BurgerCon Live!!

13:37So, to those of you who are a little worried right now, we want to stress that everything is fine and that the entire staff of WBEZ Chicago has not suddenly disappeared. leaving behind puddles of goo? Okay. That is not what's happening at all. So don't worry about something that weird happening. Okay, so hey, it's a pledge drive this week. So call in with your donation to public radio. It's very important. We've got Gloria on the phone lines. Gloria, how are we doing on donations? I have no idea what I'm doing. Fantastic. There is a number to call to make a donation today to WBEZ Chicago. We do not know what that number is.

14:47So we'll work on that. Um, pssst Now, we realize that One second, please All of Chicago What is it?

15:03Joe Fisher:I'm getting the strong suspicion that this is your first time on the radio, Casper You found me out, Miss Marple Miss who? Casper What we mean to say is, though this is all a bit haphazard, no harm in putting on a bit of a show. Yes, Casper, I admire y 'all's desire to keep the show moving, but what's essential to the show going on is the show part of things, Casper. We are a bit out of sorts in most places, Casper, but, well, it's a radio station, and here we are. microphone in front of us. Sauce, Casper. It has to be put on. Uh, fine. Sure, sure, okay, whatever. Uh, hey there, Chicago. Uh, and now, for your listening enjoyment, Effie and Zebulon Mucklewayne's Hour of Power.

16:13Woo! Woo! Woo!

16:21Good day to all who can hear my voice. I'm Zebulon Bucklewain, here with my wife, Effie. Hi, y 'all. Effie, do my eyes deceive me, or have we found ourselves once again in Chicago? Your eyes are working just fine, dear.

16:40Joe Fisher:We are once again in the city of the big shoulders. The jewel of the Middle West. We hope that our voices find you safe and sound, and if not, we aim to leave you more safer and sounder than we found you. You know, Effie, every time we return to this metropolis on Lake Michigan, I can't help but recall one adventure in particular we had in Chicago. I know the one you mean, dear. Strangely enough, it was not the time when everything was on fire. Nor was it the time when all that mess occurred on that bridge We're gonna tell you about the time that our friend Lafe made the Chicago River itself change direction

17:32Okay, it may not be the usual programming, but it's better than dead air Why are we doing this again? Shouldn't we find out what turned the entire WBEZ staff into a slushie? Leif and Ava have no idea what happened, and since we can't do that, we're doing this instead. We're just going to take over an entire radio station for a day. Unless you've got a better idea? Leif, Ava, you guys ready? I guess. So ready. Leif, I'd love it if you could change your attitude about our little plan. I could be at Guaranteed Rate Field watching the White Sox play the Orioles right now. Yes, or you could be doing your job.

18:17Wait, Guaranteed Rate Field? It's a mortgage company. Are we back on the advertising planet? They just let a baseball stadium be called Guaranteed Rate Field? I'm not in the mood for commentary on late stage capitalism. I just want to watch some baseball. Why not change the name of the game itself? You're not watching baseball, you're watching Doritos. Everyone. Please remember my sensitivity to sports references. Look, I've made my peace with it. It's fine, let's go. Yeah, you sound fine. I've got a microphone in front of me, and I'm excited about it. Gloria, what are we doing? Please say a long and drawn-out analysis of an unsolved murder.

19:05I thought we could do Science Friday.

19:12The two of you just talking about science news. Fine. I guess science is okay. Casper will be in the producer's booth. He'll give you the topics. I don't know how any of this works in here, so it should go fine. Leif? What? Do you know what I'm about to say to you? Yeah. We're going to be talking about Earth and science, and I need you to not go to the mad place, okay? Nothing puts me in a good mood like the scientific advancements of the Earth. I propose we make Leaf real mad because mad Leaf equals ratings gold.

19:55I'm not watching a baseball game right now, so I'm already mad. See? We're almost there. Guys, we're doing damage control here An entire radio station's worth of people Has suddenly gone poof So I really want to hold off on the antisocial behavior From the both of you Let's try and make this as smooth as possible Um, excuse me? Anti-social? Yeah, Ava If you haven't caught on yet Constantly reminding everyone That you're smarter than they are Is anti-social behavior Not if it's true. Even if it's true. Who died and made you Mary Ainsworth? Mary Ainsworth died in 1999, so maybe her? It's not your time to speak right now.

20:47To return to my point, be nice. Don't get mad. There may be kids listening. Kids? Think about the kids listening. Let's think about the kids, Leaf. Hey, kids, get a science degree and condemn your life to administrative rollbacks. Hey, kids, get a science degree only to get sucked into one of three fields. Weapons, oil exploration, or app development. Guys. Where is my award for having to do things like this? Where is my award for having to deal with either one of you? Okay. Okay. Thank you.

21:34Okay. Okay, we'll stop. Come on. It'll be fine. It'll be like sitting in on a first grade class. Here we go. And just like that, we're giving away another tiny diner. Here we are, folks. Tess is stepping up.

21:51Stepping up to the mic. What have we got, Tess? We've got...

21:593-0-0-0-1-6. Yay! Step on up to the microphone. Becky!

22:12Your name, please. Becky. Hello, Becky. Welcome to the show. Hi, Becky. Hi, Becky.

22:20Becky, you're one step away from a tiny diner, but I have one question for you. Who did Burt Burt go to Earth disguised as? Julia Roberts. That is correct.

22:36We did it. Amazing. And back to it.

22:52Joe Fisher:And to this day, Leif gets real mad that people think it was all because of some fellow named William Boldenwick An entire river changing course, how about that? It stirs the soul to behold the things we can achieve together On that note, y 'all, how about we move along this little baton to the world of our achievements? Casper, what awaits us in this modern world of ours? Hello, everyone, and welcome to Science Friday I'm here with Dr. Ava Maddox Don't put my name out there

23:36Well what the hell do you want me to I'm Jay Harlow Three time Mungo rodeo champion Seriously?

23:49You heard me I didn't know we could do fake names. Ooh, can I be Oopshnart the probability demolition expert? What?

24:04No, what does that even mean? Never mind. Anyway, Jay Harlow, three-time Mungo rodeo champion, we've got all kinds of science news to talk about today. Are you ready? I can't wait. It's called Nialia tianganesis, and it's a brand new space bacteria. China has started to find the infectious bacteria on the outside of its space station. Uh-huh. Rod-shaped? Makes little spores? Uh, yes. Yeah, that's not a bacteria. What is it? Let's just say you don't want to meet its parents. Great. Science news. Okay. Here we go. We've just discovered that Saturn has over 200 moons. Yeah, wait until they find out that three of those are fake and one of them is a mall.

25:06Okay. Can we be serious here? I'm being serious. What's the food court like? Could be better, honestly. Okay, trying Ava now. Dr. Maddox, physicists have built what they're calling a black hole bomb. That sounds terrifying. Sounds amazing. This is the thing they're doing with super radiance, right? I do see that word here. Yeah. That's neither a black hole nor a bomb. But they're calling it a black hole bomb. They also call Froot Loops part of a balanced breakfast. Fruit loops also sound amazing A rotating axially symmetrical body That absorbs electromagnetic radiation Like a metal ball or whatever Can exhibit super radiance under the right circumstances Oh Okay And then you surround it with reflectors Right Right.

26:11So the energy is sent back into the rotating body, and it compounds the energy on itself. That's some pretty amazing output. And then you add a focal chamber, and then boom, right? Huge gun! Why are you talking about a gun now? You'd definitely destroy your target, but you'd also destroy yourself and the fabric of space-time. I'm listening. Hey, remember the kids? Science is needed not for making guns That's true Uh, kids Guns are bad Let's take some calls Okay, Leif and Avon, the air is not the most responsible thing in the world But it's not dead air

26:59Joe Fisher:That is true I can't say they're made for the airwaves, but they ain't dull Certainly more adept than our first time out, dear Oh, my lord, that is true. What a memory. You guys seem to be enjoying yourselves. I will admit it's nice to get back to our roots, Gloria. We had very little know-how, and a radio tower in our field made of scrap wood. So it was legal to just make a radio station back then? Well. No. It most certainly was not, Gloria. But the law enforcement was a little bit lazy back then, and since we were the only ones with enough crazy in us to make ourselves a radio station... We added a little windmill to the top of the tower so as to throw off the casual observer.

27:54Joe Fisher:The airwaves were a bit wild in those days. You never knew how far your signal was going to fly. I mean, though I did hear tell that one time they caught our signal all the way up here in Chicago. Glad to see that there are still places like this keeping the old dream of ours alive, though we are concerned for what may have happened to all of them. Keeping the lights on around here is certainly a good dig, Gloria, but shouldn't we be setting ourselves to the task of unraveling the mystery of their disappearance? We are, trust me. We may not know what happened to the staff around here, but I know if we can keep Leif and Ava talking long enough, they'll eventually stumble ass-backwards into a solution.

28:37That's just how they work. I see. Very shrewd, Gloria. That being said, be ready to jump on the air at a moment's notice. This could all go bad any time. We're here with bells on, Gloria. And just like that, we're going to give away another tiny diner. Here, let's go. Woo!

29:00What's the number, Tess? The third recipient is 300021.

29:09Yay!

29:17Your name, please. Joey. Welcome to the show. Hello!

29:25This is a tough one. Are you ready? You can do it. What does David name the gun given to him by Tita?

29:38Is it Rian? Oh, my God!

29:49You did it. Amazing. Please take good care of it. We think about them all the time. All right, and back to the show.

30:24or Sprite Zero Sugar to see the full breakdown. Obey your thirst. Sprite. Today's episode is brought to you by Quince. August is the last exhale before everything speeds up again. And for me, the reset always starts here at the house. We just got a new bedspread from Quince for the summer, light enough to actually sleep under in a Los Angeles August. Quince is about fewer, better pieces. Organic cotton teas, Mongolian cashmere, denim and tailored chinos from$60. The fit and structure you'd expect from a luxury designer brand. And it's all 50 to 80 % less than similar brands because they work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middlemen.

31:05You're paying for quality, not markup. And it's not just clothes either. I got Finley a pair of freshwater pearl earrings from Quince. They look really great. They look like they came out from under a glass case. It's really wonderful. So, upgrade your everyday. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers or go to quince.com slash burger. Get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns now available in Canada and the UK, too. That's quince.com slash burger. Okay, let's take another question. Caller, what's your question for our scientists? Hey, guys. Love the new format. I heard NASA found water on Mars again.

31:54Does this actually mean we're closer to finding life there? What do you think, Jay Harlow, three-time Mungo rodeo champion? Will we finally get confirmation of life outside our planet? Look, I say aim higher, okay? I hate Mars. Mars is over. Maybe it was nice a few billion years ago, but now it's a cat box. In my neighborhood, we call Mars a DD, Developmental Designate. It'll be a better methane farm than a nice place to live. Hey, but don't worry. I'm sure one day we will finally get confirmation that we are not alone in the universe. Let me ask, on behalf of the listeners, when we finally get that confirmation of alien life, will it be in your pants?

32:51Don't start.

33:01Close encounters of the 69th kind. Am I right, everybody? Taking another call. Caller, what's your question for our scientists? Hey, guys. Long time, first time. Is time travel actually possible according to Einstein's theories? Kids, listen. I realize that everyone wants to build a time machine so they can go back and sleep with all the right people this time. But I need you to live in the now, okay? The only reason you're calling them the good old days is because you're not remembering them correctly. Next question.

33:51You're not going to expand on that at all? Next question.

33:58Caller, what is your question? Hey there. I spend way too much time worrying about my passwords. They're really complex, but I still don't feel better. In the future, are we really going to have quantum computers that can break all our passwords? Caller, you don't need to wait for a quantum computer. I can tell you right now that all of your passwords are garbage, and I can crack all of them within 10 seconds while simultaneously playing Cave Story. InfoSec on Earth is like a thunder shirt for your dog. You feel better about it, but there's still a typhoon outside, okay? Next caller! We're on fire now.

34:45Hey, guys. I had a question about the principle of fecundity. Boo! Next caller! Eva! Can we get one of those toilet flushing sounds? No, you can't. Next caller, Casper. We're crushing it. Fine. Caller, they're not going to answer your question, but why don't you go ahead and ask it anyway? Hey, guys. I'm in kind of a jam. My repeller bike just crapped out on me in the middle of nowhere. I don't know what's going on. Can you help me out? I'm sorry. Can you say that again? Yeah, my repeller. I was outside the city, and I lost all of my hover power. I don't know what happened. You're on a repeller bike.

35:32Yeah. Where exactly? I'm just outside of Bumble Fae. Bumble Fae? Yeah. Bumble Fae on Esox Lucius. Yeah, dude. Esox Lucius is in Andromeda. Uh, yeah. I know that. Leif, what's going on? We appear to be getting a call from another galaxy. Okay. That's weird. Yeah. Look, can you help me or not? What do I do? I guess help them with their bike. Uh, caller, you realize radio waves travel at the speed of light, right? Um, no, but I don't really care about that right now. Okay. Uh, uh, have you checked the carbon packs? Is there any buildup on the trans connector? Uh, hang on. Leif, what's going on? Someone in Andromeda is hearing the show in real time.

36:43That's weird. It would take a radio signal two and a half million years to get to Andromeda. Definitely weird. Yeah. Hey, hey, that worked. Thanks for the help, man. Hey, wait, wait, wait, hang on. They hung up. What the hell was that? You see, Gloria, it's like we were saying.

37:03Joe Fisher:When the weather's right, you never know how far your voice will travel. The important thing is that we help. True, dear. That poor soul was stuck in the mud. There may be some things that are a little more important. Casper, put another call through. Okay. Caller, you're on the air. Hey, guys. Thanks for taking my call. I'm on Christophe right now. Do you guys know a good place to get donuts? Donuts? Yeah. On Christophe? Uh-huh. The Kiwi Duckling? Oh, yeah. I forgot about them. Thanks, guys.

37:52And Christopher Kai is? It's in Triangulum. Are we broadcasting a radio show to the entire triad right now? That's impossible. Seems to me that's what we always say right before the thing we say can't happen happens. What? Casper, take another call. Okay. Hey, caller, you're on with, you know, all of us. Oh! Hi! Burt's? Burt Burt! Burt Burt!

38:28Leif, what the fuck is going on right now? What do you mean? What do I mean? The entire triad is apparently getting a little radio show from Earth right now. The triad is always getting radio shows from Earth. The entire triad all at the same time? Right. Yeah, we're noticing that now. Well, thanks for noticing. What the hell is going on? We're working on it. Oh, work faster! Just so we're clear, is this a universe where you hate me, or a universe where you're kind of okay with me now? The second one doesn't exist. Okay. Okay, look. Look, I'm sorry it's annoying, but we'll figure it out, okay?

39:21Leif, I'm not calling you because it's annoying. I'm calling you because in case you haven't figured this out either, you are currently sitting on Earth broadcasting your location to the entire triad.

39:35Oh. Yes. Oh, Leif. That's not great. So where do you think every one of your enemies is heading right now? Here, I guess. You think? We need to get out of here. Yeah, time to pack your little bag of gadgets, camper. Okay, well, uh, thanks for the call. Uh-huh. Uh, uh, how are you doing? Oh, fuck off.

40:16Bye, Bert Bird. She sounds like she's doing great. I love that she checks in. Guys, this is bad. We need to get out of here. We can't get out of here. We haven't figured out the problem yet. Can we just chalk this up as a loss so we can get out of here with our lives? This radio signal acting weird is our first leak today. We have to keep going until we know what's going on. I don't know that we have to. Well, according to Burt Burt, the only one in danger is you. So, I'm fine. Casper, take another call. Hey there, Chicago. So, I'm sure what you've been listening to for the past several minutes Sounds like some sort of fun audio performance art, but, you know, that's the importance of public radio, folks.

41:15It brings you programming that isn't subject to trends and market pressures. What other radio station can say that? With that, we are now going to continue to take calls from outer space now. Caller, what can we do for you today? Leif? Leif? Is that really you? Hello? You disappeared. And then suddenly I hear your voice everywhere. What's the meaning of this? No way! No way. Oh my. Oh lord. Who's this? Majolin?

42:08We were betrothed. And then suddenly disappeared. Oh, God. And then I'm told you're a pirate. You're not a pirate, are you? No. Not right now. Is there a woman there with you? Uh, no. I can't believe this. Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is for my family? No! Bajolent, listen. There is simply no way I can describe to you what's happening right now. Well, that simply won't do, my love. You must explain yourself. My love? Who's that? How many women are there with you right now? Bajolent? A girl! Bajolent, listen. I am in a lot of danger right now. And I don't have time to explain. You'd better bet you're in a lot of danger.

43:11My father is furious. Please, listen. He has shed three layers of feathers, Lee. Three layers. Three layers sounds like a lot. Please don't make it worse. And who is that? Are you sitting there with your other pirate friends making fun of me? There are no pirates here Yar, what do you mean?

43:40We're all brothers Under the Jolly Roger The girl

43:50Joe Fisher:This one needs some fresh newspaper In the cage, dear Perhaps a Cob of corn to chew on Is the joke here that she's a bird person? Everybody shut up for a second But Jolent, listen. I'm not with another woman. I'm not with pirates. I'm here with some friends, and we may be in a lot of trouble, okay? Send me your location. I'll send a ship immediately. All I've been doing is broadcasting my location. That's the problem. I'm so confused. I know that. I owe you a very long and complicated conversation. But I can't do that right now. I really have to go. This is absolutely unacceptable. Please hang up.

44:42Okay. Thank you.

44:49Thank you. Thank you. You know, it really is amazing how birds can mimic human speech like this. Can we be done, please? No. Why? Because you two haven't figured out how to bring back the staff of WBEZ yet. We're still waiting for you to have an idea. Do you have an idea yet? No. I feel like I'm on the brink of one. I think the only solution is to take more calls. I agree. This sucks. Relax, it'll just be another alien with car trouble. They can't all be your ex.

45:42Caller, you're on. How can we help you today? Hi.

45:52Hi. Did you have a question about science or need a recommendation for donuts? Because I guess we're doing that now. I actually have a question about sharks. Sharks? Yeah, sharks. Dead eyes, lots of teeth. Y 'all have an entire week dedicated to them. We're familiar, sure. Well, is it true they have to keep swimming or they die? Well, we don't have a marine biologist here today, but I'm pretty sure that's the case. Yes. So they have to keep swimming all the time, always moving? Yes. even if they like where they are even if they found a nice spot in the ocean they have to keep going they die otherwise that sounds like a pretty desperate lifestyle but on the other hand sharks don't strike me as having deep and unrequited desires in the first place which is probably why they feel comfortable constantly tearing a path of destruction across the entire ocean they feel nothing which would make the feelings of others irrelevant because they can't understand them.

47:18This is an oddly intense call about shark behavior. Not all of them have to keep swimming. Some of them have learned to live on the ocean floor. Mmm, the bottom feeders. Yes! The toothless ones. I don't know what's the point of that The teeth are the fun part of being a shark, I would imagine Why give all that up? Maybe it feels good to know they're not hurting anyone And how do you explain that to all the shark attack victims out there? I wonder You may be toothless at the bottom of the scene now But that doesn't heal any of those scars out there Except maybe your own I get the distinct sense That they are not discussing ocean life

48:18Joe Fisher:Definitely I myself am looking forward To hearing the doubles behind these entendres Anyway, just a thought I was having out here in the ocean Love the show Hope it doesn't get you killed Okay

48:46Thank you for that very awkward conversation about sharks. Leaf, you okay? I'm just going to put my head down on the table for a second.

49:03Caller, you're on with whatever this show is now. What can we do for you? Laith?

49:15SZA?

49:20Bjorn. I thought that was you I was hearing. How are you, woo-woo-woo? I'm...

49:37I'm good. This is so funny. I was just thinking about you, woo-woo. Nothing bad, I hope. I don't think I can take much more of that today. No, woo-woo-woo, Leif. I'm back on Orbus now. and I'm sharing my story with the others. Your name came up a few times. What's go-o-o-ing on? You're giving the triad a little show-o-o-o right now. Yeah, it's been a pretty weird day. Yeah, yeah. I see you're doing that thing again where you-o-o-o get mad and everybody hates you-o-o-o-o-o-o. Yeah. I'm really good at that. Well, try not to get down on yourself. Remember what I always said? This is the only version of me, so it's the best version.

50:42Right. The problem with that is I keep running into other versions of myself. I'm sure, but you woo woo know Whoa whoa, that's not the point I know Such a silly goo woo woo woo I know How are things on Orbis? Oh whoa, you know whoa whoa how a lot of it is Just flow whoa whoa-ting through it You know whoa, I've been thinking about your problem Which one? Some people have Go-on missing? Yeah. And also, Wo-wo, your broadcast is covering an impawawassable distance? Yes. The two-woo must be related, right? I don't know. You know-wo. Here on O-Woburbus, we believe that every reality is in fact layers upon layers of reality woven into a tapestry, and then when woven thread of the tapestry becomes damaged, we can find our world being amplified or nullified in myriad ways.

52:07I like where your head's at, Orb. Keep talking! Imagine, if you will, a large painting, but you are standing only inches away. You wouldn't see the painting. What if those who have disappeared are there, but their reality has been stretched to such an extreme size that you can no longer be seen? What would a symptom of that be? A radio signal being stretched out so much that it can span three galaxies. Yes! What if your missing friends are not lost, but are struggling to be seen by the rest of their reality? I love it. And the radio signal, because it's a wave, can be heard by us, but the missing people can't be seen or heard.

53:11Because of their physical affiliations. Which means we can use the radio signal to bring this reality back into a symmetric state. Leaf, the orb is dope.

53:37I don't understand any of this. Leif, let's go We need to generate some antiparticles What's that going to do? Trust me Okay Hey, Sissa Thank you so much Of course, Leif It's good to hear your voice I'll listen in to see how well it all ends Okay Wow

54:09Wow.

54:15Steve and Ava have now left the studio, which I guess that means the show is over. They have, of course, forgotten that there is still a broadcast going on. I'm now sitting here holding the bag while they try and go save the day. And if I had a dollar for every time that's happened. Gloria, what should I do here? Don't worry, the Mucklewaynes have got it.

54:48Joe Fisher:Welcome back to Not Too Late. This is Dr. Barbara.

54:57Joe Fisher:Frank, I've said it once. I've said it a thousand times. Sage. Sage. Sage. Sage.

55:08Joe Fisher:I'll go to my grave saying it. Sage is important. Our personal environments are so essential and so overlooked, Frank. Where is your temple? Where is your foundation? You know, I finally have that meditation pool in my backyard. And finally, I can really commune with the universe. And when I do, when I'm out there in the evening or the morning surrounded by sage, Frank. Sounds real nice, Doc. You want to know a little secret? I got sage in my tea right now. You are lousy with sage, Doc. I am, I really am, Frank. Let's take some calls. Who we got out there? Doc, we've got Lizzie R. calling in from Madison, Wisconsin.

56:00Hey, Dr. Barbara. I'm the only one in my friend group who's still single How do I enjoy their couple-focused gatherings without feeling like a third wheel?

56:09Joe Fisher:Oh, this is such an important question, Lizzie Thank you so much for calling in You know, I talk to Frank about this all the time I have been single all my life But I have many lovers

56:26It's true

56:31Joe Fisher:My lovers and I, we are on a journey together We laugh together, we cry together We travel together, Frank Angkor Wat one time You know, Lizzie At one point I had to admit to myself that I contain multitudes In fact, my multitudes contain multitudes And yes, there may be all those voices out there Saying that one should find their soulmate but I'm sorry. There are just too many beautiful souls out there. Isn't that right, Frank? Like a Penn Station of romance. Penn Station, Frank. You are too much. Lizzie, there are so many romantic voyages out there of all shapes and sizes. I simply do not know why some silly goof decided that they should all look alike.

57:21Joe Fisher:What do you see for yourself? but more importantly what do I see for you?

57:31Joe Fisher:Lizzie for whatever reason I hear your voice and I think Tierra del Fuego whatever that means to you let's take another call first

57:51Doc, up next we've got Sylvie calling from Toronto Oh, hey there, Sylvie Hey, Dr. Barbara I'm 28 and I feel like everyone around me has their life figured out while I'm still trying to find my purpose How do I stop comparing myself to others and find my purpose in life?

58:09Joe Fisher:Thank you so much, Sylvie A heavy question, Frank.

58:16Joe Fisher:Can you feel the weight of it right now? Like a medicine ball. Absolutely. You know, Sylvie, it may shock you to hear this, but Dr. Barbara didn't spring right up out of the ground like a dandelion. No, no, no, no, no. It wasn't until I had spent about 30 years on this lovely planet of ours that I decided it was time to get my doctorate in chakra and energetic healing from the University of Universality in Barbados. It was there that I met my mentor and spirit guide, Professor Thaddeus Snookums VIII. There I was, just a babe in the woods. And the professor looked me in the eye and he said to me, are you here or are you here wise words I was shaken Frank shaken and that's the question I'll pose to you Sylvie are you here or are you here goosebumps doc let's take another call Frank doc up next we've got Dave B., who is getting sick of being the designated driver.

59:41Joe Fisher:Uh-oh. Hey, Dr. Barbara, I'm going to tell you, I'm tired of always being the designated driver. I mean, I don't drink that much, so my friends think that just because I don't drive, and they never offer gas or money or even say thank you anymore. How can I get my friends to stop taking advantage of me? I can hear the frustration in your voice, Dave. I want you to know that I hear that. And I'm right there with you. I myself don't enjoy alcohol.

1:00:23Joe Fisher:It deadens my senses and takes me away from the present moment. And that's a shame that your friends are taking advantage of that. Here's a little tip from me to you. These days, I've found that I like to enjoy a gathering after I've had at least two grams of psilocybin mushrooms.

1:00:47Joe Fisher:The right amount of mushrooms at the right gathering, and you can really raise the roof on that place. I mean, literally. I mean you will see the roof literally rise off the top of the building. It's wonderful. Now, some may ask you why you're doing this. Some may ask you to share. But you know what they're not asking you to do, Frank? They're not asking you to drive. That's correct.

1:01:28Joe Fisher:You are not driving that night. No one is going to ask you to drive them home if you're not even on the same plane of existence, Dave. That's a tip from me to you, all right? Well, that was a hoot. Those callers. It's time for me to refill this HT of mine and for us to take a little break. We'll be right back after this. And we're giving away another time to thank you, everybody.

1:01:58Jess, if you could please mix up the tickets. Give us a good number. The last teeny tiny diner is going to 30033. I might have said 200. Okay.

1:02:19Hello, your name, please. Claire. Hello, Claire. Welcome to the show. Here's your question. It's not really a question. and it's more of a challenge. In one try, say the word extrajudicially.

1:02:38Extrajudicially. Yes!

1:02:50That's cold, man.

1:02:52Joe Fisher:That's rough. Excellent. Congratulations on your tiny diner.

1:03:04And here we go, back again. Okay, Gloria, we're on the roof, and we're about to turn the thing on. Do I want to know what you're turning on, or does it matter? Honestly, even I don't understand it. This is an Ava thing. Gloria, think of it like you're zoomed in too close to a photo. The photo is still there, but you're too close to see it. The WBEZ staff is still here. We just can't see them because their level of reality is spread too thin. That's why the radio signal is allowed to stretch across three galaxies. As soon as Leaf starts sending out this altered signal, there's going to be a lot of confused employees walking around.

1:03:49Okay, let me know when you're ready Are the mucklewains still going? No, Dr. Barbara says she had an appointment for an aura peel

1:04:02No idea what that is, so it's just Casper now Oh God, what is he doing? Honestly, he's kind of crushing it Okay, folks, we're back Once again, my name is Casper And I will be answering all of your DMV-related questions

1:04:25Let's take another. Caller, how can I help you out today? Hey. I had some fines to pay off, but when I went in to pay them off, they told me I was a day late and my license was suspended. suspended, now I have to pay another fee to get my license unsuspended just so I can pay the fees on it. I don't have that kind of money. This is a very important issue. I'm glad you called in. Folks, administrative bodies are blunt instruments. They're not lasers. Okay? So what you want to do in this situation is use that to your advantage. This guy at the DMV is telling you that your license is suspended, but it's not really suspended.

1:05:14It's going to be suspended. Suspension takes time. What you want to do is find a DMV with a nighttime document drop. Your due date may have been yesterday, but they only checked the night drop on Mondays. As far as they know, you turned in your payment on time, and they'll be none the wiser. Okay?

1:05:33Joe Fisher:Okay? Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Casper, they're almost ready up there. Time to wrap it up. Hey, folks, with any luck, we're about to return you to your regularly scheduled programming. But before we do, there's one more person you should get to know. Not that you really know any of us. Gloria, get in front of the mic there. Oh. Okay. Hi, Chicago. I love you, Chicago. and several other states and galaxies. Hi. Gloria is the one that keeps the trains running on time around here. Without her, we would be dead or frozen in some sort of block of ice. We've taken questions on all sorts of things today.

1:06:24Maybe it's time for Gloria to answer a question. Folks, does anyone out there have questions on how to run a restaurant? We don't have to do that. Nonsense. It'll be fun. Here we go. So, caller, what is your question for Gloria? Hey, Gloria. I'm finally opening the restaurant on my dreams, and I'm trying to hire a chef. What's your advice for finding a chef that isn't, for lack of a better word, insane? Yeah.

1:06:58That's a good question.

1:07:03I don't know what it is about chefs I mean, thank God kitchens exist Because they'd be pretty intolerable In pretty much any other walk of life I've had chefs scream at me I had one arrested for throwing a bottle of wine at me And there was this one guy, though He had all sorts of OCD stuff going on He was the kind of guy who couldn't concentrate until he counted all the tiles on the ceiling, that kind of stuff. It was pretty hard to work around. But you know what? His weekly inventory was flawless. And I'd never seen a cleaner kitchen. Every blessing is a curse and vice versa, I guess. Just try and remember that you're creating a home for people.

1:08:11Maybe it's only a home for about 45 minutes, but it's still a home. And making a home is hard. And that's probably why there are so many bad ones. Okay, guys, we're ready. Time to wrap it up. Mucklewaynes, you kicked this whole thing off so how about you two wrap it up Y 'all It has been an honor and a privilege to spend time with you here today

1:08:39Joe Fisher:I don't mind saying that it brought up a pleasant memory or two from my husband and me It truly did, dear You see, it may seem hard to believe but Effie and myself bore witness to the very first radio broadcast in the history of Arkansas. Harvey Couch was the owner of the Light and Power Company, and while on a trip to Pennsylvania, he had a tour of KDKA, one of the very first radio stations in the world. Old Harvey decided what was good enough for Pennsylvania was good enough for us down yonder, and he built himself a radio station. Our local library had a radio, and Effie had it in her mind that we should go down there and hear this new world take shape right before our eyes.

1:09:30I'll admit my ignorance on the topic. I had yet to understand the use of all this radio nonsense. What was it I said to you, dear?

1:09:38Joe Fisher:If I were wanting to speak to someone afar, I'd feel the raising of my voice would do just fine.

1:09:55Yes

1:09:58Learned my lesson that day, didn't I?

1:10:01Joe Fisher:You were good to humor me, dear Sometimes our partners in life will go out on a wild one And it's in our list of duties to just hold their hand without much understanding And just wait to see how it all turns out on the other end so there we waited at the library to kill time I walked amongst the stacks they just received a new translation of Campanella's city of the sun which I quickly tucked into my arm folks began to file in that had not once set foot inside of a library looking up and about like it were a cathedral the radio began to crackle and we all gathered around in hushed anticipation And then, like an angelic visitation, a man all the way over in Pine Bluff was reading us the weather report like he was sitting in the next room.

1:10:55It was a simple message, nothing portentous. And yet with that simple message, I suddenly thought of all the world's lost souls. all those trapped in the crevasses of an intractable world the ones who you know you'll never reach the ones you can feel out there in the darkness and we could reach them now we could let them know that they hadn't been forgotten and Effie took my hand in a way she never had before the look on her face was as though she was granted a vision of the future I hope you can all have that feeling I had that day the feeling of seeing the one you love be granted with purpose the broadcast was over as suddenly as it had begun and Effie darted here and there throughout the library for a good hour afterwards exiting the building with every book they could furnish about radios and waves and frequencies I've had many a magical day in my life I tell you.

1:12:05But all I need is that one.

1:12:09Joe Fisher:Y 'all, as we end our broadcast today, we want to say a hearty thank you to all who've tuned in. To be in service to you is a service done for us. So with that, we say, thanks for listening to Moonlight Burger, y 'all. Thank you.

1:12:34Joe Fisher:Be sure and tune in next time for more adventures in the vastness. And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for you. We open at six!

1:13:14Thank you.

1:13:35Okay, so now, listen, it's the end of an episode of Midnight Burger, and that usually means that I recite a list of names for them. No, no, no, no.

1:13:47But here's what we're going to do. There's a microphone right there. We're going to start with the front row. All of you are going to file out, and as you pass the microphone, say your name. Every single one of you.

1:14:02Joe Fisher:Joe's Revenge! Are you ready? Midnight Burger is brought to you in part by all of these people. And their names are... Fishcat. No, into the microphone, into the microphone. Hello, Fishcat. Jen. Yeah. Cloud. Yeah. Dusty. Cass. Yeah. Go Delilah. Yeah. Ramsey. Yeah. Jerslix. Yeah. Alex. Yeah. Zebulon's acupuncture. It's cryptic kid. Allison. Cat job. Midnight Marty. Colorado beekeeper. Marnie. Gina. Source decay. Alice Malice. Jasper, a.k.a. Trick wants treats. Excellent. Matt, a.k.a. Epic5ZZ. Woo! Rita Juanita. Adam. Ritwards. Woo! Lauren Grace. Woo! Connor. Marie. Excellent. Chuck. Peace. Anomalous Vandal.

1:15:19Excellent. Tony, Tony, Tony. Fantastic. Everyone's doing a great job. Scotty. Jesse Wolf. Claire. Claire. Mary. Mary. Catley.

1:15:30Joe Fisher:Woo! Roland Tumbleburger. Ayatollahs. Excellent. Lithian. Annalise. Angelo. Mackenzie Duna. Spiders are cuddly. Alex, I can see my house from here. Gus. Becky the Techie. Mel. Peace Rue. Little Stevie Pie here. Tony Fikarski. Tess. Karen. Laramie. Needs more Guinness. Liz from Earth 616, a.k.a. Liz Wisdom. Yes, that's my last name. We're doing so well. Blackley. PJ says, what? Shiny Fields. Amy. Erin Goodenough. Savannah. Juliet, a.k.a. Spookliet. Andrew. Brie. Tamara Oliver, also known as Auntie Sherpa. Auntie Sherpa! All right, one more row here, one more row here. Here we go. Why not? Kat Blackard.

1:16:26Jessica Mudd. Tina Case Amazing Tilly Goose 89 Jesse And Potion Maestro Potion Maestro Oh my god we did it Oh my god We did it Hell yes Thank you very much everyone There's still food And everybody go have a drink now We did it Yay You guys are all the best Thank you so much Alright Pretty cool

1:17:00The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to Magenta Presents, a new horror anthology hosted by me, Madam Magenta. We begin with the five-part miniseries Ghosted, starring Beth Eyre and Lucy Roslin. Perched on a rain-battered cliff edge is a former lighthouse. It's a charming, quirky boutique hotel. Owner and sole occupant Beth has spent months renovating, absorbing its essence into her bones. It's an old building. You'll get used to it. But to Beth's horror, her first guest is a figure from a past she has tried to forget. Kira? Beth? What the fuck? Face to face for the first time in years, a pair must reckon with old mistakes, old grievances.

1:17:48Beth, speak to me. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. And something else. Oh, I can't bear it. What is that noise? Because the lighthouse has a past, too. Beth! He's right there. Why is there blood on your hands? We need to get out of here. Kira! Kira! I can still see him!

1:18:11Subscribe to Magenta Presents wherever you listen to podcasts. See you soon, fans of the esoteric. Bye! Bye!

1:18:22Magenta Presents. you