Ep 626 - Oil Boy (feat. Dru Montana & Lemaire Lee)

23:50Shane Gillis:If it's really, it's the one shoes where it's a problem with it. No, I don't. Never. No. No, never. I've gotten like, I've gotten the area tickled before. Yeah, it's never. I don't, I would never really want someone digging in my asshole. My asshole is a fucking disaster. I've never had my actual asshole ate, but a nice like gooch lick. I'm like, you can go a little further south. I ain't going to stop you. You know what I mean? I don't know that I would stop it either, but I don't know, man. It's really, you got to get me on a good day. Oh yeah. Summertime, no, there's not a day in the summer I could have my ass eaten.

24:23If a girl licks your gooch, she's nasty as hell, dude. That's the sweatiest part of your body. Your gooch? Yeah. Yeah. you think so yeah that's the sweatiest my forehead gets pretty sweaty not sweatier than your gooch it's all it's in jeans all day yeah you're good although my gooch definitely smells worse for sure my op p just told me this thing how to know if a girl doesn't love you if she like uh my op she's like saying if she sucks your dick and uh she like she like uh licks the part in between your dick and your balls right there she's she doesn't love you why she's a trick i think it's It's a trick trick.

24:58Really? It's a trick trick? It's a trick trick.

25:00Shane Gillis:So she told you that? Yeah. Tricks of the trades. So if a woman licks below your balls. Not below your balls. No, it's in between your penis and balls. See, here's the thing. Mine connect right there. So there's really not a big in-between area. Wait. Hold on. I don't really have a big... I'm confused now. She's saying the... She's saying basically the underside of your shaft? Yeah. No, that's good stuff. That's fair game. No, I'm telling you that she's telling me it's the trick trick. To hit the underside... first of all, how she know. No offense. I know how she knows. I know my Aunt Peaches, dude.

25:31You don't know Aunt Peaches. She's wild. Aunt Peaches knows. Aunt Peaches has a hoot.

25:36Shane Gillis:So you're saying, so here's the balls. Here's the penis. Man, whatever. But like, you're saying where the penis and balls merge, if you lick that part, you're getting attacked by a trick. It's a trick trick. So she didn't even talk about sub balls. I'd be curious to hear. She didn't say anything sub balls. Got you. That probably wasn't even a thing back then. my peaches is crazy but why why would that be such a i don't understand why that would be i don't think that's a problem at all untouched yeah it's ignored and it's just like it's probably the most sensitive part of the dick honestly how it's the least no yeah yeah the head is i don't know man you got yeah you gotta get tricked i think ampages might be like a 40 year old virgin it sounds like you know like the best part like the bottom here the balls is like super sensitive she said she loves sap she's what's that dude come she calls it sap she calls it she's like it's good for your skin that's how peaches talks i love them out there tapping the trees how how are these conversations come about will this be like a red thanksgiving and then like Thanksgiving or something.

26:55Shane Gillis:talking sap over the tournament. My aunts have never told me about their love for sap. This is nuts. No, Peaches rules. You gotta ask them how much they love sap. My friend's aunt Peaches was talking sap the other day. I brought it up to my mom. I was like, Mom, Peaches was talking about how much she loves sap and my mom was like, uh-uh. She did that to you. I was like, uh. She might be fishing. That might be some sap fishing. No, not for me. Not for me. I wouldn't put smut on her like that. But I mean, it's one thing to talk about the medicinal properties of sap. I've tried to promote those as well.

27:37Shane Gillis:My babe, I'm like, yo, I think they're like good for you.

27:42I mean, that is folklore. They're like ladies that get cummed on a lot or sapped on a lot. They got good skin. Yeah. It's supposed to be a good skin character.

27:51Shane Gillis:folklore i wouldn't know i do that and again this could be it could be fake but i thought i saw a study saying like if women who ingest it it helps them with stuff because it contains testosterone or something a bunch of vitamins probably helps them with everything honestly yeah good for like driving yeah it's a glp1 my sap got ozempic in it yeah i've tried to promote the sap but not trying to hear it you got to get her to talk to peaches i used to uh i used to participate in a little bit of a internet trick trick where i never i was never pimping for real but i i did a little thing i had like a six month stint where i was rubbing oil on tits on only fans and uh but it was it was the best time of my life because it was like i just got on fire did you walk away from that job one day i didn't show up wait so you got fired and then you started rubbing oil on tits yeah it all worked out perfect but um i would say yeah this lady hit me up and she was like hey i need like help doing uh like camera work for my only fans can you help me out and i was like i'm not gonna like put my dick on the internet that'd be crazy she was like no it's not that all you have to do is like so I would set up a ring light and then I'd just be fucking massaging oil into tits easy but yeah I forget why I said that but it was a good industry she paid me six hundred dollars a week for like six months what what dude who was this guy who replaced you I would have killed him I don't know um well she wanted to like make it like a thing she was trying to she was trying to entice you yeah she was like you only come over when you're getting your money and rubbing oil on this and i go that was the fucking agreement and also understandably so yeah also too i'd be nervous to date an only fans lady because they could for sure just film you one right it's over well oh that's all right so i actually know you're on soft white underbelly being like yeah i've been in the adult sex industry now for five months when i when i stopped working for um a friend of mine rob cruise he was subscribed to her only fans and i didn't know that he goes yo did you stop working with a what's her name on OnlyFans.

30:01I go, how the fuck did you know I was doing that? He's like, dude, I knew it was you. You do weird shit with your hands. And I was like, that's crazy. For six months, Rob was just watching my hands and beating off.

30:10Shane Gillis:Damn. I'm good to him. I still love Rob. The ladies whose tits you were rubbing developed feelings for you. And then she wanted you to be her lover and OnlyFans and her co-star. You should have taken her OnlyFans over and cut her out of it. yeah that would have been dastardly you've got like three OnlyFans girlfriends really how's this coming about only two

30:39really how's this coming about I don't know

30:44Shane Gillis:what kind of circles are you running in the same circles you're running in man we know all the same guys never even heard of these never even heard of these I know zero OnlyFans models no you know one for sure one for sure i think i know who you're talking about the secret filmer maybe no that was a different one oh no wait i do know okay i only know one i know of whatever i don't know um yeah i don't know we'll chat later that one i was never like involved in any of the stuff though that was just her kind of doing like solo shit and i'd be like you go make your money baby i'm gonna sit in your king-sized bed and i would watch your hbo max which i don't have in my house and so you weren't so you're hold on do you connect that loosely to your head is like kind of pimping because you said i wasn't pimping no well i think the first one where you're like uh that's a crazy if you're you can't claim pimping no no oh i think the first one was more like i was at least involved in it but it was like no it was never yeah i was performer i was What did pimpin' have to do with that?

31:51They were pimping you. I think if you're... Yeah, true. I think anything where you're, like, making money off a woman who's doing, like, sexual acts could be deceived that way. I don't know.

32:01Shane Gillis:Not if you're the oil boy. Right.

32:07Shane Gillis:You got the best job on set. The oil boy is crazy. Nah, bro. You're not cold enough for this pimpin' life, bro. I could never pimp. I really could never pimp. I wasn't made for it, dude. I was not good at work. I ain't cold enough. You got to bring the ice, dude. You got to be the ice guy, too. The ice guy. Yeah, you're like, nipples not hard enough. That's why Iceberg Slim got his nickname. He used to shoot coke, and it made him the coldest motherfucker. He would just shoot coke and just be cold to hoes. Yeah. Bitch. His scams to get women to, like, he would call, like, just hump it. You get one bottom bitch, and you get her, and you're building her.

32:43Shane Gillis:I think it's called a chili pimp. You only have one hoe. You're just a little, you're a low-down chili pimp. so what you do is you have your bottom bitch she's humping it pretty good for you but you need more money so then you start writing letters to yourself and spraying them with perfume and you tell her you got another bitch upstate now you're an Applebee's pimp well you're faking the funk so you're going you're like sending yourself money and acting like you're doing Western Union's yourself and you're tricking your bottom bitch which is kind of fucked up is your bottom bitch but you start being like I got this other bitch upstate she's making double what your worthless ass is making then you just start like ruthlessly beating her with a close hanger and then it motivates her to outdo this other lady who doesn't exist.

33:20Shane Gillis:Right. And then she makes you enough money so you can actually get another bitch. And not only is it close, this is a 1940s, 50s wire. Yeah. Shit, it hurts. Yeah, he was a ruthless guy. His autobiography might be one of the best books. I mean, it's fucking evil, but it's one of the best books. Pimp by Iceberg Slam. All right. This episode is brought to you by Tekovas. Lately, I've been getting more into boots. There's something about wearing a good pair that just changes how you carry yourself. You become more confident. At least that's how I feel when I put on my Tecovas. They're super comfortable right out of the box.

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34:53Shane Gillis:All right, guys, please, please, please, I beg of you. I'll be doing stand-up August 7th and August 8th, San Jose, California. Come on, guys, ticket sales. Ooh, boy. Now, everywhere else is looking decent, but San Jose, California, I get it. It's not great. It's summertime. But if you want to come, come. August 13th and 14th, Spokane, Washington. Then I'll be in Portland, Maine, Boston, Massachusetts, Royal Oak, Michigan, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Charlotte, Jacksonville, Atlanta, Chattanooga, Fort Lauderdale, Tampa, Orlando, and a bunch of other places, guys. Go to mattmccusker.com to get tickets.

35:30Shane Gillis:I'll be touring all through December. I'm in Columbus, Ohio, August 13th. Janesville, Wisconsin, August 14th and 15th. and a big show in Philadelphia at Next in Line, August 7th. So please pull up to any of those. Denver in September? What? Oh, yeah, and we'll creak in the cave tonight. Put the time machine on. Let's go. And check out Do-Rag and the Deer Tag and Digital Bazooka. Love you guys. Thank you. Hey, guys. It's Sean Gardini and LaMare Lee. Me, Sean Gardini. I'll be at Good Night's Comedy Club Thursday, August 27th, and then Charleston, South Carolina, Witsand. August 28th through and the 29th.

36:12Shane Gillis:So please come to that. Please come to Optimum Noctis Joke World Fest. Please, please. Thank you. And LaMere Lee. Hey, I'll be in Savannah, Georgia, July 31st. Harrisburg, Boston, Bridgewater, Vermont, Portland, Maine, the Bell House in Brooklyn, Dojo Comedy, Joke World Fest. Please come hang out, you guys. It's going to be a lot of fun. Alright, thank you guys for listening. Have a good night. So how many did he end up getting into the system? We got a whole gaggle of hoes. he had a whole bunch of hosts once he got that bottom bitch humping for him for real and he got enough money to get himself a nice car then he got a lot of the hoes they're like magnets once you have two hoes getting the third one's easier then the fourth one's easier going from one to two that's a real pimp's quest they always say making your first million's the hardest that's exactly like

37:04Shane Gillis:yeah that's how I've heard I've only ever personally read about Pampin yeah but i knew a guy who was like hanging out with a pimp which was it was like this dude i knew yeah he just got on the drugs and he was just like and i could tell because we're hanging out he's like you don't hang out this guy he's a pimp but he's pretty cool and i was like okay you're definitely back on drugs dude naeem's cousin is a pimp and he brought him to raven lounge one time i kind of remember hearing about that and he uh he was just outside like telling my boy ben staub who had a very funny comic that i used to live with he uh this guy was just outside raven telling ben he's like yo you trying to get your dick sucked tonight and ben's like yeah i am and then the guy's like all right i'll be right back and he brought this prostitute up to ben and like expected ben to give him like 300 bucks ben's like what i'm not i don't know the guy went and got naive he's like yo you gotta get your man before you get smoked out here like he was gonna kill ben for the offer of just for being honest like obviously i want to get my dick sucked tonight i thought we're just bro and dad also kind of sucks if a guy comes up like you're your dick sucked i'd be like what's it to you brother yeah i was fucking out of your business ben ben was like a young man at the time i think he was like 22 23 so he was like just bright-eyed bushy-tailed new to the city and he's like pinocchio yeah yes sir i'd love to get fellatio yes sir i'd love to get my penis sucked do you too i was like i'll kill you Don't give me money.

38:29Shane Gillis:Yeah, you can't. We did that. Our rugby team, we like we're in D.C. and we called a prostitute to our coach's room. We thought it was funny, but that was apparently a thing. The pimp was outside. The pimp was none too pleased. Yeah, they're not cool with that at all. You can't just have hoes being driven around. Yeah. Someone's got to. We thought it was a funny prank, but our coach was fucking furious. We basically incurred a pimp's wrath against him. Yeah. He was just like, what the fuck are you guys doing? He was so mad. That guy was the best. He was the best. You could have got him killed. Yeah, we should have done that.

39:02Shane Gillis:We were wild. When we saw, I'll never forget, it was me and like four or five other people on my team just watching the car pull up and these two women who are obviously prostitutes get out. We were just like, oh, my God. It's going down. He was fucking angry. I remember when Backpage was popping. This was in like 2014 to like 16. That was my Backpage era. Didn't Trump shut it down? Yeah. Or Trump's admin shut down Backpage. It makes sense. Yeah, shut down around that time. Because I think like 2016 was the last time I was. Definitely wasn't Obama's freaky ass. On the page. It was such a cool time because like you'd get on this website and it was like Craigslist.

39:41And then you'd buy it and then the person would show up and they almost every time looked nothing like they did in the pictures. And you go, well, I'm already here and I know there's a guy with a gun in the parking lot. Who am I to complain right now? True.

39:55Shane Gillis:Drew, let me not be rude. I don't want to be rude. We had this lady come, because my friends from upstate New York, they used to come down and see me all the time in Philly because Backpage was a thing, and they were like, we're going to just come down for a weekend, chill at Drew's apartment.

40:11So my friends would come down, and I'd let them all sleep on the couch or whatever. It'd be like a car full of bros just coming down to get Backpage pussy. and i remember one time my friend casey he uh they had an early flight out of the philly airport so this lady came over and whatever it happened and i went out in my living room the next day and all the bros were gone and there were two uh footprints on my ceiling like muddy shoe prints on the ceiling and i called casey and i'll go because i know he was the one that fucked the lady in the living room i go how the fuck did you guys get footprints on my ceiling he just started laughing hilariously and he hung up and he's still never told me i don't know i don't know how it happened like a standing 69 how high are your feelings maybe like eight foot but like i don't know if you'd get her up one yeah they're a little shorter than these ones that's crazy yeah it was still like i have no idea what sex move could have been done where a woman's feet hit the ceiling may i suggest a move yeah you got him up like here but to keep her balanced she has boots on because she's not quite tall enough to have her hands but what are you you're eating her ass from behind yeah i don't even i don't even believe this there's no way you powerbomb

41:27Shane Gillis:position she's up here yeah but from what on top you'd have to be on a bunk bed dude this is a living room. No, I'm saying you hold her up.

41:37You're standing up. I like the dirty work boots that she has on.

41:48Shane Gillis:I think the shoes probably got thrown at the ceiling. The more I think about it, the older I get them, it had to have been that and they're fucking with me. Did it look like this? Were they both in a row? They were right next to each other where feet would be. Yeah, so that's like the throats. Unless he went up there and stamped them and was like, this will be funny. It seems more likely. There's no way he got back page pussy that high off the ground. They're terrestrial creatures, dude. They're not fucking acrobats.

42:20Shane Gillis:They can get out of a car and walk in a semi-straight line to a front door. That's about as far as the future. Yeah, I didn't even think about that. They're not aerial at all. No. Not whatsoever. You trying to do what for$80? You're going to lift me up in the fucking air. You have to talk to the fucking hunter. Buy it for pussy like that. You go out to the pimp. You're like, you mind if I lift her up in the air? Truly. Yeah. The pimp will get all Osha on you. Like, you can't get her four feet off the ground. You're going to attach her to a carabiner. You're going to have a carabiner on. That'd be posho.

42:55Shane Gillis:It'd be coming at you. It's purple. Yeah, dude. Dude, that is very funny. Backpage is incredibly funny. Shut down. Just got all shut down. You guys remember Plenty of Fish? Plenty of Fats, I used to call it. Yeah, I remember Plenty of Fish. Yeah, I don't know. Plenty of Fish was sweet. Yeah. Because you know why? Because you could just chat. You could just be like, what up? Right away. Yeah. And it would just generate like a text message. Yeah. Plenty of Fish was kind of like a Tinder before Tinder, right? Yeah. Yeah, well, you could match. You could chat without matching, basically. Oh, okay.

43:27So it was just like, it was just a blank canvas.

43:31Shane Gillis:You could just, hey, hey, hey, hey. Rather than waiting for the match. Yeah, it was perfect at Craigslist. It kind of was. Just a lot of where you from. Yeah, plenty of fish fucking kind of ruled, honestly. Yeah. I liked plenty of fish. Well, there was one, I saw a documentary about one of the dating sites where it was like for married people. And they got exposed. Oh, Ashley Madison. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that seemed like it. that was like the affair dating site i went on a plenty of i think there's plenty of fish date one time and i like it was truly like i mean there's obviously people look a little different in their pictures this person must have gained like 80 pounds like they were unrecognizably obese and i and i like showed up at their parents house yeah that was gonna be fucking rude so i was like yeah come on let's go and we had we just like drove around all night and like ate pizza something like it was like a fucked up area it sounds like a pretty good date though it was it honestly honestly was pretty chill she took me through what is it huntington park i think yeah and was just like showing me all the street walkers and still like this is nothing but street walkers up here at nighttime we just like watched the street walkers pretty cool we sat in my car and just chatted yeah i did a shot like with her family before i left i was like this is fucking crazy yeah she was big yeah a big lady and i was It was such a different picture.

44:52Shane Gillis:They almost respected it. I was like, all right. You pulled a caper on me. Dude, yeah. I've gotten one of those, too, where you show up and they're like, That's not a hot lady. That's old man Jenkins. I wasn't even going for hot. I was going for, like, pretty run-of-the-mill. You pulled a Scooby-Doo mask off her. I would have got away with it if it wasn't for you meddling kids. I didn't, dude. I didn't have the heart in front of the family. I was like, come on. Let's go, babe. let's get out of here i had one of those one time but this i stopped using like tinder and all that shit years ago because i was just never good at it i'm not good at like even if i match with somebody i don't know what to say it's a fucking game see that was my my my way with words was my strongest no i'm better while the man i used to love my my mental games on tinder were just it was no one stood a chance i mean most people stood a chance but my i would i would always just send as a regular i wouldn't try to overthink it be like hey or whatever they didn't respond i would go you have 72 hours to respond before i fall into the arms of another oh dude i got a i got a friend uh he's black uh he has a he has a thing when he matched with white girls on tinder he'd go what about jasmine and they'd be like what's that and then you go the name of our daughter i would do i would do nothing but mind games the whole time just be like dude honestly i wouldn't even i would go i am i'm grieving the fact that we're not hanging out and i just I'll be here, but not forever.

46:20Shane Gillis:I won't wait forever for you. My heart can only take so, and I would just say the dumbest shit. And it worked. And it's, dude, honestly, I remember Tinder. You would get nothing, nothing, nothing. And then right around Thursday, Friday, that's when women started having their wine after work. It's literally, and then they started, and all the responses came right around almost the same time. They were being like, oh, the old yuppies are getting brave. Like the girl mind's just activated. The girl mind activates on like Thursday, Friday. Yeah. They can't even. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, they can't even.

46:50Shane Gillis:And then Thursday, they're like, Thursday they go, hmm. And then Friday they go, I think I'm going to hang out with this guy. I swear to God, it's like a trend. No, you're right. They do like center city sips. I'm doing center city sips with my friend talking to a guy on Tinder. Can't be bothered. Unless, I mean, I'm sure if you were like six foot seven, they'll respond. They talk to all the six foot five guys on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. right if none of them then they reply reply to the subhuman such as myself sub six humans the weekends are for sub six i guess he's all right they have wine goggles on tinder like that's all right he's an inch taller than me he'll be fine i won't wear tall heels i went through my whole life not knowing height was a thing forgot like i didn't know even women cared about height yeah i was like 31 really got through my whole life i didn't never even thought about it how'd you how'd you miss that i just never even thought about it yeah never it never was brought to but i mean i'm i'm like i'm not super short but i'm by no means tall at all right you know my whole family's like way taller than me too but i never even like it wasn't until i was on those apps or like must be six feet and over and i was like the hell's that about yeah i like looked into it i'm like oh that's like a desirable trait i didn't even i just didn't know it had something to do with like dominance and being protected i think ladies are stupid it's all like uh ancestral shit yeah i think so i think it is uh i mean tall guys by the way get paid more right on average tall guy there's a there's a uh height wage gap as well i'm about to get one of those knee surgeries

48:34Shane Gillis:fucking get paid so much the problem with the limb lengthening surgeries it's it's uh they'll never figure out how to do it like proportionately yeah i mean if i had six more inches of legs i think that would just make me look fucking weird you know what i mean like why is his torso and head so small and arms like and then i gotta go back a year later and do the arms and like six foot three with like a 21 legs yeah i look like a giraffe with no neck yeah i think the most i think you can only get like a couple inches at a time pause like two three pause pause yeah you can only get like yeah a-o i don't think you could go like super i mean that'd be cool i mean i would just go full prosthetic at that point it's like just right metal fucking splints in my legs i think that'd be the move too because then you can uh i don't know there's so many like more lies you could get away with with prosthetics?

49:24If you're just a guy with like goofy long legs for no reason and scars, it'd be like, the fuck's wrong with him? Idealistically, I want wheels that turn into the legs. Right.

49:36Shane Gillis:Hold on, you're trying to be a transformer? Yeah. No, I said right. Like I understood you and I do. Yeah, dude. I go, yeah, man. You can be optimist subprime.

49:52I was just thinking about it. Wheels? You want wheelies for feet. Well, yeah, because then, like, you could go fast. And they could slow down. Bro, if you rolled up on a chick with, if you wheeled up, they would fucking freak. But then, like, it transforms into legs. And then you wheel up, like, regular stature. And then you go,

50:11Shane Gillis:and then you just tower over.

50:16yo naeem naeem asked me this the other day and i think it's the greatest question i've ever been asked would you uh would you be five foot three for the rest of your life if you had vince carter's full dunk package yeah like you can do fucking 360 under the legs windmills stick my arm in there but you're five three how long do i have it for forever forever yeah you know you never lose it You have the bunnies forever. Bunnies don't go anywhere. I'm going bunnies. Yeah. I'm picking, but this is the easiest choice I've ever had to make. If I'm 5 '3", just everything. I don't know.

50:48Shane Gillis:I might decline that. I'm going to hit with this scenario. So if you, this is one I always think about. So if you were with, say you had a wife or a girlfriend, for every 10 pounds she gains, it unlocks a new freaky act, like something you've never even thought of or done. How deep into that, how heavy would she get? What else can? it's just another mind-blowing. It's a mind-blower. Where is she starting? Is she a slimmy, or is she kind of thick already? Let's say she's average weight. Let's say just a little bit of a thicky. Nothing crazy. My question is, though... The question is, how deep would you go?

51:30Shane Gillis:If she could be skinny as hell, and you would just keep going and going and going. Because you want to unlock the next level. I guess there is infinite possibilities, but it's also like... I guess after like a woman who's now 10 pounds heavier eats my ass one time, am I going to be like, now I got to see what the next thing is. You know what I mean? It could be a double blowjob. She could invite a fat friend. All right. Well then. So it would just, it's a whole universe. If a friend had to be fat, like does a friend have to match the weight or can you get her so freaky she starts bringing her.

51:58That's up to your werewolf fat wife inside.

52:01Shane Gillis:I've said, you don't know. That's a problem. It's literally Pandora's box. I think once she gains 500 pounds, we're like 50 freaky acts into the substance. Then that's when like the fine shit starts coming out. She brings around skinny hot chicks. And it's like if you make if you help her lose weight, does she like stopped on that act? Oh, damn. Yeah. Yeah. For every pound to go down. It's just a one time thing. It's just like a new thing. No, because if a lady just has loose skin and she's not a freak, then what's the point? You know what I mean? I'll keep her fat. That's a freaky act in itself.

52:34She could suffocate you with it. That'd be nice. Yeah. Well, I guess this is also. You could kill like Superman. Put nanobots down your throat. By the end of this scenario, I'm just going to be in a gimp suit with a 500 pound wife. It's going to be squished. Dude, when I worked for Verizon, I did a door to door Verizon sales for a little bit. Another job that I just quit and didn't tell anybody. But I was doing. I met a dominatrix one time and she told me that. But, dude, she was like the biggest, ugliest, not being mean to ladies, but she was a rough-looking woman. And she told me that she made like thousands of dollars a day just like beating the shit out of CEOs and like sitting on them and like stepping on their balls.

53:14And I didn't believe her at first because she was so rough-looking, but she got like the full Verizon package. She got like fucking 200-speed internet, like five cable boxes.

53:24Shane Gillis:She got the two gigabytes and shut you the hell around. The bitch had like six cable boxes. I said, damn, she getting money. You want HBO? She said, yeah, give me HBO. I said, damn, she'd probably be stepping on dudes' dicks. Yeah. That's crazy. They do that. The dominatrices. I'm real into financial domination. In dome? Yeah, when they just go like, give me your money, you fucking bitch. And you're like, oh, fuck yeah. Do you do it? No, I would never. No? But it just makes me laugh to be financially dominated so fucking funny. Because the last time you were single, you were poor, right? Yeah.

53:56Yeah. Hold on.

53:58Shane Gillis:No, I should take that back. I was always kind of balling on the low. Okay. but i had i had ups and downs for sure yeah so when when you were single was there ever like a scent moment where a lady told you to send her money and you just did it with no reward uh yeah there was a time i've definitely i would fall into this at the strip club every now and again where you were just like you'd have a stripper come by and be like oh this and that and then strip club can i have 100 i'm saying after the okay we would meet outside uh but she'd be like i remember i would like give one thing to that like if there was like oh i can have 100 bucks the first time like okay and then after that i'm like nah you're out of here I remember a lady sent me her Venmo one time.

54:32I DM'd her and she just sent me a screenshot of her Venmo. And I was kind of drunk when I did it, but I sent her 20 bucks thinking this will move the needle. She just double tapped. I said, I think something like just sent it. And then she just double tapped that and we never spoke again. Dude.

54:56I was thinking about. So funny. I was thinking about strip clubs. Because, like, do you just get horny at a strip club to go home and fuck your wife? Like, is that, like, it? Like, what do you mean? No. Well, dude, there's. I don't get it. Hopefully you get jerked off or sucked in there.

55:10Shane Gillis:There's a bunch. So there's, like, it's all about the different strippers. Some of them are there just to dance and they're all above board. Then there's the ones that are kind of tricky and ho. But, yeah, you're going to get, like, stroked by the girl that's been stroking guys all day. That's the plan, yeah. Yeah. That's exactly the plan. Kind of something like that. We don't think about the other guys, but yeah. Because they make you think like it's only you. That's the whole thing. But then there's the in-club, but then there's the other level where they're like, they'll get you to be like, I like you.

55:40Shane Gillis:Let's hang out outside. And they will hang out outside, and they'll slowly start seeing how much money they can get out of you. I can't fall trapped in a strip club matrix. It doesn't work on me. Really? Yeah. It doesn't work on me. Not at all. Not at all. I just go. True. You took a good pill. when they're strapped in i go leave me alone no there's a there's a world like a lot of strippers have like very casual old guy boyfriends that are just sending tons of money and it's like i think they'll give them like a taste once yeah and then be like my fucking car blah blah blah you have like four or five of those guys and you just keep getting new ones and new ones yeah the sugar daddy cycle yeah yeah i i don't even look at their tattoos like i try not to look at it because like uh sometimes they might have a tattoo that's something i like you go oh and you're like no that's a trick that's a part of the whole fucking game is that a naruto tattoo on your pussy

56:38Shane Gillis:how so do you go to strip have you been to a strip club in recent eras yeah recent times yeah so what do you do when you go there you just sit there like a very stolid i'll sit outside and look at my phone just like yeah or i'll sit at the bar yeah yep and be like, get out of here now. What about when they come around? The strippers come around and they'll try and bring you to the back. So if one approaches you, what are you saying? I'm okay. Yeah. Me and LaMare pushed it up pretty hard one time at the strip club. They would come up and try to get money. We would go, we don't have any more money.

57:19Shane Gillis:You're just watching videos on our phone and hanging out in the back. How did they respond? They just huffed away. They stopped showing up. Yeah, they get mad. We gave all our money to the first lady, and then we were like, oh, we forgot. We set a trap. Now they all think we're going to have money. Oh, it's so funny. Well, you can't just hand her, like,$41 bills in a stack. You got to, like, make them rain and shit. Yeah, that was our mistake. Yeah. You just did, like, a transaction. You paid it like it was rent. You balled it up like a snowball. I just drew it at the first one. You can also chill and just be like, I don't have any money.

57:55Shane Gillis:I'm sorry. Yeah. I wish I had. If I had it, I'd give it to you, babe. Yeah. I remember one time I went to Shook Club and tried to hand. Oh, yeah. I went to Shook Club and I tried to give a lady a dollar. She was like, throw it at me. And I was like, what? I don't want to do that. Take this. That's crazy. Yeah. Guy eat Gianna Michaels spit. It was crazy. She was deep-throwed a night. Was that in Philly? No, Red. Damn, you guys are called the Gianna Michaels Red. She was Italian. And Sophie D. It was Gianna Michaels and Sophie D. Oh, my God. She was outside of the Harrisburg Comedy Zone. So she...

58:41She was deep-throwed with a nightstick, and then when she pulled it out of her mouth, there's a bunch of drool came out with it. Dude who was in front of the stage dragged his finger through it, and then just like put it right in his mouth. He's probably dead now.

58:54Shane Gillis:Yeah, that's the thing. It's like you think you're horny. There are horny fucking dudes out there. I saw the same thing as Show and Tell in Philly. I remember they had their live dildo show at midnight on Saturday. Dude, that's a good time. Where they put the double in and they fuck each other with it. Well, they also, they're like visibly heroin addicted ladies. They're just like meth faces. It's really a very sore sight. They all smell like Red Bull for some reason. You guys are promoting. It's a very sore sight. I remember this lady was like jamming herself. And then she would take it out and like wave it in the crowd.

59:28Shane Gillis:And every dude was like, yo, whoa, whoa. Dude, for real, dodging it like a fucking lightsaber. Everyone's like, God damn it, don't touch me with that. And there was one guy, dude, he was this drunk older guy. And he was just like, I'll fucking suck that thing right now. And I remember we were like, no, you fucking won't. He's like, give it to me. I'll fucking suck that thing right now. I'll fucking lick it. I'll lick that thing. And we're like, oh, no. But he was like actively trying to fucking get the juices off. I'm like, dude, like a for real crack addled prostitutes. It was it was like sad.

1:00:08Shane Gillis:And I remember being like, dude, no. Yeah, there's guys out there that will fucking go to town. Like, doesn't even hold a candle. Yeah. No shame at all. No, it's not. It's like not even close.

1:00:27Shane Gillis:That's so funny. Yeah, I remember seeing that guy. He was so, so fucking funny. Show and tell is nuts. It's closed now, right? Yeah. Show and tell used to have, they would have the 18 and up side, or like 21 and up, and then 21 to 18 side. Yeah. And all that was separating was just like glass panes so you could see through it. And we brought my brother. because i remember i looked up like 18 and up strip clubs and uh show and tell came up but i didn't realize they were separated so i brought my brother to show and tell when he was 18 yep and uh it was me and my cousin and like a couple of my other friends sitting on the other side like just having the time of our lives looking at the byob section yeah yeah we were looking at like double-sided dildo show and like we're all like this is awesome and then uh we saw my little brother was like uh pressed up against the glass just looking through just so sad he's drinking his sodas by himself.

1:01:15He's like, I want to come see the Double Bildo show. I was like, Luke, you stay over there, dude.

1:01:23Shane Gillis:Use a puppy in a window. Yeah, that place was like complete mayhem, man. Show and tell, I don't think there will be anything else like that. No. It was this strip club like right outside of Rhett called Buckrubs. Buckrubs. It was BYOB and there used to be this like fat black lady there who, she didn't get like a lot of tips for dancing but the way she used to make her bread was she was just had these giant titties and you would give her like ones and you would just point people out in the strip club and she would just go up on the side of them and just boom just like smack right there jackass three

1:02:01Shane Gillis:really did you ever see the uh did you ever see a show like a not like a birthday party or a bachelor party at show and tell when they would like take the guy up and beat his they would beat the guy's ass they were like really hurt you that happened to me on my the day i graduated from college we went not a show and tell we went to this place called just enough in bridgeport and uh names of so we called it the boot because it was a giant like uh light up boot outside of it but yeah they told they told the strippers they were like he just graduated from college and i was like i don't want to do this i don't want to and my cousin was like nah they'll be cool dude it's just like a lap dance mind you like my mom and my dad were in there it was weird and then uh They brought me to this fucking chair on the stage, and they handcuffed me behind me and just started beating me with belts.

1:02:45Yeah, that's what they do at Show & Tell.

1:02:47Shane Gillis:I was freaking out. I was like, stop. It was embarrassing. It was more embarrassing like spazzing than getting beat. That's exactly what they do at Show & Tell. They would just take your shirt off, and they'd dance on your lap, and the guy would be hammered just like, and then they would take your belts and start ruthlessly fucking beating you with belts. This was on the day I graduated, man. I was proud. I was like, I'm the first male in my family to get a degree, and they go, let's fucking get him beat by strippers. Let's put those ladies and put fucking ass into it. I mean, it's like a very deeply frustrated single mother.

1:03:18Shane Gillis:Yeah. Just fucking just taking out all the frustrations on like an 18 year old. It's like, oh, and they would people would freak out. Stop. Yeah, I was spasm. Yeah, it's not funny. It sucks. It's also like, why? What the fuck? It's like, it's like I get, you know, the naked ladies, but there's a part of it that's like yeah we want to see young men get the shit kicked out of him too yeah i'll see a young man get whipped until he cries on his birthday at the strip club i've never been into uh like on either side whether it's like me inflicting pain on somebody or like a woman like trying to hurt me during sex i'm out on all of it i hooked up with this girl one time that like wanted me to like slap the shit out of her and it made me so uncomfortable i felt like i was getting like tricked the whole time i was like nah like chris hansen's gonna come in here so maybe not chris hampson but like the guy who does that for guys who hit one steve wilkos comes into my bedroom so how did you navigate that did you do like any baby slaps i did and she was like hit me hard or hit me she was like you're a fucking pussy and then uh i was just yeah i was like i'm not gonna i was like you're baiting me into this and then i kind of just like politely came and was like we're not gonna do this anymore that's nice yeah yeah i'm not into the rough stuff i personally would if i had to choose one or the other i would rather receive pain than dole it out really like a bite i would find a little love bite personally a bite's nothing yeah like a little scratch that's fine bite scratches all that don't fucking choke me or slap me that's insane sure i've never been choked i don't know if i like it i can't speak on it yeah getting also it's like i don't think a girl could choke me i'm not bragging but i'm pretty sure if i flex my neck veins i genuinely don't think a girl could choke me if you tried do you like being choked lamar uh no you're the choker dude you're the choker no way that wasn't for me what's the dog collar uh i don't know where it's at how much respect do you think you get if you walked a white lady on a dog collar through the hood Oh It's a dream And had her fucking like Pull at people And like Get out of here And start Bite the mailman Bring a rabbit snow bunny That'd be so nice I might do that I'll try you Then you'll be pimp That's pimp Yeah The whole hood Will be talking He was walking a white girl That's what I'm a cuss You're walking a white girl It was like a dog walker We had like four dogs And one leash That'd be so nice Just outside the mothership with girls on a leash?

1:05:53I mean, the Pog Walker.

1:05:55Shane Gillis:The Pog Walker. That'd be a very sick rain bet video. The Pog Walker. Have you Pog Walked? On like Lancaster Ave in Philly? It would be a sensation. I mean, a rain bet video is so funny. Just walking girls being like, yeah, and see if I bet$10 on Calci right now. I mean, dude, they would lose their minds. That would be, I mean, it might be out of respect take off your kangol yeah the the best rainbat videos wait rainbat is where it's like just a random video yeah yeah dude the best one i've seen is uh there's this guy he uh the the double dasher have you seen him if you're off the internet you might not have seen the double dasher dude he he gets people to door dash to him and then uh these people like bring the food up to him and he grabs the bag of food and just punts it across the lawn he goes you fucking double dashed me you're playing in my face i know you're double dashing and they all go what and then he he starts handing them like thousands of dollars he'll give them like a pile of money and then it's always like some ridiculous shit he'll like pull like a rubber chicken out of his pants and be like you want this and they're always terrified but when he when he punts the food it's the funniest thing he gets a full bag of wendy's and boom people are like why'd you do that he's like you fucking double dashed me and then he gives them money you know assaulting it is the west one punt kick the fucking thing you made it's ten dollars for you that's ten dollars worth of your time yeah you just watch the guy punt kick it might be less than that i door dashed for three hours dude sometimes you get like four bucks per delivery it's like you'd also be scared you'd be kind of scary because you're like this guy's gonna shoot me now yeah this is the first thing you know he's he seems out of his fucking mind when you hear the videos that's so crazy you're less valuable than the food.

1:07:45Like if you work for DoorDash. True.

1:07:47Shane Gillis:Yeah, you better be because I'm not trying to pay double on the food. You have to be. This is the way it works. It is funny because this is a person's time and you're like, it's not worth as much as like fried vegetable oil. Yeah. Well, Drew, I think we did it. This has been fun, dude. Thank you. LaMare. Yeah. Thank you very much. Sliding into the Patreon. Check out Durag and the Deertag Digital Bazooka. Yes. also we're going to uh we're going to follow up on the outer space thing well nice let's go i labored over it all week excuse me i farted all right watch new episodes of matt and shane secret podcast on spotify do it