Chapter 48: The Scientist

31:57And so the scientists set forth with Tycho Brahe toward the castle of the king, carrying with them a secret weapon. The Tychonic system, a new way of imagining the universe. With this system, Tycho Brahe would destroy the old ways and make his island the center of the scientific world. And he would do so with the scientist at his side. The scientists got a strange pleasure from this journey. In so many lands she had visited, scientists were scorned, ignored, persecuted. But in this land, they were given islands, castles, wealth, respect. It was so intoxicating that the scientist was able to ignore one very important fact.

32:58That the Tychonic system, Tycho's great weapon that would bring down the heavens, was completely wrong. When the king enters, remember to keep your head bowed until he sits upon the throne. How am I going to know when he sits on the throne if my head is bowed? I do not know. How do you do it? I will not be allowed in the court of the king. What? Why? She is not my wife. What? Have we not discussed this? No. I am a commoner and my husband is a nobleman. Danish law will not allow us to marry. Seriously? We are allowed to live together and to have children, but the crown will not recognize us as married.

33:48You guys have two kids already. And we will have more, God willing. God willing. So, this whole time, you two have been holed up at Uraniborg living hillbilly style? What is hillbilly style? What do you expect me to do? Go and find some noble woman whose skin is like chalk and who speaks only of topiaries. This is the woman I want. I do not have time to change Denmark, only the world. Hey, you're not going to catch me defending marriage. I mean, honestly, it's kind of hot, right? Look at you two. My parents are quite upset about us. They insist that he has hypnotized me with his power over the stars.

34:31Hasn't he, though? Perhaps a small amount. It's the brass nose that does it, right? Gives him that bad boy look? And what of you? You have arrived this time without your companion. Right. About that. Russian guy? Yes. We had assumed he was from Russia because of his name. His name? Kasper is not a Russian name.

35:00Kasper? Really? It is not? Uh, sure. He's Russian. Do you not travel with him any longer? Well, he's very busy with business. Russian business. He's the inventor of vodka. Really? Yes. Don't tell the Polish. I hope he will return with you for next time. He seems to make you very happy. I... I know.

35:39Lord Tycho Brahe, Royal Astronomer of the Kingdom of Denmark. Hey, we've got an audience. Yes, from time to time the king will make a spectacle out of these presentations. I despise it. Come on, it'll be fun.

36:01Announcing Father Christophe Clavius of the Society of Jesus Professor of Mathematics at the Collegio Romano What the fuck is this? That doesn't look like the king It is not

36:22Christophe Tickle Perhaps there is some confusion. My audience was meant to be with the king. And the king offers his apologies. In his wisdom, he has brought me from the Collegio so that I may review your findings before representing them to his highness. Review? Review my findings? Of course you understand. You have come a long way to simply review my findings, Christoph. No distance is too far to travel for the sake of our sacred art, wouldn't you say? I eagerly await the unveiling of your series, Tycho. I am sure the king will be equally impressed as I am, should they be presented to him. Why would they not be presented to him?

37:15Tycho, I'm sure you understand. I am only here to ensure that the king's time is not wasted. That his time is not wasted? You dare to insinuate that I would waste the king's time? I insinuate nothing. I am here at the pleasure of your king. I will not be treated like one of your students, Christoph. Are we not all students in the eyes of our lord? Do not give me your fucking... Hey, hey, hey, hey, ho. Just one second, okay? Excuse me, science priest. Just a minute. This is offensive. How dare the king ask me to address this Jesuit fop? First of all, is that actually Christoph Clavius? No, they have sent an artificial Christoph Clavius to Copenhagen.

38:09What the fuck do you mean? Like the Christoph Klavius? The Gregorian calendar guy? Why are you talking about calendars? Never mind. He wants my theories to be approved. Approved! Wait, wait, wait. This is great, actually. This is not great! No, check it out. That's Christoph Klavius. He is going to be the official mathematician to the Pope one day. The king is obviously scared that your new system is going to make him look like a fool. So he's brought in Christoph Clavius to run interference. Clavius is the poster child for the Ptolemaic system. If you can beat him in this debate that's about to happen, with everyone watching, all those courtly lads and ladies up there are going to start gossiping that Tico just destroyed the Ptolemaic system.

39:03You'll be the talk of Europe in like a week. We're skipping to the final boss right now I do not understand Half the things you say most of the time But This I understand Okay Bring Kirsten into the room Oh yeah? Yes You brass nosed little sweetie Yep M 'lady? Bring Kirsten in They're not going to like that, m 'lady Hey Less talky More dewy All right I'm going to roll out the big guns. Very well. Is there a problem, Tycho? One moment. I object to this treatment, but there are more important things than my objections. I appreciate your understanding. I present to you a new model of the heavens.

39:56Ta-da! Who is this woman? She is my sister. I'm his sister. From very far away. Sophia. Sophia is my name that I was born with. Very well. Please explain this new model.

40:25We sit now torn between two worlds. We have the old way, the Ptolemaic system. The heavens are encased in crystalline spheres, within which they rotate. And then there is the new way of Copernicus, which holds the sun at the center. A seductive theory from Copernicus, but one that does not hold up under scrutiny, due to our inability to observe any stellar parallax. I present, as a bridge between the two, the Tichonic system. The Earth remains stationary at the center of the universe with the sun and moon orbiting around it. But all the other planets, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter and Saturn, orbit around the sun as it makes its yearly circuit of the Earth.

41:24This preserves the views of Copernicus while correcting for its obvious deficiencies. Above our heads now is the great comet. As you will see in our observations, the comet is not in the clouds above our heads, but it is in fact traveling through the stars, traveling through these celestial spheres. You insist encase the earth. Surely, if these spheres existed, this great visitor above our heads would destroy them and the universe entirely Yet, here I stand For eons we have clung to the fairy tale of Ptolemy Terrified of an open sky No longer The skies are open The heavens ours to explore Hey, Ava, what am I doing here?

42:20It's pretty adorable. Tico wanted to show off for his wife. Also, side note, I'm Tico's sister. My name is Sophia. What? Our daughter's name is Sophia. And it means so much to me that you named your daughter after me. Truly. I must confess, this troubles me deeply. You preserve the Earth's rightful place at the center, yet you surrender the ancient architecture of the spheres. How can the planets orbit the sun whilst the sun itself circles our Earth? Do you not see the philosophical absurdity? Absurdity? Yep! My lord? Turn the model. Yes, my lord.

43:15Witness the elegance of rotation in my model. Your model would have Mars passing closer to the sun than the earth itself, somehow passing through your precious spheres. You can see that with my new model, I have solved this problem. Your observations are indeed admirable, but they offend philosophy. You forget what Aristotle has taught us. Each heavenly body requires its own sphere. The sun has its sphere. Mars another. Venus yet another. Each in perfect circular motion. Your system tangles these spheres impossibly.

44:01Aristotle was wrong. Listen to them. Listen to how they are terrified. How much of our world is from us? Here, now, and how much is from a time before? The past makes slaves of us all. These are not spheres that encase us, they are chains. We must break them, despite our fear of freedom. Fluid heavens! I see the movements on your planets, Chico, but I also see your movements. You claim that Copernicus is wrong, as you should, for the Copernican model is heresy. Yet what you have brought us today is half heresy. It is a half step onto hell, making it all the more easier to shove us in completely.

44:54Scripture places Earth at the center, and my observation confirms it. But the planet's retrograde motions, their varying brightness, the phases of Venus I have observed, All these demand that they circle the sun. My system places us not hand in hand with Satan, but with God. It is the marriage of scripture and science, and it should be celebrated as such. The current system works with only a slight adjustment of the calculations. You do not mean adjustment. You mean distort. You claim your system is sacred, yet you must twist and bend it to make it fit within the world of observable science. How does God feel about such things, do you think?

45:45My system is elegant and simple. It requires none of your machinations. Simplicity is not truth. The ways of God are often complex and mysterious. And do you worship God or Ptolemy? Show me where in scripture it reads, God then made Ptolemy, and he made him in the light of perfection. Ptolemy was a man as you and I are, and men are flawed. I tell you, I have looked into the eye of God, and he has shown me this perfection. Who now goes against the word of God? Now we're talking. Yep. Go make me some popcorn. Make what? Thanks for supporting the Fable and Folly Network. Here's another show we know you'll love.

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48:51That's our court now. We own that place. They all looked at me as if I were a sheep running around, but I did not care. It was thrilling. You were amazing up there, Tigo. If Germans were capable of showing emotion, Clavius would totally have been crying. I was so proud of you, husband. You showed such bravery. They will be coming for me now. What do you mean? I have delivered a great injury to the Ptolemaic system. Every scientist and scholar in Europe has been made a fool of. They will try and discredit me in any way they can. They will crawl all over my equations like ants on honey. Your equations are rock solid.

49:41You've got nothing to worry about. I must strive for more accuracy. Nobody has more accurate measurements than you. It's your whole thing. They will try to destroy me. I have never been more in danger than I am now. Husband. Tico, you're being paranoid. You do not know them as I know them. We are in danger.

50:05Jesus Christ, this fucking 16th century footwear.

50:19Kitty, kitty, kitty. Nothing? Oh, there you are. Good evening, Carl. How's the mouse murder going?

50:34I know what you're thinking, Carl. You're thinking, Ava, shouldn't you be trying to figure out a way to get back to the diner right now? Why are you wasting time with this Danish nonsense? Well, the thing is, Carl, I am an ideas person. Not really a the-other-thing person. Besides, it's fucking late-Renaissance Denmark. What am I going to do? Make a particle collider out of horsehair? Besides, I'm not a maker of things I am a thinker of things I think things, and it makes people make things It's a very powerful feeling, Carl No, you're making excuses Okay, Carl, I cannot stand this painting of Tico's grandmother anymore It's 100 % a nightmare factory.

51:35They're not going to mind if I take it down and make it face the wall, right? Right. Let's go, Auntie Cryptid. You're killing the vibe in here.

51:51Hello? Hello? What is this? Carl, are you hiding contraband behind the paintings again? this doesn't belong in 16th century Denmark at all hello gorgeous so I thought to myself where in the world could I hide this thing where only I would find it and then I realized the hideous portrait of grandma brahe what the fuck Ava so what you are holding in your hand right now? Well, Leaf made it, so of course it's a few things. I can record little messages on it, the little screen there will give you a comprehensive map of the night sky, and also it's a signal focuser. Still got your space pager? Shit.

52:46Attach the pager to this device and it'll amplify the signal and focus it so it can be aimed at a particular location.

52:59Okay, then what? How the fuck do I button this thing? You're doing fine. Goddammit, every time we come here, I look like a fucking Danish horse jump. That's not a thing that people look like. What are you doing? I'm leaving a message for myself. Oh. You really think that's going to work? Of course it's going to work. I thought of it. Yeah, yeah, okay. Why can't some of these parties be business casual, is all I'm saying. Don't be stupid. You know you love the moose. I do love the moose I know It's majestic Okay, hurry up, we're already late Figure out your buttons So, anyway, attach your pager to this thing Aim the signal with Tico's quadrant If you aim it at the sun, the signal will get amplified by several factors Then, you just wait Simple enough And Casper's out of earshot now, so we can have some real talk I already know where your brain is going right now because your brain is my brain.

54:00I don't know why we're like this either, sweetie. I just don't know. You're holding the key to go home right now, and yet your brain went to a totally different place, didn't it? Yes, in case you're wondering, you can aim the signal anywhere you want to aim it. Or, not at all. And here's some reassurance. Just between us girls? Yes, he'll forgive you. In some kingdoms, the scientist had another name. She was called the Disappearacist. As the legend goes, she would, without warning, suddenly vanish, never to be heard from again. She found it to be a fitting name. Not because she truly had the power to vanish into thin air.

55:00But because in all her travels across so many lands, she had often wondered, Was I ever really there?

55:13What do you think, Carl? Home? You probably love that I'm here You probably think I should bury this thing in the ground Bury it in the ground Shit Ava, I need a little more time, okay? Carl, I'll be right back

55:49Tico!

55:58Tico! Evening, Moose.

56:07Ava, it is very late. What is it? I figured it out. Tico! Ava, I am currently conducting a very thorough search for my third child beneath the bedsheets of my husband. Oh, sorry. Right. Okay, here. Tell him this. This will get him in the mood. I figured out how to get more accurate readings. We're going to bury it in the ground. Bury what in the ground? The whole fucking observatory.

56:55Mom? Yep. Where have you been? You have left me alone in the street. Oh, don't trouble yourself, ma 'am. You blend in perfectly with the common folk. Especially all the way over here in Amsterdam. No one knows who you are. I told the boatsman your name was Mavis Bacons. I could have been abducted. Oh, a thousand apologies, Mavis. We're not often in the Low Countries, so I thought I'd do some quick shopping. Um, where is Lady Maddox? She is still in the potbell. All this time? She is negotiating with the builders. Why did we have to come all the way to Amsterdam to simply hire builders? Remember, we're trying to be more stealthy these days, as the Lord of the House feels as though we're being watched.

57:42Also, if you want something built well, always ask the Dutch. This whole country was constructed out of a swamp.

57:55Mulder Khan Praten. Oh, go shove your thumb in a dyke. Hey, guys. Why were you screaming at those men? I was negotiating. They're going to do it. They just needed a little smacking around. They sounded very angry. What if they follow us? They agreed to do it. They just like yelling. Besides, I told them my name was Raven Stromdans. What name did you pick? She's a Mavis Bacons, my lady. They are going to build this observatory in the ground, even though no one has done this before. Yes, Mavis. They like the challenge. Very well. Can we please go home now? I believe people are looking at us strangely.

58:39Well, with a name like Mavis, what did you expect? Ava. We need to hit a bakery first. Have you ever had speculars? Come on. How have you learned to speak Dutch? Oh, there was this guy, Brian Pasley. We used the same shorthand, so he would always be taking a little looky-loo at my notes. I hate that. And since murder is illegal, I had to come up with another solution. I discovered this shorthand called Grote. It was really obscure, so I figured it was the best way to protect my work. But it's Dutch shorthand, so before I learned the shorthand, I had to learn Dutch. I don't understand you. Exactly my point.

59:24Ava, can we stop, please? I thought you wanted to go. May I speak with you? What's up? You have been acting strangely. I always act strangely. Ever since we have returned from the king's castle, you are... Is something wrong? Nothing's wrong. I'm just excited. Ava. Yep. Head down to the docks and get our boat ready, would you? Oh, would you get me some strobe waffles? Sure. Very well.

1:00:00What is wrong?

1:00:05I have a decision to make. What decision? Going one way or the other. Can you tell me more than just that? No, not really. It's hard to explain. So, rather than make your decision, you have stayed with us in Denmark? I... I like it here. I also enjoy it when you are here. I understand Tico much better when you are here. I wish for you to stay, but I do not think that you would be happy if you stayed. People like me, and like your husband, we get obsessed with things. And then there's also people that come into your life, and they... It's hard sometimes. To have obsessions and people in your life.

1:01:19And this is the decision you must make? Yes. My husband does obsess. But he also has me. I don't know how to do that.

1:01:43It's been a long time since I've had a girlfriend. There's a version of me out there somewhere who would be happy here. I hope she shows up one day. Ask do I. But first, we're going to get these Dutch motherfuckers to dig a big hole in the ground.

1:02:10for weeks the scientists watched as the men dug into the earth to construct the subterranean observatory to an outsider the idea might seem foolish why dig a hole to look at the stars but beneath the earth viewing the stars through a portal would keep the wind from mulling the instruments and block out the light from the nearby city, going deeper to look farther. As she watched the workers from her balcony, the scientist could see something on the horizon. Not a planet, not a star, but a decision. Come in. Hello. Hi. I am pregnant again. Gross. It is a boy this time. I can feel it. That sounds like science.

1:03:15If it is a boy, what should I name him? A poofy thing. Ava. Another monster? Ava. Patrick Stevens. Patrick? What? You shouldn't ask me these things. I know this now. Say congratulations for having a baby. Congratulations for having a baby. The workers are almost done. They should finish up today. Are you certain that this will protect Tico from criticism? Numbers always win in the end. He needs more numbers and better numbers. That hole in the ground will do the trick. And then, when it is done, you will have to make a decision. Yes. I seem to speak more to you than you to me. Do you wish to speak to me about your mysterious decision?

1:04:23Or do you wish to be mysterious? I wish to be mysterious

1:04:35Ava, I do not know where you travel when you leave us I make up stories in my mind Many heroic stories of Ava in the world When you go and travel to your next adventure Will you always remember that there is a woman surrounded by children on the island of Fien And that she is your friend Yes Perhaps if my baby is a girl, I will name her Ava It's going to be a boy But thank you anyway

1:05:36Good evening, Your Majesty.

1:05:47Out for late-night observations. Hi. The builders have finished their work, but they have said to wait a week for the stones to settle. I promise to tiptoe. We run from, we run to. Which is it for you, then, always coming and going from Uraniborg? When it's time for me to go, it's time for me to go. Of course. You have been here for only weeks and you have transformed my research. Just think what you could accomplish if you stayed. I don't think Denmark is the place for me. Not here. Not to Raniborg. Not Denmark. Not Europe. Anywhere. Just think what may happen one day when the Lady Maddox finally decides to plant her feet upon the ground.

1:06:56That's not where my feet belong. What is it that scares you? Nothing scares me. There is one thing. It is this. To stay. Why?

1:07:14You want to know why? Please.

1:07:21Your Tychonic system. What does my model of the universe have to do with this? It's wrong. You have seen my calculations. You've seen your calculations. You've put Earth at the center of the universe. That is correct.

1:07:44Copernicus is right. You know Copernicus is right. It's the sun. Not the Earth. Hmm.

1:07:56Then why put the Earth at the center of the universe? Why tell the world how the universe works when you don't believe it? I believe much of it. That's not good enough. It was a compromise between the old system and the new. Why? Why compromise? You could have been the greatest astronomer in Europe. I am the greatest astronomer in Europe. I am also a nobleman who fell in love with the daughter of a blacksmith. My family must be protected from scorn, from ridicule. That, that right there, that's why I leave. That's why I don't plant my feet on the ground. Ah, you are afraid of the choices you would make should you care for another.

1:08:48This is why you leave. This is why you have arrived here without your Russian friend. Ah, you care nothing for your life. Only for the secrets of the cosmos. Yes. There are worlds to be known other than the ones above your head. Not for me.

1:09:16then goodbye I wish you well goodbye Tico into the night the scientist surveyed the sky for one last time making notations for Tico's flawed vision of the universe she hated to do it but it was her parting gift It was time for her to move on. Time to make a choice. The cosmos was not the only thing she calculated that night. On one side, safety. Home. On the other side, the beyond. She was frustrated at how difficult the choice had become. God damn it, fucking ink. Invent the pencil, Europe. There. There you go, Tico. There are a bunch of measurements for your deeply flawed model. Shove it up your Danish butt.

1:10:33Well, look who decided to join the party. Hello, Carl. Has the construction disturbed the mice?

1:10:45Carl, if you've come to stop me, I'm afraid you'll need more than some claws and all that hair. I'm afraid my mind's made up. You may want to stand back.

1:11:02There we go. Just past Leo.

1:11:25Now, what would be funny is if Lee fucked this thing up and it doesn't work at all.

1:11:38Carl, I'd ask you why I'm like this, but you probably don't know either. As she waited, the scientist thought of a man. Somewhere in Europe, right at that moment, there was a man walking along the road, wandering from town to town, telling his story. That man was named Giordano Bruno. Bruno had many ideas that were outside of his own time. That the universe was infinite. That it was filled with billions of worlds just like our own. And that on those worlds there may be creatures no different, or very different, from us. Bruno was obsessed with his vision of the universe. and saw it as his destiny to walk the land and tell anyone who would listen about the vastness of the cosmos and the great continuum we were all a part of.

1:12:44At night, Bruno would close his eyes and envision his universe, his feet leaving the earth, rising up from his earthly prison, enjoining the synchronicity of all things. He was able to do this, even when his ideas were condemned as heresy, and the final years of his life were spent in a heretic's prison. Bruno had no family to speak of, no loved ones, only his vision. He was unencumbered. He had no one to consider when he rose at night to join the ebb and flow of the starways. the scientist had always seen herself as the same unencumbered free but of late she had begun to feel something something pulling her back to the earth keeping her from rising into her vision of the universe something keeping her from the secrets she sought What is holding on to me?

1:13:58She thought. What is this hand that grasps me, holds me to the earth, keeps me from the mysteries I long for? And then, to her surprise, the scientist looked back to see there was no force that held her. That the hand that grasped her and tethered her to the earth was her own. The scientist clung to something beloved, something unnamed. It was the last thing keeping her from the great revelations. He is going to be so mad at me, Carl.

1:15:05You rang, Doctor? The scientists let go.

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1:18:39Boy Got Them Honka Honkers is silent. The Bean Wizard! Anazi, Lord of Stories, William Lemoyne, Hobbs Deco, Jared Patton, the Fae Wanderer, Brendan Shoneman, Ash Morningstar, and her companion Laika the Space Dog. Release the Bethany Files. Ladies, for your pleasure. Chuck Naked. The Game. Lord Axton shares the realm with Lady Sparkle. Hop loves a thugbot named Francis. Pam the Infinite. And Thou. Revolutionary Inclined Ocelot. Matt Howler. Andrew Bear. Maria's Deja, Mecha Deathclaw's Fox Princess, Congregation of Alligators Wearing Groucho Glasses, Irma the Llama, 27 Keep It Tight, Chip, Gloria's Right Hand Jack-in-the-Box Man, Jordin, Grim Knight, Pike Daniels the Whale, Caldrak, and Sothely's Bethany Maximus, Lord of Kingwood, Texas, Ragnar Jensen, Addison Weirdo Wagner, Shoe of the Druid is Composting the Rich for a Salad Bar, Araman 0305, Leif is my Role Model, Jim Weathers, Titus Kosloff, Echoes of Acheron, I'm a Kung Fu Panda on the Wind, CB Radio, the Intergalactic House of Cats Demand a Free Palestine, Electromancer, Chekhov's Space Cannon, Cory Senses, Surf and Turf Telecoms, I'm a Djinn, Red and Dusty with his Garden Goddess, Kobe's Dingleberry, Mystic Monster for Chaos, Ziggy Dreadful, Johnny Texas, G-Wing, Frank One, Figgy Aloysius and the Ooni Moonies featuring Milo Kabakaiju.

1:20:06I'm just here to refill the Parmesan cheese. It is Sparks. Damn Scrub. Lost Girl Lou. Christopher Byrum. Middle American Penguin. Shanna Welch. Crocheted Cosmos. Andy the Celestial Penguin. Massino's Lips. Leif's Bathrobe. Misty Lovebug. Bo Nunley. Ariana Castillo. Lisa McElhaney. The Rat Sorcerer. Lisa Medinger. Marco. Lethargic God. Friend. As in your best. Lime Ghost. M. Jared Armstrong, Jay the Irascible, the great and powerful Spatilda, the Magic Committee, Honor Aubert, Ian Full, a river otter and their gender-neutral partner, 345 uneducated swine learning to swing dance, one intergalactic year with BigPotato99, aka the Rat Lady, aka Bumblebee, aka AK-47, Kai, just a little guy, Inder Wright, Mark Nazawaritz, Xenia the Capturer of Light, Duncan Albert, Theoretical Chemist, Xavier Dasher, Chris Loves to Read, Katie Michalik, Greg Andrews Lyons, JustMatt85, Patrick G, ThatGirlGracy, Magnus Von Kaffenheim, Ballbags the Pirate Plunderer of Necropants Gold, Longtime Lurker, Scooter, The Unlucky Son, Jennifer Myers, Lady Lazarus, Tom, Donnie Darko, a.k.a.

1:21:23Darko the Destroyer, Tom Shin, Caitlin and CT's Neverending Podcast Adventures, Whisper Dan Alexis Walker Kio the Panda Puppy Forklift Operator Ruby Cherries Nick Faye Oladon and Julfrina Austin and Amy Triplett Jen Sims Pen Pen Ring to the Motas The Leathermans Lukewarm Fart Odd Commodity Jen Before Ander Ho Annabelle Tells Bethany's Last Muffin Bye Bethany Earth Witch Leah Prime Gregory Santoro Mothmull Not the Fucky Fried Chicken Robert Drapiza I Know That Joe Is Secretly Afraid of Rogue Laifs

1:22:12Oh my god, I forgot to change my name from Nicholas Beckler to something more cheeky and fun.

1:22:20Andy Slauson, Inconceivable Kai, Nick Waycaster, Gotham's still fucked up. Batman really ain't doing shit when you think about it. No Good Monk, Sarmad Sayed, Pugalicious Freshington III, Esquire, Three Pandas in a Trenchcoat Named Bethany, John Old Grimbus, Tasmanik Starting to Shift at Six, Matt Knight Bushager, Gavin Mori, Damn Eitri, Andromeda, Stephen the Choi, Shane Coffey, Gabriel, The Treasure Trove of Troublesome Trolls, You Call Her Bethany, I Call Her Headphony, Cookie Nebu, Axel Zapata, Siona the Goblin loves spoons and laser saws Jason, commander of the Bethany Hunters, McDonald Orianda, Bean Dino Philip Lenick, Hugh Jass, J2 Brian Montgomery, Artemis Record Safa Aluzzi, Trev Brax Gunner Tweedy, The Bard Without a Ballot or a Mallet Nazo, Platform Jail Mechanism Burn Museum Theorist Hold Please, Kay Kayow Empress Squishy Face of Greater Catopia Anna Garcia, Goblin King Rays of Noop, Ruby Booth Bubber Duckle Yegor Luce Terry Cadds The Bethany's Demand More Omega Station Leif Trax The Rise of Leif Chapter 1 Loaf Trax Retires Tarian Roundtree Catalyst for Chaos Sculliver Cat Lucido Sam and Shane Ahsoka Likes Hugs Caitlin Hess V Gorgon Lightfoot Ma Dukes U.S.

1:23:41Marshal Stacy Ooh, Chickadee Terran of the Guild of Free Cartographers Sweet Chaos 7 Dango Dale Esty Not the Website At every moment in every corner of every possible world, there is always a way home, and it's already found you. Joe Paolo Lemos, Odd Keeper, the sentient lighthouse watching for wayward Bethanies, the faceless old Bethany who secretly lives in your home. Dichane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosifer, Doggo of Doom. It's official, they're called Thigronis, Kevin Winans, Marlon C, Hit Me, Tube Sock, Madame Perry, Cherish Hellfire, Mistress of Time and Space, Lycan Lady, Cameron Agnaci West, Knox, Lisa Liu, Emmett Hale, The Triad's Baddest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Browncoats Love the Diner, House Chaos and the Critter Cacophony, Max and Nia and Ivonne's six?

1:24:30Seven? Nope, it's Mark. Minion Simone Mimi Davis, Mr. and Mrs. Roland and Misty Dawn Mitchell Jr., Gaia Turtle, Wayne Barahona, Jesse the Dragonrider, We Will Not Rest Until Puerto Rico and Palestine Are Free, Pluto Crow, Nissy's Mom PokeSplort Whiskey Rebellion and Gin Riot's Interdimensional Detective Agency Zephyr Vitriol Altreon Slim Nandy Goth Lafe Gin and Brit Adriana Bartolomucci Jonah is Gay The Midnight Ashes Hornetti Balian Fair The Night of Silver Flames Hood's Pocket Protector Unpaid Intern That Can Barely Afford The$10 a Month But Fuck It You Guys Earned It Valkyrie Storm Patricia Who's Always Late But Somehow On Time DC Squirrel Ryan, Honey Cooper, Kyle the Interstellar Highwayman, Shelly Act on the Verge, Gale Friend, Uncle Denzo and Aunt Buffy had the opportunity to try Miss Chris's sandwiches and can entest that they are fire.

1:25:26Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, Sparky Tech, Prop the Croc-A-Gator, Dakota L, Jazz Punker, Captain Tight Pants and the Companion, Kentucky Cried Frickin', Renee N, Bethany the Lone Star Edition, Katerina de la Playa, R.I.P. Eloise Waffles, The Floof Wrangler, Aki the Space Druid, there are only 143 MB fanfiction and one Bethany. Phantomland TTRPG Dice, K8 the Curiouser, Moxie, a blacksmith, Ash Montgomery, Lil Birch and her Bethany's horsing around, Jason HVAC Tech for the Diner's Deep Freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Error, Zephyr the Weffer Foxworth, Ted Ted and Teddy, Merryface, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl the Interdimensional Space and Tea Time Witch, Nicole Six Four, Amara Salazar, Banjo Bascalo, Full Beans, Glorious Forgotten Ford Festiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast and the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good-ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Fry Lord, Gravity's Optional But Fries Aren't, CJ's Big Barbecue Bistro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Tara, Stephen Raymer, J.

1:26:36Carp Fishman, The Great Goblino, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Joji the Birdwatcher, Nye, Lilac Marcella, Rachel Krempa, with special thanks to my best friend Lizzie and my husband Steve. Don't worry about the order, honey. Your Majesty, Temporal Hashbrown, Diane Brown, Dr. Flogg, Captain No Sleep, The Slim Reaper, Reuben Eden, Smedley P. Snodgrass III, but please call me Smeddy, The Shreveport Bohannans, CC the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury's Sasquatch Loads Chekhov's Gun, Din, Cosmic Ketchup, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Schmogest, and Hossfest, Ashley Davis, Moosey, Hood's Pocket Gear and Sprocket Local Repair Cafe, Postmaster General Kwan Sent Me, Mad Maddox, Blake Basmagian, Nitwit 14, Roiled Way Too Harshly, DJ Johnny B, Battle Pop and Bug Eye Boobs, not to be confused with the similarly named interplanetary criminals.

1:27:31Marco Montano, Part 1, Pretending to Have a Tomato Allergy, Shiny Fields, Adam Tachek, Christopher Wendell, Unproductive Banana, Pulsifer the Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, Brain Demons is an Anagram of Brandon is Me, Bex823, Antecrypted, Berry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin, In the Hot Seat, Mime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Oogway has ascended back to the spirit realm and welcomes anyone to join him in the search for inner peace. Dilly is dallying. Podcast junkie wants glorious tamale recipe. Futile screaming at the ocean. Fox Hatlin. Dylan Caroni. Pedro Vibresto. Penny Sparkles. Slider. Dimitri.

1:28:11Julian Rhodes. Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana. The new kitten's name is Leif, and this time he's not a girl. Physic the Good Bush, definitely not one of the bad bushes funding rebel Bethanies to overthrow the duly elected Bethanies. Dan Gentry, Ron Hayden, Fridge Pickle, Jacqueline Snyder. I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you. Donald Shingler, Justin Wiley, Daniel Stavvy, T.U. Luter, Ali Oopsie, not to be confused with Oopsie, to Daddy Jazz Hands from Mouse Toots, Rachel Vasquez, the beloved yet borderline inappropriate empire of Dr. Thunderbutt and Lady Christabel, Britt Littlefair, Michelle Myers, Glenn Morris, Lizard Lee, Rosemary Prem, Anthony Lakey, Thomas Adams, Brett Zimmerman, Lauren Benner, Stephanie Buch, Andrea Crowther, Luca Vecchito, Boots Guten Dave, Naya Venturi, Ryan Abbey, Michelle Hopper, Kevin Daughtry, Meredith Jester, Martin Deers, Entropy Eigenbases, Robert Savat, Matt B., Richard Ryan Mochelle, D.

1:29:07Flower, Kella T. Arena, Fall of the Berlin Wallaby, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Some Days You're the Beetle, Some Days You're the Dung, Josie Jones, V. Greenlee, Elijah Sharp, Scout Mistress and Her Phalanx of Intergalactic Eagle Scouts. Hexadecimal Bethany is non-binary. Vapis 10's Big Black Gaping Hole. Goobrius, you know, like Lugubrius but without the loo. Bruce. My Milkshake Brings All the Bethanies to the Diner. Jessica Gigoma. Cabernet Corsair. Torical. Jenny the Bear. Grr. Bellringer. Sardine Thorne. Treach. Josie Jones. Mr. Fibble is very cross. Haute Potato. Dr. Mojo postulates the end list endlessly splintering off as Bethany and Bert Bert's caboose until its end lists all the way down.

1:29:50Dave and Buster Server Manager Ready to Serve All the Bethany's of Monte Cristos. Blind Time Traveler Convention Date. LA Woman The Phoenix Rising. New Name God. No, not him. Jeff Andrew? Sure, Jeff Andrew. Miss Luan, a British woman with cute dogs. Cup of Noodles. Shmizzy Two Shoes. Luna Nova. Nicholas Griffith. Matt Grigsby. Justin Smolin. Riku31. Craig Dundee. The Name's Night with a K. Astral C. Ickle Me Pickle Me Tickle Me Too. Guy with the Chops. Sam. Mitchell Yee, Bagel Knife, Inmelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan K, Devin7777 has been my fave verbal stim for months, Nate, Forklift lifts forks for Cliff, Vince M, Brick Brick, Chip, Radio Free Relia, Violin Loves Midi, Brian Pasley, Subawassa, Grena, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Laser Saw of the Shreveport Laser Saws?

1:30:43Our overhead is way too high with all of these names, and please make sure to turn in all receipts.

1:31:13a feisty ass chickadee, poultry landmine, the scrappy poet, Jenny the cryptid paladin, maverick artist, shit, it was a mimic, Basil in their tea, waiting to gossip with David, Ainslie yay yay yay yay, Angnor, ATB, Kiwi lovely bead, Zoe, Dr. Professor Bethany Wethany Lethany Woofie McLovenberger, MD, PhD, Esquire, and that's not pretentious at all, ahem, is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began the war with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson Twote, Still Trapped, But I've Stopped Asking Why, The Freezer Is, I Am, We Chill, Son of Defarge, Wisco Teach, Scott A.

1:31:53Snellgrove, Give Peas a Chance, Samalama Ding Dong, Sarah, That's It, Just Sarah, Ricardo Galamba, Kari's Crafty Cloaking Devices, LLC, Hashtag We Weave 'em Off Gossamer,

1:32:20Is this thing recording? Mr. and Mrs. Drifter Representative of the Alaska Midnight Burger Tummy Time chapter Nathaniel Lee Industries Sir Dredmore Spiba is wondering if Bethany likes night breakfast Lord Entropy Bok Bok Motherfucker, Everybody's Favorite Clown Splotchy, Pinstrike Algorithm, Kosher Steak. Gabriel Strife would like to remind you that it's Gabriel, not Gabrielle, and would also listen to a six-hour shift notes. Alyssa's Shiny Pants, God Door Calls for Aid, Muscles for Tits, Arnold Rumspringer, The Demise of the Temple of Bethany's, Alan Berglund says, Hi Mom, Kitty McSkull, Raven Stromdans, Hapless Novelist Passenger of the Dimensionally Impermanent and Temporally Incontinent Bookshop Cafe, The Wild-Eyed Prophet.

1:33:02Tessa Craig, Perfectly Personalized Disaster, Richard Schofeld, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos, Javi De Niro, Big Chunk, Gadides, Bingo Sticky Rice, Boom Boom's Wooden Leg, Will the Real Mwadib, Please Stand Up, Kitty Cat and Lollipop Can't Get Enough of This, Jillian C, Udon96, Benjamin, Not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia, Is That the Chris Hancock Who Traded Weekly Soup for the Use of My Kitchen Table, A Singular Nightbird, Bethany Reading in a Green Field, I Am the Lizard Frantically firing flechette guns, Bumblefay, Mr. Epsilon, The Mothman, Long-Haired Matt, DJ, Lenny Harris, Robert W., Brielzebub, Krezimira, Jessa Lorin, Mayday Hoops, Myth and Stitch Embroidery Loves the Mugglewains, Lulu Louise, Dulio, The Brew Crew Family, Bert Ruba, Your Most Benevolent Lord and Master of the Multiverse, Jeffrey George, Exquisite Whimsy, Ellie, Don't Tariff Me Bro, Oopsie, Evelyn, The Wizard Mooses Holds Out Their Cat for You to Pet, Gremlore, Existential pancakes, Genua Boom, Errant Popsicle Stick, M Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spider's Mom, Bubble Butt Bethany Has Banana Breath, Llama Fresh, Jare the Benevolent Destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Revan the Red Beard Wizard, Burt Bird and the Funky Bunch, Corora the Twelfth, shh, just listen, Damian Fledderjohn, Zom Khan, Bethany 2, Electric Boogaloo, Welcome to the Kwan Pound, pen pen pen pen pen pen pen, Mr.

1:34:24Muchacho Kaiserschnitzel is bringing an anchovy pizza to Lars on Omega Station. The wolves in the deep freeze say awoo. Julie Hammond, Sanctuary Moons number two fans, Simpson, Jason, Alice Lewis, Simply Amy Sue, I Pushed Her, Bethany that is, Even Older Liz, McBearcat, Grack Pinfeather, Sitikin Druidic Scientist, Astro, Your Friendly Neighborhood Android, Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Racey, The Midnight Missionary, Out There Somewhere Looking For Ya, Rotten Ronnie Sleeps in Grandma Panties, Eldritch Ender, Skolonky, Artist Dragonborn, Bigby Garage, Bill Zangana Lester, Joaquin Jimenez. Hello, Big List.

1:35:03I'm Dad. Now let Joe get some rest. It's time for bed. Muffins, Space Wives, Chad Hatter, Space Mage in the War Against the Bethanies. Captain Jack Harkness wants Peter the Robot. Oreo? Oreo. No, wait, pineapple. Actually, never mind. Oreo. Tell your cat I said. Banana Manaz, a corgi called Kibble, Cuddly Kraken, Life's a Lode Studio, and his wife Meganator. Axel Light, Sarge the Bard, Sominity, Rielphan, LL Cool Mint Jams, Travis Roberticus, the other original Caitlyn, Ken Daddy, Celestiani, the jaded Umbra gets slightly less jaded as peace once again returns to the land, Leah Izadi, Millie was taken, Hannes, Ben Camp, Shanman Man Man, Karma Karma Chameleon, Kinran wishes everyone a healthy new year, Wabajack, Lady Bethany, a.k.a.

1:35:53Mrs. Turkey Spit, Zoe and her Army of Mice, Briar Long Lost, Daniel, Sammy the Baby Seal, I have always relied on the kindness of diners, Dr. Bootyologist the Glutes Doctor, the Hood's Pocket Electrician's Union reminds you that we're always here to check your shorts, Tobias Ewing, thank you for pressing too, your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received, Queen Surly Jess, RIP Lance McClain, you would of Loved, Midnight Burger, Adam Toklove, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Eros Degad, The Size 2 Fish You've Been Looking For, Iokai, Borgia, Natasha Without Boris, Spiders Are Cuddly, Lafayette Lasagna Lovers 1, The Main Immortal Thinks It Should Be Ken Daddios, Cheel Neal, Sin City Scuba Steve, Poliwog, Michaela White, Elena Pickle, Wilbur Winklewright, Wristwatch Wrangler of West Worcestershire, Finally Spots Red Nell as the carnage clears, Professor Thaddeus Snookums VIII, Mr.

1:36:50Grin, Glenn Petrovsky. This moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath is brought to you by Rick Tyler. Silence. Elizabeth Hammond, CheapCon. Yeah, you heard me, the real CheapCon, except no imitations. Steamvision, conductor of the interdimensional time-spanning hype train. Dave Harreld, Wise Cube, Dirty Diaper Fussbutt, and the Piggy Runt. Bro-mine, pronounced bro-mine. Main-hub-dinger, Mother of Pearl. Fiona now owns Leif's 18-inch Peter. Sealface, Rigor Mortis. Megan's Things, Things Megan Makes, Corey Elaine, Trebek's Reject, Prophet of the God of the Mucklewains, Leaf Loves Laser Guns Left Lying Lackadaisically by Labuza, Igneous Burp, Darth Ox.

1:37:30This brief pause is brought to you by Michelle K's Wish for Joe to Catch His Breath, Aaron Arnold, 50 Bananas a Week, Mama Mander B-Roz and Sluntmaster J, Alpacalypse, God, is that you? No, it's Butters, Elliot Paints, Undead Akira, The Lord Reverend, Porgatos Pex, Unselling Wizard, Ryan, Thomas's ten tenebrous tan staffled tippers treading treacherously tantamount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales, The Lovely Lara Lovely, Kith Gamgee, Sam Wise's flaming cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler, Gochi, Hair Hawks, Jacob Mitchell, Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crowhill, How to Get Jack from John, Flesh Witch riding a flesh mech through the multiverse, Scrubs, Just Some Guy from Adelaide named Ryan, Remy, the Panda Crew, Melody Prime, Beardo the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye Pierce, the German short hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says, woof, whiskered.

1:38:26It sounds like Bethany, but the Beth is silent. Marissa the Ghost, local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you. Rutherford B. Chesterfield and his dapper companion Winchester, Cheshire Corgi, Stray Cat, Ol' Kelsey No-Shoes, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, We serve everyone eventually.

1:39:10Angela Sanchez, Ava M, Bubba485, aka Schimmelbach, the Christmas Whale. Kaiju Sommelier says, rest in peace, Layla, Lump, and Cinnamon, three longtime members of the Yaspas cat thread. We love you always. Stella Corvus, Jesus Garcia, JP the IT Guy, Candyman Fight, Sandwich, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barkley on the Holodeck, Dapper Dad, SCP-049, Omagis, Raven the Dreamer, TK Turtle King, Mike M, Space Based Lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madam Lotus still especially loves Finley, Mr. Steamwave, my friend the thick battle unicorn reminds the Bethanys to be nice. Hoop challenge!

1:39:55Dream Founder, I'm your Huckleberry. Elizabeth T, Ty Ty the Wonder Hamster and her dear darling Duke. Grandpa Gus, Boombastical Kim Licker. Coco Yumi is Painting Ponies. Hug-a-Muffin. Bigfoot of Doom, D.L., Annie Atkins, Crandyman the Pug Whisperer, Garrow, Our Cat Said to Tell You, Meow, Ya Boy of Indeterminate Origin, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog President, Pop Rock Quicksand, The Benny Yapper, aka Croc, The Pot of Taters, Mr. Squizzle Sizzle Whizzle Fizzle the Horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War, invites for tea are being sent now, Abanaso, Trina Ward, Adalor, Trans Space Dinosaur, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, The McJimmy's From Your Local Dimension, Xavier Killingsworth, Lane Kiffin is a hoe, Mimetic Hygienist, Rogue Art, Aaron Star Joshua Damien and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClaws, Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chiss Alfridge the Bullheaded Professor, Alexandre LaRocque has brought Le Guillotine to assist the Bethanys in their survival war, Vive la Revolution, Ed Boy, Ryan Finelli, Jonathan Kaye, Pearl Null, Another Monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tugwin the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs1012, Scotty Oates, Byrotron95, Dan's granted clemency by his overlord parents.

1:41:17Dance break!

1:41:26Speakoo. Remember Night Court? Wonder if it holds up. Simply Tony. It will always be Finley's workhole to me. If you know, you know. Gabriel Castillon. Whom, what, when, where, and why is what all the Thergronis say while listening to Midnight Burger. Nico Degallo goes great on Midnight Burgers. A drum major and a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar. Sir Party Animal. Byro the motherfucking dragon is willing to solve the Bethany war with Yahtzee. Uloy Jackal. Are you sure you might rob the Nancy Sinatra? Court need to leave it alone if you want to live, must be a witch, cat with a K, my figurone, has a first name, Stompenstein El Mustachio, Luca for Hezekiel, La Chihuahua Brava, Adalyn Peets, CC Carousel, Korth the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's a milf, Scout and Foxglove says the floor is lava, Red Nell, hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winklewright, wristwatch Wrangler of West Worcestershire, Kardomsky, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork, Dulcet Deleche, Get out of my booth.

1:42:29Bug. Propagator. I hardly know her. Sad Angry Crab Man. Chuck McFinley. Effie and Zebulon's trans great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes. Velocity Girl 42. Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats. Ben Carlyle. Flat Steve's love for grand theft. Anna Kearney. Crashly Strange Lilia. The Four Schnauzers of the Apocalypse. Starblaze Burnbright. Imzukioki. Spotted Rhino and her Hand-Me-Down Frogs Red Mafia Panda Lonely Isle Kaidalo Headphones Hinkle Pikeman Stover Fondella Stover Pikeman Stover's Wife Cernoculus Skrizzles Thwap Giddy Giddy Giddy The Firekeeper The End Is Nigh Jeremiah the Cancelled Librarian Alex Spike and Faye Speedy McSpeedy Eli Wolf Brandy Gunter Auntie Becky is owned by Five Rescue Cats Speckled Unicorn Jedi Rides Again with Nova the Space Pirate Tevin Logblade Shortsword, Forget Normal, A Damn, CJ Johnson, A Dragon Sitting on Its Horde of Dice, Wendell Whitaker, Pikachu, Smivey, Glowbed Roulette, Andrew Fuller, Ban Mi Hoong, The Soup Witch, Bender FTW, Fetishini Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch Hunts Bethany's, Amalgamous Pax, Pebbles, VV, Effie Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad Is Not Your Dad, Nick Borrow, Midnight Plumber, His Royal Highness Mr.

1:43:49Hamilton Underfoot Kitty I, and accomplice Princess Penelope the Marchioness of Mischief and Maven of Mystery. Megan Gentry. Mr. Cherry Loves Baby Bok Choy. Happy Anniversary. Our Asses in the Jackpot. Tubby Teddy. Wayne Heiser. India Inkblot. Slev of Bahamut. Omi Gracie. Dalton Jenkins. Kat Holtz. The True Mega Mike. Fred and George. Lavinia. Ava Maddox Jr. Liza Wirth. Cass Williams. Christy. Yeet My Boy. 46 Toolshed 2 and Elmary Catastrophe. The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt Missed Everyone, A Round of Yargs on the House, Red the Gray, The Silver Crow, Couch Potato Alex, Neverchild, Dr.

1:44:31Nossos, Interdimensional Biologist, Kaboko Dunord, Lil Kev, Kosamine, Theodrax, Lucas Barding, Lil Debbie Cupcake, Taryn Says Hey, Oreos Are Rabbit, Sandalwood Mountain offers peace for your soul. Whimsical fuckery. Megan with an H. Hey, it's Warranty Lady. Look, I've been thinking. Maybe it's best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit. I need more. Patricia the Time Lord. Is it though? Mango Connoisseur. Brady Bug and The Quirky Jester. The Big Moose Demands Justice for Betty and Malu. That old glory coal. Janelle Miao-Nay's Cat Butler. O'Sheen Liu. Alex Berry. Andrew Oakden. Asymmetrical Exile.

1:45:08Churro Cat the Sun God. Eliza Travels the Universe, Alex Spence, Dr. D. Birdclaw Spweather and Mrs. Dubapteway Birdclaw Spweather want to say hello to the whole Spweather family. I lost my galaxy britches in a game of pants darts, Angry Ron, Dominus Caesar, Durka Dub, Gloria's ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clickspring, The Wild Thistle, Most Likely Cass, James Harlow Saw the Claw and Named It Bethany, The Sweet Planetary Aroma of Fiona's Grilled Cheese Sandwiches, Jasmine James, Dr. Caber Ant, also known as Omni. Thanks, Waffle Chateau. Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Anatha, Zandria, Jennifer Calkins, Guacamoleo, Midday Burger, Don Parks, ThroatGoat666, Oh My God, My Dad Found Out About My Patreon Name, Princess Leia, SonicBoy99 Would Like a Bethany Butt Sandwich But Will Settle For A Fish In A Bag, Prime Freak, Protector Of The Scottish Realm, Lil Lord Stevie Pie, Droid Pirate Finley, And His Rubenesque Parrot, Droid Pirate Finley and his Ruben-esque parrot.

1:46:06Stuck in a Pit of Skittles. Sea Squatch. Deflator Mouse. Tony Piekarski. Adrian R. The Devil from Table 12. Javier. Kemperderp. Crazy Thadley. The Harbinger Pulsar. Cremulus is just happy to be here. The Twisted Twixter. The Rural Juror is a massive fan. Faye Queen. Oopshnart the Probability Demolition Expert. Showtime. CR Iptid. For My Mother. Homer. Are we doing crimes? CCTXGirl6823 waiting on the diner. Nicole Studioso. Announcing, sign my shovel. Droid pirate Finley and his Rubenesque penguin? Truckstop Sandwich, Indigo Escargot, Love My Captain, Joe Mauma, Wandering Biscuit, Castriff, Ames Affection for Internet Protection, Retro MG, Night Script, The Gainesville Fear Garden, Lana Bananas in Pajamas are coming down the stairs, Lana Bananas in Pajamas are chasing teddy bears.

1:47:00Uhtred and Rose's Viking Void Vitals fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Not sure what I'm doing. Leia Rose, River Brown, Senior Deuce, Scullacy, Warped Rider, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamso, Turwin, Hugh the Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman, Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Bulb, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, The One True Cheap Con, Starscribe, Lucian Thunderstruck, Ho ho ho, ma mama, Glorbnar 7 now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars, Doozor now identifies as Roman Durge, The Other Adele, Chef Gal Val, Leah Hall, Sarah May, Cone of Silence Consultants LLC needs fresh towels in room three at the Horizon, Silly Willy Bubblebutt, Sierra Not From Arkansas, Zeeco, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tuimala, Jason Woods, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, Digital Floof Lost in Time, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mount Up, Kringle Over Coffee, Mad Yogi Eileen, A Cat Named M, Petito Pato, Palace, Big Mo, Demonic Narwhal 8, I Am Annie, I Live Forever and Every Moment I've Existed, I Swear to Every Star in the Cosmos, I Never Forgot, It Was a GIF, The Stone Fox, Trisha Schaefer, Solivia, Jusatin, Papitos, Boinghauer, Bethany in a Random Place, Jennifer Baumer, Ninja Grim Reaper, Miles Nelson, I am a bomb till I think of something better to do, Brrrritwards, Hotshot Huntley, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon Says What, Ivy Paisley, Toast, Sue Watts, Myrtle, Caitlin, Leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Transdimensional Delivery Man, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr.

1:48:40Trigvie, Printing with Cats, Khaleesi Del Mar, Vaughn Vega, Dixie Dinah, 7 ,000 Possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow Space Pony, Re-Vibe, Debbie E, Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures and his pilot Uzi, Drifting Through Space, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, The Gabbiest Painter and Her Bird of Fire, Wandering Wenjo, Painted Oni, Q-Del, Pharrell, Emily with Two E's, Spaceman Nathan, Ramsey Sniblick III, Kerplunk Kerplunk, Whoops Where's My Thribble, Mad Goat, Jackie Wavelet, Yayoi Gagarin, Issa the Strega, Dee Greitzler, A Gremlin with the Munchies, Michelle Scaracchio, Genuine Jacob, Andy's Brain is Weird, Space Rooster Randy, Leopard Donut, Poofy Thang, Mellow Nuggets, Keychain Crap, Mat Mac Sharkman, Steelo, Arcadia, Bumbling Lilybee, a quick pause so Joe can sip from his tiny teacup.

1:49:29The tea is cold by the time I get to this point. FYI. Bufardice Nuts, Panda, Curtis Lelick, Kennedy Allison Farner, Tristan Stoles, Dalen Y, Shadow Rapture, Yet Another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Llama, Arcraft, Russell, Zephyrus Wind, The Ornamental Hermit, Jay to the Lynn, Just a Regular Fox, Jeremy Impson, What the Hell, Cineplex, and All the Black People in North Carolina, Just Rachel, Waffles, Waffles, Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Patty the Ginger, Ava Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biffed It, A-Zeus, Anaphylaxis, Scav with Comtacs, The Shape-Shifting Sad Girl and Her Girlfriend Say, Joe, You've Done It Again, Bibby Baba, Sarah Nicole, The Kells Fights with the Bethanies, Angry Leif's Lasersaw, Magnus Aerochill, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source Decay, The Spweather Caroling Banjer, Skeksis, Randy's Amigo, Gremlock, Katie Mermaid and the Delinquent Duo, Nauman, Nicole, Victor Schauberger reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Dangers, Security Chief Shatzi, The Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nea Nix Reno, Frankenator, Nordlebash, Jordan, Arwen X Belasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Hefeweizen, Monica and Mason K.

1:50:43In the mysterious AZHQ, I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of Mike's, a jumble of James's, a trifecta of Tony's, one of whom still wants to be Leif, but sadly, no Bethany's. Rowan, Lady of the Black and Herald of the Stars, Arianne can't manage normal, Ryan Burnett, the Joyful Nihilist, Dr. Dr. B, Zoe Prez and the Bumble Army, growing into my farm boots, Super Beth becomes an RN alongside my bootstup friend, Geneva Boss, Brothers of the Cosine, Uncivil Gnomes, The Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, The Other Scott, Letty Lou, Kinger Was Here, Bubba Ray Winland Jr., Bebop Be Dabba Doo Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs McTerps, Mama's Time Lord, Jeremiah Franco, Justin, The Nick of Time, Gothic Rainbow, So We Made It, Cody McClure, McHadley, Eternal Companion, Jingle Loss, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, Hasmatilda, Ditzy Bay, Just Your Average Reese, Kyle Church, I Am A Leif on the Wind, Static Ego, Some Fucking Swamp Wizard, Lolly, Evan M.

1:51:42Dobson, Dave B., Nobby, Your Friendly Neighborhood Pathologist, Going To Be Lit, I Am Shaggy, Captain Emerald L., Wayne Hall, Danny Mars, Externally Screaming, But Bethany I Made Biscuits, Scebo and Fuzzle McBumpernets, Neelix Tiny Wolf, Asher the Raven, Christina Sennett is Teleporting, BRB. Where the Shane's at? Definitely not an android. Seriously, I'm not.

1:52:30wonder if Derek Adair will join. My cat's name is Beef. Eric, Katie Kate, Get Your Colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemely, Work for Melvis, Boho Go Bye Bye for Jojo Pogo, that's a no-go, bro. Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Nixie, Baby Baiton Lee, Charlie Rudel, Kyle Perino, A.K., Sid the Sloth on a Bike, Priya Gandhi. The Wandering Mermaid would like you to know that The Little Mermaid and The Creature from the Black Lagoon are the same exact story. Lil Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit, Def Allergic to Bethany Stew, Two Polar Cat, Carl, The Teller of Dad Jokes, Skylab's Multidimensional Multiphasic Intergalactic Quantum Cyberverse, Verde Soul, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Youngun, Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Local Marsh Hag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's Pyros Calling, Joe Suasion, The Wizard's Supercalifragilistic Expialidocious, and introducing Recy Pontiff as the 24th Doctor.

1:53:22Too many jans! Cat Jot, Pamela Roselle Tierra, then Steena Says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Catbird, Countess of Carbon, Slappy the Squirrel's Ted Slapping Rampage, Luminous Elk, Rhodian Caution, Love is for the NERDS, Taz Hernandez, Captain Crash and the Surviving Crew, Casper needs all the hugs but Joe needs an O2 tank. Quote says,

1:54:12Benbar, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Expunged, Ted Wassonason, Viristria, Theosis the Theologian-ish, Nicole I Love You But I Will Name Kid 2 Brathar, Fernwood Gal, Nellie G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Sky, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Hornswaglin Daniel Arthur, Mike LeCluzy, It's a It's a Fucking Dog Rapture, Abigail LeHoux, King Humble, We'd Better Ask Dave, Wind Chimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborn Welsh, Fireball XL5, Mackenzie Duna, Alexica Habanera, Code Stranger, One Bet-de-bet, hu-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, Matt N., Alfie Raven-Urum, Monad Nick sees you seeing me seeing you seeing me, Frelp, M.

1:54:54Lin, Feed My Fish, J.R.R. on SFP, Lahari, J.Spark, Lucid Harbor, Little Mira Leopard Paws, Diet Knight, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Macy's Bandstand, Kim Bob, Battle Pope and Bugaboo, Snorts Magortz, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold It Now, Hit It, Had It, Head It, Hot It, Hud It, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okio, William Dyer, Vicky Hebert, Brad Menear, Jane, Hannah Dale, Phantom Zone, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty and her Steel-Eyed Bo, Turtles All the Way Down, Jackie Lowey, The Little Pigeon, Lily the Planetary Brain, Crazed Bear. Coming this holiday season, Dr.

1:55:34Latta's Trash Angel action figures restocked. Boot scoot to your local toy shack today. Crafty Lizard Quilts and Knits and Crochets. Noble Barrel. Yes, my brain is weird. Thank you. Bethany Boppity Boom. Megan The Mag Young. Corey Morose. Russell Bunny. Max Savage. Jenny Wren. Jason Road. Apprehensive Craig. Tim Aranetta. Bacon. Nicole Studioso. Rambo. Chaos Squatcher. That Homeless Guy Who Saw the Diner Disappear from Rogers and Gave Up Booze. Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer and Belladonna, First of Her Name, Criddle, Twilio, Heidelberti, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkatesh, McClump, Azana the Leathersmith, Salazar the Dome Mage, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's Finest, Garen Elizondo, To My Little, You'll Always Be My Good Girl, You Took a Piece of My Heart and Left a Pawprint on My Soul, Till We Meet Again.

1:56:25Sir Shits-A-Lot Strikes Again, Damn Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tonka2005, Cruisin' B. Anthony, Trix says wha? Tybalt I, Steven Schmidt, Xavier Romo, Allifrog, Trey the Turquoise Tortoise, Freya Titmittens, Courtney the Frogologist, Corey and Stephanie say hello. The Fontucky Wrangler, Scrambrulé, Yay Aaron, The Singing Loon, Zuzanna, Celeste Yos, I'm so Antigone fun. I am Ava's evil twin sister, Bethany, Katie and Noah, Hendrix the Stink, The Amburglar, Boodles, Osvaldo Simeone, Siobhan Delilah Rose, Ashley Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Defenestration of Ted's, Corrine Sabrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebutt, Kay Mack, The Something Something Detective Agency, Haya Buddha, Eli the Electrician, Sunny D 'Anomaly, Char May, Kay On With Karma, Amanda Nock, The Wondrous Methazephan, Post-Turtle Evaluation Squad, Hashtag Nissan Acura, Finnegan Robert, Jesse Foster, Samira, Flat Doug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Gracefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura, Roman Ronan, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Inschuldigung, Cryptessia, Rebecca Trossel.

1:57:39See, when I said, good god there are so many names, the names weren't their own show yet. Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, The Biggest Mamma Jamma Boot-Kicking the Booty of the Teds. Mitzi Lu, Kelsey Holm, still Casper's number one fan but now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with breakfast wisdom. Amanda Marie Catherine, Damian the Goddamn Time Lawyer, Matt Mosby, Saint Phu, Harry Fishnuts, Joshua Cody, Astrono-Weeb, Magno's The Civil Gnome. Welcome everybody, I'm Hydealon and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger Emotional Support Group.

1:58:09David Pierini, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weez Laugh, Virgo Ares Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q. Choi, A Bug Named Nat, CC Rider, Hunter B, Rudra, Death the Kid, Big Whiskey, Al Kakinator, Ron Was Here, Magic Pony, Robert Oliveri, Often Wrong Dan, Jess Gioia, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd, Dr. Punkusher Esquire is rooting for you. Please root for Punt 2, he has an interview. Creator 67, Bojolanth, Life's One True Love, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incorrigible Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB Mark 11, Eric A. Raybourn, Maggie's Yarm, Stew, Enth Anomaly, Megan Mighty, Haunt, Purple Saline, Three Legs Are Perfectly Good, Drew and L.A., Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, The Ice Queen, Captain Blep, Evie Power, Terry, PJ Says What?

1:58:58Emilia Lucero, et al. Fear Now Doesn't Polish the Shiny Melon. Blargo Blargo Blargo, The Jazzman. Tonight at 11.

1:59:10Larak the Barbarianess. Hicks Bezzy Mates. Zealous Pragma. Tuba Rick. It's Just Blake. Alice Malice, Disco Barbie Edition. Kelly Jane Dankey. Aaron the Optimist. Thomas Stolen, aka Casper from Another Universe. Chadney Ashra, Lucrezia, Hornus, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa, Ava, no not that Ava, the one with an...

1:59:36Grim says, trans rights y 'all, Zachy Nat, Underwater Corvids, Bizarinctum, Snakes and Bakes, Michael Christian, Ransom, Mroon My Salil, Grawlix and Terabang, Late Indeed Again, Theron Pyralis, Om Vega, Don't mind dances with frozen burritos hiding in the deep freeze till the Bethany's end their war. Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Meissen, Onyx Rose, Jackie Wavelet, J.R. the Hiker Bear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Krusty McBeardface, Maloran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Call Me Zen, Colibri, Mel Momberg, Rogue, Lisa Geisler, Den Frug de la Pirate, Fred Fredburger. What the Chuck? Sono Nisuno, Ben and Jessica, Todd Van Voris, Nea DeRusso, Peachy Zatoichi, Inky the Kraken, Azula the Brave, and their ever-faithful squire Grabthar, Jen Extraneous, Trinket Coralie, Dancing Dog Dreams, and Existentially Exhausted Bean.

2:00:28Okay, so before we get started, someone asked if we could deliver a birthday message to them, and it's not the kind of podcast where you can really do that because it is fictional. however I said listen why don't I why don't we do the birthday message I'll put it in the blooper section at the very end of the episode right so this is a message happy birthday Jenny from your kid folk who wants to ask if they can get Dairy Queen after this happy birthday Jenny I'm here with Rebecca and Alan and Finley and we all wish Jenny a very happy birthday go to Dairy Queen happy birthday Jenny and enjoy the ice cream happy birthday Jenny Enjoy the ice cream.

2:01:08Can we do this? Can we have the vibe of this being like, we're gossiping and we're catching up? Like you're talking about - Sure, sure, sure. Can you do it like it's an episode of Real Housewives or whatever? I don't know what you're talking about. I have been having babies. Gross.

2:01:31Our seconds arrived. Nope.

2:01:37It's hard to laugh and be Danish, right, okay. I do know in Swedish it can go both ways. Oh, those Swedes, eh? Am I right, everybody? Why do we not tell people about this? Nope, that was American, weirdly. Never mind. They all looked at me as if I were a... Ooh, I went Welsh again. Great. Okay. Is Yep still dressed as a court jester While he's doing the machine Yeah he's dressed as a court jester And just like cranking on the But with his fancy pantaloons Of course Nope

2:02:25No, that was great. I was laughing because it was funny.

2:02:35Fuck you. Not you, the Netherlands. I love you the most.

2:02:47That's your mother, honpraten. That's great. That was awesome. Oh my God, I'm sweating. Ooh, would you get me some struple waffles? Is that how you say it? I have no idea. It's actually strope. Strope waffles. Strope waffles. Strope waffles. Let's go. But that was hilarious. Strope waffles. Thank you. Strope waffles. People being like, hold on, I've got gas. Audiobook narrators are disgusting. Which I feel like I can say because I am one. It's a little bit, and again honey, please correct me if I'm wrong, but there's a little bit of a dick waving contest here and Tico's like slapping you with it and you're like, just look at it.

2:03:40I don't have to swing it around. You're welcome, bloopers.

2:03:48The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish.

2:04:17of hip-hop. Scan the QR code on a Sprite or Sprite Zero Sugar to see the full breakdown. Obey your thirst. Sprite.