Ep 593 - Nollywood (feat. Ben Avery & Kevin Iso)

23:45Shane Gillis:It's kind of like too gamey.

23:53Shane Gillis:Baby pedophiles say that. I don't know. We want Kevin. It's funny to be mad about daycares now. Like the satanic panic and everything in the 80s and the 90s, you know. Sorry, I should have kept that to myself. It's fine. We're podcasting. Here's the thing though. from like, okay, Nigerian, right? Excellent scammers. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And they're also like Nigerians. I'm a big proponent of Nigerian excellence in terms of mathematics, all that stuff. As a Nigerian, wouldn't you like just see a Somali and be like, psst, or is it like more unity than that? Because I know Ethiopians and Somalians.

24:30Shane Gillis:Ethiopians, they don't like each other? I think there's a bit of a - Everybody, everybody beefs, but then like when you're outside, when you off the continent, I think there's a little bit more unity. Yeah, true. You know, but on it, it is a little bit of, you know, everybody, people beef with, there's Nigerians that hate other Nigerians. Yeah, that's fair. You know what I mean? It's like Pennsylvania and New Jersey. Right, right, right. The closer you are, the worse it really is. But Nigerian scamming, I hope they don't start looking into that shit. Well. Nick, stay away. They will fuck us up.

25:09Shane Gillis:Dude, I actually looked into, I went to a Nigerian restaurant one time and I was watching, there was like the Nollywood movies. I didn't know what it was. I was watching like, what the fuck is it? Yeah, you know about Nollywood? No, no. Nigerian Hollywood. And dude, I like looked into it. You can film a movie in Nigeria for like 15 grand. Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. Thinking about it. Yeah. You know, here it's like a million bucks. That would be hilarious. You have to do that. If I did a Nollywood epic, it'd be nice. Yeah. Just put myself in it, like Clint Eastwood style, right? Directed, star.

25:36For 15 grand, you could shoot like Mission Impossible. No, no, no. An indie movie. Oh, an indie.

25:42Shane Gillis:You do like a nice, a really sick indie movie. That would actually be hilarious. That would be a sick move. Yeah. I would have a brutal schedule though because I'd try to be like maybe a month. I'm like, you know, I can bring my whole family. I'd watch it. I'd definitely watch you not understand anything they're saying. No, they're speaking English the whole time. No, they're speaking English but it's also Pigeon. A little something. Yeah, yeah. Throwing some French into the mix. No, check it out. Nollywood movies are sick. They're on YouTube for free. Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Full feature, dude.

26:10Shane Gillis:I watched it in the restaurant. I'm like, bro, what the fuck is this? This movie's crazy. A lot of the movies have the same plot, though. A lot of them is like a guy who like cheats on his wife. And then she like, he like, he like gets in an accident and comes crawling back to her. Or she like. What kind of accident? Like, I don't know, like a car accident. Or she like puts a spell on him. And then he can't fucking walk anymore. And then he's like, take me back. I'm sorry. And she's like, no. Don't they believe in witches and stuff? Believe in witches is crazy. No. They don't? No. I've seen, like, newspapers from over there.

26:47Believe in witches. And they say, like, a witch can touch your penis and it shrinks into nothing. No, that's like a witchcraft, but it's not like a belief. It's more so like voodoo type shit. It's like, I won't say it's like a belief thing, but it's more so like it's more prevalent. and it's actually real for real. Like voodoo. I'm not wrong. It's real. He goes no but yes and. It is real for real. I'd be scared. If somebody for real could do that shit to you and take your fucking hair and wrap it around some shit or put some blood on you I think that shit is real. You can read about witchcraft in the newspapers there if you subscribe to any of the newspapers All right, you can read about it about the scam.

27:39Yo,

27:44there we go.

27:49Shane Gillis:That's how is that really probably is. I saw I was watching one earlier and I was like skipping through and there was one. It was exact plot you're describing where it was like a guy had been cheating on her friend and she like there's I was like trying to just like I wanted to watch just the climax to the movie i went to like the end and this lady put like a handkerchief on her head gigantic sunglasses and just confronted a guy being like i know what you did he's like you cannot prove it it's literally and i only watched for like 10 seconds it was the exact yeah they all the same but women love that comedies yeah and the comedies were you know i watched the comedy in the restaurant that was actually i was like kind of it was like pure slapstick it was kind of cracking me up yeah he's like falling in shape like aki and papa is like, don't worry, never mind.

28:35I thought you were going to type it in the thing. You were like, speak English.

28:42But no, Nigerian scammers. Best scammers. It's a dude that scammed like he sold an airport to somebody. I swear to God. That rules. He sold an airport to somebody. I don't remember the full story. Which is basically a really big parking lot. He sold an airport that didn't exist. That's awesome. To who? And I feel like it was like a government or something, like just some foreigner. But he sold an airport, a Nigerian dude. And then, obviously, Hush Puppy is like one of the most notorious. What was Hush Puppy? Nigerian scammers. He's in jail right now, I think, for like 11 years. But he was just stealing money.

29:22I don't even remember how, for real. Really? Yeah, a couple hundred million.

29:26Shane Gillis:Yeah. I like the romance scams. He was trying to make a documentary about it. Hush Puppy sounds like a hiccup rapper. Like he'd be featured on a Jelly Roll album. Jelly Roll featuring Hush Puppy. What was it called? Hiccup? Hiccup. You know what Hiccup is? Now I can put it in the other end. Hiccup is like, it's red dirt. We're from the red dirt road. Okay. You know, like that. Real estate. And they're wave Confederate flags. My bad. Real estate mogul. Nice. Hush Puppy was a real estate mogul. Yeah. Sick. That's a great man. $124 million from an English Premier League club. Ooh. you know what I mean that's top go big or go home man yeah you can fuck around the fake daycare or you can just go big get 124 million from an English guy and I think they only got them for like 11 years or something like that it's not bad it's not bad it's not bad it's worth it yeah I feel like if you steal 100 million bucks you can hide for sure probably 50 million and then give the rest up and like ah dude I don't know I'd spend it all sorry yeah you guys didn't bring up the prints what prints the Nigerian prints the email scams dude so apparently so i looked into the a long time ago that was like that was like the yeah apparently well apparently that wasn't even some of those weren't even from africa some of those are just like a dude from ohio feigning the nigerian prince which is like 40 chess for sure see that's the that's the that's the scam right now because everybody still think that's the scam the nigerians is doing we left y 'all in the 90s thinking that and now we doing new stuff keep thinking it.

30:59Keep the stereotype alive. Yeah, it's a Nigerian prince. We are white women now.

31:10The new shit is scamming the elderly. That's the new thing. Oh, that's meat and potatoes. Dude, just catfishing. Some people go home for Thanksgiving to see their grandma and they go, I'm dating Matt Reif. I'm dating Vladimir Putin and I send him Apple gift cards. It's every Tuesday and we're married. Oh, God. And if you track it, it always goes to Kuwait. They're killing the game right now. Really? Killing it.

31:37Shane Gillis:Yeah. There's a great catfishing YouTube channel and they always track these people down. I like a classic Indian robocall. Yes. Just 40 dudes sweating in a fucking call center just banging the phone. That's what I like. In a warehouse that's flooded. I like when they're playing video games and the water's like up to here. Have you seen that? No. Where they're all playing like video poker and they have to swim to the next machine. No, no. What? Is that real? It could be AI. It doesn't matter. I made it up. Maybe. Yo, Sora's good, though, dude. You never know. Nah, it's getting scary. Yeah. It's getting scary.

32:16I don't even want it. They got a dude. They got Matt Barnes recently. They got him. Like, he's some AI girl scanning him out like 60 grand or something. Like, something crazy. Yeah, bro.

32:28Shane Gillis:Who's Matt Barnes again? He's a former basketball player. Oh, no. He fell for that? Yeah, bro. Sad, dog. Scamming for how much? I feel like it was like 60. Jeez. I think, I still think the Shannon Sharp thing is like an intricate scam where you get lawyers who hook up with OnlyFans ladies and they start just fucking like go, go, go, film a sexual encounter, threaten the tape. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. We're in the second week of January and you've probably already given up on your resolutions. But there's good news. some of the best football games of the season are around the corner.

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34:49And then the week after that, Sean's going to be there. Yep. January 22nd through the 24th. Please come if you can and come to Optimum Noctis as well. January 20th. Oh, yeah. And I'm going to be at Hyenas Fort Worth January 23rd. That's it. Thank you. I like Harris.

35:09Bro, the OnlyFans shit is getting better. I saw something recently. it said it's easier for OnlyFans models in other countries to get a visa to this country than it is for like, like movies. Like they said, the OnlyFans models is eating up the visas. Really? Yeah. So I thought they were sex slaves.

35:27Shane Gillis:What the hell? They said they can get in with the, if they make a certain amount of money. Yeah, that makes sense. That makes sense. The visas that they like reserve for like Arnold Schwarzenegger type people. Yeah. They giving it. That makes sense. I see what you're saying. Dude, I looked it up one time because I wanted to see how much OnlyFans actually makes versus Patreon. Patreon, I think all the Patreons globally put everyone's Patreon money together. I think it's like, I don't even know. I think it maybe is like$80 million, if that. Do you know how much OnlyFans is collectively? That's like one-tenth of what Sophie Rain makes a month.

36:02Shane Gillis:Dude, it's like$13 billion a year. OnlyFans is$13 billion a year. Porn and gaming, like in gambling are the big three and comedy is like way under here. I know. When it comes to money. We should all start fucking each other on the show. At least. And playing poker. Pulse. Just AI. We'll AI it. What is AI? AI. We'll wear mocap suits. We're not actually fucking, but it just looks like we are. We're just like, we're just like dry humming. What? Oh, shit. Oh, no. No. No. Bro.

36:39Shane Gillis:Dude, there's a typhoon. What are they going to do? That's true. Gaming in the typhoon is actually kind of legendary. That shows you how addictive gambling is, right? Hold on. Almost one. There's a snake on you. It's like anaconda.

36:59There's gators and shit. Dude, that's fucked up.

37:02Shane Gillis:Where was that again? They said Philippines. That was the Philippines. So that was a cafe? It was an internet cafe. Oh, okay. That's how you know, yeah. That's how you know the country's not doing well when they're like, yo, we have the internet here. I'll pay five bucks an hour. Okay, so that's gaming. I do get that. Dude, being 12 years old and playing Xbox Live, the house could be on fire. You could have flooded my cousin's basement. We weren't going anywhere. Not going anywhere, dude. I'm playing Halo. Especially if I just got to a level I even got to before. Come on now. Your game's not saved.

37:32Shane Gillis:I mean, that would be chill, too. You never even think of it. Imagine just chilling in water and gaming. If you rage quit though, you let your cute yourself. If you slam the controller down, it kills everybody Damn, that's fucking crazy. But I remember when I would go to the beach when I was little the beach would flood all the time So we meet my cousins around the streets and like swim and like the street flood water Yeah, I just realized not too long ago sewage. It was all sewage. Oh, yeah. Yeah, poop and pee poop and pee I was just in there don't get my head My mom would be don't go in there and I'm like whatever and I'd be under it's like fully under a full breaststroke and pooping.

38:08Shane Gillis:Like, mommy, look at me. It's a piece of shit on your head. Huge shirt. I was like, when I first, when I had my first kid, we were in Philly, and we were at this playground, and like there was a, like a sprinkler kind of thing, but that had kept going, and it like it flooded one of the little drains, like the storm drains, and then that water was kicking up from the sewage, and it created this other little pond. So I don't, like kids would go to play in there, They'd be with another kid and that kid would jump in like the shit water and I'd be like, hold up. You can't play in there. They're playing in there.

38:38And I was like, they have bad lives, dude. You don't, like, they don't have their parents here, dude.

38:43Shane Gillis:They're going to swim in the shit water and you're going to stay out of that. And, you know, this is where your guys' friendship ends. So, sorry. I was drunk on a couch. Unfortunately, I'm here. So, no shit water for you. Would you let them do the trampoline on the mattress that's been outside for like six months? Hell no. You wouldn't? No way. Like, oh, it's just sitting outside. If I saw a mattress, first of all, if there's a mattress outside my house, I would call the city and make, remove this right now. I'm not having that. I'm like, guys, this is infested. Take this out immediately. No, I'm a, yeah, I don't know.

39:18Shane Gillis:I try to, even in Philly, like, I remember, like, if someone would be, like, nodded out on our street corner, I wouldn't be mean to them, but I'd go up and be like, bro, you got to move. But you used to do it, though. Oh, yeah, I would have done. I used to walk along the side of the highway when I was a kid. Yeah. So yeah, I used to like throw golf balls at cars and like run away. Yeah, I was really bad. But no, my kids live like a completely, I mean, I'm letting them kind of roam a little bit now. But no, they're like completely sheltered. You got a girl? Two girls. Two girls. Oh, all right. Never mind.

39:47Exactly. I thought you had a boy. No. Yeah.

39:50Shane Gillis:Be totally different. I got hit in the nuts recently. I was like, I think my daughter was trying to like wash a baby or like little doll out in the sink. But it was bedtime. So I'm like, come on, it's bedtime. No, no, no. So I went to grab her and she did that shit where she gripped the edge of the sink. So I had to like fucking come on. I pulled her off as I pull her off. She just three years old. She just swung back and kicked me in the nuts and I had her like this because I have to hold her away from me so she doesn't hit me. Held her up and I like it went through my head to just do full on the bed.

40:19Shane Gillis:If it were if she were a son, I would have spiked my son onto the bed. But I just gently lowered her like, oh, you little fucker, I'll be back. I was about to bounce her off the mattress. I just got hit. It's like a reaction. You hit the nuts, you're like, fuck you. But I gently laid her down. I was like, I'll be back. The smashing machine. I would have chokeslammed a three-year-old boy right through that shit. Instantly. I for real had to stop myself. I was like, no.

40:50And I knew it was coming, but I tried to move.

40:52Shane Gillis:And she's like grown. So she was like, whack. I was like, fuck. Even if you did that, somebody would be like, we understand. Oh, dude, yeah. No, man, that was close. I almost fucking, I mean, it was a bed. She would have rattled her for sure, but. For sure. If I'd spiked her, actually, she could have broke her arm. But I didn't. Once you're pairing this style, are you copying what your parents have done to you, or are you spreading the generational traumas that you experienced as a child? I hope not. I mean, you like to think you're not your parents, but then, you know, every now and then you go, fuck, I'm the exact same guy.

41:28Yeah. Like I'm my dad, you know? Yeah. You like to think you're completely different, right? And they might have thought they were different, but I don't know. I feel like I was generally just fucking ignored. No one paid attention to me. And I would just wander around in the woods. Really? Yeah. And like find like knives and stuff.

41:42Shane Gillis:No, I would just get lost all day. I don't. My brother told me this. I don't remember it at all. but like I used my like bedtime they would put me in a room and just latch a thing on the outside and be like bro see you in the morning damn so they would just lock they would lock because I knew they did it to my sister and I was always like that's so fucked up they did that to Kathleen my brother was like dude they did it to you too and I was like oh fuck they would just go full like you're done you're goodbye for the day darkness I was just the creature dude I was in a room and you're in a Somalian daycare and the windows are boarded up and the lights are off Where the fuck was that kid?

42:16Shane Gillis:I needed him to be like, where the fuck are the kids in here? Let me see this child. Yeah, that was her shit. My mom, too, she'd be like, my older brothers and my cousins there, they weren't taking a nap. She would just trap them under her legs until they fell asleep, and then they'd be like, all right, good. Just fucking put the quads on them. That's crazy. So yeah, I do way different stuff. So I didn't have any fun growing up. My parents were no fun. There was no fun. Everybody was miserable. We were all strangers in the house. Yeah. So I'm just trying to make it where if I can teach them to have fun.

42:50Yeah. Then that's a skill that they can take throughout the rest of their life and attract goodness and great things and good people. That's the plan. That feels like the ultimate. If you can have fun in any situation. True. Then you're unstoppable. Right. So that's what I'm trying to do. That's true. So we like, you know, we fucking drive around really fast in the car, listen to really loud music, dance a lot. We do coke.

43:14she's drinking and driving just three

43:21Shane Gillis:that is the one thing once you have kids and it really dawns on you like fuck dude I'm in charge of your mental well being like I'm pulling from a poisoned well I know man I'm just dipping this bucket into your brain you're like god help me please do you feel like your parents were like a lighthouse that's good that that's there because I can avoid that my parents did a lot of things really good They were just like, you know, now we have like the internet. We have like a thing like when you yell at your child for seven seconds, they make neural path. There was none of that shit. They were just like, whoop their fucking ass.

43:51Yeah.

43:52Shane Gillis:We would all go out to dinner as a family and every by like towards the end of it, it would just be me and my brothers in the car by ourselves just like chilling until everyone ate because if you acted up, you had to sit in the car. You're just sitting in a suburban by yourself. Just like, damn, this is fucking bullshit, dude. I didn't get this. That's so funny. They took y 'all out to eat. Yeah. We would go to this place.

44:11Shane Gillis:Sure, like I said, there was good stuff. It's so funny that your punishment is, son, go sit in a hot car. It was nothing, dude. Go do what Casey Anthony does to her children. That's your punishment now. Dude, I never even thought a kid could die from a hot car. Yeah, that's like a new... Who's to say if they can? These are new kids. These are weak kids, maybe. These are those peanut allergy kids. I do dry saunas every day. I'm fine. 20, 25 minutes, I'm fine at the 24-hour fitness. If anything, the baby's just activated his heat shock protein, so... it's the telomeres that is so sad dude just to forget because it's like i get it like you're just like oh fuck i didn't think about it and you come out and it's like damn it's dead nowadays the car will uh car beeps the or the car will lock you inside of it and catch on fire what is that have you see this with the cyber trucks they they they so the cyber truck has a mode where it turns it turns into a microwave and then it locks and then everybody dies oh it's like so you don't have to go through all the trouble of hooking like an exhaust thing to your car yeah i guess maybe if you like have a cold hot pocket flame my family grok is like do you have a cold hot pocket there amigo let me heat it up for you but they will lock and then you can't get out and everybody dies it keeps happening in the news nah i like the cyber truck though it's good it looks like halo i'm a big fan look that up is that true that people look like a piece of shit there's no way you can get locked in your car unless you're polish that's the old joke here about the polish guy got locked in his car what's the joke Polish people are dumb.

45:38Shane Gillis:They couldn't. Yeah, it's like a little white on white racism. I don't know any Polish people. Yeah, I don't think I really know either. It was like the first meme kind of is like Polak jokes. But it didn't really didn't really last. Well, how do you plan on doing your kids? You don't have kids. I don't have. How do you plan on doing your raising them up? Keeping them away from my parents. No.

46:05I don't know. I haven't given them much thought man I just I just definitely don't want to repeat some of the stuff yeah yeah that was taught to me uh like my my parents my parents are definitely better now right they chill out majorly yeah they chill out but then like you don't know if you've kind of adopted the things that your parents taught you or like unintentionally taught you or downloaded the shit that they've been doing their behavior until you're like under duress yeah you know when you're stressed out and then all of a sudden like you said you want to spike the baby yeah real bad she's three she's fine

46:50there was two cases huh there's two cases one was in california one in texas where they got in an accident and then the power went out in the cyber truck and they couldn't get out oh Oh, big microwave.

47:01Shane Gillis:Oh, fuck. Dude, and cars get really hot, too. And like they're, I mean, obviously anything on fire gets super hot, but like you're trapped. But when you're trapped inside that small of a container on fire, it's like. This episode is brought to you by Viore. So there's a lot of sports out there. Obviously, you've got basketball, baseball and football. But then there's running, climbing, yoga, pickleball. But the good news is that you only need one pair of shorts for all of it. The core short from Viore. That's right. The core short is the short that started it all for Viore. Fitness versatility.

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48:42Shane Gillis:Men's Warehouse has over 600 locations nationwide. They are here and nearby when you're ready to love the way you look like would you rather burn or drown drown dude 100 yeah ted kennedy style yeah for sure really drown and burn alive dude drown you just pass out it's like you ever go underwater for like a little too long and you're like lightheaded yeah it's almost romantic you just get more and more lightheaded really it's chill burning alive is literally the worst of the worst but what if you like sleep burning i'm playing a little slow cooker low and slow for about 20 hours yeah sleep it ain't really no dude burning alive is like i think the worst i'd rather have probably my dick chopped off than burn alive damn have you but do i'm sorry but dude in in asia or the monks that be doing they look pretty calm self-immolation yeah yeah Yeah, but they've studied the art of chill.

49:42Shane Gillis:That's like, that's... Most people are not prepared. How would you study chill? You won't fire. You will scream a little bit. It's so funny to be on fire and be like, I don't even care. I don't care, dude. Is that what you mean? Not even real. Well, they build like temples where those guys burn themselves. Because it's just like the supreme act of like, I don't know, Buddhist chill. Yeah. It's like you can like, oh, you know, I haven't fucking, you know, I haven't jerked off in 40 years. People are like, watch this shit. Just fucking light yourself on fire. do this because it is the ultimate usually they do it to like draw attention to something yeah it's a protest yeah they don't you know they have guns over there they caught a monk recently that was uh like i think it was like only fan no it was a girl that was going up into the temple cleaning it out and i think dude was like he i think he was smashing and then she tried to extort him i was like damn that's crazy there's a plot of a nigerian film i think this is an ollywood movie you may have watched on YouTube.

50:38Shane Gillis:Damn, she tried to just like trick them? She tried to extort him and get bread out of him. I think it may have been a few of them that she was like going up there and smashing. That's a bad planet. They're monks. Yeah. They're like begging alms. Yeah. They have to hit the alms circuit hard. Like, damn, I got a fucking baby mom. But she probably knew they had. She probably knew they had some money. True. They probably have some money. Yeah. Where was this? Wherever the monks be. I don't know. They're everywhere, man. Dude, my brother was just talking to his friend who had come from, like, Thailand or whatever.

51:13And she was telling him that, like, the tourism.

51:18Shane Gillis:So, like, if you have, like, a kind of, like, a gay kid, you are from this. It's like a giant, like, victory. What the fuck? He does me. He does me. Oh, that's fucked up. He just called my kid gay. That's cool. Well, hey, hold on. Listen to this. So, if you're in Thailand. Maybe. Should I be offended? I don't know. thank you so much here's the thing if you're in thailand you have like a recognizably gay kid you turn the kid into a girl asap and your whole family's like here we go because then it's like part of that like sex tourism thing where what you do is you get a uh even if you just have like a daughter too you can do the same thing where you're like oh man she pretends she doesn't have like a husband she can be married whole family oh everything kids but then she'll go to work as like a prostitute get like an english businessman and be like yeah like i'm single bring the english businessman back to like her family and her husband will like even be there pretending to be like her brother and they just basically you get like even if you don't get knocked up they just fuck these dudes send a letter back to england to like wherever they work being like yo i'm pregnant now and if you don't want like the thailand courts coming after you for child support and like blowing up your spot because a lot of these guys are married give me like 10 g's a month and that's apparently like a huge thing over there so if you're out there just fucking having sex with hookers you could get caught up in like a dad's and that's why you do lady here's the kicker they got no ovaries true who's true but then if you fall in love that's the thing and i saw a documentary you fall in love you fall in love dude there's like they'll you bring you back to the village and like you just have to start like buying fucking shit for like the whole village whole village and it's like a huge thing for a village if you get like a slamming lady boy Everyone's like, let's go.

52:56Shane Gillis:We're all going to eat. It's going to be so nice. We just need one rich British guy. We just need one old British guy. This is the whole place. Oh, this is with lady boys. And it could be ladies, too. Oh, okay. I think lady boys over there are just popping off so hard that it's like, and that's an easy one, too, where it's like, bro, we're going to send stuff back to the family. Who's giving the prostitute a real address? True. I don't know. But here's the thing. You get these old businessmen. They'll be like, I love you. and they'll start divulging info and it's just kind of like yeah you're done here the funny thing is especially for like the custody stuff where it's like yo i'm pregnant with your child like the courts are gonna come after you unless you send me hush money apparently if you just ignore like the thailand courts can't do anything to you in london they can't like there's nothing they can do so oh you you from experience no i've never been i've never been to thailand actually when i hear people are in thailand as like grown adults i'm kind of like yeah that's the what you doing over there dude because we already got their food yeah we got the food here so we got the food it's like what do you we have elephants at the zoo we have mopeds we got mopeds that's true we even have lady boys here we got it we got the big four the big four of the economy of thailand it's you're going over there there's another itch you're trying to in my opinion else i was talking to someone recently who was in asia and they're like oh my friend was supposed to meet me over wherever they were he got his visa got messed up in thailand he's stuck there and i was like Is that what he told you?

54:21Shane Gillis:Tail and hold his time. Like, I was going to leave and my fucking visa is all fucked up. See, all these stereotypes about these countries. A man can't even go to Thailand, the Dominican Republic. DR, you can get away with the DR. You can't go to the DR without people thinking you're doing something. You can't go by yourself. That's crazy. You got to get a girlfriend just so you can do the trip. And then you break up with your girlfriend in the DR. And then you go hog wild and go crazy. Yeah. What's this? Oh, shit. This is the Thai monks. Oh, yeah. 5 ,600 videos. Damn, that guy's the man. Allegedly.

54:58Shane Gillis:Who was Seekamiskoff woman allegedly behind Thailand monks' sex blackmailing scandal? Oh, so she ran a ring. That's what it was. I heard there was a lot of meth, too. There was, like, at one point in a lot of those, whatchamacallit, in the monasteries or whatever, they, like, did a drug test, and there was, like, a couple of them where, like, everyone was just strung out on meth. They were in there just partying. yeah kind of sick i know but still oh that's what i think ayahuasca is you think ayahuasca is kind of a cult i think so i think so too dude because you hear all these people like being like yeah i've done it like 75 times like bro i thought it was the most powerful thing in the world why do you have to do it 55 i think it's just a giant party though yeah doesn't alan watts say once you get the message hang up the phone that's what i've heard so why do you pick up the phone 75 more times i think it's just chill i think you go down there again you're like a tech billionaire and you go down there and party i think it's just a big party i think so too and then people started talking about they crying on it and all the type of stuff i used to want to do it a little bit when i was on like my little mushroom journey and then after a while i was just like kept listening to stories about it i was like what do i want to cry for it is true like yeah you like shit flies out of your ass and you throw up then it's awesome it feels great and i get what they're saying but at the same time i'm like i think i could get uh there myself yeah without all the extras yeah i don't know man it's uh you think it's demons or angels you're talking to on those trips i don't know i've heard about that stuff probably talking to both you're probably talking both for real i mean we all contain both right true i don't know i've heard i have heard of like that you're talking to like extra like interdimensional entities that's a weird thing with the dmt dude people witchcraft true head

56:46Shane Gillis:no I've heard that that like yeah you're really talking to uh like entities if you do DMT there are like characters that you encounter because I distinctly remember I had like the jester it was a mean jester it was on like a black and white checkered floor saw a clear as day and then I watched this video about DMT entities that was one of them I was like whoa that's fucked up Yo. It was real. Archon. Guy was so mean to me. So fucking just laughing my face. It just like teased me the whole time. Like you're a fucking loser. And I was like, I didn't. Yeah. Just fucking bully me. I went to the astral realm and just got absolutely kicked around.

57:17He's giving you titty twisters.

57:18Shane Gillis:He was just like, you're a fucking dork. And I was like, what the fuck? I thought this was supposed to be chill. You knew a swirly and a wedgie. Like literally dude. Calling you gay. It was, it was literally, it was probably like 15 seconds of just like a jet, like a multi-headed jester on a white, black and white checkered floor being like, dude, you're a fucking loser and i was like fuck damn it sucked really fucking sucked yeah it's it wasn't that per se but if you look up there's like a the jester guy dude it's fucking bullshit yeah i'm afraid of all that yeah and honestly too it's like i feel like mushrooms are great you know you can do mushrooms i don't really i don't know you can do a lot of them you don't have to go to like the right extreme and dude i swear to god when people do it a lot it changes the way their eyes look really you see someone who does ayahuasca a lot they get this like like very relaxed like almost zombified no like they look like nick reiner like the nick reiner i never got a good let me get a good look at that guy i never got i've heard about him you see him on the red carpet with his dad they keep posting strange pictures of him maybe shit from the past no sort of but there was it was in like a black and white floor that wasn't as like lines and colors it looked just like a dude almost.

58:28You got to pull up a picture of Will Silvins. Let me see something. Nobody. All right.

58:34Shane Gillis:Who is it? This is a comic. Will Smith got the eyes. He did ayahuasca like a bazillion times as well. I feel like Aaron Rodger got some eyes. He's got to look at the eyes. If you look in the eyes and there's like, and I've known just people from like, just in my life who like have done it a lot. And it's just like, they get this, I can't explain it, man, but they get this kind of like, I don't know. It could just be me fucking freaking out. Nah, I mean. something's there's something something happened oh yeah i'm i'm and dude every time i do like a lot any like big hallucinogenic i'm always so fucking relieved when it's over that i go yeah i'm not i'm just happy for my normal waking consciousness yeah i don't ever want to leave this ever again the the the thrill of it kind of like is when you're young for real at least for me and then you start hearing all these stories about like like the matthew perry situation and all that stuff.

59:23And it's like, he was doing like oxy. So he was, I thought he was on ketamine. He got boiled like a crawdad in that hot tub. He got boiled. They do a potato. They find potatoes and carrots and shit and fucking the corn in it. He was cooking a bay leaf.

59:41Shane Gillis:Hot tub death. Hot tub death is kingly though. I'll give you that. I'd rather. Okay. Now it's like drowning to death, lighting on fire, dying in a hot tub. I might smash die in a hot tub. Especially if you're dressed up like Batman and you die in a hot tub. He was not dressed up like Batman. He would dress up like Batman all the time. I mean, they didn't release it, but I like that they keep on a full. He was a fat Batman and he got his hot tub. He died in the hot tub? He did. Yeah, he died in the hot tub. Maybe he was on ketamine, but I think he had been doing a lot of oxys, pain pills. So maybe he did take ketamine to go in a hot tub.

1:00:14Shane Gillis:I could see the allure. So you might be right. Maybe he hit that and just. He had a good life. Well, yeah, I think he did. Get high a lot. watch Batman get in the hot tub it's a sick life yeah I don't know I'm not convinced you need the last 20 years not yet of life 20 years total he went off at what 55 yeah oh no that's not bad true I'm definitely I'm definitely a strong proponent of getting out of here quick really which is why I think I'm gonna live for a long time yeah I don't think I'm gonna be here for a minute because i do not want to be really you want to do a quick one i mean nah i'm just saying like you know how life expectancy is fucking got tempting fate with that hoodie someone might come around and clock you right in the fucking head you're asking that you're that's a suicide hoodie dude dude kevin looks like he's gonna live a very long time no no life expectancy what is it now it's like i mean my grandma still i don't even know how old she is dude it's getting too high It's super high.

1:01:18You're right. Too high. I know I'm not going to be this type of old person, but there are all those old people that are just like sitting around waiting to go. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Like they just don't leave the room or don't leave the house. And it's like, bro, I don't want to. Yeah.

1:01:31Shane Gillis:Well, that's and that's where I think the hallucinogenics come in. Because once you're in that stage, then I think it should be like you have the home care worker and it's just nonstop. Just like feed me mushrooms. Let me watch Lord of the Rings till I memorize all the lines. Yeah. Take my money. I don't care. Take my money. Yeah. I have two fake internet girlfriends. That'll be chill. And we'll have VR, so it won't be as bad for us. I can be posted up on the Autoblow. Going to the machine. Autoblow, Oculus, TRT. Just hook yourself up into the code. Fuck it. For real. I just want to see the falling rain.

1:02:04Shane Gillis:Yeah, just be in an Oculus. I'll be in a nursing home. I'll be, like, seeing my family. Like, oh, hey, guys. What are you guys up to? Oh, man. Remember when we went to the fucking mountains?

1:02:16that would rock you're still racist though what do you mean you're still well when everyone gets really old they become very racist true i've been in old folks homes they are they are wild but here's the thing it's pre-civil rights you know they go nasty but but here's the question though

1:02:29Shane Gillis:here's the question now we have i i would say almost for the first time ever um especially for white people we have elder kind of like liberals which that wasn't really a thing I feel like so you see the video if you watch the video of that I keep hearing the fucking guy's name the young youtuber who like surely we ain't stop saying his name we ain't put no light on motherfucking he already dude his videos at 10 million bro I know but you think you think yeah man but no there was one there was one I think it was at the leering center I swear to god where he went up and there was just like old white lady who was like ice there ice do not enter the building like she started like she was like a car alarm just going off like do not and let these men in the building ice is here so like that lady's going to be in a nursing home one day and just be like i think you're as cool as any you know what i mean she'll be doing like uh more of the soft-handed stuff right like a jamaican lady and just be like i love you so much can i touch your hair can i touch you're beautiful i should be wiping your ass my queen my goddess I'm just going to be it to be a white lady trying to make a thing like I'm good baby eat my food I don't deserve it eat it all so that could be the day that could be it I think that's going to be it the future is looking pretty bright actually it's looking good to me I don't know I think so things could be worse we hit the lottery being born in America we got a fresh We got, dude, oil.

1:04:06Shane Gillis:Oil's booming right now. Yep. Oil's going to be killing it. I mean, everyone, look, we're a fucking empire, dude. Like, we are an empire at the end of the day. Oil is definitely a fucking empire. We got to bust some moves. Russia's busting fucking moves. And China's busting moves. It's time America busts the fucking move. It's unfortunate. I wish they didn't have to do this, but we are an aging empire, and it's time we strike out. Just, dude, it was one guy. Venezuela. Easy. Now, the rest of Latin America. I called this, by the way, years, not that specifically, but like Latin America, the cartels.

1:04:36Shane Gillis:Like, dude, I was like years ago, I was like, we're going to hammer down to those cartels. I feel like. I can say to anything. I feel like one guy in dude's first year. I feel like if this, you know, this plays out the way that they want to play out by his fourth year, he about to be going crazy. Who, Maduro? Trump. Oh, Trump. How many years in are we? Two. This is two? Well, the year just started, right? I think he'll be dead by the summer. You think he'll be dead by the summer? Yeah, I think he's going to drop dead. Really? Yeah, like a frog on a lily pad. He's just going to drop. You think he's just going to?

1:05:12He's going to eat his last fly and just fall in the pond. Somebody told me he's going to try to be president of another country. I thought that was crazy.

1:05:21Shane Gillis:Yeah, he's old. He's getting there. You're starting to see the way. It's like Biden was so old that you're like, dude, this guy is fucking getting around pretty good. But yeah. they're really good at creating problems to then act like they're fixing the problem. Like that's what the bureaucratic state does. So like what they're going to keep doing is letting immigrants in on quote unquote accident and be like, but you can sign up for ice and help us get rid of the problem. So they're employing people with a problem. They have to create problems. Yeah. Then they go, we fixed it. It's like you fucking caused it.

1:05:50Yeah. That's another scam. And they did just shut ice. Just shot a lady in the fucking face today. And right before this, like a hour ago, I think it was in... Hisselto. I think it was like Minnesota. It might have been Minnesota. No. Where a lady was just in her car and an ICE agent kept pointing a gun at her. And she didn't know what to do. And then the ICE agent reached his huge gut across the grill and fired four times into her face. And then the car took off like 100 miles an hour into a building. Oh, yeah. Like right before that. And she's a U.S. citizen, not an illegal immigrant. They killed her?

1:06:22Yes.

1:06:22Shane Gillis:No, the accident actually killed her. Oh, wait. She dodged that shit. She drove into a building. To be fair, dude, with the police footage, did they show the lady reaching at all? I have not seen the footage. I saw it on the way in here. Yeah, that's it. And again, I don't know what happened. I'm not proposing to, you know, I know what happened. But that police footage when they're like, and sometimes it's obviously pretty terrible. But then there's times where it's like, like I knew someone who was in a car. They were a cop. And like a 12-year-old just went boom, boom, boom, boom, fired into the car.

1:06:50Shane Gillis:And they came out of the car and fucking killed the kid. Damn. Which is fucked. but it's like do you ever get a gunshot into your car like you're not like to be like you have to like think clearly and it's like it's kind of hard to do whenever i see the police stuff i'm like i don't know man sometimes it is bad when you see it you're like damn that's fucking dude i think if i was a cop like i'm a pussy i would empty a full clip every day um first sight i'm just emptying mags like on like a bird flies a little too quickly in front of me i'm just firing at it I'd be terrified, you know? I'd be killing dogs that are running at me.

1:07:23Yeah, I don't know. I mean, again, I don't know what happened.

1:07:25Shane Gillis:I'm not trying to say. We got the video. Let me see.

1:07:31Okay. Oh, faded. We shot. Damn.

1:07:34Shane Gillis:Yeah. Oh, it is Minneapolis. Oh, man. Okay. Oh, hey, hey. Oh. We shot her. Wait, I didn't even see it. Yeah, so the car takes off once she gets shot. because obviously she slumped over the wheel and yikes i didn't even see it though i'm so fast well that just in um i don't know i don't know sorry hey let's take some uh where we had time last on this shot an hour or two can we just cut it out no no it's fine you're fine we never we never really can you edit me out of the podcast all right we got some actually this is from our premium subscribers we got some questions a little q a action uh here you go oh shit really this is sick whoa okay i'll start i'll start it off i gotta read um i actually this kind of pissed me off it was like matt why is your wife so hot but you just look like a potato i've never seen someone with their eyes so close together and you suck a guitar and are gay i hate you it's from uh it's from nick That's nice.

1:08:41Shane Gillis:Syracuse. That's a perk we give to our premium subscribers. That's very nice. Yeah. I don't think my eyes are that close together, honestly. But, I mean, what do you want? So, that was my question. There you go. Okay. Hey, first time Patreon subscriber and huge fan. Graduating from high school this year, which is something I've been really excited to accomplish. At least until my older brother died. He was riding a motorcycle on 95 with his girlfriend on the back. A tractor trailer swerved to avoid a broken down car, and the back of it literally smeared them along the divider. There were hardly any remains of their bodies, so we had to cremate all the pieces together and split the ashes evenly, which is a bummer since my older brother barely liked this girl.

1:09:23It would have been beautiful if they had been deeply in love or whatever, but they fought all the time. My brother, and I can say this now that he's dead, hit her on several occasions. Why is this so good?

1:09:35Shane Gillis:That's our premium subscribers here. Come on. Oh, yeah. Okay. But anyway, hold on. She cheated on him with her ex-boyfriend in the army. But anyway, I guess my question is that with my brother dead, that leaves me as an only child. I've never been an only child, and now I'm worried that I might fall into that bratty only child personality just before college and won't be able to make any friends. Do you think I should maybe join a fraternity? Did you write this? That's from our premium subscribers. That's so funny. That's from our premium subscribers. That's so funny. That's a real conundrum. I don't know what I was telling this.

1:10:16That's so good. I thought I was going too dark on this show, and then you hand me this. I'm like, oh, I'm fine.

1:10:22Shane Gillis:I'm fine. It's just a perk we give to our premium subscribers. Thank you on Patreon for making this. I'm a very funny person. You don't have to answer. That's a very uncomfortable question. Do you have anything? I think there's one more. Yeah, I got a book. The producers cherry picked these. baroosa's been cherry picking these all right lady dog here whoop whoop just wanted to say thanks for all the laughs my boyfriend got me hooked to y 'all's podcast anyway i'll get to the point i know girls have a bad reputation for circling around what they're trying to say with unnecessary details so i'll try to spell y 'all spare y 'all lol but i'm in a bit of pickle the whole thing started with my boyfriend when me and my boyfriend got drunk and watched porn together it was his idea so I let him pick the video since I'm not much of a porn girly and he started off pretty vanilla basically like girl scissoring and whatnot we started hooking up with it on in the background and it was pretty hot but then the video was over it was like two minutes and i just clicked the next video again two girls and continue giving my man a bj and things got and things were all good but then in the video a short fat black guy came into the picture

1:11:42all right a short fat black guy came into the picture and had i'm not lying the biggest dick I've ever seen. It was like two Coke cans stacked on top of each other. And so anyway, we started having sex and the video really did something to me. And seeing those women just being totally filled up with this guy's mouth. Come on, man.

1:12:08All right. All right. All right. I just want to reiterate as I'm reading, this is somebody else's words. This is not Kevin saying this shit. That's fair. That's fair. All right. Somebody clip this shit up. All right. Your audio listeners might not know you're reading. You're going to have Nick Shirley on your head. I got to start talking slower. I'm licking my lips. It's crazy.

1:12:40All right. Whatever. So these women are totally being filled up with this guy's massive penis. And my boyfriend kept saying how wet I was, glancing uneasily at the screen. And so I just pulled him into me, telling him to fuck me or whatever. But then I don't know if it was desperation or what. But my boyfriend, I guess, trying to go along with started dirty talking to me. but in like a black guy voice or whatever saying stuff like you like this big ass black dick girl and like oh god damn this pussy's slicking in a car watch parking lot this pussy this pussy's slicking in a car watch parking lot

1:13:28hurry up and come girl so i can get back to doing my podcast stuff like that and honestly i was kind of mortified but the video was so good that i actually came but now my boyfriend thinks he has to talk in like a black accent during and i've even noticed he's been dressing different too did i like accidentally turn him black which is which if so i'm okay with that but i just don't know how to bring it up because it seems kind of

1:14:01Shane Gillis:weird he's asian by the way thank you for our premium subscribers i don't know i don't have any thoughts those questions are both a little too complicated for myself i didn't know yo you're writing these no i swear i'd ask the producer selected them

1:14:22Shane Gillis:perks you get i mean i wish we i had more i can't really tackle both are too heavy you know for me to comfortably tackle he's asian by the way

1:14:35Shane Gillis:well guys i can't thank you enough that was uh you guys are great thank you man thank you you guys have anything you want to plug or whatever oh go ahead kevin what am i doing when does this come out i don't know probably like tomorrow okay i'm in dc over the weekend DC Improv with Chris Redd. And then follow me on Instagram, Kevin Isopropanol. Yeah, that's it. At Ben Avery is good on social media. I got a podcast with my brother, Jace Avery, and Devin Costa called Lemon Party. Let's go. Patreon.com slash Lemon Party. And I do live stream sometimes, BenAvery.live. I go live once a week. If you want to sign up on my website, you'll get notified when I go live.

1:15:21Shane Gillis:Hell yeah. Thank you, guys. Thank you, Matt. Appreciate you, buddy. Later. Thank you. Cool. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.

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