Ep 609 - Mega Heider (feat. Corey Heider & Nate Marshall)

21:24So remember we've talked about, you said, Hey, be careful. The homeless people. They're a little bit brazen. Yeah. I was like, it's okay. I know how to choke them. I know rear naked choke. It's real strong. So this guy, right. I'm wondering around the streets last night and this guy comes up to me. He's like, he keeps, I was like, yeah, this is my dude. Right. And he's like, you got a cigarette. I was like, nah, man, I don't even smoke. And I left all my Zen in the hotel room. I'm like, I'm cooked, bro. He's like, you got a dollar. I was like, nah, bro. I was like, nah, bro. I was like, everything's cash.

21:50I'm just mimic him, right? I was like, nah, bro. I was like, I got none of the cash. And he's like, ah, he's like, fuck. I was like, I know. I don't know what we're going to do, bro. And he's like, all right, man. Good luck, brother. And I'm like, yeah, thanks, man. And I like walk away and he walks away. And I'm like, averted, right? And I was like walking three minutes later, same dude. Hey, buddy. I was like, buddy. I was like, it's you again. I was like, do you remember from like six minutes ago? And I started tweaking, right? I was like, six minutes ago, I was like, did you get a cigarette yet?

22:19And he's like, no, man, fuck. And I was like, I know, dude, we're cooked, bro. What are we going to do? Just assimilate. You just joined him, yeah. Smart. In Austin, I am the dead center between the homeless and the upper, the sophistocrites. Okay? I'm dead fucking square. So the sophistocrite looks me in the eye, they cross the street. If a homeless man looks me in the eye, they ask for money. I'm like, so I could be either one. You're either, you have a foot in each world. So I talked to all the well-dressed people in elevators real nice, and I act super homeless to the homeless people.

22:54Shane Gillis:Your coach was like, bro, we both, like, what are we going to do, bro? Well, I did enjoy the fact, so flying out here, I put you in first class. What's that first class? I think so, right? I don't know. I wouldn't know fucking first class and third class. Were the seats big? Yeah. And was there just two of you in a row or three? There was three. There was a space between. If my wife gave you comfort plus, I'm going to call her and scream at her. Okay, comfort plus. Is that good or bad? I was happy. How many people were with you? There was two people. There was on the way there, on the way here, there was two people.

23:24On the way to Baltimore, there was one person seated between us. But you were not allowed to set your bag there or he would look at you funny the whole time. So you were in the front? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I was afraid. Like, if something went down, I'm the first motherfucker to jump out. Hell yeah, hell yeah.

23:38Shane Gillis:So we were in first class. I was about to call my wife and say, you fucking sheepskate. Stop it. Why are you treating me like this? I had to. I'm literally white trash. what are you doing you gotta start ground you gotta build up dude no i wanted i wanted to unleash you in first class dude it did not go out you tried to make a flight buddy so many times and they were just shutting you down absolutely not yeah the one lady uh i don't know if i could say this you know uh hippa hippa uh are you no she oh dude i was peeping her phone the whole time well she's sitting right there and she had wi-fi i'm like how the fuck she get wi-fi so i was like this i was like oh shit what's that king of queens i love that shit and i know all the words so i didn't even need the volume and she kept looking at this fucking seating chart for a stadium for a softball game right and it was in massachusetts and i knew we was going to austin and i was just like i got to figure out something to start a conversation with her right and i didn't want to say oh you just went to the bathroom did you take a dump like what was that about was that cool and so she came back and i was like oh you're going to a game and she was like no and she like hit her phone and put it in her pocket.

24:39I was like, okay, I'm just, I'm gonna fuck off for the next two hours and look out my window because I got the window seat. Another outburst like that, I'm gonna close the fucking shade. So, you got one more of those, lady. Maybe shut me down.

24:51Shane Gillis:You were phone peeping, you tried to make a conversation. Out of phone peeping, yeah, that might not be a good idea. I phone peep, dude, I phone peep. You can't let people know you're phone peeping. Letting him know is so funny. You're going to a game, man? Dude, I saw a guy in an airline uniform one time on his phone. I'm sitting next to him, looking down. And it was full like, did you fuck this? And it was like, and then it was like him texting that person. And they were going back and forth. And I was like, scandalous. It was very scandalous. Dude. I was getting rocked up. I hope she did fuck him.

25:21I'm not phone peeping. I just have a massive erection for other reasons.

25:25Shane Gillis:I was just clocking his affair. I'm like, fuck, dude. This fucking pilot's having an affair. That's so hot. Of course he is. Why? I will see you a pilot. Don't marry a pilot. Okay. If you're out there and you're married to a pilot. Brother, come on. That had me shook. What are you going to do? Why? Well, he was about to go fly the plane? No, he was doing civilian flying. So, you know, flight attendants and pilots sometimes just hop on the plane and fly? Dude, that'd be hilarious. He was doing that. I was next to him, and I was just clocking his phone. A lot of older people, too, have that giant font that you can't help.

25:53I could read it from 40 yards away. Saw this Instagram reel the other day. It was just a lady at the Spurs game. There's so many Mexicans here. I didn't know they could afford it. It was just her with the giant font. I was like, holy shit. Do you know why they can afford it? Because they work hard. And they're very industrious people.

26:09Shane Gillis:You should do your own text at the game. Was that the game where they won the last second shot? I don't know what game. It was just like a random. You couldn't even see the players. It was just people zooming in on the ladies' phone. It's also a funny way just to Photoshop people's phones and just write the most whatever you want. Like, damn, it's fucked up. Why would she text that? It's crazy. That's a power move. That could be the whole Instagram itself right there, dude. I did it. Hey, everybody. Real quick. I will be in Phoenix this weekend. This very weekend. I'll be at Phoenix at the Celebrity Theater.

26:39Shane Gillis:I'll be in Phoenix at the Celebrity Theater. And then Tucson, Arizona on Saturday. Guys, I'm sorry. I'm just so sleepy. I woke up at 4.30 this morning. Unintentionally jock-o'd out. Woke up at 4.30. And just got after it, guys. So I'm exhausted. I'm bushed. I'm absolutely bushed right now. But I won't be bushed when I'm in Phoenix and then Tucson this weekend. So come on out, guys. there's a um there's a link to my website mattmccusker.com in the show description or something in some box beneath this video please come or don't if you don't want to come don't come somebody do i'll be shredded by summer i'm actually on track to genuinely be shredded by summer so that's you know you can't have it all but i will be shredded either way guys have a Good night.

27:31Shane Gillis:Please go. Bye. Dude, I've, I've, uh, so apparently there's people out there now, like, you know, when you see those like Instagram videos of like, I can make 10 grand online, you know, I'll show you how to do it. I, this one guy, I was watching his video and he said he just like has chat GBTs, like writing very sad, fucked up story. And then he gets to, he like looks through and goes, yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Then he goes, sore or make a video about this. And then he just has AI just write these like clickbait weird or like write the story that has a thing ai do the video and he just spams them online and goes rich one of them's gonna hit and go viral and you make like 10 grand a month off of just one and he's like i work for like 20 minutes yeah so that's such a weird yeah it's like those guys who like bet against the stock market and just like you don't do anything really and it's so easy though like as soon as you said it it's like oh it's yeah i click them all the time yeah what the yeah you would have to go to the gym regularly because you would never get tired from doing that no you would sleep terribly you would actually yeah we're just sitting at home all day just making ai itself that's just watching ai beat off over itself and like here's sad stories we can clickbait people there is something sad about that too i was watching like man that's kind of empty yeah it won't work if he made make great stories make happy stories like and then put those in videos it'll get no tracks i know it doesn't It's gotta be fucked up insane.

28:54It's tragic.

28:54Shane Gillis:It's like a sad thing. Like, then her child died and she got ran over by a train. And people are like, oh, it's just a nurse being like, oh, my God. Oh, that's terrible. I'm feeling my own emotions. What was the guy? Could you see it? Like, was the guy Indian guy? It was like a white guy. It was like a young, young white hotshot. Yeah. No, I just I just. Indian guy. They're talking up. Now they're working the phones, bro. With the Aztec? They're AI heavy too. You think they're AI heavy? there's a thing I've been noticing a lot you know I told you before my algorithm is all thoughts but I've been noticing it's been sly and then AI thoughts and every now and again the captions like it's like they forgot to hit the translator or whatever and it's just Indian shit but it's like it's just ladies it's just super real looking ladies that you gotta like squint and like notice weird movements or notice that they're all doing the exact same thing but they're like quiet and they have like their verified accounts with OnlyFans linked to them they're like doing ai pimping oh that's what you said the engines are up to right now yeah yeah yeah the fake pimp is a fake lady so i know they also pulled over to what's wrong with engine i don't know i'm i thought we eradicated that word in the 18 fucking hundreds but we can bring it back well i'm talking about indians from india i don't okay we'll see how that yeah i shouldn't i'm sorry dude i'm very expressive i get it i literally have no filter and i try I shouldn't have.

30:18No, that's fine. We call them Indians. No, you're right.

30:20Shane Gillis:I shouldn't have called Indians Indians. Calling the Indians from India Indians. I don't even know. Yeah, dude. That's like second generation. That's like racial inception.

30:34Just go over to India and be like, you Native American. I'll be like, oh, shit. Fire back, dude.

30:40Shane Gillis:Clap back. Isn't that a whole thing from Christopher Columbus thinking he was getting to India? Yes. Look at these fucking guys. Yes. That's how fucking stubborn white people are, dude. It's fucking crazy to me. Well, it's stuck, too, because they're called Indians. It didn't. It should have stuck. That's crazy. That'd be like you pulling up to a red light and being like, that's a purple light. And everyone would be like, no, that's absolutely a red light. And you're like, well, we'll just kill everyone. Enough people call it a purple light. How about it? What color is it now? Oh, it seems pretty purple to me, huh?

31:08Let's keep that rolling. We'll name baseball teams after it and everything. Fuck that.

31:11Shane Gillis:Well, even Native Americans, they're like, no, we're like an Iroquois or a Gankwin or whatever. So it's just funny, but nah, we came out with your name That's what you guys are Pretty rough, yeah It is boss on some level, but it's not good It's definitely boss To be like, nah, look This is your guys' identity, we figured it out for you We're not going to learn the rest I wish if there was anything we could have culturally appropriated From the Native Americans It would have been the naming system We brought that over from Europe Bro, come on, dude, I want to be running dog I'm with you on that Wouldn't that be great?

31:45Nighthawk Nighthawk Senior World Combat character That's my grandpa Crazy Squirrel You'd love him

31:51Shane Gillis:Yeah Their naming system was I'll give you that He's superior It was sick I'm for You know Nobody's with me On this one But I'm all about A Native American president Yeah Let's go We've never had A Native American president I feel like he would Turn on the whites You guys would be Let it happen What are you talking about After what y 'all did to them You think they're not Quietly holding a grudge Let's open up this pit I didn't do anything. I know now, but historically, they got the little grudge in the back there. I was driving around Phoenix before, and just the parts where they put your people look like shit out there.

32:29It's not good. It is not good. You hit green, and then it just turns back into the desert as soon as you hit the reservation. And they're like, that's what you get. They got some bum lines for sure. dude i was in the wind river just like he said bro wind river mountains in somewhere wyoming montana i don't know i was driving i didn't pay attention um and you came up and like he said bro it was green mountains beautiful white people land and then it was just barren desert and like welcome to the indian reservation and right i'm from uh this little town pennsylvania well like near pittsburgh and i was on this indian reservation right nothing around took me three hours and 10 minutes to drive there through nothing and i go in this little state uh little convenience store not even gas station everything's dusty bro i pull off this thing is delalo fucking and i was like that's from my hometown i was like there's no way i didn't know that was a national thing and i look and i was like no made in jeanette pennsylvania i was like oh what truck came out here bro what is delalo it's delalo it's like a little italian market in a fucking suburb of pennsylvania like i don't even know it's not pittsburgh it's not greensburg like there's i don't think there's anything i could say that and it made it all the way out to the res brother brother in wyoming i'm like how how'd you get out here little guy i just want to take him back home i'll take you back you lost your way dude come back nobody talks about the

33:45Shane Gillis:native americans ever it's like it's they get like the the littlest bit of lip service at like liberal colleges every now and again there's nothing good we can say that's also kind of like a weird thing like just we're gonna acknowledge the fact of this land anyway here's what we're building here and it's gonna be sick it's gonna be awesome you guys get casinos let's get it yeah i'm dude the native american president could be sick yeah could be dude fucking the peace pipe in the oval office i mean that would honestly be the best thing be awesome see him sitting down with zi jinping smoking a peace pipe dude it would be so fucking especially i i i would like to and i don't want to get political here but i would like to get away from uh having like 87 year olds as the president yeah yeah you can't have like a guy's cognitive decline we need jfk2 tokyo drift a guy's got not much time left on here just making all our decisions no dude we need yeah we need i would say 50 is like the perfect age can i kind of have one more counter argument against native americans though they have historically taken so many l's i don't know if you don't know if you put them in charge we just went through a series of them taking l come on he's thinking about his country okay okay are you ready for this so let's look at the other side of the coin okay so if you've taken every l possible you've learned every fucking way to not do that shit again true true that's how i got where i am today yeah it's up it's true true i learned every lesson the hard motherfucking way you're making a good point what's the hardest lesson you ever learned oh my god dude look both ways before you cross that motherfucking road oh yeah you got hit by a car cousin what kind of car uh dodge shadow 93 es trim

35:29oh how fast was it going i mean 45 miles an hour in a 25 cousin oh i was 315 pounds at 13 years old while my dad stole a trek mountain bike i stole it from him he didn't steal it yeah it was right for the his i had no fucking right taking it so let me bust this story down yeah you got time let me bust this story down okay so your boy was at home skipping school not supposed to be doing it and his dad's bike was in the basement the nicest possession in the hider household not ever supposed to be touched by me who broke every fucking thing he ever touched ever i was a nightmare they called me bits and pieces i don't even think my mom knew my name she just called me bits and pieces because that's all the fuck i left when and so okay so i went down to the basement i stole my dad's bike it had a digital speedometer it's important for later in the story foreshadowing so i take it i dip off i'm going to go to my boy brandon's house i'm a flex on the neighborhood right pimp pimp pimp hooray so i go down and i it's all downhill so at 315 pounds on a bike downhill it's an easy game dude you could have flown i could have i didn't even touch the sidewalk cut so i get down there and i'm like yeah look at this bike it's tight right he's like yeah good point let's go on a bike ride our boy cj just got hit by a car on his bicycle we should go visit him he's in danger okay and i was like that does seem nice but that's all downhill and then i'm gonna have to pedal uphill to get home and it's like real i already pedaled down here to get here i was like oh all right fuck it right let's do it let's take one for the team yeah so i went down visited cj right his mom is in the alley telling the story hype bro we're in johnstown she ghetto we're hype yeah she hit my baby say she only doing 25 mile an hour i know she wasn't doing no 25 mile an hour she came down to bam she's like look at my baby dude cj 68 pounds soaking wet with a pocket full of change come out collarbone but bro he looked like fucking tiny tim fucked up he was ruined dude ruined so i was like damn all right that ain't good so i was like flex i got the speedometer on my bike right now i'm gonna come

37:26Shane Gillis:down past 25 mile an hour right it's like oh you're like checking exhibit a exhibit you're like let's get this fact straight this boy was on a mountain bike and he clocked yeah someone come down at 25 and you gauge right with your eye your calculated eye if that was this is worth my life okay so i go up the hill right no flush right and uh remember the calves i got these calves right you got crazy that's what i'm saying bro so calves are fucking bodybuilder calves thank you i appreciate it so even at like 13 years old i had about 400 450 pound feet of torque okay so i put that bike in 37th gear straight on it when i just fucking started bro on this downhill right and i'm looking 21 22 next thing you know nothing bro all i hear is glass shatter and tire screech in that order and that's important because she didn't hit the brakes until after this pack was done because she was well she wasn't on her phone we didn't even have phones back then but anyway so she hits right okay and let me tell it right here so i actually what happened was the bike it was an inferred stop sign she was doing 45 i was doing 22 and um you probably hit 23 by the way bro i was locked into the speedometer i did not even look ahead of me oh 100 yeah so she came in and it could have been this which me on the bike her it could have been this where she hit me but it actually happened like this where i just clipped her fender as she was going and it sent me over her hood and then her windshield and roof caught my 315 pound supple child body okay bent the whole safety cage back and at which point she said oh fucking shit right because my ass is in her mouth probably yeah so she slams the brakes okay and i go yeet yeet right 28 feet through the air another 45 on my left ass cheek oh and the only reason i know is because it's mostly missing that could be an afterthought if you want to look at that yeah so um a fly right and i didn't i'm so stubborn i didn't even know what the fuck happened so i go to sit up i'm like what the fuck and i look over your shoes off brother let it happen hold on one second let it happen cart before the horse okay so i sit up i'm like oh shit dog damn right and i see a car antenna down the road but i'm keeping up with the motherfucker right i'm like oh that's wild and crazy okay i'm moving and then i feel the inertia like you stop at a stoplight and i'm looking i'm like i'm sitting in the middle of the fucking street this is dangerous so i go to get up right and i go fat as shit fat as shit so i go to roll and get up in my little three-stage motion that you do right when you ain't got the upper body strength and um and i go to step off the road and it felt like i step in a pothole and i'm like johnstown city works damn it and i look down and it just looks like my shoe's off but it's it's still attached to my foot and my calf is just on the ground and my brain says shut it down and start it back up something's wrong so i bam straight back down right and so when i went down i hit my head and all that so i'm out and the whole neighborhood's holding me down they're like oh my god right and they're freaking out bro and i come to and i'm like brandon because that's my boy i came with that's the first thing i brandon brandon and my 14 year old friend he can't even look at me bro he's like he's dying i can't look at my homie like that cousin right because what i didn't know is there is a pool blood puddling around my waist so your ass well that's i know that now but at the time they just thought my inner organs busted like a water balloon and was leaking out of the closest hole i could find which just happened to be my asshole yeah so everyone's like man dead man walking you know what i mean they're like bro don't move don't move so long story short they sent me to the hospital they they well they said we're gonna have to catheterize you and i was like listen i'm christian my grandma would not like that we can't be doing that i don't know what medically if that will help but i just don't they're like no we're gonna stick a tube in your dick i was like can i be catholic is that still on the table i will be catholic if that's still on the table and they're like no we just got a bam so bro yeah pulling it out was the crazy part yeah like she was starting a goddamn lawnmower dude she's yanking bro she's like hold up hold up hold up okay oh hit the choke hold up bang boy i was like damn ah damn dude it sucked a bed sheet up my ass bro it had so much fucking momentum bro it was insane how long was the recovery uh way too long so i was 14 it just this happened 10 days before summer vacation and brian gunling said if you're still out there i appreciate you i'm sorry i up all your work that was my um leg specialist so he rebuilt it tibia phibia cleaned through because my leg wrapped around her a pillar like a snap bracelet so it had dusted everything that was connecting so they pin and plated it all back together he did a wonderful job but i was a 315 pound fucking 14 year old that was not taking no on summer vacation and i started walking on that and if you look to this day bro i have the arthritis of a 90 year old man you'll see me bro get if we ever go somewhere in a car for six hours watch how i get out make fun of me where you can't live stream it brother brother i make all the noises old people noise yeah that's fair and my favorite hobby is driving cars that are slammed to the ground and i'm like this is yeah i literally it's like that fucking leonardo getting out of on wolf of wall street i just lay down and crawl out yeah dude sick car no no big deal paid like you like i'm slammed to the ground oh dude well it's the only ones that are cool i don't like trucks even that'd probably be a whole other issue i have to get a ladder do you so you worry you're gonna i mean not to you know take away from almost dying but you worried about scraping the undercarriage or you're slam low to the ground uh yeah the miata literally my miata has stayed are you talking about my asshole because i've done that no i'm talking about the car okay i've hit road debris that i felt my ass 100 100 100 like you because it's you're right brother cousin you're right there you hit like a bushing that fell off a fucking old truck and that floor panel like it don't touch you yeah but you feel the floor yeah it's like it's like if you put a fucking trash can lid on your ass and i hit it with a hammer sure oh that's a close one so what's up what's up with this so miata has stainless steel frame rails okay because i plan for that so it literally has 302 stainless steel i could 50 50 grind my miata i down a fuck six set of stairs that's fucking sick yeah dude as long as i don't blow out the oil panel true golden but if i wrecked at me on a fucking day it's literally a skateboard so you healed up and do you have to fix your legs after you were like thrashing around yeah well okay well what do you mean like yeah they they pin plated it all together and then after i fucked it all up right i went back as an adult and i'm like i'm sorry guys right i was young immature i'm new i've grown right and they're like yeah you got we could do something like we'll break your fucking leg right and we'll remove your ankle completely because you can't have arthritis isn't something you don't have that's a cool trick we learned and we'll just fucking mount your foot straight to your fucking leg like cotton hill from king of the hill you know blow out your ankle and then yeah and then you could just stab the clutch from your fucking hip like how am i gonna so you don't have like ankle flexion no there would be nothing i i've never got it done because they're like that's the option i was like i'll just deal yeah i'll stay damn you would have like a gi joe foot just straight that's yeah i was like do i at least get to pick the angle i was what if i want to wear high heels true one six inch pump and a prosthetic like orthopedic fucking you should have just went and got the full height surgery where they like break your legs and lengthen them you could have got you can while you're in there type shit yeah six that's called scope creep scope creep yeah that's when you go in so let's say you go in right because you just want to break your leg so you can fix it and you're like well while you're in there why don't you give me extra leg surgery and they're like well we got this new hydraulic leg surgery that make you jump really high we'll already be in there and like well while you're in there so now what started out as a three thousand dollar fixer up or now you're 55 grand in aftermarket supplies that's true scope creep true while you're in there getting the home depot contractor so what's the uh you know what's the what's the plan going forward dude what are you up to in life yeah that's a great question right true just wing it yeah that's what i've been doing so far i honestly didn't think i'd make it this far i'm one of those people just look back like damn yeah holy shit huh because i look back at like all like a lot of the kids i grew up with and stuff right and i like even growing up like because i like you know there wasn't much structure there yeah so i was just like man i'm part of pa like where's your pa town like where did you grow up what's it called johnstown johnstown okay johnstown pennsylvania what's up was that was that close because me and nate drove and uh we were we drove from ohio to pittsburgh and we were all pumped to see Youngstown where Bone Thugs was from.

46:02Shane Gillis:That's close, right? Maybe. No, I think that's closer to Pittsburgh. No. It's close to Pittsburgh. It definitely is. We were all pumped because we kept seeing Youngstown. We were listening to Bone Thugs the whole time, just fucking being dorks. Two hours of Bone Thugs. I thought it was like, it's got to be coming up. We're in Ohio. It's got to be right here. It's on the edge. Literally, I think it's the last town before you hit Pittsburgh. Johnstown, Ohio. No, no, no. Youngstown. Youngstown. Youngstown, yeah. It's where Bone Thugs is from. Okay, okay. I don't know if you knew it at all Well I know of Youngstown Yeah yeah We don't go there It's just another hood You know what I mean I'm like I'm already from the hood I don't gotta go hood business Not even if Bone Throx is from Yeah me I just I hear Crossroads I think about my uncle Charles I cry every time But yeah You don't need to go No I don't Remember in Crossroads When he touched that man And his eyes turned black Yeah true And I miss my uncle Charles He's gonna be going in front of his home Oh dude don't get me started oh man that's why i didn't want to that's you had to edge me on now i'm here so what's the plan what's the plan um i'm just gonna keep working bro i'm gonna keep doing it if anybody wants to make me famous i'll get famous there you go if you i mean you know i'm gonna you know keep grinding out the content i mean i can we can we pull up one of the i just want the videos yeah the videos are fucking amazing yeah i don't know if you want to make me happy what's the key the one you just showed me with the glove i don't know i don't know oh yeah no I never posted that because that's one of those things I never posted because I was like, bro.

47:27I'm thinking about it. I don't know if it should go on the screen. He found a nugget. Here it is. This is... This one changed my life. My devil egg tray. We got you, dog. All day. That was probably the most expensive one I'll hear about in the comments. My man got deviled egg trays for deviled egg days. Oh, no.

47:53Happy Easter. 27 minute video my man and she gets deep

48:07it's a lot of deviled eggs that's crazy primarily egg diet so in terms of like encountering people

48:13Shane Gillis:living in the house i hate that yeah i like finding them dead better yeah i would i would way more predictable i swear to god i would say it's scary dude one time so one time long long time ago i came into this house right and just like typical shit bro i break in i usually don't even think someone's in there because it's so uncommon and um i go in and the house is warm and i'm like oh that's creepy and then i like walk in i get hit in the neck with some drip and i'm like oh the drip is warm i hate this and then i get in the living room and dude oh oh a very important part see this one i mean it's not even significant to me the whole house is a canyon of horde the only thing to walk through is a canyon and it is eye fucking level trash yeah and then you start getting down and it starts getting wetter and wetter and wetter until it turns into dirt because it's been there so long that you know it just disintegrates it just the paper and everything turns back into dirt so i'm like walking through this i'm like this is crazy and like i said it's fucking eye level dude and i get into the living room and the lights are on it's warm it's weird but again you don't assume somebody's fucking in here dude yeah like it's so easy for me to like disassociate that somebody lives like that but so this fucking chihuahua fucking yorkie mix bro starts just like simba in the lion king like prouncing over this fucking canyon towards me barking and i'm like this motherfucker's eye level like the playing field has been leveled here i'm like it fucked up yeah this is not good for me okay like usually it's not scary because they're on the ground but this motherfucker is heightened and he has toxic damage too trudging through shit dude i'm scared okay so he's coming at me and i hear a voice god i forget the dog's name but she was like get away from him or something i'm like oh no i'm like i'm with the bank i don't know and she's like did martha send you i was like i don't know martha i'm not and it was dude it was this lady that was oh big girl you ever see what's he in gilbert crate yeah you ever see his mom yeah okay she's a big girl living in the trash bro that's she can't leave no you eat your way and you can't leave because once you get bigger than a door 36 inches so keep a tape measure on deck if you're getting there because i'm just saying there's going to be a time that you leave your house for the last time yeah she was entombed unless you go out to eat then you won't be able to get back in which is probably a better problem to have oh fuck so she was she was just part of the house yeah they call landlocked why can't the why can't the bank just respect that yeah i know you guys 385 000 but i am become one with this house yeah dude don't shut that down throw you in the street and give the the subsidiary to someone who deserves it i mean they don't deserve i mean it's not no i'm sorry it's not me to say anything about that but it's just it's hard for me to imagine letting go that far right because yeah just i've let my life go pretty far and i'm like i know what it takes to hit a rock bottom.

51:08Like, I couldn't imagine hitting that rock bottom and being like, this ain't that bad. I know, dude. Let's keep it rolling. Dude, it's amazing. You ever find out what fell on you with dripping on your neck? Sewage. Sewage. Okay, just straight from my... Okay. Yeah, that'd be good. Yeah, my...

51:21Shane Gillis:Hot shit. Hot shit. You know, hot shit. My uncle got me with that one time. We were all, like, working together, and I had, like, a year before, Frank called my uncle, funny enough, as the bank, because he had just bought this house, and he was all pumped up, and I called him being like, hey, this is TD Bank. there's a second mortgage on your home and I had the address and I was like clacking the keyboard the whole time. It sounded really official. Sold it. Sold it dude. He I was like well you know it's like$87 ,000 second mortgage you didn't surprise you they didn't come up with that at like title they should have showed you that and there he was like just bugging out.

51:54Shane Gillis:I'm like just come down here we'll figure it out probably just put a lien on your house. I was like what's your mother's maiden name? He's like I'm not telling you a god damn. He just passed and hung up. He ended up calling my whole family. He was calling my dad my aunt. He was just like freaking out and they're all like what the fuck that sounds crazy like and then i told my dad what i did and he was like that's the funniest thing in the world so they're all laughing eventually he found out my dad was like dude my it was my son he's fucking with you and uh my uncle was beholding he still holds a grudge to this day about it's been obviously maybe 12 years was that no no that's my cousin because i don't know if hoss hoss would have went to the actually he actually my uncle did go to the bank and started arguing with him in person why would you let that cook i would have broke that for the end of the call me and my cousin in high school and we're like just around calling people i'm like oh this would be funny it was like not even premeditated and it was just a flawless prank it just them up and uh we were they were knocking down a uh they all do demolition they were knocking down an old grocery store and i was just standing there talking to everyone and he we like saw each other and he just grabbed one of the pipes and bent it towards me and all that nasty water right i was like fair fair i was like i'll take it fair enough that stuff is nasty it's a beast move it's kind of nice it was like one of those like fat copper pipes like those sewage guys are a whole nother breed bro no i got to call one in my house because like that's not me i'm not feeling around in that and it was like backing up to my basement okay and it's like my house sits up high so it had this whole slope okay then down to the street so we're talking 75 feet of three inch pipe filled with doo-doo and buku berries okay the whole nine bro the whole nine and he's like trying to find it and this and that in the third and he goes out to the street and there's like a little turn and he turns it and he's like i found it bro and he jams this fucking giant snake bro this giant and it hits this thing and he's he's standing right over it like looking down into it like that's i know better than that you shan't do that right and he busts that thing loose and what it happened to be was bacon grease because you know i'm used to renting i'm still not so so bacon grease and literally a five gallon bucket of undigested peanuts because i was going through a crunchy peanut butter face at that point that's cute dude and bro i cannot just i literally had to like get the squirrels out of my yard for months because they were like so this thing breaks loose this fucking hard ball of break bacon grease and then like a fire hydrant of peanuts and he's sitting there loving it dude he's like excited like he was waiting for old faithful to go off and it did he's like i got it i'm like you're standing in it bro this ain't fucking splash mountain bro fuck out of there cousin yeah that is that is the plumbing something i could never dude just turds all day all day for fun but anytime you meet a plumber they felt like they're built for it you know what i mean yeah they're that guy true i used to be in the car industry well okay i used to be in the customer service industry hard yeah right because i was a big boy so my mom was always like you never get a job working on your feet yeah not gonna happen yeah let's cut that shit short you want an ssi check or you want a desk job you know what i mean i was like okay desk job good point so i get right real real real good mom there but um so i go and i get desk job after desk job and i'm good at it right because i'm personable right i'm likable because we move schools all the time that's how i got either good friends or you stay alone all right so let's keep it rolling so i got good at making friends so customer service right and I desk job desk job desk job but every six months I'm like man what do you think dying's like it has to be better than this right yeah so I'm like man that's something to think about we'll put that on the back burn okay

55:38that is truly I guess like suicide time so I'm just gonna keep doing my desk job and trying to figure out why I'm so sad yeah right and then the ultimate happened right my uh the pandemic happened in this order bro pandemic happened i almost died in traffic on the way home from getting fired for my job and then as i got home i got a whole new lease on life made dinner for my wife and she got home and divorced me oh and then the next day i wake up and i'm like okay i don't have a job i have a whole new lease on life and i'm out of wife what does your boy do right and i was like let's collect this i love what pandemic money right yeah true i'm schizophrenic i'm not gonna I never know who's showing up for dinner.

56:20Shane Gillis:Well, the new lease on life with the firing to new lease on life. Nice. Sudden divorce. That's like, whoa. It within 12 hours. Dude. Bing, bang, bing, bing, bang. And then pandemic. Yeah. So I literally got rebirth. I was, I woke up the next morning with placenta on me. I was like, this is, I've never had such a tangible moment. Okay. Yeah. Let's cook dog. And then you just pandemic up for like a couple of years there. Well, what was the question? so you that and you rode that right into the pandemic well that was the pandemic i got fired because of the pandemic oh dang dude it like big bang bang bang bang bang bang like all like it was all rapid fire bro so um well actually i got laid off i was going home from a layoff i got it specified because if anyone's listening like he didn't get fired that day i was going home from a layoff fair enough bro they laid me off and then the guy who laid me off got fired and they never brought me back yeah so call that what the fuck you want to call it but i got a technicality okay if anyone wants out they just cut an entire branch off the plant they're just like all right yeah And I was dangling on a security rope attached to it.

57:19Okay, bye. So then I wrote out that pandemic money, right? Because your boy Donnie was flapping me with them$600 stimmies. Yeah. And I was getting unemployment. And I was getting, you know, Corey Heiders from the street monies. Yeah. So your boy, I was like, I'm making more money. You're killing it. Unemployed and divorced. Yeah. This is fucking okay. Who knew? I know an upstroke when I see one, you know? so i wrote that out and then i got bored right because i was like okay well this is not having

57:48Shane Gillis:a job's crazier than a desk job it's weird it is especially if you're used to having a job when you stop having a job it's a fucking weird feeling i crave structured activity bro yeah hard i'm like waking up with nothing to do it's gonna get fucked up quick it gets fucked up when you're cranking your hog by 9 30 in the morning you're like damn nothing just only downhill from here yeah that's when you start doing the darker corners of craigslist you want to do human trafficking looking at my shih tzu you know what do you want to do you know i don't know dark web i heard's fun this time of year so so my boy calls me right and all those videos well the videos i post right and the shit that you know i know what he does and he's like why don't you come work with me and i was like no i was like that's when you you say you're bored your mom was like wash the dishes like that's not fun yeah that's not what i meant he's like just come on dude i need help so i just started helping him and then i fell in love with it then you come normalize that shit and then i was like damn i'm an outside cat this whole time i thought it was an indoor cat that's crazy yeah you didn't have any like instruction experience before that no what no i will i would fuck around on my own accord building cars and fucking shit oh yeah oh and dude when i was a kid i could build a bong out of anything by 12 years old i ripped apart literally the entire radio shack catalog and rebuild it at one point that's just what i did as a kid because i figured out bro at five years old this blows my mind i think this is the peak of my whole peakedness at five years old bro i figured out how an internal combustion engine worked because i couldn't figure out how the tire spin i was like if the tire spins something's got to spin to spin that and then something's got to spin to spin that and then something's got to spin that but eventually it's got to be a reciprocating motion so how do you turn a reciprocating motion into a spinning motion and i had this toy steam train that had the wheel with the and i looked at turn the reciprocating into i was like i bet that's it and that's literally how an engine works now if i was japanese i would have figured out the wanker rotary engine right there on the spot but i didn't i didn't i did it so you know there's always a first place i had that because i remember being like a little boy and i was like i had the weed whacker and i like took it apart to do something and i was like i'm gonna take it apart this is my seminal moment of becoming like a mechanical minded man i took the weed whacker apart and just was like called my dad i was like uh dad the weed whacker's kind of messed up right now the what's going on with it i don't know whole thing i was trying to add the string and it got all up and he's like what the just in multiple pieces yeah i've never tried to really fix anything ever since i was just always mechanical and then people were like you're likable i was like okay i'll lean into that because i've never ever had confidence and i've literally never had confidence in anything i've ever done yeah and if you know like this whole instagram thing it started as a snapchat so i used to send my friends they're like post that shit dude you're you're killing it like this it's funny i'm the only one that sees it you know what i mean it's crazy and then if you ever look my instagram handle is hider cory like i had to look myself up in the phone book like i didn't know my own fucking name and that's because the instagram was an accident bro i was working in a gas station with my fat sweaty leg and it pocket dialed because i was like on facebook and i put it in there and it like opened instagram started instagram automatically from Facebook.

1:00:54Like I clicked things with my leg and I pulled it out of my pocket and Heider Corey Instagram was logged in. I was like, what the fuck is that? Whoa. And I just canceled it and looked out and I never opened it again for five, six years. And then boy was like, yo, start posting that shit. And I opened Instagram Heider Corey and I was like, let's do it. I've thought about changing my name so many times, but I was like, I just imagine waking up with zero followers and I'm like, was it worth it? Or should I just been Heider Corey? It's not a lot. I'm not wrong, but all right.

1:01:18Shane Gillis:Well, dude, man, can't thank you enough, dude. Yeah. We did it. We did it. I knew it would be fucking rad. What do you guys want to do now? You want to go to Goodwill? Let's go chill, yeah. Yeah. Let's go chill. Let's go walk the streets. We're going to fuck this place up. Dude, thank you, man. Yeah, just go on Hyder. What is it? Hyder Corey? Hyder Corey. Blue Collar Corey. Corey Mega Hyder. Corey Mega Hyder. That's on Facebook. That's my own personal Facebook because Instagram was like, yo, start a Facebook. And I was like, I have a Facebook. So I grew my own personal Facebook with like all the pictures I didn't want to have in social media and all that.

1:01:50I was like, fuck it. We'll just grow it. and I grew it to 80 ,000. They're like, oh, we meant a page, not a profile. I was like, you piece of shit. So that's why, yeah, dude, that's why I grew that page, Blue Collar Corey. And bro, I killed it though, two months. First month, I had 130 million views.

1:02:03Shane Gillis:That's crazy, man. It's awful. For just being a fucking dickwad from the hood? That's insane. That is awful. Literally. Now you gotta monetize. You gotta sell like a t-shirt or something. I know, we're working on it. I think there's a lot of avenues. I think, honestly, me and no boys, I think Phillip, your boy from Rough House, are gonna get nice yeah i think we're gonna get on so i gotta do it i'm just a it's really i don't mean to get down on it but it's really hard for me to place a bet on myself yeah like legit like it's just so instilled in my dna like bro your last place just make do with it you know what i mean like it's crazy and i don't know if amount of therapy or something can change that and if it does what if i'm not funny anymore you know what i mean like what if because you know how trauma takes it right we've i'm sure you've experienced trauma i know you had

1:02:55Shane Gillis:I would just keep rocking it dude. Just let it rip. Let it rip. Don't second guess yourself. I know what you mean. It feels weird and it's like, just rock it out. It feels cocky. And I've never been cocky to pick up better myself. And the thing is too is like, what the fuck? You know how to do it. If it doesn't work out, you're like, there's no - You're just back to - Back to square one. Risk free. Yeah. Yeah, that's why I just never quit work or never leaned into it. I do stand-up every once in a while, but the stand-up scene in Pittsburgh is crazy. Yeah. Dude, I'd be like, I think this is like an AA meeting.

1:03:26I think an AA meeting is funnier than this.

1:03:28Shane Gillis:Yeah, open mic comedy is pretty... As sad as it gets. That's one of the underworlds. We mentioned sitting desk jobs. That's an underworld. Stand-up open mics are an absolute underworld as well. It was crazy. I was talking to this one guy. I was like, we were talking, he's like, oh, I'm not even funny. and I was like you're not funny I was like you're gonna do stand-up he's like yeah I just you know I think some of these people bro they have a horrible social anxiety and it's like cutting themselves like like self-harm do you know I mean that's their I'm gonna go up on stage and just fucking bombs oh dude and everyone's gonna hate me it's gonna be that social anxiety that I fear in my head but I'm gonna live it real and at the end it's gonna be over it's gonna be the coming probably you know I mean just like the people that hurt themselves yeah or people that do weird things it's just like fucking it's yeah it's fucked up Holy me, I'm going to come.

1:04:16Shane Gillis:I mean, that'd be kind of sick. If that worked, that'd be awesome. Yeah, I mean, there was obviously... I wish I came after I bombed. Yeah. Well, new set. Well, dude, thank you so much, man. Certainly. Hell yeah. Thank you. I appreciate it. Of course, man. Dude, it rocked. I feel like this is a monumental moment. Dude. This is going to be on my tombstone. I'm so excited. Dude, thank you, man. Yes, sir. I'm going to go pee. Thank you. I never know when we're done. Are we done? Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.

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