Chapter 46: The Ragdoll

21:36Chronometer reading. Run here. Fuck, really? Happy one-year anniversary, Peter. Where the hell are you, Gloria?

21:55Six o 'clock again. Looks like Earth. Let's go take a look.

22:04Nice day. What do we think? Kind of has UK vibes, doesn't it? Kind of an old world feel, right? Here we go. Hi there. Welcome to Midnight Burger. Fucking mental. Absolutely fucking mental. Looks like I nailed it. If she asks me to make Cornish pasties or something, I quit. Also, walked right past the robot in the parking lot. Have the British lost their attention to detail? Let's go.

22:36Hello?

22:41Hello?

22:45Oh! Hi. Um, people usually sit at one of the booths, not on the floor of the kitchen. You've got to keep me fucking hidden. Okay, what's wrong? Can I please just hide here for a bit? Sure, sure you can. Can you tell me what you're hiding from, though? It's okay, try me. you wouldn't believe me if i told you oh yeah

23:22what the fuck is that that's peter is he a fucking robot he is a fucking robot why do you have a fucking robot well someone has to do the dishes what's your name catherine hi catherine i'm fiona let me guess something very strange is happening to you today Something so strange that you wouldn't even know how to describe it? Correct. What are the chances that the woman who inexplicably has the two-foot robot companion is going to be a little more receptive to your story than your average person on the street? I suppose the chances aren't too bad. Okay. So he just walks about and does things for you?

24:08Not just that. You want to see him breakdance? No, thank you. What's going on, Catherine? I... Hang on. Hi there. Welcome to Midnight Burger. Pardon me, but have you seen a young woman pass through here? About yay high, black hair. Catherine is her name. Uh... No. No, I don't think I have. I'm at my wit's end with this one. I'll have a tea then. I don't think we have tea. Have you not? We're, uh, an American-themed restaurant. Lord Preservers. Coffee, then? Sure. One second.

24:53Catherine, are you just hiding from your mom? How could you not explain that? Oh, just you fucking white. Okay. Hang on, we've got another customer. Here you go. Thank you, love. Welcome to Midnight Burger. How can... Pardon me, but have you seen a young woman pass through here about yay high? Black hair. Catherine is her name. Uh... Do you not speak English, dear? Have they brought you in from the Balkans? I haven't seen anyone like that. Course not. I'll have a cup of tea, please. We don't have any. None to speak of. This is lovely, thank you. None to speak of. Coffee? It'll do, I suppose. Okay.

25:42Welcome to midnight. Oh, God. Pardon me, but have you seen a young woman pass through here? About yay high, black hair, Catherine is her name. Bit of milk, please. Milk, sure. Excuse me one second.

25:58Hi. Hello. Does your mother have two twin sisters? She absolutely fucking does not. Okay. I told you you wouldn't believe me. There's another. Oh, fuck. Okay. Okay, wait. I read about this somewhere. Oh, you've read about it, have you? Where? Alice in fucking Wonderland? Hang on. I'll be right back. Don't tell them I'm here. I won't. Pardon me, but have you seen a... A young woman named Catherine? No, I haven't. Have a seat. I'll be right with you. Catherine, I'm leaving you a message for the third time this morning. Can you call me back, please? You're being very rude. What is it? Where is it?

26:37Here! Catherine, I'm leaving you a message for the third time this morning. Can you call me back, please? You're being very rude. Okay, I think the solution might be in here. The Hitchhiker's Guide to a Laser Saw. Yeah, it's an inside joke. This is the notebook of a very smart person. She's a theoretical physicist. She left me a notebook that I was supposed to write in, and in the back, there was a cheat sheet. A cheat sheet for what? Okay. Temporal anomaly flowchart. Flowchart. Start from the beginning. Tell me what happened. I had a fight with my mom last night. This morning, she shows up on my flat, knocking on my door, and I don't want to fucking hear it, so I ignore her, thinking she'll give up and go home.

27:24And turn around for home, she does. And then she showed up again. And again. And it just kept happening. My front lawn was full of my mum. All of them knocking on my door, calling my phone. I tried to sneak out the back, but they spotted me. Started running like it was a fucking zombie movie. Is that book of yours going to tell me why there's an army of my mother? Well, let's see. Okay, step one. Do you have a temporal anomaly? Yes, no. Yes. Going to this box. Is time repeating itself? Yes, no. Is time repeating itself? No, just my mom. Moving to this box. Are events presenting in multiples, i.e.

28:05multiplied incidents, multiplied people? Oh, there we go. Multiplied people. That takes us to... This is fucked. Can the multiplying events interact? Yes, no. Can your mom see each other? I don't think so. Okay. No, that takes us to... Good news. This is an easily solvable problem. Hey, look at that. Oh, I'm ecstatic. These anomalies likely stem from an inflection point and can be addressed at their inflection point. Example, if you forgot to feed the cat and now have 20 cats, time to feed the cat. Satisfy the inflection point for each anomaly. Forgot to feed the cat? Now you have to feed 20 cats.

28:48Inflection point? So your mom came over to your house this morning, right? Yeah. And you didn't talk to her? No. I think you have to talk to your mom. What? I know it sounds crazy, but how much crazier is it than the other crazy thing that's happening? Maybe she'll just move on down the road. All of them? I think there's about 12 moms out there. I hate talking to my mother so fucking much. So much that it created a temporal anomaly, Catherine. I have to talk to all of them? I think so. The only way out is for me to talk to my mom 12 times. By the fifth one? I'm sure it'll be much easier. This is hell.

29:23Have I walked into hell? No, just a really weird day. Weird day's end. It takes a little work. Oh, she's gonna fucking love this.

29:50Catherine? It's done. How was that? I would say it was like pulling teeth, but all told, I think I'd much prefer the teeth pulling. Not a great relationship with your mum? It's Sisyphean, my mum and I. Always starting with the rock at the bottom of the hill despite the effort. At least you're making the effort. I had given up making an effort right around my 17th birthday. It was a hard manoeuvre to get back to it. At least next time I'll only have to do it once. What have you got there? Oh, I made you a grilled cheese sandwich. Oh, well that should fix everything. It's gonna become my signature move.

30:34Sorry, you don't have to eat it. Fiona, was it? Yes. Do you know what I'd like, Fiona? What? I'd like to know why there was a dozen of my mum chasing me across Manchester this fine day, and I'd like to know why you seem perfectly predisposed to solve the problem.

30:58And I'd also like to know why you seem to have a tiny robot as your little friend. Right. Do you have a friend in your life who, whenever you talk to them, they seem to have some new weird thing going on? Oh, yes. That'd be Sarah. We were in school together. She's moved to London now, but we talk every six months. And there's always some sort of misadventure that ranges from a Dubai businessman trying to make her a concubine to a pigeon making its home inside a flat and her being unable to evict the poor little creature. Okay, so imagine your friend Sarah, but as a place instead of a person. There's always something very strange happening here.

31:41Like tiny robots and an army of mums? Yes. The curious thing, Fiona, is that the business with the League of Mums right there, that was exactly what I needed. Really? I have a miserable time talking to her. And then I had to do it over and over again. By the time I was talking to the last of her, it was as easy as taking a walk. Yeah, that kind of happens too. It's a fucking miracle, Fiona. She's always having a go at me about some such. I drink too much. I smoke too much. I should think about my career. And then when I told her I sleep with women, she absolutely went off a cliff. What was that last one?

32:23Have you got any drinks, Fiona? I feel I've earned a drink. Or ten. Um, yes. Kind of. Hang on. What have you got there? This is a box full of bottles from all over the place. They've picked it up over the years, I guess. What do you usually drink on Earth? Here. What do you drink around here? Do you have anything that resembles gin? I don't know. Let's see. Oh! Check this out. Is that vodka? Kind of. Put your hands on the bottle. It's cold as ice. I know. It always is. It stays this cold. What is it? Apparently it's called Shadow Daddy. That sounds a bit naughty, Fiona. I know. Do you think it's radioactive?

33:05I don't know. Only one way of finding out, I think. I think there's probably several ways, but I think you're saying we should drink it. I am Fiona. Okay. All right, then. We're going to drink whatever this may be, and then, assuming it doesn't melt us from the inside, you, my new friend, are going to tell me your story from the beginning. There's no way you're going to believe my story. Perhaps not by the first drink, but by the second, the third. Again, there's only one way to find out. Cheers. Cheers.

33:51So, that's my story.

33:56Now you're sitting there looking at me like I'm insane, which is understandable. But honestly, that's the first time I've actually recounted the whole thing, and it feels... It feels good to say it. I... I can't believe all of this has happened to me.

34:20Do you have any idea how daft you sound? Oh, yes. There was a woman with ram's horns. Yes. You were abducted from a Starbucks. Yes. You're from a planet where it's always 2012? Yes. And you're hidden your freezer from space Nazis I don't know if Nazis is the right term But they were definitely the bad guys And you and this little friend of yours Peter Peter and yourself have been off on your own little adventures For a year now You realize the only thing keeping me from calling you insane Is the fact that there was literally an army of mums here earlier That does help, yes Do you mind if I attempt to insert some normalcy into this day?

35:10Sure. Let's talk about something normal and boring. Great. You start us off. Okay, so your mom thinks you're a loser. Well, that's a harsh reading of events, Fiona, but it's a hard one to argue with. Why does she think that? A lack of motivation has been branded as the culprit. Ever since it was a small thing, I had no passion. No spark. Luckily, that attitude in a young woman is quite fashionable. I thought about her career in fashion, actually, but I enjoy food a bit too much. It's nice that your mum cares, at least. It really isn't, Fiona. It's an aggressive caring. The kind that only brings resentment.

35:50Is your mum not like this? Oh, wait, I've already forgotten. Fiona was created in a test tube or some such. I was. So, there's no memory of a mother? There is, but I don't think it's my memory. I think it was put there. What do you remember, other? If it's all right, I think I'd rather not talk about it. It doesn't feel like mine. It feels like, I don't know, like a book you're forced to read in school or something. It's not a great feeling. Apologies. Do you have a belly button? What? Yes. It was in a movie I saw once. The test tube children have no belly buttons. I have one. Are you sure? Have you really checked?

36:38Yes. I'll take you at your word. I'm not a freak! According to you, you were grown in a test tube at the behest of a malevolent space demon. I think that puts you squarely in the freak category. That's not very nice. You should embrace it. I have. You're not a freak. Am I not? I'll show you.

37:02There. What's that look like to you? That's the side of your body? The scar, Fiona. Do you see it? Oh, yeah. What is that? When I was a girl, I was riding with my dad on the back of his wildly unsafe Italian moped. Either he turned the wrong way or the car did, but regardless, it hit us and decided to nearly take half my body with it. That is all that remains of one of my kidneys. You had a kidney removed? I did. Have you heard the one about the man who got into an accident and lost the entire left side of his body? No. He's alright now. I'm sorry. I've come to love my scar. We go everywhere together.

37:50How about us? A couple of freaks. I like to focus on the advantages. The advantages? Lost an adrenal gland as well. I can't produce enough adrenaline and now I don't get nervous. Really? Hardly ever. I should have been on stage. I'd never get stage fright. Not being nervous sounds great. It is quite nice. Makes it quite easy to do all sorts of things. Like argue with twelve virgins of your mom? Like bear my midriff to an attractive woman? Well, I don't think I've ever seen someone turn so red. Oh god, shut up! I don't mean to embarrass you. Oh, I think you do. All apologies. The day's been such a weird one, I was desperate to do something recognisable.

38:39So, drinking, flirting. Do you not do that? I don't know. Am I being untoward? Have I got my wires crossed? What is it you say in America? Am I barking up the wrong tree? No, you're the... I'm... You... You are barking up the right tree. I've never... I've never been barked up before. Well, that's a crime. Shall we have another drink? Yes. Two-minute warning. Oh, fuck! What is it? Oh, what a fucking world! Fiona? You have to go I have? We've got two minutes Until what? Come on, I'm sorry, we have to go outside Fiona Come on I thought things were going fairly well, Fiona But was it something I said?

39:37I just told you a big long story about this place Weren't you listening? I was a bit distracted as you were talking Stand here Stand here, right outside the parking lot You can't be serious Catherine, time travelling dimension spanning diner Did you think I was kidding? I thought you were being a bit Speak infiguratively. What could a time-travelling dimension-spanning diner be an analogy for? It really depends on the execution of the story, I'd say. Catherine. Thank you. I felt... This felt like mine. That's a new feeling for me. Fiona, come on. Stay right here. I have to go inside. I still get vertigo when this happens, okay?

40:18Seriously? Goodbye.

40:25God damn it, Peter.

40:34What do you feel like doing tonight, Peter? We should really get some board games. What the fuck? Oh no. Oh no!

40:55Bye, everybody. Good luck on the rest of your trip.

41:07Hello. Hey, you're up. Thank you for letting me stay back there. It's no problem. Whose room is that? Gloria's. She's, uh... This is her place, really. She's gone now. Because she was dispatched by a malevolent space god? Hey, you were listening. Who was here? I don't know. They were pretty wild. I told them they didn't have to pay me, but they insisted on paying me with what I think can only be tabs of acid. Goodness. Remind me to look up who the merry pranksters were. What can I do for you? The problem with being someone who doesn't experience a lot of fear means you don't really know how to handle it when fear finally shows up.

42:02I understand. Of course I understand. Can I make you some food? You should eat something. A bit later. Okay. Is it going to travel again? In a few minutes, yeah. I think I'll just go back to bed then. Okay.

42:32Would you come with me? Yes.

42:39For the first time in her life as a real girl, The ragdoll was touched, held, caressed. With each touch of a hand on her skin, it was as though her skin came to be. Her skin became real, a thing to be touched, a thing to be known. Where before there were scraps of felt and coat buttons, there was now a woman. Feeling for the first time Breathing in and out for the first time Wanting someone of her own for the first time Now, behave yourselves, you hungry bastards You let get in the queue behind the others I'm a little upset that they like you more than they like me It's my wild nature that appeals to them Isn't that right, boys?

43:33Jungkook, behave yourself, you menace Peter, play fetch with Jungkook, please Linging fetch. Oh, boys, look at your mum. Don't you look dead sexy in a parka? Shut up. She blossoms in the wintertime, that one. Like a camellia. Chronometer reading. Two years. Wow. Fuck me, is it our anniversary? I guess so. Well, you're just as beautiful as the day I found you. Thanks. You too. Of course, I was shitting myself with fear on that day, so it is all a bit of a haze, but still.

44:11I think you came along right before I was going to lose my mind. Sorry it made you lose yours a little bit. I've got it all back again. Here I am on an icy alien landscape feeding what appears to be wolves, while a robot plays fetch. Doesn't even faze me. So, how should we celebrate this glorious day? Sadly, I think we have to celebrate it by opening the front door. duty calls then. Alright, you little miscreants, your mums are off to earn a living. Let's see what the days brought us, shall we? Are you looking for your next favourite audio drama? Are you a fan of Percy Jackson? Or Ben 10? Then you'll love the podcast Six Minutes.

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45:36Voodoo. I think I done made a deal with the devil. What you call life. And what I call death. It's a mysterious crossroads where the denizens of this world. And others. He is a trickster. And I'm sure whatever he brought back from the world of the dead was a one-way trip. Collide daily. And for Detective Frank Dupree. I will see you in there. And Nikki. Good luck. This will be a dark ride. Welcome to New Orleans, babies. Listen to Something Wicked on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you enjoy listening.

46:36Join the service. Coalition Cruiser, now boarding at gate 813. Eliminate your fusion confusion at Genuine Jacobs Reactor Barn.

46:58Well now, this is new. It's a space station. Just floating out in the middle of nowhere. There are these huge things out there in between star systems. They're like airports. People are heading all over the place. Look at all the fucking aliens. Look. That one's pink. We're in the triad. What's that? The Milky Way, Andromeda, and Triangulum. Three galaxies connected by a big superhighway of warp gates. How do you know? Every station has a kind of food court. That's where we are right now. If you look across the way there... Is that a fucking Taco Bell? Yes. In fucking space? Yes. People in the triad are obsessed with Earth, so they try and replicate Earth life as a kind of gimmick.

47:42Don't eat tacos if they aren't from Earth, though. They haven't figured them out yet. Oh, look at that fella. Wow. He's as thin as a clump of asparagus. I haven't seen one of those before. How does something that thing get that tall? I don't know. It's hesitating. Do you think we have a customer? I think so. Whoa. Hello there. Welcome to Spinnight Burger. Greetings. May I scan your establishment for relevant technologies? I'm sorry? May I scan your establishment for relevant technologies? Um... You are both Earthlings. Born and bred. Fascinating. Isn't it? I will recalibrate my introduction. Okay.

48:26I am Voon. I come from the planet Earth. Hello there. I am a Galdram. In the common parlance, I am known as a sorcerer. I am tasked with documenting alien technologies. Oh. Not much technology under this roof. Aside from the tiny robot. Interesting. Would you mind? My scans are non-invasive, strictly for documentation purposes. Uh, sure. I guess that's fine. Thank you. Voon, is it? Yes. I'm Catherine. That's Fiona. Hi. Salutations. Who's your little floating friend? That is M. M is my assigned Zengo, the implementation arm of my sorcerer systems. Hello there, M. M has no personality emulation.

49:14Do you? So why are you scanning a robot, Voon? As a sorcerer, it is my mandate to identify relevant alien technologies and transmit this data back to my homeworld. Then what do you do with it? Ideally, we improve our own technologies. Curious, your robot is bespoke. It's what? It has no known manufacturer. Oh, no, someone made it. It contains technology from multiple regions, and yet they are seamlessly integrated. He is a handsome devil, isn't he? May I inquire as to its creator? Uh, Leif is his name. Leif. Leif is an Earthling name. It is. This unit was created by an Earthling. Yes. May I speak with them?

49:53He's not here anymore. Unfortunate. Are there other units of his creation? Uh, oh, yeah. Head out back. Thank you. Babe, is this alright for us to be invaded by aliens? I don't know. He's so polite. He is quite gentlemanly. Should be fine. It's over here, next to the dumpster. Oh. My. Apparently it's a space suit? I've never seen it used. They were stranded somewhere, and so Ava got in the suit and investigated some sort of anomaly? I think that's the story. Well, this is very curious. Is it? The same implementation of multiple protocols, though. Well, this is very strange. The processor appears to be ancient Sijian.

50:38Okay. This technology has not been available for... It was from the first era of the original Coalition. I don't know what any of that means, Voon. Fiona, may I perform a deeper scan of your establishment? These idiosyncratic findings warrant deeper investigation. Uh, Voon, the thing is... Yes? Who's going to be the one to tell him? You know what, Voon? Go for it. Scan away. When you're done, you may want to sit down and have a cup of coffee. I do not require a beverage. You will, my skinny friend. Do whatever you need to, Voon. We'll be inside. My thanks. Aren't we supposed to be keeping a low profile until we can no longer help it?

51:19It's kind of a mixed bag in the triad. In some universes, nobody's heard of us, and then in others, everybody's heard of us. I never know which one it is. Well, he seems like a nice, incredibly tall and skinny man. Hope this place doesn't melt his brain as it did mine. Your brain doesn't seem melted to me. Not any more than it was when I arrived.

51:44How is it going, Voon? I must contact my homeworld. Please excuse me. Sure. He's on the verge of having a nervous breakdown. I can feel it. Hey, it's one year later. How are you feeling? I've taken to it all quite well, haven't I? I think so. It has been one very fine way of avoiding the question of what to do with my life. It's hard to make plans. This is a plan in its way. If you'd asked me before all this if I'd like to travel time and space and sleep with a gorgeous woman at night, I would have said fucking sign me up. How about you, one year later?

52:33It's been perfect.

52:39Voon, what's going on? Voon, are those your suitcases? Well, yes. These are my belongings. I must accompany you. What?

53:05Fascinating. Both spatial and temporal manipulations, as well as several unidentified lattices of energy. This is... unexpected. Have you ever seen anything like this? I've never seen anything like this, nor have I seen anything like this roof. This man, Leif, you were saying that he resided on the roof. Yeah, he lived up here and worked up here. He was always making some sort of gadget. It's a fascinating assortment of chimeras. Of what? Many different types of technology, seemingly incompatible, turned into something greater than the sum of their parts. It's quite brilliant. Yeah, he was a pretty smart guy, apparently.

53:43So, Voon, your home planet has the power to tell you that you... Well, there's no other way of putting it. That you're moving in. I greatly appreciate your accommodation. Dation, I realize this is very abrupt, but I was informed by my homeworld that it was a rare opportunity. Please be assured that I will not be an imposition and that I shall use my accompanying technologies and expertise to increase your quality of life here. To pull my weight, as they say on your planet. Okay, uh, great. Voon, I have to say, though, I don't think Leif would want you to mess with his things too much. It would be impossible for me to interact with this technology.

54:20It is all protected by a very aggressive safeguard. Are you saying there's booby traps up here, Voon? Not physical ones, but this entire system is guarded by a protocol known as Cognito-Hazard Expunged, a destructive protocol used mostly in underworld environments. That sounds like life. There are many mysteries here. It may take a lifetime to unravel them. Oh, this is just the half of it, Voon. Please explain.

54:50A dimensional portal in your food storage area. Correct. Do you need a moment, Boone? I may require several. As did I. Em has detected no technology. This is not a simulated environment. Here comes the welcoming committee. It's okay, Boone. They're very nice. There are denizens? Uh, yes. There's also two snow leopards out there somewhere, but we added those later. Leopards. Foon, you're about as big around as my forearm. Are you sure you don't need a puffy jacket? Deploy habitation dome.

55:37Wow. Well, look at you, Inspector Gadget. It feels warm. I'll run and get my beach ball. You can just carry a spring day around in your pocket? Begging your pardon, Fiona, my habitation dome is not nearly the most astounding thing in this moment. I guess we've gotten used to it all. Used to it? What is this place?

56:14Love, we've landed on Earth again. It's time to play our game. Whoa, okay, hang on. I'm ready to make my choice. Okay, go. 1995. 95? No way. I've made my choice. I think you're making a mistake. I don't think there were any Shakey's pizzas left by the 90s. I've made my choice. Okay. I'm going to say 1981. You are dead wrong. It feels like the 90s. You weren't even alive in the 90s. Technically, you were only alive in 2012. What do you know about it? Okay. Only time will tell.

56:52Tower, this is Dark One, climbing to 2000. Keep your home fires burning. What the fuck was that? I don't know. I thought that radio was broken. Me too. Tower, I have established altitude, beginning wideband search. Will advise. Hello? Are you trying to talk to the man in the radio? You don't know how normal that actually is. Hello? Should we have Voon take a look at it? He's gone on a little mission, remember? Has he? I told him I had heard that there was some sort of technology deep in the deep freeze. It takes a couple of days to get there, so he's on a long weekend. When's he back? Anytime now, I think.

57:29Tower, this is Dark One and White Man Search. Commencing night watch. Hello? Weird. Do you think he's trapped in the tiny radio? You have no idea how normal that is, either. It's most likely some signal bouncing off of something somewhere. We'll have Voon take a look once he's back. I guess it's nice to have our own smarty pants know it all these days, isn't it? Absolutely. We'll leave it to him to suss out the complicated things, which means we go back to doing what we do best, which is, of course, being charming and looking fabulous. Sounds good. Oh, look at this. We appear to have someone diner-curious in the parking lot.

58:05He looks confused. How do you suppose he got in that wheelchair? I don't know, but you cannot make that the first thing you ask him if he comes inside. Now, why do you feel you have to warn me about that? Catherine, sometimes your whole cut to the chase thing is just taken as insensitivity. Sometimes it is insensitivity. I'm gonna go talk to him. Are there any other topics I should avoid to come inside? Probably, my love.

58:34Hey there. Evening. Can I help you with something? No, sorry. There used to be a VA here. Oh, really? Yeah. I haven't been around for a while, though. Y 'all have any idea where it moved to? We, uh, we just opened. We're not too familiar with the neighborhood either. All right. Are you okay? Do we need to figure out a way to get you to a hospital? No, it's nothing like that. I've been out of town for a long time, and there's always some bullshit that I gotta deal with at the VA, so I usually try and come by when I can. Y 'all got a phone book inside so I can look up where they moved to? A phone book?

59:14Uh, no, sorry. We do have coffee, though. Can I get you some? Yeah, that'd be alright. I'm Fiona. Captain Philip Buck. Pleased to meet you. Come on in, Captain. Ah, nice place. Good evening, soldier boy. Ma 'am? Anywhere you like. I'll get you some coffee. Thank you. I'm Catherine. Philip. So, tell me, soldier, how'd you end up in the chair? Catherine! What? It's all right. I know it's the first question on everybody's mind anyway. I appreciate you getting it out of the way. Don't mention it. Plane crash. Ooh, sounds nasty. Mercifully, I just woke up in the hospital. What was wrong with your plane?

59:59Oh, all sorts of things, probably. I'm a test pilot, so they're never working perfectly when I get them airborne. Must have been hard to come back from that. Well, in the Air Force, we have a saying. Huh? What's that? At least I'm not in the Army. Here you go. How about a grilled cheese sandwich? That sounds alright. Okay. You, uh, come here a lot? Oh, I work here. Fiona and I, we run the place together. Together? That's right. Y 'all sisters? Well, no, Philip. No, we're not. Okay. Okay. Okay. You sure you're okay, Philip? Hey, it's the modern world, isn't it? 1981. Fuck. Fiona, I've discovered something.

1:00:47Voon, shh, shh, come here. What is it? We're on Earth 1981. We need you to lay low. I see. Stay here in the kitchen. I shall. What did you discover? The technology you told me of. I discovered it on the shore of an ocean. It is technology from my planet. From Earth? Indeed. That's very curious. Have any other Erths visited the diner? Not that I know of. How strange. I'll need to make a full report. I shall retire to the roof so as not to... What was that term you use? Spook the locals. Yes, I shall avoid that. Okay. Wait, no. No? I forgot the radio was making weird transmissions. Can you monitor it with your little floating guy?

1:01:26Em is not a guy. It's an Earth expression. Shall I stay in the kitchen and monitor from here? Is that okay? Of course. You're the best. Phil, do you want fries with your grilled cheese? Sounds good to me. Okay. All's quiet up here, Tower. Shall we play that fun game where I talk so much that you institute radio silence? Oh, sorry about that. There's something wrong with our radio. It's picking up a weird signal. How about I lead us in a sing-along? It's weird, right? I know that guy. What? That's... I know that voice. What do you think, Tower? When Irish eyes are smiling or they call the wind Mariah?

1:02:07Is that a friend of yours? Yeah, we used to fly together. What the hell is he doing coming through your radio? Tower, can you read me? I don't know. The radio wasn't even working. The fuck is going on? I don't know. Phil? Can he hear me? I don't know. Brickhouse, is that you? Bucky, what are you doing in the tower, man? I'm not in the tower. You're coming through an old radio. What the hell is that about? I don't know. So you're just picking up a stray frequency? I guess. This reminds me of when we were testing the Blackbird, right? Right. That guy gets on a ham radio, gets on our frequency, and starts chatting us up.

1:02:53Had no idea he was talking to two guys in a top-secret plane. We told him we were Braniff pilots. Flying into South Fork. Where there is no airport. This is fucking weird, man. Yeah, I don't know how to explain it. Also, how come I can talk to you, but I can't reach the tower right now? No idea. Tower, can you read me? What are you flying? Uh, don't take this personally, but it's the SRX. Oh, really? Sorry, buddy. The plane that almost killed me. Don't worry. They fixed the landing gear. Oh, they did? Yeah. There were about 50 things wrong with that plane. 49 now. Shit. It was kind of a rush job, but they needed the fastest thing they could find, and they needed it right now.

1:03:35What's going on? Stupid bullshit. Okay, what is it? You still got code word clearance, right? Yeah. They're losing planes over New Mexico. Losing them? Yeah. Look, it's nonsense. They've lost a few planes and they've been hearing some weird stories, so they sent me up here in this thing. To do what? To, um, to chase it. It? Look, we've all got stories. We've all seen things. I don't know why they're freaking out about this. What are you chasing? Just ghosts in the sky, man. Before the planes were lost, there were reports about seeing something that was a triangle, then a square, then a triangle again.

1:04:21Whoa. It's bullshit. So, they sent something real fast up here to see if I can catch it. Sounds like some bullshit to me, man. Bucky, are you insinuating that the United States Air Force is being run improperly? Boom! I'm sorry, I must speak. What the fuck? I'm very sorry. What the fuck is that? What the fuck is that? Phil, it's okay. It's very important. Phil, it's okay. Phil, put the gun away. You stay the fuck away from me. What the fuck is that thing? I mean you no harm. There is no need for a weapon. You want to fucking bet? Why is it talking to me? Your friend is in danger. You're the one who's in danger, motherfucker.

1:04:54Stay the fuck back. You must abandon his mission. He is in grave danger. Bucky, you still there?

1:05:04What do you mean? He has reported that he is unable to communicate with his primary and reports a craft that appears both square and triangular. Yeah? It will appear behind him and it will chase him until his fuel supply is nearly at an end. They will then destroy his craft. Who is they? They are called the Oquerah. They are very dangerous. Holy shit, holy shit. I've got something on my six tower. Do you read me? I've got something on my six. It came out of nowhere. Brookhouse, can you still read me? Bucky, I can't reach the tower. Bucky? What's he supposed to do? He must place his craft under automatic control and then abandon it.

1:05:44If he has separated from his craft, he will no longer be a valuable target. My name is Voon. I mean you no harm. Holy shit, holy shit, holy shit. I can see it. I take it all back. I can see it. Jesus. Nick, you've got to ditch. Bucky, say again? Hit autopilot, then ditch. They won't chase you, just the plane. I'm not even in Mach 1. I can try to outrun it. He cannot. You can't. What do you know about this that I don't? Nick, you've just got to trust me, okay? Look at that thing behind you. Does it look like a friendly to you? Engaging autopilot. Holy shit, holy shit. It's getting closer. It's right on my tail.

1:06:25You better be right about this, Bucky. You better be right about this. Holy shit, here I go. Holy shit. Ditching.

1:06:39Nick? Nick, are you still there? I'm in the breeze. I'm in the breeze. That was several million dollars of research I just returned to the taxpayers. I hope you're right about this.

1:06:56Oh, fuck. Fuck, it just shot me down. It just shot the plane down. Fuck, good call, Bucky. All right, man. I've got several minutes before I hit the ground. Nick? Nick, are you still there? He is safe now. Phil, I know this is a lot. I know this is insane. Can you do me a favor and just put the gun down? We're just people, Phil. We're just people trying to help. We're just people.

1:07:41and and a robot a tiny robot

1:07:49what is this place

1:08:13Bill? Are you okay out here? Yeah. I'm good. Okay. I still have a hard time being out here too long when we're traveling. I get vertigo pretty easily. Try looking at your finger and then following your finger without moving your head. Okay. Also, don't make sudden head movements. Okay. Also, drink more water. That's a solution for most things. Thanks. Take it from a guy who's lost the horizon more times than he's had a hot breakfast.

1:08:56Any buyer's remorse? I was serious when I said there's no going back.

1:09:05I'm good. At least I'm flying again. Yeah.

1:09:18Hello, hello. Another year. Good morning, Doctor. Catherine, how are you doing? I'm well. Are you ready for another stressful day? Always, Catherine, always. Where is our girl? Hey, Doctor. Hello, Fiona. Greetings. Oh, my. Doctor, this is Voon. He's new. Voon, this is Dr. Caberant. I am pleased to meet you, Doctor. Well, look at you. Hello there. May I scan your planet for relevant technologies? Relevant technologies? Well, I don't see why not. It is greatly appreciated. Well, look at this little thing. Isn't that fascinating? Also, this is Philip. Hey there, Doc. How you doing? Oh, Doc. I love that.

1:10:00Hello there, Philip. Well, this is quite a full house you have here, Fiona. It's a nice little group. Wonderful. Also joining us is this handsome devil. Oh, what is that? This is the Fama E61 Doctor. What do you do with it? It makes coffee. All right, good. We like coffee. But it does so much more than that. Do tell. Okay, espresso at the bottom, and then we add the milk. Oh, this is very fancy. Here you go. Alright, here we go.

1:10:41Oh my. Right. That is really something. It really is. I didn't know coffee could taste like this. It's still just coffee and milk, but the fama does something magical. It truly does. Well, with all these new folks and this new contraption, the age of Fiona is shaping up quite well, isn't it? The age of Fiona? Yes, you know, we never really explained this to Casper. He was never one for small talk. Each new proprietor of the diner marks a new age for us. Each new... I don't understand. Ah, we're currently in the age of Fiona. Before you, there was the age of Casper. Before him, there was the age of Cody McClure.

1:11:30Then there was the first age, the age of Marissa. Marissa? Yes. That's how this all began. You see, we suffered from a terrible plague about a thousand years ago. We could find no cure for it and were nearly wiped off the face of the planet. We were reduced to small, isolated communities around the globe. A couple of generations later, we had developed an immunity to the disease, but the isolation and suspicion had become ingrained in our culture. Then, one day, a man named Monad Nick found the diner, walked inside, and there was Marissa. Now, they didn't speak the same language, so it was a bit difficult.

1:12:19But Marissa was a practitioner of the sacred art known as Isil. Years later, Marissa would return to teach Monad Nick more of her language and give him the sacred texts to learn while she was away. Mona and Nick began to teach this language to others, and, long story short, that's what we needed to come together as a society. A common language that didn't belong to any community. Oh my god. Wonderful story, isn't it? So, Casper wasn't the first one here? Oh, no, not at all. Not according to our history, anyway. Wow. So, are we all ready to go? Um, yeah. Yeah, we're ready when you are. All right.

1:13:05Here we go, Fiona.

1:13:19Hey, there you are. Is everything okay? You usually like hanging out with the Thigronis. I'm all right.

1:13:33You've been a little distant for a while now, actually. What's going on? Nothing. I'm fine. Baby, come on. It's a bit more crowded in there, is all. It's the same number of people as last time. Oh. You're not talking about the Thigronis. It just seemed a bit simpler when it was just the two of us. Yeah, I know, but this is life. This is how it works. How would you know how life works? Catherine.

1:14:17I'm sorry, I didn't... Shh. What is that? I need you to go inside. Tell Phil and Voon to come outside. Keep the Thigronis inside. What's happening? Right now.

1:14:34Peter, zone defense. Zone defense.

1:14:42What's going on? We are told there is an emergency. It's... It's the bad guys. The bad guys? Fiona, what do you mean? I... I thought they couldn't find us. Fiona, are we under attack? I think so. Hey, heads up.

1:15:13Now who the fuck is this?

1:15:21Did you think you could hide from us?

1:15:29Deploy Tactical Dome. I am unclear of your intentions, but I am currently assessing your technology and your weaknesses. Aggression is not recommended. But hell, don't let us stop you.

1:15:54Catherine, go inside. Catherine! Alright then. Let's get it on.

1:16:25The End

1:16:45Dictation.

1:16:49Sorcerer ID 5850 Trinary. As a general overview of my time here, I am of two minds. Since my arrival at my Terminus mission, I have been able to document an outsized amount of technologies, both for archival and advancement purposes. Far more than if I were to conduct missions in a traditional format. As directed, I have transmitted my findings when in an environment where networks are available. This work has been extremely satisfying. However, there is an overarching project that I have self-assigned, and this project's completion has proven to be elusive. We have been here before. What is Earth's relationship to this anomalous craft?

1:17:38Additionally, is this a craft? Additionally, is this technology? If I am correct in my assessment of a previous Earth presence at this location, I am requesting all pertinent records. Indictation. Coming up. Good evening, Captain. Are we calling this evening? My thinking was that, considering we are all Circadian beings, referring to a definitive night and day would help bring normalcy. Okay, cool. Good evening to you, then. This elevator thing is working real good, Foon. I am pleased. Its assembly was quite simple. How are things up here? The work continues. Have you done a recent assessment of Fiona's emotional state?

1:18:28She's a little fucked up right now, but she'll be all right. I have yet to fully understand the reason for Catherine's departure. Oh yeah? Surely this mode of existence is a highly stimulating and enriching environment. Why would someone prefer less of this stimulation? I hear you. I did test flight training on an F-104. Real fast plane. I took it over Mach 2. One time I was in an adventurous mood and I took it all the way up top. 30 ,000 meters. I flipped it and I looked down at the earth, like touching the hand of God. For me, that was a transformation. I was a new man when my wheels were down on the ground.

1:19:26And for someone else, they would have shit their pants, passed out, and swore to never get into a plane again. Your heaven is somebody else's hell. no matter how great it may feel to you.

1:19:43Is there anything we can do to assuage your current symptoms? No. There's no cure for something like that. She'll be all right, though. All good in the long run. Struggle is important. Anyway, I brought you one of those avocado sandwiches that you like. I know you're working. Thank you, Captain. And thank you again for the lift. Nice being up here. Of course. Captain. Yeah? If I may, it is also within my means to employ various technologies so that you may... so that you may walk. These would be improvised field solutions, but certainly employable. If you would like. Hmm.

1:20:37Struggle is important, Foon. I understand. Time. Loneliness. Love. Happiness. Struggle. Friendship. Heartbreak. each of them like a blade cutting away the strings and cloth revealing the flesh beneath it all this skin it hurts me more thought the ragdoll but this skin is mine worth the pain worth the loneliness and now What to do with it?

1:21:50Chronometer reading. Eight years. Jesus Christ.

1:22:06They say that you listen to Gloria. Is that true?

1:22:17I've wanted to say all sorts of things to you all this time, but I think I was afraid that you'd answer or something.

1:22:29There are people who need us, you know. We left people behind, and I think we're their only hope. So what are we doing? Can you tell me what we're doing?

1:22:48You saved me from a really horrible place, but those people that you, I don't know, love? They're out there and they need you, but instead it's all of this. and I'm really confused and I'm really heartbroken and I don't understand the point and I couldn't say that before I was just this directionless lump I was somebody's experiment I was a repository of fake memories I was a barista in 2012 for I don't know how long. I was just... I was a thing. I'm a person now. I'm a person now, and I can stand here on my own two feet, and I can say to you, what the fuck? What is this all about?

1:23:59You...

1:24:04You knew all that. I was walking through the diner with Peter's instructions in my hand, and you... I didn't have a history. I didn't have anything that was mine, and you knew that. You gave me a history. One that was mine.

1:24:39Is that what this was? This whole time, is that what this was? I'm sorry.

1:25:24Gloria?

1:25:43Thanks for listening to Midnight Murder, y 'all. Be sure and tune in this time next month for more adventures in the vastness. And if time and tide roil you too harshly, or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens, just remember, we're out there somewhere looking for you. We open at six. Midnight Burger is brought to you in part by our Monte Cristo level and above supporters. Wilson, Billy, Bertbert, Bethany, Second Bethany. You call her Bethany, I call her Hedphony. The Goblins ride to the aid of the Bethanies. Recy Pontiff bankrolls battling Bethany Besaurus Rexes. Jason, commander of the Bethany hunters McDonald.

1:26:24Chad Hatter, space mage in the war against the Bethany's. The Bethany's demand more Omega Station. The faceless old Bethany who secretly lives in your home. Bethany, the Lone Star Edition. There are only 108 MB fan fiction and no Bethany. CJ's big barbecue bistro for Bethany's. Joji the birdwatcher disguised as a Bethany. The Bethany of Bethany's. My milkshake brings all the Bethany's to the diner. Dave and Buster's server manager ready to serve all the Bethany's a Monte Cristo. NB Bethany's cut your car in half with a laser saw. Chase and her army of turtles join the Bethany War. Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany Wethany Lethany Woofie McFluffenberger, M.D., Ph.D., Esquire, and that's not pretentious at all, M., is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began their war with so many years ago.

1:27:09Topher the Sporadic Gay Bethany, Philip Sears. Arnold Rumspringa, the demise of the Temple of Bethany's. Bethany making apple butter in a green field. Bubble Butt Bethany has banana breath. Bethany 2, electric boogaloo. I pushed her, Bethany that is. Lady Bethany, aka Mrs. Turkey Spit. Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire, bamboozled by the bajillions of bustling Bethany's Bethany's, belligerently blocking his sight of the devious Red Nell. Red Nell, hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch wrangler of West Worcestershire.

1:27:43Bailey's Bethany's Burger. Bethany, hold the Beth. Billy Rose stole my Bethany's. Alexandre La Roque has brought La Guillotine to assist the Bethany's in their survival war. Vive la revolution! The Julius Bohannon Foundation, the coalition of patrons named Bethany, and contributions to your TED station from viewers like you. Whom, what, when, where, why, and Billy Rose would like to be at the beginning to say hello to all Bethany's, no matter the disputes. Byro the Motherfucket Dragon is willing to solve the Bethany War with Yahtzee. Cowboy and Sasquatch hunts Bethany's. Wandering Bethany Biscuit.

1:28:17Glorbnar Seven, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Bethany in a Random Place. Jalen Linares, secretly an NB Bethany. In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of Mike's, a jumble of James's, a trifecta of Tony's, one whom still wants to be Leif, but sadly, no Bethany's. Eris, Goddess of Bethany's. But Bethany, I made biscuits. Green Mountain Hermit might be allergic to Bethany stew. Bethany boppity boom. Tybalt the Bethany. I'm Ava's evil twin sister, Bethany. The real fairy godmother says, if you Bethany's don't knock it off, I'll turn this audio drama around, so help me.

1:28:54Alphonse Suitperson, Knight of the Order of Bethany's. Still Casper's number one fan, but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom. Hicks Bethany mates. Don't mind dances with frozen burritos hiding in the deep freeze till the Bethany's end their war. Jared Armstrong, Jay the Irascible, the great and powerful Schpatilda, the Magic Committee, Ian Full, a river otter and their gender-neutral partner, The Haven Chronicles, one intergalactic year with Big Potato 99, aka the Rat Lady, aka Bumblebee, aka AK-47, Kai, Just a Little Guy, Dale Van Hoose, Ender Wright, Mark Nazarowicz, Capturer of Light, Mucklewang, Duncan Albert, Theoretical Chemist, Xavier Dasher, Chris Loves to Read, Katie McCallick, Greg Andrews Lyons, JustMatt85, Gracie Jo Sheeran, Magnus Von Kaffenheim, Ferocious Lil' Beast, Longtime Lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Son and His Wife Fuji Cakes, Jennifer Myers, A Chef Named JJ Wants To Apply To Be Gloria's New Line Cook, Sanford Underground Research Facility Not Large Underground Xenon Experiment, Anaz, Lord of Stories, Donnie Darko, aka Darko the Destroyer, Tom Shin, Caitlin and CT's NeverEnding Podcast Adventures, WhisperDan, Alexis Walker, Kyo the Panda Puppy Forklift Operator, Charity and Ruby, Nick Faye, Julie and her manservant Olin, Justin, Jen Sims, Ring to the MOTAS, The Leathermans, Lukewarm Fart, Odd Commodity, Ander Ho, Annabelle Coupiers de Lou Denbuter, Earthwitch, Leah Prime, Gregory Santoro, Not the Fucky Fried Chicken, Robert Drapiza, Lawrence McCoy Phelan, Lono, Caitlin Hoagland, Jonathan Tolbert, Mr.

1:30:34Put-It-On-06, Hedgehog Hen, Jackson Bell, Katie Chambers, J. Pierre, Dick Rickles, Chapter President, damn glad to meet you, Malcolm Flynn, Ezekiel Lansdowne, Samuel Lee, What's-His-Face, Like the Actual Guy, Josetron Prime, Nicholas Beckler, Arwen the Freer, Throatgoat666, I am your father, Addie Slauson, Inconceivable Kai, Nick Waycaster, Gotham still fucked up, Batman really ain't doing shit when you think about it, No Good Monk, Sarmad Syed, Pugalicious Freshington III, Esquire P.B. Jamesy, Pastel Jellyfish Jhonald Grimbus, Taz Monique starting to shift at 6 Matt Knight Bouchager, Demetri, Andromeda, Stephen The Choi, Brooke Shelton, Gabriel The Treasure Trove of Troublesome Trolls Colbon 287, Axel Zapata, Orianda, Bean Dino Phillip Linick, Hugh Jass DeShane, Miles Nelson Catherine Beach, Nico DeGaio Goes Great on Midnight Burgers, Lenny Harris Betty Hayes and the B-Team, the Bean Wizard, Tim Lynch, Ransom, Lord Than and Lady Sarah, Droughtbreaker, Aaron Mitchell, The Floof Wrangler, King Felix Blaze of the Galactic Third Street Saints, Dana Dana Bobana, Fifi Fofana, Dorothy Graves, Leaf Loves Laser Guns Left Lying Lackadaisically by Labuza, Gix the Norwegian Viking Impersonator, Suminiti, Mags, Megan the Mag Young, Fermi's Paradoxons, Honey Cooper, J2, Brian Montgomery, Artemis Record, Safa Aluzzi, Trev Brax, The Bard Without a Ballad or a Mallet, Nazo, Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum Theorist, hold please, Kay Kayow, Empress Squishy Face of Greater Catopia, Anna Garcia, Goblin King, Rays of Nope, Ruby Booth, Bubber Duckle, Yegor Luce, Terry Cadds, Tarian Roundtree, Catalyst for Chaos, Sculliver, Cat Lucido, Sam and Shane, Ahsoka Likes Hugs, Caitlin Hess, V, Gorgon Lightfoot, Ma Dukes, U.S.

1:32:28Marshal Stacy, Ooh Chickadee, Terran of the Guild of Free Cartographers, Sweet Chaos 7, Dango Dale, Etsy, Not the Website. At every moment and every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home, and it's already found you. Jaupalo Lemos, Odd Keep the Sentient Lighthouse, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Enya Teapelt, Zosifer, Doggo of Doom, Zachary DeFeo, Kevin Winans, Marlon C, Madame Berry, Cherish Hellfire, Mistress of Time and Space, Lichen Lady, Midnight Club, Cameron Agnese West, Knox, Lisa Liu, Emmett Hale, The Triad's Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats Love the Diner, House Chaos and Critter Cacophony, Max and Nia and Ivonne's Mark, Minions Simone Mimi Davis, Misty Dawn Mitchell Jr., Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragonrider, We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palestine Are Free, Kaylee Heights, Radio Ghoul, Nissy's Mom, Pokésplort, Whiskey Rebellion and Gin Riot's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zephyr Vitriol, Altreon, Slim Nandy, Gother Laith, William Lemoyne, Jen and Britt, Adriana Bertolomucci, Jonah Is Gay, The Midnight Ashes, Hornetti, Balian Fair, The Night of Silver Flames, unpaid intern that can barely afford the$10 a month but fuck it you guys earned it, Valkyrie Storm, Patricia Who's Always Late but Somehow on Time, DC Squirrel, Ryan, Kyle the Interstellar Highwayman, Shelly Act on the Verge, Gale Friend, Bang Bang Bang Baby, Potacos, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, The Sparky Tech, Prop the Croc-A-Gator, Dakota L, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants and the Companion, Kentucky Cried Frickin', Renee N, Isaiah Garcia, R.I.P.

1:34:11Eloise Waffles, Aki the Space Druid, Phantom Land TTRPG Dice, K8 the Curiouser, Moxie, a blacksmith, Ash Montgomery, Lil' Birch and Her Beaches, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze, Aaron James Tyrone Barlow, the first of his name, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr Foxworth, Ted Ted and Teddy, Merry Face, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, the Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole Six Four, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscalo, Full Beans, Gloria's Forgotten Ford Festiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast, The Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish. Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Fry Lord, Gravity's Optional but Fry's Aren't, Max Powers, Angel Vasquez, Terra, Stephen Raymer, J.

1:34:58Carp Fishman, Mistress Roxy Mornette, The Great Goblino, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Lilac Marcella, Rachel Krempa, with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband Steve, don't worry about the order, honey. Your Majesty, Temporal Hashbrown, Diane Brown, Captain No Sleep, The Slim Reaper, Reuben Eden, Smedley P. Snodgrass III, but please call me Smeddy, The Shreveport Bohannans, CC the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury's Sasquatch, Din, Cosmic Ketchup, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Schmogest, and Hossfest, Ashley Davis, Mousy, The Intergalactic Pantstarts League, Postmaster General Kwan Sent Me, Blake Basmagian, Nitwit14, Royaled way too harshly, DJ Johnny B, The Great Bowel Shift, Marco Montano, A Nat Named Bug, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachek, Christopher Wendell, Nelly Furtaco, Unproductive Banana, Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Alondra, The Sorcerer Sanguine and the Pretty One with the Face, Bex823, Auntie Cryptid, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, Mime Ninjas Ninja Mime, Master Oogway, Barry, Dilly is Dallying, Podcast Junkie, Futile Screaming at the Ocean, Fox Hetland, Dylan Carone, Pedro Vibristo, Penny Sparkles, Slider, Dimitri, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana, the wife named the cat Casper, turns out it's a girl, Physic the Goodbush, the scout mistress and her phalanx of intergalactic eagle scouts, happy birthday Angie from Midnight Murder, Vapis 10's Big Black Gaping Hole, Goobrius, you know, like Lugubrius, but without the loo.

1:36:36Bruce. Jessica Gaiogama. Cabernet Corsair. Torical. Jenny the Bear. Grr. Bellringer. Sir Dean Thorne. Treach. Josie Jones. Mr. Fibble is very cross. Haute Potato. Dr. Mojo Tinker Gestalt. Blind Time Traveler Convention Date. L.A. Woman. The Phoenix Rising. New Name. God? No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure, Jeff Andrew. Miss Luanne. A British Woman with Cute Dogs. Cup of Noodles. Shmizzy Two Shoes, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smolin, Rico 31, Craig Dundee, The Name's Knight, with a K, Astral Sea, Ickle Me Pickle Me Tickle Me Too, Witch Loud, Guy With The Chops, Sam, Bagel Knife, Inmelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan K, Ulfheimer, Nate, Forklift, Lifts Forks for Cliff, Vince M, Brick Brick, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Loves Midi, Joanna Banks, Brian Pasley, Subawassa, Grena, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Retro Dagwood.

1:37:35Our overhead is way too high with all of these names, and please make sure to turn in all your receipts. Love, Josh from Accounting. Satsuma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, Virgin of Velociraptor, Coach Shane of Toad Suck Central, Go Cranes, Cole Arthur, Lego Croissant, Cassade, Norwin Murgler. The Star Set Messengers want to know if you've written that four-page essay on why you don't think about bugs. Joe Cuppa, We be chopping broccoli. Kyle, the hacker known as Ivy DeBurb, Rachel Vasquez, the beloved yet borderline inappropriate empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Britt Littlefair, Michelle Myers, Glenn Morris, Lizard Lee, Rosemary Prem, Anthony Lakey, Thomas Adams, Brett Zimmerman, Lauren Benner, Stephanie Buch, Andrea Crowther, Luca Vichito, Bootscootin' Dave, Naya Venturi, Ryan Abbey, Michelle Hopper, Jessica Engela, Kevin Daughtry, Meredith Jester, Martin Deers, Entropy Eigenbasis, Robert Savat, Drink Spiller, Richard Ryan Moschel, D.

1:38:33Flower, Kella T. Arena, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Some Days You're the Beatle, Some Days You're the Dung, Josie Jones, V. Greenlee, Eliza Sharp, Dan Gentry, Ron Hayden, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder, I hope something good happens to you today, yes, you, Edwin McDonald, A Feisty-Ass Chickadee, Poultry Landmine, The Scrappy Poet, Jenny the Cryptid Paladin, Maverick Artist, Shit, It Was a Mimic, Basil and Their Tea, Waiting to Gossip with David, Ainsley A-Yay-Yay-Yay, Angnor, ATB, Kiwi Lovelybead, Zoe, Professor Freyda, Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson Twote, One Month Trapped in This Freezer, Still No Bathroom, Starting to Hallucinate, Howling, Son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Scott A.

1:39:17Snellgrove, Give Peas a Chance, Casper's Cult, Samalama Ding Dong, Sarah, That's it, just Sarah.

1:39:51entropy, Bach Bach motherfucker, everybody's favorite clown Splotchy, Pinstrike Algorithm, Kosher Steak, Alyssa's Shiny Pants, Gondor Calls for Aid, Muscles for Tits, Alan Berglund says, Hi mom, Kitty McSkull, Raven Stromdans, hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe, The Wild-Eyed Prophet, Tessa Craig, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Richard Schofeld, Jim Turner, Felix Sullivan, Javi De Niro, Big Chunk, Gadides. I named my puppy Supreme Captain Queen Brunhilda Ganesha Maple Venture Salterine, Mudsocks de Sparks, Boom Boom's Wooden Leg, Will the Real Maudib Please Stand Up, Kitty Cat and Lollipop Can't Get Enough of This, Udon96, Benjamin, Not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia, Is That the Chris Hancock Who Traded Weekly Soup For The Use of My Kitchen Table?

1:40:43A Singular Nightbird, I Am The Lizard Frantically Firing Flechette Guns, Bumble Fae, Mr. Epsilon, The Mothman, Long-Haired Matt, DJ, Robert W., Breelzebub, Krezimira, Jessa Lorin, Mayday Hoops, Myth and Stitch Embroidery Loves the Mucklewains, Lulu Louise, Dulio, The Brew Crew Family, Burt Ruba, Jeffrey George, Even Older Whimsy, Ellie, Don't Tariff Me Bro, Oopsie, Evelyn, The Wizard Mooses Holds Out Their Cat For You To Pet, Grimlore, Existential Pancakes, Jenny Waboom, Errant Popsicle Stick, M. Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Cappy, Jack Spider's Mom, Tyler Edwards, Llama Fresh, Jare the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Revan the Redbeard Wizard, Burt Burt and the Funky Bunch, Corora the Twelfth, shh, just listen.

1:41:28Damian Flutterjohn, Zomcon, Welcome to the Kwan Pound, pen pen pen pen pen. Mr. Muchacho Kaiserschnitzel is bringing an anchovy pizza to Lars on Omega Station. The wolves in the deep freeze say awoo. Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moons No. 2 fans, Simpson, Jason, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, Even Older Liz, McBearcat, Grack Pinfeather, Sitican Druidic Scientist, Astro, Your Friendly Neighborhood Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racey, The Midnight Missionary, Out There Somewhere Looking For Ya, Grandma Panty, JS, Eldritch Ender, Squonky, Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Shaloma, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez, Hello Big List, I'm Dad, Now let Joe get some rest, it's time for bed, Muffins, Space Wives, Captain Jack Hartness wants Peter the Robot, Oreo?

1:42:18Oreo, no wait, Pineapple, actually never mind, Oreo, Banana Manaz, A Corgi Cold Kibble, Cuddly Kraken, Life's a Lode Studio, and His Wife Meganator, The Game, Axel Light, Sarge the Bard, Riel Than, LL Cool Mint Jams, Travis Roberticus, The other original Caitlyn. Ken Daddy. Celestiani. Hazel the jaded Umbra pulls out a marker and approaches Sign My Shovel to sign Sign My Shovel Shovel. Leah Izadi. Millie Was Taken. Hannes. Ben Camp. Shanman Man Man. Karma Karma Chameleon. Kinran. Wabajak. Zoe and her army of mice. Briar Longlost. Daniel. Sammy the baby seal. I have always relied on the kindness of diners.

1:42:57Dr. Bootyologist the glutes doctor. The Hood's Pocket Pants Darts League reminds all players that clean underwear is required. Tobias Ewing. Thank you for pressing 2. Your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Surly Jess. RIP Lance McClain. You would have loved Midnight Burger. Adam Toklove. Dr. Bitchcraft. Sassy Cat the Space Vixen. Claire Rock. Eros to God. The Size 2 Fish You've Been Looking For. Iokai. Borgia. Natasha Without Boris. Spiders Are Cuddly. Lafayette Lasagna Lovers 1. Main Immortal Billy Rose that has all the corn dogs.

1:43:31Cheel Neal. Sin City Scuba Steve. Poliwog. Jinx the Cat would like to offer you biscuits. Michaela White. Elena Pickle. Professor Thaddeus Snookums VIII. Mr. Grin. Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler. Elizabeth Hammond. Cheapcon. Yeah, you heard me, Greg Laramie and Drop. Cheapcon. Funch Brunglin. Steam Vision. Conductor of the Interdimensional Time-Spanning Hype Train. Dave Harreld. Wise Cube. Dirty Diaper Fussbutt and The Piggy Runt. Bromine, pronounced bro-mine. Main humdinga. Mother of Pearl. Fiona now owns Leif's 18-inch Peter.

1:44:08Seal Face. Rigor Mortis. Megan's Things. Things Megan Makes. Shiny Fields. Magical Maggie. Trebek's Reject. Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains. Matthew with two Ts. The first T is silent. Igneous Burp. Darth Ox. This brief pause is brought to you by Michelle K's Wish for Joe to Catch His Breath. Aaron Arnold, Mama Mander B. Roz and Sluntmaster J, Valen Rial, Little Dork and Big Shit, Take Manhattan, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, Broom Goddess, The Lord Reverend, Portagos Pex, Unselling Wizard, Ryan, Thomas's 10 tenebrous tanstaffled tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales.

1:44:46Ladies, for your pleasure, Chuck Naked, The Lovely Laura Lovely, Kith Gamgee, Sam Wise's Flamin' Cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Gochi, Hair Hawks, Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, How to Get Jack from John, Flesh Witch, Scrubs, Just Some Guy from Adelaide Named Ryan, Remy, The Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German Shorthair Pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says woof. Whiskered, Randy Spears at VO Arts Shop, Marissa the Ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you.

1:45:22Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Ol' Kelsey No Shoes, Zyldia, Dizzy Flame, Time Flies Like an Arrow, Fruit Flies Like a Banana, Sasha, Beth and Alan Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox aka Br 'er Rabbit, Pants Darts Champion, The Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy Aotis, Chance wants you to know he cares.

1:46:13Oh Magus, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Space Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley. Lady Folly, Canadian Waitress, Mr. Steamwave, My Friend the Rhino says be nice. Dream Founder, I'm ya Huckleberry. Elizabeth T, Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke. Gus, Coco Yumi is painting ponies. Hug-a-Muffin, Bigfoot of Doom. Boom. D.L. Annie the Tiny Librarian. Crandyman the Pug Whisperer. Garou. Nick Gomez. Our cat said to tell you. Meow. Bag of Oats. Benjamin Ortiz. Mr. Frog President. Pop Rock Quicksand. The Benny Yapper.

1:46:55Abanasso. Trina Ward. Ada. Spooky Spader Storytime. William Kent. Andy. The McJimmy's from your local dimension. Xavier Killingsworth. Reformed Colonel Reb. Mimetic hygienist rogue art aaron star joshua damien and sentinel of the star system claude de claus spunky dan rachel seymour chris alfridge the bullheaded professor ed boy ryan finnelli jonathan k another monster petabyte avatar tugwin the mighty project octopus ken chibs B-1-0-1-2, B-R-O-T-R-O-N-95, Dan's Granted Clemency by His Overlord Parents. Dance break!

1:47:41Spiku, the Bracken System and its home world Ren, Simply Tony, Gabriel Castellon, a drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's Bar. Sir Party Animal, Uloy Jackal, Must Be a Witch, Cat with a K, Miss Shan Frizzle, Squirrels all the way up. Stompenstein El Moustachio. Lucifer Hezekiel. La Chihuahua Brava. Adalyn Peets. CC Carousel. Korth the Destroyer. Honest Puck. Kaspers Moms of Milf. Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava. Kordomsky. Craig Armstrong. Plastic Fork. Dulcet Deleche. Get out of my booth. Bug. Propagator. I hardly know her. Sad Angry Crabman. Chuck McFinley. Hazel Hayes.

1:48:19Velocity Girl 42. Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats. Ben Carlyle, Flat Steve's Love for Grand Theft, Anna Kearney, Crashly Strange Lilia, The Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse, Septy and Asha have hots for the Mucklewains and would gladly be their unicorns, Starblaze Burnbright, Imzukioki, Spotted Rhino and her Hand-Me-Down Frogs, Red Mafia Panda, Jean-Luc Gabot, Lonely Isle, Kai Dallow Headphones, Hinkle, Pikeman Stover, Fondella Stover, Pikeman Stover's Wife, Alexander the Boss, Skrizzles, Thwap, Giddy, giddy, giddy. The Firekeeper. The End Is Die. Jeremiah the Cancelled. Spike and Faye. Johnny Allen West and the Boys from the Dwarf.

1:48:59Speedy McSpeedy. Wolf. Brandy Gunter. Auntie Becky is owned by five rescue cats. Speckled Unicorn. Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate. Tevin Longblade's Shortsword. Forget Normal. Oh, damn. CJ Johnson. A Dragon Sitting on Its Horde of Dice. Wendell Whitaker. Pikachu. Smythe. Glowbed Roulette. Andrew Fuller. Dane and Deb. Ban Me Hung. The Soup Witch. Fetishini Alfredo, Amalgamous Pax, Pebbles, Princess VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad Is Not Your Dad, Nick Boro, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty I, and accomplice Princess Penelope of the Marioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr.

1:49:40Cherry, Our Ass Is In The Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Heiser, India Inkblot, Slave of Bahamut, Omi Gracie, Dalton Dinkins, Kat Holtz, The True Mega Mike, Fred and George, The What Weekly Media Database, Eva Maddox Jr., Liza Wirth, Cass Williams, Christy, Yeet My Boy, 46 Tool Shed 2, and Elle Marie Catastrophe, The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt Missed Everyone, A Round of Yargs on the House, Red the Gray, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Neverchild, Dr. Nasos, Interdimensional Space Biologist, Kiboko Dunord, Lil Kev, Kozamine, Theodrax, Joey B.

1:50:20Lucas Bardig, DJKDJK, Taryn says, hey, Oreos are rabbit. Sandalwood Mountain is an odd way to refer to Hawaii, but it worked for Hendry. Whimsical fuckery, Megan with an H. Hey, it's me again, warranty lady. What happened to us? You never returned my calls anymore. Did we lose our spark? Patricia the Time Lord, is it though? Mango Connoisseur, Brittany Bug, and the Quirky Jester. The Big Moose Demands Justice for Betty, Glory Cole, Janelle Miao-Naze Cat Butler, O'Sheen Liu, Alex Berry, Andrew Oakden, Asymmetrical Exile Magpie Cat Says Everything's a Bag of Holding If You Know How to Pack Churro Cat the Sun God Alex Spence Dr.

1:50:57D. Birdclosp Weather And Mrs. Dubapduet Birdclosp Weather Want to go to space, you know, for the weather Galaxy Britches Angry Ron Dominus Caesar Durka Dub Gloria's Ex-Girlfriend Kelly Clickspring The Wild Thistle Most Likely Cass James Harlow Has Decided He's Ready to See the Claw I'm Not Joe's Dad Jasmine James Dr. Caber Ant Also Known as Omni Thanks, Waffle Chateau. Colorado Beekeeper. Fruitcake. Anatha. Zandria. Jennifer Calkins. Guacamoleo. Midday Burger. Don Parks. ThroatGoat666. Princess Leia. Prime Freak. They Call Me Pie Guy. Imperial Grand Poobah of the Burgerverse. Droid Pirate Finley and His Rubenesque Parrot.

1:51:37Droid Pirate Finley and His Rubenesque Parrot. Stuck in a Pit of Skittles. Drunken Coyote. Deflater Mouse. Tony Piekarski. Adrian R. The Devil from Table 12. Javier. Kimberderp. Crazy Thadley. The Harbinger Pulsar. Cremulus is just happy to be here. The Twisted Twigster. The Rural Juror is a massive fan. Faye Queen. Oopshnart the Probability Demolition Expert. Showtime. C.R. Iptid. For My Mother. Homer, are we doing crimes? CCTXgirl6823 waiting on the diner. Nicole Studioso. Sign my shovel. K.TheFlyingPenguin says honk honk to all the geese out there. Truck Stop Sandwich, Indigo Escargot, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Castriff, Aims Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, Night Script, The Gainesville Fear Garden, Happy Birthday Lana Banana, Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals, Fueling the Intergalactic Fight Against Fascism, Not Sure What I'm Doing, Leia Rose, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Skullacy, Warped Rider, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamso, Turwin, Hugh the Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Glenis Thompson, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Good Grief People, I Need to Breathe, The One True Cheap Con, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck.

1:52:52Oh, my mama. Doozor sees your all-anus Morissette and wants to raise you a Florida State Seminole Vesicles. The Other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Cone of Silence Consultants, LLC, needs fresh towels in room three at the horizon. Silly Willy Bubble Butt, Sierra Not From Arkansas, Zico, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Flu Fluff Lost in Time, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mount Up, Mad Yogi Eileen, Mr. Meepod, A Cat Named M, Potito Pato, Palace, Ethan Cobb, Big Mo, I Am Annie, I Live Forever, In Every Moment I've Existed, I Swear To Every Star In The Cosmos, I Never Forgot It Was A Gift, The Stone Fox, Trisha Schaefer, Solivia, Jusatin, Papitos, Boom Hauer, you can call me Boom.

1:53:38I'm an onomatopoeia. Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, prove to me that orange cats aren't gods. I'm a Ritwards. Hotshot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Hold My Yarg, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Transdimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvie, Printing with Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Dixie Dinah, River Waters, Copper Coin the Dumpster Wizard, 7 ,000 Possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Re-Vibe, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbiest Painter and Her Bird of Fire, Wandering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Q-Del, Pharrell, Emily with Two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey's Niblick III, Kerplunk Kerplunk, Whoops Where's My Thribble, Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Yayoi Gagarin, Issa the Strega, Dee Greitzler, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy Doing Crimes, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Steelo, Arcadia, Bumbling Lily Bee, Buffy's Daughter, A Quick Pause So Joe Can Sip From His Tiny Tea Cup.

1:54:49You know, I switched to coffee years ago. Bufar D's Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lelig, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stoles, Dalen Y, Shadow Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Llama, Arcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and All the Black People in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava's Cigarette Ash, Boysenberry, aka The Boys, A-Zus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtax, The Shape-Shifting Sad Girl, and Her Girlfriend Say, Joe, You've Done It Again. Sarah Nicole, The Kells, Cat Alina, Angry Leafs Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, The Space Cowbie, no, The Space Weather Banjo, no, The Spweather Banjo, Skeksis, Randy's Amigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid, and the delinquent duo, Norman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Dangers, Security Chief Schatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Naya Nix Reno, Frankentenor, Nortlebash, Jordan, Arwen X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hefeweizen, Monica and Mason K, Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars, Pistachio Inc., Arianne Can't Manage Normal, Ryan Burnett, The Joyful Nihilist, The Timid Ghost 23, Dr.

1:56:12Dr. B, Zoprez and the Bumble Army, Growing into my farm boots. Super Beth becomes an RN alongside my bootstup farm friend. Geneva Boss, Brothers of the Cosign, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen, Evelyn. Great Lunch Conversation. The Other Scott, Letty Lou. He was a shifty one, that Nick Howard. Kinger was here. Hababa Ray Winland Jr. Be-bop, be-dabba-doo-wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTerps. Robert Otardis, He's Bigger on the Inside. Jeremiah Franco, Justin, The Nick of Time. Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It says, Happy Birthday Micah, Cody Baclure, McHadley, Eternal Companion, Jingolos, Hazmatilda, Ditsy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am A Lafe On The Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M.

1:56:58Dobson, Dave B., Sean C., How Did I Get Here, Oh God, Is That The Soup, Going To Be Lit, I Am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L., Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Frank in a Field, Fuzzle McMumpernitz, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Sennett is teleporting, BRB. Where the Shane's at? Definitely not an android. Seriously, I'm not. The Wandering Welshman, Whatever Tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nikolai Tolkachev, Capo the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shy Sparrows, BLTN, The Kiwi Duckling, Dad and Aubrey, The Dirt Bike Demons, Tequila Mockingbird, Snuffleupagoose, Dameron the Space Goblin, I So Pale, Oh No! A B. I am Lord Zoltan.

1:57:39Hear me roar. Pocket Ghost Max. Nate the Milkman. Mags the Conqueror. Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is Beef. Eric. Katie Kate. Get your colonoscopy. Victor Casados. Emily Schmemely. Work for Melvis. Boho go bye bye for Jojo Pogo. That's a no go bro. Cody Monster. Collided Mind. Miss Nixie. Charlie Rudel. Kyle Perino. Okay Ladies Wear. Sid the Sloth on a Bike. Priya Gandhi. Wandering Mermaid. understands the assignment. Lil Stevie Pie. Too Polar Cat is Leif now, motherfuckers! Carl, the Teller of Dad Jokes. Skylab's Multidimensional Multiphasic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse.

1:58:17Verde Soul. Galen Miller. Tess. Geriatric Youngun. Mystic Hippie. Unforkable. Daniel Nitz. Mavis Bacon's Pyro's Calling. Josuasion. Banjo Cat. Too many Jans! Cat Shot. Pamela Roselle Chiera. Then Steena Says. Thud Tweed. Nicole DG. Countess of Carbon. Slappy the Squirrels, Ted Slapping Rampage, Luminous Elk, Rodian Caution, Love is for the Nerds, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the Surviving Crew, Casper Needs a Hug, Joe is the Writer's Room, Awkward Heretic, Devin7777, Troy Aker, Mandy Kane, Northerly K, Lost Bassan, Kim Sell, Silly Goose, Honk Honk, Ad Matha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saberwolf, The Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Taters, Precious, Teddy of the Wasteland, It's Just Steve, Sweets Martinez, Charnoble610, Mere Tender Creatures, Amanda Short, Chut Brimble, Deidre, Mike Whiskey and Your Friend Frosty, Nosaguaro, Benbar, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wassonason, Virestria, Theosis the Theologianish, Spoonples, Nicole I Love You But I Will Name Kid 2, Brathar, Fernwood Gal, Nellie G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Hornswaglin Daniel Arthur, Mike LeCluzy, It's a It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, Abigail LeHue, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welsh, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Alexica Habanera, Code Stranger, One Batty Bat, ha ha ha ha ha ha, Matt N, Julia Kringlin, Monad Nick, Frelp, M.

1:59:51Lin, Feed My Fish, J.R.R. on SFP, Lahari, Ted's Loves Catherine, Jay Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mirror Leopard Paws, Diet Night, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Maisie's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts McGortz, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B. Hold it now. Hit it. Had it. Head it. Hot it. Hud it. Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okio, William Dyer, Vicky Hebert, Brad Meneer, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Kill Shot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bow, Turtles All the Way Down, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Crazed Bear, I Saw Dr.

2:00:30Lattice Trash Angel Outback, Scrumping for Apples, Crafty Lizard Quilts, Noble Barrel, Yes My Brain Is Weird, Thank You, Corey Morose, Russell Bunny, Max Savage, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Araneta, Bacon, Nicole Studioso, Rambo, Chaos Squatcher, That Homeless Guy Who Saw the Diner Disappear from Rogers and Gave Up Booze, Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Belladonna, First of Her Name, Criddle, Twillo, Heidelberti, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Dough Mage, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest Garen Elizondo, Terrified Toddler, Sir Shitsalot Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka 2005, Cruisin' B.

2:01:16Anthony, Trick wants treats, Stephen Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Alley Frog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmittens, Courtney the Frogologist, The Fonducky Wrangler, Scrim Brulee, Yay, Aaron, The Singing Loon, Zuzanna, Celeste Yos, I'm so Antigone fun, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, Sarah Murphy, The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath The Defenestration of Ted's Corrine Sabrantha Shadow Daddy Rubius Fuzzlebutt K-Mac The Something Something Detective Agency Hayabuda Eli the Electrician Sunny D. Anomaly Charmé The Wondrous Methazaphon Post Turtle Evaluation Squad Hashtag Nissan Acura Finnegan Robert Samira Flat Doug Trinket Coralie Deary Darling Ambient Drifting Man 80 Chris Hancock Nicole 23 Gracefully Impaired Tired Pirate Muffin Steve King Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, In Shuligan, Cryptessia, Rebecca Trossel, Chris from Tacoma, Mitzi Liu, Kelsey Home, Amanda Marie Catherine, Damian the Goddamn Time Lawyer, All My Homies Hate Croc the Propagator, Matt Mosby, Saint Foo, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astronoweeb, Magno's The Civil Gnome, Heidelon Misses the Warranty Ladies Calls, It's Not the Same Without Her, Starlight, David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaslaf, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q.

2:02:43Choi, A Bug Named Nat, C.C. Ryder, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, All Cockinator, Ron Was Here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Dan Bowman, Jess Gioia, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd, Dandy Bay, Dr. Punt Gusher Esquire Constantly Gets Meow'd At, Creator 67, Bajolanth, Leif's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark 11, Courtney Depona, Maggie's Yarm, Stu, Anthanomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and L.A., Anomalous Death to PSL, Vandal, The Ice Queen, Captain Blepp, Evie Power, Your Favorite Kenny, Terry, PJ Says What, Danielle L., Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, The Jazz Man, Tonight at 11.

2:03:32Okay, seriously, the list is so long now that my voice can't do the doom anymore. Let me try it. Doom. Lorac the Barbarianess Zealous Pragma Tuba Rick It's Just Blake Alice Malice asks How many chains could 2 Chainz chain If 2 Chainz could chain chains? Sir Cat Dad Kelly Jane Dankey Aaron the Optimist Thomas Stolen A.K.A. Casper from Another Universe Chadney Ashra Lucrezia Thornis Tamara Oliver The Real Dirt Fairy Marissa Ava No, not that Ava The one within

2:04:31Grimm says, Lisa Geisler, Le Redoutable Pirate Fred Fredburger, What the Chuck, Sono Nasuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Voorhis, Naya DeRusso, Peejee Zatoichi, Inky the Kraken, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar, Jen Extranius, Dalek Steve, Dancing Dog Dreams, and Existentially Exhausted Bean. Can we do more? Write more Judy. I like Judy. Dead Space when other people are talking. Who cares about those fools? It's just Labuza all the time. This is the Labuza show. This is the Labuza show, people. Come on. Do you want me to read Peter? Sure. Could you read Peter? Of course.

2:05:21Affirmative. All right. You know what I do have here in my home with me? A recorder. A recorder.

2:05:31So if you want me to badly play hot cross buns, I got you. I got you. It feels warm. Real quick, Rebecca, Inspector Gadget, is that something that exists in the United Kingdom? Yeah. Okay, great. You're all good. And then for Joe, I'm going to say that Shelly's upstairs neighbors are potentially dismembering a dead body. Potentially. Probably just hanging pictures, though. you're so fucking good dude thank you I owe so much money in student loans trying to get as good as you are hey thank you so much seriously not a great relationship with your mom it's sis it's what sis sis I wrote it down and everything sis-a-fean there we go Bow chicka bow bow.

2:06:29Fade to black. Ready? Let's get weird with it. All right. Anyway, Joseph, we may be starting and stopping for neighbor noise because they don't appreciate art. Fiona walks into the dining area to see Judy. Honey, can you read Judy? Yes. I'm not going to try the accent in front of Rebecca. That's fine. Do it. Hang on. There's a plane again.

2:07:00I'm going to go into the most awkward moment and just fly right over your house. Probably, my love. Call me my love again. Whatever, not that I care. I don't even care.

2:07:16I suppose the chances, the chances? Oh, I went posh. Right, hang on. Rewind. Where did that come from? The chances. The chances are all right, actually. You've heard our bloopers. We stumble all over the place. The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Welcome to Magenta Presents, a new horror anthology hosted by me, Madam Magenta. We begin with the five-part miniseries Ghosted, starring Beth Eyre and Lucy Roslin. Perched on a rain-battered cliff edge is a former lighthouse. It's a charming, quirky boutique hotel. Owner and soul-occupant Beth has spent months renovating, absorbing its essence into her bones.

2:08:04It's an old building. You'll get used to it. But to Beth's horror, her first guest is a figure from a past she has tried to forget. Kira? Beth? What the fuck? Face to face for the first time in years, a pair must reckon with old mistakes, old grievances. Beth, speak to me. Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up. And something else. Oh, I can't bear it. What is that noise? Because the lighthouse has a past too. Beth, he's right there. Why is there blood on your hands? We need to get out of here. Kira! Kira! I can still see him!

2:08:43Subscribe to Magenta Presents wherever you listen to podcasts. See you soon, fans of the esoteric. Bye! Bye! Legend Presents