How to Keep Going When Life Breaks You with Rickey Smiley

25:02Mick:And I got that from Ricky Smiley. Yeah. And it's tough, man. When I tell you it's tough, man, it's, it's, it's, I, man, you know, it's crazy because, you know, when you go out to go back to the morgue and see your son laying there with no life in his body, man, it's something. This same kid, they used to suck his thumb and sleep in the bed with you. And now you just never thought that It would end up like this. And especially being a public figure, being somebody that have a responsibility to get on that microphone because you got 8 million listeners who all and a lot of them have lost their kids.

25:46And they're dependent on you and the praise break in order to get through. And they're worried about you. My son died on a Sunday. Wednesday, I was back on the air because I don't want to lay in the bed thinking about that. Let me just go do my morning show to give me some therapy and help me a little bit. And then, you know, I can deal with that later. I had to make some tough decisions during that time. It was tough. It was the worst and darkest days of my whole life.

26:19Mick:Yeah. But you came through it and you're coming through it. Coming through it. And I think, I know for me personally, a lot of folks that I know, like, we just wanted to show you love by being there. Like, even if we couldn't physically be there. Yeah, thank you. But to, like, Ricky, man, like, we're with you. We love you. Keep doing the show. Keep smiling, even when it's tough. And you talk about that in the book, and I want to go there next, too. But, you know, we need Ricky. Yeah. Because we've all gone through something. And like I said, I don't know if you realize it enough, man, but like.

27:00Mick:People follow you, people model themselves after you, like people need you. And so it's like I I need to make sure Ricky can be strong because I'm going to need to be strong one day and I'm going to need to look back at how Ricky is doing. Yeah. One thing about life, man, death is going to happen. Right. Yeah. Death is going to happen. and death is going to knock at your door. And like you said, reading my book will get you prepared because we all got to leave here. That's what Reverend John King was preaching about Sunday. You know, we all going to leave here. We're not going to be here forever, you know.

27:36And then you need to prepare your family for your death and get things in order and in place and change your will up every month or two, you know, as much as you need to.

27:48Mick:Why are you staring at me? Huh? Why are you staring at me? I'm just saying it. I need to. It's so important as a man not to leave your family because they're already going to be going through the grief process, so you don't want to leave them in chaos and have everything organized. I had my mom, my stepdad, to get their stuff together. And she came over one day, she put an envelope in my hand. Okay, man, if anything happened to me, here you go. And of course, I open it up right then and start reading through stuff or whatever, looking at stuff, asking questions or whatever, you know, just mess with it.

28:25But yeah, death is a part of life, but you don't expect for your children to die. You don't. You don't expect for your children to die. And, you know, I also talk about therapy in the book and the importance of going to therapy. Because when I went to therapy, I started opening up talking about this. It wasn't just that. This went all the way back to my childhood. You know, moments of grief and the things that happened after the grief.

28:52Mick:Yeah. You know, process that I dealt with. And then all of a sudden it happens to me. Mm-hmm. You know, because I always looked at my granddad and stared at my granddad like, I cannot believe that he went through that and he buried his son. And I was real close to my granddad. Yeah. You know, and then I became him. And that's something. The parallel, right? Yeah, the parallel. It was so crazy. It was exactly. And what was really sad to see my uncles who picked me up from the airport go through this all over again because they went through this with my dad. Yeah. And now they lose their nephew.

29:32Mick:Yeah. You know, and they picked me up from the airport when I flew in Birmingham. All three of them was in the car crying. And the only thing I could think to do was turn the radio up. It was on 98.7 Kids, the R &B station, to lighten the mood. When I got home, it was an NFC or AFC playoffs. I know all I remember the Bengals was playing. And when I got in the house, I just turned the game up, turned the volume up to have it, to lighten it a little bit. You know, get people distracted a little bit, get them watching the game to get their mind off of that because it was terrifying. It was awful.

30:11It felt bad. It was dark. It was cloudy. It was raining. And just some football would just bring just a little bit of, just lighten it a little bit.

30:21Mick:and uh and i just had to manage stuff like that yeah yeah and you talked about therapy and i want again i'm gonna talk to men because a lot of times we feel too proud and i was i didn't i didn't go to therapy the first time till i read the book through the first time and i realized that i need help yeah and it's okay to admit that and i travel a lot and then i realized that oh there's teletherapist. Like I don't have to be at home. Like I can do this on a call or on a Zoom or whatever now. And it helped me understand me a little bit. It helped me understand sometimes how I make the decisions that I make, the emotions that I have and what brings out the good, the bad, the indifferent.

31:06Mick:But again, I'm going to keep giving Ricky Smiley his flowers while he's here. He helped me understand that. And so for everybody, not just the men, but I think for everybody, having some type of regular therapy call session and whatever regular means to you it doesn't mean weekly daily quarterly and like whatever it's good for your spirit yeah you better sit down and talk about it you have to get it out right you have to cry it out i can't tell you how many days i sat on the steps that go down into my kitchen i sat on that step and cried for days and I was just in the house. I can look up at the ceilings and see the cries engraved in the paint because I just remember crying and looking up and just crying out.

31:54Just in the house by myself. This is when those funeral directors say when the flowers had withered, when the cards stopped coming and the phone calls stopped coming and like a year later, it really hit me. The only difference between when my son died a year later, You don't have no casket, no flowers, no obituaries, and no condolences. And you are stuck by yourself. Just you. In the house by yourself, just you having to relive it all over again. So, yeah, you better go get some help because that's like running into a brick wall. Yeah. Because what is my life now? Yeah. You know, like in the blink of a second, your life changed.

32:38Mm-hmm. You know, so it's horrible. It is. But God.

32:42Mick:But God. But God. But God. You know, in the book, you talk about, you know, you're obviously a public figure, comedian, radio show, a lot of things you do in the community. And your job is to, part of your job, one of your jobs, make people laugh, make people smile. But on the inside, you're dying. And a lot of times, I mean, and this is even before Brandon, right? Like, a lot of times people didn't know the things that you were carrying on the inside. and you've got teams and you've got to be the source for everybody. Yeah. Talk about that, man, because I don't think people understand that enough, especially a person like a Ricky Smiley.

33:21Yeah, you literally on stage doing joke, doing comedy, performing while you crying on the inside. I remember I performed at the casino right outside of Cleveland. I had did a comedy show there after Brandon died. I think that was my first time going on stage. Man, I cried from downtown Cleveland all the way to the casino. And I know that driver had to be uncomfortable. And I mean, I was booing. The driver was, I could tell he wanted to ask what was wrong, but he was in between there to say, I might not want to bother him. And I sat in the car and cried, went in the dressing room and cried some more.

33:55And cried all the way up until they was introducing me to go on stage. Blew my nose, I'm pretty sure nothing was in my nose and got myself together and went on stage and killed them. Killed them while heartbroken on the inside. Same thing happened. I was at some comedy club and I just was outside crying. Back behind the comedy club, just crying it out, trying to get it out of my system so I can go on stage and perform because I still have to work. I still have bills that need to be paid. Other people are sitting in the audience, that's stage four cancer and sitting on dialysis, coming out to see you perform, and you have a responsibility, much is given, much is required.

34:46You have to make sacrifices. And you just can't sit in the house. You got to continue to keep moving and keep working and stuff, because that's gonna help you here. It's not gonna solve it, but it's gonna help you. Going to the radio station Wednesday, Thursday, and that Friday really helped me out a lot. It really, really, really helped me out a lot. You know, I had a lot to do. I had a lot of responsibility. Had to make sure my other children were straight. Had to make sure my mother was straight. And I had to push through it. Yeah, yeah.

35:19Mick:Good stuff, good stuff. So something else in the book, but everybody knows this about Ricky Smiley. You are the son of Birmingham, bro. One of them. No, you are the son. And that was old, old Roy Wood, this Roy Wood Jr. You were saying, Roy was on the show too, but you. And Ruben Studded. No. We are sons of Birmingham. Roy and I, we came from the same radio station, 95.7 Jam. Yep. Yeah. Yep. And you were still Roll Tide. Roll Damn Tide. We'll talk about that one another day. Oh, you like George? That's your team. So I'm a Tar Heel and a Bulldog. We ain't hit no much in sports right now, but I am a bulldog.

36:06Mick:I had an uncle who played there. We trying to be all right. Okay. Y 'all going to do something? Y 'all going to be back? I don't know. I don't know. That's a whole other conversation. It's a different kind of generation. They got to find the right kind of coach to coach this generation. This is not the Nick Saban generation. And these guys are different from the guys that I saw play at Bama. Yeah, they're a little different, a little weird. So you got to find somebody that might understand their culture and to get them to play because these kids are different and entitled. I'm trying to figure out why the backup to the backup is entitled, though.

36:53Mick:Like, the third string dude is the first one in the portal. And it's like, why? Yeah, they need to get all that tight. But college football is just not the same. Nah, it's not. Yeah. It's not. It's not. Well, Rick, man, what all do you have coming up next? What's Ricky working on? I think I got some opportunities on, I think, HGTV. I'm still performing all over the country. Right. I do this amazing karaoke night or whatever. My karaoke night is amazing. Where are we doing that at? I think I have the next show in Orlando this Friday. But I kind of do karaoke all over the country. I do it in Nashville, Birmingham, Orlando, Fort Lauderdale, here in Atlanta.

37:39I love doing karaoke. I just think it's so much different from a comedy show. It's so much fun. You know, I got my grandkids and my twins growing up or whatever. So I'm always looking forward to that. So nothing like parenting. them, my identical twin daughters. They're so much fun. They give you so much light in my granddaughters and my grandsons. I get a real big kick out of that. Doing the morning show every morning, probably going to do another comedy special in 2027. I hope y 'all like... Foolish. Foolish. You can check that out on Hulu. Yes. It's actually funny. I personally like that comedy special.

38:22That's my personal favorite comedy special directed by David and Lan Talbert and executive produced by them. I really appreciate that opportunity. So I have Uncensored coming out on TV One. Okay. A Ricky Smiley Uncensored coming out. I don't know if I can watch it. Yeah, it's actually pretty good. I probably won't watch it because I don't like watching myself on television. But I did watch Spoodish now. I wanted to sit back and laugh because of jokes. Yes. I watched it for the joke where I can get my laugh on. Yeah, whatever. From beginning to end.

38:57Mick:It's funny. It hits hard. Yeah. Right? And that's what I love about Ricky because you give us different. And this isn't a knock on any comedians by any stretch of imagination because stand-up comedy is hard. Right. Period. Period. Right. But there are moments where there's little lulls in a special. Right? The joke didn't quite hit. My comedian thought, like, Ricky is playing drums. The rhythm. Giving it to you. every time. Let's go, baby. Yes, sir. Yeah. But, you know, just so many different opportunities. I'm supposed to be doing some stuff with Country Wayne, waiting on him to call me. I really want to do some scenes on Country Wayne's show because I'm a big fan of it.

39:44I'm like, I can just bartend. Just have me in the background bartend. I just need to do something with Country Wayne because I think his skits are hilarious. I would love to do something with Desi Banks or whatever. You know, I just want to have fun, man. I just want to have a great time and make people mad. And I'll start to secure my legacy and continue to do good radio.

40:08Mick:Hey, the legacy is secure, bro. Yeah. I hope so. I know you, because when it's you, it's hard to see. Yeah. Your legacy is solidified. I can promise you. I know me in college, my same group of homeboys still talk about little Daryl to this day. Actually, Antoine, I'm talking for you. He wants to know, when is Lil Daryl coming back? Like, we need a Lil Daryl special. We need something. We're going to have a birthday party this far for Lil Daryl. Lil Daryl is in his 40s now. He's got a wife and a son. He's married to a himself white woman. And he's got a little mixed baby. So we're going to have a birthday party with him.

40:46Because he and his, I think he'll be 43 or 44 or something. But I'm throwing Lil Daryl a birthday party. So make sure y 'all come out.

40:54Mick:Look, Mick Unplug is bringing the cake. We're going to have the birthday cake. That's crazy. And I still do it on stage, but not in that. I do it in a different way, but it's funny as hell. Listen, man, my stand-up comedy right now is so rich. This is the funniest I've ever been. Because I've been through so much. I have so much to talk about. And the funniest part is about getting older and talking about the young generation, how they scare the hell out of us. I got some funny stuff. So, you know, if you ever get a chance to see me perform live, man, I give you a show from the beginning to the end.

41:33When I went to Charlotte, when I went to Raleigh, to improv Charlotte, to the Comedy Zone, from beginning to the end.

41:42Mick:A whole lot of fun. Absolutely. And, you know, my youngest son is in school in Miami. And I was told you're going to be doing a show in Coral Springs sometime this summer. So I'm going to come through there. Yeah. I'm going to come through. Where are you in school? He's at University of Miami. Okay. He's marine biology. Oh, nice. He can swim. Yeah, I can hang out with him because I deal with that ocean. Yeah. That's one of my favorite things to do is to be out on the ocean. I swim with sharks and stingrays and all that stuff, man. I love the ocean. I watch y 'all. Yeah. I'm out there. I get my ankles in.

42:22Mick:And then I'm like, all right, good. I'm going to go back under this ship. shade this umbrella because I'm gonna do the sun like that. I dive off into that deep blue ocean and swim, man. I just, I just, uh, thank God ain't got ate up. Uh, yeah. Yes. Knock on wood. It is. All right. I'm gonna get you out of here on this. Well, first again, we're going to zoom in here. The first 50 people that messaged me sideshow, I'm getting you a copy of the book. You all know I do that anyway. You know, I named the book sideshow. No. Did you ever know why? All right. So the name Sideshow came from the song Sideshow.

42:59Okay. By Blue Magic. Let the sideshow begin. Hurry, hurry. Step right on in. Can't afford to pass it by, but guaranteed to make you cry. So Sideshow, the song, is about a clown that's performing, but he's sad on the inside. That's what Sideshow, that's where I got the topic, Sideshow from. But all the trials and tribulations that's going on in my life and the things that I have happening that's going on and still have the ability to go on stage and perform and get on the radio and make people laugh while you're crying on the air. Man, I used to cry during commercial break, doing a radio show. Go and cry it out and come back and crack jokes or whatever.

43:49That's my job.

43:51Mick:Right. So that's where the title, I mean, the title side show. I didn't know. Yeah. Now I like it. I like it. So first 50 people getting a copy. If you're number 51, go to Amazon, go to Barnes and Noble's, go to your local bookstore, support local too, but get the book. I can promise you it's going to change your life it's changed my life if you are grieving you definitely need it because it's going to help you it helped me prepare which again bro like there's some fundamental principles in here that you go through that's amazing so everybody go get this book my last question for Ricky Smiley is this though I know you cook you throw down oh yeah when I cook for Easter is that what you're about to ask me Yes.

44:42Chicken and dumplings, collard greens out of my garden that I grew. Okay. Macaroni and cheese, the Bahamas style macaroni and cheese. Ooh. Yeah. You haven't had macaroni and cheese unless you had it in the Bahamas or Jamaica. Bahamians make good macaroni and cheese, and they don't just do cheese. They season their macaroni and cheese. It's flavor. You can swallow it and still taste it. that's good macaroni because it's seasoned I did gumbo yeah I always have to add gumbo or whatever you know because I'm a fan of you know Cajun cuisine lobster bisque I did lamb chops we had dressing chicken turkey wings smoked turkey necks and had it all laid out my mom bought some potato salad because I don't let anybody bring nothing.

45:39I don't like people bringing, just don't bring nothing. Everything is here. Come in there with all that aluminum foil and pans and crock pots and it make my nerves bad and you're messing up the order. I have a tight, tight little menu. That's what it is. I just, my mama said, I did forget to make the pinto beans. I was going to make some pinto beans, but we had our big, big, big Easter dinner and the day before that the Easter bunny came. Peter Cottontail came through hung out with the kids. We did a little Easter egg hunt. Easter and Thanksgiving is a really big deal at my house. So yeah the food was good and do I want to open up a restaurant?

46:23Absolutely not. After what y 'all did to Miss Tina what y 'all did, the gladest night and having all these bloggers show up to judge your food and criticize your food. Y 'all talked about candy and Todd and anybody that open up a restaurant, y 'all want to go in there and make videos. I would never. Now, if I do a restaurant, the days that I decide to cook, I'll send out an email to people that I want to come.

46:49Mick:Because you'll fill it up anyway. I'm going to invite people that I want to come, but I would never open up to get publicly humiliated the way they did. I don't care if the food, the gumbo or whatever was not good. For you to go on the internet and just do stuff like that to people. I've seen people do that with candy. I've seen people do it to sweetie pies. Right. You know, and every time I went in all of these establishments, the food was good. Amazing. Everybody, gumbo is different or whatever. And by the way, gumbo is not just about the roux. It's the seasoning and the how. Anyway, that's a whole other podcast show on gumbo because I'm trained by our executive chef.

47:33Mick:Okay. Shout out to Kurt Boudreau. you know, who really spent a lot of time in the kitchen. I spent a lot of time in the kitchen with him learning how to cook and prepare food like an executive chef. I'm not talking about a caterer. It's the difference between a caterer and an executive chef. We are learning today. And I'm learning from him like cutting exercises and all of the stuff and why's and the do's and the don't. A lot of people don't know, so I learned a lot of stuff. So, but what I'm on right now is my seafood pot pot. I made it for the first time. It was a hit. Yeah, man. I'm going to make a seafood pot pie, and I'll make sure you get one.

48:13Yes, please. I want you to make a video. And on the top, I did the crust with the cheddar biscuit from Red Lobster. You can buy it in a box and make the biscuit, and you put it on top of the seafood pot pie. You got some out there? I wish I did because I'm so hungry right now. I am too.

48:32Mick:I can taste it. I can taste it. I could really use it right now, so I put a little, you know, the shrimp. But people don't understand the importance of just making sure that you get the seafood flavor or whatever. I'm really getting really, really, really good with seafood. So I'm learning a lot, trying to expand my taste palette and really get in the kitchen to cook. But I will make a recipe book to teach you how to cook it. But I'll never open up a restaurant for you to come in there and cuss me out, cuss my employees out. I'll be seeing y 'all push over cash registers and all that kind of stuff.

49:07Want to come in there, dress wrong, because you can't tell nobody how to dress. If you come in the Ricky Smiley restaurant, you're going to be dressed for dinner. And I'm a classy person. And I was raised with class. And I don't want to deal with the public because everybody don't have the same home training.

49:23Mick:You got that right. You got that right. I know I said a whole lot. No, no. So I don't know if this is meant for me to tell you, but I'm telling you anyway, Cooking with Ricky Smiley. I don't know if that's the book. I don't know if that's an Instagram show or channel. I don't know if it's a TV show, YouTube, whatever. If I get me a sous chef, I'll do it. If I get some cameras, I'm going to do that one day. That's a good idea. People have been telling me for years, I'm going to do a Cooking with Ricky Smiley and then have guests on or whatever. But I have to have me a couple of sous chefs because cutting up all those onions and those bell peppers.

49:58I had a cooking show on Fox Soul. but man when you start prepping and you got to do it then you got to shoot then you got to clean up the kitchen man that's a lot for$1 ,200 an episode

50:14Mick:you heard it here first cooking with Ricky Smiley if you want to be a sous chef send your resume don't just think you're going to show up I will vet the resume for you I got you covered Ricky brother I love you man Thank you so much for everything you've meant for me. Ladies and gentlemen, he's Ricky Smiley. I wouldn't tell you where to find him. You know how to find him. But most importantly, get the book. Sideshow, get the book. Thank you, man. You got it. That's another powerful conversation on Mick Unplugged. If this episode moved you, and I'm sure it did, follow the show wherever you listen.

50:50Mick:Share it with someone who needs that spark. And leave a review so more people can find their because. I'm Rudy Rush. And until next time, stay driven, stay focused, and stay unplugged.