Raw, Unfiltered, Purpose: The Dad Edge Unleashed with Larry Hagner

0:28We always recommend Shopify. Hey, I'm really proud of this episode that you're about to listen to with my buddy Larry Hagner. We go places in this episode. We talk about his because, and you're going to get emotional hearing it. So by the end of the episode, I really want you to get there when Larry's talking about his most favorite or most memorable dad win. I mean, he gets extremely emotional. So if you are a father, this episode is for you. Get your kids together. If you're a father and you have young ones, this episode, you guys need to listen together. It's going to be amazing, amazing, amazing.

1:02And I'm not going to hold it up. Ladies and gentlemen, I present my good friend and all-American dad, Mr. Larry Hagner. You're listening to Mick Unplugged, hosted by the one and only Mick Hunt. This is where purpose meets power and stories spark transformation. Mick takes you beyond the motivation and into meaning, helping you discover your because and becoming unstoppable. I'm Rudy Rush and trust me, you're in the right place. Let's get unplugged.

1:35Larry, how are you doing today, brother? I'm speechless, man. I've never had an intro like that. I'm like, wow, that's really cool. I want to meet this guy. Very well deserved, man. Very well deserved. Huge fan of the person that you are. You and I have gotten to talk recently and I've become even more impressed. You know, like when you, when you listen to someone, I already told you, I'm a huge fan of your podcast. One of my sons is visiting me out of town and we, he's been binge listening to a few episodes of yours. But then when you get to meet that person for real and they're even more magnificent than you think they are, like that's always refreshing.

2:15And that is who you are. Oh man. Why? Thank you so much. To be honest, man, I feel the exact same way about you. I just want to hedge on the show on the dad edge podcast. Like it was just such tremendous chemistry and such a good conversation and you provided so much value. I know for the, for the audience, it was just awesome. So I appreciate that. And back at you. I appreciate you back, man. I appreciate you back. And no, my show, I always like to start the conversation around your, because that thing that's deeper than your why, right? Like your, why probably your kids, the legacy you want to leave behind.

2:49But when I say, but why, you usually start that sentence with because of X, Y, and Z. And I care about the moment you say because. And so all the things that you do, you know, your mission to help men live legendary lives. What's your because? What's that purpose for Larry Hagner to do those things? I got to be honest, man. I think I have a few becauses, but one is I know how it feels to, you know, be in the drift is what we call it in our community. is you're just drifting, right? Nothing's necessarily wrong, broken. We're not tremendously uncomfortable. But once you're out of that drift, you realize how uncomfortable you actually really were, right?

3:30Not living like this very purposeful life. So I think it's really, I mean, I truly believe we get one shot at this life, like just one. And why not make it amazing? Why not make it as legendary and as amazing as possible? right? Because maybe, maybe it's this, you know, I don't know if I've ever even been asked this question, but that's one reason, but here's another, you know, it, it goes down with a, with a, with a quote that I heard from Napoleon Hill, which is the definition of hell is meaning the man that you could have been when you're laying on your deathbed. And I don't know what it is.

4:07I even get the chills saying that. And I remember the first time I ever heard it were exactly where I was and what I was doing. And I was like, Whoa, it was just like, it was like a wrecking ball just went right through my heart. And I was like, Whoa, I cannot imagine a life like that. Like I just can't. And then there's another because, and the other because is I'm raising four men, right? I'm raising four young men. And, you know, my, my, my family, you know, generations, like we've always had, there's been a serious pattern there and I'm happy to go into that, but I'm like, I, I'm not going to do this on my watch.

4:43Yeah. Like these kids are going to have a different experience and they're going to become different men. And so I would say those three reasons are my because. Amazing. And getting to know you like I have, and I told you when I was on your podcast, how a huge fan of you that I was and how we have some similarities. So, you know, you kind of went past the cycles a little bit and I definitely want to go there. Let's talk about the cycles that you're changing in your life because everyone that's a subscriber to this show, you understand that's exactly part of my because, right? I didn't have representation in my household and the cycle had to change with me.

5:25The buck had to stop with me, right? Like I told you, Larry, like I had a dad physically in my household, but emotionally I never knew he was there and he probably never knew I was there, right? What are the cycles that you're breaking or that you're changing as well? Well, I think if you, um, it's always good to, but also to be talking to someone who understands this, right. And you experienced it firsthand. Um, you know, my, my, my mom was married. I mean, my, my, my parents, I honestly believe parents do the best job that they can with what they have at the time. So, and, you know, me being a 50 year old man for, for raising four boys, I'm like, I can't even remember.

6:03I can't even count how many times I've messed up. There's so many, right? And, but I look back on that and my mom was married three times and there was just a revolving door of toxic men that just came in and out of my life, whether she was dating somebody for a week, a season, a year, or they were roommates or they were married, like there was a variety of them, but they all had the same type of mentality. They were all toxic. They were, they were all drinkers. They were all abusers. Like it was, a lot. And I remember growing up in that way and add to insult to injury, my biological father, I never knew growing up ever.

6:39My mom and him were married for four years and they had me. And then after they had me, they got divorced. And I have no recollection of my dad. They got divorced within the first year I was born. And then when I was four, my mom got remarried. That guy adopted me. He became my dad. I thought that was my dad from the very start. Like I actually thought that's how dads come about is they have moms go out and find a dude and bring him home. Here's your dad. Like I had no idea that I had, I literally had no clue that I had another dad. And, uh, I finally had an opportunity to meet my dad when I was 12, my real dad.

7:12And it was two years after my mom's second divorce to my stepdad who had adopted me. And I had no idea where he lived. I just knew his name. And then we met and we had a relationship for about six months and he left again. And that killed me killed me and i remember like literally sitting and i have a 12 year old i remember sitting on the edge of my bed and hanging up the phone the landline because there were no cell phones back in 1987 and i remember just sitting there asking myself what what just happened like did i just lose my biological father for the second time in my life like i think i just was sort of questioning that and i just remember sitting there and be like i started to cry And I was like, this will never happen when I have kids.

7:58I remember saying that out loud when I was 12. This will never happen when I have kids. I'm going to be a good dad. So like I literally from 12 years old, I was like, I want to be a good dad. But here's the interesting thing, Mick. I mean, you know this from teaching leadership. The desire to be a good dad has nothing to do. It has a little bit to do, but it's not going to get you to great dad or fulfilled dad or good dad, right? It's the desire. It's important, but it's not going to get you there. And what I found was, is the biggest missing ingredient, because I had a really bad moment with my four-year-old who's 18 now, who I wouldn't even mess with to save my life.

8:36I always promised myself I will never strike my children out of anger ever because I was hit a lot. When my son was four, he stepped out of line. I turned him around. I swatted him on the butt. And unfortunately, I hit him so hard, he lost his footing and he fell flat on his face. And he was okay. Thank goodness. And, uh, I went to go help to pick him up. Cause I was like, oh my God, like, what did I just do? Like literally like it was that fast. I was like, oh, what did I just do? And I was like, Hey, are you? And I went to go pick him up and he saw me coming at him. And he literally just like, please don't hurt me.

9:11Like literally like shook. And I was like, what am I doing? Like, I, this is exactly what I said I wasn't going to do. Like what is happening and why? And then that was 2012. And then that was it, man. Like I, I surrendered to God. I surrendered to everything. I was like, please just, I just want to learn this. What's the best way to learn this? I just need to learn it. And that's, that's, that was 13 years ago, actually, gosh, 15 years ago or 14 years ago. And that's all I've been doing is learning. Like everything that we do is learning. That's it. Dude. And again, that's part of the reason why I'm a huge fan of you and what you do.

9:51Just that vulnerability, that transparency, that honesty. And you just said something that I believe in too. Like I heard you say, good father, right? And I think a lot of times, whether it's fatherhood, leadership, entrepreneurship, whatever, there's such a spell on being great that sometimes we forget that you control good, right? Like I can't be great every day, but I can definitely be good, right? Greatness usually is someone else's opinion of you anyway. Like you can be good. And I think in order to be perceived as great, you've got to have several good moments or several good things that you do.

10:35And you've interviewed and talked to thousands of fathers, right? Former Navy SEALs, athletes, entrepreneurs, you name it. what do you think are a couple of traits that all good fathers have, that all good dads have? I think that's such a good question. I think they're lifelong students. I really, really do. And I think that they're willing to drop the ego, right? And when I say ego, like that's just something that really, really protects us, right? It's like, you know, it's really odd, you know, if you really think about it. This perfect example, right? It's like my 18 year old son, he just turned 18 and he's like, Hey, I want to pick up guitar.

11:19I want to learn the guitar. So he's been watching YouTube videos and he's leaving for college in eight months. And I'm trying to figure out every which way I can to spend time with him. So I'm like, Hey, can I learn guitar with you? So I went out and bought a guitar and we're learning guitar together. And, but I think it answered your question. Like what, what separates a good dad is like being like, I don't know how to play guitar. Let's go learn. Right. Versus like, I'm not going to pick up the guitar because I don't want to sound bad or I don't want to look bad or like, I'm just not musical.

11:52Right. Or I'm just not good with a guitar. Anybody can learn anything. Right. Literally anything. It's just a matter of like, are you going to allow yourself to learn it? Are you going to engage in a process to learn something? So to answer your question, I think a good dad does two things. He sidesteps his ego. I'm like, nope, I'm never done learning. ever, ever, ever. In fact, like, you know, this as well as I do, I have two adult children now. It's like a totally different world now. Like, you know, connecting with them and trying to like, it's like you can ground them anymore or anything like that.

12:22It's like a totally different game. And like, I'm, so I joke all the time. I'm like, I'm learning a whole new season of fatherhood right now. And that's raising adult kids and my little kids at the same time. But yeah, two things, learning and being able to just surrender the ego. Amazing. And you just hit on something too. Like, I'm not going to say I'm lucky or fortunate. I don't mean it in that sense, but my kids are relatively close in age. Right. And so there were cool moments for me when my children got into their late teens and early twenties, when you definitely go, you're still dad, you're still a father, but then it morphs into like friendship.

13:04It morphs into like best friendship. And that is such a very cool thing because it's something I never got to experience, as I'm sure you didn't either. And so to have that moment, man, like even thinking about it, I can sometimes get emotional because it's just like, wow, like I have like my kids best friends. Right. You know, like like we they're comfortable to talk to me about anything and not be judged by it. they're, they're cool telling me when, you know, they've had good days when they've had bad days or it's like, Hey, dad, I need you to be dad right now. Right. Like, like talk to us about that because that's what I hear you saying.

13:49Right. It's like, Holy crap, they're growing and I'm growing. And it's like, we enjoy doing things together. We really do. I it's, it's really interesting. Like I, I, I even tell my adult kids this, right. I was like, cause the, you know, And our relationship is dynamically changing just a little bit, you know, just little bits over time, you know, being that my oldest is 19 and, you know, the other one's 18. But then I got a 12 and a nine-year-old too, all boys. And, you know, the interesting thing that I tell, especially my oldest right now, because he's out of high school. He's a volunteer firefighter.

14:24He's going through EMT training right now and then paramedic training and then he's going to the fire academy. So he's like a, you know, full-blown, like I'm out of school adult type of person, right? But he still needs guidance and he still needs some discipline, you know, and that kind of thing. And when I have to, you know, pull those levers, I remind him, I'm like, hey, you know, I just want to remind you something. We ain't best friends yet. Okay. I'm still your dad. Right. You got plenty of friends. You don't need another one. And I ain't going to be one of them. It's like, we are friends.

14:56Okay. We are friends. But that's not to confuse our relationship with we're friends and I'm not your dad. Okay. I was like, now when you're in your mid twenties and thirties, that's a little different, right? I'm always going to be your dad, but we're going to ease more into that probably friendship type of phase. But as of right now, when you're still trying to figure out life, I'm not your friend. Like I love you, man. I love you way more than any of your friends do, but I ain't your friend. Yeah. I'm your dad. I can still tell you what to do. No, I'm with you on that because I think for me, like I definitely had that phase where it's like, Hey, I'm still dad.

15:33And for me, it was because you still need money. I'm still dad. So it's like the, I promise you, you're going to get to a phase really quick when they go get, maybe not their first apartment, but usually that second one, because the first one, they still need dad. And then it's like, Hey, you want to move, you want to break this lease or, you know, you got to do whatever you're on your own now, right? You're off daddy's payroll. That's when it becomes really cool. So I promise you, Larry, there is light. yeah yeah but but you know the the cool thing is this is we do we're really engaging in a lot of friends stuff lately you know so it's like yes i'm still their parents so like i'll give you an example like every so like i'm really i'm like methodically and like strategically like inserting myself into my 18 year old's life because he's gonna be the first one to leave the nest here in eight months so every three weeks we go get he go we go get haircuts and i get a beard trim and then we go out to eat or we go do something fun every three weeks.

16:29Like that's our cadence. And when we, when we leave the barbershop, we're already, we've already made an appointment for the next three weeks. So the cool thing about that is that, you know, when we go out, you know, yes, we talk about dad, son stuff. Right. But he also asks a lot of questions and we have conversations that I think are more friendly, right. That I don't have with his little brothers, like his 12 and nine year old, right. It's more like man to man talk, which I really love how that's evolving into. Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. So I want to talk to the male listener and viewer right now, whether you're a father or not, because you, you know, your, your conversations are much deeper than obviously just fatherhood too.

17:07Like you're a big proponent of legacy and you talk a lot about legacy. So for the person that's listening or that's watching Larry and they're, they're struggling because they feel like they're just surviving. right? How do you help people to start building intentionally, to start living intentionally? Because I know intentionality is a huge pillar of your discussion. So talk to that viewer or listener for us really quick.

17:42I think there's a few different ways that you can do it. And it just depends on, I think, what really works well for you, right? So can I give you an example that is probably extreme, but it's how I live. Yeah. Um, so I have a whiteboard here, um, and you'll find me every single Sunday sitting in something. And I take my clients to this too. I actually run guys through groups like this. It's called the general's tent, the general's tent. And what we do is we plan for mission success for the week. I've never been in the military or anything like that, but this is, this is how we roll, right? The military is very effective in how they do.

18:18They know what mission success looks like and they plan accordingly. So the way I live life and the way my clients live life is we live our life within what's called the brave man code. The brave man code. It's a system. Brave stands for bond. Bond is your marriage. That's the B. R is raise. That's fatherhood. A is amplify. That's your business, your wealth, and your money. V is vitality. That's the food, the beverages, whatever you put in your mouth, and also the media and whatever you're taking in in the brain, which the output of that is your energy. And I know this might shock you, but the E stands for enjoy.

18:54And when clients come and knock on my door and they're like, you're going to hold me accountable for joy. I'm like, absolutely. Three missions a week of joy. And they're like, why? I was like, if you have no joy, you have no joy to give. So I think to answer your question, to live intentionally, what I do within that brave man code is I will, I will actually identify three smart goals per week in those five categories. So I'm going to do three things from with my wife or for my wife. I'm going to do three things with my kids or for my kids, right? I'm going to do three things within the business that moves the needle.

19:28Vitality, same thing. What does my nutrition look like? What does my exercise look like? What does my hydration and sleep look like? And then for my joy, like, like one of the things I think that 70 % of men report being lonely. I know it sounds kind of crazy, but like I go and either walk with another friend of mine here in this neighborhood and we just walk for an hour or I'll go have coffee with a buddy or I'll get on a zoom call with one of my friends and we'll have a virtual coffee and there's no agenda. I just want to, Hey, how, how is life? Right. And that brings me. And another thing too, that brings me joy is scripture.

19:59Every day I'm in a Bible study, even with my oldest son. And just, you have to have that joy. And so many men will sidestep that because we grind. And I really think, and don't get me wrong, I work, I'm a huge fan of working insanely hard, like outwork people. But at the same time, that has to be balanced with a little bit of oxygen because otherwise no one wants the 24-7 grinder type A warrior man, right? They also want the less overwhelmed, compassionate. Hey, bring it in. Like, hey, we're all here, right? And if you have no joy, you have no joy to give. But living intentionally, how I teach is three smart goals in those five categories per week.

20:40And they actually go on my calendar. And I'll tell you, man, it's an incredible way to live because every week I get to do a planning, but I also get to do an after action review. I got four kids. I have several moving parts of my business. My health changes. I need different things. And so does my marriage. So I'm looking back on previous week or even be like, Hey, what's needed this week? Like what do, what, what actually needs to happen? I hung out with these two kids last week. These two kids got neglected. So I'm making sure that they get attention. So it's things like that, living very intentionally, strategically, almost, I know it sounds kind of crazy, but methodically, but I, and I know that might sound like a hard way to live.

21:21it brings me so much and my client brings me so much joy and my clients because there's no guesswork in what I'm gonna do and there's no like yeah I'd like to do that thing I'd like to take my wife out on that date you know sometime oh no no I'm doing that Friday that's happening Friday so like that I think that that's one way of several that you can live it's amazing man it's amazing And, you know, going to the dad edge for a quick moment, but yes, a podcast, but it's also a community, man. And I, and I see that in a lot of the things you were just saying, right? Like go meet with someone and have a cup of coffee, go for a walk with someone like almost encouraging, inspiring, letting people talk.

22:04Because I think there are a lot of times where us as men, we feel like we have to be tough. We have to have all the answers. Us as parents, us as fathers, right? Like the buck stops with us, right? You and I talked about that a little bit. The buck stops with us. Let's talk about the dad edge as a community. What does that mean to you personally, right? Like, what does it mean for you to build this community of fathers and dads and help everyone and also learn from other people because that's also a community, right? Community is never about the person that organize it. It's about the tribe within.

22:42Tell us about what that community means. Well, thank you for asking, number one. But I'll start this with kind of a funny story. Back in 2015, when I first started the podcast, in which, by the way, I'll say a name. And if you don't know who he is, I would love to introduce you guys. He would. Wonderful podcast guest. His name is Aaron Walker. Lives in Nashville. He's best friends. You know, Aaron, He's been on mine. Yeah. Oh man. He was my first coach. Wow. I look big A, right? Yeah. I just love him, man. And, uh, you know, he's like, he's a little bit ahead of me in life. Not, not too far. And, but when I first started this, you know, 11 years ago, Aaron was one of the first guys that I think he was like within the first 20 episodes he came on.

23:27And, and I was like, who is this guy? This guy's awesome. And he ran, he runs a mastermind called ISI and he's like, you need to come be a part of this. And I was like, well, why? He's like, Larry, do you have any men in your life that like support you? And I was like, well, yeah, like, you know, I'm still friends with guys I went to college with. He's like, no, that's not what I'm talking about. He's like, I'm not talking about the guys you go out and drink beer with. Okay. I'm talking about guys you have good, deep conversations with about everything. Good Christian men in your life. Do you have that?

23:54And I'm like, sadly, I know I really don't. And so I was like, all right, Aaron, how much does it cost to join this mastermind? He's like$500. I was like, $500 a month. Are you, I was blown away. I was like, I can't afford that Aaron. No. And he's like, Larry, he goes, and I'll never forget this, Mick. And you know, Aaron, he goes, Larry, he's like, Larry, let me ask you something. He's like, you're doing a really good thing with the dad edge. Okay. He's like, but if you don't know where you're going, this thing is going to burn down in a month in a year he's like but i know that i can help you and with the right direction we can get you there and he's like or you can go at it alone and he just he we're on a zoom call and he's like call me back within 24 hours i think it i looked at the clock i think it was just before 10 a.m and I think I called him at 10 14 I said I'm in and I was like I'll stay a month and I got in that room very first Monday morning and I was like and I was surrounded by 10 other men Christian business owners and I was blown away I was like every answer to every question that I ever wanted to ask is actually in this room and they really care.

25:27Like they really care about each other. Like this is amazing. So I stayed in that program for a year and then I started my own, started the dad edge Alliance community, uh, very similar. And I'll, and what does this mean to me to answer your question? Mick, when guys come in and they're like, Hey man, I'm done white knuckling this i'm just done i'm like i see you i love you and i was you i know exactly where you're at come on in man the water's warm and then these guys start to learn right they get really excited they start implementing these skills within marriage and like how they're more patient fathers and they're having better conversations like all these amazing things are happening they're coming back and reporting this they're like oh my gosh this is the most amazing thing ever and when i see guys with their just their hair on fire for this stuff i'm getting the chills talking about this dude this gives me so much hope that we i know this sounds like woo woo but dude this gives me so much hope that we can actually change the trajectory of families just by doing this work by more men doing work like this that i i believe that with every ounce of me man yeah totally agree do.

26:40Totally agree. So before I get you out of here on my rapid fire top five, man, I want to give you the floor just a moment to talk about some of the things you have going on, where people can connect with you, how they could potentially join this community and all that. So the floor is yours, man. Oh, thank you so much. I really appreciate that. Yeah. I mean, I always start with the podcast, you know, like I, I joke, I was like, I got almost 11 years of content. I've got enough content to keep you busy there for quite some time. We talk about several different areas, you know, marriage, parenting, um, your health, uh, your money and your joy and your faith.