Ep 618 - Officer Lemaire (feat. Charles Blyzniuk & Lemaire Lee)

23:20Lemaire Lee:Does it feel good right now? I bet. I'm not jacking right now. You're not jacking? No, I'm not jacking. Wait, you're not jacking right now? Or you mean like, I'm not jacking. LeMaire's been jacking up for this the whole time. What'd you say? He's been jacking up for every fucking time. Yeah, yeah. Fuck. I'm not jacking up right now, I swear. Well, now you can't be trusted. True. You cannot be trusted, dude. I'm gonna see you walking and be like I know he's tucked in between his thighs dude he's a freak bull that's the red lights you block out them Alexa make the sun red and then yeah I'm just gonna I'm gonna set fire to that house I'm gonna burn that house to the pool house is condemned it is gonna fall yeah the house is collapsing i saw i saw a crack in the near where the door is and i was like i'm doomed yeah one of us is gonna have a house collapse and smooshed if you get smooshed mid-thigh it might feel better yeah true yeah

24:45it's really funny to get in a car accident

24:52Lemaire Lee:sir yeah sir stop yeah i'm allowed to do this yeah i'm gonna break your window to get you out blizz has been watching midwest midwest safety with me we've had some great ones the one of the meth lady getting her car attacked that's probably my favorite so far it was really great the lady at a gas station and they're like she's got a warrant they pull up three cars box her in immediately four cops come up to the window and they're like open the door now and she's like what and they're like i'm gonna break the window if you don't open it it took 20 seconds of them being like open the door to like five cops punching her car everyone just started wailing on this car.

25:31Lemaire Lee:A guy starts stabbing the fucking tire. They just beat the fuck out of this lady's car. She's on meth. She's like, what? She didn't even get to, she was trying to get gas. She didn't even get to get out of the car. Yeah. They like, boxed her in immediately. Started wailing on her car. Yeah. You see the body cam of a guy who takes his knife out. Yeah, he just stabs the tire. She's like, why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to me? Fuck you, bitch. she escapes too she like gets away she escaped in the car yeah she wrecked yeah a lot but then she crashes later then hides under just a person's porch she's under there she gets a couple she gets a couple more yeah yeah yeah she was awesome then she goes to the hospital and just really talks shit back and forth with the cop like in a really funny way she's like yeah have fun working at costco the rest of your life you just lost your fucking career bitch he's like fuck you lady He's like, you just swallowed 15 bags of fentanyl.

26:31Lemaire Lee:You shouldn't talk to anybody. He's like, I'll fucking spit it out whenever I want. I'll fucking, this is fine. Oh, yeah. He's like, your bail's$500 ,000. Is he going to pay that? And she's like, yeah. She's like, yeah, no problem, dude. I just got to shit these bags out. That's 500 grand right there. She swallowed 15 bags of fentanyl. God damn. They yank her out from under a porch. She just smoked. they found a crack plug with her mad respect for that crash the car, sprint through a neighborhood hide under a porch and just go they're never gonna find me yeah you gotta get it in before you go before you hit the clink I'd be so happy to be in the house when she did that to be like you see a crazy lady sprint in your backyard then light up a fucking crack and then have a police dog run under the porch and bite her I feel like wait that's my sister She's not sweating crack She's awesome And then you let her inside And she goes you mother fuck Yeah anyway actually it's not my sister Take her away No Oh man It's getting close to those wrens dude Oh yeah true They're back in the Bud Lightbox They are Dang that's nice Actually it was really nice to see that they're back Yeah they really nested us Can you hear anything Uh no I'm not sure about that I just can't.

27:57Lemaire Lee:Every time I see a Mexican guy from now on, I'm going to think about how bad he wants to jerk off. I don't think anyone's close to what LeMaire's up to. LeMaire's the new leader in the clubhouse. I mean, that's the most preposterous. Thigh rub. It's possible, dude. Anything is possible. May I ask a personal question? Yeah. Have you thigh rubbed all the way to completion? Obviously, yes. You saw the way his face dropped. He knew exactly what he's done. You thigh rubbed to completion? I don't think so. He also used to jack off on his knees. Oh, yeah. I did. He'd sit behind his grandma's couch and sit on his knees and jack off on the floor.

28:50So she wouldn't see me. There were stairs. I was trying to hide.

28:56Lemaire Lee:granny no

29:01Lemaire Lee:she couldn't see me you're easily number one damn

29:09the boys are going wild they're ready for the Spurs dude

29:16Lemaire Lee:they're trying to speed run this yeah that's true go Spurs go what's that I don't know. Think they got it this game? I think the Spurs are going to win game two. Yeah. But New York's pretty awesome. Yeah. Brunson's the fucking man. Yeah. It's unbelievable. And Cat Show. Hart's the fucking man. Cat, I was happy for Cat. Yeah. Cat played really well. The number two nasty player in the NBA. I kind of came around on the Knicks watching that game. I hated the feeling of it, but like Cat kind of like locking Wimby up. For like the first three quarters was great. I mean, he made it hard for Wimby. Yeah.

29:52Harder than anybody did all playoffs. You make it hard for anybody. The way you were dressed? It wasn't that bad. It was just a beater. Everybody thought it was a deep V. It wasn't a beater. It was a deep V. He cut the sleeves off. You say I cut the sleeves off a deep V. Is that true? No. That's obviously not true. Would you ever do that? That's actually kind of nice. No.

30:20Lemaire Lee:You should start dressing like Satoya. That is, yeah, if I'm real, that's R &B shit. Remember when Satoyo brought out the long tees? The long tees. The super long tees, but not baggy. And the scars? Shout out Satoyo. Satoyo had the drip. He did have the drip. Probably still does. Definitely. Yeah, that doesn't go away. Yeah, it's true. It's not all me, it's all me. Satoyo drip, you don't lose that. You're born with that. Mm-hmm. I wish we had B's MZ here. I know. B's MZ. B's MZ, just breaking. Anytime you see him, he just breaks the story. He just goes... Dude, Satoya got fucking banned from Helium.

30:56Lemaire Lee:Dude, I don't give a fuck. I know. King Cob, dumbass. Yeah, dude. King. It truly is word on the street. Yeah, he's immediately. He's got his ear to the streets. Yo. Yeah. Dude. Smoke shop guy. Pat House. it's even philly comics you get it fuck yeah i always forget the name of his local smoke shop but i rode my bike by it a couple days ago the one that we said looked like him

31:35Lemaire Lee:we're in the car after philly's we're in the car after a philly's game bees was a menace at the game and then uh we're in the car and for some reason he got mad the bud man is that what it is bud bandit bud bandit there's like a bud bandit uh you're the butt bandit. There's a butt bandit. Billboard that just looks like bees. We're like, yo, bees, there's your billboard. He's like, yo, I don't fucking look like that guy at all. Fuck you. It's just a white guy with a hat and sunglasses. It does look like bees. It's exactly like the bees. He got pissed. Canobis in New Jersey. I don't fucking do that shit.

32:16Lemaire Lee:Fuck you. Sorry, bees. I miss the D's dearly. Me too. I can't wait to see him just in Philadelphia. I'm going to get up there. See what he's up to. He's probably at Bonners. I would love that. Can't wait to get to Bonners. I haven't been to Bonners in a minute. It's time. We're due. Bonners is nice. Matt. Let's do it. Who the f*** is this episode brought to you by? Rocket money. Rocket money. Rocket money. it's so overwhelming to organize finances for me personally because i just i get so distracted with all the numbers distracted there's too many numbers but i just love using rocket money because rocket money is so helpful it's saving users over 880 million dollars in canceled subscriptions i always forget about canceled yeah me too users who create a financial goal with Rocket Money, save over$70 in average within the first 30 days.

33:17Lemaire Lee:70 bucks, first 30 days. Hell yeah. Now you got to set your financial goal. Guys, Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Let Rocket Money help you with your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. That's rockmoney.com slash MSSP. This episode is brought to you by Viore. All right. We got to tell you guys about this brand, Viore. You want another good marketing idea? Go ahead. You got a marketing idea? When the tees hit your eyes like a big pizza pie, it's Viore.

33:59Lemaire Lee:That's Viore. I mean, the guy's hired me. I know. Matt, can you tell me something about the core shorts? Oh, my God. For example, gym, couch, quick run out. They just work. All right. That's what they just work. What about the Strato Tech T? I would say ridiculously soft, like suspiciously soft. Everything is the perfect combo of comfort, but still looking like we didn't completely give up. Oh, God. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God, Viore. Viore.com slash secret and discover the versatility, the verse nature of Viore clothing. Exclusions apply. Visit the website for full terms and conditions. That's Viore.

34:39I like seeing that really old guy at Bonner's. There's a really old man who looks like a pirate. He looks like a pirate. He comes every day.

34:48Lemaire Lee:And there's the guy with the dog. The Guinness dog? Yes. This guy with like a purple dog. He dyed a tear purple and he makes it drink Guinness. Really? Yeah, it's pretty great. The dog sits at the bar and drinks Guinness out of a bowl. Yeah, fuck yeah. I'm going to die here. This is perfect. You got the bees to my left. Bees on the table. His Guinness bowl. Bees in Guinness bowl. Yeah, Conman's a menace in there, too. Dude, I don't know what happens any time we're at Bonner's. Turns it upside down. He's dying. I've seen him dead in there 20 times. Every picture I've seen from there, it's like.

35:32he gains 80 pounds

35:34Lemaire Lee:when he gets his belly stick straight out he's like a pig going back into the wild it takes like 3 days for him to grow tusks he's a wild boar instantly that was where I switched the game on him 2010 YouTube full game didn't notice the fuck's going on here

36:02Lemaire Lee:he didn't notice that he watched the game from like oh four for fucking 20 minutes on his phone and it was a game he was just at he just left like eagles titans or eagles falcons it was like falcons bucks on the tv yeah yeah he's like they're playing again they got another game today

36:30Lemaire Lee:I'm excited to go to the basketball game again tonight I can't keep can't keep away every day I wake up I go I should fucking chill and it's like I could also go to the fucking game aren't you aren't you going to be in NYC too I am going to New York tomorrow you think I hit the entire series you think I hit the whole series the whole series dude yeah I gotta sit I know wait you might be you're like the the guy who sits Miami Marlins no Goldstein the the old guy the really old guy I ain't no damn Goldstein you can call me anything you want but don't call me that

37:21Lemaire Lee:yo fucking Goldstein

37:28Lemaire Lee:if i could get perfect attendance would be sick they asked i was thinking about going to the white house ufc oh well it's a tough one yeah it's a tough one to go to i can't decide it's a tough choice because it's gonna be sick as fuck it's on the white house lawn yeah and their new lawn. It's like new, right? Sick, dude. Didn't they just like make it for this? Yeah, they're like still building it, I guess, right? A giant dome. I mean, it's... Also, if you get hit, if somebody blows it up, it's a good way to go. Yeah. Then you're sure to get a mural. Yes. You'll get a mural. It'd be a crazy mural.

38:08Lemaire Lee:Attendance of the UFC. It'd be crazy. It's you, Kid Rock, Trump. Me, Kid Rock, Trump. Yeah, it might not be. Rogies. on the side of like a gas station in Washington. You guys are sitting around a big podcast table. Big podcast table in the sky.

38:34Lemaire Lee:Damn. That would be sick. Yeah, if you get hit with a bazooka at that. Get hit with a bazooka. That's how you go. I died on the White House lawn watching a UFC fight. Got hit with a missile. it might be the oblock bazooka Chicago Jersey one of the one of the oblockians got his hand on no disrespect shout out to oblock that is the most American way to go on the White House lawn during a UFC event buy bazooka that's like yeah they'll spread your dust with With a flag. Yeah. Yeah. It's awesome. Yeah, it's Tillman. Yeah. I've got a statue outside of Helium. The statue of Pat Tillman running with his hair.

39:27Lemaire Lee:Yeah. He'd be asleep. Yeah. So we got that going on. I was thinking about going to the UFC and McGregor's coming back. Yeah. I've never gotten to see him fight. I'm supposed to be locking in and focusing on work. Yeah. Who's McGregor fighting? max holloway oh yeah yeah it's gonna be awesome yeah that's gonna be a banger well yeah i don't know if mcgregor has rust though probably yeah and max has been fighting he's in his he's in his prime right now actually yeah if mcgregor doesn't show up he's gonna get fucking leveled he's gonna get pieced up yeah that would be fun i don't know i don't know we'll see yeah yeah there's too many cool things going on this summer it's a good summer but i gotta focus on the link show yeah instead it's like i think i'll go to the world cup yeah you go oh fuck uh all-star games in philly the same week as my show sick i'll go to that instead of focusing i'll get drunk for four days at the mlb all-star game for some reason i don't give a fuck about the all-star game just that sit there and go, yeah.

40:40Lemaire Lee:Yeah. Home run derby. Let's go, Judge. Yeah. Does he still play? Yeah, though, I think he's out right now. Yeah, he broke something. He's a stress fracture in his rib. Yeah. I don't know anybody in baseball anymore. I think. I think everybody I used to know is old now. Who do you know? Christian Yelchin. Who? Or Christian Yelich or whatever. That's a crazy pull. The guy who looks like David Davidson. Very specific. Yeah. Wow. He's great. Yeah, I'm surprised that was your guy. I know. Aaron Judge Shohei Bryce Harper You're naming current players Yeah but they're like Old now right Well You can be kind of old In baseball Okay yeah Justin Verlander Doesn't play anymore I don't think so Okay That was the only pitcher I knew Yeah That was my guy Steven Strasburg We were looking up We were looking up Some Drysdale stats Very funny Because Christopher Sanchez For the Phillies Set the record For scoreless innings Yeah For the Phillies and he was close to the all-time, but the all-time is held by, fuck, I forget his name.

41:42Lemaire Lee:He was a Dodger, whatever. But second place was Drysdale from the Bags on You Drysdale. Yeah. And he was one out short of tying the record. It was like 53 and two-thirds. Who hit him? The record was 54. A pinch hitter from the Phillies came out. He said, the Bags on You. Yeah. Got a fucking sack fly in the fifth inning to ruin his record. He didn't kill that hooker. And Drysdale's with his primo whore. Comes downstairs, the fucker's still pissed. A light. I think they meant to say, all right. They typed, a light. Yeah. A quick break from the show for a special segment called More or Less, Playoff Edition.

42:24Lemaire Lee:And it's brought to you by PrizePix, a preferred partner of the NBA. The NBA finals are here, and legacies are on the line. Who's looking sharp? And who's just like a pedestrian on the court? Tell you what, there was a pedestrian on the court. There was a pedestrian. I know. He took the selfie. Yeah, it was pretty great. I watched that happen. Yeah. He ran right by us. It was awesome. Yeah, someone just ran on the court, and I missed it. No, they didn't. Fuck. He did run. I know. It's crazy. The players were moving down the court, too. There was just a guy running. That's so wild. Lemaire, who do you think is looking sharp?

42:58Dude, Cat's looking pretty sharp right now. Yeah, Cat's looking sharp. I like that. Yeah, I'll go more on whatever his numbers are.

43:04Lemaire Lee:Okay, yeah. You like Cat? Wow, nice. After all that, please begin with your NBA finals picks. Make sure the players are playing this week. Cat. You're going with Cat. Yeah. What are you thinking? This is what we're thinking for picks this week. There you go. LeMere says Cat more. Yeah. Cat more. 14 and a half for Cat? I like that. I'd go more for sure. More. Yeah. What about what's Wemby at? He's kind of due tonight. Although this will be out, what, tomorrow? Shit. Yeah. He's due. He's due. He's due. I do it more. More or less, which teams or players are getting too much or not enough attention?

43:48Lemaire Lee:Who do you think is not getting enough attention, LaMere? Cat? De 'Aaron Fox. He's my favorite player. You like De 'Aaron Fox? I love De 'Aaron Fox. I love the Sister Kings. Yeah. Yeah. De 'Aaron Fox needs more attention. Yeah. He's still on the defense. All right. Get in on the action and make your picks. from everything points to rebounds to dunks, three-pointers and fantasy score. Before the NBA champion is crowned, PrizePix is a preferred partner of the NBA. Download the app today and use code Drenched to get$50 instantly in lineups when you play your first$5. That's code Drenched to get$50 instantly after you play your first$5.

44:22Lemaire Lee:PrizePix, a preferred partner of the NBA. This is good. LaMere, what's going on with you in your life? Fill us in, man. I'm chilling right now. I'm trying to do more shows. Still chilling? I'm trying to do more shows. I got a cop shirt I'm gonna do more cop things You got a cop shirt You're gonna do cop things I'm gonna pretend to be a cop You're gonna impersonate an officer Yeah Where? Draw on you Just online on the internet You're gonna pretend to be a cop on the internet Not like for real No I mean but what are you gonna do Just like Just like some kids I'm gonna pretend to do a house call For a guy He's gonna like Be yelling at his girlfriend And I'm gonna go over there And I'm like Yo dude you gotta chill And then there's a bong I'm like Take a hit of that And then he offers me a hit And then we become best friends Nice Is this a sketch?

45:03Lemaire Lee:What are you even talking about? I'm just thinking of stuff I was going to make. You know what would be a funny sketch? If you're the cop and you come in and it's a domestic dispute and then you also hit the woman. You go, well, what'd that bitch say? Square up. Okay. Square up then. There you go. Just let him fight. Yeah, let him fight. She's a strong right. I like that. Is it cop? What kind of cop shirt? Is it like just a regular Like what cops wear It's like a It's like a button down shirt And it says cop right here

45:42Oh yeah that is what cops wear

45:46Lemaire Lee:Cop Cop It's just cop right over the heart Nate can you hand me that Officer's hat over there Let's get a little preview A little preview for the mayor Yeah you're gonna need to Alright That's cool. You could probably get away with that. I'm going to do some good as a cop. I'm going to do some get readies with me as a cop. Get ready with me. Wow. Thank you. Yeah. That's good. I feel official. I like the brim looks.

46:25Lemaire Lee:No, no. I like it lower. You're going to wear that with a little thyro. Yeah. You're under arrest Show me your pussy Show me your pussy or I'm gonna shoot you Could you like Show me your pussy Yeah No that's a red light cop That's a red light cop for sure Just red lights on the top of the car

46:52Yeah Cop with He's already handcuffed himself It comes out with just red lights I have When cow blames are purple You ever see those? I don't think I have I've never seen I think those are freaking

47:10Lemaire Lee:Coming to get you There's a red light and a blue light And I think when they like There's like the purple in the middle That's from the mixing right? I would imagine yeah You're seeing into like You're seeing the fractals Yeah, that's true. He's so high. He sees a cargo, a cop car. The purple's in the middle. Purple cop car. Dude, it's purple in the middle. It must be for the most high-frequency crimes. Purple police. How nice is that homeless guy? When we were walking after Noctis back to the mothership, this homeless guy started following us. I saw him. He was like standing in the middle of the street.

47:57Yeah.

47:57Lemaire Lee:And then when me and Charles walked by, he just started following us. It was like, fuck. Yeah. And then he was like, can I get some money? And then a couple of lads showed up and were like, yo, can we get a picture? And then the homeless guy who just went from being like, can I get some? Was in behind the picture like. Immediately changed from like, please help to. Yeah. Just like, yeah, fuck you. Fuck you. Yes.

48:24Lemaire Lee:No, I think he had a shirt. He had a shirt. Might have taken it off. Yeah, true. They pop those things off left and right. You ever talk about this on Facebook? Nate grew up with one of the homeless guys. You what? Nate grew up with one of the homeless. Yeah. He ran into a homeless guy, and it was one of his broskies. He said, Crotey. He was pretty high on my MySpace top eight. Whoa. He was top eight. He was in the top eight. We were real close. But he started trying to be a thug for fun. I don't want to say too much about his life but he had a good upbringing he didn't need to do that took for fun gets you in trouble I haven't seen him since I saw him I saw him once walking with Sean it's here?

49:09down here? yeah it was in Austin from Reddit and one time me and Sean were walking he pulled up on us and I don't think I've seen him since that day yeah that's awesome yeah it is haven't seen you in years What's up dudes? I'm homeless

49:26Lemaire Lee:Can you give me the most high octane alcohol? He did get pissed at me because I tried to fist bump him When I saw him because I still had like You know Homeless And then he was like you're not going to shake my head And I was like well now I gotta Yeah Now I gotta I have to He's right I mean I wouldn't mind bringing back the MySpace top 8 I know that'd be cool It'd be nice to see where you stand with people yeah be honest i'd love to be an adult man mad at another adult man being like yo i'm not in your top eight remember you got a girlfriend and you had to like move her above your boy so you can get some pussy well i don't remember that but i get it i believe you yeah do you uh did you do pin contacts that's like a top eight you're only allowed to do nine of those what on your phone yeah yeah you have pinned contacts i do that's your top eight dude

50:22I mean I'm gonna I haven't done it in forever I think Andy and Nate are and Sean you guys are in my top eight twice that's nice no wait

50:30Lemaire Lee:that's cool taking up the there's Matt Soder O 'Connor Billy McCusker and McKeever that's it's a good one I haven't but this is from like I know I never touched my ears yeah same

50:46yeah yeah

50:49Lemaire Lee:This is a good podcast I think we're doing good I think we fucking did it again We killed it again I would like to know what's going on with you Can you explain why you're so chipper? No, I can't explain it And I'm kind of worried about it I think he's been running Oh, yes, you told me that I jogged earlier this week It might be that My jog on Monday Yeah, residual jog jog yeah i'm you know it's nice i feel good yeah residual jog yeah i'm working off a residual jog from 2018 that was the last time i jogged it's crazy i still feel good yeah still got that runner's high i uh i went to 10th planet jiu-jitsu today and then uh i walked in and i didn't see any of my friends there and i just like yeah you gotta leave you fuck it yeah i gotta leave these guys are gonna kill me i walked right back out yeah that's embarrassing yeah you should have hit him with a little thigh rope yeah somebody gets somebody gets full mount you just go oh my god i got bad news for you bro yeah i'm not the fucking nut

52:09you think you won yeah that's like a batman villain yeah you really are well just skunk dude get close to it you feel yeah you can't hurt me this actually feels better for me yeah this is what i like no matter what type of jujitsu move you put on me I'm gonna go Guys you see that cop who came in his pants At the jiu-jitsu place Yeah stop bro shoot There you go Cop Cop shirt

52:49Lemaire Lee:Yeah I don't really understand Cop shirt plan I don't know I'm just gonna I don't know I'm gonna put it on I'm gonna set my phone up And just see what happens

53:05I don't know I think it'll be great You know what Speaking of this You mentioned this a couple of weeks ago But the food show Food show's great You should wear the cop shirt And get free meals

53:17Lemaire Lee:Yeah, you should start stealing valor at food trucks There you go Oh, I also I think a full military uniform would be awesome Yes You'd be like, I was a Navy SEAL Yeah You're like, I'm actually I'm Dorner

53:41Lemaire Lee:man they killed the fuck out of him right yeah they fucking explode that house yeah it was like yeah i remember when they did that i was like it's kind of sad how how they did they just obliterated like fucking yeah it looked like the godfather yeah the whole booth I think you got him fellas Yeah A removable feast Yeah you could be the new You could door her out in your cop uniform Is he the one with the Is he the Tesla guy No He's California though right I think he was California I know what he looks like I know about his manifesto Wasn't he like dumb bitch I think he shouted out like Chappelle yeah he like watched stand up a lot yeah yeah well i'm sure i'm sure a lot of those guys do um but cop shirt or yeah full military and then you go to are you gonna like go to public places he has no idea what he hasn't thought of any of this step one is buy cop uniform where'd you get it amy shanker she had a shirt and i was like can i buy that from you she's like yeah that's so funny yeah 15 bucks yeah for a nice cop shirt that's nice yeah and it fits good all right nice that's great dude yeah cop might need to see it yeah it's in the car we bought it it's in your car yeah you haven't brought it inside yet not yet you're saving it just in case that's actually that's nice too you You can put it in your back window and be like, I can park here.

55:27I'm a cop.

55:29Lemaire Lee:I have a cop shirt. He sees this cop. If you get pulled over, you got to put it on real fast. I'm undercover, bro. Yeah. I don't know if you can tell. I was just watching Reno 911 one day and I was like, why don't I do that? Yes. It's a great way to live. It's a good idea. I'm watching a show going, I'll do the show that I like. Yeah. Oh, I don't need cameras or a script. I'm just going to start pretending I'm in Reno 911. And I am Niecy Nash. No.

56:11Lemaire Lee:You're so happy. It's very nice. The dopers, why are you guys in such a good... Do you guys hate Matt? No. No. What the fuck? Matt's not here and you guys are all so happy. I don't know. Does he do stuff to you guys? no

56:29Lemaire Lee:that's nice that's great it's been a nice couple days yeah that's good when you guys came here yesterday that was a low point for me I didn't even come out of my room they came they set up all the stuff from my room I was like you can't I can't move when i was leaving i was like get well shane he just went no it was it was a tough one because we drank fucking white claws yeah on the way like white claws in the van on the way to the game tommy move it was yeah yeah every time i drink white claws i get very hungover time it tommy got him it was the surge was the blue cans no it was white claws oh it wasn't oh yeah yeah yeah it wasn't it was regular ones what's the surge they're just like 8 % white clothes.

57:21Oh, God. That's crazy that they make a version that's... Yeah. They doubled the formula. Yeah. That's evil. It's actually... Yeah.

57:32Lemaire Lee:That's going straight to bums. Yes. No one else is drinking those. The surge is literally being handed to bums. I got to say, it's... I don't know if they're real, but I kind of like those videos where they give the homeless like weapons and shit. Saw the machete one. Saw him unwrap a machete. The guy goes, oh my god. Thank you. I could use this.

58:03Lemaire Lee:It's probably not the best. It's probably a terrible thing. Yeah, I wish you said, I wouldn't know what to do with this. I bet he cuts himself first. Like real bad. He immediately was like swinging it. He was really good. He was nice with a machete right off the bat. He had a shopping cart and the guy comes over and goes, do you want 20 bucks or a gift? He goes, gift. Machete. He goes, give me that 20 bucks. He got the 20 bucks. Oh, the strick in the book. How did you not see that coming? Why don't you hand me a sword?

58:39The bag's on you, dumbass. Yeah. The bag is on him. Now you're empty handed. and dead getting stabbed yeah with a sword in 2026 yeah give me those meta glasses too yeah he took his glasses too no but i mean i'm sure that's the new blair witch homeless guy

59:03Lemaire Lee:that's actually a good actually yeah when we watch it it looks like like when the cats like if you put a GoPro on a cat, there's some of these cop videos that are so good. Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah. And it runs into another guy, and they're like...

59:24Lemaire Lee:I love those cat videos. They're great, dude. Yeah, they're making noises I didn't know cats could make. Give me an example. Like... Like a... They got a real high... That's nice.

59:46Lemaire Lee:what else is going on guys what else is in the news other than the legos and uh and thigh jacking off ai oh yeah i that nobody can explain why it's scary what else yeah what's the new jobs why no job water it's the water i've heard about it i don't like that. Water's scary. Yeah. People's electric costs go up a ton. Like if you're near a data center. I just want to see that man struggle with that. That's how I feel. Data centers, jobs, water. They're taking their jerbs. And then they're giving it to robots. They're giving it to the robots. How do you say robots with a hard are. They got robots working on manual labor jobs, like regular factory, just pick this up, put this down shit.

1:00:39They always have that, though. But I mean, like, what? Now it's automated. But yeah, it's like a different version of it, not just like the arm. We lost our factories in the 90s. We were just getting them back. Yeah, like Amazon. Still technically a factory. Yeah, at least it's a job, yeah. We're gonna lose that. And they're gonna start dropping off the packages with drones. They were never going to be outside. They drop off the package and then they malfunction and kick you in the nuts. Fly away. Fly away. The annual camera just... Yeah, then you get locked out because you're making a face. So it doesn't...

1:01:24Those drone drop-off videos have to become publicly available because they're going to be some of the best videos. Yeah. So old people are like, give me my package, you dumb bird. Is it really that much cheaper for a drone to drop off all these things? I don't know how they're going to. Long term. Oh, sure. After like five years of it, you haven't paid salaries. Yeah. And also they're charging us for the electricity. So they're not paying for like the energy it costs to create it or use it. To use the drone. Yeah. They better fucking do something about that. I know, dude. We can't dude we're in the corporatocracy dude Sleepy Donnie Sleepy Donnie's up there Sleepy Don's farting and everyone's acting like he's not farting I know he's farting dude They keep saying it's fake He's farting Finally we're getting to the bottom of this What are you talking about the video of the J.D.

1:02:30Vance there's multiple videos of Donald Trump farting that's what you say dude yeah that's what you say

1:02:43Lemaire Lee:yeah I know it's funny you would be the perfect guy to investigate it's like when they hire DiCaprio and catch me if you can you're one of the best farters in the world only you can detect if the president's farting It's true. I think you will have to go to D.C. this summer. Yeah, I might have to bring you to the White House. I do give you permission to catch a thigh beat in the White House. Yes. Dude, that's why it's open air, dude. You can't smell the farts in open air. You think he put it outside so he could fart. I bet you he sits in a throne like an emperor or something, away from everybody so he could fart.

1:03:27I'm just...

1:03:29Lemaire Lee:I'm just what I'm just what What do you think I'm doing I'm just saying dude he's farting He's farting dude I believe you I'm with you on this I think Trump's farting They have to be diabolical farts He eats McDonald's Yeah those farts must be crazy 80 grabbing McDonald's Fucking the Filet-O-Fish Not even like a big man Is that his thing? He eats farts Wow

1:04:01Well, I think they're all farting. All right.

1:04:03Lemaire Lee:No, no. Keep going. I think they're all farting, dude. They're all doing it. Yeah, it's true. Finally, somebody's saying it. Thank God. You need to run for office. Just be like, I'm the only guy not farting. Wow. Yeah, I'll fart. I'll tell you about it.

1:04:28Tell you what, this guy, yeah, he's actually farting.

1:04:33Lemaire Lee:My opponent? Yeah, yeah. He's farting right now. Fucking stinks up here. He's been farting the whole, he's been farting the entire time.

1:04:45That's a good strategy during debate. Yeah. Just be like, this guy actually, he just stinks.

1:04:50Lemaire Lee:That's a really good one. Yeah. I don't know how no one's done that. I know. It's mid-debate. Be like, dude, I don't know if you guys smell that. He's been farting the whole time. It's fucking gross. And then you get to watch the other guy be like, Sir, sir, senator. I did. I have not been farting. I have not been farting. I would have called fucking doorknob. I would have called fucking safety.

1:05:13Watch your opponent melt.

1:05:15Lemaire Lee:Yeah, hit him with the fucking, Ew, dude, did you just fart?

1:05:23Lemaire Lee:It's right in the middle of a question. People kind of spaz. It happens a lot. Like any car ride or plane ride, if you're just like, dude, you fart, people are just like, no, I did not. And you know I would fucking tell you. I would tell you if I farted. Okay. Yeah. Just trying to find out who farted. Yeah. The Ocon man was in there, right? Yeah. Is he good for not owning up? Yeah, sometimes. But Ocon man is a dead giveaway when it's him. He has Trumpian farts. he is far too like oh my god i denied one it was so funny i've said it before but there was one time me and o 'connor were living together in queens and i was on the couch he was on the other side he was like from me to nate i farted and within one second he was across the room he was like oh did you fart i was like no it was just me and him i just lied to him

1:06:24Lemaire Lee:I had to come clean. I was like, I can't believe that hit you. That thing launched across the room. It was like a silent part. I would have just used you in the room. Yeah, and then one second later, he was like, oh. He was standing in the doorway.

1:06:45Lemaire Lee:Man, I found, I was looking through my phone at old videos from when we lived in New York, me tommy and chris and it is really funny yeah oh con man was on one in new york dude it was crazy yes he would just wear like giant baggy rocky shorts he would wear like american flag gym shorts just stand and eat and shit he's just hammered i'd come home they'd be playing fucking virtual video yeah

1:07:16Lemaire Lee:everyone shut the fuck up Chris and Tom one would be in the kitchen one would be in the living room and they'd be screaming at each other get the ammo fuck fuck VR helmet on shit face Tommy was getting fucking shit face god forbid god forbid people love you oh you're hammered dude as soon as it left his fucking lips i was like oh you're drunk dude god forbid these fucking guys asking for autographs sucks god forbid people love you oh you're drunk this is 11 a.m i was like you're drunk dude that's crazy you're drunk

1:08:07yeah yeah yeah

1:08:09Lemaire Lee:what else you got you got one Nate come on nothing I'm excited about the game tonight yeah the game's gonna be fun I can't wait to watch I'm gonna try to give Josh Hart a high five that's my man that's my man oh my god hitting that at the finals courtside it'd be nice I'm not courtside tonight I'm running out of money I can't keep going to these games

1:08:37I got nothing

1:08:40Lemaire Lee:We've done it I think people are going to really enjoy it LaMare, Charles, what a treat Thank you Thank you guys Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify Do it