Ep 625 - The Big Show (feat. Billy & Spud)

16:54It's in Florida. Florida's fucking nuts. Yeah. His OG baby mom, like baby daddy of the girl who got shot. That guy was kind of like, hey, who's the best dad in the world? I love you guys. I'm the best daddy you got, man. You know, I love you the most. Your mom's dead now. He's probably like, this is amazing. Just getting wrecked by some fat bitch. Those kids were definitely fucking with that white lady. They were torturing her. It must have been so fun. Especially when you're nervous as an adult. It's not fun. Every kid fucks with you. If you're white in a black neighborhood, every kid takes turns fucking with you.

17:34It just is what it is. State's going to shoot a mom in his movement. That's why I got the meta glasses. I'm ready. That is my safety, your safety. That's step one. Step one is you start filming and then you start plotting. Step one is definitely start filming. I mean, I got you. But I want there's this thing. It was like all these creep glasses. I was like, I need those.

17:53Shane Gillis:Do you have the medicine? Yeah, I got medicine. People would pay. I feel like people pay good money for that. Well, I'm outside my house. I got my medicine. Dude spitting at spade. No, no, no. I'm saying just getting like shitting in my driveway. I don't know. I feel like you show you can sell it to like the anti-racism crowd. If you like a 55 year old, like white New York Times lady, she would probably pay money to get like hazed by young black kids. I deserve this. Now when push comes to shove, they immediately go into white supremacy. The super liberal super liberal. I mean Malcolm X used to talk about that.

18:28I voted Democrat, you motherfucker. I'm trying to help you. How dare you? You don't even know what you're doing. I'm on your side, dummy. I love that doing BLM. Dudes are like chanting and they're just a brick going through a dorm window from three stores. We're on your side. We're on your side, man. What the fuck? They were playing beer pong and the protesters walked by and they were like, yeah. You're a brick. What the fuck? Oh my god. They just screamed. That was like three stories. What the fuck, man? Might have been Kaepernick himself. That was a bullet. That was a launch. Spiral brick.

19:09Shane Gillis:So do you have any good footage of the kids? What are you talking about? Hey, stop it. Not yet. I just have them on for protection. You're ready. There you go. And the neighborhood is getting nicer, but for years there, I mean, Bill can attest to this. It was wild west wild. I was walking Zeus. That was the main thing. All these liberal people would be like, saying all this BLM shit. It's like, dude, are you seeing what I'm seeing? Tap into the view. I was walking Zeus one time. I was walking Zeus one time. You put him on, you find out Like today. Spade's just rage baiting the whole time. Like, I know that this is not, I know this isn't the rest of the world, but we're in West Philadelphia.

19:50I'm on Langston. There's like a free food thing, right? There's a white liberal chick trying to cross the street, all like hobbly moving slow with a K95 mask on. They're called Cripsters. Obviously there's smoke in the air, right? This is a place to go get free food. She's going into an Audi. There's tons of free plans. So she's going, like she's getting free food going into an Audi. She's larping.

20:11Shane Gillis:On some warp shit. She's larping. I'm not going to listen to these people She's in her community LARPing I swear to god I watched a Cripster do that You walk all slow Put on some weird ass fucking limp I literally saw a Cripster at a bus stop And she got up off her wheelchair and sat back down Holy shit They're pumped on the fucking masks right now They're so excited to break this thing back out Please get your K95 Their quality is low and we should always be wearing this Also It's like, dude, do you remember being younger? Yo, I might start wearing it. Flat cameras. Fucking might start wearing it.

20:47Shane Gillis:Yeah. True. Put on the. Well, do you see? They have a. I'll go full Unabomber. They have Unabomber decor. Videotape you going right into your house. They have glasses you can buy now that apparently like throw your face off on AI surveillance. Oh, yeah. The Chinese. Yeah. But like you literally would have to be walking around like no phone, no car. You'd have to be naked. I know. Yeah. The phone is like. Phone's got you. Dead to rights. The phone's got you. audio video GPS. I mean, yeah, I don't care. Yeah, obviously you don't want NASA surveillance like that, but I don't know how they're giving tickets out though.

21:19People are getting like tickets or being on their phone and shit. Well, there's a cop. I can't remember where the cop was. I want to say Texas or Pasadena maybe. I don't know. Some cops started stalking a female cop that he knew using the flat camera. Yeah, I mean with great power comes great responsibility. I've just watched all three Spider-Mans. The guy was, he was, it was a Pretty good. He was using he was using the flat camera system so you can like tap it and the shit If you're like a cop you can like be like, oh, let's see what's going on But he was doing it to take a look at it. Take a peek on a co-worker

21:49Shane Gillis:They've been doing that with like well at least the civilians to their phone numbers There's a file report like I'm gonna need your phone number. Yeah, they're like fucking five beers deep like yo, are you all right?

22:01There was a guy at Michigan football who was sneaking into the athletic department that had all the female athletes emails and passwords. Didn't he get on their webcams? Yeah. How are they still trying to act like they're all big and bad then? Ohio State has that wrestling, dude, that was like the worst. That was the worst shit ever. It was like literally pulling on people's dicks and shit. Penn State might have the... How was that? Big 10 goes crazy. Sandusky fucking, he's done. I'm just saying. We might have a little big for their britches after having to do literally goon on girls webcams. I agree You should be shut down for a year and their head coach break into the ladies house I I forgot that that happened that poor guy threatened so he also he would have been fine If somebody else would hire him right away, what do you do?

22:53He hooked up with a fucking chick that works for the team But oh he got in trouble for going to her house and he's going to fucking kill himself. Then when he broke into her house after word got out. Is this unrepointed? I fucking stop. He's like crying.

23:07Shane Gillis:Exactly. It's funny though. What the fuck are you talking to her for? He probably thought like this is my work. I'm like a pussy. I'm like a pussy. No, you're like drunk if that's going to happen. You break into someone's house. You're probably either blacked out or on psych meds. Like no normal human. Could be in love. Love makes you do crazy things. Yeah, I hear you. Powerful drug. It's one of the most powerful. That's why I say falling in love. EJ wants me to watch Obsession. He says it's real. Obsession? Yeah. It's Girlfriend Simulator. Yeah. The first half of the movie is just not a scary movie.

23:39It's just real. This is what they're like for real. Yes. You have to see this. All right.

23:43Shane Gillis:That's so funny. The main character in it's going to piss you off. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. He's a little beta. A little soft boy. I just watched Tom Holland's Spider-Man, dude. Tom Holland's a beast. Yeah, he's a beast, but he doesn't look like it at first. Then once he gets it. Well, you're judging on size because that's it. That's what you do. You don't like friends with short people. I'm literally friends with short people. You don't like Tobey Maguire. I like Tom Holland the most. Yeah, Tom Holland is the best one. I never liked Andrew Garfield either. I also like the powers he has on his suit.

24:09And Tobey Maguire is the only one who actually shoots web out of his body. So funny how you used to break my balls about Marvel nerd stuff. You get one chick that's into it and now listen to you. That's exactly how it works. This is crazy. Dude, you're literally guilty as charged. You watched the stories. I watched half the Eternals and I was like, fuck this. Because it could have been sick.

24:31Shane Gillis:Wait, what's the Eternals? Bill's holding together a sacred timeline right now with Marvel. Yeah. I don't really like the multiverse, but I am the sacred timeline. I'm going through from 1940, starting at Captain America. And currently I'm on, I just finished Spider-Man. His chick hasn't gone the actual Marvel timeline. I did it. I literally did this. It's Legend shit. What else am I going to watch? No, you did it with Supes. You did it with like CW Supes, right? I did all. I did the Vampire Diaries. Yeah, you did too. I did Marvel too. Oh, you did Marvel too? Yeah, I did all that shit. The McGuffins are susceptible to girl TV.

25:07Oh, they're simps. They're dead for King Simps.

25:10Shane Gillis:Is it? Marvel? Are you kidding me? Girl? Man. Marvel's. Come on. It's true. It's true. Literally King Simps. Spidey. Simpsons. Girl? Spider-Man. Spider-Man is the most girl out of all the... Spider-Man out of his. If I hear you talking about Wonder Woman, we're going to have... I fucking hate that shit. I didn't watch. I literally skipped fucking Captain Marvel. Doctor Strange is my, I'm a Doctor Strange guy. Who also likes Doctor Strange. Doctor Strange might be the best, honestly. Me and Spade watched, we went to San Diego, dude. We went and saw fucking Guardians of the Galaxy 3 together. Guardians is number one.

25:40That's different. Guardians is number one. We were literally just waiting for our flight, went to the fucking place. I think it was in Coronado and almost cried together watching it. Guardians is a little too close out. Guardians is a little too close out.

25:52Shane Gillis:I'm trying to think, what was the show? The show I didn't watch vampire diaries. I watched the spin-off of vampire. It was called the

26:04Maybe somebody else something we're watching like Archer and like the Batman the Gotham Like I watch Gotham Also a terrible crazy shows to watch.

26:13Shane Gillis:Yeah, very bad shows. I'm not trying to niche bog It's girl shows you're when you're first with the babe, you're just like, okay, what are we gonna do? and she's like, we're going to watch the worst show ever. I mean, she hit me with Studio Ghibli, which was honestly pretty good. Ghibli's kind of good. The Heron, unreal. And then I hit Harry Potter for the first time ever. I mean, Harry Potter. That's why I'm not married. Yeah. But the girls I'm with are getting hit with. Rude Von Nisroi, all goals scored by Manchester United. They're getting hit with Jeremiah Love highlights. I mean, this is niche-bogging.

26:46Yeah. That's what they're getting hit with. Yeah. It's like an iPad kid. You watch this shit.

26:51Shane Gillis:Check this out. I'm not used to having the Eagles were before this game. I'm too little, bro. I see a remote. I just look at it. I'm a scumbag. I don't put it on. Whatever you want, put it on. I think the show I was watching was called The Immortals. I think there was a show. The movie is The Immortals and the dude from Silicon Valley. The Indian guy's in it. And he has like finger guns. And I was like, dude, this is literally Immortals. No, you're talking about Eternals. Eternals, yeah, sorry. Immortals might have been what you're watching. This is with Henry Cowell. You don't like any superhero shit?

27:24I like the... Guardians of the Galaxy. That shit really is. Guardians is good. That doesn't even count. That doesn't even count. I never saw any of the X-Men. The original, sorry. It's called the originals. I think there was an X-Men that I liked. That's what I'm saying. It's good. Yeah. Last in. It's pretty good. And then I got a little me time, and I was like, hey, why don't we watch No Country for Old Men? And she was into it, and the ending happened, and she was pissed. I was like, what the fuck was that? I was like, that's the end of the movie. It's sick. no

27:49Shane Gillis:they need clean resolutions dude they need two people to go wait wait you can't get on that plane anything outside of that they go what the fuck yeah doesn't make sense and then that other movie how come he's not talking to himself the entire movie explaining exactly what he's doing I don't know what he's doing how'd he get here it's weird because they don't care about it when it's horny time yeah if there's a movie that's all horny time they don't need explanations they don't need a guy's name or anything I might fire out Fifty Shades I might fire that back up Goon to it No, rent it Just watch it Rent it and watch it See what it's all about I've never seen it Fifty Shades You watched it?

28:27Shane Gillis:I saw it I went and saw it in the theaters Yeah I'm trying to see Odyssey I was on a date I was on a date That's a crazy date How old was it? Which date? Like early years ago This is Tinder It was just like an early date Years ago It was like a first or second date No, no, no It wasn't first or second That's like 7th grade movie I mean you can look up When that came out You can look up You can look up the air, but it was way way back I was in his villain arc Different people, different times Taking a Tinder date to fucking 50 shit It was before that It was before that Holy balls, bro It was another lifetime That's fucking horny That's like Gerben putting on the red lights, bro That is Gerben taking it to Chinatown It's hitting me right now, like you're a taxi driver walking in the theater, bro Did you finish?

29:15Shane Gillis:It was a different lifetime, dude. I hear you. It was a different man. I remember that. That's 2015, too. Same old Matt. 2015? What were you? Nah, I think it was older. That might have been the new one. Talking about the original. 50 more shades or whatever. That was 50 more. I'm talking about 50. Damn, I didn't know you were good like that. I was good. I was suave. I was just saying, hey, let's wait. I was completely bricked up. I would have been, yeah. I mean, you know that. I was eternally bricked, dude. Chicks are always reading fucking those sexy books. The sexy books. They love the sexy books.

29:46Shane Gillis:Non-stop. The best is when they are reading a sexy book, you just sit there and start reading out loud what they're reading. They get so mad. Like, stop. You're ruining it. It's very hot. They're in book clubs. Yeah. They all read a sexy book together. Horny books. And then talk about it. That's so odd. That's like jerking off together in seventh grade. Dude, literally. They're good. Dude, they might just be late on that. They hit their sexual peak late. They do. Yeah, I think they're late on everything. What they do with it, I don't know. I haven't run into it yet. They kind of keep it to themselves.

30:19Shane Gillis:Yeah, I've heard that. I've read that a long time ago. The women peak sexually around like, what is it, 35 or 40? Yeah, yeah. They just don't usually do it with their husbands. Yeah, they do. They like to build a life that they can just build up deep sexual frustration with it, and then they betray it all. That's hot. It is hot. It's undeniably hot. It's undeniably hot. Need the gold mental I don't know but it does shit to your brain. Have you tried it? No, no Trying to give out all the dudes tea in the army is he really And I think that's what you get you like testosterone and you like the apoc you get read like the book of revelations And then you go and you do it needs to be done obviously to create Imagine if they had T-boosters in the original crusade.

31:09Shane Gillis:They did, dude. They did. It was just all 18-year-olds. True belief in God. Yeah. Is he getting that approved? Yeah, you get tested. 30 years old. You just get tested. Everyone's going to be juiced up, dude. Smart. Pretty much making Spartans again. Pretty much. I wouldn't mind that. It is what it is. We got to do what we got to do. We're going to be jacked, guys. No, no. I just want the I just want the I want to isolate the mental aspect of the new boner pills. Give me just that how powerful would you be with them? Just the mental

31:54You just get shriveled your head is man. So you're already on a thousand miles a minute I don't get very horny on I don't get my dick literally goes away I want mental warning. I only experienced that one time with the Molly. I only experienced that one time where I was like, whoa, what the fuck? Molly's a shriveler.

32:11Shane Gillis:Molly's a monster shriveler. But you don't mind. Yeah. Not while you're on Molly. Adderall, though, you hit the urinal and you go, dude. No, please no one see this. This is really crazy. I had to take like... That's what I was telling Bill. It's like a cadaver thing. It's fucked up. All these dudes are getting psyoped on, like getting their T-tested. and it's like if I was like, yo, let me measure your dick right now. Yeah, true. They're just taking like one little reading and shit changes during the day. I'm a grower. It does. You know? If you want to measure your dick, like someone should be measuring it constantly for like a week.

32:42And then you can be like, there it is. A tea reader. That's it. There was a - I think it's bullshit too. There's a yardstick in my new house that was left over. As soon as I saw it, I was like, no, let's see where we're at. Hide that. I never want to see this thing. I haven't seen what seven inches looks like in so long. I thought I was close. It's not a remote? We're not even near that. I just literally like. It's like one of these. I literally saw it across the room and I was like. Start measuring from behind your balls, bro. The shaft goes past it.

33:10Shane Gillis:Any dude with a tape measure does the same exact thing. Every single time. You just go. Fuck. That's what if you're with it enough. Maybe it is that. Yeah. And then you go. That's what fucking nine looks like. Jesus Christ. You put it away. Pulling out tape measure. Looking at 13 inches is literally a classic. Every time. That's pretty nice. It's impossible. It's impossible. It's great work, Joe. It doesn't exist. Those are the best reels. The guys are like, yo, cut that two inches. And the guy's like. You know what I mean? There was an iron worker. He constantly would tell us. We were like fucking 19 years old.

33:43He was like, I got a cock like a hockey puck. I was like, bro, why are you telling me this? What does that even mean? He's like fucking fat Gordo.

33:50Shane Gillis:He had like a log. I shared an office with a guy who would just constantly tell me about his huge penis. I would too, honestly. He would be like, I spit in women's mouths. He's like that's what you do. That's what they want. You just know why fucking whores He would claim he goes what they want you to do I never understood this I I would sit there deeply troubled I said I would never hear a girl told me to do it. I'll go you you Don't like that stuff with you. I don't like that. Guess I'll do it

34:28I just take it to 10.

34:30Shane Gillis:I turn around and shit on him right away. Yeah, you fucking whore. I lay on my back, lift my legs, and shit the bed. Just launch one into the hedges. I'm going to fucking kill myself. Then he did that, right? I think he did everything. Scat man. I think he was the scat man. Yeah, I think so. I think there was a thing where he shit on someone's chest. Or got his chest shit on. No, that's what you're thinking of Ray J. Ray J got, he claimed, he claimed four pounds of shit on him. Ray J got shit on by four pounds. He said he claimed a lady dumped a four pound. He said this on stream. He's in the gay agency.

35:05Shane Gillis:He was on. Oh, that guy? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that guy's hilarious. Ray J might be one of the funniest guys. Because a lot of those entertainers come back, and they are like Batman. Like 6ix9ine is like a Batman villain. I thought 6ix9ine was dead for something. Like, my head's so fucked up. I was like, damn, there's 6ix9ine. Then I saw Dame Dash talking shit on Jay-Z. I was like, who are you? He's been up to that for a long time. That's crazy. He's done a lot of Tubi movies. Game Dash was going to make a huge comeback with two people. Crazy horse. What was he famous for in the beginning? Rockefeller.

35:36Shane Gillis:Yeah, he was like spraying bottles in the background of the music videos. He was the man for a while. He was kind of Diddy. He was like a slight Diddy. Diddy and Jason. He was like a hype man for a label that he created. So he kind of tore a page out of Diddy's handbook. And he was good at it. Okay. And then it was just like Jay-Z became quadrillion. Jay-Z, yeah. Yeah, and then he was just kind of like, check out my movie. Damn, so he just like talks shit. That sucks. And they were boys? He signed Kanye, too. He signed Jay-Z. Yeah. Oh, so he signed them? Diplomats. Yeah, they were all under Rockefeller.

36:09Oh, wow. So, I mean, he fucking... He was good. He was fine. He was cool. I love his interviews. So he's paid. I would assume so. Yeah, fucked up. He was, and then I think he got, yeah. Although, his interviews,

36:21Shane Gillis:I will say he's one of the best podcast guests of all time. He wears a suit and just calls whoever's interviewing him gay. It's kind of... I mean, the reels I get, when I'm trying to make dentures, I fucking look at the reels. I'm like, bro, he's nice money. He's he's honestly pretty great. So many great sound goes on the breakfast club, call Charlemagne. Then the other guy gay because he's like, you guys have a boss that's gay. And just it's so funny. I don't want to. I think he might be kind of hammered the whole time. I'm pretty sure he's hammered everywhere. A lot of these guys are hammered.

36:50Yeah, I think he's also awesome.

36:53Shane Gillis:Hammered suit just going. You guys don't know anything about business. You're gay. check out my new movie on 2B 50 year old blacks that get hammered are the greatest and he's pausing everything he's a heavy pauser Payne Dash is the man I really genuinely think he is the man that's why I'm remembering it he hit like a weird pause today and it made me laugh it's so funny that that's how they split like Jay Z went and became like I'm a billionaire I'm a businessman and then the other guy got hammered in a suit and was like I'm making 2B he's crazy and the boys broke up and fell apart jay-z he started opening up for hillary clinton that shit was weird yeah he was doing it in philly i remember that i know i remember that thing him and miss nose the beehive don't have the beehive come after you dude he has to be commenting bumblebees under your pictures i think that's i think now they're they're more just a brand now because I think well Beyonce had the country album yeah it was the best country album of all time I'll be honest that one song is a hit which one?

37:58Shane Gillis:it ain't Texas yeah the one that was written by fucking the best songwriters in Nashville yeah it was probably that'd be a crybaby dude that's the thing you can't give a black woman credit for a single thing crybaby racist just being honest you can't give a black woman credit for it I was a Beyonce hater for it she's a good old boy no I'm gonna be honest I'm just a good old boy I've been trying I've been trying to do a thing fucking whaling over 2026 I've been trying to do a thing This ain't for me. Dude, I would go like this. I was a Beyonce hater forever. I'm not a Beyonce hater. No, I'm telling you.

38:28Shane Gillis:Listen, listen. I would always all the time. I love Beyonce. In my relationships, the girl, everyone, they would go, well, they would go, Beyonce's a bad guy. She's all right. And I was just geared to hate. So I'm like, let me just give an honest listen to this album. That song came on. I'm like, God damn, it's a toe-tapping hit. Look up a road. It's a toe-tapping. It was a toe-tapping hit. Come on. I'm a Shaboozy guy, bro. Shaboozy rules. Shaboozy's nice, too. It's the most positive dude I've ever seen on video. Shaboosie's nice. The Queen Bee, just all he has to do is just, dude, Bill, just say she slayed.

38:56Shane Gillis:Just say she fucking ate. All right? Just say she fucking ate. I love her. She fucking ate. Is that like ate and served and all that? I love it. Just say she ate. She served cunt on that album. Admit she served cunt on the album. This ain't ten. Yeah, she definitely did. Yes, on the room. Like I said, Billy's gay. I think it's the is the pop country rush over no it's just begun Billy's coined the term Judeo-Christian Judeo-Country Judeo-Country They've moved from the rap So like you know how it's like oh the CIA Where you're like go fishing I'm drinking I have a truck It's called Judeo-Country You made it up That's great It's a great term No I don't like it No like um Wake up, country.

39:46I'm at a lake.

39:49Shane Gillis:Technically, there's cows. Did you see how there's no rap in the top 40 right now? Yeah, I have Sauron has went on. Drizzly will come back. If he goes country, that'd be nasty. He'll go country. There was rumors. No, I think it was a meme. He won't go country. If he did go country, he would dominate. Yeah, right now, it's all country and shit like that. Like this cut Judeo country is a new rap metal. No, it's a new rap. Yeah, it's rap, but it's country. Yeah, true Okay, fair enough. I dude I'm telling you people are sleeping on the TP USA halftime show

40:33Baby one in English was hilarious Yeah, really translated. Yeah, it's what you were talking about with him where it's like always let me show my aunt my new My aunt will love it. She's so hot.

40:45Shane Gillis:My aunt's so horny for my sex. His lyrics are fucked, dude. They're crazy. I saw that years ago. I remember I heard of him and I actually would listen to Bad Bunny. I was like, what the hell is this guy talking about? I looked it up and I was like, yo, bro. Crinko's in Bad A-Eenis, Tom. I talked about it on the local New York news program. I'm never doing that ever. It was my favorite. What'd you know? The one? No, the local. Wasn't that the Philly Philly one was one of the craziest. What did you do when I when I did this special especially they were just like I did a 24 movie. It was crazy. Oh, you did that dude his little.

41:23Yeah, yeah, that's fucking nuts. I don't know.

41:25Shane Gillis:They were like, just do all these. I was like, yeah, whatever, whatever it needs to be. I'm a team player. Yeah, to a fault. You're DTP. No, I mean that guy down the plate. I said, yeah, whatever you think we're not DTP on each other. Well, these guys are fucking coming at me. Well, here's the thing. My brother had beef with him. so I was ready for him to start so I was on guard the whole time ready to be like yeah dude you're a fucking asshole to my brother so then like I was there ready for him to start but he was so nice and also as soon as I got there I went wow the fly shouldn't have done this of course try that and I came out like hey but also too I couldn't stop I whenever I'm doing this is to get more eyes on your show the special supposedly yeah whenever I do a new thing I can't help it I have this look in my eyes that's just like a very intense kind of look because I'm just being like what the fuck's going on right now and it's I didn't realize how visible I've haunted her eyes.

42:10Shane Gillis:I've haunted her eyes. Yeah, I mean, you guys are like public people, so you have to learn how to look right. You get like glassy. I haven't done that. Your eyes get glassy. Your eyes are glassy on that interview, and you're like, what? The guys are like, so you have a new special coming out. That had to be like, that's pretty cool, man. You made it to Netflix. You're like, yeah. You're visibly thinking. I want it. It's awesome. The fuck's saying to me? Your family, they do trash. Yes. They're in the trash business. He's like, oh, that's a little weird. I'm like, it's not that weird. When he was talking about homeless people, that's a little, I was like, it's not at all.

42:42Shane Gillis:It's totally fine to laugh at homeless people shitting. He was like, okay, I guess it is. Yeah, that was weird. The pot, I also, it really, yeah, I don't think it does. The radio guys used to get me with that. I'm going to do a radio thing, and you sit there and you're like, this is nuts. You got to think you guys are trashing me. The way you're talking to me, like there's a sense of humor. It's like local news radio humor, where it's like, there's like weird sexual innuendo is like the funniest thing they can do. It was a sexual innuendo. But they're also, they belittle you the entire time. Yeah.

43:13They got to keep it real clean. It's a room of like six people that see each other every morning and they're like, I think I'm pretty funny. I think I can do what you do, honestly. Yeah, okay. Dude, I'm an Eskimo brother with one of those guys and they do do comedy. They did do comedy and they ended up there.

43:27Shane Gillis:Oh yeah, that's for sure. That's also, congrats. Who are you Eskimo brothers with? I mean, you can't do that on camera. You're not on camera. That's good. I mean, are you? True. You like this? It's Baltimore. It's a guy in Baltimore. Oh, okay. His name's not Mickey, is it? No. That's my favorite guy. Let's tie your Eskimo bros with him. Yeah, that's cool. I respect any of my Eskimo brothers. I would never fight with an Eskimo bro. No, I don't know. I mean, my swords are down now. My sword's down now, dude. True. Wars over. Trojan Wars over, bro. I'm out of the sea right now, waiting for the win.

44:06Shane Gillis:It is crazy. Dude, at 40, your boner falls off a cliff. It's like clockwork. It's kind of sick. What are you even here for? I love that. He's down and down. He has a gunpoint. I was like, Steve, take this to your fucking butt. It's a fucking chin implant. I love this. No one's ever going to top that show. Yeah, chin implant. It's the greatest show that's ever been made. When he's hyped after they do the news and he goes out and punches the fucking lindges. Start Honestly season one pilot to the final Of four amazing Unbelievable ending yeah it's it won't be touched Ever again it's just it's mount olympus Best show ever It's mount olympus that's kind of like my dick Right now It did it all dude It's done it dude It's already it's the best Season four eastbound down If it does anything now it's like the home run derby Like yeah

45:03Shane Gillis:No, now it's more I'm just like you know like some planets like a year for one planet is like nine earth years Dicks on a different rotation You're hitting that thing where like actually you think it's a solar system. We're going through the universe It used to be fleet-footed mercury. It would just be like two revelations now. It's just old It's a dead start. It's never even a circle Shit it's out there. It's moons are just now a fine dust that form rings have crashed into each other Then you eventually start getting ding-dong bitched and then I you fucking run as fast as you get old man Take out the pistol you start chasing little kids I got to get out of the city.

45:50I have like 10 years before I'm, I can't remember what day it is that I have a gun.

45:55Shane Gillis:No, you just walk. Your dick is so soft that your head's light. You're like, you just never been this. And you fall down. You want, and the news is right there. And you go, you need to start watching the news and you go, finally, is it like being on trip or do you get hang time? Or you just have ball hang time? Well, here's the thing. I've, I've reclaimed it's, you do cardio and your dick does start, but no one's had more dick. Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? That's six huge again, No, It works perfect. It's fine. No, no, no. This will give you an insight into my life. The other day, it actually got regular hard, like how hard it gets when it's fully working, and my wife laughed.

46:31Shane Gillis:She went, what the fuck is going on? I said, yo, come on. Come on. It's hard. Been there. I live in that. Whoa, here it is. You get a whoa, tiger. This is what I meant. Every time we've had sex, This is what I was going for. It's the pure expression. But no, it's, yeah, it's, you know, it's so cyclical, dude. Because here's the thing, too. I can't even fap because of the chance I'll fap myself out. A simple fap, I'm fapped out for two days. So it's like I just I'm on edge. Dang it. So every now and again, you time the fap. I like, again, what would happen if you edged every day? I can tell you about this later.

47:11I don't think anyone can actually edge, dude. There's no way I'm not doing it. If you were a high level guy like Sting, you could edge everything. The guy's writing music from the 14th century. Sting practiced tantra. That's legendary. Fucking crazy.

47:28Shane Gillis:Kevin Gates claims that he doesn't... Kevin Gates is this incredible liar. He's awesome. You think he's Kevin? Yes. Is he dead? Kevin Gates is alive and well. Who's the guy that's dead? Which one? You think of every rapper's dead? I don't know. No, no. There's another... There's like a Manosphere dude, and I think he died. Oh, you're talking about the black Manosphere guy? Yes. What's his name? It's your boy. He had a cocaine system. Yes. Yeah, the guy who would call women fat ass. Who was that guy? Kevin. It's Kevin something, right? Kevin Samuel? I forget his name. You might be actually right about that.

48:03Shane Gillis:He was awesome. He was awesome. He was like, how old are you? Yeah, shut up. Old bitch, fat ass. What are you bringing to the table? Two kids? No job? Time for a quick break from the show for a special segment. called More or Less Soccer Edition. The entire summer of soccer is on prize picks. Don't miss your last chance to get in on the action. They're offering everything from final winners to most goals scored. So this is what we're thinking for picks this week. Begin with your picks for most goals scored in this year's tournament. Please reference. Okay. Yeah, I'm thinking Lionel Messi, Argentina, eight goals.

48:37Shane Gillis:Yeah. Kylan Mbappe from France. Yep. They're done. Who do you have next? there's Osemane Dembele from France four goals

48:53Shane Gillis:you know the key to pronouncing French names is you think about what's the most insufferable way to say this like that's how you probably say it of course Dembele who do you think should have more or less I'm thinking Dembele is going to have less yes and he'll have more exactly So that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours. Download the app today and use code Drench to get$50 instantly in lineups if you win your first$5 lineup. That's code Drench to get$50 instantly in lineups if you win your first$5 lineup. PrizePix, America's number one sports pick app. Did you see the footage of Tiga from 106 and Park?

49:37Shane Gillis:Tyga. It's not Tyga. That's a rapper. It's Tiga. It was Tiga. Big Tiga. I have no idea what Tyga. The basement. It was before your time. It was before you. Remember the basement? I'll hang up and listen. Yeah. Yeah, please. But no, he was like... Use those. He was on BET forever. There's footage out where he's wrestling his phone out of his... You didn't see this? No, it was. So I think his girlfriend or wife... Dude, their girl has his phone. Put your arm on it. We need to poo. Huh? It's like, we need to poo. That's his name. That's his name, dude. Hold it down. There's a ghost. You gotta see Big Take-A-B.

50:15Shane Gillis:I can't get my dick hard. I mean, dude. I just put my hand right here in the cradle. That's how I'm doing. Yeah. No, but he's wrestling. So he basically had to wrestle his wife or girlfriend in front of the kid. The kid was like, Mr. Tiga, stop it. Mr. Tiga, let go. Because he was like wrestling the mom. He's like, just give me my phone. Just give me my phone. Oh my God. So there's a lot of guys reacting and be like, that is that man's personal property and he He deserves his personal property. Yeah, that's never a good look when you're wrestling the phone from the woman and then going, there's nothing in there.

50:48Yeah. Obviously, you ever see the video of the chimp who gets a hold of the AK-47? Everyone just kind of backs away. That's all I can do. It's like, oh, whatever you want to do, just... I think that's from Planet of the Apes. No, no, there's a real video. Is it from Planet of the Apes? They got tricked by AI. He got tricked by a movie. That's old school. You know what I'm talking about? That's for real from Planet of the Apes. either that or Planet of the Apes copied it. Yeah. Because there is a scene where a monkey comes down and acts like, he's like, oh, I don't know what I'm doing. He picks up the gun.

51:18I'll hang up and listen. Maybe I'll hang up and listen. You could be right. Maybe a monkey did pick up an AK. Yeah. And it was on E-bombs world. It was one of the first things recorded. That's what I'm saying. This is like old stuff. Maybe it was AI. Probably for the internet. Ah, sorry. I'm shaking. I'm shaking. I had an NDA. The only thing I'm thinking about is how fucked I am tomorrow. Oh, yeah. I don't think about that, bro. There's no way I'm not. Here's what you got to do. Greatest. Just don't think about it. That's the thing. It's crazy. Don't read the comments. Also, though. Don't even think about it.

51:48Good for you. Yeah, thanks. Good for you, man.

51:51Shane Gillis:It's so funny. Whenever I tell people about it, they go, good for him. Yeah. I mean, that is like the real world of it. It's awesome. Like, oh, man. Who's at the link? Cool. Good for them. Yeah. Everyone's just doing their own thing. True. They go, wow. Wow. Shit. That's cool. That's awesome. I don't think it's only a freak show big deal for the guy that has to go out So most people don't it doesn't register how insanely massive it is they go. Wow. Oh It's crazy the dudes do it all the time Like it's not that you guys go places and then give someone like a night of entertainment and then just roll Yeah, and that's like their big night.

52:23Yeah, that's like their date No, yeah, that's why when you're like I feel terrible. Yeah, right and then someone DMs me goes I spent 400 fuck Oh, you suck. Thanks heard that joke. I know you heard that fucking joke, dude. I heard that fucking joke. That's all I got, dude. Chuck the fuck up. We're in this together, brother. I'm working on this shit. Crazy how I do stand-up. When we saw fucking the Lumineers, I felt like I was for real in Rivendell. That was fucking crazy. Lumineers was the most beautiful show I've ever seen. And you started realizing that these guys build shows and put together shows.

52:53It's a whole other thing. Yeah. I've literally felt like... I build a show here. We got a show going. The greatest fireworks. You're the first comedian. You paid for pyros? They used to cost an arm and a leg in Fight Night. You remember that? It cost a real arm and a leg. Really? The Pyros? The Pyros. I'm not making a lot of money on this. I mean, it's a lot of money, obviously, but as much as you fucking pick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm spending a lot on this fucking thing. You have to.

53:16Shane Gillis:I'm losing my shirt. I'm losing my shirt a little. You got to spend money. Make money. You're exactly right. Did you used to do that in Fight Night? Yeah. Or would you go hardcore and just do nothing, walk out Tyson style? There was a couple of those, but sometimes I would smoke. Fight Night fucking rules, bro. Lasers. Yeah. Haymaker. The boxing video game is... All the Jordan gear. I was wearing all the fucking... Stabna depleted. What's the status on the boxing video game? I feel like they've slipped. They fell off, yeah. Yeah. They don't have many. They were so good. Fight Night was great. Yeah, it was awesome.

53:44Better than any UFC game. Fuck all that shit. Fight Night. What was that? Xbox One?

53:48Shane Gillis:I forget, but it was sick. Yeah, it was like... UFC games are so good. The original Fight Night was unreal. The training was unreal. All that shit was awesome. Minigames and Madden, I will say, was also great. That was awesome. 40-yard dash, bro. I couldn't fucking run a 4-3. with my two fucking index fingers. I never got it. That's good. They're like legs, if you think about it. Literally, I know. That's why I would just go like this. Fast as hell. I count. I was running like my actual... Think about it. Yeah. My video game guy was as slow as I am. Are you serious? Or just mash A with your thumb?

54:145, 8, 40. I was like, fuck. Yeah. That's fucking tough. It was tough. I couldn't do it. Many games, fuck. That was good. Many games were nice. Running back many games was awesome. I did want to ask you something. They brought it back in college football.

54:26Shane Gillis:What? To an NCAA. Did they really? Is it really? Let's go. Listen to Bifrost Bill. I think it's honestly one of the greatest, greatest episodes. Oh, the one we did last week? Yeah. I will say, though, you kind of claim to be the pioneer of lifting in the house. It was me. I mean, he said that in the beginning. I said in the beginning. I said you. I don't know what. Immediately to the dark, your bodybuilding picture. Yeah. I don't know what part he started the podcast. Yes, I know. It's all right at the beginning. Yeah, I don't know. There are my afters. It's you. I have the picture. crazy. I never had a lifting bro.

55:00You didn't. Neither did I. That's just me. You did. You took pictures.

55:04Shane Gillis:Well, in college, dude. You had lifting bros by the time you were in college. I just had swole mates. Tell me you didn't have a swole. I had swole mates. What's the difference? They were at the gym. We weren't popping top taking pictures. Oh, you're talking about start to finish. Yeah, I wasn't doing all that shit. That's fair enough. No, I mean, that was the thing that was. You didn't go in on chicken with BJ's with anybody. No. You didn't go in on the chicken breast. No, never. I would eat Wawa. I feel bad. Classic Hokies. chicken classic cookies. I was dirty bulking all the time. You were dirty bulking?

55:30Yeah, I'd eat clean for like three days and just go, fuck it. Dirty bulk. 10-inch classic. Welcome to my world, dude. Without the lifting. Bro, I go, I'm looking good. I'm losing weight. I might as well eat a full fucking pizza every day. That gets everybody, honestly. I'll never do it. Double dinners, yeah. No, the thing that was actually scary was my fucking magnesium shit. That was fucking terrifying. What was it? I fucking almost died, bro. From what? Magnesium. I didn't fucking realize it. Is that good? Okay. Yeah, man. How much? You were too much magnesium? I think I was dosing it too much.

56:03And then I was. Were you load maxing? A lot of it. And it was in my multivitamin. And then I started taking a magnesium supplement at night. And I was drinking a drink that had magnesium. I did not. Was this recently? Literally a near-death experience two weeks ago. How? I'm sorry. You're stealing so much value with NDA right there. Bro, I was there. One second. Completely off topic. but when you sat down, you plopped down and it reminded me of, in tires, every single script, whenever my character sits down, it's like, and then Shane plops on the couch. And after like the 90th time, I was like, how come I'm the only one plopping?

56:37What the fuck? I'm pulling like a half a G, getting back in my seat. Shane plops onto the couch and says, are you gay?

56:44Shane Gillis:Shane spills into the couch. That would fucking happen. I was like, who the fuck's writing this? I mean, is everybody on the set dainty? No. But then I think after I brought it up, now everyone plops over the couch. That's so fucking funny. Inclusivity is important. Plopping is such a crazy word. And then Shane comes in the room and plops onto the fucking floor. Turd, fat fucking turd idiot. All right. Need more oats, bro. So what are you doing? I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was double-dosing myself because it was in my multivitamin and my nightly magnesium supplement. I just thought you needed to sleep.

57:21Shane Gillis:By glycinate or what are you talking? It's a complex. It's everything. It's a whole family, dude. The family's insane. There's like, this is just two of them. There's like two, there's like four more of these dudes. That are just big dogging each other about fucking supplements. I'm not, dude. I'm not big dogging. You guys big dogging on every single conversation. Dude, I don't know if you know about the structural integrity of skyscrapers. I was in Toronto. I got told me about the, I was just curious. I know you were a big dogging there. That was just an example. I wouldn't have spun if I had known.

57:49Yeah, that was an example. I was just trying to think of something that was not a real big dog. That was not a real big dog. I know this is big dog. You guys are big dogging on that. My ego is at the door. It just comes off that way.

58:04Shane Gillis:I'm just saying no other form of magnesium crosses a blood brain barrier. You need to buy at least by glycinate or something else. I mean, Tom, Tom, Tom called me. I'm pretty sure that was the highest dose of peyote ever in Garden Valley. I'm like, yeah, obviously it was. How was it? Dude, I fucking go to sleep. Imagine if you poured more money in. Imagine if you had more. Imagine if you were all multi-multi-millionaires. It'd be terrifying. They would be the craziest group of people. Because you max out at every chance. Every checkpoint is a max out. So it's like, imagine if you just poured more water on the gremlins, dude.

58:45There'd be a city somewhere. Tom maxes out. There'd be a city somewhere. I didn't I wasn't doing this purpose. I'm not trying People don't understand regular people that are listening. I don't understand Shane understand. He's the only dude that understands the cross you bear. I Love it. It is funny. It's not a cause it's hilarious, but nobody can get outside of it But then I don't think you guys are joking a lot. That's like there's always There's always a hint of serious. I almost died You wouldn't be eulogizing me right now. I accidentally. What were the symptoms? I'm not going to your fucking funeral, dude.

59:27I have to go to Mugubi's joke house that weekend. Literally take it back. That's over the line. I take it back. What were the symptoms? I'll be there. I'll be like a black lady at your funeral. I'll literally be screaming. I'll be screaming on that coffin. They're going to have to pull me off. Dude. Just saying. Super relatable topic for a podcast. We've all been there. I was in my bed and I started having fucking heart arrhythmias and my heart was beating like three times in a row without the fucking bag. I know. But bro, the fucking problem was like it was happening so much. I didn't want to say anything to my fucking wife sitting there.

1:00:01You need a bender. I was just never had a bender. I was chilling. But bro, the thing was, I couldn't pin it on the magnesium because I had a monster plate of lasagna. So I was like not knowing what was going on. But I was literally fucking paralyzed with fear. So I couldn't check my phone. And at that point, I was like, if I die today, it is what it is. I can't look this shit up and freak out more. So I sat there for two hours just having arrhythmias and shortness of breath. I thought it was fucking magnesium. But I did have a fucking monstrous thing of lasagna. Few mozzarella balls thrown on top of that.

1:00:35Dude, obviously. I was getting hit with fucking heart murmurs and shit. Like crazy shit. Like a fucking dog. Thankfully, they've chilled out. I was I've got a decade with like Yeah Whatever the fuck that was

1:00:50Shane Gillis:You don't just miss every breath You're like oh fuck my heart Stop I ran up the hill like trying to show off Her fed just fucking around I got to the top of the hill It felt like Shane was sitting on my chest Like I was Standing up It'd be like if all of you guys were like Pushing on my chest like nowhere But I'm standing up and I'm just like, oh. Yeah, why is it hot as fuck in here? Sorry. AC probably? God damn. You open the door or whatever you want to do. But yeah, I thought I was having like a heart attack. I was like, oh, this is what you open. Yeah, I've had a couple scares. Wait, so you can't blame it on the magnesium then?

1:01:24No, the jury's still out, but I'm pretty sure it was the magnesium. Magnesium and probably. Like Garfield lasagna. Shit was good as fuck. Speaking of Grubbin, I watched Gerby's. Gerby's at the Home Run Derby was psychotic, dude. First of all, he's got his. Tailored jerseys to crazy. He has a tailored baseball jersey. So it looks like a small t-shirt. The sleeves come up to like here. It looks like a greaser. There's like a level, I don't know. I don't know what you call it. What is that? He brought binoculars in a pouch attached to his khaki shorts. He took it out of his binoculars, no problem.

1:01:59Just sitting next to us. What are you looking at? Exactly. It's a home run derby. We're not that far away. And then he was like, oh, this is my, I'm going to order a slice of pizza. He ordered a full pizza. wasn't personal pie a full pizza sat by himself and ate an entire pizza like that he usually doesn't this was his favorite pie yeah it was impressive what pie was Oh, no, I forget.

1:02:23Shane Gillis:It's got me curious now. We had it here in the beach. So Mac and Mancos? So you guys are in a box. It's got, I mean, my thing. That was going on? Yeah. If it's Mac and Mancos, I almost understand. That's just, was it swirly cheese? Was it swirly sauce? Yeah. That's Mac and Mancos, brother. That's good pie. Yeah, it is. It's Mac and Mancos. I'm kind of with him on that. The Mac and Mancos. It was awesome. It was awesome. You're getting into my world right now. This is all I do on YouTube. it's food reviews and casino reviews and boardwalk walks. That's great. So Dave was trying to say he could crush a cruise.

1:02:59I could crush a cruise now. When I was younger I couldn't do it but now that I realize the beauty of I'm in a hotel on the sea.

1:03:05Shane Gillis:But it's so small there's no windows in the box. That would suck ass. It would suck. I did a Royal Caribbean when I was 14. It's kind of lit honestly. I think if I was 14 I could probably handle it. Now I would be furious. It's the Monroe Institute on the fucking waters. The food's trash bro. What are you talking about? What about the new... There's an English cruise for... Listen, Bill, you haven't seen the videos I've seen. New right now. You haven't... The Four Seasons has a yacht fucking cruise right now, dude. You don't know there's high-end... How much? It sells out right away. It's like megabucks.

1:03:35Shane Gillis:Celebrity X cruise? This is not Celebrity X. Stop. Enough. There's Swingers Cruises. Stop. That's what we're talking about. Guys, not big dogging. When I went on a cruise when I was 14, I got to eat dinner with the captain. That's awesome. I don't know why. They probably got 16 dudes in captain outfits. It was with my friend's family. It's called grooming. I remember they were like, we're going to eat dinner at the captain's table tonight. And I was like, okay. Remember, I was like snuck wine. He's probably a drunk. Yeah, we were drinking wine. We drank wine. It's cool. You're walking. All of a sudden, you go, whoa.

1:04:06Shane Gillis:And your legs are sea legs. Yeah. But I heard they're terrible for the coral reef. I mean, it's whatever. All I do is watch YouTube videos about it. and what it did was it graduated into a swinger algorithm. And I didn't do that myself. You build it. Brick by brick. They don't build themselves, bro. Somehow you wound up in super deals and fucking swingers out, bro. You crawled there, bro. Yeah, the cruising swing thing is a big thing. You brought that upon yourself. It was funny, though. You had a good time with it. Yeah, you were warming up to something. You were maybe trying to get a whole lot of these swingers, dude.

1:04:44Shane Gillis:What's that? Bless the swingers. Get them the wog. Yeah, right. Get the pill for your mind and body. Yes. And bless them. At sea. It's a blue shoe gold. The ship's going to be rocking. I would like to take that, but with like full medical supervision. Yeah. So I take my wife to the hospital. Have them hook me up with like John Hopkins. Put the things, the stickers on my head. FMRI. Put the stickers on my head. And just have them watch. The strong cortex is blessed right now. And let them watch me fucking just. mediocre pipe only flexing your ass cheeks that's the stroke just break her off with mid dick I'm the king of that bro I mean mid I thought the premature stuff was I didn't realize the premature stuff was like this you know what I mean when you're young and then when you're old yeah you're hitting pre-jacks all day long that's all fucking great pre-jacks not bad pre-jacks an accomplishment You ever get the No Jack?

1:05:45On soft. No Jack. No Jack's terrible. They get mad at No Jack. I don't know what that is. It's alcohol-induced No Jack. Oh, like no coming. Hit. No. Alcohol-induced No Jack's fair. Yeah. Spade's on top of the mounties. He skipped a snap. It's pretty. Oh, yeah, true. On top of the mount, I'm just saying fucking. Yeah, you look down at us. Yeah. Who's big dog now? We're not humans. Oh, yeah. I'm a huge dick. I cum all the time. Fuck that, dude. I don't want to hear you ever. You have your full penis, bro. There's some entire penis. And I'm sorry.

1:06:17Shane Gillis:We're mutilated. We're fucked. I got to do cardio just to get it up. I got to swim a mile a day. Just get my boner. I'm basically pumping it. I might as well have a pump in my balls. They have that. They have that for the girls. I know. The trans. Yeah. Guys, porn stars do it too, apparently. Oh, really? Yeah. Dude, any porn star you see, apparently, it's never a natural boner. Not a single one. Dude, I think dude just said that shit to make themselves feel better. These are guys in the industry. Bill, I watch Soft White Horny Belly. Sounds like a crazy Cobra. Mark Liotta has to fucking calm down with that shit.

1:06:53What exactly? Soft White Horny Belly. All of his shit is like fucking glory hole girl, porn actress. Like, dude, just literally you have the world. You could interview anyone.

1:07:03Shane Gillis:Did you ever see when he, I don't know if this is, I'm not knee schmugging right now, but one time he. I mean, that's literally what you're doing for. He put this prostitute up. He won the king of Nishmog. He really won. You're crowned. I hit him with my one Nishmog on the way here, which was flagged. Oh, yeah. Autistically straight down the line. Yeah, you just know them all. You got to nail it. No, you know what hurt? I was bragging about my trivia to somebody. I was sitting there showing them, and I was like, dude, I get this. I get this. Walk outside. There's a kid. You know the people that do, like, sign up for shit?

1:07:36The people that just stand on it. In the vests? Yeah. And this kid just comes up to me and goes Can you name a state that ends with the letter K? And I was like There's not there's

1:07:50Shane Gillis:That quick that one that one gets people can you New York? Yeah, it was like you've been there I was it was in New York and I was like What? Like it's New York and I was like I have to leave I thought I was an interview. Yeah, there was a camera I was just making up words in my head. When I first confronted this, I was like, Arkansas ends with an S. So, nah, there's not one. And then eventually, yeah, I spazzled on that one, too. I had a dream. I just came up somehow, somewhere, and I was like, oh, oh. Matt, I had a dream that in the Great Lakes, if you were like, I don't know what I watched that had this happen to me, but if you were in the Great Lakes around Lake Erie and Lake Michigan and shit, if you looked above it, there was Norway.

1:08:37and I had a dream that that was real and I had it wrong my whole life and I lived like a whole day thinking like damn I figured that out and then I saw a map again and I was like ah shit that was a dream yeah no one could understand it you look up in the sky or north

1:08:55Shane Gillis:norway was Canada where Canada was and I don't know it's probably like world cup clips I saw that like got this going on in my head but like for a whole day I was like damn that's crazy fucking norways right there we go to we go to norway whenever we want what are we doing what are we doing dude oh dude read a book one time that was like a what is it fiction like completely not real what is it non-fiction i would get that confused yeah but spade read it thought it was fucking real the whole time then finished it looked it up it was fake For 100 pages. He was actually getting scared. Do you remember what it was?

1:09:38It's called Genuflect. It's by Tracy Twyman. What happened in it? She was doing like, she was like invited to these like weird like prime minister, like level British Masonic rituals. And then I was like, this is fucking nuts.

1:09:53Oh,

1:09:54Shane Gillis:but dude, the horny white underbelly, he, or whatever, where you're calling it. He did one, You're kind of pretty. Dude, he interviewed a prostitute who was pretty hot, obviously. Obviously. And he asked her all the questions. And then he eventually got her an apartment, helping her to get her act together. Yeah, yeah. And she had been lying the whole time. Much like the Whitakers. Dude, he had her on. And he was like, hey, welcome back. And he's like, turns out you were lying about a couple things. Dude, he had a key to her apartment. So he was like, I just thought it was weird. Like you said, you're out of town.

1:10:26Shane Gillis:The lights were on. So I just stopped by. I had to use the bathroom anyway. And there was a fucking guy in there. He ended up getting a weird young girlfriend from this. Bro, she was having sex with her half-brother this entire time. Many such cases. And he was just laughing, texting them like, bitch ass, pussy ass, fucking trick your ass. I got all that money, bitch. It's kind of nice. He started having both of them on. Yeah, the Whitakers got money and stuff, and then he got pissed at them because they started misusing funds. It's like, dude, have you looked at Timmy and Ray? They have a dip spit on their shirts.

1:10:58Timmy got scared by a shovel falling on the ground. You think these people are going to use the funds properly? They don't even know what money is. It kills me that I think to some people, I'm a Whitaker. And you know that.

1:11:10Shane Gillis:What are you talking about? There's elite people. There's elite, elite people that would look at us as Whitakers, dude. No. For real. They would try. Bro, you're talking about like Palladians. I'm telling you, dude. You have to be like a fucking alien race. Like Whitakers are fucked up, bro. Bro, I'm telling you. Timmy and Ray are jammed. King Charles thinks we're ridicules, dude. King Charles has fat ass hands. You ever see his pictures? Yes. He mobs me. He's got venison hands, bro. He crushes my hands. Really? Actual, like, looks like a hamburger helper. Which one's Prince Charles? Charlie Boy, he's the king.

1:11:47Shane Gillis:Okay, he's the king. Gotcha. Not Edward. I'm thinking of Edward. Now, who's the guy? Andrew. I'm thinking of Andrew. Prince Andrew. Naughty boy. He's a party. What's up with him? He's got completely... cut off yeah he was having sex with minors yeah they were like yeah we gotta you can't really fuck around he's out he's out he's out of the picture try to hit it i don't sweat fucking excuse he was he was i don't sweat's awesome yeah he was on his toes he was on his toes i was at pizza palace all time yeah also to him you gotta think like how annoying that probably is getting in trouble if you're a fucking royal like that blows dude i get in trouble your whole life i was I kept laughing when he was in jail for like 10 minutes.

1:12:26Shane Gillis:The first guy to get Prince Bussy is going to be nuts. Oh, yeah. He got right out. But, dude, imagine. No one's touching him. He's the first prince in jail since like 1100. It's royal snizz. It's royal snizz. It's like the man in the iron mask.

1:12:41Shane Gillis:But, yeah, no. I don't know. Honestly, for him, though, hookers were like porn for him. Yeah. He would probably just be like, yeah, I'm bored of this kind of hooker. Those dudes get to a level where it's like not even hookers. Yeah. They don't even like hookers. They want ones that don't want it. And they take it. If you like what you see, you take it. It's dark stuff. That's royalty, bro. That's what they're up to. Yeah. Nonsense. Anyway, what else is going on? Shows going to be crazy tomorrow. That's all I'm thinking about. I can't think about a single other thing. You look like you just got back from NOM, bro.

1:13:18You have no idea, Bill. I fucked up. This was a huge mistake. I mean, I mean how many would you have before the show how many beers will have before this? This feels like a four or five one. I Think four or five to go out there. You're almost like four is perfect. That would be yeah Four is a foot in each world you have a foot in each world

1:13:41Shane Gillis:Yeah, ten three Yeah, this is gonna be four or five. This feels like four or five everyone be pumped up I think it'll probably just be running on adrenaline. Simple. Just go out there and don't think about it. My chest is tight. Stay away from lasagna. You got to eat clean before the show. Eat clean. Watch your magnesium. By glycinate, it's fine. Watch the citrate. It's more physical symptoms. It's like when he lost your vision at Matt's bachelor party. It's going to be up there. Yeah, but if you come out and just shake up the bun, just go, the place is going to go nuts. That'd be a sick move.

1:14:16Dude, do that. That'd be nice I told you I just got one move I'm just gonna say boom boom boom That's why Kid Rock Had fucking his boys True Who's Kid Rock's boy JT or The midget The midget yeah I forget his name

1:14:35Shane Gillis:It wasn't JT What was the midget's name That's gonna fucking kill me Give him a shape up Before we go out I got to be on whatever Big J's on. He's, whatever, he's on it. He doesn't care. Oh, like, what are those calls, Spade? What's that? Robert Downey Jr. takes them? Like beta blockers. Oh, beta blockers, yeah. Maybe he's on beta blockers. I don't know how you would do that, though. I'm not going to fucking risk that. I've never done that. Well, apparently. I'm not going to try it there. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm going to go try and try a couple of Bud Likes. Yeah, that's a real beta blocker.

1:15:10It should work.

1:15:11Shane Gillis:Well, the beta blockers, they're saying they're the most widely prescribed thing in the world. Like, they're totally. I've had people pitch me on them and I'm like, nah, man. I don't want to do that. They're like, you literally can't freak out on them. I'm like, I will find a way. Trust me. Also, I need to be able to freak out. I need to be able to be on stage fighting that. Ride the lightning. I think so, too. If I'm up there like, I don't give a fuck. I'm going to say that it works. It's like your heart can't reach over a certain level of heartbeat. So if you're on them, it like. It sounds like psych meds.

1:15:39It is.

1:15:39Shane Gillis:They kind of are like light psych meds. You just can't. Your heart just won't go that fast. You did on beta blockers. you probably hijacked the big screen and put on YouTubes. That would be a sick fucking show. Check this out. He's my favorite YouTube video. 45-minute Midwest safety video. We're going to watch it. I mean, that would be kind of sick, honestly. I agree. That would be pretty nasty. What time do they kick everybody out? There's got to be, like, timeframes. I don't know. We'll be all right, though, with time. It's not that long of a show. You ever see the House of the Holy cover for Led Zeppelin?

1:16:07Yeah. It's going like that. Everyone's leaving just crawling up. It's naked butts crawling up. The pass out rate is going to be crazy. Pass out rate is going to be out of control. One out of 100 pass out rate, I would say. It's going to be so many people. You got a... You'll be looking if there's no death. You got a video on a fucking... Trailer point. On the crowd? Cameras on the crowd? Bro, that turns into wing bowl. You ever been to wing bowl? You have? No, but like... Did you watch the hot dog contest? Never. Oh, really?

1:16:36Shane Gillis:Dude, I was just talking to Tom about wings to go. Their wing... They had like their sauce levels. It was suicide, homicide, genocide. That used to be Wings to Ghost. That's how we used to be able to talk, man. He took that away from us. I know. He used to be able to talk. I'll have a... Let me throw some genocide. A dozen genocides. A dozen genocides and a suicide just for me. First, I'm done with the genocide. And they're surrounding my bunkers. Homicides and some suicides. That's why I put a cyanide cap in my dog's mouth. I say goodbye, blondie. Yeah, the basketball coach had guys run some suicides.

1:17:15Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're not allowed to say that. And they don't, you know. Gassers. I call them gassers. We ran gassers. Gassers. They were like. Then you run a blitz.

1:17:27Shane Gillis:True. For real. It's crazy how many were. And if I think about it. Yeah. All the sports. All roads. All roads. It's almost like we merged with them. Yeah. Libs. I've seen some. I've seen some libs hitting sports or fascists. Okay. That's like one of the things. But not soccer? It's like, no, that's fascist too. Oh, really? Worrying about individuals. Whibs love the World Cup team. You don't want to win. Winning is like, it's like sports should be about fun. That's the hardest cope ever. It's crazy. I mean, the minute you get out there. Sports are about fun and then you get cut from the team. And all the dudes that are on the team, they think sports is about winning.

1:17:58Yeah, those fucking jerks. They're fascists.

1:18:03Shane Gillis:They're the fucking dumb girls keep fucking all the guys on the team. Assholes. Fascist bitches. Fascist bitches. fascist enablers don't they know they're fucking oppressed by the same system. The kids don't even play jackpot anymore. What's jackpot? Like you would, everyone at recess, one guy would throw the ball to the group of dudes and you'd be like 500. We played it at a beach trip. Now it's just called Moss. So the minute you moss someone, then you get the ball. Why can't you just call it jackpot? They just call it moss. I don't know. I'm just saying, times are changing. Because I've been seeing some kids.

1:18:35Shane Gillis:Smear the Queer was the best. Yeah, that was crazy. Smear the Queer, but yeah, I see kids play jackpot in the pool near my house. Really? Yeah. Jackpot in the pool is so fun. It's pretty awesome. Can't wait. We're going to do that soon. But I can't wait. I lost my wedding ring playing jackpot last time I was at the beach. Just flew off my hand. That was crazy. What did you wear all with afterwards? What do you mean? Rubber? Didn't have one. I just didn't have one for a while. That's fucking so sick. Yeah. Didn't have one. I don't give a fuck. Sometimes I don't wear it all day and I just go, I don't give a fuck.

1:19:01Shane Gillis:Whatever happens, happens. Whatever fucking happens, happens. Sick LARP. You can't wear it. However long it goes on. And honestly, I do feel weird without it all. I do feel kind of like free you feel like you're up to something I kind of do you're like Toby no I do I am or I'll like forget it I'll leave for the weekend to do stand up and I'll be on stage and I'll try to preface but I'll be like I'm not trying to get a pussy I just forgot my ring and people are like okay dude how about you calm down I'm like I'm just kidding guys I thought it was a funny joke it's clearly funny gee sorry stardom thought you guys had a fucking sense of humor here and fuck me on down it's the worst the thing you're like this will be funny this is a personal thing about me right now yep the crowd's just ew Staring at you.

1:19:37Hey everyone. I just say diarrhea before I came out here. Say the thing we want to hear. Yeah, dude. I had retired

1:19:48Shane Gillis:I had I had to retire the eating babies joke had retired people just don't Yeah, I thought it was a poignant observation Podcast Yes. No. Where? The link. The link. The link, dude. Give me a little taste. It absolutely ruins the vibe. All right. Here's the thing. I'm in the audience. Give me a chance. Okay. So I'm going out there. I go, hey, blah, blah, blah. It was fucking his birthday. I'm fucking good for you. I don't give a fuck. Whatever. Crushes every time. And then I say, look, the world is kind of designed in a scary, fucked up way. And I say, hey, have you ever eaten veal? And they go, the crowd goes, yeah, I've eaten veal.

1:20:22Shane Gillis:You know what it is? They go, yeah, it's a baby cow. kind of fucked up and I go you know lamb they go oh yeah baby sheep and I go so you know what if you were to eat a human being who would be the most delicious option and I start and they go oh no I go yeah babies would be according to nature the way it's designed babies are the most delicious and I was like if you think about it it would be you know it's kind of fucked up to think about it's kind of like you see their arm pop out of the lobster pot and you fucking little pink little arm you scratch it down no so they don't like that so I've I mean, I watched a video today, not to debunk your joke, but like I watched a video today in Uganda.

1:20:57There's a town of cannibalists that believe in wizards and cannibals, and they say that all humans, no matter what age, taste the same.

1:21:04Shane Gillis:Really? So. Deboot. Maybe I can bring that to the stage. You can bring that to the stage. Guys, I'm just kidding. All humans taste equally delicious. Because these guys in Uganda, they know. Really? So you're saying a baby doesn't taste any better? That can't be true. They grow up learning that there's wizards. I've seen a lot of people that would taste. You don't think a baby's A5 Wagyu? Talk to these guys in Uganda. They live in town. It's called Rakel. Rakel? Yeah. Taco Bell's end-of-life cows, allegedly. Oh, yeah. I heard about that. They're great. Well, supposedly there's a diarrhea outbreak from Taco Bell.

1:21:33No, no, no. They're trying to say that their salad or whatever, their lettuce and shit, is because there's Mexicans who are shitting on the crops. And then I looked into it. There was videos from when Mexicans first came over here. They're like, please shit anywhere but the crops. but they keep shitting on the crops. They're out there in the woods. They're not going to walk back. I know. So supposedly this outbreak is literally from Mexicans dumping on fucking crops. Have you ever driven through Yuma? No. Obviously. Never took the three times.

1:22:03Shane Gillis:Me and Spain, we're on the three times. You see someone shitting on the crops? There's lettuce farms, dude. And it's all Mexicanos, the whole thing. They're shitting on the lettuce out there? I don't see a lot of portalets. Bro, if you're out there, there's no way you're walking three miles back to a fucking shed. We were in fucking Dade County. Think about the heat and then the itching and the burning. Yeah. It's probably liquid, bro. When they first come here. Jeffers does not even wipe right and have to work the rest of the diet. Dude, our diet wrecks fucking Mexicans. When they first come here, the food crushes them.

1:22:31Yeah.

1:22:32Shane Gillis:I audibly witnessed a guy who had just been here for two weeks dump. He worked in Tom's taco truck. And I took him into this place in Drexel's campus. And I was like, yo. I was like, where's the bathroom? I peed him. He's right there. He's like, no, no, no, no. Hit the toilet. it and it was like it was I was like god damn he had a full Phil Gullis he had a full Phil Gullis Thunderstruck I sat on the outside of Stahl like god damn Armand what the fuck is that every summer we get the lads painting they come over here and you go damn that's what we're supposed to look like they're all like Gaelic football players and shit all warm ups Adidas after like a summer dude oh the Irish summer a summer a Wawa bro done they look like the rest of us they become white trash yeah they become white Final form.

1:23:15That's a piece of deck wood. Couple of Higgies. Next thing you know. It's too addictive. You just go up to the screen. Yeah, shit rocks. Yeah. Mac and cheese. Mac and cheese for me. Yeah, dude, we went back in the day. We would go to Florida for Easter. And we're in Dade County. My dad got a haircut from like Dominicans in the hood. It was fucking crazy. Random air cuts. And then we're going by. I got hit with that. Bro, we're going by like literally almost a plantation. There's no need to do that. My first special, I panicked the day before. It got ripped with a fucking nasty Dominican fucking Caesar.

1:23:52Like, dude, the bangs, put oil in the bangs and curled them. Dude, my dad went and was like, fuck yeah, that's a good haircut. Bill, let's go. I'm getting you a haircut. Brought me and got one. On our way back. Dude, your dad has matching fucking fades. Yeah, pretty much. We all get the same haircut as your dad, by the way. All of us get the exact same haircut. On the way home, we're going by literally like an orange farm. and my dad was oh it's like i'm gonna pull out there's a smash box right there it's 98 degrees and he took a shit in the fucking porta potty that was like dude it was probably breached like i've been in fucking scrap yards before up in uh abscoe up in fucking north philly where there was a just a fucking abandoned porta potty next to the scale and i was like i gotta fucking piss dude and it was literally perfectly diamond up top and just dry it didn't even smell out of water

1:24:41Shane Gillis:Over there was no one even smell it was so old it was just It was like a riverbank on Mars It was fucking crazy I walked in there I was like god damn that's crazy and I just fucking roll man You pee wait you react to it you pee on it. I didn't fucking reactivate that dude. Yeah

1:25:05You didn't fucking be in there bro. That's a foul you got pee on the breach dude. I hate science I would have got like fucking some disease bro. The mummy's curse literally didn't smell I swear to god. There's just a Mexican in there like this Has you ever seen the Mexican aliens? Like paper mache fucking three-foot aliens. That was great. Yeah, that came and went there was no Like the Indian moon landing also hilarious. What was the Indian moon landing? from the Star Wars graphics.

1:25:41Shane Gillis:They're on the control panel, but there is no bobs up there. It's like 16-bit. It's really so bad. Yeah, it's Star Fox. It's crazy. It really does look like an old video game. It's crazy. They try to pull that. Just like, dude, just don't go to space. You guys have fucking everything else. You don't have the gear. Space? Wait, so did they actually go or do you think it's cab? No, dude. There's no way. So they cabbed about the moon yeah oh it's really beautiful oh they're not lying it's a very beautiful moon yeah very beautiful moon they are fucking houston that call center must be nuts

1:26:30give me this i'll respond with gift cards 500 we have a problem hollywood apollo 13 they call

1:26:38Shane Gillis:Michigan troll every time it goes, and they come up, hello, hello, sir. Dude, fuck those motherfuckers. Let me tell you something. We're coming to the atmosphere, we're crashing. Calm down, buddy. Don't tell me to calm down, buddy. Fuck you, buddy. Dude, I got hit with the outgo of... Fuck you, buddy. Fuck you, buddy. Fuck me, fuck you. I'll fuck you. The outgo of dudes bothering 7-Eleven guys. Have you been hit with this? Too easy. It's crazy. It's rage bait. They rage bait the Indian bros. Indian bros always go in the back, get the big stick, come out. It's all rage bait. Now that you said that, I have seen those guys.

1:27:19They tickle the guys.

1:27:20Shane Gillis:They go in and go, you ever see a guy walks in and one of those goes, ah! And the guy goes, don't do this. You're so aggressive, bro. Don't do this. I'll call 119. Don't do this. He goes, I'm here to work for my first day. Don't do this. Don't do this. Joe who are you

1:27:40I watch that shit like they come in they order an energy drink they crack it open they drink it they go I don't want this it's so bad it is me no they deserve every ounce of it dude they've ruined my fucking phone no no no not the guys that work at fucking C7 hurt people hurt people no they got me they made me change my fucking phone number dude i was getting 130 calls a day we had to they're saying can i talk to a white man dude i guess i'm mad every time i fucking did this dude they are fucking scamming out all people i told spay that boy why are you so mean to them i'm like bro they're literally scamming all people true i have to but they won the battle i'm done bro they put their flag in my phone number that's fair it's fire back up i love fucking with those guys i used to call and they I would say, what's your name?

1:28:34I'd be like, it's a weird name. It's H-U-G-H. And last name is J-A-N-U-S. Hugh Janus. Fuck you, you bloody motherfucker. Hugh Janus would work every time. I love it.

1:28:49Shane Gillis:Fire up the old phone. Yeah, 69 Ballsack Avenue. That would get him. There we go. Zip Cody just goes 696969. That's rage bait. No, the best is when you keep them all for three minutes. They go, okay, I'm ready to sign. So real quick, before I do this, I'm going to fuck your mom. Oh, fuck you, buddy. I'm fucking my mom. Fuck you. They were getting me for Matt having delinquent shit. And it was an old, I had Spade on the phone with me. And she's like, where's your brother? I was like, I don't know. I don't know where the fuck he's at. I think he's dead. And she's like, you ain't nothing but a little jitterbug.

1:29:24It was like some Southern dude. We used to go to, we used to talk to them. And then once they realized it was the both of us, they knew like something was up. Then it was just fucking free for off. It was mayhem. Call the cops. I don't give a fuck. I'm going to fire. I got to fire.

1:29:38Shane Gillis:I was just thinking about firing those guys back up. You can look up the numbers. I think they have fun with it. They do. She started laughing. They do. It's a fun part of it. I like to get them. If I get them to crack. Most of their day is just hang up. Hang up. Also, I got an inside track saying a lot of them are in recovery. So there are some warehouses in Florida trying to kick heroin. Yeah, you call me yo, yo, bro thinking about using it get they get fucked up I was told by someone in recovery to hit them with it. Yeah, I mean they're there might not be all the way recovered Where you going Florida house you fucking clean man how many days you got oh fuck you fucking

1:30:27Shane Gillis:the hood. I'm not saying I use it. I'm saying if you get attacked, you can let it go. My bad. I mean, a Wahlberg out on you guys. You look like you're in zero G over there. It keeps floating up on us. You're the ISS. Sorry. That's all right. Why is it happening? I have no idea. That's a technical issue. We'll work that out. We apologize. It took me a second to ride on this thing, dude. Sometimes it's not the wand. It's the wizard. The wand picks the wizard. Keeps trying to come over to me. You guys are hilarious. I might just go backwards. Hey, bro. Dude, do you ever think about going backwards at on stage?

1:31:06Shane Gillis:It's odd. You guys are absolutely fine. You're not bald. You're literally normal. It's not fucking funny. Am I cooked? I'm chopped. You're undeniably masked. Bro. I'm chopped. You're masked, bro. It's sick. Forget your worries. We'll get a fucking double Sicilian pizza from Franco's with regatta and sausage. I'm chopped. I'm chopped. Regutta. Regutta. Regutta. Yo, cuz. We don't want to be Italian. Imagine the chill afterwards. That's going to be nice. It's going to be the chill. Also, it's going to be the chill. It's going to be nasty as fuck. I got to feel it. I mean, give yourself a high five, dude.

1:31:47Shane Gillis:It's going to be nasty. My fucking mom's not even going. Are you serious? She went on vacation. Is she coming? She went on vacation. Damn. It's funny because she definitely feels bad and she's sending me texts. She's like try didn't realize that It was a year away. I told her this now. She knew this was coming She was like I have to go to Europe me and your aunt you're we've planted we've planned this for so long She literally We just a week later. Yeah, I'll pay for it. Yeah, she's sending me texts It's like just know that my soul is with you. I'm like, you're on vacation my soul it's really nice now she's she's at that age of like she'll send me I'm sure you guys do it too the moms and dads got a hold of Instagram reels oh it's crazy and I'm getting hit with like my son is the most important thing to me and I'd love to see him grow into the man he's become oh my god respond with homeless let me get some shades respond with it no I just my mom didn't accept my fucking DMs for like a year I was like mom you have to accept it she's like oh sorry Phil's on the reels I called him last night.

1:32:53Jones gone. Phil's getting fucking hammered. Normal.

1:32:57Shane Gillis:He's like keeping it clean. No. He's still getting hammered. No, no. I'm talking about on reels. Oh, the reels? I think he's still normal. Okay. He was in the dark. I mean, you two got me. Called him in the dark. He was sitting in the dark looking at reels. Doom scrolling? Doom scrolling in the recliner. I was like, bro, what are you doing? He was like, nothing. Just looking at the... What's the thing? the phone thing. It was like, Instagram? He's like, yeah. I was like... Dude, this is going to be the last decade of all their lives. Oh, yeah. This is going to fuck them all up. Well, there was no sports last night.

1:33:29Yeah. Normally, he's on the sports. Yeah, yeah. But sports is on reels. He's usually... Oh, that's what he was watching. I was like, what do you watch? Sports reels is like... Bro, he was watching Luke Kuechly highlights. I was watching... Dude, my last... That is awesome. If I go on the internet, dude, it's like Caitlin Clark fighting. Yeah. LeBron, MJ fucking arguments. Bro. messy fucking Rottos out, but now it's like messy stuff. You need to, I'll send you the Luke Kuechly highlight video that Phil was watching. You're going to go, damn, that's actually sick. He was just watching a heady linebacker.

1:34:00He was a white man playing fucking football. He was calling plays before the offense. That's Phil's shit. He's drunk in a recliner at 11.30. He's like, no. He's like Palpatine on the deck. We were all up there. he didn't know we were coming he got outside he was like hey how are you guys he thought he was alone it looked like when Maverick rolled up on Iceman in the new Top Gun he was just sitting in the chair he's got the glow of the TV on the porch yo Phil what's going on hey dude you're fucking wasted no I'm not A couple drinks. But no, he's been calling. He calls my assistant constantly for tickets.

1:34:50That's awesome. Dude, he's got like 40 tickets to this fucking thing. And it's just anybody. Elks Lodge. Shane, the bartender T-Bone down at the Elks Lodge, she was in a tough car accident. Tough car accident. That's great. Her son wants to come to the... I mean, it's happening to everybody. Yeah. Yeah.

1:35:13Shane Gillis:That's, dude, the list was the best. Everybody I ever met. Yeah. So I'm going to get you box suites, dude. Now that you ask me, I'm going to fucking get you backstage. I hear him talking to my assistant asking for tickets. And I'll be like, put that on speaker. You're not getting fucking tickets, Phil. And he's like, God damn it, Grace. Don't fucking let him hear this. So I'm going to need those tickets. He's getting the ticket. I say no to him every time. He's getting the tickets. He's a power broker. Phil has a section at the link, dude. Are you serious? Yes. And it's just random fucking people that probably don't give a fuck about me.

1:35:49Right. He's like, yeah, my son's down there if you want to go check him out.

1:35:52Shane Gillis:Oh, my God. And I go, oh, you're proud of me. He's like, I'm not fucking proud of you, Shane. I go, yeah, you are. You're wearing a tires hat. It's a nice hat. People like it.

1:36:04That is awesome. He's a fucking scumbag. Although he'll be excited my mom's not there. Yeah, he's going to be nuts. He'll have to tear it up at this thing. Is he getting the telly? Yeah. Do you have to be there in the morning and stuff? I probably will. I'll get there pretty early. Right. I'm going to sit in the fucking Eagles locker room and play Xbox. Phil going to be able to walk around the length like you have a heart attack.

1:36:22Shane Gillis:Can Phil walk around like he owns it? He can walk. He'll do it. Yeah. He's going to be giving tours, dude. He's going to be over here. This is where they want. He'll be. Yeah. And then he'll be like, Shane, invite them into the green room. They want to meet you. Oh, yeah. Dude, I'm not. You bring 10 people from the fucking Elks Club. and like every show I go those are my dad's friends. There's six old drunk dudes in the corner. Who was the kid that threw up that one time? That was my cousin's nephew. It was like a distant relative showed up and was blacked out threw up ran to the bathroom so they threw up everywhere throughout the building.

1:37:01Yeah. And then came back in. I've done this in my life before. I had a pile of McGoobe's in Baltimore that was legendary. Take me back. McGoobe's was a legendary trip. That was so fun. Everyone met their maker that night. No, I plowed through those shoes. Yeah, did you? I was so drunk. I slept through it. That was big kahuna status. I barely forgot. I didn't remember taking them, except in the car ride home. I was like, I'm thinking weird. Yeah. My thoughts. Oh, yeah. We were banging on your door.

1:37:28Shane Gillis:I thought I was dead. I was. I was like, dude, the whole squad fucking disintegrated. You were ground man, I'm pretty sure. I was ground man, but I was heavily sunburnt. I threw up in the Mgoobie's fucking bathroom, and then we went back. And I just remember, Spade, and you were all fucked up. You looked at me like, holy shit, dude, you're sunburned. I was like, yeah, this hurts. Mgoobie's does rule. That was me that night. That was me right behind you. I was just sitting there. Was that New Year's? Was that New Year's? Hell no. Why were we popping champagne? Memorial Day weekend. It was Memorial Day.

1:37:59Memorial Day weekend. We were popping bottles.

1:38:01Shane Gillis:Popping bottles, eating mushrooms. Popping champagne. It was awesome. We did it, boys. Mgoobie's. That was the day. Live cast. Oh, that's it. Those things are, they just destroy you. They were, the live cast are some of the worst shows we've ever had. You show up and you have no plan. And then there's a fucking live audience. You're like, I'm hitting the eject button and getting shit faced on stage. And you just completely devolve on stage. That's how legends are made. It was pretty, it is pretty sick. Awesome. Yeah, that was. Got in that fight with a guy about Penn State at Helium. Epic. Guy had to get like carried out.

1:38:31He's trying to rush the stage to fight. Oh, what the fuck did you say? Yeah, you were fucking saying something about that. I remember that. Wasn't that guy hurt or something? Mentally, he had a brain injury. That guy was fired up. He was so angry. I forgot about that. You could always do that shit I was telling you, Matt. Randomly go through people's algorithm up on the fucking screen. He did. I'm just saying, next time you do it live.

1:38:56Shane Gillis:That would be fun. If you do it live, fucking... Podcast. That'd be fun. Now we have showmanship truly under our belts. After tomorrow, we can have it. We can lead a circus. Let me see if you got rides involved. We're going to become a Siegfried and Roy. Isn't that what Margazzi did? Margazzi's doing the fucking amusement park. He's making an amusement park. Exactly. I was strongly considering getting wired up and launching out of the stadium at the end. And I was like, really fast. I think you deserve a back top row. Just fast as hell. I think you deserve at least, if nothing else, one exotic animal in your house.

1:39:34Shane Gillis:Come on. I've been scheming on a backyard tortoise. That'd be awesome. That'd be sick, having a tortoise in your backyard. Yeah. Shit would break loose. No, no, you got to dig your fence down. I really looked into it. You got to dig like footers to dig out, but it will trash your fucking garden. They're known as bulldozers. Don't bulldoze your entire garden. That's awesome. That'd be awesome, dude. You need to get a Michael Jackson's monkey bubbles. I can't watch that video. That's the only thing I think about. Well, you can start tortoising. You can get a little guy, and then it'll take a while for it to get big.

1:40:05Shane Gillis:So he's got a little humble tortoise. I think tortoises in Paris live like fucking long as shit. They live forever. You'd have to put it in your will. Your tortoise would be in your will for sure. Yeah, yeah. They live long as hell. No, I saw a thing. I was watching the Saudis are building roller coasters right now. Really? At, you got to see this shit. We don't do this. It's probably a lively fucking roller coaster park. Damn. I'm talking like, dude, it's like decapitations. All the time. How is it looking? It's fucking sick, dude. You brought up roller coasters. What is the latest on roller coaster technology?

1:40:39Shane Gillis:It's in Saudi. That's what I'm saying. They're pretty great. Are they really? Yeah. I haven't even thought about going on one ever since the little boy fucking got hurt on that slingshot one, bro. Yeah. That's the worst video I've seen in a while. Which one? Where the fucking thing shoots up in the air and it's coming back down. The fucking fat kid gets to the ground before it hits the cement and they all come down. But his shit didn't clip in. So he got ejected out of the fucking thing. Let me rock that. I'm no stranger to Busch Gardens. Location 65. Busch Gardens. This is fucking Saudis, dude.

1:41:09They don't give a fuck. They have no regulations.

1:41:10Shane Gillis:Fight 535 feet. That's terrifying. Come on. Total elevation change, 640 feet, 195 meters for you fucking dorks in Europe. It takes a while, dude. 155 miles an hour? It's worth it. This is terrible. It's going to be you. Yeah, hold on. Let me see. Let me see tomorrow. That's going to be me trying to sleep tonight. Let me see the drop. This is the drop. That's the drop. First drop. Oh. Oh, dude. We got it. We're taking the loop. Yo. Okay. We're doing that. You need to look up Williams Grove roller coaster. You have a roller coaster. There was. There was. Fucking nuts. Damn. The cage would never close.

1:41:47Like nothing worked. Gotta bring it back. Nothing worked. That's fucked. It was fun. Damn. It was small as fuck. So it wasn't. Wooden? We thought. Yeah, we thought. Yeah, we thought. I do actually have to. Yeah, let's rip it. I have to go walk to the. Yeah. Walk the field. I don't know if this will be a mistake looking at it.

1:42:03Shane Gillis:No, it's going to be great. Hands behind your back. Walk through. Go. That. Let's get a crane in here. We got to move that four feet to the left. You got to do one thing. I'm going to do sound check. It's going to echo. I'm going to go. That's fine. Doesn't matter. That's where you're going right now? Yes. Kill it? Yeah, let me see that. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.