Ep 604 - Tyler Gerben (feat. Steve Gerben, Dan Soder, Billy & Spud)

17:38It's like an 08. He hit the deep of Trump. He's got an old one. Oh, wow. Yeah, he's like, I just went like this to him. I'm like, that's sick, dude. They must have been pith. Dude, we watched a great little conspiracy reel where it was like, they got rid of all the cars. When they did Cash for Clunkers, all that was to get rid of. No, that's Cash for Kids. Cash for Kids. Cash for Kids. So it's straight to the street. That's Pennsylvania. What, are we not allowed to know that? No, I'm just saying, careful. Are we allowed to know that? Cash for Kids is fucking nuts. Nobody talks about that. Shane Olivier.

18:06Hold on, are we allowed to talk about Cash for Kids? Yeah, yeah. Free content. Cash for, wait, Cars for Kids. That's good Central PA lore. Yeah, yeah.

18:12Dan Soder:What, Cars for Kids? Cash for Kids. Straight to Israel. I'm unfamiliar. Oh, yeah, sure you are. They had like a prison system thing going on. I missed that. I am unfamiliar. No, the Cash for Clunker shit, there was a good-ass video about how they usually just get rid of every reliable whip. We had reached such a peak in analog engines, Then they were like, no, digital ones with kill switches. Yeah, on Star. But how are we going to get rid of all these awesome cars? Pull it off. But it was actually, we debunked it in real time. Only 680 ,000 cars got cashed in, so it didn't really have an effect.

18:46Yeah, that's not much. And I debunked it, so jury's still out.

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20:10Shane Gillis:That's code Drench to get$50 in lineups after you play your first$5 lineup. PrizePicks. That's good to be right. I'm afraid of AI. I don't trust it. I know that Jones, that Jones, Duncan Trussell. That was very good. The beginning of that, that's how we get plugged into the Matrix, dude. At the end of that, we're plugged in like batteries.

20:28Dan Soder:I still don't give a fuck about AI. Video games aren't that good yet. No. Once video games get real good, then I'll go, damn, AI's out of control. And AI can't even find an old... The Matrix are fine, dude. Me and Bill are looking for an old meme. I need better graphics. Yeah, I'm trying to find a real old meme. We're finding an old meme from like 2016, maybe? What was it? No, it was when... Bush and Bob. Oh, it was... Yeah, it's an old meme, man. It's a meme of George Bush. I swear to God I don't know what's happening in conversation right now. I'm sorry, are we fucking this up? No, I don't give a fuck.

20:59Dan Soder:It's probably funny. It's probably funny. You're talking about cash for clunkers. I don't trust that I did come. I did like that. Yeah. There's a meme that we're looking for. So Billy's like, dude, Rogan's got perplexity. Get this. We're looking for this meme of. You talking about you name job Rogan like that? No, I was talking about. It's like, dude, my brother was on Rogan, dude. I can get us in touch with perplexity. My brother did Rogan, dude. I know Rogan. Spade has$17 perplexity. And then I was like, dude, it's like all of them in one because he was using Grok, and Grok is kind of ass. Yeah, Grok sucks.

21:30And then he started using perplexity.

21:32Dan Soder:I'm investing in AI and defense contracts right now. But it's George Bush throwing the football. For AI. You've definitely seen it. It's a meme of George Bush handing off a football. Straight or hard loses open, dude. I just opened it. What? It's a meme of George Bush handing a football off to Obama in a poppy field. In a poppy field. and Osama bin Laden's in the background and there's also the skies who made this? It's an old meme I'm like the king of memes but for flexing you're getting skinny pull ups bro, pull ups over and over you look like a fucking tier 1 operator he's trying to do handstand push ups I know, I heard he does them at the gym I can do 8 push ups that's good, yo, Gerby's looked like a tier 1 operator today, went to the gun range that's right, we went to the gun range the whole time I'm like, you're going to love it He never fired a gun.

22:22Dan Soder:I was like, it's so sick. You're going to love it. As soon as we get in there, a couple loud pops from down the range. He was like, oh, shit. He called in an airstrike. Yeah, he called in the cobble airstrike. Yeah. He said, oh, God, they're in here. Blow it up. I found them. Bombs without a siren? Yeah, I clammed them. I didn't think I was going to clam up. I want to shut up. I'm going to be in the walk. So with you, brother. No, he sent some leaflets to the range first. he said i'm gonna blow this up tomorrow so everyone clear out no it is scary dude fucking go to the range it's like it's intense it is it's very intense especially right when you get in there oh yeah like the first like five ten minutes going in there you're like holy shit i'm a pussy dude i'm so scared and then all right or the guy giving us all the guns and showing us how to do everything was seemed like tier one operator he's like all right this is what you do you flip this You can fucking slap this Then you're good to go Okay Yeah yeah If I yell to myself I don't know what single thing You just said to me That's a machine gun I'm like So you gotta fucking Start over Yeah He's like This is your workplace Alright This is your fucking workspace Now you fucking do this Do they coach you there Yeah A little I think He was I'll be honest That guy was a little fast and loose I liked him He was But Yeah I think it was the nature Of our group Yeah I would have preferred Potentially Not Not Again, throwing away a shade.

23:45He was the man.

23:47Dan Soder:You were just a scared guy. I was scared, so I think I wanted somebody to be like... He started yelling at him while he was giving him the instructions. You want somebody to hold the gun behind you? Honestly, the first one, yes. Because he fired one round. It had a fucking silencer on it and no kick. It was literally the gun I have. It's literally just... It's nothing. No, it's a MPS. It's a carbine that fires a fucking 9mm. So it's against your shoulder. A shotgun bullet? Yes, so it doesn't move. Dude, the shotgun? He fired it once. It came back to the ground. He fired one round and was just like, okay.

24:21And then, because he was, then I was like, well, let me just do something.

24:24Dan Soder:He's like, this isn't for me. Let me just do something like smaller with a handgun. So he had a Glock 9. I think that's what it's called. Whatever the police use. A handgun was, it's way worse than that. Way worse. So he like fired it. And I told you guys before him, but like I wasn't even expecting a shell to come out that fast. and it's just like the immediate violence, the noise, and then the shell coming out. I was like, no. And then he just stood back. I just stood back. I tried to be a team player and take video. I was just like. I know. I felt like it was a little ride that I wanted to get off of.

24:53Dan Soder:The best was just, so he's got, I thought it was the headphones, and then I realized you were actually screaming at the guy. I thought, I was like, maybe he thinks he's talking too loud because of the headphones. No, he was yelling. The guy was like, all right, you can fucking do this. Here you go. and he was like, I didn't understand anything you said. You're going to have to start out. No, no, I didn't say it like that. I was like, yeah, I had a smile on my face. So then they wheeled in a belt loaded machine gun or belt fed machine gun. And even the guy that brought it in was like, this is a once in a lifetime thing to shoot.

25:25So then I watched everybody else do it. Was it a 50 cal?

25:29Dan Soder:No, but it was sick. But it was nice to watch Gervies muster the courage. and he did it. He fired one bullet from the first gun and then stood in the back the entire time. It was like, this just is amazing. You could have stayed at pussy the whole time. And then a machine gun came out and he fucking did it. It was pretty sick. That's awesome. I was proud of you, Garbage. Thanks, dude. How about that adrenaline? That's what I said. The moment I came off that, I was like, where's the schools?

25:58They're under the hospitals. You don't understand. What is this?

26:05Dan Soder:It'll be easy It's loud Bring a Jewish guy to a gun range Start shooting the floor Oh yeah no The target's right there He's like well there's other targets There's some I hate to say it What? But great You know Another Jewish lady Involved She did shoot the ceiling Oh she was hitting everything Especially before we go in She's like I'm good at everything I'm such a good shoot Like a shot Yeah yeah She gets in there Hits the fucking wall They're like dude You cannot hit the wall The tray There's ricochets You cannot hit Dude, the one time his brother took me, he was like, dude, this is going to be awesome.

26:38We rolled in. There was a guy on a date. It was like a snow bunny Black Panther party situation. And I was like, yo. I was like scared. This guy had like dreads down here. And he was like waving like a fucking AR-15 type thing around. That's awesome. This is at 8th and Spring Garden. That fires me up, though. Inner city in a small room. I've domed someone in COVID. Dude, and I was like, we all have bullets? Oh, wait, that guy killed someone? Yeah, they tried to break into his fucking spot. I think it's that one. In that area, they fucking come in and just sit in there, dude.

27:08Dan Soder:Like, camping. He's like, oh, this is. Finally. Your luck, it pops. Dudes die. That guy's the man. Sandy ground. Also, there's nothing. Living your whole life for that moment. Nothing makes me happier than seeing black dudes and white dudes together at the range, dude. I was scared, though. I was like, yeah. You guys thought, we're, we're. This is it. Two A boys getting together? I didn't realize it was so expensive, though. The ammo is wild. A lot of money. It's not good. They treated us really good. That was awesome. Oh, yeah. That place is awesome. But, yeah, Kirby's. Are you going to purchase?

27:43At some point, yeah. But I'm going to go back. I'm going to shoot the Glock 9.

27:48Dan Soder:That's fun to shoot. Yeah. That was one that after the machine gun, that felt like I got my cherry popped enough. What's fucking Bond's gun? PB7? Yeah. Get a PB7, dude. Yeah, you should. Oh, you see that small tree? It's gold nine, bro. This is what I'll say about him. Tom's will get his answer. That's true. It'll be fun. You'll be the next time. Second of a smile. You piece of shit. Look at him in a tux, dude. You should go outside instead, though. I feel like that would calm me down a little bit. That's what I was saying. Outdoor gun rangers are a lot better. Okay. But that gun range was cool, and they had this whole smoking section.

28:19It was like a warehouse. Yeah. I want to see garbage. That was a organic fireplace.

28:24Dan Soder:Easily the best indoor range I've ever seen. Yeah. Yeah. You know like that outdoor thing where they have little doors? Mainline armor? Yeah. Yeah. Keanu Reeves shit. Yeah. He's nasty. Shane did that. Dude, John Wick. Yeah, I go there. If John Wick was one movie, all four movies, if that was one movie, it'd be the best movie I ever did. Yeah, I would. I agree. The one John Wick's like a Dodge Challenger commercial. I watched them all at one, like all at once one night, and I was like, dude, I wish that was just one movie. The first John Wick I just watched randomly. Like no one was talking about it.

28:54Dan Soder:It was like right when it came out. It was fucking great, dude. And I was sitting there watching it. I was like, let's see this piece of shit movie. Keanu Reeves' action movie? Fucking dog shit. But halfway through, I was like, this might be the best movie I've ever seen. Really? I haven't seen it. I watched it tonight. It was when I lived in Conchalk, and then I brought Matt over, and I was like, bro, check this out. Dude, Matt saw Wicks, like, early Wicks? Yeah, he saw it with me, like, immediately. You guys are lucky. And then he was like, shit sucks. And I was like, I swear to God, it's a horror.

29:17Dan Soder:I watched it, like, five times. Dude, trying to get the cotton at him. I was, like, just getting bros over going, dude, wait till you see this shit. That indie flick I sent you is good. Is it real? It's utterly humiliating. Animal Kingdom. Animal Kingdom? Dude, it's star-studded, and it's real, it's like a quiet, like, fucking gangster movie. It's nice. Australian gangster.

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31:07Dan Soder:I got one for you. You're going to like this. Gerby's has a new theory he just hit me with. You think we're like Fight Club or something? That's right. Yeah, that like I'm his Tyler Durden? He thinks he's Tyler Durden. Well, then I'm his Tyler Durden. He thinks he's Brad Pitt. Alright, hold on. I gotta like actually grab this for a minute. Yeah, you gotta wait till you hear this. You're the dude. You're Ed Norton? No, he's Ed Norton. You're Ed Norton? It's just the reverse. Whoa. Yes. Whoa, dude. Yes. That's why. All the things, all the things that he represses. He thinks I'm repressing the first one.

31:41Let's just get our clothes tailored. But Gerb. Let's get hair. Gerbs, listen. So Shane is the guy looking at. We're not getting hair. So Shane's the guy. We're wearing hats until we're bald just right. So you're saying Shane's the guy that's looking at the MPC Ikea catalog not knowing what to do. No, no, no. But you're the guy that's living in a house with Bellatrix with string. Yeah, basically. Those would be the characters, but he's not looking at Ikea catalogs. He's like watching football and all that stuff. Right. Meanwhile, he's sitting me on a plane and I'm going that shirt would look a lot better if you got it tailored and he's like this and the other.

32:15You're James Bond, bro. The guy who just had a panic attack at the gun rate. That would be good. That's it. He's got a partner to him. So he thinks Chester's going to implode. Can Billy be meatloaf?

32:33Dan Soder:He thinks I'm repressing things because he says stuff like, oh, Jolene's is the cutest date spot. Don't say cutest. Exactly. I say cute. It's a cute. Somebody will be like, what about this bar? He goes, oh, that's such a cute date spot. I heard him say that, and I said, Now why are you doing that with your eyes? Shut the fuck up because that's cute. Because we're straight. We're all straight. You don't say a cute date spot. Hey Siri, what does the word cute mean? Bro. I think you're going to be. This is so Jewish.

33:03Appealing in a pretty. Dang it.

33:07Dan Soder:Who uses. Okay, I'll read it. It's going to start. I'm still listening to it. Still listening to me. Fucking still listening to me. It was like appealing in a pretty or something. Yeah, you say like babe and shit, which makes me uncomfortable. Sexy, babe. Wait, saying babe to dudes? To girls. No. Well, I mean, I don't know. If you're like a Chad, it's fine. Yeah, still. True. I'm sorry it makes you uncomfortable. You have to have to have to applaud those. Because you're like, bro, this dude's got this kind of... In your head, I wish I could... I agree. I need a drop of that, dude. You know what I mean?

33:41Drop of that? Yeah, the comedy hat. Just machismo. He's trying to wear cowboy hats and cowboy boots. He does. Are you fucking for real?

33:47Dan Soder:He works out in a cowboy hat and a fucking life beater in his gym. I only know one other guy that does that. Dude, are you the kid of magic, Mike? He listens to Shaboozy while he does it. I don't know what Shaboozy is. Someone pour me up a double shot of whiskey. And he does. But he can rip pull-ups. And you're Jack. Dude, do you want to be a millionaire? He is a millionaire. You are? Shane kind of pushed you over that. He made reels of that. Damn. Pushed you over the edge. How are you doing? You got me. There's reels of him in cowboy gear doing pull-ups would be great. There's only one other dude I know who wears a cowboy hat and works out.

34:22Hold on. I don't do it all the time. If you did it worse, it's fucking insane.

34:27Dan Soder:It's fucking insane. It is crazy. Hold on. I don't care. I'm not trying to attack you. I sure do. Attack me. I don't care. No, I don't want to attack you because I don't want to attack you. I'm never going to get over this Tyler Durant's thing. I know. I was hoping. I was so excited. But you guys are literally like, you're a goose on Maverick. No. You guys are. Dude, I'm fucking Maverick, bro. You two are literally the only ones other than me that'll go, Gervin, that's nuts. He and him are always around people that are a part of our show. Yes, man. No, not necessarily yes, man, but just theater people.

35:01Dan Soder:So he'll be like, well, it was a cute little date spot. And I'm like, yeah, that's fucking gay. You called it cute. And they're like, he'll look at a lady that works there and be like, I don't think it's weird to say cute date spot. And they're always like. I look right at you and I go, it's fucking cute. what are you gonna do about it? Just how a guy is talking to Tiger Shops. He's done it again. When you went on Schultz's podcast, you're like, dude, the hardest thing to do is sing in front of your boys. They all burst it out singing in harmony. I was like, okay. My boy will do it. You'll sing, Drew?

35:30No, I...

35:31Dan Soder:He would in that scene. Play the tape back. I tried really hard not to sing there. I said, guys, you can't, you know... In that scenario, you would enjoy singing. Yeah. Yeah, with... I admit, in that scenario, it was pretty fun. Well, I tried not to do it. Nothing wrong with singing. Okay. but uh you gotta what you have dude there's so much about gerbin you need to know i mean dude we used to have the same gotta hear his music in his car we used to have the sing for church does it matter what listen everybody no it's just fun i like it he listens to you yeah i thought i'm gonna go with pirates of the caribbean but like uh that's just give me that's the least gay thing like a score or yeah it's han zimmer that's cool yeah no no he's gonna hit flow rider he's going to hit, bro.

36:14Dan Soder:It's like devastating. Are you YouTube music or Spotify? Spotify. What did you say? No. You're not hit. Show me who you are. I'm real loosey-goosey with the likes. What's that? I'm loosey-goosey with the likes. Yeah, I like a song. Do you make playlists though? Do I make playlists? So that's a yes. Of course. It's not all making playlists. You don't even know what's gay or not at this point. It's all blurred together. Hold on. Make your opinion. Shane, don't point at me, dude. No, I'll point at you. Because, yeah, see, you and I just want to. I feel like a senator gets yelled at my A-Pack. There's just one man having an argument with himself.

36:55There is no Tyler Jordan. This is the sixth point.

36:59Dan Soder:I know. I'm going to have two more beers. You guys are going to be gone. I'm going to be down here in the dark. Shit. I made that whole thing up. I'm still in my beer. Googling outfits and stuff. You think I'm Googling outfits? Probably. It's probably happened. You probably Googled Spade. Dude, you seen Terrence Howard PB Day? No. Spade sent me the clip of Terrence Howard talking to PB Day, and he was like, dude, it's just fucked up. And Game of Thrones, Circe and the dude started having sex, and everyone just started searching incest porn and stuff. I was like, really? That was just you, bro.

37:33You started searching incest porn. Well, incest porn rocks. But are you looking up outfits? You're making me want to rewatch Psych Lab. So we had a development, like a size development in my life. Oh, yeah. Size development?

37:46Dan Soder:My boys are large, yeah. Yeah, so the shirt that I'm wearing this season. No, Gerben is Jack. No, I still have like that tiny, tiny frame. But I was like, whatever the shirt is. You're not looks-maxing. You're not life-maxing. And then you're nothing. There's that. Well, you know. Well, so. I like to. Spud versus Gerben. The meeting of the minds This is a fucking battle Spawn vs. Gerb The two most different people I've ever met I think we're combined IQ Just different Different versions of autism You're not autistic I'm sorry You're the most visible No I was even real You know what I want I was still clocking you You're way smarter than I I knew that I saw your face on the 160 IQ And I felt bad because I don't think you're dumb.

38:39Dan Soder:He said it, obviously. I think I'm dumb. Lately, you've been saying it a lot, and I don't think you're dumb. You've been saying you are dumb yourself? Yeah, I think I'm smart in certain ways that matter, but not book smart. What is your area of intelligence? Like social. I think you're very good at communicating. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, you're not afraid to tell people exactly how you feel. in a dumb brute. No, you're smart. I'm surprised it took you so long to find out you were dumb, though. I hit that in, like, I was probably 20. High school. No, I was probably like 30. You thought you were smart?

39:22Dan Soder:I thought I was smart. We're not accepted at any college. You think, like, what? I can figure this out. And there's an answer to be had. And, like, I'll just figure it out. Yeah, I think it's just getting older. you go actually i don't fucking know anything right i mean nothing's gonna solve nothing's gonna ever be fixed whatever dude i'm so fucking fuck it i'll get some beers and be racist i'm so retarded that i was like sitting in my house like probably like 2021 and i was like i can wake up whenever i want go to sleep whenever i want i don't even have to check in with anything with my mom i don't know that and i just went to sleep when i was in high school dude was like phase two, the dumbest classes.

40:03I was a senior. I had a freshman in my classes. Like, yeah, whatever.

40:09It's like, yeah, whatever. It's like fucking retard. You dumbest shit. Yeah, fuck yeah. Not even trying to hide that. School's impossible. You're smart. That must have been nuts for the freshmen that are like, that guy's a senior. Oh, yeah, and Billy was huge. It was like, think of a freshman the same size. I was like 208.

40:29Dan Soder:Dude, think of being a freshman and being in the class next to him like yeah dude you know what fucks me up i dude you know what fucks me up we used to break our teachers balls into oblivion dude and they're all like my age now yeah or younger oh yeah which is nuts because like 17 year olds are psyoping them into like walking out in the hallway and like taking breathers yeah it's fucking nuts i get it dude i had a teacher i went to a pizza shop this week and there's like five teenagers in there they're like yo can we It's like a couple of them were black. It was black teens, and they were nice fellas.

41:06Dan Soder:Just to paint a picture. As soon as I walked in, I was like, oh, God. Can we get a picture? Did we take pictures? And then they all sat down and started laughing. Yeah. And I was just sitting there waiting for my pie. Oh, brutal. I think they're making fun of me. They're literally making fun of me after they just asked for pictures. Got to be mocked. That hurts. Yeah, there was like It was math where the young kids were So they were like super smart freshmen in my math classes Yeah, sure I mean, the freshmen were fucking geniuses I mean, seriously Low phase algebra Oh, you're killing me with this I mean, seriously This is like a Tyler Turden I mean, Tyler Turden I mean, dude, I thought I was stoned Like, I wouldn't do fucking shit in school They must be super smart They must be smart as hell They're in algebra 1 dude They're freshmen 8th graders must be fucking Maybe they're algebra 2 Maybe dude Nah by that time We were in geometry brother I would fuck up geometry But you're not dumb at all I know I just suck cock at math I cannot do math myself Yeah They would tell me I'd toss you in the 8th grade class Oh phase 1 No freshman year For some reason You're getting like defensive No I'm trying to explain To you the situation I'm not defensive.

42:28I'm trying to explain to you the situation. Freshman year, there was a phase one.

42:35Senior. It was tough. My one boy was dumb as shit with me, and then he got on Adderall and started passing everything. Me and my one boy were like 65, 70s every class or every test. This motherfucker gets on Adderall and starts getting 85s. I was like bro how are you figuring this out I'm studying I would go home look at this shit

42:59Dan Soder:Fuck Bill you are the fucking funniest I'm not getting offensive I'm trying to explain to you his situation I'm trying to literally show you how stupid this was I was in phase one They get rid of it freshman year Because it's a college What you're saying Everyone knows what phase one is I'm sorry Surrounded by geniuses

43:33My ass is in the jackpot

43:37Dan Soder:I have a 2-7 He loves my ass is in the jackpot Did you put it in season 2? I don't know if it made it He saw that clip and was like I need to say my ass is in the jackpot Yeah that's nice He said it like five Five different scenes He's using new slang I like that I was so bad at math when I went to Drexel That the math class that I was in If you're that bad at math you don't go to Drexel bro You go to Delaware County Community College And get president's list Because it's the third time you took out for one I'll tell you what I failed statistics in college Three times And then I'm talking At three different universities Finally I hit Harrisburg Area Community College And I was like I'm gonna make some changes Shitting on African dudes They have no idea what's going on Dude Y equals MX and split It's simple Community college fucking ruled I took American Civil War Our teacher was a Gettysburg tour guide It was me and Harrisburg Area Community College students I was the only dude who gave a fuck And I knew a lot about it already This guy was like Shane thank you yes no one else was paying attention I'd be like that was General Meade right he'd be like it was Meade I've been here a YouTube channel I've been here for 10 years you're the first guy to he's like wow anyway we're going to have a good day guys did I ever tell you about my last semester at Temple when I screenshotted the wrong week dude I was at temple and i was taking literally just like when i went to school on 9 11 this is senior year no this is like my second or i would i went to temple my sophomore and junior year but i was taking three classes a semester because i was like bro you can take three classes don't give a fuck right not realizing you gotta like take all of them to get out of college i took a screenshot of my class or my semester after spring break but we were off mlk day so i had physics uh construction safety class and some other things on monday physics lab so i was going to physics i screenshot this i don't know i thought i'm off mondays i was chilling sundays i was like dude we can do whatever the fuck we want out of school i go in dude still passed it still passed it by the way we can do what we want dude so i fucking went for a month and i'm in physics and they're talking about well during the lab we went over this and i had i thought the lab was something people are going to or into physics i had literally no fucking clue and then i finally realized that i've been missing my mondays for a month all the monday labs yes and my construction safety class i rolled into my construction safety class after a month of not being there was literally like i fucking didn't know i had this class and the chick let me in i passed that but physics I got a 46 on the test I came in Beetlejuice shit I came in I was trying to find that Green Bay Packers jersey You bought it I don't know where it is You got a fucking Reggie one Yeah I fucking went to the I went to the The way you're talking It's just matter of fact So I went to that What is like sine waves and shit.

47:11Sine, cosine? Cosine, what is that? I think they're way amplitude. What's the type of math that is? Triggerometry. I have no idea. Go into fucking my trip class, get a 46, dude. I was like, what's a bell curve? Because I thought we'd all pass, but everyone failed it. No one failed it. And then I show up. The dude is in class like, today is the last day of the ad drop. I was like, for the ad drop, do you have to pay for it if you drop the class this day? He's like, no, you don't. That's in two weeks. If you don't go out in two weeks, then you have to do it. I literally was like, all right, guys.

47:43Got my book bag. Left college. Wow. Dude, I was like, this is a fucked situation. Like, there's no way I'm passing this shit. I can't. Look, I'm not. Engineering is the construction management. I'm not making money. I did the same thing with calculus. Three. Calculus. I took calculus two times, and I got a 33.

48:02Dan Soder:Yeah. The way I filled out of Elon was hilarious, dude. After I quit football I just stopped going to class I just drank In a house Were you not going to class at all? So you were skipping class One or two a week And then went home for Christmas break And They were like you're expelled And I was like oh shit I was like oh shit I gotta tell my parents While I was home for Christmas break I'm not going back I didn't know I was getting kicked out either I had all my shit in North Carolina. I mean, it was... I was in a fucking... It was dark, dude. Oh, my parents' basement crying. Sure. Yeah. I was like, mine's way more jovial than that.

48:46I was working at a trash incinerator that we had to cover with clean fucking fill. So we picked all the trash out, got rid of it, covered it with all these rocks, but we could only have a certain size stone. So my dad was like, dude, just pick any of the big rocks out. And this place is like a football field of just rocks. So I'm just sitting there looking down, grabbing, and my uncle rolls up in a trash truck. And he's like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, dude, my mom wants me to go to college. He's like, just fucking quit. I was like, okay. So then I quit and started driving trash trucks.

49:14Dan Soder:Nice. I didn't have any sport. How did you get to here? I went to George Washington and then failed out of that. Then went to Delco. Like a Delco. Yeah. And then filled out of that. Did you get to Delco? Yeah. I was a Westchester for six. And then I finished with Drexel. You fucking A. How'd you get into Drexel if you filled out Delaware County? Because the guy that ran the screenwriting program had tried to get me, because I wrote a script my senior year when I was in high school. Was it Tires? It wasn't Tires. You wrote that at Drexel, though, right? Yeah. Yeah, that was my senior project. And he fucking failed out.

49:50Well, I did graduate Drexel. Oh, you did? Yeah, yeah. Oh, I thought you were dumb as fuck. Well, I filled out George Washington and then Delaware County Community College. George Washington's hard to get into, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, Drexel's not. He's not dumb.

50:02Dan Soder:Yeah. No, but he failed out without drinking, really. Oh, there's other things I can get. He failed out without missing class. Same thing. After I failed out, I was living at my parents' house. So I did go to every class at the county community college. No, when I went to community college, I locked in. After West Point, after Elon, two years later, I'm at community college next to the farm show complex in Harrisburg. Come on, old man. I had a duker bottom. Mine was, no, no way. Tell her we're kind of coming to college. I was in heaven. You could smoke on campus and shit. So, like, me and all the kids just go out in between classes, rip butts, go to your Donalds.

50:43I love how, like, your gradient of, like, how sick shit is is what you're allowed to do. Yeah. I'm not meant to be in school. You can't do anything.

50:51Dan Soder:I can't even imagine. We're allowed to smoke. Yeah. Can you imagine if you had to go to school? if my job tomorrow was to go to meetings from 7am to 3pm I think about that chair hemorrhoids forget it the hemorrhoids that would definitely suck are they permanent? if I sit long enough I don't know I got a weird thing going on but it's like yeah sitting in a plastic chair for that many hours just listening to stuff you couldn't care less about if you're like my life is teaching I mean obviously there's some good ones but lost is behind that lost. If you're like a control man. I'm just saying. Pump the brakes.

51:30We're on big pockets right now. Obviously it's good teachers, but there's some that's like, alright bro. My mom's a teacher. She's a good teacher. Hello. While I was in school, one of the teachers got busted for having sex with the kids. A few of them actually. One, I moved. Oh, boys school? Yeah. It was like prison. One, I moved her into her house. But I was retarded, so I wasn't picking up on anything that was going on. Yes, Durbin. Yes. Well, it's just, yeah.

51:55Dan Soder:Yeah. Just getting rowdy. No, I'm not getting rowdy. You're just getting rowdy. We're almost done. You don't have to be in tomorrow, right? But that doesn't mean that I'm going to get rowdy. No, no, no. I was just asking. Oh, I was going to go in. I know tomorrow's early. Yeah. I'm going to go in pretty late. Supposedly, the one teacher was banging the kid, and she was trying to be cool with all the kids in the class, and she was buying them beer and shit. And then she started talking shit to the one kid in class, and he was like, I'll be right back. Went to the principal's office. Yeah, she's having sex with one of these dicks.

52:22Got her booted Legendary shit Oh man

52:28Dan Soder:Bill I could listen to you talk about school It is so funny Honestly you are Phil Gillis You are the exact same dude The way he talks I go in there What the fuck is this shit I fucking got a 46 I thought there was a fucking Belker I paid on a Belker You know research papers I think 5 was my all time max I did write a paper in Temple that was awesome. How many pages? And it was five. And it was porn, the libido killer. I had a whole paper on porn. Dude gave me an A+. It was cool as shit. That's Manosphere. Yeah. Tangential. And then, yeah, in high school, we had to write like a research paper. I chose Alphonse Capone, the worst.

53:07And I just paid kids to do it. And the teacher was just like, all right, man. Classy. Obviously, what am I?

53:14Dan Soder:Seriously. You were like, dude, I am pumped. I got busted with that. Yeah. My boy Shaw wrote it. Shout out, Shaw. I didn't pay anybody but I took my roommate's paper from the year before and just handed it in to the same teacher and she was like you think I don't know you don't think I don't remember Kevin that's like motherfucker fuck I should have taken this day off the thing that the real shit about being fucking stupid is being too stupid to cheat because a lot of the smart kids can fucking cheat and I would be like there's like I think a higher echelon is all cheating yeah that's all it is super top is all cheating all my boys that were in like AP shit were cheating their balls off and I was like fucking how I've told this before, but I cheated a lot.

53:53Dan Soder:How do you cheat, though? Do you get people to write your shit? Yeah, no. Don't test. Yeah, he would give us the same test. So the class before, this girl would just give me her calculator, and I would just – I'd get like 100 on everything. That's crazy. And then I was at a recruiting visit for football, so I missed your test day. And then he was like, here's the makeup test. And it was like four – just four problems. That was it. because he loved the football team. He was like, come on, bro, I got you. I couldn't. I didn't know one. Spell red. I didn't know one. I wrote three for every single answer and just handed it back to him.

54:32Dan Soder:I was like, I don't know one thing about what you've been to. I don't even know this subject. I haven't listened once. Yeah, we had none of the chicks doing us any favors because it was all dudes. Oh, that's tough. just dudes is tough to cheat you're just fucking around there's no cheating is physically impossible yeah it'd be tough with just guys writing that shit on your calculator you would have to at least know the equations a little bit if you had the cheat sheet in the calculator slip I would sit there and be reading no no he would give us multiple choice it was Scantron tests and then he gave me a real test like no Scantron just like do the work oh you didn't have to show the work on Scantron No, it's a Scantron.

55:17Dan Soder:It's multiple choice. Yeah, I usually would have Scantron and Worksheet. Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah. We did actually have those and other ones. But no, this guy would just toss us a Scantron. Bro. This lady would just write A, B, C, B, A. I would hit Scantrons and like skits out. I'd be like, it's been A four times. It can't be A. This time. Yeah. Yeah. This has to be wrong. Little fucking roulette. You go, it's been red too often, dude. Oh, yeah. It's black. My fucking SATs. I'm like McAvenousam. I had 960. I like you. I can't read. I'm like you. I'm like you guys. I can't even fucking read. Oh, there he is.

55:49Dan Soder:There's our next president. Dude is bulletproof somehow. He walks through all that shit. Yeah, all you have to do is not be Trump. Yeah, true. You're going to get... If Trucker comes as the next president, though. I'm not voting, though. Trucker. Yeah. I see your fucking Alps, bro. Trucker calls, and yeah. His Alps shipment just got stolen. You like Trucker? We're on the same vibe, bro. You're on the same vibe, but are you on that fucking Christian weird shit? Christian weird shit? The stuff that you said you were on at the beginning of the podcast? Catholicism, bro. There's a big difference. No, I'm fucking - Truffle is definitely not Catholic.

56:24No, trucker is into Kabbalah.

56:26Dan Soder:Trucker wears both eyes, dude. He's a fucking Protestant. Good point. He said he's found Christ, honestly, but - Yeah, he found Protestant Christ. Oh, really? Is that - 100 % that guy's not Catholic. What's Protestant? It's the exact same, yeah. What's the difference? We have the Pope, bro. We have the Vatican. Oh, they have the church. oh okay they have they're and also they're much more strict about word for word in the bible oh so they're kind of like evangelicals with that shit he seems a little more evangelical yeah yeah i mean i kind of just like the shit he puts up about like fucking israel and shit i gotta be honest he's fucking kind of nailing it lately but yeah it's it feels a little too good i started watching that and like fucking if you you got to watch the jones on duncan trussell he got like halfway through it he goes back to his old shit and saying like we're pretty much three-dimensional beings that are more powerful than the fourth dimension beings but they're using us and we think they're more powerful than us and they're going to use AI to take us out so then they can conquer the fourth dimensional beings.

57:20Yeah, instead of ascending to the fourth dimension naturally, they're going to create a false dimension through AI. We'll all be plugged into the Matrix. How does he know all that? It was an ARPANET It was like a futurist a futurist wrote an ARPANET I don't know what they call it, like a white paper for ARPANET before DARPA before. You can read

57:40Dan Soder:old futurist papers and stuff. I'll tell you what, Jolene is just a cute little date spot. Don't angle that back. Fuck the fucking fourth dimension, dude. I'm here. I just went to Roots today. That was actually pretty good. You went to where? Roots? Where's that at? In Worcester. It's a tasty little cute spot. It's a cute spot. It's a tasty what? It's a cute spot. Are you going on many dates? Is this why you said it's a cute date spot? Yeah, you're swimming in Posi. I'm not swimming in Posi. No, drowning. I'm not sorry. I'm here at television. Definitely drowning. I paid my arrest in peace. I'm dating.

58:09Dan Soder:I'm out there. How often do you go on dates? Just curious. Serial dates. You don't actually have to say that. Oh, thank you. Okay. We're just bullshit, and we can totally edit this out. Yeah. Or not. Blink twice. No, no. We don't have to. Yeah. But no, I mean, I'm dating, and so... Having fun, as they call it. Well, I'm dating intentionally. I'm trying to... You want to find your wife. Yes. In your forever hole.

58:34Your sheath. I do think I would want my wife to fire out her buddies. Sure, yeah. Trying to find your first buddy. I'm looking for my forever hole. Your forever hole is crazy. Hey, man, he found his. Yeah. Congratulations. Thanks for your head.

58:52Dan Soder:I mean, there's no hiding it now. Holes. Yeah. You got your ring, bro. That's sick. I was like, bro, Spades always told me to wear rings. But I wear rings. Hold on. Let me throw that in the fire real quick. Forge it. Very weird. Do you ever wear rings or anything like that? How far do you go? Oh, yeah. He's tried everything. If it wasn't for Shane, I'd be wearing a lot of it. Like Jack Sparrow? If it wasn't for Ed Norton, dude. Tyler Dern. You remember in Fight Club when Tyler Dern was like, dude, Ed Norton would think this is so gay. Although, I mean, the only thing is I think. You can totally punch Kirby and you just go.

59:28Six. Both have six packs. I may have hit a little bit.

59:30Dan Soder:He does actually have his. Exit velocity on this. if you did die I don't know how far I would go in the other direction. I think I finally got through to you. Yeah. Here's how I knew I got through to you. Yeah. The Savannah Bananas. The Savannah Bananas. That was a major test. I sent him a video of the Savannah Bananas and I was like this is your shit. What is that? The Savannah Bananas is like Harlem Globetrotters. They're like Hawkeye's I very much respect it. Yeah they're all fucking nasty at baseball which it actually even pissed me off even more because they do all those cutesy dances and I was like these fucking dorks and I watched them catch like a double play between the legs and i was like all right these guys are fucking nasty yeah very talented the dances and but they're like doing like cute guy shit it's like tiktok it's like cool face paint fucking glove like they're i don't know it's you got to see it they're the harlem glove it's in my opinion it was right up gerby's alley as far as what he in his mind if he could be anything he'd be a savannah banana right i thought for sure i was correct on this i sent him a reel of the savannah bananas dancing i said this is your shit no and he said no and I was very...

1:00:33What is your shit? Like war hero.

1:00:35Dan Soder:You want to be a war hero? Why did everybody react like that? No, you just said... We're talking about sports. Because I thought about it in response to what this man had. I feel so embarrassed. A war hero? Like a famous war hero? Yeah, you know what? If you could be anything. Are you watching Masters in the Air being like, this is totally true? You want to be like the Lion of Tel Aviv. Captain America? You're like a fighter pilot. Okay, yeah. 2020 vision like Mavs yeah Sean O. Shaw my boys brothers pilot then he told me that I've thankfully I've gotten in I've gotten through the defenses I've gotten through the Iron Dunn he came in and now I'm in the firecracker I was just wearing Burberry tains they're black shut up what I was wearing sweats Tommy's fiancee bought me a bunch of clothes and I've pegged these right here look at the fence of this Well, I'm just saying, I'm not out shopping.

1:01:32Dan Soder:I'm not fucking. It's hard, dude. Going out somewhere trying to find a pair of pants. I've never heard of that. I grabbed the wrong size off the shower. This will shrink. My ass sweats, my armpits sweat, and I leave. That's every trip to the mall. Yeah. It gets a little too bright in there. He told me. He was like, I saw that video of the Savannah Bananas, and I thought to myself, you're fucking queers. And I was like, yes. We've reached it. The Sopranos. That's just the warrior. That is the warrior on him. Is that why you send me gay guys kissing on Instagram? Me? Trying to see if that's my stuff?

1:02:07Dan Soder:I'll tell you what, that backfired because now my algorithm. Dude, did I send you one of the guy's ass cheeks? Yes. The guy with the thickest fucking cheeks? There's a new one I've been watching where it's a big, tall white man that acts perfectly like a black woman, and he has a little black boyfriend, and they walk around. Don't stop it. It's crazy. It's fucking great. It's crazy. I'm going to show it. Yeah, I'd like to see this. Show me this. It's so crazy, and the dude literally does the hand signals like blackjack. Liz at the end of that. It's nuts. It's very fucking insane. Got a flying dude.

1:02:38Who the hell did I? Why'd you leave your cheaters in the truck, brother? I thought about getting them in the truck. Your what? My glasses. I don't know. Yeah, I've been sending you a lot of shit with that one gay podcaster who talks about getting nut in his face and shit. What? Jesus. I sent you all those reels for the intros.

1:02:54Dan Soder:You got to take the cans off, bro. Oh, the guy that says, like, if you have your pants sit out, You want me to eat that cake? That's killing me, dude. You got to take the headphones off, dude. I had to fucking listen. Who's the guy who's like, when they're talking about the Giza? Oh, that's the Brazzers dude. That dude's killing me. You've changed, Bill. I've changed. I literally can be more normal. I get paid to do gay shit, mate. There you go.

1:03:20That's a dude? Oh, this is fake, dude. It's real. He does, like, fucking girl hand signals and shit. That's great. Turn off the song.

1:03:30Dan Soder:I didn't think it might get us. It's not making guys toes curls. That's a dude. Anyway, did you see that guy? He got, like, 83 points in one game. Trying to figure out a sporting event he's at based on the old painting. It's like New Mexico or something like that. Oh, a little New Mexico State. That's a Wolfpack Stadium right there. She does that. Thank you. No problem. You're a screen blocker. I can't see. So who? Oh, it's loading down here. Shane's Goon Cave.

1:04:02Oh, so, okay. That's a man. I understood. Look at it. Look at it. You're like Baron Trump. For real. It's crazy. That's what's going to happen to everyone if everyone keeps it down this road. What? taking peptides and looks maxing with huge asses. It's not going to stop it. What? Gervin's fucking looks maxing.

1:04:24Dan Soder:Gervin is look maxing, but he's not. He's got that Reagan hairline. I mean, not really. Gervin's like cash right now. He hasn't gotten into, there's no substances. No peptides? No. No, this is natural. Dude, wait until he finds out about peptides. Tell me about peptides. You're going to be like, I don't trust him. I told you I was going to take peptides today and he kept being like, what peptides? Dude, did you get this? I was like driving over. I was like. I mean, it's literally self very good. Well, how come he gets to do it? So Billy met a dude. Billy. I met this dude through Billy. And he's like, dude, you got to take Glow.

1:04:54Take Reda. What the fuck was the other ones? Joe or. Oh, I forget. You got a pin to win, they say. Yeah. I'm sorry. I can't inject anything. So I'm just going to have to be a lifetime natural. Can you inject stuff? Yeah. Good. I'm trying. This is the best you look. What are they? They're just steroids? They're not steroids. They're whatever.

1:05:12Dan Soder:You look like a two or whatever. I'll be fat in three weeks. I'll hurt my shoulder. Is this not the best he's looked in a while? I'll hurt my shoulder. I don't really pay attention. I see him all the time, too. I don't see him enough. You should see Spade's son is jacked. He's an enormous dude. He's literally like. How tall is this boy already? He had tall. We're not going to talk about tall. We're talking about what's the number. Well, frame. We're talking about weight. Yes. His frame is actually like. You're creating a fullback. Yeah. For real, it might be Mike Alston. He's giving birth. Mike Alston.

1:05:39Mike Alston is probably my favorite football player.

1:05:40Dan Soder:Could he be the last fullback? I mean, the game's going to change so much. I don't know if he'll reach the height. He could bring back the fullback. Fucking Cincinnati's. Charlie boy. Republicus. His son of the publicus could be the final fullback. Damn, he's a unit. Yeah, he's fucking stout, bro. He's got a dome, dude. He's got a Jones build. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. He's a hardy boy. That's the guy who punches metal for fun. I'll put his arms down. His arms are open up. I enjoy the frame. Cute. That makes sense. That's cute. Him and a bar have nothing in common.

1:06:28Shane Gillis:This episode is brought to you by Rougiet. You know how it is. Sometimes things are getting spicy, but let's say their words, not mine, little guys just not cooperating. That's where Rougiet Ready comes in. It's a three-in-one ED treatment that dissolves fast on your tongue to start working in about 15 minutes and lasts up to 36 hours. Supporting both blood flow and arousal, so body and mind work together. Rougiette, performance medicine for men. Go to rougiette.com slash drenched to get 20 % off for a limited time. Also, guys, I have some shows coming up. Please, for the love of God, for the love of God, go to mattmccusker.com.

1:07:09Shane Gillis:I believe I'll be in Iowa pretty soon And St. Paul Minnesota Go to there It's probably sold out But there is that link show Go to shanegillis.com Is it Shane Gillis or Shane M? Let me double check here Let me see guys I'm sorry to hold you up here I just want to make sure I got the information correct otherwise be pretty rude i didn't i didn't even do this episode i can't just plug my shows that would be very rude of me to do that lincoln financial field it is shane m gillis.com by the way shane m gillis.com let's see if lincoln financial field is sold out hold on guys let's see oh we guys we got to sell this out it's getting close if you think oh it's not for a while i should be fine you're a fucking fool i don't see a lot of blue in this thing the gray means sold out boys this is about to go it's about to fucking go guys get your motherfucking tickets to chainandgillis.com uh oh back to the episode pardon the interruption pardon the interruption this is sean gardini i just wanted to let you guys know that i'll be in salt lake City, Utah at Wise Guys Comedy Club, March 27th and 28th with Nate Marshall.

1:08:34So please come see that show if you'd like. And I'll be at The Comet in Cincinnati, not Comet Ping Pong, just The Comet in Cincinnati on May 22nd and 23rd. So please come to those. That was a little joke there, but I'd like, I'd really like to see you guys at the show. So please come if you can. tickets are at SeanGardini.com and we also have Optimum Noctis at the Creek in the Cave in Austin, Texas me, Nate Marshall and LaMare Lee every first and third Tuesday of the month so thank you very much for your time pardon the interruption enjoy the rest of the show and we're back dude did you see Smashing Machine?

1:09:17no bro fuck because I love the documentary no but I love the documentary the Mark Hertha yeah the original documentary where he's like, can I tell you something? The documentary fucked something up for me with Mark Kirk because when you watch him, he's such a badass. In the documentary, too, he's like ragdoll. This is like when UFC was dudes with mullets and karate bands. And then he's in there with actual spandex, and he's just like a good wrestler. It's the first time he interviews, and he goes, I was just going to kick the shit out. That's Jill Saw, dude. Dude, The Rock talks like that. He does.

1:09:53It's perfect. He does the voice.

1:09:54Dan Soder:It's so good. That might give me that. It made the entire movie. He was on an airplane at one point going to Tokyo, and he's like fucking huge in like an aisle seat, and the lady sitting next to him, her dude has the window and the thing's down. He's like, excuse me, can you put that down? I love the sunsets. He calls about his tummy. Yeah, the best is when he's at the fair, he's trying to go to the Gravitron, and he's like, you know I can't go on that with my tummy. It's perfect. I only watched the old documentary. that was on, I think it was like on HBO, but it was just, and then it would show him taking pills, and it was like, in real time.

1:10:29In the show and injecting pain pills. Yeah. I didn't even know that was a thing. In the doc, when you see him doing it, you're like, whoo. Also, we made, that documentary made Japan look nuts. Because it was like, before we knew a lot about it, and they were just doing these like Tokyo Dome fucking tournaments. Yeah. And it was like, dude, that was in the 90s. Pride and all that shit, it's on the documentary. Yeah. I think it's like early 2000s. It's great. Yeah, it was like 0-2. Right after the height of Super Mario. Yeah. You've been on a real Super Mario shit. I'll be at Super Mario Land. I'm on three.

1:11:02Three's hard as fuck, bro. Not that long. That's actually hard. Paddle slamming territory. Like, I fucking die, and I just grab the controller. Holy cow. Are you doing a rat-gain? What's your top shit right now? Tanooki suit? Yes, dude. Tanooki suit's top. You know the name of it? No, I'll only race in a Tanooki suit. I know Tanooki Mario. Yes. Easily the greatest. There's three advocates for investigation one. Yeah, it's hilarious. It's Tanuki?

1:11:26Dan Soder:Tanuki. Yeah. Is that how you say raccoon in Japanese? No clue. It's a kind of, I think it's like a mixed breed of something. You say raccoon dog? A mix of raccoon dog. I saw a raccoon dog recently, and I was pretty fucking fired up about it, actually. Let me look up what a Tanuki is. It has to be a raccoon. But there's, I don't know. Where are you getting Tanuki, though? Oh, his name's Tanuki Moria. Tanuki Moria. But did they say that in the game? I mean, they don't say shit. My whole life, I thought it was a raccoon. How good that fucking raccoon dog is. What the fuck? What is that? Is that a real dog?

1:11:57Dan Soder:No, it's a... Domesticated raccoon. No, no. It's not domesticated. It's just an animal. It's like a sloth face. It's an Asian... I think that's probably what the tanuki is based off of. Japanese raccoon dog. What? Is it actually? A real mammal native to Japan, known for its fox-like appearance, mask-like markings, and thick brown non-ringed tail. Give me credit. In Japanese folklore. They're trying to call you dumb. Yeah. No, I wasn't wondering. There's supernatural shapeshifters. Me and autistic kids now because we watch Super Mario 3 stuff when we eat. You can watch a YouTube video to get through it.

1:12:28Supposedly you don't digest, right, if you watch YouTube or TV while you eat. What? Because your mind is like watching the TV so you don't digest as good as you should. So you just have to go into like a deprivation tank and chew? It's impossible. I better eat like this sometimes. I have to have a YouTube video to eat. I just put one on at a truck stop eating Burger King. Yes. I'm like a toddler. I put my phone on on its little side. I always just try to find this. You got BK, not McDonald's?

1:12:52Dan Soder:Didn't have it. You lied to me. I was going to get McDonald's. I was so jealous. Can I tell you something earlier? You were getting rest at McDonald's and I was genuinely like. Who wants BK? Like, what's the hierarchy? Well, McDonald's is the best. McDonald's is the best. But let me tell you right now. The Arch's call. Wendy's fell off so hard. Wendy's fell off really hard. Wendy's fell off. Let me tell you right now. That Sprite that I got. That Sprite. That Sprite. Was fucking terrific. Yeah, sir. They've been hitting me with reels about the big arch, and I'm like... I want to try it. I'm looking at it, and I'm like, I might do this.

1:13:22If I need a sesame, if I didn't have a stomach full of BK, I would do a class field trip to get a big arch. I was talking to Surtur about eating before bed. I was like, dude, I can't do it. Surtur said, that's how he does it. I used to eat cereal. CCC, what is your choice? Sip and toast crunch. Cereal's horrible. You're not supposed to drink milk right before you go to bed. I'm 70 pounds heavier than I was in high school. That's all milk weight. You are a monkey. Milk is like a drug. Milk rocks. It's the best. I love it. I can drink a gallon of milk in like a day and a half.

1:13:55Dan Soder:You know what's funny is I got broly. When I was a kid, I would drink milk like water. Yeah. Like I would. I didn't still do that, dude. I always hated eating at my friends' houses because then their parents had to see how much milk I drank. One bowl of cereal? Yeah. One bowl? Like a booze bag. I'd be like, hey, Mike. You're cut off. What'd you say to me? Dude, my cousins had shared a driveway with us on the compound. They had 10 kids. Jesus. Dude, I think there was a dedicated farm for their milk intake because it was like milk with spaghetti. Then we get four gallons. Milk with spaghetti I've done every single time I've had spaghetti.

1:14:32Then we get four gallons. It's like liquid Tomajan. Dude, I remember being 17 or 18 and seeing the bill, and it was$400. This is like 1999, and they had four gallons of milk at a time. Always. Yeah. Ajax would come in and just slam the fucking McCusker household. Oh, you guys are like the Gronkowskis. Ajax just released an album. Oh, yeah. Ajax McCusker on Spotify. An EP. Voice of an angel, bro.

1:14:58Dan Soder:Well, just so you know, that's about to hit 450. I hope that. I want to make like 50 bucks. Dude, out of the depths with a diabetes port. Yeah. Fucking crushing. From the third floor, bro. You're charting. Kyron's Duelist. Dude, listen to it. Ajax McCusker. Listen to it. It's like fucking sick shit. He has a voice of an angel, but he's like 6 '8". He's huge. That's what I want. It's like Andre the Giant if he could sing. That's what I want. That's the funnier. That's like the Mark Kerr voice. It's powerful as fuck, bro. Jack is a gentle giant. He wouldn't hurt a fly, bro. No. But yeah, they used to crush.

1:15:31Dan Soder:Hard to find because of fucking Matt's famous ass. No, no, no. Go Spotify. He has a... On Spotify, just search Ajax McCusker. It has to come. Everything that comes up. Karen Storrs. Just look by artist. Yeah, there it is. Karen Storrs, perhaps? John McCusker? No. Fuck is Joe McCosher. I mean. Comes up for me. It's crazy that now you can just put up music. Oh, yeah. You know, if you're awesome, that's great. But if you suck, you're just like, oh, no. Get it? Put up. Hit it. Yes. Hit top plate. Give Sutter a taste. I mean, the quality is insane. Does he play this? No, he did it with like an AI thing.

1:16:05He's singing.

1:16:08Dan Soder:It's ominous. Yeah. We'll give you some Ajax lore. I'd smoke and drive this shit yeah Jax used to like stand at the perimeter of our school where like the actual feet would end where the school property was and smoke reds in front of our disciplinarian just rip Marbo reds look into Hillen and just be like what are you gonna do about it you're selling this album I'm not on school property

1:16:40Dan Soder:He can I know But I mean Dude, McCostry's had that music He needs to fucking They can do music It's a long intro, honestly

1:16:54Come on, Ajax, sing Boo You gotta hear his fucking voice I know, I hope it's coming Fast forward it's almost like it's a bit every time you think he's going to sing he's like

1:17:11good instrumental intro I don't do it anymore

1:17:18that was the best that was the best fact I've ever heard I really was like there's no fast forward this is like a 7 minute intro they don't do that anymore this is B side shit Yeah. It's like Journey to the Session. He's not singing. He might have uploaded the instrumental by accident. It might be the wrong song. I feel like I'm doing trolls, dude. Kyron's Doors. Look at it. Is this not him? No, that's him. Let me see it. Dude, that break-in was so funny. It was like. Make it a hole. Make it a hole.

1:17:56That's Angel.

1:17:57Dan Soder:That's good. He had voice-ups in high school. Not take it away.

1:18:04That's Ajax. Damn. Yeah, he can wait. Ajax used to also be able to memorize books. Yeah. He knew what was on pages of books. You mean a new walkout song, bro? A little A.J. A.J.

1:18:14Dan Soder:A.J. A.J. A.J. Yes. Crush that shit. Dude, I'll bless Ajax before shows. That'd be fucking sick. Dude, that'd be awesome. I need Ajax to sing the national anthem. He would do that in a heartbeat. Link. Is that the lyrics? Nah. Dude, he would crush the national anthem. He sings for every wedding. Oh, is that coming up? That's like in May, right? July. July. Is that his cross to bear that he has to sing at every McCusker wedding? Cross to bear, bro. The whole family loves music. He used to do church. The entire family. Ave Maria. Oh, my God. That'd be nuts to see him sing Ave Maria. Together at weddings, yes.

1:18:46It's fucking great. How tall is he?

1:18:48Dan Soder:He's huge. Jack's like a legit 6 '5". And probably 3'. Yeah, probably. 3 '20". Just a goblet of milk. Long hair. Singing like a fucking... He did a talent show in high school where he did a Metallica song. I can't remember which one it was. It was Nothing Else, Matt. Really? It's the fantasy of every teenager is to rip it at a talent show. And some 33-year-olds who are just driving along. Oh, he was up thinking back. Yeah. Thinking back where you go, come out ACDC and I wail on guitar. So sick. All the senior girls were like, suck my dick. I wish I could have gotten head. That was the fucking other about that Manosphere thing was that guy's like video taping himself getting head like that thing I don't watch the documentary You're monster What people film themselves In England with this guy HS Tiki-Taki and he's like yeah, dude I video if you go if you join my telegram you can watch me get head I'm like dude.

1:19:45This is a fucking thing. These guys are doing these streams are getting wild not change subject I'm sorry our streams gonna have them.

1:19:51Dan Soder:We're gonna have to pick it up. Jesus. Yeah, maybe we should quadruple kiss You gotta get hallowed in Marbella. Somebody can do that. Tongue dog pile. It's a solid full keg. You gotta go to Ibiza. And he's just singing to himself with a beautiful voice, rolling kegs like they're nothing. It's a real man. Is he Nogicong? Get him. Unloading a whole fucking thing of kegs in barrels, bro. Yeah, he was a unit. Yeah, dude, he's just picking up kegs. Dude, something about a staff T-shirt on a guy with long hair. I know. Just does it for me, dude. You go, that guy, he's up to something. Yeah. I like it.

1:20:24Dan Soder:You can be a ponytail and a staff t-shirt I've tried many times to grow out my hair It never works My head just comes increasingly bigger You gotta take the weight out of it Get it cut I do that and then I look like You two might be the fucking noggin boy What size hat do you wear? Fitted I never wear fitted hats Well I can't fit into regular hats I wear an ace He's sponsored by the big hat I did a commercial for the guy and then he played it all over and he's like I'll send you big hats and then he made me a Miami Dolphins hat when McDaniel was the coach of the Dolphins and I went to a game and my other friend that I grew up with Chad when we were on the field he goes Soda's wearing unlicensed NFL gear I hope all the NFL coaches get that cool dude McKeever's got it he should all be that chill McKeever could you guys could go down for down Bert's head's a size eight.

1:21:23I think he's the only person I know. Who? Bert Kreischer. He's got a size eight. That could be Roydhead, though. How's that? True. He's on testosterone? Probably. Dude, it was so funny when Barry Bonds' head shrunk back down, and then he showed back in public. I'm a huge Giants fan, and you're like, he's not on steroids, and his head would go to the top of his head to his shoulder. And then he... If it was in the strike zone, it was gone. Gone. You'd have to be out of it. You'd be like... But when McGuire and Sosa were going for it, it was fucking the best thing ever. Well, that's why Bonds got on steroids, because they said there was a dinner at Ken Griffey Jr.'s house, and they were all talking about it, and he was like, want to see me do steroids?

1:22:06And then he just was like, I'll just crush it.

1:22:09Dan Soder:He was the best player of all time. It's crazy. He's not even close. He's the best player of all time. Yeah, he could have died in 1998 and been easily a first battle all-famber. I forget the exact stat, but his the walks the on bases he took more than teams combined he had more walks than the devil race that year the funny thing was watching him he would just go onto the plate and be like he'd put on his elbow guard or whatever, and then he'd know they're walking him and he'd get really huffy where he'd go like take off his elbow guard and be like, you won't pitch to me Would you be pissed, dude, if I had to run?

1:22:50Oh, dude, I'm going to trot, bro Well, he was a stolen base guy originally When he was like with the Pirates and shit With the Pirates, he was, yeah I had a rookie card, him and McGuire were both skinny It was nasty, yeah, McGuire was skinny And then they started choosing How hard were you guys cheering for McGuire over Sosa? I loved it

1:23:07Dan Soder:Am I right, brothers? I was too young I turned into like the fucking What do they call him? Frankenberry? Come on, Mark and a flyer Sosa turned into Franken. He really did. That's the Frankenberry. It's so real. Do you remember that video here? It's happening to my kids. He goes, Sammy Sosa's baseball. It's so real. Sammy Sosa fucking rules up. I think that's what happens. You get a little older, you go, actually, Sosa was the man. Yeah. McGuire's obviously the man. When you're a young white man, you go, I'd like to see Mark McGuire win. He looks like my dad. A red-haired man that has freckles on his face.

1:23:43Yeah. looks like he's got his forearms tan from mowing the lawn Jesus fucking

1:23:51Dan Soder:Shatterwood? at the recliner Soza sprinting with the American flag in the outfield at Wrigley I think it was right after 9-11 come on now, that's what it's all about Soza was the man, but Bonds was like the guy that everyone hated so it was fun to like him and be like shitty about it and you were a Giants fan too I was like, he never got caught He never got caught when Balco was happening. I don't know the exact same. And then he stops playing, and he just comes back to Earth. Yeah, he's good. Yeah, he's definitely a sero. Yeah, so what was your baseball team? Giants. I loved the Giants. Dan, that must have been so nice.

1:24:27Dude, there was times in the 90s. We won a World Series, though. Never won. Not until 2010. Yeah. But we lost 89, lost in 02. It sucked. Was it Lincecum? Lincecum was the main. Lincecum was the main. Long hair. Yeah. Fucking whipped it. His dad had a clause in his contract that a pitching coach couldn't change his release. Sick. He was like, you're not fucking with my boy's release. What's that mean? Like the way he threw the ball, they couldn't come in and go, you got to just take your arm. He'd be like, don't touch the boy. He was awesome. I remember watching a Giants doubleheader. I don't know if it was with the Phillies, but I watched this.

1:25:03And this went on for like two days. And it went into like way extra innings. Like 17 innings. It was fucking nuts, dude.

1:25:08Dan Soder:Wait, you watched on TV? On TV, back as you did. You sat down and watched a doubleheader? I sat down and started. It was like a fucking, and it went in an extra inning. So I was like, this is fucking nuts. Back in the day, no pitch clock. Yeah. No internet, nothing. Just be like, I'm sitting there like, dude, this game's not over yet. You could have read an encyclopedia. You had a bar? No, no, I was a little kid. Doubleheader Giants. You're watching a fucking Matt Williams batting third. It's like the mid-90s Giants. Yeah, hell yeah. Damn. The Middines Phillies were goats So baseball in Philly was like The most popular fucking thing ever You guys had the baddest team You guys had the coolest team You had the coolest colors The Braves were the villains We had a new uniform Braves were the villains But you guys had fucking crock Then you had nails Mitch Williams Wild thing Oakland always beat our ass So it was always like Oakland rules Oakland was great Ricky Henderson Ricky Henderson is the funniest baseball player of all time I heard Barry Bison he talks in third person the funniest Ricky Henderson story of all time is one of his teammates was talking about John 316 and then Ricky Henderson walked over he goes Ricky don't care if John hit 316 Ricky gonna hit 350 but he was third person that's powerful you guys are going third person me?

1:26:30Shane doesn't like that Shane doesn't care about that

1:26:33Dan Soder:me? me? Oh, man. We put together a good pod today. Gerby's was firing. Yeah. Gerby's the funniest dude ever. Gerby thinks that he is Tyler Durden to Shane and Shane. That's crazy. Yo, he's crazy. That's crazy. That's a crazy take. He's nuts. He thinks he's Brad Pitt. He goes, as a six-pack. Or just in general. He does have a great body. Dude maybe this is what happens When you get a six pack If you get a six pack you look at the media and you're like Who's my fucking Ed Dorton That's like God giving Giraffes long necks so that they can eat The shit he does On set During tires is You lose your mind He gets there before me every day So I get into hair and makeup after him And he sings While he's in hair and makeup he like sings songs with the girls?

1:27:35Dan Soder:Excuse me? He must be in heaven, dude. It's his favorite thing in the world. What kind of songs? I like it. Fucking show tunes? What do you think? He doesn't sing. I don't know if he's doing that. Yankee Doodle Dandy. The music he likes. You come in, he's like, I'm a man in the box. The way, the music he likes. The glasses he wears. Everything he does is so fucking funny. Movie star. Yeah, dude. I love it. He's so funny. He is. You're Dr. Frankenstein. No, he is. He's so funny. Dude, the fact that he thinks. But I'm getting to him. We were talking about it earlier. I sent him this Savannah Bananas, and it got through to him.

1:28:17Dan Soder:I was like, you like this shit? And he was like, shit's gay. And I was like, yes. I hate her. Yes, brother. Yes. You're starting to see it. Yes. I think it's gay. Yeah. Fucking Helen Keller. I'm like, yeah. That was him going, oh, that is water. Dude, they do his hair. They shampoo his hair while they're shampooing his hair. He's like, oh, yeah. Dude, stop. One of the other hair and makeup girls filmed it and sent it to me. It was like, this is what he's doing. Now, they're like, no, no, no, no, no. They love it. He sounds like a fucking porno director from 2003. This girl's doing his shampoo, and he's going, holy shit but I swear the girls those girls love them I get in there and they're like Steve's so nice you're mean and I'm like no I'm just it's fucking 8am I have to put fucking makeup on he comes in there with a tray of pink drinks from Starbucks and knows what each one goes to and he goes have you guys heard I found Celine live in Vegas so he goes in he tells them about his dates he talks about his dating life he's getting his hair cut he's in the salon that's absolutely correct he's right about this when it comes to the Tyler Dern thing I am jealous of the freedom the complete freedom but you wouldn't be that way anyway he's happy he's just saying that he just thinks that your freedom and his freedom is the same you would be different dude that's actually a very good point Your freedom isn't singing songs with the girls Yeah but I wish I guess I don't really like this You just can't You know what I thought about it I'm Tyler Durden And I was just sitting there like I fucked I gave up picking on Gervin for Lent Did you really?

1:30:20Dan Soder:My nephew gave up doing 6-7 for Lent Are you serious? He's struggling very hard I'll call him and be like Is Andy on? I'll be like, dude, we were at work today for like six or seven hours. He's in the car like. Dude, I coach fucking flag and all those kids, dude. Someone doesn't hit that extra point. It's like. I swear to God, Alex Jones has seven F you because he's been randomly hit in like six or seven years and shit like this, dude. And I'm like. My look seven just rocks. Do you drop it and then side eye? It's so nice to just be like, can Anthony hear me right now? And he'll be like, dude, it was crazy.

1:31:04Dan Soder:I was at work for like six or seven hours. He's just like, okay, come on, man. It's like someone not trying to smoke. He thinks he's going to hell if he doesn't. The power of Catholicism. He's just dying. Oh, he gave up. He gave it. He decided. They're like, he knows. He did. He knows. This is great. This is his favorite thing. He gave it up. Does Lent end on Easter or Good Friday? Yeah. Easter? It ends on Easter, yeah. So he's just going to... You've got to wait until he rises. He's going to be waiting. He's going to hit the 6, 7. Easter Monday is glorious. I'm calling. I'm going to go. Anthony, what time's mass?

1:31:39Dan Soder:Is it 6 or 7?

1:31:43Dan Soder:He hurts his shoulders. Oh, dude, it's crazy. My nephew just had basketball. The one kid was like fucking crazy ADD, and he would just run up and down the court. once he got to the three-point line, just slide all the way down. This kid fucking rules, dude. Yeah. Yeah, I saw a nice video. This kid with Down syndrome. It was Special Olympics basketball. Did I send this to you? So nice. He's a fast-break layup. This kid's nasty. He literally finger rolls in on a fast break, but the kid chasing him on the other team starts fucking hitting him. And then the game gets heated, dude. But this kid's like draining threes and looking at the sideline like, Oh, my God.

1:32:23They got the WWF fucking taunts down. You ever play that game pigskin? It was like a Blitz type Sega. Pigskin? It was like medieval shit where you would play football. I kind of remember that. It was very good. I was just watching videos on that the other day. What are you talking about? It's like violent football. It's like medieval football on Sega Genesis. It was called pigskin.

1:32:46Dan Soder:They loved that on Sega. And that shit ruled. It was very good. I know what you're talking about. Golden Axe was my favorite. Golden Axe. fucking rule. I got a little YouTube haul of these like... Goldnecks in the arcade? What do you call them? Yes. Video game? How do they do that? Oh, yeah. The all-in-ones. Goldnecks rule. What do you call them? He has a real thing. It's called Steam Deck. Oh, Steam. I got that thing on me. I wish, dude. My emulator fucking crashed, though. Wait, so you have to play Game Boy? It's like a Steam Deck's like a giant has everything. Yeah, it's like a switch on steroids.

1:33:20Spade just got a switch and now he's stuck in the underworld in Zelda. I gave it up real quick, dude. Fucking guy's killing it. I'm not built for open world games. It's possible. I'm a 2D game. I'm playing Zelda. I might have got lost. I might have to start the game over. Oh, damn. I think they took the time. I've done that twice with both last of us. I've gone halfway, got a little bored, stopped, tried to come back and be like, I got to reboot this. I told Bill, I was like, I think I have to start the game over. He said, no, you don't. I was like, dude.

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1:37:44I don't care if that was a rush game that they just slapped Super Mario on, it's still fun.

1:37:49Dan Soder:Shucks, I think they took it down. Did they? Was it AI? I think the kid attacking him, they probably were like, let's give it back to Special Olympics. Yeah, yeah. But the kid's fucking, he's shooting from NBA range. It's like those videos where they're bouncing the ball off each other's heads. That's how violent they're getting. My entire internet is just NBA clips, dude. I fucked up. Really? No, that's good, man. The Jordan-LeBron argument and then now this new... Spage is going to go to a party shot. The kid that bumped Kobe for the all-time points with foul shots. Yeah, bam. My whole shit's fucked.

1:38:23Dan Soder:I wonder how many Kobe had that night. That was sick. 82? No, no, I mean free throws. Oh, yeah. But, yeah, this was absurd. Mamba? 43 free throws. It was impressive, but it also felt kind of like spamming. Yeah. Because someone's like, I just fuck it. And you go, don't do that. Yeah. You're not really. His teammates are trying to help them get it. It's like when I used to play Tony Hawk and I'd turn off the. You'd turn that off? Just for shits and giggles. But people would walk in my room and I'd have a five milli. The manual. The manual. I'd have five milli going on. So there's a way. You have to balance the manual.

1:38:56It got really easy once you got the analog stick. Yes. You had to do it with the fucking thing. And then you could turn that off and just get a trillion points in. It would be zero forever. So people would come into my dorm or whatever, and I'd just be chilling in my room in a beanbag playing Tony Hawkman. That would be like a three million run. That's so embarrassing. Yeah.

1:39:16Dan Soder:If I walked in, have I ever caught you doing something like that? Like somebody hitting like Madden. They're up 140. No. I got through that before I was 20. I adjusted that. I played him in Madden. He went and took a piss, and I switched mine to rookie, put his on all pro or all mad, and I was fucking him up for a little bit. That's great. Yeah. That's great. Then he found out. Still one. HB screen. HB slip screen. HB slip screen. That's like Al Qaeda to take out Russia. Yeah. You go, I don't. I wouldn't do that, but I like that you did that. Well, I think. When someone goes, when they're playing a game and they go to piss, you go, you got to fuck with them.

1:39:51Dan Soder:Yeah. Yeah. Everyone knows. Moon shadow or night shadow. Night shadow. You know that? he was playing Red Dead the worst I got my friends I put a stick of dynamite and I lit it underneath and that blew up everybody it was great he came out and the fuse was lit he was like no you had the gun on him and then you tossed the dynamite but I did do that I beat my friend in NHL 2001 34-2 well that's great if you're playing against somebody yeah but I was like let me play it through because there was a glitch on the glove side or stick side If you could manual One of my best friends In high school And he deserved it In NHL 93 There was a glitch Where you could just Constantly fucking score And he never Didn't do it The wraparound I would just sit there Like dude Is it the wraparound goal I'm in his bedroom Like dude I'm like Are you serious And it's just like Never stop It's like when Rogan plays people And pull Just annihilates I was like dude What's happening This keeps happening That was the craziest Thing he's ever done What are you talking about That's your video games First time I ever...

1:40:57Dan Soder:Yeah, true. All right. Same exact thing. First time I did Rogan, we got done, and he was like, let's play pool. I was like, okay. I never played it. He was like, just play. Just over here. I was like, so what should I do with you? There's a lot of dudes that can't play pool. He didn't help him. He just destroyed me in pool for like two hours and then left. Well, episode comes out in two days. There's a ton of dudes that can't lay it down and just have fun with pool. They can't do it. Do you think there was like a song playing like when Uncle Phil came back and bailed Will out in Fresh Prince to Soul Man?

1:41:34You think Joe Rogan was like, I'm a soul, but it was like a god smack.

1:41:40Dan Soder:Dude, he, what, my first episode? No, no, no. I was like, Phil, Uncle Phil and what do you call it? Fresh Prince? Do we stand out? So fucking good. That might be my favorite episode of Fresh Prince. Yeah, true. Will's hustling people and then he gets crushed. They didn't know. Uncle Phil comes in and just beats the brakes off everybody. He's Phil from down the way. You ever see that thing in Denzel Washington? He starts talking about stealing shit and stuff. He's like, no, I'm Denzel from down the way. It's like, dude, you've been an actor for 50 years. The Will Smith slap, would he actually go to Juilliard?

1:42:14Yes, he's an actor. It's like with Lil Wayne. Remember Lil Wayne? Everyone's like, dude, he's so fucking badass. And everyone's like, dude, he went to art school. I think he actually is.

1:42:23Dan Soder:I think he actually was. I think he was the real dude. Shot himself. Yeah. Yeah, I think they like... Wheezy seems like the real deal. Wheezy was like 16 when they put him on. Yeah. He handled child fame in the hood. Do you understand the degree of, like... I don't think he... I don't know how well he is. Yeah, he was like... I've been a... I think he's been a dick. Remember that YouTube documentary? I've been on comp syrup for 20 years. Those kids couldn't handle that. Spade had a kid in his neighborhood get killed. He was on a rap documentary on YouTube. They made a documentary about these kids.

1:42:50They couldn't even handle, like, YouTube fame. They started killing each other. Immediately. Traplore Ross I get on his videos sometimes I drove home from What was that place in Virginia The place that went for sleeping

1:43:03Dan Soder:The last time I laughed as hard as I did earlier Monroe's On the way home I think I showed you the clip We talked about it It's my favorite thing I've ever seen I drove home from Virginia and watched a 4 hour video On Oblock Traplore Ross There's a meme going around of Oblock of the squad together and then it's either got a dove or locked up. Or who's dead? Literally the entire squad. There's like 30 dudes. It's like a football photo. Put a plaque up. They're all gone. There's one guy that's not in jail or dead. That's like all-star Ross. It's crazy, but it has all their nicknames on there too, which is pretty great.

1:43:43Dan Soder:That's great. Like fucking squeaky. Like a little pip. Like a dove underneath it. God damn. Yeah, they were all tweeting like I just killed that fucking pussy. I did it. That was me. I'm smoking weed we named after. That's almost the ramp up where they're like, oh, shit. Just on Twitter being like. We're here right now. Come get us. The funniest one, though, is there was a guy named, I think it's Mr. Disrespectful. That's the one that dialed us there. That's my neighborhood. So I watched that documentary. It was hilarious. He was like, they were like, what's your name? He was like, Mr. Disrespectful.

1:44:16Dan Soder:Like, why do they call you that? He's like, I'll just for real be disrespecting people. Well this is how disrespectful it was He dug up one of his op's graves Yeah that was wild And like danced on it He killed a guy and then danced on his grave He's dead now Yeah I live by the sword I mean that's like a biblical offense The best in the I don't even think You'd have to cartman their family It's the only way to be more disrespectful Is to grind them up Maybe Graveheart time they did that Why are you Why do you call yourself that I think that That move gets him doctor disrespectful I think he got a PhD Being disrespectful Do you end up a grave Dude the only way you can be more disrespectful Is if I showed up to fight you in your dead grandmother's clothes Even the devil was like Come on man Oh dude Hey come on man I'm gonna be so bummed out if it's not the South Bar devil Dude, she's terrible If I die, it's not his He's like, hi, hey, what's up, guys?

1:45:23It's my terrible Instagram Oh, you're fucking crazy Oh, you guys are doing it? Oh, no You're for real

1:45:31Dan Soder:That was my best joke That was my favorite joke Never made it What? I used to do, uh I was like That's the joke When I was opening for Soda I'd be like, yo, this is my impression This is my impression of Allah Calling Osama Bin Laden The night before 9-11 And just be like Dude, that must have been nuts for people That's so bad Dude, you know how much I hate towers. Oh, man. Disrupt the capitalist pigs. This is the devil calling Osama Bin Laden on 9-12. Holy shit, you guys did it. You guys are fucking crazy. Oh, my God. I don't even know that many girls. The best part was watching you get excited to do that joke, doing it on stage.

1:46:08And then when you run out of real estate, and you just be like, you guys did it? Anyways. Yeah, it's South Park. Anyway. South Park's it. but it is so funny. Oh, you guys actually did it?

1:46:19Dan Soder:Yeah, I wish I still had that. I tried my best to hit the fucking thigh slap for you. It made me laugh. I did my best. It made me laugh really hard. You hit a thigh slap? He hit the thigh slap. No, not the mic. He did the... I tried. Fake hump? Yeah, he did fake hump. He did like two. Looked over at Dan just going, oh shit. It was great. Hey, what's up everybody? Yeah, the Chicago stuff, they thought they were like for real getting away with it and the cops are like, they're fucking killing each other, dude. That's not a problem. We don't have to do anything. I know. I don't want to say this, but six things easier.

1:46:53They're actually pretty bad. Normally, we'd kill them. Listen, I've been a Chicago police officer for 15 years. This is the least I've ever worked. I'll tell you what. I love that King Von. This guy does my job for me. Automated garbage. We used to never go down and put a gun in the guy's hand, but this fella down in O 'Block. There's a guy. King Von. That fucking Fari thing you sent me was killing me. Which one? He's like, let me tell you about this guy. This guy says this. Let me tell you about this guy. I was like talking to a painter on lunch break. He just never gets to it.

1:47:24Dan Soder:Yeah, no, wait for this. This is amazing. The one that I keep seeing on is Farley. It's when Sandler's the waiter and he's doing the pepper. So funny. At the Italian restaurant. It's like Farley breaking Sandler. Is it Christy Alley? I'm not sure who the lady is, but it's Farley. Or Sandler's like, would you like some cracked peppers? And Farley's at the table. He's like, I would. Thank you. You just see Sandler like, Why? Just being a dick. Man, share rocks. You know what else rules? You know another good Farley? Anything you want, you ask me. In Dirty Work, he's like, Anything you need. Can I stay at your place?

1:48:10Dan Soder:You see, the thing is this. It's Dirty Word where he's hitting the jukebox And he's like 57 Yeah, G7 Rolling Stones, Street Fight G7 You hit G8 Oh, you're Right now your nephew's He can be exorcist of his sleep Yeah, it's like the shiny, he's going Yeah Oh, no, Anthony Oh Yeah, what else is going on, fellas? It was a good pot Oh, dude, did anything happen with Vince McMahon being in, um... Isn't he on trial? Like, fucking evil-ass hair? I saw him going, like, 150 miles an hour. Yeah, I saw that video. I thought that might have been old. I don't know. I don't know if he's in trouble. I don't know.

1:48:57That guy straight up looks evil now with his eyes all up.

1:49:00Dan Soder:I think he's also boys with Trump. I think he's fine. He's like, I can do whatever I want. He's definitely going to be. The new face pulls are freaking me the fuck out. Yeah. Stades fucked up. Jim Carrey fucked up. Yeah. Was that fake or what was the verdict on that? I don't know. It's our new Will Smith slap. This is the new slap. Was that real or fake? See, Jim Carrey's face, I don't believe it. I don't know what's going on. Do you guys thought the Will Smith Chris Rock slap was a work? No, I thought it was just the funniest. No, it was just for like three years you could make someone talk about it.

1:49:27You're just drinking and you're like, dude, do you remember that? If you get anyone to talk about it. You can make someone talk about it.

1:49:32Dan Soder:And they get very interested in it. They do. It was actually sort of carrying it. The eye color is crazy. It was. it nuts. Yeah. The slap? Dude, it's crazy. I think enough time has passed we can start talking about it again. Resurrect. That was fucking crazy. I agree with that. A lot. I love it. He sat back down and then won Best Actor. Best Actor. He won the best award. Awesome. Keep my wife's teeth out of your mouth. Could you imagine blowing your nose in Roger Goodell's tie and then winning the Super Bowl? Serena Williams thing. That was good though. It was good. It was good. Best Actor. Fuck it.

1:50:08He's back though, right? He was like King Richard. No, he tried rapping and it got weird. Oh, yeah. No, that one. I like girls. Everyone's like, all right. He's going to the concert in London with fucking cats. What are you saying like that? I'm not gay. I'm not gay and I'm not wearing a wire either. Billy has like a really extended theory. Probably not for here, but about that. Yeah. Just like once you get into like a rap shoot where you're like, I need 15 girls naked dancing around me. I'm not gay. I'm straight and I'm a fucking murderer and we're going to cut it at that and that's that the O Block was like you got a phone, follow me

1:50:45Dan Soder:follow us were about it through the crazy videos no bitches, none 50 shirtless black teenagers in a apartment jumping up and down pointing guns at the camera literally the scariest videos I've ever seen in my life I haven't been that scared since Rough Riders DMX with the 4x4s? DMX is putting out scary videos on ATVs. Oh, Buck. The only other guys that hold it down like that are ISIS. There's never checks in their videos and they're killing people so they might have to crown. ISIS has done, yeah. All right, fair. They don't rap though. They could. I'll say this about U.S. propaganda. They're making it too gay.

1:51:22Dan Soder:Oh, yeah. Let other people make it. What's up with the White House, the pump me up intro, whatever. A 23-year-old is running through Twitter. The White House core. Whatever that is. Yeah, that needs Jesus, stop. That's fucking nuts. That sucks ass. They did like a bowling one? Yes. You see that? I think there might be a 23-year-old at the helm. Oh, that's absolutely what they did. I got to be honest. It reads 30. Who do you think you are? I am. Yeah, but they were just probably like, hey, Rubio, does your nephew want to run White House Twitter? And he was like, oh, that'd be hilarious. It'd be hilarious to own.

1:51:56We're owning the libs.

1:51:59Dan Soder:It doesn't matter, dude. I'm going to open the straight. You're by yourself Yeah You should start another A-Store theme park I'm opening the Strait of Hormuz Off the shores of Iran Comedian Shane Gillis We have to know someone on the nitties Open it up or you're gay You guys ever jack off? Look at this, the ships This is you standing on a I couldn't speak to ISIS They would be like You should have went to that Saudi thing Oh yeah True That was where your connects would have been. I could have opened the straight. You lost your pole. Do it now. You think I should go to Riyadh now? No. Do you remember now?

1:52:39Dan Soder:Showing the round. On a floating stage. On a Chinese barge. Dude, we'll get the Chinese involved. Smiley, the pirates are going to show up and go, actually, this guy's pretty funny. I saw him. I saw him in the straight up. He's not the greatest. The Cliff Story. Unbelievable. Cliff Live in the Strait of Hormuz. He's doing Cliff. Asahara. Cliff Story Live in the Strait of Hormuz. It opened up. Oil went down to$50 a barrel. Half the price. Now, I'm going to open the Strait of Hormuz. Dude, do you know about Diego Garcia? There's this fucking island that's like, if you go down into the Indian Ocean, the British found this fucking island, dude.

1:53:25and they can hit Asia, they can hit everywhere if they just take this over. So they took it over it's like 50 fucking years ago or whatever and they can do whatever the fuck they want. The British? The British. They'll do nothing. And Trump got busted, he was like, dude. England's a state. I'll show it to you. It's fucking nice. England is nothing. They sent one boat. Out with that. And bombs the fools here. Donald, we help you. England are bombs these days. Yeah, but you don't want to get warmed up. They could be like JNCOs. They could come back. True.

1:53:58Dan Soder:For sure. I mean, they're capable of pure evil. Are we back to colonizing? They're the only one who had the real white slaves. Yeah. They had a song down, bro. Yeah. Dude, do you really think about that? They come back like John Wick. They're like, we're going to make them slaves, the white ones. I see this. And Trump said some shit. I don't know. It's some shit. Yeah, Trump will let classified shit slip in every meeting. We're lucky he's married, because if he was trying to get pussy still. Pull him out, dude. It's like one spot. The thing snapped on his finger, and he's like, I would have hid the pain.

1:54:37He's definitely still trying to get pussy. Oh, no, I know, but I'm saying, if it was out, no. I don't think marriage has ever held that boy back. I don't think Melania was. He's like, I can't. I love Melania. Did you watch the movie? I started it.

1:54:49Dan Soder:The Melania movie? I cannot wait to see it. It's number one on Amazon. You got to make LaMare and Nate watch it with you. Oh, yeah. It's really well shot. I kind of just want to watch it. It's going to be hilarious. Dude, you know what's nuts? It's like the soundtrack must have cost a fortune. Well, they got sued. No, no, they got sued by the way. No, no, no. All the bands that are in it, they just took all the music they wanted and put it in. It's like a pump me up vid with drone footage and shit. With Hot Melania walking around? All right. I will have to sit them. But it gets beat. She goes into fashion shit and there's a bunch of dudes measuring her for dresses.

1:55:26I was like, I'm shutting this off.

1:55:27Dan Soder:Not for you. I wouldn't mind watching the measurements. What's going on there? Nah, it's poor shots. When you get to the part, you'll shut it off too. Okay. Well, I'm not going to ever watch it. I will never watch that. There might have been a secret message in there or something. I just wanted to see what it was. Yeah, they turned them all into Manchurian candidates. Did you know if you watched Melania, that was what MKUltra led to? I mean, I think. Was Melania. So wait, does your boy, your guy's boy, Trump, that you guys voted for, does he? Right now we're on Rocky. That you guys voted for. You actually were saying how awesome he was literally five minutes ago.

1:56:02When? You were like, dude, he's the man. You got to admit it.

1:56:05Dan Soder:When? Last week. Last week? Yeah. Oh, no. That was, you said he didn't have the juice. I said he still definitely has the juice. He doesn't need juice. The juice is sweet. No, no, no, no. When he comes to shit talking, the boy's still got it. You were trying to say he lost a step. He's losing a little bit. Oh, yeah, his fastball is not. No, no. It's hittable now. As soon as he said it, I watched him throw about 106. Right now his hair looks amazing. Dude, 106. It's like Nolan Ryan at the end. Remember when Nolan Ryan was like, That was a great documentary. I just listened to Bill say he lost his fastball.

1:56:37Dan Soder:Then I watched a clip of him going, I just passed a fucking test. That would be impossible for you. You too. And I said, this guy's still got it. What are we talking about? Now, the juice is different than decision-making. When he got hit with Epstein, and he let it pretty much, like, why are we fighting? Why are we fighting? That was a low point. That was bad. That was a low point. As far as juice goes, low point, the juice. Oh, what about Eribe? What? What are you guys talking about? I have a retarded theory that Obama and Trump are actually friends, and this has all been a psy-op to wrap up the Middle East.

1:57:09We're just going to wrap it up. We're going to put it on a little bow. It's going to be ours. And they pretended that they were hit. They were pretended that they were enemies.

1:57:18Dan Soder:Now, this could be the end of us. Obama was actually like, you know what? You'll never be his president of the United States. And that was actually a little dubbing. Like, dude, you will be the president of the United States. This is what you don't understand, though, Shane. You play this, right? Five-inch chess. You play this. Trump plays it with five at a time. It's Obama. It's true. Yeah, there's a lot of dudes on the internet right now going with some crazy theories. And they're like, it's chess, and it's 5D. Trump's in control. I did see that. Guys? Oh, yeah. Guys? It was the dumbest fucking tweet our song.

1:57:51Dan Soder:It was made up. It was 5D. He was like, it's chess. It's 5D. And he goes, the reason we took Venezuela? So we could take Iran. And it's like, I could have come up with that one. Exactly. Do it. It's your friend who dates a stripper who swears she's not a slut. She's not a slut. That's what I was talking to. She likes to dance. Last week of the dudes posting videos of the war. She's dancing How much money do you make? You're a hooker How much money do you make in a night? You're a hooker Possibly Yeah, that's the greatest The dudes who post videos on fucking Twitter It's like Tel Aviv's getting bombed to hell And someone's like, that's not Tel Aviv That's actually from 2016 And they just said, I mean, dude, it's a fog of war It's like, you're literally on Twitter I don't even know I don't know where to find a single piece of information It's done Oh, that's honestly the greatest win in Russia's history was just destroying us having valified.

1:58:50Dan Soder:Now, you're being tricked into thinking Russia gives a fuck. Russia's doing nothing, dude. Who gives a fuck about Russia? You ever see that dude? Russia's not doing anything. You know what it is probably? You can't even win Ukraine. Russia's stay sick. You know when you just have a headache and you're just always attributed to hug over? You go fucking Russia. You go fucking Russia. Russia's like, I don't even. Now, you're getting close. There's one more step. You better tell it in the Cold War, kids. It's not Russia. You got to get the real headache. Yep, you'll get there. And then you're gonna go.

1:59:17I got a feeling. None of my problems are real. It's real. Why do they make all our decisions? It's like that thing with the IQ charge.

1:59:33Dan Soder:Russia's low IQ. No offense. I love that dude's labor. Russia is the equivalent of my dad being like, Iran's going to nuke us. Trump's a Russian spy. You go Russia, and then you go, it's not. It's not Russia. But It's somebody And I'll give you a hint Can't do it the whole time I'll give you a hint who it is I'm not allowed to say who it is Is he actually going to do a concert there? No, that's AI Oh, fuck If he did a concert in Tel Aviv Either they would kill him You ever watch a video I thought Berenthal doing Dog Day was AI So did I That's fucking crazy But you ever watch A documentary about The monster next door You ever see it About the guy Who like worked At a factory We've talked about this Yeah It's the guy Who worked at a Like Ford factory And they were like Aren't you the Butcher of Treblinka And he was like What I was like I took a train He got sent to Israel For a trial Yeah He was just like a Random dude The best part Of the whole fucking thing Maybe He might have been the butcher The best part of the entire thing is You're the guy who worked at the concentration camp, right?

2:00:46No, they have a trial and the guy goes How did he get here? He's like by train Over the ocean

2:00:53Dan Soder:My favorite though is I used to talk about doing that a bit And then Louie Never mind But Just the idea of a guy at a factory Just pushing fucking buttons And somebody being like Aren't you the fucking butcher of Dakar? I was just showing Billy Stop Oh, just don't say that. Wait, what the fuck did you say? What the shame? Yo, I swear to God, you were an SS officer. It's like, shut the fuck up, dude. Stop joking around about that. You're on a flight. You're like looking down at Jerusalem like, oh, shit. Do you remember the old Lucky Louie? I'm going to Israel. Remember the old Lucky Louie clip when he's in an AA meeting?

2:01:30And he's like, you guys are just all assholes. No. Do you remember this? I just shared it to Bill. It's a good-ass fucking show. Lucky Louie was great on HBO. In that documentary, he goes to Jerusalem, and he has to get a lawyer, and everyone's like, no one's picking up this guy. The lawyer rolls up in a Porsche like, I'll do it. That's true. How many people did you kill? Yeesh. We can get him up. What's your 401k? That guy's name is fucking classic.

2:02:00Dan Soder:What is that called? Monster next door? Yes. Monster next door. Devil next door. What was his ethnicity? Was he Ukrainian? Polish. It was hilarious He's like from Cleveland The Polish people in Cleveland Are like he wouldn't do that He's the head of our sauerkraut club Joram Scheftel I'll take a fucking case Rolls up in a porch I'm gonna watch this I'm excited to watch this documentary It's great You'll see You're not gonna know I'm gonna watch it I got WBC and I got fucking this documentary. What's WBC? World Baseball. World Baseball. Dude, we lost to the Wops. Did we? Dude, the Wops. I'm going to tell you right now.

2:02:48Dan Soder:Italy's a fun team. Separate from the Olympics. Aaron Nola was dealing tonight. Yeah. It's like all the countries play each other. I didn't even know. That's the thing. They lost to Italy. Italy rules. Italy. Well, they're not actually Italian. They're all just American dudes. It's 90 % American, guys. What's up with the, if you're in the Olympics, right? and you are American and you have like another heritage. Like what is with that? You talking about that lady skiing for China? I'm confused about that. Because I'll tell you what, I'm confused too and I was a confused person getting her as an illusion.

2:03:18Dan Soder:I don't understand. Because I don't like the support for this lady. I don't understand this. I didn't even do enough fact finding to find out. If she got paid to do it, fuck that noise. Well, you used to have to be an amateur. I don't even like it though. I don't like it at all. China over America? No. Come on, Matt. The only one I understand. And she's incredible at what she does. WBC, I understand, because USA. Nothing but respect. Oh, she rips. She rips. Isn't she a skier? Nothing but respect. WBC, I'm cool with it, because USA doesn't take a lot of guys. And then guys go, I want to play. Yeah, WBC is, there's no rules.

2:03:53Dan Soder:You can be, your grandma can be from, she can be half a time. Dude, there's a white catcher on the Dominican Republic. Dude, look up the white catcher. It's so funny. He looks like the one white kid in the hood. and they watch him dance and they're like, every time they score, then he's like... Dominican Republic's playing Japan. No, they're playing Korea. Venezuela's playing Japan. Venezuela's fucking got a squad, though. That was a great game last night. It sucks Israel got drafted. It would have been nice if Venezuela-Israel. Venezuela-Israel, great. That would have been the ideal matchup. Venezuela, it's crazy to watch them and you go, you guys don't even have a leader right now.

2:04:32Wasn't one kid like an electrician who just didn't shut up? We can stay up. We can stay up as late as we want. I don't even have to sleep. We ate ice cream for breakfast. We're Venezuela. No, Ross. No, but Italy's fun. Vinny Pasquantino, the Pasquatch. My dog, bro. He's the man. Can you tell us a little story about the Pasquatch? Pasquatch is the fucking man. He's the brother.

2:04:54Dan Soder:That's just Italian having us. I can play for Italy? Dude, he... Hold on. Did I tell you? You know the Pasquatch story. No. This guy rules. This guy's the first baseman for the Kansas City Royals. Yeah. Cool as hell. Oh, yeah. Huge WWE. I forgot you were. It was great. It was. Yeah. So we did a show in Cleveland. The Royals were playing the Cleveland Indians, or the Guardians. They, excuse me, excuse me. Thank you. She looks good. Now, thank you for getting her correct pronouns. They look good. That's crazy that they got to you. But it must have been the vaccine. But he took the vaccine. I was using proper pronouns.

2:05:31Dan Soder:Me? Yeah, you did earlier. but we do a show no dude COVID-19 84 busting out wait to bust out the show until now me it was fantastic but no a couple of the guys from the Royals came to the show and then most of the guys were like yeah we gotta gotta dip out we gotta game tomorrow not the Pasquatch the Pasquatch the Pasquatch the Pasquatch coldest line I've ever heard I'm DH 'ing tomorrow I don't give a fuck let's have a little fun he goes he goes you guys going out He goes you guys going out after the show We go yeah And like Bobby Wood Jr. and like all the Royals All the Royals were like alright we're going back We gotta play tomorrow During the day And then Pasquat just like looks down and he goes You guys going out?

2:06:19He goes yeah he goes fuck it I'm DH and I'll go out with you guys And then right as he said that Shane goes$100 you're gonna hit a home run And Vinny was like Book it And then we went out and drank

2:06:32Dan Soder:Frank, do we land in, where was the next? No, we were going to a casino. And we get to a red light. Yeah. And you can see Pasquatch was thinking to himself, I should probably get to bed. I got to play the Cleveland Indians. He just gets out of the fucking Uber and goes to the red light. He was like, he'd been silent for like 15 minutes. And before that, he was chatting a little. And then all of a sudden, you can see the wheels were turning for a while. And he goes, you know what, guys? I got to go in. He got out of the red light. I respected it because it was the best duck and roll I've seen out of a car in a while.

2:07:08And he just disappeared into the night. And then we went. Next day, goes yard. Damn. Hit the home run. Really? Yeah. Dude, bottom of the fourth. He's the man. Katie was going nuts. I told her about it. And we landed in fucking D.C. She's like, 51 yard. 51 yard. And I was like, 51 yard. He's like, no, you fucking wheeler.

2:07:27Dan Soder:It was great. And Bobby sent me a picture of him in the ice bath. Just like. God damn legend, dude. So he's on Team Italy, right? But he's like their leader. He's like their glue guy. He's also the captain. Yeah. He's like a locker room. Locker room guy. Not just locker, dude. He had three home runs in there last year. Well, he was 0 for 12 before that. I know. He was 0. But they have an espresso machine in the dugout. So when you hit a home run, you drink an espresso. Holy fuck. And my jacket, they all go. They put on in Armani's. Yeah, they go like this. That's fucked. Dude, they're up 8-0 on the United States.

2:08:03Where does this take place? Houston. And Miami. And San Juan, Puerto Rico, and Tokyo. Now it's down to Houston. Yeah, it'll be in Miami and Houston. Miami. We're just Houston. Is America still in it? Yeah.

2:08:15Dan Soder:We needed Italy to beat Mexico, and we did it. Yeah, dude. Our fucking. Who do we have? Oh, dude, our team is. We have the best team. Price Harper, Aaron Judge. All right, we got everybody. Everybody. Yeah, but we tried to rest some boys against the Waps, and the Waps went nuts. It was 8-0. They put a beating on them. The Waps fucking killed us. Those Italians are good with bats. Which was funny because the first home run, and they're all doing the espresso shit, and you're like, yeah, that's fun. They're having a good time. That's cute. 8-0. You're going, these motherfuckers do that when they turn on their country.

2:08:50There you go. He's fucking checking the... He's the size in war. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, who would have thought the Waps weren't going to be loyal? First inning you're like This is a lot of fun culture This is hilarious Sixth inning you go

2:09:05Dan Soder:Yeah I became Elliot Ness real quick We gotta put an end to this shit Follow the money But Aaron Judge fucking had a chance to win it We had two runners on Bottom of the ninth Two outs And he fucking struck out Italy got us He's a physical freak dude It's crazy Were you there at the garden when he was there? No It would have been nice for you to be Wait, he was at your show? Yeah Holy shit He is a horse Yeah, he looks like a horseman It's hilarious He's a horseman He looks like a He walks into a room You go, what the fuck Oh my god But also it's because He's proportionally correct Yeah, that's what I mean We saw silly this before Dude, it's terrifying We were in Arizona And we saw this dude Dude, remember that?

2:09:47Crazy Dude, we were in Arizona We saw this cowboy Walking to a coffee shop And I thought my eyes Were playing tricks on me And Billy was like Yo, Spade Walk up to that dude and it was like

2:09:56Dan Soder:was he proportionally correct but he was proportional with her hat jeans like normal height and everything it was like an NBA player you can watch walk by and it's all bones yeah free like long arms he's huge a proportionally correct dude that's 6 '8 it's crazy he's fucking hilarious well like LeBron's 6 '9 and he's pretty he's pretty proportional he's pretty proportional I can't watch him with his I see so many highlights I can't you're a team Jordan yeah no they just send me all this LeBron flops. Do you know what's funny? My algorithm is all Larry Bird shit talk videos. You see the Dr. Joy, Gilly.

2:10:33Oh, I just love all those brewskis, would you? We're headed to Bird? The one was great.

2:10:38Dan Soder:I love Larry Legend. The heck from Turnbull. Gilly and Dr. J were making fun of Bird's neck. It was wild. Did you see I think it was Doc Rivers. He played for the Hawks when Larry was like, I'm going to hit this three in this corner. And then he did, and you see the entire Hawks bench because it was right in front of their bench like. That's great. There's a story that the coach came in the next day and put on film and was like. Did you watch the ABA thing? Fuck. Don't stop him. The what? You guys watched the ABA thing? I think she was slick. He made a whole documentary on the ABA. Oh, I haven't heard about the ABA.

2:11:16It's like pretty new. Yeah. I'll absolutely watch that. Scoring 100, though, Wilt is the goat. Let's retard it. 100 points and then just fucking everybody. By the way, illegally probably at the time, he's taking down white ladies and they're like, yo. He's like, 100. What are you going to do about it? I'm up here. He just holds white women up here. Cookies on top of the refrigerator. That's it. Give me back my life. God damn it, Will. No. You ever see him doing track? He's somewhat proportional. He is slightly proportional. Yeah. There's that clip of him being like him and Michael Jordan. or uh bill walton's telling the story is it the elevator no about they're at the 90s all all century team or whatever and wilton michael jordan are arguing about who's the best of all time and someone's like well championships or whatever and then wilt's like you know my friend was telling me that the other day and he's got 11 of them and he was talking about bill russell and you're like oh shit but he got him at the end you're like oh yeah will chamberlain scored 100 points.

2:12:23With no three-pointer.

2:12:25Dan Soder:Also, when you watch Will highlights, it is funny because he is good. He looks almost modern. When you watch the Soul Power thing, they show in the Soul Power thing, they show the old before the ABA, they show the old NBA, and it's so beat. And then they're like, dude, they brought in a three-pointer. It had like laces on the ball. Yeah, but they can tackle each other. That's what was crazy. That's where Bill Lambeer came in. The 89 Pistons. Bill Lambeer was a problem. He was just pissing everyone off. He was the original Rage Bait. You might have averaged fucking five. He just fucking slapped people's arms.

2:13:08The Montana documentary was that he played basketball. Joe Montana was as good at basketball as he was at football. No shot. He was a running quarterback. In the documentary, they're But he was good. That's wild.

2:13:22Dan Soder:I used to be obsessed with Jim Floyd. Lambeer averaged 9-5. I was close. 9-5? Yeah. That's like my stats. And he's a legend just because he was a hog on Detroit. He was a hog on Detroit that would cause problems for people. People hated Bill Lambeer. You know Lambeer? No. Watch anything you could find. He's hilarious, dude. Watch anything. He would just go out and fight. All the best players. Dude, hard fouls. He'd be like, yeah. He was a goon. He was straight up a goon in the Lambeer. He was a 6 '10 goon. He was like, I'll slap that guy. That's like Hack-A-Shack. He'd be like, yeah, I'm going to punch Michael Jordan in the mouth.

2:13:56Dan Soder:All right, just get out there, you fucking idiot. Did they put people in for Shaq? And they'd just go like, just club his fucking forearms. Yeah, Shaq. Please stop doing that. Diesel's king. Diesel's my favorite player ever, dude. Number one with a bullet. He's got it, dude. He just came in and he's like, I don't know. Oh, yeah. I don't know. Shaq Foo. Shaq Foo. He's like, I want to dunk. Do you want me to dunk it? Yeah. His bed in MTV Cribs fucked me up. Yeah, it was a little scary. Do you remember Blue Chips? I remember those. Yeah, I never saw it. Yeah, Blue Chips rocked. Was that, like, what part of his career is that?

2:14:32He was a rookie with the magic. Yeah, it was early. Because that's why Anthony Hardaway was in it, too. Yeah. Okay. He didn't even want it. Jay and I used to do the Nick Nolte from Blue Chips constantly. We go,

2:14:48Dude, Nick Nolte is the best in blue chip. He's like, all right, tell me you didn't shave it. He's just, what do you like better? Blue chips or? Monster Energy. Everybody knows White Monster, Zero Ultra. That's the OG. It kicked off this whole zero sugar energy drink thing. But Ultra is a whole line up now. You've got Strawberry Dreams, Blue Hawaiian, Sunrise, and Vice Guava. And they all bring the monster energy punch. So if you've been living in the white can, branch out. Ultra's got a flavor for every vibe. And every single one is zero sugar. Tap the banner to learn more. Thought Sweetgreen was just salads?

2:15:31Think again. There's a new way to do Sweetgreen. Wrapped and ready. These handheld wraps pack bold flavor and 40-plus grams of protein into something hearty, satisfying, and built for life on the go. From craveable sauces to satisfying textures, they're designed to keep you going without slowing you down. So put that fork down. Try the new wraps today in app or at order.sweetgreen.com. Available at participating locations only. He got game. Dude, both of them are great. He got game. I knew him going. Ray Allen's great in that.

2:16:06Dan Soder:Jesus Shuttlesworth? Oh, come on. Took his official visit to Elon University in that. Did he? Yeah. When he bangs those white chicks? Yeah, his threesome? I never even got close to what you. That's why you went to Elon? It's because you watched the yard game? I remember kids used to say that in high school, like, dude, Elon, the women-dude ratio is crazy. It was. I never even heard of the play. Didn't help. Yeah, nothing you can do with that information. Yeah, there was a lot of. Yeah, there's nothing you can do about it. There's a lot of babes, but it doesn't help when you're 300 pounds and quitting the football team.

2:16:39Dan Soder:When you're not on the team and 300 pounds, it's not that cool. Yeah, but they say that all the time. I went to Arizona, and everyone's like, oh, Arizona Party School. You're like, I was poor. That's a party school. Yeah, but I was poor and had to work. That's where I got pussy. It was not at the school. We used to drive to Penn State, and they'd be like, you think this is cool? Arizona. Arizona. I'll be honest. I just did Arizona recently, and it holds up. it rocks. Arizona State is insane. Arizona State is insane. Get a little off, bro. Am I remembering this right? Is that where Phil Mickelson went?

2:17:14Phil Mickelson, like, bets golf in Arizona with Arizona kids? I might not be remembering that, right?

2:17:20Shane Gillis:Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify.

2:17:24Dan Soder:Do it.