Ep 603 - GEY DOT COM (feat. Tim Butterly & Mike Rainey)

8:59Matt McCusker:Yeah. Danny Boy.

9:00Shane Gillis:Danny Boy. Where the hell is he at? Dead, probably.

9:03Matt McCusker:Yeah, he sounds like he got killed in a motorcycle.

9:06Shane Gillis:Is he alive? Wow. Where is Danny Boy? Boston. Probably the Boston streets. Or maybe LA. Either way. we don't have to research this that either way that blew my that blew my mind i had no idea yeah damn so that was a huge snag for lb like how did that even come about i don't know man it's

9:29Matt McCusker:like i i gave up trying to figure out wiggers because it's everything about them makes less and less sense like you think you haven't figured out as a kid you're like okay he's gonna die at 19 in a dirt bike accident he's gonna die for pull overdose at 26 but now you see them like old enough as to where it's hard for them to get out of a couch and you're just like i give up

9:48Tim Butterly:trying to figure this out yeah that is prime their legs get really skinny legs almost atrophy and they're wearing the ball shorts so it's just like these little skinny little you never catch them lifting legs purple sausages they'll drop the perk habit they'll lift legs because they're responsible it's crazy and then they get like the big belly and then oh their glasses prescription ends up like mine. Old wagers get really like, they get Buzz Lightyear eye prescriptions and so now they just got these googly eyes and like

10:20Shane Gillis:It's funny their eyes are magnified but their pupils are so constricted from perks they probably look like the exact same size.

10:26Matt McCusker:Yeah, any chance you can give me a ride to Infinity Air.

10:32Shane Gillis:You don't see them anymore, man. I don't like, or have they gone just mainstream? I'm thinking like They stay inside.

10:39Tim Butterly:They don't get out as much after they stop like going out, you know, searching for honey dips, obviously. Yeah, they're bonsai trees.

10:45Shane Gillis:You might have to start an outreach program called Peels on Wheels. Peels on Wheels. Who's dropped them perks? Peels on Wheels.

10:55Tim Butterly:They get really into like complicated like hacked fire stick setups too. They have the nastiest fire stick setups when you go over to their duplex apartment. dude that fire stick is like a fucking wigger rubik's cube is it true that there's a signal

11:12Shane Gillis:for the fire stick that gets like sent out and like erases a fire like if you buy one today like a month from now something like gets sent through the network that scrambles your fire

11:20Matt McCusker:signal is a wigger screaming to his girlfriend you know i got demons crystal

11:25Shane Gillis:because i've heard that before that the fire sticks like they only last they only last so long

11:29Tim Butterly:i i've never dabbled dude i've uh i've been gainfully employed most of my life damn they

11:34Shane Gillis:get doused they get down i think they get extinguished i came to get doused i had an fs in my house in philly for a little bit yeah dude i another thing too is like hacked or straight it was apparently like anything on it so it was it was like it was a hacked stick and uh it was

11:51Tim Butterly:just a pain in the ass to navigate oh they love doing it they love they love going through 14 menus there's like a bad ufc street like we would go to watch a movie we'd be like fuck yeah we got

12:03Shane Gillis:this movie and it would be in french he was like fuck yeah you go back and the next one has like cam producers cut there's like every shot just on like that tiled screen it was yeah that was i was like dude i remember that you know my wife is always loving to save money so that was one i had to be like dude can we can i just get hbo please this is this is getting ridiculous did you give it like a burial at sea or anything no i i wanted out i want to get rid of this thing She was like so stoked on it. And I was like, bro, I'll get us. HBO is$30 a month. What the fuck are we doing? This wasn't that long ago.

12:36Shane Gillis:It's just like when we lived in Philly, like right before we moved. The principle of the thing, dude.

12:40Tim Butterly:She hates all these mergers and how all of your information in media is being funneled through, you know, a very slim hole.

12:53Tim Butterly:I am getting horny.

12:54Shane Gillis:I'm getting bricked up from the nicotine overdose. This episode is brought to you by PrizePix. The playoff push is heating up and tournament hoops are here. And there's no better way to cash in if you're right on the high-flying hoops action than PrizePix, where it always feels good to be right. Every bucket, every dime, and every win means more when you're playing on PrizePix. Discuss my favorite picks for March Madness. Let me think about that. What do you got? Let me turn the question to you guys. Nate, you watching college basketball? Let me see. Why don't you just name a team? How's Duke looking?

13:32Shane Gillis:I would definitely. Duke's always a safe pick. Yeah. Duke. Well, hold on. We're talking about picks. Picks. Picks. I mean, I would pick Duke. Talking about action. What are you talking about? Duke. Let's say Duke. And I don't know. Maybe Michigan. Oh, there we go. That's my two top teams. Thank you, Nate.

13:55Shane Gillis:shoot your shot for march madness on prize picks just pick more or less on two to six player stat projections if you get your picks right you could cash in and prize picks is now giving you fifty dollars in lineups when you sign up and play your first five dollars prize picks makes every dunk every dime and every board that much more exciting so join millions of users and sign up for america's number one sports picks app download the prize picks app today and use code drench to get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup that's code drenched get fifty dollars in lineups after you play your first five dollar lineup price picks it's good to be right we were talking on the way up about like um i don't know how we got on the subject of just old old like network tv and how they're still just like pumping millions of dollars when it's like bros it's over man like nobody's nobody's tuning in to fucking like fox yeah it's the last fox series you watched and like finish it all the way through um grounded for life how long ago was that

14:53Tim Butterly:probably 30 years ago yeah it's insane they still just like fucking put the bread out i think it's money laundering at this point you think so yeah i think they generate ad revenue because they're all the channels are being played in like every waiting room everywhere has like five tvs now and that's where all of your ratings are getting i mean i can't imagine that no that makes sense

15:13Shane Gillis:because my theory is that the execs are also just aged boomers because aged boomers have the Comcast still. Although I think my parents have finally taken off the Comcast shackles. They cut the cord. Finally. And I could be wrong. They still might have. Like, dude, their bill was like$470 a month for cable and internet. And I was like, what the fuck are you guys doing? But I think the execs have the same brain where they're just like, we got it. This time we doubled down. They're probably just paying like Jake Gyllenhaal$900 million and just do another cowboy. It's just cowboy shows. It's modern cowboy shows.

15:46Shane Gillis:Every network has to have a modern cowboy show.

15:48Tim Butterly:Do you watch Landman? Are you a Landman guy? I haven't seen it, dude. I saw a little bit of Yellowstone. Is it good? No. I'm just mad. Is Billy Bob Thornton being kind of pissed off? Taylor Sheridan rules, though.

16:00Matt McCusker:Is that a guy or a lady? He's the guy who created it. Oh, okay. Yeah, he created Mystic River, I think. No, not Mystic River. White something.

16:08Shane Gillis:Dude, I was talking to someone recently who was trying to tell me Westerns are dead. I'm like, no, they're not. They're the biggest genre. Yeah, it's the modern Western. It's Yellowstone, King of Tulsa, and Landman. Now, they're all going for the... It's either gay hockey or now modern Western. That's where we're at right now. Yeah, gay hockey really...

16:25Matt McCusker:You're either a fan of one or the other. Dude, gay hockey is like ruining my sheets. Like, my wife is heavy in the fucking gay hockey, right?

16:31Tim Butterly:The gay hockey.

16:32Matt McCusker:Yeah. Have you seen the show? No, I just know it's books. He goes, what show? there's a show called heated rivalry oh yeah that that is that a netflix thing yeah i think so dude the books are fucked they've been heavy for a while and like i remember going to the bookstore and just seeing like dude what the fuck is two guys kissing in the penalty box for and then it was just like oh you find out like there's this whole subgenre of gay hockey guys

16:58Shane Gillis:now chicks are getting here's my squishy for here's my question again i feel like girls are significantly lagging guys in this regard where they're just getting into like dirty books. Like I feel like if you went to a porn shop. That was the first thing we did with movable type.

17:12Matt McCusker:And they got into it after Kindles. 2026. You think there's old sluts leaving like bags full of gay hockey erotica in the woods now? There could be.

17:22Shane Gillis:Well it's also like if you went to a porn shop back in the 90s and you were trying to buy porn there'd be like guys in the aisles trying to blow you. Yeah. So I wonder if you can catch chicks in the Barnes and Nobles fucking like you pop out a book and there's a lady on the other aisle. Stick your finger through. Hit the Starbucks cafe. Yeah, because I don't think girls are like hanging around seedy bookstores. You have to redesign the glory hole, by the way, for women.

17:47Tim Butterly:Yeah. What would you I mean, you would need some sort of vacuum. What would you do? It was a seat. It would have to be like a seat. What if the times are cut away right now? What would that look like?

17:59Shane Gillis:Yeah, I think you're right. It would just be a toilet, but there's just a face under the toilet. And the lady would sit down.

18:04Matt McCusker:Like she's kissing the Blarney Stone. Yeah.

18:07Shane Gillis:You'd have to have a mummy tomb that you laid in, and then the lady would drop. No, we're figuring it out for them. Let them figure it out for themselves. Queen slut in common. But yeah, the erotic... The erotic lit is fucking crazy. The mummy. The mummy returns. Can you get hard to that?

18:27Matt McCusker:What? Erotic lit? yeah me too it's tough like when you when you could tell like uh like i'll go on literatica sometimes and like i'll pick out like like a highly rated story and just think to myself

18:38Tim Butterly:dude how are who's giving these wait what's literatica a website or like a place it's a

18:43Matt McCusker:website where you can like pick all these different sub genres and they're all like regular people submitted and it's like you could pick it by author or by sub genre

18:51Shane Gillis:some have audio i've heard so that's pretty cool

18:58Tim Butterly:wait you're listening to user made audio erotica ebooks i have sure or is that if some of them are just audio it's not even a story there are so it's pretty much it's pretty much a podcast

19:13Shane Gillis:i'm just a lady going oh this is the podcast yeah the erotic lit i talked about this for a while i i don't mind a racy story myself. I could get into erotic literature. I don't mind. And it feels cleaner, too. It's refined. It is refined. You know, have all those images bounce in your head. You just read the story, get charged up. And there's ones where you could, like,

19:34Matt McCusker:it's like a Mad Libs booklet for sluts. What? Like, you could create your own story. No. Is it ever Choose Your Own Adventure? Yeah. It's not on Litterotica, but it's a page. I was about to say, I was like, how the fuck did I miss this? Yeah, five bucks a month will get you anything you want, Matt. Hold up. So they have Choose Your Own Adventures? Oh, dude, I'm putting all my... Wait, are you just clicking that ad

19:50Tim Butterly:on porn that's like make your own stop jacking off alone i'm not who says i am there's horny sluts and wait that's my town well that is funny imagine if that's like a legit thing and there's a door-to-door guy be like excuse me man are you a horny slut poor dash slut senses uh dude i watched you guys watch soft fight underbelly yeah i love that channel i they just put up one

20:19Shane Gillis:recently about a younger guy who the title's just like it's something like i had the internet at a young age like i had too much internet at a young age and uh i was listening to it earlier today and you know he's like my dad was gone and he was working all the time and uh one of my friends uh i guess it started he went on to gay.com and i was like he got turned out on gay.com and he just never recovered dude gay.com i didn't even know yeah i'll be honest i'm not trying to flex like i'm the straightest guy in the world gay.com never even thought bro it's like a ghostbuster trap the little fucking sucky right in man dude killing me and he's just like yeah i think he brought it up almost as like a lemon party type joke and the kid was like yo what the fuck is up with this he was young and then he started doing this shit oh ah like early teens probably like 14.

21:14Shane Gillis:That's not that young. That's like 30 gay years. True, you're right. Again, I don't want to, I like, I'm mixing up the ages. He might, maybe he was 12 or 11 during gay.com.

21:23Tim Butterly:Yeah.

21:23Shane Gillis:Because he does jump around a lot. You know, it's hard to put a real, it's hard to put a finger on that.

21:28Tim Butterly:It sounds like he probably had a more serious problem that he's trying to pin it on gay.com when he was 13 years old. Yeah, I mean

21:34Shane Gillis:again, we've all seen Lemon Party, but I think he was just like, well, you know what fucked him up? Gay.com led him to Men Chat. men chat is where guys get together to chat mostly gay guys asking young boys for videos of them jerking off so he started supplying the bros with the with the goods or i should say the bads he started supplying the bros with the very bad he became a creator at a young age he became a creator so he took control of his own content but then the guy was like oh so he's like did this for money he was like yeah well i didn't really have like a bank account so like i just did it he was just love of the game at first just kind of like i guess thriving off the buzz and uh yeah i didn't watch the whole thing but i was like dude getting sucked into gay.com and i mean the gay.com men chat pipeline and but the thing is he lived i i i all right i will go

22:23Tim Butterly:back and watch this entire thing i highly doubt the headline should be i got the internet at a young age there's no way that's what went wrong yeah i don't know because everything else was pretty like let's go back to a younger age and maybe there was something there you know maybe maybe there was some kind of serious disappointment or harm when you were much

22:42Shane Gillis:younger that see the guy the guy's a good interviewer and he was asking about that it was like he was just a bored kid and his parents were too busy but the the i thought to me this is this

22:51Tim Butterly:was the thing that really kind of crazy to be that bored i've i'm a boy so you ever hear jrpgs dude like the rest of us you guys were bored nerds did any of you ever think there's a chance It's like, I'm so bored, I'm going to throw meat at the old guys. Not once. Yeah, I was so bored, I would wrestle my uncle.

23:11Shane Gillis:Nothing to do, man. This guy's full of shit, dude. Wrestling, man, is the oldest trick in the book. But yeah, again, it was like, I had questions as well. I had questions for sure. Dude, getting turned out by gay.com makes me laugh so fucking hard. It is genuinely funny.

23:30Matt McCusker:Yeah, what did they have on the homepage, man?

23:32Shane Gillis:I don't even want to look, dude. I don't even want to imagine it, man. Dude, I am worried I'll fall in face forward. But the problem was, here's the thing, man. The kid's out doing his thing, obviously. But he would split time between living in Mexico and the States. And when he would go to Mexico, it was just couldn't do gay shit at all. So he'd have to detox from gay action in Mexico. Because I guess there wasn't a ton of gay action. It was probably really risky. Wow.

23:57Tim Butterly:Until you get back to the land of the free. True. Land of the freaks. But yeah, he...

24:03Shane Gillis:Or the gaped.

24:04Tim Butterly:Or the gaped.

24:06Shane Gillis:He would go to Mexico and just have to completely just fucking detox out because there wasn't gay action going on. I mean, I'm sure you can get it if you want in Mexico, but I think you have to be like high society to do gay action in Mexico. I'm just guessing.

24:19Tim Butterly:I'm saving up to be gay in Mexico. I'm saving my allowance. You'd have to do like...

24:25Shane Gillis:You'd have to get into like highly acclaimed avant-garde theater. And then you could probably score some gay action.

24:30Matt McCusker:There's specific places. like you got to go to taking it in the Cancun. Right, Tim?

24:38Tim Butterly:He's straight facing him. Something like that.

24:44Shane Gillis:But yeah, that was something I was just kind of just enjoying. Uncle Poco. The opening. Uncle Poco. The one thing that the way they started, I mean, let me just, the intro to it. God damn, where's my phone? the intro this is how fucking crazy and again i'm you know look we all have our demons i'm not making fun of this poor guy but the the way the intro it is like bro come on dude

25:10Mike Rainey:i remember having this recurring fantasy that i would walk to the basketball court at the park and the construction workers would you know pull me into the bushes and rape me

25:26Matt McCusker:and I would fantasize that I was the guy getting dunked on and his balls would get stuck on my head.

25:32Shane Gillis:I shouldn't have played that. That's too mean. How the heck did you pull that up so fast? I was watching it, dude. Dude, it's a fucking home screen, man. Some of us are producers and podcasters, bro. Sorry, sorry, sorry. That intro, though, was like, what the fuck? So, we'll just, yeah, it was probably the internet. I think it was the internet guy. K.com, dude. Beware. All those youngsters out there, look, live your life. You go to one bad website,

25:59Tim Butterly:and now you want the construction workers to rape you. It was like a worry.

26:04Shane Gillis:That's legit fear. You never walked past a construction site?

26:07Tim Butterly:Wait, did he say it was a fear or a fantasy? I think he said fantasy. He said fantasy, bro.

26:13Shane Gillis:Okay, fair enough.

26:16Matt McCusker:Wait, it was a basketball court by a construction site, is what he said? I believe so. Oh, my God.

26:20Tim Butterly:It sounds like a fucking cheese. I mean, pick your boys. Yeah. that's how the n1 mixtape tour ended anyway i feel bad making fun of i'm not making well i'm

26:30Shane Gillis:making fun of the kid but it's just funny it's undeniably funny to get sucked into gay.com it's so easy to get sucked at that age you have no idea i it's dude it's insane it must be you could

26:41Matt McCusker:i mean world's your oyster tapes hit me hard at that time vhs yeah tapes were hitting me hard i didn't have internet yet so i had an aunt who bought me a a softcore porn from the playboy catalog she bought me a movie called chameleon another satisfied customer of pay.com

27:00Matt McCusker:yeah she let me pick one one movie from the playboy catalog and i picked chameleon with tori wells and how old were you 12 what was have you like i mean how good of a boy are we talking

27:12Shane Gillis:how good have you been dude i was straight a man your listening chart must have been off the

27:17Matt McCusker:fucking dude no no trouble uh little chubby never said a peep i really kept to myself and my aunt was just like one day she's like pick something out of this catalog i look okay how do you what is your thoughts on that she's a criminal okay but she also left me five g's when she died so and patsy if you're listening thank you for the movie and thank you for the five g's she's a criminal she's yeah she's a criminal with a heart of gold yeah because i have thoughts on being like

27:46Shane Gillis:Like, you know, again, you're talking old school. I'm an old school guy. Is that like the subtle hookup to be like, I'm gonna get this kid a soft core. But then again, it's like, oh man, when you say it like that, you go, why?

28:00Matt McCusker:Dude, it's tough. Cause like that's, that's summer that I got it. Like I was being occupied. Like I had Sega Genesis and I was playing PGA tour three. So you had shit to do. I, yeah, my summer was locked down already, but then she's like, pick something out of this catalog. And chameleon looked enticing cause Tori Wells was beautiful. And I was like, all right, I'll take this. and then like midway through the summer the tape came and the door had a lock on it and it was one of those tv vcr combos and i slid it in and it was just like yeah that was it was like one x so

28:27Shane Gillis:there was no penetration but i knew what was happening can i get that yo bro i mean i gotta give it to you fantastic pick yeah talk what year is this probably 1993 ish yeah that's wild how did

28:41Matt McCusker:Did it come in the mail? It did. Giant box came in the mail, knew exactly what it was when it arrived at Aunt Patsy's.

28:48Tim Butterly:Jeez. Okay. And you have to watch it alone. You don't have to watch it with her or anything?

28:52Matt McCusker:No, I didn't have to watch it with her, although a couple times my cousin Chris and I watched porn together.

28:57Shane Gillis:That's you sharing the wealth, obviously.

28:58Matt McCusker:I think so, too. Yeah. Cool guy.

29:00Shane Gillis:Watching porn together, I saw a lot of people, a lot of folks doing that.

29:05Matt McCusker:He would just make a joke every now and again.

29:07Shane Gillis:He would?

29:08Matt McCusker:We would, just to kind of lighten the mood.

29:10Shane Gillis:No, that was a big thing. I met a lot of young bros who were watching porns. We had Spanish Fly 14 through our neighborhood, and we just like, it was just everyone had that. Is there a system for it?

29:21Matt McCusker:Like who got it when?

29:23Shane Gillis:Older brothers dominated the goods. And, you know, I was like the guys. They gave you guys scraps. I was like the guys in Mad Max. The tape had been like worn thin. They were like, here you go, fucking loser.

29:35Shane Gillis:Yeah, we had the Spanish Fly for a while. And they would always get caught. We would always get busted. we were like the Taliban with rockets every time we got God forbid we had one little rocket dude we would get busted immediately somebody would get busted because it was it was the VCR we're putting it into the getting pussy program they cannot have pussy

29:54Tim Butterly:we have to stop them now

29:56Shane Gillis:because it was always that VCR right is that Spanish yo bro you give me flashbacks wow that was a great one that was the VCR So like if you saw the headlights hitting that front window, you'd be like, hit it fucking like.

30:19Matt McCusker:Yeah, every VCR sounded like Nick Nolte getting out of bed.

30:24Shane Gillis:Then your parents would come home and you'd just be sitting there like four people on a couch, no TV on, just like sweating. Oh, hey guys, how was dinner?

30:37Shane Gillis:Yeah, it was mad.

30:38Matt McCusker:Yeah, that was so fucking nerve-wracking. Yeah, I remember we didn't have porno, but do you remember a PBS series called Nova? Mm-hmm. Well, they did one, which was a lady giving birth, and, like, it was full-on pussy shot baby crowning. And, like, we were all just sitting there like this, like the Situation Room when they got Bin Laden.

30:58Shane Gillis:So what's the policy now in terms of, like, internet, porn? Do you have to ever give your kids the talk, or you're just kind of like...

31:05Tim Butterly:No, someone on Roblox is going to do it for you. You think so? I think that's a huge issue right now. Roblox is a big issue. I watched another soft one underbelly about that. I was molested on Roblox or something. No, it was like tightness. This is a huge deal.

31:20Shane Gillis:It's a giant issue. It was tied to someone talking about Epstein. It was actually a legit Epstein survivor.

31:26Matt McCusker:So what's Roblox? Like pedo Minecraft? Yes.

31:29Shane Gillis:But the game rules for kids, right?

31:32Tim Butterly:I heard it's fun. It's ass. It's ass? It's ass. every game in roblox there's a better real game out there that i would prefer to pay for yeah but they go on roblox and it's free and then all the fucking kids from school are playing and being fucking you know groomed and shit groomed ton of pedophiles on roblox apparently dude i i'm i'm in the allegedly i well no i don't know what this are you gonna get in trouble for saying no

31:57Shane Gillis:there's there's fucking roblox says beef with that clean up the goddamn pedophiles off your game dude

32:03Tim Butterly:they're kind of protecting the pedophiles yeah there's guys that are taking it upon themselves to weed out the pedophiles what are they paying for a lot of the skins or something

32:13Shane Gillis:these guys are fucking paying a lot of money

32:15Matt McCusker:I paused my childhood for this

32:19Shane Gillis:I handed my innocence to be here

32:21Tim Butterly:what's up with Roblox what are they doing with their pedophiles they're like the guys that are trying to like root them out and like trap them and stuff in game are getting permanently suspended and shit like that and the pedophiles are just being kind of let off with like a 30-day ban or something like that yeah what the fuck i might be misremembering and i haven't totally done a deep dive but i think that's the gist of what's going on so allegedly is it guys like hot

32:44Matt McCusker:talking kids or they like is a character molesting there's a guy that showed up at a kid's house

32:49Shane Gillis:whoa yeah no i think they're well yeah i think they're just trying to like uh chat them up kind of get like what's the situation like and if they yeah if they find like not a lot of parental stuff. It's like, let's go. That's how those fucking bastards work. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Recently, I've been, when do I feel the most amount of pressure? At work, on stage, or when I'm lying on my belly? I know what it's like to feel stress and burnout. And what's helped me during those times? Lying on my belly. It's not healthy to feel so much pressure all the time. so it's important to take a moment for you.

33:29Shane Gillis:And if you're looking for a healthy way to do that, try therapy with BetterHelp. No joke, therapy can help you create balance or at the very least, it can help you develop better coping skills for when you do feel stressed and overworked. But I get it. When you're overwhelmed by life, the last thing you want to do is spend hours trying to find a therapist or to make time to visit at an office. That's where BetterHelp comes in. It makes scheduling and attending appointments a breeze because everything, even your meeting with your therapist, is done online. With an average rating of 4.9 stars out of 5, I'd say people find it extremely useful.

34:05Shane Gillis:Prioritize your well-being with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash MSSP to get 10 % off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P, dot com slash MSSP. Guys, please, please come out this weekend, this Friday, 3-13. That's March 13, 2026. I'll be at the factory in St. Louis, Missouri. It's going to be a good time. Also on Saturday, I'll be at closed Memorial hall in Indianapolis, Indiana. Sales are looking decent for both of those, but we could use a little week of push if you know what I'm saying. So again, I'll be in Indianapolis on Saturday, St. Louis, the Lou on Friday, please come out.

34:47Bye.

34:49Mike Rainey:Also me and Nate, Nate Marshall. this is me Sean Gardini and me and Nate Marshall will be in Salt Lake City on March 27 and 28 we'll also all be in Houston at the Riot Festival at the Riot in Houston in the beginning of April so please come out to that I'm sorry LaMere April 3rd, 4th and 5th are those dates, Optimum Noctis April 2nd 7th and and I'll be in Cincinnati and Springfield Tulsa and OKC please come if you can thank you very much

35:24Shane Gillis:goodbye I'm like right now my algorithm is been because I watched that one I watched and now it's like nothing but that kind of shit of like child groomers and how prevalent they are

35:33Tim Butterly:you gotta pull yourself out of it dude it's

35:36Shane Gillis:every night I like fantasize about like beating pedophiles with baseball bats and like shooting them and stuff because that now I'm like really because I'll wait a great screensaver for your brain by the way

35:46Tim Butterly:that's a great roku city

35:48Shane Gillis:in the background of your mind at all times it gets me too charged as i wake up i get woken up in the middle of the night i'm a kid back to bed and i go oh so what the fuck would i do if i saw a pedophile and i just start i get my hearts my beats per minute my heart are like 130 i'm just laying there like do you sleep in pedophile hunter pajamas i should it's like yo pedophiles and now i'm like obsessed with sleeper cells from like terrorism stuff so i'm like okay like if i'm in this play i'm in a kids play place guy comes in and i just game plan like i'm like between that and the western lonesome dove i'm reading i'm so i've never been closer to getting like tactical training with weapons because i i want to become like a crack shot who can also because in the in the book dude you ever read if either you had a read ever read lonesome dove i mean i would immediately start it might be the best my opinion one of the best novels of all time just about like two guys who are old um texas rangers who had to go and like you know fight indians like bad guys and shit and uh so they're like kind of retired but now the one guy's like we should get they like steal a bunch of cattle from this guy in mexico and they got to just drive a herd it's about i would say about a thousand head hey man you ever think about playing gay hockey dude they got to get them from texas all the way to montani and then they just encounter all these people on the planes but like when they encounter dudes that like can't shoot people or like don't know how to learn like weapons trained they're they're just kind of like bro like they can't either like get the fuck away from me i'm like i can't i gotta be weapons trained there's touches

37:22Tim Butterly:of that in uh the dark tower the gunslinger really yeah roland's like the best he's probably even a better gunslinger than the lonesome dove guys yeah not you're talking augustus mccray i i

37:33Shane Gillis:before i went to bed last night he literally shot like nine people fucking blue duck out of way son

37:38Tim Butterly:little bitch you you let me gunslinger you were the first friend that ever let me read in the afternoon he's the best shot ever he's way better than the lonesome that's cowboys steven king

37:46Shane Gillis:fantasy stuff although i heard that series is sick i gotta i gotta read that well the the like the pecking order in the wild west is like farmers are kind of like you're kind of a joke like you're a hard worker the cowboy respects the work ethic of the farmer but you're a soft target you're an easy easy target most likely and there's also a thing with cowboys where like if you ask a cowboy to get off his horse and do a task he's gonna get kind of miffed it's beneath the cowboy to get off his horse you're like hey get off my horse and like pull these pigs out of the mud he's

38:14Mike Rainey:gonna heal he might want a problem with you but then there's cowboy so the cowboy is above the

38:19Shane Gillis:farmer but then amongst cowboys it's like have you ever seen any battle you know there's all that other stuff how good are you playing cards so there's like kind of cowboys good cowboys where they're kind of pussy cowboys and there's like badass cowboys but then like bordering into renegade renegade is like pretty much end all be all dude it's tough when pigs get stuck in the mud because most of them are front squeal drive you leave i call them shoats now i don't even call them pigs anymore shoats that's one independent shoat right there lonesome dove man i oh man i could talk about it for an hour and a half it's nice to crack into a

38:57Matt McCusker:good book where you get lost in the fantasy 800 pages dude oh my god i'm so sad because i'm only

39:02Shane Gillis:I'm 600 pages into this book and the thought of it ending, I'm like, motherfucker. Then it turns out, so the guy who wrote Lonesome Dove, I think his name's Larry McMurtry. McMurtry or something? McMurtry. Bro, guess what else? Guess what other Western he wrote, co-wrote, by the way? Nice.

39:20Tim Butterly:What do you think? You got to guess. 310 to Yuma? What's another Western? Tombstone. Brokeback Mountain.

39:27Shane Gillis:I was going to say that as a joke. No, he literally co-wrote Brokeback Mountain, but I tell myself

39:33Tim Butterly:the guy or a lady who's the co-writer?

39:34Shane Gillis:I tell myself the lady handled the gay love story he did all the good cowboy shit because I'm like this guy's my favorite and I looked up his other books

39:42Matt McCusker:you think you're going to hide Brokeback inside of Lonesome Dove when you're finished with it?

39:46Shane Gillis:I mean Lonesome Dove's so good I might give Brokeback a run for his money honestly but I think he handled all the cowboy details I think there was a lady who cooked up a sick and twisted plot and she goes I need a real cowboy to get in here and nice this thing

40:00Matt McCusker:up like old larry to lonesome dove yeah by the end of that journey you're ready for him

40:10Shane Gillis:i mean you're not so lonesome anymore when it's two of us here's the thing though man i mean i think it happened out on the range more than people care to admit man i mean you're you're

40:19Matt McCusker:talking about you're on the you're on the plains sunsets yeah you're out on the plains man there's

40:23Shane Gillis:not a tree in sight it's just grass as far as you can trust each other with your lives exactly you who's your horse gonna tell they would also they would get naked to like the ford like fording rivers was like a huge that was one thing cowboys would be afraid of because it's like these dudes

40:36Tim Butterly:not swim being covered head to toe in denim doesn't help when you're neck deep in the

40:43Shane Gillis:river your wrist is like you have a thing wrapped a leather strap wrapped around your wrist you don't lose the horse and then the other part is just a horse biting it to hold on to it yeah i don't know horses can swim too which surprise i just didn't know they can swim yeah horse can swim crazy but But yeah, they would like get naked too. They'd all get naked together because it's like if you only have so many dry clothes, so you wrap up your clothes. If they got like wet from a rainstorm, you had one other change of clothes.

41:07Matt McCusker:You think fat cowboys wear a shirt in the river?

41:13Shane Gillis:I think it was impossible. I don't think there were fat cowboys. I think there's just fat cats. If you were fat then, someone would be like, here, do you just want to own this railroad company?

41:21Matt McCusker:You had to be like a banker or something.

41:22Shane Gillis:Yeah, you had to be a big fat banker. But yeah, Lonesome Dove. I swear to God, dude. It's like every night when I get to hit the sheets and read a chapter of Lonesome Dove, I'm like.

41:32Matt McCusker:Are you going to bed earlier and earlier? Just did it again? Yeah.

41:35Shane Gillis:I mean, it's as soon as I can get there. As soon as everything's done, I'm right in bed. Right in bed. I only pause the story if I'm going to get some motherfucking pussy. Yeah. I had to pause the dove last night. I'm getting to the age where like when you get the real. So, you know, when you're like 1920, maybe even early 20s, man, you guys, you know. Dude, your girl's like, is that a copy of Lonesome Dove on my lower back? I'm getting to the age, too, where it's like, you know, I always took like a 100%, 110 % boner for granted.

42:09Matt McCusker:I know, man.

42:10Shane Gillis:Every time, cash money.

42:11Matt McCusker:Yeah.

42:13Shane Gillis:Bro, last night I had 110 % or not. You just enjoy it so much. You're just like, let's fucking go. You just feel awesome. You taking beetroot? I've been running a lot.

42:23Matt McCusker:Okay.

42:24Shane Gillis:So, yeah, I've been doing a lot of sprints, too. When you do sprints, you produce a lot of growth hormone. And when you lift weights, your muscles grow. When you do a lot of high-intensive cardio, your whole circulatory system, the growth hormones, makes your veins wider and more expansive. So you just get blood rushing. So yeah, if anyone out there is slapping the old fish around the market, you've got to become a creature to start sprinting for your life, dude. Just imagine at the 100-meter mark, it's just your hard boner.

42:59Matt McCusker:Now, how long do you got to be training to get that kind of boner?

43:02Shane Gillis:Dude, I think it's like, honestly, it's pretty quick, honestly. I don't know because it's like, you know, there's a lot of other factors, obviously. Boners are a complicated beast, but you can't think about them. That's the one thing. As soon as you be like, am I all the way? It's just. It's a no-hitter.

43:20Matt McCusker:The second you mention it, it's gone. It's gone, dude.

43:22Shane Gillis:so that's been uh it's been fun for me it's a fun game i always like a nice challenge now uh i i've i've always been set i've always been like no no i've always been able to talk about i'm like not

43:31Matt McCusker:me bro i'm ricked up 24 7 i gotta try it because like i think i'm my my default boners are like 80 and it's like you think back to all the boners you took for granted like the sixth grade ones when you're reading diary of an frank just rock hard just bursting through your fucking khakis and you're just like yeah this would be for the rest of my life

43:53I mean

43:54Matt McCusker:is either one better they mentioned that in the sequel Sean that's how they caught him he was thrown down on the toilet

44:09Shane Gillis:I support your journey thanks man no this is a complete no judgment zone I did this is a serious question was there racy stuff in Anne Frank because I almost vaguely remember dudes getting kind of bricked up reading well I think she was in love with her cousin so it's

44:26Matt McCusker:like being that like step stuff is popular now I think if you read that now you might look at it from a different perspective and get a little a little hot in the pants a little hot in the

44:35Shane Gillis:striped pajamas a sixth grade boy that's not that crazy to say you know I get charged up on anything

44:40Tim Butterly:when I was in sixth grade honestly you're just reading a girl's name that's what you started Reading a girl's diary.

44:45Shane Gillis:I was like, oh, fuck, dude.

44:47Tim Butterly:Honestly, it's like shameful that we were all reading this poor girl's diary. Yeah, it's kind of weird, honestly. I know. And then it was all made up. That's the worst part.

45:01Tim Butterly:Oh, I thought we were joking around. We're talking about boners, dude. I thought we were having a fun time. We're having a serious conversation about boners.

45:08Shane Gillis:Sorry. But we could have a little joke here and there. All right. Welcome, Danville, to the podcast. Dude, I support your joke as well. Thank you. I support everyone right now.

45:22Mike Rainey:Your little one grew three inches overnight. Adorable. Also, expensive. Sell their pint-sized pieces on Depop and list them in minutes with no selling fees. Because somewhere, a dad refuses to pay full price for the clothes his kids will outgrow tomorrow. And he's ready to buy your son's entire wardrobe right now. Consider your future growth spurt budget secured. Start selling on Depop, where taste recognizes taste. Payment processing fees and boosting fees still apply. See website for details.

45:52Shane Gillis:Dang, they should make hate.

45:54Tim Butterly:You're hiding jokes in your podcast?

45:56Shane Gillis:They should make a joke, like a pride joke flag. You know what I'm talking about? Instead of like the rainbow flag that's like trans, gay, lesbians, black people for whatever reason. i'm so sorry they made you guys all gay that's it's like if you're gay fine but like if you can't just be gay and big and we call black people too it's like leave them the hell out of this pinks pastels blues it's like black and brown the hell is that atlanta what is the reason for that by the way it's such a weird i saw like you know and again whatever fucking do your thing but like That was always the thing for me.

46:35Shane Gillis:I was just kind of like, what does that represent? And I'm pretty sure it represents being in solidarity with black and brown people. It's like, that has nothing to do with sexual preferences. Do you guys feel bolstered by gay people joining your cause?

46:48Tim Butterly:Unless that could be... I don't even know. No, I think Matt's onto something.

46:53Mike Rainey:It says here for specifically to represent and include LGBTQ plus people that are BIPOC as well. Yeah, but what the fuck? so it's only for bi-pod like when you guys are gay it's a whole separate thing black people be gay like this

47:12Matt McCusker:would you guys consider marching with furries

47:18Shane Gillis:hold on not out of like a political thing just for kink not your thing yeah okay fair enough so the stripe just to clarify that's what the stripes for it's not for like bbc loving

47:41Matt McCusker:anyway that's uh i was just curious about that so funny throwing that on there like a kid throwing a candy bar on the fucking the the fucking belt at the supermarket when his mom's not looking

47:52Shane Gillis:and this too yeah toss it up i'm done i mean i think personally if if you have a flag totally Fair needs to come with a national anthem or some sort of song. There needs to be a gay national anthem. Look, you think so?

48:09Mike Rainey:Unofficial ones, yeah. Pink Pony Club is up there. Pink Pony Club?

48:13Shane Gillis:Damn, I fucking love that. I listen to that with my kids all the time. That's a gay national anthem?

48:17Mike Rainey:No, just maybe in my head. Yeah. Isn't that like a lesbian stripper? Yeah, Calum Scott's big. Okay. Techno Beats, Madonna.

48:26Shane Gillis:There you go. Never mind. calling Mr. Vane. LaMair, what are you talking about, dude? That's definitely the gay national anthem. Anytime, if you're dressed like a construction worker and someone has any other type of outfit, you get called the village people and people are, you know. Gay national anthem, for sure.

48:50Shane Gillis:This is how we do. No, what is it?

48:57Tim Butterly:Oh, really? What the hell? How's it go? Could you sing? It's just a bar of it, maybe?

49:09Tim Butterly:Sean, could you add, like, rattling chains to the...

49:11Shane Gillis:Oh, jeez, why don't you be so fucking nasty today? No.

49:16Tim Butterly:That was more about his timbre and the way he was singing. I'm sure it's a higher register. We're on one today. What? Matt, what are you talking about?

49:32Shane Gillis:Well, well, well, well.

49:33Matt McCusker:So what else are you guys up to? You know me. I was pigging out in that hotel room.

49:38Shane Gillis:What were you doing? Oh, yeah. Oh, that's okay. That's where the whole conversation came from. You were at a hotel next to the airport, and I got secretly very jealous of you. You can really pig at a hotel next to an airport.

49:51Matt McCusker:Yeah, bro. I'm not kidding when I say I was four or five times a day.

49:55Shane Gillis:they should cut the hotels next to the airport should have a direct modem connection that can go right into your phone yeah at the end of the day my phone's like i'm tired boss

50:12Matt McCusker:it's nice man i cranked the fucking tunes i talked to my phone that's awesome so you were just you were just set up like a king just chilling dude it's i I got such a nice hotel for 85 bucks and I was just going ballistic in that fucking thing. I was having, I told you I was having guests come up to record podcasts too. So it was, I was meeting guys in the lobby, bringing them up into like a, like a comfy.

50:33Tim Butterly:Was there a towel under the door?

50:37Matt McCusker:It probably felt like the rainforest in there. It was so nice. Cause there was no like verification like it is in Texas, like back in Pennsylvania. It was the wild West, man. Have you verified age verified? Honestly, it's funny. Bring that up this morning. I did because one of my favorite ladies, Sadie Andrews, she was putting out a new video today and I signed up for her premium service. But I was kind of bummed because the video she posted didn't come out until Tim and I were on our way here. Man, I hope your aunt burns in hell, dude.

51:08Yeah,

51:13Matt McCusker:I can't wait to dig into that thing when I get home, man.

51:15Tim Butterly:You think this is more acceptable than daddy vaping? i'm ready to have this conversation this is better than daddy vaping daddy gooning is better than

51:24Shane Gillis:daddy vaping here's the thing in privacy yes if you were to get busted daddy gooning and then you're vaping right in front of them no i don't you baby i hide it from them like a that's different hold on that's different of a different color that's good i'm completely on your side yeah if you're if you're privately vaping that's your business i know also just secretly vape i have so many uncles that secretly smoke cigarettes everyone in my life

51:53Tim Butterly:yeah that actually does sound exciting yeah dude i had uncles that just smoke cigarettes

51:57Shane Gillis:on construction sites would never do it around anywhere like anywhere else yeah that's so cool

52:01Tim Butterly:yeah i'm gonna start i'm gonna start vaping on construction sites

52:05Shane Gillis:hey watch out just be careful yeah that's what you could do do i think you could continue vaping if you got real into like if you build a gazebo i feel like if you build a gazebo with your bare

52:20Tim Butterly:hands and you're like i'm gonna come out here and vape yeah i don't say shit to you my vaping gazebo

52:29Shane Gillis:covered in a nice crawling ivy i think if you build a gazebo i mean no i i geek bar gazebo don't bother daddy's in his gazebo

52:42Shane Gillis:yeah when you put it that way it might not help the cause what if you like draped it out like a really sheer material so that when you vape it's like almost like a ceremonial thing like some pipette like some pipe and draping sure let me kind of chill yeah you know what i'm cool as hell

52:57Tim Butterly:what if i set up like a tap system at a bar so i'm never actually vaping the vice there's just like cords that come down that are tapped to like uh vape banks under the gazebo and i'm just hitting the tap that's kind of nice that'd be fucking sick i could youtube that what about hookah you think i would be like i do i do have e-hookas i do have a couple of disposable e-hookas what so is that a vape with just like a with a genie on it it's like a it's like a tubular vape with like uh well one of them has like a flaming night on it and uh it's not vaping it's e-hooka it's

53:33Shane Gillis:completely different what's the difference actually is it water filtered what is it filtered through water why is it what's it what's the difference no it's the it's the whatever the different herb is that they hookah and i'll tell you this does not scratch the vape ish

53:46Matt McCusker:Tim, who controls the vape banks?

53:50Tim Butterly:Wait, was the pun hookah controls or who controls who can? We'll do it on our podcast.

54:01Tim Butterly:You're not going to trip me up. Well, this has been a great time. Do you share your vape with other guys? Only Ari Matty.

54:13Shane Gillis:That's fair. yeah i mean look yeah you're gonna have to like start stashing them yeah like the liquor in the attic what what's so let me get let me get the counterpoint what is the

54:26Tim Butterly:what's the gruff with you vaping it's uh health risk yeah and i'm getting old and it's gay i think it's probably equally weighted between the two dying and being gay yeah yeah his vape is and i'm fine with both yeah i don't we're all gonna be old i'm gay and i don't want to live a second longer than i absolutely have to okay um well it's a solid defense i also really like it my penis sucks sometimes yeah it's like that's that's the trade-off in my you ever vape while you get it sucked i haven't i don't make enough money for that

55:07Tim Butterly:rest assured when things hit for me i will be moving different

55:10Shane Gillis:baby you in the mood for a little blue razz have you tried to share the vape be like just get in on this thing a little bit

55:18Tim Butterly:oh yeah it's a good move would you be in the having vape smoke blood she goes no i'm not a gay guy devastating bro that hurts that hurts okay that hurts i mean I might switch to gooning and say, is this preferable? Now I know women's names online that I send$5 to. Is this better than me hitting the frozen white mango while I play marathon? Is this different?

55:43Matt McCusker:Brother, I got a queen-size bed, and my wife and I are fighting right now. Come over when we're done. We'll each hold one end of the phone, and I'll show you Sandy Andrew's new video.

55:54Shane Gillis:The question is, what do you want?

55:59Tim Butterly:I don't even fucking know. I just want to be left alone.

56:02Matt McCusker:Come goon, man.

56:05Tim Butterly:True. Come goon, man, who's my Vietnamese friend in high school. How about, look,

56:10Shane Gillis:I think we all should just chill out, go on menchat.com, go off some steam,

56:15Matt McCusker:just have it out, talk to the bros. You would go to menchat first, then gay.com? You think, what would happen if, would you get spit out instead of sucked in?

56:24Shane Gillis:Well, I think we're, I don't know. I think, you know, the crazy thing is, is like as a guy jerking off online recording yourself there's a market for you pretty much always so i was like are we too old for men chat we'd be the guys asking for the vids or like what the hell what do i even do on there i don't know we should all go get some new outfits you should go on menchat.com and just videotape yourself vaping there's probably i would imagine and there's gay guys that want to see you vaping. Bro, now you're like, this is business. Now you're, now you're in fear with business, babe. I can't let that slide.

57:04Shane Gillis:I'm on menjet.com. We could all hit the vape. Emerging with gay.com. Dude, we could all,

57:10Tim Butterly:we could all hit the white peach mango and call it gang vape.

57:16Tim Butterly:The white peach mango.

57:21Shane Gillis:Oh, fuck. There's going to be a gang vape tab on there.

57:23Tim Butterly:Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man. That's great. I don't know. There's no easy answer for this stuff. There's no definitive.

57:31Matt McCusker:I think it would go like Russian nesting dolls. Like, you could probably be the hunted. Matt's like the middle ground, and I'm the guy that's asking for the vids.

57:43Matt McCusker:San Francisco nesting dolls.

57:45Shane Gillis:True. I'm probably sending some vids, receiving. I'd probably be hitting them. Yo, Rain, check that out.

57:50Tim Butterly:Yeah, you're a liaison. I'm pure liaison. I think if we if I did sit in the middle, this would be sort of a Pokemon evolution of gay pervert.

58:04Shane Gillis:This episode sponsored by gay.com.

58:06Tim Butterly:And apparently Matt looks like a twink.

58:12Shane Gillis:Now I'm a twunk. I'm a bear. I'm actually get it right. I'm a twunk. What's the jack twink? Whoa. It's like a honky twink. Whoa. A twink is when a twink puts on muscle.

58:21Tim Butterly:who forced you to learn that charles blitznick

58:27Shane Gillis:when i did uh what do you call it gargoyles incorporated he broke me off a twunk terminology and i was like bro thank you what's him uh seal i would imagine i've heard that before bear cub maybe yeah it'd be a bear cub what would you be what do you think i am yeah go crazy in the chat

58:48Matt McCusker:if you could tell me what I am.

58:50Shane Gillis:I think, would you say you're, honest to God, would you say you're a bear or a pig? What? Pig is high. Honestly, bro, I have nothing but respect for gay pigs. You know what a pig is, right? No, tell me. I've never heard of this. So there was a guy, my brother drove trash trucks. There was a trash truck driver who was just an out-and-out pig. So a pig is like a guy who rolls up, you know, you have twonks, you got seals, you got the bears. A pig, we'd be partying. We have to airport, fucking hotel, be all partying. A pig would roll up, and a pig is just like, a pig will do anything, dude. Wow, man.

59:26Shane Gillis:Clean up duty. Like, pigs are just like the horniest gay guys possible.

59:30Matt McCusker:I hope you guys are ready for some scrapple.

59:33Shane Gillis:So you could be a bear. I don't want to tell you. I'm just putting all the options out there. You know what?

59:37Matt McCusker:Pig, to me, is like, I'm an effort guy, so I think I'd be a pig as opposed to a bear. It's like the seeker in Quidditch.

59:42Shane Gillis:They're like, it's the most important thing. Everyone's doing their thing. They're like, really winning the game. me to the side a pig is nice i like to think i'm a bit of a pig as well can you be a twunk pig i mean bro i think there would be nothing more in demand than a twunk pig a hairless twunk pig hairless bro completely hairless you could really get me glistening you could wax me up fine i good luck even get holding me though i'd be i'd be a slippery fellow yeah i could picture you on a float you're the golden snitch

1:00:15i do have a fat ass all your asses dude i'm i'm i'm bulking up for the summer i'm caking for the

1:00:21Tim Butterly:summer what's your ass looking like right now i'm caked okay historically caked that's what's up

1:00:25Shane Gillis:yeah i've been flipping the tire that's what's up have you really yeah a lot of guys have no ass i've been learning that's the saddest thing in the world i know what do you got are you you're dog

1:00:33Mike Rainey:ass right that's caked yeah are you caked or dog ass i have dog ass dog ass nate a toy is dog ass Yeah, I used to have an ass, and now it's gone. You lost your ass? I lost my ass. I used to be caked up, lost my ass.

1:00:46Shane Gillis:How'd you lose your ass?

1:00:47Mike Rainey:I just, I don't know. I just started sitting on it. I stopped a while. I was sitting on it all. I squished my ass.

1:00:58Matt McCusker:I don't know. I don't know. That's fair. No, I don't think you're caked up, Lamar. I think you probably got teacher ass. Did he get teacher ass? Just wide and just mushed. You look like the kind of ass that looks like you say, come here, baby.

1:01:16Tim Butterly:Teacher ass is crazy. Your knees don't bend inward, do they?

1:01:22Mike Rainey:No. Okay, I was making sure.

1:01:24Tim Butterly:That kind of dictates the shape of the big guy butt. You know, it gets kind of like a bloodhound mouth thing going.

1:01:35Shane Gillis:Yeah, there's not much variation for guys' asses, honestly. Either have a fat ass or just no ass. Really, there's not. Women, you have like heart-shaped hiney. You know, you have a lot. You have a lot of different butts. Well, God dang, man. I think we done did it. Where were you at here? Woo!

1:01:53Matt McCusker:Wow, man.

1:01:54Shane Gillis:God damn.

1:01:55Matt McCusker:The twonk talk took us home.

1:01:56Shane Gillis:Twonk talk. We really slid into home. It's a consistent thread through the entire app. Perfect. Perfect. It's got to be called. The episode is definitely gay.com for sure.

1:02:09Matt McCusker:Can you get them as a last minute sponsor, you think?

1:02:11Shane Gillis:I would like to hope. You're the dad of the... You guys familiar with... Wow, wow, Wes. No, tell me about it. I shouldn't even talk about the fuck. Hello. Right now. There's a place in... I think it's like New England somewhere where it's just an all-male naked retreat. And when I first heard that, I was like, serious? That's kind of like crazy, but it's obviously just gay guys. And if you're under 33 years old, your first day is free. uh larry bird fans under 33 bird fans under 30 it's like 31 or 32 but either way yeah i don't

1:02:49Matt McCusker:want to put the house on blast you know there's a nasty denotation behind that

1:02:52Tim Butterly:yeah i think so we're gonna do that meet meet up at the wow wow west yes do a land party at the wow wow west being outside being outside naked in the woods would rip undoubtedly i would be

1:03:07Matt McCusker:scared of getting attacked by something a twunk no it's just like some weird beast in the woods

1:03:12Tim Butterly:like a fucking fox or something a fox with a naked guy fox will steal your penis in the woods that's what i worry about man yeah i'm so cunning a little fox bite would get you wearing a little cloak true true sneak up and just snatch your little penis off and run away but you feel better

1:03:29Matt McCusker:clothed or is that not the issue yeah i would like being clothed in the woods okay that way you can just get loose.

1:03:34Tim Butterly:You don't want to be naked and afraid.

1:03:35Matt McCusker:Yeah, I think I would.

1:03:37Shane Gillis:Bugs, too. Bugs? Getting a bug up your butt would be terrible.

1:03:42Matt McCusker:Especially you got a little slippery centipede going up there. I'd worry about some roly-polies having a time in my butt.

1:03:49Shane Gillis:A couple of those little guys just curling up their balls and doing a conga line. Tickling me with their little fucking little feet.

1:03:58Matt McCusker:Goddamn.

1:03:59Shane Gillis:We about landed this bird.

1:04:01Tim Butterly:Oh, man.

1:04:01Shane Gillis:It was fun. Thank you, guys. Thank you for having us, man. Dude, obviously check out Dad Meat.

1:04:05Tim Butterly:Yeah, baby. Oh, come see me on the road. I'm in Ohio this weekend. I'm in Boston next weekend. I'm taping a 30-minute special at the Creek in the Cave with that gas digital in May.

1:04:15Matt McCusker:Come do that stuff, please.

1:04:17Tim Butterly:That'll be awesome.

1:04:18Matt McCusker:And check out my books at onperks.com. Also, patreon.com slash getting some head. I'm doing a goals and accountability group, so check that out next week.

1:04:25Shane Gillis:Hell yeah. Also, this weekend, guys, this is really big. I'll be in Indianapolis. Sorry, I'm going off the gate.com. interview. I mean, St. Louis at the factory on Friday and then 314 I'll be at Memorial Hall in Indianapolis, Indiana. Please come out to that. And that's it. Thank you. Awesome. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.

1:04:53Mike Rainey:Close your eyes, exhale, feel your body relax, and let go of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class.

1:05:05Matt McCusker:I got them delivered free from 1-800-CONTACTS.

1:05:07Mike Rainey:Oh my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe. Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-CONTACTS.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-CONTACTS.