Ep 606 - Leadership

18:54This is a CRV. What the fuck is this guy talking about?

18:57Shane Gillis:That's actually a really good idea. Throw that all day, I bought this before. Before Elon Musk was out. Just filling it up at a gas station. Dude, those I bought this before Elon bumper stickers are I think the pinnacle of like Facebook or whatever, like Instagram politics, which is completely meaningless, where you're like, why are you doing this? Just get it. If you really hate the guy that much, sell the car. Put your fucking money where your mouth is. If you think he's truly like a despot, ruining the country, evil billionaire, it's like trade in the motherfucking, get something else. Get a Rivian, bro.

19:31Get a CRV, dude. It's time. Get a fucking CRV. Support Japan. It is time to support Japan. Japan's huge right now. We're going to need them. has anyone

19:41Shane Gillis:even helped us no our closest ally is helping the hell out of us obviously our closest ally our only friend America's only friend nobody else likes us you must be feeling good dude the view is confident right now the view is going we told you you should have listened to us how do you feel right now i just feel bad he didn't do anything he was going to say yeah you said yeah that's what i feel bad about so many upset people yeah people are mad hurt people people are mad i want i want him to take that straight of her muse yeah i need that yeah what the hell man i i said i was gonna open it uh on monday you said you're gonna open yeah i called it i said don't worry guys i'm gonna open it you should open it i can't they're too bad Iran's too powerful.

20:34It turns out Iran's nasty. I thought it was going to be like Venezuela part two. It's like, bro, I thought we were big and bad, dude. Get that straight. Open it up. Open the straight. You'd think they would have responded nicely after we blew up their leader with a missile. You'd think they would have been like, all right, never mind. We don't want to fuck with you guys. You blew up an 86-year-old with a Tomahawk missile. It's so funny we killed a fucking 90-year-old man with a missile, dude. I've been laughing how their leaders all look like evil wizards they are all evil there's also like giant long beards like a black hat just got it just got exploded in this fucking house i was reading about their like enriched uranium or whatever you know it's buried under like a deep mountain it's like a evil like dr evil there yeah and apparently they can i guess from like the radioactive signature or whatever they can like monitor it like almost like a thermal image where they're like there it is i don't know how true that is i don't believe anything because that's what i'm saying it's like underneath a mountain i think the people telling us that are the ones going no they're really enriching that uranium that's why we can see it well that's that's the thing too it's like you guys are just trying to fucking blow them up well they also we did this we did the wmds we're like dude trust us but this time we're like we got sensors that are actually picking up the wm they've been telling us they're gonna do this well and apparently so if they don't if if iran doesn't just completely capitulate and be like all right here's all of our like nukes we've been building forever we'd have to go to like a subterranean layer well you'd have to go extract their stuff yeah you have to go to a subterranean layer under in an active war zone and just somehow transport giant radioactive barrels be sick it's gonna be the ultimate it's like the last level of a video game it's like a really hard level they're gonna need the ab ab select start up down left right for that that's gonna be a tough one need that it's gonna be tough but I want straight to Hermu's open now.

22:22It needs to be open. I'm sick of it. Hermu's? Listen up, Hermu's. Yeah, open up, dude. You got to open up. I want my goddamn... It's like throwing fucking drones at us. Yeah, that's fucking annoying. Pussy shit, dude. I know. We should do what we do. Drones. More expensive, cooler drones. Yeah, I just wish they'd listen to us and let us be the boss. They should listen to us. I know. What the fuck's the problem? Don't they fucking know? Apparently not, man.

22:49Shane Gillis:Someone should have told them. apparently not and then I've been watching the beef on Cuba I always forget we're still fucking blockading them as well yeah they shouldn't have done whatever they fucking did babe you know I'm sick of them hey man Cuba better stop doing whatever they did to make us mad yeah we'll save them for them from fucking communism we'll come back to them starve them out did you hear your boy Trump on Cuba no what'd he say he was like I could take Cuba I could do whatever I want to Cuba and the reporter was like what do you mean he's like i mean i'll fucking take it if i want or maybe i'll turn it into a nice little vacation spot anyway god damn brother yeah dude he's wowing out i'm telling you he's we got it we gotta learn dude and just get like a 50 year old we need a 50 year old bro as president that's that's prime president age white walls just new fucking fresh yeah gray sides yeah we need tommy pope to be president what his press conference would be so nice what guys got fucking hot dog water in his brains we're gonna blow him up yeah cuba i'm sick of cuba dude yeah man i better fucking get with the program i'm tired of cuba i need greenland still don't we have greenland it's time for denmark to give us greenland yeah didn't know denmark had greenland that's yeah decent news i didn't know yeah i don't think most people know that.

24:16Greenland acts like it's independent. Well, they ain't. Yeah, what the hell is that all about? They better fucking shape up.

24:22Shane Gillis:Dude, they better. Always people better take up before we turn. We better turn the world into our vacation spots, which pretty much kind of already is the case. Now we just can't even go to them because we'll get beheaded. I know. I know. It's a shame. You can't go to any of the vacation spots. I'll tell you what, though. The ride at Comedy Fest bag next year is going to be fat. Now it's Warzone plus negative comments. they're gonna get me next week and i'm getting my head cut off right away the bag the bag for that's gonna be so nice i'm getting punched right when i get there weird what you said about me

25:06Shane Gillis:their next flyer is gonna be your head in like a wooden box featuring the evil traitor Shane Gillis. The very sorry traitor Shane Gillis. The coward.

25:21Yeah, no, that's, I'm excited to see. That'll be cool. The bag? Yeah, the bag on that. The Saudi bag will be nutty. Dude, for next year in the war zone? Unless Iran keeps winning. Oh, fuck, dude. That might be Iran by next year. Did I rank? I ran mine expanded this right there. They are fucking shit up. I think they killed like six guys. Did they? Yeah. Oh, no. They're going nuts. Well, I've been trying to figure out because I've been trying to like. He's fired 20 ,000 drones and hit like four guys. And we're like, we can't fuck with these guys. They're too strong. That's what I've been trying to figure out because all the news is like disaster, disaster, Trump's spinning out.

26:04It's over. And, you know, I'm trying to keep like a 360 view of like, I don't want to get caught up on either side of the propaganda. But it's like, bro, like, give me something. Like, is it? I don't know anything that's happening. No, I can't. I literally can't get a read on it. I just know I need QBIS soon. I just talk to Grok all day. I just. What's Grok saying about it? He's. Grok's wrong about everything. Yeah. Grok's. Grok's been helping me with my garden. Grok never even puts girls in bikinis when people ask him to. What is it? What's Grok do? Fucking never does it. I'm always checking.

26:31I go, did Grok do it? No. someone always takes a hot picture of someone goes grok put her in this outfit it's like a thong and grok never does it what is a bitch it's like no thank you yeah it just doesn't do anything yeah grok i hope grok gets fucking hit with a bazooka i hope i hope iran gets grok with a bazooka yeah that'd be terrible well musk is gonna pay for the tsa guys that'd be sick yeah Also, I flew this weekend. TSA. Not one person was in line. It was great. Yeah. What they do is they take all the videos are at like 7 a.m., 6.30 when it's like prime time flying. I went to Austin. When they had the news cameras there, it was like a line all the way outside.

27:18Dude, it took me. First of all, they're like, TSA PreCheck's not open. It's been open everywhere. Yeah. And I was outside. It took like 30 minutes. I got right through. But yeah, it was funny. There was a guy behind me. We were like outside. it's early in the morning and like you know there's like when it's real crowded they hold it there's like a lady with an orange flag and you gotta like find that person and stand that's this is on you for taking these early ass fucking flights i like to get my nap i like to get there i fly day of and it's like i'm course you fly yeah when they say you gotta get here the day before i'm like man get the fuck out of here that's ridiculous it's crazy but i i fly early and it's it's not even bad i get there an hour hour and a half early like i'm chilling but there was the lady's holding the flag i find the flag lady and i'm like all right line's here and i saw this guy i think it was a disney adult he had the disney backpack he just stands he goes in line and then he just stands like shoulder to shoulder with me and then inches forward and dude there's we're outside of the airport waiting to get in i'm looking at him like bro uh what did you get there before the airport's open no i'm saying like you're not the lines out and went outside jesus but it looks bad on the news i'd be going home it's not that dude it was 30 minutes all

28:20Shane Gillis:said and done and the guy's like shoulder to shoulder creeps in front of me and i'm like yo bro where are you going man he was like oh i'm just getting in line i'm like bro i'm the back of the line he was like my flight's at seven o 'clock it's boarding now trying to butt in front of one person trying to butt in front of one person i was like dude like i was like it makes you feel better since you're late you can get in front of me but you got to go beg for mercy at the very front just go cry to them and tell them your flight's boarding that's your only hope because he was like you think i'll make it i was like no you're not gonna make it you're not gonna make it he was just sitting there the whole time like tapping and tapping finally finally he took my advice and went to the tsa like uh whatever faceless id and he they were like go ahead man flowing through i was he was just like stimming out i was where the fuck do you think that guy had to go you have a disney book bag on you have nowhere to go yeah nowhere no oh you have an important business meeting dude he was just my flight's boarding yeah it's my flight's boarding right now i was like yeah dickhead you can't show up when your flight's boarding on a fucking Friday at 6.30 a.m.

29:21Shane Gillis:Move it. Yeah, I got in. A couple of the ICE agents said what up. You saw the ICE agents? No pictures, fellas. Please, no pictures, fellas. Crop, give me a picture of letting Shane hold the gun at the airport. They would. The guy was like, yo, I went to your high school. I was like, sick, what up? Please, no picture. Please don't ask. Please don't ask. I'm kind of excited. ICE agent pictures. I know. I want to see them I got to I get to fly next week I want to I want to see I wanted to see like I took two weeks off and I'm like damn I wanted to see those guys in the airport should have hassled them like the people on the internet are doing true just walk up and go yeah you fucking race trader bitch you're gonna fucking kill me so fucking crazy I know I know there's a funny guy who's going to Mexico on vacation and he goes up to the ice agency and he's like do you guys think you could get me there quicker and the ice agents crack up at his joke that's a nice awesome moment That's awesome.

30:18Shane Gillis:That is awesome. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money. How much time were you spending each month trying to manage your finances before Rocket Money? And what do you do with that extra time now? You don't want to know what I do with that extra time now, but I got a lot of it ever since I've been using Rocket Money. I love that, dude. These prompts are just sparking my own story right now. Oh, I was spending hours just trying to figure out how to manage my finances. And then rocket money came along and that time freed up. And I became very active in a, let's just say a certain community that, you know, I brought my wife into.

30:59Shane Gillis:And, you know, we just play a lot. And, you know, it's gotten a little complicated because, you know, when you join certain communities and, you know, open your relationship up to certain things, you cross certain boundaries. But I'm not, look, I'm not going to get into that, guys. Guys, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. It monitors your spending and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. I mean, if I had to describe something that I love about Rocket Money, I would describe how Rocket Money has tracked subscriptions and how it has the ability to cancel within the app with a few taps, saving time, which, guys, I can't get enough of it these days, and avoiding charges.

31:44Shane Gillis:That is, oh, it's the best. There's also, I mean, the app also consolidates checking savings, loans, and investments into a single dashboard to give users like myself a clear view of their financial picture, which I have now entered into some sort of financial dominant, but like, look, let's not talk about that. That's just, it's freed me up to now follow my, you know, true pursuits, which are heavy, heavy kink. Guys, let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. That's rocketmoney.com slash MSSP, rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. Guys, I got to say it again.

32:26Shane Gillis:That's rocketmoney.com slash MSSP, rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. I'll tell you what, I had Nate opening for me this weekend. I said, that guy is sticking out to me. That guy is sticking out, and I love all of his jokes. Guys, it isn't always easy finding a good standout, and that's especially true if you're hiring. You have to sort through hundreds of resumes, and even then, you might not uncover what you're looking for. That's why you need ZipRecruiter. Try it free at ziprecruiter.com slash secret. ZipRecruiter works fast to find top talent, and its newest feature takes it a step further, identifying candidates with the right skills who are also interested in your role.

33:10ZipRecruiter puts them at the top of your list so you can connect with them first thing. It's no wonder it continues to be rated the number one hiring site based on G2. Cut through the standard and get to the stand outs. With ZipRecruiter, four out of five employees who post on ZipRecruiter get a high quality candidate within the first day. and now you can try it for free at ziprecruiter.com slash secret that's ziprecruiter.com slash secret meet your match on zip recruiter awesome i said it before man my personal politics

33:42Shane Gillis:is whatever it takes to move the lines at the airport i don't care yeah you can put anybody there i'd be like yo go for it yes you put iran guy in the airport i'd be like let's go boys you know what you guys should have enriched uranium i don't give a fuck let me through this fucking scanner right now. I'm a one-issue voter. I'm airport lines. That's it. That's all I care about. Speed it up by five minutes, you got my vote. I swear to God I am. That's like true. I know. That's all I care about. That's the one thing. I'm like, no, for real, guys, we got to figure this out. It is bullshit. They don't stop arguing and just both parties should go, all right, let's like take TSA out of our big giant package of deals and just both say yes to funding TSA.

34:25How have you let nature just destroy our backyard? A squirrel was yelling at us when we walked in. Nature's on our house, dude. What the fuck? He was in a tree, and he wouldn't budge. He was just going. He's barking at La Mer. What the hell? It was a very adorable squirrel. Was it really? I was scared of him. I thought he was going to jump down on us because I've never seen a squirrel do that. He stood his ground on us. What noise was he making? He, like, barked. Yeah, it was like a squirrel bark.

34:53Shane Gillis:What? Yeah. well it's funny because they rarely are rabbit i think i don't think it was like i don't think rodents get rabies like that i think he was just defending his fucking tree that's crazy might have been babies up there might have been a squirrel he saw you he knew he's like this fucking this bear is gonna try to eat my fucking fuckers can climb too he's gonna climb up here

35:17i don't know i just i just i just made sure nothing was like touched i tried to at least

35:24Shane Gillis:you did a great job yeah he was guarding he was guarding the portal dude he did and i saw him guard it i have the ring camera i got to see that's the only time i talked to him what are you doing where are you going uh in the creek playing playing board games at the creek. All right. Dude, they got LaMare hooping. They got LaMare hooping on the creeks. I saw that. I did see LaMare hooping on there, and I said, all right, maybe he would score a bucket. Yeah. He had a nice layup. I was like, oh, shit. Yeah, man. Deceptive. I played pickup basketball two days ago. I still have a headache. But then I did go to the gym with LaMare yesterday, and you're not getting more than two points.

36:00You're going to be so gassed. I'll hustle. LaMare said he could beat me in a race.

36:06Shane Gillis:While you were gone, LaMare, for real, I was like, no, seriously, I could beat you. I was like, LaMare, that's not even and you're just lying. That's crazy. Why did you say that? I don't know. I was having fun. All right. That's fair. That's fair. I don't know. You believed it. How drunk were you when you made the claim? I was sober. It was middle of the day. It was like 10.30 a.m. There's no chance it was 10.30. Huh? What the fuck was he doing at 10.30? I might have been doing an early cast. It might have been noon, though, actually. It might have been noon. At noon, I think high noon, he looked me in the eye.

36:37He's like, I could beat you in a race. Why are you doing that, man?

36:40Shane Gillis:You think it could be Nate in a race? That's a good question. I think it could be Nate in a race, yeah. How about you guys race to Houston and do some sand?

36:50The winner gets$48 and gets to bomb for an hour in front of 12 guys. Yeah. That are just going to go,

36:59Shane Gillis:Measy, measy, the man. They go on Reddit and go, I saw him, he fucking sucked. Fuck him, I saw him. He fucking sucks, piece of shit. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. I'll tell you what, man. Yeah, it's good to be back. Yeah, it's good times. Right in time for summer, too. It's good to be back. Although I don't have a vehicle right now, so I'm at the mercy of the Me's. The Me's, please, get a ride, bro. Please. You're in the Me's 80s. I am in the Me's 80s.

37:32Shane Gillis:Dang, where's your vehicle? Getting transported down? Yeah. That's what's up. Fucking nice. Until then, I'm at the mercy of the Me's. Go horseback. Mercy. Maze, what time do you leave for Houston tomorrow? Two. Yeah. Okay. I think my vehicle is coming tomorrow. I need someone here. Nate, you're not doing anything. You want to chill? Yeah, I can be here. All right. Nice. Hell yeah. Yeah, I'm trying to think. Didn't really do anything. Yeah. Stung by the Wasp was big. Stung by the Wasp. That hasn't happened to me in years. Dude, I forgot how bad that fucking hurts, dude. You want to cry. And then I was mad at the wasp.

38:15I was like, what the fuck? What's the point of it still hurting?

38:17Shane Gillis:Yeah. You know? And wasp? It's a defense mechanism. Like, it's to get you away. Yeah. But then I thought about it more. And it does work. I was scared to walk over there. Oh, for sure. I don't want to go back over to that side of my house. We got it. After this. Pain. Let's go take care of that when we're done. I'd like that. But you'll see. The nest is that big. It's literally one fucking. One cell. Yeah. Is it inside the outlet or in the cover? It's inside the cover. Oh, we got that. Oh, we got to lift it. Yeah. So we need one person with a broomstick to lift it up. That fucking thing was...

38:49Yeah. I woke him up last night. I opened it and stuck my hand in it. I could hear it.

38:55Shane Gillis:I heard a noise. And I don't think they... I hope it was a wasp. I would imagine. Probably. They don't lose their stinger either. So that guy's still alive. Yeah. They don't like sting you and die. I got hit with a bazooka. That fucking dickhead. I had a bee land on my ankle. I was outside working out, and it landed on my ankle. I thought it was like a big fly, and I was like, fuck off me. I got it off. It was on there for like five seconds. Yeah. Came and landed on my other ankle for five more seconds, and I was like, I saw it was a bee. I was like, what the fuck? There's a bee. Did it get you or just chill?

39:27No, it didn't even sting me. All right. It was crazy. That's nice. Yeah, I was kind of scared, though. I was kind of like, damn, the other thing could have got me. I was already afraid of these wasps. Yeah, they're there. They dominate my pool. Yeah. They drink out of it. they fucking they're always there now i'm really scared of them and i felt their fucking wrap it's on the tip of my pinky that thing would have killed anywhere else you get that on like a fucking shoulder your belly or something that would fucking kill ah just like it's like tattoo logic wherever a tattoo would hurt absolutely a belly sting you think a belly sting would be

39:57Shane Gillis:better though i don't know i feel like like the bone elbow would hurt i dude i got stung in Literally, same spot. Right in the finger. It hurts so fucking bad. I was trying to sleep, and it kept hurting. Randomly, it would just feel like I got stung again. Ow. I'm like, fucking, I'm going to kill those motherfuckers. I told you, but last summer when I got stung, it was late summer when they get all weird and old. It just came down from a tree, landed on my finger, stung, and flew away. And I was like, what the fuck? I wasn't even near the nest. It just stung me. And I literally was like, I was like this, walking, holding my finger.

40:31like oh wow that's what i there was the mexican sweet boy at the restaurant i was at i'd ordered

40:38Shane Gillis:stuff to go and i like it was like dude just be cool and as soon as he looked at me i was like just got stung by a wasp of course i had to tell somebody tell everybody i had to tell a trusted adult i was like i got hurt i got hurt you're never gonna believe what just happened you know the scariest fucking bugs it attacked me yeah man he had he's like he had very kind eyes and i was It's kind of like, I got to tell you. Sweet boy did? Yeah. Very kind eyes. I'll report that. I got to tell you something, brother. Yeah. She put a cold horchata on me. Cold horchata on my finger. It would have been nice.

41:14He did his milk on me. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Growing up. The help with the better. What did you have to learn about money growing up? Any financial stress you experienced? Personally, yeah. I just never had it. Yeah. I didn't really, I wasn't stressed about it. True. You ain't worried about it? I ain't worried about it. Yeah. I had, my problem growing up was no money, no problems, to be honest, man. I had too many damn problems. No, I was pretty stressed about it. Once you get a little older. Yeah. I was grown up when I started getting stressed about money. When you had money.

41:45Yeah. When I was a young man, the only thing I was stressed, I would steal quarters from my parents to get Choco Tacos when the ice cream truck came by. That's stress. And that was stressful because you go, I'm not going to fuck these guys over I remember just having a bunch of like 10s and 5s that smelled like weed and I'd have to take them to the bank. That's stress.

42:05Shane Gillis:That is stressful. Being like, please don't fucking smell these bills. Is BetterHelp talking about money now? Yeah, dude. When we talk money, I'm always reminded of a moment when I felt stressed and overwhelmed. Time I was struggling to pay the rent when tax season rolls around. Yeah, I mean, money's stressful. Hey, guys, our relationship with money can be dot, dot, dot, weird and not always good. You're feeling the stress. You're not alone. And guess what? There's something you can do. Try therapy with BetterHelp. Yeah. They can't solve your financial woes. They can help you better manage the anxiety that comes with it.

42:39BetterHelp's fully licensed therapists have served millions of people around the world, changing their relationship with money, other people, even themselves. Because everything is entirely online, it's easier to get the support you need when you need it. That's not good. That's not a good sign. It's a weird angle. For the economy. Yeah. It's not a good sign. Yeah, are you sad and having body problems? Hey, are you fucked right now? Strange. Yeah, that is a bad. Guys, when life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10 % off at betterhelp.com slash MSSP. That's betterhelp.com slash MSSP.

43:13Okay. April 17th, I'll be in Nashville. The 18th, I'll be in Charlotte. Monday, May 4th, I'll be at the Hollywood Bowl in LA. It's a fucking Monday? yo it's crazy thursday i'll be thursday friday saturday may 7th date the 9th i'll be in boston and july 17th at the link and there's a few shows there's a couple tickets left for that get on it hell yeah guys 4 10 april 10th i'll be at the fitzgerald theater inst paul minnesota the day after that i'll be in desmoines iowa and then like i was talking about celebrity theater phoenix arizona then tucson and i'll be in toronto 515 um i think but i have two shows i think they're both sold out might add a third okay toronto rules toronto does seem sick i might add a third but i don't know hopefully i just want to do two i don't know it doesn't have bums it doesn't no they're in waterloo and then chicago 516 riviera theater and also be at the mothership all of this weekend friday saturday and so i think i think only sunday and late Saturdays left so please come thank you oh and you can catch Nate at the comedy festival tomorrow goodbye yeah damn other other than that dude I've been all business man I've been down here you've been strictly biz strictly biz strictly biz strictly biz you have been strictly biz strictly biz man I've just been fucking like working out and doing stuff not sleeping it's been tight yeah I was just doing tires yeah that was it heard that That was it?

44:49Just global conflict? Global conflict that I know nothing about. And then doing tires. Dude, I'm telling you, though, B-ball. I think my toenail is going to fall off. When you stop real hard in your shoes, I think I'm going to lose my left toenail. Dude, I played five games, and I felt like I've had a fever for two days. The next morning, I woke up, and I was telling Brittany, I was like, not even sore, man. I must be in shape. I'm working out. By noon, I was like, why does my fucking head hurt so bad? I laid down for like three hours, went to bed. I still feel fucked up today. Yeah, it was nice.

45:22I was going to bed last night. I was like, why the fuck am I so tired? I was like, oh, yeah, I worked out. Yeah. For the first time in forever. What's the protocol? What do you mean?

45:30Shane Gillis:What was the workout protocol? It was nothing. I literally went there to sauna and cold plunge. That's nice. But then I lifted a little. Nice. It was nice. What? Well, you smiled at it. And then got in and go, I'm not doing a fucking cold plunge. I did the sauna and left. Really? Yeah. I stared at the cold plunge put my hand in it I was like I just don't have it I don't have it today boys that's true that's true I've I've acclimated to it now where I can pop in I used to be you were you're a cold plunge king cold plunge I was cold plunge baby I couldn't do it now I can I can sit in there for three minutes and just kind of like I got into Barton Springs recently felt like nothing that's nice it was I was like dude I've oh I got dude I don't know what's up with the diving board there I try to do a backflip dude the diving board's fucked up You know when you're on a trampoline with someone and they steal your bounce and you don't go up at all?

46:18Shane Gillis:I try to do a backflip off it. I don't know what happened. The board stole my bounce. So I just didn't get any air and just went, whoo, my legs. You had a bunch of people there? Yeah, dude. My legs whipped as hard as they could go and his water shot up my nose. I landed on my face and water shot up my nose. Oh, that's not good. Dude, you know when you get in almost like an accident and it takes a second to be like, what the fuck happened? I got out of the water like. And you're trying to show out for all the people. out try to show out have you ever seen titties there no well well these are there i did see asterisk i i saw titties that got the nipples removed when i was there and actually to be there wasn't a ton of people there i went early so i had when you were like uh two days ago i had cory hyder on the guy from instagram goes through all the houses or whatever and uh so i took him down there and so we saw that first of all he saw my backflip it was fucking trash and then i go down and we see the like i was telling him i'm like yo sometimes there's like titties here to walk there are titties but there's no nipple i don't know what was going on with them i was just like oh fuck you know so then you know we're getting out and uh we go to the locker room and i was like before we walk in i'm like the locker room well i had to get i had warm clothes i had to get changed out but dude so and i thought there'd be like dressing stalls in there so like we're walking in i'm like bro james no no no he got naked in front of a podcast i didn't get naked i didn't naked but when i brought him in i was like dude this is another thing i love down here when you go into these bathrooms i was trying about to say like there's no ceiling a lot of the times where you're like it's the sky but you're in the bathroom i'm like bro i fucking love the bathrooms and we turn a corner just a fucking glistening hog and i like i didn't finish my sentence i feel like dude i love that i walk in it's just a dude rinsing off and it's like i think he was bricked honestly it was like a bricked up hog and then the guy just talking this close to him while he's showering and the dude cory was we just both went silent just staring straight ahead like as soon as he like went i was like almost dude i almost just walked out i almost turned around and then i got walked to an emergency exit and it was like in a dead end we both just do we both just stood there and i was like dude i didn't know that guy was gonna be there i didn't know that guy was gonna be there he's like dude chill i'll go to the stall i'll get changed i was like what the fuck are we gonna do we can't get naked with each other and he's like i'll go to the bathroom stall and i was like all right cool he was like dude that guy's bricked up for real that guy was crazy we like giggle and walk back in and he goes in the stall and he's changed and i just i turned and gave the guy bricked up guy but i just turned i just i showed up my i showed up my ass because i was like i can't dude it's oh dude i'm not gonna give him t-ness dude although that could have equalized getting naked in there i was well he was he had hog out and i was gonna do like dressed because I gave the stalled obviously to the guests.

49:09Shane Gillis:I'm like, yeah, I don't I'll handle the streets out here. So then I'm like, you go in and then I was like I felt kind of like a bitch getting dressed under my towel when the guy was presenting hog. So I just presented my strong suit, which is my cake. So I presented because I was like fully shrimped out. So I was like, I'm gonna show him my cake. Dude, I was shrimp from the water. See a monster hog like that. I couldn't present. I was fucked. He was having a conversation, glistening hog in the sun. Like, do you remember what he was talking about? Dude, it was like a flashback. It was just like...

49:41Shane Gillis:It was probably like a city employee, I think. He struck me as a guy when you go get a construction permit. He's like, I don't know, man. I don't know. He struck me as one of those guys. I thought he was... Total composure. Sounded like a homosexual man. Very high probability. Yeah, very high probability, actually. But then I did have a palate cleanser, so then I got my clothes on. I abandoned the towel. I was partially a man in the locker room, but I did show ass. And then I turned around. I'm like, I'm dressed. Corey comes out. He's dressed. And we turned around. There was an old man who had walked in.

50:13Shane Gillis:And I was like, oh, no, dude. We got another incoming hug. Bro is inverted. And that was like a palate cleanser for me. I was like, all right, here we go. We got like an old inverted penis. A fucking glistening Mexican hug. By then, he had pulled on the briefs. Thank God. Dude, the guy fucking like close talked him the whole time. He was showering. It was so funny. What the fuck is going on? It was crazy, dude. I'd never been in the locker room before at Barton Springs. Yeah. I would imagine that is definitely a hot spot. Bro, I kind of put that together. I got there. I went, oh, okay. Yeah. Because the bros were happy in there.

50:44The bros were in there, chipper as could be. Everyone in there has a Ukraine flag in their front. Yeah.

50:50Shane Gillis:Every single one of them. I felt so bad to be like, this is one of my favorite things. Down here, we turn a corner. I went, oh, God damn it. Fuck. Dude, it was. I mean, you know when you just fall from being completely bricked up and you're getting a shower and you check yourself in the mirror and you go, yeah, it pretty much is like this all the time. He presented, it was like a flawless, flaccid presentation. I got to give it to the guy. It was the best. Circed up? I believe so. I kind of averted my eyes pretty quickly, but I'm pretty sure. I would have registered if it was on Cirque because that would have been another factor that haunted my fucking dreams.

51:27Shane Gillis:Yeah, I think it was just like a... yeah that was a cory was like bro that was like a health class i thought i was in health class it was just weird dongs all around and the clothes talking while naked i'll never understand and it was clothed male nude male too one guy was fully clothed just sitting there like yeah dude so anyway yeah you can't do that no it was that was that was a shocker and i got out like 65 degree water so i'm like that was that was the big question we were like how the fuck is that guy presenting like that we just got out of the chilly water they might have just got out of something else true could have been that's what i was thinking about like that'd be so sick to be gay and just be like watching dudes swim for an hour you get out everyone's dicks are out that must be so fucking sick you know what i'm saying that'd be like if you swam it was just babes and you just go to get changed yeah but them if you go in the locker room and you glance there's a there's a chance you get beat to death you know what do you mean by a homophobic man right right You know, they had numbers, bro.

52:28Scoping dongs. They had numbers. They are running a risk is what I'm saying. Oh, for sure. For sure. Down Texas way. But in that locker room, they had absolute numbers.

52:39Shane Gillis:If I had been like, what the fuck? I would have gotten probably slapped to death. You would have been slapped to death. Death by a thousand slaps. He died by sissy. That was fun. That was still, though, that was a funny moment. Mexican sissy beat him to death. I would have came back, just fucking mushroom tatted up, just whipped me with his giant hog. Had Brittany nurse my mushroom tats. I couldn't show her, dude. The tip of the... The glons? It'd be too big. She'd be like, did you get slapped by a glons? I'm like, dude, he was kind of bricked. It was actually... How did he whip you if he was bricked?

53:17You'd be like, it just settled, I swear to God. Just settled. He brought his hips with him. He's fucking...

53:23Shane Gillis:The dick gods just pulled the bone out of it. Fucking... there are but there are some big fish down there though in the uh barn creek i had my goggles on i was down oh yeah i was so jealous of everyone bro i had the gogs and i was dude there was like four or five big fish down there i was very pumped you should start fishing down there and get beat up by the sissies oh the sissies would fuck you up the sissies and the yeah they you they would they would scream at you also dudes people just swim into you if you're not like doing like full laps and just kind of like chilling in the water you got like literally swam into by a guy just bulldozed right in and he was like and like he didn't say anything and then uh the dude was like god damn what the hell and he's like oh i'm sorry about that and just kept kept going just backstroking just right into him i don't like that i should have caught a ride i should have jumped on him yeah like a barnacle but yeah barton springs is i think it's the best place fucking rules all things considered I'll just drive home in my wet bathing suit next time yeah you have to yeah that's well I didn't want it was like chilly I was like you know let me be considerate I don't want to sign a guy up to be chilly and wet I didn't feel like that would be a very hospitable thing to do being chilly and wet sucks yeah because I do it I do the cold plunge at my gym and then I just drive home I've been doing natural reheat no sauna you just get out yeah and just fucking head back and I drive when I use that's why I always bring a pair it feels good Feels really good.

54:52I'm always cold for, like, the rest of the day.

54:55Shane Gillis:You're cold for a while. Yeah. If you do it all the time, your body, like, now, I would get so cold that I'd be actually scared. I would drive and be like, dude, for real, I'm like, I'm getting lightheaded. This is fucked up. Your body adapts quick. Now I can just kind of drive home. No big deal. But it's like, that's why I was like, I don't want to sign someone up. Because I did a lot of wet, cold drives home. So I'm like, I can't put that on somebody. Not a fucking civilian in terms of this cold water game. No. Can't do that. I'm back to civilian status. You'll get it right back. I know. I got to get in there.

55:24Get it right back, bro. I couldn't even get in my pool yesterday. It's too chilly. Are you serious? Yeah, I mean, I've lost my...

55:29Shane Gillis:Nah, that'll put some lead in your pencil. I need it. That'll put some lead in your... You getting that cold water, bro? That'll put some lead... That'll put some number two graphite right back in the pencil. I'm back to drinking, though. I'm excited about that. That's nice. Yeah. As soon as I got back to Austin. Yeah. Directly back to a terrible schedule. No changes. I was so excited. I was like, this is great. Not drinking. so great. You feel great. As soon as I get back. I'll go out tonight. Fuck it. Austin's fun. It's nice out. It is fun. There's something about the sun in the summer here.

55:58It's very hard to not drink. Still got to get a boat trip. Yeah. I'm excited about that. Never been. I've been on one. It was like shitty and cold. Christmas lights.

56:09Shane Gillis:It was a Christmas light. You're going to love it. I bet. It'd be nice. You put me on the water, bro. Change. Yeah, it's very fun. Like gills come out. Yeah, people lose their minds at sea. Yeah. These guys, you guys went nuts last time we were at sea. Swimming, all of a sudden you thought you could swim. You got drunk and confident. I threw on the - It's like he's going to die. Yeah. I kept being like, for real, keep an eye on him because he cannot swim. The safety vest, though. You had a life vest? Yeah. Still. Yeah. I didn't like it. I wanted you back on board. Your ass floats. His ass does float.

56:40I was trapped under water. Yeah. I was top and bottom buoyant. It was flawless. You were what? Top and bottom buoyant. I think I used that word, right? I think so, yeah. Sounds fine. I just heard top and bottom and boy. I was going to call you gay again. You seem less zesty. Is that why he's become the king? Or is he still?

57:02Shane Gillis:He had to go to the zesty underworld. Now he became straight king. Yeah, straight king now. It doesn't bother us anymore. He's just super zesty. We just let him be. That's how you know LeMere's mad at me. LeMere is mad. And again, I get it. You guys have reservations about it. I think it's totally innocent, the project. I try to give them the Black Swim Club as an idea. I think it'd be, you guys could be defying stereotypes. It's you two in the pool. You bring another black comic over. You just chop it up, talk about whatever. And then all three of you swim on camera. Honestly, that'd be a really fucking funny-ass podcast.

57:32I know, man. And they won't do it. None of you can swim. Million-dollar idea. Just try to talk while you're doggy battling with your ass in the air. I think, what? Can't be it. Can't lose it. We can't lose anybody, though. We have white lifeguards. Yeah, we will have the whites. No, I don't trust y 'all to not watch us drown. We're going to let you drown a little. See? See? No, we take water very seriously. That's true. I was genuinely concerned for you. I had it. We had the big, like, floating. It wasn't a floating bed, but that floating thing. We were safe. We were safe. Yeah. Tommy was teaching us how to swim.

58:09Tommy was blacked out. I know. That was my favorite part. Tommy was blacked out. I was like, oh, yeah, you got to fucking swim. He's trying to get me to take the life vest off. Trying to swim out to the middle of the river. I was like, dude, he can't swim. He needs to be able to hold on to the boat. He's trying to take a life vessel. He gets in like a little kid, though. It's so funny to get him in, to try to get him in the water. He's like, ooh, ooh. He holds on to the boat. He's like, give me a piece. It was scary until the bruise hit, did I? Yeah. No, it's scary. You never know what's in there.

58:42How deep do you think that is out there? It's pretty fucking deep. I think only 10. No, it's got to be more than 10. Yeah, bro. Okay. Oh, you do have a good depth finder in your brain, yeah. What was telling you it was about 10 feet? What was... Nothing, really. That's just my guess. Just fisherman's intuition? Yeah, I couldn't feel the bottom, so I just guessed 10 feet. We were kind of close to the shore, so... Okay. That makes sense. I get scared when I can't touch the bottom. Dude, I think there's... Yeah, not touching the bottom is spooky. Barton, there's parts in the... Barton, I swear to God, must be like 20 feet down.

59:22It goes... That place goes like... It gets close to there, yeah. Yeah, super far. Who knows, dude, out in the middle of Lake Austin. Not touching the bottom is scary. Touching the bottom is scary, too. Yeah, true. You just step in the fucking mud and whatever the fuck that is. Yeah, I got caught in that seagrass stuff. Yeah, it's scary. Did you ever play that Ninja Turtles game for Nintendo, the second level,

59:41Shane Gillis:where you're in the water and there's a fucking electric seagrass? That's all I could think of. I touched it. I was like, ah! It is spooky. I was like, ah, shit. There's something in there. It's a giant snake. Yeah, I was thinking about it. When the grass hit me, all I could think about was water snakes. I was like, bro, if I get a water moccasin, it'll get you. You hit a nest, man, it'll fucking kill you. Martin Springs is 18 feet. The lake is 75 feet. Okay. Lake Austin. I was close. Damn.

1:00:13Yeah. Dang, that's deep as hell. Damn. I haven't been gone for a while, and we still have no steam. I mean, you'd think we'd have a lot of stories. We got steam. Steam was out. We were just steaming. Yeah, steaming right along. We were steaming. As if we never left. No, we were steaming for like fucking 30 minutes. And I mean, again, apologies for the vibe. That really fucked us up. That kind of scared me. Yeah, man. For real. I was feeling the same thing. I didn't like to see him act like that. I hate when they act up and turn on each other. I know. It is like walking dogs. Occasionally, they just start fucking biting each other.

1:00:53And you're like, guys, what the fuck are you doing that for? They get mad at somebody else. They're like, that comic's a piece of shit. And they're like, you know what? You're a fucking piece of shit. Fuck you. Nasty little fuckers.

1:01:07Shane Gillis:Did you see the guy who was stuffing balloons in his shirt being a slut? Chrissy Noam's husband? Yeah. I can't tell. I kind of want to give him the benefit of the doubt. Was he being funny? Or does he like having massive jokes? No, I think there were so many pictures. How many pictures? I've only seen two. Both of them look like he's being funny. I don't know. I thought he was being super slut. I haven't looked into it. Wasn't he posting them on like a dude site? My girl told me he was posting them on a site just for doing that. Oh, so this guy's the real deal. Yeah, this guy. This guy's the real deal.

1:01:37He's not just goofing. I mean, that's high level. He's not taking a funny boob picture.

1:01:41Shane Gillis:Oh, the question you're raising, was it goof or goon? I think it was goon. All signs are pointing to goon. Also, I will say, though, the way he positioned the balloon knots for nipples, you've got to give him credit for that. That's a master at work. They're calling it bimbofication. Bimbofication is. Lately, the internet's been like a wash in crazy fetish stuff. I recently came across lifters, just muscle guys. They got real horny to lift up women. Just fucking lift them up and get real. Oh, this guy was not goofing. Yeah, I don't think he was goofing at all. That's a nice benefit of the doubt, though.

1:02:15Seriously, it's a hard attack. If somebody's taking Juggs pictures, that's got to be goofing.

1:02:20Shane Gillis:Because it's the pink spandex. That's exactly what did it. Yeah. I saw the full photo where he's wearing yoga pants. Yeah, dude. Oh, no. Those look like those bouncy fake tits and not just like balloons. They are. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. He was a, I mean, to get balloons to look like that was like, damn, that's kind of, you know how many times I try to make balloons look like big fat tits? I'm goofing. I was going to say when I was a kid, if I got my hands on balloons. Yeah. But that's the thing. If you were, you know, you were on the fucking. Think of that making you horny. I mean, you that's Max.

1:02:53What is that? That makes you horny. But massive jogs and yoga pants on and taking a very serious, almost mugshot.

1:03:00Shane Gillis:I mean, to be fair, though, here's the thing. And, you know, let's play devil's advocate here. Imagine if you like, you know, you're like, I don't feel like all the porn videos are kind of tapped. I've seen most of them already. you put the balloons in you put your wife's yoga pants on and then you did duck face to yourself in the mirror and all of a sudden you're like damn is there a baby here now you're with you're with a babe you've never been closer to a babe so look i look not my cup of tea personally but it's one of those things you can't knock until you try it that's all i'm saying i'm only seeing that one photo though are we sure he's not goofing he's i don't think he's got the nipples offset that's goofing he's probably fucking fapping himself silly you know how hard it's to keep those things straight true the nipples are definitely getting knocked around from the fat that is i mean you got it like you were saying that's such a tough jones to be like fuck this is so hot i can't stop doing this it's time to take pictures i mean that's the other thing too it's like why are they i would imagine is the left reveling in this yeah why don't they just accept him as being like yeah that's his kink he was fucking i guess because they assume he's homophobic so whenever that happened to go what if that's also his kink i agree be like you'll never no son of mine will do the yeah i'll do it i hear your son's the opposite of whatever you are i want my son to be straight as hell i'm gonna be fucking i'm gonna be the gayest fucking guy you've ever seen in your life yeah busted bro and it wasn't a uh i don't know i saw somewhere in the article there was some sort of like intelligence involved some intelligence received that photo so i didn't know if that was like a hack job or you know that was with like an escort or something it's crazy i mean i'm sure intelligence is monitoring yeah her shit yeah like his yeah yeah that's yeah if you're in high level politics i'm sorry you just can't get escorts you just gotta solo bimbofy and just lay low that is true he could have been doing what was best for his family in their political career.

1:05:04Instead of getting a hooker, he'll be like, I'll be my own hooker. I'm not going to try to sully this family's good name. I'm going to take a picture. But then he probably got so horny, he sent the picture to a hooker. I was like, fuck. I'm sorry. I tried my best. Look, I get it, man. You come off the show, you're hot. He's probably at the political rally. He was hot. He goes to a quiet hotel room. We've all been there. What the fuck am I going to do now? There's fucking nothing on TV. I'm not watching a movie with commercials. I'm going to put balloons in my shirt. Fucking whack one off.

1:05:36Shane Gillis:He's just waiting outside the party city. It's 945. He's like, sale me open. They're blowing them up. He's like, a little bigger. How about a little bigger? How are these, sir? He's like, yeah, they're all right. Let me see those balloon knots. Yeah, they're nice. I need a triple XL t-shirt.

1:05:58I don't know.

1:05:59Shane Gillis:I'm not mad at the guy, personally. He got caught up. He got caught up. He was gooting. Let him live, man. Let him live. I mean, it's, you know, what is his exact position anyway? Doggy.

1:06:13Shane Gillis:He's a husband of a politician. Yeah, he's just a house husband, I guess. Let him fucking. Let him cook. He's a horny house husband. What the hell? Yeah, he's not. He's bored all day. He's waiting for her to come home. Yeah. Yeah. He's trying stuff out. He's taking pills. Yeah. You only vacuum so much. now it's time to jack off i wonder though if that's like a weird side effect of like trt just like a horny house husband yeah i've been as a rock yeah what's the hell fifa and jacked off for like three years it's fucking crazy i'd go to the lizard lounge once a week i'm gonna be something in comedy just watch just playing fifa completely spent three three a days or when you're doing the three a days man you feel it just completely zaps three days is crazy three days that's you go to bed shameful yeah yeah yeah three days will definitely these how many how many the gooner cave catch dude i know you were hitting two days no spring ball in here i'm i'm huh i've been chilling really i've been trying not to beat off as much yeah i mean yeah once every couple days now okay yeah respectable yeah you don't believe me no one believes you.

1:07:23Why not? Telling the truth. There's no, the curtains don't come down. No one's been here. It's even better. That's why nature's out here. They're gathering around. It's like an opposite of a zoo. Animals are watching you, dude. That's how fucking dirty that room is. There was a lizard did sneak in there. I had to get it out. Oh, the lizard got in your trash room? When it was cool. You were just at nighttime, you started jerking the lizard? I don't feel anything. Dude, I do it on the way over here. I totally forgot about this. I was passing like a McDonald's. I was up north and I saw a late, you know, classic outdoor lady whacked out on drugs, pants fully down.

1:08:08She was bent over just like fingers in her butt. I think it was an itch, but it was like she was digging so hard that I saw her head tilt

1:08:16Shane Gillis:back. Then I was like, you fucking have trials. I got to turn my head forward to the road. This is, and a guy walked, like, it was just, like, walking by her on the street. Didn't even, he just, like, tunnel vision. Yeah, you can't. Walked past. I was like, God damn. Yeah, what else can you do? I mean, turn around. Go the other way. Turn around, go the other way, or. I'm not supposed to be outside today. Yeah. I knocked that off, but then it's like. Knock that off, you're going to risk that hand. That butt hand can come back. You're risking a butt hand slap. Worst case scenario, a little mandible claw.

1:08:50There you go. Yeah, what'd you say to me?

1:08:52Shane Gillis:That was a meaty gal. That was a meaty gal, too. It was a big, meaty butt. I saw it from like three stoplights back. I said, is that a fucking giant naked butt? And I pulled up and I was like, oh, she's digging in. She's digging in. It was wild, dude. Like full hand action, bare butt. What I saw, it was full pull the cheeks apart, red eye. And the hand just like went in and went to work. And I was like, yo, what the fuck? You said it was in front of Mickey D's? Right in front of Mickey D's. She was having it her way. She's loving it. I was on the phone with Spud, and we were just chatting. I was like, dude, time out.

1:09:28Shane Gillis:I just watched a lady just absolutely, like, claw her ass. It was full fingers, all fingers, butt scratch. The cheek spread was crazy, dude. Must be liberating. I mean, bro, imagine. Imagine that. We've all been walking down the street. I'd give anything to itch my butthole right now. Pants down. And you go, fuck it. I got nothing else. Five fingernails at once. must have been bliss yeah actually it was paul's for a second i want to go to the bathroom i'm gonna go i'm gonna go treat myself i uh tommy's fiance came over to help me clean uh all my stuff out my closet because i'll never do that it's very nice of her yeah and uh there's so many jerseys from all the shows they always give you a jersey with your name on it which i'll never wear it's thinking about giving them all the bums could have like 50 bums wearing like authentic Buffalo Sabres jerseys with Gillis on the back of it.

1:10:20Shane Gillis:That's really nice. Right? Wouldn't that be sick? Yeah, that'd be awesome. Because they're nice jerseys. Yeah. Just big baggy fucking hockey jerseys on homeless guys. Yeah, and it's perfect time. 107 degrees. They would love nothing more. They love layering up. They love layering up. They would literally love nothing more than a very heavy hockey jersey for 107 degrees. I think that's the move. I think it is too. See some guy in a T-Wolves Gillis jersey jacking off. You're fucking right, man. Digging his ass. I had a homeless guy break into my car recently. What are you doing there? That's the question, bro.

1:10:56Nothing's gone. I was for real worried he'd beat off in my car. Probably. That's over. That's probably what I'm thinking about, ripping out the interior. That's why I want the waterproof interior in my car. A bum broke into your car? It was just like the door that goes around, he pops the handles. So I guess I forgot to lock my car, and he just fucking came in. How did you know he was in there? Because all the shit was spilled out of my glove box. and the center console was popped out. I was like, God, I'm like, I'm a fucking animal. What the hell is that? And I was like, that's a bum. Goddamn bum was in my car.

1:11:23And I could smell them too. But the funny thing was I had just, I like ran in the morning, so I kind of stunk. And I had a moment where I was like, that might just be me. You might smell like a bum. But then I was like, no, that's bum. But then I was smelling me too and I was getting both smells. The bum is strong. It reminds me of, like, you know how when it rains, worms come out on the sidewalk? I always thought worms smelled like that. And then I was just like, oh, it's the rain. That's what rain smells like. I'm an idiot. But that is the same thing, though, when you walk down 6th Street in the summer.

1:11:55Yeah. I bet that's just what the street smells like. But then you're like, I think that's what bums smell like. No, it's Primal Man. This was Primal Man.

1:12:02Shane Gillis:There actually, I think, is a smell called the homeless smell, bum. It's like a problem when you're trying to reintroduce a homeless guy into society. There's a thing called the homeless smell that you have to somehow get rid of. Because you start to fucking reek. Being out in the sun all day, every day. Dude, you would smell so bad. I smelled it. It was in my car. He stunk my car up. He was in there for maybe five minutes. Stunk my car up. Yeah, but if he beats, it's over. If a homeless guy... He cracked one in the CRV? Yeah, because I was like, I'd have to call and get it detailed. But then I'd have to tell the...

1:12:34I'm not going to do that to a detailed guy. We're like, yeah, just clean it up, man. Let me know. There's some bum semen in there. So how's a pause load? That is a very pause load. You got to pause, load, and the whip. And then it gets dry, and it turns to dust. It turns into something else. You could inhale that. That's what I'm saying. Like a specialist. The sun mixed with it. Ah, fuck. Yeah, I'm worried about it. I still, like, I, like, cautiously looked around for any kind of glisten. But no, I don't think. I think he just, like, chilled in my car. I don't know. I'm, like, trying to think, like, what did he take?

1:13:00My phone charger's still there? You think that's prime bum? I had a skateboard. You think he would take my skateboard? He literally took nothing out of my car. Skateboard would be sick. Yeah. You'd be a cool-ass bum. I have one of those things where you can emergency break the glass. I got bugged out on the thought of my car submerging. I got one of those. You have one? I had one. I was very excited about it. I ordered it off Amazon. Yeah. So do you know the protocol for if your car, if you get submerged in water, how to get out? I mean, lower the windows a little to let some water in or some shit.

1:13:28Dead? No chance. I'm dead, dude. Dude, you're dead. No chance. Lower the windows. That's crazy. Crack the windows a little.

1:13:35Shane Gillis:No, no, no, no. It's SWAC protocol, bro. Seatbelts immediately off. Well, of course, you take your seatbelt off. Rear window. Because you know why? The motor brings the car down, so your nose is going to start sinking first. And they're designed so that the back windows are going to float. And you think you can kick it out. Guess again. You have to have your tool. You got to punch it. And then you start getting the kids out. And then you get out. And that's it. Then you have to, like, swim with your kids after getting a car accident in the water. And I think you die, honestly. Yeah, you die. Well, there was a thing going on.

1:14:03I get Cura emails all the time, and I just read them. I read every single one. What's Cura? Kira is like a, I think it was like pre-Facebook. Now it's just boomers get spammed with like shit that kind of makes them kind of like clickbait. But Kira, you can ask questions. Like ask G's, but you have people be like, was Jesus really Jewish?

1:14:23Shane Gillis:Then like boomers just fight each other for like 9 million comments. Like that was the one. The guy was like, if you ever get into, if you fall into water, this is what you do. And apparently I looked it up and it was like, no, that's actually the worst possible thing you can do. So there's a thing that goes around that just gets people to click it. So I looked up the real protocol. I got so bugged out on it that I ordered like three of those glass smashers. That's nice. Yeah, because they were like, you got to find a window, kick it out. And I looked it up. They said, no, they said, take the headrest off your seats and then hit the rear window because that'll still be floating.

1:14:53Who's telling me to crack the windows a little? Has anyone else heard this rumor? A little bit, though? Yeah, I don't know what it is.

1:15:00Shane Gillis:Then the water is just going to start rushing. I think it's easier to break if it's not. That's what I assumed is like if it's not sealed, you could kind of crack it a little bit easier but you have 30 seconds bro your car has like they say like a minute it's easier to open the door or something who knows you're gonna get rushed we're gonna flood you're gonna sink your whole family's gonna die I'm gonna hold my breath dude I don't have a family

1:15:22also you go hey yeah fresh start yeah sure

1:15:28Shane Gillis:we're all together guys one of the producers look up that crack the window thing dude I gotta find out look up SWOC protocol. Because I could get wrong. No, I believe your protocol sounds exactly right. SWOC protocol. I'm just wondering why I have this urban myth. I don't know. Dude, I was really bugging out on this. Let's look up how exactly you... The thing that was kind of cool is that... The doper's racing to the internet. True. SWOC. SWOC protocol. SWOC. Can you look up crack in the window? Because I do want to make sure... Yeah, he's lying to me. There's a lot of bad information going around.

1:16:01AI says if your car is sinking, you immediately try to open or roll down the windows before water fills the car. If the windows won't open, use a dedicated window breaker tool just to get the windows open. Okay, so maybe

1:16:11Shane Gillis:that is first line of defense. Roll them down. Doesn't water rush into your car then? Yeah, but then you can open your door easily. No, but you can't open your door because the water pressure is so heavy. But there won't be water pressure if your window is down. To crack the window. Yeah. Interesting. I don't know. I'm just not going to do it. Don't die. Let's go down. I'm just not going to die. I'll just told you, Brad. But yeah, so well, we'll see. We should test it. I think Mythbusters did an episode on this, by the way. So, if you're interested, check that out. Check out MB. Check out MB. Damn, Patreon's gonna rip.

1:16:52Patreon's gonna fucking slash. Patreon's gonna go nuts. It's gonna slash.

1:16:56Shane Gillis:We're gonna conquer the wasp nest. We should do that in between. Yeah, let's go conquer that and come back. All right. Goodbye, everybody. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.