Arsenal & Chelsea Battle to Stay Perfect, Everton’s Transfer Woes Continue & Can Barcola Fix Liverpool? | Big Weekend Preview 09/03/26

0:00You're listening to the Men in Blazers Media Network, Suboptimal Radio.

0:11Massive Premier League weekend, ahoy! Arsenal host Xabi Alonso is also perfect, yes somehow deeply imperfect. Chelsea are listing Liverpool look for their first win of the season and tremble a little bit because Cech's notes. Ipswich Town are the opponents while Tottenham self-screw in their first goal of the season against Nottingham Forest. Baby steps, guys. You can always be worse. You could be Everton. This is Big Weekend Preview, the table setter for the weekend's football feast. I'm joined by new haircuts, Rory Smith. It's gone a bit too short, Rog. You look like the first day at school, baby.

0:45And look who's back. It's posh Volta Marda. It's Mr Humphrey Carr. Here we are. How do everybody? We're not used to not sweating on the back of a bus somewhere outside of Atlanta, but we will soldier on. go right into North London. Arsenal against Chelsea, Sunday, 11.30am Eastern Time USA. Let's start with Mikel Arteta's Arsenal. Two wins out of two. Joyful attacking against Coventry. Monday's 1-0 victory against Villa. A little more control, but kind of grimly attritional. Look, they've only allowed one shot on target across the first two game days, leaving Thierry Henry saying, I don't see a team that can challenge them to terrible Thierry impression roar.

1:25But do you agree with KQ? It's like he was with us. And then for a second, I felt like I could knee slide into that corner flag. Do you agree, Rul? Yeah, we've kind of been here before, haven't we, with Arsenal? It looks ominously familiar. They weren't thrilling in Ains Villa. To be honest, they weren't especially thrilling in Ains Coventry, but they are grinding through the gears. They're picking up speed. They look maybe not untouchable, but certainly kind of more untouchable than anybody else. That's kind of what I expected Arsenal to be this season. Not a kind of different order of whatever they were before, but themselves, but better.

1:56Humph, you've seen inevitable. You've seen Wrexham in the National League. Care to comment? Well, I'm going to stake my enormous reputation on the line by saying that it's early days. That's my controversial. That's my very controversial observation. Yeah, the hottest of hot takes. Because I tell you this, you look at the two teams they've played, obviously it's Coventry who romped to the championship title last season. It's quite an interesting thing as a championship man, as I consider myself that usual kind of mental dissonance when you see the team that was so dominant last season step up and be like oh yes they're playing with the bigger boys and the bigger boys are pretty good aren't they and then Villa obviously a lot of disruption a lot of players going out this season rumors of some frustrations from Unai Emery with the hierarchy at Aston Villa those are two teams to which you would expect last season's champions to perform well against the city have started uh you know fine well they've signed a lot of incredible players they'll probably be very good but it's just a bit early I think to be to be labelling Arsenal as ominous well to be fair this stage of the season last season Liverpool had won the Premier League so that is you know there is there is historical relevance there we always say in the olden days they did not used to print a league table until after four games of the season we are utterly knee-jerk we're burying teams after one game we're calling them title winners after two It was just who we are, isn't it?

3:18If I see a knee, I'm going to jerk it. I love to jerk a knee. What is life about the knee jerk? But what you're saying is essentially is attack wins games, defences win championships and stability will probably win this title. From a Chelsea perspective, transfer deadline day, Chelsea, confirmed$169 million sale of that elite wrestling heel, Enzo Fernandes. He's now at City, a big club. We'll get to that. But Monaco did what they do. They undermined another Premier League team, them mad bastards, by last second psyching them out of selling them Lamine Kamara as a replacement. So this game is very much a moment of truth for Xabi Alonso's new Chelsea.

3:58Six out of six points so far, but man, as breathtaking as their front three, their JP Morgan goal orgy is, their midfield, 26 % possession in the last game against Brighton, 146 successful passes. Jonathan Wilson wrote that Chelsea have a perfect start, but an unserious one, which I love. We joked on Monday that Chelsea are phenomenal to watch, but they're also like knowing the virus. They've got it going on at both ends. What are you making them? For the first time in a while, it's probably quite fun to be a Chelsea fan at this moment in time. You know, it's been such a, you know, the phrase basket case club gets thrown around, but it has been an environment which has felt fundamentally unserious.

4:39and now it feels as though they've gone from being a comedy to a comedy drama you know they're there they were they were previously upgrade yeah i think so i think they've gone they you know they've gone from being friday night dinner and they've become ludwig they're they're a little bit more of a serious prospect so that's that's a good one for british viewers uh they'll know those two tv shows are you like paid to push brit box yeah 100 that's that's i'm gonna be i'm gonna be throwing in loads of references to Poirot, to Rosemary and Thyme, all the popular British shows that are available right now on your Brickbox subscription.

5:12No, but I mean, I think they are, they are, they're not a full-blown drama, they're not a serious operation, you know, they are not yet the West Wing, they are still a, they're a work in progress but that work and that progress is probably really exciting if you're a Chelsea fan. This is a great idea that we should be thinking of Premier League teams in relation to what sort of prestige television show they are. Are Chelsea the newsroom? It's sort of good, but at the same time, it doesn't really work. I don't know if it's going to run for seasons upon seasons. Never mind the newsroom, Everton are the room.

5:43I mean, that's where we are. But bite your arm off to be the newsroom, guys. Can I defend Xabi Alonso? Please. Because I'm a Xabi loyalist. I think Xabi Alonso is an elite manager. He's a wonderfully handsome man, and I would do anything for him. I think, to an extent, we are knee-jerking around Alonso as well. Yeah, their defence looks really shaky. They've conceded five goals across their first two Premier League games. The distances aren't right. Their relationships aren't there, all that stuff, as normal. He's been in charge at Chelsea for like three months. He's signed seven or eight players or had seven or eight players delivered to him.

6:18He's seen another like 12 go,$500 million plus in sales. At one point in pre-season, they had his first team training on one pitch and another sort of shadow first team that was absolutely not a bomb squad I cannot stress that enough a non-bomb squad it was a group of players they didn't want and who were going to leave but it wasn't a bomb squad stop calling it a bomb squad they were training like next door because there were complaints that Chelsea were kind of creating an unpleasant workplace environment when they had an actual bomb squad that is total chaos the fact that Alonso's kind of managed to get his team playing some sort of football with some kind of identity this quickly I think is amazing and you could see against Brighton there were there were little glimmers of the sort of football he played at Leverkusen and to do that in in those circumstances in this short space of time it just feels a little bit cruel to be like well you've not sorted out the defense have you?

7:12I'm also a Jabi Alonsoite and I would like him to kiss me on the cheek the I think I think a thing that people that we collectively often assume about pre-season is oh this is a great time for for you know this is where they start to work on patterns and work on this and the reality of the modern pre-season for for premier league clubs this is something i've seen at wrexham as well is that so much that is is you know actually traveling around the world fulfilling commercial obligations spreading the brand it's not the best way to prepare your team to play football you're telling then assumption that making Chelsea behave like the Savannah bananas for a month is not a great way to prepare mentally for a season ahead that's my listen that's the that's the Humphrey Carr unified theory of pre-season and maybe I'm wrong but I I do think that you know again to Rory's point to have achieved what he's achieved in this space of time with the amount of disruption that goes on around having to fly to you know wherever it was Singapore all over the place did we play them this summer I can't even remember I think I think maybe I think you played them at least seven times we never stopped playing them by the way wrecks him against the savannah bananas was peak football i loved it i know a lot of the purists didn't like it but i thought it was fantastic yeah yeah um well thank you that was very much my driven by me uh my fine commercial brain but yes i think to roy's point i think yes the the this is why i say i think if you're a chelsea fan right now you should be very happy and excited by the way i do love and i feel for all the arsenal fans like when we do 26 % possession, everyone calls it anti-football and Xabi Alonso does it.

8:44It's like peak perfection. This game is going to be fascinating and there are so many levels to it to finish. There's of course, I mean, you've talked about dramas, comedy dramas. There's the almost rom-com level human subplot of the managers being lifelong childhood friends. Mikel Arteta and Xabi Alonso, famously two men born in the same Basque region, just months apart. I actually talked to them both about this. their different perspectives in our pre-season conversations, which I'll link below in the show notes. But they grew up as neighbours on the same street as kids, played together on the same team in the academy of the Basque Amateur Club, Antigua Cor, and now managers of London's most powerhouse teams.

9:24It is like, I mean, it's like House of Dragons inbred, boyhood friends turned for 90 minutes, turned honestly for a season into fierce, fierce rivals. It's quasi-Shakespearean. humph it can surely only end with one of them dying in the other's embrace right there can be no other option can no i mean and look you know god willing uh metaphorically speaking one of them yes will collapse into the other's arms with a with a dagger in his back very much like daenerys and john snow at the end of game of thrones that feels like a spoiler oh yes well hang on i don't think i can spoiler a show that finished 10 years ago or whatever it was yes yes okay so the first game of the season it's the battle of the whatever like the one in the dark and then all the bad and that goes really badly and they lose that one but then after that so that's the first game here and before you do more damage um to the brand brick box always be selling i don't know how you say i wish i knew how to quit you in basque i'm guessing it's the same with a lot more x's thrown in their role my fascination with the arteta alonto subplot rog which is um it's incredible and i think iraola drew up very close to them and played in the same youth team as well that story has seemed seems to have added extra layers as I guess it's as Alonso has become kind of more relevant as a manager so initially we kind of knew they grew up in the same town and then it emerged that they grew up on the same street and now it's that they played in the same team I am looking forward to the denouement to that story being that they are actually brothers I think that is the only way that it ends that their babies were swapped at the hospital when they were children it turns out they're secretly brothers let's get on talking about spoiler alerts to your predictions of the game How is it going to go down?

10:59What's the final score going to be? Roar, you first. I think this will be a very good game. I think Chelsea are good going forward. I think Arsenal are due, as Humphrey kind of alludes to, someone to challenge them at the back. So I'm going to say an exciting early season 2-2. Crazy talk. Put us right. I have gone for also an exciting early season 3-2. However, I think that home advantage will see them through. He wins again, Johnny Snow. Now, look, I see this being a statement 3-1 victory for Arsenal. I really do. I just got a feeling Calafiore and Ben White will revel in that space behind Chelsea's midfield.

11:34They're going to contort that back line. But their clean sheet record comes to an end at the hands of my best mate. Slight exaggeration there. Cole Palmer. Remember, people, buy his ice. Buy the ice. Put some money in my pocket.

11:49Let's charge north to a team close to both of your hearts. to Liverpool. Travel to Traktor Land to face Ipswich Town Friday 3pm Eastern Time on USA. We'll get to the new star signing Bradley Barcola in one moment. Transfer the low-key caught my eye. Signing of 18 year old Belgian goalkeeper Luger Bruggemann. Look at the size of those paws. It's beautiful man. You know what they say Humpf about big hands right? Big gloves. Big hands and you could be in a ludicrous music video to the game. I'd love to hear Honestly, both of your opinions here, because you're both, for your sins, Mad Reds, Raw, Liverpool fans, and Grimast is possibly the right word, two Andoni-era older games, in which the squad screamed of desperate needs for at least one new fullback, probably two, and a midfielder, you know, who knew how to do defensive things, neither's arrived.

12:41but let's forget needs. Let's go on once and behold, shiny new speed freak, Bradley Barcola, plucked from PSG for 166 million. He'll charge up and down the right wing. Duake, Fandoni Erola, love that man. He already looks like he's in perma-indigestion mode on the sideline as he digs deep for what can only be patchwork solutions. What single thing makes you both most optimistic about Liverpool until January? What single thing makes you most terrified about all the rest to come? My optimism is based on, I think last season was such a kind of harrowing experience in many respects for Liverpool fans that I think there is a sense of he needs time.

13:26And I think there's a recognition that last summer's business didn't go to plan and that that has nothing to do with Areola. And so my hope is that Liverpool fans will have quite a sanguine outlook on how this season goes. For those of us that didn't go to Cambridge, just tell us what sanguine is. I didn't go to Cambridge either, Roger. It means chill. Yeah? Now I'm speaking your language. Yeah, everyone just be sanguine. Just sanguine out. Just sanguine out, boys. Just sanguine out, guys. Don't worry, Deliveroo will deliver the beers. It'll be fine. My lack of optimism is that football fans are football fans and want success yesterday.

14:09Liverpool looks like an extremely unbalanced squad at the moment that is lacking players in key areas and hasn't solved the issues that were pretty glaringly obvious towards the end of last season. Just sort of signed some cool, other exciting players. Just some sanguine players. Look, I love this. So what makes you optimistic? It's all about the fan mentality. Either everyone chill out or football fans are going to football fan. Ro, I don't know if yours has anything to do with what can happen on the field to play. It's just about our vibes. I think what we're seeing is how hard it is to transition from the best period in Liverpool's recent history to whatever comes next.

14:47My source of optimism, I guess, is that it is possible that a player as good as Barcola might unlock various other things, that he is an extra threat. I think he's a player of real quality and it's the sort of quality that should be transferable and should be relatively quick to manifest itself. My concern, I think, is in the times today, the London Times, not the New York Times, there's a great comparison with the Real Madrid policy of about 20 years ago, which was called Zidane Zipavones, where Real Madrid set out to sign superstars like Zinedine Zidane and just fill in the gaps with squad players like a guy called Francisco Pavon.

15:23There is a slightly better English term for that, which Humphrey will be familiar with. You might have forgotten it, Rog. But that phrase is all fur coat and no knickers. and I think that may well be what Liverpool end up being this season. I don't know how to explain it other than all fur coat and no knickers. All top hat and no trousers would also work, I think. It means that they've got the kind of show done. The fancy bits are fine, but all of the actual groundwork you need, trousers, underwear, for example, are not there. I think that's what will kind of mark Liverpool this season. I think at times they will be really good to watch under a Raiola with that talent on the pitch, but at times they're going to be a bit of a mess.

15:59I lost myself for a moment because when I went for a university interview at a very, very prestigious English university that I, thank God, did not get into and would never have prospered at rule, not like you. I was so nervous before I went in that I took my, you know, heavy coat off when I went in for the interview. And I looked down and I forgot to put my pants on.

16:21By the way, at that university, they normally like that kind of behavior. Didn't work well for me. but when I hear you do that quote so you weren't wearing any trousers no I've been so nervous like you know what I mean getting ready I was just like and then I got there I took my heavy in England you used to wear it so cold you wear a heavy like formal overcoat I took it off I looked down I had no pants on good news on paper this is not about me and paper's doing a lot of heavy lifting that's about you that's definitely about you yeah you can't do I mean that's an HR offence you can't do that my life changed in that moment forever Evan, thank God.

16:56What are you wearing now? Yeah, have you remembered to put your trousers on now? I've got a fur coat on, of course. I'm leaving the rest to the imagination. Look, Ipswich, work in progress. Got hit for five against Bruno Fernandes in United last week, which was a bit unfair if you actually watched the game. Gents, predictions, what do you see in the crystal ball tomorrow evening, Humphrey? I have gone for, I may be wearing red tinted glasses here, but I've gone for Ipswich Town 1, Liverpool 3. Bradley and when he goes Brad big Brad I suspect he won't start and therefore none Roar I also suspect he won't start I have gone for I think look sometimes this is obvious I think it will be Ipswich 2 Liverpool 2 we're going to see a lot of that I've got to say John Oliver has a theory that Liverpool only sign players who sound amazing in scouts Barcola just like Barcola have you seen the video where a fan refers to him as Bradley Broccoli there's a guy called broccoli I like that might it not be Barcola like that like his name's Barco you know that Barcola Barcola Barcola I love that broccoli that's the kind of stuff that sticks someone a fan somewhere will get his shirt number with broccoli on there just for the bant and he'll get about 20 ,000 likes on Instagram let the two twos roll I agree with you another draw Liverpool concede early equalised late only way we know is pain.

18:25Remember, football fans, it could always be worse. You could always be an Everton fan. Something I've always said for Bantz, it's now true. We blues experiencing. Honestly, agonies I only thought were possible for New York Jets fans. And now, we have to welcome Manchester United. 9am Sunday, USA Network. I was looking forward to this game. I am now not Everton in shambles. Trademark Flo Balogun. A man I love. I think that's kind of destroyed us. Possibly on-off. Very, very off player did something pretty well i think every everton fan wishes they could do right now which is walk out on everton um i was in shock the night it happened it's crazy i thought nothing bothers me this felt like a death humph i went to bed and i kept hearing your voice in that horrible word that you love to use can i get a ruling did balligan cook us here's the fun behind the scenes anecdote you and i obviously spoke to flo balligan in new york on the day of the world cup final and you said to him come to Everton and he said it's a joke and he and he was like oh yeah you know I'm I'm very happy in Monaco this that and the other and then so my my ears pricked up when I when I heard over the ticker tape that that he was uh he was in for a potential deadline day move to Everton I just wonder whether as his pen was poised over the the thing he thought what do I know about Everton their fans and your face flashed before his eyes and he snapped the pen in half and went, send me back to Monaco.

19:46I think he found out at the very last. I say it to every player, just as a band, you know, come to Everton. I think he found out at the last. Oh, my God, he was joking. Why wasn't he wearing any trousers? Yeah, I think, yes, I think, yes. Of course, Roger, as per usual, was in his fur coat with no knickers on. When saying, come to Everton, lads. I said, come to Everton. You've got to, you've got to come to Everton. You'll have a good day an old time. But all one big family here. We shook hands on the deal, and then I calmly took my coat off and took the horror.

20:21Oh, it was me. God rule, I can't tell you. I mean, this is dark, man. I am feeling like Tracy Chapman Fast Car. Levels of pain. I did a piece yesterday on our Instagram. I feel like a groom, you know, a beautiful destination wedding. All my family, all my friends there. And then the bride just jilts me at the altar. So that's where we are. For Everton fans, it's just a shock. Didn't we almost have happiness? Happiness is denied to us. It is hello darkness, my old friend. We now have one striker, one right back, one left back, 18 players total in the squad. I've got to say, David Moyes has all the power suddenly in his Cold War against the owners, all the leverage.

21:01Fan group, the incredible 1878, has announced it's stopping its choreographed support immediately. If we go 1-0 down against Manchester United on Sunday, the anger, the fume, the sense of mutiny at Hill Dickinson is truly going to make it feel like Goodison, right? And not in a good way. Yeah, not in a good way. I think the best illustration of how bad it is at Everton is the fact that on transfer deadline day, Tuesday you sold your best player, Ilhaman Anjai, to Manchester City. And that's really far down the list of the things the fans are upset about. That is not something the fans are talking about when it should be in normal circumstances that would be, you know, they'd be being accused of a lack of ambition of a lack of organisation, a lack of planning.

21:40Not just to sell N 'Jai, but to leave it that late. Like, get that money in early in the window, get that deal done, rip the band-aid off, move on, replace him. They've got Jack Grealish in, I think, on loan again. But then last season, the plan was N 'Jai and Grealish, and now it's just Grealish. That isn't an upgrade. As you say, they're short of right-back. Kenny Tete, a kind of Fulham squad player, was meant to come in and didn't. The farce around the ballad and thing, I think, is really kind of telling. To use your parallel, Rog, it's not just that you're the groom at a destination wedding and the bride doesn't turn up.

22:11You're the groom at a destination wedding who left his previous wife to marry that person. That is kind of what... And your previous wife wasn't that great because it was Beto, but still, you were happy. Take my wife's name out of your mouth. Yeah, this analogy's all got a bit... Take Beto's name out of your mouth. I agree, the metaphor did not work. But the fact that they let Beto go without having a replacement done and in the building so that they are exposed to now going through certainly the first half of the season with Tierno Barry as the only recognised centre forward at the club. I just want to say quick hello to all American fans who became Everton fans for about 12 hours.

22:54I just say, you dodged a bullet. Hump, I do want to quickly touch upon why. Why do we do this? And also Everton, why does this only happen to us? Other teams, every other team can have fleeting moments of happiness. Even Spurs won the European thing. We have points deductions, boom, in the downbelows. We have Sean Dyche. I mean, again, we're like that martial artist meme where the guy's just smacking his genitalia with a brick. Jake Towson. What is the thing that keeps us coming back? That thin line between love and hate, between pleasure and pain. I genuinely tried to think, I realised, are Everton fans, are we just a club for auto-asphyxiators?

23:35this is a an absolute masochist convention is uh go to the hill dickinson and it's just a lot of people you're like what what do you do when you go home why do you have such a why do you keep getting whip shaped objects wrapped up in amazon delivery packages arriving at your house yeah what is happening you know in the medieval period people would sort of walk from uh canterbury to Rome, flagellating themselves with a whip the whole way. That is, everybody that used to do that, it was basically packs into the Hill Dickinson every week. From a Manchester United perspective, first time since 2019, United have resisted the siren song of a deadline day sign-in.

24:16Kind of incredible,$200 million rebuild at the midfield, didn't bring in any kind of left-back, that's going to come. Cobby Mainou is the great hope, despite all the new arrivals. Incredible statistic. They have lost just once when Cobby Mainou starts. Problem is, He's only started 17 games in that period. It is fascinating whether Michael Carrick tries to build those foundations with the new players or lets the young prince shine through. Tell us, though, predictions, predictions, predictions. How's it going to be? I would go one-all on the grounds that I think, in adversity, Everton will find strength.

24:48Yes, I've gone one-nil United for sort of similar reasons. It feels it could be a bit of a back-backs against the wall. We'll show you. and then once we've shown you, we will roll over and get pumped by everybody else for the rest of the season. Pumped. I hate that word. I hate that word. Pumped is just so dark. Look, there's two narratives here. There's Everton precedents and one under David Moyes. 2005, we played without a striker for much of the season and tiny Tim Cahill, all like four foot three of him, stepped up and led the line. Good 11 times we got into the Champions League. Dot, dot, dot.

25:24Last time we had this level of outrage was right after the points deduction and the very next game we played was United at home. You'll remember that as the moment Garnaccio scored that Puskas winner five minutes in. I think this is going to be 3-1 Manchester United and a world of pain.

25:43From Everton to the Everton of the South, Nottingham Forest against Tottenham Hotspur. Saturday 10am Eastern Time on Peacock. Plucky Spurs put all their belongings in a little red handkerchief, tied it to the end of a stick, hit the road in search at the first point of the season. I believe the industry term for that bag on a stick is a bindle. What a week for Spurs. League is not won or lost in the transfer window. It's not won or lost in the first two games, but having Illumina die at the end, snatch them under their noses by City. That hurts. Having the transfer strategy publicly crapped on by that famous public critic, Richarlison.

26:18And then winding up with a Mikhailo Mudrick, a very curious player, flopped at Chelsea, hasn't taken a field since 2024. after being provisionally banned for doping violations. Only cleared to return to action by the end of July at Chelsea. He was a lonely figure. He was fast, but he wasn't furious. Roar, can you explain this? Does signing Mudrick make any sense at all? It does in light of the fact that they'd missed out on Njai and I think couldn't get a deal together for Cody Gakpo, who I think had been their first choice target for that left win all summer. The connection for Mudrick is Roberto De Zerbi, who was his coach at Shakhtar Donetsk, who knows him, who trusts him, who brought him through in that year, I think after the war in Ukraine started when suddenly Shakhtar had to kind of rely on its Ukrainian core.

27:04So I think that there is a connection there. And look, Mudrik, there's a sadness to his story and it would be nice to think that he could rescue his career because there was certainly a point where it looked like he might be done. I guess the likeliest scenario in which that happens is under a coach who knows him and trusts him. It will take him a while to get fully fit, Mudrik. I know he played, I think, in pre-season for Chelsea once, but he's not kicked the ball for two years. So it will take him a little bit of time. There is a player in there somewhere. De Zerbi's kind of backing himself to get it out.

27:32I mean, De Zerbi is backing himself very much, trying to desperately put on a calm face. A few men do calm faces worse. This is his quote. I am not angry. There is no panic. I know where we're going and what the plan is, which I think is his version of Kevin Bacon's line in Animal House. Remain calm, all is well. reality is Arsenal you know they've won something I don't know if you heard so the world can no longer laugh at them anymore it kind of feels like Spurs I've never written I've become like the new meme club of meme clubs that every fan of every team save as knocking down any pretence to them to aspiring to change just gets crapped on Humph I think of you as a lover not a fighter can you come up with anything positive in this moment that you'd say to Spurs fans yes I mean look I do think it's you know again to reheat my piping hot controversial Arsenal take it's uh it's it's early doors and yes they look crap and yes I've picked them to get beat this weekend but I do think you know they brought a lot of players in they you know it was it was a team that fundamentally you looked at and went oh god what is going on behind the scenes what is the mentality there and I think some some of the those that they've managed to get rid of that will help them out I could see them romping like absolutely flying up the table to 15th, 16th this season and really revelling in and around there.