Ep 588 - Horse Life (feat. Lemaire Lee & Nate Marshall)

25:38Nate Marshall:I keep I've been telling my wife all of her jewelry is cubic zirconium it's my favorite thing bro why it's like you can't tell the difference like yeah every chance I get it she'll be like oh I love this ring I'm like you know it's cubic zirconium yeah I'm like go get tested I paid the guy to say it was a diamond stop it's not funny it's the truth it's yeah that's that's a man that's a fucking racket diamonds they can just synthetically make diamonds now they were they actually they do it they make them pink now oh they make them pink now yeah steven singer he makes them pink i hate steven singer actually i do hate that store i do hate that store i actually hate steven singer i went in there one time the whole engagement thing and i just walked out of there like man this place fucking sucks so bad also i buying jewelry sucks so bad because you look at one thing and you're like all right it's 1200 and you go all right fuck you what about that one that's like a fucking millimeter bigger like that's 75 000 dollars you're like what the fuck man how yeah but oh it's just a more flawless that's like man shut up i got i got kind of lucky i'm getting cumix arconium off the amazon i got kind of lucky my girl she she literally requested not a diamond she was like i want to garnet so it kind of garnet The ring is big as hell, but it's like...

26:58It's a garnet. It was a garnet. That's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

27:01Nate Marshall:Now, that's the move. I told them, I was like, I want the most violently acquired diamond you guys have. I was like, I want a little card with like the body count. I want to see the child soldiers. Did anyone lose their hand? I want to see the naked children who cut their penises off by taking this out of their room. Sir, let me give you this Boko Haram ring. It has the blood of a million children on it. their souls as well yeah blood diamonds are underrated yeah they really are it's just like dude it was good dude it was good back in the day what blood diamonds it was good stuff right there already i don't think i guess i don't know maybe all the diamonds i think they're all got like mined for the most part they just sit in warehouse they sit in like the beers warehouses they're doing blood cobalt now blood cobalt blood cobalt blood copper the cell phone yeah that is the funniest thing how everyone always goes well you know your cell phone is actually made by slave labor and everyone goes yeah whatever i need that so i can't complain it is i mean it's one of those shoes and so are my pants yeah true yeah it's one of those things you hear about you go well all right fair enough you know what happens in you know guam is none of my business actually i'm more of a states rights guy what happens in guam is really none of my business they're still China's taking over Africa like crazy right now still yeah they're almost done really yeah dude oh did you see the guy in Namibia his name's like Adolf Hitler and he got elected as president you know Hitler got elected in China in Namibia in Africa I mean ah man that's pretty wild what are they it's pretty crazy to think about like do you think the Chinese interlopers have set up little corner stores in Africa and sell them tiny bags of chips?

28:52Nate Marshall:Yelling at everybody who walks in. They teach a bunch of African guys how to squat and smoke first. That's like step one. I don't know. You think Africa will rise up against the Chinese overlords? No. The Chinese overlords mistreat them. I've seen videos of them smacking them with sticks at construction sites and shit. Really? Just real snapping. Just hitting them with big ass. What? Not like kendo sticks Where they look like I don't know bamboo But I don't They gotta be shipping The bamboo in Dude what the fuck man They're shipping in the bamboo Just to smack people That's fucked up We need a smack and sticks Is that a real thing Are they really I saw that years ago I haven't seen it Probably since like It was like It was like peak COVID time When you're on your phone And I was seeing Let me see They got the friendship Out of there Then they took over All the mines Now they're Fucking killing us It's the technology See my thing is Do you really think America would let that happen Yeah Yeah They will let China Take over Africa Or you think they're gonna Let them do it And then take it from China I don't know What the plan is Cause they've been there They've been there For a little bit Yeah I think we're just gonna Leave them over there We're gonna go after Venezuela We're going to South America now You think so Yeah we're about to Take their resources Okay I'll take You know It's closer I think What does Venezuela have oil Oh yeah I'm gonna get that motherfucker Oh Oh Oh Oh okay This is that shit Where they They trap these African nations in unsustainable debt, and then they take their natural resources.

30:19Nate Marshall:America's been doing this forever, too. Yeah. They really did just steal our playbook. Yeah. Yeah, but, dude, I just, you know, I feel like America kind of knows what's good, what getting's good, because America's been on this for fucking ever, giving people being like, we'll give you loans to do infrastructure, and then they go, oh, shit, you've defaulted. We're going to take all of your natural resources. Yeah. So you think America was like, we don't even need what Africa's got? We can either take your resources or put a McDonald's right here. I don't know. I'd have to consult my sources high up in the government to find out.

30:50Nate Marshall:I was pretty happy. We did unveil a new jet that looks better than anything I've seen China put out. Like an F? They got like a hypersonic jet that took its first flight. And that's pretty, it looks crazy. Hypersonics fast. Yeah. I don't know how you can have a person in it. It's got to be. There's just some guy sitting there. That's pretty cool. Yeah. I don't know. We'll have to see what happens with China and Africa. I feel like if we did ever go to real tabloos with each other, it's going to be the craziest thing of everybody unveiling their secret shit. Yeah. We just show off B2 bombers now.

31:24It's not our time. So you know it's old shit now. I think that's why they're waiting for aliens, because they're like, we got so much cool shit to take out on the aliens.

31:31Nate Marshall:Dude, I honestly think if we wait 30 more years, China's population is going to be old as fuck. because they don't have a lot of kids. It's already old right now. It's already fucking old. So I think America's just going, yeah, guys, do your thing. Do all the work for us. We're going to, once you guys are old as hell, we're going to swoop in and fuck you guys up. You think China might be doing a thing where they're like, all right, we got it. We're going to crunch time too. We got to fuck in. We're about to be old as shit. We got to make a move. Those Afro-Chinese are going to be crazy though.

31:57Afro-Chinese? Yeah, it's going to be a lot of Rudy Hachimuras. There's going to be Blasians. Yeah. The ladies and the Blasians, that'd be tough.

32:05Nate Marshall:If they're down there just creating Blasians, that's gonna be tough to ignore. Thick Blasians? Yeah. Crap. You think Blasians are better than just regular black-white mixed people? We're talking strictly ladies right now. Do a mixed conversation? Like hotness. Blazing lady, black-white lady.

32:30Black-white lady, Black white lady is more common over here. Sure. Here's a combination you never even really thought of. Chinese, Mexican.

32:40Nate Marshall:Yeah, but there's a lot of crossover. There's a lot of crossover. I swear to God.

32:48Nate Marshall:Yeah, that's one that you like, you know. Yeah. If you mix fucking yellow with... Rice. Oh, sorry. That's a bad comment. You know what I'm saying, though? If you mix like yellow and orange, you're not going to go, what the fuck is this? Yeah, it looks just like this. It looks like yellow and orange. I didn't mean to pick that color. I was trying to think of like green with blue. He's talking about race. You know what I'm saying? Red beans. I'm talking RGB. I'm trying to talk RGB primarily. Okay, so now we're going to take a short break and get into something that all you sports fans will love.

33:21Nate Marshall:The more or less segment is brought to you by PrizePix. You and I make decisions every day, like right now. we're all thinking about making sure we choose the right gifts but on prize picks being right can get you paid there's so much sports action during the holidays and on prize picks whether you're a football fan a basketball fan or a fan of both like me it always feels good to be right now let's get into this who's looking good and who is looking horrible for the holidays hmm let me think who's playing this week let me access my database of games going on right now I know the birds are playing.

33:58The birds for sure. Birds are playing, and I know it hasn't been looking good, but I'm going more on Hurts. Yeah. I'm going more on Hurts for passing yards just because I believe it. This is a bounce back. This is two bad ones back to back. I think so, too. We're bouncing back hard. I'm going more. I'm going more on Hurts as well. I'm going more on Maxie right now because I think they still haven't caught it with how good he is. Tyrese Maxie. On the Sixers. On the Sixers. Going more with him constantly. and right now Jokic just he's just nuts. Rebounds specifically go more on rebounds for Jokic.

34:33Nate Marshall:Go more on Barkley as well. Go more on Barkley? Yeah you really get a lot of His more might be kind of low right now too. That's what I'm saying. You get a lot of yards the last game I watched so going more on your own team can be a little heartbreaking because if they lose you get double mad. I can't go less on my own team I don't want to root for them to go less but sometimes I just know I also just like to pick at random. It's good stuff. You know, sometimes you pick at random, let the universe decide. You know, I don't know anything about this. Sometimes I go, you know what? I think that guy's going to win.

35:03Nate Marshall:I like his look. You know, exactly. I like that guy's name. I think he's good. Any personal story? Anytime you're way too confident making a pick that fell apart. Nope. I have one every single time. Undefeated. Yeah. Okay. So that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours. There's no better place than prize picks. America's number one sports picks app. And even if your team is looking more cooked than an overdone turkey, with prize picks, you don't have to wait until next year's draft. Prize picks lets you play fantasy football every week, pick your favorite players, and win when they hit their projections every week.

35:40Nate Marshall:No draft required. Download the prize picks app today and use code Drench to get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup. That's code Drench to get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup. prize picks it's good to be right dude i've been uh i've had a type of video that's been taken over my algorithm now that's just do you see the videos where a person in like a black bandana over their face just records like an elderly person until the elderly person freaks out and like comes at them and they spray them with pepper spray no it's the most weird it's the craziest genre who sprays the pepper spray the cameraman what so it'll be like three guys with like their faces entirely covered just like this in like a 70 year old's face.

36:22Nate Marshall:The guy's like, why are you recording me? And they just go, get away from me. And as soon as they reach to block the camera, the guy goes, blast him with pepper spray. And they go, ah. And there's a lot of people in the comments being like, that's the fuck you get when you try to touch people's shit. That's fucking Karen ass bitch. And I'm like, gotta be a bot. Are you sure this is an AI? Maybe, I don't know. It's Russian disinformation, I think. You think they're fake? Yeah, I think it's dividing us. I don't know, dude. I've seen a lot of rage bait. And I'm like, that does seem like a way. Because my whole algorithm, for the most part, is rage bait.

36:56Nate Marshall:It's people going into Lowe's and Home Depot and bumping into a whole guy's shopping cart. And just going, get out of the way, you fucking asshole. And these dudes snap. So if you put a camera in that same guy's face, he'd probably snap as well. Yeah, you probably would. I hope it's fake. If it's fake, that would be a relief. Because I'm watching it like, this is evil. This is really mean. This guy's pre-dementia. I get crazed. do you ever see the rage bait guy who goes up to people's dogs and goes, man, look at that dog. I just want to suck on its nuts. And he starts screaming. He goes, man, look at that dog's nuts.

37:27I just want to suck on his nuts. And he screams at the people with their dog in the park. It upsets me. We're going to have to have a public health talk about rage bait.

37:38Nate Marshall:Because someone's going to have to tell the geezers. Like if some young kid comes up to you in Kmart and says gay shit to you, like you're probably on a viral. it's definitely being recorded yeah you're being recorded chill these guys just go fucking nuts i saw i would never fucking kiss you i saw one that just hit my algorithm it was it's like the funniest thing this dude takes two pictures of people like standing near each other but like they can't be looking at each other and then he'll use ai to make one of them do something weird to the other one like yes the one was he went on he put his hands on this guy's shoulder and like kissed him on his neck and he's like look he kissed you on your neck I'm looking at the video he's like I never kissed him dude that they're like I didn't do it it kills him man and then there's they do another one where they'll go up to an old man and go oh you're the guy from the internet and they go what and they're like check it out and they show a video of that man but he has like a bra on he's dancing he's like that is not me get away from me now and they'll do like full sprints toward them in the store.

38:43Nate Marshall:That's fucked up what we do with the geezers right now. I know. More lighthearted than that one. That's kind of funny. But it probably does because they get so once they're getting old, they start getting worried about their mental health. So they're probably like, did I kiss him on his fucking neck? Now that I'm an old man, I'm like, if I do 40 more years, I'm already like, I can feel decline. Physically, obviously, I'm getting stronger than ever. But mentally, it's just rapid decline. If you hit me in 40 years in a parking lot, just filming my face, I'm going to cry. I'll scream cry. Just like kick a shopping cart over.

39:22I mean, when they were born, they couldn't even imagine you take a picture and nap quick. You turn it into them, kissing a man on the neck like that.

39:29Nate Marshall:You go, that's real. Am I dreaming? Am I having a fucking stroke? What's going on? We should let them shoot those guys. You think so? Yeah. I kind of like that. Yeah. I saw one guy get shot never seen never seen him online again he's not dead he just got shot he was in the mall he was rage baiting some guy in the mall and the guy he was like hey he was like pushing him and the guy was like oh yeah kind of nonchalantly too he was like where's the hoodie yeah he just walked away just yeah I wonder if that guy got in trouble the dude was like fucking with him no he didn't get in trouble yeah he got off scot free I think the other guy got in trouble the guy who got shot got in trouble the rage baiter yeah I'm telling you they're gonna have to introduce legislation if you get caught rage baiting it should be like a misdemeanor yeah yeah it's really it's really fucked up to go to people and like push the buttons like that although you would hope that when you're old enough you're able to recognize rage bait and just go complete monk mode and go like um some of the old men do counter gay stuff in a very funny way yeah they're like i'll kiss you right now the guys are like whoa what the fuck or they just see a genuinely gay guy out there and he's like yeah i'm down let's fucking kiss but yeah that's my counter huh that's my counter whenever someone's like you're here to meet a 15 year old i go so what you want to what so what if i am

40:51oh man that's none of your business to meet a little girl so what you know be a really good

40:57Nate Marshall:video put out a help wanted flyer meet people in starbucks about a job paying like 25 an hour with benefits and once they show up have cameras come out and be like so you're trying to meet up with a teenager in the middle of a Starbucks and just start hitting him with that reading like just make up text my hard fat penis are you saying this? what the fuck? because you'd have to run if that happened to you you would just run out of Starbucks fuck you're not a fucking pedophile if you weren't in trouble why'd you run? that would be devastating yeah they shouldn't actually someone should never do that that's a terrible that's a terrible prank yeah dude I miss the old guys who would give kids money to like fight it no go ahead now you gotta say it they'll like take pictures of them in their underwear and shit yeah yeah I mean that was a good industry for kids was it at least at least they're getting paid I hear you at least they're getting paid what for some underwear shots come on dude take two I mean that's so the problem with that is the problem with that is you never hear the tales at the time the guy just was like I can't handle it and pigged out and just completely devoured the kid yeah that is true there has to be some kid who's like completely unless there were just gentlemen pedophiles back then who were like well let me not push the envelope I'll get some pictures I think there was cause like you know like there'd be a house and your parents were like don't go to that house it was like a funny guy it was a funny business guy We've talked about this before.

42:33Nate Marshall:Before, pedophiles are just like funny business. It's just like, that guy's a weirdo. Yeah. Yeah. I've said this before. My dad always makes the same joke. When he went to jail, he goes, we lost the best babysitter. Every single time. Yeah, my grade school, we had a couple brushes with the big P as well. Yeah. Pretty crazy. None of the priests, to my knowledge, is all just like chaperones. You know how school volunteers, you should just let people volunteer for like grade school. shit and then just hire private investigators to follow them there's like 20 of school volunteers are pedophiles but they should pick a random parent from every every school like one parent from every family and just spend like three days tracking them seeing what they're up to yeah they'd see me taking my walks and go oh damn this guy's not thinking about fucking anything his feet are sweating in his crocs he's like i gotta get my family from here at this time take a minute here for this thing.

43:34Nate Marshall:This guy's just thinking hard about taking a nap and regretting the fact that he drank too much coffee to take a nap. And then staring at something and getting distracted. My seventh grade teacher got in trouble for child porn. Child porn. Child porn. Seventh grade teacher? Yeah. I saw it on the news. Damn. You know what's worse about that, too? When a teacher gets caught for, like, pedophile stuff, then you get to go, okay, what grade did you ask to teach? And you know exactly what his thing is. Yeah, you know the A.T. You fucking pervert, man. Yeah. That's crazy.

44:10Nate Marshall:You're doing all these diversity and equity programs. You're like, we got to diversify this population. This is... I'm barely getting hard. I need some dulcitos.

44:26Did y 'all ever have like the old dude Picking up the young lady from school All the time

44:32Nate Marshall:Like high school you talking For me it was middle school Middle school Maybe the chick I left back a year She Puerto Rican Dominican Her dude used to come And he had to be like 25 or older He used to like pick her up from school They would walk home together and I sure wasn't her older brother no I was definitely I mean she would she would tell everybody that was my boyfriend oh like she would say he snapped on me and my boy Khalil once because we were sitting at the corner of the store and they were walking past and we were like trying to just make fun of her not even about hey yo you're a pedophile you know you don't you were just like your boyfriend's so old I don't even know we were just we were just making fun of her like as a person and he just was walking with her and snapped on us like it just didn't even hit us that he would do it but then my boy's mom Right after that, we told his mom, and they bumped into each other at the mall, and she went nuts on him, he said.

45:26You told him you saw his mom? My boy said him and his mom saw him at the mall.

45:32Nate Marshall:With his grade school daughter? I don't know if he saw her with the girl, but she just was like, Mom, that's a guy I told you about who did the thing. And she just, she's from Philly, a black lady that lived in Red, and she went nuts on him. Really? Apparently, from what I heard. He had him pretty nervous. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's what happens when you, I mean, you probably thought shit was sweet. Yeah. He kept picking her up from school. Yeah, that's crazy. He didn't even drive. He would just walk to the middle school and walk. But he was like 20-something? The guy was a fucking pedophile. When you're younger, maybe he was younger than that.

46:02He was definitely out of school age. But the youngest he was was 19. And I'm remembering him looking way older than that. Might have been 45. I'm remembering him looking 30. But Dominicans are kind of... Sorry, any Dominicans listening, but like the most pedophile shit I've heard in person is Dominicans. I remember being in high school and I was like fucking, it was like 16. This is so funny.

46:28Nate Marshall:I'd be like, sorry, Dominicans, but you guys are gigantic pedophiles. I mean, dude. Yeah, I mean, it kind of checks out, bro. If you were like a 40-year-old Dominican hat, man, you put on one of those bowler hats. I could see it. You just started going, my karma. You have like four mojitos You just see the grade school And you go Dios mio Dios mio Just the music doesn't help either If you're all day long I would get horny in a car If I was listening to that all day That music Changes you psychologically Imagine listening to that all day long If you ever worked on a construction site You watch it all day long It's just like It just has to like Change your brain Like what even mindset Does that put you in?

47:20Nate Marshall:Yeah right If you're working All day long And it's like It's just It's insane It's like circus music It's like move fast music Yeah it's just move fast But it is It is nice What I do like about Specifically Mexican guys Is how they'll just go I didn't know They'll just love to scream The Greedo The Greedo The Greedo Kind of nice The Greedo's nice Yeah We introduced the Greedo into our lives this year. Yeah, we had a really? Yeah. Yeah, that shit's just a nice power scream amongst just like 150 beats per minute trumpet music. It's nice, dude. And it's funny because you have just done like three days worth of work by lunchtime.

47:57Nate Marshall:So, yeah. Maybe that music is what we need as a country. Just that classic beat that don't stop all day long. One song for eight hours. I'm telling you, I think it puts you in a whole different mindset. that's what a pedophile mindset no that's you're talking to many i'm talking about hard work i'm still at hard work in mexicans i don't know much about i gotta tell you what this one mexican or not mexican dominican bull said when we were like in 11th grade because there was a uh middle school nearest and so we was you know they would walk past and we're like getting out or getting out early whatever and he was like pointing at one of the girls and i was like man she's too young He went, man, after 12, it's lunch.

48:33And I was like, crazy. Yeah. It's crazy. How old was this guy? I was 64 and 10th or 11th grade. It's a principle.

48:45Nate Marshall:Yeah, a lot of, I don't think a lot of those countries really do have age of consent. I think they kind of eye it up. Yeah. Like we have like laws and metrics. I think they kind of, you just go boobs, no boobs. You kind of eye it up. You go, I'm going to put this one on the eyeball and you see. I couldn't imagine being in Brazil and eyeballing it up. just they don't have laws like that there yeah they no dude i remember so i actually went to the dominican republic years ago on like a little vacation and i like went to an all-inclusive resort and i remember this was like a long time ago i was younger but i remember they like made the staff like dance for us yeah like you get there and they're like come out it's like a you know welcome night thing and i remember being like some of the staffs like they weren't like children but i remember they were like young enough to where i was i was in like my mid-20s just thinking like it's kind of weird they're dancing very sexually yeah yeah just like standing in front of us and just like gyrating their bodies and we just all get to sit there and be like great i remember just feeling a little weird about it being this kind of feels is brazil is like one of the horniest places this was dominican republic oh but brazil number two yeah brazil brazil's such a horn it's the horniest country yeah it just if you go there you'll become horn to sell too it's like there's nothing anyone can do about it it's in the air yeah i mean i get it though them ladies look so nice this episode is brought to you by aura frames look i get it gift cards are easy and you don't have to worry about getting something they don't like but this holiday season why not try something different get something more personal than the same old generic gift card it means more than you think have you ever gifted something small but personal what made it meaningful what was gifted one time this is actually a horrible confession but one time i it was mother's day i didn't get anything and i think i was in like high school and i went to a nearby uh little development of houses and i i stole flowers off the porch of another house and gave them to my mother it wasn't even like a bouquet it was just a bucket of flowers like a potting plant of flowers i was like here ma felt bad about that but that was still yeah you know i should have got an aura should have got my act together back then order an aura frame guys nothing beats the gift of togetherness can we all disagree on that and thanks to aura frames you can get it all year round it's nice it's a digital picture frame you can put all your pictures on it actually is a really sweet gift for a limited time save on the perfect gift by visiting aura frames.com to get 35 off or is best-selling carver matt frames named number one by wire cutter using promo code mssp at checkout that's a u r a frames.com promo code mssp this deal is exclusive to listeners and frames sell out fast so order yours now to get it in time for the holidays support the show by mentioning us at checkout terms and conditions apply yeah brazil is a uh land full of beautiful women that's all i'll say about that they all do plastic surgery they all do plastic surgery out there although they have like one guy in Brazil who's just getting all the money just a billionaire guys looking the women are just like an array just like every type of woman you can imagine there's just one guy Cristiano Ronaldo face kind of it's either that or black as hell he's got two guys two guys yeah they have like dusty parking lot soccer guys They have the most handsome fucking male models.

52:13Nate Marshall:Well, hell, that's hilarious. What's up? Interesting information. The Dominican Republic has an age of consent of 18, but Mexico's federal age of consent is 15 years old. Federal? Holy shit. Damn, the feds stamped that. Japan is 13. No, they changed it. Are you sure? Yes. Jesus, LaMare. Oh, yeah, they did change it. I'm glad you're keeping up on it, though. What the hell, dude? Do you have to reschedule your trip? You get an anime guy pass on that. Yeah. I'm fighting for these rights of these kids, dude. You're watchdogging. I'm watchdogging, dude. What if they change it to? If you're already at 13, did they go to 18 or 16?

52:56Nate Marshall:Because that's kind of... Probably 18. They just go 14. 16. They went to 16. 14 would be so funny. Go up one year. 14 and a half. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Japan was. How long was Japan 13 for? I'm basically forever. They used to have on Google. You'd ask, what's the age of consent in Japan? And then Dennis's face from always. So they're coming. Just side eye.

53:23Yeah, they changed it two years ago. That's crazy. To 16, 13. Yeah, from 13 to 16.

53:30Nate Marshall:I mean, that was like a multi-generation plan. They're like, look, we'll go 13 now. That way when they put the fucking Put the wrenches on us We're like alright alright We'll go to 16 We'll go home We'll go to 16 That's crazy That's fucked up So it's like a So literally a college Or a high school teacher Could just have sex With a high school student If he was good enough That makes sense now though That that's a thing Cause you know I've been playing Japanese RPGs in Prisota And they always have like This game I play There's always like a way You can fuck your teacher in it But you play like a You know it's like a fantasy I don't know You play a high school guy It is really weird because like, I mean, being a pedophile is up there with someone like one of the worst as one of the worst crimes in the world.

54:10Nate Marshall:Yeah. And if you go to another country, you go from being the worst guy in the world to just a totally law-abiding citizen. To just a normal dude. You know what I mean? It's the weirdest. It's probably the weirdest law. It could be a pedophile publicly and then go get a coffee like on the same block. Yeah. It's weird. It's such a bizarre thing. You can kiss your kid. Because murder is murder. You murder somebody, it's across the board. Everyone's like, yeah, that wasn't really called for. But yeah, in America, you can be next to being... I mean, I think you're more respected as a murderer than a pedophile, depending on who you murder.

54:44Even in jail, you'll get way better treatment as a murderer than as a fucking... Yeah, even in society. You'll get murdered as a pedophile in jail. Yeah, you'll get murdered and raped. I've just been having dreams where I just wake up and I'm like, did I kill somebody? I don't know why. Why is he driving drunk on the top? No, no, no, no. You've actually killed people No I just keep waking up in a panic I think I just had a dream about hiding a body Really? You have the itch? Do you feel murderous? No

55:18No not today What's the feeling you have? I don't know it's just the scariest feeling in the world I'm like I'm going to get caught That's what I keep thinking when I wake up You definitely get caught I love that it's not I feel bad bad I murdered a person. It's like they're gonna be on my ass. Yeah, it's like I'm going to jail. Do you know who you murdered in the... No. No. It's like different people. Has it ever been me? No. You promise? Yeah. Okay. Just creaking the cave, comedians. You wanna fucking bump me, piece of shit?

55:53Nate Marshall:That'd be sick to do one of those like comedian movies at the end. Someone gets bumped and they just shoot them in the green. Put her up. Put her there. Dave Chappelle comes in and bumps you and you're like, that's my final straw. This is my last. That's it. He's going to go up there for three hours.

56:15Nate Marshall:Yes, sir. Rebob. So everyone, we can all establish we all got diarrhea. We've discussed the age of consent globally. And yeah, is Japan the lowest? I mean, I think if you hit Chinese controlled Africa, there's probably like... Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'll look it up, but I don't feel good about it. Dude, they just like... You're definitely about to get yourself on the list. Some guy just stole, like... I got nothing to hide. A bunch of girls from a building in Africa. Really? Yeah, they're always stealing girls in Africa. Yeah, girls do get scooped up. Yeah. So, you know, it's one of the last countries you get an honest man can go steal some...

56:50Nate Marshall:Just steal some ladies. Didn't Michelle Obama freak out about those girls that got taken from the school? They never brought them back. No, I don't. And then I think... Didn't, like, a bunch of boys at that school get like brutally murdered and nobody even said anything about it? Oh shit did they? I'm almost positive that happened. Because it's like one school? Bring back our girls. Yeah because it's like I think it was a like a you know upper class school that like parents were kind of rich so people would be like oh perfect let's go kidnap an entire class and get paid. And I think they like took the girls as ransom and just like killed murdered all the boys.

57:22That's crazy.

57:23Nate Marshall:Yeah. Africa is looking tough. Nigeria is 11 years old. 11? Oh, shit. I mean, why have it at all? Yeah. Are you serious? That's what Google says. Nigeria's 11? Shit. That's devastating to find out. Nigeria, that's crazy. Oh, man. That country stinks anyway. Also, yeah, I mean, 11's crazy. 11's, like, it's not even lunchtime yet. It's not even lunchtime. I mean, it's funny to be in Nigeria and dating a 10-year-old. They're like, you fucking scumbag. You fucking piece of shit. Wait, you started talking to her when she was 10? You piece of shit. That's upsetting. Nigeria is a bad country. Is it? I always thought it was one of the better advocates.

58:09They lie about how much money they make. A couple years ago, they got in trouble for bouncing checks as a country. Well, apparently, Nigeria puts out a ton of mathletes, though.

58:20Nate Marshall:A lot of mathematicians come out of Nigeria. For some reason, Nigerians crush math. Yeah, because they're figuring out the age of math. what's the square root of 18 yeah

58:37huh

58:39Nate Marshall:no no what did you say this episode is brought to you by blinds.com Matt I'll tell you what I can start by talking about that one set of blinds that drove me absolutely crazy LeMaire's blinds broke here really and so his it's just open to the sun. He's out all day. You can walk by and see him. You can see what he's up to. That's driving you crazy. I come home, I knock on him. I say, what the fuck is doing? He's asleep. Your blinds are broken? Yeah. Dude, get it? Get it? Someone will come out here right now and they can estimate them for you. Yeah. Blinds.com. You can call Blinds.com. It's really quick and easy.

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59:59Nate Marshall:Matt, can you tell me something about the core shorts? Oh, my God. For example, gym, couch, quick run out. They just work. All right. That's what they just work. What about the Strato Tech tee? I would say ridiculously soft, like suspiciously soft. Everything is the perfect combo of comfort, but still looking like we didn't completely give up. Oh, God. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God, Viore. Viore.com slash secret and discover the versatility, the verse nature of Viore clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. That's Viore. I was going to change the subject. I just found out another fun fact.

1:00:37Come on. Do you know the MMA fighter Khabib Nurmagomedov? Yeah. He is married to his second cousin, and they had the same surname before they got married. Really? Yeah Second cousin So she's Nurga Madadov Nurga Madadov No she just I think she just She's not gonna hyphenate Yeah Second cousin Sorry that just That's been on my mind lately No I mean second cousin

1:00:59Nate Marshall:It's not ideal for sure I don't think they have many options In Dagestan though Yeah You go third Third cousin That's not even a thing Third cousin's just like your friend Oh shit No I mean third cousin's Dude I think like though When you marry your cousin It's like Chances of birth defects Go up like 3 % 100%. It's not like a massive. I thought it was just like automatic. You're getting. Yeah. You know. Don't they do that in Lego guy? That's still a weird one to show up to the family meet, like the family reunion with like. We love each other. It is for sure. But some some. I mean, in history, it was like the coolest shit you could do.

1:01:40Nate Marshall:It's like you marry your cousin. Everyone was like, great choice. Dude, if you have a hot cousin. I was kind of fortunate to not really have hot cousins What'd you say? I was kind of fortunate to not have hot cousins I don't have one cousin memory You didn't covet any of them I didn't even in my head go like hot cousin I was never a big cousin guy either Thank God Imagine if that was your twist though And you were just completely obsessed with having sex with your cousin There's guys out there I'm sure Yeah That happens too 100 % What do you think about that? Huh?

1:02:14Nate Marshall:What do you think about that? No. Your age can send Japan speed take. Might have been with the D 'Elia Snapchat. Wait, what?

1:02:33Nate Marshall:That was a tough one. Dude, I repeat everyone who's gotten absolutely munched by the internet. It just happens. Everybody gets destroyed. I know it's coming for me one day. I'm worried about it. Destroyed by the internet. What do you mean? I don't know. I just like everyone gets destroyed. I don't think anyone ever sees it coming. They're always going. Nothing's ever been better. And then the internet goes. Yeah, it turns out everyone fucking hates you. Fuck. Shit. I mean, it's literally like a soldier's death. I'm like, it's coming for me one way or the other. I don't know how. Yeah. Well, in the words of Harvey Dent, either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

1:03:15True. That's why you don't stop drinking. I'm going to at least see myself become a villain. Take any more spots to me.

1:03:27Nate Marshall:I mean, somebody you didn't predict in high school to have to ever contend with a digitized public shaming. Yeah. So, I don't know. Maybe hopefully now that I'm a man, I'll just go, what the hell are they saying on the internet? Bullcrap Turn it off Unplug it God damn it I'm going for my walk I think whatever Whatever happens to me I'm just going to lean into it If it happens it's like yeah I don't know You have to like there's no guys that fight It's literally a Chinese finger trap Guys that go nuh uh you guys suck It's like you've just sealed your doom You have to go I am a lowly disgusting worm Yeah I have watched Every single come walk video So what?

1:04:10I do know them all by name. Accepting your shame takes the fun out of it for the internet.

1:04:16Nate Marshall:Yeah. It all depends what you did. Dude, Glenn Greenwald got crushed. Did you see his video? No. Did he do? Did you see that thing? It was, again, I guess I'm going to toss the Stanthea legend on here, but I think it was just like kink shit where he's gay, and he had like his, I guess a lover of his, released a video where he was just being like a little piggy, like a hungry little piggy. Yeah. It was like a humiliation video, but I think he was just like, whatever. Oh, he was being the humiliated one? Yeah, he was being humiliated, but it was out of kink for, like, you know, he was kind of, and again, I don't know the exact details.

1:04:52Nate Marshall:Yeah, I'm not kidding. John, if you could just maybe pull off an after-dudgeon.

1:04:59Nate Marshall:That came out, and also RFK, did you see his sext? No. He gets an RFK sex tape? No. Did you see it? No, it's sexts. He did text messages. Allegedly, again. Man, that could be anybody. His shit blew over. But dude, his texts are like, they're so horny that by halfway through the text, you're like, I'm on his side still. You're like, you can't. This is to Cheryl. Is this to Cheryl? Unfortunately, he's a bit of a bad boy. I'm not Cheryl. Maybe it was to Cheryl. I don't know. But that's not how they framed it. Okay. You know what? Look, man. Nah. Guy's trying to get blue food dye out of the goddamn Lucky Charms man leave him alone I'm not gonna send horny texts to whoever Is none of my fucking business The only kink thing that I don't shame it but I don't get it Is I mean I guess Is like people watching their ladies get plowed I think that the cuck shit is But there's a thing I learned about very recently I was just telling LaBare about it There's the revert there's like cuck it I forget what the cuck queen I had to speed with you on that Cuck queen might be the best thing that's ever existed.

1:06:02Nate Marshall:I think Cuck Queen's propaganda. Like, show me one Cuck Queen. Where are they? That's not an actual porn lady. Yeah, where are these fabled Cuck Queens? I know. Just being like, yeah, do it again. I've been hanging out with a lady and we decided we're gonna have a free use day. A free use day? Yeah. That's pretty nice. That's pretty cool, right? What's your thing gonna be? Also, how long are you gonna last at a free use day? I feel like that's what you bust one out in the morning. You're like, well, Yeah Checked out I can go That is a private matter Sorry guys Hey man I'm glad for you That sounds good Sounds fun though Yeah Should I be a hoot Free I like it I was interested in the free used day What's your plan Yeah that's a good question His plan is to just show up Do it To hang out But here's the thing Do you get to direct Do you get to direct her positioning Because where is she going to be That's the question Is she going to be stuck Is she going to be just frozen?

1:07:01Nate Marshall:Stuck would be nice. Frozen? Is there going to be a sex doll on the bed and then you move it and then it's her? Like, how is this going to go down? No, that's the thing, dude. It's like, it's just whatever. You just have a day. And then whatever's happening during the day, you're like. Is it reciprocal? That's my question. Can she freely use you? Oh, you get your own day. Really? Yeah. What if she takes it to like a realm of kink you're not ready for? No. You're going to get stuck in the dry. I set my rules. You can't violate the free king. You're also free use. Yeah, I set my rules. Free use of a dude would be so, I'd be so nervous.

1:07:38Nate Marshall:Especially after your day of free use. Dano is also like my turn and be like, I don't know. We should talk about this. What are the rules? You can't be inserted? No but. No but. No but. What if she tries and you're just not in the mood? Slap her. But it's not free use. No but whatsoever Can't even tickle you Sean did you find any of that stuff About the sex Yeah it was a poem Allegedly sent to Olivia Nuzi Nuzi Bro it's the best It's very erotic Please read it Sean Can you read it with prose I'll try Wait till you see I started hearing it And I was like by the middle of it I was like you know what man I kind of tipped my hat to this guy I got it here Your open mouth awaiting my harvest Drink from me love I mean to squeeze your cheeks To force open your mouth I'll hold your nose as you look up At me to encourage you to swallow Don't spill a drop I am a river You are my canyon I mean to flow through you I mean to subdue and tame you my love My love I'm about to copy and paste that Send that to my girl Did RFK write the letter for the guy The Kurt guy What guy I'm not sure I don't know what you mean That's what it is Glenn Greenwald got set up He said it was a political takedown Where he was with This is all from Google Reportedly depict Greenwald in intimate acts With another adult male in Brazil Which we were just talking about whom he reportedly, this is what they're saying, paid for the encounter.

1:09:29Nate Marshall:And it's pretty much, it's just him being like, kind of like thoroughly domed and humiliated. But they confront, they like released his tape without his consent. They like, you know, it's pretty rude. And then they're like, what do you say about that? And he was like, I don't regret any of that. But that was kind of a beast. It's a beast move to go, to get completely, be a shame Lord to be like, yeah, dude, I'm a total pig. And I did some fucking really, it's, it's, you watch it, you're like, yeah, damn. But he just came out. political enemies tried to take him down with it and he was like I don't care that makes me respect him kind of a beast he's kind of a beast he's like yo look at this weird shit he's like yeah it was fucking really weird I did that and uh your little plan didn't work on me I'd do it again I'm gonna do it again wasn't there some politician that got like exposed like that for doing like public shit with his lady not the lady who was giving handjobs in the movie theater not her this was like a different this was like a whole video that got exposed I forget who was telling me about it but I remember just hearing that be like was there any scandal attached to it or was it like uh i think same shit like takedown type shit yeah i can't i don't remember his name or anything so funny dude all you have all you need is a video of a politician having sex and you destroy their entire career the same the thing we all they're clearly having sex yeah like weird psycho sex yeah you want to be a politician like you're going nuts in the bedroom i bet aoc does the craziest shit i hope so you think so my god yeah but who who's piping in AOC.

1:10:49Nate Marshall:She's some white guy. Yeah, probably. She's like the founder of some weird tech company. Yeah, true. Yeah, you know, there's a lot of, behind a lot of powerful women, there are surprisingly just kind of a drab white guy. They kind of slide into that role really nicely. Isn't Kamala Doug? Doug? Who's Doug? It's Kamala's husband. That's all he talks about. I think he could call himself like, I'm Doug, Kamala's husband. Doug Doug Fucking nerd Dang that stinks Poor Doug Political email once That when Camilla That was like This was before she was even running I think she might have been running with Biden And I got like a political email That was like This is Doug And then in parentheses Kamala's husband Is how it started And that's how I know his name Like that email What the fuck does Doug do Why would he allow himself To be framed in an email like that Well he's the owner of the Dim'sdale Dimmadome Cuck Hmm Where's that from?

1:11:48Fairly odd appearance Doug Demidome

1:11:54The first Jewish Spouse of a US vice president Oh that's what he did? Doug Is that really a fucking thing you would say? Oh damn He's from Old Bridge, New Jersey What? I mean Or it's kind of a bad look Massad Dude he kind of He kind of looks like Waltz A little bit Thank you He's in uh Christophe

1:12:22Nate Marshall:No Doug Doug looks like Waltz He's a lawyer That's crazy If I would damn I would have been nervous Having my babe around Waltz Who's Waltz? Waltz was a guy she ran with I was like I love shooting guys Tim Waltz Touchdown Tim Oh yeah Yeah dude Damn dude She got a type Doug Emhoff does SoulCycle at home in california emhoff had attended a sunday morning soul cycle class in west hollywood and left his cell phone in the car while going for coffee and a chat with friends in the bar why they frame this guy as the ultimate housewife i mean he kind of frames himself as the ultimate housewife it could be kink kamala's husband it could just be kink dude that whole campaign could have been kink for them she goes out loses he's just like i'm just your sexy little fucking boy I'm your little homeboy Kamala does drink I can see it dude Yeah As soon as one person Was like this lady's drunk I can never unsee it I'm like oh she's a drunk lady Yeah I don't see one of her More likable things Yeah She's just drunk Yeah She should have really Leaned into that Like I'm fucking hammered I don't know Bruh Bruh Come on down I would have heard Like it would have I'm dumb That would have got me I'd have been like She might be President Yeah Yeah I got leaned into That little bit of George Bush action Yeah Well, I'm just a drunk old whore.

1:13:40Nate Marshall:Dude. It would make me believe she could get things done. Whores get things done. They do. All throughout history. Yeah. Whores get things done. I want to see that tape between her and Doug. It's got to be the steamiest, dude. Doug's in like a little rose petal bathtub. Kamala. She's fucking wasted. She's like, stop, dog. You fucking asshole. You fucking ruined everything. Fuck you. How soul cycle you fucking. Come on. Hey, what do you drink? I had a nice lunch with friends. What a weird PR angle to be like, we're just going to make her husband a total pussy. They should have been like, they should have made him like, because they try to make Tim Waltz a badass.

1:14:32Nate Marshall:Yeah. I've been so mad if I was Doug. It's like, wait, why does Tim Walz get to be like a hunter badass? Yeah, and I have to be. I'm just a little peg boy. An at-home fucking peg boy. I'm fucking cuck. Beyond. I think he's almost beyond. We're getting cucked by Tim Walz over here. He's basically wife play. He's going. Tim Walz is like, I love shooting guns with my children. And I was in the army. Yeah, man. What the fuck? Yeah, didn't he not do any of that stuff? I heard there was. You never know, man. And look, LaMera, on the campaign trail, things get dirty. So who knows what's what. I'm really not looking forward to the election of 2028 because it's like 2020 and 2024 were so depressing.

1:15:15Nate Marshall:That 2028 is going to be, both parties are going to unleash, I think, a new psycho. I'm really a young psycho, a double young psycho battle. This is Trump's first year, though. Dude, he's not getting reelected. That's what I keep, we were just having this conversation. He's not getting reelected. It would make people too mad. Like, that's not what America's about. He's just lost his juice. Once they hit him with the Epstein shit and he was like, ah, forget about that stuff. I think that he really lost a lot of his juice. But I'm saying this is his first year as president. Yeah, I know. He could technically do another one.

1:15:44He still got like three more. He still got three more years. He could do two more. He could do two more.

1:15:47Nate Marshall:He could do one more after this. No, he's president for four years. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Why could he do another term if he was already president? Because I think, I don't know. But they said, I honestly don't know. But I think they said he can do another term technically. He can only do two Because they're not consecutive Because he had one We had Biden And I think for some weird reason He can do two more now They're like trying to make the political The legal argument that he can But it's like dude we gotta move on It's like we can't It's gonna be forever We can have a 90 year old dictator He's dominated a whole decade And it's like he was funny Yeah he was obviously funny But now it's like dude please I'm curious the moves they're gonna make If they're gonna go back old school like prim and proper or if the new thing is just fuck that guy it's mom i think it's fuck that guy bro or yeah maybe mom donnie yeah i'm donnie's more maybe more of like a even a gavin newsom gets he's a leather jacket democrat they're trying to make gavin newsom so fucking cool he's a podcast that guy needs to he's one of the normal guys like us he has a fucking podcast gavin newsom needs to go lay the fuck down like he needs to shut up the problem is i'll say he He is the perfect politician.

1:16:56Nate Marshall:He's just like a weird, smiling psycho. Yeah. I'm saying just like, I don't, you know, I'm not a fan of him, but it's also like you got to give it up. I'm like, man, no, this guy was born for the role of California governor. Yeah. He fucking tanked the state and now he wants to tank the country. Yeah, we'll see, man. I don't know. I think maybe they'll run Vance. They could run Vance again. It feels like he's been making a play because he's been out doing his own shit recently. Trump's What's he doing He's been Campaigning He's been porking No what is he I don't want I feel bad for Even bringing it up Oh Just his relationship With the With the widow Of Mr.

1:17:40Charlie Right right right Right right right

1:17:43Nate Marshall:That is a nasty thing You would say Hey I'm sorry Forgive me Well Sorry Yeah Yeah, final words. I think we're going to slide into the Patreon. By the way, I got you guys a little gift. I'm excited. It's the final installment of the Conquistadors. And I'm going to display a little gift. I'm excited. I'm excited, too. I'm also excited to hear how it all ran. I mean, I kind of know, but, you know. Yeah, but surprisingly, there's way more in detail. So, yeah, we're about to slide into that right now. And thank you, everybody. Thank you for listening. And keep your spirits high during this holiday season.

1:18:22Nate Marshall:a lot of people think about killing themselves. Enjoy your diary of December. People on Christmas want to kill themselves, but I don't know. I get it. I do get it, but also at the same time, it's like, we just lit up our Christmas tree. Makes me so happy. I see the lights, I go, it's the best. But then sometimes at nighttime, it's just you downstairs, it's dark, you look at the lights and you go, maybe I should kill myself, actually. Don't kill yourself. Don't do it. Don't kill yourself. It's bad. I'm getting an elf on the shelf. That's going to be a big thing this year. Do you get sad on the holidays?

1:18:55Nate Marshall:Well, you're about to do free use You don't care You're having a good holiday You're about to be off on the shelf Yeah, don't get sad on the holidays Put me on his knees That's gonna be him

1:19:11Nate Marshall:What's gonna be your free use position? What are you gonna do? I don't know, dude I gotta start taking notes You will for real be stuck, though Go statue You should do like, you know, like the little boy in the lawn where like a peeing Cupid. Yeah. Just see how much you can pee. Just sit like a statue and just pee the whole time.

1:19:33Nate Marshall:Well, see you later. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.

1:19:46Good energy in. Good energy out.

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