In short
The hosts and guest Nate Marshall trade stories from Skank Fest in New Orleans—especially the “purple drank”/neon-green poop effects, extreme nightlife (casino, ass-slapping contest, strip club), and the general chaos of hangovers and travel. They also riff on modern inconveniences (sports streaming fragmentation, app-based access like Barton Springs/Vemma), plus everyday annoyances (Starbucks samples, farmers market advice overload, DMV/DMV-like paperwork, car rentals, TSA confrontations).
Guest backgrounds
Nate Marshall is a comedian/performer associated with Legion of Skanks/Skank Fest. He’s described as extremely hungover/vampiric on day four, but still present at bars and events.
Key claims
“Purple drank” led to neon-green stool; strip club “Barely Legal” had “clearly legal” women; sports viewing is harder because games are spread across apps and services; people should be able to access natural spaces without downloading apps.
Notable examples
proposal at the show followed by penis-kissing; “Quiet Piggy” incident on a plane (Bloomberg journalist Katherine Lucie); Barton Springs cash-only/app requirements; farmers market chicken/egg vendor chatter; car rental “no Jeep” despite reservation.
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOStand-Up and Sleep Deprivation
0:38 to 2:55
The hosts discuss their recent stand-up performances and the effects on their sleep.
“He didn't know who Cristiano Ronaldo was.”
Purple Drank Experience
2:55 to 4:48
Conversation about the purple drink from New Orleans and its effects on their health.
“I saw him at the bar and he was like, what's going on?”
Skank Fest Recap
4:48 to 6:29
The hosts recount their experiences at Skank Fest, including the previous days' debauchery.
“I wonder if you could do a class action suit.”
Skank Fest Recap
6:32 to 7:28
The hosts recount their experiences at Skank Fest, including the previous days' debauchery.
Festival Shenanigans
7:28 to 10:00
Discussion about the wild activities and events happening during Skank Fest.
“It was actually, I think, it was probably my favorite one of those.”
Nudity and Unique Experiences
10:00 to 14:00
Hosts hilariously discuss their encounters with nudity and outrageous moments during the festival.
“Yeah, that is a funny, like, that's a big thing.”
Nudity Discussions and Stand-Up Comedy
14:00 to 17:33
Listeners will explore humorous insights on nudity in comedy and its cultural implications.
“Yeah, the naked roast, I stuck around for two of those.”
Personal Anecdotes: Naked Swimming and Neighborhood Views
18:32 to 21:12
The hosts share funny stories about swimming naked and the challenges of privacy at home.
“I will say, though, it's like when you swim naked, it is a nice feeling.”
General Observations on Society and Public Behavior
21:12 to 24:20
Engage in a witty discussion about public behavior and societal quirks observed by the hosts.
“That must be the worst hangover drive possible.”
Pop Culture Commentary and Sports Viewing Frustrations
24:20 to 28:00
Insightful commentary on pop culture, sports viewing difficulties, and celebrity antics.
“on the flight being like I'm going to write about this.”
Show all 24 chapters
Discussing Celebrity Meltdowns
28:00 to 29:00
The hosts share a humorous discussion about Ariana Grande's donut controversy and the concept of a verbal purge on social media.
“Yeah, I think allegedly, Ariana Grande, I think she spent, one of them, some pop divas spazzed about donuts like very aggressively.”
Spazzing Out at Barton Springs
29:00 to 31:00
The conversation shifts to a personal experience at Barton Springs involving a frustrating encounter with cashless teenagers.
“I went, bro, when they went, once I was like, you don't have cash, can I do Vemma?”
The Hassle of Apps and Bureaucracy
31:00 to 32:17
Hosts vent about the annoyance of needing to download apps for simple transactions and bureaucratic hurdles encountered at public places.
The Hassle of Apps and Bureaucracy
32:22 to 33:55
Hosts vent about the annoyance of needing to download apps for simple transactions and bureaucratic hurdles encountered at public places.
“The best part of the holidays, aside from the great food and the gifts, because be honest, we all love a good gift.”
Tour Announcements and Stand-Up Comedy
34:20 to 35:20
Hosts discuss upcoming comedy tour dates and share experiences related to stand-up performances while navigating public spaces.
“oh yeah the big big tour the big tour the big tour uh when's this oh never mind uh December 4th, I'll be in Tucson, Arizona.”
Tour Announcements and Stand-Up Comedy
35:23 to 37:40
Hosts discuss upcoming comedy tour dates and share experiences related to stand-up performances while navigating public spaces.
“This is Sean Gardini I just wanted to let you know That I'll be playing stand-up at the Comedy Vault in Batavia, Illinois on Sunday, December 7th.”
Frustrations at the Farmers Market
37:40 to 42:01
The hosts share their frustrations about lengthy conversations at farmers markets and the chaos of everyday public interactions.
“And I figured they did that at the dealership when they did your emissions and inspection.”
Car Rental Frustrations and DMV Tales
42:01 to 46:21
The hosts share their experiences with car rentals and the challenges of obtaining a driver's license in Texas.
“And then she was like, I'm doing all the paperwork stuff, and she's like, what kind of car insurance do you have?”
Car Rental Frustrations and DMV Tales
47:05 to 48:08
The hosts share their experiences with car rentals and the challenges of obtaining a driver's license in Texas.
“it's so overwhelming to organize finances for me personally, because I just, I get so distracted with all the numbers.”
Bar Incident and Reflections
48:09 to 56:00
The hosts recount a wild night at a bar, discussing misunderstandings and the aftermath of a bartender confrontation.
“That's just what the name of the drink is.”
Bar Night Shenanigans
56:00 to 58:09
The hosts recount an eventful night at a bar filled with humorous anecdotes and reflections.
“I made some mistakes, but then I still tried to make it right in all the right ways.”
Reflections on Shifts
58:10 to 1:01:18
Discussion about the experience and camaraderie of working shifts at bars and the social aspects involved.
“I mean, when we got out of the Uber to go into the bar, I was like, this is a real place.”
Literature and the Gilded Age
1:01:19 to 1:02:30
A dive into literature related to the Gilded Age and reflections on social dynamics in historical contexts.
“Basically, like most of the company would just sit at that bar.”
Bukowski and Uncomfortable Literature
1:02:31 to 1:05:29
The hosts discuss Charles Bukowski's works and their impact, touching on themes of discomfort and rawness.
“He'll be like, I knew his child when she was in younger years, and she turned into a beautiful woman, so I decided to bed her in the car.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00The Wild Wild West.
0:01Nate Marshall:Hey. Hey, howdy. Hey, how's it going? Good, man. Just chilling. I got a nap. Usually I'm a little tired. I got a nice nap. I got a nice little nap today. Thanks to my extension. Your extension was great. My giant extension.
0:20Nate Marshall:Yeah, there's a little gap in the sketch. It was nice. I was all, I was all, and I was sleepy today too. I did not get good sleep last night. Yeah, I was out doing stand-up, so I couldn't fall asleep. So I was just back to the audiobook Bible before bedtime, which is a nice bedtime read, by the way. I'm on Jacob and Esau right now. What's the book? The Bible. Ever hear of it? The Bible. Ever hear of the Bible, bro? You ever hear of that? I also didn't hear about that. It's as popular as Cristiano Ronaldo. He didn't know who Cristiano Ronaldo was. Yeah, that's why. I really did. I told you, I feel good about not knowing that.
0:51Nate Marshall:Can we investigate why you feel good about that? I'm kind of curious. It just kind of feels like the way y 'all are explaining it, like it's like not knowing LeBron or something. And that just kind of feels cool to get away. You're saying you're different. I'm kind of different out here. I'm just moving different. I can see that. No, I can appreciate it. All right, you're doing well. I thought you'd be less active on this pod. My voice is going to go halfway through. That's because you've been going too fast, young man. I know. I know. Slow down. You introduced us to the purple drinks while we were at that bar.
1:23I didn't touch one of those. What was the purple drink? At Lafitte's. it's in New Orleans. It's just another fucking daiquiri type. I don't know how to describe it. Yeah, I know. Just an icy, sugary liquor thing. Those things will get you. It's called purple drank, so. Yeah. So I went crazy on it. Like flies on shit. They said they even misspelled drink on the cup. It's for me. It made me feel better because I was like shitting neon green and we talked for a second. Oh, God, gosh. And I was telling him about it. He was like, I'm still shitting neon green. I was like, All right, so it is the purple drink.
1:58It's not. Yeah. I'm not dying. Dude. Well. I ate candy.
2:03Nate Marshall:It's a similar trap for me a long time ago, but I ate this candy from Hot Topic one time. Yeah. And I shit like. It's the white man's. It's the white man's drink. It's the white man's drink. I was a teenager in Hot Topic, and they sold this neon weird candy shit. And I remember I ate it, and I got scared I was dying when I took shit. I had Play-Dohs coming out of my butt. Did you, no, you came with, so you stayed Sunday. Yeah, we stayed. You guys must have been, that must have sucked so bad. I saw them Sunday. I flew in at 5 p.m. Sunday. I saw Nate. I was going to the hotel. I look in the window.
2:37Nate Marshall:I see the bar. I see Nate at the bar. I'm like, oh, we're going to say hi to Nate. I'm like, what's up, Nate? He's like, what's up, man? He's like, hey, what's going on, man? Couldn't fucking talk. Skank Fest day four is fucking hell. That day I went to bed with the sun up, And then when I finally came out the hotel, it was dark again. Like he was an evil. He was on some vamp shit. I saw him at the bar and he was like, what's going on? I was like, Jesus Christ. Jesus, man. Where are the others?
3:14Nate Marshall:His voice is just gone. He was chalky, dude. I saw him. He was chalky. Yeah, I had nothing. I was trying to rally. he was like oh it was going on yeah I was happy to see you I just had nothing you know when you bump into someone at a bar you're like oh my god what are you doing here all the time I get to a bar and Connor's oh fuck man the Stuff Island boys will hit you with one of those yeah see them at a bar they'll be like I've been out for 8 hours Jesus Christ it's 4pm go to bed yeah nate wasn't drunk he was just viciously hung over yeah i was i think i think going hair of the dog yeah i had one and i didn't even finish it i couldn't i was like i'm not ready yet i waited till i got to the to the venue to mardi gras world yeah squad was squad was fucking in rough shape i got i got there at a big stand-up show it's gang festival you guys anyone do some time no i mean jeez guys friday was great yeah saturday half energy sunday must have been sunday was chill it was definitely chill mode everyone was chill mode yeah it was pizza and eagles everyone was just ordered donamos i saw the donamos come through i kind of turned up by the end i can't remember if oh oh my yeah i kind of turned up by the end
4:45I went to That was the only night I went to the after party Was that Just cause I don't know I wanted to do it once I wore the thing the whole way home Just a badge That said barely legal The whole way home Name of the strip club That the after party was called barely legal I didn't go Every lady there was kind of old, so it was kind of nice. It was kind of funny. They were very legal. Yeah, they were clearly legal.
5:17Nate Marshall:Undeniably legal. I wonder if you could do a class action suit. You guys should be perpetrating the illusion that I am committing a great crime. A great statutory. I didn't feel like a pedophile at our lives. I was helping to catch a little bullets. You might be able to make some bucks. What did you say? Maybe it'll make some bucks, take some pictures of them, and go out to a judge and be like, do any of these look like they could be of questionable age? I was fooled. Oh, my$15 ATM feedback. Yeah, that's funny. I guess that was the brand. No, the ATM just had a super high. Oh, I see. You know how to do it.
5:57The ATM and a strip club, they watch.
6:00Nate Marshall:They're like sharks. There's no desperation from every guy in there. I think they have one by those ATMs they have that thing when you go into a gas station it's like when you run over the thing there's a bell that goes off he's back so all the strippers go there he is yeah they're like this they go there's our market yeah I didn't I got invited to the after party I was like no way bro no shot not going to the barely zero shot I'm not even staying awake strip club on Bourbon Street with Legion of Skanks yeah this episode is brought to you by PrizePix oh yeah you and I make decisions every day but on prize picks being right can get you paid don't miss any of the excitement this holiday season yeah there's there's so much hustle and bustle it's crazy the last thing i want to do is miss the excitement on prize picks exactly seriously dude hey matt make sure you download the app all right you gotta download the app today so you don't miss out on any special offers from this holiday season prize picks is always offering promos like max discounts where a player would only need one yard or one point to cash your pick wow and here's a new feature fuck it's all right and here's a new feature to get hyped on price picks now has early payouts if your player gets off to a hot start you now have the option to cash out on those winnings before the game even finishes oh my god that's nuts that's awesome download the price picks app today and use code drench to get 50 in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup that's code drench to You get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup.
7:28Prize picks. It's good to be right. It's good to be right. Yeah, well, it's fun.
7:33Nate Marshall:It's a fun time. It was actually, I think, it was probably my favorite one of those. Yeah, it was. In a long time. That was a really good one. I was curious how they're going to work it in New Orleans. And, man, they truly did find the perfect place. Yeah. So that place right on the waterfront, it was cool. Yeah, it was breathed in the background. It was debauchery at that fucking thing, though. Yeah. You hear a story. Everybody comes in and goes, yeah, fucking, I just got jacked off on a Ferris wheel. You're like, oh, man. Yeah, it's kind of nice. It's crazy what's going on. Oh, yeah, it is fully debaucherous.
8:00Yeah. It's a buck and all. I got eyes on the ass slapping contest. You know, I had to get there. But not just, I was there early. The first night, Friday, you know, we were out. We were out until like, how long were we at the casino? What guys were competing in the ass slapping contest? Why are you attacking me? Who were the fellas slapping the chance? Who was guys? No, I was just busting his chops. Just being mean. Just being mean. Skank Fest usually tosses. Some guy did something crazy while I was on stage at the live Legion of Skanks show. What happened? What did he do? I don't know. I didn't look, but I heard about it.
8:35He kissed a dick. There was two guys that kissed a dick, and it didn't even take much convincing. No, they brought it up. They're like, yeah, we'll fight tomorrow. The loser has to suck a dick. I'll do it. It was like, no one's making you do that. They're like, we'll do it right now. Of course, the entire crowd's like, do it. Just sitting there with David Tell like, Jesus Christ.
8:57Nate Marshall:It was just a dick? Whose dick was it? A guy who just proposed. Oh, what? Yeah. Sin. Yeah, that's crazy. I know a guy who just proposed in the room right now. And also got his dick kissed in the hands by a fella. At the bow, sorry, Nate. Guy's butt slapping contest. I'm sorry, Nate. Then he shit lime green. It is funny to be on the phone with your babe and be like, what are you doing down there? I was at the guy's butt slapping contest. And then, well, I got double dog dare to kiss a man's penis. And it's going pretty good. Otherwise. She was in the crowd. The girl he proposed to. They did it live.
9:40And then he kissed. He got his penis kissed. He got his kiss. Yeah.
9:44Nate Marshall:That's kind of powerful, dude. If you just proposed. If you just proposed, then you're. It's also off to a terrible start. He cheated on her. Within three minutes, he got his dick touched. I got my guy immediately. And it was just like a peck on the helmet? Allegedly. I didn't see it. Two pecks? Two pecks? Oh, you were up close. Wait, who went for it? You were up close and personal. Yeah, you had eyes on it. No, I was in the balcony. I couldn't believe it was happening. You were in the binoculars. You were plushing a bunch of beads. Yeah, that is a funny, like, that's a big thing. Like, oh, tell me the proposal story.
10:15Nate Marshall:It's like, well, we, and then somebody actually kissed his penis. And then LaMera goes, not once, but twice. Twice. two pecs very european two different guys he went this is very respectful yeah it was two different guys because the one guy was like lewis you said for me to fight i get the i have to suck a trans dick and i'm looking forward to that and lewis was like we're gonna let that go yeah so you don't have to actually do that nah man fuck that and then the other guy was like that's gay all you told me i had to do was kiss a dick. And he was like, also, I'd like, I'll do that right now to prove it.
10:56Is this an audience member? Yeah. And everyone was kind of like, you don't really have to do that. Please don't.
11:00Nate Marshall:Yeah. And he's like, no. That is nice though. That's a good, it's a good move. But yeah, I was asking. Who won that fight? I just made me do it. Those two fought. Fucking, yeah. Skinner versus the ukulele Hawaiian. Interesting. I missed all that. I got there. It was just like everyone was just dragging. Yeah. They were tired from that. Friday and Saturday. Saturday was. If I was wrestling and kissing penises all day, I'd just talk it out. It's a full day. It's a full day. It's a busy day. They got to top it next year. The cruise is going to be just like. The cruise? Human centipede. Oh, my God.
11:42Nate Marshall:Oh, no. It would cost more than the Riyadh Comedy Festival to get me on the skank fest. oh my god yeah true you guys don't think I'll jerk off and shit in this pool right now it'll be the poop cruise just without the perfect working boat the boat will be fine there's gonna be shit and homeless shelters on deck oh my god fucking they should do a cruise and just never set sail just be on a docked boat the whole time people are gonna be jumping off The only way you don't lose a person is if you stay docked. If they take off, they will lose someone. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, dude, for sure. You ever see those videos where people do that shit?
12:29Yeah. Just think it's going to be hilarious, jump off a cruise ship, and then -
12:32Nate Marshall:There'd be a new indigenous population in the St. Peter Island. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a bunch of fucking chubby white guys. Yeah. We found here. This land came to us. Yeah. they'd need a couple skankettes to repopulate although those guys might just hatch I don't even think they need they come out of each other's backs like nematodes they just sit on a monster energy drink hugging hatches comes out like brown job sucks
13:12Nate Marshall:yeah they'd have to hit like the small convenience stores take it they completely control the supply of funyuns control the funyuns yeah we control the funyuns now but yeah that's fucking sick it was a good time it was good it was a grand old time i was uh i saw some of my friends there i always see him when i'm there yeah dan the rant man linda and i'm like sitting there talking to them and while i'm trying to have a conversation with him a lady just pulled her pants down was just showing uh zach amico her pretty gargantuan butt it was like there's no you know no disrespect towards the butt it was like full in proportions it was just larger yeah larger than life and i was like directly in my line of vision i'm like and i was like oh there's literally a giant butt behind you guys and they were like yeah well okay and i was like i i literally can't yeah that's i can't focus how am i supposed to put
14:09yeah there's a lot of uh new it's uh it's yeah it's nudity you really don't want yeah going on this was this was i will say this was a pleasant giant butt i think i know exactly what you're talking about it was a very nice gigantic butt yeah it was talking yep yeah Beyond Pog It was Beyond Pog It was a wide load Yeah it was a wide load
14:30Nate Marshall:It was Beyond Pog There has to be something Beyond the Pog Because this was like Blob Blob? No it wasn't Blob It wasn't Blob like It was fully rotund It was like shapely But it was like She was great It just kept expanding It kept everything Like a tree It grew from the inside And kind of Each ear was like a ring I would like a core sample To see the age of that butt I'd be curious I'm sure it was like a mighty Sequoia. Yeah, the naked roast, I stuck around for two of those. Nice. And I'd seen more than enough. Saw a couple of penises. Yeah, that's all you see. Yeah. And then, yeah. That was the extent of the nudity, I think.
15:14I just saw a couple guys' tiny penises. Perfect.
15:19Nate Marshall:I don't dude I'm still trying to figure out the Like the Why someone would do the reason somebody would be like I can't figure that out I'll stand up there and do stand up and show my time I have a hard enough time like just Doing stand up with all my clothes on To remove my clothes I'd be like No absolutely fucking not I feel like I get it for ladies especially if they're hot Like you stand up there you're like just hot But dudes will do it like fat with their little dicks Obviously for ladies it's A great thing to stand up of coolest league but yeah but they're not even really naked i feel like i feel like maybe there they are but i feel like a lot of the naked roasts i've seen or the naked stand-ups i've seen is like women wear bra and underwear men pull out the tiny glasses yeah so which is i think that's fair yeah yeah you can't be like you can't bar women from not being able to show their nipples in regular life and then be like all right yeah yeah awesome out actually yeah you could not to think about it but yeah quite the opposite yeah now's the time true it's been sanctioned that law will never change you think it'll ever change when women can just finally go i think we could be close to like all top of speeches they can in austin they can or they do they can like legally in specifically austin like i'm not i'm pretty sure in austin you can yeah part in springs you could yeah okay but i think you can just like walk down i told you i saw a lady one time in my neighborhood and she wasn't she didn't look crazy but it was just naked from the top i'm pretty sure it's legal here what yes so why aren't more exercising their right i feel like it's i don't know it is aggressive yeah yeah it's kind of fucking it's aggressive for a guy to walk around shirtless yeah i'm sick of that it makes me mad as hell although dude the sunlight hits your chest it increases the t yeah but i'm so i'm driving around my girlfriend six six dudes with ebbs jogging around yeah that's that's tough you were like trying to like you're driving with your lady you're like peeking to see if she like you can see her yeah like i fucking dare you yeah yeah you look at that guy yeah fucking pussy that guy sucks it is funny but oh you see something you like yeah that's cool why the fuck would your eyes dart over there the same way mine did i looked yeah i'm a fucking guy fucking making me fucking insecure fuck is his problem this episode is brought to you by blinds.com matt i'll tell you what i can start by talking about that one set of blinds that drove me absolutely crazy uh la maire's blinds broke here really and so his is it's just open to the sun he's out all day you can walk by and see him you can see what he's up too.
17:53That's driving you crazy. I come home, I knock on it. I say, what the fuck? He's asleep.
18:00Nate Marshall:Your blinds are broken? Yeah. Dude, get it. Get it. Someone will come out here right now and they can estimate them for you. Yeah. Blinds.com. You can call blinds.com. It's really quick and easy. I'll give them a call. They'll come out, measure. They snap them in. What do you say? He said, oh, that'll give them a call. Right now, blinds.com is giving our listeners an exclusive$50 off when you spend$500 or more. Just use code SECRET at checkout. Limited time offer. Rules and restrictions apply. See Blinds.com for details. I will say, though, it's like when you swim naked, it is a nice feeling. Same if you have no shirt on.
18:37Nate Marshall:It does feel odd. You don't think I've hit the old guy? I would hope you do. I'm so mad they built that house back there. I've been hitting so many dips, solo skinny dips. Dude, it feels amazing. It's really nice. I'm just kidding. Oh, it feels amazing. It's so good. Yeah, now they can kind of peek in there. You float on your back. Naked. I take up the entire pool. It's crazy. I'm furious about that house. Can they see in? Yeah, I'm sure the kids' room's up there. There's going to be a boy looking out the window. Oh, even a bunk bed. Oh, no. Bunk bed. It'll be like the crow's nest. It's going to be so scary.
19:12It'll be really scary.
19:15Nate Marshall:That's on them, though. My whole thing, if I'm on my property and you see me naked, look that's your problem yeah we're they're building houses behind mine like windows straight across and it's i am naked in my house a lot so i'm like damn they're gonna catch me yeah i'm pretty sure because there's been a lot of building going on and i just i love having just gigantic windows here yeah i think you're looking at every single fucking house i go on my constitutionals i'm just looking i'm watching people eat straight in oh yeah i'm seeing people like
19:48it's me again making progress at a snail's pace i finished look up it's still right still slowly just going what you guys having in there you got any extra hamburger helper i've noticed you guys eat that on tuesdays
20:04Nate Marshall:our house in philly was literally like the kitchen where we ate was right next to a window that was right next to the sidewalk. So people would literally just be walking by and be like, right in on us all reading. You'd be like, two feet from here. Every city, anytime I'm in a city, there's nothing you can do about that. Drive me crazy. I'm looking into your house. Yeah, you have to too. If you see people at a table, what you got going on? What are they watching? What show is that? Fucking idiots. I can't believe they're watching that. I do. I don't know why. I do like when I see like a giant TV in the window and I can see what they're watching.
20:35Nate Marshall:I'm always kind of like, damn, do you watch an Independence Day right now? It's Tuesday at fucking 9 p.m. I'm walking my dog I know It's just like Damn you just chucked on ID4 And I was like What am I doing with my life Yeah I didn't even think to watch ID4 right now ID4 is fucking sick ID4 is so good It is Yeah I do love that ID4 Independence Day Bro don't act like you don't know I don't know why It's not that different I was like When did you become I thought you were saying It was the fourth one Purple drank changed Purple drank You don't remember anything The green turd The green turd transformed me My brain hasn't been working right since Skankfest.
21:11Yeah, of course. I'm moving slow. You took Monday off at least? Tell me you took Monday off. No, we drove all day. Oh, fuck. Yeah, we drove for like eight hours. That must be the worst hangover drive possible. It was pretty bad. I did the first four. Sean did the last four. My girl, she picked me up from Sean's, and she hugged us all. She said we all smelt like ass, and we just didn't notice it in an eight-hour car. You guys must have stunk. Was it just you and Sean, or did you pack the me's in there, too? Butterly. What's wrong with you, me's? What'd you do? He left early, didn't he? Where'd you go?
Read the full transcript
21:49How'd you get home? I just left it. Took an airplane. Nice. Yeah, I left on Sunday night.
21:55Nate Marshall:I always leave Sunday night. How were the farts on the airplane? No farts. I kept them to myself, yeah. That's cool. Yeah, right. I did, I did. Did you shower before the flight? No. I mean, I shouted before Somebody right now is telling everybody at work Somebody's going, I sat next to the Fucking biggest piece of shit He farted, he stunk like shit He smelled like acid vodka I didn't fall asleep this time So I don't think I farted That's fair That's the Lameasy guarantee I fell asleep, I don't think I farted
22:34Nate Marshall:Oh. Do you know what's fucking that I'm getting hip to right now is that apparently sports viewing is like it's impossible to watch sports now. They've like scattered all the games across different apps. They have done that, yeah. It's like, that's fucking, that's wrong, dude. It's hard to get a hold of the Sixers. Yeah, it's kind of wrong. They're just basically making you buy a season pass for whatever your favorite team is. Everyone has to pay like$100 a month. Yeah, that's wrong. And then they took ESPN off YouTube TV for like two weeks. Isn't it still? That was devastating. Yeah, I heard that.
23:06I heard that. Oh, I got fucked because I changed my thing. Yeah, and then everybody went and bought fucking Disney Plus and all that shit. I had like the old Legacy version. It was a little cheaper. Quiet, Piggy. What? I just remembered. I wanted to break that up. Sorry. Wait, who got hit with a quiet? Some fucking Piggy on Air Force One got crushed by Donald Trump. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. Do you think he's getting dementia?
23:32I don't know I don't think I don't know He just seems a little
23:36Nate Marshall:Slower than usual But Spud said Spud thinks he's getting dementia Spud said his daddy got dementia Trump Meaning Trump Sr Yeah There's speculation that T-Dog might be rocking Biden brains He's definitely not He's not at Biden brains yet No no no not yet But he's He's circling the drain Yeah Quiet Piggy was Fucking crazy It's pretty wild I just can't think of how Like embarrassed that lady must have been. That must have been so funny to be think if you were next to her and you hated her. Why didn't you think about that? Quiet piggy. Got that bitch. I've been waiting for someone to kill her. On the plane too it would stink.
24:17Nate Marshall:You can't get up. You're stuck on the flight being like I'm going to write about this. I'm going to write about this. Quiet piggy. Do they know? Do they identify the journalist that was I don't know. They got to keep her name quiet you think it was definitely a babe because you can't yeah he wouldn't call a guy it was a lady quiet piggy can you hear although calling a guy quiet piggy is hilarious
24:43especially if it's a fat guy
24:46Nate Marshall:yeah can we see who this person was is that that definitely uh can i see can i see i kind of want to get the visual more so than the name would be kind of meaningless to me because that's fucking that's a wild move man yeah it's katherine lucie from bloomberg i'd like to take a look at her um yeah i would like that she doesn't really look too big i was just curious she might have had a piggy's demeanor damn bro that's a piggy's demeanor
25:24pointed at her leaning over although you know if the allegations are false i'd be furious too what was she asking him i think it was about epstein oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah that's a
25:36Nate Marshall:quagmire right now the one guy who got busted the guy who was the who was the harvard president and that sat on the board of uh open ai did you know exactly what his emails what he was i was reading a lot of them yeah did you about it kind of using uh epstein as like a dating coach i didn't see that one yeah he was apparently thinking i need a girlfriend i'm married but i need a girlfriend like how do i talk it was like kind of pua shit like how do i talk how do i talk to these kids like what are some tips how do i reach these keys he had to neg them he had to be like bro your geometry is trash bro what's your sgt score yeah that's uh stuff stuff that's the worst to not only be associating with a pedophile but also to be seeking romantic guidance i almost screamed i almost screamed to quiet piggy yesterday when i was i was ready to fucking explode dude who went to i went to starbucks and a woman in front of me it's a pretty crowded starbucks it was early in the morning there's a woman up front she's trying samples oh there's a line of people samples going oh that's a new flavor and the maniac girl behind the register was like would you like to try a sample and she's like yeah i would took five minutes to get the fucking sample what was a sample of like one of those folks like a new foamy bullshit holiday drink bro that's crazy and then she was like uh yeah i'll take it oh my god i mean it was like that would fucking because it was close the starbucks lines always i was close ago what what the fuck are you thinking oh my god especially to be like even a sample of coffee it's like oh that's a new varietal it's like piping hot you can't even just order it order the fucking drink it's it's sugar whipped cream you're going to like it yeah drink it drink it yeah i almost i almost broke i don't see if i can get it get the buy it get out of the way i'm getting a fucking black coffee it's gonna take one second you're up here ordering it's 10 minutes.
27:32Nate Marshall:You do feel like an absolute mastermind at Starbucks when you just get black coffee. You see everyone waiting for other drinks. You go, I'm a black coffee. Gets you instantly. Dumbasses. Fucking idiots. Fucking idiots. Piggies. And then as soon as she got out of the way and I ordered, I was very relieved I didn't have a... Oh, yeah. I almost had like an airport breakdown. I'm not afraid to take a stand. You almost Ariana Grande. Everybody. What did she do? What did Ariana Grande do? spazzed about donuts or something? I don't know that one. I believe. I should say it. I could have bagel bossed.
28:09I could have bagel bossed.
28:10Nate Marshall:Yeah, I think allegedly, Ariana Grande, I think she spent, one of them, some pop divas spazzed about donuts like very aggressively. So, you deserve one. Come on, give yourself one diva moment. What are you talking about? I'll get a good diva moment. Move! I've had enough. Take the sample, you fucking bitch. You stupid fucking bitch. I mean, what are you thinking? That'd be a nice remake of The Purge where people just said whatever they wanted to each other. Just one day of Twitter. I can tell you exactly where that goes. It's just the N-word in Nazi shit. It's right away. Immediately. It is Twitter, dude.
28:53It's Twitter right away.
28:55Nate Marshall:Holy fuck, I never even thought about that. Twitter is just the verbal purge. It's crazy, dude. dude yeah well how damn yeah that's uh that was the closest i've come in a while have you have you had any spazes yeah yeah when was the last no you're not afraid to spaz i've seen you i'll spaz yeah when we went to barton springs and those two girls were like we need cash you were a little like what the fuck what the fuck are you talking about i was with you kind of like all right i mean i'm gonna i'm gonna be on your side but man you're really laying into these two fucking teenagers. I didn't hit it with a WTF.
29:29Nate Marshall:I went, bro, when they went, once I was like, you don't have cash, can I do Vemma? You don't have Vemma? I went, oh my God, are you serious? And they were like, no, you got to get an app. I'm like, I got to download a fucking app. Maybe I didn't hit it with an app on. Trust me, I remember it. You know what pisses me off? I was getting chirpy for sure. Yeah. But on within one sentence. Yes, because it's like. You didn't give them time to be rude. Don't get me wrong. They were fucking rude. young girls working like the end of their summer job like that young that one lady one lady was like 50. One was young.
30:03Nate Marshall:The other one was definitely young old enough and not dude and it's like there's a beautiful lake let me just go old enough to get it. Yeah I was like I gotta go download a fucking app I'm trying to swim in a lake. It's a god-created lake. It was on site I can't stand with bureaucrat energy when it was just kind of like, you need to download an app. And I was like, I got to download an app to go in the thing. It was like, come on, man. Let me in this fucking lake. Who are you to stop me from going to this lake? We had to walk all the way back to our car to get some cash. Yeah. And I was pissed because I didn't have my goddamn wallet on me.
30:39Nate Marshall:I forgot. I was like, fuck. Yeah, it pissed me off. That was nothing. I almost like for real, where was I recently? You almost flipped the tables at Barton Springs. That was Christ. You're like, this is a natural lake. God gave us this. be gone with your jewelry i was like matt they're not jewish lesbians yeah that was a yeah that's that got me that got me fired up but yeah luckily you were there to cool me out a little i was i was i was long for the ride i was i didn't step in i was like okay no cash or no no anymore if i can't just tap with my phone i'm like cash only is nuts what are you fucking doing why are you making it so hard it's not 1985 like let me get in here I have my phone I can do Apple Pay come on and they were like you need to download when she said download the app I don't know what it is when I have to fucking download apps I'm like fuck yeah so if I send you a thing we have to download an app I'm like dude fuck you you're completely correct fuck you downloading an app is crazy I hate that shit I've seen another person who's not afraid to go is Ari Shafir with TSA I've never seen anything like it dude a guy took his lighter out of his bag of course yeah and he was like oh cool dude you fucking feel good I was like you're a TSA like you're gonna get fucking beat up we're gonna get arrested right now I'm scared of the no fly on TSA for sure I'm just kind of like all right Shafir went right away that's really funny over nothing it was like a two dollar fucking lighter yeah crazy yeah and then we once we got through he walked over to the guy was like yeah I was like you can't fight at the airport you're gonna jump like 10 years yeah This episode is brought to you by Aura Frames.
32:22Nate Marshall:The best part of the holidays, aside from the great food and the gifts, because be honest, we all love a good gift. Love a good gift. Is getting to spend time with everyone. With everyone. Getting to spend time with everyone. I love... Matt, I love spending time with you. And I want this, our time together, to be so special. True, dude. The holiday season is ours. The way I make you feel special. Dude, around the holidays, I'm walking on air. I sent Matt an aura frame stocked with photos of he and I. That's awesome. And you know the perfect gift this year that could be for you to share those moments?
32:58Give the gifts of togetherness with aura frames. It's a digital picture frame that can hold those memories and make them come alive again. I'd like to come alive. I would love that.
33:07Nate Marshall:You can add as many photos or short videos as you want. All you need is the aura app and a Wi-Fi connection. Dang. so as you keep making memories you can add to the frame you know what i'd add what's that this memory right now a picture of this yeah of us doing an ad read take a picture and put it up there going yeah just be just a drop in the sea of many memories that we have yes the high resolution photos you know what makes me the most hard is the high resolution photos look like real prints and they really help you relive the moment and you can try interacting with the photo right there so So, you know, you can get any photos you want on there.
33:42Nate Marshall:Brief message like, congrats. When all they want for Christmas is you and everyone together, give them Aura frames. For a limited time. Oh, my God. Let's get a picture of that. Oh, my God. For a limited time, visit AuraFrames.com and get$45 off Aura's best-selling Carver Matt Frames. Name number one by Wirecutter. That's huge. Hold on. By using promo code MSSP at checkout. that's a ura frames.com promo code mssp this exclusive black friday black friday cyber monday deal is their best of the year so order it now before it ends support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions apply i don't think you got out of that yeah i should do that oh yeah the big big tour the big tour the big tour uh when's this oh never mind uh December 4th, I'll be in Tucson, Arizona.
34:36December 5th, I'll be in Phoenix. December 12th, I'll be in Boise, Idaho. December 13th, Portland, Oregon.
34:44Nate Marshall:Guys, please come to the Springfield Comedy Club in Springfield, Missouri now. We got it. We got to fire back up. New ownership. Everything's good. Everything's smooth. I think the tickets, I know they are actually, will all be honored if you bought your tickets and didn't get refunded at the other place. That's wonderful. Yeah, really nice stuff. I'll be there 12-12, 12-13. That's December. Funny Bone Comedy Club Syracuse, New York That's 12-19 And then The big theater tour starts 1-16 in Houston, Texas Go to Dallas Hartford, Connecticut Albany And many more cities And if your city's not on there Don't worry I'll do another stretch of cities After these So Thank you Go to mattmccuster.com please Yes Hello everybody This is Sean Gardini I just wanted to let you know That I'll be playing stand-up at the Comedy Vault in Batavia, Illinois on Sunday, December 7th.
35:38Tickets are at SeanGardini.com or at the Comedy Vault website, please. On December 7th, please.
35:45Nate Marshall:Dang. Yeah, I forgot all about that. I don't know where I was recently, though, but there was one where someone was doing that shit where they were trying a million things. Fuck, I think it was at the grocery store and someone was doing something like that where they kept just like asking a million questions and i'm like dude they're fucking eggs man that's what it is farmers farmers market so the fucking farmers market dude and everyone goes there i was getting just i just wanted a chicken i was gonna put in the crock pot and there's like a you know chicken farmer guy who has like you know a tent and this guy's like so how do you think i should cook this chicken i'm like jesus fucking christ he's put in the fucking oven or google it i'm sitting there he's like two people in front of me the next guy's like i don't know man i uh these chicken went and i'm like shut the fuck up just buy this shit it took me 10 minutes to buy a chicken and there's two people in front of me and i was just like i was so close to being like dude just buy the fucking chicken and move please yeah you put your head up a little you go yeah farmers people at farmers markets think they can like have a half an hour discussion with the vendor that's that makes sense to me it's fucking annoying yeah you gotta go get my raw milk and raw milk i get it because there's there are questions they have people that one it's like understandable but good god it's just a story farmer's market is is happy and willing to chat every single person every single person i always have my kids there i'm in and out every second is agony i'm trying to get my stuff they're running they're like can we please get a balloon like there's like a balloon twister lady i'm like no they're broken i see you right there i'm like Yeah, you can't get one.
37:18Nate Marshall:That's the last one. They're yelling. My kids are just yelling as I'm like, shut the fuck up about chicken, dude. Please let me buy this. Please. Guys, they're like, we're actually out of eggs. I'm like. I'm here 15 minutes into the fucking farmer's market. I had a nice spaz yesterday. You would have liked it. I told you briefly about it, but I didn't get the stickers for my registration for my car. And I figured they did that at the dealership when they did your emissions and inspection. and they don't so then I'm just I was like where the fuck is it and I called the dealership and they're like yeah you can go to a tax assessors you go to your local tax place and I was like yeah that's fucking crazy and then I googled it on the Texas DMV and it was like they also do it at HEBs here's a list of HEBs in Austin you can go to and there's one right by me I'm in the parking lot and i'm like i can't go in there and go up to a register and be like do you guys do inspections for cars because there's no way they do like what the fuck is going on and i drove and i sat in the spot for like five minutes of like this is how this is gonna go i'm also wearing these fucking like slippers and i'm wearing this i'm wearing slippers and socks it's like dude if I go in and go, do you guys, I have my car registered.
38:39Here's the paperwork.
38:41Nate Marshall:Get the fuck out of here. No, dude. What the fuck are you thinking? Go to an ATB, like, you guys make my car street legal, please. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. And I drove home and I looked it up. I had to download the app. I had to join a fucking thing. Oh. And sure enough, they were like, we mailed it and it was in my mailbox. That's nice. So that was a big one. That's huge. The day I went and searched for it. That's when it arrived. Dang. yeah that's cool yeah it was nice that's really nice yeah that's that shit pisses me off i that's shout out to wives for that because i yeah that's great dude i fucking can't man can't do that shit if it's like you have to renew any piece of paperwork well you need your social security cards like yeah i don't have one i don't know where it is i don't know where any of that shit is i went to the post office to ship some shit yeah that sucks chaos i have no idea what i'm in public i'm i have no idea what i'm ever doing i don't i stand there i wait in line i waited in like a fucking 30 minute line and got to the front i was like how do i ship this and he was like do you have the address written on it i was like no do you have any tape for the boxes i was like no he was like here's tape here's a sharpie write the address i did huge box and then fucking go to the end of the line and hold a 35 pound box it's fucking crazy you go back to the end yeah I didn't want to butt yeah that's fair to get to the front do your work everyone's taking so long up there oh dude I used to I used to when I used to do all the merch stuff I used to be in the post offices all the time and it fucking sucked although once you get like when you're a regular at the post office you kind of start feeling a star yeah inside a p.o.
40:16Nate Marshall:box so if you had a p.o. box let you skip the line and go straight to the counter like yeah guys excuse me guys I was feeling a little different with the p.o. box like yeah you guys you guys are doing tape it loudly in front of in front of the line the whole line's watching me
40:33from five minutes easy of just taping shit it's completely trying to sharpie an address
40:40Nate Marshall:misspelling shit it sucks yeah that shit sucks so bad i got crushed i was getting a renting a car recently actually me and sean had a nice little time in our jeep i ran in a jeep wrangler jeep Showing the Jeep life. It was awesome. Did they have ducks? Did they come with some ducks? We could have. We stopped one time at a gas station. There were some ducks. I'm like, dude, I should line this thing up. Yeah. My brother has a Jeep, but he got like, you know, they put the ducks on the front of your car. He had like six of them up there. And then one day he was having a bad day. It just was like getting in the car.
41:08I was like, why do I got these fucking ducks in here? And knocked them all off. They're still like on the bottom of it. Just a bad day ducks, man.
41:18Nate Marshall:I had to rent that Jeep, and I got there. Car rental places, by the way, too. You'll show up, and I'm like, oh, I just need a car. And they're like, did you do a reservation? And I was like, no, I just wanted to see if you guys have anything. Yeah, well, we don't have anything. We don't have anything. And then I'm like, but then I had talked to Brittany before. She was like, oh, I already let me know because I put it in the shopping cart. And I'm like, well, my wife says, do you guys have a Jeep Wrangler? And they're like, yeah, we could do that for$69.99 a day. I'm like, well, why did you just lie to my fucking face?
41:41Nate Marshall:But I just went, you know what? I'm not even going to argue with this lady.
41:48Nate Marshall:jeeps in line i'm like why did you tell me you don't have them yeah it was pretty nuts they were trying to how shitty renting a car is oh it's crazy an airport and oh my god yeah but it was the one usually it's all like you know brian will take care of all that stuff she didn't that one time i was like she's like you should rent a car i'm like i'll be fine i'll just uber and then i got there i was like i want to rent a car and she's like all right she's like i'll do it i was like i can fucking do it it's like a child i know how to do that i get there and i'm like right like she just doesn't have any fucking cars like she's lying there's one in my car i was like Yeah, you have a Jeep.
42:16Nate Marshall:She's lying. That's great. And then she was like, I'm doing all the paperwork stuff, and she's like, what kind of car insurance do you have? And I was like, I have no idea. I was like, just skip all that stuff. Every single time I have to email my insurance company and be like, can you send me another card? We did this a week ago. They're in your emails. Just send it right now. I can't. I don't know your name. I don't know anyone's name. I don't know how to find it in there. Yeah, it almost makes it like you hear about all this facial recognition shit. And part of me is kind of like, whatever, man, you can just scan my dumb face and get all my papers.
42:52Nate Marshall:That'd be great. I fucking I can't stand that stuff. Yeah. Because I told you when I went to get my license, it was a transfer my tags to Texas here. The guy was just like, I was like, thought I was going to be in and out. I'm like, here we go. And the guy was like, yeah, your license got suspended in Connecticut. I'm like, that was like fucking 10 years ago. He's like, yeah, you missed the last payment. So now I can't do anything. and I was just like, I had to call Connecticut and I was just like, just full spaz. I didn't know what to do. I had to get Connecticut on the phone. It was crazy. It was impossible.
43:25Getting Texas driver's license here.
43:28Nate Marshall:I called the Connecticut State Police. It was like, hello. I was like, dude. And they were just like, I don't know what to do for you. And I was like, well, that's your guy's fault. You're telling me it's fucking, I did it. I know I didn't pay it. I know I paid it.
43:44Nate Marshall:and then dude then i spelled they gave me my id and it was mc space c usk er i get home i'm like bang got my id bernie's like why is there a gap between your letters i'm like who gives a fuck and then she's like no it actually will affect stuff i'm like dude will you shut up about this and i'm going to apply for like some sort of thing and they're like yeah they rejected your right yeah that's uh when the the trying to get a texas license took fucking forever It took me a year of going. I would go to the DMV sometimes. I'd be like, it's time for me to get this done today. Yeah. Drive 30 minutes outside of the city to try to find a shitty one that no one's at.
44:25Yeah, yeah. Chock full of Mexicans in there. Me and them are just getting IDs together. We're new Texas residents. They're like, the wait list is, can you come back in six months? I'm like, all right, I'll be there. Sleep right through that. I have no idea. I was like, I should have put that on my calendar. April 6th, I got to go there.
44:46Nate Marshall:Dude, every doctor's type appointment I go to, they go, okay, so I'm going to be good for you. How about six months from now? I go, perfect. And I just leave. Great. Great. I'll definitely remote. Yeah. I was at the gym recently, and there was a chiropractor. We were like set up, and I'm like, oh, that'd be nice. It's like close to my house. I'll get it. And I paid for an initial appointment. The lady went to hand me her business card, and I was like, I don't need your fucking business card. So I was telling Brittany, like, yo, I found this new chiropractor. It's going to be awesome. And she was like, what's the name of the place?
45:15Nate Marshall:And I was like, I don't know. She's like, how are you going to go to your appointment if you don't know the name of it? And I was like, oh, fuck. I just paid for an appointment. Never going. And she was like, you've got to stop doing that. I'm like, don't tell me. I don't give a fuck if I miss it or not. She's like, well, that's crazy that you paid for an appointment and you don't know where to go. And I was like, well, that's for me to worry about, not for you. Shut up. People with business cards can get fucked. That's what I said. I'm like, I don't need your business card, but I don't. I'm tired of people handing me a fucking business card.
45:43It just is trash. I'm never going to sit down and go, give me your number. Give me your fucking number. Type it in.
45:51Nate Marshall:Yeah, that was my bad, though, not to verify the name of the business before. Because I was like, I'll get an email, like an onboard email, being like, hey, do you have an appointment? That's what I banked on. But no such luck. I got, yeah, down 65 bucks. Did I talk? I'll crack your back. It's all good. I'll do it for you. Yeah, we'll make it back. Of LeMaire Nuru, you. True. Nothing. You got to fix my back. Did I tell you all about my bar spaz? This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. When people hear that Mint Mobile plans are only$15 per month, many wonder, what's the catch? Well, there isn't one.
46:30No way. Okay? It's just unlimited talk, text, and data, fast, reliable coverage on the nation's largest 5G network. To get your new wireless plan for just$15 a month, Go to mintmobile.com slash drenched. That's it. There's no catch. How about that, guys? No catch. $45 upfront payment required, equivalent of$15 per month. New customers on the first three-month-only plan. Speed slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Something like that. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. Matt. Let's do it. Who the f*** is this episode brought to you by?
47:05Nate Marshall:Rocket money. Rocket money. Rocket money. it's so overwhelming to organize finances for me personally, because I just, I get so distracted with all the numbers. I get distracted. There's too many numbers, but I just love using rocket money. Cause rocket money is so helpful. It's saving users over$880 million in canceled subscriptions. I always forget about canceled. Yeah, me too. Users who create a financial goal with rocket money, save over$70 in average within the first 30 days, 70 bucks first 30 days oh yeah i gotta set your financial goal guys rocket money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings let rock that money help you with your financial goals faster join at rock money.com slash mssp that's rock money.com slash mssp oh i heard you Oh, yeah.
48:09I don't remember the name of the bar. Sorry, I was looking at your cup. Does it say Wondershowsen? Yeah. Who wrote that? That's just what the name of the drink is. Wondershowsen? Yeah. That's it? Oh, fuck you. That's a great... Do you remember that show? That's the Purple Dragon Gany. Wondershowsen was wild. I can't. What is Wondershowsen? I didn't know. It was an old MTV fake kids show that was like... There's a lot of really good stuff on there. Nice. Yeah. That's awesome. Check it out. A lot of really good stuff in here No that was stupid
48:44That's more like it That's what I wanted I wanted you to sit here and bomb
48:47Nate Marshall:That is nice I want the comments to go nuts on you Nate's on his Dr. Seavey shit right now I'm trying to recover I'm trying to get my poop back to like Normal greed Normal greed would be better than Bright Neon That was the drag bro
49:07damn I'm alright so what happened to the bar spas what happened this was like 4am I might have overreacted a little bit but I was saying something why are you laughing at me like that you definitely overreacted I overreacted but dude so we went to a bar on Saturday that was about to close yeah I heard and the guy kept it open for us yeah and then when I left and there was just a group of people there that were with me he was ready you know what I mean he was like alright it's yeah let's go we were supposed to be closed three hours ago he never it was like i can't believe you guys stayed that late well he he kept drinking he was giving out well they didn't happen to me but he was giving other people there like free drinks he was like in his own little i think he got hammered while like while we were there and uh at some point he i forget i'm talking to chris fegan he said something to me and like i wish i could remember what i said back because Like not know what I said, but it makes it sound like I'm definitely the asshole.
50:02But he he takes my beer and he goes, all right, you're done. And just like pours it out. Like look at me in the eyes like I'm like I'm a bitch. But you said something to him that you don't remember. I don't think I said anything crazy. I think I was like talking to Chris. He just kind of came in like hopping into what we were talking about. It's how I remember it.
50:20Nate Marshall:You hit him with a quiet piggy probably. Could have been a quiet piggy. I had to guess it was homophobic or transphobic. it might have been I don't know but he just came into the topic and you were just kind of like that's how I remember what do you think it was LeMay well I was just waiting for the after the incident oh yeah so after he poured the beer that did make me mad as hell and I was like what the fuck was that about and then I like knocked the empty off which I'm saying is a spaz it's a total spaz but then glass shattered glass definitely shattered But still you look Somebody in the eyes and pour their beer out Like
51:04Nate Marshall:Also huge chance he had gone Hey guys wrap it up and got ignored Seven times Did he do that? I don't think he did that Because also what was happening at that time Is their regulars were there He was like a lot of the regulars Because their bar was still open They were like oh shit my bar's open I think literally what one of them said was We don't know who all these white people are but we're happy. The regulars were, yeah. We're talking like Third Ward NOLA. Yeah, I got you. I got you. Nate, those guys didn't show up until after you were like, me and Faye, we're not leaving. We're not going to leave.
51:38No, they weren't there because I saw them. I definitely saw them because I think you were outside but they were there. But yeah, after that happened, it was definitely like the locals at their bar. You got your black lady on. Huh? I didn't get my black lady on. You got your black lady on. You took something off the counter, threw it behind the counter. I didn't get my black lady. Started screaming on. I'm not going anywhere. I've seen it. I've seen every Denny's video. But they weren't. When things go wrong, you start throwing plates and shit. No, no, no. I just did a little bit of that. I just did a little bit of that.
52:06Nobody pours out my drink.
52:09Nate Marshall:They had you fucked up. They did have me fucked up. They did have me fucked up. LaVare was trying to get out. It was because of how you were trying to get like skedaddle, skedaddle. And I didn't like the way that felt. and that's what it was. Yeah, I was like, they're about to fight you. You keep slurring at the bartender to his face. I didn't slurring. Did I? Yes. You were dropping a lot and I was like, bro, we got to leave. Hold on, he still poured his beer out. Looking in the eye and pouring your beer out is... It's crazy. But then I did kind of peep dudes and started like positioning themselves in ways.
52:47Oh, your dreams. Huh? It's all part of a plan. You know, what are you fellas going to do? take me in the alley and rough me up. Yeah, right. None of you could wrestle me in the alley. You wish you got a wrestling match. I mean, I knew there's more to it. I knew he was, I knew he was obviously unruly. You break a glass. I was, I was a little, honestly, I didn't, if I was there, I would have joined their side. I said, let's get him. Wait, let me, let me, let me come up behind you going.
53:26Nate Marshall:so after you smashed the glass what was what was the next move just so i start people that there's like like people starting to eye me in the ball like like staring at me and like getting a little closer and shit and i saw one of them and i he was looking at me i just went over to talk to him i was like i'm gonna just fucking figure it out i was like and i said what happened i thought about the like you know staring me in the eyes pouring the beer out blah blah blah and he was like he kind I just was like, ah, yeah, that's fucked up. And he probably knew that this guy was hammered. You know, it's their bar.
53:57They also know that he probably, like, they know he can be a dickhead. And just smoothed it over. He dabbed me up. He was like, all good. Follow me on Instagram. He followed you on Instagram? Follow me on Instagram. I'm like, for real. I knew you guys get it, yeah.
54:10Nate Marshall:It was probably that. Who's that guy on Instagram right now? The guy with no front teeth? He's always talking about juicy booties. It's probably Felice Johnson. don't worry about it young blood he probably heard you fart at the bar that's a juicy booty that's a wet pussy that's nice so you shut the bar down you left on your terms we're fucking good right it gets worse so I did try to squash I squashed with everybody around me that was man I would love to have seen that we're good right Yeah, we're going to look. Hold on, friend. What's your Instagram? Hold on. They were probably like, man, get this weird fucking guy out of here.
54:58What happened was I forget who else was there, but somebody else was like, no, he's – I think other people here were like, no, he's not like this. This was, you know, this is a little out of character for him. He's not a dickhead, blah, blah, blah. And that's what the guy said to me. He was like, everybody here is saying you're cool, you know, that type of shit. And then I went to the bartender to apologize because I was like, you know, I did knock the thing down. Like, you know, it was a glass or not. I went to it and was like, yo, my bad. Maybe we had a misunderstanding with that beer pouring out thing.
55:26I didn't mean to do all that. He was like, no, you saw my boys and then you coming around you and then you got scared. And like, and then I was like, no, I didn't get scared. I'm just trying to do the right thing now and apologize to you. You got scared. I'll be dying this morning. I started, I started, I was like, and then that's when Lamaris tried to get me out. He was like, come on, you gotta go. Then eventually I was like, You had the 504 boys on you I mean That's a bad place to do that Yeah I know I wasn't saying to kill me in this bar I was saying to no I'm not scared You said kill me in this bar No I didn't I don't even talk like that I'll die in here They're going to have to kill me to get me out of here I don't think I said that I think LaMare is lying on me right now You were close to saying exactly that But I do think I said what I said saying this whole time i was saying nate we need to fucking go it's time to go he was trying to get out i was like why are you spending money at a bar where the guy doesn't like you i i didn't
56:28Nate Marshall:that's actually a good appeal to a drunk brain yeah yeah fuck him i'll show it motherfucker what was the takeaway that's the that's the most important what's the takeaway yeah what'd you learn not a goddamn not a goddamn thing that whole night you had been talking about christian Ronaldo the entire night. Oh, this guy sounds amazing. You didn't learn anything. I don't like your behavior. I'm not. I would be annoyed. I was. If I was the bartender. I mean, I was doing. I made some mistakes, but then I still tried to make it right in all the right ways. Yeah, but after you saw his boys show up and he was right again, that was.
57:09Sean told me at one point you got up.
57:11Nate Marshall:He went, you know the fuck I do a podcast with? Do you have any idea who my podcast partner is? I heard they poured out the drink because you tried to Coyote Ugly. You got up and said, let's go, girls.
57:28You tried to twerk on the bar and they said, get him the fuck out of here. Smashing the glasses. It's too much. It is too much. I don't think I was expecting it to fall and shatter. I wasn't thinking that. I just was like, come on. Shit. yeah now he done done it clear the counter yeah but pulling out i'm pulling off like not getting my ass whooped i am pretty happy like i'm proud of that because you survived that would have been a rough one it would have been a it would have been a hot up in hospital 4am new orleans
57:59Nate Marshall:especially after i'm ready to die and as soon as soon as like someone cracks I was like, yeah, you're fucking fucking kidding me. It was a misunderstanding. I don't really want to die. Are you saying that? That would have sucked. I mean, when we got out of the Uber to go into the bar, I was like, this is a real place. Yeah. This is the real deal. This is the Wild West. We're going to have to act right. Yeah. You're going to have to be polite. Yeah. It was nice. It was a good time. I'm just saying, when we pulled up, it was. I don't remember. It was black as hell. He couldn't be acting a fool. Yeah.
58:37They were what? They played a lot of Usher across the street. That's how black it was. Yeah, it was very black.
58:42Nate Marshall:What was going on across the street? It was like a club. Okay, it was a club. Dance club. It was ripping Usher. Yeah. Yeah, true. Those are the only places you can hear Usher and Chris Brown. It's like a black dance club. Yeah. Certainly. Although, yeah. I feel like if you're at a true bar in the hood, It'd be plastic cups everywhere There would be no glass to smash A lot of plastic cups going on Yeah Yeah we did have bottles I didn't even think about that There's a lot of plastic When I used to go to the bars in West There was like bars No it definitely wasn't like that It wasn't like that hood Yeah Okay But the patrons Yeah Visibly guys you don't want to bother Were they grown and sexy?
59:26Nate Marshall:Nah They were not grown and sexy But they were Nah They looked like 70th award bits So you're like a little nether realm, basically. Yeah, I can't even imagine doing that. It wasn't for messing around. Yeah. There was bars when I went to school at Drexel in West Philly that would serve. You could be a baby, and they'd be like, yeah, whatever. I just vividly remember only ever drinking out of clear plastic cups. I'm like, fuck, this place is the best bar I've ever been to. I've been to two bars. This is my favorite whatever. Two for one shot night. That's exactly how I am. That's still my favorite bar.
1:00:01I got to the bar I worked at when I was 21 every yeah
1:00:05Nate Marshall:this is the best there is I will say there is something so fun about walking into a bar pretty much stone sober and then just kind of really digging in for like hours at a barstool yeah it's so nice talking about clocking in yes putting in a real shift we put in this one of the strongest shifts at uh in Chicago the day after Oasis Me, Billy. Oh, you guys dug it. Me, Billy, Spud, and Egot put in a monster shift. Yeah. It was really nice. That's fun. Egot had to skedaddle because the beers were looking. Yeah. They were calling him. That would absolutely kill me. Spud's willing to put in a shift.
1:00:45I was surprised how willing Billy was to put in a shift. Put in a shift? It was a great shift. Yeah. People love to change bars. No, it's nice to dig in for a while.
1:00:54Nate Marshall:You dig in. You go, we sit at this table. Then it got a little, guys at the next table were like, you guys want some blow? It was like, shift's over. Yeah, we're out. Clock it out. Because that's how, that's where you get those overtime hours. That's the night crew coming in. Yeah. All right. We're day crew. You got it. Yeah, that was my favorite thing. When I used to work for an electrician, we would get paid in a bar in cash every Friday. That was a big thing. You'd be like, we're digging in. We're going to dig in the whole thing. Basically, like most of the company would just sit at that bar.
1:01:22Nate Marshall:You're talking about a shift. It's fire. I'm like, I love it, dude. I'm going to Westchester this weekend. I'll be putting in a shift. Saturday college football Notre Dame at 3.30 that's shift time oh yeah the whistle's gone
1:01:42Nate Marshall:that'd be a sick bar if you could just sit on iron beams true like four feet up have a little lunch pail and they give you your drinks you can pretend you're an iron worker in the 1920s yeah I'm reading a speaking of uh infrastructure in the 1920s I'm reading a book right now called uh the titan by theodore dreiser whatever dreiser whatever his name is and it's all about like the robber baron age of like 1890 to 1920 and but it's a guy from philadelphia who does some white collar financial crime goes to jail but still has like you know a cool million bucks and then he goes out to chicago to like really ramp up it's just him and his mistress he just abandons his family with his mistress goes to chicago and just starts monopolizing like gas works and railroads and shit so fucking nice it's all about like 19 anything like turn of the 20th century high society the vernacular is so fucking nice they all just attack each other and it's it's the best yeah like uh great gatsby yeah it's very similar like oh he's an old sport yeah it's very he's they go quite so quite it's uh also the sun also rises is very like that yeah like yeah I just love that they just hate each other they all went to Ivy League they're all like he thinks he's a good fighter he's a Jew it's exactly that he's like I'll tell you what that Jew can fight I wouldn't want to try him that man's rotten from the top of his head to the soles of his feet how about you try this on for size and he socked him right in the jaw they made up and like dude his wife like bucks he's just completely he has not he's like non-stop mistresses he's constantly like He'll meet a guy.
1:03:20Nate Marshall:He'll be like, I knew his child when she was in younger years, and she turned into a beautiful woman, so I decided to bed her in the car. It was my business associate, but whatever. That's none of his business anyway. Dude, at one point, his wife obviously gets wise to one of his – or he marries his mistress, and it's his wife now, and she gets wise to it, and she just attacks the lady, and he just comes and he's talking about how he's just – obviously, like, hold still. He's like, you've lost your mind. you've lost your mind what are you doing and it's like that back then he's like he could have just committed he could have fully been like sent her to the institution yeah but at one point the guy was just like thinking about it and he goes he had to like hold her down and he was just like in an elder day i could have choked her to death and sewn her up in a burlap sack and thrown her in the river it's so funny to be like a three-piece suit like in elder times i could choke this woman and didn't kill her.
1:04:14On the ride back, everyone had fell asleep when I was driving, so I put on Post Office by Bukowski. And it was like, out of nowhere, he's just like talking about going on his route. And then this lady, he just like... It's a good scene. It was real uncomfortable because Shaw's lady's in the car, so I don't know why that made it worse, but it was like a woman in the car listening to that scene. It was like... I didn't see that coming, Bukowski. Yeah, and he got sucked by a nasty old one? No. Wait, which one? Everybody jacks off. No, he took a lady. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was like, I finished her off, and then I left.
1:04:52It's like, damn. Yeah. Yeah. I had this guy's posters on my wall. Vukowski's not great. Yeah. Yeah. That would call me off guard. Usually, he's just drinking and fighting. Oh, it's the post office. All right, yeah. Yeah, those guys got it. They really let it air out.
1:05:09Nate Marshall:Yeah, now it's like, you don't have any strong women of color in your book, and then back then I'd be like I fucking killed that lady this is based on my life yeah one time on my post office route I saw a lady that kind of insinuated to have sex I went inside and raped her and anyway then I got hammered and fistfought another guy yeah those dudes are wilding out for sure yeah how are we doing on this I think we're good I think it's time for the Patreon yeah true I have so many salacious stories ooh yeah I mean this is nothing but headlines right now true alright dirty gossip watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify.
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yo0oo00o0o0oo0o. Wutz guddy. Hope you're all having a good week. Have a hot cast for you. Fambly ep with Nathan. We talk about our time together in Nawlins and much more :) Please enjoy. God Bless.
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