Ep 621 - Landlubbers

6:21Shane Gillis:They won't stop fucking talking. I had to fucking, I had to cool down my ass. She was like, dude, I'm six and a half, right? I'm like, bro, you're not even fucking close to six and a half. Don't come at me like that. You're maybe six and a quarter, not even.

6:33Lemaire Lee:Definitely not six and a half.

6:34Shane Gillis:You're a couple months shy of six and a quarter. Don't be.

6:37Lemaire Lee:I've actually had that argument with a girlfriend. Yo, I'm six and a half, right? You're not even close to six and a half. You're a three, dude. A couple years ago, I told the story about how I once spent my last$9 on Bud Light during an Eagles game at The Link. I really did. I was sitting up there. It was with Big J and Soder. Oh, yeah. It was a while ago. I had to sit with Jay's family in the upper decks. I had$9 on my card. I got one Bud Light.

7:07Shane Gillis:Dang.

7:08Lemaire Lee:Anyway, my friends at Bud Light found the clip, and since then, we've been working on a way to bring the story full circle when I perform at The Link. after the show, fans 21 and over can visit participating bars in Philly for a Bud Light on us. Fans can visit bars in Packer Park, South Philly, Logan Square, Spring Garden, and Center City after the show for a Bud Light on us. Free Bud Light, dude. That's it.

7:32Shane Gillis:Nice.

7:34Lemaire Lee:Yeah, but just those two. Stock is crazy. Phil and Ant-Man together is the funniest combo. Phil takes him to a bar. Ant-Man just sits next to him and ask, I mean, Ant-Man's going through exactly what I went through. And then I did it to Ant-Man. I took Ant to the bar and he would just watch me drink. And I was like, we're going to stay till the end of this game, all right? Halftime, he was like, okay, can we please leave? I'm like, Ant, just drink the Shirley Temple. Shut up. I let him run around the bar. That's nice. Don't even watch him.

8:08Shane Gillis:No.

8:09Lemaire Lee:Just throwing shit. They had a pop a shot. He was just fucking launching balls around him.

8:16Shane Gillis:yeah you eventually do give up and just let your kids just run around you're like i i can't i can't possibly dedicate every single brain cell of every second somebody takes him i'll

8:24Lemaire Lee:i'll be my liam neeson shit true i'll get him back you will they'll only be taken for a little bit yeah i'll go back yeah i mean it's also yeah i get there's a lot of amber alerts down here but despite it's every five fucking lads are oh dude the lads hit the amber alert left and right foos bro foos go wild with the amber alerts dude for real so many amber alerts come as it do say amber and fucking i know it's a name but it's also a color amber i wonder how you do say amber

8:58Shane Gillis:amber that's a good guess yellow kind of like yellow but ambar ambar damn the arm bars the Armbar alert, dude. Armbar alert. Yeah, dude. I wonder what's up with the fucking. Foods go wild, dude. Really hot potato with the Ninos, dude. It's crazy.

9:17Lemaire Lee:It's a real hot potato, dude. Also, it's like three cities every day. Somebody in Houston takes them, headed down San Antone way. They just fucking bounce around that triangle. My Nino is in the fucking silver Nissan, dude.

9:37Shane Gillis:I think that's what, you ever see the spikes that come out of the rims? That's probably to protect. Yeah. The armbar? Yeah. People try to take your ninos to Houston. You're like, no. No. You can't get close to me. Yeah.

9:52Lemaire Lee:The foo's fucking hot potato. They're ninos. It's every fucking 10 minutes. Every 10 seconds. Bop. Bop. Yeah. They're just fucking. Ladies and gentlemen, a foo has been taking everybody. be on fucking guard. There's a foo on the loose.

10:12Shane Gillis:And their car breaks down. Never seen that many fucking AMO alerts anywhere. Anyway, I have heard abductions big here, though. Yeah, so...

10:26Lemaire Lee:We can tell, dude.

10:27Shane Gillis:Well, it's also like, dude, think about it. If you're in the business of snagging kids and forcing them into whatever kind of slavery you want, You're right at the finish line here.

10:38Lemaire Lee:Yeah.

10:38Shane Gillis:Three hour drive, you get the bag. Dude, you know how fucking easy it is to snag a kid? You just said so yourself. I'm like, this is where you want to do it. I'm saying I wouldn't. I think it's terrible.

10:47Lemaire Lee:Obviously.

10:48Shane Gillis:But this is, you're right next to the fucking finish line. If you snagged a kid in New York, I'd get a can of the way. Ay caramba. Ay caramba, for sure. Good luck. But yeah, it's, dude, I'm telling you, all the moms I talk to are always like, I swear someone was watching me. They chalked my tires in the parking lot. Yeah, we've talked. I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. I'm ready. I stay ready. I said, let it happen. It's one of my many fantasies.

11:11Lemaire Lee:I can't wait to answer the phone and go, who is this? I'm talking about stopping in progress. Fucking Nino.

11:18Shane Gillis:Hold on. Let me sound the authorities.

11:21Lemaire Lee:Every single person just goes, God.

11:24Shane Gillis:Jesus Christ. Was it going to rain? Oh, a fucking kid. Yeah.

11:28Lemaire Lee:Oh, great.

11:28Shane Gillis:Jesus Christ. That is so loud.

11:31Lemaire Lee:Where do they go? There's a flood 400 miles away. Oh, okay.

11:35Shane Gillis:Which actually is stopping five ambler alerts temporarily.

11:39Lemaire Lee:That flood here that took those bums. Wait, the bums got taken? A couple bums got fucking in.

11:44Shane Gillis:No.

11:46Lemaire Lee:Yeah, like last year.

11:47Shane Gillis:What? They fell in a couple?

11:50Lemaire Lee:There was a flood here. The summer camp one is horrendous.

11:55Shane Gillis:But some of the bums fell into the lazy river?

11:57Lemaire Lee:In Austin, I think a lazy river took some bums. I think there's a flash lazy river warning. Some of the bums didn't get the alert. No. Just while asleep. No.

12:11Shane Gillis:That's not funny.

12:13Lemaire Lee:It's not funny. I think there is something about. Fucking hilarious, dude. Being fucking wasted and then waking up in a river. Oh, fuck it. Oh, shit. I swear.

12:27Shane Gillis:Oh, having the water creep up on the bums is kind of the bums. I didn't hear about that.

12:34Lemaire Lee:Some of the bums I hope the bums survive But

12:40Shane Gillis:Yeah true We even get the They got hit with it Yeah Yeah the Shoal Creek Flooded in About a year ago Four individuals Experiencing homelessness Were caught in A dangerous Drainage Culvert Oh So they got caught up In the Oh it was a lazy river It was like Pennywise Did they make it? Two were rescued But a man A man and a woman. Damn, one turned into a ninja turtle.

13:10Shane Gillis:They found two of them.

13:12Lemaire Lee:And then a man and a woman. Tragically trying. I'm just trying to. Just finding the silver linings. True. Because it is a tragedy.

13:21Shane Gillis:That is sad. You like to imagine they're lovers, maybe. Perhaps, yeah. Like in Pompeii or whatever. Yeah. They died in the flood, yeah. Unfortunately. Tragic. Sorry. Well. D's and P's. D's and P's to the B's. It is sad. Oh, man. That's sorry, dude. The fact that it was fucking getting sucked into the sewer.

13:50Lemaire Lee:Dude, just being homeless and being like, fucking life can't get anywhere. Oh, shit, I'm getting flushed down the toilet.

14:02Lemaire Lee:literally it's fucking crazy

14:12Shane Gillis:it is funny though because like there is you are you can be like ah you know I can't handle this I don't want to have anything to do with society but it's like you have to at least stay out of the waste management like the water management system like at least get away from the storm water drains. You know what I mean? It's everyone's responsibility to just watch out for the stormwater, man. Don't be in one of the channels that can lead you down the sewer. You've got to do that at least. It's a lesson on personal responsibility.

14:46Shane Gillis:But it's sad.

14:51Shane Gillis:That sucks, dude. Anyway. There's nothing

15:01Shane Gillis:It's not good. Oh, but yes, for sure. Someone getting flushed down.

15:07Lemaire Lee:Their day must have been fucking hilarious. Must have been like screaming at somebody on the street. Fuck you, bitch. Fuck you, bitch. And I'm just, ah, shit. Every act of change begins with a neighbor, with someone saying, We take care of each other here. In food banks and food pantries, Neighbors pack fresh food and dignity into every box, moving food from farms to families through Feeding America's nationwide network. So when that box reaches a home, it carries more than food. It carries a promise that together we can end hunger. Feeding America, led by neighbors. Give now to end hunger at feedingamerica.org.

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16:17Shane Gillis:You're making fun of me for having an Idaho homeless day the other day. That was killing me.

16:22Lemaire Lee:I was like, yo, you had a full fucking bum day.

16:26Shane Gillis:fell off my fucking dirt bike dude right down to the white meat still that was a week ago that's nasty fell off my fucking bike i chased my dogs dude he tried to talk to yeah explain what happened unless you already have i talked about it last week but it was full fucking bum day it was a dude i didn't i can't believe you didn't rain dude i was primed up i actually was riding my bike along a culvert too that could have gotten bad me at least that fucking bastard dog would have came with me i would have fucking pulled him down like you little you betrayed me i thought for sure the guy seemed friendly i'm like here we go i'm gonna flex with my yeah just wild pitbulls just a couple wild pitbulls outside and i was like hey it was this before or after you fell off your bike after so you're bleeding bleeding you go it's time for me to tame some wild pitbulls bleeding did get my pump i did get my pump though after the bleeding after bleeding a bloody pump bloody pump you know i like that i'm not afraid to do that i got a bloody pump and then i didn't go to the cold plunge that would have been very dastard it would have been very mean yeah i was like not doing that so that was i was you know also too i was like i don't want to attract any sharks in the water true i wonder if girls do that i thought about it dude i i was wondering

17:41Lemaire Lee:that on the period just getting the public gyms fucking yeah i was wondering about that the other

17:46Shane Gillis:day if they do that i think they they definitely swim they definitely do they definitely swim with their periods that's you know talk about that the uh maybe some sort of check in the public pool but the little checkpoint yeah you just gotta go you being fucking mean to everybody true you know dude i'm telling you it's really the week before yeah that's oh boy meany meany meany before that it's right before the period then the period they're just like but the way

18:19Lemaire Lee:yeah that week leading up you're like oh fuck it's the week and every time it surprises me and then there's always a moment where i go oh yeah that's what this is yep and then you know

18:30Shane Gillis:you're faced with the weird task where you have to be like you're in like a different dimension and i can't go into this dimension with you it's normally it's like you love when i play xbox all

18:41Lemaire Lee:day you love when i don't take you out on dates i know you love that i never left the house and drank

18:50Shane Gillis:hit the date night yesterday actually nice where'd you go very hot date uh piscina piscina piscina you get any i think any piscina actually now they say that

19:01Lemaire Lee:but we didn't have a good date that you grubbed hard we grubbed hard nothing worse than a fucking grubbed a grubbed very hard it's time to try to reproduce yeah it was i was i'm in no condition

19:12Shane Gillis:to mate i was not fart i've been farty late i've been so farty lately dude i've been farting me so i'm for real i've been so farty it's farting next door

19:27Shane Gillis:why have you been so farty dude i've been going ham on protein powder and i'm farting so much

19:34Lemaire Lee:horrendous and i choose the parts i've pinned down the culprit i'm like oh it's definitely

19:42Shane Gillis:four scoops of protein powder a day and guess what i won't stop it's just i've just become farts are you are you still cheesing you mean a little dairy hitting the cheese yeah i hate a little cheese cheese and protein yesterday yeah i had a little cheese protein combination i'm trying i'm waiting for my body to just get on board with the shit it's like come on guys we could be so powerful if we just kind of just i think it makes you more powerful i i think so but protein and chief arts i have them it's crazy ricotta cheese isn't as bad but yeah if i have some like shredded motts oh my god oh my god some cheddar and i do it i i know what's coming i go it's gonna be bad but i'm gonna do it so yeah i was the other day i was i was eating a burger I said oh that's cheese on it And she's like just eat it And I looked at her and said Hey You made your bed You said it Now farting it You said it I sent her a thing on Instagram recently I saw this cartoon Like an explainer video Saying in medieval times I don't know if it's true But they said women Would fart around guys To let them know like they liked them It showed that a woman Was like relaxing The strict kind of like I think that Kind of holds up Yeah I was you know I sent it to her I don't even know why I just like fired it off Oh you like that yawn That koala yawn

21:01Lemaire Lee:I really like that I did some research On yawn last night On yawning What happened Well I was watching a show Or no I was reading

21:08Shane Gillis:Trying so hard not to yawn I was reading and it said yawn

21:10Lemaire Lee:And I yawned immediately Yeah that's You just If you read about yawns You yawn

21:14Shane Gillis:Yeah

21:15Lemaire Lee:And I wanted to figure out What was going on there What is it And nobody knows What No one really knows That's fucked up Yeah It's a contagious It's just a weird thing, yeah. Yeah, it is. And animals do it, too. I believe. You're not fucking yawning. You fucking want to yawn. Yeah, everyone's yawning. Everyone listening to this is yawning now. Fuck. Dude. Oh, fuck. I'm about to fucking yawn.

21:41Shane Gillis:Oh, fuck. You're going to make me yawn again?

21:43Lemaire Lee:You can yawn from animals. You can look and see an animal yawn, and then you fucking yawn. My dogs get me, for sure. It's hilarious. Yeah, it's really. You can make your dog yawn.

21:52Shane Gillis:Hold on, so there's no fucking way. I'm actually going to make it. I'll tell you.

21:54Lemaire Lee:I'll tell you about it. because there's no real...

21:57Shane Gillis:I thought there was one of those things they could claim like mirror neurons or some fucking bullshit. They do say that. What even is that though? Exactly.

22:04Lemaire Lee:They don't really know.

22:06Shane Gillis:Mirror neurons are the things that make you...

22:08Lemaire Lee:Mirror neurons. They make you copy people's face. Yeah, when you observe someone yawning, these specific brain cells fire mirroring the other person's physical action and helping you subconsciously empathize with their state.

22:22Lemaire Lee:Social bonding is nice. That's cool. Yawning is highly social. You are significantly more likely to catch a yawn from a close friend or family member than from a stranger, as it acts as a subtle display of empathy and connection. Sounds fucking lame to me. I don't believe that. I'm so embarrassed I yawn twice. That's how much you like me. Group vigilance. Some evolutionary theories suggest contagious yawning synchronizes the wakefulness and alertness of a group. If one person is feeling drowsy and yawns, the contagiousness spreads, subtly increasing the brain arousal and vigilance of the entire group to compensate.

22:57Shane Gillis:Yo.

22:58Lemaire Lee:But no one really knows.

23:00Shane Gillis:Dang.

23:00Lemaire Lee:But if you go to Yawn's Wikipedia page, there's a nice picture of a koala yawning.

23:05Shane Gillis:I like that. That was a great one. I'm a big fan of that. That was also the pool. So you hit me with a koala yawning. I said, where the fuck did you get this from? Last night. Yeah, that was crazy.

23:12Lemaire Lee:I was laying in bed going. That was crazy. This is a great picture. That is a great picture. You take a look at it? Yawn Wikipedia? That is really good. You don't like that? No, that's weird. Then I realized I want to watch compilations of animals yawning. I think that'd be nice. What'd you catch? You didn't see it yet? Reptiles yawn. That's funny. You ever see a snake yawn? No. It's pretty fun.

23:31Shane Gillis:I got a snake in my yard right now. I got a snake? For real. I do. What kind of snake is it? It's either a ribbon or a gardener snake. I was pretty pumped to see. I saw it back there the other day, and it was going pretty nuts.

23:43Lemaire Lee:Nice.

23:43Shane Gillis:So, yeah, I learned, too. Because I was like, fuck. Hopefully, it's not a poisonous snake. It's not. I think it's, is it a red on black friend to Jack? Yellow on something? Kills you? I forget. There's a cool saying.

23:58Lemaire Lee:I was just trying to see if these guys were looking at the koala yawning. Were they really? I was hoping you guys would get pumped. Snake yawn's fun. What? Do they flicker their tongues?

24:11Shane Gillis:What? That's kind of sick. Hold on. But yeah, it's pumped. It's terrifying for real for real Yeah they're scary I actually had a dream about snakes last night I was thinking about the snake in my backyard I had a dream about all kinds of coral snakes attacking me It was kind of fucking stressful Even water? No coral snakes I think can come on land

24:30Lemaire Lee:I wasn't sure if you were down there Scuba Oh no Snakes came out of the reef to get you

24:36Shane Gillis:Oh what the hell

24:37Lemaire Lee:That'd be terrifying Those would be some electric eels

24:40Shane Gillis:Those? They'd steal my voice They'd steal my voice and give it to Ursula Trousers I wouldn't be able to podcast I'd be like the Little Mermaid

24:53red and black friend to jack friend to jack red touches yellow kills a fellow kills a fellow

25:00Shane Gillis:that's it yeah well really it's the easier way to remember if the stripes are horizontal like wrapping around like little stripes that's a poisonous snake if you have a long stripe down the back typically friend to jack i'm staying away from all yeah i don't like any of them I don't like none of them. The garden snake could be a good alliance, man. That way... It'd be nice to have in there. Kill the rodents. Yeah. Get the rodents going. Fucking lizards, too, man. Eating all my goddamn strawberries. Really? Yeah, fucking assholes. I have a million lizards in my back. I have so many lizards. Kind of sick, but...

25:29Shane Gillis:It is sick. Dude, every time I go back there, like four of them run away, and I'm like, fucking jerks. Wait till my snake fucking eats you guys. Yeah, that's exciting stuff. He did scare me, though. I thought it was a lizard. I was like, whoa. Yeah, they're scary every time. Yeah, they get you. Dude, I started reading Devils by Dostoevsky. Oh, nice. Bro, so good. And it's like, I tried Crime and Punishment. You called it. You're like, you're going to get bored and stop. I was like, no, I'm not. I heard it rules, though. Yeah, but I did get it. I tried. Couldn't do it. I got bored and stopped. Devils is nice because it's written like a, it just sounds like a gossipy neighbor just being like, dude, let me tell you about this guy.

26:11Shane Gillis:And he just sits there and gives the details on every single person. and it's it's bzmz yeah it is it is bzmz you're sitting in bonners with b's it's bzmz it really feels like that in the uh but it's it's all about these like late 1800s uh russian revolutionaries who are just really larping and just like it's really weird it's it's like russian progressives and how they they have like no real beliefs and how they're just really trying to like pump themselves up as old as time yeah pretty crazy it was i was i'm reading it it's like dude it's it's so fun just the little things in there like there was one thing where uh like that there's a there was a thing in russia called like the peasant it was called the great something where like they started being like yo let's like give peasants rights because they were still i guess under like the monarchy and they were like no dude peasants like it was like really cool back then to be like peasants are actually really cool and i fucking love peasants but these people had like no relation like never even saw them they're like i think peasants are cool as

27:04Lemaire Lee:fuck and they should be free to do whatever they do yeah that was like uh marx and uh yeah angles well that came they would try to go to factories yep and all the factory workers were

27:14Shane Gillis:like dude fuck you guys are pussy well the peasants love the king that was the thing though they were like the kid and the peasants were like no the king fucking rules it's actually the guy the advisors are fucking assholes yeah the russian peasants were like they came to him like yo fuck the king and they were like dude fuck you you know beat the fuck out of you dude king fucking why are you talking about my king like that this guy's like my whole life that's all i do is work for this fucking guy. Don't tell me he sucks. What the hell are you doing to me? But yeah, there was a, the characters are so funny because they are just like rich, like progressive, just absolute weasels constantly backstabbing each other.

27:50Shane Gillis:And there's this one part where this guy is like, this lady takes him in, just kind of puts him up to be tutor for her son. And she invites this like very high-ranking military guy. And he like references the peasant like uprising thing. And the dude who's her guest goes, like quietly to himself but loud enough so people can hear it and the guy just like what the fuck is your problem this is like a big problem for him and the end so the general guy is like fuck him so they go to leave he goes hey man shake my hand this is a thing they do in Russian society if you don't like somebody go to shake hands hit him with the two finger you hit him with the two finger and then you make him shake your two fingers and it lets everyone know like fuck this guy it's crazy that's been making me laugh so hard and then if you don't accept it's like dude you gotta shake hands he had no choice but to be like motherfucker got me got my ass it was only in front of one lady just was like oh you're not a gentleman you're not gonna shake my hand he goes fucking bitch then he would go to his room and like cry and write letters it's so funny it might it's it's really it's been a really uh it's

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30:04Shane Gillis:Guys, this weekend, June 26th, 27th, I'll be in Birmingham, Alabama at the Stardome Comedy Club. Please come August 7th, San Jose, 7th and 8th, San Jose, California, and Spokane, Washington, August 13th. Then after that, Portland, Boston, Royal Oaks, Michigan, and a bunch of other places in the fall. Go to mattmccusker.com for tickets, please.

30:27Lemaire Lee:July 17th at the link in Philadelphia. Also August in South Carolina, Charleston. I've been fired up on a book. It's called the wager. Ooh, I think it's like a very popular history book, but it's, you'd like it.

30:42Shane Gillis:What's it about?

30:43Lemaire Lee:Uh, it's just this expedition of, uh, ships that left England trying to sail around to, I think their mission was to like blow up a fucking Spanish port in like Chile. Sick. but it's pretty great shit goes south yeah really sucks ass everyone gets scurvy they couldn't

31:02Shane Gillis:figure out scurvy those like boat missions back in the day were just cursed it was unbelievable

31:08Lemaire Lee:how bad it was every single fucking chapter you're like no way yeah i found out though under the weather is uh because they would put all the sick guys under the lower hold to get him out of the weather they go he's under the weather oh shit i like it every once in a while i read something like that in a book and then i'm not sure if that's right sounds pretty good why don't you

31:29Shane Gillis:guys give me a look at that can i while you do that i'm gonna give you another one cut to the chase comes from the silent film era where before like those charlie chapman films always for whatever reason they're chasing yep they would always have an unnecessary very boring drawn out love story which is him just like winking and raising his eyebrows and then this one guy was

31:47Lemaire Lee:like dude cut to the fucking chase get to the chase this is bullshit let's just see him chase a guy around a pond under the weather fuck yeah that's good also scurvy blows your fucking teeth fall out your hair falls out everything blows and you die ah just because you don't have vitamin c you have a fucking lemon because you don't have a lemon which is why they're called limeys really limey yeah because they need the limes i was thinking about it you're a fucking landlubber You're a land lover What the hell are you doing?

32:19Shane Gillis:Not true You're a land lover I've spent more time When's the last time you went on the open sea? When's the last time you went on the open sea? I was paddle boarding

32:27Lemaire Lee:I was paddle boarding I'm not talking about That's coastal shit That's pine shit What the fuck are you talking about?

32:33Shane Gillis:When's the last time you were in the open sea?

32:34Lemaire Lee:I've been in the open sea When? Fucking couple days ago Where were you? Out at sea Out at sea dude You're a land lover

32:44Shane Gillis:That's so untrue I got scurvy.

32:46Lemaire Lee:That's why I got all these limes, dude.

32:47Shane Gillis:I had to start sucking limes. Dude, well, you got to be careful because now they're trying to say that citrus intake increases skin cancer risk. I know. I think it's bullshit.

32:57Lemaire Lee:When you're a salty dog like me, skin cancer is guaranteed.

32:59Shane Gillis:I heard that.

33:01Lemaire Lee:I'm a salty dog. You're a lame lover.

33:02Shane Gillis:There's nothing you can do about it. Bro, I've been underwater more than I think. I've spent hours underwater in the last couple weeks. I've been swimming. I'm underwater, dude. It's fucking sick. Underwater is the best.

33:14Lemaire Lee:I love underwater

33:16Shane Gillis:Dude it's for real sick Like when you swim laps You're kind of chilling underwater With other people silently So do I That's what I'm saying When you call me a landlubber It's just It's not even like offensive It's just not true

33:26Lemaire Lee:You're a bit of a landlubber That's not true You've never been at sea For more than a day

33:31Shane Gillis:You've never been at sea For more than a day I know I went on a carnival cruise With my friends when I was 14 Dude I was We were out there man It must have been 10 days out there You went on a carnival cruise? Of course I went on a carnival cruise

33:40Lemaire Lee:I bet yeah You went on a spirit cruise I went on a royal cruise Everyone fights I didn't go to a carnival. Where 15 ,000 people are on deck fighting. I would never go to a carnival. Caribbean or better. Black people cruises are fucking awesome. The parties are fun, but you guys, a couple fights.

33:56Shane Gillis:Yeah, there was that big clear out in the customs. I don't know if you saw that. I just saw it this morning. Yeah. There was a big brawl in the customs line, and it was just like 15 people got banned from entering the country. No cruise list. You can't fight in the customs. That's crazy, dude. You have to. There's got to be just a –

34:19Lemaire Lee:Customs is tough, though.

34:21Shane Gillis:Actually, I almost got in a fight. I almost got in a fight one time, yeah.

34:24Lemaire Lee:I got off. I was coming back, I think, from England via ship, and when we finally docked – After six months at sea, we finally docked. You'd never make it on the wager, I admit. But I swear to God, Air Afghanistan got off at the same time.

34:42Shane Gillis:me and the bros were in line for several hours yeah it's tough yep no i battled an old african guy one time in customs he like literally just butted and shoulder checked and it was just like bro don't fucking talk to me like that it's ellis island you're literally right back to

35:00Lemaire Lee:it's five exact same thing our ancestors did it is you become bill the butcher real quick

35:07Shane Gillis:that's crazy so when's the longest you've spent at sea for real

35:12Lemaire Lee:I'm a land lover.

35:13Shane Gillis:Are you really?

35:14Lemaire Lee:Yeah.

35:15Shane Gillis:Why don't you just build this whole thing up? That's crazy.

35:19Lemaire Lee:No, I've never been on a cruise, so fucking day, a day, deep sea fishing.

35:24Shane Gillis:Yeah.

35:25Lemaire Lee:I mean, Carnival Cruise is hardly at sea, dude.

35:27Shane Gillis:No, man, those things rock. I remember you're laying there. Man, it took me a while to get back to land. I was so used to it. I was just like, I took to it. You got your sea legs on the Carnival Cruise. Yeah, I remember I was at the indoor mall. just got a soft serve ice cream cone from the vending machine and yeah man i had about 14 bass ales i'll tell you what the only fucking

35:53Lemaire Lee:limey i actually know is the ocon man's a salty dog is he yeah he's on a boat every fucking 10 minutes yeah you think you're a salty dog dude you're a landlower uh fucking pond scum i can't Yeah, your pond's gone, dude. Yeah, more of a freshwater guy, but all this sea talk. I was thinking about my old primary care physician the other day. His name was Dr. C***, and he actually passed away at sea last year.

36:19Shane Gillis:Oh, yeah. He died at sea, yeah. So I was thinking about that because I got a new primary care physician, and he doesn't hold a candle to C***. Really? Yeah, he was really bad. So how did C*** pass at sea? Well, it's sort of a sore subject, but he fell off his fishing boat, and then the fishing boat went, like, crazy, and... I mean, I wish you guys wouldn't laugh at it. Like I said, it's sort of a sore subject. I'm still thinking about those boats. He's fishing, and he was ejected from his boat, and then the boat kept driving, and it ran him over. I'm going to hear this. You got hit by his own boat?

37:05Yeah, he was killed by his own boat. Passed away at sea. He's the one closest to you. He really was a great doctor, and rest in peace. Oh, man. I was just thinking about that the other day because I got a new crappy primary care physician, and I was just... So he went out to eat some fish, and... The fish ended up eating. Hey, man. We all do eventually. I prefer not to think about that.

37:29Lemaire Lee:Well, you brought it up, man. I don't think it's funny.

37:31Shane Gillis:Yeah, I don't know. I even told a fucking story. Definitely block out his name

37:35Lemaire Lee:because I don't want to make fun of that guy.

37:36Shane Gillis:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

37:37Lemaire Lee:Okay. All right. Sorry.

37:40Shane Gillis:Yeah, I was thinking of that. But I like the story. Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt. I was just reminding you. You're just thinking about it. I was thinking about it. It's a fucked up thing to think about. He's the only person I know who died at sea. Who's lost at sea. Yeah. Yeah. Primary, dude, primary care docs now are it's, I tried to go to a place once and it's like, I think it's owned by like Amazon or something. It was fucking bullshit. Yeah, I went to one. They assigned me one that was attached to a church. I went to a doctor that was attached to a church. What? You're a doctor of the church?

38:13It wasn't a great experience, but I don't want to. No, dude, they just looked at you. What happened to you? Oh, shit. Nothing. I just needed a checkup, and I got insurance finally, and they gave me a BSS doctor. Well, they just like. It just took forever. I was like waiting forever.

38:28Shane Gillis:And they're like, yeah, we're checking your blood pressure. They're like, okay. I could go to CVS for this. Yeah. It's fucking bull. Also, oh man, blood pressure. Yeah. Gives a fuck.

38:39Lemaire Lee:Like seriously, dude. Like it's pretty high up there for me.

38:43Shane Gillis:Blood pressure? The list of concerns. I feel like you can lower your blood pressure naturally. Yeah. I don't know. The blood pressure med, the window, they shrunk the window for blood pressure medication now. It used to be like one whatever over this. Now they're like, no, it's actually like 20 points. We slid it down 20 points just to be like that way more people can get on blood pressure medication. What is, does anyone know why that happens? Is it just stress? Is it like salt or like what? Why do people just?

39:11Lemaire Lee:Yeah. It's definitely like for me, it's like alcohol, coffee, nicotine. That'll do it. Yeah. Yeah. And if I don't do any of that for like two hours. Yeah.

39:21Shane Gillis:It just goes down. And stress for sure. Yeah.

39:24Lemaire Lee:I had to get, I tried to get an IV at the Super Bowl. like they had like a little IV thing the day after we went out it was we had a pretty wild night recovery and then I'm in a room it was like a public room of like they have these things where they like just give people gifts you know what I mean like if it's like a VIP thing they just are like here wear these shorts yeah and so there's just tons of people and they're like you want an IV I was like yeah that'd be nice and they're like we just have to check your blood pressure real quick and i was like why this is gonna be the craziest blood pressure you've ever seen sure enough it was what and then they're like just are you all right are you like stressed out i'm like yeah this is i'm sweating there's famous people and i'm laying in a chair like and they're like just relax for five minutes i was like all right and it worked it went down your blood pressure goes down yeah yeah yeah it's pretty easy that's not bad hell of a story that was a good story well

40:18Shane Gillis:it's a good story we're talking blood pressure you delivered thanks man i have no fucking blood pressure stories other than every now and again i'll go and they'll go you're a little on the low side and i go pretty fucking chill yes because i'm too chill pretty fucking chill i'm actually the only time it goes up when people tell me i'm a land lover yeah i was listening to the book

40:38Lemaire Lee:hit heard a fucking land lover and i went oh i'm gonna call mad a land lover i'm gonna call it

40:43Shane Gillis:mad a land lover tomorrow i'm telling you i've been a quad been aquatic dude i've been underwater almost every day it's underground actually it's funny too because i'm underwater and i still like I watch people do freestyle. You know people who can freestyle swim just continuously?

40:57Lemaire Lee:Yeah.

40:58Shane Gillis:I still don't know how people do that. Slow. Yeah, but dude, you can still do it slow, but you have to try to time your breathing. It's really, really difficult. So I'm just watching people underwater just trying to peep game underwater. So I'm just doing my fucking old lady breaststroke, and I'm just watching freestyle swim. I've spent at least a good combined couple hours underwater in the last couple weeks. It's very good. Just chilling, just watching people. Yeah. You know, fucking shark down there. Where are you swimming at? The pool near my house. Swimming at the pool down there, just ripping the laps.

41:35Shane Gillis:Dude, it's the best. And also, I swear to God, if you swim, if you're in a pool for like, say, 45 minutes swimming, doing like laps, you get out, your voice is deeper. it's something about all the pressure that water when you're breathing in water the water pressure is like making it harder to breathe so something about your diaphragm i get out of the pool i'm like yo every single time it's so funny i get out dude i get i go home right away and i'm like yo what's going on yeah you mog if you can't i'll be there dude you can't help it you're underwater maxing i'm completely underwater underwater and sun maxing you are sun max i've been sun max i've been in the sun insane i've been in the sun just non-stop i might have to check a different box next time.

42:16Lemaire Lee:You're getting close. Yeah, at least, you know, non-white Hispanic. Yeah.

42:20Shane Gillis:I think I've earned non-white Hispanic.

42:22Lemaire Lee:Yeah, you're going to hit a fucking amber. You're going to hit Hispanic enough, dude.

42:27Shane Gillis:Sure, I'll know when I get it, when I pick up my kids, it goes, Yeah, I've been, dude, speaking of stress, dude, I found out that my house has mold. In my fucking house, in Maya's room, we had like a growth come out of the thing. And so, you know, we called the builder, which like we bought it off someone else, but it's like pretty, it's a pretty new house. So we didn't have like, I didn't realize, I didn't know how like the warranty worked with all that shit. Turns out as a noble builder, they came out, they're like, dude, you shouldn't be dealing with that.

42:59Lemaire Lee:Just fix, they're fixing it as we speak. This thing, this house gets mold fucking constantly. You think so? I've seen it. It grows on the fucking ceilings near the vents.

43:07Shane Gillis:Yeah, that's not good. It's wild. Dude, the problem was in the front of my house, there's a huge stretch where they did just no flashing for some reason. And then there's this tape they put around the seams. That wasn't there. And dude, my whole front is just black. The plywood is just black and just completely chewed. It looks like my house was on fire. It's disgusting. So there's the boys that are out there as we speak right now. Came up. Yeah, I was punishing them this morning. They showed up at 7. I had just come back from running. just so shirtless and completely sweaty so i kept just trying to get close to talk to them like i could tell they're like oh dude back yeah back away you're true awesome back away i'm completely running shirtless running true awesome dude i even did my boxer briefs in the pool recently just to get the feel of a speedo it was just me i was by myself and i was like i just want

43:55Lemaire Lee:to see what a speedo feels like do you roll your so you roll them up to make it a speedo no i just

44:01Shane Gillis:I had boxers underneath my shorts. Yeah. I wasn't sure if you tucked them to make them full speed. No, I did like down to thigh speedo. I'm a swim dad. I don't know if you know. I'm a swim dad right now. Yeah, swim dad. My kid was in swim, so.

44:11Lemaire Lee:I'm a salty dog.

44:12Shane Gillis:I'm a swim dad.

44:13Lemaire Lee:I'm a salty dog. I'm a limey, salty dog. Land lover.

44:18Shane Gillis:Land lover, swim dad. Swim dad's crazy. You can't. You got to separate it. You got to have people. Put on fucking pants between the races. You can't have just fucking, dude, chiseled boys. boys high school boys there's it's all ages like adonis is walking around in their undies i'm like yeah put some fucking pants on you get what the hell are we doing here because it's like i don't look but it's like the whole time you're just kind of like yeah you have to walk around just like it's crazy yeah it's a weird and it's everyone's acting like it's normal this is not normal it's not normal it's just fucking weird i'm not the only person being fucking feeling weird around here and everyone's acting all fucking cool and normal and i'm going no guys this is fucked up there's a bunch of high school boys in their underpants and everyone's acting like it's cool

45:02Lemaire Lee:like this shit's not cool pray to god your daughters don't play volleyball you're gonna be hitting a high school volleyball game i didn't even think about

45:15Shane Gillis:going what the fuck is going on here what's funny too because i think the coach of like the our our swim team i don't know where he's he seems like he was like an accomplished swimmer He's got the swimmer's body. He's got a little accent, too. Fucking yoked. And he's a bit of a heartthrob. So we had the end-of-year swim party. He's a bit of a dickthrob. He's a cockthrob. We had the end-of-year swim party. And my oldest daughter, Maya, was like, we were about to go to the party. And she was like, I wonder what Coach *** is wearing. And I was like, I should blank his name out. She's like, I wonder what he's wearing.

45:49Lemaire Lee:Of course his name is ***. This is a fucking guy.

45:52Shane Gillis:I wonder what he's wearing. I was like, what? She was like, do you think he's wearing a bow tie? And I was like, what the fuck? And I'm like, I don't know. Went on. You were like. I put on a bow tie. I was like, come on, let's go to the party.

46:04Lemaire Lee:I hope he's wearing a fucking bow tie.

46:06Shane Gillis:He's so hot. It did make me laugh. It was so fucking. It's really funny. So funny. He's the man, too. But yeah, he's a fucking dude. He's a hard throb. It just is what it is, man. There's nothing you can do about it. I'm just a fucking guppy in the swimming world. It's just so hard, dude, just to come to grips with. I'm such a fucking turd.

46:24Lemaire Lee:You got to get to Barton Springs. I've done it. I know, but that's where you build your strength. Real swimmers. Swim laps there down back.

46:32Shane Gillis:Dude, I want to go there and do it.

46:33Lemaire Lee:That would be some good underwater observations. That would be nice. You can get real deep. You can get down. I can also see. Down amongst the fish and look up.

46:41Shane Gillis:I could see a lot. I could peep a lot of game in Barton for sure. I'm not giving up. I am selling the building. The final season of FX is the bear.

46:54Lemaire Lee:The restaurant is flooded. Everything's either going to be okay. No. Or not. We are outgunned and we are outmanned. We have each other. FX is the bear. The final season. All episodes now streaming on Disney+. Good energy in. Good energy out.

47:22storm zero sugar 200 milligrams of caffeine and immunity support storm energy for life

47:29Shane Gillis:but yeah i honestly think at my skill level well breaststroke i can kind of breaststroke

47:33Lemaire Lee:indefinitely that's the one but it's like an easy one it's an easy one you can do it forever yeah

47:38Shane Gillis:but the uh it's it'll so it'll gas you but i think i could do down back down back down back breaststroke freestyle halfway you'd have to go so slow yeah even when you go slow you start fucking like running out of breath. You get one breath where you take water in, panic. So, yeah, that's been the high drama of swimming laps with old ladies at 9 a.m. But it is nice. Swimming is the ultimate. Your joints don't hurt afterwards. It's like truly, it's a skill. It's a skill to pick up for life that'll carry you all the way to old age.

48:13Lemaire Lee:Certainly. Yeah. But... got any more horrible stories? well yeah that's what he was thinking

48:23Shane Gillis:you know someone who had a heart attack in the pool or something? Jesus Christ

48:27Lemaire Lee:I'm sorry I feel bad for bringing that up I don't think you should I think we feel bad for trying not to laugh dude it was

48:34Shane Gillis:it's more of a situational thing I'm just worried about you I want you to be careful out on the water I don't want to lose somebody else to the water I think about having a heart attack in the pool every day be careful man out. Hey, it is what it is. If I fucking die swimming, I die swimming, man. You know?

48:52Lemaire Lee:I like the underworld.

48:54Shane Gillis:I don't think I will.

48:55Lemaire Lee:You're not. You're a landlower. You're dying on land. I guarantee it. You think I'm going to fall into the dirt? I guarantee it. You think I'm going to fall into the dirt? You're going straight into mud, dude. You're a landlower.

49:07Shane Gillis:This is fucking bullshit, dude. This is fucking bullshit.

49:13Lemaire Lee:Man.

49:16Shane Gillis:How was last

49:16Lemaire Lee:week how was the last week it's been chaos yeah nothing it's just non-stop chaos

49:26Lemaire Lee:everything is can't even do a goddamn fun thing can't even do cool things no that's i i oh we're talking about the white house i canceled i was like i'm not going i shouldn't i don't feel like dealing with this shit yeah and then looked at my instagram and they were doing dirt bike flips on the white house i was like i gotta see what this is yeah

49:48Shane Gillis:well i also i i don't i don't like the uh it was pretty wild yeah well it's also one of those

49:56Lemaire Lee:gacy fight was fucking awesome and the troops dude the troops were lining the fucking it was i was just hanging out i heard the songs are sick dude and my section was like just medal of honor winners it was a dude would come up and be like hey man big fan and then you look and he's wearing a fucking medal of honor and you're like thank you sir thank you yeah that's it was cool but

50:21Shane Gillis:also the the uh the critique from people around exclusive events so they're not invited it's just kind of like you won't know unless you get you can't even you can't i wouldn't have went it's

50:32Lemaire Lee:like yeah i doubt it i mean i was thinking about not going but i saw that fly over in the dirt bikes I heard there was two flyovers The card was fucking Yeah the second flyover Scared me

50:42Shane Gillis:Stealth bomber

50:43Lemaire Lee:The second one was a Like yeah It was a loud bomber And I was I don't know if I'm allowed To say who I was with I was with the Venezuela boys Sitting with those boys That pulled that off What? Allegedly The Vangables Oh Maduro I see what you're saying No I was with the I was with the guys Who grabbed Maduro That's awesome

51:04Shane Gillis:I thought you were talking about The Venezuelan like regime I was like bro nice That's cool

51:08Lemaire Lee:the Venezuela boys and me. And then there was that loud fucking bomber later in the night, and I was like, is that one of ours? Yeah. I want to make sure this isn't it. That is a crazy thing to do to a bunch of veterans, have the flyovers for all these people that could have PTSD. No, they probably knew it was coming. None of them have PTSD from planes. Okay. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

51:32Shane Gillis:Oh, I know. It was a fucking boondoggle for me.

51:34Lemaire Lee:Nobody's hitting us with planes. It would scare the shit out of me. It was pretty awesome.

51:40Shane Gillis:I had to put out a lot of fires that week. I have a huge liberal fan base. I have like 5 million followers on Blue Ski. You guys don't even know about it. I was putting out fire after fire all week. Guys, dude, come on. I didn't really give a fuck.

51:54Lemaire Lee:I know. You shouldn't. It's crazy. I didn't.

51:57Shane Gillis:It's crazy. It's so fucking dumb and crazy. The news in general.

52:02Lemaire Lee:I just didn't look for a week.

52:04Shane Gillis:And then it's gone.

52:04Lemaire Lee:Yeah.

52:05Shane Gillis:that's how much it doesn't matter you just don't look and it goes no nobody fucking cares any regular person you talk to is going oh yeah either oh yeah i forgot that was happening or yeah fuck i wonder how that was if you're for real getting mad about a news story you're retarded you're fucking no it's true especially that if it's like you know of course If it's like a cultural, political, it's like you're retarded. Like you're for real.

52:34Lemaire Lee:The one that's making me laugh the most now is the reflecting pool. Have you seen how people are so upset about the reflecting pool? The algae in the... There's algae in it? Trump tried to redesign it or put like a blue fucking base to it. Why do you do blue? And now everyone's upset.

52:54Shane Gillis:Why did he try to blue it out? I don't know. You put like that shit in the toilet?

52:57Lemaire Lee:You want to make it look fucking sick, dude. True. And the ellipsis. Dude, the ellipsis. Don't even talk to me about the dead grass on the ellipsis.

53:07Shane Gillis:What happened?

53:08Lemaire Lee:Not my ellipsis. Not like this. What is the ellipsis? Exactly. No one knows what the fuck the ellipsis is until now. Now all of a sudden everyone's going, the ellipsis grass is dead. Just shut up. We got bigger fish to fry than some fucking dead grass. That will be fine.

53:26Shane Gillis:Yeah, that is funny how everyone suddenly was like, it's just such a sacred space and should never have been used for this like i remember what was going on in there i saw i saw hb i saw 100 i remember some old things in there 100 biden

53:38Lemaire Lee:shout out hb nice words it's nice words but in the end he goes i don't think that place should

53:45Shane Gillis:be desecrated like that and it's like yo let's do a lie detector about who's the cocaine was

53:50Lemaire Lee:and then don't talk about my boy hb he's a man i saw the positive tweet now he's a man he's a man He said he liked me So now I like him HB all day Dude HB I forgive him

54:02Shane Gillis:Could make a run dude He's sensible He did that tweet I go okay This guy's sensible He's not really inflammatory He seems like he's He could bridge the aisle He really could All of his dirty laundry's out there It's like okay What are you gonna do Yeah I fucking smoke crack The guy in The guy in Canada smoked crack And he's the fucking man

54:21Lemaire Lee:He's the best Well he was R.I.P. to a legend

54:23Shane Gillis:Oh shit I know he's dead R.I.P.

54:24Lemaire Lee:Yeah That fucking interview where he's like, yeah, I smoke crack. You're just jealous because nobody wants to do cool stuff with you. Yeah. He's doing a press conference. And he's like, they're saying I ate that girl's pussy. I got plenty to eat at home. Thank you. He said I ate her pussy in an interview. He was a fucking man. He got plenty to eat at home. Also. Talking about eating his wife's pussy.

54:49Shane Gillis:Also being like plenty of it at home. Just there.

54:53Lemaire Lee:Yeah, he was the fucking man.

54:54Shane Gillis:She's kneading the dough for me right now. I'm about to come home and chomp on it.

54:57Lemaire Lee:But yeah, I gotta be honest, going to the White House was sick.

55:00Shane Gillis:Yeah.

55:00Lemaire Lee:It was cool.

55:01Shane Gillis:Yeah.

55:02Lemaire Lee:I kept my distance from the politicians.

55:04Shane Gillis:Yep.

55:04Lemaire Lee:Wanted to enjoy the fights. They were good fights. It was a spectacle. Did hang out with the troops the entire time. Sick. The troops fucking rule. Yeah, it's fucking nice. Before that, I went to the NBA final. I was at...

55:18Shane Gillis:Yep.

55:19Lemaire Lee:I went to the first four games. My seat kept getting further. last game i was up uh that was crazy that it was awesome yeah that was that was really cool completely neutral observer it's fun to watch i was pulling for the there's do you see the guy also i was the the i was i was in new york i didn't go to game five when they won i didn't go back to san antonio and i was very excited to walk around and see the chaos nothing it wasn't that chaotic now i think by uh madison square garden it was wild yeah but i was expecting like i was down like washington square park it was just a bunch of larpers dude yeah there was a bunch of kids nyu and a bunch of people that moved to new york that no one gives a fuck about the knicks and they were all just standing there like what do we do yeah how do we do this and it reminded me i was just made me miss philadelphia yeah true it's instantly put you know right in broad street it's there's somebody's people socking a horse a police horse right in the

56:23Shane Gillis:fucking mouth yeah well they don't know is you're allowed to break the law for 12 hours so go break the laws and you know someone will die unfortunately yes yeah that is yeah that's kind of cool you got to see that because i wondered like because they made it look like

56:38Lemaire Lee:it was complete chaos up by the garden i think it was and i think the parade was chaotic yeah and

56:44Shane Gillis:also uh wasn't trump there so like the whole thing was barricaded trump was at game three yeah that was fun how was that uh it was crazy trying to get into the stadium because they

56:55Lemaire Lee:blocked off like blocks around the stadium that's nuts and yeah yeah got to hang out with the boys in blue though nypd it's tight it's nice yeah cops turns out nypd are pretty chill nypd are chill

57:08Shane Gillis:yeah they're they're busy enough too where they're not like breaking your balls about dumb stuff i I got pulled over the other night down here in Austin. I just literally completely sober. You're getting tanned, bro. Better get used to it. I'm a suspicious driver now.

57:23Lemaire Lee:You're suddenly a fucking - I'm suspicious.

57:25Shane Gillis:Also, my car looks like - Inside of my car looks like a crackhead's car. There's shit. There's just like the weirdest assortment of shit everywhere. There's like shit that I get mailed. There's like t-shirts and plastic bags of basketball, food containers, and the guy pulled up. He goes like, having a good night, man? My headlights were off. he's like surefire dui and i was just like oh that was performing he was just like ah and he looked i think he smelled the breath too clean as hell but yeah so i got off i got to do all my cop stuff turn the lights on inside so like put them at ease window fully down hands hands visible for sure i did have a little joint head hide right down didn't even move my shoulder but kind of proud of myself for that move your shoulders nice it was dude i just scooped it out a little hand rest dropped it on the floor right as he was walking i said i would have panicked dude i watched too much midwest safety i was cool as a cucumber i i like literally jumped in the

58:16Lemaire Lee:passenger seat but like the driver driver took off dude i don't even know these aren't my pants these are my brother's pants yeah chody got out and freaked the fuck out i would have said i was a sovereign citizen i would have hit him with the poor yeah hmm what's good bro yeah it's good It's going to be bad for you. That's great.

58:42Shane Gillis:That must have been terrifying for that cop. Chill, chill, chill. He goes, yo, are you dusting Poirier?

58:48Lemaire Lee:You're like, yeah, this is going to be bad for you. And then he hit the...

58:52Shane Gillis:I would have tased him right away, dude. But then if that... God forbid he pulls that out.

58:57Lemaire Lee:And the shorts lift. Do you see the shorts lift? He hit the fucking shorts lift squaring up. And it's like, oh no, I've seen this.

59:05Shane Gillis:No, man. that's that's real terrifying and everyone's like yo do something about this guy it's like i'd have

59:12Lemaire Lee:to train for five years i have to train i have to go back in time i have to get a time machine and start training when i'm 10 years old oh i have a gun yeah no it would have been

59:26Shane Gillis:it'd have to be tase he's got a tase and just rip it me bro i see your view if you that's so scary I guess too if he closed the distance he would have fucking I don't know if he clocked that

59:37Lemaire Lee:Poirier's the man yeah it happens dude that happens I think everybody forgives him everyone's like that was actually a sick video it is a sick video he kind of looked cool as fuck in that

59:47Shane Gillis:yeah dude not that that's cool but he pulled it off yeah Justin Timberlake did the same thing he had a cool drunk video when the guy was like uh what are you doing he was like he's gonna ruin the tour I'm uh

1:00:00Lemaire Lee:he's gonna ruin the whole world tour

1:00:02Shane Gillis:I'm on a world tour. He's like, no, I'm actually.

1:00:04Lemaire Lee:He's going to ruin the tour. He goes, what tour? The world tour.

1:00:10Shane Gillis:Although then you see footage from the tour where he's just kind of like, don't care. Don't want to do this. JT, I've been trying to get.

1:00:18Lemaire Lee:You're saying he mailed in the world tour? I haven't seen it.

1:00:20Shane Gillis:There's a video. No, people were mad. Again, you never know what happens. But there was a video where he was just like, kind of, you know, the audience sings. He was just walking around on stage and just hitting this. He was kind of phoning it in. found in the world tour. But that's his business.

1:00:34Lemaire Lee:Yeah.

1:00:34Shane Gillis:I want to get JT on so bad.

1:00:36Lemaire Lee:That'd be awesome.

1:00:37Shane Gillis:So bad. My strings that I could pull, I tried. I had one string.

1:00:42Lemaire Lee:I think we can get HB on.

1:00:44Shane Gillis:HB? Hunter Biden. I think we get Hunter on. I think we get HB. I think we get HB. And, you know, again, I'm kidding about cocaine in the White House. Could have been anybody's. But literally could have been anyone's. You were talking about cocaine. There's a lot. that's a cocaine archetype the whole business of politics so it was just obviously a clever joke on 100 by the show of course I would love to get HB on HB and JT would be huge simultaneously simultaneously yeah we should start

1:01:11Lemaire Lee:booking just random two fucking random people

1:01:13Shane Gillis:I'll bring the clear podiums I'll have two people standing while we sit down like JT you were drunk JT you were drunk that's so fucking funny JT DUI also it's got to be crazy at DUI when you're JT and you're like this isn't gonna affect me at all like this is like okay I'll just hire someone to drive me this is fucking minor inconvenience you know what I mean yeah you know what I'm fucking saying yeah for sure can't believe I got profiled while I was driving tan yeah that's crazy dang you're getting too tan dude I'm dude

1:01:54Lemaire Lee:to see you think you get if you keep getting more jack they're gonna go straight for the taser i feel like i'm at a plate you're entering full threat territory i'll just be adjusting my shorts i'll get full threat territory i want to see how how tan i can go this is i think i'm maxed out this is no way you can do you think i know you can do more dude i'm also i think i'm plateauing i don't think i'm getting no i noticed how jacked you were no way when i walked in i haven't seen in fucking 10 days. I was like, God damn.

1:02:22Shane Gillis:Well, what happened? Competition's almost over. I've been doing a calorie competition. With who? Two of my neighbors. What's the calorie competition? My bros. Whoever burns the most calories total in the month of June wins. I'm pretty good. I'm on par to hit about like 35 ,000 for June.

1:02:37Lemaire Lee:It's crazy.

1:02:38Shane Gillis:Yeah, it's been pretty. I had a 3 ,000 calorie day. I think it really like fucked me up. That's why I really worry about having a heart attack in the pool. Yeah, I'm like really excited for this to end. I don't know why this thing spiraled out of control and now it's just complete panic every time I get an alert to my thing being like blah blah blah started a workout I'm like fucking bastard I check my enemies every day one of my enemies up there I go alright I gotta run four miles been actually kind of fun calorie off is a it's been a fun thing and it's honestly one of those things where they say like well you can overtrain you need rest days I've had no rest days it's been 30 fucking days it's like maybe not maybe you actually don't need a rest day maybe it's all fucking bullshit yeah those rest days really

1:03:18Lemaire Lee:they sink my battleship.

1:03:19Shane Gillis:Yeah, they turn into rest weeks and months.

1:03:21Lemaire Lee:Go to the gym for three days, I go to a rest day, and then you go, fucking, I'm still sore. Double two rest days, and then you go, fucking, I'm not going back to the fucking...

1:03:27Shane Gillis:Yeah, it turns into rest month. I'm not going to do that bullshit ever again. Yeah. Turns out, you don't really need them. They're bullshit. Sorry to break it to you guys. Exercise. Physiologists and doctors. I'm definitely very healthy, and I'm not going to have a heart attack, because I've fucking done, like, a thousand calories a day for 30 days. I'm on, what's the date today? Let me see. Okay. It's also, I will say it's not fair in this competition because my friends have, like, jobs they have to be at. So I'll fucking hit, like, a fucking two-hour block. It's been actually, yeah, it's been fun.

1:04:04Shane Gillis:But I will say, I'm like, all right, I got to chill. This is just not nice. But, yeah.

1:04:12Lemaire Lee:Stressful and negative things coming via text. No. It's not that bad.

1:04:16Shane Gillis:it never is as bad as you think honestly

1:04:18Lemaire Lee:I'll tell you this one what? you're gonna think it's a bad one oh no all right we done? yeah

1:04:25Shane Gillis:watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify do it

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