Ep 633 - Submerged in Silence

16:39I'm so sad. I didn't even know until you told me. I'm excited to break the news. Why? Bring down the thunder. Your girl's going to be like James Cameron getting out of the sub. You're going to go, James, you're going to want to sit down. 9-11 happened when you were underwater.

17:00He was underwater for... I think he was underwater. Huge fan of underwater, by the way. That guy might be the biggest fan of underwater. He must have a crazy family. He's in an abyss every day. The pressure could kill you.

17:15Shane Gillis:He's like, I'm totally fine. Boss had the loudest house. He's like, I got to go to the bottom of the ocean.

17:25He was underwater during 9-11. He was underwater during 9-11. There's some classic 9-11s. There was the other one. What's his name? He was dressed up like the turtle. Master of Disguise. Why am I forgetting his name? Dana Carvey. He was like, turtle, turtle. He was in a turtle costume watching 9-11. What?

17:43Shane Gillis:There's some sesame. Why was he dressed as a turtle? Because he was filming a movie. There was some Sesame. Yeah. There was some Sesame Street characters on Good Morning America. Elmo had to fucking go, oh. Oh. Oh, God. Yeah. Not all Muslims are bad. Let's not forget everybody. No, on 9-11, Elmo was like, get him. Turn it to glass. Where'd the guys in the top floor go? It is the, you know, as silly as America is, we're always, we're probably the most silly country. Yeah. There's every other, those, the serious countries, the war countries are always pretty serious. Yeah. It's kind of like if a tragedy happens to us, somebody's goofing off when it happens.

18:27That's true. You know what I mean? Like Pearl Harbor, there was a bunch of people wearing fucking grass skirts, fucking coconut bras hammered. True. Oh, shit. We never thought it could happen to us Yeah I always forget about Pearl Harbor I don't know why I think it's like I mean it was definitely Kind of nothing compared to 9-11 Is that fair to say? It was a military base right? Yeah Which not good at all No it was definitely Downtown Death toll was

18:55Shane Gillis:Was it really? Comparable I think almost Probably For some reason I'm thinking like 3 ,000 each Dang Like similar Yeah yeah and yeah very similar actually that's terrible I don't know why I thought Pearl Harbor was like kind of light duty obviously not great that was fucking nasty it was mean as hell it was mean it was horrible what they did that was a big time punk move then we said G.I. come over here G.I. is coming over there you should have done that now we're best friends Now we're buddies. It's every time. It's a classic story of two dudes having to fucking square up and wrestle. I agree.

19:41Being like, all right, dude, you're actually kind of sick. Yeah. That's what I was saying. Yeah, we did that to the South. Yeah. In the Civil War. We beat the fuck out of them so bad. They love America more than anyone. That's, yeah. All day, they wave American flags. We're like, dude, it's kind of a pussy of you. I fucking kind of hate America. You guys got rocked, dude. North Korea kind of wants to tussle a little bit. I heard they've been blasting their Acme rockets into the ocean. They've been showing out again. And Trump dogs. Trump, look, a lot of people criticize Trump for that. I like the way he handles them.

20:12Shane Gillis:What does he do? He's just like, dude, we're boys. This is crazy. Why are you guys acting up, dude? You know me and Kim Jong-un are boys. Yeah, true. And everyone's like, I can't believe he's being his friend. No. You guys are fucking retards with rockets. Well, I guess they both are retards with rockets. But Trump's work. Here's the thing. It's like you can say there's 990 bad things. You can make his personality this and that. the fact that he kind of gels with Kim Jong-un is like, let him have one redeeming trip. Yeah, I think that's not that way. No one else can fucking chill with that guy besides Dennis Rodman.

20:41He does love, like, 80s, 90s bad boys.

20:45Shane Gillis:That's why he loves Trump. Exactly. Yeah. Loves 80s, 90s bad boys. He does love 80s and 90s bad boys. It's probably because that's all he got. It was like 80s, 90s movies, bad boys in the 80s, 90s movies. Now he gets to hang out with bad boys from 80s, 90s. i mean dude it's funny because south korea is like rocking the film industry right now they're killing it dude nba young boy lives there south korea it's big it's huge nba young boy lives in south korea now do you think anyone's saying nba young boy go home nba no i think they're saying go home i think it's a problem he's so respectful is he he talks like michael jackson oh i didn't know that you ever see an interview with him he's pretty wild but his interviews he's like yeah i don't know it's the scariest fellas i know tyson mj young boy the scariest fellas he no apparently people i think are i don't know it's that's like the vamp like opiate black guy is huge internationally playboy cardi just stands at a stage in france and just like dips out and the french go crazy it's like the coolest it's for real the coolest shit it's like the pinnacle of like high fashion cool is to be like a yeah like a black guy cool black guy just whacked out on like methadone standing on a stage smoking a cigarette everyone's like this is the peak of culture right now it's like the coolest shit ever it's interesting yeah it's all about rick owens dude you we have to get rick owens out just like leather domination straps you gotta you gotta express your rage through your wardrobe that's what me and rick do expressing your rage through your clothes.

22:19I don't even have any fucking rage.

22:21Shane Gillis:I know. I mean, you can just hop on the bandwagon. I think a lot of those guys don't have any rage. You don't think they're Dark Souls? Nah. I don't have enough rage. Wait till college football season. True. If Notre Dame drops another one in Illinois, I'm vamped up. I'll go vamp, dude. Notre Dame drops one to Rice, you'll see. Shaving my head and my eyebrows. I'm going to shave my head and my eyebrows and just keep a Hitler stash and then dress like a vamp, dude. We lost some rice. Dude, if you had, that'd be too funny. It'd be, yeah. I told you I was reading that book about the gang two of us.

23:06I'd be too cool. I'd be expelled from Hollywood.

23:07Shane Gillis:If you went, Rick, if you went. If I shaved my eyebrows and head and kept a Hitler stash and dressed like a vampire, I'd be expelled. There'd be no questions. It'd just be a photo of me and he's out. Hold on, though. if you were to dress in Rick Owens and go Hitler stash, they might take you to another level. And I'd be like, holy fuck, we didn't know this guy had it in him. He's the coolest guy who's ever lived. You have to go to France and just stand there with a cigarette in his room. And they're like, this guy's the best artist that's ever lived. This guy, he's completely brought himself into fruition.

23:40Shane Gillis:That's true. Dude, Hitler's gambit. I was like, I was thinking about the Soviets, because, you know, the classic question of like, why is it still allowable to wear the hammer and sickle of course it's like you know i was thinking about it so i was like trying to really distinguish it between kind of like hitler's gambit and dude apparently hitler because the the communists were like no gambit just like the bet he threw down was like germans are the best therefore we will win and once we can do a horrible thing but then we'll just be the victors so no one can judge us but it was he was on some only god can judge me shit.

24:12Shane Gillis:Yeah. So he was like, his plan was like, Germans are superior. We'll just, we're gonna destroy the Jews. That was their big plan. And then they're like, we'll go through and enslave and defeat every other civilization. Everyone will be our slaves and Germans will just rock. But the communist thing was like, it was different. Hitler was, it was bad. He had a bad, evil plan. But he goes, who can judge me? Where are you going with this? What I'm saying is, he had a bad, evil plan. Of course. Communists were like, no, we're actually doing a nice thing. But it was actually evil as well. It wasn't as, you know, wasn't as evil it was bad it was extremely evil it was very evil but at least it sounds when you're like pitching like well how does this work you're like well everyone's gonna share that sounds nice yeah when you lead hitler was leading with like nasty stuff yeah people go that's obviously fucking horrible so that's where i was going i was just like i was kind of like what is the real what's like the real distinguisher and it was like hitler was pure bad boy and one of them won yeah winner's right history bro exactly although Japan Japan did the right thing what did they do they went tee tee just kidding us no we would never do that yeah true were they trying to like exterminate they weren't trying to exterminate every other Asian yeah but they were also hiding it under like we're getting rid of colonial now we're all boys they immediately did the worst things to every single country did they really yes I knew they were nasty they were fucking horrible god damn yeah that's yeah i philippines still fucks with us and south korea yeah they're all thank you for that that was now we're they're starting to turn on us a little bit i mean that's tough dude you got like a hundred thousand narutos on your ass that's fucking tough dude that's tough shit but yeah i didn't so they were they were that nasty and bad yeah it's it's so it well the funny thing is i mean it's not that funny but back then it was almost like it was kind of acceptable to be like yo our people are the best we're about to get we're about to fuck these dudes up so bad shitty chinese we're gonna fucking kill all of them and everyone's like yeah dude obviously we're the fucking best you ride that last crest everyone's like what a monster you're like i thought this is what we're doing guys yeah i thought it was tribal warfare what the fuck that's yeah you're the last you're the last guy to be like let me go for it yeah no they went nasty nasty Japanese certainly went for it they did yes so they wanted to be king of king of Asia yeah okay way yeah interesting interesting is I feel like they well I've I've gotten reports in the Asian world that like the Japanese still kind of hold it down like they're kings of Asia.

26:53I think they all do.

26:54Shane Gillis:I think behind that old little like... No, dude, I used to work for Korean guys and they'd be like, no, Japanese dudes. They would just be like Japan rules. They were very honest about it and they're like, Japan's the best. I think Japan's cooler than China. Yeah, dude, 100%. Japan's way cooler than China. I don't get tricked by the LED buildings. Dude, I don't get... I know Lamar gets tricked by the drones in LED buildings. Lamar's completely China-pilled. No, he is Japanese-filled. Really? Yes. Big Japan guy. You're a Japan guy. Yeah, full Japan. Yeah. I don't want this to sound racist, but would it be a Japophile?

27:32It's a Japophile, I believe. A Japophile? Well, let's make sure.

27:37Shane Gillis:If you're a white guy, I think they call you a weeb. A weeb. A weeb is if you're a white guy who loves. I think it's a Japan. It would probably be Japophile because that's what it always is. Yeah, it's like Russo-phile. Russo-Japanophile. What was it in the 50s? You missed an N. You missed an N. What was it in 1950? Yeah, you missed an N. No, that's a big N. That's a typo. N's always big in these discussions. N always comes in there. God forbid a guy misses. That's a dang verbal typo. Ooh, I like that. I like that. Japanologist is an expert of Japan. What's somebody who loves black people? Is there a nice term for that?

28:22There should be.

28:25No? I do laugh every time. I don't know much about Japanese history, though. I wish I could learn a little bit more about... I wish I cared more about other cultures. What's the word? Yes, what is it? There's stuff I should say on the broadcast. There's not like an official... I bet it. Oh, wait. There's not a... Oh, wait. The Americans say it. Oh, wait. Yeah, we are not like this. Yeah. What are we talking about? But there's like... Mecrophilia.

28:47Shane Gillis:A what? Mecrophilia. that's not bad that's taste that's tasteful

28:55hey man that's tough so you could say i'm a bit of a that's used in historical and artistic context well this is art exactly yeah that's fair

29:07Shane Gillis:is that what is that what oj simpson broke in to get him Kidding.

29:17Shane Gillis:That was memorabilia. That's memorabilia. Yeah, that's so funny that some guy coined that term and was like, yep, job's done for the day. It's a Frenchman. Huh? It comes from the French. Oh. The French. You have so many cool words. The French? Yeah. They do. They fucking do. Here we go. Oh, yeah. This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew, the number one brand for better sex. Blue Chew just dropped something crazy, Blue Chew Gold. Oh, yeah. For years, Blue Chew has made it easy for over 5 million men to get hard. Oh, yeah. But now they make it easy to get horny, too. Blue Chew Gold gets your brain and body on the same page.

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31:14Shane Gillis:Or him. Hit her with the hammer. Or him. Or him, for sure. Guys, please come watch me do stand-up. September 11th, I'll be in Portland, Maine, and then I'll be in Boston, Massachusetts. Those are looking really good. Looking for a stinker here. Guys, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, September 26th. Come on, guys. need you out there. Charlotte, you guys are looking decent. Ooh, Jacksonville. Thank you, guys. Atlanta, Georgia. Come on, man. Let's go. Atlanta, Georgia. That's October. Fort Lauderdale and the big one, too. Newark, New Jersey. I don't know what the fuck they were thinking. That place is massive.

31:49The New Jersey Performing Arts Center. Yeah, that place is great. It's huge. It's just massive. Yeah, it's awesome. I'm excited, but I'm calling all troops. I need to fill the dang thing up. You'll get it.

31:58Shane Gillis:It looks like the Galactic Center. Does it really? Yeah. Fuck yeah. It's going to be awesome. You'll see pods of people in space. Really? Yeah. Out in fucking... That's beautiful. Yeah, that one's cool. Guys, there's a bunch of other cities. Go to mattmccusker.com, pretty please. I saw Gaffigan there, and I was afraid the entire time. Really? It's so steep at the top. I was... Yeah. Not trying to deter. Yeah. It's a spooky space arena. I have no shows. I'll be in Raleigh and Charleston this weekend. Please come if you can. SeanGardini.com. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you, Sean. Thank you, Matt.

32:30Enjoy the show. They really do. They were the first ones to, I think, well, the British coined boredom, but France had ennui, or whatever that shit was called. Yeah, ennui. Ennui. Boredom, you know the term boredom didn't come into the, come onto the scene until like 1850. It's a relatively new phenomenon. Think about that. That's crazy. Yeah, it's pretty weird. What did they call it before? They didn't have a word for it. They must have. There was ennui, there was like little hints, fourth century monks had a thing called Acedia which was the midday demon because they woke up at like four in the morning so noon was there like they got a little sleepy kind of it was their 3pm slag but it was a demon that would come to you and be like this shit sucks everything sucks and you wouldn't be able to focus on anything you'd stare out the window time would pass slowly and it was called the noonday demon I'd like to learn more about this boredom thing because I can't believe it dude don't you because there has to be the word the term boredom is for sure an 1889.

33:30Yeah, yeah, but they had just, what would they say? But they didn't have, do you have it? No, I'm not finding what was used before boredom, but yeah, it says Charles Dickens popularized it in print in like 1829. Yeah, I believe the etymology means literally to drill into your head, to bore. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty fucking, but no, it's pretty new because I feel like there was a, the monks, it was more it was less of like there's nothing to do they'd be like I hate that I became a much into what about doldrums let's see things like that and also also early on it was viewed as a personal failing not being shortchanged by your environment if you were bored they'd be like you fucking piece of shit you'll fucking do something you piece of shit yeah there's some English terms from the 17th and 18th century like tedium yeah tedium it refers to exhausting heaviness Romans had to talk about boredom There's no way this is.

34:28Well, there's an ancient, I think there's a Greek poem called The Boar, but it was about a guy who was annoying, who would catch you in the middle of the road and just brutalize you with conversation. It's really funny.

34:39Shane Gillis:That's awesome. It's like an old poem where this guy was like, back then, too, you'd walk for, you couldn't shake. If you got a punisher, if you're on like the fucking Roman road, just walking, you have like a day of walking, you could pick up a punisher who would just crush you. You got to hit him with a rock. You got to fuck it. Fuck it. Yeah, it's called The Boar. And it's all about a guy just greeting you and just being like, one of the popes, like people would write their own version of it. And one of the popes or bishops wrote his own version of The Boar. It was like a cool highfalutin thing you could do.

35:10It's about coming across the worst. An annoying fucking dickhead. It's an annoying dickhead. On the path, dude. I got to walk 12 miles today. That idea is thousands of years old, just picking up a punisher. You'd see him far away. fuck fuck ho ho there fuck oh tis a beautiful day how fares thee fuck hey man

35:38Shane Gillis:I don't really have time you walk a little faster you speed's up you're like oh no well I have nowhere particular to go what a curse yeah that's that was you'd get away with it if you hit him with a rock oh dude you could pop him in the head everyone would look the other way It'd just be you and him. I know, but I'm saying they'd be like, there's no suspects. Yeah, no, you can get away with anything. You can still, I mean, the cameras kind of mess it up, but you can kind of still get away with murder. It's still, like, way easier than people think. Although these new cameras, man, in a city setting.

36:12Shane Gillis:Is this what you're thinking in the depths?

36:17Are you underwater? You know. Fucking flock cameras.

36:27Shane Gillis:yeah those flocks i've been seeing people putting stickers on them and breaking them and stuff nice yeah that's uh that's good i think we can all agree on that yeah the flock hammers yeah but then they go well we find like stolen kids so then you go well that's what they say but that's all released by the flock camera company themselves so yeah no but like if you found it i mean they probably do if they're scanning license plates they actually probably do they're gonna get everybody they haven't because you know you would if you could i'm not sure i understand what you just said if you could save lost kids you would i think they're arguing they have but where's the proof i don't know you got to find these lost kids which hey well how how why do you think that wouldn't work i mean the more invasion of privacy there is the more you're going to be able to find lost kid yeah but they're not sure that's not their purpose so they're just saying that so they can make us...

37:23Purpose is to catch you running a red light and ticket you. Not to find kids. There's some news stories saying that the flock cameras helped them find missing kids. They might. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. What's the point? Is it just to... It's just total... Keep tabs?

37:43Shane Gillis:Yeah, it's just a complete fucking paranoid panopticon, man. I'm not advocating for them, but it's not like... Dude, if you do, if you advocate, people will smash. I wouldn't. I don't want them. Your phone. I know. You're literally on camera and traced at all times, too. That's the funny thing. Dude, the major cities have had these, like, every, I think, like, almost every block of Philadelphia has been video recorded. Hey, Lois murders. It works. It's been a while, right? It works. It gets people. That's why COVID threw it off, because everyone had the fucking masks on. Yeah. So, you know, you kind of, you could trick the camera systems.

38:19But every – I know Philly for sure has, like, completely been cammed up for a long time. So, but, yeah, I don't know. You know, it's – I think it's bad if you watch everybody every second of the day. For sure. If they start giving out tickets off cameras, I'm going to rage against the machine. My uncle claims you can just let those go. Because he said that they don't have – PPA gives you – Philadelphia Parking Authority was doing the light cameras, and he claims they legally don't have the authority to ticket you for a moving violation so he used to just refuse to pay them i gotta check in and see how that worked out but yeah he was like you don't gotta pay those fucking things he would never pay them so i dude i didn't pay the part the part i heard the parking authority like seven thousand dollars i got a ton of easy passes going oh they'll get a lot yeah they'll take my license bro those those new private yeah they'll get they'll get you and those new private uh in california has it's a french company who owns the private highways are all over the people they'll fucking they'll jack you up to like tens of thousands of dollars yeah they go wild yeah they will get you no i i've i've heard of people racking up like five figures and tolls i'm like damn yeah i'm probably sitting up there this texas has been getting me really yeah it's been a few years i would i would join a few years of pa in texas of me not paying a single toll really you can call and settle might be in trouble.

39:40You can call and settle those. I'm going to settle.

39:43Shane Gillis:Or I might take them to court. Not bad. I'll see you in court. You should spend fucking for a fortune just tying them up. I'm going to tie them up. I'm going to get the best lawyers. I'm going to go bankrupt, but they're not taking me. Just take a wing out. Just have them lay off like 90 people. Get a tiger shark lawyer. Uh-huh. There are, if you have enough money, you can like sue municipalities and fight cities and stuff and win. I used to work for a guy who destroyed a historic building, and he goes, my lawyer's a tiger shark. He'll buttfuck the city. Nice. Yeah, dude, it was pretty funny. All right.

40:19Shane Gillis:It was pretty tight. What type of historic building did you destroy? To be fair, it was bullshit. I was there. Actually, I helped destroy it, but it wasn't like, you know, there's like the Liberty Bell, Ben Franklin's house. This was just an old, shitty house that they had already done a ton of renovations to, and then the historical people came in. And they're like, no. And it was like a modern. It was fucking. It was complete bullshit. Yeah. And the owner was just like, yo, 7 a.m., crumble it. Because they were like tying them up in court. And he was like, just smash it. I'll figure it out after the fact.

40:52And he just had to smash the building. And there was all these historical guys like, you should be ashamed of yourself. And I was just sitting there with like one of those stop signs like, shut up. Shut the fuck up. Should have pointed the stop sign at him. I should have. I did hit the one lady. She goes, that building's history. I was like, it's certainly history now. And she went, my dad's like, stop, all right? Knock it off. It's certainly history now. Dude, he was like, stop it. Don't talk to them. Don't do that. Yeah, I'm ashamed to say it. She said, what history? Tell me. Yeah, exactly. What is it?

41:21What is this? What do you know about this building? They actually probably would have.

41:24Shane Gillis:Well, actually, it was. All right. I don't believe you. You're boring me. That's it. Now you're boring me. I'm going to hit you with a rock. You're annoying. That was one of the sickest things, is watching a guy being like, bro, I'll deal with the city later. knocked that shit down. It was like, God damn. I don't know. You could just fucking have this thing go to the city and be like, shut up. If you're, I think that's like billionaire status. Yeah. If you're a billionaire, the city complains, you can be like, shut up. And go, honey, why don't I give you the Padres? I will say I was, I was negative on a Kwanzaa Jones at first.

41:59I've come around completely. She's been a ray of sunshine in every clip. Yeah. And yeah, dude, Dude, it's turning out that the sports leagues are really, I mean, truly milling Black Lady Magic. WNBA is fucking running solely on Black Girl Magic right now. It's got to be just like fucking really dastardly race-baiting clips.

42:22Shane Gillis:I think Kwanzaa Jones is... That's genuine Black Girl Magic. Yeah, that one's good. That's good. Well, that's, yeah. That was a nice one. WNBA is being fueled entirely by hate. Yeah, it's pretty bad. They've entered the trans. Dude, it's now trans. It's a trans and race fight. You got the trans battle going. The trans battle's crazy. Trans battle's crazy. The trans battle being like, well, we support them. And you have to be like, yeah, me too. All right, jump ball. Let's go, guys. Yeah, yeah. Try to play basketball. But yeah, that's a weird one. I mean, I want to see them put their money where their mouth is.

42:59You know, it's one thing to say. That's all lip service to me. It's like, bro, let me see the roster. Stack it. stack it up. You want to get back? You want to fucking knock? What's her name? It's just the G League all of a sudden. It's just other NBA guys, guys that couldn't make the NBA. Fuck, we already have that. That's a good argument for people who's like, what are you, not like women? Because you don't watch the WNBA? It's like, I don't watch the G League.

43:23Shane Gillis:Yeah. I just want to watch the NBA. Yeah. Why would I? I'm sure somebody's come to that conclusion already. I don't know about it. I never heard the G League angle on that. If that turns into G League ball, But then you get to see G-leaguers dunk like yam. Yeah. I mean, the poster eyes, it's going to be ugly. If you go nuts to face dunk on a lady. Yeah. If we put that white bull in from Philly, put him in the WNBA. He's jumping over those. Do backflip dunks. I think everybody. That's the right move. They should only let white G-leaguers into the WNBA. So we can really. That's a good. No, those are good.

44:00You want money? Let's get the racial battle going again. Yeah. That is nice. Every team gets one white guy. Oh, dude, wait until the movie they're going to make is amazing. The movie in 20 years. It'll make a league of the...

44:13Shane Gillis:Jack Robinson of WMBA. Yeah.

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44:43Shane Gillis:Yeah, I mean, it's truly shameful what they're doing right now. It's truly shameful. Speaking of different genders in sports, I watched our beloved Westchester, Pennsylvania baseball team in the Little League World Series fall victim to a woman pitcher yesterday. A girl from Alabama was just dominating. Really? Yeah. She was whipping. She was whipping, undeniably whipping. And I was just thinking those poor boys, 11 and 12-year-old boys getting struck out by a lady on ESPN. I mean, I used to cry just getting struck out by... Yeah. No one was even watching when I was getting struck out by girls.

45:18I can't even imagine. It's a deep shame. I don't tell anyone I got struck out by girls. When did you play with the girls? Don't worry about it. It was weird, girl. She was nasty. Really? She was around 11 or 12 years old, literally. And she was just dealing. Yeah, she was dealing. There was nothing we could do about it. Fuck. it was all we always had like the man child pictures where it'd be like the kids there's a couple men there's a couple like 5 11 6 foot kids already they're dealing yeah it'd be like small little mustache armpit hair and i'd be sitting there like bro can i just yeah this is crazy i have a pinch batter please yeah i didn't know that i didn't know there was a girl what was what was she what was their mph or she more of a technician she's got she's got great control great command great location every time but uh i don't know they always do the mlb comparison because the mound's close.

46:02They're like, there's 91 miles an hour. He goes, it's like 60.

46:07Shane Gillis:Oh, I see what you're saying. But the mound's close. So this is how much time you have to react, which is the equivalent of a 93-mile-an-hour fastball. God damn. It was a tough one. The boys from Westchester were up 5-0. And they brought in the fucking... Then they brought in the girl. Didn't score a run. Mama me. 14Ks, dude. She's crazy. I mean, that was such a mental game. I mean, still to this day, I'd be like, bro, don't strike, get struck out. 14, that's like apocalyptic. Your boys, you and your boys are getting fucking humiliated on a national stage. That's crazy. Yeah. I mean, that's, I'd be curious to see.

46:47I wonder what they're going to, I mean. Do you fear the bow? Hmm? She's got a bow in her ponytail. Do you fear it? Does she really? I fear the fucking bow. I fear the fucking bow. I fear the bow, dude. I was tossing a turn last night. I could barely sleep. although i mean high cheese from the bow last night i was chasing i was chasing shit in the dirt i was i mean the bow is humiliating me in my dreams torturing me also too i might i might be up there all shucksing too i'm up there being like man she sure is pretty yeah trying to swing him off she's here i don't want to hit her ball i would as soon as i heard i remember the day or like when i did baseball a couple years and i heard they're pitching 60 miles an hour and i was like

47:27Shane Gillis:I'm out. Yeah, we got to go. I'm done. Not doing it. Everyone run. No, I haven't got hit with one of those balls yet, and I'm done. I quit. I never got hit with a pitch. Ever? Mm-mm. And I was. You must have been ready. Bro, I bailed. I bailed. I used to, even when I would swing, I would step out. I was like not. Baseball is terrifying. Baseball is fucked up, dude. It's awful. Yeah. Oh, it's such a bad, I don't know. It was my least favorite sport. With all my time off, I've been catching the fills a lot lately. Yeah. It's been a nice midday treat. I was just when the 4pm demon comes around I go time for the Phillies everything sucks everything sucks oh the Phillies why did you pick this

48:09get away from me yeah that is sick if you're like on board they'd be like yeah you're a piece of shit what do you expect of course you're bored you fucking asshole and I think too it was only like the aristocracy you could claim boredom no one everyone else was like what what the fuck are you talking about it's odd though because i think they had a lot of boring

48:29Shane Gillis:ass fucking days you would think i think they always did yeah i mean yeah it was the same thing every day boring but if you're a i mean i feel like starving adds a little you're like super hungry that would get your juices flowing for sure you're super hungry if you're if you ever don't eat for like two days you're like everything yeah i don't think that was yeah like they were starving that hard yeah although they didn't fucking eat people did not eat like we eat now We eat at least, I think it's like 1 ,200 more calories a day than our - We're bigger. Right. We're way bigger. They're all tiny.

49:01Shane Gillis:That's why girls can deal like that. Girls are out here dealing because she's loving. True. Extra calories did the thing. Yeah. I don't think life was a bunch of starving people. I think they, one thing I heard was they took so much time off. Yeah. Because of the fields. The winter, you're just off. Yeah. You know? Obviously, you got to work around the fucking house, but like - no it was the uh yeah well they're also there's so many festivals i think there was like 35 like you have a christmas yeah i guess they wouldn't be bored they're just fucking partying dude yeah we farmed all year and now it's on the party strong argument that the life of the medieval peasant was like kind of rocking a little bit in terms of mentally every second you're like dude i'm not going to hell you truly believed every piece of it you're like i'm not going to hell my honor's never been higher i'm like the knights of old then you'd be like two days later at your festival.

49:50What's that? Is that your cousin getting a shower? Oh, well, you saw that. But yeah, the, yeah. Dude, the Romans didn't even have, I think January and February were at their add-ons. They didn't have, they would just get to a certain point and go, all right. Really? It's just nothing now. Their winters, they didn't even call it a month. It was just like dead time. And then March was, obviously they would march it to their enemies and slay them. what yeah you know march was like their january oh what do you mean march it was from the god of wars the war planet yeah it was like that's that was their official start to the year well that's because military campaigns start in the spring yeah but they didn't have january and february it was it was a that's why it's december it's 12 it's the 12th month no it's the 10th month December is 10th

50:43Shane Gillis:pretty sick it's a cool fact I learned it's a good fact October 8 8 but what is it really 10

50:54yeah

50:55Shane Gillis:October is 8 yeah wait LaMare if you can't speak Latin you can't produce a podcast I'm so confused why are you confused LaMare we talked about this were you not there yeah I'm confused January is month 1 and how does a confused person get a resolution I don't know you figure it out ask the Pope he knows everything I didn't I thought I'd get more credit for the hitting the fucking easy going at the end of Fallon they kind of cut it off a little what happened? I hit the fucking Steve Spiros at the very end no one not one person caught it at the end it was like when he's like alright thanks I'm like easy going?

51:34Shane Dillis easy going Steve Spiros

51:37Shane Gillis:who's Steve Spiros? I wear my sunglasses at night I'm going back to Waterloo to hang out with the vampires. This place looks like New York, Manhattan.

51:49That's so funny. Show their tits.

51:52Shane Gillis:Going on shows and doing, you might be a fucking niche lord. You were kind of niche-mogging on Fallon. That's crazy, bro. It's crazy how hard you niche-mogging. Well, my buddies were there, and I was like, I'm going to do this. I'm going to do this for you guys at the end because this is all very embarrassing. Easy going. it was the first time they showed it it was very you could see it and I think they cut it off I think they thought I was up I think they thought I was dog whistling I think they thought I was going I was going I was going is he going Steve Spiros for those of you who know me I'm a nobody I'm getting niche mocked so hard nobody I'm going to be committed to an isolation unit oh that's right I'm gonna be crucified I don't mean to yell I don't mean to raise my voice I've showed you this video a thousand times I mean it's like the schizophrenic dude it's awesome boy mid breakdown gets hit with a fucking fashion fashion sense interview style studio or some shit she goes what's your name but he goes what's my name I'm confused yeah I know you're talking about we're supposed to believe in the ministry right she's like yeah what the fuck easygoing so funny steve spiro's easygoing

53:13i have i have seen i know you're talking about waterloo they're creating bums they created me

53:20Shane Gillis:bro if you went full schizophrenic yeah hit him with those shows it'd be so i know well we talked about it before that's why i did the easygoing yeah i was like i should just i could 99 that thing he's 99 accuracy steve spiro's on fallon just keep going while he's trying to all right we'll be right back and be like hey i don't ask the pope he knows everything fuck up just get a guy just earbud where dude he's like five schizophrenics just being like and then on the third day they love names oh dude schizophrenics love hitting names mid-breakdown. They'll just be like, and I talked to Nate Marshall and he told me 657.

54:01Okay? So if you ain't 657, motherfucker, get the fuck out of my face.

54:06Shane Gillis:I do like how they can flow from one topic to another where you're like, hold on a second. How did we get here? No problem. They crush cigs. Yeah, my, it was like my cousin's cousin. Sweatpants, cigs. Swig, yeah. Let's go. Weed, they like to get their hands on the weed every now and again too. Oh no. Dude, my cousin's cousin's uncle was schizophrenic and we would bring him weed and he would just literally chill in sweatpants and just bless us for like 30 minutes you just get high and listen to him like dang i think i brought it i have it somewhere in this house i think my one boy's uncle was schizophrenic and wrote a book what it's fucking awesome yeah it's probably fantastic it's just ideas every paragraph is a different idea that he has and he's like swimming is for fucking gay people fuck oh yeah my bad he was big he hated swimmers he was like sexual freaks dude he's not wrong about this very like you guys are very sexual this is wrong this is against god swimming is for homosexuals and sluts well he's not wrong about this watch him swim and get mad it is very sexual to glide through the water true it's it's almost like unbearably so i'll be unbearably sexual when you're swimming yeah i i there's something about it i mean i'm you know every sport has its downfall you can get shin splints when you run swimming is like you got to be careful out there you're not paying attention someone just bull shark across lanes like no oh man you're all tired from the laps that would drag you right down yeah you'd be careful take you underwater hit you with a gator roll you know you might you're so swimmed up you might you don't know what the hell you do you know it is yeah the schizophrenic guy was right about that he's 100 right yeah Yeah, chicken fights.

55:46Being in a pool with a girl is chaos.

55:50Shane Gillis:Dude, it's, yeah, you got any of those. Look, if you're brushstroking, you can pause, but you can wrap the pet. You can, like, if you reach into a lane, you got to be really careful about that because you don't know where you're at. You know, when I was just a young guppy, I'd be all course corrected. You could easily crash and hit, and that's like, it's kind of a quagmire. Yeah. Because if she's in a bathing suit, you could, look, shudder to think about it. Shudder to think about it. You're in international waters. Swimming pool has no laws. As long as you're not touching the bottom. You got to be in the deep end.

56:21True. How should I know I was floating, Your Honor? I was floating in a liquid. I was listening to two minorities tell me the beach is for white people. Really? And I didn't like that. I think anybody can have fun at the beach. I've seen a huge uptick. It was LeMaire's opinion. I think the beach is for everybody. The beach is for everybody. God gave us the beach call. Nah, the beach is for whites. No, I've seen a huge uptick. You said it, brother. Clip it. Ocean City, New Jersey is where I always went, and Ocean City, New Jersey in the 90s very much so appeared to be for whites. I went there a couple years ago, and it's now, it's the Rainbow Coalition.

57:04You're saying it's like the mall. It's like the mall. Yeah. Very similar to the mall. Very similar to the mall.

57:08Shane Gillis:Although lots of - 80s, 90s, it was for white bad boys. For white bad boys. A lot of Indian bros, though, or crushing the beach right now. Maybe. It's a little theory I have. With the influx of minorities going to our shopping malls, do you think that's when they found Hot Topic and introduced black goths and vamps? That's a good theory. Thank you. I just came up with that. That's a great theory, actually. Nate loves goths. Huh? Nate loves goths. You love goth baddies. I think I love goth baddies, but I think that was Lil Wayne. Lil Wayne made everybody go to Hot Topic. We found Hot Topic because of Lil Wayne.

57:44From skateboarding and shit? Yeah, skateboarding. He was wearing, like, those weird belts. And then through that, we started to dip our toes. Do you think it's possible that Kanye turned black people onto high fashion?

57:58Probably a little bit. A little Kanye. Mostly Kanye. A little Jay-Z. I heard an anecdote. Jay-Z was like. He had Rock and Wear, which was trash. But he also, like, he was the first one to be like, I'm too old for jerseys, and I got to wear a polo. I got to dress a little different. Polo is yay all day. Polo, yay made it cool. The pink polo, yay made it cool. But I think Jay was rocking the polo a little bit, too. They were making rock and wear polos. Big as shit. Yeah, they were pretty massive. I think we're talking about high fashion. You're talking about high fashion? No, don't get me wrong.

58:31I consider a polo the pinnacle of fashion. It is. It's the height of my fashion. It's the modern suit. It's as far as I get. You're saying polo with the polo horse, not high fashion? No. No, we're talking about, like, designer shit. High concept. Yeah, that's probably Kanye or, like, ladies. I heard an anecdote about Kanye. I know someone who went to grade school with him two years below him. Apparently, he would, like, design sneakers when he was, like, in eighth grade and mail them off to, like, Nike. He would just, like, mail sneaker designs off. Apparently called a shot pretty hard the whole time.

59:04He's like, I'm going to do this, I'm going to do that, I'm going to do that. And the guy was just like, yeah, he fucking never thought he was a fucking asshole, but it turns out he've rocked. Yeah, he was like, dude, we were all like, this guy's out of control. Turns out he called his fucking shots. Yes. Pretty sick. Mailing the sneaker designs kind of tight in eighth grade. It's kind of a nuts move just being like, no, they got to see this shit. Yeah. Everyone copied his sneaker. The Adidas Shoei put out, everyone copied that. That like knit looking thing with the, truly the guy was a fashion genius.

59:38Said what he said? Until he said what he said. Until he said what he said. He kind of had everything going for him. He'll be back. He'll be back. Yeah. He's back. I don't know if he can get to the shoes point again. I mean, I think Kanye can do anything. Why not?

59:59He did, but he's like putting them out of self. I don't know if he has like the factory, the amount of factories you would need to do what he did before. What would stop him from obtaining factories and high-level connections? I don't understand. I don't know. What do you think?

1:00:13Shane Gillis:What do you think would stop him from that? I don't understand what you're talking about at all. Yeah, I just meant like acquiring. Just accusation. Looking at new boots. You new boots goofing? Didn't he lower all of his prices too, apparently? Yeah. Like crazy low. I don't know how you could profit off of him. Make quality and profit. I mean, maybe it's not about profit. Maybe it's just giving back to the people. It could be.

1:00:43What? Didn't Stephon Marbury have cheap shoes when they were kind of quality in a time when, yeah. It's possible. We've covered this. They weren't trash. We've covered this quite a bit. Shaq diesels were cheap as hell. Fiacs were cheap. I think they were all bad quality.

1:00:58Shane Gillis:Shaqs, I can attest. You do not talk about the Shaq diesels like that. They were blisters. I used to get blistered so hard in the Shaqs. It was a nice thing he did, but I was getting Shaqs. Shaq's from Kohl's. They were like 18 bucks, and I was blistered out. You know what's interesting? Back to the Snoop Dogg conversation. I don't mind that Shaq's in everything. Yeah. I like seeing Shaq. Me too. You know what I mean? In every commercial. I do too. Snoop Dogg, I go, why don't you? Well, he's a drug addict. He's addicted to marijuana. Who? Snoop Dogg? He's a drug addict. I see him, I go, this is a drug addict off TV.

1:01:32Shane Gillis:This is goddamn... Shaq Diesel's just known for having a good time slam dunks. Yeah. Good time slam dogs. Snoop Dogg's a hoodlum. He's a gangbanger, dude. He's a drug addict gangbanger. You even pronunciated it? Snoop Dogg. He's a hoodlum. Snoop Dogg's a hoodlum. Snoop Dogg is a hoodlum. I used to love Snoop Dogg when I was a kid. I didn't know what Doggy Saw was, and I handed the album to my mom. I'm like, can I please get this? She was like, no. Why? Why not? Because that's how you were conceived. Now put it back. Brodman, I got hit hard on the pimp algorithm on YouTube. Pimps? Pimps. There's interviews.

1:02:12Shane Gillis:The tricks are maybe the funniest interviews of all time. Just guys. I don't know why they go on and do these interviews. They're like, yeah, I love buying prostitutes all the time. It's like, dude, what is the upside to this fucking? Maybe they're paying you, but it's like every time. I'm like, yeah, I smoke crack sometimes. And I'm losing my family over it. But I just, hey, man, what's it to anyone if I want to enjoy myself with another adult? It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? But then I saw that fed me into the pimp algorithm. Dude. Pimp algorithm. Yeah, I've been there a little.

1:02:46It bothers me immensely. Do you know the picture I sent you of the guy just going like this? No. Oh, dude, it's so funny. The softball, I talk about softball underbelly all the time. But the guy, they take it. He's a photographer. That's like his real thing. So he takes pictures of them mid-interview. They show it. Usually people just stand there and smile for the camera. this guy went it's but he gets on he gets on right away he goes my mama was a certified hoe what the fuck dude dude my mama was a certified hoe but he was he was he was gorilla pimping that's frowned upon what's gorilla pimp gorilla pimp is when it's it's force oh you're using force yeah it's claimed that a real pimp you should never even go to jail because there's nothing to charge you for these women just love you yeah but grill pimping is not really you're

1:03:33Shane Gillis:being mean using drugs using intimidation beat hitting on them can't hit on your hoe you shouldn't you shouldn't but that whole the whole game's fucked up now but who fucked up the game la gangbangers they fucked the whole game they got into pimping they're not pimps the la gangbangers they're rough bro really rough pimps you get a real pimp like magic bishop don one those guys look at it they go ain't it that's not it that's real the real pimp is apparently loved by his community so you haven't watched nothing but pimp propaganda you watch the guys who are like no i'm eve i'm mean and i do it it's like you watch that you're like god damn these guys are vicious man very very nasty nasty line yeah it's almost nothing worse than a mean pimp yeah no they're i mean they're literally are like sex traffickers it is funny if you stay within the state they're like man yeah it hasn't trafficked them yeah it's very very bad stuff and then if you get locked up as a pimp you can get the boys you can start working with the boys you can start pimping with the boys god damn pimping with the boys that seems like more fun honestly that seems like you could you could actually have a very healthy relationship with your with your bottom bitch with all your with your flock that's what I'm saying you could actually be boys with them that's what I'm saying you could hang out dude I just I love a motley crew.

1:04:54So having your mop bag, my ragtag group of guys, we would turn, we would, I mean, dude, it'd be a ragtag ensemble, but we would turn. Who do you want? Mark will suck you. Mark, come here, man. You can play Xbox first. If you suck that guy. Thank you. I'm not going to let him play first.

1:05:16Shane Gillis:Yeah. I'd like to think, I don't know. I will. I might get gorilla pimping on my boys though. I think I can see you doing that. You would, oh my God. You'd have a gorilla pimp. Yeah, if you got power, you would gorilla pimp. You'd punch Nate in the head. He said, I told you to wear that outfit. Put on something shorter. Get out there. I know it's hot out. Get out there. Yeah, that's such a fucking nuts. I mean, imagine that. You wake up in the morning. You're just in a hotel room with like three cracked out ladies. You're like, all right, ladies, come on. Let's organize. Today's the day. What the fuck did you say?

1:05:52Yeah, you're going to have to slap a little. Yeah, I'm obsessed with, I keep hearing about Figueroa Street. Figueroa Street's apparently in L.A. L.A. Apparently there's just hundreds of ladies with their heinies out. So apparently it's a whole scene. They just have their butts out. They have their butts out. More like everything's out. And these poor guys are just driving by. There's dudes that they can't stay off. They're there every day. They're there every single day. I wonder if they have the Snoop Dogg GPS while they're trying to avoid Figueroa. Oh, shit. Well, it's so funny because I like, again, this obviously sounds insane, but I want to see it so bad.

1:06:31I'm just curious what it looks like. That's all. I just want to see it. So next time I'm in LA, I kept laughing. I was with my whole family. I'm like, let's just take a weird route and drive by. I'm like, holy shit. Oh, God. What the hell?

1:06:43Shane Gillis:Yeah. Stay off of it, dude. You got to be careful. Yeah. I won't go. Figaro Street? Fig? I don't think those butts are for me. yeah i bet those butts are it's hot cross bones i bet those are tough heinies there's a lot of tough heinies yeah but here's the thing that's what i hear i hear it's like it's it's not like lot lizards apparently it's just a collection of true beauties really yeah that's that's the whole problem that would be an issue it's true beauty it's true beauties sweethearts so you're saying there's sweethearts with their heinies out on the street like hundreds apparently if you go down there again i i've never seen it i'm just literally dreaming it up from what i hear but that sounds who told you they're pretty uh one of the guys all the horny guys on soft white yeah some beautiful girls man apparently i mean anything apparently it's literally anything you can think of they got it on the fig which again i would say stay away for sure yeah you don't want to go down there you don't get caught up with them so I got I that's I wish I'd stop watching software and it's all that's all I watch on the plane I watch pimp interviews if I fly for two hours watch 10 interviews with pimps and I get to San Jose and I'm like all right let me get this hour together I've rotted my brain with pimp material well I think we've done it let's let's do the patreon goodbye everybody watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify do it

1:08:12Thank you.