Ep 612 - Night Gator (feat. Charles Blyzniuk)

18:31Shane Gillis:That's too much power for a pair of pants. Exclusively for secret pod listeners, No Bull is offering 35 % off your entire first order. Visit NoBullProject.com. Use code SECRETPOD for 35 % off your entire first order. That's N-O-B-U-L-L-P-R-O-J-E-C-T.com and use code S-E-C-R-E-T-P-O-D. Sounds like genes are in trouble. Damn. Wow. We can edit it out. I just think I would just personally, getting kidnapped as an adult is really funny to me. Yeah, yeah. I had another loose relative that was involved in a pizza guy strong arm robbery plot who got eventually caught. He was the Batman. He would wield the bat on the pizza.

19:23Shane Gillis:The Donamos, bro. The Donamos would roll up. He's going to call the Donamos. The Donamos would roll up, and one of these dudes I know would have the Louisville ready and give me all your money on you, right? And the Zaw, of course. They had a nice little thing going, and they got busted eventually. They kept bonking the drivers. Bonking. Well, they were threatening to bonk. Threatening the bonk. I don't think they ever bonked. or they're going to yabba dabba do the driver. Yeah, they're going to hit him with it. That's a sick hustle. Order's off. Weren't you held at Club Point? I was held at Club Point.

19:50Shane Gillis:Hey, man. That's a prehistoric. That's a primal fear. Dude, it was crazy. I'll be honest. At Club Point, I was just kind of like, guys, I'll leave. Like, you don't have to do this. Also, that's a shitty squad. If they're robbing people with clubs, you guys are definitely going to do it. You guys will do it. I know. The club guy. It's like there's like six of you. I mean, you guys can just beat my ass. it'd be worse if all six of you beat my ass there's just six guys and one guy with a club like we'll fucking bash your brain in my house was literally like two blocks away i was like can i just walk home guys i'm done it's like a t-ball today's not my day yeah yeah that sucked that sucked though just sitting in west philly for like an hour by myself in a really bad neighborhood being like should be coming back with these percocets i really there's like a street fighter level though or like a double dragons just walk out like a shitty town a guy with six bad guys with sleeveless.

20:39I needed one of my friends

20:40Shane Gillis:to send back to back to me and do a spin kick so we could knock them down. But yeah, that was, that sucked. The one time, I remember I took way too much mushrooms in college and I like walked into like a really fucked up area of West Philly to get out of my house and just seeing like the dilapidated houses and it was, I was like, ah, it was, it was a lot. Yeah. It's really scary. It's really menacing and scary looking. You still a West Philly bull? Still in West Philly. It still looks very close. From North to West Philly it's hilarious this neighborhood's a little dangerous where else is nice let's try West Philadelphia there he is when was the last time you were victimized was it just the bike theft how did the bike theft go down he came up on one bike he came up on the city bike oh it was the city bike or like whatever the Philly version was came up on the city bike and like cut you off It was like a common hearing.

21:40It was a pirate. It was actually a pirate. It was Blackbeard. Yeah. It was really Blackbeard.

21:48Shane Gillis:Yeah, and then he pulled up on you, snagged your bike. Pulled up on me, took the bike. Did he just like grab it real quick? Like, yo, give me that. No, he was like, he first started trying to ask me like how much, he was like, how much did you pay for the bike? And I was like, all right, I got to go. Yeah. I was like, I'm not going to. He's just doing like Kelly Blue Book for bikes. He's just curious. It turns out it's free. For you? For you, my friend? The MSRP on this is zero. You hop off there. It was how much? You literally become a fucking Muslim oil salesman. For you, my friend. Take it.

22:23The bike is free for you. I love city bike. That was a nice thing. After he took my bike, he pointed to the city bike, and he was like, you can have that one. I was like, all right.

22:35Shane Gillis:well I can't have that one I did ride that home that's nice that was kind of chill I'm the big yo it was like thoughtful enough to be like you got wheels still yeah yeah don't get down on yourself you still have wheels for a little bit right there was a guy look I didn't get nothing happened but there was a guy last night that was like really power walking in my direction what where were you yeah true I was walking on congress avenue for like a while It's my fault. If you come here, it's just going to be North Philly, West Philly, Austin. You're going to be getting chased by pirates. The pirates down here are going to chase you.

23:15This guy was like one of the, he was like the, remember those two guys from Pirates of the Caribbean who were like trying to trick? He was like, he was so dirty and shirtless.

23:25Shane Gillis:He was coming for you. He was coming for you. He was coming for everybody. He was just like on a mission. And I just happened to have like headphones in and just, you know, surprise. Took off. Popped up on me. Oh, no. But he had other stuff to do. Yeah. He got by me quick. I was like a temporary stop. Yeah, yeah. I've been watching too. I watch this one guy's videos where they all start with him being like, and he hits someone like 10 times. He did one where he took a key and hit a metal plate. Someone kind of popped up on me the other day, had my key. I was like, dude, is this my chance? Would you hit him with the John Wick combo?

24:00I was going to, but he didn't fucking, he just kept moving. It'd be awesome to hit a homeless guy with a fucking 10 punch combo.

24:09Shane Gillis:I want to get that guy. See, as a guy wearing a motorcycle helmet, I'm going to wear the helmet and let that guy demonstrate on me. Toss it on the bum first. Yeah. That'd be nice. Might be able to tie a homeless guy into like a pretzel.

24:25Depends what type. If it was the guy sleeping in front of the La Quinta, you could pretzel that man. that guy were you watching that with us? no the guy who was asleep it was like it was literally like a pile of rocks faced down a pile of rocks in front of a La Quinta they came and woke him up and he was like oh no it was literally like you know the La Quinta yeah it was like right downtown yeah yeah isn't it right next to the creek I was just talking to someone

24:54Shane Gillis:who stayed in that the other day they're like dude my hotel sucks I'm in La Quinta and I'm like oh yeah dude that thing's like that thing's hell that thing's the worst it's good for the alphabet game on the road though i will say it's big for that huge it's the only queue on the road oh oh i see for real dairy queens yeah yeah true true the x is just where it's at it's the most impossible it's tough you gotta yeah i feel like a lot of vape shops have helped with the x there's a lot of like express yeah true porn strip clubs yeah hopefully yeah yeah x for smokers world and then like arabic letters yeah yeah you can translate them i'm pretty sure it's a muslim x right there but yeah man that's i i started my day i started my day today actually uh just game planning like if i was at the park and like the some like weirdo guy was like hitting like fucking with the kids how hard do i go on them it's like dude you would fuck him up so bad i do that all the time yeah right this game plan like dude i would fucking head what if you got your ass beat by the pedophile thought about it before but it's like you can't you can't you just have to go you have to go Honorably, obviously, you have to go into battle.

25:59But if you get vanquished by a pedophile in the park and then he gets the kids. I'm going, well, if I started losing, I would fight.

26:06Shane Gillis:I would go for privates. I would fight dirty. You'd love that. I would try to rip. It's his world. If I monkey clawed him, he'd go, ooh. Ooh, baby. Yeah, maybe. He'd be on the ground. Now I went, he'd look down at you. He'd get me. Now you're in my world. You just touched a man's penis at the park. You're one of us. Then you join forces. You go, where are the kids? Yeah, it's like a double cross. I actually brought a cat. I'd have to go to my wife and be like, you have until sundown to destroy me. Do you think there's peds who are watching these pedophile hunter videos who are training to be like, I can't get foiled.

26:48And they're just getting buff.

26:50Shane Gillis:True. That's nice. They're probably running drills in the supermarket just down the bananas. Hard left at the banana stand. It's the three-cone drill. They're doing the NFL combine. He's got a 20-second shuttle. This guy's going to be a great pedophile. He can fly. He's going to fly out of that Walgreens, dude. They probably re-watch the beginning of Aladdin when they steal the apple. Yes. Is how they get through there. Yes. Yeah, build a two-scale cereal aisle in his house. Yeah, they got to start training, man. They should start training like Navy SEALs, like just a complete replicate Walgreens in a warehouse.

27:26That would be a... Every day.

27:28Shane Gillis:That would be a good prank where you have one of those pedophile hunters, you collab with them, but the pedophile's not even a pedophile. He's like, you know those small jiu-jitsu guys who are nasty as fuck? So he doesn't look that imposing, but then they go to get him. The guy, fake pedophile, just folds up the dude. You get to be like, what the fuck, dude? The pedophile's beating your ass. The pedophile's beating your ass. The pedophile's beating your fucking ass. But then his boy would come with the pumpkin from behind. Yeah. The pumpkin. If I was a pedophile, I'd give up the game, dude. The pumpkin is the scariest way to go.

27:59Get bonked. K-O'd by a pumpkin? Yeah. Dude, that's terrifying. I'd rather be caught and known as a pedophile than known as getting K-O'd by a pumpkin. Pumpkin on the internet, dude. Oh. Yeah, you cannot, you know, October to December, you cannot fuck kids. Yeah. Because it's gourd season and you can't get.

28:21Shane Gillis:Yeah, getting hit with one of Gabby's pumpkin pranks, dude. It'd be terrible. Yeah. Thrown in the air. The alley-oop pumpkin. Oh. It is truly, yeah. It's like an assist. They pick and roll, and then the guy moves in. I saw the one where a pedophile got thrown into the air. The alley-oop. The two people. Yeah, they do. They alley-oop him. The guy gets behind him and throws him. That's so crazy. That sucks. That sucks. Yeah, man. That is rough stuff. I mean, there's God. I mean, I don't know, man. It's like those guys are training, but we were talking about it's like I Think it's funny what they're up to Just if you if they got the wrong guy once and they threw him in the air and punched him and call him a pedophile And it was just a guy that was like getting tampons for his daughter Yeah, he's just a math teacher.

29:14Shane Gillis:They're like the most at risk for getting it, you know, yeah They look like pedophiles. Yeah. Most math teachers do happen to look like pedophiles. It's true. So you got to be careful. If you're a mathematician, watch out. Yeah. True. It's like... Might be 1975.

29:31It's like that teacher who shows off his outfits on Instagram. I don't know. Oh, yeah. That guy's... I don't like any of that. I don't like it either. I don't like when hot girls do it and hot girls do it. There's hot girl teachers that are like, check out my outfit for today. What? You're going to fuck one of these kids. Yeah. You better stay at a low grade. Yeah, for real. You get into high school, you're going to get you. My God, man.

29:56Shane Gillis:Captain of the football team. Captain of the football guy, bro. Ooh. Yeah, I did.

30:04What was his name? Threw that joke on yourself. It's so funny. Maybe I did. Matt.

30:19man i'm pumped on this bird feeder although i was struggling to set it up right now did it charge i was trying to connect it yeah yes i'm i'm fucking i couldn't be more stoked i spent the

30:30Shane Gillis:morning i got a kumquat tree uh i got kumquats limes and an avocado tree that's nice i got peach and lemon coming tomorrow. Avocado tree's sick. Bro, I can't wait. Yeah. I really like that. Can't wait. Avocado tree, I won't probably yield anything. Maybe this winter, I'll get a couple. Get a couple. They're a Mexican avocado, so they're hearty to the cold. There's a cold snap. We'll fuck your avocado tree up. But these things, they can take a little cold. Cool. Sub-23. Careful. I got them in pots. I'm going to move them in. No problem. Dude, I spent the whole morning getting these things, and I thought it was like 9 a.m.

31:06Shane Gillis:Brittany's like, dude, it's 11. You got to leave. I was like, fuck. Yeah. I need to shower. I'm covered in fucking dirt. I saw that. Yeah, sorry about that. That makes sense. Sorry about that. Yeah, I'm pretty dirty right now. I don't care at all. Don't have time to shower. I just saw it on your ankles. I was like, what he's been doing? You're out in the field. He was in the field. Planting fruit trees in the field. It's awesome. Remember the Bad Bunny Super Bowl halftime show? Yeah, that was you. I'm the guy in the beginning. You're one of those guys. You're the guy in the beginning. That's great.

31:32Shane Gillis:I saw that. I was like, you know, it's me, basically. It's just for me. He did this for me It was so sick He did that video for me True Finally some representation Super Bowl halftime show Yeah That'd be nice My last representation Was the old rappers That was awesome That was a good representation That was good That was awesome When 50 was a little Little big Hanging upside down He'd go Yeah fuck it dude The guy at the top's like He just fucking crushed you 50 Cent's been a little A little quiet He had a He was like Right I mean he's obviously Still doing his thing But he was like He was the dude for a good two-month run.

32:07He did the right thing, though. He went away for a little while. Yeah, he chilled. That's true. What is he cooking up? Who's next? Didn't he say LeBron? No. Didn't he post something about LeBron? Damn. Where he was like, I have a documentary about you, too. If 50 becomes black, it's going to be crazy.

32:26Shane Gillis:He just starts grunting people.

32:31Then, man, nobody's safe. If he gets LeBron, that's wild. Yeah, that would be. That's just what I. Nate's looking it up right now because Nate loves LeBron.

32:40Shane Gillis:LeBron is really funny. LeBron might be the zest lord. He might be the zest lord. I used to hate LeBron, but now he's too undeniable. That happens. Yeah. I used to hate Tom Brady, and then it gets to a point where you're like, well, this is awesome. He's kind of the best at it for a few. And if you hate greatness, you're just a hater. This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Matt, what do your eyes light up at? My eyes light up. When I think about staffing personnel. That's exactly what I was going to say. That's insane. You can tell when someone wants to do work they're doing. Not through resumes, but good old-fashioned one-on-one conversations.

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33:52Shane Gillis:This episode is brought to you by Viore. All right, we got to tell you guys about this brand, Viore. You want another good marketing idea? Go ahead. You got a marketing on yourself? When the tees hit your eyes like a big pizza pie. That's me already. That's me already. I mean, the guy's hired me. Goddamn, dude. I know. Matt, can you tell me something about the core shorts? Oh, my God. For example, gym, couch, quick run out. They just work. All right. That's what they just work. What about the Strato Tech tee? I would say ridiculously soft, like suspiciously soft. Everything is the perfect combo of comfort, but still looking like we didn't completely give up.

34:31Shane Gillis:Oh, God. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God, Viore. Viore.com slash secret and discover the versatility, the verse nature of Viore clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. That's Viore. Matt, please read the highlighted lines verbatim. And now it's time for This Week in Dog History, presented by Aura Frame. So they got a little thing here. This is nice. You know how some memories are just waiting to make you laugh? years later. Oh, yeah. That's exactly what our frames do. Uh-huh. Take the moments that matter and turn them into something you can actually see every day. Oh, yeah.

35:10And you know what's overflowing with hilarious moments waiting to be revisited? This podcast. Let's take a walk down Mary Lane, shall we?

35:20Shane Gillis:What's the strangest recording setup we've ever had? Matt, remember that one? What's the strangest recording setup you've ever had? It had like a buzz in it. That's so crazy. A wild moment that becomes a story you always tell. What's a wild moment? Remember my wife came to laser tag and she was mad at me on the podcast. Yeah, I love telling that story. I'll always tell that story. What's happening in the photo? The photo is just two good friends at a golf event. Yeah, we were out and we took a picture together. I was a little boy. I took a picture of my two heroes. No, yeah. was there something totally off the rails happening behind the scenes?

36:02Shane Gillis:Oh, yeah. Of that photo? Oh, yeah. You wouldn't believe what was going on behind the scenes of that photo. It's not even public. Guys, moments like these, funny, chaotic, or just plain weird, are exactly what Aura frames are built for. This is exactly what they're built for. Unlimited photo and video storage, preloaded messages, effortless sharing. It's how your memories become something everyone can enjoy. Save on the gifts mom love by heading to AuraFrames.com and for a limited time, get$25 off the best-selling Carver Matt frame with code MSSP. Support the show by mentioning us at checkout. Terms and conditions apply.

36:45Shane Gillis:Thank you, Aura. Dude, I went down a Pat Tillman hole the other day. 50 Threaten LeBron? That rocks. Bro, it was all. You know, he got an offer to leave the Cardinals before he signed up to be in the military, and they're going to pay him like a bunch of money. Whoever had won the Super Bowl, I guess like after the first year he played, was like, yeah, we're going to give you a ton of money. Come to our team. Like championship team might do it again. What does Tillman do? Nah, bro. Cardinals picked me. I was low. I was low round in the draft. They took a chance on me. I'm staying with the Cardinals.

37:13Shane Gillis:Went to war. It was such a beast. They offered to get him out of the military. He did one year tour and they're like, yo, man, we like set it up with the government. You're free to come home now. He goes, bro, it's a slap in my fucking face. He'd even offer me that. Such an animal. Dude is the fucking man. Didn't they friendly fire him? Yeah, friendly fired. And there was a, fuck, what was it? An Afghani soldier that apparently loved him that ran up the hill with him. Because his little brother was serving with him too. So his little brother was under fire. So he ran up the hill. And an Afghani soldier ran up as well.

37:44Shane Gillis:He got killed. No one talked about that guy. But yeah, he ran up there too. He got hit a bunch of times. And apparently they invented a story about a woman soldier getting raped. That's the statue. Is that the statue? Well, that's the picture that they use for the statue. Statue's fucking tight. You ever see it? No. Did they put it in the... Tillman fucking rules. Yeah. Yeah. It's really cool. Yeah, the Pat Tillman... He has a fund. The Pat Tillman fund started because people just started sending all this money to the Arizona Cardinals being like, this is for Pat Tillman. And they got like a million bucks and they called his family like, yo, we have a million dollars for you guys.

38:15Shane Gillis:What the fuck should we do with this? Yeah. He's like, we'll just set up the fund. They send like soldiers to school or like the master's degrees and stuff. It's cool. Yeah. Pat Tillman, true American hero. Yeah. I interviewed John Krakauer recently. That's right. And he wrote a book on Tillman. Did he really? Yeah, we got to talk Tillman. Speaking of another... Hello. Yo. Yeah, dude. Yo, that's so fucking sick. Legend. Man, it's cool. It's an absolute ledgy. Yeah, dude, I interviewed John Krakauer like two days ago. He has... So he climbed Mount Everest and like there was a disaster. All these guys died.

38:48Shane Gillis:He survived, wrote a book, and it's like a huge book. and uh dude he has a guy on his ass there's a youtuber anti-john krakauer youtuber which is like dude climbs everest what's your beef this guy's like he there's all these different faces of everest this other guy climbed a different face of everest and he's just going through all of krakauer's book being like cap cap none of this happened but like and the dude like is blowing up krakauer had a fire back about it dude i was i was telling him like dude i know this guy's like really a pain in your ass, but it was nothing that delighted me more than to see you have a fucking nasty YouTube.

39:23Shane Gillis:I just never would expect to see that. You having a guy being like, bullshit, the Sherpas don't drop rope lines on that pass to the mountains. Dude, get out of here. I know. I guess it's just like every creative, or any pursuit just has a guy now who goes on YouTube and is annoying. Because his book did so well that another climber wrote a book after that and just had to kind of be like yo fuck it it's so funny what was his book called he did into the wild that was the guy who just like walked off and died in the wild into thin air that was the other one i got both of those do you really yeah dude he's he rules he did the pat tillman book where men get glory and then he did he did a book about that's sick yeah it's pretty tight he did a uh he did a book about mormons like polygamous militant mormons That's cool.

40:13Shane Gillis:Yeah, dude's a man. He's retired now. He's no more. He just lives in Boulder. Stays at altitude. I'm so jealous of people at altitude. Really? I'll work out whenever I'm in. If I go to Denver or anywhere, that's like 5 ,000 feet. I do one workout, and I come back, and I'm like, dude, I'm definitely altered. This is crazy. Oh, yeah. You feel... It's funny you do that. I have like five beers, and I go, whoa. Holy shit, I'm wasted. Altitude's nuts. I would be nasty when I get back. When I go home and get dry skin and a bloody nose. This sucks. I'm dying. My body's dying here. Dude, I'm like a snake.

40:44Shane Gillis:My skin just cracks when I go up there. It's crazy. But yeah, I didn't know when you climb Everest, so you go to base camp for two weeks and you acclimate. I thought you just roll up and climb the fucking mountain. No, you climb a little bit, come back down, climb a little more, come back. So you're constantly getting acclimated to higher and higher parts. The first face of Everest that you climb from where he did is just a giant sheet of ice that slowly can shift and start moving. And every now and again, it'll just stand up and just I can just like the size of a house just squash you. He was a 600 person to climb.

41:16Shane Gillis:I'm just giving away the whole thing, but he was a 600 person to climb Everest or like 637. It was so scary. It was like so fucked up. He like wrote that book, hoping to scare people away from trying to do it. 30 years later, guess how many people have climbed Mount Everest? How many? Dude, like 25 ,000 people. Yeah. His book did the opposite. Everyone's like, dude, he says he goes to signings. People look at him and go, you climbed Everest. I could fucking do that. I've seen. Damn. I just watched a documentary on it, and there's just a line of people climbing. Now it's just completely crowded.

41:45Hundreds of people in it, yeah.

41:46Shane Gillis:But if one of those glacial kind of deposit things falls, now that it's so crowded, it's just going to squash a bunch of people at once. Yeah, he said now the Sherpas are like, dude, this is the best thing that ever happened. Oh, yeah, they probably get paid. Just lines of dudes just going up there. Make a ton of money. Yeah. Selfie wall at the Mount Everest. There it is. I watched a Chinese guy fall off recently. Yeah, really. I slid right off taking a selfie. Yeah, but people still die, dude. A lot of people still die climbing Everest. Slowly slid off. Everyone just watches them slide away. Dude, you're done.

42:19Shane Gillis:Oh, fuck. You're toast. Yeah. If you don't get those, you need those oxygen tanks. You can get up super high, and if you're out of tanks, you just suffocate. You talk about, what do they get? It's like the altitude in hypothermia where you get hallucinations. No, I didn't know about that. Yeah, they see things before they die. Yeah, it's like you're dying. I forget what it's called. it's not the black dog is it maybe dang that's crazy that's pretty tight yeah i got that was i also learned uh i've been reading about gold rush colorado you know there was a big cannibal or there's yeah that's how you say cannibal i don't know why i was like there's a there was like a prolific cannibal that like haunted the the hills in colorado for a while he was munching dude munching settlers for a while.

43:05Shane Gillis:It was pretty crazy. I had no idea. So many deer and wildlife there. No, he just got a taste. He wanted the people. He wanted the people. He wanted those gold miners, dude. He was munching them. For like a while. He was in the hills outside of Pikes Peak. And everyone was like, bro, I'm pretty sure my wife got munched. I mean, this is crazy. I've never heard of this man. Yeah, look up. How many did he munch? Look up Colorado Cannibal. I think it was like the 1700s. Was he? It's like the Leadville Silver Boom, I believe. sounds like a name from that era too I think his name was like William something but yeah he was munching Alfred, okay Alfred Griner, did he just like Alfred Packer, that's who it was did he just like turn into a cannibal someday I have no idea I never fully got into his thing yet but he was munching it is like a funny how many people say he got maybe it's unknown yeah he was munching Dude, Colorado is crazy It looks like he might have had to munch He had to munch?

44:03Shane Gillis:Looks like a little I could be getting some Colorado folklore He got five He came back fat Oh, so he had to munch Because he was on the loose I feel like they had to catch him at some point And munched

44:22Oh, so he was up there hiding And there was a snowstorm And he caught some guys that were stuck in it And he munched. He said, boys, I'm hungry. Oh, my God. Yes. Oh, boy, you know what time it is. It's time for the help with the butter. This episode is brought to you by better help. Oh, your butter. The help with the butter.

44:44Shane Gillis:One thing that's been keeping me up at night. What's been keeping you up at night, Matt? What's been keeping me up at night? Nothing, honestly. I sleep like a fucking brick. But I do. I pass out in a second. Why are you worried about it? Well, you know what's keeping me up at night? My lack of deep sleep. I don't get a lot of deep sleep. But, you know, I don't know. I don't know. Other than that, my kids keep me up. Or when I have to pee, I lay down in bed sometimes, and I think of really funny, cool jokes, and then I don't write them down. And I wake up and go, ah! Then that keeps me up the next night.

45:17Shane Gillis:But, guys, newsflash, nobody has all the answers, okay? And since this, I don't know if you knew this, it's Mental Health Awareness Month. Oh, nice. It's the perfect time to remind you that you don't have to tackle your problems alone. No. Match with a therapist from BetterHelp and get the help you need to navigate stress, anxiety, burnout, and more. They have an industry-leading match fulfillment rate. You just need to answer a few questions. Then they'll tailor a list of professional therapists you can connect with. I really like that. Matt, you don't have to be on this journey alone, okay? You need to find support and have someone with you in therapy.

45:52Matt, I want you in therapy. now sign up and get 10 off at betterhelp.com slash mssp that's better help.com slash mssp

46:04Shane Gillis:that better help the help with the better uh 516 guys riviera theater chicago illinois i will be there may 16th i will be there get there that'll be really nice i don't know if there's a lot of tickets left guys just being serious and i have a bunch of new dates coming out pretty soon that i'll announce so pretty stoked i know i'll be in miami oh the miami tens will be there so fucking d aces uh may 4th i'll be at the hollywood bowl in la please come to that i've got very good special guests on that uh may 7th 8th and 9th i'm at td garden in boston unless the damn celtics we'll see come on sixers come on sixers do this so i can have my shows and then, yeah, July 17th at The Link.

46:55Please. Please come. That one's going to be crazy. That'll be awesome. Even if you think I suck, you should go to that.

47:02Shane Gillis:Yeah, those Colorado towns, dude, they were crazy because there would be a town of like 100 people, and then they'd be like, yo, there's gold in the hills, and then instantly the town would turn into 100 ,000 people. Yeah. And no one really got a lot of gold from the gold rush, and it would just turn into like the worst place ever. Everyone was just disappointed and pissed and crowded on each other. And probably, well... At altitude, too. So they're all getting hammered quicker being like, what the fuck? Yeah. What the shit? It's good if you're just not looking for gold and you just want to attack people and eat them.

47:33Yeah, true. Oh, my God. Yeah, all those people came.

47:35Shane Gillis:They were also mean to the Indians in Colorado. They did some bad stuff. Yeah. I mean, the dumbest guys on earth showed up. Yeah. Sand Creek. I think Sand Creek was like, it was just women and children. This guy's famous thing was, because they were like, there's not even Braves who checked it out. It's all women and children. And the one dude goes, nits make lice. We got to take them out. And this one just murdered the children. Oh, my God. They ran for office, I think. Brutal. Brutal stuff. I'm really tapping everything I've read about in the last three months. It's good. I like that. But yeah, Silver Boom, Gold Boom, Colorado stuff.

48:09Shane Gillis:I've never really thought about it. I was reading about that pretty sick. Isn't that like the same era as the Deadwood TV show? like people just like moving out west could be it was like the 1840s and yeah it's pre i think it was pre-civil yeah okay pre-civil whether the 49ers yeah yeah there we go hey now it's a good way to remember it i like that okay 49ers uh there we go yeah it's the 49ers what would you guys do in in that era like if you were alive like for a profession god fearing farmer what's Is that a God-fearing farmer? No, I'd be a God-fearing farmer. Called it. Hey! Hey! No, I don't know.

48:47Yeah, who knows, man. That shit would suck. It looks terrible. I'd be in a fucking factory. Yeah, I would be the Indian guys. I'd be in an East Coast shitty factory. Sharpen the fucking... Yeah.

48:56Shane Gillis:We're talking about if you packed up and moved out there for that guy. Out West? Yeah, general store. I can see you having a nice general store. Now you're talking like I'm Grant. Proprietor. No, you're saying I'm Ulysses, and I understand. I would work the front desk, and then the war would break out, and I'd go, God calls me to lead this army. All these other guys are being pussies, dude. I was getting wasted working at a fucking general storm. It's time to get wasted on the battlefield. The allegation that he was wasted at Chilo was great. So tight. He woke up late to the battle because he was drunk as fuck.

49:28That's funny. Oh, shit. The war's due today. Oh, shit. They're here. They're like, sir, we should retreat. He's like, fuck that. Fuck that. Fucking kill these pussies. everyone died he's just angry and has a hot face fuck that it's the scariest guy

49:45Shane Gillis:dude the tornado documentary you showed me it's a tough one dude that guy waking up with a vicious hangover and being like dude I think there's a tornado we should go check it out hangover I missed that part getting hit with an F5 fuck

50:01Shane Gillis:you hear the audio the whole time also everyone in that town that gets interviewed it was like I was ready to go I was ready to go. Yeah. I thought you were good. It's very, they just interview everyone's just kind of a weird Christian. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So they all come off as very homosexual. Well, the one guy is. And the one guy, yeah. At least one. Yeah. The one guy being like, at one point I was ready. I let go because I thought it was the rapture. And then like, since he didn't get sucked up in the hurricane, he goes, God, it's because I'm gay, isn't it? And he went home. But luckily his parents are still alive because his parents got sucked up.

50:34Shane Gillis:He would have been like, oh, yeah, okay. That was a rapture. I got left behind in the wasteland. it's so funny you get a fat gay guy being like take me i know it's like damn i was two feet leave the ground like that much and then he dropped back down and you're like god damn it shit because he was young so he probably barely did that much gay stuff no but he knew yeah he did a lot of gay stuff he was making youtube videos with the other girls in school that's that's gayer than sex with guys so the youtube guy was different oh that was a different bro he got he died the chubby youtuber no not the youtube he made YouTube's too?

51:08Not the cool YouTube guy. Yes, the YouTube guy. I didn't know he did that. The gay man was making YouTube videos with the girls. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

51:14Shane Gillis:I didn't know that. I did like the jock. He was just like, yeah, this one girl came up to me out of the wreckage. He was like, hey, what are you doing? He's like, I didn't recognize her. I didn't know who she was. She knew me, but I didn't. It's like, dude, stop, man. Stop chatting around, dude. You can't do it. Is he chatting in the rubble? You can't chat in rubble. He was chatting in the rubble. He was there rescuing people. There's like a babe from the school. He was like, yo, it's you. and he was like, you don't even know her, dude. Shit. Oh, that used to be your house? Damn, that's crazy.

51:42That's like fucked up. Shit. Yeah, documentary is terrifying. It's really scary and then there's like the fungus thing that happens afterward. That's scary to me. I forgot about the fungus. That's, that freaked me out.

51:58Shane Gillis:Yeah, isn't that like it kicked up out of the ground? Kicked up, yeah. Yeesh. And then it's like you get, you get sucked up and then you're like, thank God I survived. And then the bacteria almost kills you. Yeah, that's really fucked up. Double whammy. Yeah. It's a tearjerker though. I knew it got you. Thankfully I wasn't invested in it this time. First time I watched it I was sobbing at the end. And then Obama comes on and you're like, damn Obama. That was a cool speech. fuck. It was such a good speech. Actually, I think I did this. I think I said this the last time I talked about this. Really?

52:36Just comparing it to if Trump was president. Oh, man. You had a big storm. Wow. You guys are great, though. All right. Get him out of here. And we're doing a lot right now for the economy. He'd just be like, yo, I'm killing it right now. Someone say the economy's an F5 right now. Damn, he's had some good ones lately, though. Has he fired back up? He's been very funny. Yeah. he had one recently I'm trying to remember it did you see the shooter

53:05Shane Gillis:I did see the shooter he like made it again his rings of security man that first ring is so bad got through shot the secret service guy did he shoot a guy yeah he shot a secret service guy the guy had an armored vest on or whatever he called it in his manifesto did he yeah he said I'm gonna use like buckshot or like and he was like that way if they're wearing armor I don't have to kill anyone but he's like I'm trying not to kill anyone I'm just trying to kill Trump oh okay yeah so you hit him with the sun gun all the way up to Trump he was trying yeah bring out the James Bond golden pistol and golden gun a separate gun yeah he's like a PP7 everybody else one shot PP7 golden gun how did he did he just like break in he just Naruto'd right through he literally sprinted through arms back nerd run nerd run right through Yeah.

53:59Yeah, that's... It's hard to tell now. It's like, that might be like a high-ranking FBI official. Yeah, that's exactly how they would all run. This entire administration would Naruto.

54:10Shane Gillis:What do you think about Cash getting in trouble for drinking? Cash is under investigation for how hard he's hitting the brewskis. He's claiming he's not hitting the brewskis. The one thing I support him on. Let the boy hit the brewskis. All Indian dudes want to do is have brewskis with the bros. You saw how happy he was in that hockey locker room. He really was. That's literally the Indian dream. He's stressed. He's stressed. And honestly, I really, I didn't like all the like, imagine how bad that sucks when he rolls up to that. It's like, you think they give a fuck? They just won the Stanley Cup or the Olympics.

54:43Yeah.

54:43Shane Gillis:They're fucking stoked. And then you're like, holy fuck, there's Cash Madel ripping a fucking, shotgunning a beer. This is awesome. Yeah. I remember not liking that footage of coverage of like, it's like, dude, he's doing one thing cool. He doesn't have every, not everything has to be bad all the time. Yeah, they struggle with that. Yeah, it's like, dude, this is sick. Can we admit the arch is sick that Trump wants to build? What's the arch? He's trying to build a sick-ass arch. Dude, where? Just give us a fucking arch. Where is it? In Washington. It's going to be sick. Go on arch, we type. It's not golden, I don't think.

55:15Just McDonald's 24-7, I actually like that. It's just a big M. I typed in sick-ass arch, dude. Sick-ass arch, D.C. It came up, obviously. That's awesome. Trump's victory, Arch.

55:32Shane Gillis:Let's go. Let's go. Well, he has to win first. Bro. It would be tight. We stopped building sick shit. Yeah, that's true. And they don't like it because it's Trump, dog. But is that just like a 3D rendering? Yeah. That actually looks cool. It's like... Washington Square Park. Yes. I was thinking the St. Louis thing. Oh. That's nicer. It's like... Here's the thing. We should be like, all right, if you win, if he wins, I ran, you get the Arch. If he doesn't win, he gets the loser arch, and they're going to put him up there just going like. Yeah, it's going to be. If he puts himself on the arch, I'm out.

56:06But if the arch is just America's sick, I like it. That'd be tight. Well, he's going to have his name's going to be somewhere on there. Definitely.

56:14Shane Gillis:There's no way. There's no way his name's not on there. Yeah, he's going to put that shit on there somewhere. Yeah, but hopefully he puts everyone's name. One of his. Now there's like on the, you know, like Abraham Lincoln has like the Gettysburg Address. It'll be one of Trump's speeches. is just a snippet of like, she's a fat bitch. Fat bitch, shut up. It'd be nice to have, you remember the LED belt buckles? And it's like just across the top. It's like all his top insults. Yeah, I mean, I haven't heard much about Irene. Quiet piggy. Quiet piggy. Just him as like a cherubic kind of Greek thing, like a pig lady and him being like, yeah, he's kind of funny.

56:55Shane Gillis:the arch is sick the arch does look sick as fuck and I agree with you we should start building cool new statues we do need cool stuff it's tough to agree now back in the day it was like consensus yeah throw up cool shit now it's like well hold on we should do one of the ladies that cleaned the mall and you're like yeah okay fucking cool throw up the ladies that cleaned the mall statue awesome alright we're all stoked obviously there they are the statue of Sherman in Central Park I always go pay homage to it that's awesome we need this we used to have cool shit it's so sick that is great some cities still haven't I wish I knew more about the symbology of a horse's hooves if two hooves are up if it's reared up I like that stuff they tell you that at Gettysburg there's a couple statues that don't follow it knock them down I'm going to topple them yes i'll be out there with the ropes i'll bring sandals

57:59Shane Gillis:but yeah it's i i mean yeah again who knows i keep i keep i'm getting i'm being uh every news thing i see i get the new reality like we're entering the new reality we've lost there's now horizontal warfare and it's the kinetic phase like dude shut up i gotta ask to invest in ai defense oh yeah no no no no yeah that would feel i would have done it and then they blew up that school of children and I was like, I can't ever. You know how bad I'd feel if I was sitting here in my tighties watching westerns? And then it said, breaking. We blew up another school. I wonder if the AI interface is like...

58:40Shane Gillis:When it blows up a school, the screen is like, oops, my bad. You're totally right. That was a girl's school. Let's recalibrate. Do you want me to blow up something else?

58:51yeah it's like Gwyneth Paltrow's voice yeah it's like so sorry you're exactly right on that that was my bad wow I never considered it like that thought it was a bunch of dudes in there and then when it zooms in it's Flavor Flavor and it's like damn it's a bunch of dead kids

59:12Shane Gillis:yeah Bill Burr had a good bit online about human shields he's like they're using the kids as human shields He's like, yeah, fucking wait. Yeah. If I want to beat up my neighbor, he's holding his baby. It's like, you know, I got to wait till he's on the grass so I can like flip him down. The baby bounces. I'm just going to blast through the baby's head to hit my neighbor. First back. He came back, dude. Nice. Hard comeback. He's back. He's 100 % full strength. Great. I keep waiting for that ride a bag now. It's going to be huge. Dude, wartime ride a bag. You're going to. Riyadh? No, I didn't get offered, but I'm saying wartime.

59:45Shane Gillis:Oh. It's got to be 3X. Rida. I don't know what the fuck it's called. Oh, that's true. For the next year. They're going to keep going. Next year's Riyadh. Mid-war, bro. Oh, boy. That is awesome. Yeah, there's like a hazard pay. I'm getting it. I'm getting it. Hacksawed if I go over there. They're going to need to break out the big saw. This guy's fucking huge.

1:00:09I'm not going.

1:00:11Shane Gillis:Yeah, I'm curious. People will go. People already went. We'll go back because they already withstood the storm. Yeah. But yeah, mid-war is crazy, dude. That is a wild one. Mid-war will be nuts. That's like, but then you get to feel like 50 Cent performing in Iraq during, you know. I mean, it's fake. Yeah. Well, that's what I mean. It's like, people who go will be like, yeah, it was pretty crazy over there. It's like, you're not 50. I'm going to do a, I would do a thing where I would go like, I'm going to perform for the troops, but then go to the US government and be like, yo, you got to match Riyadh's payback.

1:00:42Shane Gillis:That's good. You guys have a$7 trillion budget. you guys can pay me two million dollars stop complaining all right you'll be fine that'd be that's actually a good idea yeah they might yeah they would do it you know there was a i know somebody who does like technology sales and they said when they deal with the like the military yeah there's some weird thing where like they'll order the wrong thing but if it's on a military base they have to destroy it no matter what so like millions of dollars of like computer equipment and since instead of just returning it so it can be reused they're like we have to destroy this now reorder it's pretty crazy and it's fucking like nothing they'll be like dude whatever is what it is this is protocol yeah it can't it can't get in the wrong hands they take it out back and just office space it

1:01:26they pay the indian guys yeah yeah dude that that the madagascar thing you're just living

1:01:34Shane Gillis:next to a river of shit literally a river of sewage yeah and every day is rising you're like Please fix it. That bothered me so much. Don't do anything else. No soccer today, fellas. Sandbag day. We're gathering sandbags to put along the shit river. And we're doing that every day until somebody fucking starts digging a trench somewhere. Yeah, that would also bother because it's like 10 feet, there's a fence and then there's really nice houses. Yeah, I saw that. Yeah, they're going through that fence. After my third Summer of the shit flood And no one's helping with plumbing It's time to go over the wall Yeah it's like there's like a Like a Chinese diplomat And his wife It's like I'm gonna go eat them

1:02:28Like I'm pissed off

1:02:31Shane Gillis:It's time to fight Yeah it'd be time to Infiltrate and do your thing At least get in the pool True. Just washing off the shit. At least go pool hopping at night. Get shot. Yeah. Can I just wash the shit off my family, please? That's all I'm trying to do. My family's covered in shit right now. And you have a pool, and I like to just wash the shit off me. The chlorine will actually kill the shit. They just need to chlorinate that river. There you go. Oh, nice. Dang, chlorine bobbers. That would help. And then the skimmer. A little bit. Skimmer, yeah. Skim the turds. Anything chunky? That's a lot of gators, though.

1:03:04Shane Gillis:It's like that. That's a gator pool, dude. And once monsoon season comes, the gators get loose. Superdome. The gators. Yeah, that was, India was pretty nuts looking. Madagascar was not as bad. India took the cake. That was just dudes in little tiny courtyards just grinding up plastic. There's just not a free inch of everything is used. Yeah. Noble, but too crowded for me. No, dude, the two-go hot curry plastic bags. Oh, I forgot about that. That fucked me up, dude. There's just 40 bags on the floor. It's just like their ghost kitchens over there. Yeah, true. Just 40 fucking bags of steaming hot curry sitting in a plastic thing.

1:03:52Yeah. It's like a plastic bag, and then it's like soup. It's like the hottest soup you've ever seen in your life. And they just pour it in. And that was a good job. Yeah, true. Of the jobs we saw, the guy sitting Indian style. Yeah, true.

1:04:06Shane Gillis:I am jealous when I see them, how they can just chill on a floor like that. I'm like, damn, I can never do it. My hip flexors are way too tight. My hip flexors are purely Western from sitting in chairs. Yeah. I like that. Yeah, it's nice to know, to be like, I'm not meant for, I'm supposed to be sitting in a chair, man. Yeah, I'm supposed to be sitting in a chair. Someone call it civilized. Yeah. It's an officer's pose. Matt. Sorry. Matt. Sorry. How dare you. I'm the only one I know who wants to go to India. I want to go. Yeah, while we were watching, Matt was like, I want to go to India. I want to go to India so bad.

1:04:38I think you would like it spiritually. Yeah, I think it would be sick. I think that spirituality would get the fuck out the window when it was 150 degrees.

1:04:45Shane Gillis:Yeah, I have heard people have gone there, and it's like, I knew a woman who went there, and she said it was like, I was scared. Yeah. Her friends got off, and a dude will just, like, grab you and be like, come here. And you're like, get off me. Yeah. And they'll, like, bully you to stay in a certain hotel, and they're like, where are you going? Like, they don't want you to leave. It's fucked up. Yeah, I don't like that. It's really, really, yeah, you get, you get, uh, when the bros come, there's, there was one time there was a, the, I think I've talked about this before, but the person I knew was there with her friend.

1:05:11Shane Gillis:And, uh, she said they were, they were like looking at a thing and the tour guide was like, we have to go right now. And there was just a dude, a pack of dudes in business cash, like semi unbuttoned shirts. Like, yo, we have to leave. These guys are going to rape you. We have to leave. So I got, but I don't think, I don't think the bros would get me. You need to club. They might be clubbed up too though. They definitely have clubs. Let me tell you something. Yeah. How can she club? How can she club? Damn. Yeah, I remember being like, damn, that sucks. Middle management meeting coming this way.

1:05:43It's all the guys from the office. I mean, if you get done grinding plastic for 12 hours. That's true. And then you see. Some white bitches here on a fucking spiritual journey. You go, you're going to pay for this. You're going to pay for your choices.

1:06:03You've been sitting like a fucking catcher for 12 hours, dude. Separating plastics into a fucking wood chipper. Yeah. Taking apart like six engines. They are killing it on fucking TikTok. And, uh, yeah. And Ian Bros are coming up with good shit. Oh, yeah. I like that guy. They are very funny.

1:06:21Shane Gillis:Yeah, we should acknowledge third world privilege. Your videos kind of slap. Yeah. Yeah. If you're third world, you get a smartphone. Everyone's like, let me see. I need to see what the hell's going on right now. True. pretty tight it is crazy those villages that go from like no electricity to smartphones I know just like yo here's that would be dude looking through a screen at like an upper middle class suburb of New Jersey in the third world you must just be like dude what the fuck yeah what the fuck is that it's gotta be crazy it probably feels like a hallucination it really does that's like wait where's your shit river yeah exactly you don't have shit rivers yeah our shit river runs underground It's like you get an ad with a woman in it, and then it's just immediately.

1:07:04It's like, come here. Yeah, I need you here. Where are you? Yeah, now. Yeah, it's hard to fight that reserve as a Westerner. I know. You understand the technology already. If I just got Instagram and was looking at girls' pictures, I'd be like, come. Yeah. Take your shirt off. Take your shirt off, please.

1:07:23Shane Gillis:I'd make a bird in a mirror. I'd be like, go into the screen. Let's be in.

1:07:33there's like a couple guys that i i used to do open mics with that are like they're just american guys but they're like they've just lost it and they're just on twitter it's just women being like you know here's a workout thing and just good morning hi there's one where it's like i took a picture of it there's a lady it's like you're trying to fuck this thick shit with a little dick and then he was like good morning hi it's me i just walked

1:08:03he just used to i don't know yeah good morning my algorithms yeah i'm getting the hot babes again yeah and i'm getting so good i mean it's like geo guesser i'm good i can see the i can see the background of a hot chick's picture and be like she's in the gold coast australia What? That's why my British. Ooh, Nashville. I mean, they're only in five spots. They're in Miami, Nashville, LA, Australia, and what was the other one I just said? England's tossing some.

1:08:36Shane Gillis:Nashville. Yeah, England. Yeah, they can toss some babes out. Very classical babes. London's like a fashion capital, too. Yeah, New York. New York babes out. That's where they all film. Yeah, but they're more stylish. Yeah, true. I'm talking about the I got hit with a super stylish Miami 10s Nashville 10s bro Australia 10s Australia 10s are wild I had a super stylish babe get into my elevator today I just dude for real like crazy pointy super shoes weird tight but loose dress pants smelled like absolute heaven yeah came in I just looked at the floor I literally looked at the floor I just went I know it was royalty it was I just I'll just skip my floor were you dirty when she got in the elevator?

1:09:19Huh? Were you dirty when that happened? Yeah, I was fucking

1:09:21Shane Gillis:looked like this. I was covered in dirt and she walked in and I'm like... You literally were a peasant. Yeah. In the fields. Didn't even... Usually I'm like pretty... You know, you guys see me work on the elevator. I'm usually just... I can't help. I'll rizz up. I'm rizzing nonstop. You're happy to chat in the elevator. I'm happy to chat in the elevator. Yeah. When it's just me in person, I was just dirty in the elevator and I just went... I'm not even going to try to riz you up at all. Yeah. It's not like I just, you know, chat. I'm not a jackass. Of course. I'm just, you know. You say I'm not a jackass?

1:09:57Shane Gillis:No. I thought you said I'm not a jackass. I was like, yeah, hell yeah. That's good. No, I like that. I'm not being a jackass on the elevator. I'm just saying hello. These guys saw the lady who was rizing me up a little bit in the elevator. Whoa. Were you there? I don't know if you guys were there. Lomare was there. Yeah. I have elevator buddies. I have a couple of elevator buddies I see all the time. What fucking elevators are you guys on? It's in my office apartment. So when we do the podcast there, I'll bring the team. I bring the team there. My elevator buddies see my team. Yes. Start chatting me up.

1:10:30Shane Gillis:That's true, yeah. Oh, God. Yeah, they're probably, yeah. Lord knows what you're doing. I know. We just scream and shout. I think you're an OF man. Maybe. They could. I've thought about it before. They might like and subscribe. Yeah, next time we had the cams in my elevator with my elevator buddies, He's called me Anaconda. Yo, Anaconda, where do we go? He's like, yo, yo, chill, chill, chill. I'm with my elevator. Not right now. Mr. Anaconda. Anaconda squares.

1:11:02Shane Gillis:I mean, I usually can raise with the best of them in the elevator, but I was so dirty, and this lady just came on. She was, like, mean, too. She came on with a mean face, and I just went, I'm just going to look down. Yeah, a lot of those fashion babes are mean. Yeah, she was a mean babe, dude. Very pointy, sharp features. I went, nope. Nope, nope, nope, nope. Nope, nope, nope. My learner, you are not my squad. Septum pierced babes, not my squad either. We rarely get along. I agree. Rarely, dude. I only really run into them while they're bartending. Yeah. And they're the meanest. Yeah, dude, they're fucking mean as hell.

1:11:35Shane Gillis:Mean as hell. You already know they're going to be like, all right, bro, take that shit out of your fucking mouth. Pick a side. Pick a fucking side, dude. What the fuck is this? Oh, yeah. Take it out. Yeah. Take it out right now. pissing me off. I know you complain on TikTok or whatever. That's all you get that and you're like, shut up. A lot of bartenders film their shifts now. You know that? They film them and they time lapse them. It's a big thing. Day in life and it's just like... It's me the whole time. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

1:12:14Do they? That's crazy. Yeah, you were telling me that. I'm trying to fucking live stream at a bar. That's not fair. Yeah. It's supposed to be a safe haven for saying stuff. Yeah, for real. You're supposed to say the worst things there. Speaking of, dude, guys saying when they're wrongfully caught saying the wrong things, this Donald Sterling thing's been making me laugh.

1:12:37Shane Gillis:What happened? It's just an old thing he said during his deposition. well whatever i'll try to find but he's like when when when a beautiful woman hits on me and sucks on me and it lets me know she cares about me and the limo driver and i get in a limo and she gets naked and starts sucking my toes and sucking on me and i say thank you for making me feel good and then the next line in the deposition is like the question was is that your handwriting

1:13:10pretty classic dude that's awesome dude i like to get sucked in limo suck it on me on my i get sucked on a limo on the way to mr coon's house it's what he's going to what was you the deposition for probably getting caught saying the n-word uh i don't even think he said the n-word he just said he didn't even say the n-word dude he didn't want his lady pictures with him. Posting pictures. Yeah, that's what it was. He said, don't post pictures with him. Fellas. Fellas. I never said nothing was wrong with him. Say he's innocent. I said that when I was a kid. I was like, he's taking pictures with other dudes.

1:13:47That's a no-go. And they're basketball players. And it's courtside without him. He's like, look, you can take him to the games. I don't care if you hang out with him. Stop fucking posting pictures. I think he even said, I don't care if you fuck him. I don't even care if you have sex with him. Just stop. He was getting his balls broken, dude.

1:14:01Shane Gillis:Yeah. Your wife's saying I'm Mr. Anaconda again. Every day. Posting a picture of Mr. Anaconda. If you're like a 70-year-old white guy, it does kind of suck if your wife's constantly taking pictures with giant black guys. He's getting ribbed. That's the thing. He's like, I'm getting ribbed. Yeah. Stop. It's like, yeah, everywhere I turn, people are like, I get out of the limo at Mr. Coon's house. It's like, your wife is. Yeah. Your wife. He was just getting his feet and donk sucked in the limo. true that's that probably also bothered him too everyone was like you're a fucking cock and he's like bro i'm getting so much pussy so much what are you talking about i'm cucking hurt so stop fucking talking to me like that it's also funny because you know he like really he was like all right i got a bro it's a sensitive subject how do i broach it so he's probably practicing in the limo he's getting like his feet sucked he's like i'll be like i don't have anything against black guys just chill with the pics all right yeah it's a weird look for me how do you think put yourself in my shoes yeah did he did he ever go to the games or did he just like i'm not sure he just owned the team probably chilled outside yeah sucked in the limo on the way to my screen yeah he's like yeah the clippers aren't very good i've been saying it you gotta bring limos back nobody rides in limos anymore i know it's it it is like uh nobody does i was just talking with somebody about it yeah they they look like silly now to people crazy dude they're funny you have a 30-foot car.

1:15:22They're so funny. What, limos? Limos.

1:15:24Shane Gillis:But you could get them. It'd be sick to bring them back. I know. Just chill in the limo, phone in the limo. I need a new car. I might get one just a limo and drive. The limo and drive. Just fucking try to parallel park. Just pull a stretch hover into Whole Foods. Oh, he said worse things than you thought? Oh, no. Hold on. Let's go over it. Because I thought the gist of it was like, come on, chill. That's what I thought it was, too. It starts with, don't bring black people and don't come to my games, he told her, is one of them, because she recorded all. She did sneak. That's the part that bothers me, too.

1:15:58Well, that was also a little annoying. She sneaky recorded them in his house, which is, that's not fair. But it also says, it bothers me that you want to promote broadcasts that you're associating with black people, which, that was kind of rough. All right. All right, never mind. Yeah. Hold on. Let's go ahead and take that one back. I support them in getting food and clothes and cars and houses. I guess he's talking about owning Was he goofing? Because sometimes Sometimes white fellas We say goofing things If I remember right His tone in this Was never a goof It was kind of a pleading tone Like come on babe If I remember hearing the audio So he probably was like He'd probably be genuine Like But how old was he?

1:16:37How old was he? Yeah I think he was like 80 70 or 80

1:16:42Shane Gillis:It's so funny It's so funny to own the team You know what I mean? You own it It's like Yeah, that was just a bad job to have for what he was saying. Yeah. Wait, he's still alive? Yes, he's 92. He's still alive. Yeah, he was basically telling you to his wife, like, you don't get high off your own supply.

1:17:03Shane Gillis:Also, you own the team. It's like, bro, don't be fucking. Oh, he was courtside. He was at the games. He's got strong. Don't be, you know. Don't have him weak in the knees. That's true. Damn. And he had a, I think, I mean, Jesus, something. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's Vistiviano. Yeah. She's, I actually don't know, but she's not a white lady. Looks like an ex. Yeah, he had like upgraded to. Yo, he had the supermodel. Yeah, I mean, if you have the supermodel, you got to let your supermodel just do supermodel stuff, dude. You can't be like, hey. Yeah, I feel like at that point, it's like, that's what those guys do.

1:17:40He should have just got into it. That's what I'm saying. He should have been like, hey. I think he probably was into it, but just was like, don't fucking take pictures. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I see. He just didn't want it to be public. Yeah, he probably wasn't. Yeah. You're probably right. He's fucking 80. Right. True. All right.

1:17:55Shane Gillis:That could be the only way. We got to go to the page. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. We got a nice one. Let's talk rum. Let's go rum. I got a lot of stuff. I got to pee. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.

1:18:36Shane Gillis:We'll see you next time. Plus a free professional measure now during the spring Cyber Monday sale. Rules and restrictions apply.