:Just give me one sight.

12:44Lemaire Lee:Like six guys were pulling me. I was like, get that fuck off, man. Give me the hub. Give me back my hub. I'm tired of going on X videos and seeing the weirdest shit I've ever seen. I'm so sick of it, dude. I don't want to see any more Brazilians in a warehouse. They're making it. It's made it so much worse. What? Going on X more? Having to go to X videos or whatever the other. find the shadiest. Yeah, you're in the speakeas, you know. It's prohibition. It's kind of like outlawing abortion.

13:11Shane Gillis:You have a wire hanger in your butt? Now I'm in a fucking alley.

13:15Lemaire Lee:Now I'm dealing with shady customers.

13:21Lemaire Lee:You're in a hotel room. I'm not lying, dude. I think they toss CP in the thumbnails sometimes. What? I swear. Yeesh. You fly past it.

13:30Shane Gillis:I think there's I do think there's way more CP on just all the sites than anyone likes to admit because they skirt the edge.

13:39Lemaire Lee:I don't think I saw it on the hub.

13:41Shane Gillis:Dude, they skirt the edge on the hub. And I was searching.

13:47Shane Gillis:I remember I was off for a while, and then like months ago, I like, it was like, I don't know, but I went on the hub, and it was like, they were hitting me with like the youngest, and I was like, bro, this is like so fucking close. Young babes. Yeah, dude.

14:02Lemaire Lee:You're talking barely legal. That's a genre.

14:04Shane Gillis:Yeah, but it was like, it was the main feed. And it was kind of, I was like, dude, this looks like, maybe I'm just getting older. But I'm like, dang, Hub, what the hell are you doing? I don't like how white Pornhub is. Their top videos are always white ladies. That's because there's a lot of white people. Well, there are finally some common ground, dude. I had the same complaints. It's about being honest, man.

14:28Lemaire Lee:I'll be honest. It is all white ladies. but a lot of black fellas are sneaking in there. They're a little overrepresented, you know?

14:40Every time there's a porn with one white lady, there's like four black guys. I don't understand. I don't understand. Why does she need a yard of dick? It's not every time. That's your algo, bro. Huh? That's just your algo.

14:54Shane Gillis:That's just your algo.

15:00Shane Gillis:she's lost you got it you got into lost in the hood yeah my daddy dropped me off in the wrong neighborhood i saw a video recently of a guy talking about it was just like an unk in a car getting filmed just talking about like the rules for partying on a chick which is you know just running a train dude it was it was like never mention another man's hook no matter what don't even look at another man's hook condoms hooks nice it's really nice one time my friend someone or he said he's uh he was they were partying on a babe and he says friend grabbed her head because a friend was hitting from behind he was getting head and the friend grabbed her head and was pushing for it and he goes what the hell he's like gotta get the hill up out of there that was the weirdest shit kind of like he was doing it right it was so anyway the guy was like what about that one time he goes i told you that in confidence i don't want to talk about what happened about the friend pushing the back of the head yeah there's rules for partying on a bitch yeah i love the term

16:03Lemaire Lee:partying on a bitch is crazy as a big three six mafia fan it's almost every single song every single the whole the the chorus can be the most uplifting like yeah you gotta change your life get your money right you can do anything and that goes straight into a verse of like me and my boys partied on a bitch two in the front three in the back everybody jizzing on a bitch and you're like all right changes the whole song i don't know maybe it's one of those things don't knock until you try it could be the ultimate bonding experience that's how me and my boys all we got all of us yeah we always partied on a bitch at the beginning yeah hand jobs fingering both partied on a bitch.

16:41Lemaire Lee:It's kind of nice.

16:44Shane Gillis:Just like third base partying?

16:47Lemaire Lee:Yeah. That's kind of nice. Third base partying is actually very chill. Never a sexual intercourse partying. You didn't bust out your hooks? No, nobody's. Well, I mean, technically the hooks were out for the HJs, but it was dark. The HJs. It was dark. Did you grab a wrist and just... We partied. Yeah, I helped my boy out. Told you I didn't want to talk about this. This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew. Oh yeah. Fellas, let me introduce you to Blue Chew Gold. Yo. No, it's not something a rich guy orders at a steakhouse. Blue Chew Gold is the newest innovation. This isn't your typical good luck buddy pill.

17:27Lemaire Lee:Blue Chew Gold combines two ingredients for blood flow. Oh man. With two for mental arousal and connection. So now your body and your brain are clocking in for the shift.

17:37Shane Gillis:because sex is not just be about being able to perform i totally agree with that it's about actually wanting to now wanting to is extremely important for sexual intercourse a million percent yeah and we've got a special deal for our listeners right now when you buy two months of blue chew gold you get the third free with promo code drenched you'll also receive an additional 10 off plus free overnight shipping on your first order visit blue chew.com for more details and important safety information oh yeah dude i uh speaking of powerful black men i saw t pain at

18:13Lemaire Lee:uh acl i saw uh some videos of his dancing it looked very nice dude he is an absolute master of craft he came out first of all i got i i was planning on eating some mushrooms and going there

18:26Shane Gillis:and then you know i was like sending feelers out everyone's like man i'm good on that so i'll take like a micro like a little bit like a little microdose but then i pigged on edibles dude i I forgot when you combine those things, it fucking warps you. I was going through security, and it hit me in the Uber, and I'm just sitting there just like, oh, no. Everyone's talking to me, and they're like, yeah, that's one thing. I couldn't make... I could get three words at a time, and I kept being like, uh-huh, uh-huh, and I was keeping it cool because I ate them before everybody else. I've seen you high as shit.

18:54Lemaire Lee:You do keep it cool.

18:55Shane Gillis:I kept it cool. I kept it... I was on the fucking LSD, brother.

19:00Lemaire Lee:The worst is over. We're fine now. You been in the Uber for three minutes?

19:10Lemaire Lee:I for real kept it ice, man. I was sitting there. You have to. If no one else was. No one was high. I bet they were hitting the wine, though.

19:16Shane Gillis:No, there was some wine. There was also, I got back and like, I was, I had the edibles, so I ate them first. So then I gave them out later. And I also was on the microdose from earlier. So it like, they hit me fast. And then, and I had like, I was drinking like a weed drink. And I'm in the car. I'm just kind of like, oh shit. this is actually this might be a problem and then we had to go through that line and my fucking wristband didn't work so i had to get like go to another place i was just being carded from point to point we had a park we had to walk get out of that line good i'm like just going to checkpoint to checkpoint all confused and like everything i it wasn't like cool either like i didn't have any like cool fun thoughts i was like a dog being high i was just like oh fuck that's weird just looking around and then my wristband got fixed and then i forgot i was like in line to get in they're like oh you have the rest of the edibles for there we had people in there and i was like oh great like i didn't even know i ate all the well they had i did have in my pockets i just smuggled them in which isn't a big deal yeah but i was so high that i was like all right dude be cool about this and i like go through and i get stuff out of my pockets and i have like a plastic bag in my back pocket and the lady's like is everything out of your pockets and i was like oh yes i believe so and i smacked my pockets down it's like literally you hear a plastic bag squish fish and i was like oh shoot and i like my i had electrolytes for some reason they fell and i was like that's what i was looking for and i put them in just walk through like it was like i was smuggling in like a pound of heroin yeah it was fucking three couple of milligrams tiny little gummies then i got in there and all i had i had a mule just two chairs the whole time so i just it was the only thing that kept me alive just had these two chairs and just walking through just a mass of people finally dude they were rocking chairs folding rocking chairs dude once i hit that chair t-pain came on i just got to watch t-pain in the rocking chair just completely incapacitated i'd be he brought me to life that guy brought me back to life such

21:08Lemaire Lee:a whiny bitch if i had to do all that oh i would do it was i'd be furious i'd be like i'm never doing this again there's 10 million people here it's 100 degrees it was nice i saw a video of it

21:17Shane Gillis:and i saw the crowd and i was like i i will never never during the day we took the kids during the day that was fucking hot but we they have like it's called the austin kitty limits and they had a giant drum circle for the kids dude i got this i sat in on the drum circle i might i might try to start those things off dude it was the best drum circles are the best dude i swear to god oh they are dude the guys just like guys that are good then you just get to do a little bit and then you start to kind of show off a little bit when it works out you're like i might be the coolest yeah it's i swear to god it's the best i was trying my kids kept being like we don't want to do this i I was like, get over here now.

21:53Shane Gillis:And I was sitting there like, come on, man. Don't make me. Don't leave me here. And the kid drum circle. It was chill. Drum circles. You were hitting some solos? No, no, no. I wasn't picking out. I was just trying to like just keep the rhythm. I give a little flair every now and again.

22:07Lemaire Lee:But there was guys that were like genuine, like real percussionists. Give a little flair, wink at one of the kids and be like, I like that shit. Literally, my kid. Where's your little bitch ass dad? Can't drum like this. Not a big deal.

22:19Shane Gillis:But no, T-Pain for real. Master, bro. Yeah, he is. He, dude, he put in like, it's like a real production. The whole thing. There's dance. He talks. He fucks. He jokes. He does. He is funny. Yeah, he's very funny. He's kind of, and I say this respectfully, he's a fucking nerd. He's a giant nerd at heart. And I can tell. Did he do War Pigs? Mm-mm. I was hoping he did. He did fucking Journey. Oh, nice. He talked for a while, too. He had some jokes in there. Yeah. He humps. Dude, he humps the air like crazy. Oh, nice. Bro, he fucking, he daggers up there. Yeah. And he has like, it's like time perfectly where the music's like, boom, boom, boom.

22:51Shane Gillis:He's just air humping as hard as he can. Complains about being out of breath the whole time. It's really funny. Yeah, he was in a leather suit. I saw that. He must have been fucking dying. That was amazing. We went there and then caught that one killer song and then left. Killers lead out with their biggest hit, which is wild. Really? Start with the closer. Yep. Yeah, that got the place fucking bumping. But no, those chairs, man. Brittany kept trying to take one from me and I'm like, don't touch them. I was like I need equal weights get off me alright I need it was like my one I need a job when I get that high I need like a task otherwise I fucking freak out you just changed my life though I didn't know they had portable rocking chairs bro they it was that's like good shit right there it was funny everyone was with nobody really brought chairs so I was like just sit everyone was standing at everyone's like butt level just like

23:40Lemaire Lee:oh you made so fucking good dude i didn't realize how good he was that was literally all i did of course this is like a

23:50Shane Gillis:genuine performance yeah this is a real he's really thought this out i like this and then it finally broke i remember i saw my uh phone it was 6 p.m i went all right um this is if this gets any worse i'm fucked but i have two hours i just gotta grin down i gotta bear down i learned that chicago's thing this weekend bear down oh nice yeah i just learned that that's pretty sick but the uh you had to bear down big time in the rocking chair and it was so losing in the fourth hmm bearing down no they won shit they're doing all right

24:20Lemaire Lee:that was a good joke though here that was good no it was good they got the win yeah that's uh that's a wonderful experience it was man i was supposed to go i was i a couple guys i know the Ben's they were playing at 5 30 on Sunday. Oh, I just missed. I must've just missed them. Yeah. Saturday was a disaster. Yeah. We got in the car and we had to leave at seven 30 to get out there. Nine 59. Nate Marshall says, let's have a beer. Fellas, it's going to be a long one.

24:56Shane Gillis:Not 59. Perfect time. Yeah.

24:58Lemaire Lee:It was perfect time. It was that set us up for 14 hours of drinking.

25:04Shane Gillis:Was there any hugers involved to keep the thing going?

25:12Lemaire Lee:That was on the way back. That was with the Sprinter man on the way home. We were all going, I'm a little sleepy.

25:23Lemaire Lee:I mean, there's the only one way you can drink for 14 hours. Amphetamines. We hit the bucks too.

25:29Shane Gillis:The hugers.

25:31Lemaire Lee:The beezers.

25:32Shane Gillis:Dude, the Beezer article you sent me. Favorite thing I've ever seen. It was great. Who is the Beezer?

25:38Lemaire Lee:Who is the Beez? There's some like AI article about Kyla. And they're like, is Kyla Fox married? It's like she's rumored to be dating a man named the Beezer. Whoever that is. Who is the Beezer? This mysterious man. Oh, my God. But no, the game was fucking sick. I had a nice moment. We were down on the field at the beginning, which was very sick except it was 150 degrees so it was like man we gotta get into that get into that suite thank god we had a suite because it was hot as fuck out there uh get in there i'm pretty sure i see baker mayfield really legendary oklahoma quarterback so i say he must be him even didn't even think oh he's got a game tomorrow what he had a game sunday obviously it's not him so i walk over i walk over to this dude and while i'm walking i'm like obviously that's not big maybe i can see him now so i just walk over this group of people i'm like hey how are you just want to say hi we're in the suite together just want to have a good day huh how about that just walked away

26:48Shane Gillis:that guy's nice do you ever have a thing where you think someone's saying hi to you because they recognize you but they're not yeah that's happened to me before it's very embarrassing where a guy will say something i have headphones in i'll be like hey how are you and they're like hey what the fuck and i'm like oh shit my bad sorry about that yeah i thought you were my

27:04Lemaire Lee:friend from the internet but you're not my man eye contact with people walking on the street you're like yep yeah it's me

27:18Lemaire Lee:fucking retarded guy that walks around my neighborhood yeah dude it's me get over it No autographs. What, do you want a picture or something? Come here.

27:29Shane Gillis:It's like an old Indian couple. He's like, yeah, yeah, get it in. All right.

27:34Lemaire Lee:Yeah, that happens.

27:36Shane Gillis:Happened to be bad. I got like almost startled too because I was like, I had headphones in. I heard someone say hello like right next to me and I was like, hey, how are you doing?

27:43Lemaire Lee:The guy was like, what the fuck? And I was like, oh, shit. The worst is when people come up and they act like you're actually friends. Yeah. You know what I mean? I kind of like that. It's like, hey, what's going on, man? How are you? you're like what's going on with you dude i haven't seen you in forever pure politeness i'm like dude how's everything going well i i kind of i was in line i think

28:02Shane Gillis:it was like last year i was getting uh just at like an outdoor like brewery place and i met someone in line we had a long line and but the nice thing was we were able to talk like we were on the same page like he started asking me questions we like just jumped into a media conversation which was kind of nice yeah kind of killed the line time yeah but it's funny how much you can talk to a dude who listens to the podcast like yo how's this how's that how's this i'm like

28:23Lemaire Lee:I just assume it's somebody I met. I'm just like, this guy probably does comedy or I probably met him. She's like, so how is everything? What's going on, man? I haven't seen you in so long. I'm so fucking sad. I'm alright. Your parents are alive?

28:39Shane Gillis:Good. Man. I've been worried about that. What? The parents stuff. Every time I go home, they're like older. Come on. Yeah. It's tough, man.

28:53Lemaire Lee:If it exit velocity. Yeah. The speed is only increasing, dude. They're launching.

28:58Shane Gillis:It's got to be crazy, too, for, like, because I feel like black people don't age as fast.

29:02Lemaire Lee:Once they start, it's like, dang. Yeah. Once they start, it's a race. That shit happens. It happens so fast. Phil's not helping himself. Yeah. He's, uh, hopefully they don't watch this. They, they're trying to surprise me. They're going to Vegas this weekend. Ooh. The fuck is he doing going to Vegas? Partying down. I know. He's trying to surprise me. He still thinks I don't know. Oh, really? But my manager blew it. She was like, and you want an extra room for Phil? I was like, sure. I don't think he's coming, but Phil needs to chill. Yeah. In fucking Vegas?

29:38Shane Gillis:Yeah. I know how he gets down, too.

29:41Lemaire Lee:That's 4 a.m. gambling. Oh, no. I forgot he's got the bug. He's got the bug. He's got both bugs. He's got booze and gambling. The best bugs. No offense. to anybody struggling with it.

29:53Shane Gillis:Yeah, getting drunk. No, getting drunk and just gambling recklessly. I know it ruins people's lives sometimes, but it is fun when you're locked in on the table and you're getting braved. He doesn't gamble recklessly at all. Yeah, yeah, he's good. It could ruin your life or change your life.

30:05Lemaire Lee:True. And he's good at drinking. Yeah. Like. He's got it down. Like A &M, when we went to the Notre Dame-Texas A &M game, he was the one that was, he was fine. Yeah. I was like, Dad, it's late. We have to go home. He was like, come on. I'm going to have a beer. Shut up. What would he have said about that 9 a.m. twist off?

30:23Shane Gillis:He would have been right there. Okay. But he's able to somehow pace himself. Yeah, he would have paced. Gotcha. I can't pace. I have a hard time pacing all day. I'm like.

30:34Lemaire Lee:The problem with pacing all day is you start getting sleepy.

30:37Shane Gillis:Yeah.

30:37Lemaire Lee:And you can either turn on the jets or call it a day. True. And you know me, dude. If I do a long day drink, I lean on the weed real hard. Pressing the NOS.

30:47Shane Gillis:I just get real. If I'm getting like.

30:49Lemaire Lee:Does anyone have any NOS?

30:54Shane Gillis:Just a little bit of NOS. I do the opposite. I try to eat edibles. If I'm getting drunk during the day, I end it with like, because I get real brave with the edibles when I'm drunk, and then I just end up on absolute Pluto.

31:07Lemaire Lee:That's a good way to leave, though. Yeah. I can't be here anymore.

31:10Shane Gillis:Yeah, it's how you end up with a, I'll kind of like rock it out. When I'm that drunk, it just becomes, I feel like I'm in a video game at that point. that's how I ended up kind of heckling a Boston cemetery tour just stand outside I'm like yo let us in fuck this fucking bullshit yeah me and my cousin heckled the Paul Revere tour in Boston it was pretty fun yeah like we just gotta stand outside this is bullshit guys and everyone's like

31:32Lemaire Lee:what the fuck are you guys

31:36Shane Gillis:alright guys you're here for my podcast sorry about that

31:39Lemaire Lee:yeah you guys probably know me saw that last

31:44Shane Gillis:Laugh Boston last year I don't know if you guys

31:46Lemaire Lee:recognize me from Laugh Boston. Yeah, I featured for Soda here about four years ago. You guys probably remember that. Fucking killed.

31:59Lemaire Lee:I missed the bus. Oh, yeah. I missed the bus. You missed the bus. I knew somebody in the group wasn't going to make it. The odds-on favorite did miss the bus. The 7.30 a.m. What bus did you have to take? We took a Sprinter van. doing from the game. Well, because the night before... He was just chasing it down with his lunchbox. The night before, I went to the creek and I had a hoot. That's a huge mistake. 7.30 a.m. It was 2 o 'clock in the morning. I was like, I'm going to stay up. An hour later, I was like, I'm going to sleep. And then I had a bunch of alarms. I was going to go no sleep. Have you ever done that?

32:44No, I was trying to make up the ultimate 72-hour buzz. You know, I was trying to figure it out, but it didn't work. You're missing crack cocaine. This is what you need.

32:54Shane Gillis:You can't just not sleep.

32:57Lemaire Lee:What are you talking about? Never mind. Usually the idea for the all-nighter comes from the Nas. True.

33:05Shane Gillis:I wasn't on the Nas.

33:06Lemaire Lee:You guys can make this draw, Rich.

33:08Shane Gillis:The mayor's going to light his hair on fire on stage, dude. That's great. Drew Pryor. yeah you know he did that with like rum huh you know when he did that he was doing it with rum and like cotton because he didn't want butane in his crack wait he would dip like cotton in some really high proof rum and then he would like that and then he would like the crack pipe whoa and then he was like hi and he was like what the hell he's like why am i even doing this and he started pouring the rum on himself he lit one more pipe and if he went up in flames Damn, he kind of self-immolated? Yeah, dude. Richard Pryor was crazy as fuck.

33:46Lemaire Lee:Yeah, I think it was kind of an attempt. Whoa. Yeah. Dang. Yeah, I don't think you accidentally catch full body on fire. Michael J. Oh, yeah. Oh, he got his full bod? Yeah, he was like running down. Wasn't he sprinting down the street?

33:58Shane Gillis:Yeah.

33:59Lemaire Lee:He was running down the street.

34:01Shane Gillis:Luckily, that rum burns off fast. Yeah. I mean, I don't know about skin, though. I mean, it's hot, yeah. What do they do with a cool drink at a bar? It's like, you know, it doesn't have the staying power. but that still must have sucked. Yeah. That's the dumbest shit ever.

34:16Lemaire Lee:You trying to burn yourself? No. Well, of course that. But the drinks, the fire drinks. I can't stand them.

34:21Shane Gillis:Every time. Who's doing it? When I see them from afar, they do look cool. When I was in Brazil.

34:26Lemaire Lee:I've seen so many videos of people just going, flame throwing the guy next to them.

34:32Shane Gillis:Dude, when I was in Brazil, they did a thing where they lit alcohol on fire and trapped the smoke, and you could smoke the alcohol under the glass. It was kind of sick. Did it work? I don't really remember. I was fucking shit face. I remember just being like, what the fuck? Yeah. So I'll have to try that again and report back. I'd imagine it. I think it tastes pretty bad. Yeah. Do you know what I just, speaking of fucking smoking, you know what I came across recently? What? Vapes for cigarettes. Huh? You stick a cigarette in a vape and then you smoke the cig through a vape. It's fucking crazy.

35:04Shane Gillis:No, I think you can just rip anything through there. I mean, you would probably know. Because I guess you don't get like the nicotine juice. So it really tastes like a cig. It's just burning at a lower temperature, so you're not getting all the impurities. So they do it with weed. They find out what temperature nicotine burns off, so that way you burn it off at just that temperature.

35:23Lemaire Lee:Wouldn't you inhale all the impurities eventually if you finish the cigarette?

35:28Shane Gillis:I don't think so.

35:29Lemaire Lee:Where would it all go?

35:29Shane Gillis:Because they do it for weed, so THC burns off at whatever it is, like 250 degrees or 300 degrees. so the THC burns but the plant material doesn't burn and a lot of the impurities are in the plant material itself not the nicotine so you burn off I don't know whatever I got you shit was crazy I smoked on it really? yeah I tried to try it I was like I'm kind of curious but it's it's fucking weird it just tastes like a cigarette

35:54Lemaire Lee:is it at ACO? yeah so I just somebody passed that gun so it passed that this is a healthy cigarette I hope you're enjoying your Michelob Ultra I didn't want anything I didn't want anything to do with it We're 45 watching T-Pain.

36:08Shane Gillis:We're going to smoke one cigarette as a group. Well, dude, I was like, I don't really want this. And they were like, just try it. And I was like, yeah, true. I should just try it. And I took one drag of it. And I'm like, that is like a slightly less harsh cigarette. Still is sick. It doesn't taste great at all. So, Sean, if you want to get healthy, the cigarette vape is sick. No, thank you. Now you get a ton of pussy. vaping a cigarette you know one of the cooler things you can do what if you made it gay as fuck

36:44slide it out of your leather jacket have you seen them they're really big in europe

36:49Shane Gillis:when italy i saw a bunch of them but they're like tiny little nubs and you put them in a machine and you like kind of hit it like i wonder if it's the same that's exactly what it was you slide the cig right in so those are like different cigs though because i tried to smoke one of those cigs without just like lighting it and it was really really really bad really yeah i don't know they were some brits there were some brits who put me onto it so like a europe thing but maybe what do you got to do like a slim or like a straight up vape cig oh maybe you gotta roll your own no it's like special like uh like a jewel pod almost but they're like little they look like cigarette butts gotcha they have a little tobacco in them i could have sworn this was a full cigarette bro could be i could be wrong i don't know yeah maybe the technology has increased that'd be yeah innovation so yeah just look out for that it's something to look forward to yeah look out for that I'll be everyone's gonna cross a vape cigarette it's coming for you certainly you're gonna go I'm good try it yeah try it out yeah okay well that's great

37:47Lemaire Lee:just go straight back to cigs yeah I should probably start smoking cigs yeah my brother Tom's fighting the cig demon right now I smoke cigs gay that's my problem what do you mean my hand I don't know how to it's very like

38:03Lemaire Lee:I'm not good at it

38:04Shane Gillis:You smoke them like An old bar fly

38:05Lemaire Lee:Yeah Let me tell you something honey I just smoke a cig In that movie I just did And the guy was like Don't hold it like that Hold it like this It's a lot cooler Yeah This is you You hold it like this I go This is how I do it Yeah Like a fucking diplomat

38:18Shane Gillis:You smoke cig That's like a diplomat You're mad making decisions I think you were right about This is for cigs This is for joints Only a try hard smokes a cig How do you smoke cigs Yeah, that's a real cigarette smoker. You're right. You should have told that director to shut the fuck up. He would have sent it back. I'll smoke him over the fuck I want.

38:38Lemaire Lee:No, that's kind of how it was. People were going nuts. Hey, you motherfucker.

38:44Shane Gillis:Shut the fuck up. That would make me so nervous. I'm already so nervous on any film thing. If someone was screaming, I'd be like, I'm going home. I'm not doing this. I can't deal with people screaming right now.

38:55Lemaire Lee:It's supposed to be a really cool scene. You're not my dad. It was very hot out. It was going to be really... I hope it comes out nice. It was too hot. So we were just standing outside.

39:06Shane Gillis:How many times did you have to film smoking cigs? Me and the cage, man.

39:09Lemaire Lee:Together. Yeah, it was pretty sick. That's huge. But I was supposed to be smoking cigs and I was...

39:15Shane Gillis:Yeah, cooler. He's like, cooler. Do it again. Cooler this time.

39:18Lemaire Lee:Cooler, cooler. And then you just keep having to smoke a new one because it was, you know, every take.

39:22Shane Gillis:This episode is brought to you by Chekova's. Lately I've been getting more into boots There's something about wearing a good pair That just changes how you carry yourself You become more confident At least that's how I feel when I put on my Tecovas They're super comfortable right out of the box No break in period needed I've used them for all kinds of plans Weddings, barbecues, concerts, you name it Their western boots and sandals Are handcrafted with premium leather And perfect for hot weather too If you got a Tecovas store near you definitely stop by whether it's your first pair or your 50th you'll find your new favorites right now get 10 off of tecovas.com slash matt and shane when you sign up for email and text that's 10 off at t-e-c-o-v-a-s.com slash matt and shane see site for details tecovas point your toes

40:18Lemaire Lee:West. This episode is brought to you by Netflix. The T-Mobile Home Run Derby is almost here. A night where raw power meets star power and big swagger meets bigger slams.

40:31Shane Gillis:Baseball's biggest sluggers, pure glory and home runs that shatter expectations. This once-in-a-season moment is a true fan favorite of All-Star Weekend. And this year's in Philly. Watch the T-Mobile Home Run Derby live on Netflix Monday, July 13th at 8 p.m. Eastern, 5 p.m. Pacific. Guys, I'll be at the Helium Comedy Club, Buffalo, New York, at at a 4.30 p.m. Saturday show. Please come to that. Then Bricktown Comedy Club, Tulsa, Oklahoma, 1024, 1025. Off the Hook Comedy Club, Naples, Florida, 11-7, 11-8. Comedy on State, Madison, Wisconsin. I'll be there at 11-14. And Funny Bone Comedy Club, Syracuse, 12-19.

41:14Shane Gillis:and it was that one Missouri room to get Canada. It was that one.

41:17Lemaire Lee:It was a good room. That's a shame. Out of biz, bro. October 17th and 18th, this weekend I'll be at Resorts World in Las Vegas. 17th and 18th, Las Vegas. November 7th, I'll be in San Francisco. November 8th, I'll be in Sacramento. What do you think of that, man? I'll be where the Kings play. I think. Oh, December 4th and 5th I'll be in Tucson, Arizona And Phoenix, Arizona

41:51Hello

41:51Lemaire Lee:Get in front of the camera You gotta get directly in front of the camera I just gotta make sure the wires are Oh shoot Jesus Christ Oh shoot There you go Come on man I'm coming, I'm sorry This is big No one's gonna come if you don't get it right

42:05Shane Gillis:Hello, I'll be at In Cincinnati on November 29th at The Comet. Please come to that if you can and Optimum Noctis is next week and the first and third Tuesday of every month at the Creek in the Cave. So please come. Tickets are at SeanGardini.com. Last thing we need

42:24Lemaire Lee:is his nerd donks. Mogging us, dude. It'll be close to the camera. We'll get mogged. Please come. Alright. Thank you. Did you watch the Charlie Sheen Netflix thing? I haven't. I heard it's great. It's really great. There's a part about Nicolas Cage where he goes to the front of a commercial plane. He's like, hey, everybody, this is your pilot speaking, and we're all going to die. Nicolas Cage did? Oh, apparently he's a bigger party monster than Sheen himself.

42:56Shane Gillis:Cage is an animal. I didn't know he was such a beast party man. Yeah, I think. Like Sheen, I think, from what I heard about the doc, Sheen tips his hat to Cage. He's like, bro. He does. You think I'm a motherfucker. Cage is that guy. They had to wean Charlie Sheen off of cocaine. Yeah, I heard how they did it. It was pretty great. Oh, yeah, the dealer kept giving him less and less. Yeah, and he's like, this shit's not as good. I don't even like this anymore. What did he call himself? He was an Adonis or something? Doesn't he call himself some sort of mythological? He was saying he was one of the Knights Templar for the Catholic Church or something.

43:36Shane Gillis:Charlie Sheen? Yeah, he was smoking crack and being like, I'm basically one of the papal assassins. He's like Dragonblood. He's like Dragonblood Adonis. Tigerblood. That's it. Yeah, Tigerblood. Winning.

43:47Lemaire Lee:Wasn't that from a pitcher? Yeah, he said he heard a pitcher. He was on the phone with a pitcher, and the pitcher was telling him, you got Tigerblood, and nobody can stop you because we're winning. And then he did an interview the next day, and that was just replaying in his head. Yeah, I mean, whatever drug makes you think you're a Knights Templar. Toss me some of that. Assemble the army. That would be so funny. Dude, Saladin is marching on Carrick. Assemble the army.

44:23Shane Gillis:My brother was telling me he's been getting into just researching the world religions. and now he's on Islam and he's like, dude, my wife is cool. I had the Gita. I had the Bible on my nightstand. As soon as I slapped down the Quran, all I'm getting is questions. She's like, what is that? What are you doing? What are you doing?

44:44Lemaire Lee:Yeah, as a baby, you got to be a little sauce there. Now, hold on a second. You shook, bro. Yeah. I'm telling my girl. The Quran is basically how to be a boss man.

44:52Shane Gillis:Yeah, for real. It's how to boss up. It literally is frame. It's like how to get frame. I was like, dude, you should go full Muslim and just dominate your wife. Full white Muslim? Yeah, I was like, dude, you marry... I was like, obviously don't marry one of your cousins, but get as close as you can for the sister wife. That is such a boss move. Yeah. To just, like, have a wife and then be like, yo, check it out, it's my other wife, and she's my cousin. Yeah.

45:16Lemaire Lee:I'm not trying to be Islamophobic.

45:17Shane Gillis:I'm not, but that's... I'm not. That's a real thing.

45:19Lemaire Lee:But I'm saying, for all the, like, how to be a boss man type shit, you'd think their countries would be doing a little better.

45:28Lemaire Lee:shame he just got peaced I'm just saying for all the shit talk I see them do you think they'd be doing a little better

45:39Shane Gillis:no they would probably appreciate you pulling them up as brothers and be like brother what the hell you've totally conquered the babes you've got to give them that you guys have conquered the babes but that's the problem when you're conquering the babes that hard it takes up so much of your energy Yeah. Dude, imagine that. Being like, you know how long it would take me to fucking put a tablecloth on my wife? It would be a fucking four-hour discussion.

46:04Lemaire Lee:Yeah, you wouldn't get anything else done. That's your whole day. That's your whole week. I know. That's 40 fights.

46:13Shane Gillis:More power, too. More power, too.

46:15Lemaire Lee:Nothing but respect for our Muslim brothers. For real.

46:18Shane Gillis:But that's like, dude, it'd be, you know, she'd be like, I don't know. It's not form fit. I'm like, Jesus, put the fuck on, man. Get that goddamn fucking thing on. Fuck.

46:30Lemaire Lee:You'll be all right. There's peace now. We can make fun of them. There's peace. We can make fun of them again. There's peace.

46:34Shane Gillis:Yeah, these are the powerful Saudis. They love jokes.

46:38Lemaire Lee:Powerful Saudis. They do love jokes. They love jokes. We also have to get off the Jews' ass now, too. What do you mean? No, they still get made fun of for a while for what happened. Yeah. Maybe not all the, not the American Jews, but yeah. Yeah, the Israeli ones. you don't just go alright peace we're done everybody forget about that yeah then in 10 years we'll be back and yeah we'll see man that's a big one it is sick that America gets to celebrate that peace yeah it's nice it's like even though we sold a lot of those weapons peace we got it done baby peace

47:09Shane Gillis:they get the credit it is nice yeah to sell all the munitions and be like guys let's be nice to each other alright yeah this is over I feel like America could just be just we should just slide into pure diplomacy and arms obviously in arms selling sell arms and do you know diplomatic stuff just trying to you know i'm trying to keep the american exceptionalism dream alive man a lot of people are doubting in the country it's like knock it off man i don't know not this country dude you don't want to doubt us hell yeah man you're a patriot again i love this i thought you're whoopie goldberg i fucking love this country dude china got some cool stuff but i fucking love this country i'm not buying the china hype dude you're gonna piss me off of that shit yeah i don't know man they got a spray day they what they got a spray that men's broken bones yeah this is all made up this is all made up fucking glue la mer we had glue for a long time

47:57Lemaire Lee:forever this is all made up every you're getting all your china i see the china facts they're on instagram it's a meme on china on instagram and it goes dude it's a fox with slanty eyes china facts china is dude they're putting their servers at the bottom of the ocean to cool them that's how smart they are they're making gravity batteries yeah nothing's true they're making gravity batteries yeah so they can store all their energy and then just like move it to the batteries to a different thing please what does that mean what do you you saw one meme and you think you can explain it that's insane it was at least two minutes and it's just a building it's

48:36Shane Gillis:a big building what do they do put them in like a three liter soda bottle and then like push them into water. We already had that technology, LeMaire. I smoked out of a grow hookah. It's a way to move batteries around and store energy in an efficient manner. You put them in the fucking freezer, dude. We already know this. Keeps batteries long as hell. My aunt and uncle did this. I brought a pair of double A's back that way myself. I think you're right. Dude, I'm telling you, I might mind the China hype. Do they have the fucking minerals? Yeah, whatever. We'll get them. Trust me. We'll get our hands on those.

49:11Shane Gillis:Trust me, daddy. We're going to get our hands on those minerals. That's what I've seen my country do the whole time I've been alive is be like, guys, they're doing some bad stuff over there and they'll go take their minerals. It was crazy that China was like, hey, Israel, stop that. You know, like, did you guys kill a bunch of Muslims?

49:29Lemaire Lee:Maybe. Yeah.

49:31Shane Gillis:I think they camped them up. Yeah. They camped them up. Yeah.

49:34Lemaire Lee:Yeah.

49:35Shane Gillis:So. Yeah. They had a Uyghur camp. Yeah. but and they fucking have uh child slaves making shoes they're like you're you're uh you guys are to israel they're like you guys have atrocious humanitarian uh you know like oh yeah i can't remember backgrounds i'm telling china was like those kids should be working

50:00stop killing all those kids you gotta put them to fucking work

50:07Lemaire Lee:China was probably so confused

50:10Shane Gillis:We would have taken those fucking kids God Are those suicide nets a real thing in those factories? I think so At Foxconn they were The place that was making the iPhones But that's also videos I saw Yeah Suicide nets is crazy bro So crazy That'd be nice I feel like every job should have those Suicide nets We put them on our bridges. Do we? Yeah. That's kind of chill. That'd be a thrill to just jump in.

50:38Lemaire Lee:We put them on bridges and Topgolf. Those are the only places you're not allowed to do it. You cannot commit at Topgolf. Yo, that's such a party fail. Committing at Topgolf. Trying to commit at Topgolf. That'd be crazy. After a bad shot. Your girlfriend just beat you in the third straight game. You can't even hit the ball. It's just landing in the fucking point zone.

50:59Shane Gillis:Yeah, that's fucking bull. The guy hit it further than her. I got it in the red blinking thing. It's like, life is meaningless. It's time to leap from the third floor of the Topgolf. Break your leg. Be fine.

51:13Lemaire Lee:Caught in the net's worse than a death, though. Bro. Caught in the Topgolf net? Oh, God. I'd just go, kill me. Just fucking kill me. Because I'd have to get fished out by seven of the teenage employees. It would take so... It'd be like, how did the Egyptians build the pier thing? be a hundred people with ropes pulling me out of that thing yeah remember uh you peed yourself from white claws oh run me over with the ball collecting machine dude just fucking chop me up

51:43Shane Gillis:into that thing that's a tough way to go hey man after you fall in the top golf net yeah i would fucking light myself on fire yeah that'd be so fucking i feel like if you fall in the top golf net by some law of physics your ass has to come out of your ass is hanging Your ass definitely comes out. Your crack's getting split by a rope, for sure. It's just cheeks sticking out.

52:05Lemaire Lee:And there's a family underneath you. God forbid it's a hot chick party. Ew, look at that guy.

52:12Shane Gillis:They're probably set up where your penis pokes through one of the holes in the net. Oh, just your penis in a little square? Just a Timberlake. Your ass is out to your family.

52:19Lemaire Lee:It's full Timberlake. JT got crushed with the penis trap.

52:26Shane Gillis:I was thinking about JT when I was watching T-Pain I was like, did you see the videos of him with the hood up just like phoning in his concerts that's because he got the

52:34Lemaire Lee:the teen is flytrap dude after the teen is flytrap you go I'm done with this fuck my whole production yeah true true

52:42Shane Gillis:if my producers fucked me up like that I'd have the fucking rain jacket hood on just being like

52:51Shane Gillis:yeah

52:55Shane Gillis:yeah that would piss me the fuck off dude they set me up on a tina's flytrap i'd be

53:00Lemaire Lee:fucking furious just dude oh just a no are you checking out the tina's flytrap the uh the net the gongi bridge net would be a tough one it'd be so scary yeah dude because they always say like the the few people that have survived they were like as soon as I let go of the rails I was like oh fuck this is a huge mistake yeah for sure but then you're stuck in the net you're like get me out I'm sorry everybody I want to live I want to live you gotta roll you're gonna roll under the bridge just looking at the roof like holy shit I can't believe I did that

53:39Shane Gillis:how far down is the net do they give you a little taste of like the gravity battery yeah they should give you at least like a 20 foot drop so you can be like or maybe be 10 20 feet feet's a little just a bit yeah so again just right before you experience free fall you go hit a net yeah yeah because they should get it shouldn't be i guess it's got to be far enough to where you don't see it because you see it yeah so what do you do people still successfully kill themselves on that bridge like by jumping because that'd be tough to fucking leap on that 20 feet the net oh god damn oh i'm going right through that net

54:18Shane Gillis:it's not the same thing but i i have a chemex coffee thing you know like the glass vase looking things no i bought i had to buy none i had to buy non-chemex coffee filter speaking of going through the net i bought a non-chemex filter being like i don't need those fucking yeah dude i poured my hot water through bursted right through i was fucking livid this morning pissed me right off yeah kind of you just remind me of that no i would do yeah that'd be me i was When you said that, I'm like, it is possible. You think things can hold.

54:45Lemaire Lee:Sometimes they fucking burst. But those nets are built for people who commit. And if you commit, you're probably about 120 pounds. Yeah, true. Typically.

54:52Shane Gillis:Not a lot of big dogs. That's true. Not a lot of big dogs committing.

54:54Lemaire Lee:Big dogs don't commit.

54:55Shane Gillis:No, bro. They have too many. Yeah, true.

54:57Lemaire Lee:Big dogs are grubbing.

54:59Shane Gillis:Interesting.

55:00Lemaire Lee:You got to be a skinny one to commit. Yeah, I guess you're right. It's a skinny, sad boy. Yeah, it's a skinny man's game. It is. And ladies. Yeah. Ladies. Rare, rare. Yeah. Yeah. They don't really. Mostly Asians. Yeah. Asians are not afraid to commit, especially in San Francisco. Oh, really? Yeah, there's a lot of Asians.

55:15Shane Gillis:Yeah, they definitely are. I've seen them. Yeah. You remember one of – I don't know if this is – I don't know. One of my friends got stuck in a ball pit. That would be a – that's like a top golf net. Jake the Snake. I know. I didn't want to say it. He does a whole fucking joke about it. Yeah. Jake Matera. He fucking got stuck in a ball pit. He does a joke about it, man. Yeah. Yeah. That's – yeah. Front of the fam. That's rough, dude. That's rough. I will say it's the foam pit. I'm not going to slander him with a ball pit. pit which dude those things are a little yeah tougher you think like i'm gonna do a fucking backflip into this thing on the trampoline it's like i always like i watch the x games they do the uh like they're not the x games there's a skate park woodward around us that you could do at a half pipe you go into a foam pit it's like i would do 10 backflips into that thing you see the foam pit you're like i'm just gonna jump also dudes miss the fuck out of that dudes miss that foam pit all the time yeah it's like kind of tough to get out of those things yeah it's not the oasis you thought it would be yeah dude it's still a brutal fucking like having everybody come to help you that's like a brutal one getting stuck dude i i was in the ocean a couple months ago and i like just laid on my back and just kind of was like i'm just gonna float and chill and i got like it was pretty rough season i got pulled out far enough to where i was like fuck some of these kids are gonna have to pull me in fucking i was swimming boats i wasn't going anywhere and i was like dude one of these fucking hot tan kids are gonna have to rip me into sure i'm gonna be humiliated and i just i swam like literally my life depended on it to get back because i was you know when you're like not going anywhere in the ocean yeah i hit that then i had to like float and i let the water push me forward and you know thank god i'm kind of chill like that but

56:53Shane Gillis:but it crossed my mind i was like oh fuck i might have to get carted in what would you say you gotta say thanks fellas I put the hand up I would just go come get me come get me come on help

57:10Lemaire Lee:you gotta yell loud too over the waves that far away you gotta scream so loud

57:16Shane Gillis:we're just gonna give the classic put your head under and come up and go yeah that would have fucking sucked dude it would have really sucked I was on the edge if I don't make any traction towards you know where I can stand I'm gonna throw up the flare that would have fucking sucked dude I'm trying to think about how fat people suicide I mean every day I'm just trying to think about it though fat suicide yeah it's slow yeah I think it's just more leaving Las Vegas style with the Cheetos yeah you know what I mean I don't think they really like blow their heads off I don't know I could be wrong yeah i think suicide's a thin man's game yeah how many fat people blow their fat heads off because like if you're fat all you got to do is get skinny and then you're like oh i'm not that sad anymore but if you're skinny no then you become a child molester once you get in that's happening to jared yeah you gotta watch it yeah it's like the bends like when you come up when you're scuba diving you come up too fast you get like that those crippling pains if you lose too

58:24Lemaire Lee:much weight too fast you're like i can't have those tasty treats anymore i can finally catch one of those little guys what is it garden what'd you find was i right about thin suicides

58:43Shane Gillis:it's hard to find like a good figure but it says a lot of obese well around 15 percent of obese children think about committing suicide i guess from being bullied and stuff that's obviously dude but then it's more common in uh it's uh 20 obese females report suicidal ideation and then 8 obese

59:04Lemaire Lee:males so it's pretty low 80 no eight eight oh i was at 80 i was like yeah it's pretty low yeah it's hard to find like that i will say the uh the schizophrenic community can bulk and they're not afraid to, you know. Yeah, yeah, they'll do it. They'll go into the abyss. Schizophrenic people are getting crushed by AI, dude. Yeah. I can see that. Yeah. It's tough. Dude. Yeah. Those Sora videos came out of nowhere and they're fucking good. Yeah. I've heard about that. Yeah.

59:40Shane Gillis:Although, you know, now we have all the deep fakes and be like, fucking deep, another deep fake clip of our podcast talking about tablecloths and shit. fucking bullshit fucking sorrow bullshit yeah it is kind of nice we'll be in like complete fake reality so you won't know what's what yeah we're kind of already there there was the Trump alleged letter to Jeffrey Epstein the beautiful mystery and he's just like that's not real and you're like fuck it that'd be fake he sent him a new bio letter I will say that's pretty tough to draw to write like a weird cryptic message in the shape of a woman's figure.

1:00:19Yeah.

1:00:22I mean, dude,

1:00:24Shane Gillis:taking it out of context, that is a sick letter to send to one of your boys. If it wasn't about, you know, a child sex island. For sure.

1:00:34Lemaire Lee:Yeah, thank you. Without a doubt. Without a doubt.

1:00:39Shane Gillis:It is a boss move.

1:00:40Lemaire Lee:Yeah, if you get rid of the child sex trafficking, a lot of what Epstein was up to was fly. It's true. It's pretty cool. But then that big one, you know? Yeah, I know. And you can do that for a lot of historical fiction. True.

1:00:55Shane Gillis:Yeah, man, he just pigged. Pigged. If he had mature, busty natural. If he had a mature natural island. Yeah, big St. James. Big St. James, bro. Having mature naturals. just like those ladies at the strip club where you look at and you go alright man this is your last season there's always a no ass blonde haired lady who's like put on fucking white snake pussy and gets up there and everyone's like yeah god those are called flackos

1:01:25Lemaire Lee:god damn you still in the league holy shit you starting this week yeah an old stripper's called a flacko a flacko I'll tell you what he still got it he still got it true

1:01:41Shane Gillis:yeah they get on it's i mean it's so hard because they're following like a 22 year old dominican lady just absolutely gracing the pole then you have a lady bust out like fucking flying to the ceiling crawling on the ceiling like god damn the exorcist just an old bony white-haired lady with giant bangs you're kind of like where the where the fuck do you crawl out of here i go

1:02:06Shane Gillis:Come and get it, boys. I'll wait.

1:02:13Shane Gillis:I swear to God, every time I've been a strip club. Let's get a dance. Let's get a dance.

1:02:15Lemaire Lee:You know, I'm like, what are you, fucking gay? God damn, lady. And you're mean? You know who I've got my eye on? The mean, ugly one. That's who I want to dance with.

1:02:30Shane Gillis:nah sometimes i've rode the dragon of the fucking flocco the shrimp club it's not all it's kind of a nice move you can still play yeah yeah they know all the tricks an old dog the old dogs man they know the playbook yeah they know the playbook front back yep they're aware of the kelly blue book and they go look we're throwing some bells and whistles there's a secret compartment in here busted out the kbb fuck the kbb

1:03:00Lemaire Lee:it's bullshit yeah i know it's dealership propaganda you know i did nothing but battle with the kbb some fucking old guy would come in and go well blue book says my car's worth this much and i go dude the whole thing is bullshit it is yeah you want to know how much the car i'm selling you is worth on kbb you want to do that yep or we can just disregard kbb yep up to you yeah it's ed i like edmunds i'm an edmunds guy oh the edmunds is great i still check edmunds just to see what's going on Yeah, it's like that's a live market. I just want to see what's going on.

1:03:28Shane Gillis:You just want to know what's going on. That's a live market value. Looking at the trades. I love checking out the trades. Have you ever like just been chilling somewhere and picked up an auto trader and try to pretend you like give a fuck? I've done it before. I've like just scanned an auto trader, like getting my oil change just to impress the mechanics.

1:03:42Lemaire Lee:I think I have it at work, like when I was selling cars to pretend I was remotely interested in this career. I like the house magazines at the Wawa. Those are pretty cool. Like good house? You read mags at Wawa? The house ones. They have all the houses in it. Like you never seen that one? I kind of know what you're talking about. Yeah, I love those. Like, ooh, I'm gonna get this one. Yeah, it's like, look at this. Are you talking about this? Ooh, I hope Shane gets this one. Ooh, this has got a nice pool house.

1:04:17Shane Gillis:I thought you were talking about like the home decor. You're talking about the ones straight up for sale. Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of tight. I just like looking at them The yards That's nice I need a yard I gotta get a yard I gotta get a You gotta tend to this You gotta You gotta clean up Back there There's still shit everywhere Maybe that's how we can solve The That whole like Homeowner crisis You know If like people They're saying like people You know If the millennial And whatever Gen Z Won't own houses We could like VR them In a fucking apartment We could just like Walk outside And there's like A white picket fence And I was like Hey neighbor Place looks great And you get to go Thanks buddy you can customize it

1:04:54Lemaire Lee:to make them all mature naturals every single neighbor is like oh my jugs are out again aren't they no that's okay

1:05:05Lemaire Lee:damn we could get a little mature natural island going

1:05:08Shane Gillis:yo man no everyone would be everyone would be like this is a major improvement peace in the Middle East not a child sex island big daddy's island big daddy's would be crazy bro big Korean natties are we Korean natties? don't get greedy we were dying

1:05:26Lemaire Lee:that would have gone too far that was a search I forget one of my brothers that might get people mad people might be as up in arms about that as little St. James

1:05:38Shane Gillis:yeah the jealousy

1:05:40Lemaire Lee:true we'd be guillotined they'd bring it back this is the French Revolution they have an island of korean naturals that'd be tough

1:05:53Shane Gillis:that would be tough and you could just test them like cocaine you just touch a pinky and go oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah you swirl them and like you rub them in a liquid it turns purple you're like oh yeah that's the stuff i'm giving a killer soundtrack to this episode we're doing good

1:06:18Lemaire Lee:You saw T-Pain, bro. The music's coursing through your veins. I was in the drum circle, bro. I mean, this is a music town. This is. It's the city. It's the live music capital of the world. True. Yeah.

1:06:31Shane Gillis:Well, hell yeah, dude.

1:06:32Lemaire Lee:Yeah, good episode.

1:06:33Shane Gillis:Goddamn did it. See you on the Patreon. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify.

1:06:41Lemaire Lee:Do it.

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