No One’s Healed: The Truth About Purpose from Jess Hilarious

0:00Jess Hilarious:Life is always lifing. As long as you live life, there will be things thrown at you. There will be trials. There will be tribulations. There will be obstacles that you have to overcome. Some you will, some you won't. It's all about your level of resilience and endurance. Everybody goes through something when they are being challenged as a parent, just as a caregiver, just a guardian. You don't even have to be a parent. You can be somebody who watches over someone's kid. I don't get it right every day. That's why I do have a village. I thank God for my parents, my husband, my son's father, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law.

0:36Jess Hilarious:Like, it's a village. It really takes a village. None of this is easy. We make so much of so little. It can be such a minuscule issue and we overthink and we amplify it in our mind, just overthinking, creating scenarios and just going down these rabbit holes. And it's like, yo, just breathe, stop and breathe. There's no manual to it. And every journey is different. Like I always express like it is different, but we all do what we got to do. There's an instinct that kicks in and we got it.

1:07Mick:you're listening to mick unplugged hosted by the one and only mick hunt this is where purpose meets power and stories spark transformation mick takes you beyond the motivation and into meaning helping you discover your because and becoming unstoppable i'm rudy rush and trust me you're in the right place let's get unplugged ladies and gentlemen welcome to another exciting episode of Mick Unplugged. And today I'm truly honored to be with someone you've known for a long time, from skits to The Breakfast Club. But I know her as a best-selling author. And we're going all in today on Baltimore's Finance.

1:50Mick:Ms. Jess Hilarious. Jess, how are you doing today, dear?

1:52Jess Hilarious:I'm good, Mick. Thank you for that introduction. That was nice. I like that.

1:56Mick:You heard me say Baltimore, right? Baltimore all day without the T. Don't put the T in. I got it down. Yes. So, Jess, I was just telling you how proud I am of you for this book. And we're going to go places with that book. But, you know, I always like to ask my guests about their because, that thing that's deeper than their why. I call it like your true purpose, your true mission. So if I were to say, Jess, today in 2026, what's your because? Why do you keep doing the things that you do?

2:27Jess Hilarious:Oh, man. for one, you know, the obvious reason, my children, you know, and then legacy is very important. It's very important. I saw a clip of Mike Tyson one day, he was talking to a young reporter and they asked him about his legacy and he just like, his whole aura changed and he was like, what is legacy? Legacy is stupid. That's just like, you know, and I just, I was like, no, no, legacy is very important. Obviously there, there were things there, you know, that hurt him. I don't know what that was about, but that was the first time I ever heard of legacy spoken of in a way that was against everything that I had ever knew, known it to be.

3:07Jess Hilarious:And I was like, oh my God, no. So my heart shattered for him. Like legacy is one of the most important things to ever leave behind. That's why it's important to have children, in my opinion. It's like, what are you doing all this for it has to be for a reason you know and that's why I wanted to share a piece of literature you know such as my co-parenting memoir so that's to be parent because parenting is so linear like it's it's different to everybody but it's an ongoing thing it's something that will never end um relationships and friendships contracts um you know everything has an ending except parenting you know and that's very important very important and every journey looks different but I believe that we can all get the same outcome you know just with communication and that's really showing up for your kid no matter what the other parents put you through so that's the main reason why I wanted to that's my main reason why there we go there we go yeah I love it and we're gonna get into a lot of the book and I have a bunch of notes because I made my kids read this book from the viewpoint of this because I call them my kids

4:19Mick:but you know they're in their 20s now right adults yeah and they're going to be parents and are parents and so understanding that something that that I thought was really dynamic in the book was you know you talk about you and Rome and Rome's in the book as well too and it's just like Like at some point you had to realize we aren't going to make it. That's right. And I think a lot of times people, you talk about relationships, you talk about friendships. Like I've had to kick people out of my circle once I realized we ain't going to make it. But there's a greater purpose that we need to unite for.

4:57Mick:And that's where I wanted to give you kudos because I think a lot of times people miss that. And then there becomes hatred for the other person. Right. Because it's like, well, we're not going to make it. well let's just not do anything and then the kid goes and sees all that you talk about the energy that kids read and that they see I mean talk about that for the audience for the viewers and

5:19Jess Hilarious:listeners it's very true it's very very true that's why it's very important to have you know a happy and okay so you don't want to conflate the two because happiness I always have to people always get mad at me when I say it's not about being happy it's about having joy right because there's a huge difference, you know, like happiness, you know, that's an emotion and that can change in 10 seconds. You know what I mean? Joy is something that you wear, something that you feel when you find joy, that takes healing to find joy. That takes self-awareness to find joy, self-love. And, um, it takes a lot of growing up to do to even, you know, to, to have that once, you know, once you've lived through so much trauma and that speaks to forming a healthy bond between parent and child, because your child only absorbs what you put out.

6:15Jess Hilarious:You are your child's first teacher, you know? So it's very important to be happy and joyous. Happy is amazing. But you, when you have emotions, right. And you're operating from a bitter place. If you and the other parent are not doing good or you know y 'all y 'all are facing adversities in your relationship or whatever and has nothing to do with the child and you start to notice different patterns in your children because you are walking around bitter upset with these motions uh emotions and holding on to um just all this bitterness bitterness and energy and then you're projecting that onto your child subconsciously because you don't you're not doing it on purpose most of us Don't do it on purpose.

6:58Jess Hilarious:But then you start to see a change in the behavior and you're like, where is this coming from? Why is he starting to act up? Lord Simmy is in school now becoming a problem. He's being oppositional. He's being defiant because he is absorbing your energy and now he's regurgitating it back to you or back wherever, wherever they are. That's why it's very important to have a grip on your mental health as a parent. Parenting is one of the hardest things. It's the most challenging thing you could ever do. But it's complex and it's complicated, but it's beautiful, you know, because it's life. Like you, you're having your own people, you know, you're able to train your people up, you know, train your little.

7:44it's the village that you're creating and your offspring is always supposed to be better than

7:51Jess Hilarious:you are so that's why your mental space you just have to be in a great mental space to raise your

7:57Mick:children i truly believe that and you know you talked about legacy and there's some some moments in the book that to me were like holy shit like jess was vulnerable and said that and i've been miss by the way i've held up the book but till death do we parent definitely go get it wherever you buy books from go get it literally right now you talk about the breakdown moment right oh man yeah like you talk about being miserable and being broke right and you you feel like rome's out there living his best life and you're just like why am i doing this like like why take us to that moment like what is that really like because a lot of people while they may feel it they don't talk about it and accept that it's a real feeling and I give you kudos for accepting

8:49Jess Hilarious:that it's a real feeling yeah it's definitely a real feeling and a lot of women go through it a lot of young moms go through it even fathers I'm sure go through it but being the mom being the person that has to be the primary caretaker and, and, you know, the nurturer and the babies, they come from us, they feed on us for nine months and then they're forever connected to us. That was a very hard thing to write about because I did not have an emotional connection to my son until he was six months. I just did not. I didn't even know if I wanted to put that in the book because I was most nervous that my son would feel a certain way.

9:31That's why I had to have the conversation before the final script was published.

9:37Jess Hilarious:Because I'm like, no, I don't want him to. Kids are cool. He is on his way to high school. He has a group of friends. God, I hear them talk. I'd be like, oh, gosh, I wasn't saying those. That's not how I talked to my friends when I was 14. You know what I'm saying? And the last thing I want or wanted was him to hear that part from someone else. And my son is an avid reader, loves reading. He read the book already, but I wanted to, before he sat down and read that, and could say, my mom didn't even have the decency to tell me how she felt. I'm old enough to understand somewhat. And that's also what I was afraid of as well, whether or not he was old enough for me to even have that conversation.

10:22Jess Hilarious:But I still wanted to provide that scene and paint that picture, which was a beautiful moment as it relates to a connection that was birthed. Six months after his physical birth, you know, after me giving birth to him, I connected with him on such a level that I don't regret my feelings. I don't wish I could have done it different. I don't because what I felt in that moment was like a telepathic message. It was like, it was like, no, I am your mother. And from him, it was like, I'm your son. You're going to get this together. You're going to listen. You laid down and made me. And now you in here having a little spiral moment.

11:07Jess Hilarious:And because my father's out there living his life, you chose to have me. You're going to have to take care of me. whether he is here with you or not. I swear it was those words. And he was just smiling at me while I'm crying and breaking down. Like, why did you choose me as your mother? And I swear, he looked at me like, girl, I didn't choose you. I didn't even choose this life. Like I didn't choose to be born, you know? So at that moment I picked him up and that's when I connected with him emotionally and mentally. And it was just like, from there, oh my God, he went from being the baby to my son Ashton, my baby, my pride and joy, my responsibility.

11:49Jess Hilarious:And it's been that way ever since.

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13:05Mick:He's like, what's the book? And so I started telling him the title. And he's like, dad I don't have kids there's a moment in this book that I need you to understand because you talk about Ashton looking at you pretty much saying get your life together because we got to move on I'm hungry he pampers well my youngest son we had a moment like that where he was just like hey dad I know you say that all this is going on but can we go get some cereal though that was you

13:39Jess Hilarious:My problems ain't your problems, bro. Like, you know what I mean?

13:43Mick:But as a parent, that makes you understand the beauty of we put so much pressure on ourselves. God. That sometimes they're just trying to eat some cereal. You know what I'm saying? Right, right.

13:57Jess Hilarious:It's like we make so much of so little. Like, you know what I mean? Like it can be such a minuscule issue and we, we overthink and we amplify it in our mind, just overthinking, creating scenarios and just going down these rabbit holes. And it's like, yo, just breathe, stop and breathe. You know, there's no, there's no manual to it. And every journey is different. Like I always express like it's different, but we all do what we got to do. There's an instinct that kicks in and we, we got it. Yeah.

14:30Mick:Yeah. Another thing I love that you wrote in the book and then you also talk about it on social media. You talk about it in a lot of interviews. And I like to segue to my segment I call the unplugged truth. And you have the most real truth ever. You say, I don't care what it looks like. I still don't get it right every day. And I think people need to understand that because I believe exactly what you. I tell people someone that appears to be perfect, just run away because whatever they're about to tell you, whatever advice they're about to give you, it ain't real. Because the people I listen to don't get something right every day.

15:13Mick:And that's what I appreciate.

15:14Jess Hilarious:Yeah. And exactly what you said. Like that leaves me so speechless because, yeah, the people that you think like that you looking at, like I know that person got it all together. I know every day is just sunshine and rainbows for them. I know that their kids don't have problems. I know that, nah, you don't know. You don't know. Everybody goes through something when they are being challenged as a parent, just as a caregiver, as, you know, just a guardian. You don't even have to be a parent. You know what I mean? You could be a guardian. You could be somebody who watches over someone's kid. You know what I mean?

15:54Jess Hilarious:I don't get it right every day. That's why I do have a village. I thank God for my parents, my husband, my son's father, my mother-in-law, my father-in-law. Like, it's a village. It really takes a village. None of this is easy.

16:08Mick:Not. Not at all. Not at all. And another truth that you have that's also in the book, and I think this one stopped me on my tracks, too, because, again, you're very vulnerable, which I appreciate in the book. Yeah. You talk about you not wanting to tell Rome, right? Like when you first found out you were pregnant and you were not that you didn't want to tell them you were just scared. I was I think a lot of times a truth that we need to understand is it's OK to have the emotion of fear. It's just not OK to let it run. Right. And again, I applaud you for that vulnerability and that conversation.

16:45Mick:Like walk us through that moment.

16:48Jess Hilarious:Man, I mean, listen, make I consider talking to you all day because that is literally the epitome of what the feeling is. was, it's like, yo, y 'all do not understand the amount of fear. I was like, oh, so I, I'm in the house by myself. Now I'm in Rome's house and he went to go play basketball and I'm 19 and I'm like looking at this test and I'm like, oh my God, it says positive. And you know how you already know something but it's nothing like that confirmation that that moment of clarity where it's like boom oh no this shit is real like oh it was positive and I knew but I really knew in that moment and I was like damn not only do I have to tell Rome who I think I'm gonna scare away I have to tell my parents who don't even know I'm dating they don't even know where I am right now They think I'm somewhere else.

17:51Wow. The amount, oh my God, like the amount of paranoia and just anxiety.

18:00Jess Hilarious:It was like, I could have really, really had a heart attack in that moment. And then he walks through the door and I walked down the steps and we're making eye contact. And he's like, what's wrong? Cause he, I look worried. I'm trying to look good. I'm, you know, I'm trying to be cool and, and, you know, get my nerves all together. and he's like, what's in your hand? And I just drop it. He picks it up. He's like, you're pregnant. I'm like, yeah. He's like, oh my God, we're going to be a family. And I'm like, okay, not what I expected. Okay, so I did, I'm not going to lie. I felt better, but that was very short-lived because I still knew we're not ready for this.

18:43Jess Hilarious:We're not ready. you know I'm over the first hump of Jerome not running for the hills not saying oh well look you want to take care of that you want your own you know what I mean because that's what I expected I think I think I was so scared in that moment that I wanted him to see that now now as an adult just looking back I think I I was so afraid to have this baby and you know and

19:16Jess Hilarious:just thinking about my life and how much it was slowed down and almost stopped you know I'm not even out of my parents house yet you know I haven't even been knowing Rome this long I think I'm in love I'm you know but I think I was so afraid that I wanted him to react that way just to have a reason to get rid of my child and when he reacted the other way around I felt a relief but then I was even more afraid because I'm like, damn. Now, if I do get rid of the baby, if I do schedule this appointment to get an abortion, now I'm going to hurt his heart. I'm going to hurt him.

19:54Mick:Well, thank God you did it. Yeah.