Ep 632 - R.I.P. Andy (feat. Tim Butterly)

15:18Shane Gillis:tickets are available at SeanGardini.com I'll also be in Seattle and Portland in Optimum Noctis thank you thank you guys September 11th this is big I'll be doing stand up in Portland Maine September 12th stand up in Boston Massachusetts then just going on down Royal Oak Michigan Milwaukee Wisconsin Charlotte North Carolina Jacksonville Atlanta Chattanooga Fort Lauderdale Tampa, Orlando, Newark, Baltimore, Columbus, Cincinnati, San Diego, Sacramento. I'm going crazy on them. I have nothing booked. That's awesome. Just ready for the freaking football season. Chomping at the bit.

15:56Tim Butterly:Shane, have you farted around any really important or famous people yet? Probably farted in Abbott's face. That's so fucking funny. A hug fart would be crazy. I don't know if I have ripped too many. Really? Yeah. I mean, I'm sure. Because there hasn't been an occasion or because you're like, this is probably not a great idea. There's never been a time where I was holding in a fart. I would never.

16:20Shane Gillis:You got to let him out. Holding in farts is crazy. It's very feminine. It is. Dude, I ripped. I went somewhere with a group of friends, farted so bad. I'm already at the 30 degree for Brittany. We're in a concession line. I'm like, chill, chill, chill, chill. Our friends walk up like, goddamn, what stinks? And I was like, what the hell is going on here? I was looking at her like, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. She'll blow up my spot on a plane. oh my god as soon as she looks at me yeah well see rules dude if you fart at a funeral my wife's like oh my god did you fart that's worse also if i do fart and someone i know looks at me i instantly laugh i can't it's the point i can't hold it in we're on a plane i did one that was for real offensive that and i she looked at me and i was like stop stop it stop it i started laughing she's like that's disgusting i'm like yeah it wasn't me i know it's disgusting shut the fuck up.

17:10Shane Gillis:Yeah, that was a cat.

17:11Tim Butterly:As soon as she starts her shit, you gotta be like, sorry, guys, my wife queefed really loud. It's so gross.

17:16Shane Gillis:Yeah, the move is going, oh my God. That smells like queef.

17:20Tim Butterly:That's not even farts from a guy. It's clearly pussy. It's a video of an Indian guy on a plane screaming. He's like, whoever's farting.

17:33I ran into the Indian bus all last night. Who? Where? There was a guy right before me at the bathroom. He was in there. He came out. It was an Indian fella. Boy. He lit it up. He did something special in there. Oh, my God.

17:47Tim Butterly:Bathroom lines and gang bangs. That's a tough spot, man. That's what they... Right behind the... That's the two places. Guy did work. The only time McKeever's ever even frowned at me in all the time that we've known each other was we got to make commercials for GE silicone caulk. yeah like 11 years ago and it filmed at this like uh production house in like upstate new york and it was like it had pictures of all the famous things it was the schmitz gay beer commercial from saturday night that's awesome that house and we're walking around and we're like just gawking at all like the comedians and shit on the walls and we're walking through one of the hallways upstairs and i let like a a clapper go and there's a full production team and there's corporate there and there's people with clipboards, and I clapped one out.

18:35Tim Butterly:And I start like... And he turns around and goes, do not do that again.

18:44That's a good idea. Now that calling it a clapper is... I'm going to start being like, all right, scene four, act seven.

18:57Shane Gillis:That's another thing I get attacked for is I'll... You know, I give a little... panache to my, I'll like lean a little bit or lift the leg. He's like, why do you have to lift your leg? I'm like, put some fucking tone on it. What are you talking about? Why do ponies trot?

19:10Tim Butterly:It's the plunger on the end of the trumpet or whatever. A little vibrato. It's insane.

19:15Shane Gillis:I'm not going to nutcrack or a fart and stand perfectly. That's also offensive. That's what the Ocon man does. Ocon man's a freak. He'll keep the bubble between his cheeks. Now you let it out. Yeah, he lets it come up the front. It sneaks by one ball. That's the worst feeling ever. It's been a long time since I had one of those. That's a good one. Yeah, that's like when you fart in a pool. Comes up and be like, ew. Fucking lifted. Oh. Whoa. Dude, I got a good look at goats. I forgot how large goats and nuts were. Goats have fucking, dude, I'm not lying. Goat sacks are like that big. Fucking sick.

19:55Shane Gillis:Yeah, it kind of ruins it. It's fucking nuts. Where were you? I was at that ranch thing. We won a little ranch getaway for like a day and a half. It was, that place was so, so sick. So fun. We just got to feed animals. Got to go in, feed goats. Look at their giant balls. Dude, see this? It does suck when you see their balls. It's kind of fucked up. See that little mark right there on my shoe? Sorry, I don't have the ankle flexion. Yes, I see it. That's a pig's kiss. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, I had a nice pig came, fucking hit a little thing on my shoe. I was like, dude, that's going to make me happy every time I see that.

20:30Tim Butterly:You ever see a video of the pig cumming on the motorcycle tire?

20:32Shane Gillis:No, but I have seen a pig cum on a ball in real life as a child. It's a lot of cum. We had a pig in our backyard. Dude, they cum over everything. You know those balls you, like, jump on and bounce? We threw one in the pig pen, and it would just fuck that ball and cum all over it, like, constantly. I swear to God. It was great. No, I believe you. Yeah, I remember we gave it to my cousin. We're like, yo, dude, bounce on this. And he bounced on the pig cum. And we're like, oh.

20:59Shane Gillis:That's, dude, they are horny.

20:59Tim Butterly:Do like the balloon static on his head with it and just rub the cup in his hair. It was such a mean thing to do. I saw a video that bothered me. Speaking of goats' balls, I don't like when you see animals dicking nuts. True. There was a cute video of a very fat dachshund. Very, very fat dachshund. But it was a female dachshund. And it got so fat that it had like a pussy. It was disgusting It had a little pudding in his panties It was like laying on his stomach Everything was so swelled up That it looked like A fat dog pussy It looked like it somehow got an old woman's vagina Slapped on the back of a dachshund It's the ultimate fleshlight

21:41Shane Gillis:It might have pumped it It really took me out of the video I was like this is a heartwarming video And you see it lay on his stomach God the fuck a 75 year old woman's vagina on a dachshund. Just laying on his side. Yeah, trust me, dude. Do you see that dachshund? You're going to go, whoa, whoa. That would throw, yeah, you're trying to, and it's funny because you're like online trying to do the wholesome thing. I was trying to do the wholesome thing. And all of a sudden, God, that dog's got a fat pussy on it. The dog's pussy was crazy. Threw the whole fucking day off. You were in your bed just going.

22:25I'm telling you. I believe you.

22:27Shane Gillis:I was looking at all kinds of shit this weekend, dude. All kinds of dicks and balls on animals. It's all kangaroos, by the way. Not take. Bro, they don't do anything. Yeah, they lay on their side. It's fun to look at them. I want to see them jump. Personally, if I had a little thing with animals, I would have the kangaroos, like, I would give them meth. We were in Australia. That was fun. I liked seeing the guys lay around. They were lazing. I want to see them jump. I want to see a kangaroo lay down. Yeah. Be honest, I swear, I thought it was a rabbit. I drove by. I'm like, oh, fuck, they got rabbits there.

22:59Shane Gillis:Came back and said, oh, it was a kangaroo.

23:01Tim Butterly:You should have squared up with it. That'll get it moving.

23:03Shane Gillis:I should have. Got against the fence. Yeah. Damn, that rabbit's huge. I just saw the ears. It was a rabbit's 6 '5". A rabbit's standing up looking at me. Now, goats, I hold it down. Goats are the number one farm, in my opinion. Goats rule. Goats are the number one farm animal

23:20Tim Butterly:Did you get to try to scare them? They're not

23:22Shane Gillis:Nate I told you this Not every goat is the fucking fainting goat

23:25Tim Butterly:I just get excited when I hear about it That is

23:28Shane Gillis:But no Most goats Maybe you just weren't scary enough What are you talking about dude?

23:33Tim Butterly:Did you even try?

23:35Shane Gillis:No I didn't try to scare the goats Why would it be crazy to try to scare them dude? It's their whole thing It's the whole reason they're around

23:41Tim Butterly:We don't eat them or anything

23:42Shane Gillis:Bro I was in a pen with rams Rams are in there look everyone wants to talk tough until you're actually on the ranch a ram would fuck you up if a ram thought you were trying to make its goat they'd be like first of all we're not fainting goats that's offensive like we're not fucking fainting goats they're like the you know what of goats

24:04Shane Gillis:they're gonna be like bro the fuck we'll let you pet us I'm not sure I know what it was just not a nice thing I don't either the retarded word you can say it it's funny you're saying the retarded word try to do my family friendly shit dude

24:29Shane Gillis:bro we didn't we didn't put it online we're not the larry we're not the fucking pornographers

24:39Shane Gillis:look at a wiener dog you got a whole pussy

24:46Shane Gillis:looking at wiener dogs for a reason. I'm on my phallic-shaped dog tip. Yeah, I do like phallic-shaped dogs. Yeah, really? Corgis, dachshunds. Corgis, yeah, corgis are awesome. Yeah, that's a whole, for real, that's a whole algorithm. We stumbled upon it. The wiener dog algorithm. The first time we did that algorithm show. I've been in it for a long time now. Didn't know it was a thing. It's fucking wild. Yeah, it makes me want to get a dachshund. Yeah, that'd be nice. Dachshund would be good. I had the pleasure of hanging out with some Pyrenees this weekend. They're a good dog. It's an enjoyable dog.

25:17Shane Gillis:Yeah, great Pyrenees. Big white guy. It's a fine canine. It's a very fine canine. They're guard dogs. Yeah. The guard in the ranch. You already got one. Hmm?

25:24Tim Butterly:You already got a guard dog. I need another guard dog here, though. True. LaMare's sleeping. He's not a good security detail. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Not good security. I'm good security, dude. I'm not a sneak up on you every day. Yeah. Every single day. LaMare's a feigning goat. You know what's crazy? If you changed nothing about LaMare but made him six inches taller, he'd be terrifying.

25:46Shane Gillis:true but as it stands he's like a bouncer in a plastic egg you gotta put him in water yeah he's a russian nesting doll the bigger one's out there somewhere i can get some lifts dude i can get lifts you should that'd be sick height surgery you can recover for six months and then the casino come out five foot yeah you want to tank in the pool house yes you could just lay in goo for six months. You never run or jump ever again, but it's worth it. You should get a fucking nuts dog. You should get a nuts dog and then just have a full-time dog handler that speaks German to him. The real police dogs.

26:27Shane Gillis:We've got an exotic big cat. I would enjoy that. That'd be way better. But it might not be loyal to you. Someone might attack you. It might be like, whatever. Although, it would definitely... It would probably just attack whoever's in the house. Yeah, I was about to say. At almost all times. I was about to say, yeah. That could get me moving a little. oh yeah nice no more video games no more mlb the show you have an apex predator there's a lion here

26:53nah yeah a jaguar would be sick jag would be nice i yeah i can be like indian guys you know when they run through the village they're just kind of fucking they kind of just wrap you up and they keep running really bears on the roof of the pool

27:04Tim Butterly:Yeah, with a stick on it.

27:10Shane Gillis:Yeah, declawed like jaguar would be nice just to scare an intruder, and then you just shoot them in the face. Yeah. The last thing they see is just a fucking gigantic cat. Jaguar and a guy with an eagle's gun. I didn't think anyone would die this way. You come out from behind these soundproof curtains with your boot knife, you go, you fucked up. I've been waiting for you. Yeah, that's a... I want to get Moundwars. That's my next dog. That'd be cool. That'd be really tight. Dude, they can literally, they could jump that fence. You got to get them some teeth. Metal implants? Yeah, that'd be sick.

27:43Shane Gillis:I heard, I don't know how true this is, I heard there's military dolphins. Yeah, they've been trying. Yeah. Everybody's been trying for a while. Apparently the Russians, this is from YouTube, Russians had them. I think, I mean, if you could train a dog, why not a dolphin? Yeah, they'd train them to get, like, mines. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And what do they do? Do they, like, blow themselves up on the mine? Probably. Probably, sadly, yeah. Or they find them and come back. You ever see the tank dogs they used to have? No. Pretty cool. They put a bomb on the back of a dog and they train it to run under tanks.

28:13Yeah.

28:14Shane Gillis:What kind of dogs do they rock? I think at that point they're going, whatever dog we get. Yeah, true. Beagles. Beagles are the number one experimenting. Yeah, landmine. Beagle. Beagle. And then there was a story where the Germans tried to teach. You know how they were always doing dumb experiments? They were trying to teach dogs how to talk. Really? Which is a very funny experiment. That is kind of funny. They're evil geniuses. It's like, bro, they're dumb as fuck. They were really fucking around a lot. Considering how much they had. I mean, they had a pretty serious heaping on their plates already.

28:45Yeah, they had a lot to do. And then they were like, we need to also teach dogs how to speak. That's that darn meth. That is meth.

28:51Shane Gillis:That is that darn meth.

28:53Tim Butterly:You ever see the videos of the dogs where you could press a button for a different word?

28:56Shane Gillis:Yeah. I think those are all fake. Yeah, they're probably fake. Yeah, there's claims, though, that there's people claiming to be using AI to, like, once and for all be able to talk to dogs. So, same thing. It's probably just Adderall. Yeah. I'm sure I can figure this out. I can speak to dogs. They're probably not saying much. Yeah.

29:16Tim Butterly:Who wants a snack again?

29:17Shane Gillis:Yeah.

29:19Tim Butterly:Can you believe our level of communication is unbelievable? Who wants to go to sleep? Yeah, some motherfucking bull.

29:25Shane Gillis:Bro, I was on my – I was a full mommy sleuth this weekend. Again, I watched that whole debate, the Candace Owens versus Andrew Wilson. Who was she debating? Andrew Wilson. So it was basically, and again, who knows the real details, but it very much seemed like TPUSA was like, bruh, make her stop. Which, again, apparently is not the thing, but she's been on her thing about she thinks, who knows, killed Charlie Kirk. And Andrew Wilson was defending the official narrative. And he didn't win. And a lot of people are now, a lot of people are claiming it was like an egregious loss. I'll be honest. I was too dumb to fall.

30:02Shane Gillis:I was just following it. Like whoever had more style would win to me. If we had like a nicer dig, I was like, when you got it, but she, she beat them on the, I think the real thing that got it was she was like, okay. So she like went and kind of all the evidence the state was providing. She kind of gave like, I would say decent counter arguments. And then she was like, name one of the charges. You think he's actually guilty of. And he was like, she's like, do you know the charges? You know, know the charges she's like name one he goes name all seven how about that he was she was like i will name one he was like i mean this is just ridiculous he didn't know any of like the action and the thing he goes all right murder how about that she's like it's actually aggravated murder he goes same thing she goes no it's a huge difference and dude it was it sucked it was hard to watch it was nice the reversal was like name all seven and i'll name one it's like nice older brother trick also she's definitely gonna name all seven and she asked the question for a reason.

30:52She's studying like crazy.

30:54Shane Gillis:Bro, and the funny thing was her time was done, so it was just his turn to ask questions. She goes, can I just ask one more question? At first he was like, no, you can't. Then eventually they came back. She's like, let me ask you something. He goes, go ahead. Bro, it was I don't know. It's just a funny thing is both are like, well, none of us know for certain. It's like, how the fuck do you win a debate about it? But, you know, it was

31:17Tim Butterly:Do you ever want to get into the debate circle? These guys are debating. They're throwing it down all the time. and challenging each other to debates.

31:24Shane Gillis:That one definitely wants to be. I want to do it. So it's my favorite. You got to get into it. The thing is, God bless you.

31:29Tim Butterly:Thank you, guys.

31:30Shane Gillis:The thing is, I'm not a big fact guy. So it's like, I don't like memorizing facts and stuff. Facts don't care. You really don't need to know any facts.

31:36Tim Butterly:You have to say stuff like good faith and positive evidence. And you just, there's a couple of buzzwords that you need. I hate the buzzwords. It's like karate moves.

31:44Shane Gillis:They all have a name. That's a logical fallacy. That's actually a good faith pro bonum. Yeah. Yeah, the fucking buzzwords are so funny when they try to hit each other. And that's actually not a... It's buzzword war. Double straw, man.

31:56Tim Butterly:And I think you'd crush. You're impossible to pin down.

32:01Shane Gillis:Yeah, well, I fantasize about the debate sphere a lot. You got to get in there. I want to jump right into a 20v1, to be honest.

32:10Tim Butterly:You want to do a Surrounded? Surrounded. Hey, oh. Or a Jubilee? Yeah. Hey, oh. I want to get Surrounded. Do you have a topic that you'd like to try on the libs or the... I don't know.

32:20Shane Gillis:That's a thing.

32:21Tim Butterly:Would you go libs? That seems like a beginner. I think I could go 20 libs? Yeah. I want to go girls. One strong black conservative versus 20 female libs.

32:30Shane Gillis:That would be nice. 20 female libs versus... I would say I would argue as their father what they should do with their life. Whoa. Surrounded would be so nice.

32:39Tim Butterly:20 daughters versus one dad.

32:41Shane Gillis:There's one girl dad. Yeah. What are you doing? oh come on not this again yeah dude you're gonna get killed no dude 20 dollars versus one dad I would bro I would smash it you'd end up crying no I would eventually you look so sweet and it makes me think of my daughter third argument no no no I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry that's not what I meant they'd all cry you'd have 20 girls crying around you lose right away I would raise my red flag

33:13Tim Butterly:no way there's like a weaponized disappointment you can hit them with though that non-girl dads don't know about true it's worse than hitting them true although a lot of these girls seem like they're kind of beyond that no i think it's in there guys time for a quick break from the show for a special segment called more or less football pre-season edition wow that's what this is the yeah this is good stuff football is finally back and prize pick i wish you hit that lady well you know i mean the dump not the yeah not hit a lady uh football is finally back and prize picks bringing out their best offer yet new users who sign up will get 150 in lineups if you win your first five dollar lineup that's right if you win your first five dollar lineup you'll get 150 in lineups and now prize picks is available nationwide so this is what we're thinking for picks this season matt what you on matt what storyline what you on what storyline are you thinking about this year this storyline what storyline in football are you thinking about i'm really thinking about the Browns.

34:15That's the big storyline.

34:16Shane Gillis:You're thinking more or less on Shador Sanders. I'm thinking more on that. Well, yeah, maybe. Yeah, that's the storyline. That's my pick. That's what I'm doing. I like that. More? More or less. The whole season? Just the preseason game. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. That's what you're doing. So you're saying more. I'm saying more. You're saying Mo. I'm saying Mo. Stack September. Let's go. Crazy football deals. Giving users new promos every day during stack september okay so now it's time to lock in your picks download the app today and use code drench to get 150 instantly in lineups to win your first five dollar lineup that's code drench to get 150 instantly in lineups if you win your first five dollar lineup price picks run your game run your game dude your groundskeeper's getting so close right now it's crazy he's fired up he's just collecting a check there's nothing to do out there they're here they're here seven days a week they're here every fucking 10 minutes there's nothing yeah although they're mulching i did see the mulch i was fired up about that nobody tells me what anyone's doing it's not my house did they scrape off the mulch that was there before that's the question i don't care they piled on top i could care less i might get out there and start screaming we can do a little 20 v1 right now you're gonna have to i have i have an even sweeter spot for the lads i love i love the lads i'll be honest we are very lad friendly pod hey man i just want to be i just got to be honest i fucking love those guys nothing wrong with it love the lads every job i ever had i mean dude so much fun with them i've gotten to see matt

35:56Tim Butterly:firsthand drop into the job site and demand answers.

36:00Shane Gillis:When was the job site? Oh, yeah, yeah.

36:03Tim Butterly:Yep. Some paperwork got mixed up, and it's like, this has to be someone's responsibility. You go hard hat with a button down?

36:09Shane Gillis:No, no PPE. I enter no PPE. You got to do it, dude. Hard hat. That should. Hard hat, button down, khakis. You know what the real move is? You put it on in your truck before you get out, so you're not in any violation. You pop out already with the PPE on. Or the PPE. It's the only thing the lads truly respect. They see the button-down khakis hardhat, they go, oh, get up. I got to get a white hat from the Chubb Institute. Commercials of the boss. No, you get out. Again, I know just enough terms to be able to be like, all right, what are we doing? Very Trump. True. Very, very Trump. Very Trump. Yeah, we'll just flare those out.

36:49Shane Gillis:Whatever that word is. But, yeah, no, I had to go down and fucking, you know, I'm learning. I'm learning more and more. The warehouse is in full effect. I like that that's how Trump operates. I just saw a video of him describing the granite they laid down in the White House. You could tell that somebody just told him what it was. And his history facts, it's very nice. Tell him with marble. Marble? It's porous, man. You don't want marble. It sounds nice, but that's going to be a bitch. Have you seen what he's doing to people, his history facts? No. He had the Japanese prime minister talking about the surprise attack on Iran.

37:21He's like, you guys know about surprise attacks? Pearl Harbor. Why didn't you tell me about Pearl Harbor? Germany's chancellor in there. He's like, D-Day. We're celebrating D-Day. That was not a good day for you. And the guy's like, no, it wasn't. Actually, yes, it was. Actually, it was good. I didn't mean to say it was not.

37:42Shane Gillis:It's also funny to be committing things now. Oh, you guys remember fucking 90 years ago? Should have told me about Pearl Harbor. That's also, you know who's in his ear about that. that's the handiwork of Betty Netanyahu being like oh you guys invaded the middle we can't do a little Middle East invasion come on you guys did it it's like yeah it was like a fucking bad thing come on yeah it was bad we'll say this was a bad thing in 25 years that was funny you guys have no right to talk about Middle East invasions it's like we know it we did it 20 long years you know Biden's the one who ended that whole thing pulled out every game of shit pulling out.

38:23Absolute disastrous pullout game. The Biden pullout game is terrible.

38:27Shane Gillis:You have to admit how hard Hunter rides for his... He's just like, bro, obviously we got shit for it, but we wanted to end the war more than anyone. You're like, god damn it, you're right. Fuck. I was under the Biden spell. There's no wrong being under the spell, but the pullout game was... Pullout game was crazy. Guys hanging on to the fucking plane. They pulled out mid-nut. They were like... Bro, just leave it in, man. That's one of the worst pullouts of all time. I know.

38:52Tim Butterly:A little bit of Joe comes out in Hunter. Dude, a little. When he's talking about smoking crack, though. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm smoking crack. It's like, I'm open about it. Come on. I was a crackhead. That's my favorite. That's the only thing I like about him now.

39:09Shane Gillis:Smoking crack. He probably started like a fool in that crack, but I don't know.

39:14Tim Butterly:what if he was everyone that's people that recover from crack they all talk about how elite they felt while they were smoking crack tell you what ticks me off listening to him when he's talking about he's like alcohol is worse it's like no it ain't brother trust me it's not dude he's like alcohol is way worse than crack just so everybody knows he's saying from like a physiological standpoint yeah it's a cope it's a complete cope cope for the crack yeah it'd be like yeah it cracked but you guys drink fucking alcohol. That's crazy. True. No, it's not.

39:44Shane Gillis:That was like, I think Trainspotting or one of those movies did that where they had like, they would cut to all the guys getting drunk, kind of like, yeah, it's the same thing. Yeah. I mean, the only reason it's bad is because it leads you to smoke crack. True.

39:56Tim Butterly:I bet you smoking crack with your boys feels a hundred times cooler than drinking with them.

40:01Shane Gillis:For sure. Undeniably.

40:03Tim Butterly:Drinking with your boys rocks. There's no denying it. Crack. I'm not,

40:07Shane Gillis:I would never. But now the next day, the crack. Yeah. Well, three days later. Next day is probably tough. Four-day crack hangover is probably bad for sure. Yeah. No, that's definitely tough. But while you're falling out. It does probably rock. For sure. 100%. It's probably amazing. That's kind of unanimous. Unanimously, everyone's like, no, crack definitely rocks. Let's not get it twisted. Same thing with heroin. Same thing with all that. Heroin probably rocks. It all rocks. Heroin, though, I think there's a huge chance you puke that first time. Which, again, you're with the board. You're on heroin.

40:38Shane Gillis:I fucking puked, too. Yeah.

40:40Tim Butterly:Yeah. Bro, he's leaf blowing and there's no empty, dry concrete slabs.

40:46Shane Gillis:Dude, there's probably some fucking pine needles and shit. Also, here's the thing, guys. I'm going to tell you, when you're leaf blowing, you kick debris every which way. So he's doing the right thing. He's covering the perimeter. Thanks. So what you got that backpack? I think it's nice. Yo, here he is. Get him in the chat. Looks like Raiden.

41:06Shane Gillis:Yeah, that's dude. That's kind of like, I don't like drive you mad. When you're leaf blowing, you're always making more of a mess. So you eventually got to call it. Probably, dude, if I were him, no one's looking, I had to go right into that pool. Let the filter take care of it. It's the pool guy's problem. Pool guy who was just here again. Pool guy flicks it under the windows. It's the window guy's problem. They're probably trying to get you to fuck them. They're here every 10 minutes. Pool boy's probably all slutty out there. Last time they brought three. Three, there was two guys and a girl out there.

41:31The pool is 10 feet long. Pool is a puddle. It's 10 feet long and three feet deep. three people out there is crazy. Three-person squad is nuts, dude. I think they wanted to, yeah. Yeah, the last couple of times. They brought the girls an offering.

41:46Tim Butterly:Pool girls, they'll invite us to stay. Maybe they'll open a couple beers. Nah, pool girls, that's a government.

41:52Shane Gillis:That's an asset, dude. Hit you with the pool girls, crazy. First of all, no such thing. That's crazy, dude. Yeah. They came here last time. You guys were outside smoking doobies. You saw the pool girls? They think it's a good time over here. Yeah, true. They bring all their buddies over. They could be out there smoking doobies, smoking junk with the fellows. They go, holy shit, Optimum Noctis is there. And the girl at the pool house was like, oh, my God, I got to meet Gardini. The biggest hang, the best hang. Number one hang. Number one hang in the Creaking Cave. Number one hang. Congratulations, boys.

42:27It's official. I'm surprised you guys got that because I hear nothing but negative reports. We were surprised, too. I think it might have been some kind of sick joke. I don't think it is. I think you guys are just, you're so depressed all the time about it. You know, everyone hates us. The Creek hates us. Everyone hates us. You got a trophy for best fucking guys to hang out with. Best green room hang in Austin, Texas. Optimum Noctis. I presented the award to the boys. How does Tommy feel? Tommy was up for that award. I don't think he won another award. He won the Best Philly Transplant Award. Best Philly Transplant?

43:06Yeah. Tommy Pope? He wasn't there to accept it, though. This is outrageous. Yeah. We can pause if you want to. Tommy was up for Best Hang? Best Green Room Hang.

43:16Shane Gillis:Half these guys are probably fucking leaf-blowing right now. They don't even notice. Yeah, true. It's also a nice... I don't know. I think it's a nice little... Sound bed. Yeah. Some ambient... I mean, I don't know. I am having trouble hearing you, though. oh yeah it's right in your ears that sells music to my ears man a little two stroke I know man I'm hoping that's a two stroke if I'm wrong on that I'm gonna be a bitch a little two stroke a little mixed fuel sounds like some mixed fuel burning over there did you ever put the mix did you ever fuck up the gas and put the wrong shit in no dude I think it was me or somebody put regular gasoline into a weed whacker and my dad and my probably launched.

44:01Dude, they were

44:02Shane Gillis:so into siphoning gas that you would blow a thing and then you would go, it would come. I remember my uncle goes, God damn it. Spits gas out of his mouth. I'm like, dude, come on, man. Dump it out, man. You don't want to do all that. It's hard-o shit. Be like, God damn it. He would siphon gas constantly. He would just spit out a mouthful of gas. I was like, dude, true. Don't worry, fellas. I'll suck it out of there. Oh, it's in my mouth. Ew. I know some fellas around here that would swallow it, but I'm not allowed to make fun jokes anymore. Really? I promise. No gay jokes. This episode is brought to you by Rocket Money.

44:45Rocket Money. Matt, what were you finally able to save for thanks to Rocket Money, the automatic savings, vacation, bowl.

44:53Shane Gillis:Can I tell you something? I had a surprise charge story. Really? Crazy surprise charge. Oh, those lying cam girls? No, actually. It's funny enough. It had nothing to do with that. I was going through my, which one we call it? I have a joint credit card with my wife, and we're going over the monthly charges, and it was like a shock. Someone had, I think, frauded us, and I had to charge for the Bangkok massage down by the airport. Son of a bitch. It was fucking bullshit. $160. I mean, and also, that's a tough one for you to have to. I know. That was not me. I said, babe, what the hell? I'm so surprised by this.

45:22Shane Gillis:This is fraudulent, suspicious activity. Rocket Money involved. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Guys, let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. That's rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. Rocketmoney.com slash MSSP. This episode is brought to you by Tekovas. Lately, I've been getting more into boots. There's something about wearing a good pair that just changes how you carry yourself. You become more confident. At least that's how I feel when I put on my Tecovas.

46:03Shane Gillis:They're super comfortable right out of the box. No break-in period needed. I've used them for all kinds of plans, weddings, barbecues, concerts, you name it. Their western boots and sandals are handcrafted with premium leather and perfect for hot weather too. If you got a Tecovas store near you, definitely stop by. Whether it's your first pair or your 50th, you'll find your new favorites. Right now, get 10 % off of tecovas.com slash Matt and Shane when you sign up for email and text. That's 10 % off at tecovas.com slash Matt and Shane. See site for details. Tecovas, point your toes west. What?

46:49Shane Gillis:Nothing. Nothing. Fair. That's an OL. That's an OL. It's graduated from PAs to OLs. True. That's how it goes. That's how it goes. The OLs.

46:59Tim Butterly:No, no, no. It's not an OL. It's not an OL. It's just. Bit of an OL. It was only an OL. All right. Now we don't have to. Well, now it sounds like I begged you to. We can edit this right out. I'm not editing it out. Gardini's turning on you. The Noxious boy. The Noxious boy is. It was the best hanging action. It was phony. It was not real. What happened? It's just, oh, yes. Speaking of, we can just go straight into joke world. How was it, guys? Host world. The host world festival. That's so mean. I had a great time. Yeah, I had fun, too. I heard somebody was a little grumpy no-show. Well, who's Mr.

47:40Lava Lava? Yeah. Mr. Lava Lava. You didn't go. I wasn't grumpy. I was just a little sick, you know? You were under the weather. Huh? You brought influenza to host world. Yeah, and I had to dip. I wasn't hanging too much. Really? True. He'd keep his arrow right in his hand.

48:00Shane Gillis:Yeah, so what happened? Give me the rundown at Joke World. The funny thing that I wanted to bring up was LaMare tried to get us all to go in on an Airbnb. I remember that. But he didn't mention why. And then it turns out he's bringing a lady. Yeah. He just wanted us all to pay for the Airbnb. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's bringing in a girlfriend hell. You brought a girlfriend to joke world. That's not what happened. I've been trying for months. That's when it becomes serious world. Yeah. Fight world. It was not so funny world. Yeah. I've been trying for months to get them an Airbnb with me because I was like, yo, guys, let's do this Airbnb thing because this hotel is going to stink.

48:35Yep. Everyone's just going to be next to each other.

48:37Shane Gillis:Hit him with the Airbnb and she. Yeah. And then I tried for like two weeks and everybody was like, no. And I was like, all right. I'm doing it. And you got an Airbnb in chief for you and your babe. Yeah. And they weren't allowed. That worked out for Gardini or whoever your roommate was. Yeah, because I didn't have to share a room with Lemaire. Yeah, they were bunked up. Yeah, you got to share with somebody. So you got your own – who was in your quarters? Andy. Andy Malafurito. We had a great time. That's nice. We would get McDonald's at the end of the night and black out. We thought we were going to keep each other up with our sleep apnea, but don't even remember falling asleep the night.

49:15Shane Gillis:You don't even know what happened. i did i heard anything i heard joke well exactly i heard uh you said i heard uh joke world was a

49:26Tim Butterly:hoot though really yeah you have a hoot i got my own hotel room oh but that was because they they like assigned us buddies it was all double hotel rooms and uh when i found that out i was said oh man that might stink and then i found out that my partner was tommy and uh i i hit up tommy I was like, yeah, dude, we were bunking together. And then I got a follow-up email saying that I got my own room. So Tommy complained. Tommy didn't respond to me and then complained to the festival. I was like, bro, we're going to get to hang out so much. That sent his eyebrows straight up to you. I'm so excited.

50:08I was so lonely in my room all weekend. That was masterful, honestly. Good for him. What the fuck? Fucking bullshit.

50:17Shane Gillis:I mean, that's fair.

50:18Tim Butterly:I guess, man. Yeah. I was so down in the dumps about it. Really? No, that's such a nice street. I was like, dude, we could watch cool videos. We could bring beers back. And then I ate 12 chocolate chip cookies by myself in bed and got diarrhea at the festival. I need someone there to stop me. Crazy. Wasn't I begging you to buy those cookies? No, you were begging me to share them with you. And I said, no, thank you. They were overpriced hotel cookies and I gave myself a really bad party starts.

50:50Shane Gillis:You bring the cookies back to the fucking four-man hotel room. I'm in the Tates, dude. I'm not proud. I'm not too proud to admit I've gone in on some Tates at a hotel. For sure. Yeah, there was a hundred. What happened? He's in the house. He literally is blowing the front door. So what happened at the festival? Just got hammered

51:18Shane Gillis:We'll take a leaf lower break I mean we had a good time We had a nice time at the festival I don't know Just got drunk You guys were married But the girlfriend at Airbnb Bothered you a little No But the girlfriend at Airbnb didn't bother me oh i was just worried i was he was trying to bamboozle us and and then i i don't think lamero would bamboozle you i believe your explanation how was the experience i'm sorry for putting you on blast there being yeah it was funny it's a funny thing how was the experience from your perspective these guys were pure fucking infantry yeah down there farting blacking out yeah what were you what were you doing just like going out to restaurants and shit I was just laying down a lot just sleeping that's the number one babe move let's go out to eat before the show it's like no hey here's four people I met in college once let's go out to eat with them before the show so how'd you get into stand up I have a show I have a very important show you're not going to have a sugary daiquiri right before come on drink one of these

52:31Tim Butterly:I was stone sober for most of the festival I said boys come on this is not Skank Fest Let's show some decorum here. Yeah. I was so pissed at everyone partying the whole time. That's good. I mean, you guys just go down there and party and act like fools. Yeah, man. You're trying to put together a nice thing for you. You go, this isn't good enough for me. This hotel is not good. It's our only friend online. It's the only good guy. The only guy that likes us. Yeah. Everyone else. We never said that. We never said that. You guys act it out. You guys act it out. They completely disrespected the festival from beginning to end.

53:00Start to finish, disrespect. You guys. I heard you were skipping spots. You were going, I'm not going on that. fucking bullshit. I did extra spots.

53:08Tim Butterly:Seeing it in person was really just disgraceful. It was a disgrace. Oh, really? Yeah, well. A lot of panties is what I meant. A lot of panties. It was a great time. The mayor told me Malfour Aden was carrying the fest. He said he was killing. And he's a beast. Yeah. And he was doing great. It's awesome. It's good to hear. It's a vibe, man.

53:35Yep. Oh. That's all right. He held you down? I didn't do anything that wasn't fun. I've been nothing but nice.

53:43Shane Gillis:Sean did something to me. I didn't do anything. He's exactly right. Sean? Yeah, you're pushing back. What are you pushing back on? No. It was just a pause. He said he held me down when I was hammered. He said he got drunk and Andy held him down in the hotel. Turned those cookies into crumbs. He pulverized those paints. I was cookies and cream.

54:05Tim Butterly:Gardini was the highlight of the weekend. Was this at the festival before? It was raining unexpectedly and none of us had umbrellas. And we walked out of the building and there was like a group of like four or five of us and Gardini went, oh shoot, it's raining.

54:21Shane Gillis:It is also funny to see a bunch, like nine dudes come out of two hotel rooms like, oh, let us get our umbrellas really quickly. Excuse us. Where are my gloves? And evening jackets.

54:33Tim Butterly:It's like we were going to an assassin's funeral, you know? No, we just got wet. That's awesome. It was probably like the John Wick Hotel. All those assassins in one hotel. God damn, dude.

54:49Was Joke World the man? Was he running around? Jake World?

54:52Tim Butterly:He's the sweetest dude ever. Yeah, he is. I rocked. And it was like, well, Ron, I don't have any complaints about it. I wish I had something funny to make fun of him for, but he's just a sweet dude and he tried really hard. and I mean he would make so much more money if he hated us and thought we were all gay I know he would make so much money it's crazy how he let all the there's 19 clip channels that think this is the gayest thing you could be doing and they're all like Mr. Beast numbers now yeah and Jake World's just like no this is cool yeah yeah not even the gayest they're like these

55:21Shane Gillis:are the most morally repugnant human beings to ever walk the face of the earth yeah you too plaque

55:31Tim Butterly:there's blood on your fingers in 2027 they're gonna start uh threatening violence i think i think someone's gonna be like i'm going down to austin i'm gonna put an end to this

55:39Shane Gillis:i mean hey yeah those guys are out there for sure

55:46Shane Gillis:there's no shortage of those guys yeah they're incubating for sure so matched

55:57yeah unfortunately yes yes yes yes i've been having a good old time man i've been doing my my summer uh my summer comedy clubs were awesome it's stardom blast fucking san jose was fucking nasty so yeah we had a good old time good old good old time man that's great yeah it was nice

56:19Shane Gillis:I'm telling you, opening for you at the link literally broke my brain. Now it's weird. Anywhere else I go, I can't freak out anymore. My brain can't. It used up all my freak out juice. I literally don't have it left now. I'm just like, okay, we'll see what happens here. Yeah, that was fucking terrifying.

56:42Tim Butterly:It was nuts. I was sitting in the third row with Lewis, and we both had panic attacks just looking up and seeing people in the entire periphery of your vision if you looked straight into the sky.

56:53Shane Gillis:Yeah, it was so many fucking people. It was a real Street Fighter background. That, like, upper level, I'm like, this is a video game background. I can't, like, your brain was just like, yeah, okay. The thing that sucked is when I brought out Chappelle, me and him were supposed to do, like, a lot of time together. Yeah. We couldn't hear each other. Dude. Couldn't hear anything. I couldn't. We couldn't riff, dude. True. The impossible riff. Yeah, that's, every word I said, I could hear it eight times. I'd be like, good, good, good, good. The funniest part that made me laugh, I was like up there.

57:23Shane Gillis:I'm like, all right, here we go. Chill out. We got this. Sound guys are probably fixing. I look over at them like two minutes in, just. Yeah. All right. I'll figure out. I was backstage screaming. I was like, why the fuck is it echoing like that? Fix that. What the fuck? Dude, they were doing shit. They were fucking up. Everyone was fucking that show up. Dude, we did like two sound checks. We did. We did two sound checks. There was so much going on. You know what they said? they go once people are in here it's gonna pad the sound won't be in there i dude it was every they had that like the that's why shakira wears that fucking shit in her ear we needed fuck we you got we need these i know we sure changed ourselves should have went rocks our lifestyle we could have we had to do that uh i did that any other time i did noter dame we did that what the hell zach bryan's people do it dude that would have been sick that would have been my new facebook profile picture on stage with the earbud in would have been tight they were fucking out they tossed on there was no communication about when the show starts they're like flyovers right now we gotta go i was like send it there's nothing we can do about that yeah they're like all right get bam ready it's like don't get him ready yeah wait no one's in the fucking stadium that's kind of fucked up because for the night tossed him on screen for a minute he was like you guys ready to start the show and then i was like no yeah we're not gonna send out me give me my bam back yeah that's my bam for the night exactly bam's mine for the night Give me my bam.

58:48Shane Gillis:It's kind of fucked up. They just took your bam like that. Stole my bam. Stole your bam. Dude, by the way, that guy fucking rules. Bam, yeah. Oh, my God. That was such a nice... It was so nice to meet him. He's the ultimate legend. Yes. He's fully back. He's back. Bro, I've seen him land in 360 kickflips, dude. He's back. They let him back in his house. He's back in Castle, Bam. The return of the king. Dude, that's awesome.

59:12Tim Butterly:It's literally the return of the king.

59:13Shane Gillis:He reforged the skateboard. 100%. The prophecy's been fulfilled.

59:17Tim Butterly:He's back.

59:18Shane Gillis:I saw him. He's got his boy now. He's got a little boy. I saw a video of him as a little boy, and everyone's saying he just looks like, Bam looks like Don Vito now. Why are you eating, man? It's really funny. Yeah, I fucking love that guy. Big bum. That was wonderful. He is a full-on superstar. He literally became like a giant super. He did the full experience. It's kind of sick. What was happening to you this morning? You said something was going on?

59:44Tim Butterly:oh yeah i had a really strange thing happened to me this week um well i was so i did the uh the 30 minute gas digital thing and uh uh i don't know you guys have done like multiple specials and the whole time at every juncture are you worried that something's going to make the entire thing fall apart yes from the second that you say yes to doing it you go there's going to be a disaster that derails the entire thing it's everything i do right for sure forest fires before the Eagles show. And I was like, I didn't even think about this. Now there's smoke.

1:00:18Shane Gillis:My brother was spreading rumors that it was mask mandatory. And I for real believed him. I was like, oh, dude, fuck. This is really weird. Everyone was like, are you canceling the show? I was like, I'm not going to cancel. No, we're doing it. It's going to happen. Smoke added to it. Smoke was sick. Very end of the world.

1:00:34Tim Butterly:Very cool. So you were convinced. So every juncture, I said yes. I was like, all right, what's going to get canceled? They're going to say they changed their mind. and then it's like well uh there's not going to be anyone there and the show's sold out and it's like okay cool and then it's like well okay now everyone's here they're gonna see me fucking bomb and then the shows went great and then it's like all right well you know it probably didn't capture something failed like every step of the way i'm waiting for the entire thing to fall apart but it keeps going better and better and it's like whoa there's like a tiny success instead of a failure every step of the way it never goes away the edit i'm going the edit's going to be a nightmare they're gonna we're not gonna be able to capture something dude we cut it cut down perfectly into the time that we needed um and i was like all right well now i'm gonna i'm gonna upload it and no one's gonna care and i was gonna they're gonna go uh i don't know what that crowd was like the online viewer is gonna hate it and so i just it's just a night i'd not not at one point in the way i didn't get to enjoy any of the small victories i didn't enjoy the night of the shows i went well this is just i'm not even halfway there and uh but it just keeps building and going great and uh all the way up until the day that it's supposed to come out and i'm like hand trembling on the mount i'm uploading the youtube video myself and i'm just like there's going to be an issue and there was like a technical issue and then i'm like this is the last fucking thing i need dude it's like it's like i said everyone hey come to my youtube channel at seven o 'clock on Tuesday and check this shit out.

1:02:03Tim Butterly:I'm gonna look like a fucking idiot. And I'm in the middle of troubleshooting it and I swear to God the second that I figured it out and it's like the last click of the mouse before the thing goes up and it's all scheduled and I got the is the title correct is the description right. Everything is finally in place. My cat walked into the living room and dropped dead in front of us. It was waiting. It was holding out there. It's like this is his dog bro.

1:02:30Shane Gillis:What?

1:02:32Tim Butterly:what dropped dead on the spot we've had this cat for like 10 years he's older than my youngest son he would dude he we escaped the hood together he we had him in kensington he did and when i dude so the video is uploading and and mary joe starts like freaking out she goes something's happening and i and so that i go into the living room and the cat is laying on your soul for the I sacrifice you literally yeah I sacrificed for my dearest closest what was the cat's name Andy Andy all right dude Andy's on the floor in the living room and his tongue's hanging out and he's like his eyes are wide open and his breathing's really slow and I'm like uh and she she's like

1:03:12Shane Gillis:beside herself she doesn't even know what to even try to help hold on I swear I have my phone in my

1:03:18Tim Butterly:hand and i'm like waiting on an email reply on something i'm like and uh i so i got down and uh cpr i came out the best did you really you have to i had to is there a specific thing for cats

1:03:32Shane Gillis:or the same no i don't know how to do it for a human so i'm like pumping his shots i'm like

1:03:36Tim Butterly:andy wake up buddy come on pal and i and i cut my hand around his mouth and i go and his body goes and I'm like I think it's working and I keep doing it at one point she has to be like I think he's gone so I'm just face fucking my dead cat in the living room waiting for an email about this thing and I just uploaded that I'm like I hope this isn't a huge disaster for me did you mark the time when you gave up on the cat yeah calling Tim you're giving a meowth to meowth that's what I said to my wife dude the kids are at school so they're not seeing this i had to call a service to come pick them up to cremate them for us and uh i mean the whole family's fucking crying like headache crying with each other it was like it was like a religious moment of everyone just like sobbing by the time the kids get home and uh i i was i i was the one that broke the news of the kids and um you were like also specials get a lot of views this is before it even goes live this is before it goes live So I'm like, guys, I don't know how to tell you this.

1:04:42Tim Butterly:Andy, I don't know. We have no idea what happened, but he got really fucked up. He died. And I go, and I tried to save him. And my wife starts going, and she's laughing, thinking about me giving him that. But you don't know how Andy passed? I think we we had another cat from the same litter and he died like as a kitten from this like in the same exact way but they didn't do a paw autopsy

1:05:17I mean that's how you say a Guinness Book of World Records

1:05:24Tim Butterly:there was no paw autopsy

1:05:25Shane Gillis:I told Rainey

1:05:27Tim Butterly:you said you gave him C-P-U-R-R

1:05:34Tim Butterly:well r.i.p. andy that's a yeah that's a rip andy so we haven't so yeah it's uh it's going it's going the special's going great but we haven't dude we went out to dinner last night it was but we were supposed to be like celebrating and we just sat quietly in this nice restaurant no one's feeling it also andy was big the loss andy was enormous i see a picture of andy nuke it was an absolute nuke upon my house yeah andy was definitely like all right videos initializing

1:05:58Shane Gillis:I've done my job I've done everything

1:05:59Tim Butterly:I Got out of Kensington with you So this is it There's no more I have to offer you I work here is done

1:06:06Shane Gillis:Solid half an hour Another half in the tank Here's Andy chewing on his own foot

1:06:10Tim Butterly:Oh damn Yeah he's the man He made this really awful sound He was a good guy When he would chew on his nails And it was like That's Fritz talking to him Look at him We're gonna need this video For the YouTube I'll send it to you guys You guys are gonna wanna take a look at Andy You're gonna wanna see Andy He's a sweet guy That is a good cat And yeah so we haven't and then also it's like my kids have never seen me do stand up before so we were gonna like all watch it together and it's like 30 minutes of me being like man being a dad is really hard you guys ever raised a teenage girl before so they all watched they we canceled the viewing and they all went to bed and they all watched it in bed and it's just like my daughter's like so having a teenage girl is really tough it's like yeah well I was fucking joking yeah that's crazy you just proved my point dude I'm in this has been the most stressful week of my entire life Yeah.

1:06:56Tim Butterly:But the special's going well. That's good.

1:06:58Shane Gillis:That's awesome. Cat died. Daughter's mad. I had some angry. The boys are depressed. I had some angry family members from my YouTube special. Yeah, I mean, you got a rough old thread. If you're not pissing someone off, dude, you're not even doing it right. I mean, yeah, we're the canaries in the cold life.

1:07:13Tim Butterly:It's true. It is what it is, we're the canaries. They're not ready for, you know, you're speaking truth to power. You're speaking truth to sisters. Speaking truth to daughter.

1:07:22Shane Gillis:yeah i really rue the day when my kids get old enough to be like dude what the fuck you're like it's not as bad as you do you like your house do you like your car yeah okay okay then shush i had to talk about jacking off for seven years it's yeah well fucking 12 years yeah jesus christ it's

1:07:38Tim Butterly:gonna be fine man my daughter thinks we're all gay but it's funny my sons think this is that we're really cool guys yeah which is like whoa what an illusion you know yeah and it's not so bad

1:07:48Shane Gillis:yes you know it is what it is it is funny though i i have zero ability to appreciate anything as soon as anything gets done if i'm doing anything i'm like okay that's done all right now i'm gonna work on something else they're like no you should really sit back and like really take this in i'm like i can't it's impossible i'm not capable i did it at the link that's nice i made sure to while i was on stage to be like all right done i got like it was that that god that and uh first time snl Yeah. That was it and go. After shook hands with 900 people. Yeah. Just you and me walked back into the studio and I was like.

1:08:23Shane Gillis:That was sick. I got about five minutes of happiness there. Ten seconds of happiness. I still don't even like talking about it. I don't even discuss it. I can't even talk about it. That just adds you to the cheek though. That's kind of nice. That I'm unhappy with everything? Yeah, but you have to just be like, I'd prefer not to talk about it. I don't like it. I was like, how was it? It was intense. I don't want to talk about. I have designs, and tell me what you think about this. I want to enter you into high society. You have to now enter the Hiltons and make your debut. It's a whole thing. I'm already there.

1:08:57Shane Gillis:Yeah, but you've got to make your debut. What do you mean? You have to host a gala for high society. I've got to host a gala. And then come out and be like, ha, ha, ha. Yeah. What a lovely evening. And then everyone's going to be like, he's a buffoon. I could easily do that. You have to do it. Yeah. Now you have to conquer high society. I'm reading that. Thank you all for coming. Oh, yes. Just chugged on a beard. Oh, what a fine occasion. What did you fucking say? Have you seen that giant cat? Yes, of course you have. Don't worry, he's declared. I was with High Society at the soccer game this week.

1:09:29Were you really? And they thought I was cheating on sweet Bud Light. What? Because the person next to me had a Dos Equis in the cup holder. Then somebody handed me a Bud Light, and they were like, dude, Shane. The second the camera was on him, his agent was like, dude, you need a Bud Light in your hand. didn't even know the camera was on me

1:09:45Shane Gillis:it's a viper's den brother it's a viper's den I'm reading that book right now it's all about like Russian aristocracy it's my favorite like the 1800s Russian aristocracy or any aristocracy it's so funny everything you're always rising and falling if like your son does something weird everyone's even gayer TMZ ran an article that was like he was drinking Bud Light don't worry about it don't bring that up your people made a phone call somebody did something and I texted people like, don't do that ever. Whoever did that, don't do that. You fire your publicist? I was a little annoyed with whoever did that.

1:10:22And I don't know who did it. They won't tell me who did that.

1:10:25Tim Butterly:Your people are going to turn on you all at once. They're going to kill you like Anne Heche. For sure.

1:10:28Shane Gillis:If you shine too bright in society, someone will try to take you down. Of course. You've got to be careful. Someone will start making designs on you. It happens in stand-up. All the time. If you go on the road for somebody, people underneath are like, fucking piece of shit. I know. I'm going to bring him down. He's not as good as he says. The Noctis boys will bring people down. They'll stab them. I've seen you drag people to the dirt. No, we lift people up. All Noctis is about is lifting people up. Amplifying voices. The guys who don't get a bunch of spots around town to spot at the Noctis. Then you drink a couple of whiskeys and you go, you fucking piece of shit.

1:11:06Say thank you for the Noctis. Who invited you here?

1:11:13I didn't say you could get on this stage. I go, yeah, you did. You were just drunk again. Fine, get on stage.

1:11:19Shane Gillis:Why is there 16 people at this show right now? That's what happened. Three of them go their separate ways, get drunk, invite people to Noctis. There's 15 comedians on Noctis. They go, who did that? They go, fucking piece of shit. There's three people. I actually flew here for this. It's the best green room hang. It is a sick hang. What are you on the green room with wings? Those are good wings. Where are those wings from? The truck. Yeah, delicious wings. Yeah, they're yummy. Very yummy. We got it, dude. We talked about, was that on the Patreon? We talked about Hop Dotties for 45 minutes. Yeah, yeah, a couple weeks ago.

1:11:56Shane Gillis:We got to hit Dotties, bro. What's that? It's a burger place. It's not, this isn't paid for, bro. I'll be there. It's fucking sick. You guys are geeky in these places. Happy hour starts at 4, and it goes to like 7 p.m. And again, not paid promotion. It's just, I love it. I went there recently. I went to a soft opening, so I got to eat there for pretty much free. And now I've been like, that's the best. I talked to their regional manager. Nice guy. It might be my favorite place in the world now. Guy's 60 years old. I'll tell you what, he looks like he's about maybe 49. Guy looks good. He looks good for his age.

1:12:27It's incredible. Looks great for his age. I love to see an old man looking good. It actually kind of bothers me, to be honest.

1:12:34Shane Gillis:Yeah. When an old guy still cares about his looks a lot. see this guy though struck me as an old he's an old bar guy so i kind of like an old bar guy to be like yeah man fucking drinking all the time look i look fucking great i don't know what they're talking about that's obviously something i look it was kind of nice it was it was definitely he was he was cracking me up i got crushed at the track that uh i was running one afternoon it was hot and there was a guy there like like completely white long hair big white beard you're like a slightly older boy with him and he was just he literally was like it's great to see old guys like us getting after it.

1:13:06Shane Gillis:I'm like, hold on, man. I'm only fucking 40. Let's fucking... What did he look like? And he had a young boy. Was it fucking Aristotle? Is this a Greek philosopher jogging? Could have been. Oh, this is my boy. Could have been trying to get me into his feet. He's like, let's wrestle. No, let's fucking wrestle. All right, pop your clothes off. Pop off those trousers. Let's wrestle. Pop them fucking trousers. My little running shorts. I don't wear underwear underneath. You don't... You run with no undies? No, if they have... I have shorts that have like a... Oh, okay. A thing. I love doing that. I always go to Brittany and go, I'm not wearing a mask.

1:13:36Shane Gillis:Get away from me. Showing penis to the babe is really fun. Just show no reason, sweaty, flaccid penis being like, yo, you're ridiculous. That's nice. It's a nice move. I wish they would do that back. That'd be great. Bro, a flash would be crazy. Yeah.

1:13:54Tim Butterly:Stretch one lip out of the side of the shorts. Thanks, mommy. Bro, I sat in some gum.

1:14:02Shane Gillis:That might actually alert me. We're out there. If we're out eating burgers or something, she went, yo, want some pickled onions? I'm like, yo. Yo, chill. Babe. Oh, shit. I seem to drop my earlobe. Yeah, just go. Got your earlobe. Now it's down here.

1:14:25All right. Well, gosh darn it. We'll catch you on the Patreon. Check out Tim's special. Yo. It's on my YouTube channel. It's really good.

1:14:32Tim Butterly:Where can they find it? youtube.com slash Tim Butterly it's 30 minutes 30 minutes with Tim Butterly please check it out I think you'll like it 30 minutes of non-stop gut-busting laughs unbelievable stuff if you're ready to crack up check out what's the name of it 30 minutes with Tim Butterly 30 minutes with Tim Butterly

1:14:48Shane Gillis:description below yes click the link below thank you guys yeah watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify do it

1:15:03Thank you.