In short
The guys riff on “Irish Good Morning” (waking up with a grim, self-critical mood), then bounce through life updates: house hunting and a “perfect” (and possibly intimidating) neighbor, old-man nature watching (owls/hawks/catfish), working-from-home/social changes (loss of smoke breaks/water-cooler bonding), sports talk (Spurs chances), and a long pop-culture/politics tangent (Dr. Umar roast, Farrakhan, “fart videos,” and movie rewatch takes).
Guests
No named guests appear in the transcript; it’s a two-host conversation (Wes and another host, plus mentions of friends/family like LaMare, O’Connor, Sean, Britney, and Matt’s dad/brother).
Key claims
Chuck E. Cheese has removed animatronics and is now “more fucked up” via screens; smoke breaks used to create daily bonding; working from home erased water-cooler interaction; red-shouldered hawks can allegedly turn heads up to ~270 degrees (they argue about the number); Dr. Umar’s school has never opened and he’s been hacked/robbed.
Notable examples
Five Nights at Freddy’s timing theory; hawk/owl head-turn “270/280” debate; burrowing owls and red-shouldered hawks; Train Dreams (book/movie differences); Wolf of Wall Street vs Legend of Bagger Vance; “lads” demo at Spurs games; Dr. Umar being called a “Neanderthal.”
Written by AI. May contain mistakes. Listen to the episode to check what was said.
Chapters
Tap a time to open that second in VOThe Evolution of Chuck E. Cheese
0:45 to 3:28
A humorous exploration of the changes at Chuck E. Cheese and its animatronics.
“I bet they changed it when Five Nights at Freddy's, or what's that called?”
The Impact of Smoke Breaks on Socializing
3:28 to 7:20
Discussing how the decline of smoke breaks affects social interactions and bonding.
“It is nice trying to run the old program.”
Real Estate Adventures and Neighbor Dynamics
7:20 to 14:00
A comedic take on house hunting experiences and neighbor relationships.
“be like when they find those like rat like rat nests when they all get stuck a rat find us all stuck together dead All right.”
Home Depot and Gardening Talk
14:00 to 14:19
The hosts discuss their gardening plans and experiences with landscaping.
“That's every, every week I'm like, I'm going to go to Depot and just load up, just plant like nine different things.”
Home Depot and Gardening Talk
14:27 to 14:59
The hosts discuss their gardening plans and experiences with landscaping.
Paddleboarding Adventures
14:59 to 18:00
Shane shares his paddleboarding experience in Florida, including getting lost.
“I think tonight they have a real chance.”
Interactions with Fans
18:00 to 22:54
Matt and Shane discuss encounters with fans and the nature of their dedicated audience.
“Did you see when the lady got hugged on?”
Dr. Umar and the School Controversy
22:54 to 24:58
The hosts talk about Dr. Umar, his school project, and humorous commentary on his criticisms.
“how massive the roast was until this morning i saw a super cut of every single person i'm like oh this went like around the world this one everyone was talking about the god damn dr Dr.”
Farrakhan and the Breakfast Club
24:58 to 28:00
A discussion about Farrakhan's influential appearances and thoughts on other public figures.
“I've been hearing about the school for a while.”
Farrakhan's Impact on TV
28:00 to 28:30
Discussion on Louis Farrakhan's TV appearances and their impact.
“I have the same thing for the honorable, which one call it?”
Show all 29 chapters
Art and Racism
28:30 to 29:00
Conversation about separating art from the artist, focusing on race.
“Well, they're just 90s housewives being like, you know, he'll like lay out his grievances and they'll be like, go back to Africa if you're so upset.”
Cultural Reflections on Racism
29:00 to 30:00
Exploration of racism within different cultural contexts and its implications.
“Yeah, that is pretty amazing to not go full force.”
Black Muslims and Cultural Identity
30:00 to 30:50
Discussion on the role of Black Muslims in society and their cultural impact.
“If you've been nicked with the sword a couple times, you go, maybe I won't wield the sword myself as hard.”
Critique of TV Shows
30:50 to 31:11
Criticism of the show 'The 100' and discussions about TV recommendations.
“He was talking like, this shit is gonna...”
Movies and Their Impact
32:52 to 33:40
Discussion on various movies, including 'Train Dreams' and 'Wolf of Wall Street'.
“Yeah, in the beginning, they didn't have them throw the Chinese guy off the cliff, did they?”
Revisiting Wolf of Wall Street
33:40 to 35:00
Reevaluation of 'Wolf of Wall Street' and its themes in a modern context.
“Yeah, what's funny in the book is he just is walking home, and he's like, what, are they throwing a Chinese guy off a cliff?”
Comparative Movie Analysis
35:00 to 36:15
Comparison between 'Wolf of Wall Street' and 'Legend of Bagger Vance'.
“to be like, and then she sucked my fucking dick.”
Nostalgia in Film Viewing
36:15 to 37:45
Reflections on nostalgia and changing perspectives in film appreciation.
“I thought the movie was about Will Smith crushing it at golf.”
Life’s Grim Realities
37:45 to 40:00
Discussion about the harsh realities of life as one grows older.
“It was just him leaving his wife and fucking this chick.”
Cultural Commentary on Politics
40:00 to 41:00
Humorous take on political issues and the absurdity of media coverage.
“more i think i know like i don't know how many people you know your age range that died it's been like not a ton not too many but yeah it's uh they get to the age where it's like people start dropping.”
The Fart Video Phenomenon
41:00 to 42:06
Lighthearted discussion about the viral nature of fart videos in politics.
Farty Political Figures
42:06 to 44:14
Discussion on numerous political figures and their alleged fart incidents.
“I mean, stepping behind the column is respectable and true.”
Sun Exposure and Skin Cancer
44:15 to 45:59
Conversation on sun exposure, tanning, and the consequences of skin cancer.
“of being the president if you have to hold in your farts?”
Racist Battle Bots Concept
46:00 to 47:52
Exploring the concept of a debate between racists and progressives in a comedic format.
“If our voices, we found power in our voices, and God would open up.”
Tick Incident and Nut Checks
47:53 to 52:34
A story about a tick found on a family member's testicles and the ensuing panic.
“It would be like the scrapyard, but for debate.”
Fasting and Lyme Disease
52:34 to 56:02
Discussion on fasting, Lyme disease, and its potential causes, including conspiracy theories.
“I was like, and then finally got it out.”
Discussion on Fasting and Lyme Disease
56:02 to 58:31
Exploring the effects of fasting on Lyme disease and personal anecdotes.
“I think it came from a military island off the coast of Connecticut.”
Insightful Discussion on Communism
1:00:02 to 1:10:02
A deep dive into historical communism, Mao Zedong, and the impact of policies.
“I just want to see the mare bag on the pavement.”
Discussion on a Controversial Figure
1:10:02 to 1:10:22
The hosts reflect on a controversial figure's reputation versus their achievements.
“We always hear he's a jerk, but then it's like, and you always hear he put up numbers, but like.”
Transcript
Automatic transcript. May contain errors.0:00Wow, wow, Wes.
0:02Shane Gillis:Dude, I just, it blew my fucking mind. I had to talk to somebody about it. No, I'd like to hear about it. Chuck E. Cheese is no longer. It's not a, I think Bargazzi actually has a joke about it. I think he, or maybe he joked about how scary it was, but like, you know, we all know the classic Chuck E. Cheese. I was like talking to my kids like, yo, guys, it might be a little scary in here. They have like fucked up looking mice dancing and shit on stage. You can do a Chuck E. Cheese now, no animatronics. Screen, they're too deep, brother. I know. But if you look, I like YouTube, the old Chuck E.
0:33Shane Gillis:Cheese. Maybe I was just making it up. It's more fucked up than you could imagine. Old Chuck E. Cheese. Yes, it's so scary. I was YouTubing people at the party. This is what it used to look like. When did they change it, you think? I think maybe in the, what's O 'Connor call it? The aughts? Yeah, the early aughts. Maybe the early aughts. Yeah. I bet they changed it when Five Nights at Freddy's, or what's that called? Five Nights at Freddy's. It's like a little kid video game where animatronic things come to life at night and attack you. I bet when that, because that was a hit. Yeah, that could have happened.
1:05I bet bringing the kids to see the actual animatronics. It was probably chaos in the Chuck E. Cheese. That'd be terrifying. 2012? When did Five Nights come out? Oh, that was later. That would be crazy. I've got a nice theory going.
1:19Shane Gillis:Yeah, this is a good theory. I have another. My brother gave me a really good theory recently. What is it? Sean's going to like it. It's about how smoke breaks. So people don't go out anymore and, like, stand with each other and smoke cigarettes. And he thinks it's having, like, a – it's fucking us up. Like, we don't know how to, like, chill. That was, like, a whole rhythm baked into the day where, like, everybody's like, all right, let's step outside. All the bros have to, like, hang out together for a while, puff cigs, talk about whatever. Because really, like, you and a bunch of people would sit there, all catch the nicotine buzz at the same time.
1:48Shane Gillis:And it's, like, a really nice bonding. Yeah, it's a nice combo. It's, like, a part of our life that now we miss. Yeah. Now everyone also works from home, too. So now everyone's... Don't even get to go around the water cooler. Don't even get... The water cooler's a myth, by the way. I've never... I've been in an office twice. I never once got to chat around the water cooler. No. Kitchen, microwave is where you chill. Yeah, kitchen, microwave, and coffee. That's where you chill. Yes. Water cooler myth. That's where you come in and see your weird manager eating out of a Tupperware. And you go, Jesus Christ.
2:17Shane Gillis:This microwaving soggy broccoli. You think about him making that at home. You know, this lonely fucking cocksucker. I hate him. yeah yeah yeah you start to see a little bit you're like ah fuck this guy's sad too yeah he's still a fucking asshole everyone's this is kind of embarrassing ah fuck it i'll say it it's kind of toot my own horn whatever this morning i woke up being a i was just laying in bed trying to trying to be depressed like i was like i was laying in bed like damn dude my parents were in like their 20s when they had my family and like I'm fucking old like my kids aren't even gonna like I'm 38 and instead of having kids I just I did pretty good I caught myself I was trying to be like I didn't do shit with my life and it took me a second to be like actually shit's pretty sick dude nice that's so funny your Irish jeans in the morning were like it's just so much trouble in me so much trouble terrible trouble I should have had kids.
3:22I'm going to die alone. Instead, I pissed away my life. No, I actually had a good life. Nice. Yeah, fuck yeah. It is funny. Then I got out of bed. I was like, nice. It's a good start.
3:35Shane Gillis:It is nice trying to run the old program. And it's being like, I fucked up. Let's do this shit. You look around. You're like, what am I going to do today? That's fucking awesome. I'm going to go look at a house. Look at this dumb fucking house. It was damn it. Bullshit house. It's the coolest house I've ever seen. Fuck. Fucking natural redwood fucking flurries. Bullshit. Actually kind of sick now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I did. Me and LaMare just went and looked at the house. How was it? LaMare asked to come with me. He wanted to check out the new digs. Now. He was checking out the house more than me.
4:14I bet. But, yeah. Home inspector. I walk in and the lady's trying to tell me how everything works. So I'm just like. Talk to him. I'm never going to.
4:25Shane Gillis:Do you get gay couple phobia every now and again? Yes. The neighbor. Dude, the neighbor is the man. What? The neighbor is the man. Fuck. That rules. He came outside shirtless. Yes. He used to play ball at Texas. What? Yeah. He's an old lineman. Come on, man. Came out with this big dog. A dog was with him. That was great. God, that's the best. And he was just like. At the end, he was like, so who's thinking about moving in here? I was like, me. He's like, where are the women? It's just you and that black guy. Worst nightmare. He had Blue Lives Matter shit on his truck. He's just an interracial gay couple being like, this is a fabulous neighborhood.
5:08He could be a problem. That was the discussion in the car. That's the type of guy that could eventually. I might have to have a shootout with him and his dog eventually. We could be boys. I think we'll be boys. You're thinking boys are enemies? I think that guy's down to fucking pull out the blicky. What? I think he'll pull it out in one second. Whoa. What, dude? Anything. Probably noise. Yeah, LaMaria. You'd have to tread lightly around there. He was shirtless. Longhorns, trunks. Longhorns, visor. is a legend. He could be a real issue.
5:45Shane Gillis:That's, I mean, that's crazy. Also, what do you think he was, tackle or guard? Because you guys could form the O-line. Who are the other neighbors? True, Lamezi's D-tackle, though. Yeah. He doesn't have the O-line build. Damn. He doesn't have the length, but you do have a good nose guard. Nate's grown into an offensive guard. Nate went from DB to O-line. nice fight fight at a higher weight class right now damn that's crazy yeah he's he seems like the man yeah the i don't want to be smirched yeah whatever the lady the real estate lady was like i think he drinks and i was like me too i was like i think this guy's gonna be my fucking boy he's older he's an older gentleman he blocked for uh earl campbell what at texas which is awesome what's the fence situation I don't want to give away this is hardly a fence yeah and the whole house is my house that I would buy would be like just glass that guy's gonna watch me and LaMare naked just at different levels two different fat naked guys maybe you guys would catch I'm sure he's prancing around as well I think yeah damn I think we might have the most vicious three way of all time I would end the world if me, LeBaron, that old guy had sex it's like the Hadron Collider it would create the god particle it would I mean that's of all the could be a triple heart attack could be a simultaneous be like when they find those like rat like rat nests when they all get stuck a rat find us all stuck together dead All right.
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8:17What are the odds, though?
8:19Shane Gillis:Just an absolute beast. Perfect neighbor. O-line neighbor. Yeah. Humble, too. Humble, man. That's what I always liked about the O-line. I was so humble on the O-line. You have to be humble, dude. protecting the quarterback, I'd be like, with my fucking life, I'll die for him. Yeah, dude, this is... No one ever celebrates you guys. I'm like, dude, if you keep talking like this, I'm going to come. I was only like 10. I was only 10, but I was already like, this feels so good. It feels good, dude. Be like, dude, nobody even noticed. You're the silent hero. I was like, yeah, I guess you're kind of right, coach.
8:46Yeah, I've always been kind of the quiet hero. Although, dude, it makes sense, though.
8:50Shane Gillis:You have like a 37-year-old dad be like, nobody appreciates you guys. You're like, that must be the most fulfilling thing. you're working your ass off no one even notices yeah fuck it's nice football coaching's really must be so fucking sweet i only got to do it one year but it was awesome you did yeah got to call plays it was really fun well you were coordinating i was up in the booth dude what were you what was your style we was it was early we were on the read option we were it was we were a little ahead of our time yeah yeah high school or is that uh no eighth grade Read option, eighth grade.
9:27Seventh and eighth grade, yeah. We had some talented ballplayers. We had some guys out there. Yeah. Shout out Dill Pickle. Shout out Danny J. Shout out Darb. What up? The Coug. What up? The Coug.
9:40Shane Gillis:Shout out Jay. What up, boys? I'm still sweating. I ran the option when I played beach football like five months ago, and it was beautiful. Faked it. They bought it. I ran. I fumbled. I'm still thinking about that fumble. Could have changed the whole game. Where'd you fumble? We were in the red zone. I was like, I got us into the red zone, fumbled. And I was just like, it was after I shoved somebody into a girl, which I also regret. Reminds me of that video game, Fumble. Oh. Name is right here. Damn. Now it's real. Yeah.
10:18Ooh. This is a tough fumble. Tough fumble. Oh, I got good bird news. What'd you got? I have seen some wrens kicking around. They're out behind. Are they really? But a hawk, two hawks have moved in. Not into the Bud Lightbox, but just right here. They're hawking. There's two hawks. It's very exciting. Yo. Some red-shouldered hawks. I was just about to ask for the ID. Yeah, red-shouldered hawks. Fuck, dude. I don't know if they come to Texas, but yeah. Red-shouldered hawks. How'd you ID? You went off? Yeah, but it was pinged in, like, Pennsylvania. Gotcha. Yeah. sent a picture to a friend and they AI'd it your phone your phone can do it I could yeah I could have done but they did it for me just sent them a picture of the hawk I said check this shit out it's more satisfying honestly that's again that's most of my day I was just standing in the pool just looking at a hawk I gotta send this to my boys dude getting the idea on the hawks nice especially you know that owl you had was bro burrowing owls endangered species I had the privilege of being i was walking around they were everywhere and dude they i was i mean this was a huge moment for me uh someone in the daytime dude the burrowing owls are all daytime that's good stuff i know i think that's good luck i mean dude i i must be well i could use it right now i'm down right now but i can use it i'm down in the dumps why i'm down uh it's all right just run the program just run the irish morning program i'm so down on my luck things are so terrible I know.
11:46No, I'm chilling, but the owls were, no, I'm perfectly fine.
11:50Shane Gillis:But the owls were really nice, man. They were pumping me up. It's funny that every episode, the wheels are just flying. Emotionally, for the last 10 years, we've both just been like, no, I'm actually doing good. Things are good right now. It's been fucking nuts. I know. Totally fine. Fully in control. Everything's cool. Everything's completely fine. My life's not a giant house of cards that could collapse. Yeah, yeah.
12:18but yeah the do the owls i got to because i was there britney goes that's when birds come into play big time dude you see some birds you go birds gonna be all right dude there it was birds during the day nighttime my dad has a uh a fish light so out near the dock he's on like the bay in florida out near the dock this green light illuminates and you just throw chicken into the water where i'm taught no i show these guys maybe 25 catfish swarm and they pop you they like will
12:47Shane Gillis:come up to their like whiskers breach and then they gobble it up and fly down that's awesome it's dude i was living by burrow owls and then obviously lizards are carrying me through the day and then it was the catfish at nighttime and it was just so it was so nice i also id'd i remembered the the owls by the way britney tried to say oh they can turn their head 360 degrees i was like I think it's 270. Looked it up. It's 2 fucking 70, bro. Holy shit. 270. I mean. That felt good. Clocking your bitch with a 270. Yeah. I mean. Ooh, you're going to tell me about else? Yeah. Watch this. Yeah. And then I was like, well, they could do.
13:23The degrees. The head. The degrees is incredible. O 'Connor saw the hawk when he came over yesterday. He was like, look at its head. It's moving at about 280. I'm not kidding. Like, the first thing he said was the degrees of the head turn.
13:37Shane Gillis:that's the best thing about becoming an old man. You get to just start just being like, that's a silver birch over there. It's pretty nice. My dad is crazy. I'm getting pretty nasty at the trees, trees and native flowers. I'm pretty, I'm getting pretty good at. It's killing me. I want to put some fucking shit out your front so bad. It's blank. What? You have a whole blank. Oh yeah. Yeah. That's every, every week I'm like, I'm going to go to Depot and just load up, just plant like nine different things. When I moved here, they did have landscaping out front. must not happen must not be sprinkled this should just become old man home depot talk they probably don't got it sprinkled out there if i had to guess there is a sprinkler is there yeah it's nice i'm gonna have to dig that up and see where the lines are yeah we're gonna have to check the lines out this episode is brought to you by mint mobile sick of giving all your money to big wireless mint mobile has high speed data unlimited talk and text on the nation's largest 5g network and it's 15 bucks a month for the first three months like your money mint mobile is for you shop plans at mint mobile.com slash drenched upfront payment of 45 for three month three month five gigabyte plan required equivalent to 15 per month new customer offer for the first three months only full price plan options available taxes and fees extra see mint mobile for details well yeah dude florida was sick though man i was just paddleboarding on the bay it's like my it was the best that's awesome paddle although i got on the paddleboard i left it outside the sun like a dickhead so i went to use it it was hot so when i went i like went too far and i was like i'll be fine i was like splashing water to cool down but it was hot on my feet the entire time kind of burnt my feet on it but it was nice i got lost too i got lost a little i got lost enough to where i like had to really try to find the house while paddleboarding yeah i went out it's a canal so it's all like you go and twist and turns and yeah i was like i'm gonna go all the way out to the bay and then i was like that's kind of far and then i just like turned around came down i was like dude i for real i'm lost yeah i saw one tiki hut and i was like that's my landmark when i came back there was nine tiki huts yeah everyone has a tiki so that was cool i got i got the feel the feeling of land ho what are you guys whispering oh he got his spot switched you got a free day Damn.
15:59Shane Gillis:You think the Spurs have a chance? Yeah. I think tonight they have a real chance. That would – actually, I'm pulling for them, man. Trying to get some tickets to the Spurs game tonight. The arena is probably the loudest I've ever heard, like a basketball game. When I went to see Sixers versus Spurs, they were – those – the lads go crazy. The lads? Yeah. Yeah. The lads are going wild. I've run into the lads a lot lately. Have you really? Yeah, and out in public, and they've all been very like, yo, the lads are with you. The lads fuck with you. Dude, the lads, yeah. The lads might be our strongest demo.
16:32I think they're for real very up there. They fuck with the secret podcast. They do. Did you really? You saw a lad in the movie theater? What happened? I was playing the claw machine waiting for my movie, and he went, Gardini. And I went, what's up, man? And he went, oh, fuck, that's actually you? And I was like, how are you? I went and saw Obsession. Good to see the foos. Yeah, he was a nice guy. The lads and the foos.
17:01Shane Gillis:Yeah, that's nice. The lads are staunch. They do tell you. They always tell you, swear allegiance, they go, yo, we fuck with your podcast. That's very nice. Dude, you have no idea how much that pleases me. It's a finicky demo, man. Everyone thinks they can capture the heart of the lads, the hearts of the lads, but they're complex creatures. They are. Everyone thinks, oh, I'm going to get the lads. Every politician is like, a Latino vote. It's like, bro, talk to me. yeah we'll talk about it yeah we'll tell you how it's done yeah we'll tell you how you gotta kill tony has the lads too yeah for sure lads like wild shit yeah they're the fucking aztecs and mayans dude true they're warriors exactly also i'm fluffing the lads they love hearing that shit no the lat they are a very like uh i mean the memes are the best when like the the red pill blue pill for the lad has become like a like an extreme mega trump conservative or just like a black guy red pill blue pill they basically it's like you become like david duke or yeah i'll be excited if we go to san antonio tonight yeah yeah that'll be exciting stuff that'd be nice i'm gonna be excited to see jared mccain when i go that's my man
18:24Shane Gillis:You also got to be careful You don't get grabbed and hugged on Like that Mexican president Did you see when the lady got hugged? Did you see when the lady got hugged on? The lads? The lads are going to grope me If you get a baracha If Nate's with me, Nate's getting You got to jump in front of it, dude If a lad comes to grope him like the Mexican president I'll take the group
18:48Guys, I'll take the group What would you throw at him? Throw that ass at him? I can only go so far with it. I can't say. The allegations are bad, dude. Yeah, that Slim Goody sunk you, dude. Yeah. Slim Goody got you.
19:08Shane Gillis:I didn't know Brittany was a massive fan of Cheryl Hines. Or Cheryl Underwood, my bad. I'm thinking, fuck me. But yeah. You got Bobby Kennedy on the mind. You got Bobby Kennedy on the mind. After he grabbed those snakes. You see that video? Again? He loves grabbing snakes. Yeah, it's pretty wild. Yeah. Yeah, he snatched them. He did another one because he did one a while back. Also, hey, that's how you get the lad vote. Grab a copperhead from behind. Lad's going, yo, this fool crazy.
19:41Shane Gillis:You got your fool crazy meter has to stay high. Yeah. I got to keep my fool crazy meter high at all times. Can't let that shit dip. then you're lame. It's foo crazy and lame, man. You got to stay. Who do you think the craziest foo is in our group? I think Tommy might be the... Or O 'Connor. O 'Connor might be the craziest. He's loco. O 'Connor man's loco. I mean, him claiming 280 on a hawk, some crazy foo shit. Right away. Hawks don't have... First of all, hawks don't out-turn owls. That's crazy. I wish I was... But it did have pretty impressive movement. Did it really? Yeah. We got to look that up.
20:20We need it. Yeah, let's see. Head movement on a red-shouldered hawk. We're going to need that. 270 on now. And I also was like. Got the team on it. All three. Oh, shit. All three struggling. Two of them already went to Instagram. Oh, shit. 180? I like that. 180's not bad. I was going to say. It's no 270. There's no way. Huh?
20:45Wow. What kind of hawk? just the red shoulder so they can get so they get 180 but how if they don't move you said they can get the 270 yeah like if they're standing still you got some good you got some good you might be a little out you got like 120 dude that was crazy that was a nice move oh dude
21:05Shane Gillis:don't do that again I did the first thing I did when I was claiming 270 was to go outside and go and just see how much I had ours is pitiful LaMare, you might be possessed. That head movement? You're like the exorcist. No. I hit an inappropriate. We went to the zoo in Naples. I was outside of Naples. We took my family to the zoo, and there was a tiger cage, and no one could see the tiger. My kids were like, I can't see it. Where is it? I'm like, you know, a trick for seeing tigers? And they're like, what is it? I'll turn from the camera. I went. Oh. Jesus.
21:48We are old men. It's just an old dad racist in the zoo.
21:54Shane Gillis:Nobody left. Just my wife huffed and walked away. I was like, that was good. That was good. That was a good one. That was a good one. I haven't seen that one in fucking 40 years. That's a good one. You never get the opportunity to bust that out. Yeah, I never get the opportunity. My kids were like, how do you do it? I hit them with it. They're like, what? I was like, just keep going, guys. They're doing that. They're breaking that out. They're going to break that out in school. obviously another kid's going to talk about tigers at their age tigers is like top five conversation pieces uh yeah that was a fun one hopefully i turned far enough i think i think we can fuck it we can just blur we get black box we've already do the white boys already went dumb dude pandora's box is already open pendulum the pendulum i mean pendulum might be 270 pendulum might be 270 it was funny because i didn't realize i've been off the internet so i didn't realize how massive the roast was until this morning i saw a super cut of every single person i'm like oh this went like around the world this one everyone was talking about the god damn dr Dr.
23:08Umar called me a fucking Neanderthal. What? Dr. Umar called me a Neanderthal.
Read the full transcript
23:14Shane Gillis:Tell him you want to see the Frederick Douglass Marcus Garvey Academy open, and then you'll talk. Ask him about the school. Yo, you're going to get Dr. Umar? Ask him about the school. I try to get him on. He charges like fucking 10 ,000 bucks to go on. We should pay. It would be funny. Yeah. He's really funny. I actually, to be honest, I like Dr. Umar. Yeah, so do I. I'm not just saying that. I enjoy watching him. I think he's hilarious. Yeah. When he does the things where people can call in and send things in. When he reads his live chat and he blocks people. It's the best. It's awesome. He has to know it's funny because he reads what they say.
23:48He knows.
23:49Shane Gillis:He's got to know. I want to see the school. I think it's funny getting called a Neanderthal. It's hilarious. I was all right with it. Yeah. Fucking kind of. I don't know if he's trying to be funny. If he's actually upset, I apologize to Dr. Umar. I think he's smart. He's a smart guy. I think he knows what plays. Probably edit this out, but I was thinking about purchasing his school and naming it the Robert E. Lee School for Whites Only.
24:20I'm going to name it Neanderthal, Robert E. Lee, Ronald Reagan, Richard Nixon Academy. What about school for the Aztec school for the lads? Aztec school for the lads would go crazy. That would be tight. I think making it, hold on, the Robert E. Lee, Ronald Reagan, Richard Nixon's School for Higher Learning, and then actually dumping a ton of money in it and making it really successful and actually helping the community just is a bit, dude.
24:53Shane Gillis:That would be a good bit. It's a good bit. I just want to see it open, man. I'm not trying to break the guy's balls. I've been hearing about the school for a while. I'm like, oh, that's nice. Yeah, what happened with the school? It's just never opened. It's been fucking 10 years. It's got to open the school. He's got to open the school I mean especially before He starts coming at you know Neanderthals He shouldn't even Watching the roast Get the school going True The hell you're doing Get the fucking school going That is It is I don't know It's a funny thing It's a funny thing To just have the school going And be like Dang they wiped out My accounts again You know that happened right No what Wiped out his fucking accounts And he got hacked Oh shit Fucking hell The money ready To get the school going And he wiped out His damn account Somebody hacked him And stole all his money And it wasn't him He didn't spend it Somebody else did Son of a bitch That keeps happening Fuck Dude I was like No I immediately donate it I don't want He put the cash app up I immediately I don't want any smoke With him on it I for real Genuinely enjoy him I think he's fun His shit His just like Vigilance on the snow bunnies Is my favorite It's my favorite Someone needs to stay Fucking focused man Oh yeah He would Sorry Someone Also Right back at you true you know you guys are both dr umar should be dr umar should like me dude he should hate you guys what the fuck true true i wasn't even thinking of my own sins damn
26:20damn i should get him on at the link let him just give a talk please please no comedy just give a nice five minute speech on kill whitey and get off stage I mean the boo would be The boo would be awesome He would love that boo 80 ,000 hulkies Booing him He might ascend dude He might start floating Might evolve He would evolve He would poke him on out You might just split in half There could be two Dr. Rue bars He could start multiplying dude 80 ,000 white boos He's like, ah. That's how Al Sharpton lost all that weight.
27:07Shane Gillis:He split.
27:14He would fucking kill at the length, dude. So far you have sliders, Dr. Umar. I forgot about the sliders, dude.
27:23Shane Gillis:I want to get the sliders. Sliders in the background while Umar just does his thing. would be so nice. He's the prince of Pan-Africanism. That's awesome. He is the best, dude. It is funny when someone's hating on you. It's like, dude, I love you. I love him. I love you. There's nothing you can say. I fucking love you. I've watched, I feel have watched so much of his stuff. Yeah. Him on the breakfast club. When those guys make fun of you, it's very funny. It's awesome. He's, for real, one of my favorite breakfast club guests. Yeah, he's awesome. He's amazing. I've never really seen him do anything I didn't think was awesome.
27:57I know. Every single time I see him, I go, oh, fuck you.
28:03Shane Gillis:I have the same thing for the honorable, which one call it? Mr. Farrakhan. I fucking do it. Farrakhan rocks, dude. I love Farrakhan. Sorry, I just, I watch him and go, God, I love this guy. He's so funny. Yeah. I've talked about it before. Him on Donahue in the 90s was maybe the best TV thing I've ever seen, appearance I've ever seen anyone do. They just have him with, like, Nazis? No, it's him and his, no, it's just him ripping. and just talking. And he has all of his like Nation of Islam guys standing there like bow ties, standing real militant. But he's just 90s. Well, they're just 90s housewives being like, you know, he'll like lay out his grievances and they'll be like, go back to Africa if you're so upset.
28:41It'll be like, no, that's the bullshit I'm talking about. But it wasn't even like, how dare you? He's like, that's exactly what I'm saying. And he just keeps going on. And then he hits this Jewish lady. I didn't know he had a problem with the Jews until I watched that clip. And he, she brought it up and I just watched him go, I have some stuff for this. and he just fucking goes in like damn that's one of his big grievances yeah he's yeah beefing beefing with him but yeah he rules i mean dude i you can't deny talent when you see it when i see farrakhan i go that's a talented guy sorry of course yeah i separate the art from the artist i guess a talented fucking guy yeah i like what he does sorry honestly it's kind of impressive more black guys are not as racist if we were allowed to just be extremely racist yeah we had our day in the sun black guys are just allowed to be racist yeah completely they do a pretty good job not doing it it's it's pretty it is pretty impressive honestly it's pretty impressive i was thinking to myself i'd be bow tie glasses fucking immediately it'd be so fun being like what'd you Did I say you pink pig bitch?
29:47Shane Gillis:That'd be awesome. Yeah, that is pretty amazing to not go full force. It's pretty amazing. But I think, too, I don't know. Maybe it's like, you know, you're kind of like, you know what? Let me put down the sword. If you've been nicked with the sword a couple times, you go, maybe I won't wield the sword myself as hard. Although I would just come back 10 times harder. Yeah, it's so funny just knowing you'd be pure bean pies right off the bat.
30:16Shane Gillis:yeah that people don't talk about the black muslim enough i miss them they're i have i haven't seen a black muslim in texas there are so many in philly and they are some of the they're they're they're rad yeah they're rad black muslims are fucking rad i used to work with this black muslim guy he was i worked with many black muslims not bragging but the one guy i worked with was for real one of my fucking favorites he put me onto this television show might have been the worst show. Did you ever see The 100? No. Oh, I... Dude, he hyped me on this show. I ended up watching two seasons and was just like...
30:49I remember you watching it. He was like, bro, the show...
30:53Shane Gillis:He was talking like, this shit is gonna... This is it. I watch it. Dude, the premise is sick. Then you watch it and you're like, this is the gayest show I've ever seen. It's one of those... I've actually... It went seven seasons and I do at some point want to watch the finale of the seven seasons just to see where they went with it. It'd be kind of fun. This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew. Oh yeah, fellas, let me introduce you to Blue Chew Gold. Yo. No, it's not something a rich guy orders at a steakhouse. Blue Chew Gold is the newest innovation. This isn't your typical good luck buddy pill.
31:31Blue Chew Gold combines two ingredients for blood flow, oh man, with two for mental arousal and connection. so now your body and your brain are clocking in for the shift because sex is not just be about being able to perform i totally agree with that it's about actually wanting to now wanting to is extremely important for sexual intercourse a million percent yeah and we've got a special deal for our listeners right now when you buy two months of blue chew gold you get the third free with promo code drenched you'll also receive an additional 10 off plus free overnight shipping on your first order visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information oh yeah july 17th at the link please please come to that i think we just released a bunch of new tickets so it's almost sold out so hurry up guys six five that is june five june six i'll be at the summit City Comedy Club, Fort Wayne, Indiana.
32:36But then I'll be in Spokane Comedy Club, 8-13-2026, 8-14-2026, Spokane Comedy Club. And there's a bunch more dates coming. They should be on my website. They're not for some reason. I'm going to dig into that and update you guys. Go to mattmccuster.com.
32:52Shane Gillis:Anything good? Have you watched anything good? Yeah. I watched Train Dreams. Oh, the Dennis Johnson book. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, in the beginning, they didn't have them throw the Chinese guy off the cliff, did they? Yeah, they did. They did? Yeah. Okay, because I know they did that in the beginning of the book. But did he help? He slightly helps. He grabs his legs, and he's kind of saying, like, what do you do? Like, why are you guys doing this? But he still kind of, like, grabs his legs. Gotcha. But then gets kicked off, and then they throw him. Okay. And did the Chinese guy die in the movie?
33:26Yeah.
33:26Shane Gillis:Because he doesn't. In the book, he doesn't. Oh, yeah, I haven't finished it yet. He clambers. Oh, my bad. What, did they throw him? They throw him off a bridge. Yeah, I think he, like, in the book, just, like, catches the thing and just kind of, like, clambers away. They don't show you. They definitely don't show him surviving. Okay. Yeah, what's funny in the book is he just is walking home, and he's like, what, are they throwing a Chinese guy off a cliff? And they're like, yeah, I'll help. And he just doesn't even, then he does it. He's like, I was kind of fucked up. I should have done that.
33:50Shane Gillis:Yeah, yeah. I don't know why I was so eager to help that guy. Pretty sick. How far into it are you? Two thirds. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, it gets kind of freaky there. Yeah. I guess so far it's pretty sad. It's just as sad as shit. I didn't think it was going to be that sad. No, I had it recommended. I'm like, oh, cool. You know, like I like the time period. And then like right away, I was like, oh, fuck. Yeah, it's pretty devastating. They'll find her. Yeah. Not in the woods. Nothing good happens in the woods. Yeah. No, that was pretty good. You know what was surprising? I rewatched recently and I actually wasn't a fan.
34:26It was Wolf of Wall Street. I thought I loved that movie and I rewatched it and I'm like, the whole fucking first 45 minutes is like then i got pussy then i got pussy again they tell you how much drugs we did oh yeah and i was like dude i was watching i'm like i still love this movie i watch it as an there's an elder man i was like this fucking guys are punks yeah they're punks yeah it was also like it was just a it was just i you know i was watching it with a with britney
34:51Shane Gillis:so i'm kind of like all right he's blowing cocaine up her butt with a straw sure she's and not like, what is this? Yeah. Just let it go. It's a good movie. And then it was just 40 straight minutes to be like, and then she sucked my fucking dick. And I was like, Jesus Christ. It's a comedy. Yeah. So you watch it as this guy's a fucking moron. Yeah, true. And it's great fun. I'll tell you what, then we watched Legend of Bagger Vance. Jesus. And it was, it's been years. It was awesome. Yeah. She was like, this is much better. And I was like, dude, I'm not going to lie. This is much better. Not even going to hate.
35:22Shane Gillis:This is, I mean, I thought the Wolf of Wall Street was like one of the best. If you had asked me before that, I'm like, yeah, it's one of my favorite movies. Yeah. Rewatch it. I was like. I think it was the setting you were in. Yeah. I think that'll affect it. For sure. With the babe just going, this movie's kind of fucking me. Yeah. It's kind of, this movie's going to affect my night. Yeah. Because now my wife's going to be like, is that what you want to do? I know. No, of course not. I would hate that. Just getting a ton of pussy and doing coke with my friends and being extremely rich. So it sucks.
35:51I know. No, I like this.
35:53Shane Gillis:when he was talking about like fucking his cousin and like what they would do with a retarded kid. He's like, I throw it out in the woods. I was just like in the bed being like, just looking over at her and be like, it gets better at this. This is weird. Do crack. All right. Could have been set and setting. You're right. Could have been set and setting. But I genuinely was like, you know what? This is kind of getting old, man. What the fuck? Bagger Vance is just next level. Bagger Vance is Moses. Moses. Dude, for real. I never saw Bagger Vance. It was amazing. I thought the movie was about Will Smith crushing it at golf.
36:25No.
36:26Shane Gillis:The whole time. I thought Will Smith just crushed it in golf. And not the case. No. But is he just a caddy? Caddy. Secret caddy. Super spiritual caddy. Yeah. It's all about the field. It was kind of sick, though. Bagger Vance, two thumbs up. Wolf of Wall Street, dude. No. Didn't like it. I was like, no, you're right. I'm going to have to give it a rewatch. It's too much. Yeah. Too much. And it's too much of that, like, I know what you're thinking. me and my boys are crazy that was big during what is it called not Fight Club Entourage was big in and what was the Snatch that was that big like this is the craziest thing you'll ever see Scorsese does it a lot though he always does it he's a master obviously Goodfellas holds up though Goodfellas is great it's great every time Yeah, Goodfellas is good.
37:21I used to always be confused because when I lived with Tommy, he would watch it every night. That actually makes a lot of sense. He'd be drunk watching Goodfellas. God, this guy watches everything. Now, I understand. Yeah. You're drunk. It's one of the best movies. True, true. It's so good. Just toss it on. Yeah. Yeah, no, it was, I'm getting old. I was watching. I'm like, this is fucking crass. This is very crass. Disturbing. It's crude. It was crude. It's crude. It was very crude. There's no two ways about it, Matt. Yeah, you know what? You're totally right. It was just him leaving his wife
37:54Shane Gillis:and fucking this chick. And I'm like, that's not good stuff right there. This is crap. Turn this crap off. I don't even daydream about stuff like that. That's crazy. Put on Bagger Vance. I might start watching Bagger Vance. Watch The Notebook. That's good. Is that your husband dies? Yeah, that's what you do. Let's run Chuck-a-Lot back. Yeah. But yeah, I was I was I was movied out, you know, I was just crushing movies every night million dollar baby That was a sad one. I don't think I've ever seen that MDB is sad, bro. Yeah, and it's funny as I knew you are you familiar like kind of with the plotline?
38:34Shane Gillis:Yeah, so I kind of knew what was coming Brittany had no clue so she's like, you know, like she's gonna take over and be the champ and I was just like Kind of we'll see. Well, that's what happened to me watching fucking train dreams I was like, man, this guy's life is awesome. I was like, let's go to bed. Like, what the fuck was that?
38:57It's sad as hell. That could have been why I woke up with the Irish good morning. That'll do it. Yeah. The Irish good morning is just like, look at you, you piece of shit. Your life's in shambles. Told you my mom hit me up the other day with just the worst news about people I don't even know. I was like, thanks. That's, yeah. It's every day. Horrible. That's absolutely horrible. I guess this is a little grim. I'm like, yeah, I don't need this right now. Yeah, I'll be on a walk. I don't know. I'll be on a walk. My mom will call and just be like, their kid's not doing good. Oh, my God. Who? Who are these people?
39:32It's a girl I used to work with. Like in the fucking 90s. Do they live around us? It's like they're in Kentucky now. So you're just calling to tell me about a terrible tragedy in Kentucky right now.
39:49be like all right mom i'm gonna go oh okay um all right have we talked for too long oh my god i mean they gotta offload that because that does get crazy getting older and older to when like more i think i know like i don't know how many people you know your age range that died it's been like not a ton not too many but yeah it's uh they get to the age where it's like people start dropping. And all you can do is party at the beach. Party hard. Just stay tuned to the Fox News. Parrot the shit. We have to bomb Iran. I mean, bro. I think we bombed him again yesterday. You're wrong. I think so. Gotta be done.
40:33Oh, here we go. Another one? There's a Trump fart video? There's another fart video has dropped. Send me the link. I'll try to verify this These farts are crazy
40:47Shane Gillis:There was a lot of farts On both sides of the aisle For a while The fart vids are huge Sorry I just farted myself
40:58I mean doesn't he like Crush Mickey D's and shit I saw he just got out Of the hospital or something He did a checkup or whatever It was all amazing Yeah I'm sure everything was great Everything was fucking amazing He's sharp as hell Best farts He's also 80 And crushing McDonald's the farts must be fucking chaos dude yeah when you're 80 there's gotta be parts of you that are kind of dead already everything you're like a Pirates of the Caribbean guy is it real I gotta get I have it right here damn it's like an old Nixon mic I'd like to see it That'd be crazy if that was his secret Nixon recordings, which is like...
41:49Just nonstop flogging. Oh, my God, dude. Let me see.
42:05That's so fake.
42:07Shane Gillis:I mean, stepping behind the column is respectable and true.
42:19So what? Here's your thing. Dude, the people in front not dying laughing. It can't be real. They're trained. They're trained, dude. They're machines, dude. You can't be trained for that. Just ripping that fart. No one on earth can survive that.
42:38Shane Gillis:yeah yeah the fart the political like fart smears are crazy because it's like you have no way of proving if it's true or not those yeah and that was recorded from a fucking disc yeah there's no you have to there's no way if that's real that's awesome yeah yeah he's outside it looked like yeah but he was behind the column and i'm saying the acoustics of the old. You want to believe, dude. Yeah, that's a living. You want to smell that fart, dude. That's a living. You'd love to sniff that fart. Oh, he pooped his pants. Ew. Smells like a 39 count felon. Yeah, there was a major AOC was getting levied to farts.
43:27Shane Gillis:AOC apparently had farts. Trump had farts. Biden apparently shit himself. self there was a lot of shit in itself and farts going around like covid in their covid era yeah the shoe's on the other foot now and the republicans don't like it much see it's kind of mean when you fake audio if it's real then that's incredible we need to get verified i mean how do you you'd have to call the journalist and they'd have to be like yeah i was there he fucking farted it was crazy it's crazy. It could be a whistleblower. One of the secret servers could be like, dude, that was real. He fucking uncorked one as soon as he got out of the car.
44:14Shane Gillis:What's the point of being the president if you have to hold in your farts? You know what I'm saying? You're the boss. And you got to just hold in your... No, you move behind a pillar, gentlemanly. You probably learned that in fucking etiquette school. You find a giant stucco pillar or you just rip. Yeah. I was back on the cheese for the vacation. I was, that was nothing. You were hitting cheese? Woo, bro. I was crushing cheese all vacay. Beach farts are crazy. Dude, it was, yeah, fully sun-powered, chi, and then we'd be watching Bagger Vance and just...
44:53Shane Gillis:I was real. I just was my dad. I was in my dad's house just doing exactly what he does is watching movies with a lady and farting and then feeding catfish. That's pretty much all I did. It was kind of nice. That's fucking where it's at. Yeah, it was. I mean, you can tell I'm sun maxing right now, too. I'm completely... I was telling them I'm getting melanated or dying trying this summer. That's all you can do. I just... It's all I get. You're going to die trying. I am. That's what happens to all of our ancestors, dude. I got a nice... I mean, I have like a solid... That's a crazy tan, dude. Bro, I've just been raw dog in the sun.
45:28Just letting it just crush me. Dude, I sleep good. I feel better. My nose.
45:34Shane Gillis:No, I'll get sun cancer in 20 years, but that's nothing, bro. You get the MJ lasers. Cut it right out. Yeah, my dad got it. My dad had skin cancer a couple years ago. They just fucking cut that shit right out. You got skin cancer every 10 minutes. Yeah, who cares? It's nonstop. It's nothing. He sun maxed his whole life. It's fucking wild. I know. He's one freckle at this point. He literally became a black guy. He's Dr. Umar, dude. he all his freckles join forces he's got to open the john elway fred and tug flutie academy john elway academy
46:13yeah i should just yeah the larry bird the larry bird academy for higher learning
46:21i feel really bad if he opens it tomorrow i'm like fuck although i feel good No, that'd be great. That'd be great. If our voices, we found power in our voices, and God would open up. You know, I'll send my kids there. He would not be happy, dude. I wonder how he feels about that.
46:42Shane Gillis:Poorly. He would hate it. Yeah, he would hate that. Yeah, he would be fucking furious. What are you talking about? He would not like it. Although, I wonder. I wonder if you, you know, if you commit to the bit. I wonder if there's a part of his heart that goes like, I love all children. he has to be like shut up dude you're gonna ruin our whole fucking career yeah everything we built you hate them yeah although i mean i don't he probably doesn't hate them he probably stern doesn't get down like that anymore we could have umar verse what's that guy's name carver daniel carver the klansman that he used to bring on stern carver versus dr umar would be a battle that would be a battle you could probably still set that up and honestly it's like you know let them fucking debate we could do that from now that could be a little segment you and I do on the show just do racist battle bots every week you bring a different type of racist guy a racist fool would be sick they're out there too bro they are out there yeah getting a nice little sending like a racist fool against like a like a U of T gender studies major it would be so nice so it would be we'd have to throw in the red flag it'd be three seconds he'd be like bitch he'd be like alright come on hold on get him out of here hold on my food my food's fucking running out my food's going wild my food racist battle bots would be sick dude it'd be awesome you and me could just not be on camera yeah it'd be amazing have two people sit right here and just let them fucking be racist to each other we get mystery science theater you just see our heads right in the camera and I'd like to hear you elaborate on that actually he was keep going floor asleep what do you mean by that now's the period of the question response and we'll step in if we need to moderate you haven't haven't just it'd be nice you know it'd be nice to just having just like like almost you know the dudes are calling to sports radio just letting guys go dude like yo what do you think about people call in yeah or just come in having them come in and be like yo the floor is yours you're a steel worker from montana battling whoever you know this guy some weird guy who believes in aliens Let's fucking go.
48:51Rip. It would be like the scrapyard, but for debate. Yeah. Where it's just, I mean, I'm all scrapyard right now. Of course. I'm all. Street beefs. Shout out street beefs. Street beefs. Is street beef scrapyard the same thing, or is it similar? I think so. Okay. Well, they've been getting, I've been seeing a lot of. Look it up. Yeah, we need some intel on that, please. I've been seeing a lot of like 55-year-olds versus 21-year-olds. yeah it's a good matchup god it's a really good matchup old boy what's his name what's the guy something like that what's the guy fighting for his fallen friend barn dog barn dogs nice barn dogs real nice gas station white shout out gas station white yeah barn dog the speeches are the best yeah so my friend killed himself fighting for him it's pretty and he really root for him yeah you sent me that guy yeah it's a good one for him How'd you like the guy who goes, this is just a test?
49:49That was trouble. Dog said he found his friend hanging, and he had to cut him down. Yeah, that's tough. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Thanks, LeMere. Let's get that involved.
50:03Shane Gillis:Poss that in the mix. Although, you can see it. It's fighting, though, man. He's, like, I mean, being a 55-year-old. scrapyard is like the pacific northwest street beefs uh contingent okay they're all under the street beefs umbrella yeah but it's not satan's backyard it's a different you ever fantasize about throwing your hat in the ring in a scrapyard yeah i'd be real so scary yeah i think about it i think about it i'd have to be very selective about the fight but it's i every time i watch it there's a part of me being like bro i want to get in the fucking plywood dude you gotta fight death sentence Who's Death Sentence?
50:41Shane Gillis:Death Sentence. Yeah, Matt versus Death Sentence. Who's Death Sentence? He's a spindly fellow. Is he a knockout artist? He's a gitsu guy? I feel like he kind of loses a lot. He almost expresses a lot. He's an anime black guy who kind of... Oh, I saw him. I saw him. Yeah. He trains under the tutelage of Demetrius Mighty Mouse Johnson. Does he really? But there's another one. There's an anime white that fights with him. Winged C. What's his name? Winged C. Winged C. He's nice. He's from like 717s all in the fucking scrap. Street beefs. Excuse me. Yeah, I saw that guy, the anime black guy who was like running.
51:20Shane Gillis:Which again? Who's the guy in the suit that acts like a weirdo that like acts like he's teaching? I don't know his name, but I know exactly what you're talking about. He acts like he's like in a John Wick movie or something. He's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, and every now and again, there'll be guys. I think they do a good job putting skill against skill, but they don't really. A couple times. They've whiffed a couple times. He wants to feed a guy. The Lions, dude.
51:46Pappas is the suit guy. He was a black guy I just watched. He was wearing a suit, and it was a good battle. And then in the third round, his shirt was off, and I was like, all right, it's time to lock in.
52:00Shane Gillis:Yeah. Now you're in trouble. Dude, scrap yards, I don't know, man. It might be my preferred arena of watching combat sports. Way to die, oh. Dying in the scrapyard would be. So horrible. Bury me, dude, right in the center ring. It'd be nice. Even if I got, like, really hurt, just bury me right in the center ring. Sprained wrist. That's it. I'm done, dude. Bury me at the scrapyard. Oh, I didn't tell you. Speaking of bury me, dude, my brother had, he was in the shower. he was telling me about it was killing me he had the he's in the shower and he's just like soaping himself up and he felt a little lump on the testes and he goes fuck dude he's just like that's it i'm dead like i'm not doing anything i'm not going to talk about it i'm so ride this out it's over bro i got the big c i'm out and then as he's investigating he's like what the fuck and he found out it was a tick oh my god that had burrowed oh my god halfway i know dude dude so he had it burrowed in to his nuts and once he found this out he was like he went to his wife and was like yo you got to get this thing out of me oh my god so dude he goes he was like huge first of all big mistake both me and my dad were like you got to go to the emergency you can't have your wife do that because they don't do they're going to just pick you right apart in dudes well it's just also there's women don't have a uh you know they don't realize how truly sensitive and like terrifying that is to get hit in the nuts or like a tick in there of all things so i mean if it was soaking if it was like sucking cum out of you that'd be sick but like just all day like it was on your epididymis that's a different thing something's wrong
53:50but but it was it was just there so then he was like you know obviously she's pulling it out no respect for the sack just yanking at that thing and he goes dude like he's like i was demoted just multiple leagues in her because like he's like it ended with like i was such a baby about it i had like a towel over my top half of my body i was like oh of course i know the whole time he
54:16Shane Gillis:was telling me i'm like you're so right he goes no but dude like the whole time like oh he's like I was beyond crying. I was like, and then finally got it out. I mean, now I want to check my sack. I know. I think this is the second time we've caused the listener to physically react, including turning his neck as hard as he could. I think almost everybody listening wanted to go, I wonder how far. Dude, Dude, he was telling me this story the whole time. I was going, no, no. And right now everyone's going, I should definitely check my nuts. You got to check your nuts. Apparently, the ticks are big apparently.
54:57Everyone thinks. Yeah, they're going wild right now. Everyone thinks it's Bill Gates ticks. I think they are Bill Gates ticks. He had a Bill Gates tick, right? Son of a bitch. He had the Bill Gates tick right in the sack. And dude, and he was. But yeah, he has to go to the hospital. Both me and my dad were like, bro, that's. I'm going to find out if he has Lyme disease now. He already conquered Lyme disease. He fasted for two weeks straight. he did a 14 day fast conquer life he didn't eat for fucking 14 days he claimed it helped him he probably destroyed himself people don't recover from that limes no like prisoners of war that are like no you can rock dude you can do two weeks yeah he dry fasted for four days until his vision
55:39Shane Gillis:blurred he's like i for real thought i was gonna die yeah i think that fucks you up he didn't drink water for four other fasting community obviously i'm not the one to speak on it but 14 is crazy i've done five and i felt like all right this is getting but apparently what happens is after like you know one day is like oh fuck two days like damn i feel fucking amazing so he said it would just be up and down you'd be like awesome i think by the end of it he was genuinely fucked up you start shitting like all kinds of crazy shit out too because you're i don't know what's going when you don't eat your body's like all right just get rid of all this stuff he claims he looked into it that helps with lyme disease could be wrong look that up guys let's Let's get some information on 14-day fast.
56:16Yeah, I think. Because what even is it? I don't even know what the fuck it is. I think it was a bioweapon. Lyme disease? Yeah. Could be. I think it was. I think it came from a military island off the coast of Connecticut. Lyme's Connecticut. And all the ticks maybe got out. They escaped. What the freak? They started biting all the Yankees up there. Oh, fuck. All the Ocon men were getting bit. Sweet Ocon men were getting bit going, Oh, great. Fuck. Now I'm tired in the afternoon. I got fucking Bell's palsy. Fuck. Let's get the science. It says, well, right off the bat, Google AI, Gemini says no.
57:00It is not scientifically proven to cure. AI hates fasting. But it may help reduce overall inflammation and promote cellular repair. So, yes. It doesn't eradicate the bacteria, but it can help in certain things. Nice. You should also take antibiotics because you could get fucked up from Lyme's disease. Yeah. Like, you can, your joints, heart, nervous system. Dang. They could all get fucked up if you don't treat it. Damn, that sack. Straight to the motherboard, dude. That was the Randy Quaid. Oh, yeah, it was. But he got it pulled off, and he, yeah, he was. How long ago did this happen? It was only a couple weeks ago.
57:41Okay. Yeah, he said he was... A couple weeks, though. He's doing all right. Yeah, so he's all right. He was benched from the bedroom for a while. He's like, bro, I don't think I'll ever smash again. He saw him at his worst. Yeah. He just, like, your hairy ass wiggling, like... Which is what I would... Anyone would do. If you were getting your sack... Oh, I would definitely react to that. I would never show... I would do that myself. You gotta do that yourself. Oh, pull the tick out yourself? You would have to. I don't know if I could, dude. I had the fucking bug bite on my foot. I couldn't get that thing.
58:12I tried to dig it out, but I went right to bay. Like, pull this out, please. You can, but not on your sack. After you take them out. That's at least. Not on your skin. You just got to suck it up and sit in the ER for fucking five hours and let a fucking lady or whoever. Actually, can we pause for a second? I do have to pee. Let's do it. Did you know about one in three people with plaque psoriasis may also develop psoriatic arthritis, which causes joint pain, stiffness, and swelling. Does this sound like you? Listen to what it sounds like to be a million miles away.
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1:00:09Shane Gillis:But yeah, that was a harrowing tale. I watched a little documentary on Mao Zedong. What's he up to? He's dead, but he killed a lot of people on the way out. A lot. It's important to study communism. Yeah. Because, you know, the youngsters these days, they think it's far out and fly. Yeah, it's really weird. It's not. usually results in about 50 million people dying doesn't work typically yeah that's no it's pretty i mean that's you know again i've been big in the youtube debate sphere watching that and that's a big one like how are you uncomfortable calling yourself a communist if that many people died and it's like well it's because it sounds nice you know it's like no we share and it's like it starts with the seizure of private property exactly that's fucking crazy yeah it is funny where it's like built on it's like it's not really sharing it's built on the government taking everyone's property?
1:01:00Yeah, I know. What the fuck? The government's terrible. Yeah. I don't trust them with anything. That'd be horrible. Why do people want to give them more power? What the hell? Because, LeMaire, you love the government. You love the government. We need to pay more taxes. I want to pay more taxes. We need more money. I don't need to pay more taxes. Yeah, you don't. I fucking do.
1:01:27Shane Gillis:I mean it would be funny to be like with like Nazism be like well they didn't really do that right they kind of messed it up we should run it again that's the big that's the big communism thing they go like well yeah that wasn't they didn't do it right it is actually that they're two what is it what communism is what two for two I mean they have a couple other ones yeah they have a ton of communist they have two big bad the Soviet Union and China are the two big bad boys yeah yeah not good yeah it was i mean it was like how many how many did a mal get like 20 mil way more yeah in like a three-year period they think it might be i mean the the estimates are no one knows anytime something happens in china they're like and then 450 000 billion people died in the fucking yellow revolution yeah yeah but no i think it was like the great leap forward and it was like estimated at 45 mil of fucking starvation god damn yeah and that's that's how it works you come into power as the communist leader then you go all right here's the plan if you're like i don't know about that you just murder them yes because you're like yeah okay that's kind of this guy is he's anti-revolutionary yeah he's against the party you got to arrest him and he they did a like the way it started was they they got all the kids they got like the college students and then they were like encouraging them to be violent towards like older people in the old system what so they would like beat up their professors and shit which i mean tough to tough to not fall victim to that i go wait a second there's a new president saying i should go fucking punch my teacher in the stomach punch this dork in the fucking head and then i get all this stuff those kids were definitely getting straight a's though towards it right before the revolution teacher being like everybody did great again yeah that that uh well it's one of those things that like it is funny it sounds so nice in theory like yeah we'll all share it'll be nice and it's like but in the meantime we're gonna fucking run it is what people's ass and then no i don't feel like anyone ever does that well under it the people at the top do yeah every single time they do really good that's got to be sweet yeah the pigs move into the man's house and start standing and wearing clothes.
1:03:43All the other animals go, what the fuck? Being the party boss. Well, I've also heard a thing that like communism doesn't even work unless it's global. So they were like, that was like the real dream.
1:03:53Shane Gillis:It's Marxist. Yeah. They're like, well, it's got to be global. Yeah. Just a very funny philosophy. Like, yeah, if everybody does it, it'll work. Like, yeah, it's kind of tricky. Yeah, it's crud. I think it's crud. It's kind of bullshit. Also, it's not even sharing at that point. You know what I mean? It's like, we should share. And you put someone at gunpoint, you're like, give them that. It's like what you do with the kids. You're like, share your toys. And you're like, fuck. Here. Having a billion people doing that is not really going to work. No. They took all their grub, dude. The grub is, dude.
1:04:24You weren't even allowed to have restaurants. They had to have government-sanctioned fucking, like, canteens where everyone had to eat gruel together. It sucks. Blows dick. That sucks so bad. Yes. And then they miscalculated how much grain they had. So they were taking all the peasants' grub. what yeah then 45 million people starved dang it's crazy it's massive mistake here's the thing
1:04:51Shane Gillis:after it happened do people come out and be like my bad or was it just like now mal said my bad did he kind of they like they were like all right you're not the leader for a few more years and then he came back what yeah did he have the sauce or what he did he did have the sauce fuck that's the thing about all these leaders they do have the sauce that's true So how many people died the first time and then he got to come back again? That's kind of nuts. I swear it was 45 million. Roughly. I mean, they have no idea, but.
1:05:20I heard a guy saying 80 the other day. Yeah, max 80, they say. But the Great Leap Forward, they estimate 45. But then over the whole time, they say around 80. Deesh. 80 mil, dude. And that's starvation, murder, or like just everything. Work camps. Work camps. Yeah, you got to build tractors, dude. We got to get some fucking nice tractors. Fuck, dude. You're a slave now, and you're building tractors because you said you didn't like Mao. That sucks. Yeah.
1:05:50Shane Gillis:Did that kind of, you know, it sucks 90 million people died. Did that step China forward as a power? Fucking huge. Fuck. Fuck. Oh, it works. Oh, no. Yeah, they're on track to be number one right now. Oh, God. Yeah, it works. Oh, man. That's terrible. I hope these fucking computers work. Yeah. If you're not afraid to kill most of your population, you'll be. You can do some stuff. You'll be the one, yeah. Fuck. And nobody's bent out of shape about it over there? Are they kind of like. If you're bent out of shape about it, you and your family get killed. So everyone's pretty chill with it. Today?
1:06:26I'm sure today they're fine. Yeah. Yeah. I think they moved on. Yeah. I'm sure some people hold on to some. I'd be upset. Yeah. What year are we talking? like the 50s that's pretty great lead forward was probably end of the 50s right pretty that's pretty recent yeah and so china was like pretty poor yeah and then this guy's like i got it got rocked in world war ii yeah yeah he was basically like what if we turn people into legos yes
1:06:57jesus christ yeah that's so bad yeah and then the other government went to taiwan that was who we recognized those are the real leaders of China and then in the 70s I think we were like you guys suck it's China I thought China was asshole China is asshole but Taiwan so the original Chinese government escaped during the communist revolution they relocated to Taiwan don't we fuck with Taiwan though? yeah we still fuck with Taiwan but then we finally recognized communist China as the real China gotcha we were like yeah you guys let's stop pretending I mean, it's kind of embarrassing. Then they got a nuke.
1:07:34And then they... Dang. Mal did get it done. He fucking did. I mean, it sucks that, you know... I mean, the thing, too, is once you get to killing 90 million people, it's almost just absurd. Now you sound like Joseph Stalin, dude. Really? One death is a tragedy. A million's a statistic, dude. It is, dude. And a million, it's just like, all right. Something like that. I was close with that quote. I think you're 100 % right. Because if you were telling me, like, one day, and there was this kid, and he stepped on the kid's head and killed him, like, monster. Yeah. 90, you're like, the guy was motivated.
1:08:11What the fuck did he kill 90 people? Yeah, the guy had a plan. This guy's nuts. Yeah, that's horrible, man. It's also funny getting kicked out and being like, yeah, my bad, my bad. Like, ah. Yeah. You're going to be vice chairman for five or six years, and then you come back. He's a player, too. And he had a nasty wife, dude. Did he? Yeah. He married an actress who was like a fucking loud mouth dude. She was a problem. And then. Did he kill her? And then when he died they sentenced her to death. Oh that's right.
1:08:38Shane Gillis:I knew she got some sort of death. Which I think they just. They changed it to life in prison and then she killed herself. What? In jail. Yeah. Honoring. Just on. Honoring the boy. Really? He was like Mal's the man dude. I'm going to kill myself. Got a second. But I think she died in like the 90s. Mal's wife? Yeah. I didn't hear. It was this recent that we were alive at the same time as his fucking wife. Damn. Yeah. 91. How did Mal die? Damn, dude. She was alive for Notre Dame's last title. That's how long it's been, dude. Got to watch it from the jail. Mal Zedong's wife was like, oh, Notre Dame's number one.
1:09:16Oh, Rue Holtz. And when did he die? How did Mal die? He had to have been murdered, right? He died. I forget. Was it cancer? How did he die?
1:09:28dang yeah and he had a major heart attack in 1976 he looked exactly like my grandpa did he really yeah my mom's side my mom's side of the family has very asian features i might be a descendant of the great males i don't dude yeah i've been meaning to look into that guy might be a descendant Could be. I'm working on the fucking do right now, dude. I might get the mal do going. He's got the Robotnik. I'm going to have the do.
1:10:04Shane Gillis:I have the do. The mal's a do. But yeah, it turns out he was a jerk. I watched enough of it. We always hear he's a jerk, but then it's like, and you always hear he put up numbers, but like. He put up the most. That's crazy. Number one all the time. And nobody really, you know, you hear he's a bad guy, obviously. but hello that's true that's true we're gonna edit that out all right we did it good episode watch new episodes of matt and shane's secret podcast on spotify do it
1:10:42legally we can't say drinking storm makes you smarter and more focused but with zero sugar 200 milligrams of caffeine and immunity support you're smarter and more focused for drinking storm storm good energy in good energy out energy for life
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