Pasha Palanker: Facing Fear, Building Strength, and Leaving a Legacy of Impact

0:00Mick:Hey everybody, really excited for this very special episode with my dear friend Pasha Palanker. If you want to know the mindset that's needed post-military, post-service, this is the episode for you. Pasha's going to go through his story, the moment where he had to make a split-second decision to save combat life. You're going to want to hear that story. We're also going to talk about some misconceptions. perceptions we're going to go through the things that he's doing now and then in the quick five we're going to understand where does he feel the most alive this episode i promise it's going to change your life please join me in welcoming one of my closest friends mr pasha palanca pasha how you doing today brother i'm doing great brother thanks for that amazing intro i'm honored and grateful to be here with you dude like you know us we talk all the time but it all goes back to what november of last year we meet at one of the robert irvine foundations events their year in beats and eats yeah i think i think our bond became bourbon right aside from robert and the team we were sitting there having a bourbon together talking about life and then i found out all the crazy cool things that you have done not only just in life but what you do for others and what your life history has been.

1:24Mick:And that bond will never be broken, man. So one, just thank you for that moment. Thank you for the moments that you've continued to share with me. And we'll talk about some of those later. But man, just thank you for who you are, Pasha. I appreciate it. That means a lot to me coming from you. I think that the bond was bourbon and it's also authentic human to human connection with a similar passion and purpose. I think that's really what. Bourbon was an easy conversation starter. Absolutely. Absolutely. Pasha, I mean, we know each other. But one thing I've always waited to ask you, although we've kind of handed on it a little bit, is your because, right?

2:08Mick:Like, you know, that moment, those moments that keep you driven, those things that keep you doing the things that you do for others. What's your because, bro? well you know the simple answer is it's my family right my wife and and my four boys that's that's that's what everybody's going to come up with but uh but going down a deeper level it's it's i found that i found my because through struggling having been having been in very deep dark moments all alone by myself and finding way out and then being able to help guide others out of that place I found a lot of meaning in my life and that has become my because I love that and speaking of your family I got to meet them in April right so a very special moment was had in April at another Robert Irvine Foundation event, you received, finally, your Bronze Star of Valor.

3:18Mick:And I'd never seen a room of 500 people so emotionally connected at one time. Walk us through that moment, and then we're going to talk about what you did to accomplish that star, to receive that star. okay well you know that room and that and that award they they one does not exist without the other it took 20 years for that award upgrade to happen because i never looked for it but as part of my that that moment where i earned that bronze star for valor has been a huge part of my journey And when I go and I speak to audiences, I share that story. And people would ask me about if I received it in work right now.

4:06I would tell them. And they're like, really? That's all you got? And that's what led to people asking me to look into upgrading. And then somebody started the paperwork process. And there was a lot of people in that room were involved in that. and uh and i think that's why everyone a lot of people there were connected because because they either they've heard my story or they've been a part of that process yeah and there were some amazing people in that room to include yourself and and then you know the the power that robert has that the influence that he has and to bring people together man i'm telling you that moment

4:44Mick:man like one there wasn't a dry eye in the room but to to hear robert and to hear cz talk about you the way that they did, man. Like it, it was so heartfelt that I think the viewers and listeners need to understand that journey a little bit deeper. So, so walk us through special ops and special missions and, and some of the things that you've done for our country, brother. Well, I'll, you know, I'll just share, I'll just share that, that moment and why I received that a word. So I was a gunner in my vehicle when a vehicle driven by a suicide bomber was attempting to ram into us. And at a closest point, he was just two, three feet away from me.

5:34And I had this moment where the only option I had was pick up my rifle, lean over the protective plates that are around me and engage in that way. And in that moment, my, my, the rational part of my brain, oh, that's a terrible idea. Cause I knew what was about to happen. And I was like, I should just drop down. And then if we survive, we survive. But then I felt this anger, unlike anything I've ever experienced, like something like primordial, like something shifted inside of me. And that anger drove me to pick up my rifle lean over and engage him straight into the vehicle i was able to hit him a few times which bought us just just a few extra seconds we were able to pass him and then he was remotely detonated that vehicle was remotely detonated by uh uh there was another group of terrorists that was recorded that recorded the whole incident on video and uh That was it.

6:33That was 30 seconds. But the other part of that journey is that anger that saved my life that day. It slowly destroyed my life. It started to destroy my life a decade later. I could not turn it off. I could not control it. And while I was young and single, it was not a big deal. There was a couple of cool stories, road rage or altercations. but once I got married and I started to have kids you know the kids will do kid stuff and you know break a glass or spill milk and I would react like I was right back there with the suicide bomber and that was the cause of my downward spiral to where you know I ended up in a very dark place and we can talk about that more if you want to but I'll stop

7:27Mick:yeah yeah i mean you know you and i've had these these conversations but i do think for the viewers and listeners to understand not necessarily the spiral because you you fight every day to overcome that and that's one of the things that i applaud you for but i do think it's important for the viewers and listeners to understand how to recognize that in people and the support that they need man like when you were going through it right at the deepest and darkest times what were the things that you needed that you know now that you were needing yeah love you know love um when you're in that place when i was in that place i'll just talk about myself i felt like i could not be the father to my kids that i wanted to be i could not be the husband to my wife I was so angry and also I felt a ton of guilt the anger kept me away from my family I was at home but I was in this room while they were out doing family stuff and I didn't want to be around them because I was afraid of these angry outbursts but I felt guilty that I wasn't around them and I started to feel a ton of like the suffocating pressure.

8:48It felt like two 45 pound plates on my chest. And, you know, the only thing that would relieve that pressure is numbing that pain through alcohol or through some other distracting things. And every day my life got just a little bit worse. And then on top of that, I was told that I have to medically retire out of the army. So I was losing my identity as a soldier and that you know put more weight on me and and i was slowly being crushed by that weight and by the world and eventually my mind started to go numb and i just stopped caring about consequences and i arrived at a place where suicide was just it was just logical i felt like they're better off without me i'll find peace and relief um and that's that's a place that's a place that a lot of us don't come out of and um but the one thing that would make me or anybody else feel better is you know a hand on the shoulder a hug some some words of of love not somebody telling me you should do this and this and this that's terrible right right but that makes it worse because if you're wrong and what you're suggesting to me that makes me feel like you have no idea what I'm dealing with.

10:09And it pushes me even further into isolation. But it's just somebody just being present there with me. That's the best way to help somebody who's struggling like I did.

10:22Mick:Wow. And for the person that's listening or watching, that feels like they're in that moment right now, right? What's some advice you have for them to go seek that love or to know that there is something coming on the other side that's better? Well, I'll tell you what happened with me is, as tempting as it was, I found enough strength to drive myself to an emergency room at Walter Reed, where I got admitted to the psych ward and I spent time in the psychiatric ward, which was not pleasant, but it took away all of the stimulation that was crushing me. And I got a little bit of clarity. And while I was there, I realized that I was a victim.

11:12You know, I got terrible care through the military channels. I got terrible care from the VA. and it's very easy to feel like as a soldier that they should take care of me, right? When it wasn't happening, I became a victim. And when you're a victim, you don't see the solutions. You just see the problems and you have no control over the situation. So while I was at the psych ward, I decided that I was responsible. I raised my hand to volunteer to serve in the military. I raised my hands to join the special operations community. and I decided that it's my responsibility and I need to figure it out.

11:56And this is when, once that happened, I stopped blaming people and I started to look for answers. I started to listen to podcasts just like yours. I started to read books and I started to learn about what's going on inside of me. And then Jordan Peterson's book, 12 Rules for Life was very helpful to me. There was two books, Ryan Holiday's The Obstacle is the Way made me look at my situation like this is my opportunity for growth and then jordan peterson's book just just helped me figure out how to how to start the process which i started with one simple thing that i would show up for myself and it was it was i would write in the journal you know it's like this is i didn't even know what's the purpose purpose was today's the day and i did it and it was just the small act and then it just made me feel a little better and then it led to the next thing and the next thing and the next thing.

12:51And five years later, I'm a different person.

12:56Mick:I love that, my man. I love that. And what I heard from you, Pasha, and again, you and I've talked about this, but it's okay to seek help, right? Actually, that's what we should be doing. And it doesn't matter your age, your gender, anything, right? You don't have to be Superman, Superwoman 24-7. It's okay to not be okay and to seek help for that, right? Yeah, especially if you've been through trauma. It doesn't have to be combat trauma. We all deal with something.

13:33It's more than okay to seek help, but boy, it's hard. It's one of the most difficult things that I had to do. and it takes a ton of strength. It takes a ton of strength and that's how you should see it. Seeking help is you showing the world that you have strength to show up for yourself too. It's like, I need you to help me. That takes strength. And that's what I received back once I started speaking out about this stuff. Thousands of people have told me, like have have expressed to me how much courage and strength this shows where you think it's the opposite when you're in uh in that lonely place and afraid to ask for help yeah yeah man i again

14:29Mick:i admire you for for all that you do and you've turned this into now you're you're helping people all over the world right like you're a huge advocate of mental health you're a huge advocate of just having special missions in life, when did that become a thing for you? When did you say, okay, I'm overcoming. Now it's my purpose to help others. Well, it happened very naturally. I never thought I would be speaking publicly about my struggles. That was the last thing that I thought I would be in this world. The way it happened for me is once I started to feel better, having been in that dark place, I noticed I could sense when somebody else is struggling.

15:13And I would help a teammate and then another guy. And then one of the guys invited me to speak in front of a veteran nonprofit where I helped a group of people. And that caused that chain reaction that opened this whole new world to me to where I meet amazing people like yourself. And it happened naturally over the past five years. and I'm really excited to see where it goes next. I love that dude I love that so let's take a

15:47Mick:moment and talk about the relationship with Robert Irvine and the foundation so how did that occur and and we'll go through like some of the things that you're continuing to do with the foundation but but what was the first moment when was the first contact my first contact with him obviously I knew who he was, but my first contact with him was in Scotland doing the Kettering Yump, which is a 54-mile race through the Scottish Highlands. And I was just, I was supposed to be there with CZ. And last minute, CZ had to cancel, so I went by myself. I didn't really know anybody, so I was just running the yump by myself when I ran into Robert and his scene.

16:28And I just introduced myself. And you know how easy Robert is to talk to. And you don't be anybody special. And when you're walking for 50-something miles running, there's plenty of time to talk. So we just had a natural conversation. And, you know, I shared a little bit about my journey and my desire to help impact others, which obviously that's all that he does. We talked about CZ. And then, you know, that was kind of it. and I didn't think I would run into him again until CZ's retirement. I didn't even know that they were friends. And then when CZ was retiring, I came to his retirement and Robert was there and we had a great conversation about the yump.

17:13And then as if it was meant to be, I was like, hey, I'm just curious, what's next for you? He's like, oh, I'm hosting this Veterans Day parade in Philadelphia live on TV. And I was like, that's funny because I'm jumping in into Independence Hall with a huge American flag to kick off that parade. So naturally, our world just became intertwined, and I kept running into Robert and kept meeting amazing people around him. Yeah, great dude, great story.

17:46Mick:I tell him all the time, Robert's never met a stranger. for for someone with such celebrity status he literally is yeah the everyday man and and i think that's one of the things i appreciate you know he's gonna call you by your first name he's gonna make you and embrace you like you're the greatest person on earth that day and he genuinely means it and feels that and then he'll also call you out the bond you out and you're on your staff absolutely in a very in a very encouraging way that will make you better that yeah oh absolutely absolutely he's definitely the accountability partner that you want because he's gonna give it to you straight but then also like you said encourage you push you motivate you and believe in you and i think you know that's that's a great trait of robber and it's also something that you have man because you motivate and hold me accountable as well and i i think that's why we are as close as we are man and i was so honored earlier this year at one of my events to have you you talked about parachuting in with the flag to have you do that at one of my events was literally the highlight of that event if if anyone talks about anything at my june lead loud event it is the moment that pasha came in and i like i i was so honored and you know the technical difficulties we had with weather from a timing perspective, you know, you had an award for Robert coming in, but that moment was so beautiful.

19:20Mick:And the videos that we have of that, like I'm always going to remember. I'm so grateful you invited me to do that. That was, that was special. I know I think those difficulties made it extra special, but man, there's something powerful seeing a star spangled banner that large land at your event. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So when when did that become something that you became passionate about doing? Not just the parachute jumping, but again, I think when people see it, especially the first time you see it and you see the flag and the patriotism that's going along with it, like when did you know that that was something you wanted to do for others?

20:03Well, this is also something that happened naturally. I attended this Warrior Weekend to Remember, which was hosted by the parachute team. I was not on the team. And that's when I learned about what the team does, what Fast Tracks does. And it was a very natural fit. I was a free fall instructor in the army. And I loved jumping. Jumping was one of my coping mechanisms. Because when you're falling out of a plane, you forget about your struggles. You know, you're just there. And once I retired from the Army, I found out about the team. I tried out for the team. And the team is just filled with amazing people that love this nation.

20:45And we get to jump in into some high-profile events honoring our nation, honoring our heroes. It was an instant moment. But what I was missing is the skill to be able to fly a flag that big into a stadium or into a small space like Independence Hall. So it took took some time for me to get up on that level. But it's been a few years and I find a ton of meaning in those jumps. Wow, dude.

21:17Mick:And they're so special. I mean, they they're heartfelt. they have purpose and like i said the patriotism that you just feel immediately right is second to none i mean so much so that all of my friends that were there i think half of them reached out because they also do events or special deals and they're like we need pascha to come do that for us and i'm like dude it's going to change your life when you see it for sure for sure so i i want to go into you know some of the things you're doing now you know another friend that that we have very close friend to you accountability partner to me chef andre rush right i remember when i had him on the podcast or he was coming on and you were like dude that's like that's my buddy right there that's my brother and so i messaged him and he's like how come the three of us have never talked together for the like ever as much as as much as we talk but but you have that special thing, Pasha, about connecting with people and making it genuine, right?

22:22Mick:Like, how do you, not how do you do it, but why is that important? You know, I think in a way I've been blessed to, to there's something that I was born with to where I'm, I'm genuinely curious about, about people, just, just the human to human connection. But I also think the struggles that I went through, I had to go so deep inside of myself and I had to learn about myself in order to come out of that, that now I'm genuinely curious about other people and, and, and how to, how to connect to people at that level. And, and Chef Rush, he's another guy that's, that's so, he's so a big personality big in general but almost no ego so easy to talk to and and with him being a retired army master sergeant like myself just attending veteran events working together to influence uh empower veterans that was natural so it's in in ways it's also it's easy to be authentic with authentic people

23:35Mick:yeah totally agree totally agree Pasha you know again knowing you having conversations one of the the the traits that I love about you and that I actually study from you and you don't even know this but I study from you is your mindset you have not just a sharp mind but one of the most mentally tough clarity and decision making, you have such a strong mindset that I want the viewers and listeners to take away a few things from you. So I'm gonna ask you a couple of questions, right? So in your missions, you know, in the military and the things that you're doing now, you know, you've told me decisions are made in seconds, right?

24:18Mick:Like you just told us the story of 20 years ago, like you had to make a decision in seconds. How do you train your mind for clarity when you're under pressure? Man, that's a tough question. It comes down to, it comes, comes down to knowing yourself, you know, one, there's, you got to be really good at what you're doing. So a ton of just like in sports, you know, or, or in war, you know, you, you, it's better to bleed in, in, in training. So you don't bleed in war. So it's a ton of training beforehand, and then a ton of time with yourself. So that when that moment comes and you have a split decision to make, it's, it's your instincts, uh, combined with a trust in yourself.

25:05And sometimes you make a wrong decision. It, you know, it just happens. The worst thing you can do is though, is, is freeze and, and not do anything uh i think that applies to every aspect of life

25:21that's deep bro and then the second question on mindset is what role does fear

25:29Mick:and and people like to talk about fear like it doesn't exist but like fear fear does exist right it might not be a comment it might not be every day but there are moments yeah right like I don't know anyone in the world that I've talked to that hasn't had a moment of fear, right? What role does fear play in building like an elite mindset? Well, fear is a great motivator. Fear is, it's fear of letting other people down when you're in the military. If I don't carry my weight, if I make a mistake, it can cost my teammate his life. Fear of letting your family down. It depends on what's important to you, but fear is a motivator.

26:13Either letting somebody else down, letting yourself down. For us, failure is... Sometimes it leads to a life or death situation. So that's where fear is instrumental. But it's also as simple as if I'm late to information, then there's 30 other guys that are going to be doing push-ups until I show up. So there's just fear of everybody, 30 guys hating you, and then you being on the wrong end of that. Fear is a motivator.

26:50Yeah.

26:52Mick:Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. And then for veterans, specifically to veterans that are struggling with identity like after service, what's the first mindset shift that you've realized with yourself that they need to make in order to have a successful transition post service? You have to almost give up your life of service. That uniform, once it's off, it's off. That military moves on pretty quickly. It's still, nobody will ever take that away from you, but you have to start finding something new. New hobbies, new mission, new focus. They can be connected. For me, for example, the fact that I still jump, it's a connection to my military service I started training Jiu Jitsu when I was 41 years old but that physical challenge that adrenaline that comes with Jiu Jitsu matches that's still a connection to the military but it's not the military anymore so you have to find it's your job to find something new and meaningful and challenging in your life you can't hold on to the life that's behind you

28:17Mick:and i'm gonna let all the viewers and listeners know you don't want to mess with posha and jiu-jitsu this dude is a trained assassin so do you take it easy on your coach man well my coach is is one of the best in the nation so i i definitely of course i hold my own but i mean i've only been doing it for a few years but i i like giving higher belts a run for their money just just personally you know yeah i yeah yeah and it helps them it's a know your mindset yeah yeah you like to give them a run for their money all right yeah for for those that don't know pasha pasha is that guy that's like the quiet guy that you don't want to mess with right like and you just know by looking at pasha that that's who he is right he's just the quiet guy but it's like push a button old posha will return every once in a while right like you don't you don't want him to come out but every once in a while it's like you got to prove that he's still there man i i love that brother i love that i love yeah well when it's play it's play right when it's play it's play but if it if if it's a real life situation you know that's a that's a different conversation but i think that's how most guys are like the louder you are the less people should be afraid of you it's just like a chihuahua barking my friends say that about me all the time in the business world they're like you know mick you don't talk about the things you're doing and i'm like nah i was taught to move in silence right like when you let everybody know what's going on you're never going to get there because they're going to put obstacles in even the people that you think are on your side are the ones that start to put obstacles in are the ones that don't believe in you like you think that they should so i learned at a very young age move in silence never be the loudest person in the room and always observe what's going on because things will just naturally reveal themselves to you and i know that that you and i are like that that's why we share the bourbon everybody else was being loud in the corner or out front you and i were sitting in the back corner sipping bourbon yeah and that's so true about you because when we talked we connected there was i didn't know anything about you i didn't know you have depending on the day sometimes the number one podcast in the world i didn't know any of this about you you're not just saying this for the camera this is until i showed up at your event for the jump and then seeing the people that were there i was like man this guy's unbelievable and and you let your actions speak louder louder than than your words And I love that.

30:57I think I think that's also another reason why we have such strong connection.

31:01Mick:Amen to that, brother. Amen to that. But we're so much alike. We're so much alike. And I know how how busy your days are and how time is so important to you. So I just feel honored that you spent some time with us today. But I've got to get you out of here on my quick five rapid fire five questions. You ready? All right. So I've seen you eat, Pasha. but we're going to tell the world. What's your go-to cheat meal? Cheat meal.

31:34Probably a tomahawk steak.