Ep 601 - Gen Z White Boy (feat. Devan Costa & Conner McNutt)

4:32Conner McNutt:That's in you.

4:34Matt McCusker:Yeah, it's funny, the affliction is so harsh. What if he had Tourette's that was like sing-songy, you know? True. You're gay. That could be fun. Maybe that's potential therapy. Broadway Tourette's.

4:44Shane Gillis:That could be a potential therapy of getting them to kind of like sing it out. But that's, yeah, I mean, I personally don't think the man, that was like some sort of, you know, showing of like innate evil. And it's also like, the question is, is like, what person,

5:00Conner McNutt:does that mean the word is there or the sentiment to use it?

5:04Devan Costa:It's just that you've heard before that that's the worst thing to call a black person. So then you say that, and it's literally like the disability. You say the worst thing you could say to somebody, it goes to the taboo and you can't help it and it helps you live. I've been watching all these Tourette's people talk about it and yeah, you feel like you're going to explode unless you don't get it out. And then they also just go like, they like bark and shit. They're fucking animals, man.

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6:39Devan Costa:The guy was podcasting at the bathroom.

6:42Shane Gillis:I think, honestly, I think Tourette's are now the most dangerous. I thought for a while, I was like, it's definitely straight white men, most dangerous people in America or the world. Yeah. Tourette's have replaced. Tourette's, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got to keep an eye on them. I mean, you have like Eric Cartman disease.

6:55Matt McCusker:I don't know what to tell you.

6:56Shane Gillis:It's pretty brutal. They're terrorists. They're literally terrorists. If you have Tourette's, you're an evil terrorist.

7:02Devan Costa:He didn't apologize technically, too. And black people on Twitter, at least, are very upset by that. What was his apology? It was just like... It was just explaining the disease. Yeah. Explaining it, because in the movie, there's an entire scene where the lady that takes him in is like, you don't need to keep apologizing for something you can't help. A black lady?

7:19Conner McNutt:Yeah, yeah. Whoopi Goldberg played his mom in the movie.

7:24Matt McCusker:It was Monique in the movie, actually.

7:26Conner McNutt:In the movie, and the guy, there was an actor who played him. Yes. Who probably had the time of his fucking life. Imagine getting that role.

7:33Matt McCusker:Just saying it all over it. Hey, man, you're going to get paid like a hundred thousand dollars. You get to see the N word a bunch. You're like, oh, no.

7:40Conner McNutt:Yeah. You got to yell. Oh, fuck. That's terrible. He doesn't yell the N word in the movie.

7:44Devan Costa:No, no, but now. OK, here's another thing that there's a scene in the movie where he's like painting his new flat, like his apartment with his friend. And it's like green paint, but it looks dark green. And he's like puts it on his face as a tick. And then he like puts it on his friend's face and they start doing it. And that clip has surfaced on Twitter. And black people are like, so there's a black face scene in this movie, too. but it's oh it's a dark it's like a dark green and it has nothing to do with race he's just being like wacky and painting his friend's face and they're like oh you know but now that's like an evil yeah like this is a thought out thing and the movie is this like secret racist there is like

8:22Matt McCusker:a weird like cognitive dissonance with like i don't know black people on twitter where it's like they would like go to like a kid's birthday party and a guy that gets painted like a giraffe

8:28Shane Gillis:and they go for sure you're doing blackface yeah what's going on here no it's well it came the problem is though if you're somebody who's like you know really prides yourself on being like socially aware and empathetic you came to a very nasty crossroads or like whose side am i on yeah

8:44Devan Costa:it's tough or the disabled it's tough because also he he there was apparently like a mic and like he just said like why was there a big mic in front of the baftas wanted this to happen

8:54Conner McNutt:that was actually not a good so they had it they had the guy was just all night people think he

8:59Devan Costa:the entire time no there's this idea that he was front and center you know like wearing like with a swastika tattoo on his head just like screaming the worst things of all time you know he was like 40 rows back apparently and but somehow like kind of miked and they cut everything else but this part yeah that's weird wait they call it they caught they missed every oh they they cut hit

9:26Conner McNutt:somebody on stage said free palestine they cut that maybe they were kind of there's a couple

9:31Shane Gillis:guys where they're like well he was you were saying he was yelling like gay stuff too though

9:34Devan Costa:the whole time yeah the host alan cummings kept like like saying like just so everyone knows there's a there's a guy here that and he'd be like can't stop saying it by the way by the way

9:44Matt McCusker:imagine being gay and your last name is cummings that's so funny dude that's incredible

9:51Devan Costa:and that's driving the Tourette's guy crazy that just he's a fucking brilliant man he's my favorite for sure no but it's also just created a war because he's like a very like people really he's an earnest figure in england people really really love him and they

10:08Shane Gillis:like that he said fuck the queen or call the queen yeah it's because it's because it's well

10:11Conner McNutt:they forgive it they forgive it and the queen forgave it you know like like it's she has bigger fish to fry right now. One of her sons is running wild. She's also dead.

10:20Shane Gillis:God damn it. I don't know what he is. He's dead. Who the fuck's running England right now?

10:25Matt McCusker:I wonder

10:25Shane Gillis:they're having guys scream out in the awards. This is the Tourette's people are running. Son's a damn pedophile. I mean. Ward show they're yelling out insults. They're just, I don't know. That guy fucking knew it. I fucked that guy. That guy. He knew what he was doing actually. That is the core of that man's entire movie. No, he's a sick man. He's a sick man. His life should be

10:43Devan Costa:ruined more than it has been So you're on the same page as Jamie Foxx. Jamie Foxx was like, fuck him, dude. He knew what he said. Meanwhile, Jamie Foxx is like telling Leonardo DiCaprio, just fucking say it all you want. It's your actor.

10:56Shane Gillis:It's such a weird flex to be like, yeah, I'm trying to think. I feel like if a guy with like Down syndrome tripped me on accident and I turned around, I was like, motherfucker, you know what you did. I know. It's like when an evil

11:13Devan Costa:reptilian like like grandmother of yours or like I guess like even somebody's mom they start kind of like oh they have they have uh they're forgetful now but they say like evil things in between the forgetfulness and you're like I know what you're fucking like fucking Livia Soprano or something yeah where you just like I can't tell like people have said you have a you know a problem now so I

11:35Shane Gillis:but but I still kind of think you're fucking with me it's also it just is so unbelievable if he has track record they're like oh we kind of love this guy and then he just gets the bath does it goes

11:46Matt McCusker:finally my evil dark philosophy the long con it paid off yeah i've been faking tourettes for years yeah yeah he thought he was at the bet awards like you

11:58Shane Gillis:it's just insane it's such an insane thing to not immediately be like yeah okay that guy but i think what happened is it it fell too neatly with uh who was the other

12:09Devan Costa:fart lady yeah fart n-word she was like yeah hitting i think that was like a a stun grenade

12:17Shane Gillis:for black people they're kind of like wait what the fuck was yeah they're like stop being so silly

12:20Devan Costa:about it we don't know how to get angry about no it was yeah it was uh it was just kind of like

12:25Shane Gillis:because that was clearly you know slip up although my brother was like there's no my brother is completely against hg tv ladies like there's no way that was a slip up oh no dude i think that's

12:35Matt McCusker:all the time. Yes, definitely. She stubs her toe. It's just fart N-word. That's just in her repertoire.

12:41Shane Gillis:But she was saying fart knocker is what she usually says. And it just... It just... She must have hit her toe. Hey, we've all been there. We mix it up.

12:49Matt McCusker:I confuse knocker and the N-word all the time. Michael, that lady's got great N-words. Also, here's the thing.

12:54Conner McNutt:How bad did you hit your toe?

12:56Devan Costa:Broken toe?

12:57Matt McCusker:Mm-hmm.

12:58Devan Costa:It's like... What I didn't understand about that clip was why did she go like, can we cut that? And some guy was like, no. No.

13:05Conner McNutt:absolutely not i hate you we can't cut you i hate you no someone clearly just took that and

13:10Matt McCusker:released it yes i think they're like live streaming or something like that i think they're like instagram live were they i had to be because why couldn't you cut that out hgtv

13:19Shane Gillis:getting into live streaming like i think someone took the card and was like sick yeah really you think that we were just talking about these gen zers yeah dude yeah they're evil that shit dude yeah they do they're nihilists they're i think they are kind of nihilists yeah yeah or i don't know a lot of them are like big time grind heads though so what's a grind like grind like right yeah oh yeah yeah i'm gonna get to the next level yeah they and they don't care if they like die

13:43Devan Costa:young i mean you know they're all fucking doing the micro fracturing on their faces doing meth

13:47Matt McCusker:and shit well austin is also like the uh it's like the capital of like the most boring 24 year old of all time like all those like get ready with me here's my day as a 24 year old living in austin and i'm like dude kill yourself yeah this is the worst life i've ever seen i've talked to my

14:01Shane Gillis:younger cousin about that and he was like i was like is this what you and your friends do he was like no none of us he's like none of us do that it is like a mind fuck because i'm trying to figure

14:09Matt McCusker:out like what gen z does or who they are but because all the biggest people are like streaming all the time yeah but i don't think that's like a fair reflection of like who they are you mean

14:18Shane Gillis:i'm telling you i think they're completely checked out of like online stuff yeah like i don't i don't think that i was just talking about like the rage bait of how like it's like if you get mad about something online i think they view you as like a boomer fucking yes yeah we're like almost if you get mad at all it's kind of embarrassing yep what was the sentiment we just said if you don't say the n-word you're gay yeah well no because that was weird yeah no because they'll just rip the end but it's like you know on the internet and again maybe there's a streamers versus other guys but it does seem like young white dudes can just rip the n-word on the internet i mean

14:54Matt McCusker:clavicular is constantly ripping the n-word non-stop fuentes and you can't tell me that's

14:59Conner McNutt:not trickling down completely it's like an Xbox live economy it's just that's like now the culture

15:06Shane Gillis:no say anything so that's what I think I think it's like you know I'm I you know I didn't I didn't predict this happening but I think I think white people are taking the word back I think they might be the youth of white people are like let's put the power back into it actually the opposite of Jay-Z but it's got to be crazy because like you know I know black dudes that go it's xbox live and like yeah people yell the n-word and blah blah blah whatever but it's got to be kind of a mind fuck to see like all these young white kids using it and like as far as the internet goes it's cool in the sense that it's working yeah yeah i mean we're being completely honest the the n-word was gentrified by black people yeah yeah we're taking it back all right

15:52Conner McNutt:it's like but you get your you gotta be careful exactly you can't i'm not taking it back i feel

15:57Devan Costa:gay like we just said when i say the n-word like i'm like retelling something i feel like a teenager is going to call me like a homo or like like something just pop out of a bush bill you're

16:06Shane Gillis:fucking gay that's what i was saying earlier like i think if you're like 22 and you don't say the n-word and you're white you're kind of it's like kind of gay yeah yeah which is funny i mean dude how crazy is that they just i mean well they're all at home no one can punch them in their room that's true you know but you know what happened i think it started there's a lot white there's a lot of white rappers that started just like ripping it you know jin lee no he was a dallas rapper he's a he's a giant red-headed man okay with long curly oh yes i i've seen this guy yeah he's good he was ripping the end where he's in jail now okay yeah i mean i i've seen him like also like post videos

16:43Matt McCusker:like justifying saying it just anybody then like he'll go and he'll fight like black teenagers in

16:48Devan Costa:the mall so his his okay so he's about that life completely he really hates them no he loves them I'm kidding.

16:54Conner McNutt:He's like,

16:54Devan Costa:totally. Going to the ball to fight.

16:55Shane Gillis:I think he just roasts the ones he loves. Yeah. But no, he'll have people like, if you have a problem, come fight me. Right. And he'll end up just being in like, you know, near a smoothie. Bro, he's fat as shit. He's fucking, and he's like six foot three. He's huge. Ugly as hell. Hey man, he lives in Dallas. He can come get me. Come fight me,

17:13Matt McCusker:dude. Let's go to the mall. Let's do it. I love you. I love this guy. He's in jail.

17:16Shane Gillis:He's going to get out of jail. He's going to fight me. he might not he might just be like crazy ass white bull he probably is dude but he's good

17:22Matt McCusker:he sounds like big x the plug right kind of similar yeah kind of yeah yeah fat i guess i

17:27Shane Gillis:don't know he just sounds fat i've never heard him i never heard big x the plug i'm like he's probably fat oh you'd love it is big x the plug white too no no but there's that i think that's you know the internet is like because like you're you're right you can safely say it onto the internet and like you know if you live around all white people's like no one's gonna beat you up really for maybe like you know your lesbian cousin they're also saying it with the a right

17:50Devan Costa:yes so yeah there's like people have a think it's not the same at all to true you know like like like when nick fuentes says it it's it's it's in a way of like i think he'd have a bigger problem he was saying with the hard r like every time i think so i i he also claims that kanye gave

18:07Matt McCusker:him the pass and yeah he's just saying it which yeah imagine that's your justification yeah you're He's like, no, the most crazy man of all time said I could say it.

18:19Devan Costa:He's getting his shit together, though.

18:21Matt McCusker:Yeah. Kanye is getting his shit together.

18:23Shane Gillis:He takes a big man to apologize to all the world's Jews.

18:26Devan Costa:It does. It does. You ever done that before? No, I've never been in that position before. Matt, I do it every single morning.

18:33Matt McCusker:Wake up and I apologize to all the world's Jews. He's getting on Twitter.

18:37Shane Gillis:Sorry, Jews. That would be nice, just hitting him with just like inspo content. Like, good morning, Jews. Let's get it. Like really positive stuff. Like the morning juice.

18:46Matt McCusker:That's like the real life equivalent of putting more shields in your chest and like Call of Duty. You see that every morning. You're like, all right, I'm good. I'm fucking safe again. Oh, that poor guy.

18:58Shane Gillis:Let's get it, Jay Gang. Let's call it Jay Gang. Jay Gang. Yeah. This episode is brought to you by Zip Recruiter. I always find it impressive when someone can, hmm, let me talk about a skill I find impressive or a profession I appreciate. appreciate. For example, Olympic athletes and their dedication to training, people can touch their nose with their tongues or someone who can speak multiple languages. Well, those are good prompts, but I just love a good accountant. Guys, one skill I found tremendously helpful in my life recently is, hmm, let's say accounting. That's my new passion. I've been doing all of my own accounting lately and I really like it and it's helped me gain a better sense of what all of my accountants have done and I love it and guys should all develop this skill.

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20:52Matt McCusker:I don't know, man. He is. He's coming back.

20:53Devan Costa:Bully's coming out, apparently. You ever listen to Bully? That's what they say. Yeah, I love Bully. Wait, what? Bully was the album he put out that had like some AI songs on it, but he put it out at the time when he was going completely insane.

21:04Shane Gillis:See, I didn't know what was real. Right.

21:06Devan Costa:Right, right. Some of the songs are like kind of fake. But man, it's just, he's just, and the funniest thing is that it's a really calm, like, thought, like, it's very, like, nothing's crazy on the album. Dude, it's beautiful. It's really lovely and nice. It's beautiful. And then you look at his, you know, he's online saying, like, kill them all. And you're like, this is so nice to listen to. This is insane.

21:27Matt McCusker:Yeah, dude, just sucking your cousin off.

21:29Shane Gillis:There's this musician I like who, John Martin, he was like this guy, like a British folk singer from the 70s. and he would like he was you know one of the first people who was doing the uh looper pedal so he would do these like beautiful ambient soundscapes and then i learned he had been like beating his wife the whole time that's yeah i know so he would like have a vicious altercation with his wife beat her and then go like out in like the other room and just rip like a beautiful

21:53Devan Costa:kind of like it helps you possess so you know the the the yeah like the hating yourself for doing bad things like helps the artist in some unfortunate way. Maybe

22:05Matt McCusker:hating your wife is the key to success. Hating or hitting? Hating. Well, both. I think it'll come down to both.

22:12Conner McNutt:John Lennon used to

22:13Devan Costa:fucking beat women.

22:14Conner McNutt:He wrote a song about it. He was a jealous guy. Women are the n-word of the world. That was him trying to help them.

22:21Devan Costa:He hated his wife so much he goes, you're the n-word of the world.

22:25Matt McCusker:I'm going to go hate my wife and go, I'm trying to buy a house. That's what I'm doing.

22:28Shane Gillis:He was actually being mean. I thought he was trying to be the ultimate emancipator. What a dick. Yeah, that was a wild move he pulled. Yeah. I think women were like, yeah.

22:41Matt McCusker:Yeah.

22:42Shane Gillis:You know what I mean? I've had a hard time believing they wouldn't be like, well. No, I think they love that.

22:46Conner McNutt:Yeah. Yeah.

22:47Devan Costa:I mean, women have been fighting. There's been that oppression Olympics for a while.

22:50Shane Gillis:It is funny that they have been, in terms of sheer numbers, they've been completely shitted on for the longest. Like if you go back into like history when you used to be able to fucking.

23:01Devan Costa:Yeah. Rassle them and shit. And then all they get is like Hillary Clinton. Yeah. It sucks, dude. She just gets destroyed. Really sucks. It's tragic. Kamala Harris.

23:11Conner McNutt:They need to like their own Farrakhan. Yeah. But that's cool. Because when women get like too feministic, for some reason they lose their cool.

23:17Shane Gillis:Unfortunately.

23:18Matt McCusker:But they do that and we go, eh, shut up. Yeah. Like they've tried a million times.

23:21Shane Gillis:They have tried a million. Yeah. You know what? This is embarrassing of me to admit, but I recently, I don't know why. I got this idea where I was like, dude, I think women in like, you know, heavily Muslim controlled areas are genuinely happier than women in the West. Like Sharia law and stuff. Looked it up. Not the case. Not at all. I was like with Grock, like, yeah, but like, what about it? He's like, not even dudes. They're not. They're so sad. I love that.

23:46Matt McCusker:Like ignorant. That is funny. You meet a person from a different culture. You're like, oh, it must be peaceful. And you're like, are you Google? You're like, oh, they hate. Yeah. It's actually illegal to be gay. They'll kill you.

23:54Shane Gillis:I was like, maybe they're like, you know, it's like as much as it sucks not being able to drive or leave your house and having to do or have a clit.

24:03Conner McNutt:Muslim women are like the clit is like the appendix.

24:05Devan Costa:It's not really necessary.

24:07Shane Gillis:It was a shameful thought. But I was like, maybe there's a certain freedom in that women actually. And then I looked it up. It's like, no, and it's also like the reporting of depression is probably so low, too. And it's still right. Are they even allowed to get into that? And that's why they asked them more like, you know, like instead of being like, are you depressed? is they're probably like, no. So it's like, well, how did you ever feel like tired for days at a time? And they're like, yeah. And they're like, do you ever like think about just like sleeping forever? And then they hit them with all those questions.

24:34Shane Gillis:Yeah. When they collect a lot of data, it was like.

24:36Matt McCusker:Just coded killing yourself, you know? Yeah. Yeah.

24:39Shane Gillis:But then I was like, are Muslim men happier?

24:41Matt McCusker:And I don't think so.

24:42Shane Gillis:I don't think so either. They're fucking loud and angry.

24:45Matt McCusker:I think if you're like religious, you're just never happy. Like if you're like fully like, God will hate me if I do anything. Yeah. You can't be happy.

24:52Shane Gillis:But imagine if you don't beat off for one day.

24:54Devan Costa:I kind of lose my mind.

24:57Shane Gillis:You'd be happy. Lately I've been able to go when I do shows. Every now and again I'll go to a hotel, sleep there, not beat off and leave in the morning and I always feel like I feel good. I didn't leave a fucking disgusting towel for that lady to get.

25:14Devan Costa:That's why they're doing it. Some guys are just considerate. The women have to clean up our jizz. You're not jerking straight into the toilet.

25:21Matt McCusker:When I'm in a hotel I'm just straight.

25:23Conner McNutt:I do that at home.

25:24Devan Costa:You jerk right into the toilet like just get it out.

25:27Shane Gillis:Yeah late night sneak away for sure

25:32Shane Gillis:Hotel I like I just whatever dude.

25:35Devan Costa:Yeah, you just pay the Yeah treat hotels like shit. We were just we just turned everything on at ours Do that's our favorite make sure to turn the TV on Get everything going

25:47Matt McCusker:YouTube you stay on you're my slave. I own you Yeah, dude well sorry my bad

25:57Conner McNutt:Tourette's

25:58Matt McCusker:I'm at the Baptist right now my bad so no

26:03Shane Gillis:do you ever lay in a hotel room and think about how many people have came in the bed that you're in yeah it's that

26:09Devan Costa:top cover you gotta worry about right that they always tell you about like that's how I get cozy the one on the top I think about that

26:14Shane Gillis:that's how you fall asleep

26:18Matt McCusker:ooh it's nice

26:19Shane Gillis:yeah I I don't know. I've always, you know, obviously people are doing stuff in there, but like I got hit with the like genuine scale of it. I was like, dude, it's like every time someone hits one of these beds. Oh, yeah. You're coming.

26:31Devan Costa:Yeah. Me and my ex, she like demanded to like leave a hotel in New York one time because there was just like kind of obvious jizz stains. What? Yeah.

26:40Shane Gillis:I thought you were going to tell a totally different story where she like made you leave jizz stains. She made me. I jizzed all over her.

26:46Devan Costa:She got the bed wet. It was the whole. She's a pig. Dude. Dude. Dude, come on.

26:51Shane Gillis:It is funny to be like, there's too much jizz in this bed and you get a different room and you just jizz all over the bed.

26:57Matt McCusker:You get in the room and you're like, there's not enough jizz on this bed, actually.

27:02Shane Gillis:You lay down, nothing crunches. You don't see a pile of dust just fly up.

27:07Devan Costa:I kind of missed the days when I was a kid and nothing came out. It was easier. You got the whole feeling. The orgasm happened. That was the best, dude. Nothing came out.

27:15Shane Gillis:Yeah, man.

27:16Devan Costa:It was great.

27:16Shane Gillis:The only downside of that is my uncle would be like, what the fuck, man? I'm trying to get pregnant over here.

27:26Matt McCusker:Trying to get bukkake by my nephew. This is unbelievable.

27:29Conner McNutt:Yeah, it just feels like I always let down my uncle's mouth. My uncle hates it, dude. When he would molest me and I didn't come. That's not funny at all.

27:38Devan Costa:I remember, I'm joking, I've never been molested,

27:43Shane Gillis:but I went to Penn State one time years and years ago, and it was like my uncle was there with his kid. we're all hanging out and we would go to the bar and i got hammered with my uncle and i always like fuck around with him but like anytime there'd be like a woman there i'd be like yeah there's my uncle i was just like oh great he's like a handsome guy for his age he always has been and every time like i would kind of like hype him up and be like yeah he still molested what the fuck man he was not i was crushing he's like penn state has no history of molestation it's totally true but I would just be like I would just like build him up to a babe and he'd be like fucking nice and I would say something terrible and they'd be like oh what the fuck

28:21Matt McCusker:I mean it's kind of the ultimate bit with your boys you know like yeah he's a pedophile

28:25Devan Costa:I have a friend Joey that if we're in public at like a grocery store I'm checking out he goes just so you know this guy's a registered sex like every time

28:38Matt McCusker:I mean doing that to your friends just in a grocery store being like he's here to meet a 13 year old boy He levels it up too.

28:45Devan Costa:He'll go like, he's a convicted pedophile. He's a violent pedophile. Violent pedophile.

28:50Conner McNutt:How do you play it off? I just go, he's not sticking out.

28:53Devan Costa:I look more like a pedophile. I look guilty.

28:56Conner McNutt:No, I'm not. No, I'm not. He is. I'm not.

28:59Devan Costa:You can't fight it. You just got to laugh it off.

29:01Conner McNutt:If I were like, no, could I kill myself?

29:03Matt McCusker:Trying to hit the Uno reverse, like, you're a pedophile, actually.

29:07Shane Gillis:You got to hit him with you wish, but he wishes.

29:10Matt McCusker:Did you wish I was a pedophile?

29:13Conner McNutt:life would be so you wish in your dreams oh man that's a fun prank to play yeah he plays a lot of pranks they're not always fun hitting the video if you have the video the best one is a video

29:26Shane Gillis:like you know you have guys the cameras you surround someone in a walmart and go like oh you're here to fucking that is i mean that someone's got to do that prank video that's got to be so fun they do that's not even like they don't even pose it as a prank video they

29:38Devan Costa:just get people in trouble. There's like, you know, these nihilist Gen Z kids. They just go to like Walmart and they'll just like point at somebody and be like, this guy, and he's not. What? He's just a random person. Yeah.

29:50Matt McCusker:That sucks. Sucks, dude. I know. The pedophile hunting is crazy. Part of me, like, I hate to be that guy. I'm like, you just, you want to beat up an autistic guy. That's all this is. Sometimes it is.

30:00Devan Costa:Sometimes I am like, I'm uncomfortable with how I feel like weirdly a little more empathy for the pedophile than the hunters. I'm like, stop pouring to

30:08Matt McCusker:basco in his eye and obviously like kill that guy sure but i don't i don't want to see it take him out back yeah do something yeah i mean you know well it's like you know if you're it's

30:18Shane Gillis:hunting man you're hunting games sometimes you catch a big deer sometimes you catch a little

30:21Devan Costa:deer exactly but when it turns into like an influencer thing like you're getting views off

30:25Matt McCusker:this you know it's gone down a little bit but for a while there was so insane how like akon and like

30:30Shane Gillis:t-pain exactly all these guys like celebs to go on dude it was like part of the circuit yeah it

30:36Matt McCusker:It was like, you're promoting your album? Like, you're going to hunt a pedophile?

30:38Devan Costa:It's like Ty Dolla Sign is like shaving Epstein's head. Mark Tabasco in his face.

30:42Matt McCusker:Those were so weird, though. It's like, I mean, because those guys are being hunted for real, right? So it's like, there's a pedophile who's in his head. He's like, dude, I'm about to get some little boy pussy. And then Akon shows up. He goes, this is the best day of my life.

30:55Conner McNutt:Yeah.

30:57Matt McCusker:Holy shit. Akon's going to serenade me fucking a boy. And then he's like, oh, it's the worst day of my life, actually.

31:04Devan Costa:He's like, play Locked Up. can you say locked up yeah he

31:10Shane Gillis:it sucks when they're clearly you're like oh this person is like either severely autistic or like has something and you're like oh dude alright definitely stop the guy from molesting

31:22Conner McNutt:you gotta stop him but it's like I don't know you gotta get him back just kill him Sonic bro you just kill him you think so there's a comic I know

31:31Matt McCusker:why not kill those people

31:33Shane Gillis:you think so pedophiles yeah i mean all for sure but it's saying if it was like if you have severe developmental delays and all that stuff and then like you get caught being a pedophile and people like beat them up i'm like all right dude definitely yeah it's a disability

31:48Conner McNutt:blow up the it's kind of like the baptist there's gonna be a pedophile at the baptist next year

31:52Shane Gillis:that shit was in you i know what the fuck is in your soul it's evil you ever see the pedophile

31:57Matt McCusker:fight back and they're kind of good they got hands a little bit there's a couple videos where like They beat up the pedophile. The pedophile is like, I'll fucking square up right now. And they almost lose a fight to the pedophile. I'm like, dude, could you imagine getting your shit rocked by a pedophile? A buff pedophile. Like an expendable pedophile. God damn. A Salone pedophile.

32:17Shane Gillis:Definitely is not his first rodeo.

32:18Devan Costa:Rambo first kid.

32:22Shane Gillis:It's not his first rodeo. He's trained. They probably caught him slipping back in the day. Now it's like never again. Has someone for real almost lost to the pedophile in the Walmart?

32:30Matt McCusker:Yeah, in like a convenience store, like a liquor store.

32:33Shane Gillis:Walmart should have like a boxing ring for if someone finds a pedophile. They should. Yeah. They should absolutely do that. Like Disney jail or something. Yeah. Should be an old black guy. Come on, put on the gloves. We're going to send lists like men. Then you get in there and fucking.

32:46Matt McCusker:Also, at this point, how dumb do you have to be as a pedophile? It's like if a kid's asking you to meet at a fucking gas station, it's a trap. Are you not seeing these videos? Come on. I mean, your dicks never led you to a strange place. No. No. Never once. Not a gas station. I mean, like, all the videos are at a gas station or a Walmart. So if I was a pedophile, I'd be on my P's and Q's being like, I've seen the videos.

33:08Shane Gillis:Yeah. You know what I mean?

33:09Matt McCusker:Right. I'm not meeting at a Walmart. That's an obvious trap. What? You know what's funny, though?

33:13Shane Gillis:Now that I think about it, it's pretty, you know, like, the bar lets out at 2 a.m. That's kind of like, that's 3 p.m. is the pedophiles, 2 a.m. True, dude. You know what I mean? If you're like a teacher, pedophile, you're like, fuck, it's almost 3 o 'clock. and you're like, so like, what do you think?

33:28Matt McCusker:You guys just going home after this? We can keep the party going if you want.

33:32Conner McNutt:You guys want to do a robotics class?

33:35Shane Gillis:This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. How much time were you spending each month trying to manage your finances before Rocket Money? And what do you do with that extra time now? You don't want to know what I do with that extra time now, but I got a lot of it ever since I've been using Rocket Money. I love that, dude. These prompts are just sparking my own story right now. Oh, I was spending hours just trying to figure out how to manage my finances. And then rocket money came along, and that time freed up. And I became very active in a, let's just say a certain community that I brought my wife into.

34:15Shane Gillis:And we just play a lot. And it's gotten a little complicated because when you join certain communities and open your relationship up to certain things, you cross certain boundaries. But look, I'm not going to get into that. Guys, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. It monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I mean, if I had to describe something that I love about Rocket Money, I would describe how Rocket Money has tracked subscriptions and how it has the ability to cancel within the app with a few taps, saving time, which guys, I can't get enough of it these days and avoiding charges.

35:00Shane Gillis:That is, oh, it's the best. There's also, I mean, the app also consolidates checking savings, loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give users like myself a clear view of their financial picture, which I have now entered into some sort of financial dominant, but like, well, look, let's not talk about that. That's just, it's freed me up to now follow my, you know, true pursuits, which are heavy, heavy kink. Guys, let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. That's rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. Rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. Guys, I got to say it again.

35:42Shane Gillis:That's rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. Rocketmoney.com slash MSSP.

35:48Devan Costa:Well, that's the thing. we're kind of okay with is the women pedophiles. There's been a revolution going on lately where it's like every week there's a decently attractive teacher that fucked a 15, 16 year old. Has that been happening still? Yeah. Happened like a week ago.

36:03Matt McCusker:And she was hot. It happens all the time.

36:06Shane Gillis:Well now they're reading too much Darren Erotica. Yeah. That's why they're fucking becoming pedophiles. They also make TV shows.

36:12Matt McCusker:There's like shows about it and it's like hot. The show's hot. What was the FX show called? like The Teacher or something like that with a Rooney Marrow or whatever.

36:20Shane Gillis:There was a new book that just came out about it's from like a fuck what is it called? I think it's like Jeanette McCurdy. I think she was a yeah yeah. She has a book called Half His Age and it's about like a 17 year old seducing her teacher. I read the whole book. Well I was going to have her on. I'm on my third reread actually.

36:39Matt McCusker:I can't get enough of this book.

36:41Shane Gillis:I was going to have her on because I'm like man that's kind of wild. Yeah. Because you wrote the book. It was a senior. because she could have been 18. Yeah. Sure. You know, then you would have been, but it's just like, you know, so I was kind of curious, but I read it and it was, it was like kind of, I mean, it was like really fucked up. I can spoil it. If you guys want to hear the ending. I would go ahead. But it's like, so the story is there's this chick, she's 17. She's like white trash. Her mom's kind of like never there. Her mom's always trying to find like the dude that's going to save her.

37:08Matt McCusker:Hot. Yeah. It's already, it's already hot as hell, dude. White trash is so hot for some reason. I don't know what it is.

37:18Shane Gillis:so she you know and then she has this teacher the creative writing teacher who like loves her writing and thinks she's like super smart and then she just becomes as a 17 year old obsessed with like how he's just like he has like a you know a belly he's receding hairline and how she's like i want to make this guy feel good and like i'm going to show this guy how to like you know like oh like a pity like i want to give him a great moment i just love this guy yeah like i

37:43Matt McCusker:want this guy she's the nicest lady of all time pretty much yeah and then uh so she just like

37:50Shane Gillis:sees this guy and he gives her like you know some positive attention like i like your writing and i just it somehow just like triggers something in her where she's like i am going to base this guy will be mine and she like seduces him and he carries out an affair with this lady and this girl and eventually leaves his family for her and then she's just like they're about to go on a flight together and she's like this guy sucks and just leaves that's the whole book that's the ending that's the whole book oh man after but they they have like there's like a bunch of very gratuitous sex scenes written and it's pretty oh oh thank god yeah yeah that's kind of

38:25Matt McCusker:you just described the most bleak book of all time thank god dude but yeah it was pretty wild

38:30Shane Gillis:i read it and i was just kind of like fuck that's uh pretty wild like what do i take from this she realizes you don't need a man to justify your existence. Right, right. Yeah, not just my femininity. Yeah, and the mom goes to Romantaholics Anonymous. Romantaholics? It's not sexaholics, it's Romantaholics. It's just like obsessed with flirting? Pretty much. The fact that there's like a guy that's going to come save you. There's going to be Romantaholics. Dude, I'm telling you, the erotica books aren't even so much about the sex as it is like the two people finally colliding. and like what are the circumstances leading to that?

39:06Shane Gillis:Is it high class, low class? Well, yeah.

39:08Matt McCusker:Because if not, it would just be literal porn.

39:12Conner McNutt:It kind of is like porn comments put in a book.

39:15Matt McCusker:Yeah, yeah, yeah.

39:17Shane Gillis:But it's more so about like the, it's more about the situation around it than like just kind of like, and then she sucked his dick. It's not that. It's like they're from two different families. They're not supposed to see each other. He's rich. She's poor. Romeo and Juliet. Yeah, pretty much. I like touch her and you die.

39:38Matt McCusker:Yeah.

39:38Shane Gillis:That's about a guy. If like someone touches a girl and a guy's like, I'll fucking kill you. Oh yeah. Right. Right. So that's them saying they're getting charged up off of like a homicidal. Do you have that? I don't have that at all.

39:47Matt McCusker:I'm not like protective over my wife in that way.

39:50Shane Gillis:Uh, I don't like,

39:51Matt McCusker:I don't like when she gets hit on, I go, cool. I'll get,

39:55Shane Gillis:I'll get a little angry. I was in a casino and a guy was like, he was in a slot machine like this. And when she walked by, he did one of these. and he like leaned almost on the floor and looked at her ass. And I was like, what the fuck are you doing? And it'll get me every now and again. He's like, I'm on fentanyl, I'm sorry.

40:12Matt McCusker:You can cross the line, but I was at a bar in New York with my wife and I'm sitting at a bar stool and she's in between my legs and I'm like kissing her neck, you know, full lovey-dovey. And this like black dude walks up, he looks like Quavo from like Migos. And he comes to me, he's like, hey mama, you got a man or what? And I was like, I'm literally holding her. I'm kissing her. And he was like, yeah, this is my husband right behind me. He goes, I bet. And he walked away. And I was like, can you believe that guy? And I was like, that's the coolest guy I've ever seen in my entire life.

40:40Shane Gillis:I would have been furious.

40:41Matt McCusker:I was like, that's the confidence to like see what the situation was. Be like, you got a man? That's fucking crazy.

40:48Shane Gillis:That shit fucking. It makes me so angry.

40:50Matt McCusker:Yeah. I was just shocked. I was like struck by it.

40:53Conner McNutt:Dude, I've almost.

40:54Devan Costa:I don't put myself in those positions. True. Say what? Never with a woman.

40:58Matt McCusker:That's why I'm an incel, actually.

41:01Conner McNutt:Yeah, I don't know. Something about that really chaps my ass. I don't think it's weird. I think it's a normal thing to get. I think I'm abnormal.

41:09Devan Costa:Something about men cucking me in public chaps my ass.

41:12Shane Gillis:Something about a man pretending I don't exist and trying to fuck my wife for some reason grinds my gears.

41:17Matt McCusker:Hey, you're really weird, man.

41:19Shane Gillis:You gotta be more like him, dude.

41:22Matt McCusker:More like me, dude.

41:23Shane Gillis:I mean, maybe I should zet out. The fact that I'm cortisol spiking like that in public is embarrassing.

41:29Matt McCusker:cortisol spiking getting I know these foids are getting to you

41:37Shane Gillis:no I well the thing is too is like you know my wife's black so every now and again like younger black dudes will like try to

41:45Matt McCusker:what if me and Devin had the worst reaction to that I go what what

41:51Shane Gillis:well they'll test every now and again they'll test me as like a thing or like to like you know sure and every I'll completely 100 % Irish spasm me like fuck y 'all fuck y 'all fuck y 'all fuck y 'all fuck y 'all fuck y 'all fuck y 'all fuck y 'all

42:01Matt McCusker:I got the irish spasmy for sure yeah once it gets going it's you can't stop it it's really

42:07Shane Gillis:embarrassing too no I was like a thing with her like co-workers one time and like some like 20 year old popped off and I like fully was in his face like I'll fucking kill you

42:16Conner McNutt:and she was like dude can you please chill he was like so young he's like dude I'm a virgin

42:23Shane Gillis:can you please leave me alone i'll fuck you right now i'll fucking kill you yeah man i have that it's embarrassing i'm gonna you know i like i'd like to chill but i can't i can't you seem so zen you seem so chill i'm zenned out but if i lose it it's gone like it's just a flick of it i'm kind of the same way i'm pretty i am pretty chill for the most part i can kind of chill and be like all right what does this actually affect is this a big deal yeah but every now and again if i'm in the

42:46Devan Costa:right mood you push my buttons i gotta get hammered to have the confidence to just scream at somebody and act like I could fight.

42:52Shane Gillis:That would be nice. Drinking, I'm either very friendly, but that is the thing. If I'm drunk enough and someone, it can be the littlest thing. I'll be like, what the fuck?

43:01Devan Costa:Yeah, exactly. Some flip switches. It's kind of scary. All of a sudden, yeah, I think I'm strong and I can handle anything. Fighting words don't exist. I'll say anything to you. And I'm like, whoa, I'll sue you if you hit me.

43:13Matt McCusker:Yeah. Hitting me, I'll sue you is always great.

43:16Devan Costa:I've yelled that many times. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hit me, I'll sue you so nice. I go, go ahead, I'll sue you. You don't know how the legal system works?

43:24Matt McCusker:Could you imagine like actually following through on suing somebody?

43:27Devan Costa:It makes me laugh thinking about taking it that far.

43:30Matt McCusker:It actually happened to my buddy one time. Really? We were at a bar in Pasadena and he like got like a booth. Like he paid for a booth with like bottles and all that stuff. And he kept inviting girls over. And they're like, where's our husband?

43:41Shane Gillis:I like that. He's like, get over here.

43:43Matt McCusker:Shout out, you know. And then the girls are like, we're with our guys. We can't come in. He's like, fuck your guys. And the guys got all pissed. and we had like, you know, died down the situation. We're like, all right, everyone chill, whatever, blah, blah, blah. Me and my friend went to the bathroom. We came back. He's just getting stomped out the booth by all these guys.

43:57Shane Gillis:No.

43:58Matt McCusker:Like absolutely fucked up, like eggs on his fucking head. Did he? It was the booth? Getting killed. Was it high ground? Yeah, it was like a table, like a secret, like, you know, like a club type table.

44:06Shane Gillis:But what I'm saying, was it up higher than like, or? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

44:09Matt McCusker:It was like elevated a little bit.

44:10Shane Gillis:Damn, he couldn't defend the position. It's crazy. Exactly. And he had the high ground. This is crazy. Yeah. But I mean, he was by himself. Literally siege warfare.

44:17Matt McCusker:We thought we like, you know, killed the situation. It's all good. We come back from the bathroom. He's just getting fucking stomped out completely. Bleeding everywhere. Bruises all over the place. He woke up the next morning. He sued the bar for like lack of security. Hey. Huge settlement. That's a thing. Did he really? Bro, I think he got like$150 ,000 from this bar. Wow. What? Lawsuits rule. Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

44:37Devan Costa:I sued Postmates back in the day. Postmates for what? They banned me for stealing food. So I sued them. And I won like twenty four thousand dollars. What? Yeah, it was kind of crazy I mean, I'm you know, I'm exaggerating a little bit but like yeah, they'd like the app banned me And then I you know, you get like those mesothelial you just sign like an email Yeah, like sure. I'm a part of a class action thing action and one day I just kept getting calls from some law office in Chicago and I really what is this? I kept ignoring it and then finally they got a hold of me and they were like we think you could go to Arbitration and this I was like, oh, this is like a real thing.

45:11Devan Costa:Why am I I guess I signed something that most people don't Yeah, so I put myself in a situation where I'm like, yeah, sure. I'll actually like be a part of this. Why did you get fired again? Oh, you Get an order and then cancel the order and then eat a meal I had like Genuine reason yeah, but it's no one's working for them. So I'm like fuck with my phone's gonna like you're delivering for them or ordering

45:38Shane Gillis:Yes, yes.

45:39Devan Costa:Yeah, I did uber I would do them all at the same time. And like,

45:42Shane Gillis:and you would, they would have an order and you would just be like, actually, I'm not going to take this. Yeah.

45:46Devan Costa:Sometimes, I mean, technically Postmates, I didn't steal the food that often Uber eats all the time. Uber eats constantly. I'd call Uber. I figured out that they didn't track your like car or your, or who you were. And it's just some like sad lady in like the Philippines picking up the phone. So I would, at the end of a night, at the end of it, at the end of a long day of delivering food. Cause you get, if you cancel the order,

46:09Shane Gillis:you also get paid for the mileage too what like like whoa we're sorry like it's the restaurant

46:14Devan Costa:you go like i can't do it and they're like oh it's okay your car is broken behind just try to get back out there but i so so at the end of every delivery shift i would like work you make like 60 bucks working like nine hours it's terrible no one tips yeah just delivering to like celebrities and i tip i always tip my uber's driver thank you thank you it's appreciated did you ever deliver

46:33Matt McCusker:food i was a pizza guy for a while yeah yeah so you have the empathy i have the empathy i tipped the fuck out of them yeah it's crazy why wouldn't you same they're risking their lives to bring you

46:44Shane Gillis:the food and you see the service charge i think the service charge gets people being like fuck them as a pizza guy it was the same thing it'd be like there was a delivery fee yeah restaurant yes yes and i would get my my uh yeah so like it was like my version of like giving myself a little

46:59Devan Costa:nice end to like a long day yeah so i would pick up i'd wait for a huge order like a gigantic i'd like feed my friends. And so I'd go pick it up and then I'd get in my car, drive a little bit away from the restaurant, then I'd call and be like, my car broke down. It was kind of fun. I got to like pretend like to act and stuff too. I'd be like, I don't know, my car, you know, the engine, it's smoking. It's yeah, I'm dead. And they go, oh, it's okay. Just try to get back out there. And then they'd cancel it. I'd get paid for like, you know, an 11 mile drive. And then I get to keep all the food. I did this like, I'm not kidding, once a night for like seven months straight.

47:36Devan Costa:I felt bad initially the first time I ever did it. And then I found out that like the restaurant, they still get paid. Like it comes out of the like Uber. Yeah. Like it's not like, like the people have to remake it, but they didn't like, they don't lose their money or whatever.

47:48Shane Gillis:Dude eventually gets his meal, just a little later and he'll be fine. Yeah. And then, yeah, that's kind of sweet actually.

47:52Conner McNutt:Yeah, it was, I mean, I'm not like super proud of it, but. Sorry to interrupt the podcast guys,

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49:13Shane Gillis:Get in on the action. PrizePix is now available in all 50 states, including California, Texas, Florida, and Georgia. Download the PrizePix app today and use code Drenched to get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup. that's code drenched to get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup. Prize picks. It's good to be right. Hey, real quick while I have you guys, I have some shows coming up. And, well, we have some good news and bad news. The good, well, depends on, for me, the good news is I'll be in Cleveland and Pittsburgh this weekend, March 6th, Cleveland, March 7th, Pittsburgh.

49:51And I'm not fronting.

49:53Shane Gillis:I think both shows are going to sell out. So if you want to come, here's your CTA, your call to action. If you want to come to those shows in – if you want to come to those shows, I almost called it Clitzburg. That's crazy. Cleveland, Ohio or Pittsburgh. Boarding slip. Yeah, just come. You can get my tickets. I think there's a link in this video to get them. Pretty sick. And also after that, I'll be in St. Louis, Missouri, Indianapolis, St. Paul, Missouri, I guess. That's MO, Missouri, Des Moines, Iowa, Phoenix. here's the big one guys all of them are selling pretty well god damn that phoenix celebrity theater is it's not till april 17th so we have some time but that shows in the round and i actually enjoy performing in the round so if you want to see my butt for like good 10 second stretches while i do my thing and you know i'll turn around i'll show you my bulge at the celebrity theater as well it'll be button bulge all night at the celebrity theater just an angry little micro bulge.

50:53Shane Gillis:I'll wear some joggers that night so everyone gets their money's worth. They can all go, ha ha ha, look at that. It's barely sticking out. Guys, I'll be in Tucson, Arizona. Toronto is a big one. Two shows, again, not bragging, Nature of the Beast. Two shows, both have sold out in Toronto. I'm thinking about adding a third. Canadians, I know I've said a lot of bad things about your country. I was just fucking kidding around. I love you guys. You guys love me more than all these bastards in fucking Phoenix, Arizona, apparently. So come on out to the shows. And then Chicago, of course, will be at the Riviera Theater.

51:27Shane Gillis:Probably going to add a second show there, hopefully, because that thing done, sold out May 26. So whatever. Hopefully that makes sense to you guys. Go to mattmccusker.com. And yeah, come to a show, man. We're having a good time. Also, I'll be doing Algonauts in Austin, Texas. That's once a month I do that where me and Tim Butterly take people's cell phones, project their algorithm through Instagram, usually on the screen, and try to get a picture of like, who is this person? What is the algorithm being sent to them or what is being sent to them through the algorithm? What does that say about them?

51:56Shane Gillis:What doesn't it say about them? Because you can't just judge someone on their algorithm. Or maybe you can. I don't know. Come out to that. That's at the Creek and Cave. So if you go to Creek and Cave ATX, you can get that. And last and I don't remember the saying. Last and cool enough. Guys, I'm tired. Last and most importantly, Noble Bomb. I'll be in Philadelphia March 16th. I'm just visiting family. Figured I'd strut my stuff on the old flagship stage that is Helium, Philadelphia. I'm going to get some of my friends, and we're all going to try newish material, stuff we're working on. It'll be fun.

52:36Shane Gillis:Come out. It'll be St. Paddy's Day weekend. You can get drunk if that's what you feel you must do. And if you're trying really hard not to be drunk, well, try to hold out. Come to the show. Be sober. You know? Be fun. learn how to be fun while sober or get fucking hammered on St. Paddy's Day it's really up to you all these I'm laying out choices that's all I'm doing I'm not trying to coerce you I'm not trying to manipulate you I'm just giving you choices do whatever you want

53:03Conner McNutt:love you guys back to the show pardon the interruption pardon the interruption this is Sean Gardini I just wanted to let you guys know that I'll be in Salt Lake City Utah at Wise Guys comedy club march 27th and 28th with nate marshall so please come see that show if you'd like and i'll be at the comet in cincinnati not comet ping pong just the comet in cincinnati on may 22nd and 23rd so please come to those that was a little joke there but i'd like i'd really like to see you guys at the show so please come if you can tickets are at sean gardini.com and we also have optimum noctis at the creek in the cave in austin texas me nate marshall and lamarily every first and third tuesday of the month so thank you very much for your time pardon the interruption enjoy the rest

53:58Shane Gillis:of the show no i i worked for insomnia do you guys have insomnia cookies yeah well i know not

54:04Matt McCusker:in LA actually no.

54:05Shane Gillis:I worked for insomnia cookies when I was in college. I had this idea that like I was like dude I could totally stay up all night one day a week and be fine. So I was like I'll work during the day go to school and then I'll stay up all night and deliver insomnia cookies and just ride it into like Tuesday. I was like you don't have to sleep every night. It's like the worst version

54:26Matt McCusker:of hustle culture I've ever heard.

54:29Shane Gillis:I was like if I just do one all night or a week I'll do a nap I'll be fine. totally and uh i did insomnia cookies and you know so i would go in there and i wanted to do my bike and they're like we have enough bike delivery people you have a car i'm like yeah i have a car so i get this big order put in my car i i like pull up to the place pop my tire on like the philly has a lot of these like metal lining to the curbs i don't know why they do it they'll do a curve they'll put like a coping on it and uh and i just pop my tires one of them was sticking out it's like fuck so i'm sitting there with the pop tire i call insomnia being like yo my tires pop and they're pretty much like yeah let's figure it out i was like fuck so i'm like okay no support no support whatsoever and you know it was one of those cars that had like the hubcap key where you needed to get like a certain thing from inside even take the tire and it was just like i was stressed out or it was a very stressful night and uh yeah luckily this old black guy came up i was like what the hell are you doing and he was like you saw and he goes oh that's a mercury i had a soft top mercury cougar okay and it was like old black dude You'd sweat the shit out of the car.

55:31Shane Gillis:So they were like, bro, you need the help cap. So this old guy came up. He knew exactly what I needed. Pause. And like, he's walking over you,

55:44Matt McCusker:zipping down his pants. Like, Oh, what you doing, man?

55:46Shane Gillis:I know what you need. Dude, he completely dad bogged me. And he like knew he got the, he like, you need a security key. Show me. He took it out. And he's like, you know, pause again. And then he fixed the tire. So he fixed the tire. So, you know, my black daddy came and fixed the tire. And then, so I go back to insomnia, a bit of a chip on my shoulder now. And they were like, oh, you ready for more deliveries? And I was like, that's all you guys care about, huh? I hadn't slept all night, so I'm all sensitive.

56:14Matt McCusker:You guys don't even fucking care about me, do you? There's nothing worse than like working at a job and people care about the job. You know, your higher ups, you know what I mean? I worked at Abercrombie & Fitch. Did you? Come on, dude.

56:25Shane Gillis:Was that shirtless or was that Hollister?

56:26Matt McCusker:They asked me to do shirtless and I said, I can't do it. Cause it's like a hundred bucks a day. I was like, that's not the price.

56:32Shane Gillis:Yeah. That's crazy.

56:34Matt McCusker:To be shirtless in a mall.

56:36Devan Costa:That's fucking. Me and I, I didn't know him in high school. We stopped hanging out with a guy when he got a job at Abercrombie and Fitch. I mean, we're kidding, but we were kind of like, we, we really like. I don't mean to brag. Rutilized him for doing it. I don't mean to brag.

56:47Matt McCusker:I got, I got recruited. Whoa. Genuinely. By three different Abercrombies. I'm walking like a community college campus. People are like, do you want a job? And I was like, no, I'm good. And then the third time I was like, all right, I'll take the fucking job.

56:58Shane Gillis:Really?

56:59Matt McCusker:Constantly happening. You're like, thank you, Mr.

57:00Shane Gillis:Wexler. I'll be glad.

57:03Matt McCusker:But dude, I, yeah, I worked there for, I think, three weeks. Worst job of all time. It's like four hour shifts. It feels like it's 10 hours. They pump the perfume through the vents. You're like nauseous, headache. Retail's the one job I've never worked at.

57:17Devan Costa:Just hearing the same song over and over again, stacking pants.

57:20Matt McCusker:People who work retail, I'm like, why are you doing this?

57:23Shane Gillis:Work anywhere else. yeah it's people get addicted there's some people i know just do retail clothing stores a lot of younger women do it because they can get the discount they can get their clothes yeah right but yeah it always seemed like super fucking miserable well dude yeah so i'm working there

57:37Matt McCusker:and like i also got like class action like checks from these people all the time because they were just fully illegal you know like so i like i get the job they make me buy an outfit like you have to dress head to toe in apricot they make you buy it so i just spent like 140 on an outfit discount

57:52Shane Gillis:though, isn't it?

57:53Matt McCusker:It's not. It was like 20 % off. What? It's an expensive store. And I was like fucking 19, you know? Yeah, that's kind of brutal. So I remember like I went, the manager was like this like really like gay guy, you know? And I go and I put my shirt on and wear large. I like bag your clothes and he goes, it's not small enough. And I was like, for real? And he goes, yeah, tighter. Put a medium on. He goes, not tight enough. What? And I was like, what? This is crazy. You're like, you're raping me right now. That's crazy. I go put a small on it. dude my arms like cutting circulation off he's like perfect yeah it's heaven and then they make me like pose for photos for like the employee catalog i have no fucking clue what's going on but i'm truly in a shirt that's like killing me and pants are killing me and then uh i just had such a weird vibe from that that i was like i can't do this job and i put my two weeks in i was like i'm out of here you know yeah and then um that manager came up to me fine you can wear medium no for real for real dude it's the worst thing i've ever heard in my life he heard that i put my two weeks in.

58:50Matt McCusker:He comes up and he goes, so I heard you too good for the Fitch.

58:55Conner McNutt:Wow.

58:58Matt McCusker:Dude, I went, dude, I quit now. And I left, I just left the store too good for the Fitch. I was like, you're the worst person I've ever met, dude. So heard you too good for the Fitch. This is like a guy who's like a career manager of Abercrombie.

59:13Shane Gillis:He's probably the regional.

59:14Matt McCusker:He moved from Salt Lake City to Glendale, California to like manage this Abercrombie Dude, that is the thing with retail.

59:20Shane Gillis:It sucks, but if you become like a, you know, regional or whatever director, you kind of have like a cakewalk the rest of your life. You just drive around and check on stores, and you get paid like 100-something grand. Yeah. For sure.

59:31Devan Costa:I mean, I know people that like make a really good living, just like they work their way up at like In-N-Out. Yeah. And now they're -

59:36Shane Gillis:I know a dude who did it at Target like years ago. He was just like the regional VP or something. He's like, I just drive to stores, and I'm like, man, it looks good. Yeah.

59:44Matt McCusker:I don't think I've ever had a good job. No. Like never once.

59:49Shane Gillis:dog walking was sick, but I think the boss... The money's not good, though. Money sucks.

59:53Matt McCusker:Yeah, the money sucks. I've never, like, once had a job where I'm like, I could do this. Yeah. I worked on a weed farm for a while.

59:58Conner McNutt:It was kind of fun. That's kind of chill.

59:59Matt McCusker:You could just smoke weed

1:00:00Devan Costa:and trim and shit like that. You know what?

1:00:02Shane Gillis:I painted with my friend. That was nice. We painted houses. Yeah. That was actually pretty... I actually, like, kind of liked that. I got paid, you know, decently. Oh, dude, I forgot to tell you. So the... I just completely forgot. The... What do you want to call it? What's it called?

1:00:19Shane Gillis:up and they i could tell they didn't care i went in there you can you take another order and i was same thing i was like i'll take an order i was like i'm taking this right home and eating it but like yeah so i take an order and i'm like all right i'm gonna go get these to my roommates for any cookies and then i like forgot my jacket and they were like oh dude can you take another order like a bunch of milks and they hand me like a fucking massive cookie order with a bunch of milk and i was just like definitely taking this all home so i went home i just left and i was like i went back and i was like sitting there eating cookies with my roommates and then i had the phone numbers for the orders on the little slip yeah so i started calling them and being like you know i'm outside where are you and they're like huh i'll see you and i'm like oh come outside man like so i had this guy walking around looking for cookies i was like 19 and i called him and i was like you know i was like oh dude i had to spin the block there was a bunch of like really shady guys standing outside and he was like where i'm like i don't know dude i think it was like a gang outside you gotta watch out for those guys man They're always trying to steal my cookies.

1:01:18Shane Gillis:And he was like, oh, oh. And I was like, just keep coming down. I'm like, wave your arm so I can see you. So the guy who was outside had him doing all these weird calcetics. Yeah.

1:01:27Matt McCusker:You're like, I think the bloods are in Ambler, Pennsylvania.

1:01:31Shane Gillis:It was University of Penn.

1:01:33Matt McCusker:Gotcha.

1:01:33Shane Gillis:So I was like, dude, there was these guys out there. I think it was like a gang, bro. What the hell? And he was just like, I don't see anybody out here. I'm like, I'll be back, man. I got to spend the money.

1:01:41Matt McCusker:Dude, for my own safety, I'm not making this delivery, dude. I can't do it, dude. I might die.

1:01:47Shane Gillis:But then I called the headquarters of insomnia as one of the other deliveries that never got ordered. And I called like, hey, my order never came here. And they were like, well, you know, blah, blah, blah. They're making all these things. And like, as they were like, hey, we'll figure it out. I was like, I probably should need him. I'm so fucking fat anyway. And they started being like, oh, come on, man. Don't say that. I'm like, no, I'm a fucking fat piece of shit. I just shouldn't even have.

1:02:10Matt McCusker:Probably the weirdest shit that guy's ever had. Like, I think I have to talk. He's going to kill himself.

1:02:16Shane Gillis:I think I don't know. this store finally called me like an hour later like are you okay yeah i'm chilling and they're

1:02:21Devan Costa:like okay and they just hung up yeah that was the end of that i used to deliver whippets to a drug addict did you really compton yeah because i don't even understand you can go to a smoke shop and just buy like whippets yeah and there's galaxy somehow like it's like i guess the the law like is like oh no people also just love whipped cream and stock or something like i don't know but yeah and this guy tipped very well he would literally answer the door like a breaking bad method like in a robe like and like grab this big package of like yeah whippets i would get him from like a

1:02:51Shane Gillis:smoke shop for like uber it was just it was illegal dude so apparently if you do whippets all the time like that your body just stops producing vitamin b12 like it like fucks you

1:03:01Matt McCusker:up that's like you put holes in your brains too right like your brain has like weird spots maybe

1:03:05Devan Costa:i don't know probably the biohacking whippet addict it's like you gotta supplement with the

1:03:11Shane Gillis:whippets well there's a there was a lady who went like paralyzed like she were like legs stop working because it's something to do with your body not producing like certain things and like it just shuts it off dude that and jiver fuck with 70h no that is 70h is uh it's funny because i brought it up one time because i just like found out what it was and i like brought it up on a podcast and never finished talking about it so people were like dude whatever you do please don't do it's like 70H is kratom that's been like processed and refined almost like you know there's like percocets and then oxycontin or it's like the same ingredient but you just make it super strong so uh 70H is the shit they sell at gas stations that's like stronger than morphine yeah but you can just go buy it at a gas station it's insane so like people go there so you're there you know you're at the gas station you're like yeah let me get uh you know let me get some zins and those Some of the guys would be like, oh, man, try to 7-0-H.

1:04:05Shane Gillis:And people are like, what's it like? It's very chill. There's dudes that start doing it. They become literally, they got to go on fucking methadone to get off of the gas station. Oh, crazy.

1:04:14Devan Costa:It's like the smoke shops were selling spice for a while. It was like the fake weed. People were having seizures and shit.

1:04:20Shane Gillis:Dude, I've talked to people who do a lot of drugs and meth, heroin. They're like, dude, K2 is fucked up. Yeah, dude. Which is the same thing. It's a big jail drug. people do they would do k2 in jail because it's like ketamine no it's uh spice oh spice yeah synthetic weed call it deuce yeah it's like crush you're like yeah dude we're smoking deuce and like my friend who's done literally every single drug you can imagine is like bro fucking k2 is fucked

1:04:45Matt McCusker:up yeah yeah i mean i can't smoke weed even like you should try spice once you think i should i'll

1:04:52Shane Gillis:lose my fucking mind i knew dudes who could smoke like ounces of weed yeah and they would had they They would go on probation, they would smoke spice, and they were like, bro, that was fucked up.

1:05:00Devan Costa:He smokes weed, he turns into the Coney 2012 guy who just starts jacking off around San Diego.

1:05:06Matt McCusker:It fucks you up. Dude, it fucks me up in a crazy way. Last time I smoked weed, I was probably like 24. And my friends from California, I was living in New York, they sent me a weed pen. I ripped it twice. I was up until 5 a.m. crying. Because I couldn't remember Alan Rickman's name. I'm in bed with my wife, I'm like, what's his fucking name she's like who am i like in harry potter and she's like daniel reichlund i'm like you bitch no i made her go on like imdb and she goes alan rickman i go yeah oh god i love weed dude truly and then like i remember like that same night i was like such a cliche i was like watching family guy to comfort me i was like i need something like comfortable to watch yeah i would laugh at a scene in family guy and then start crying because i forgot what i laughed at

1:05:54Conner McNutt:Oh, no.

1:05:56Matt McCusker:Weed does something to me that's unbelievable what it does to me. You just get Alzheimer's. I get Alzheimer's. Truly, dude. I have dementia when I smoke weed. And I'm scared, you know?

1:06:05Shane Gillis:There is something scary about that, though, because I used to smoke weed constantly. And having the coolest thought ever that's going to change your life, and then two seconds later going, wait, what was that? Right. Forget it. What the fuck is going on? Yeah, you do get it.

1:06:19Matt McCusker:So I do that and then cry like a baby. I'm like way too emotional. It fractures me

1:06:28Shane Gillis:I forget what room I'm in so I'd be like so high and I'd be in the bathroom like peeing and I'd finish peeing and just be sitting there like

1:06:39Devan Costa:I used to smoke so much weed that I'd get like panic attacks from them and like but I knew how to handle them and I'd be like all right I'm gonna go put my feet up get some blood to my head and then the next day be like that's good we're not thinking about like that's kind of a crazy

1:06:53Shane Gillis:experience to have had i would also on dates when i was younger i would go i would get secretly so high from edibles and go on dates yeah so like i'd be like a movie date just like chill with my wife now we went to the movies one time at like you know middle of the day and i was like panicking from an edible i went in the bathroom and i'd be like mid-date like staring at myself in the mirror being like dude you can alter your reality right now you don't have to be afraid it's all in your

1:07:18Matt McCusker:Now get back in there and enjoy Wuthering Heights. You have to. For your wife and your family, you have to enjoy it.

1:07:26Shane Gillis:Like a Marvel movie. I go back in and be like, I think I just hacked my fucking brain. I'll never be afraid.

1:07:35Matt McCusker:I think I'm Iron Man, actually.

1:07:37Devan Costa:We're immortal.

1:07:39Shane Gillis:I just found out we're immortal. Yeah, I don't. I rarely. I'm like such a baby with it. We're all like, it's like a little bit.

1:07:46Devan Costa:It changed my brain over time. I just smoked it so much that as I got older, I was like, why am I doing this to myself? I'm like nervous and uncomfortable in public now. It used to be like the total opposite. I know. Yeah, it just fucks me up now.

1:07:58Matt McCusker:Yeah, I'm just not a drug guy at all. I've never done cocaine.

1:08:00Devan Costa:Me either.

1:08:00Matt McCusker:Yeah, never will. I don't understand the point. Never will, never have. I did Molly for the first time with Devin. That's sick. New Year's.

1:08:08Shane Gillis:Molly's chill, I think.

1:08:09Matt McCusker:I lost my mind.

1:08:10Shane Gillis:Well, yeah, at a party, it'd be tough. But I feel like, was it a party? It was an Airbnb in Joshua Tree.

1:08:15Matt McCusker:It was sick. It was actually great. We were alone. The heights. It was just me and Devin holding each other. We became one. I'm caressing his back.

1:08:24Conner McNutt:No, Molly with the bros

1:08:26Shane Gillis:is nice, though.

1:08:26Conner McNutt:It was me and all my high school bros

1:08:28Matt McCusker:and Devin.

1:08:29Conner McNutt:Everyone's drinking, too, though,

1:08:30Matt McCusker:so you're not really getting the full experience.

1:08:33Shane Gillis:The kick in on Molly does. It's actually, this is kind of embarrassing because I've only ever. Well, this isn't the embarrassing part of things, but I've only ever taken it with my wife. We go to a hotel room. We take it. We just like chill.

1:08:43Matt McCusker:That was the best part, though.

1:08:44Shane Gillis:That's chill. Yeah, that was great. kicks in i need her to like hold me because i like it hits me so hard that do you shake

1:08:51Devan Costa:yeah the first time i ever did it like earthquake like the whole world started shaking and it came on and i like you ever seen like butterfly effect yeah you know when he like transitions to a new

1:09:01Matt McCusker:timeline that's how molly hits me the whole world's doing this and i was like holy fuck this is the most scared i've ever been yeah yeah the high was cool the come down was the worst i've ever felt

1:09:11Shane Gillis:my entire life so yeah i the come down for me is not bad i don't have a problem with it i learned if you just have if you just smoke a little bit of weed or like a vape pen during the yeah but like you gotta that's my brother was like just sip it from the vape pen just have a little bit that actually did help last time i did it was like the come down was kind of nothing i

1:09:32Conner McNutt:went out i ate a huge same same i felt like really happy actually for about a week after i first did

1:09:38Matt McCusker:If I cope with the come down with weed, I wouldn't be here today. I think it would actually kill me.

1:09:45Shane Gillis:Yeah, I mean, the come down can be, I could see it being kind of uncomfortable.

1:09:49Matt McCusker:Dude, I feel like I was going down a roller coaster for three days straight. Really? I had that body anxiety, like my stomach's in my throat. Really? Three days straight.

1:09:56Shane Gillis:I think my baseline is so low and depressive that like the Molly wear off him is like,

1:10:02Devan Costa:I still feel like he hates when I discount. that it's the Molly that gave him this feeling. We were like binge drinking for days on end. There's like nothing worse than alcohol. Like it makes me, I have like visions when I'm hung over. Dude,

1:10:16Shane Gillis:I'm the same way. If I drink heavily for, if I, especially if I like tackle like two days together, I'm like anxious and depressed for like three days straight. Yeah. I mean,

1:10:24Matt McCusker:it didn't help for sure, but I've been hung over a million times. I've never, I'm hung over right now.

1:10:29Shane Gillis:True. So, you know,

1:10:31Matt McCusker:I don't, I don't feel all right, you know? Okay. That's fair.

1:10:35Shane Gillis:But now I, I think maybe the Molly by itself, Have you ever tried it completely by itself? I don't think it's that. It's pretty chill, actually.

1:10:41Devan Costa:Yeah, the first time I ever did it, I had, like, two tall cans. I was like, this sucks. And then my friend had given me a bag of Molly because I was very depressed about Kobe dying. And he was like, you got to get out of this funk, man. He's a great guy. Very nice, yeah. Love you, Mark. That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. And we were all going to do, like. It's very L.A. It was very, yeah. Very L.A. We were all going to do, like, mushrooms, and then it just kind of fell through. and I was just kind of like, man, fuck, I wanted to like, it was in the pandemic too, we're all stuck inside. So I just kept like dipping into this bag of Molly throughout the night and then it all hit at once and everything shook and it was like crazy and I vomited and then I went into the bathtub and just like kept feeling like the tub and shit.

1:11:23Devan Costa:And then I just stayed up all night watching Kobe highlights and just going like this, like in front of the TV. It was amazing. It was like, everyone else hated me because I kept vomiting and making their lives horrible, but I had a great time.

1:11:35Matt McCusker:No, it was great, man. My best night was their worst night. It's awesome.

1:11:39Conner McNutt:It's so funny all night. Truly.

1:11:41Devan Costa:My friend came up. He came upstairs to check on me, and I was just like doing this in front of the TV.

1:11:47Conner McNutt:A good cartoon character.

1:11:49Devan Costa:Cartoon happiness. You're like a Sims character that's glitching. I went to bed grinning. I remember falling asleep. It was amazing.

1:11:58Matt McCusker:I mean, I've seen you watch Kobe Highlights sober. It's the happiest I've ever seen. I love it. Love him. Kobe freak over here. Love him.

1:12:04Conner McNutt:That's awesome. I'm sure.

1:12:05Shane Gillis:yeah that's awesome my cousin played against the mamba in summer league for real and lower marion like a really yeah he was a really good basketball player and he played in the summer league and i remember him being like dude there's just guys from italy and he's like he's like and my cousin was really good and he was just like bro like this guy's a freak he's definitely going to the nba

1:12:23Devan Costa:that's unbelievable that's the greatest i met you know pedro yeah when i started doing comedy with pedro pedro said he went to lower marion and i was like can i shake your hand like i it was that was the coolest thing ever to me.

1:12:34Matt McCusker:My dad went to Lower Marion. Yeah. Oh, snap.

1:12:37Devan Costa:That's great.

1:12:39Matt McCusker:Pretty sick. I mean...

1:12:40Shane Gillis:Guys, I think we did it. We're at an hour, and I have to go now pick up my kid. Okay. And we're going to have a date.

1:12:46Devan Costa:Sick.

1:12:47Shane Gillis:Little date. Little date with the kid? What are you going to do? Because I have two kids, and the one's going to gymnastics, so every now and again, when one of them's busy, I get to do, like, one-on-one. What are we going to do? We are going to... Well, it's funny. She already picked out her outfit she wants to wear. She's going to wear... There's, like, an outfit she got. This is the cutest thing I've ever heard.

1:13:03Matt McCusker:Yeah, this is great.

1:13:04Shane Gillis:And then we got to go to the thinkery, which is like a kid's museum. And just let her play in there. And probably go out to like early dinner.

1:13:09Conner McNutt:And take her to the mothership.

1:13:12Shane Gillis:Top it up at Mitzi's.

1:13:16Shane Gillis:So I got to go pick her up at 2.30. What time is it right now? Oh, perfect. 2.30. That's great.

1:13:22Conner McNutt:Hell yeah, man. Sorry, I don't know why. No, I should have kids. Yeah, I'm sorry. What's your fucking problem? No, you're happier than me. It's fine.

1:13:35Shane Gillis:thank you guys

1:13:36Devan Costa:do you have anything you guys want to yeah hate watch podcast we're both on that and lemon party we were banned off youtube recently there's a much more powerful jeff out there than epstein i believe check out lemon party it's fine it was just somebody kept reporting us okay you guys want to get it back on youtube you hit up people no one gives you a response we got some emails from like our ad people no one responded to us okay i don't know but we'll figure it out it's fine you know yeah hell

1:14:04Conner McNutt:yeah hey watch podcast yeah see you guys bye watch new episodes of matt and shane's secret podcast

1:14:10Shane Gillis:on spotify do it