Ep 614 - iNasty

12:01Lemaire Lee:There were two Netflix people in there, but I think they were just writing what we were talking about.

12:06Shane Gillis:Okay, so there's more elections.

12:08Lemaire Lee:Yeah, that and the bonsai tree joke. Could have done without it. Yeah. Turns out. You never know, though. Turns out, could have done without it. Yeah. sometimes you you know i mean i was running honest running it in front of the wrong crowds yeah i was just doing it in austin and then boston and they were like fuck yeah dude no i did it nashville charlotte austin and boston all four cities were like you gotta do it it's unanimous i did do it i ran it at chapelle's yeah that it was it was me it was it was a cool room yeah it was exactly who would be upset by it and they liked it that's the other thing too it's like i think people still laughed and thought if you if you were to try to take like a general if you sit outside of a gas station today and call it the afternoon rush like what'd you think about

13:06Shane Gillis:that they'd be like bro you don't give a fuck bro that's hilarious dude yeah i already fielded i was taught i was on a construction site yesterday they're like bro they don't give a fuck that was

13:14Lemaire Lee:great man so yeah the boys are fired up yeah i will say this i just think i think the tallies in on that specific roast i think the white boys went dumb it's true the white boys went dumb the white boys went dumb white boys the white boys might have went too dumb everyone's upset that The white boys might be the king of snapping now. Hey, look, I'm just going off what I saw. You think the white boys are the king of snapping? I think so. I think so. I think the white boys are the king of snapping. I just know that's getting a fucking headline. Matt McCusker says the white boys are the kings of snapping.

13:54Lemaire Lee:Let me tell you something, Matt McCusker. You'll never be the king of snapping. I'm not the king of snapping. I mean, but yeah. You could be the king of snapping. I can snap. You can snap. I can snap, but I don't know. If someone snaps me, I'll get real sad. I don't like, I was watching that being like, dude, I would fucking spaz. That's what you think. And then it is, I mean, I didn't really get anything too bad.

14:16Shane Gillis:Yeah, true. But it's funny.

14:19Lemaire Lee:Yeah. When someone makes fun of you like that, it is. It is funny. But everyone's laughing. It was genuinely funny getting made fun of. That's true. I thought that I was really afraid I was going to be like. Here's the problem, though. You did well. If I did poorly and then someone made fun of, like, my kids, I'd have been like,

14:37Shane Gillis:yo, seriously, dude, something's off limits. Seriously, dude, knock it off. You know what else, though? I didn't even. I was trying to fight Jermaine. What's the NBA guy? Yeah, I'm like, seriously, Mr. Green, that's enough, all right? There's limits to it. But if I did it good, I'd have been like, ah.

14:54Lemaire Lee:I didn't even consider how bad it was to go first. Yeah. until and then i remembered like i saw like at the roast of uh at voss's roast everyone just made fun of florentine for his ex killing herself yeah like before he went and then when he went everyone was like the whole crowd was like come on jim yeah so like that was his wife yes god damn yeah he got it pretty good he's also nicest dude ever and he's the fucking man but then he got on and just murdered so that's cool but uh what i'm saying is like going first you look like you're just a psycho everyone's like why is he fucking like who's this guy saying mean things for no reason well that's at least you have the first dibs on stuff in case there's like things bleed together but i get it dude opening a crowd and being obviously you're like you're not even thinking like okay i gotta like i gotta lead these guys into the waters you're just coming out and it's like bam yeah i should have uh i should have been a little more articulate up front of being like this is a roast i mean we're gonna say some terrible things they also know everyone knows of course but they sure didn't the live the live audience front section did not agree with anything i was saying well that's also that's you know

16:17Shane Gillis:that's the elites dude they're they're like they can get charged well they can get charged with like face crime so they're probably just they're probably just like deadpan just kind of like that's actually very funny because they can't be up there. If you're like the CEO of like Nesquik, you can't be like, you have to just be like, like everything else in your, you just have to go. Nothing. I don't like anything. There's, there's a 5 million shareholders depending on you to just be like, Oh, fuck. Yeah.

16:51That does suck though. If I was up there, and there's just a bunch of like very elegantly dressed people being like fine i quit i'm done

16:59Lemaire Lee:also kevin is he's like a pro at this shit so he was like he's helping you yeah he wants the show to go well so if you say something terrible he's gonna be like hey you're crazy he he's not he's not gonna be like what the fuck i thought he was great with that though because the whole time you watch him i mean yeah i also love when he did when he would stand up and just kind of prance

17:24Shane Gillis:around i'm like there's literally nothing better yeah it's nice if you have a black dude stands up out of his chair and laughs you're just like it's better than spit take i was just being like yes

17:32Lemaire Lee:and then cheryl cheryl was so fucking funny yeah that was she did a completely different thing in the rehearsal we did a rehearsal that's like a couple hours before the show and she just made up what she was going to talk about then too she made up the whole thing it was great that's insane yeah she might be queen of snapping there she's the queen she's the queen i really think so going just going ad-lib on that on tv is really kind of insane but i will say when i'm sitting up there and they're like if you say the n-word we'll all beat your ass i was like i'm not going to say it what the hell is this joke i wasn't going to say it that might have been a pre-loaded

18:14Shane Gillis:no because it was off of me saying wigger dracula oh yeah got you got you but then i

18:20Lemaire Lee:watched you know earthquake stand up like yeah no earthquake don't beat my ass earthquake earthquake ruled even in the front there was certain people that i could count on earthquake jay pharaoh those are my guys dude

18:37Shane Gillis:dude yeah that is pretty nice actually it was nice to see who was like go for it dude all you need are a couple of guys if you have a couple of guys especially quake if you got quake on your side

18:49Lemaire Lee:it was the same at the espies i needed john jones and drewski and lamar jackson lamar jackson got me through a couple i looked down saw lamar jackson laughing i was like that's so sick

19:00Shane Gillis:was it even close to as tight as the espies no it was it was a lot better than that yeah

19:04Lemaire Lee:they were tight but I wasn't being making racist jokes really yeah at the ESPYs yeah that's where you feel bad make a racist joke and you look out and you see an older black lady going damn you go I'm so sorry I don't believe in what I'm saying I swear I'm joking I know I look like I'm serious

19:27Lemaire Lee:I'm keeping a straight face but overall it was oh another

19:30Shane Gillis:Lizzo what a fucking treat you were saying she was awesome I know. I know.

19:36Lemaire Lee:Absolute angel. I'm telling you a lot. In hindsight, I guess she never really did anything that I shouldn't like. It's the media, dude. It's like the media. The media's eye nasty. Commentors are eye nasty. Podcasters can be eye nasty at the weaker moments. Sure. We're in an eye nasty ecosystem. This episode is brought to you by No Bull. Oh, yeah. There's been a longstanding lie about pants that if they look good, they've got to feel terrible. Oh, man. But No Bull's trying to end that. It's a training brand known for award-winning footwear in apparel, and now they're bringing their no-bullshit attitude to men's pants.

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21:40Lemaire Lee:did you call me it's like oh i'm just saying it's it's fucking crazy it's it's unbelievable yeah i saw one i was just taking a shit and i saw a nice one did you really it was uh fuck i'm forgetting his name who was the guy that did vice and then the proud boys oh yeah he was doing something on Piers Morgan and some lady was like they were like what citizenship are you he was like Canada United States and England okay and they were like she was like you can't have three you can only be dual citizenship he was like yeah I can you fucking stupid bitch and they were like what'd you say he was like I called her a stupid fucking bitch

22:22Lemaire Lee:just mid debate spaz

22:24Shane Gillis:yeah whatever you fucking idiot it it's nothing but i watch him everyone you eventually do it and you and it's funny too when someone gets you in a debate you go okay look i see what you're saying but and you just jump to another it's so fucking funny we're just gonna have to agree to disagree on this let's table that for now you're being kind of pedantic let's table that for now what i'm really talking about it's dude it's really nonsense i was reading a book it was too dense i had to read a book about the book to try to understand it but they were basically saying that like in modern like in modern times morality has been so kind of like jettisoned from what it originally kind of was formed around which was like divine law basically from like religion so now when people have moral arguments it's just they're not really rooted in anything other than people's personal preferences and that all people do is just like yell at each other because they're like i like this and they're like well you're a fucking retard i like this and that's all a debate it is anymore according to alistair mcintyre i agree with alistair mcintyre alistair mcintyre

23:25Lemaire Lee:is the man i hope so i don't know dude i catch that i'm done saying people are cool too he's cool

23:30Shane Gillis:i'm not saying i'm not saying people are good or bad anymore well you know what's funny so he was like a philosopher in the 80s who came up with this book about kind of you know morality and you know whatever and uh so i was like trying to learn more about it's really hard all those books are so fucking hard to read so they expect that you just like know all of creek mythology they'll be like and obviously persephone and you're like fuck who the fuck is that you gotta read about that but there was a lady a professor i believe was covering the book and then in the introduction she was like yeah and he says a lot about like community and practice he's had four different wives which that's kind of weird i'm like why are you being nasty you're supposed to be a fucking academic now you're being i nasty to alistair mcintyre he's dead the guy's fucking died like two years ago just toss in there you're being like four fucking wives what the hell he What's he know about community?

24:15You guys are a fucking asshole. And you're like, what the fuck? You have a PhD. No one's immune, dude. No one is immune. It's just, it's the path for people now. It is the absolute path. And it's, you know, just what the people want right now. They want to get nasty. You know, I would love to get a device hooked to my phone. I mean, I guess you could just monitor your Apple Watch because I'm pretty sure my vitals go up by like 10 heartbeats a minute. I was on the other day just... On the internet?

24:43Lemaire Lee:Yeah. Dude, and I just got like... Then I sat down and I was like, I didn't feel like this before I went to my phone. It's bad. It's the devil. It is the devil. I've been doing all right staying off it this week. Yeah. I'm doing my best. But then you stay off it and someone goes, yo, I sent you a bunch of shit. You didn't see it. And you're like, I was off. And they're like... That's okay. I can handle that. Yeah, true. It's more someone gives you bad news. Yeah. You see what they're saying about you.

25:07Shane Gillis:No, I'm trying to avoid it. Yeah, don't. Dude, when people hit you up, you're like, yo, you see they're calling you gay on Reddit? I'm like, don't call me with that. Don't call me with that. My cousins do that to me. They're calling you gay and say you suck at basketball on Reddit. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? I don't suck at basketball. I'm pretty good. I'm getting better. What the fuck? Yeah, man. I've been hooping lately. That's been my absolute dreams. I do have hoop dreams now. Absolute hoop dreams. I've learned I do have to tone it down on the court. I'm telling you. I came up playing different, bro.

25:41True. I might have to go to the hood to play ball. The gentlemen, dude, they don't like it, dude. You talk a little tiny bit of shit. I feel like you can test a foul call.

25:50Shane Gillis:I thought that was totally acceptable. I'm like, foul, what the fuck? People are like, what?

25:54Lemaire Lee:Every single person does that. I've never played a single game where someone's like, oh, you're going to call that? Yeah, I know.

25:59Shane Gillis:Yeah, you slapped it. You hit me in the face. If I actually get you, I'll call it on myself. But sometimes there's calls where I'm like, loose ball calls and fucking pick up? Come on, bro. That's crazy. Dude. But yeah, I've squashed all my court beef. Yeah, there's nothing worse than a... Before court beef, I squashed them immediately. Because I can be a little bastard, too. Just be like, oh, you're not going to call that one, huh? They're like, what the fuck is your problem, man? I'm trying to play.

26:23Lemaire Lee:I'm like, yeah, my bad, my bad. Yeah, you've reached an age where you can't do that. I can't help it, bro. I know, but... It's a fiery old head. If I played, I'd be doing the exact same thing. That's how you play. Yeah, you just fuck around. Dude, I hate you. You build the rivalry. Yeah, you go, I actually dislike the other team. my guys are my brothers i'll die for them i don't know any of their names yeah yeah man you throw it to the wrong team fuck he was on my team dude you ever see have you guys ever seen jordan's game winner against unc or when he was at unc he won the national championship it's like an iconic oh yeah yeah uh maybe it was it was like a defining moment he hits a corner jumper to win the national title.

27:08Lemaire Lee:There was 20 seconds left. The other team gets the ball and comes down the court with 20 seconds. The guy at the top of the key just throws the ball to North Carolina. He throws it to the wrong guy. No. Everyone just sucked. It's like a street ball fucking pass, like a little kid pass. The guy gets the ball. No one's really pressuring him. He just panics and throws it to another guy. That's the game. There's 20 seconds. I thought MJ hit a buzzer beater. That's crazy. I didn't know that either. Yeah. What? Give it a look. It's a comically bad pass. Yeah, that's insane. I didn't know that. Yeah.

27:48I guess that makes it not as exciting when they show that at the end. Guy hits the spaz with the title on the line. That's one thing I think is unnecessary in pickup basketball. You can find the players who, like, they get the ball with spaz. I'm like, yell at them. They'll literally toss the ball. You can hit him with a fucking throw it here. That is, I'll just be like, no, no, no, no. And I watch a guy like, and he threw the ball.

28:09Shane Gillis:And I was like, ah, that was a dirty play. Yeah, you're a dickhead. Or when someone shoots and you go, you blow your head at them. And it fucks up their shit. You can't be doing this shit. I was hitting him with fucking, I was hitting him with driveway, McCusker Cousins. Clapping while they're shooting in their face. Shit like that.

28:27Lemaire Lee:Playing fucking defense with a hand in their face.

28:30Shane Gillis:Yeah, dude, you're a fucking dickhead.

28:32Lemaire Lee:That's crazy.

28:33Shane Gillis:I'm toning it down. I'm learning how to play because I really just want to run around. That's my thing. I'm like, if I get to run around, if I lose, I'm like, whatever, good game. But I thought the thing is you talk shit, and then you get the back and forth, and you call an ISO, and you get to go one-on-one against you. It's fun. But now, bro.

28:49Lemaire Lee:Call an ISO is also crazy. You don't call it, but you get it. You set picks to get a matchup, and you're going, oh, here we go. I got this dumb pussy who wanted to just work out today. It was like, I'll try basketball. I go by myself now as I'm trying to get used to the rims. So I'll run back and forth full court and just practice my fast breaks, my pull-ups. It's so nice. Fucking nut, dude. I'm trying to get, it's double rim. It's hard as hell. Of course. If I can get my, I'm trying to get like my like seven to eight footer down, my fade away, step back. I run drills by myself. I know. I feel so bad for the guys in your neighborhood that have to deal with this fucking guy.

29:30Lemaire Lee:every time you show up, they must be like, so you get out of your car with your fucking wraparound Oakley's on. I'm getting that sense, honestly. Just guys be like, oh, fuck, he's here again.

29:45Shane Gillis:And then I'll score like four points.

29:47Lemaire Lee:Four points, 15 fouls, 10 rebounds. You are Draymond, dude.

29:54Shane Gillis:When they were booing him, I'm like, you don't deserve that, dude. No, Draymond's the fucking man. Yeah, dude, he plays hard. And he was nervous. Yeah, I mean, imagine that. Imagine just out of nowhere.

30:05Lemaire Lee:And then me and Pete were talking. I like walked over to him right before we started. I was like, I'm so fucking nervous, oh shit. And Draymond was like, oh, thank God you said that, dude. I'm so fucking nervous. And Pete was like, dude, I'm going to fucking die.

30:17Shane Gillis:That must be such a relief when you get done your set and all you got to do is just kind of sit there and be like, all right.

30:22Lemaire Lee:Oh, you're like this. At the beginning, at the very beginning, the way they introduced me is Black Thought from the Roots is like, you guys ready for the roast? Now the roundest thing on tires, Shane Gill. And I didn't know that. And I was walking out like, what the fuck? What the fuck, Black Thought?

30:41Shane Gillis:No, that wasn't him. I know, yeah, there was someone who was beefing with you. It was not Black Thought. No. I thought your enemy finally spiked you.

30:49Lemaire Lee:No, no, no. Me and my, I know that. Who are you talking about? We're good.

30:53Shane Gillis:That's nice. That's nice.

30:54Lemaire Lee:And Black Thought used to do shows at Punchline Philly.

30:58Shane Gillis:Did he really?

30:58Lemaire Lee:Yeah. I've known him forever. That's awesome. When I was in Philly, I would do his shows. Yeah, that's awesome. He got you. He roasted. I was excited to see him. That's nice. He got a little roast. That's the move. You get one roast, introduce, out. Yeah. It's kind of nice. But yeah, I was just walking on stage and someone was like, look at this fucking fat piece of shit. I was like, all right. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Los Angeles. coolest guy alive just called me fat in front of millions of people how's everyone doing oh tom brady just called me a fat piece of shit all right what else is on the docket oh the rock came out and called me a bitch okay

31:38Shane Gillis:cool i will say dude huh

31:42Lemaire Lee:who's tequila whose tequila is better the rocks or kevin hartz yeah now that's a good question lameses uh i don't know i don't know which one i had yeah i don't know i've never had kevin hearts i've had taramana i've had the rocks i'm a big tequila guy but i don't know you know who's nice i'll be honest mcbrides oh really i was shocked i mean it's like you know you just never think when people are like oh it's a guy is a tequila i tried i said god hey i can't really taste the difference i can tell i can unless it's like bad bad you can go oh this is the worst yeah Worst drink I've ever had in my life.

32:18Lemaire Lee:What? Just bad tequila. Yeah, it's horrible. Yeah. When they hate you with the additives, you go, there's a certain flavor you go. That's a weird one. But, you know, there's a lot of them. It's all good at the end of the day. You put lemon in it and shit, lime, whatever. It's pretty good. But I was shocked. Did you ever see his website? He does, like, skits on his tequila website where he's, like, people are getting their legs chopped off while they're feeling the agave. Who? McBride. Yeah, I saw the one with him and Stevie Janowski. Yeah, he cuts his leg off. That's great. I just got it in the mail Christmas time What the fuck is this?

32:52It was good What's it called? I think I have it Gato or something? Yeah that's right I think it's Gato I'm big on the celebrity I'll try all of them I don't know why I like to try them out Then I don't really drink

33:04Lemaire Lee:We need to get a celebrity moonshine Celebrity moonshine I get 350 proof Just kill everyone Just have it complete Get it made Like chemically made in China You should get, like, the fentanyl of alcohol. Just get fentanyl. Sell it.

33:23Dudes are drinking it. They're getting abscesses in the arm.

33:25Lemaire Lee:I keep looking for my wrens, dude. Last time I was sitting here, they were there. He was still alive, dude.

33:34Shane Gillis:That bird's hopping around in spirit right now as you jump around the house. Poor little guy.

33:39Lemaire Lee:I don't think the other guy's going to make it. I saw him. They're just in the backyard now. They're popping around? Yeah, he's just jumping into the neighbor's fucking window. You got turf too, don't you? In my yard, yeah. But they're on the other side of the fence. Oh, that's good. How the hell do they get over there? Are they flying? Yeah, they can fly. They flew right away. Oh, they're good. Yeah. If they flew, I think they're both probably going to die really quick. I think the survival rate for birds. But I was thinking about them pecking the turf for worms and just slowly dying of hunger.

34:05Lemaire Lee:Matt. Just like, what is this? I have feed out there. I put a bunch of bird feed. Oh, yeah. I threw it in the yard. I threw it. I got bird feed. Now my pool's covered in bird shit. I forgot. You had them set up. Also, cardinals are dickheads. Are they mean? They control the fucking birdhouse. Have you been getting good footage over there? Yeah, it's just a fucking squirrel that eats everything and a family of cardinals. That's all I got. Then occasionally me or LaMare walking out towards it and looking at it. I'm just standing there.

34:41Shane Gillis:LaMare grabbing like a 10-year-old sunflower seed.

34:44Lemaire Lee:Yeah, LaMare will get in there. I'll catch LaMare at 4 in the morning, night vision.

34:52Lemaire Lee:A squirrel comes up. He's like...

34:57Lemaire Lee:July 17th, I'll be at The Link in Philadelphia. We just released some new tickets, so please purchase them. Please come. It's going to be a hoot. There's going to be a lot of people there. I will be in Chicago this very Saturday. I'll be in Toronto as well. And then Chicago this Saturday, May 16th, 7 p.m. at the Riviera Theater in Chicago, Illinois. There's a few tickets left. You know what's left? Single seats. Bunch of single seats dotting in. That's fun. Going to the show by yourself is a nice treat. Yeah, come by yourself. You can sit next to someone's girlfriend. Probably touch the thigh with your leg.

35:36You can do it the whole show. You can do it the whole show. Hey, I'm fucking crammed in here. This guy's a jerk. But yeah, so come to that. That'll be very fun. Yes. Hey, guys. It's me, Sean. I'll be in Cincinnati next week. Please come if you can. SeanGardini.com and Optimum Noctis is next week as well. So please come.

35:57Lemaire Lee:What's the date on Optimum Noctis? May 19th. May 19th. Please come to Optimum Noctis on May 19th. Tickets are available at SeanGardini.com. And then I'll be in Charleston and Raleigh too. This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter.

36:11Shane Gillis:Matt, what do your eyes light up at? My eyes light up. When I think about staffing personnel. That's exactly what I was going to say. That's insane.

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36:54Lemaire Lee:Try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash secret. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash secret. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter. This episode is brought to you by Viore. All right, we got to tell you guys about this brand, Viore.

37:08Shane Gillis:You want another good marketing idea? Go ahead.

37:11Lemaire Lee:You got a marketing idea? When the tees hit your eyes like a big pizza pie. That's me already. That's me already. I mean, the guy's hired me. I know.

37:22Shane Gillis:Matt, can you tell me something about the core shorts? Oh, my God. For example, gym, couch, quick run out. They just work. All right. That's what they just work. What about the Strato Tech tee? I would say ridiculously soft, like suspiciously soft. Everything is the perfect combo of comfort, but still looking like we didn't completely give up. Oh, God. Oh, my gosh.

37:42Lemaire Lee:Oh, my God, Viore. Viore.com slash secret and discover the versatility, the verse nature of Viore clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. That's Viore. Thank you. Yay. Nice. Thank you, guys. But, yeah, that sucks that your baby bird's died. No, but just one.

38:04Shane Gillis:Just one. If the other two flew, that's good news. They made it over that fence. That fence is, like, that's the ultimate test. for a baby bird. That's a big ass fucking fence. So did you see him learn how to fly or did they start from the ground? He was hopping,

38:17Lemaire Lee:but he was flying pretty quick. That's tight. Yeah. That's tight. It was just great to see mom and dad jumping around. Mom and dad trying to block. Like, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. Chill. They're hopping around. They looked happy. Yeah. They're hopping. They're going, oh, shit. Oh, shit. They don't know. They didn't know what was going on. Oh, fuck. Mom's probably pregnant again right now. I hope. get back in here that would be so tight yeah I wonder how I wonder how how often do wrens like churn them out

38:50Shane Gillis:is it like per season because I know rabbits I think it's season it's a season yeah because rabbits will kick out like four litters they fucking they rock them man they're nice

38:58Lemaire Lee:I think coyotes are year round too really I think they're like non-stop that'd be nice what is it two broods per season

39:09Shane Gillis:oh we got another brood you have another brood breeding yeah it goes till August oh typically the season

39:16Lemaire Lee:bro if they get back in there I'll be fucking pumped she's probably out there shaking ass right now don't talk about her like that dude they're a couple they're together

39:24Shane Gillis:she's probably shaking her tail fuzz right now

39:26Lemaire Lee:no they're together

39:27Shane Gillis:that's good if they're together forever that's nice yeah can we get the pair bonding date on Rens please

39:32Lemaire Lee:yeah yeah yeah let's see if they stay together

39:34Shane Gillis:I was watching a thing yesterday saying that human pair bonding is all fucked up because we can't smell each other. He's like, you're supposed to smell a lady's BO and see if your immune systems are compatible. There's another thing. Fuck all that. You don't smell like an immune system?

39:48Lemaire Lee:No, I don't care about that. I don't like whoever, whatever weird freak came up with that. He was like, our pair bonding is fucked up. I'm tired of everyone being like, you know we're not designed to actually be doing this. Shut up. Shut the fuck up. I feel like I'm designed to be playing Xbox. I'm obviously designed for it. They have very strong pair bonding.

40:12Shane Gillis:Oh, they're together forever. God, love wins. The end of the day.

40:16Lemaire Lee:Love wins again, dude.

40:17Shane Gillis:I miss the I nasty. Love wins.

40:19Lemaire Lee:I miss all of the I nasty. I'm going to get DMs. I'm glad that. Oh, no. Fuck that round. That's bullshit, dude. What? Oh, no. What is it, guys? Nate found out some bad news. He says, most birds do not reuse the same nest for future seasons. It's all right. There's another box right next to it.

40:42Shane Gillis:Yeah. True.

40:43Lemaire Lee:And also, I'm pretty sure. That's a good one, dude. I'm pretty sure. You talk about shitty nests. They're coming back.

40:48Shane Gillis:Yeah. I like to believe they're coming back. That's the penthouse. Although, I'm sure you can also recreate. What the fuck are you guys doing to me, dude?

40:56Lemaire Lee:What the fuck are you guys doing over there? It wouldn't be hard to recreate that. I told my mom about the Cardinals. What did you say? Well, she thinks Cardinals represent my dead grandmother. Oh. So she's like, oh, that's my mom. I was like, yeah, it's my mom. For some reason, it made me upset. I was like, mom, that's so fucking dumb. But I'd love to make fun of her. I saw the Cardinal, and I was like, mama. I know. It's in there.

41:26Shane Gillis:If I heard one person say that, I'd be like, yeah, I know. I know exactly what you're saying. Yeah, it's definitely my mom. That's really sweet. And it's funny. And then you see her just bullying birds. Yeah, I see.

41:39Lemaire Lee:That means my mom's watching. I hope not. Yeah, true. I hope my mom's not peeking through the glass in here. Just tapping the glass. Naked for a day. Didn't go outside yesterday.

41:56I have neighbors behind me now Like right up against the back And now I'm trying to be more mindful Shutting my shutters I'll get naked during the night I'm naked Lights on naked? Oh yeah dude I just forget

42:09Shane Gillis:We had nothing back there And now there's just And it's just like Right up against us Some poor kid I hope not

42:16Lemaire Lee:Growing up with a freak bull neighbor

42:20Shane Gillis:We just forget Once everyone's asleep, I'm fucking I'm hitting. I'm in the birthday suit. I'm in the birthday suit. I'm shaking tinnas for my wife. I'm like a male just fucking hopping around. I'm due, brother. I'm due. Man, I've been suffering.

42:42Lemaire Lee:Really?

42:42Shane Gillis:Suffering, yeah. I've been suffering so hard. How bad? Bad, bro. I'm waiting. I'm due. I'm due. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep the other night. I get to the point where I can't fucking sleep. Out of horniness. It's just, if I go a week, if I'm on a week retention, the seventh, eighth day, I'm going to lay in bed and just like, my cells are just kind of like, I can't sleep. It'll just take me significantly longer to fall asleep. And I'm going like this. You're just out cold. You have no idea. I'm over here suffering, dude. And you're just sleeping fitfully.

43:18Lemaire Lee:You got to take matters into your own hands at that point. Yeah, but then, well, I will at a certain point. But then you go, this is what I get? I just have to masturbate for the rest of my life? Because I'm off the nog, too. Again, I'm not making a big thing about it. I just am like, I don't want it. I don't want it in my life. And then I go, hey, I'm trying not to. Why do you even need to watch that? And I go, it's just naked tits. Because it's cool. It's awesome. It's just naked tits. And I saw them when I was like nine. And it's just, you're not. It's just, I'm always going to watch that if you don't touch my penis.

43:47Shane Gillis:It's a tough combo. She said, why do you even watch that? I've got a feel to that a bunch of times. Why would you even have to watch that? I go, what do you mean? Why? I mean, I don't have to, but like, you know, why does an engine need? It speeds up the process. Yeah. Why does an engine need grease? You know what I mean? Like, come on. We're going to lube the wheels a little. Exactly. I mean, bro, they're going to only be so much.

44:03Lemaire Lee:You want me to jack off for three hours, or do you want it to be five fucking minutes? You tell me. You got to, dude, you got to relieve the tension in the bow. Otherwise, it breaks. Of course. You got a long bow. You got a British long bow.

44:17Shane Gillis:I got the crossbow, dude. I got a stubby hunt.

44:22Lemaire Lee:I got a stubby Irish hunting bow. I'm losing weight. I'm excited to get like.001 inches length back. Yes. Nice. I'm trying to get down to like 180. Did four miles a day. That's sick. In the Texas sun. It blows. I went for a walk yesterday. It was fucking miserable. Yeah. I should have put on sunscreen. I forgot. What time did you go? one or two that dude that's fucking terrible absolute heat of the day yeah you if you catch like a 8 a.m when the sun's just kind of just getting settled it's so nice i'm not catching that catch it catch it now with this schedule yeah true i'm dying brother yeah you must be tired i'm tired must be turd dude i had to we did a show in la on wednesday night after the show had to fly to Boston to do the Boston show I left LA at like 11 a.m or 11 p.m cross-country flight lose three hours I got in at like 7 30 a.m went to I slept from like eight to two maybe oh dude then had to wake up and go do the fucking Boston Garden but and thrice as well right and then Friday Saturday but that was that was awesome Boston's literally the best.

45:40But that does suck. And then after the show Saturday,

45:42Lemaire Lee:get on a plane to fly back to do the roast that day. And the roast on the West Coast, we had to start. I had to get there at like 9 a.m. Yeah.

45:52Shane Gillis:So you did a night flight back, basically? Yeah. You must be turd.

45:56Lemaire Lee:I'm a little tired from that.

45:57Shane Gillis:Yeah. I mean, that's like, that's literally. I did nothing yesterday. I'm fine. That is the stuff of jet lag, though. Takes one day. Yeah. Coast to coast is tough.

46:05Lemaire Lee:Coast to coast is really tough. Coast to coast. And coast to coast to coast, really. From California to Boston and a show that day, that sucked. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's fucking. It is funny going from, like, L.A. and then just hitting, like, the palest. I was so happy to be home. So happy to be back on the East Coast. The Northeast, just with the ugly, pale guys. My brothers. Yeah, it's nice, actually. My fucking dogs, finally. Boston does rule. Boston's maybe the best city. Yeah, it is. It's up there. It's really nice. anytime you put out a bunch of shows Boston always is like sells out so fast so weird it's like there literally just are the bros there that was my last arena really yeah for what for that arena tour for that tour yeah yeah the only thing I have left is the link dude it's time to focus on the link oh man told you what happened to me I got yeah I got fucking high I got high off a gun thought about it thought about it I had a full body panic attack I was like that's so many fucking people and I just for real full body just like fuck yes doesn't even make sense you're entering my room nothing makes you're entering what i've been doing for three straight years every day every day you wake up and go holy shit fuck it doesn't make sense and then you go you know what fine i'll check the internet and fuck him all right fuck all my thoughts were right i am a terrible person

47:32Shane Gillis:it is funny that that's like it really is it's like the the part of yourself that's like looking out and judging the world just gets like scraped through all the same part of other people just like all that's left either you become calcified and nastier or you just let all the nasties go and you're not even can't be nasty anymore can't be worried about the nasties can't be worried that's why it also makes sense too like when you're when i was younger and i'd watch like famous actors talk about anything i'm like this guy's a freak then it's like oh this guy since he's been 12 has been like just berated by newspapers and that's why they get in there and they're like it's all about the work and about your energy yeah that's what happens after that yeah

48:08Lemaire Lee:but that would be the end of our careers yeah if we became a weird feather bracelets leather bracelets I'll get some leather bracelets you need to get them and be like it's all about the good internal to the activity it's uh Aristotle said that it's about the fate of the vibes obviously you're like this guy's a fucking fruit and you're like dude I've I would break one day though in the middle of an interview and be like yeah that guy is a fucking fruit I fucking hate that fucking guy oh fuck I'm back no oh no I gotta meet him now fuck you know what I am allowed to say whatever I want hey if I think it's funny I'll fucking say it in the middle of like a kids cartoon show I'm doing I'm voicing a dog on a you know what fuck it

49:01Shane Gillis:true yeah we shall see i mean it'll it was the buzz it was the talk of the town but some people have to face their eye nasties you do you do and it's coming where you tell me somebody had to face their eye nasties yeah people everyone's facing them people are dying by the eye nasty because it

49:18Lemaire Lee:will rocket you it'll get rocket fuel you can be as nasty as you want it'll rocket you but also too you're gathering the nasties and they're going to as soon as anything even decent happens for you which is best case scenario the nasties will turn yeah they'll go yep ah no please please

49:37Shane Gillis:yeah i'm having liquid death sponsorship it's all working out please no when the thing you

49:42Lemaire Lee:dreamed of happening happens and all you can think about is oh the fucking i nasties the shit I put out in the world seven years ago. No. Don't even remember it. I just pray no one remembers.

50:00Yep, yep, yep. It happens. But hey, man, again, all we can do is work hard and get leather bracelets.

50:05Lemaire Lee:That plant's blocking my balls still, right? All right. Perfect. Keep an eye on that. True. We should get one prod just eye on the balls the entire time. Yeah. That'd be nice. Thanks. You got your eye on it? I keep my eyes. Just so you know, occasionally I glance at yours as well. I'm glad you found a bigger pair of shorts for once. Oh, my God. Normally, he's wearing a fucking Speedo. It's disgusting. He's got the Rottweiler turd just fucking hanging. He's folded over. It really is, dude. It's like a Dalmatian era. Like a fucking little tail. of a nasty ass. The dog just got into some paper towels.

50:49He goes, did you do that? Just looks like Gardini's dog. His tail just completely folded.

50:56Lemaire Lee:You should have seen Nate's fucking soft-ass dog. I've seen it. Came over. We had a couple. Yeah, you saw him. Were you here when he was here? When he got tough. I saw him get tough at the end of the night. Oh, that was nice. The pit breeds, they can get like a little sundown or something. Like nighttime, if they're in like a weird place, they get kind of like whacked out. I've seen that before. Butter Dog was being very funny. He wasn't going to do nothing. He's the softest. I'm ashamed of how soft he is. He's a sweet dog. It's funny I could tell how ashamed Nate was, so I kept being like, man.

51:27Lemaire Lee:Dog was a zesty dog. The dog was being perfect. It was a great dog. You should let him be gay with Jackson. He would 100 % be gay. Oh, dude, Jackson will get... Jackson is blind, but he'll still be gay. If he can, like, find a dog's dick, he's all over it. Jackson is a blind freak. He'll locate another dog's dick and just be like. He would for real molest your dog. My dog would just lay there and take it. That's what Jackson used to do. Don't put twink on him. Don't put twink on my dog. He's at least a bear. He's definitely not a bear. He's a cub. He's a pretty small. Jackson's old. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

52:05Shane Gillis:But he still has his appetites. Still has his appetites. Can't teach him new tricks. No. I'm sorry It's better than It's better than Alternative He could be the Worst fucking dog He's a sweet dog Yeah Yeah Yeah Yeah But I wish he would Do a little something He don't even bark He doesn't bark That breed doesn't bark That breed doesn't bark He doesn't bark Yeah they don't What kind of What is he I think he's just Full pit He looks like a little Staffy a bit I just got him From the shelter Yeah And they just had pit Well they don't They don't bark I have a staffy Same thing They'll go like All he does is whine.

52:44He hits a... Yeah, he goes... Yeah. He was doing it at the end of the night.

52:50Lemaire Lee:The whole time it's just gone. That's a weird bark.

52:58The mailman comes, he goes, fuck me. His eyes cross.

53:07Shane Gillis:Oh, dude, we even talk about the... who was the guy the indian dude who claimed the white boss lady dominated him sexually yeah that just came and went man that's dude i gotta give it to that guy we talked about it on rogan did

53:22Lemaire Lee:you and i it was like the day it came out and they read the quote and i was like this reads like an indian guy i don't think she said that that is a horny indian guy what do you call them bazookas cannons cannons cannons is sick but what did he call his own wife a fish fish head Asian wife. Damn. That's the hardest part about getting caught in this. I know. It's like, wait, why'd you call me a fish head with tiny cannons? Why did you make that up? Like, the boss was like a... Yeah, I know, but he's the one who wrote it. Wrote it? Oh. So he wrote like, yeah, what does your fish head Asian wife think about this?

53:58Lemaire Lee:Or that lady... Turns out he wrote it.

54:00Shane Gillis:It was all fake? Is that for sure?

54:01Lemaire Lee:I believe it was fake.

54:02Shane Gillis:Oh, damn. Or does that lady have everyone in the office so racially domed that They were like, yes, mistress, we will defeat the rumor. I got, like, semi-ed when I read. No one's mad about a thick racist dom.

54:16Lemaire Lee:No. Dude, that lady was hot. Did you see the tall picture? Dude, I think that had, was that AI? Because that picture's nuts. That picture was real, dude.

54:24Shane Gillis:She, I mean, she could have fully bimbified me. You know that guy who got caught with the balloons? If I worked for that lady, I'd have the balloons and spandex on. I'm like, I'm your little fucking bimbo. Wait, where did she work? JP Morgan or? Yeah. also what a fucking weird leg up for that lady professionally to just dodge that bullet and now it's like you're in a little interview with some old guy and he's like yeah the fucking guy was saying what were you saying to that guy he's just fucking

54:53Lemaire Lee:I'm gonna see the fucking picture of her I don't know standing on the desk racially dominating some poor Indian man oh there it is why would they take this picture let me see

55:05Shane Gillis:it's so hot that's like LinkedIn edge. They definitely will do that at LinkedIn. Is that real? I think so. That's a girl book, dude. Girl bosses get wild. Like a corporate girl boss. That's like, that's her Instagram. That's what you forgot to break through the glass ceiling. Somehow dude, get on the glass shadow to that thing. Dude, I'm mad. I mean, dude, he was claiming force blow jobs. He was claiming, it's like, bro, stop it. That's so horny to leave a job.

55:36Lemaire Lee:It's like, I'm going to sue this place and be like, yeah, also, I'm the fucking man. The reason I got fired is because I kept getting my dick sucked by the hot lady at work. I know. You feel bad for him or her? Also, why would he do that, though? Why would he make that up? He tried to get the bag. Yeah. He wanted to get 10 mil from him? Again, kind of similar to Big Jay's joke. it's like that's not that much if you're asking jp morgan for 10 i know but it's like you want to

56:10Shane Gillis:hit that minimum threshold of like what will they just settle be like you don't even want this it's not worth it give him 10 he should have went for like a guy and like the guy was sucking my dick

56:20Lemaire Lee:and holding me that would have her last name is hodge deanie what you're the hodge deanie hog deanie dude that uh yeah that was like because it was so unbelievable to be like hold on and also it was like you you just can't catch any sympathy because my boss would fucking

56:38Shane Gillis:blow me and say really cool stuff to me it's like dude nobody's gonna believe that like okay dude so you got you got five okay one you were nervous and got a forced blow job still is like there's a there's no such thing it's not a forced yeah you can take a step back you could easily take a but But she was like, I'll fucking fuck you. In my case, you can take a slight lean back.

57:00Lemaire Lee:Yeah, dude.

57:02Shane Gillis:Also, the most unbelievable thing for your boss to be like, if you don't let me blow you, I'll fire you. It's like, that has never happened ever. Just your chick boss being like. Okay.

57:12Lemaire Lee:Got to toss that chick boss in there. That's what I'm saying. I'm sure there's a couple fellow bosses that were like, I'm going to suck your dick. Yeah, for sure. 100%. Yeah. That's how the industry works. You're the boss of Nickelodeon. That's how the industry works. You're the CEO of Nickelodeon. and you go, I'm going to blow these kids or you're fired. Yeah, tell me there's a girl boss just like week three

57:35Shane Gillis:of her menstrual cycle being like, I'm going to fucking blow this guy. If he doesn't let me, he's fucking ruined. I will not endorse his skills on LinkedIn if he doesn't fucking jam his fucking dong in my mouth. But I saw it and I was like, what the fuck is this? And instantly it was like, yeah, that guy made that up.

57:56Lemaire Lee:especially fish head as a slur for an asian yeah that sounds like a very it's a colloquialism from india i believe is it really must be i would have heard it that sounds like a foreign insult he hasn't crossed the pot that insult hasn't been here although it is an invasive species because i'm taking that one i've actually i have heard it before oh really yeah i was like that's like an old it's an old one old school guy yeah so that's an old old old one that's why i was like what the

58:26Shane Gillis:hell cannons where is she from it'd be funny too if he was like if he played the audio and it's just his accent like you don't have cannons like my wife your cannons are small and shameful dude speaking of small cannons i was listening to shakira recently because the zoo it reminded me

58:45Lemaire Lee:What you were about to say reminded me of, yeah.

58:47Shane Gillis:Really? She has. I think I have small and humble. Dude, what the fuck?

58:50Lemaire Lee:You know that too? It's like the best song.

58:52Shane Gillis:It's amazing. I didn't know that she said, yeah, she said they're not like mountains. They're small and humble. They're small.

58:59Lemaire Lee:She has humble mouths.

59:00Shane Gillis:She's humble. I was like, damn, I never even thought about that.

59:02Lemaire Lee:She has humble breasts, but.

59:03Shane Gillis:Yeah.

59:04Lemaire Lee:But her hips don't lie.

59:05Shane Gillis:They're not even fucking lying. I never heard to be like, yeah, you know how those big, fat, mountainous titties? Mine are small and just humble. Yeah. It's like, fuck. That's because that was probably originally written in Spanish. And then they like, you know, just cross it over to English. And you're like, is that a fucking thing? This chick with their fucking humble toots. Narcissistic, big fat narcissistic titties. You're like, bitch. How come we can't do that? That's true. The fact that I didn't.

59:32Lemaire Lee:Lucky that my dick is small and humble.

59:37Shane Gillis:Not standing like a mountain. Yeah, that's because I was like. Zootopia the Zootopia soundtracks it's all Shakira she kind of she does kind of kill it on those soundtracks she doesn't get enough cred but I was introducing Maya I'm like yeah she has like a lot of other songs and like I was listening to it and I heard the boobs the humble mountain tits and I was like what the fuck and I now doing that song I just go yeah you got it yeah I gotta cover up your the line about humble humble small boobs yeah you don't want your kids taking that to school no no because they remember every little kid and you're just like yeah alright don't do that

1:00:11Lemaire Lee:I just rewatched Little Kids singing to Lil Nas X. It's like my favorite. It's one of the best videos ever. He does a school assembly. Oh, yeah. He sings Old Town Road. Just watching the kids hit every lyric. And then there's a part about, like, boobies. They hit that one hard. Oh, that's so funny. Scream it. That's so funny. Would you say Lil Nas X started the, like, rap, R &B, country crossover?

1:00:41Shane Gillis:I don't know. Maybe. I feel like he really, I feel like he kicked it off. Floor George line.

1:00:47Lemaire Lee:Yeah, they had Nelly. They did a song with Nelly. When was that? A long time ago. Oh, I remember that actually.

1:00:58Shane Gillis:Yeah. Olsen did. So that was, okay, so that was back in the day. But then I feel, yeah.

1:01:04Lemaire Lee:With Billy Ray Cyrus? Yeah. But he did Old Town Road too. He did. Billy Ray's all over it. Yeah.

1:01:11Shane Gillis:that's pretty good rock was an early innovator he was he he had that song with sheryl crowe that actually certified yeah picture yeah song's awesome that's one song you catch on the radio it's like that google dolls or whatever you're like google dolls does rule did you see the spirit airlines speaking of the google song when they do like remember the whole thing's like what was i like in the 90s and they put that google song they did this what was spirit airlines like in the 90s and 2000s, and dude, you see the thing of a guy taking the luggage and throwing it off. There's like the conveyor belt, and he just fucking throws it.

1:01:43Shane Gillis:He's like 20 feet up. He just goes, it's just people fighting, people throwing luggage. It's pretty funny.

1:01:50Lemaire Lee:The Goo Goo Dolls song gives me anxiety because I did one of the lamest things I've ever done. What? It was, I remember when that song came out, if it came on the radio, I would take out my yearbook and look at the girl I liked.

1:02:08Lemaire Lee:I was in third grade. I was in third grade laying on the floor. Laying on the floor like. Dude, that's. I didn't even like her that much. I just would be in my room pretending to be in love. Like a fucking freak, dude. No one can blame you. No, that song is so powerful. It was too powerful.

1:02:24Shane Gillis:The Goo Goo Dolls songs.

1:02:25Lemaire Lee:Because I don't want the world to see me. Because I don't think that they'd understand. I'd literally lay on the floor like, she's so beautiful.

1:02:37Lemaire Lee:my dad would now what the fuck you doing there nothing i'm getting ready for football i'm not looking gay oh man that's admitted that what'd you do to that that song used to fuck me up if i'd be driving

1:02:51Shane Gillis:i'd instantly just be like oh my god i have so much love i'm in so much i'm so in love with you i don't want the world to even see me dudes were powerless dude the goo goo dolls i don't know what kind of evil magic they did yeah even obviously the fucking strongest guys like us the most

1:03:05Lemaire Lee:masked dudes in the world masked dudes became certified to love a boy i'm so fucking misunderstood no one understands my love for you that's here in school and i'll be like hey how are you

1:03:24Lemaire Lee:you ever think about kissing i wouldn't

1:03:33Shane Gillis:oh man that was the best in grade school and like because also like girls would just like set up things too they'd be like you know you're her girl your boyfriend right and you'd be like what you'd have like hold hands for five minutes and recess and be like holy shit you're like third grade like i have a fucking girlfriend right now it's just crazy and then two days later

1:03:49Lemaire Lee:two days later they go she's done you guys have to break up now And I don't want to wear it. You go home, you go, oh. The fuck was that? Why'd you do that?

1:04:04Shane Gillis:Yeah, it literally happened to me. I remember they, like, tied our jackets together in the recess yard. We just, like, stood there like this. And then, like, two days later, like, she's breaking up with you. And I was like, okay. And I said something really mean about her, and I got in trouble. I don't care. She's flat. Yeah. She's fucking flat. I don't know.

1:04:21Lemaire Lee:I think I give a fuck.

1:04:23Shane Gillis:I know. I mean, that is crazy that, like, you're in school as a kid, and then the year, like, tits just come online, and you're expected to still do school. It's insane. Yeah. I mean, it's fucking nuts. I remember when tits came online, and I was just kind of like, yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, tits were crazy. What the fuck, dude? Yeah. It was nuts. It's a lot.

1:04:48Lemaire Lee:It is. It's a lot. Without a doubt. We're a young guy. And then everyone just calls the girl who got tits a whore. Everyone is like, yeah, she's a slut, dude. She has huge tits. I know. Fucking slut. I know. Everyone fucked her. Even the teachers up and, yeah, whatever, whore. Can't believe this girl got boobs first. She must have had sex with everyone. As soon as school let out in the summer, we all got mega laid.

1:05:19Shane Gillis:Another chick with the big tits. that's the best move i again i've that's the one thing i've never never pussy lied and it's like i've never regret it i didn't know you could just do that but yeah

1:05:31Lemaire Lee:her yeah we fucked i just keep moving yeah i had a boy who hit the funniest pussy lie ever he said he titty fucked girl we asked her she was like no i know i was like why'd you say titty fuck dude Dude, you could have said anything. Yeah, we did. He fucked. We did. He fucked. They need to be. Pussy liars need to be studied. Pussy lying is hilarious. It's so fucking. It's not even something you need to study. You know exactly where it comes. You don't think I want to pussy lie, dude? We all want to. We all want your boys to be like, damn, you're cool. Everybody wants to pussy lie. You just can't.

1:06:07I know.

1:06:09Shane Gillis:It's so fucking funny just to be like.

1:06:11Lemaire Lee:Just be at the lunch table and be like, I'm doing it. I'm pussy lying. I'm about to pussy that right now. Okay, here we go. Yeah, pussy. I titty fucked her.

1:06:21Shane Gillis:Oh, that girl we've all liked for three years? Yeah, bro. I fucking titty fucked her.

1:06:25Lemaire Lee:I titty fucked her at the party. When? Yeah, it was fucking the other weekend. At the party when we were all there. I went outside. I titty fucked her behind the house. I titty fucked her next to an HVAC unit on the side of the house.

1:06:39Shane Gillis:She's never seen someone as big as me.

1:06:42Lemaire Lee:It's so funny. She's in the room at the lunch table. You go, hold on. Is that true? No. Crazy.

1:06:50Shane Gillis:It's also funny just to be a seventh grade girl and just be like, what the fuck? This guy didn't titty fuck me. I'd be so mad. I'd be so mad. Someone claimed. I'll just live in my day, just chill and live in my life. And someone's just like, yeah, I heard that guy titty fucked you behind the fucking, behind the recycling bin. at the Rudlowski's house.

1:07:17Lemaire Lee:Oh, yeah. All right. We did it. Let's switch over to the Patreon. Bye. God bless. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.

1:07:34Good energy in. Good energy out.

1:07:42Storm. Zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine, and immunity support. Storm. Energy for life. Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same premium wireless for$15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not just for celebrities. So do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do at mintmobile.com slash switch. Upfront payment of$45 for three-month plan, equivalent to$15 per month required. Intro rate first three months only, then full price plan options available. Taxes and fees extra.

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