Ep 598 - Night Shadow (feat. Dan Soder, Chris O'Connor, Billy)

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8:13Billy:I ordered McDonald's for the first time in a long time. Which night?

8:17Dan Soder:Arch has called your name? I think it was Friday. It could have been Saturday. Was I with you? Because you've been putting together some performance. Really? Are you a comment? Yeah, yeah. Well, I will say the whole crew, because we got to work Monday through Friday. So then Friday rolls around. You go, oh, we're going to be back out. The squad's not used to not being able to drink during the week.

8:40Billy:You pulled a dastardly trick on Saturday where you were like, what are you doing? And I was like, I'm going to go across the street and watch the Flyers game. And you were like, you gave me every indication you'd show up. And then I just started throwing them back.

8:54Dan Soder:I was sitting alone. I showed up to the bar like. 9, 10 p.m. He was already back in bed. He went back to sleep.

9:03Chris O'Connor:You ripped. Yeah, I'm sorry.

9:05Dan Soder:He got fucking ripped by himself at a dog bar. Did they blame you? He was like, where were you? I was like, I didn't tell you I was going. I sat down and started drinking. Why didn't you? Why were you there? It would have been nice. I feel like I had something to do. I don't think so. I couldn't have gotten day drunk. No, you were thinking about going to the Sixers. Oh, yeah. They had a little doubleheader. It would have been nice. it would have been nice but you you shit your pants we can't go we can know we can't go to day flyers games yeah we can that was another disaster no that was fine him derosa and beezer to a flyers game it's a crew it is a rough crew that's crazy that's like a bank heist crew

9:42Chris O'Connor:that's a bad that's just all um the bad guy from heat it's just a whole crew of lingos the whole crow's way lingro you guys are all fucking bad well derosa was the he was the

9:56Billy:the key to the fall he gave it he did you fall no he'd fall down so i i swear he's just he's always doing shots he's always suggesting i wasn't drinking at the game really i might have had

10:07Dan Soder:three beers yeah so then we go to a bar after i'm talking to chris i turn my head for 15 minutes i look back he's like asleep i was like what the fuck half an ear? He's like, DeRosa. How is he sleep? I look to my right and DeRosa's all...

10:22Billy:Just a head in the hands. You know what, man?

10:26Chris O'Connor:Do you do the heads up, seven up sleep on the bar? Probably do. Oh, you do little kid pictures? That's such an adorable one. He's like a sleeping dog. That's funny. You're watching his eyes close. Dude, taking a little day siesta from boozing. Attabore. That's crazy.

10:47Billy:Well, we went hard the night before. Yeah. And then I made it through the game and into the night. Game, you were great. And people were taking performance enhancers. Yeah. Yeah. Adderall? Yeah.

11:01Chris O'Connor:I refused the performance enhancers. It was great, dude. Adderall hitting the drinking scene was like steroids in baseball in the late 90s. You were like, motherfuckers were hitting dingers in ways that you were like.

11:12Matt McCusker:it's probably responsible for like 75 of the duis yeah yeah i'm absolutely fine you find that data you'll see a spike you're fucking 100 there mentally like i'll drive right now yeah you're

11:26Dan Soder:totally fine he's witnessed he's witnessed me in my strongest get out of my body shuts down so i'm like dude i'm ready to go if you are like i can't walk we're fucked we gotta stay here one

11:36Chris O'Connor:of the most embarrassing drunks i've ever been was i did an all-nighter in vegas when i was like in my 20s and my friend and i were gambling late and i was so drunk i dropped a chip it was a hundred dollar chip and the and the guy was like jesus christ and i was like i can't find it and he was just like well he goes like i was looking for it i just remember him go like this well i can't help you look for it and i was going it's a hundred dollar chip and i and i want i needed to write something down and i couldn't write and i was like this is fucking i found Leans get dangerous at that hour, too.

12:09Billy:Dude, the lean over. Because your vector or whatever is much smaller.

12:13Dan Soder:You're right off the stool. And I'm not joking.

12:16Chris O'Connor:I want to put your time at around 630 in the morning in Vegas. That's terrible. It's a terrible way to go.

12:22Matt McCusker:Yeah. That's like the all-pro kick. What? In Madison. Oh, yeah.

12:29Chris O'Connor:You're like, this could go good. Probably not. When you're falling into the moment of acceptance,

12:35Dan Soder:there is like a little much time dude you go when you're drunk full there's so much time to be like

12:40Chris O'Connor:no way i'll fall it it fucking kills back in the day artie fuqua would just have women with them at the cellar so you'd like finish a show at the cellar and already be like oh you don't know my home girl and it'd be like two swiss women that you'd be like hey nice to meet you i was black out and artie was like oh my australian friends and they're like we got into our hotel and drinking and you want to go and i goes blackout and i was on the patio smoking a cigarette and i came in and didn't see a table and took a chop block on my right on my right leg where i fucking dude i still remember how long that fall was because i was like whoa and just ate shit but got up quick and was like it was the thing where you check your shin later and you go oh just fucking busted but dude I remember that just bought and they're like are you alright and they're like alright yeah

13:34Dan Soder:what what did you not see yeah being in Westchester in the snow

13:38Billy:did you see the recovery

13:39Dan Soder:it's bringing it back for me big time I used to bite it yeah every yeah I'd be here in college there's no but there's snow and ice everything's a brick sidewalk here so it'd be frozen I'd just be like trying to leave a bar I'd fall like 10 times just into snow banks just like it's tough to get out of it's like a beanbag chair you're getting up hammered oh and a slippery

14:05Matt McCusker:substance who's your original brewski tumble back to the house because no spade took it was the original brewski tumble yeah spade it like blew his fucking eyebrow open or some shit

14:17Chris O'Connor:dude when blood's involved it's so it makes it funnier yeah oh my pop-up used to do it like

14:23Matt McCusker:every like three months i was taking brewski dude he's a beat like he would just watch the phillies we go over there sunday and then like every like five to six months the ambulance would come because he'd be out back and he'd just fucking eat shit and he was like 72 so he would just like be bleeding out of his head i'm okay i'm okay and they just bring him to the hospital

14:43Dan Soder:and bring him back yeah i forgot phil took a brewski tumble recently he gets fucked up on the he fell on the deck so it was loud as hell oh my god ruin the house hurt it he came out and he was laying on the ground laughing they're like get up yeah if it is like uh my grandma was in like

15:02Chris O'Connor:we started falling in her 80s they are they're less worried about it than you are my grandma or my grandma called me one time was just like yeah i fell in the garage she lived by herself i was like how long were you down there for and she was like it's like 20 minutes and you're like just like garage floor. She's like, she's on the garage floor and then she's like, all right. Just getting up. Not today.

15:24Billy:Every trip to the basement is 127 hours.

15:28Chris O'Connor:She just lives her life.

15:30Billy:I'm ready to cut it off.

15:32Shane Gillis:I'll cut it the fuck off.

15:35Chris O'Connor:Man. You're lucky if you get old and fall like that. That's a good life.

15:40Dan Soder:That must be crazy. Constantly taking basically the equivalent of drunk falls. Just can't let up. So you're 80, you go, this is going to be tough getting out of this chair. Oh, dude. I'm going to fall and die. You just shatter my arm. You just think back to every Christmas on the whole fall.

15:56Chris O'Connor:You're like, oh, that one in 96 was real good.

16:00Dan Soder:You're just fucking heading for the ground. I've talked about before. My grandma was falling a lot before she died. One of them, she went to turn the faucet on behind her house. She fell behind a bush and got stuck behind her house. She had to wait until the neighbor's kids came home from school. was laying under the bush like, hello, boy. I was like, they probably thought it was a witch. They're probably like, it's so scary. I'm going to go, that bush is dark. And then you see an old woman's face like, it's so scary, dude. It's probably sprinted inside.

16:33Billy:Help me. Dude, turning off a drippy hose scary as a little kid. Yeah. Yeah. You never know which way to turn it. Turn it on full blast. When the mud's all wet?

16:47Dan Soder:Yeah. We had that going on here.

16:49Billy:Just been jumping through the sprinkler?

16:49Dan Soder:It's been going on at my house. Really? Yeah, the water kept shutting off because of the day. It was like suspected leak. So there's sensors now. Yeah, there's sensors. So it just keeps shutting the water off. Oh, so they don't blow the pipes? Our hose was on for like four days. Damn, you just had a swampy-ass backyard? No, it was frozen. It was just a sheet of ice.

17:08Chris O'Connor:It was just a kid fucking skating on the back.

17:11Dan Soder:So I got that going on. Now you know. Now you know. That's something, you know, I've never been in a house where the water shuts off like that.

17:17Billy:Will it kick on if you take a long shower?

17:19Dan Soder:No, you got to. I bet it actually would.

17:22Matt McCusker:You'd have to take like a fucking hour shower. Three hours. Yeah, bro. Same guy. Is that the same? I just want to reach for you down there. Relax, right?

17:33Shane Gillis:That happened again this weekend? This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. Shoot your shot on PrizePix and get$50 instantly in lineups when you play your first$5. That's right. PrizePix is giving you$50 in lineups when you sign up and play your first$5. PrizePix makes every dunk, every dime, and every board that much more exciting. So don't miss a chance to get started on America's number one app for SportsPix. How did you feel about the Super Bowl game? Kind of boring.

18:04Billy:And every decision I made, I was wrong. I was going for, like, high numbers. you know a lot of touchdowns stuff like that i was real wrong on my choices but i feel like i'm

18:14Shane Gillis:gonna be what about you what do you think about it i don't know i mean i i didn't i barely watched it i was in and out kind of like messing with the kids and stuff uh i did one of those like block pool things yeah and all the numbers you didn't even know what they were yeah it was all like random and i didn't do well on that double double loss yeah it was a double loss for sure Discuss what sports you're excited about now the NFL is over. I mean, I'm hype on basketball.

18:39Billy:I've been hype on basketball. I was trying to get into hockey this year. The Flyers were looking really good to start the season. They stink now, so kind of a bummer.

18:49Shane Gillis:How about the hockey in the Winter Olympics? That'll be fun.

18:51Billy:That'll be good. U.S.

18:52Shane Gillis:versus Canada. Awesome.

18:54Billy:Hopefully we got them this time.

18:55Shane Gillis:Yeah. Well, I'll tell you something. The reason I choose prize picks is prize picks is simple to play. Just pick more or less on two to six player stat projections. If you get your picks right, you could cash in. Pick from all your favorite sports. Anything from basketball, baseball, hockey, UFC, soccer, college basketball, tennis, golf, esports, and more. Join millions of users and sign up for America's number one sports picks app. Download the price picks app today and use code drenched to get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup. That's code drenched to get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup.

19:31Shane Gillis:Price picks. It's good to be right.

19:34Dan Soder:Yeah, so that's basically what's been going on with me. I know I haven't done the podcast in two months. That's the update. That's what's going on. Backyards floated like a sunbearing. Matt's carrying the load right now. Yo, Matt's got it all. That's why he's juiced up. He's got to carry it. I mean, you should. He's got to carry the boats. For what? You guys have Peter or Dion. I wasn't there. That was Matt's boy, dude. That's Matt's boy. That's crazy. yeah we had one of the major epstein bros on yeah i don't know anything about it he's like a dude

20:04Matt McCusker:who tries to do 250 000 to live forever and he was like i i don't really know much about epstein like i talked to him a few times and like there's just all these correspondence and allegedly like his kid was dying and his memoir he talks about it and then he was actually just in new york and he's like yeah i'll go i'll come chill and in his book he's like dude i was just i was drowning in work but he just he said he was enamored by famous people and he really didn't mean it and he doesn't know about any of the pedophilia stuff so that getting caught like your email oh yeah getting leaked and you know like text messages got leaked bro somebody was

20:39Dan Soder:telling me they were going to add the future of who share what you share on instagram i have to explain how it's a joke like to each other no yeah somebody mentioned that to me i hope that's not true well that's the destruction of society an instagram reel it'll say who shared it no don't do that which if that happens we're in trouble don't do that what do you mean it's like you know how they do who liked it or who follows you have to say who shared this maybe the the person but is that no no no not yet don't worry i'm with you i'm telling you right now that's the only thing that might get dude no one can see that joke no one can see that dude's kissing is a joke These kissings are funny.

21:18Dan Soder:I think I sent him an aggressive ass one to all you guys.

21:21Chris O'Connor:He had a juicy booty one? Yeah. That's what I sent back to you. Why are you gay?

21:27Dan Soder:No, I'm not worried about the gay stuff.

21:28Chris O'Connor:Yeah, dude, but that might be the only thing that would fly a Zuckerberg clip. What, emails? No, if they fucking start showing you who shares shit, get that between us.

21:39Matt McCusker:Let us have fun.

21:40Chris O'Connor:Let us have fun.

21:41Matt McCusker:I thought he said if he got on the Epstein file.

21:43Chris O'Connor:No, that shit won't get you in trouble.

21:45Matt McCusker:If it applies at all, just be like, 1-0-0-0-1-1-1-1-0-0-0. You're up.

21:52Dan Soder:Dude, how do you feel? Your boy's on the... Hill. Your boy Trump. Your boy Trump. Uh...

21:59Matt McCusker:All, uh... You know. What are you gonna do? Could have called that one, but, you know.

22:05Dan Soder:All right. We don't have to... We don't want politics here.

22:07Matt McCusker:They say that, but at the same time, it's like... There's other people that are way worse. Guys are trying to make America great again. Then that would happen. The fuck? Sometimes you get speed bump i hear you tiny speed bumps people have been like messed with that i was like dude i fell for q anon like what's it do you expect obviously this shit's going to happen and it's going to get me every time fadden's a nasty little fucker and fadden's on there he's like

22:31Chris O'Connor:boys with epstein yeah oh they like cultivated the culture war they like created it you read it you go i knew it yeah i knew someone smarter than all of us was behind this going like you two should

22:43Billy:fight yeah yeah god fuck dude there's like a four hour long interview with him on like pbs that's

22:49Matt McCusker:like incredible really bannon yeah oh yeah america has watched all of his shit rocks shit rocks he's yeah like starts talking about like cincinnatus and shit like that yes he really

22:59Billy:it's the kind of thing that you like turn on to be like fuck this fucking guy yeah and then you're

23:03Dan Soder:like oh shit oh man he's a he's a really good dude and he's pretty yeah he's good at yeah you

23:10Matt McCusker:You listen to Anthony talk, though.

23:12Dan Soder:He was a little effeminate.

23:13Matt McCusker:A little bit. Really? Oh, dude, there's like, he's showing his private eye. He's like, this is my beach. It's private, so no one can come on here. This is my pool. It's like very. Yeah. Might be the ultimate reverse.

23:27Dan Soder:He might have.

23:28Matt McCusker:I'm not a pedophile. I'm just gay.

23:30Dan Soder:Might hit the old Spacey. Yeah, I ain't doing any of that shit. For the record, I'm gay.

23:36Chris O'Connor:That was the best. Shit rocks. What a move. what a Houdini out of cuffs how could I be raping women when I like men I think they were all male accusations

23:47Dan Soder:there's still guys he's like right but I'm gay he should have caused his so-so he should have crippled he should have done the reverse after he got called he'd be like actually I'm fucked up

23:59Matt McCusker:oh no I actually have a limp you can't come after me that's that with Noam Chomsky Noam Chomsky's all over he's just old as balls He looks like something A cat spit out

24:09Billy:Chomsky's all over That's not my boy I fucking hate that guy You love that shit You're a liberal history You're a chompaholic He loves liberal history You guys wish you were as center as I am I hate Chomsky I'm so in the center It's unbelievable You guys wish

24:31Chris O'Connor:Oh you mean Chris the Balanced O 'Connor Well sure he's for guns But he's also for fucking universal health care in a way that's pretty taxpayer friendly

24:42Dan Soder:Now you're talking the actual balanced Guns this guy screams and cries about guns Maybe you've changed your mind. This is great. Oh, you know, we shot guns together. Yeah You guys went to the range you've always had a pro guns. Yeah, when did I have a problem with you? Oh, okay, that's new

25:01Billy:Damn, I think we should do something to keep you shooting up schools.

25:04Chris O'Connor:Oh, well, that for sure, yeah. It's one way to put it. Oh, you're one of those Uvaldi liberals. I bet you think cops shouldn't have Punisher logos on their phone, too, while they're waiting for the Greek country. It became cool for the Libs to let guns, I'd say, five years ago? No, dude, ice flipped everybody. Now liberals are like, dude, I'm fucking... No, now... Well, that was... Punisher skull? Yeah. But the teeth are the rainbow, the LGBTQ.

25:31Matt McCusker:here have you ever watched the punisher logo with brenthal or barenthal harrison yeah i watched it

25:36Chris O'Connor:fucking sick yeah yeah it's great he's got ptsd which is what he should have yeah he's just a full fucking vigilante with ptsd and i like yeah the the scene where like

25:47Matt McCusker:that's check spots for me i was done watching that once he put the skull on his chest i was like holy shit cops think this is them yeah there's cops out there like that's pretty much it

25:58Chris O'Connor:They don't understand that he's in so many edits that cops share on Instagram. It's like, it's like him putting the thing on. The Punisher edit. Punisher's a good ad. Season one, good as fuck. It's great. I gotta watch it. I never watched it. The season he did with Daredevil was great, too. I didn't see that one. Season three of Daredevil or shit, where Punisher comes in, fucking rule. Multiverse, they cross over.

26:19Billy:I used to love the Punisher that had, like, what's the guy from Hong in it? What's that guy? Oh, yeah. That one's great. Aaron. Is that Aaron Eckhart? No, it was. kind of looks like him.

26:29Chris O'Connor:Yeah, but I know what you're talking about. That shit was awesome. Was Hong about a dude with a big dick? Yeah. He's about a gigolo. Oh, okay. I remember I tried it and I never watched it. By the way, that's how bullshit it was. All of his clients were just sexy ladies. Obviously, yeah. It's not like an old, gross, gay dude.

26:45Dan Soder:Fem cells. Obviously, that's every juggalo. Gigalos. I want to watch you. I want to watch you play with your big pack.

26:52Chris O'Connor:Old dudes. Thomas Jane. Yes. Thomas Jane's just beating off for like a dude that looks like the guy that put together NSYNC. I won't touch you. That should have been the pilot episode. Is the guy, what's that guy's name? Lou. Witski? No. No, that's fucking shout out Bonfire. Don't do that. Pedophile. Lou Witski? Pedophile. Oh yeah, that's such a funny edit.

27:21Dan Soder:Patriot. Retard. Mental retard. Mental retard.

27:25Matt McCusker:Traitor. Yeah, I used to watch TV Guide at night at my cousin's house. I would just sit there and watch TV Guide, wait for HBO to come up, see if it was TVMA. And then it would say Hung, and I'd put it on. I'm like, fuck, this is gay. Yeah. And then even Sex and the City, I would turn it on. At what point did they get naked?

27:41Dan Soder:Yeah, dude, you had to turn it off. Rarely, yeah. You missed the golden age. It was tough to catch a beat to Sex and the City. I got it done, but it was tough. Mad Dog on, what's the flashing one? Oh. The infomercial one. Girls Go Wild. Well, that was a guarantee.

27:57Matt McCusker:Rock hard. Yeah. I had no idea what jerking off was yet.

28:02Chris O'Connor:Oh, man.

28:03Dan Soder:It was hard to use.

28:04Chris O'Connor:All those years you just go into bed with a full tank. I don't know what this is. Oh, my God.

28:10Billy:But then the first Z's after you pull it, where you go, I think I've just reached a different

28:15Chris O'Connor:state of life.

28:17Billy:No, I was panicked because I had no idea what was going on. I freaked the fuck out. That night of sleep was like. The first night you busted? Yep. After I lost it, I was like, do I need to tell my parents? Did I break something?

28:29Chris O'Connor:Oh, yeah. Yeah.

28:30Billy:I just laid in bed, and I was like, I hope. I did the same trip. I hope I didn't do any experience. You had people.

28:36Dan Soder:I don't know. It's like, if I wake up tomorrow and everything's fine. I know it's a different topic, but the first time I got a calf cramp while I was sleeping, I was like, great. My season's over. I just tore everything in my leg. I don't know what that was, but I'm done.

28:49Chris O'Connor:Were you dead? Because you know what's funny is, were you dead asleep?

28:52Dan Soder:Yeah. It was in the morning. It was in the morning. and I got a calf cramp. It was my... You thought the go-fucked was going to get fired up? It was either my sophomore year going into my junior or junior. It was the off-season. It was right before football started. And I was genuinely like, season's done. I just tore everything. That's the most painful thing I've ever had.

29:09Matt McCusker:Yeah, my shit was atrocious because I did have older brothers and I had a portable DVD player and I found one of their porno DVDs, which was Busting Up My Butt Vol. 2. Shut up. And there was like a bunch of tries, but nothing happened. And one day it happened and it was like kind of nighttime. Got immediately scared, thought I was going to hell, so I just sprinted outside and started playing basketball. Yeah, sweat out the sin. I was so scared. I was like, what the fuck's it?

29:34Chris O'Connor:The only time I've ever been afraid like that from waking up is waking up with the hiccups for the first time. You feel like you're drowning on dry land. You're like dead asleep and you wake up and you go, ah.

29:46Dan Soder:You woke up with a hiccup? I've done it. Dude, I've done it a lot. And you have like terrible indigestion. Yeah. Once you're grubbing before sleeping every night, I was basically living with you. I saw the way you'd grub. I would eat big mac and cheeses and go to sleep. Dude, he was eating fucking 50 high chews. Oh, dude, I used to walk through high chews.

30:04Matt McCusker:This shit, eating fucking 10 pounds of candy. You might as well eat that curtain eating a high chews. Dude, I was, yeah, it's for real.

30:10Chris O'Connor:It's just Japanese rubber that they sent over here. But I would order these, like, big fucking tins of mac and cheese and dump hot sauce on it, and then just, like, at 3 in the morning be like.

30:23Chris O'Connor:you wake up and you're like dude it's fucking terrifying you're like i try to go you're like sleepy but scared it's the worst i've been getting scared waking up

30:34Matt McCusker:a lot lately i'll just start having like crazy running thoughts my dude what the fuck is going on today's the day you die you're gonna die right now here we go dude i was having a completely fine

30:43Dan Soder:day yeah i think i had sleep paralysis this week same here when you guys get woke up are you so

30:51Chris O'Connor:scared you're just scared you can't do anything no at this point i can i can see it hat like i'll

30:57Matt McCusker:be having a dream and go like i'll wake up try to go back to sleep and i'll start having a dream where like i'm getting i'm about to like fall over i was like you motherfucker i'm about to have sleep paralysis then i have sleep paralysis i can like feel it coming on and go you fuck

31:09Dan Soder:damn i didn't have the full i just woke up scared as fuck from something i don't know what that was it sounded like something was in my room screaming yeah because you like think like you always kind of dream a little like two minutes i was yeah it was terrifying you're so terrified but then

31:26Chris O'Connor:immediately it's so funny whatever no that we haven't seen before just in the middle but then you're like ah you ever have the knock where you're going to sleep and you

31:39Matt McCusker:literally thought someone knocked on the door and you're like looking around like

31:42Chris O'Connor:no that would scare the fuck fuck me scares i was i'd much rather wake up with the cups yeah then fucking did a castle door knock just like a cop knock i'm like what the fuck but i'm

31:55Dan Soder:just dreaming i told you i had one where somebody walked across my room and it was so real i thought it was my dad i was like no one else is here i was like phil get the fuck out of my room dude he just walked and stood in the corner where it was really dark i couldn't see anything and then it took me like two minutes to be like no one's there this is that was i saw a ghost walk across that's when the fears but for some reason i wasn't scared at all really i don't know why yeah even after the realization yeah you're like no one's in the room yeah no one's in the room probably from that time in the service bro probably skeleton in the closet damn you are you were the punisher if you guys saw what i saw damn you're frank castle you guys have no idea you guys were fucking around in college yeah i was at the point yeah you were yeah you were what

32:34Matt McCusker:year was it oh seven i was graduating eighth grade my friend okay i'm talking about your time

32:41Dan Soder:in the in college you went you fucked off they said this is not a man for higher education no

32:46Matt McCusker:no fuck no he's not ready for books where'd you get it's time for podcasts i went to delaware county community college for a year d president's list no big deal and then temple i quit after a year two years and i was like two years it was like three class i was like you can take three classes it's sweet so you just took three classes i was like physics is fuck i did a thing where i had a dream about this that i was going to somehow miss a class and it was like some like second semester or some shit mlk day was on that monday and i was like i'm taking a screenshot of my fucking uh courses so i can just use this every fucking week and then in physics they kept talking about this lab that i had no idea what the fuck they were talking about it turns out i was i took a screenshot of mlk day which we were off that day there's no class so i'd missed a construction safety class and a physics lab for about a month and a half and then i came to the construction safety thing i was like i had no idea i had this class i passed that one but i just dropped physics because fuck that physics is impossible you're missing all that time that coming in and being

33:50Chris O'Connor:like they kept you've learned basic things that i have no concept they kept talking about it in class i was like beetlejuice in class okay no clue what's going on the lab in class oh yeah i went to one lab and i was like i gotta drop this yeah dude when you when you fucking out kick your coverage in college you go to i was like i needed a class and i was like i'll do philosophy i'm a pretty philosophical dude yeah i was like what is it rationalism let's fucking go i didn't realize arizona has one of the top philosophy departments in the fucking country and i took like a 400 and it was Rene Descartes and it was so hard that I was just rereading sentences and I had to go to the teacher like I was retarded.

34:30Chris O'Connor:I was like, I don't understand any of this. He's like, well, you took a couple 100s and 200s. I was like, no. Anyway, how were you able to sign up for this class? I was like, I don't know, brother, but we're here. You said I signed up, therefore I am. Yeah, there you go. I'm fucking different between body and mind or is there? I don't know. I just smoke camels before I go in there and he just like always looked at me like get out of here yeah you got a d so i passed that's good those books are

34:58Billy:bullshit anyway yeah i've tried to read them it's nonsense just a french fucking heroin addict yeah and they don't just be like am i alive are you alive

35:11Billy:and they don't they don't like write it in a way that it's like building an argument no and they

35:15Chris O'Connor:say that from like the job drugs yeah yeah just say drugs they didn't even know there were drugs

35:20Matt McCusker:They thought they were just fucking inspired. Supposedly all those grim fairy tale people were on heroin and shit. Like Hansel and Gretel and all that. They were just fucked up on heroin and made all these scary ass dudes.

35:30Chris O'Connor:That makes so much sense. If Shakespeare, two 14-year-olds falling in love to the point of suicide, is just a guy fucking working out heroin. He's like, I was in love yesterday and now I'm fucking sweating. I'd kill myself if she killed herself. Fuck all this shit.

35:47Dan Soder:Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, I wonder if homeless or heroin guys are still hitting fucking scary stores. Absolutely not. In those camps? In those tents? Oh, dude, those are the campfire stores. Yeah, around the fucking trash can fire. I was in a three-bedroom, two baths, a year ago. I had a family. I had a family. I was trusted and loved.

36:05Chris O'Connor:Ooh.

36:07Dan Soder:Ooh, this is too scary. I'm going to bed.

36:13Chris O'Connor:Hold on. I got to go before the sun bakes me under this highway. this episode is brought to you by zip recruiter i always find it impressive when someone can

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37:37Shane Gillis:And now you can try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash secret. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash secret. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter. This episode is brought to you by Shopify. When you start anything new, it comes with a lot of what ifs. What if nobody laughs at your jokes during your first standup routine? What if nobody listens to your new podcast? It's okay to have but you shouldn't let them rule your life. Buck up because who knows? You could get the life you've been dreaming of. It also helps if you have a good support system. And for any aspiring business owners out there, that means using Shopify.

38:17Shane Gillis:It's the commerce platform that's helped millions of businesses, including companies like Magic Spoon, Death Wish Coffee, and even Heinz. Whatever stage you're at as a business owner, Shopify is the perfect wingman. They can help you create and design a website, market across social media, grow your company, and more. And you can get access to their iconic purple shop pay button, which helps boost conversions. So fewer carts go abandoned and you can make that cha-ching. Leave the what-ifs behind and start working towards the future you want with shopify sign up for your one dollar per month trial today at shopify.com slash matt and shane that is m-a-t-t space a-n-d space s-h-a-n-e all caps that's shopify.com slash all caps matt and shane have you played stalker too no very good game you should try it oh i'm

39:18Matt McCusker:all about arc raiders right now i didn't play that i've been hearing a lot about our creators

39:22Dan Soder:There's a fucking verse. I'm sorry. It just reminds me of, did you see Liver King went to Whataburger? You got a huge meal? I saw the video, though. I have redemption. There's a fucking video. There was like one moment of silence on the podcast. Billy tried to hit a new topic out of nowhere. He just goes, yo, did you guys see Liver King go to Whataburger with his family and order like a huge meal? I didn't.

39:41Matt McCusker:I didn't sell it with that much authority. I was very tired. But if you watch it, is it not crazy? It was fun. The fucking insetious.

39:49Chris O'Connor:What happened? What was the total cost, Ethan?

39:51Matt McCusker:I don't know. he orders everything but i think it was like when he was going through like a psychosis so he's having a breakdown it was fucking nuts and he just kept like fucking saying the weirdest shit to

40:00Chris O'Connor:people what do you do you think anybody in his family like when you know anybody you've known people go crazy when he locked in on rogan were people like hey why don't we just shift off i

40:11Dan Soder:don't think dude they were riding like in caravans they were yeah they're like multiple cars together

40:17Matt McCusker:it's crazy driving also they put a super mario kart all together in a pole barn and they each have a 65 inch tv this close to their face i would do anything that if that was my dad but i will die liverking does yes it's family bonding time they all have 65 inch tvs literally like a foot away from their face play mario kart you would get in a jeep and go and fight i'll take out entire podcast networks went to what a boy i go through an austin killing spree

40:44Chris O'Connor:for fucking 65-inch Mario Kart.

40:46Matt McCusker:He went to Whataburger and ordered fucking everything. Those kids will probably murder someone for it.

40:50Chris O'Connor:Yeah, true. Yeah, that is like...

40:52Matt McCusker:Is he allowed to get toppings on stuff? Is that against his mantra? 3.0. 1.0 was all about that shit. 3.0. Holy Trinity. You can do whatever you want. You can do whatever you want. You just got to be happy. You just got to lock it down. Oh. Yeah. And do HGH. $30 ,000 of it a month. A month? It was something wild. Like he was doing like 20 grand of HGH a month. and then he had people like fucking like i think i'm gonna turn my life around honey and buy liver

41:16Chris O'Connor:eat it raw that's the first it's always the first guy yeah this sounds like a great idea

41:22Billy:this guy looks fantastic yeah liver's so hard not to make me sick no pain no gain he's like we're trying to gut it down he's like i'm gonna look like you all right this guy's just like dude could liver king hit a baseball i'd die it'd be fun if you just fucking that'd be

41:42Chris O'Connor:awesome if you guys hangers he's just hitting like five thirty he's just show it on he's like

41:47Billy:that'd be sick now he's not a fine motor skills guy no but i'm just saying running with weights if he could you never know dude there's no way the king the king there's no way not to be confused with i bet he couldn't i bet he could throw a dart i don't think his fine motor skills are all

42:05Matt McCusker:there and he also has a hurt eyes yeah he does have a hurt oh yeah actually is good like uh The superhero is that I'd be like to be Hawkeye. Hawkeye. Yeah. Least favorite person. He just throw it. Yeah. Just got a bone arrow. Yeah. He pissed me off. I just watched. I'm going through the multiverse in correct order right now. So I just got to Hawkeye fighting with Thor and them. Pretty good.

42:25Dan Soder:With the bow and arrow though. Yeah.

42:26Matt McCusker:Just fucking people up.

42:27Dan Soder:But all he got turned by Loki. But does he do anything other than fire a bow and arrow? No,

42:31Matt McCusker:he just got that fucking Hawkeye.

42:34Dan Soder:He's security. No, he just got that fucking Hawkeye.

42:36Matt McCusker:He's security. What else? So he wants to die with a bow and arrow. But he's got wild fucking, I think he's like some sort of fucking freak ninja or something like that.

42:43Dan Soder:Wait, somebody should fight him that just has a gun. Yeah, they go, hey, cool bow and arrow. Yeah, I have an AK-47. Look at this. Hey, Hawkeye. No, he's like the Comanche, dude. Yeah. How'd that turn out for there? Comanche, you were on the hold. They ran into some fucking guns.

42:57Billy:Yeah, they ran into iron and steel.

42:58Matt McCusker:He's got next level movement, I'm sure. Yeah, can he move fast or something? I don't fucking know, honestly. I really don't. He's just a guy with an archer. Like a gun? Is that Jared? Or I mean, yeah. sam i just don't like hawkeye nothing against jaren yeah jaren renner kind of rules yeah he's cool i think he got up for a while he did he got supposed he got smushed by like a snowmobile yeah

43:16Dan Soder:that would kill a huge one did you ever see the size of it dude those cats got rolled up all right yeah what he got rolled up he got smushed he got like actually smushed everything you could take a

43:25Matt McCusker:car rolling over your foot yeah i think about him is every time a car backs up next me i just want

43:29Chris O'Connor:to put my foot quickly you'd be fine i think i think they would just go like i don't know like i think if it stopped on your foot you're in fucking big trouble yeah they're in trouble

43:38Dan Soder:that pressure i don't know something to think about this i've been watching uh sri lanka's got talent on instagram who sri lanka the island nation that is good shit so good who are the judges one of them would uh i don't know just whoever like three fat guys from sri lanka yeah they're like dude you're fat you must be so powerful you have a warren shirt on sir did you

43:57Matt McCusker:judge this dance competition who's the dude is that from street fighter he's from sri lanka Sagat oh is it Sagat the fucking crazy mullet that's like Blanca what no Blanca is from Brazil he's from Brazil I thought he was from Sri Lanka maybe it's just Blanca

44:13Dan Soder:I just know from the map selecting Street Fighter 2 that's what I'm talking about

44:22Chris O'Connor:it looks like it's filmed in the parking lot of America's Got Talent like it looks like they were like you guys can go outside his talent

44:30Dan Soder:this is crazy that's his talent wheels flat bro he gets run over by a tractor how do you think he discovered this talent over his cheeks damn you gotta tune in to sri lanka's got talent season three yeah you never think about how third

44:45Chris O'Connor:talent how worse worse countries have way better talent shows because it's like basic necessity

44:50Dan Soder:you gotta see how bad these talents are it's like four dudes roller skating that was one of them yeah this is incredible how the fuck did you guys get roller skates yeah what i like the I was drinking non-potable water. Look at this.

45:05Chris O'Connor:Look at this cloudy cup.

45:07Dan Soder:It's honestly like fifth grade kids have talent. That's what the moves are. It's like when a kid goes outside, he goes, yeah, I got a bike. I'm going to jump over one trash can and go, holy fuck, this kid's unbelievable. He goes, I bet you I'll eat that. He goes, I'll eat anything. He goes, see these two worms?

45:22Matt McCusker:Yeah. Don't give me an X. I've been getting hit with African skateboarders, like on dirt roads. It's fucking sick.

45:28Chris O'Connor:That's nice. Very good. African pro wrestling is what's up. Really? You seen those guys in Ghana? No, I don't think I have. They're doing the mud ring. They do some crazy shit. I like that. Those power bombs on the mud look fucking cool as hell. That's a kill. They're hitting like cool-ass moves, and you're like, these guys aren't doing it with like a ring with any break in it, and you're like, it's great. Is it like mud splash?

45:48Dan Soder:Yeah, huge mud splash. Like a big Indian guy. That's fake wrestling, whatever that is. Yeah, they slap each other's chests. Yeah, you slap each other's chests. I don't even understand what's going on there. That kills. Yeah, that would hurt. It's slapped in the chest as hard as a fuck.

45:59Matt McCusker:Chicken chops? They, like, jump occasionally. They throw, like, Superman slaps. I see my cousin Ajax. He's fucking huge. And he was up on a ladder, on an extension ladder. And he either hit a power wash or something like that, like, pressed it, fell back from the top, hit the ground. I saw him make an imprint in the grass and dirt and got the fuck up.

46:18Chris O'Connor:Really? It was the craziest shit I've ever seen before. Was it, like, do you think he has, like, drunk driver brain where he was just, like, relaxed and just went, like.

46:24Matt McCusker:No. Ajax is just, like, an animal. He's, like, a half human. He's a fucking beast.

46:30Chris O'Connor:He's crazy to watch him hit and then watch him get back right up.

46:33Matt McCusker:Wait, didn't he crush a burrito? What was it? Oh, he used to crush burritos all the time. But he'll drink a whole pot of coffee cold. What? Yeah.

46:42Shane Gillis:Hey, guys, really quickly, please, for the love of God, come out this weekend. Las Vegas, Nevada, the Palazzo Theater. You guys are a last minute town. You do this to me every time I come there. And you buy tickets like two days before and it makes me nervous. Please come. and that's this Friday night, 2-13-2026. 2-14, Valentine's Day. I'll be at the Paramount Theater in Denver, Colorado. It's looking pretty solid, but just come out. If you don't know about it, you're hearing about it. If you want to come, come. And then after that, I'll be in Boise, Idaho, Salt Lake City, Cleveland, Ohio, Pittsburgh, St.

47:17Shane Gillis:Louis, Indianapolis. I'll be in a bunch of places. Go to mattmccusker.com for tickets, please. And just please come to After No Knock.

47:26Billy:There's me, LaMare, Sean. It's always a good time. The next one is February 17th at the Creek in the Cave. You can get tickets on creekinthecave.com. Please. And LaMare's mom will be at this next one. I mean, come on now. Mrs.

47:40Shane Gillis:Lee will be at the next Optinotus if that sells you. And I'll also be in Salt Lake City with Nathan March 27th and 28th, I believe. Tickets are at seangardini.com. This is Sean Gardini. Thank you so much. Also go to Lincoln Financial Field for Shane's show. Oh, yeah. Go see Shane. That's going to be very, very sick. And, hey, guys, I'm looking at the seat map right now. Don't think, like, oh, get around to it. This is going to sell out. I'm looking at it. It's pretty close to sold out. So you better go.

48:07Dan Soder:ShaneMGillis.com. That's awesome. All right, and we're back. What a – wow. What a great – wow, what a great audience. Wow. Oh, I haven't talked since we did the garden. That was fun. Fucking awesome.

48:17Chris O'Connor:Yeah. Thanks for having me. That was so fucking fun. You were Saturday, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was Friday.

48:22Billy:I heard that Friday was bananas. It had to be.

48:25Chris O'Connor:Saturday I lost my voice but Friday ruled Friday was crazy because um it was me Che a tell than Louie but I've never seen someone get a comedy club pop at an arena like Louie where David Tell went Louie CK and everyone went yeah and then they saw him and they were like it was crazy like they didn't believe it they went like yeah Louie CK is here then you see him walk up the steps and everyone was like yeah it was awesome holy shit it was fucking really

48:57Billy:cool we also both went thursday for scouting report yeah we both watched funniest shit was

49:03Chris O'Connor:santino was going first on thursday and i got coffee with him because originally i was supposed to go second on friday and i'm like i had like i'm going second confidence where i'm talking to you know on thursday i go dude going first is fine you just go up there fucking lay on the jokes you'll be great. Santino's like, all right, all right. And then I go there and Shane goes, hey, you're going first on Friday. And I was like, fuck. Immediately he walked down to the South Santino and I was like, how was it? He's like, it was good. He's like, after he went, you go first. I was like, oh, and you had to stretch.

49:36Chris O'Connor:Did you know that? Oh, yeah. I laughed it off. Did I tell you that? Natalia came and went like this and I went, yeah. Because I was like, you're in the round and you're like, yeah.

49:46Dan Soder:There's no chance. If somebody walked out while I was on stage at the fucking garden and was like, do more time. Yeah.

49:52Chris O'Connor:And I was like, just finished the joke. And I went, no. And then I came back around and she was like, you have to fucking stretch. And I was like.

50:00Billy:I would be in my head too being like, that has to be a bit.

50:03Chris O'Connor:Did you guys see Liberty King? I thought he was fucking with me. There was a certain. I was like. What a joke is this? This is where Ali fought Frazier. What are we doing here?

50:15Dan Soder:it was cool as fuck Che old Mikey Che he was hilarious what an animal I know I mean dude to show up late shows up late and it dips I didn't even see him showed up late killed and then left

50:29Chris O'Connor:I went on after when you went up I was watching you for a while then I was like came back and I was like where the fuck is Che and they're like he laughed after a sec he's crazy oh my he's dropping to his set going it's got another spot I went to New York Comedy Club The Garden and then the stand late. Dude, that was fucking awesome. Can I tell you my favorite part was Kath and I were watching for one of the secret hallways and it was when you were shit talking Sarah and you were like, she fucking terrorized me. And then I see Shane go, that bitch is here tonight. He says it on stage and he goes, and he brought her daughter that little bitch is with her.

51:05Chris O'Connor:He's talking shit and then Sarah walks up as we're standing there and I go, did you hear him talk shit? And your sister went, oh, we deserve everything. She's like, we were horrible to him. They suck. He was so funny watching her go, yeah, whatever. Let's talk shit to the whole guard. It's a good look back.

51:21Billy:I knew it was coming. I didn't think it'd be this, but I knew it was coming.

51:24Chris O'Connor:Hey, what sweet revenge. To watch it click in your head, to go, this is you, man. Oh, yeah. You fucking bitch.

51:30Dan Soder:Giant fat bitch.

51:32Chris O'Connor:It was crazy.

51:33Dan Soder:That was very fun to watch. Yeah, it was awesome. Voss, man. Yeah. Big Voss out there. That was great. It was great, dude. Colin Quinn. It was fun to see Voss be nervous. Yeah. Before this, he was so nervous. Should I tell you something that I don't know if he'll admit? In a good way. Louis was nervous. Everyone was. Everyone was nervous.

51:48Chris O'Connor:It was crazy to watch Louis, though, but I was standing there, him being like. Especially, Attell was killing. Attell was killing. Attell was killing. Yeah, that hurt. Attell called the subway Lord Choo Choo. Fuck. He must be fed. It was so funny. It was like, if you're a tourist, go down and ride the subway, get assaulted. Lord Choo Choo needs blood. He was just like, he just looked like a homeless guy that went up there and fucking killed for It was so shit. Yeah, dude. He was the man. But then Louie went up. It was great.

52:18Dan Soder:It was fucking really cool. Yeah, I like having all those guys. People are like, aren't you worried to follow all those guys? It's like, no, I mean, they're going to bury me. It's just I want the people to pay to go to an arena and be like, that shit was cool. Yeah. It's less pressure on me.

52:31Billy:Did Attell hit the recorder? No.

52:35Chris O'Connor:He did hit a recorder. The recorder would have been nice. I mean, dude, I used to hear him playing that during COVID when we were doing outside shows. I swear to God, you would take a corner and you're like, and you'd be like, a tell is near. If I was like tracking him, you'd be like, a tell is near the corner.

52:54Dan Soder:It's like Grand Theft Auto when you hear a mission. You go, ah, I'm not doing it yet.

52:58Chris O'Connor:No, fuck that. I don't want to do that one. That was cool as fuck, man. Three nights at the garden. That was sick. Yeah.

53:04Dan Soder:It did suck. I got sick on Saturday. Yeah. You couldn't tell. Everyone said you couldn't tell. I couldn't tell. I was in my head the whole time. I forgot how many fucking impressions I do. the entire i'd start a joke and be like great i scream in this i scream in like 10 fucking jokes

53:17Chris O'Connor:dude there's nothing funny to make any there's nothing funnier than a gay act out getting killed by you being like no voice yeah you're like i really in that moment you go i really am gay in those moments where you're doing a voice and you can't because you're sick you're like

53:35Dan Soder:it's just any anytime bombing an act out you're like i am the fucking gayest dude alive right now

53:40Chris O'Connor:Oh, my God, dude. The funniest shit that I used to love to watch on YouTube was comics bombing with act-outs and then having to get off the ground. Oh, laying down? Yeah, laying down joke. And then they get up and they go, so anyways, that's just kind of, that's what that's like.

53:55Dan Soder:That shit always fucking kills me. People laying on their back and talking into the mic and no one laughing and then having to stand up. Stand up? I've seen it. I've seen it. We've seen it a million times.

54:04Billy:Not knowing the floor is dusty as fuck. It's just covered in stuff.

54:09Chris O'Connor:Especially like a black comic doing like an act hour. He's like, and then I get popped. It pops up and then it's on. He's like, how y 'all doing tonight?

54:17Dan Soder:A lot of beautiful women here.

54:19Chris O'Connor:Oh, ladies, y 'all look beautiful. I know.

54:21Dan Soder:It doesn't look so long. Yeah, I saw a guy hit the lay down bomb at McGoobe's. Getting heckled while laying down. Jesus Christ. Laying on his back, getting heckled. Get up. Do that. You suck, asshole. Yeah, all right, mister. hey whatever fuck you dude just laying down on the goobies just looking up at a fucking ceiling of a comedy i'm gonna kill myself in timonium never thought i'd blow my head off in timonium

54:51Chris O'Connor:maryland dude last one of the last times i was in heights tonight i tried finding a ps4 controller this was like a couple years ago and i drove all over timonium looking for that mall there went to the GameStop yeah got into it with the guy I was like I need a PlayStation 4 controller he's like we don't sell them and I was like how how you're fucking GameStop and he was like sir you're cursing at me he hit the don't curse at me in the store

55:15Dan Soder:I mean how you're fucking GameStop is it's a little aggressive yeah I would have gone

55:20Matt McCusker:was it like was PS5 out or like why did they

55:22Chris O'Connor:it was like PS5 was not out yet but they like only had the controller it was one of those times where you couldn't get a PS5 like I think that might have been out but only in stores where like the controllers form and I was trying to get a PS4 controller and I was like dude I need a PS4 did you break the other one uh no you throw a pick no I don't break stuff anymore after I moved out with the punching table I don't punch stuff actually you know what stopped me from punching tables it was terrifying you got a glass table no Katie Katie bought these uh Ikea fucking tables and I put my hand through one and her reaction from the other room was so i was so embarrassed by it uh i think it might have been madden it might have been madden and i think i threw a pick six to end it and i fucking came i came down with a hammer fist on it it just broke the table and just her from the other room going what was that struck me in a way as an adult that i was like i went on ikea and ordered one immediately they They were 12 bucks, so it wasn't that bad.

56:25Chris O'Connor:It was a$12 table.

56:27Dan Soder:Yeah, fine. Eventually, you're going to put a cup down on it. The thing is going to explode.

56:31Chris O'Connor:It just works well up. Just that, like, hearing your groan, it, like, snab me back to reality that I was like, oh, my. I said, oops, that goes gravity. Yeah, I mean. But it just happened to hear your groan woman go.

56:46Dan Soder:Watching you guys watch me spaz out didn't affect me at all. I've said it 10 million times. Your spaz on DeRosa is my favorite spaz. I think he's the only person to be able to get me to that.

57:00Chris O'Connor:He can get anyone to go like, which is just fucking stop.

57:04Matt McCusker:My nephew just did this to my niece. Really? They were playing. I got him Super Nintendo for Christmas and they're all playing. He died. She laughed at him. He just went, you're in the fucking head. They had to break him up. I was like, bro, you got to fucking chill out. And he immediately got even more pissed off. So I didn't hit her. We're like, dude, we just saw you hit. Mario gets you so angry.

57:24Dan Soder:Video? It's a different anger. It is. It's a different. I've hit a new anger. I just rage quit. I just hit home screen immediately, shut the fucking thing off. I mean, throw a pic, I go, I'm done.

57:34Chris O'Connor:The way that people cope for most of their life is they go, the computer's fucking crooked. Dude. I remember Big Jay would hit me with that when I'd be beating him in Madden. He'd go, the computer likes you more. You're like, what? You think this is a popularity contest with a computer?

57:47Billy:dude i had a meltdown the other night in uh hell that loose i got into building i got it dude i got games building like fortresses i'd love to learn how to do that yeah so i was just running supplies for like 20 minutes to just dump a million supplies and it was like starting to build a fortress and then all the other engineers came and started building shit and uh this guy just put a piece of barbed wire fence and like butt fucked it so hard and I was like no

58:17Matt McCusker:that isn't a lot of work though and it's not he ran for like an hour no I was driving the supply truck

58:24Dan Soder:it's also that's crazy to play that game I'm going to be the supply truck guy I see no action dude you just literally just drive the truck

58:31Matt McCusker:in the fucking regalia

58:34Billy:I was building sick bunkers and shit everywhere we had the whole thing defended we just needed to close off this one side and this motherfucker just put and you can't dismantle barbed wire you have to like blow it up and it was like the game ban

58:47Dan Soder:yeah yeah that guy and that guy knew what he was doing he was like yeah watch this that's always frustrating we get in a tank you gotta drop the length of the battlefield out it ends yeah

58:58Matt McCusker:i just did that in cold duty i just been using a bazooka over and over i don't have my headset and the dude was just like why don't you stop fucking shooting and stuff and take down the UAV, you fucking asshole. I just fucking went over and over and over. I had an officer try to steal

59:13Billy:one supply truck and I shot him in the head. Really? I was like, get your own, dude. Talk to the commander. Get another.

59:22Dan Soder:Yeah, Vietnam's going to be nice. Yeah, it's going to be nice. Hell, let loose Vietnam. Really?

59:28Chris O'Connor:I don't do one. I'll play. I get into video games, but I have to be recommended them.

59:34Matt McCusker:yeah i have to be stalker two you'll fucking play the show all right i mean arc raiders was the

59:39Chris O'Connor:thing i got at new year's and i fucking love it but motherfuckers just camp out and kill you when you're about to leave in the elevator they just rat your ass i heard it's awesome i got recommended that game i was thinking about getting it yeah it's great yeah you can team up right yeah team

59:53Dan Soder:of threes go trios bro gabe's doing uh that would be nice tarkov on twitch gabe davis i got into twitch i never got twitch it's hilarious it's so watch people play i watched it last night twitch is nuts yeah i just watch games you can watch all types of nobody's watching there's like people

1:00:08Chris O'Connor:with zero views it's awesome dude you know how much you could with someone if you just go to their thing and then give them like 100 bucks but they'd be like shane gillis is giving 100 bucks

1:00:17Dan Soder:there you go anyways you guys are going to see here it's zero views it's i've looked at it last night a lot of it's girls doing like asmr and i i clicked one report and i like almost entered the I think I entered the chat but I don't think it shows your name but I panicked wow wow

1:00:35Chris O'Connor:oh there he is welcome back

1:00:38Dan Soder:it's fun man on Twitter I never even knew that thing existed

1:00:41Billy:yeah I set it up I was trying to stream on it for a while

1:00:45Dan Soder:that would have been fun I'm a mod on Gabe's Twitch yeah I just kick everyone out to talk shit I like that kick his fucking brother out you do soccer shit Yeah, because Gabe keeps saying he's going to beat me up. And I say, Gabe, I'm going to literally, I'll pay someone to kill you. He was playing. You're not going to ban people that like Gabe. That's referred.

1:01:11Matt McCusker:He was playing and kept just messaging Gabe, remember our time in Cleveland? That was so much fun. Remember what we did in Cleveland? He's fucking freaking out.

1:01:18Dan Soder:Yeah, he doesn't take kindly to it. I get in there, I say, show holes, show cheeks, show your feet. He's like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Also with the lighting. Yeah, headset.

1:01:28Chris O'Connor:It's very funny. I'll just try to get him to kill his teammates. He won't.

1:01:32Matt McCusker:Shoot.

1:01:32Chris O'Connor:I mean, one of the hardest you've ever made me laugh was when I started playing Red Dead Redemption 2. And I went to the bathroom, and I come back out, and Shane has my controller unpaused, and he's aiming my gun at my horse's head. And I was like, dude, what are you doing? He's like, I'm going to kill your fucking, I'm going to kill Night Shadow. He's like, I'm going to kill Night Shadow. I had a black horse. I was like, don't you kill my black horse.

1:01:53Dan Soder:He came in and yelled a hostage. It's a custom name. He named it Night Shadow. He sat tight in Night Shadow. What a cool name for a horse. That's why I wanted to kill it. No, what a cool name. Destroy something beautiful. No, it is beautiful. So you admit it's beauty. Night Shadows. No, that's great. With a white mane? You being high as fucking queens and naming your horse Night Shadow. Take me back.

1:02:10Chris O'Connor:True. Take me back. I agree. Take me back to the innocent time of riding around Night Shadow to St. Denis.

1:02:17Dan Soder:Oh, old St. Denis? Yeah, we had some times back then. Yeah, dude. Find the vampire in St. Denis. I would love to. I would love to. that game but i feel like i get swallowed by it you should redhead redemption is awesome you never

1:02:32Billy:played it no you should play it yes yeah but i really want to do the thing where i just want to

1:02:38Dan Soder:like open a general store and like run you get to that you get to that you can do some shit like i want to just be a good businessman in town i'm with you i get i'm trying to play fall anytime a new season of fallout comes out i just play the game and i forgot i don't play the game i just scrap metal and try to build forts crack it i'm literally on the first level on the first i just get under for real i just scrap metal barrels i can build a gun turret you just play a meth head of the game i can get in that fucking soul house you can take meth you can take yeah yeah i get addicted yeah and then you have withdrawals if you can't find it really yeah i'm addicted to jet and scrap metal so i play it for hours and then i go i didn't beat one level

1:03:21Chris O'Connor:On our graders, you can hit yourself with a stimulant. So you like don't have it. But the other players are here. So they'll run ahead of me. And you hear me going. Just maybe like. I'm just hopping up and down. And it's like. Every time I fucking hit it. Every time I hit the stimmy.

1:03:40Matt McCusker:Were you good at that cyberpunk game?

1:03:41Chris O'Connor:No, I never played it. It came out. It was too shitty. Yeah. It had dongs.

1:03:45Matt McCusker:You choose your dong size. Fucking nuts. Do you know what I found out about the Olympics?

1:03:50Chris O'Connor:Do you know the ski jumpers? Yeah. Do this shit where when they're getting fitted for suit, they shoot something in their dick to make their dick bigger. Yeah. And then they get fitted for their ski jump suit. What do you mean why? So they have extra flap. So it carries them farther. It carries them like nine feet farther. Why can't they make that a little bigger? Because it's illegal. It's illegal.

1:04:09Dan Soder:You got to go in and eat. You got to have a fake dong.

1:04:10Matt McCusker:Is that a sock in there? Yeah. It can only be a suit.

1:04:13Billy:It's clearly two rolls of socks in an other sock. It can be so much bigger than your actual butt.

1:04:19Dan Soder:A remote? It's a cucumber and tinfoil. So you got to have a big dick to be. I mean, just one more hurdle from me becoming a great ski jumper. I know how gravity was better, but if dick sizes, there's no injection.

1:04:30Chris O'Connor:What they do is they inject it to make it puffier, puff out, and then when they're competing, their dick's normal again. That would sound out.

1:04:38Matt McCusker:Just go inside my body and not make my dick bigger. Just have a huge, like, fuck it.

1:04:43Billy:Just go get super embarrassed and have your dick tiny. Well, can you just crap your pants and have it sag?

1:04:49Dan Soder:I should probably cut weight. That's what she just gained a ton of weight for the suit fitting. And then you have to do the opposite of it. Yeah. Very fat for the suit fitting. Be weak as hell flying down that thing.

1:05:00Matt McCusker:And then take it out.

1:05:01Dan Soder:I like it.

1:05:02Billy:That's a good ass idea.

1:05:03Dan Soder:I don't know about you guys. I've been watching some figure skating. And some of those guys have nice asses. Every single one of these little twinks that gets up that way. The quad guy? I watched the quad guy do that.

1:05:15Chris O'Connor:Dude, he looks like he can fly. Like, he looks like if you were like, his mom's a fairy. You'd be like, oh, yeah. His backflips and shit, he landed on one footed?

1:05:25Dan Soder:His number one rival is just this little tiny Japanese man. It's a good battle. I don't know if you watched their short program. I did today. On the team. The Japanese man took a little stumble, and they didn't fucking penalize him for shit. I was talking about the team one. The team one, he was flawless. Quad God, though, hitting those backflips. Well, apparently those don't do shit for you. Really? Yeah, that's not part of the... He just wrestled you in there? for a while it's part of the uh there's like because of how gay the sport is half your points are like dancing yeah you have to and like presentation and shit one of them and the moves are just half your weird sense weird it's just who's gay is spinning yeah how are they not busy

1:06:02Matt McCusker:as fuck i went on a right beer you go around type thing at a park the other day dude if i was old if i do a neck roll if i do a neck roll i'm just yeah i gotta sit down holy shit i cut my nephew They put me on and started spinning around. I got off. That's hilarious. I was like, oh, fuck. Who did?

1:06:18Billy:It was like three minutes of dizzy. They always try to say do that thing. You look at a spot. You snap your head around and come back to the spot. It's like that makes it worse.

1:06:27Chris O'Connor:Spinning my head fast. Did he feel the whole world? That's when you take a long tumble. Take a brewski tumble. Here we go. We're fucking going in.

1:06:35Dan Soder:Oh, fuck. All right. Well. It's a great scene. Great time to go eat dinner. What do you guys think about getting some dinner? He wants it. You want some lemon meringue? I'm going to fuck up some lemon meringue. You want some meatloaf? Where's the lemon meringue spot?

1:06:50Billy:One out of two ain't bad.

1:06:51Dan Soder:Don't worry about it. All right. Sick. See you guys soon. I'll try to do this again. Sorry.

1:06:59Shane Gillis:Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify.

1:07:03Billy:Do it. Dear McDonald's, your breakfast menu, fire. Tens across the board. I could be happy with anything, even though I ordered the same thing every time. Thanks for not judging me.

1:07:18Dan Soder:I'll try something new next time. Maybe. Right now for$6, get a big breakfast with hotcakes complete with a biscuit, sausage, scrambled eggs, and hash browns. Order McDelivery or in the app to save time. Pricing participation may vary. Cannot be combined with any of the offers.

1:07:34Billy:New York City. Summer 1972. A city overheating. A nation on edge. One Brooklyn bank robbery, wall-to-wall coverage, America can't look away. Now, Dog Day Afternoon, live on Broadway. The Oscar-winning true story, unfiltered, unstoppable. Starring Emmy Award winners Jon Bernthal and Eben Moss Bachrach. Directed by Rupert Gould. Written for the stage by Stephen Adley-Gierkus. Get tickets at dogdayafternoonbroadway.com.