Arsenal overcome Napoli, Liverpool dispatch Atletico Madrid, and can PSG three-peat?: European Nights 09/09/26

0:00You're listening to the Men in Blazers Media Network, Suboptimal Radio.

0:19Champions League is back in our loving arms. Arsenal grind down Napoli. Martin Odegaard is a man. And Afwoko, Liverpool, at last, the goalscorer who's done them so much, he mockingly, I crap you not, named his pet dog Anfield. PSG and Barcelona blowouts make you long for the knockout rounds already. We'll break all of this down. This is European Knights. Now a post-game rather than pre-game this season. The footballers, you know, they played the actual games. Now we'll do the hard part, sit in our chairs alongside you and, you know, talk about it all. Let's dive in. I'm joined by multilingual Maradona of journalism.

0:57It's Atlanta's own Mr. James Horncastle.

1:01James Horncastle:Hello, Rog. I am lemon pepper wet for this European night. Champions League is like being back in Magic City with you and Rory and Humph. That never happens. So let's start at the stadium. Diego Armandu, Maradona, Napoli nil, Arsenal one. And Arsenal's journey of vengeance, trying to redeem themselves for the defeat to Ibiza final boss. Paris Saint-Germain begins in one of the most passionate footballing cities in Europe. Truthfully, though, not quite as intimidating as it would have been a couple of years ago, James. No, absolutely not. Even the locals didn't all show up for this, Rog. I mean, it's the centenary year, but clearly there's some parties going on which are better than the football that Max Allegri is serving up.

1:47James Horncastle:So, yeah, not as intimidating. Still a great place to go, though, for our listeners. I recommend it. I would love, there's a few cities I would love to go more with you, James. I have a short list of horny cities. That's Horncastle. Not, you know, up for it cities. But Napoli, losers of two straight in the league. I want the Napoli of our imagination, squad-wise or tactically in terms of their commitment to buccaneering. You mentioned him, new coach, old friend, Max Allegri. He's kind of got them seeding possession, snapping forward. On occasion here, they set up early and often with KDB, Kevin De Bruyne, a 35-year-old master, getting his first start of the season.

2:28Man, James, he played out of his socks. It was like watching an Arthur Miller character play football, a man who wanted the world to say his name.

2:36James Horncastle:Yes, indeed. In a crucible that, as we've mentioned, wasn't boiling. but no he played as if he thought he was back in the Premier League he's like oh god it's Arsenal it's a big game I'm gonna step up because yeah poor KDB you know he's since he's been at Napoli he's either been injured um which look it's a great place to be injured in I'd just be down by the beach in Maricuero. Top 10 cities in the world to be injured. Eating fried fish um you know sort of the restaurant's fully booked tonight no worries sir let me bring this table for you and your wife good fella's style exactly so no he was playing out of his skin um tonight because he hasn't been playing max allegory's been sort of ignoring him um so i think uh dare i say that a week after the transfer window closed this is a come and get me plea i can still maybe do another season in the premier league i don't know if burnley get promoted we would love to see you at turf more kevin you know i it was there was an old kids game we used to play in england you may have to Google this and I can't believe I'm talking about it.

3:37It's with matches where you kind of get two at the end of the box and one down and light it. It was called Grandad's Last Direction. And that's what I thought about watching Kevin DeVruyne play so up for it today. I also thought, you know, all people can do great things. Colonel Harland Sanders did not invent Kentucky Fried Chicken. James until he was 62 as a global chain.

3:58James Horncastle:Having been in Atlanta and tasted some of the best soul food that you can imagine, And, you know, I mean, Colonel Sanders, Atalanta's given you one hell of a beating over the years. You're telling me Colonel Sanders did not invent fried chicken in the same way as the Beastie Boys did not invent hip-hop? I don't know. I just don't know. Arsenal, God bless, dominated, had 53 % possession, 13 shots in that first half. I think they're most on the road in the Champions League, but their finish was wildly uncalibrated. There's one stunning chance. It was like the matrix of football. Ebericci Eze leaping up to head across the face of goal.

4:37Mourinho, just a golden chance, headed it sharply straight at the keeper. Beautiful Bucaio over clubbed a one-on-one chance. Incapier was really wild. And Jocares, first start of the season, really a non-factor. Really, the story of that first hour was a resurrection of the elite striker rod with which to beat the arse.

4:58James Horncastle:Yeah, and I mean, look, as much as we've downplayed Napoli, this is a team that has won the league in two of the last three years. It has got a kind of serial win as a coach. So we shouldn't basically tell Arsenal that this was just a regulation win for themselves. I remember there was a time when Napoli played Arsenal at the Stadio Maradona and they beat them 2-0. and then they went to the Emirates and played in a camouflage kit and Rafa Benitez claimed he couldn't see them and they lost 2-0. They were eliminated from the group with 12 points. So, chapeau Arsenal. I love that moment of Rafa Benitez explaining away that he couldn't see his own players.

5:43Camouflage works, kids. Don't toy with it at home. Longer the game went on, though, and this, I think, is the greatest tribute to Arsenal. You just see their football grinding their opponent down, both physically but also mentally. There was a period around the 17th minute where it became almost football without suspense. Yes, it was tied, but you knew it would not be at the final whistle. 75th minute, my friend, close and personal, Ben White, and the mighty potent new Trossard, Solis, four assists in five games. Is that good? Fed Erdegaard, who from distance, with confidence and belief, and just verve, lash, mash, bashed, five feet high and rising into that net.

6:25Four goals in five this season. I'm so happy humanly for Martin Erdegaard. We all wrote him off, rumours of his demise, dot, dot, dot. 13 straight wins in the opening league stage for Arsenal. That is incredibly impressive, the consistency of it. That requires mentally as much as anything. But it was a game overall, James. I hate to say this. did make me wonder at times what the point is of this big random opening group stage we have to sit

6:53James Horncastle:through yeah i mean just uh going back over previous arsenal napoli games this is no longer kind of a novelty this is what that new format throws up um a lot big games but we see those big games um more regularly and i think that takes some of the novelty off them look it's one of the reasons why i think the stadium was was not as full as it was but those who did uh get to the maradona i mean the odegaard goal we shouldn't we shouldn't skip over that it was fantastic fizzing uh shot from outside the box um fizzing like one of those mad limonata drinks they give you in uh in the spanish quarter which is a bit of lemon bit of sparkling water and then for no reason at all bicarbonate of soda so it makes you look silly because it just froths all over you and i was quite happy to let the the odegaard goal froth all over me rog does it make your belt Shat drink.

7:45James Horncastle:Yes, it really does. Anything with bicarbonate, it comes back quickly. But it comes back with a nice lemon twist. Remember when you were a kid, you were just forcing those burps. Those were the days. To Anfield, the stadium. Not the dog. Liverpool 2, Atletico Madrid 1. A game which opened with the against type. Opening goal for Atletico. One away striker Julian Alvarez. A new signing, Christian Romero, made the first start. the season. And against the opening press, Alvarez made it look easy with a clever, clever through ball for an old, familiar foe for Liverpool fans. Five goals in three games at Anfield.

8:25How have Everton not signed this man? Marcos Llorente. A man who loves scoring at Anfield so much. A crap you not. He's named in Stog. I think it's a pug. He's named at Anfield. James, just the amount of petty disrespect. You have to respect it. You do.

8:44James Horncastle:I mean, you say Anfield the stadium, not the dog, but he does seem to take the cop for a walk every couple of years. And this is a guy that doesn't really score anywhere else. So, I mean, you asked Everton, how have you not signed this guy? I mean, Roger, have you learned nothing from deadline day? Too soon. Too soon. By the way, you told me that he has a number of dogs. Is this like his thing, Uente? He is an incredible character, right? Yes. You know, every conspiracy theory on the internet, Marcus Uente seems to believe him. And so I wonder what his other dogs are called. You know, I don't know if he feeds, he takes handfuls for a walk with chemtrails.

9:35Oh, my God.

9:37James Horncastle:You can handfill the dogs. Come here, chemtrails. I've heard the worst name for dogs. Just Google. Just Google Llorente because he is the kind of person that would actually have called one of his dogs Anfield and the other one Alex Jones Info Wars. He's a bit of a mouthful. Come here, Alex Jones Info Wars. Stay. Oh, my God. For Liverpool, behold, Bradley Barcola made Liverpool the first team in human civilisation, and I'm not being hyperbolic, To start three players, each purchase for over£100 million, $135 million, Isaac Wurtz, and now Double B, managed to miss a sitter when the score was tied and then exited.

10:24With some concern, it's got to be said, while holding his left calf. That equaliser, five minutes before halftime, ball ping-ponging around in and out of Atleti's box until you're right back. Barcelona, Loney, Ronald Araujo, just uncorked a deliciously mischievous find this goal if you've not seen it. Back heel assist to set up Dom Sobersly. After the Barcola miss sitter, another gent who seems surplus to requirements at Anfield, Alexis McAllister, slammed home to a web of defenders to give Liverpool a lead they would not relent. It is so wild to me, James, that Gakpo and Alexis McAllister for all the crap of last season and are on the slot, are now players reborn.

11:12James Horncastle:Particularly Alexis. I mean, I had the joy of watching him four or five times at the World Cup. And he was a completely different player from the one who really looked like he was running through treacle for Liverpool last season. And, you know, his goal against Atleti was everything that you want from a kind of box-crashing, all-action midfield player, which he was for Argentina. and does that mean that he merits a new contract? His press conference on the eve of the game, I thought it was actually really interesting, the reaction to it, people kind of questioning why do you think you deserve one and yet this is a guy who won the league a couple of years ago and has been part of two teams that have reached World Cup finals and I think he said all the right things.

12:04You told me you reminded me of an Argentinian Alan Iverson Yes

12:11James Horncastle:I think he couldn't believe on the back of let's say the last two months why he it seemed like he was almost being offered for a trade I'm not saying that he's been the MVP for Liverpool because he certainly wasn't last season but he's still got a lot to offer so pay the man Sign him up. You're paying everybody else, Liverpool. Even with, by the way, talking about paying people, a bench was weaker than chain restaurant coffee. Andoni Arrola, his European management record now stands at one game played, one game won, which I think is probably the most significant aspect of the day. Till last night, Porto nil.

12:54Manchester City 2. The morning before the game, all the news in football was really about how Enzo Moresca now motivating his players by blasting house music from large City-branded speakers. That's a detail I love, but he didn't just use speakers, but they're City-branded while they trade. I do believe, I've always said this, it's a life truth, nothing motivates elite footballers more than the blast of David Guetta, James. City, like the rest of the teams, will be targeting 16 points from the eight games in this opening round to get through. Here they started 18-year-old prodigy Ayubouadi. I think it was an assured, tidy full debut.

13:32I loved watching him alongside Enzo Fernandes. City had 69 % possession in that first half. Nice. Porto failed to record a single shot on target. It's going to be said City was sluggish, lacking in position, until two goals from the inevitable Erling Haaland changed out in the second half. First, a kiss of his downy bald head. Second, a caress precision roller. We've got to look at these numbers, James, because I'm going to say them, but the words almost wash over you and do not do justice. 59 goals in 59 Champions League games, yeah. Man is 26. When you hear those numbers, 59 and 59, James, it's the whole Champions League of Farmers League.

14:17James Horncastle:I mean, this is a man who loves nothing more than being on a farm, Erling Haaland, you know, buying tomahawk steaks, milk, that sort of thing. So maybe that's why he feels so at home, Rog. But to think those goals have also come when he's been at Salzburg playing on the Jesse Marsh, no? Yeah, I mean, a great footballing mind. By the way, the greatest America has ever produced, pound for pound, I will not have any Jesse Marsh disrespect on this show. These numbers, put them into context for us. Can you even put them into? They almost don't make sense. It's almost like watching Mondo Duplantis do his thing.

14:55We're just like, yeah, he's broken another world. You just become numb to it.

14:59James Horncastle:It is Mondo-like. I don't know what they feed these people in Scandi these days. It is a, I'm going to wake up and break a record today. I was with Clabo, the cross-country skier who won six gold medals at the Winter Olympics. These guys are just built differently, Roch. They're not like you and me. Sorry, you've got to finish this story. Where were you just casually with Clabo? I was at the top of the ski jump in Holman Kallen, which is, I think it's on top of a fjord overlooking Oslo, which is where the Norwegian Winter Olympians, or just like the hardest men and women on earth, train. and Klabo is I think the closest to breaking Michael Phelps' kind of Olympic record when it comes to winning golds and big Alexander Sauloff fan so you know yeah he likes an underdog story among Norwegian strikers I don't want to ask what you were doing there but I do like to think that when you're on the slopes you carry a backpack that when you fall off the slopes when chased by machine gunning attackers.

16:16It just opens up and it turns into like a Union Jack parachute.

16:21James Horncastle:Yeah, yellow ski suit like Roger Moore. Yeah, very good. He should hear about the Napoli kits they wore, the camouflage. He's got the opposite. He's like, come and shoot me, yellow. Yeah. Yeah, they did look like Bond villain outfits, actually, as I'm being pursued whilst I ski down a bobsleigh run. I'm joking, but I bet you my honest vision is close to the truth. Manchester United awaits at the weekend for City. Next up in the Champions League, the visit of Paris Saint-Germain. We'll run through a couple of the other games yesterday. Inter Milan won, Real Madrid 2. Jose Muno against one of his beloved exes.

17:05An odd game. The Italians actually dominated this. 70 % possession in the first half. of Courtois. Ultimately, this is what tells you all you need to know about another match, but Madrid's goals both came from self-inflicted mistakes. First party Liverpool fans love this. I found this so wild to watch them feast on one of their own. Curtis Jones, who dallied on the ball in a way that made every Redder knew. Both laugh and get PTSD in equal measure. It was finished by Kylian Mbappe, 71st Champions League, goal-time for fifth all-time on the list. He's 27. And despite the score, into much the stronger team.

17:4021 shots, completed 94 % of the passes, highest completion rate against Madrid in the Champions League since, I think, 2004. Jose Mourinho said post-game, the game was mad and not a madness I like. Comes after Real lost against Timo Real Betis in the league last weekend. Let me ask you, James, Jose Mourinho too, electric boogaloo at the Bernabeu boo. So this is not the Jose we all love and loathe in equal measure. He's not the Mourinho that we think about in his pomp. He's not won a trophy since that fig leaf for the Conference League with Roma 2022. Before that was 2016-17, the trophies with United.

18:22Since then, he's kind of wandered around, you know, lolloping through Turkey with Fenerbahce. Yes, the unbeaten season with Benfica, where he still can strive not to win anything. Hasn't won a league title in over a decade. 63. We know football is for young managers now. We have big brains, big tactical minds that can fit their beautiful bodies into tight, expensive, athletic sports, casual. So can you put Mourinho into perspective? Where is he now? What does the name Jose Mourinho really mean other than kind of like a fading A-lister, kind of like the Aaron Paul of football?

18:56James Horncastle:I think he keeps doing this because whenever I walk down a very expensive Italian high street where all the luxury stores are, I think I've now ticked off that, you know, in this season, Jose was dressed by this expensive Italian boutique. In that season, it's this one. He's just like a walking clothes horse now. He's in it for the clothes. I think he's in it. I think he's in it for the moment. it's Ferragamo last year I think it was Xenia I think this is just what he does I know I think Mauricio Pochettino is only in it for like 10 % off at Hugo Boss and he said the game was mad last night and I'm only joking here maybe he didn't coach the team because these days certainly since he's been back at Madrid it feels like his one job is not to coach the team is to be a hype man for Kylian Mbappé to win the Ballon d 'Or.

19:53James Horncastle:That's all he does. He's just saying Kylian is stratospheric. He's the best I've ever seen. When I was a translator for Louis van Gaal, he didn't say that, and I got to coach Ronaldo Nazario with Bobby Robson, I got to see him every day. Kylian's like that. He's unbelievable. He was on French TV last night breaking out his French. You know, Jose's not worked in France, but there he was on Canal Plus, giving it the hard sell for Kylian Mbappé to win the Ballon d 'Or. which of course is awarded by a French magazine and he's there just telling anecdotes in French about Mbappé. So he's Mbappé's hype man.

20:30James Horncastle:That's what he does these days. So quick question for you to put this into context. Which new manager will make it furthest into this competition? Jose Mourinho, Enzo Mureska and Donny Irola. Ooh, what about Cesc Fabregas?

20:49James Horncastle:That's really that's probably the right answer I mean Cesc his style of football and his style of management excites me a great deal they were in pot four, they've got a really difficult draw, Comar, against the likes PSG, Barcelona, Man United, etc but Cesc does some very special things there I'm getting more and more on the Maresca train, I must say Rog I like their signings Buadi in Porto you mentioned him I think he had a better time in Porto than you did on your post World Cup holiday he looked like he was he looked especially silky in that midfield and I think that midfield now looks like it could be it could be very good with Anderson and Enzo in there as well I think that's so I'm I'm I'm getting inclined to say City at this moment of time with Maresca.

21:46From one Mbappe to another, we've got to mention the younger brother, Ethan, who's Lille, threw away two one-goal leads, eventually lost the game to Real Betis, Troy Parrott winner, of course. And the effort mentioned Ethan Mbappe helped his team both open the scoring with a quite stunning whip cross of an assist and then departed early, dramatically, on 56 minutes after a do-you-not-know-who-I-am sneaky elbow to the face of Real Betis defender and Natan. James, Ethan is 19. Is he the Frank Stallone of Mbappes or will the name Ethan soon soar around the globe?

22:22James Horncastle:Or the Hugo Maradona of Diego. Look, from what I've been told about Ethan, like when he was at PSG with Kylian, it wasn't just because he was there as Kylian's brother, as the guy to carry his boots around for him. It's because he's a talent in his own right. And so Lille know how to pick a player, as we've seen over the last few years. They don't have any passengers in that team. And so I think we should keep following Ethan closely. If only he had a hype man like Jose Mourinho, people would hear more about him. So essentially you're telling me he's the Joe Bellingham of Mbappes. yeah and look um i i think that's what that's what should killian do killian after he wins the ballon d 'or in a few months time he should just say jose now now work with my brother there you go god bless us his height man we all need by the way we all need a height man in our life in other games psg opened up a can of whoop ass however you say that in french the summer of Fran continues.

23:31Fran Torres netted three times in a 6-1 beatdown of Jaya Torres, Slovan Bratislava. Yes, I just said that. Jaya Torres, Slovan Bratislava. We'll talk about that in a second. Barcelona blasted five past Feyenoord. Rafinha scored twice. Well, that ecstatic 19-year-old team goat, Laminia Marl, had a goal and two assists. Hansi Flick's boys scored five goals in four other games so far this season. Aston Villa ignited their campaign at Club Rouge after a familiar slow start. No goals in their first Premier League games. Remember last year? Their first goal of the season came from one John McGinn in their first European match.